#and how you just need to try harder to be motivated when you have chronic depression

[stimmingandstruggling]

high school health classes are really like how much fatphobia ableism and just straight up ignorance can we fit in 80 minutes

[ventismacchiato]

O8.5 stuck with you — idols inferno !

scaramouche x gender neutral reader

YAE MIKO: Welcome cuties to "Idols Inferno," or I², where idols ignite sparks in a tropical paradise! Here’s a comprehensive guide on how our upcoming and hot dating show will unfold!

1. Island Oasis: Our contestants, members from two different idol groups, DELUSION AND WINDBLUME, will embark on a journey to a stunning island getaway. They'll leave behind the glamor of the stage to immerse themselves in the raw beauty of nature.

idols inferno island! doesn’t seem like much…

2. Living Arrangements: While they compete for hearts, our idols reside in a cozy dormitory area. Each contestant will be able to enjoy their own private rooms, but will be sharing a dorm building with all the other contestants. Don’t get too excited, these dorms are designed to be as uncomfortable as morally possible in order to motivate our idols to work harder for the rewards!

an adjustment from the life our idols are used to!

3. Survival and Romance: Here’s the twist! Our idols aren’t just here for love—they’re also here to survive. From beachside cookouts to forging alliances, they'll fend for themselves while navigating the highs and lows of island life. The kitchen will be replenished with ingredients every two days, but contestants will be expected to put together meals on their own everyday. A water well will be located a mile away from the kitchens, contestants will have to trek to fill up their containers everyday. 

4. Games and Challenges: Throughout the journey, our contestants engage in thrilling challenges designed to test their teamwork and chemistry. Picture competitive strength challenges like partner piggyback rides or hilarious two-legged races on the beach! Make sure to tune in because the weather is hot, which means less fabric to wear! ;)  

5. Confession Box and Matchmaking: After every activity, participants visit the confession box to anonymously choose another contestant they are interested in. Matched pairs have the chance to enjoy better food, upgraded accommodations, and even a night in a nearby five-star hotel instead of the usual shitty dorms!

note: example image does not depict show events

6. Contestant Dynamics: With a total of 13 contestants, including 3 mystery guests to be revealed at a later date, tensions and emotions run high as new arrivals shake up existing connections. 

oh whoever could these be?

7. Interviews and Real-Time Updates: The end of every episode features intimate interviews with one of the contestants, offering viewers insights into their thoughts and emotions. Episodes are recorded and edited the following day, ensuring they're posted by midnight for viewers to keep up with the drama and romance in real-time.

Amidst palm trees and pristine beaches, bonds deepen and sparks fly as our idols explore their connections. Will they find lasting love or simply a lifelong friendship?

In the end, hearts will be won and memories made as our idols return home, forever changed by their time on "Idols Inferno." Tune in to not miss a second!

stuck with you!

masterlist — prev | next

guys i drew/edited that map myself cus i wanted this to make sense pls tell me you like it i know it’s extra but 🤗

short mini chapter to explain the show i’ll explain anything else if i need to in later chapters xx

also pretty obvious if ur chronically online but can you guess who the mystery guests are? 😍

synopsis after the disaster that was the live award show, where you and scaramouche got into an argument on stage after both of your groups got a tie for top artists, your guys' PR teams have been in shambles trying to scrape up your mess. that's when the idea to send you both off with some other idols to a remote location for a survival dating show to mend your public image comes up. before you know it your bags are packed and you’re on a plane to a remote island. the only obligation is you need to end up with scaramouche at the end of the show, whether you end up liking him or not doesn’t matter to your managers as long as the show’s ratings stay high. whatever you do in between to get there is up to you!

notes — after this ad break we will get back into the story xx

taglist closed — @na1lea @cindywasneverhere @lunavixia @aestherin @mlaakai @camvrin @retiredmommylover @iheartpieck @jangyung @cartierfiles @loveariel @silly-ez @mochipls @pomeiu @chuuismylife @flowerypesky @creammpuff @justanothertiredreader @boxdisappeared @kissmiere @kissingkzuha @webbywill @kazusboyfriend @s3xpistolss @pjsucks @bunns-wonderland @lordbugs @localgirlywithnolife @kosumos @danfelions @featuredtofu @pinxeajin @herebyaccident0 @haeunoo @scaradooche @pglt19 @chemiru @childesbabygirl @simonisferal @shutingstar @vxcmx @domimiki @ttalgi @esuz @tokkishouse @kitsuvil @scarasmood @ihearttori @nomurahayami @starringyau @androxphobic @kazuhasbabe

[adventuringblind]

Rest

Norlestappen X Reader

Genre: hurt/comfort, fluff

Summary: Reader is struggling badly with a flair up but doesn't want to admit it.

Warnings: unspecified chronic illness, collapsing in exhaustion, worried boyfriends

Notes: another Nonny request!! Love this one so much! (Comments feed my praise kink and give me motivation to write... if anyone was wondering...)

Masterlist // Request Form // My Website // buy me a Ko-Fi

The heat had been driving her insane. Qatar is a nightmare. It's so humid that it's difficult to breathe.

Her body despises the heat. It pulls every ounce of energy from her system. Make the pain soar to ungodly levels.

But she's not the one racing.

Max, Lando, and Charles are the ones racing. It's not fair to them that she needs their help when they have to endure whatever hell this is in a death machine for two hours.

She forces her mask back on and pretends she's fine despite her protesting body.

She checks on Charles first. Max and Lando are on the podium, so it gives her some time to see that he's alright.

Which, truth be told - he doesn't look. He's drenched in sweat mixed with cold water. He's panting and trying to peel off his fireproofs.

"Charlie? Are you okay?" She peeks her around the corner, and he shakes his head no.

She helps him get out of the drenched clothing and into a shower. Her phone buzzes violently in her pocket as Charles steps out. She kisses his cheek and dips out to see Lando, the culprit of calling her non-stop.

She drags her body to McLaren. Aching bones won't give her any reprieve as she walks. The heat is unbearable, smothering her mind in a deep fog she can't escape.

The McLaren staff barely bat an eye in her direction. Most give her pitiful looks, probably whispering about how she looks like a zombie.

She'll rest later. Her boys need her right now.

She taps Lando's door with her knuckles. He looks bright-eyed when she opens it. Smells of champagne sweat nearly knock her over. She has to bite back a gag.

Instead, she returns his smile and throws herself at him. "I'm proud of you!"

"Was a good race, wasn't it? A but jealous of Osc and proud at the same time."

She hums and closes the door behind her. Immediately going back to draping herself over the Brit. Effectively using him to help keep her upright.

"Are you alright, love? You look a bit out of it..."

"I'm fine, Lan, just been a long day, is all. Had a lot of cheering to do, you know!"

Lando manages to run around the small room, tugging off his wet clothes, rinsing his hair, and throwing on his team kit.

She grabs something to style his hair with, Lando will be in shambles later if he sees his hair looking wrecked.

She swears they both almost fall asleep to the repetitive movments. A small intimate thing shared between the two of them.

A much louder knock then her earlier one hits their ears, startling the two out of whatever trance they’re in. “Lando! You’ve got interviews to do!”

The Brit groans in disappointment, but gets up regardless. “Thank you, love.” He leans down to where she is still sitting and kisses her forehead. “Will you be alright?”

“I’m going to see Max next, I already saw Charlie.” She throws him a reassuring look. “I’ll be okay, promise.” She even holds out her pinky finger for him to wrap his own around.

That promise, however, is getting harder and harder to keep as she drags her weary bones to Max. Her body is screaming at her to stop moving, find somewhere to sleep for a couple of years before it goes back to making life difficult.

She shakes her head. No, she wasn’t the one driving in the hell today. She can wait until her partners are squared away.

Max greets her outside of the energy station. His face drops when he sees her. Her smile, although genuinely happy, is lopsided. Even the muscles that show her happiness are tired. That should be a red flag, but she continues forward.

Her and Max make their way to his drivers room. His arm wrapped around her waist in much ended comfort and support. She hopes he hasn’t caught on to the way she’s leaning into him to keep herself up.

they flop onto the couch together. “Lando told me you were on your way. He’s a bit worried about you.”

“I told him I’m alright, I promise. The heat is just difficult.”

“Tell me about it.” Max rolls his eyes.

Max’s presence and her comfortable position on the couch do nothing to help her fatigue. The drowsiness is slowly taking hold and she’s not sure how long she can hold it off for.

“You can sleep now, I’ll be here when you wake up.”

She hadn’t even noticed she was asleep, slumped against Max’s body. Not until she cracks her eyes open and sees her lovers laying spread out across the room.

Ice packs are strewn across their bodies. Lando is drooling on Charles’ chest, Max has a hand dangling of the side of the sofa that looks like it was previously in charles’ hair, and Charles is sleeping with his body sitting upright.

She wants to giggle at the sight. They all look comfortable despite the chaotic positioning.

Her body moves on its own accord. the ice packs should be refrozen and she might be able to get her hands on some new ones while she’s at it.

She gets nowhere as Max’s arm wraps around her, pulling her back down on top of him. Lando and Charles stir awake from all the movement.

“Nice try, but you’re not going anywhere.”

She pouts at Max. “But I’m fine now. Just needed a nap, is all.”

Charles turns enough so that both him and Lando are able to see her, even if it’s not well. “The circles under your eyes say otherwise.’ He reaches up to hold her hand. “Thank you for taking care of us, but now it’s your turn.”

She would probably be crying s she had the energy to. The compassion they all have for her, even when she lacks it herself. It’s overwhelming at times. especially when she feels undeserving, like she hasn’t earned it.

Lando shimmies his way out of Charles’ hold and fixes himself. His arm coming up to wipe away the trail of drool. “Now that we’re all awake, I’ve tasked Oscar with bringing us popsicles, anybody want ‘em?”

A course of happy cheers fills the room at the mention of a cold treat.

Her smile doesn’t feel tired this time.

[d1s1ntegrated]

hiii im back again !!!

can i request shiggy hcs for a reader who chronically bed rots (i was trying to find a better word for it instead of chronically but alas) but they basically just stay in bed watching whatever and sleeping (forgetting to eat is also a habit of mine when i do it ;-;)? thank u <33

OFC U CAN!!! i am also a chronic rotter. i know how it feels bb i got u!

bed rotting x shigaraki hcs

✶⊶⊷⊶⊷❍⊶⊷⊶⊷✶

the first time tomura saw you bed rot, he thought you were sick.

"are you okay?? are you getting up?"

when you explained you just...couldn't...he nodded and crawled into bed next to you.

he and you both understand it's not the healthiest, but he's no stranger to a bad habit or two.

so when he learns that some days are just gonna be harder than others, he prepares like a mf

we're talking doomsday prepping.

he and a few other league members will go out and steal a bunch of shit: snacks, water bottles, etc

charges all the electronics and makes sure there are chargers nearby

gets nice clean pjs to lay in for you

regardless of whether its related to a chronic illness, mental shit, or not, he makes sure he learns what you need, if anything during that time.

because thats what he would want for himself :( thats what he needed. he understands it

helps you brush your hair out (he kinda sucks at it but hes doing his best okay)

sleeps next to you when you're sleeping, because gods know he needs it too

especially likes to watch shitty animated movies with you when you guts are awake

will send you memes/posts instead of showing them to you even though you're right. there.

you guys dont have to say anything to each other for hours on end, and you're still content just being there together.

plays dumb games on his phone

shows you him bullying villagers off his animal crossing island to get you to laugh

"i fucking hate barold hes so fucking ugly GET OFF MY FUCKING ISLAND YOU PLEB" (sorry barold lovers shiggy is NAWT a fan)

if you forget to eat, he will also forget, until you hear his stomach rumble and you both go "oh fuck"

adhd mode as fuck

gotta keep the big lights off for this

if you're the only one in that headspace, he'll do his best to just be there for you and make sure you take care of yourself

even if that means dragging you by a foot to brush your teeth or at least have a quick rinse in the shower

cause he knows if you dont, you'll feel bad for not

but he's very gentle and understanding always, because hes been there

and he will continue to be there regardless

all he cares about is that you're at least safe and healthy with him

cuddles and kisses you incessantly

just loves being next to you always, this just gives him an excuse to be clingy

✶⊶⊷⊶⊷❍⊶⊷⊶⊷✶

okay this was really cute, also helped me channel some of my own personal guilt ab bed rotting ;-;

thank u for the request <3

shit like this gives me the motivation to not only keep writing, but to be kinder to myself, because thats what shig would want. i hope this has the same effect for you guys.

love u all, take care of urself <3

[hyakinthou-naos]

Hey, hope this is ok. I need some reassurance.

I've never felt a God's presence (except a vague warmth/peace when meditating about them sometimes I guess), much less talked directly to them (as in hearing them answer) and with so many people, esp on tiktok and here, talking like they have a private relationship with the Gods, a close friendship, even dating I just... I feel lesser I guess? Like so many people were chosen but not me and that must be a problem on my part. Like the Gods prefer everyone else over me. Like I'm not doing enough, even though I'm doing what I manage to do, given my limitations. I'm jealous of people who do communicate directly to the Gods. Part of me doubts them but part wants to believe them because it would be so shitty to lie about something like this and I don't want to believe these people are shitty. I don't believe non harmful hallucinations are all that common either, which would be the other explanation.

From what I understand you don't have this kind of direct communication either and I wanted to ask - how do you prevent yourself from feeling bad seeing all these people who (claim they) do?

I'm struggling here :( It's already hard for me to keep a consistent practice because of executive dysfunction and chronic illness and other stuff and this makes it harder. Feeling like I'll never be at everyone else's level of connection makes it harder.

Sorry for the vent-ish ask. You don't need to answer but I'm already glad if you read. Thank you.

Dear Anon,

Thank you for your ask, I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling. I want to tell you right off the bat that you are not lesser than any other worshipper - you are not less preferable to The Gods - and you should not feel any guilt around your spiritual/religious experiences. I would like to say the following to you, but also to the wider HelPol/Pagan community:

PLEASE Do Not Trust Spiritual Influencers on TikTok.

I cannot claim to know the legitimacy or the intentions/motivations behind every individuals actions regarding divine experiences, but I can say with confidence that most of the spiritual content on TikTok is dripping with lies and exaggerations.

Now, as someone with a mental health degree (I don't talk about my education often but I do have a bachelor's in Social Work and a minor in Psychology) I can also say with confidence that just because someone is lying doesn't mean they're necessarily a "bad person" but you don't have to be a "bad person" to have bad motivations.

Bad Motivations Can Include:

Lying for Financial Gain: This could be selling a product, selling a service, or trying to monetize on being an "influencer".

Lying for Attention: Many people do not have supportive friends, families, or communities - so as a maladaptive coping mechanism they will lie to get the attention they are lacking in their personal life.

Lying for Prestige: Some people don't feel important in their own lives, so they will lie so that other people will think that they are important.

Lying for Fun: In the age of the internet, the ability to make others believe something you know to be false can give someone an adrenaline or a dopamine rush. This is why "trolling" is still so popular.

And, not a "motivation", but still an explanation of why someone might "lie":

Mental Health Concerns: This could be a severe mental illness, a delusion, a hallucination, or conditioning from trauma.

People are weird and wonderful and diverse - and that diversity includes people who will lie (consciously or not) for a variety of reasons.

I speak about this openly as you mentioned, but I do not - nor have I ever - had any direct communication from any entity, deity, or spirit. Everything I know about my Gods (outside of myth, tradition, and history) I have learned through divination, ritual, and intuition.

Answering how I prevent myself from feeling bad when I see so many people "experiencing" something I can't - is a little bit complicated.

When I began my journey into paganism 11 years ago, TikTok didn't exist - Instagram was only 2 years old - and Tumblr had been around for a little under 5 years. My early knowledge came, mostly, from books. I wasn't comparing my experiences to those of others - because the only "others" I could compare myself to were limited to one high-school friend and the authors of the books I read. That kind of experience as a modern pagan doesn't really exist anymore because of how much the world has changed, but I wish it did. So, by the time I got to where I am now, the idea of comparing myself to others was so foreign. And as someone who grew up with the early internet - I learned very quickly that very little online is 100% real and truthful.

If you want to connect with your deities in an honest way that also feels real - you might enjoy trying one of the following (some of these might sound silly and/or childish - but if you truly want to grow as a pagan, you must throw away the idea that childish = bad):

Go outside at night and spin, put your arms out wide and spin and spin until you're dizzy (but not sick). Then lie down on the ground and close your eyes. That whirring sensation? That unreality of gravity? That is the Earth. That is Gaia. That is Demeter.

Listen to the rainfall on a stormy night. Sit somewhere you can hear the drops hitting the ground. Look and wait for a flash of lighting. The following thunder, that sound that you can feel in your bones that makes you jump, That is Zeus.

Write a letter to a friend, or to a loved one, or even to yourself in the future. Pay attention to how emotions become thoughts, thoughts become words, and words become writing. Communication - Language - Thought. That is Hermes.

I could go on- but at the end of the day, people are going to tell you that The Gods are "otherworldly"; but they're wrong. The Gods are of this world - The Gods are this world.

I hope that some of this has helped?

Eirene, peace and farewell,

- Aön

[thatshadowgastwhore]

The hours of sleep deprivation, and how your brain/body interprets them with helpful, objective language for other writers and/or Tim Drake enthusiasts

by me, Mags, aka thatshadowgastwhore, a person who regularly stays up for multiple days at a time and is very self aware, but has no relevant medical degrees.

Disclaimer that I don’t have chronic fatigue/or illness, and my experience isn’t universal. Also, the way caffeine affects me, I’ve found, is not the same most other people have described it to me.

Second disclaimer: you should sleep when you are tired. I just so happen to not really feel tied until I’m awake for around forty hours. You should not push yourself to sleep deprivation regularly for funsises. I know what it’s like to be awake 60+ hours because I used to do so as a coping mechanism that I realized later on was actually a form of self harm!

Hours 1-8

Mostly irrelevant for the discussion at hand. Alertness, awareness, focus, and attention are at their normal levels. Energy levels are consistent. Caffeine consumed at this point does not affect my awareness in any way, only ability to hold focus on a task for longer periods of time and attention to detail.

Hours 9-12

Alertness, awareness, focus, and attention are still at normal levels. Energy is likely the same, unless strenuous activity was done in the first third of the day. At this point, I have been awake for half a day, the majority of which was spent at work. I also do not normally consume food until this time of day, or I have not consumed very much food until this point, so the energy gained from a meal resets energy levels to about where they were hours 4-5. Caffeine consumed at this point has no effect on energy levels, again, just to focus and attention.

Hours 12-18

Very similar to hours 9-12 for me, as someone who regularly misses nights of sleep. For any character whom this is not the case for, this is when tiredness will absolutely set in, if it hasn’t already. Depending on how many hours of sleep you get on the regular, that is when lethargy will become unavoidable without proper stimuli. Pushing yourself past this point isn’t a good idea. If the reason for sleep deprivation is not voluntary or the reason isn’t a fun one, emotions are harder to avoid. Like any baby, your character will be cranky and prone to annoyance.

If you’re like me, this is not the case. Yet. At this point, you’ve hit your second wind; with proper stimuli, these are the most enjoyable hours of your entire extended period awake, productivity is at its height, energy levels are still fairly level. Fluctuations are likely occurring in attention; either details consume you, or they do not matter to you. Caffeine at this point will mostly affect ability to focus, but will start affecting alertness as well to some extent. This is also more accurate to the way this time would affect someone who doesn’t regularly stay awake very long, but is voluntarily staying awake for an exciting reason; New Year’s Eve, a party, a fight, etc. Stimuli are likely high and extremely relevant to the primary motivation for sleep deprivation in such a case.

Hours 18-24

For those who don’t stay awake regularly, (and do not have enough stimuli to keep you energetic/excited) you are so. So. Tired. Ability to focus at this point is nonexistent. Things you should not be doing are: making major life decisions or operating heavy machinery. While you likely feel physically fine, if you’re still trying to accomplish things, they take way longer than usual and the quality isn’t as good. Things that are normally easy take actual effort in a way this is beyond frustrating.

If your character is regularly awake this long, the biggest thing they’ll notice at this point is hunger. We’ve crossed an interval of time in which, during the day, you’d eat another meal. Unlike delaying/skipping meals during the day, they really do need to eat at this point, or the hunger will become painful quickly. Attention to details at this point is starting to slip, but is overall okay. Alertness is declining, but not at an alarming rate. The deck e is gradual at the point. It is at this point that caffeine has some impact to my level of alertness, but still mostly affects ability to focus.

Hours 24-40

Unfortunately at this point, I don’t have a great frame of reference for how other people experience these hours awake, so I’ll be continuing just with my perspective of this.

At this point, caffeine does become necessary for me to keep focus on things; without it, during these hours I become incredibly spacey and even more prone to distraction than normal. At this point, lack of sleep has little to no effect on my mood. I am still perfectly capable of driving and my judgement is still sound, although I will concede my bar for emotions is lower than usual. The only physical feeling I would cite at this point is how it affects my appetite. I am hungrier than I would consider usual (for me), UNLESS I consumed caffeine on an empty stomach, in which case my stomach probably hurts, and is making it harder to tell that I am hungry.

Hours 40-44

I can comfortably remain awake without feeling tired for 40 hours. This is the first point that I will start to feel tired. My mood is absolutely affected at this point, things that are mildly annoying become incredibly frustrating and things that are kinda funny are incredibly silly. I also begin to lose my filter, things that are normally inside thoughts/observations become things that I have to tell someone Right Now. My best friend had received enough unhinged rants about ridiculous things, that if it is at a certain time, she might ask, “how long have you been awake” as a relevant follow up question. I desribe this time as “loopy hours,” the point at which I have full awareness why I am doing what I am doing, that I am behaving slightly irrationally, and that the reason is because I haven’t slept. It doesn’t mean the silly thoughts aren’t still there, but I know the origin and scope of them. Because of this, I don’t consider this to be when my sense of judgement as being impacted yet, because I can still be logical about my illogical thoughts. What is affected is my sense of alertness and ability to focus, both of which have declined further.

Hours 44-48

At this point, my energy levels take a sharp decline. Caffeine at this point is assisting my energy and alertness more than my ability to focus. These are some of the worst hours if you are voluntarily staying awake (it’s not actually linear the order of badness, surprisingly) because it comes directly after the loopy hours, and you are facing a bit of a crash after that period. Emotions are high. I can start to feel trapped within my own body. I both detest and long for sleep. I know that if I let myself lay down, I will inevitably pass out, but I can’t because I know I’ll be so dead to the world that I won’t hear my alarm and I’ll miss work (which is why I only allow myself to not sleep for more than 40 hours starting on a Thursday morning, so I can tap out at this point if I need to) I’m hungry again in the middle of the night, and I am very, very tired. But. With enough stimulants (for me, caffeine) and enough stimuli, I can remain awake past this point. This is the hump that needs to be passed. If you can stay awake 48 hours, you can stay awake 60 hours.

The best stimuli for keeping mental awake was and focus are other people and movement. Staying still is a recipe for closing your eyes, and closing your eyes is a recipe for accidentally falling asleep. If you can stay around other people who are awake and aware, and if you are doing anything that requires movement (not slow and repetitive movement, obviously, remember you are a cranky baby, so not rock yourself to sleep) your chances of staying awake are better.

Anything that gives you a sense of adrenaline at any point hereafter is going to make you even more tired than expected as soon as it wears off, so if your character has been doing anything high stakes and is just now calming down, they are going to pass out the MOMENT they feel safe enough to. It’s kinda inevitable, which is why I consider loud, sudden noises to be some of the worst things to try to use to keep yourself awake.

Hours 48-56

The gradual decline from that started eight hours ago becomes steeper during this time. My sense of judgement is not good, I am liable to consider truly ridiculous ideas as entirely serious enterprises. I should not operate a motor vehicle, but with enough caffeine I am able to if absolute need be. I need to be consuming caffeine and be around people and not be staying sedentary for more than an hour at a time. I am lethargic as all get out. I want to sleep so badly. My attention span is shot.

Hour 56-60

At around hour 60, normal auditory hallucinations (for me. I am aware most people don’t have “normal auditory hallucinations”) are annoying loud, and I experience visual hallucinations, at which point I generally refuse to operate any heavy machinery/drive.

I cannot emphasize enough: my sense of judgement is not good when I am this sleep deprived, ESPECIALLY for my own limits and abilities. I have a notable propensity to misjudge how much work I can take on, and make plans doomed to failure from the start when awake this long. I gain the confidence of someone staring at a piece in a museum and saying, “pfft, I could paint that,” but then actually going out; spending to much on art supplies, trying and failing immediately, (obviously) and becoming so overwhelmed in disappointment that they vow to never paint again, and now they’ve wasted money on all these abandoned paint supplies.

This is a time similar to the loopy hours, but less fun. I call them the delusional hours. Physically, your eyes are so tired that you feel constantly dehydrated. You start to space out and lose visual focus quicker. You probably are hearing a ringing sound just from how badly your brain is blue screening.

Hour 60+

Everything experienced in the previous two intervals gets worse. Time slows down. I’m probably quite cold (I generally have poor circulation, so I don’t usually notice being cold at this point, so I find this significant.) My awareness outside of my own body is almost gone, and my ability to focus is nonexistent. I am probably shaking. I feel physically ill, probably nauseous. My chest is tight due to the amount of caffeine I’ve had to consume. I am so beyond exhausted that I could fall asleep standing up. My emotions are out of my control. I will cry over anything. I will laugh hysterically over anything. Time slows down. I’m in control of the time stream, no….Im outside of the time steam (delusions that start mild and become worse over time.)

At this point, your character’s motivation for staying awake this long better be pretty damn good. The longest a human has ever stayed awake for is about eleven days, but as listed above, symptoms of psychosis will set in by about 72 hours, so remaining focused on that goal will start to prove difficult.

And thats it! I haven’t stayed awake longer than 79 hours so that’s where my experience ends, but I’m hoping that my objectivity on what this feels like both mentally and physically helps someone with writing a character who definitely should go to bed soon.

[agentrouka-blog]

My favourite thing when anons want to stir trouble is that like, inevitably they have consistent misspelling habits which mean you know exactly who it is sending repeat asks. So unself-aware.

Anyway, I do think there is a balanced path between the text and what the author says. GRRM's comments about Sansa are about as light as they could come. I love when people want to ungenerously frame the debate as if she's tantamount to Tyrian or Daenerys, come on. Girl took a steak knife to see a drunken knight in the godswood. The most harm she's going to inflict is driving Jon crazy with the incest. I'm trying to be lighthearted here.

Anyway, Rouka, what's your opinion on author vs. text? How much is too much, relying on the former? On the other hand, with the Daenerys is a tragic hero fandom, there's a lot of outright twisting of the text. Does relying on the author's comments provide some clarity or just make the conversation harder, since one would want to reason based on the text? Thank you for your time and your graceful handling of us terrible anons 🥰

(The posts referenced: one and two)

(I'm chronically bad at recognizing these individuall spelling patterns. Unless they make it obvious, every anon is a newborn dawn to me.)

Hello and thank you!

For me, the actual text of the books should always be central when it comes to actually analyzing the books. (You know. Obviously.) Interviews can be nice, but should be absolutely optional to any of it. If you NEED an interview to support your position, you're not analyzing the text.

Perhaps I am biased because I can't be bothered to follow GRRM interviews, let alone dig up ancient ones - unless I am feeling especially motivated.

But also, most of the time we don't have a lot of good context for GRRM's quotes. How exactly a question was phrased, what direction the conversation went before it, how distracted or rushed was GRRM when answering, how likely is it he actually managed to get across exactly what he meant, and how easily can it get twisted around? Who edited and published it? Worse, did it go through a translation process?

Take the "Aragorn's Tax Policy" quote that still has people frothing at the mouth. People hear him mention Tolkien and lose all sense of nuance. No, he's not describing how his endgame king will be elected on his tax plan. He's giving context for parts of ADWD. That's it. Still people wail about what an evil hypocrite GRRM supposedly is because Bran was crowned king in the show without a single published treatise on his taxation policy.

Same with some commentary on the show, specifically Dany with Drogo. I've had people in my Inbox arguing for Rhaegar/Lyanna because GRRM is obviously okay with adult men preying on teenaged girls based on that interview. Which... you know, actually read Dany's chapters? Please?

The books, on the other hand, were not blathered out in a hurry. They are not a commentary on a text, they are the text. A labor of many hours of writing, editing, rewriting and more editing. They are complete and fully intentional in their form. They are the message.

So, while I admire how someone who knows what they are doing is able to create a brilliant body of supporting evidence on book content by compiling quotes in a meaningful way, often with good sources and context - looking at you here, @kellyvela - these lovely metas should never be considered necessary to understanding the text, and they should certainly neither replace nor supercede it. They augment the experience of it.

Knowing GRRM approved on the Meereenese Blot essays is nice.

But you don't need to know them, nor what GRRM thinks of them, in order to arrive at the same conclusion.

Knowing GRRM agrees with the statement that "Brienne is Sansa with a sword" is nice.

But you need never have heard of that quote in order to understand the similarities between these two idealistic, dutiful female characters.

He called Tyrion a villain, which is nice.

But you can arrive at that same conclusion by reading the books.

On the other hand, you can take one quote about the Key Five Characters from a decades-old outline that deviates from established plot in multiple significant instances, and then try and justify dismissing the importance of other characters. You just need to ignore the published text in order to do it!

So I just can't take that anon seriously when they gesture wildly at some quote about Sansa while ignoring the way it's entirely contradicted by the actual body of the text.

And if some members of the fandom have a habit of very selectively reading the text then this makes their analysis suspect, so what's really the point of arguing with someone who isn't really interested in analysis in the first place?

If "she burned a slave alive" or "she is ordering her servant to please her sexually" or "she condons torture even while she knows its useless" or "she ordered the murder of children" isn't going to convince them, an interview snippet isn't going to do it, either.

[bug-the-chicken-nug]

really wish that huge swathes of mental health advice at this point weren't loaded to the brim with "you need to detox and stop using your phone/social media/etc its Poison" like im not even saying "oh teehee don't worry social media is harmless and never contributes negatively to anything mental health related" im just saying this becomes kind of useless unless you have a relatively safe environment, with something to replace it with that is actually enjoyable and sustainable, and doesn't feel like you're basically just giving yourself chores or punishing yourself with what you think you're "supposed" to be doing. like you know how people say stuff they like can end up being ruined by making it a job? I feel like the same can also sort of apply to like, trying to force it in the name of "recovering". and it's a lot harder than people like to claim it is, especially when you suffer from a chronic lack of motivation/interest in other activities. "training yourself to tolerate boredom" is a well-meaning concept and all, but like, it also easily backfires and shouldn't just be treated as some kind of easy panacea that you can just up and do without much further groundwork or prior consideration. because a lot of the time, understimulation feels even more terrible and just leads to getting caught up in negative thoughts anyway. and for me, I also just straight up don't feel like the ideas of "don't shame yourself for being like this" and "social media and phones are Evil and Brain Poison and The Root Of Your Problems." can like. actually healthily co-exist at all. like letting go of the guilt just Does Not actually feel tenable without also letting go of the insistence that phones and social media and stuff are Fundamentally Evil and Shameful and The Root Of All Your Problems instead replacing it with a more nuanced and neutral perspective.

[redwineconversation]

Olympique Lyonnais Behind the Scenes (Episode 1)

Blah blah standard disclaimers apply; don't harass me for shit or it drops down the priority list out of sheer spite; if you stalk a player your ass should be banned from a stadium xoxo; @OL Comms Dept I do love a good PSL; y'all know the speech by now.

I know I'm being a little slow in kicking things out but I do want to explain what my typical day looks like: get up at 5am, go to the gym, take Damo out for a walk, get home, feed Damo, shower, leave by 730 am, feed Apollo; get to work; hit my billable hours; take care of Apollo; get home; make dinner. Literally I am out of my apartment for 13 hours. By the time I am done feeding Damo his dinner and making my dinner, it's almost 930 - 10pm. I need sleep to function. I also really like my job and want to keep it, and thus cannot be chronically online as I have actual bills to pay since my parents don't pay for everything and I have, like, proper adult responsibilities. Anyway, it's just to explain that yes sometimes there is a delay in me kicking things out, but I do get to things eventually. Just don't be a dick if something is out with your fave and I haven't gotten around to translating in it. xoxo

This is how you do a proper documentary. Walk me through it. Tell me what you were thinking but tell me why you were thinking it as well. I don't care about your favorite movie or your social media content. Let's pour ourselves a glass of wine and just, like, talk.

If you want to know this team, you have to know what it looks like when their eyes change. To know this team is to understand them. This is how you get to that.

OLYMPIQUE LYONNAIS BEHIND THE SCENES - EPISODE 1

Eugenie Le Sommer: Hi.

Melchie Dumornay: Hello.

Griedge M'Bock: Hello.

Le Sommer: This year on OLPlay -

M'Bock: - we are telling you about our season.

Dumornay: And it starts right now.

[Footage of Lyon celebrating winning trophies]

[Shot of training ground]

M'Bock: I was there since the very beginning. But little by little, after the World Cup, the international players came back.

[previous footage of players coming back from after the World Cup]

Dumornay: Err, the return from the World Cup was hard for me because we had the goal of going as far as possible in the World Cup. And it was good as well to come back to the group as soon as possible to process what happened in the World Cup, and forget it all. Get back to work. So it was hard but also good for me to join the group.

Le Sommer: Well this year, this season is a bit different because we came back later from the World Cup. Each one came back at a different time. We didn't all start preseason at the same time. So we had to go with the flow.

[Shot of Kadidiatou Diani]

Le Sommer: For the recruits, it's simple. They're there. We act as though they have always been there. We try to make them feel at ease from the beginning. We obviously have an ulterior motive. We have to get to know them [shot of players in practice - that's what Le Sommer meant by "getting to know"], get them involved. Because it's always harder for a new player to approach players who have been there for a while. But it's a really natural process, ever since I've been at Lyon I've always found it easy to integrate the new players and I think they feel at ease pretty quickly.

Dumornay: The players sent me supportive messages, they said welcome home. I found that really touching. The players put me in the best condition possible in the group. It was a really good thing and I appreciate it enormously.

M'Bock: Obviously if there are players who are more at ease, then I will bully them a little bit more. Otherwise I will take more care of them. It depends on the person and the relationship you have with them.

[Shot of the players arrive in Divonne]

Le Sommer: The first important moment of the season when we're all together is the preseason camp, which we did in Divonne this year.

Dumornay: Everyone was there, the whole group. So for sure we were all able to work together, which helped with the team's chemistry overall. It was a really interesting preseason camp, the weather was nice, the sun was shining. So me personally, I was really excited to work with the whole group.

Le Sommer: We're going to say that our sights were set on the Trophee des Championnes. It was the first objective for the season. It was a major objective because it's against PSG. So the week in Divonne really served as preparation for that game.

[Training shots]

[Shot of Sara Dabritz]

M'Bock: It's true that Sara [Dabritz] had to leave preseason camp at one point. We were all really sad for her, because - because she is someone who is part of the team, who - who brings us a lot, and we also know what kind of person she is. She's a really kind person. We were all really touched by what happened to her. And we tried to show her on the field that we were with her and that we were thinking about her.

[Shot of the players arriving at Troyes (where the Trophee des Championnes will be played)]

Le Sommer: First game of the season, it's against PSG. I didn't think I was going to start because we had worked the whole week on a certain formation, and I was playing the role of someone coming in to that formation. But Ada [Hegerberg] got injured the eve of the game, so that's when I realized I could potentially be a starter. So I prepared like I always do, as if I was going to play, and I knew I would start when we had the pregame meeting.

Dumornay: [I was] very excited before the game. I was very eager to play against Paris [Saint-Germain] but also to play my first official game with the team and to try and do something special in the game.

[Game footage]

Le Sommer: We didn't have the start to the game that we wanted because we wanted to attack immediately and put them in difficulty. I think their formation threw us off a little bit at the beginning, even if we knew they would be playing with a backline of three defenders. We didn't adapt quick enough.

Dumornay: The first ten minutes of the game were a little complicated. I had to make a few mistakes to find my bearings. [laughter] Once I was able to orient myself I was off.

[Game footage cont'd]

Le Sommer: It's all about tactics at the start. I saw the space that the defender had left, so I move into that space. I move out wide whereas normally I cut inside. After that, instinct kicked it and I crossed. I put myself in Melchie's [Dumornay] space and I told myself where I would like the cross, and she cut inside her defender pretty well, and we scored.

Dumornay: I wanted to get a foot on it but it wasn't really going to work, so instead I - I don't know, it was more instinctual, cross the header in front of goal. So it ended pretty well. Once I saw the ball had gone in, that I had scored, I felt all the energy I had to let out leave me. It was my first goal, it was also an important goal for the team because it allowed us to gain the advantage. So yeah, really happy and really proud as well.

[Game footage cont'd]

Le Sommer: [laughs] So my goal, I get why people could say it's a lucky goal. But when I saw Lindsey [Horan] getting the ball, I knew that she could take a shot and I was ready to close in on the keeper if she dropped the ball. And then she [Horan] shot in my direction, and I said to myself all I have to do is put it on target and I just angled my foot to try and put it on target. It catches the goalkeeper wrong footed. It was an instinctual goal but there was also a thought process behind it.

Le Sommer: You have to be able to anticipate a situation that never happens. The day it does happen, you need to be ready. That's something that goes with playing in that position [forward/striker].

[Game footage cont'd]

M'Bock: It's true that it was a special evening. You just think about playing, you just think about getting on the field, having fun, even if there was a time when I was thinking back on the rehab, the months of hard work, everything I had gone through to get back. When the coach calls you to come on, it's a really happy moment. And a lot of emotion, because you say to yourself it's finally over, it's all behind you. To be able to come on in a game like the Trophee des Championnes and win the title, the emotions are obviously heightened.

Le Sommer: It warms the heart, it's the kind of emotional moments that you don't experience every day. And Griedge is a player I've been playing with for a long time, someone I appreciate enormously. So I was really happy for her, that she was involved again in a competition, with the team. We saw her daily, we saw how hard she work even if it was sometimes difficult. It's often difficult when you're injured, especially when it's a longterm injury. So we also know what she went through and seeing her [on the field], it was a reward for all that. It was good for her.

[Game footage cont'd]

Dumornay: My first medal, my first trophy and also my first trophy as Player of the Match. So it was something special. I couldn't have dreamt it any better. But what made me even happier was to have won this trophy with the team and all the players. So that's already something that will stay with me forever, to have come in like that in my first game and to have had so much success. So that will really stay with me.

[Game footage cont'd - Renard delaying the celebration until she received Sara Dabritz's jersey]

Le Sommer: We're a team. It's a real team, not just an expression. What we did for Sara [Dabritz], it's because she was going through a difficult personal situation. We're there for each other. When we say there's a lot of solidarity in the team, it's not empty words. It's really genuine. We want everyone to feel good on the team and that everyone is as happy as possible. So we know that when you're going through difficult times, even a little gesture like that will make you feel better.

M'Bock: It's true those gestures are really touching. Having experienced it personally, I was on the hospital bed right before my operation. When they did it for me, I almost had tears in my eyes. I was really emotional and said to myself, "they're still thinking about me." That does so much good. It's good to feel like people are thinking about you, and that they will be with you no matter what.

Le Sommer: Once the Trophee des Championnes was over, we went straight into the league. So first day of the league, it was against Le Havre. The game started pretty well for us, we played a good game. I scored the first goal. The goalkeeper coach, Simon, told me to be there for the rebounds. So that's all the balls which are [badly] cleared either by the goalkeeper or from the defenders. He told me to be ready in that position. And I just needed the ball to come to me. I didn't question myself, I just took a shot, and, well, I scored.

[Game footage cont'd]

Le Sommer: All these volleys, those are moves I've always liked doing. It's a move I do pretty well. And when I have the opportunity, I try to take it, and it worked out pretty well. But yeah, it was a good goal.

[Game footage cont'd]

Liana Joseph: I think it's Sonia [Bompastor], she was talking to Remi [Pullara], they were like "call up Liana". I was like "nah" but then I got up. I ran a bit, warmed up, then was good to go. There was also Alice [Sombath], it was either her or me who was going to go on. Then he [Remi] told me to step up my warmups, and I was like "okay Liana, it's on." I was a bit stressed, but yeah. I stayed confident in myself. Then they called me over. Sonia was like "okay, just do like you do in practice." When they raised the - the thing so you can come on - I was like okay, you have to give everything now. I didn't want my family to have come for nothing. Coming on in front of them was a big honor for me. So I gave everything I had, but the first minutes were a bit complicated because I had to get oriented and yeah. It was a bit complicated.

[Game footage cont'd]

M'Bock: Honestly, the cross was Wendie [Renard], it was really good. It was almost a magical moment.

[Game footage cont'd]

M'Bock: After Le Havre, there was the international break. When you're called up to the National Team, obviously you're happy. You savor each moment, each day. Obviously for me it was my big return, so there was even more happiness and emotion, I think. But I also experienced that period where the [Lyon] team wasn't at full strength. It's true it's not easy. At Lyon we're lucky to have an enormous amount of international players, but that means when pretty much everyone is gone, there's barely anyone left [at Lyon] for the training sessions. So it's sometimes a little complicated to practice in terms of quality [of practice], even if the staff does their best for us. It's just like that, you have to continue to train. But it also allows us to practice things that we don't always have time to do when you're off on international duty or when - well yeah, when you're away on international duty. There's good and less good.

Le Sommer: The context is a bit particular this year because we're playing PSG twice in three weeks. So when we come back from the international break there isn't a lot of time to prepare [for PSG]. We only had two training sessions, only one of which had all the players because there were some who were [playing] on the other side of the world. So when we get them back, you have to quickly get back in the Lyon state of mind. But that's also how football is, so you don't have a choice, that's just how it is. And we're playing at the Parc des Princes on Sunday night, so that's going to be good for the game in that sense. It's the match of the weekend.

[Game footage cont'd]

Le Sommer: It's one of the games where there was a lot of back and forth, no team dominated. That's not always the case against PSG. Each team had chances. We started the game pretty well. We were able to create some chances, we were pressing pretty high. They were able to put us in difficulty on the counters, but we continued to push and I was the one who scored the goal in the first half on a free kick from Selma [Bacha], she crossed it to Dama[ris] who headed it back to me and I took it on the volley. It ended up in the back of the net.

[Game footage cont'd]

M'Bock: She [Le Sommer] rolled back the years. Honestly, what she is doing is impressive. On the one hand it doesn't surprise me because I know Eugenie [Le Sommer], I know her quality, and I know what she is capable of. To see her perform like this, it makes me really happy. It can only be beneficial for the team as well.

Le Sommer: Chris[tiane Endler] had a big game as well. I think the win is because of her as well. She had some great saves. I think the goalkeepers on both teams had a great game. That being said, Chris isn't able to showcase her abilities that often because we don't usually concede that many chances. But it was still a game against PSG, her former club. So she had a really, really great game and that was good.

[Game footage cont'd]

M'Bock: So there you have it, we finish the month with three games, three wins. It was a productive month you can say.

Dumornay: As I said, I couldn't have hoped for any better. I spent my birthday here, I won a trophy here, I met people that I've always wanted to meet.

M'Bock: In terms of the style of play, there's still a lot we need to improve on. We know that. We know there are things we need to improve, but it's going in the right direction. We'll have a bit more time to work on things. So we're going to make the most of the time we have to continue improving as a team. There's a lot of clashes coming up, especially with the derby [againt ASSE], the UWCL draw, and everything after that. So we're eager to get to it, and we're going to prepare like we should to be ready.

Dumornay: Eager to see what's next. We're going to continue as I said with this consistency to work and conquer what's in front of us.

[bagog]

Executive Dysfunction is Like Pain

I'm not an expert in ADHD, but I have had very bad ADHD which has only gotten worse as I've gotten older. I mean this comparison as a metaphor, not a medical proclamation.

I was watching, of all things, a Christian commentator talking about how "just because you have ADHD doesn't mean that you're not still sinning by being lazy at work because you might be tempted to laziness more than most people, but it's still your responsibility to fight through it."

Lot to unpack there. Let's paint the blood of the lamb on most of it and pass over to the main point.

Now, Christian or not, I find this to be a lot of people's perspective on ADHD, executive dysfunction things in general: sure you might have a harder time 'paying attention' than most people, but that means you have to try harder.

Executive dysfunction isn't like that. It's more like pain.

You don't have a choice to not feel pain. You can disguise it, or you can process it, but you WILL feel that pain. Same way, I'm GOING to lose motivation, I'm GOING to lose focus. It doesn't matter how important you or your topic are to me, I can't not lose focus.

When I haven't eaten in 24 hours and can't stand up from the couch to go and make myself food, telling me to just try harder and get up and do it is like telling someone who is being tortured to just 'stop feeling the pain.' My daily life is pain management: what do I think I can do with today's level of pain? What can I take or do for myself that will reduce that pain? Who do I need to hide this pain from and who can I confide in for help?

When people say "I can't help it, I have ADHD," they're not automatically trying to absolve themselves of irresponsibility or anything. They are just mentioning: I am GOING to feel this, this is HAPPENING. At least, this is what I have meant when I've said similar in the past, even if I couldn't put my finger on why.

As someone with chronic pain, I've started thinking of the executive dysfunction I have from ADHD as pain management, too. It certainly affects my life to a similar or greater degree, and I similarly have very few options of how to deal with it.

I hope this helps you conceptualize your executive dysfunction a little better, or maybe give some more grace to people struggling. When someone is struggling to do something while in great pain, try to empathize with how much pain you'd have to be in to let down someone close to you, rather than asking the sufferer to empathize with what it'd be like to not be hurting.

[voids-ideas]

Hi, this is probably not something you need to read. I just want to get something off my chest. Because maybe saying it helps me to accept it

I hate having a physical disability

Please read the read more before reblogging, this is about physical disability

I hate feeling that just because I woke up I feel horrible. I hate having to lie down for hours during the day just to avoid feeling like I'm going to pass out, I hate not being able to do things because I get tired, I hate having to take twice or three times as long to do something because I need to take breaks every so often, I hate thinking that there are things I could never possibly be able to do just because they would be risky to my health, and I hate thinking that those things are available to the majority of the population. I hate to remember that there are things I dreamed of doing someday and now I have to stop and think about whether or not I am physically capable of doing them. I hate that every time I have a good day I am unable to enjoy it because I start to doubt everything. Was I exaggerating the bad days? Were the doctors right when they told me it was just anxiety? Could it be that I can start doing things as if I have no physical difficulties? (No, I can't. I always end up discovering that after trying)

I hate knowing that I've had these problems for over half my life and I still can't accept that they are part of me, I don't even remember what it felt like not to have them. And yet I still don't finish processing that they are in me.

I hate it, I hate having to remind myself that whether I like it or not, I'm not capable of doing the same things as the people around me.

I hate that I had to give up things I loved with all my being because doing them felt like torture.

I hate to hear someone ask me: Do you think you'll be able to function better with a new opportunity?

I hate to have to tell them no, I don't think so. Because it's not that I'm trying too little. I'm trying fucking hard. The problem is that there are days where I wake up, I get out of bed, and I say "shit, today is going to be a bad day."

And there's absolutely nothing I can do to change that, because it's not something about my attitude, it's not something about my motivation. It's just that today the symptoms are worse, today my body has a harder time functioning. It's just that

Part of me wants to know what I would be capable of if I didn't feel horrible, and it's a question that doesn't even make sense. That person doesn't exist, it's a fantasy

It's a chronic problem, I'm 90% sure of it. No matter how much I imagine running away from it, I'm not going to make it.

I hate knowing that my best hope for the best is to change all my habits to try to improve how my body reacts.

I hate knowing that there are people who can afford to skip a meal or forget to drink water one day, and not feel horrible for doing that.

I hate feeling horrible and unmotivated, and not being able to let myself fall even a little bit into that, because if I let myself get mentally burnt out and neglect my physical well-being, I'm going to feel extremely worse

I hate feeling trapped in symptoms that feel external to me but at the same time are 100% me. And I hate the fact that a part of me does understand that I am me, and that despite everything, I still love being me

I hate feeling different and I hate remembering it every time I feel bad. I hate that every time I feel physically bad I end up remembering it. I hate knowing that I can't just feel bad about my symptoms, I also have to feel mentally bad for remembering that they exist and make my life difficult

[dolldoll5987]

I'm finally doing it. I'm k1ll1ng my$3lf.

Dehydration + starvation, and good news is that I'm already a little underweight (by 5 lbs) and I never feel hungry nor thirsty. Something pushed me over the edge. I can't take it anymore.

Look, I have absolutely nothing. Yes, I have a house, a small one and it's by a bad area of town and I'm so scared to go out, but I still try to. I have a family, but not many live nearby, and the few who do I don't like (for a great reason). I only live with my mom, and she's physically falling apart. She's overprotective and won't let me go many places (I'm 19), and she's too broken to take me places, so I'm just suck there. I can go around the block but that's about it. There's nothing nearby besides stores, restaurants, and gas stations. I graduated only 2 months ago but school was all I had.

Because of her overprotective nature, I was never really allowed to hang out with people or really go anywhere after school. To a point, I don't blame her, I was and still am quite a vulnerable person. I have chronic depression, chronic anxiety, anorexia, autism, ADHD, OCD, and anger issues, and I think mild paranoia when it comes to leaving the house. The only thing not officially diagnosed is anorexia and anger issues, which latter you don't really need a diagnosis for, and the former is just obvious at this point. Paranoia, I don't have an official diagnosis for, but I'm paranoid because of how much worse my anxiety has gotten. I think I have derealisation and depersonalisation from my depression as well, but I hate self-diagnosing myself unless it's just blatantly obvious that anyone could tell. Like my anorexia and paranoia.

Medication, therapy, and psych ward visits never helped. I have no friends, I can't drive (and am too anxiety to learn and don't really want to, but I still feel so pathetic bc of it), I can't cook, I can't do laundry, I can't wash dishes, I can't do anything. My mother never taught me these things because I suppose "here, let me teach you," is harder than just being like "I'll do it myself, it's easier." I don't even have the motivation to learn. I don't have the motivation to live. People like me who have been miserable for so long and ruined their life beyond repair deserve death with dignity.

By my own philosophy, there is no meaning to life. You find that for yourself through aspirations, desires, motivation, etc. I don't have anything. I don't want a job because I'm far too mentally unstable for it, and I'd rather die than be forced to work and pay to live this horrible life. I can't go to college because I don't have the motivation for more school, and I was so miserable during middle and high school.

And besides, I legit don't deserve to live. I'm a horrible person. I'm ungrateful, selfish, angry, hateful, pessimistic, and so much more. This isn't untrue because the only two people who care about my existence (my mother being one) have said this, and I agree. The other person was someone whom I've cut significant contact with because I realise I'm too unstable for a relationship and I'm ruining their life too because of it. He said that stuff too (well, most of it). I'm such a despicable human being I can't take it. It's so hard to find the motivation to change when this shitty life drained me of every ounce of motivation I might have once had. And I'm tired of hurting people. I'm doing this to save them, to save myself, and to pay my debt to what I have done.

[hellomindvibes]

Burnout: The Modern Epidemic No One Wants to Talk About

You’re not lazy. You’re burned out.

In today’s fast-paced world, where the grind never seems to stop, it’s easy to confuse exhaustion with laziness. We’re constantly bombarded with messages like “hustle harder,” “sleep when you’re dead,” and “grind until you make it.” But this glorification of hustle culture is not only unsustainable—it’s harmful. Welcome to the modern epidemic no one wants to talk about: burnout.

The Reality of Burnout in a Hustle-Obsessed World

Burnout is more than just feeling tired after a long day at work. It’s the result of chronic stress and overworking to the point where your body and mind can no longer keep up. In a society that prizes productivity above all else, we’re taught to push ourselves harder and harder, often at the expense of our own well-being.

Hustle culture tells us that rest is for the weak, that if we’re not constantly on the move, we’re falling behind. But what no one tells you is that this relentless pursuit of success is burning people out faster than they realize. The pressure to always be “on” is pushing us to the brink of mental and physical collapse.

The Glorification of Hustle Culture

There’s something toxic lurking beneath the surface of hustle culture. The idea that working 24/7 without taking breaks is admirable, or even necessary, creates an unrealistic standard for success. But the truth is, hustle culture doesn’t leave room for balance. It praises overwork and turns exhaustion into a badge of honor.

People who struggle with burnout aren’t lazy or unmotivated—they’re drained. Mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted from trying to keep up with a world that never seems to slow down. It’s time to recognize that burnout isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a symptom of a system that demands too much.

Signs of Burnout: What to Look For

Burnout can creep up on you slowly, making it difficult to recognize until it feels overwhelming. Here are some common signs to watch out for:

Physical and Mental Exhaustion: You feel tired all the time, no matter how much sleep you get. Your mind feels foggy, and simple tasks feel impossible.

Detachment or Cynicism: You find yourself feeling emotionally numb, detached from your work or personal life, and have a growing sense of negativity or frustration.

Reduced Productivity: Despite working long hours, you’re finding it harder to get things done. Your once-sharp focus is now scattered, and your motivation is at an all-time low.

Emotional Overwhelm: Even small problems feel like enormous challenges. You may feel anxious, hopeless, or even depressed.

Physical Symptoms: Burnout can manifest in your body through headaches, stomach issues, or muscle tension. You might also find yourself getting sick more often, as burnout weakens your immune system.

Breaking Free from Burnout: Prevention and Recovery Tips

So, how do we escape the burnout trap? It starts with recognizing that rest isn’t a reward—it’s a necessity. If you’ve been pushing yourself to the edge, here are some tips to help prevent and recover from burnout:

1. Set Boundaries

One of the biggest contributors to burnout is a lack of boundaries between work and personal life. Set clear limits on your time, especially when it comes to work. This could mean turning off email notifications after hours, saying “no” to additional projects, or carving out non-negotiable personal time each day.

2. Prioritize Self-Care

Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential. Incorporate activities into your routine that help you recharge, whether it’s exercise, meditation, reading, or simply doing nothing at all. Make time for the things that make you feel whole and help you decompress from the demands of daily life.

3. Take Breaks

You don’t need to be constantly productive to be successful. In fact, taking breaks makes you more effective in the long run. Whether it’s short breaks during your workday or extended time off, giving your brain a chance to rest will help prevent burnout.

4. Listen to Your Body

Your body often sends warning signs when burnout is creeping in. Pay attention to how you feel, both physically and emotionally. If you’re feeling constantly tired, unwell, or emotionally drained, take it as a sign that it’s time to slow down.

5. Ask for Help

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t be afraid to ask for support. Whether it’s delegating tasks, talking to a therapist, or leaning on friends and family, you don’t have to go through burnout alone.

Hellofeels: A Brand That Encourages Balance and Self-Care

At Hellofeels, we’re all about embracing balance, self-compassion, and real emotions. We understand that burnout is not something you can “push through”—it’s a clear signal that something needs to change. Our apparel is designed for those who want to take a stand against the toxic pressures of hustle culture, encouraging people to live in a way that honors their mental and emotional well-being.

Our designs remind you to listen to your body, embrace your feelings, and practice self-care. We believe that success shouldn’t come at the cost of your health, and that true strength comes from knowing when to rest and recharge.

In a world that glorifies hustle, it’s easy to feel like you’re not doing enough. But the truth is, you’re doing more than enough. You don’t have to burn yourself out to prove your worth. At Hellofeels, we’re here to remind you that balance and self-care aren’t luxuries—they’re necessities. So, wear your feelings proudly, and let our apparel serve as a reminder to honor yourself in all aspects of life, especially when the world demands too much.

[sobercentre]

How To Help Your Husband With Addiction In 9 Easy Ways

Is your spouse suffering from the chronic illness of drug and substance addiction? Is this addiction making you feel distant from your better half, or do you constantly feel that your family is falling apart because of this addiction? We can relate to how you're feeling, but you need to understand that this time must be harder for your partner than it is for you. If you're ready and determined to help your partner, here's a complete guide on how to help your husband with addiction.

1. Identify - The Sooner, The Better

The first phase of recovery is acceptance; the sooner you and your husband realize that he needs help, the better it is. If your husband isn't accepting the fact that he is addicted, it is your responsibility to not neglect the signs and keep an eye on him. And once you're certain he is addicted, confront him about his addiction, but politely. Remember, the problem is not the person but the addiction.

2. Educate Yourself

If this is the first time you're encountering someone with addiction, you probably have no idea what alcoholism or drug addiction is or how to tackle such situations. You and your husband are emotionally attached, and it can be hard to see someone so close to you suffering, and especially when they show concerning behaviors. To help your husband with addiction, educating yourself on the best practices for supporting individuals facing addiction is crucial. Spend your time reading articles and research papers on the topic so that you're up to date with advanced work on the topic. By gaining a deeper understanding of how to help your husband with addiction, you can provide the meaningful support and assistance that he needs during this challenging journey.

3. Research Treatment Options

Your partner did not get addicted by choice, but choosing to get out of this addiction is. Your husband is struggling, so he might not be able to see clearly yet, but you should have a clear vision. You need to take control and do your own research to figure out the best possible options for your husband. Start off by searching about different rehabilitation centers near you, what services they're offering, what they are charging for it, etc. Read their pamphlets, check their reviews online, and don't hesitate to call them if needed.

4. Engage In Healthy Activities

If you're looking for ways on how to help your husband with addiction, this is the perfect way to do so. The relationship between spouses is different from any other relationship in the world; what you can do for him, no one else can. So, try to engage him in activities that promote physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Introducing him to new healthy hobbies, such as art, cooking, exercise, hiking, etc., might provide positive alternatives to addictive behaviors.

5. Celebrate Little Milestones

Help your husband with addiction embark on the path to recovery, which is a journey marked by both significant and small milestones. Take the time to celebrate your husband's achievements along the way. The milestone can be as small as attending a support group meeting or, completing a few weeks in sobriety, or any other personal goal. Celebrating these moments will provide motivation and help reinforce positive behavior.

6. Communicate

Good communication is the foundation of any strong relationship, so try to discuss things with your husband. Try to engage in meaningful conversations and ask him how he is feeling about the recovery and in general. Make him feel safe around you and comfort him with your words so he can share exactly how he is feeling with you. A communication gap can lead to a delay in recovery and misunderstandings, so make sure he knows you're always with him!

7. Be Patient

If you really want to help your husband with addiction, you have to be patient with him. No addict will accept his worse condition at once, nor will he share how he feels with you just because you asked once. You need to understand that your husband needs time and space to heal. It's normal for a patient to experience setbacks or relapses on his recovery journey. If and when this happens, try to understand that it's a part of the journey because recovery is never linear. It has its own ups and downs; there's no way to avoid them, and you cannot skip to the good part.

8. Don't Blame A Person

No single person is responsible for the situation you're facing, neither you nor your husband. You should definitely not blame him for his situation, but you also should not blame yourself for how things turned out. Don't say that had you been more available or had you acted differently, the situation might have been different because it wouldn't have. What happened was destined to happen this way, so leave what's in the past in the past. Let bygones be bygones, and focus on what you're going to do in the future.

9. Avoid Enabling

Enabling means actions or behaviors that unintentionally contribute to or facilitate your husband's addictive behavior, and this is not something you want to do. Some instances of such behavior are: - Shielding your husband from the negative consequences of his actions, such as cleaning up after him or making excuses for his behavior. - Providing financial assistance without ensuring it is used responsibly and in support of his recovery. - Explaining or justifying his addictive behavior to others which can perpetuate denial and hinder progress. - Disregarding the boundaries you've established or failing to enforce consequences when they are crossed. - Resisting necessary changes in your own behavior or relationship dynamics to avoid conflict or discomfort. Take Home Message (Help Your Husband With Addiction) If your spouse is having a tough time because of drug addiction, it's your responsibility to help them get through it. You have to be there for him, support him, encourage him, and do all this without being judgemental. Whatever the reason behind your husband's addiction, this is not the time to fight. Help your husband with addiction by being there for him, offering encouragement, and working together towards a healthier, more serene life. Read the full article

[chilli-talks-a-lot]

y'all make me worriedt

This is about keeping you going. This is about making sure you don't overwork yourself so you can keep learning.

Burnout is like blowing out your engine at the starting line of a Mario Kart race because you revved it too much.

Once you're too exhausted and can't work at all, that isn't preventing burnout anymore. That is burnout.

So, here's the sequel!

How to Deal with Academic Burnout when You Just Exhausted from a Gifted Silly who at one Bad point Lost Her Executive Functioning Skills and Didn't Do Any of Her Math Homework for Two Academic Years

I'm doing better now, but I realized I should also talk about what to do when burnt out because a lot of people are already struggling with it.

1. Acknowledge that you're burnt out, and ASK. FOR. HELP.

When you're labeled as the "smart" or "perfect" kid, it's hard to acknowledge that you're struggling in the first place.

You may think that you'll be fine or that you'll just power through it, but when you're burnt out, everything is way more overwhelming than normal. Challenges are less scary when you take them on as a team.

You don't have to be afraid of what others will think of you. School is hard, and you and your classmates/friends are suffering together.

You don't have to be at academic rock bottom to do this! You don't even need to be burnt out to do this! If you don't understand, ask for help. Even if you understand the material, but need motivation, ask for help.

So,

Pair up with someone in class.

Call a friend after school.

Email your teacher with questions.

Ask for help!

2. Spoon Theory

So, I'm not sure if including this as a tip is offensive to chronically ill/disabled people, but I struggle with executive function, and the Spoon Theory really helps. If this is offensive, tell me and I'll edit it right away.

The Spoon Theory helps me measure how much I could do before I needed to rest again.

A Spoon is a unit of energy. I quantify my energy levels with spoons, then how many spoons a task would take, and what things I could do to regain spoons.

I have 12 spoons.

Writing an entire essay would take 10 spoons. Writing the intro paragraph would take 3 spoons. I can spare 3 spoons, I can write the intro paragraph.

My parents say I have to wash the dishes. Washing the dishes takes 6 spoons. I have to save 6 spoons so I can wash the dishes.

Eating or relaxing while watching a show would help me get more spoons. Some days things like taking a shower or reading would help me get more spoons and other days those tasks took spoons away.

It's super helpful for me!

3. Don't force it!

Your burnout won't go away right away.

You have to give yourself time to rest.

The circumstances of school make it harder to do that, but

you're trying and that's all that matters!

How Prevent Gifted Kid Burnout From a Gifted Silly whose Fire is still Blazing with Rage

1. EVERYTHING IS STUPID.

School is stupid, parents with unrealistically high expectations of you are stupid, teachers who overwork you are stupid.

You don't need their approval. You don't need to impress authority to have worth.

You don't need to be perfect, especially not in a broken system.

Test scores aren't a measure of intelligence. You are smart, even if the material was difficult to grasp.

You're not "wasting your potential" if you decide to pursue a career you love. Create art, write music, perform, you're contributing to the beauty of the world. There's more value in that than most people see.

You're not "wasting your potential" if you're an adult who isn't busting their butt in college or a fancy job. The economy is fucked right now, and being an adult is hard. You're doing your best.

And sometimes, you can't be at your best all the time, but you're trying, and that's all that matters.

2. Don't let school ruin a passion for learning.

Just learn. Learn and love learning. Learn without school holding you down. Find your passions, and run after them. Pursue knowledge because it's fucking fun.

Research something you care about for fun, challenge yourself to learn how to complete that math problem, learn, not because you feel like you have to, but because you want to.

Never let school make you lose a love for learning.

3. They explain it more effectively than I can lol

I made a video game metaphor but, when I was finding the video that made me realize this I read another video game metaphor that explained it better, "So basically, as a gifted kid, I skipped the tutorial because it felt too easy. Then the actual game threw curveballs at me" (adorablehoe, 2nd top comment).

HealthyGamerGG's entire channel has great information

[escape-rock-bottom]

Journal 30 (2/2) - Reflection

This challenge has to go up on my list of Hardest Things I Ever Done. It’s a challenge full of discomfort and frustration and limitation. It’s a challenge that went against my previous lifestyle and pushed me far out of my comfort zone. The challenge itself isn’t hard nor were the habits. Not one bit. 

The challenge was maintaining and learning focus, motivation, habitual, and memory skills that I didn’t have prior to the challenge. The challenge was making yourself do the required tasks even though you’re tired, in pain, and just want to sit down and play a game while eating some chips because you’re so mentally drained. 

Honestly, thanks to my mental illnesses, doing this challenge is far harder than it would be for someone who isn’t burdened by dissociative episodes that completely disrupt the day-to-day in an uncontrollable way or the chronic pain that gets so bad sometimes I literally faint and pass out and can’t manage to move for hours.

These are real deal issues and not "just excuses", but sadly I eventually turned them into excuses. I lacked the discipline to get back into motion as soon as possible after I recovered. The episodes quickly became week-long “off days” in which I just didn’t do anything useful.

The biggest things I learned are: 

How to knock off using my illnesses as an excuse when I have flare-ups

How to manage recovering after flare-ups and getting back into reality

How to directly combat and manage symptoms of my illness when they come up to lessen the impact and consistency of flare-ups

How to build and maintain good habits 

How to be consistent with habits

Memory hacks to improve memory

These habits are actually way nicer than my old lifestyle. I actually enjoy the benefits of them.

I do have discipline

The most interesting thing I noticed from this challenge is just how much I used social media, general media, and junk food as a coping mechanism. While there’s no issue in watching a movie with friends or indulging in sugary goodness when you had a shit day, the frequency at which I did it was remarkably concerning lol. 

I found that when I get bored and am tired, I tend to entertain myself with the thing that has the least resistance, which happens to be YouTube. When I get bored, hungry, and tired, I turn to easy to grab junk food. If there’s anything I know about myself, it’s that boredom is an extremely distressing state of being. Somehow, it’s worse than being overwhelmed but that’s just me. What I learned to do instead is learn to be okay with less stimulus and pick up one of my projects or do something productive to combat boredom.

I don’t really even miss social media. I realized just how BORING and useless it is. I do miss music though lol. Sometimes I just really want to listen to something because too much and too little silence is distressing, but that’s just a weird neurology thing.

The exercise habit was extremely exhausting, a combination of working long hours with little rest on off days, easy muscle fatigue, poor nutrition and fitness, and chronic pain. However, I enjoyed the results both mentally and physically. (I apparently gained some muscle and lost fat without even trying to thanks to the diet and exercise)

Changing my diet and exercising helped lessen the severity of my chronic pain, increased my fitness, and surprisingly took the severity of my migraines. Yeah, today I had a bad one, did some exercise, and the sucker was gone. Interesting.

While there are limits and a lack of freedom for the rules with some habits that I will have to adjust, I actually do like the system. Moving forward, I will be continuing the DRVN30 habits (though the rules will be modified to better fit my personal needs). I also liked the idea of the “discomfort challenges” so I will set new ones to accomplish every month. 

I will be turning down the blog post frequency to twice a week because honestly, once a day is excessive and super difficult and causes my posts to lack true quality (in my own opinion). It’s just unsustainable. I will also be keeping my daily tracker journals to myself and giving end-of-month overviews of habits and achievements and whatnot.

Also, I will eventually move this blog over to its own website. When I get everything running, I’ll drop a link and see you there!