#and i cant do more than one or two at a time because i dont have enough finger strength to rub them apart well if i do more than that
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F it, im compiling all my dra sketches below because i kind of miss drawing dra stuff
#dra#danganronpa another#unfortunate that ayame's sketch is kinda OOC if u get what i mean#sorry that kizuna's sketch looked so fucked up.. i genuinely dont know what i was doing that day for the sketch to look wonky#anyway i cant even say i miss drawing the “dra cast” because i only drew the girls. like genuinely LOL#i only made two fully colored dra art and im like.. genuinely surprised by that. but anyway i ended up not liking those pieces lol#if you saw these posted before... Hahaha. No. You didnt. These sketches Totally wasnt posted on my main acc months ago...#also i only drew sdra2 characters what the hell!! SMH#i didnt even draw rei more than 1 time... do you know how crazy that is bc shes like one of my fav dra characters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#if anyone would like to suggest characters from the dra series (dra and s/dra/2) for me draw then do so!!!
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Re:Kinder Fun Facts of the day☺️!!! Have you ever wondered who talks the most from the main cast in Re:Kinder?? Well, I did😊. Today I'll be answering this question with some graphs and as a bonus telling you what words each character uses the most! I will warn you, this will be a bit long and I don't know how to be less verbose so, yeah!!!
First, I've made some basic rules as to what I counted regarding how much the characters speak. Not all lines really count as speaking, after all.
Any of the incoherent screaming lines don't count. There's a lot of screaming since the characters die a lot (as expected for a horror RPG game), but I don't really count that as speaking unless they're saying proper words. In that same vein, I didn't really count any of the panting or sniffing and such that are conveyed through words. Again, I don't really see that as a character actively speaking their thoughts!
If I cannot tell who a line belongs to, I will not give it to anyone. This happens for certain lines, so I felt this rule was important.
I won't be counting repetitions of the same line if it's on a variation of the same scene. This may sound a bit strange, but when a character dies, the game goes on to the same next scene it would regardless (unless the scene that follows it is an ending), with variations and new lines here and there to account for the dead character, but a lot will be reused and placed in the exact same beats it normally would have been in originally. So, this rule is here for that. Oh, and also the scenes with bits of Yuuichi's backstory that appear in Shunsuke's head won't be counted twice, because some appear twice line by line.
Of course, the "..." lines won't count. I am so sorry Aya!!!!😞
Now that the ground rules have been set, there's just one thing I want to mention. Though I will count all the total lines for Takumi and Yuuichi like any other character, I just want to mention that first I will have two separate counts for them! Takumi | Takumiel and Yuuichi | Yuuichi's Heart respectively.
Takumiel is separate because I was curious about how much Takumi spoke as an archangel compared to when he was alive. Yuuichi's Heart is because he speaks so much he feels notable enough to be given his own division, even if he and Yuuichi at the end of the day are one person
(I count the silly mind telepathy where Shunsuke is being directly spoken to [and being told things normal Yuu would avoid saying at that point] and the comical theater as Yuuichi's Heart. I clarify in case one assumes he only starts being counted the moment he's directly labelled as Yuuichi's Heart. Any line that can't be distinguished between Yuuichi's Heart and Yuuichi will be given to Yuuichi by default.)
With nothing else to be clarified let's get to the numbers!!!😊😊
First, the line counts with Takumiel and Yuuichi's Heart counted individually!! Here are the rankings:
Shunsuke (With a lead of 535 lines over second place!!)
Yuuichi
Rei
Yuuichi's Heart
Hiroto
Ryou
Sayaka
Aya
Takumi
Takumiel
You may be thinking— woah, does Shunsuke really speak that much?! You could say that, for a good chunk of those lines are from how he describes interactable points around the map and his inner thoughts, so they aren't all exactly said out loud. The benefit of being the protagonist, I suppose ww
Funny enough, Yuuichi's Heart has almost as many lines as Yuuichi does for not having that much time in the game, being on the higher end between the characters that don't get the benefit of being a protagonist (lol)!
Admittedly I had expected for Rei and Hiroto to have a more similar amount of lines given their nearly equal amount of presence, but for what it is Rei surpassed Hiroto by 51 lines! I also had expected for Takumiel to speak a little bit more than Takumi but turns out the opposite is true.
While the lack of lines of Takumi and Takumiel are to be expected due to their short time on the game, what stands out is Aya not even reaching triple digits between her other peers who are in there for most of the game. This is because a good chunk of Aya's lines in game are silence!^^" And thus weren't counted. If ellipses were a word, she surely would have reached triple digits, but unfortunately they're not.
Now the line count with combined sums of Takumi | Takumiel and Yuuichi | Yuuichi's Heart!!!
In here, the ranking isn't affected, with Yuuichi remaining second place and Takumi being last place. But the disparity of everyone's numbers compared to Takumi's feels a bit more clear to see when Takumiel isn't individually counted.
With Yuuichi's line counts combined, Shunsuke remains 318 lines ahead of him, but it also means Yuuichi has a 59% the amount of Shunsuke's lines; and impressive feat for someone who doesn't get the benefit of being the point of view for everything you press... Although he does also have an upper hand over everyone by essentially being the plot of this game ww
But maybe line counts do not suffice to tell how much a character speaks. Yes, Shunsuke has a bunch of lines from everything he interacts with, but is it really reliable to say he speaks all that much in all those lines? A good chunk of those could easily have 3 words each! So with this in mind, let's do a word count.
Even in a word count, Shunsuke has the lead, having a lead of 2,247 words over second place. But we'll see about that when we combine Yuuichi's numbers. Anyway, here's the ranking!
Shunsuke
Yuuichi's Heart
Yuuichi
Rei
Hiroto
Ryou
Sayaka
Aya
Takumi
Takumiel
This time, Yuuichi's Heart is the one at second place!!! It's pretty funny that he speaks more than his physical counterpart ww. I genuinely didnt think he'd out yap himself that way when I chose to count for him individually 😭!!! He has a lead of 63 words over himself, but a lead nonetheless.
In here, Rei and Hiroto are more even than in the line counts, with the difference seeming more minimal when put into words. But it also showcases that despite Rei having more lines than Yuuichi's Heart in the line count, those only get to have a bit over half of the amount of words he talks (To be fair he does get to infodump a lot in his section of the game).
And here's the combined word count!!! Suddenly Shunsuke's lead is only by a mere 55 words! So Yuuichi speaks about as much as he does with 318 less lines.
I must admit that I genuinely did not expect it to be that close. When I chose to count the lines for when you interact with things for Shunsuke, I thought he was granted to speak an absurd amount more than anyone else. But turns out that Yuuichi speaks about the same amount out loud when most of Shunsuke's are his own thoughts ww. But it does make sense! He is still the plot of this game.
So, after all those charts, here's the average/middle point of lines and words for characters to have, because why not, it's fun.
Average Line Count (YH and Takumiel counted individually): 197 lines
Average Line Count (When combined): 247 lines
Average Word Count (YH and Takumiel counted individually): 1,333 words
Average Word Count (When combined): 1,666 words
So there it is. That's how much the characters in Re:Kinder speak!
But wait!!! I am not done. I will share with you an additional fun fact... Did you ever want to know what word each of these characters said the most?! This one will be quicker, I do promise.
When it came to counting these words I did not count stop words, that being common words that are used all the time by everyone in English. "I, you, me, the, to, a, my, your, yes, no"... Words like that! Otherwise everyone would have one of those as their most said word and it'd be rather boring to look at. With that said, here are the words these characters say the most!
Shunsuke: Yuuichi - said 40 times! (this genuinely confused me so much im sorry he uses interjections so much I had expected it to be something like "huh" or "um" but no i dont know how this passed by me as i was rounding up all the lines he says or proofreading or writing all of those lines WHAT?!?! its been two days and it still takes me out)
Ryou: Shunsuke - Said 14 times
Sayaka: Murderer - Said 7 times (All in one sentence!)
Takumi | Takumiel (counted in one for how little he speaks.): Takumiel - Said 3 times (That name is so important, he said it thrice.)
Aya: Sorry - Said 5 times
Rei: Hell, gonna, look, Yuuchi - said 8 times (Most of the repeated words she says are stop words for she doesn't tend to speak about the same things repeatedly.)
Hiroto: Shunsuke - Said 17 times
Yuuichi (separate from YH): Problem - Said 17 times
Yuuichi's Heart: Mama - Said 24 times
Yuuichi (Overall): Mama - Said 31 times
So that is finally it. That is the fun fact of today.😊😊 Use this to woe your friends at parties!!!
I am aware Mami speaks about enough to be counted in, but this is pretty time consuming to do and I'm not sure anyone is invested on her enough to count her in. But if there's enough curiosity regarding that, I'll try counting her in. But for now this suffices.☺️ Thanks for reading!
#re:kinder#rekinder#not art#fun fact!!!#i talk!!!#ive been at this for... two days how yall doing😊#ive thought of doing this since when i started by transcript of rekinder but i wasnt ready to do that after finishing that beast of a scrip#so here it is later than i anticipated! it is more time-consuming than i thought considering i have the benefit of the transcript#so when i was getting to doing mami i was already tired ww 😭 love her but this is just a silly bonus thing i throw out#so im not as ready to spend more than the several hours i already spent than with other funny silly proyects#i have more things i want to work on more😊!!! and also the semester is ending soon ww#ANYWAYYY#THIS WAS FUN THOUGH!!!#originally i wasnt going to count the things you can interact with for shunsuke but they are so obviously said by him i just had to#I WAS GOING TO IGNORE IT BUT THEN MY CONSCIOUSNESS TOLD ME... NO.... YOURE ROBBING HIM OF PERFECTLY FINE LINES!!!! 💔💔#so now his numbers are absurdly high#i still cant believe he said yuuichi more than huh i cannot believe that . like. he says huh 5 times less BUT STILL#i really wrote a whole transcript proofread it for 30+ hours then went back to do a line count for several more hours#and didnt notice the protagonist of this game said the name of my favorite character a million times#I NOTICED A “HUH” MORE THAN A NAME COME ONBRUEJWJFNNW#i dont really make any comments regarding ryou or sayaka in here as much because their numbers are exactly as i had expected#about the same amount not too much... its nothing groundbreaking to make a comment out just saying#if anyone is curious yuu says vamos cantar only 6 times#no one's most said word is particularly surprising to me after shunsuke but i did have a stroke seeing problem pop up for yuu#the document i was writing all of this info in before doing this post was very tidy and organized very well articulated until thay happened#i was perfectly expecting him to mention one of his parents the most overall but when separated from Yuuichi’s heart i did not knwo what#so when problem popped up my gut reaction was thinking that i wasnt making it to the end of the document no one speak to me i felt#IT . IT MAKES SENSE but it isnt fun💔#i wasnt even going to count yuuichis heart most said word until he out yapped himself admittedly#I SEPARATED HIM FROM USUAL YUU FOR THE LOLS I DIDNT THINK HE'D SPEAK THAT MUCH
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i feel like this site leaning heavily into the "pedophilia and incest and rape kinks are good" angle lately can be attributed to the mass expulsion of sex workers and black ppl on here ngl
#like gonna be honest these r the two groups that have far more of an understanding of how these r linked to colonialism and exploitation -#to be able to wholeheartedly oppose them w/out hesitation#like if youre a sex worker you'll likely see farrrrr more clients who are total strangers specifically seeking out children#by virtue of trying to protect said children in whatever way that you can#its easy to form opinions in the abstract if you straight up do not witness these events time and time and time again#and thinking about my ancestry + history of black exploitation especially against black children ...#i dont fully buy into the idea of 'these are exclusively issues of the nuclear family structure'. FAR more nuanced than that#as of the current society we live in.. the very family dynamic is one of inescapable relationships#if you can imagine how hard it can be when two people in a relationship have a lot of overlaps in friends have an awful break up#a relationship within the family would be much harder to reckon with. you cant just pack it up and walk away so easy#most of the ppl on here defending this shit do not even buy into it for themselves. it is entirely for roleplay purposes#they can put it away when theyre done#no disgust isnt always a good moral informant. but i will say i felt appauled reading the words 'incest fans' said in a cutesy way#ppl seem to misunderstand when black bloggers say incest kinks are a white ppl thing#what they mean is white ppl never have to reckon with the TRUE magnitude of power imbalances. it's treated like a fucking game#you never had to stand and feel the weight of knowing your ancestors are lighter than before because of the countless times white slave -#- owners raped them
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why do i have to find an occupation is it not enough for me to indulge in my interests and maybe tell people about them if i feel like it
#'but what do you Really want?' i want to play the piano and watch house md at the moment and nothing else. this might change quite shortly#i am not sure i want to switch to pt after all mostly because it's not Just pt it's also kindergarten teaching and im not good with more#than two people at a time. one person is stretching it already#and this would be a biggo group of kids#and i think there are more effective forms of pt than this particular one but for that i would have to do 4 years of actual pt and then 4#years of that and i know the time will pass anyway but i really just want to play the piano and i cant imagine doing anything else right now#i think id become embittered if i went to do this but also if i didnt because then id be stuck at english studies#for one more year as opposed to 4 years of that.. and then i could just do whatever#but learning this type of pt would give me a pretty valuable skill that could get me out of the country#but it wouldn't be the exact skill i want just something similar#i dont know................ i dont know.#my post
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#personal#it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog#or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on#that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares#to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems#but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago#and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that#thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna#which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be#the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat#im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better#ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything#my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill#i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone#when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite#i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about#is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for#hours. a whole days worth of hours almost#my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room#in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now#all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help#the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again#lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time#like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of#would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles#24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave#or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people#but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able#to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave#anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time
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I'm not too big a Sonknux shipper (I don't really ship anyone with Sonic full stop) but for the sheer amount of Sonadow and rabid Sonadow shippers that popped up, I'm half tempted to create a 2:30 hour long Sonknux cinematic animation out of spite. It would be a quirky romcom with musical scenes which starts with Knuckles first meeting Sonic and ending with them kissing in front of the Master Emerald at their wedding.
i dont really have a problem with sonadow necessarily or people making jokes about them being gay in the new episode, i also went "🏳️🌈?" a few times while watching it. im mostly just annoyed that its everywhere at all times and so many people seem to have sonadow as their number one priority always and dont care about anything else.. like if you search sonic prime on here its just sonadow sonadow sonadow with not nearly as many posts about what actually happens in the episode or theorizing about what might happen next or even discussing sonic and shadows interactions beyond just going "omg sonadow!"... like is that really all you guys took from it? you dont care about anything else? just shipping? ok...
#and like i understand most of the sonic prime posting rn being about shadow and his interactions with sonic#because thats basically all this episode was. sonic and shadow running around#but again. most people arent even actuallytalking about any of it beyond the ship jokes. which is kind of annoying#also i kinda talked about this the other day but its so wild to me how sonic and knuckles are regularly doing the gayest shit imaginable#and most people dont care. but sonic and shadow have one or two gay moments every once in a while and the entire fanbase explodes#like im not saying you cant prefer sonic/shadow over sonic/knuckles#and im not trying to start an argument over which is better. i think the real answer is for them all to hold hands with eachother#i just dont understand why sonic/knuckles is so much less popular?#because in the actual games and comics and shows they have moments like this way more often than sonic and shadow do#but like i said most people dont really care. and when sonic and shadow so much as stand near eachother theyre suddenly canon boyfriends ??#if sonic and shadow did anything sonic and knuckles have done they would get like 10 times the reaction from it#and i know this for a fact to be true because people are currently shitting themselves over sonic carrying shadow#when sonic has carried knuckles multiple times before and barely anyone cared#like hello is everyone but me in some weird alternate dimension where shadow and knuckles have switched roles or something#sonic and knuckles are literally what people THINK sonic and shadow are i swear to god#asks#sonic prime spoilers
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if i might bitch about work for a second: yesterday was hellishly bad despite being able to keep up with it and i found out that apparently our department made 4600 dollars yesterday which is making me angry beyond belieffffffff
#this is math i do fairly often bc i enjoy ho-hum math and hate my job and like#even if we took off 2000 bucks for overhead costs which feels excessive but i will concede it#that would be enough to pay everyone working a little over 860 dollars which is 300 more than what i make in a WEEK#literally WHEREEEEE IS IT WHERE IS IT GOING WHERE IS IT#i dont like following this logic through because on days where there are fewer orders we;d do less#and i disagree with gig work's implementation as ive seen it and i think that would stress people out worse than we already are#(which is significantly)#but at the same time. 850 dollars. i cant afford to buy groceries this week. 850 dollars...#can i get a BONUS or SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#it makes me soooo angry i was talking to one of the deli guys who asked for a raise and got denied mid-question#before our director accidentally showed him that their department is four thousand of gods own dollars under labor#its so revolting to me i talk to so many people in this store who are terrified because of medical bills or rent or car shit#half my department works two jobs just to get by and ALL OF THEM drive junkers#honestly one of the things thats scaring me about if i actually move out is that i do rely on...living with my mom#i pay for most of my own food i pay an absurd amount of rent to share a room with her but she's willing to drive me to work#even though i've offered to walk multiple times and she REALLY should prioritize her own time more#but at the same time...not having to pay for rides has been carrying me hard#if i got a car i'd be fucked because those things bleed money and generally ethically i disagree with cars#but if i dont its like okay pony up the money learn to navigate buses (except for sunday when they dont run) or get ready#to walk to your job where you walk all day and then walk home in the dark#which. i love walking. and listening to music on my own while walking. so bad example. but i also love not having my feet hurt#all the time always no matter what im doing which is something im becoming increasingly unfamiliar with#its like. ultimately. something's gonna get fucked no matter what#and then i hear a figure like 4600 and i remember how avoidable all of this shit is. how avoidable it is for ANY of us#our ceo is gonna walk away from this merger attempt with 5 billion dollars in safety-cushion money#the 10 top execs beneath him with 1 billion#and its just so. what can you even do. 5 billion. can a number like that even mean anything? how could you possibly need that much#850 dollars would be a lifechanging amount of money for me right now and im not even one of the worst off#its just. god. this world could be anything but what it is but its this and for what
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I left some tops of plants I had let go to seed (a couple different lettuces, radishes, and mustard greens) that I harvested to save seeds from in open paper shopping bags outside to give the bugs that were on them time to skedaddle before I brought them inside to pick all the seeds out to save them but yknow... ADHD, out of sight out of mind lol so I forgot about them for a few weeks and sure all the aphids and squash bugs left, but in that time a bunch of tiny little spiders moved in. Which is still better tbh (I'm honestly fine with spiders especially little ones but I absolutely DETEST squash bugs, and the aphids I just don't want to spread to my indoor plants) but also inconvenient. Guess I will be wearing gloves while I seed harvest and doing my seed harvesting sitting outside instead of inside.
#i spent most of yesterday collecting seeds to save too#but from my basil plants in my herb garden out front#i read that basil seeds were easy to collect because you just rub them between your fingers#and the seeds fall out and then you can easily blow away the chaff to separate it from the seeds#I DID NOT FIND THIS TO BE TRUE#i mean sure in theory its easy but when you have a pile of HUNDREDS of tiny little flowers that you have to do that to it is not easy lol#and i cant do more than one or two at a time because i dont have enough finger strength to rub them apart well if i do more than that#so i was picking one or two flowers off at a time to get 3-4 seeds to fall out from each of them and then trying to carefully separate them#which is also not as easy as people make it seem because those seeds are teeny tiny and barely weigh more than the chaff does#sat in the kitchen on my stool doing that for like two hours yesterday#only got 1/3 of the way through the flowers i collected from ONE JUST ONE of my chinese sweet basil plants#and i still have flowers from two mammolo basils and another two chinese sweet basils and a thai holy basil and a thai sweet basil to do#i did get like hundreds of seeds from that little bit of chinese sweet basil i did yesterday though so like#safe to say i will never need to buy basil seeds again lol#which is nice esp for the thai holy and chinese sweet basil because those seeds were kinda pricey#'pricey' for seeds being 50 seeds in a $3 packet lol which is not a lot on its own but when you're ordering like 50 packets of seeds#all around that price or a little bit more ($3-$5) that adds up quick#hence why i am doing so much seed collecting this year to minimize rebuying next year#also to see what hybrids i get since i did not keep everything separated to avoid cross pollination intentionally#esp the pumpkins i really want to see what i get from those seeds if they got cross pollinated#rambling in the tags again whoops my adhd meds kicked in an now i cant stop typing or talking lol#did you know theres a tag limit? like it will let you keep adding tags but after some point they stop showing up after you post?#learned that thanks to adhd med related tag rambling on my other blog a while ago lol
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Christopher Nolan making movies: I'm gonna make a film that is so confusing and non-linear
#just watched memento :DDDDD#which i think would be his first bigger movie?#but it was so interesting bcs there were a lot of concepts in it that are so visible in his later films#like watching that after watching almost all of his most recent films was such an 'aha!' moment#lthe whole black&white vs in-color to delineate which part of the story we're in#in memento: black and white is the beginning of the story and then in-color is the rest of the story going backwards#and then he uses that concept again in oppenheimer but b&w is the current events and color is everything leading up to that and after#like yeah its really confusing first time around because you dont know that fully yet but then at the end its like OH!!!!!#and then both also have other stuff interspersed btwn those two sections that you only reallly understand by the end#and then with the plot going backwards. that was the same as tenet right?#like starting with the end of the story and them ending with the beginning of the story#i cant remember inception well enough atm but im sure it has traits of memento as well#his movies are like puzzles ig! like you really have to keep track of all the details and what takes place when#i think theyre really fun bcs more and more becomes clear to you#im not sure what the most confusing nolan movie is hmmmm probably tenet or inception right?#oppenheimer: much more clear in general since its following literal historical events but just in a non linear manner#the only real reason i found it a bit confusing is bcs i didnt know a lot of the characters and also was trying to figure out the timeline#and then interstellar is more just confusing in concept bcs it has to do with time in the 4th dimension and all that#but i think the story is pretty understandable its just hard to wrap your head around the different time/dimension concepts#then again....ive watched it probably more than 4 times by now! ITS ONE OF MY FAV MOVIES EVER#cant say much abt the batman movies bcs they have nolan concepts but arent really like his other stuff#haha someones said he did those movies so he could make absolute bank and then have a blank check to do whatever movies he wants#and someone also said that oppenheimer felt like memento and thats so so so true!!!#its cool that he can make the movies he wants. bcs as i said watching memento really outlines very well what concepts he likes#watching it was weird bcs im like oh yeah this is *so* christopher nolan and then realize this is literally only his second film#i need to rewatch inception and dunkirk and see if i can spot inspo from Memento in them#anyways: yay film!!! yay cinema!!!!!! movies are so fun!!!!!!#catie.rambling.txt
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i need eddie to get another guy friend in season 8, and buck loses his shit about it (again), so he breaks up with t because he's convinced that the weird feeling he gets when he sees them together is because he is Really attracted to the new guy.
#like things with t are fine cuz he likes exploring this new side of himself even if t doesnt always match his energy but whatever its fun#and maybe at work chim is the one who brings up eddies new friend and he is immediately just. what new friend?#chim laughs and says. tbf last time eddie got a new friend you attacked him so you could date his friend. hes probably keeping it to himsel#and bucks like. dude what. that was. yeah it was shitty of me but it was a one time thing. i wont do it again...#and when eddie shows up for shift buck immediately asks about his new friend and eddie tells him about the guy without hesitation#after shift tho buck is like. why didnt you tell me about him? after t i get why you dont want to but im just. you dont have to worry man.#buck. i know. im not worried. anyway he and i are gonna head to a bar to catch the game. you want to come with? you can bring t if hes free#oh. thats. thatd be okay? i dont want to idk ruin the vibe by bringing a date#nah man. itll be fine#and so he and t go to the bar and eddies already inside with the new friend and its Fine. its Great actually because t gets along with eddi#and the new guy and the new guy makes eddie laugh and doesnt miss a beat and knows more about the teams record this season than buck and#buck is doing Fine. this guys smile is big and his eyes are bright and when he laughs he sorta leans into eddies space alittle and its Fine#the night ends and buck and t go back to his apartment and buck cant stop thinking about that guys hand when it clapped down on eddies#shoulder or the look on his face as he teased eddie about the beer he drinks (cuz its kinda bad but only buck can say that) and buck Cant.#he wants that guy. he wants his hands and grin and teasing voice all to himself and not on eddie.#so he breaks up with t and ts confused af cuz i thought things were going good?#yeah. i just. i want to explore my options yk now that ive uh figured out i like men.#and its a clean break. not dramatic or messy. t tells him to call if he every changes his mind. buck wont.#bucks trying to not pry about eddies new friend and he doesnt grill eddie or anyone and just waits and listens to all the new info he gains#and eventually eddie invites him out to watch another game because whatever team they were watching made it to the playoffs#and when he gets there eddies like. no t tonight?#nah we. uh. we broke up.#eddie says sorry man that sucks. and the new guy is like. honestly he didnt even seem that into you which what an idiot. youre great.#and its good because the new guy splits his attention between the two of them now. eddie isnt the only one getting hands and grins and eyes#and the third time theyre at the bar the guy follows him to bathroom and kisses him hard against the door before pulling back with a#panicked sorry and leaving and when buck finds eddie after hes like. what happened? new guy ran out of here without even saying goodbye#he kissed me in the bathroom. i think uh. i think he was kinda freaking out about it and thats why he left.#and eddie just blinks at him before being like. buck. buck you said you werent going to do this again.#i didnt mean to! and buck means it. he just saw the way that guy made eddie laugh and put his hands on eddie and had eddies attention and#oh.
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cons of going to a “good schoolTM”: insane workload, unbearable classmates, next to no support when you have any kind of extenuating circumstances Including literal hospitalization, etc
pros of going to a “good schoolTM”: the 9-5 lifestyle is genuinely a major improvement
#taylor.txt#the extenuating circumstances point was not me btw. i know someone who had his degree delayed an entire year because of two weeks in psych#we’re in a co-op program or else maybe it wouldve just been one semester but. lol#i hate it here…i hate it#but hey…at least i have the world’s shittiest health insurance!#some of my classmates say they dont feel like working full-time is easier than going to school full-time but it so is#for me. anyway. even when i fumbled my time management bad on the field and make no mistake i was incredibly busy plus i chose a field#notorious for Unpaid Overtime and Taking Your Work Home. even then. it was still easier than this#i would never do undergrad again. i loved everything i learned. i took interesting and awesome classes#but i would never ever do it again. miserable overworked spent most of it friendless until i got on the field#i have a friend who keeps being like idk how you did 4 physics classes this sem and im like girl we are education students…thats an average#semester for a physics major. how must THEY feel#also i have to say just you know. generally. ive worked full-time while living with my parents#AND while living alone. and 50 hours a week was incredibly manageable in the former arrangement. i even wrote and edited an entire novel#in the beginning stages of a pandemic while working 50 hours a week of retail and fast food hell. 40 hours full-time with weekends off#while living alone though? thats hard. i still managed to go to the gym almost every day#currently? i cant get out of bed in the morning. i am putting in 12 hour days and then goinng to bed unable to sleep because im so stressed#i have dreams about school. tangentially theres a really good marxist poem i read last year about this phenomenon in workers#ANYWAY. i have just 8 more days 4 exams 1 research paper and video project#i think i can pass and then thats it. my next semester is hell but just because scheduling the actual classes will be easy#and then i get to go back on the field and actually want to wake up every day. lol#and 8 days from now i will have my christmas shopping done and my apartment will be clean and i will be a fanfic writing machine#also my friends and i booked a demolition room so im sure that will be beneficial kfldjfldndks
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I hate that I hate doing things in my own dude but it's so fucking boring !!!
#i dont go out to eat and i dont go to the movie theater so like the two biggest Default Hang activities are completely non-options for me#i dont like seeing movies in theatre 1) the local one sucks and 2) i cant sit still for over a half hour in a chair that makes me want to#become an arsonist.#ive been to Fancy Good Fun movie theatres and seen Incredible Higjly Rated films and still been like#20 mins in. is it going to be over soon? can i leave? please?#i like going to the library and shopping and walking down by the river and in the woods#but i also Dont Like The Beach because sand makes me want to become a fucking terrorist and the water safety index thing#sent me on a spiral sooo bad ♡ also im too body conscious to enjoy myself#the public pools okay excepts its expensive and over crowded 100% of the time#rock beachs are good i like swimming i just eugh#i also. dont like going to the gyms indoor pool.#its so fucking echoy in there i get a migraine thinking about it#i do like their sauna tho but. again. priced out of that experience! wahoo! also the stairs there are designed to torture me#i like eating outside i like picnics in theory i just cant get comfortable sitting in like 98% of places for more than like 30 mins.#at some point some part of my body is going to start hurting so bad i want to throw up.#i like playing video games and board games but i dont have any consoles or board games so like.#man. idk!#i hate doing things alone bcus i Was Alone for 3 years with my only social contact being my abusive family#i would speak to them maybe 3 times a month and get out of the house maybe 2 times and#idk! idk its just like! okay! im done being socialy isolated!!!#>every activity that you can do to hang out with people is unappealing to me or causes me physical damage#😭 okay nvm!!!
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like i think to fish theyre just both people who shouldve died a long time ago and now they arent allowed to. because they need each other. and they both crave that and resent it.
#they WANT to be so important to him that he would fall apart without then AND they resent that they cant fall apart without hurting him#they were having a perfectly decent apathetic slide into eternal misery and then he had to go and ruin it with love. whatever.#like they want to be this essential part of his life because they loooove having that power over him they really really do#and theyre mean about it too. but like. they dont like that it goes both ways#they dont like being looked after or cared about because they get too used to it and they feel themselves falling in love w him again and#they run away. and eventually they come back or he comes back to them. and they tell themselves its just transactional like#they have something he needs and he has something they want#animal sir chloe style#but just like that its like. its NOT that. they need him so fucking bad and they feel better when hes around even when they hate his ass#and espeically after they start 'working' for jr with him its like. they really really love him so bad and they hate it.#these stupid assholes making them feel alive again. making them feel FEEELINGS. liek a PERSON. eugh#and i think they hate how scared they get when something happens to roadhog. theyre supposed to know better than that basically#they feel like needing him is vulnerable because it opens the door for him to hurt them again which is why they so enjoy being the one in#control + being the one who leaves#and the one who lashes out and ect ect. but they cant help themself and they hate hirself for it. so like. well the only solution is that#you shouldve killed yourself two decades ago so i couldve wasted away mad at you like i was supposed to and wed be done with it.#fishs got a case of wanting to die in such a way where they wont take any active steps to get there#but they resent being alive and they resent every minute of pain they endure by being alive. hence the very sex booze violence lifestyle#but the frustrating thing about him is that they. most of the time. like being alive with him. so they have to endure more#more pain and heartache and frustration. and they dont want to but they cant do anything else. they cant even leave again at this point#anyways. my fishy#🐟#they have every disease
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i know a thousand other people have said this already, but im so tired of the fact that people just dont write good fanfiction about female characters or female relationships. all the 100k-word epics on ao3 are about m/m or m/f pairings, and i just mourn for all the life-changing stories we could have about female characters, the ones that fundamentally re-frame your way of thinking, the ones where the romance is slow burn that's hot and heavy and so, so achingly intimate that the page is bleeding with it.
where are those stories?
#and it's not just because there are more male characters in fictional media#it's mostly because we all care about men more#because a m/m pairing between two male background or side characters from a popular show will have AT LEAST QUADRUPLE the amount of content#than the content for a f/f ship between MAIN CAST members from that same show.#it just fucking sucks. and i wish i could change it.#it's not always enough to just write it yourself yknow?#thats not really the solution here#it would require a massive restructuring in how we prioritize female characters#especially in order to prioritize them separate from male characters.#the majority of shows or fandoms where a female main cast member is popular? their number one ship in fandom is with a male character.#can't escape it man :(#mine#fandom#i feel like we just dont like dedicating that much time to thinking about women—even fictional women.#it's not as fun or as interesting as thinking about men. and why is that hm?#i cant change what people like to write#but its always so devastating when i see an author who writes really really well#just stick to m/m stories. and theyre fantastic!! but id love to see what those writers could do with female characters too.#an account with like 8 different 50k fics about the same m/m pairing. AND while often writing a f/f pairing as a background pairing#(which is a whole other annoying issue that deserves its own post)#it just makes it even sadder that they dont dedicate that same energy toward imagining what it might look like for that background f/f#pairing to have a story of their own with just as much love and care.#(AND LIKE. YOU CANT EVEN TELL ME ITS JUST CUZ THE CHARACTERS ARE CHARACTERIZED DIFFERENTLY#LIKE TO SAY THAT THE F/F PAIRING JUST WOULDNT BE AS INTERESTING BECAUSE THEYRE MORE STABLE OR NORMAL OR NOT AS CODEPENDENT OR SOME SHIT#LIKE NOT ONLY IS THAT JUST SEXIST. IT'S ALSO HYPOCRITICAL#'CAUSE YOU'RE OUT HERE GIVING WHOLE NEW FANON PERSONALITIES TO THESE MALE CHARACTERS#FUCKING. STEVE HARRINGOTN AND EDDIE MUNSON FROM STRANGER THINGS WOULD NOT IN A MILLION YEARS DATE IN THE SHOW.#SO TO WRITE SOLID FANFICTION WITH GOOD CHEMISTRY YOURE GONNA HAVE TO CHANGE THEIR PERSONALITIES A BIT.#AND THAT'S NOT A BAD THING!!! BUT IT MAKES IT ALL THE MORE FRUSTRATING WHEN YOU JUST...DON'T PUT AS MUCH EFFORT#INTO THE FEMALE CHARACTERS. JUST CUZ YOU DON'T LIKE THEM AS MUCH.
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#i dont know my best friend any more lol#i can count on my fingers how many times we've seen eachother since march#she keeps cancelling on us all the time even when she makes plans to do smth or she just straight up doesnt show up and then texts us later#that smth had come up and she wont be able to make it#which sucks so much because i only have two other friends one of which is my brother lmao#and she doesnt have anyone else either other than her bf which is what i dont understand#if it was any random friend id drop her but i've known her since we've been 15 and it hurts#also i cant stand having any less friends im sad abt it as is#maybe im overdramatic#rant#ignore
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Listen I don’t really care about this play anymore and I haven’t interacted with it in ages but in Be More Chill I think Jeremy and Christine were good together and I won’t STAND for everyone in that fandom trying to convince me otherwise!!!!!
#the klock keeps ticking#ive. held onto this for a long time 👉👈#and i may be biased cuz christine was the only character i gave a shit about BUT#i stand by my opinion#i think it was refreshing too cuz in a lot of teen trash stories your generic guy protagonist has a crush on a girl#and shes pretty much always the generic popular girl or his generic childhood friend girl#but bmc was like ‘yeah so this guy is in love with this theater girl whos just really fucking weird and has autism swag’#which i adore we need more of that shit#and like i know WHY ppl hated them together because ppl hate female characters#especially ones that get in the way of THE SHIP BETWEEN TWO MALE CHARACTERS UWAAAAA#i was always of the opinion that michael was gay and he could do better than jeremy#like damn maybe a guy can be gay and single but ppl dont actually want gay characters#they want ships to fawn over#and then the Feminist™️ fans were like ‘i dont hate christine owo heres art of her being SUPPORTIVE of the REAL PAIRING the BOYS’#‘i headcanon her as pansexual so see im not misogynistic see i ship her with a female character she didnt even interact with see!!!’#‘im totally not doing this cuz i cant stand the idea that this harmless female character stands in the way of the male characters i woobify’#which hnnghh all this can segue into a rant i have about musical fans knowing nothing about the source material and therefore being sooo#incorrect in their interpretation of the shows they claim to enjoy#because i know none of these hoes gave a single fuck about anything that happened in this fucking teen trash play i KNOW they didnt#but aaaaaa later#anyways i dont stand for christine slander shes all i have left in this cruel world 😤😤😤
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