#Id do anything to fix this and to make this betger and to keep you safe but the animal is still cornered
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evilcartoonghosts · 3 days ago
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There is blood on the snow, and it is not yours. There is blood on your hands, and it is not yours. There is blood in your mouth, and it is not yours. It drips down into your eyes, red film like tears when you blink. It is not yours. You can hear a heartbeat. It quickens. It slows. It halts. It is still not yours. What have you done? What have you done? What have you done?
#Been overwhelmed with regret and terror lately#One of my worst fears has happened and it is entirely my fault#Im terrified of abandonment and I hurt someone who was starting to trust me bad enough that I thinl ive lost them#Im trying so hard and I want to text them and explain#But im taking a few days off- Im still too afraid to be talking to them and be honest instead of just lying in a pretty way#I want them to care about me and feel safe with me again but I dont know if they will and it hurts so fucking much#Ive hurt and lost someone I care about because i lashed out when I was having a breakdown#And because I think that they need someone who is more healed than I am#I am still freshly broken and their edges have begun to be sanded down by time#And their trust for me was that I would not cut them when they held me#Theyve said that I need to stop saying I cant help it but it's eating me alive#Two more years. I cant go two more years with only one friend#I need to stop needing them#Its making me too breakable and too desperate to be safe for them#I want to be able to have my only desire to be their safety and I know thats what they need from me#But as I am there is a cornered animal in my heart who's only able to want his own survival at any cost#You said to stop saying im sorry because it hurts you more#And I see why#I use it so I can dull the truth which is that I dont thinl I can change#I am sorry#I swear to god. I am so so sorry#Id do anything to fix this and to make this betger and to keep you safe but the animal is still cornered#You'll never be able to trust me because I am sharp and scared and i'll never be able to heal because I am not trustworthy#I'm sorry that we couldnt make it. I have to give up on us for you to get out of this without scars#Poetry#<- shitty but. I am just a boy#Ive blocked the person this is about for both of our health so this gets to be on my digital footprint guess who's a messy 16 year old
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