#and i didnt even cry /and i didnt even regret it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hypnosis-sekai · 24 days ago

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#in the back of my mind #you died / i killed you #and i didnt even cry /and i didnt even regret it #tw blood #Man..#airi's bones broke fyi look closer at her finger

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apathyfairy · 1 year ago

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last year i found a wii at goodwill for 25 dollars and it came with everything except a wiimote but it was in such good condition i was like hell yeah ill take it how hard can it be to find a wiimote. the answer is it's nearly impossible to find them at thrift stores now so i've spent like 8 months looking for ones in thrift stores but there wasn't a single one and then online but i just couldn't bring myself to spend 30 dollars on one single wiimote so i waited so. patiently. and then 2 weeks ago i finally found one at goodwill for 9 dollars but it was absolutely disgusting and the battery cover was missing and the compartment was all corroded so i put it back and regretted it the whole week but then this last weekend i went to savers and there was an absolutely perfect wiimote just sitting there with no corrosion and a jacket and the wrist strap and motion plus and the nunchuck was there too and i got it all for 10 dollars so the moral of the story is that sometimes things seem right for you in the moment but you have to recognize that they aren't and leave them behind so the things that are meant for you will in fact find you when the time is right. peace and love <3

#for real though im so happy i cant even lie like i regretted selling my wii soooooo much but anyway im back baby <3 #im disinfecting everything rn bc i have a germ problem but once it it's done.....i am SO back #when i first got it i didnt have the remote right so i couldnt plug it in and make sure that it worked but i did just plug it into an outle #to make sure it ran and it did and wii sports resort popped out of the drive so thats fun bc i didnt have that one #and anyway i might cry when i hear the menu sound ngl ngl.#but the city i live in is like an overgrown retirement home and so the goodwill is full of old people things and this wii had stickers #like explaining which cord was which so i just know it was a wii that they bought for like grandmas house and only played it when they were #over there so anyway cant wait to see what's on there and if the news channel and weather channel are still on the homepage even though #i dont think they work anymore lol #also shoutout to the type a kid who kept their wiimote in such perfect condition that i wanted to cry when i saw it sitting on the shelf #ty <3

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thebirdandhersong · 4 months ago

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Lol

#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting #with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy #and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because #your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED #OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered #being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal #anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this #can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws #worries #and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please #also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up #in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite #but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying #you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents #but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents #not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up #that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY #you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard #i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation #and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far

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hauntingblue · 4 months ago

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Jayce telling vi she won't make it on her own.... okay mr. projector...

#viktor just turned his body into the arcane and you dont even know!!! his leg is purple!!!!#im not going to excuse vi for saying the kid knew what he was getting into bc he didn't bc he is a kid (here we have ms. projector)#but telling jayce he has always been complicit of this he just didnt have to see it... yeah exactly.#and like she obviousky regrets the kid dying but it was jayces fault lmao why does he blow up on her??? the name calling got to him #jayce thinking omg he is going to off himself and viktor just trying to hide the evidence of his murder akdhsksj well yes he does want to...#i was wondering why the council was so Flabbergasted about the nation of zaun?? like they dont care and basically dont intervene #in the undercity bc they don't have any interest or profit in there. they don't gain anything at all from there.#so of course when silco asks jayce says sure fuck it. the only thing the council needs from zaun is the gemstone and its not even theirs #it's probably just fear of agression towards piltover as another nation and not something they can control or repress #silcos reaction to cait being wheeled in akdhaksj it sounds like he said 'what' he probably didnt know the girlfriend part... understandable #i forgor about her bringing the platter out... like ofc i didnt forget it but i didnt see it coming there. with bad memory you can be #surprised every time you watch the same show 👍🏻#i haven't cried because well the foruth time is a stretch now to cry but i still got chills at the end with the missile impacting....#and like whay would have happened if cait didn't free herself.... like ofc she would have bc everyone in that room could have killed her #not vi etc etc but she did just leave her so who knows really #anyways the monsters appearing in jinxs vision when vi mentions her past family is so poignant to her change.... they dont have the intended #reaction vi meant.... and silco is trying to shut her up for jinx's sake and look what happened to him. like vi really couldn't understand #her sister now and maybe back then either.... like not to be a silco apologist but it seems like he was the only one who could handle her #maybe im exaggerating but it would have gone wrong either way i think like no matger how much love there is in between them #idk man its so bad. like maybe this could have been avoided but it would have gone wrong in a different way for sure #and this couldn't have been avoided #talking tag #watching arcane #three weeks away still.... what now....

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widevibratobitch · 7 months ago

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(not quite logging back in just venting dont mind me <3 ill reply to everyone later mwah)

#i guess the worst thing about allllllll the times my mother tells me im crazy is that i know she's right lol #like the instant overwhelming need to sh whenever she says it or in fact every time we fight should be enough to confirm it 🤡#like i legit wont calm down until i physically hurt myself preferably also drawing blood. this is not Sane Person Behaviour #anyway whatsapp just spent a few minutes crying curled up on the floor in the kitchen pulling my own hair trying to ✨Not SH✨#because its stupid idiot motherfucking summer and everyone will See #and ended up doing it regardless lol #and its so funny cause like literally the moment i do it im perfectly fine and mentally and emotionally stable again 🥰😇#anyway i love my mom she's great but she did ruin my entire life and me as a person too #and basically all my adult problems can be easily traced back to my psychological nightmare of a childhood #except i cant blame her for that either because she didnt have it easy and she raised me on her own (and unmedicated too)#while my dad didnt really even get many occasions to ruin me on a fundamental level (like he sure did use those few chances he had but yknow #not nearly as many as my mom got)#so i cant just blame my mom and let feminism lose like that #anyway. she should never have had children and i there's nothing i regret more than her husband dying instead of me #ok logging back off byeeeeeeeeee

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cannibalovers · 11 months ago

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"What if we all left together? Like we were supposed to."

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slowlyfoggydestiny · 7 days ago

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#going personal here but I saw my paternal grandfather for the first time on almost three years in a videocall #and god I almost cry yes I knew was going to older I also knew the health issues he been having this past year have taking a toll making him #look even older but still #i hate that I didn’t saw that progressively I hate the way time pass and pass #and how much I miss with my family because we can’t visit #I hate I hate it I hate eve more that is not my fault and not my parents #is the fault of a group of people that gained power and decided to fuck over the country without any single care #destroying and separating families #if I had all the money in the world there’s just one place I will choose to spent every single vacation and is there with my family #I miss my grandparents my uncles and aunts my cousins I grew close in my childhood #and only a few I remains close now because time and distance #I miss and mourned all the birthdays and chrismast and celebrations #hell I couldn’t even say goodbye to my maternal grandmother I had no funeral no closure #I mourned the close relationship I could have had if the things were different #I don’t regret where I live the life I have but I wish It didnt came with the cost of being away from them #and again is not even my or my parents fault is venezuela was a fucking normal country I would aee them twice or at least once a year #which is not that much but is something #i don’t give a damn about catholic forgiveness I will never never forgive el chavismo and what they did #this is their fault this is the consequences of having people if they can be called that #that only cared about money and power and decide to destroy a country and the people in it to get it #I wish them the worst in this life and the next one #I remain catholic only to believe there’s a special place in hell for all of them #a place were the one that started that shit is burning currently I just now it #I hope they all suffer because is not fair

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collecting--stardust · 2 years ago

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This semester's summary: existential crisis, existential crisis, existential crisis

#ah and 💸💸💸#so im always good in words compared to action so theory is not bad but my skills is lacking #im aware of it but im always a bit slow to catch up and all and that's one of my biggest insecurity #anyway today we had our last review skills session and i was unfortunately standing nearest to the trolley #so i was selected to do the tracheostomy suctioning and boy thats one of the skills that im really bad in #and i was struggling so bad and im shaking and my group has the top students and while i give no fuck you can see how they judge me #and the person in charge for that section is a master student who is having her assessment and i really dont want her to get bad results #so more panic and insecurity #but throughout the session she still guide me patiently and even say like its okay youre doing great and all #and by the end of it i got the grip of it but i was so upset with myself and regret everything #but then she lightly touch my arm and said its okay youre doing really well when i obviously fucked up #and then i just.. cried #what a good thing i wear a mask because two of my course mates are tested positive today because damn #and i keep on pretending to wipe my glasses when i was actually hiding my tears like damn this is embarrassing #but... i really want to thank her personally but i cant even talk just now and i dont even know if i will meet her again #because i really am doubting myself lately and that word is really comforting and i really needed to hear it #god 2nd year sucks i didnt even cry throughout my first year even when i did the worst presentation of my life and look like a dumbass #i always rant here you guys must be sick of me lol #personal.txt

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loutrem · 2 years ago

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#its dumb of me but a few days ago i went with his deadname on google to see if i could see more stuff about his dead #since his friends who were alqo supposed to be my friends did a 'ceremony' together without telling me #even tho i rly wanted to go to be able to grief and to cry it out properly #so since i havent been able to grieve well i did that. search for his deadname. i just wanted to know #and i found out that a page for him was made on the tdor website. there were a ton of details on what was happening #before and after his death #many things i didnt know about. because i was a shit friend and never kept contact. and also because he was secretivz #i feel awful since then. who was i to him. why couldnt i help him. why am i even sorry for myself. he was the one suffering #i keep crying and i cant sleep at night without reading comics until i feel too tired to open my eyes #because otherwise im thinking too much about him. its just too awful. too unjust #i have. weird cravings for alcohol. ive never even drinked much before. im scared of starting to get addicted #but sometimes i wanna get somethibg anything and just drink until i pass out since people say its good to forget #i wish he were still alive. i wish i could hug him and help him. i wish id visited him in the hospital after his 1st mental breakdown #he had sent me a text to tell me he was there but i had work and i was tired and honestly too lazy to go. and now i regret it so bad #its all so unfair. death is so unfair. grief is so unfair. i was afraid i had no heart before because people who died around me didnt #phase me much. i didnt cry. but now that ive experienced the deaths of 2 actually very close people counting one i couldnt grieve forproper #i just wish i had no emotions. that i wouldnt cry when i think of them. but especially him.#and i cant stop thinking about how awful ill be when my parents die. ill be a wreck.#im just crying in my bed and its 4am. everythibg sucks. im so sorry to everyone whos ever met me. im awful #negative /#death m /#suicide m /

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oflgtfol · 2 years ago

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like on one hand a job at michaels has nothing to do with astronomy.. but im hoping that like hehe i led the sunday craft classes and stuff.. that gives me experience with like instruction especially geared towards kids... haha.. museum person you wanna hire me so bad.... #Crying

#if i dont get a job in sci comm then my whole astro degree was for nothing. hashtag crying #well ok no it did . do many things for me #i cant say i entirely regretted it #after all i wasnt able to give up on my dreams of grad school WITHOUT having suffered through undergrad #by which i mean it was specifically having this experience in academia that made me realize. i cant do academia for the rest of my life #if i didnt go through this then a part of me would be forever wondering. forever mourning the potential future i never pursued #but now i can say i did pursue it. and it was during the pursuit that i realized its ultimately not for me #and even besides all that it did give me a lot of cool skills like programming. and math that most people have never even heard of #so yknow it wsant for Nothing #but its still kinda killing me . all that and i might not even have a career at all in astronomy #brot posts

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bengallemon · 27 days ago

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"that's why I didn't pursue it any further" BITCH YOU SHOULDNT HAVE DONE IT IN THE FIRST PLACE???? CAN YOU EVEN FUCKING BEGIN TO COMPREHEND THE SHIT YOU DID???? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT KINDA SHIT DOES TO A KID WHOS ONLY BEEN 12 FOR NOT EVEN 6 WHOLE FUCKIN DAYS?????

#lemon time #sorry chat. ignore us we are so fucking pissed off.#HE DOESNT EVEN LOOK LIKE HES GOT ANY REAL REGRET ABOUT IT EITHER. DOES HE KNOW????? OR DO I HAVE TO FORWARD HIM THE HELL WEVE BEEN THROUGH #FUCKING. PIECE OF SHIT. I DONT CARE ANYMORE GOD FUCKING DAMNIT SHE SHOULD'VE CALLED THE COPS BUT SHE DIDNT KNOW HOW OR WHAT TO SAY #SHE DIDNT EVEN KNOW HOW WRONG IT WAS. OR THAT SHE WOULDVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER OFF #FORGET THAT HES MUM'S LEGAL CARER WE WERE DOING THAT JOB FOR HIM ALREADY ANYWAY. SINCE THE SINGLE DIGITS #THREE DIFFERENT CRIMES AND NONE OF IT SHOULD'VE BEEN THOUGHT OF. I DONT CARE IF SHE WAS ''MATURE ENOUGH'' THAT DOESNT MEAN ANYTHING #EMOTIONAL MATURITY???? THAT WAS UNDERLYING TRAUMA FROM GROWING UP AUTISTIC AND NERVOUS TO HELL AND BACK #anyway. ranting over weve mostly stopped crying. unless this fucker says anything else #if he could. get out of our room now. we went here because its dark #okay good he left. WHY IS HE COMING BACK. GO AWAY!!!!!!!

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altmoon · 1 month ago

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haircut

#i got a haircut today and cried after it lol #so embarrassing #it had been so long that i cut my hair so i guess it hurt but it was so little barely any hair was cut #also my hair has frizz and she pulled my hair sm and idk i lowkey hate going for haircuts #i didnt think that at this age i would cry because of this #i didnt even get curtain bangs i juts got layers and ny hair is long now #longer than ever because ive never had such long hair #also the haircut was expensive idk why i had to be so dramatic and say no to the curtain bangs even and leave like that #i went like after years and did this #i regret not getting curtain bangs #but i was tired #i was so tired of her pulling my hair #anyways #i want to sleep #altmoon

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sludgeguzzler · 4 months ago

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No yeah I love partying [gets too drunk at a houseparty and cries myself to sleep on the hosts bed]

#FUCK #I DONT EVEN REMEMBER WHY I STARTED CRYING #AND I WAS TALKING TO THE GUY I MAKE OUT WITH SOMETIMES #AAAAFAGAGHFGGHFG AND HE WAS SOBERRRRRRR #kms tbh #oh god. oh god i think thats why i was bawling my eyes out i remembered that i was gonna kill myself this year and got sad #a friend stayed with me for a little while i cried in the bathroom about it #transfem/transmasc solidarity of crying about our suicide and telling eachother ''ill miss you a lot its ok but ill miss you a lot''#ik i said this to someone and they just shot back ''no you wont you *have* things now'' brother......#thats nnnot the point....#im still kinda drunk to be honest and my heads starting to hurt #and i regret like everything #at one point ik i was shirtless and at another point ik i got extreeeemely depressed about life and did Not come back #i gotta talk with the guy now that were both sober i wanna apologize and i wanna say HEY I WAS DRUNK PLEASE DO NOT TAKE ANY OF IT TO HEART #whatever. i was emotional as fuck but ik whatever i said wasnt lying. i just have to clear things up and be like #hey so i didnt lie however there might be some misconceptions between us rn. what did i tell you exactly #and everything will be chill #talk

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hauntingblue · 4 months ago

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Ennies Lobby 3.0. yes that's happening I have too much to yap about

Omg look at these freaks

Franky is so real.... look at him....

Omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I have teared up so many times just bc luffy smiles with meaning at some point. insane btw.

MY GOOOOOOOD!!!!!! AAAAAAARGGGGGHHHHH

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

The neutrality of it all....

I forgor about aokiji revealing that he was friends with Saul and that he was protecting her because of it... the "live life and prove to me that ohara is still alive"... damn reminds me of garp saying to ace that he would find out if it was wrong for him to be born. "I don't know if it was right or wrong for saul to let you live" yeah that's it. But anyways all this happened because aokiji was loyal to his friend and now we know that he didn't even kill him!! So why is he with blackbeard?? I can't shake it!!!

I can't do it.... I can't.....

Luffy and franky talking about how mich they like the ship while he's chasing his speedos bottomless through the city 😭😭 it's so sweet actually... Franky only has one pair of speedos... thats why he ran thru the city to get them I get it now

"If you don't mind being a little rough I'm wiling to help" robin you freaky girl. But truly that is one of many robin and luffy's autistic communication moments they just know. Also if robin stopped crushing his balls but everyone could see the hands being there that means that she was just holding them for a while while he wept. Normal things here.

Franky blaming himself all this time... 🥺🥺

And he just takes his trunks and walks to the ship without putting them on akdjaosnso alpha moment while saying a melancholic goodbye to your family... crazy

What.... what is he doing

Luffy's fake ass laughing and saying how usopp will do great on his own.... I am seeing you cold sweat

This shit has always been so funny to me.... luffy definitely suffers from nepotism

Usopp asking if they don't know he's sniper king skdbjs no, they (luffy) don't know akdjaons

Look at these wet little beasts omg. Matching icons akdhaksjks

DADAN MENTION????? IN THE ACE VS BLACKBEARD CHAPTER????? AAAAAAAAHHHHH

Face card and pose unmatched as of yet. Look at the evidence.

I am killing myself now. Goodbye.

But I'm already dead!! Yohohoho... Anyways water seven and enies lobby is done.... I am scared (thriller bark) of what is coming you have no idea. Also!! Luffy nearly dying after hia battle with lucci starts the domino effect of luffy being barely strong enough to save everyone until it climaxes in sabaody and then culminates in marineford which is crazy to me btw. Luffy's evolution until then is about how no matter how strong he is it would never be enough. Insane. I don't know what else to say. I love you robin and franky. ACE STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP. nvm it's too late already. AAAAAHHHHHH

#kokoro teling robin how he didnt believe luffy at first but now he does and robon just laughing... thats a luffy believer now #zoro just saying to luffy to beat lucci and then fucking off with his head down is so good HE IS SO REPRESSED he is so scared deep down IK #why is the guy who rots swords so sultry... with that mouth covering.... so mysterious.... this is a metaphor for zoros swords as homosexua #usopp unmasked and i am crying again... reading the manga has made me cry more than the anime I AM SURE!! it is witchcraft #usopp just telling luffy to stop lying there like a dead man bc its not like him...THE FACT THAT IT IS TRUE AND THAT IF HE DOESNT GET UP #HE WILL LOSE EVERYTHING AND NOT JUST HIS LIFE. BECAUSE IF LUFFY IS NOT STRONG ENOUGH HE LOSES EVERYTHING. SICK AND TWISTED #franky and zoro are so inch resting bc they are both so masculine but zoro represses his feelings a lot and franky does the opposite...#luffy being so scared about not being able to move... when i first saw this i was SO WORRIED like wdym you cant move were all dying (me too #i knew what was going to happen woth the merry but damn didnt that first time hit... after all the anguish with luffy being immobilized #usopp not getting a reaction panel when luffy begs iceburg to fix the merry.... criminal #the volume starts with garp saying who luffys father is and ends with ace fighting blackbeard.... christ #garp knowing luffy met his father means dragon told him?? or did smoker know who luffy and dragon were??? also luffy looks so cute this ep #luffy apologising to merry... i thought i could resist.... luffy crying got to me but omg the volume 45 cover.... ACEEEEE!!! ACE GO BAAACK!#luffy asking robin what is going on with his father because she knows about current affairs :))) the first of many #nami wiretapping luffys conversation with koby is so smart she knew luffy would find out something but would say fuck all bc he doesn't car #WHITEBEARD GOT HIS SCARS FROM THE SAME GUY WHO SCARRED SHANKS??? ✍️✍️#There is so much omg. The buggy past mention. Shanks coming from the west blue and his duel with mihawk...#Whitebeard saying “If you don't have any regrets then that's fine” you know who didn't want to die having any regrets? 🥺🥺🥺#OH IT WAS BLACKBEARD??? WHY DID HE FIGHT HIM??? THE THREE LINES!!!#Whitebeard saying vengeance is what he wants when he tried to stop ace....#not even defending him just proclaiming ace's wishes as his own... I can't....#Ace saying blackbeard's sniper has no manners.... the lore. Also ace just looks so good all the time...#I'm scrolling up and down just seeing him over again afjakdhsk (<- the madness begins)#Luffy having a zoan fruit that looks like a paramecia now scares me because balckbeards logia functions like a paramecia.#Is something weird going on with his one too??? Is his a zoan too??#anyways water 7 enies lobby over. i survived. i cried i wept i feared for ace's life. truly has it all #now to have some fun adventures until Zoro gets consumed by luffy's pain and nearly dies and luffy learns ace's life is in danger!!!! CHRIS #AND THEN ANOTHER FUN SLAVERY STORY!!! WITH MERMAIDS!!! AND KUMA AGAIN!!! GOD!!!! IT IS SO BAD FOR ME NOW #reading one piece #enies lobby

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orcelito · 7 months ago

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There's also the impulse to be like "women ain't shit" but that's a lie I love our women. Not women as a whole's fault that one of them turned out a selfish bastard of a coward.

I just need to find a woman who doesn't treat me like That. Get me a good butch. I need me a good butch.

#speculation nation #id love a good butch who can pick me up and help move my furniture #and who is so sweet and treats me like im someone valuable (& not immediately replaceable ...)#the bar is actually so low. god why do i keep ending up dating assholes?#ex before this ex wasnt an asshole. i was the asshole in that situation.#but that's where the whole. wanting to find someone right for me comes in.#god 'ex' really is such a vague term for me. i got bad ex goth ex uhh other good ex but still sucked #nothingburger exes 1 2 3 4 #and the gay awakening ex who i really shouldve given more attention to but unfortunately i was a stupid 16 year old #and broke up with her for my bad ex. alas.#and then theres milquetoast ex and uhmmm. well i actually dont know what im going to label my most recent one.#i dont think it's fully sunk in yet what happened. bc it really was so sudden.#i last saw her on thursday and everything was normal and nice. just like pretty much the whole of the 6 months with her.#and then she started hanging out with the coworker i guess. and the rest is history.#i think she lied about being busy spending time with friends to excuse why she was so distracted on the weekend.#she was probably busy spending time with that girl. who she apparently feels like shes suffocating if shes not in the same room as her #it does suck in a lot of ways. but also with her friends. i was trying rly hard to spend time with them and be liked by them.#one of them's moving into my building this next year. across from my unit. so i wonder how thats gonna go.#my ex mentioned how she'd be spending twice as much time here then just last saturday.#and now. well. like fuck she's coming in here anymore. but i wonder if i'll see her going to visit her friend.#id been kind of excited for it. looking forward to spending time with a neighbor too. but probably not anymore.#i do wonder what her friends will think. i hope she tells them the truth and they chew her out for being such an asshole.#literally breaking up with me over text. who fucking does that??? she didnt have the guts to hear me cry???#i'll make sure she sees the full force of my displeasure when she drops my gifts off tomorrow.#she used to like how rough around the edges i am. well she's gonna see just how rough around the edges i Really am.#i kind of. dont really want to see her. but i also do. i want her to look me in the face and talk to me #to see who it is she's dropping. to see how it has affected me. even if she didnt see my heartbreak as it happened.#i laid into her Hard so she knew just how badly she hurt me. so that she would feel even a fraction of my hurt.#so she would feel Guilty. she apologized over and over. said she knew she'd regret it. but she just Had to do it.#'this will be my life's regret' then why'd you do it? fucking impulsive dumbass. what bullshit.

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phagodyke · 8 months ago

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okaaaayyy finally watched I saw the tv glow :^)

#liked it a lot on a lot of levels. visuals n soundtrack n acting was great. rly subtle n cohesive n effective #i wanna sit with it a little to digest it and maybe rewatch #but unfortunately i didnt get the same emotional resonance a lot of ppl did from it.. possibly bc i was watching w other ppl #but i dont think its that i think i just struggle to connect meaningfully w things that are like. what if the choices u didnt make #alienated u from the world and ur sense of self n what if the life u were living was a hollow bubble separate from the real world etcetc #bc like yeah man im very aware of how unreal my life n the world around me feels at times. and it isnt bc im holding myself within #tight limitations/constraints in order to hide parts of me from myself or forcing myself to be smth im not in order to engage w society #like im just mentally ill n the dissociation n derealisation are symptoms of that..#i can 100% understand why so many queer ppl feel so strongly abt it n the gender stuff implied in it #but thats just not my experience of queerness personally. its never been smth ive had to grapple with much #like yeah i havent fully figured out my gender shit. but im ok w that its not holding me back from living the life i want to be living #my sense of self is just so far divorced from my physical body and the physical world around me..... idk im too tired to articulate this #but that aside i did rly like it as a movie! and it was very heartbreaking.. just not in a way that struck me super personally #which i was rly hoping it would ahh sorry everyone 😔 but hey maybe thatll come after i think abt it some more #lots of cool effects too i liked the different ways they did the moon face thing. i liked how effective the whole distortion of memory #and nostalgia etc was done visually.. aesthetically very yummy. aw man..#i didnt even cry i was rly hoping it would make me cry...... :-(#makes me feel like im missing out on smth cuz everyone else ive seen talk abt it got hit so hard by it #just made my peace w being on the outside looking in i guess.. i shook out all my regrets and what-couldve-beens as a depressed teen #n now im just here to vibe forever..... 😌 i am toooooo tired to be typing i just keep saying the same thing over an dover probably #maybe a 7 or 8 out of 10 movie for me i think which is still pretty damn worth it #okayyy brushing my teeth and going to bed cuz i wanna go climbing tomorrow so need to rest up ‼️#sorry i dont want to rain on anyones parade genuinely did think it was a great movie im glad others are feeling it so intensely #ahhhh!!!!#.diaries

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