#and how does he!! cope with!! trying to figure out how to keep the first person to keep up with him in eons alive!!

[vasito-de-leche]

;KPOP DEMON HUNTERS ROMANCE - "keep looking at me, all of me"

Romance Saja x Reader 2.6 words hurt/comfort, fluff Love is capricious; you've come to learn this the hard way after falling in love with the embodiment of romance itself, who loves to keep you at arms length while loudly yearning for your presence like a lovesick dog. So when he asks to meet you for a long due talk in the middle of the night, you rush to his side.

finally got a break from artfight to work on this hehehoho. I'm still trying to get a proper grip on how I wanna write romance specifically, but I'm very happy with how this turned out! I think it's funnier if he's also the self sabotaging type but shit just works out in the end for him lmfao

this is part of a series of oneshots, all thanks to this prompt over here!

[10:21pm] <<Hey. Can you come over?>> [10:45pm] <<Pretty please??>> [10:53pm] <<We need to talk.>> This message has been deleted. [10:55pm] <<I have to tell you something important.>> [10:56pm] <<It can’t be through text or call. It has to be face to face.>> [11:03pm] <<And it can’t wait until tomorrow, either!!>>

The phone flops unceremoniously onto the bed and Romance follows suit, attempting to sink deeper into the mattress as if it could swallow him whole, along with his feelings. The only thing keeping him company in the darkness of his bedroom is the light coming from his phone screen, displaying a candid picture of you smiling at a passing dog. 

And, of course, the glowing vivid purple of his patterns, pulsating with a violent rhythm that matches the erratic heartbeat in his chest.

It’s hard to remember what unsettled him so─or rather, he refuses to dwell on it─but the effects linger; there is a clear disconnect between the petty bitterness building in his chest and his expression of indifference, too tired to spend a single ounce of energy into being angry. The negativity eats him from inside, but Romance doesn’t let it show. 

This is what centuries of grief have done to him. Romance clings onto the illusion of control that this numbness offers, sweeping all the dust and the dirt under a rug, left to rot out of sight and out of mind. It cannot hurt him if he doesn’t pay attention to it, he convinces himself of this on the daily, rubbing at his own patterns as if determination could wipe them away. 

The rubbing turns into scratching. The scratching into clawing. 

Stubbornly, the patterns remain on his person despite his efforts and he picks up the phone in protest. It’s hard to navigate such a small device with those sharp, protruding claws, but soon enough he finds the front camera and Romance meets his own reflection─sickly colored skin, sickly colored eyes, all sharp edges and an outfit to match his miserable existence as an omen of death. No trace of the beautiful façade he tries so desperately to maintain. He can’t even have control of his own feelings in this second life, let alone of his own appearance. What is the point of it all?

But he does have control of one thing. The need for something to change settles in his stomach─no, it makes itself known once more. The impulse to force change, if only to forget how helpless he feels at the moment. 

Having spent enough time in the human world, it’s easy to figure out the different ways people cope with this sort of turmoil. They cut and dye their hair, they make impromptu plans to travel, they text all the people they once cut off from their lives, post nonsensical walls of text driven by nothing but raw emotion─anything and everything to serve as the catalyst for change in their stagnant lives. Part of him revels in this, to be able to share something so vile and human, despite his lack of humanity. 

Romance takes a deep breath, but this does nothing to lessen the knot lodged in his throat and the pressure in his lungs, nor it calms the sea of voices in the back of his mind, recalling each and every one of his crimes in his first life. 

He’s going to reveal himself to you and utterly ruin this relationship. 

If he closes his eyes, he can see it so clearly; your face stricken with horror, no longer looking at him with that soft and gentle glint he’s grown to love, stepping away as if repulsed by his very own existence. The idea alone brings him a painful catharsis, but catharsis nonetheless. It’s not like any of this─this beautiful experience between the two of you that he refuses to put a name to─was meant to last anyway, and he’d rather shatter the perfect illusion he’s built with his own hands than allow you to find out the truth through someone else. 

Yes, this is the better outcome. Of course! He’s doing you a favour, to help you cope with all the eventual heartbreak in your life after he leaves!

He bites and claws at his own pillows, repeating these affirmations over and over in his head. There’s a knock on the door, and all the courage leaves his body in an instant. Before you can even enter, Romance has already hidden under the covers.

“Hey, Rommie?” It’s your voice, he curls up into himself upon hearing the way you gently call out his name. Then, there’s the click of the door closing behind you. “I came as soon as I could, you weren’t picking up my calls so Mystery let me in.”

The sound of your steps approaching make Romance freeze in his spot, like a small animal hoping not to be noticed. He can feel you standing by the edge of the bed, knowing that if he pulls down the covers, he’ll be met with the full force of your worried gaze.   

“Hey, you’re not asleep, are you? I can hear you whining. Here, let me turn on the lights─”

“No!” Without realizing, Roma seizes your hand through the safety of his blankets. He must look ridiculous, an oversized sheet ghost pulling at your arm like a child. “You can’t, I’m─I look like, like a mess right now!” 

You have the audacity to chuckle at this. “I’ve seen you wailing and sobbing during movie nights, Romance. It’s fine if your eyeliner got ruined, we’ll just clean it up.”

“Okay, it only happened one time, and it wasn’t my fault anyway! I thought we were going to watch a fun romcom, not whatever that depressing thing was! But that’s not the point, just don’t turn on the lights! I don’t … I don’t want … to see myself right now.”   

A moment of silence passes, but your free hand finds his cheek in the dark, a familiar warmth permeates the soft fabric of the blanket and Romance finds himself unconsciously leaning into it. “Okay, okay. No lights, but no blanket either. How’s that sound?” Frankly, it sounds pathetic─for a demon like him to cower like this─but he shakes his head. His patterns continue to glow, and the longer you continue to mess both his heart and mind, chipping away at his determination, they’ll only continue to shine brighter in protest. 

“No lights, no blankets and I close my eyes. But this is my last offer before I tug this whole thing off.” 

It’s an empty thread, and Romance knows this because you’re climbing onto the bed with him as you say this, no intention of uncovering him but to hold him close. As he shifts, now sitting with his back against the wall, he can feel your weight on him, your smaller form flanked by both of his legs while your head rests right over where his heart should be. He really shouldn’t be doing this, he should be direct and straightforward about his intentions, and yet … 

“Do you promise to keep them closed?”

“Mhm,” tentatively, Romance slips off the covers, putting away the thin layer that separated him from your full presence. When the purple glow lights up the room, you say nothing. Your eyes are closed shut and now, he has the perfect view of your content expression, enjoying the rise and fall of his chest as he breathes in and out. “Your heart is beating really fast. Is … the thing you wanna tell me something bad?”

Oh, it’s downright vile.

Romance has to keep himself from letting out a sardonic snort, glaring at the patterns and the claws and everything about himself, just barely visible in the dim light. But you keep talking before he can do anything else. 

“Like, is it something bad about us or, you know, me? Maybe? I know it’s your thing to play the sensitive romantic type and all for the camera, all drama and emotion but I dunno. You didn’t sound like yourself in those messages.” He has to remind himself that you’re only being this careless with your affections precisely because you don’t know a thing about the real him.

Now it’s your turn to shift, the back of your hand grazes his shoulder and his arm as it travels downwards to find his palm, sliding to intertwine your fingers with his─he doesn’t move, keeping his sharp claws just out of reach. 

For a moment, you flinch at the contact. “Fuck, Roma, you’re freezing! Are you sick, is that what’s going on?” 

There it is. An opening. Swallowing his hesitation, he whispers, “Are your eyes still closed?”

“Yes, but─”

“What if you opened them and saw something horrible?” 

“Come on, you’re overreacti─” 

“Cold hands, cold skin, too cold for someone who should technically be alive.”

“Don’t forget cold feet. It’s a pain whenever we sleep in the same bed.” 

He calls out your name, with a tone you’ve never heard him use. “I’m serious. And this? What about this, then?” He allows his claws to dig into your skin for a moment, and you jump on instinct, as if a thousand needles had suddenly pierced you. “Knives for nails, razor sharp and deadly. Hard as diamond, cutting through anything with ease.” 

“Romance, I don’t … understand? What’s going on?” 

He moves both of your hands to cup his face, directing your fingers towards the protruding fangs of his mouth─while Romance may not have tusks as noticeable as most demons, he knows this isn’t the type of teeth a human should have either. 

He’s trying to scare you, to get you to react exactly the way he imagined, but as he allows you to take all of his monstrous self in, your thumb finds his lower lip. A gentle tug and he complies, opening his mouth ever so slightly in surprise and anticipation─are you checking if the lower row of teeth are just as sharp? His mouth feels dry, and his tongue darts out unconsciously to wet his lips, accidentally brushing against your curious thumb. You don’t react; instead, you lean closer to him, now fully pressing the pad of your thumb atop of his tongue. The stimulus causes it to wrap fully around your finger. 

Mystery may hold the spot for biggest tusks in their group, but Romance’s forked tongue is easily the longest. Surely this would be the last straw, right?

“Oh?” His eyes dart to your face in panic, flushing a vibrant pink when he finds you smiling, yet attentive to anything your hands could figure out about him. Embarrassment creeps all the way to his ears when he hears the delight in your voice. “This is new. I sure don’t remember your tongue being … this lively whenever we kissed. Is this … Romance, are you a vampire?! No, waiwaitwaitwaitt, we ate that spicy garlic bread the other day! Don’t tell me, I can figure it out!” 

By the time Romance gathers what’s left of his composure, you’re practically straddling him, petting and patting your way through his face in an attempt to find out exactly what type of creature he is─your eyes remain closed the entire time, like a fun game privy only for the two of you.

So much for a dramatic breakup. He lays there, unable to look away and unwilling to stop basking in your undivided attention as you find your next lead; right there, a spot on his neck where you can clearly feel his heartbeat, his most sensible spot, glowing the brighter when you sweep your thumb across it. Not only it sends an electric pulse through his body, but you feel this magnetic pulse as well, now following along his patterns and the energy they emit, all because of you. 

“Scars? No, the texture is wrong. Are these tattoos? Mmmmagical tattoos…? Oh, they go pretty far. Do they cover your entire body, Roma? I thought I felt something weirdly static when I touched your face earlier, but I thought that was just me.” He shakes his head and nods along with your questions obediently, forgetting that you can’t see him. Out of the blue, he feels you pull back and it’s hard to hold back a whine at your absence.

“...Why did you stop? Didn’t you want to figure me out?” 

“Yeah, but … It’s really hard with just my hands. I want to see you. Can I?” Your power might as well rival Gwi-ma’s─these honeyed words you speak so casually keep tugging at Romance’s heartstrings, tempting him further and further to indulge in your endearing antics, and he folds immediately. 

All you need is a hum of affirmation to open your eyes. 

Your smile drops for a second, replaced with a more contemplative look he cannot decipher. Romance prides himself in his acting skills, able to read anyone like an open book, to communicate just the right amount of pressure and gentleness through his gaze to make any of their fans swoon, but right now he’s bracing himself for your reaction; it’s one thing to touch and play, but to see him at his most vulnerable is another.

What is going on through your mind? Does he actually want to know? Where did your smile go? Don’t you like him anymore? Why did you make him believe there was any hope for him? 

“Demon, I’m a demon. The patterns give us away, that’s why I didn’t want you to see.”

“That makes sense,” you accept this too easily compared to the centuries he’s needed to come to terms with everything. You always adapt and play off his moods without a problem, as if loving him was the easiest thing in the world.

It's crystal clear in the way you look at him; you love the Romance that bawls his eyes out during sad movies, the Romance that adapts to any persona needed on stage, the Romance that does anything in his power to make you laugh and fall for him, the Romance that gets upset over the smallest things. The Romance that deserves no mercy and no pity from the world.

It’s almost infuriating. And this small little thing grows tenfold in the clutches of his demonic nature, amplifying every negative feeling to it’s most extreme.

“I did horrible things, you know? And this is the end result, you can thank eternal damnation for this face,” there it is again, that self-sabotaging streak within Romance that does not allow him to have a fairy tale ending in which he gets everything that he wants. The whispers return, reminding him of all of his transgressions.“I’m not a good person, I’m barely a person as it is. I can give you my body, heart and mind, but never my soul─all of me. Aren’t I the worst type of lover? Lying to you all this time.”

You kiss the top of his head, gently moving away a strand of pink hair. “But you called me over to tell me, right?”

He nods, breath caught up in his throat. You kiss his forehead this time. “It must’ve been scary to carry all of this on your own. But I’m happy you told me, really.”

He nods again, feeling his eyes hot with tears. You kiss the tip of his nose and wipe them away. “Thank you for trusting me with this, with the patterns─with all of you.” 

There’s no other voices in his head, none except yours. For a split second, Romance wholeheartedly believes that you could bring his soul back from the depths and right where it belongs: safe and sound in your hands.

[killerblueeyesxprettybluedude]

AU where the possessed-destructive alternate universe superman from Superman & Lois is actually just derek. naturally he’s the one who was so alone that he had no one to pull him back from alien possession. because stiles has this thing, you know, where not seeing someone for a while completely deletes them from his mind. until it’s five years later, and what’s derek up to? oh, my god. 

by the time stiles hears, and tracks him down, and finds him, derek’s a shell of even the shell of himself he used to be. more weapon than man, or werewolf, and stiles has never been so sorry about anything. never been so determined to get him free, and safe, and able to face himself. but even talking to him’s like fighting the nogitsune again. it’s not his mind that’s speaking for him. just his mouth, his throat, but when the thing using him tries to threaten stiles, there’s a flicker of terror on derek’s face before it smooths out again. and after that stiles knows, he knows. he knows derek can see him, and hear him, he knows he’s fighting it.

he just needs help fighting. 

the derek he recovers from all of that is nearly catatonic. and no one knows what he’s feeling better than stiles, but even stiles can’t imagine the extent of it.

stiles just stays with him. just shields him from what everyone and their mother has to say about superman, what he did. they don’t know. they don’t fucking know. 

they don’t know how hard he was fighting. how he’ll never, never be able to unsee what he caused. or what was caused, through him, with his powers, with his body—

but he remembers the nogitsune. he knows stiles knows. enough, at least. 

and stiles was there for boyd. for the first hint of what they couldn’t have known was going to happen. 

he knows how much boyd’s death destroyed him.

there’s no making up for it. there’s no level of apology that wouldn’t sound hollow. if someone tried to apologize to derek for killing his entire family? he’d roar, and snarl. he’d choke, and cry, and laugh in their face. 

so maybe he should let them do that. take it out on him, anything they need to say, or do, maybe that’s the least he can do to try to help them. when he can think at all, he works on lists, spreadsheets. he wants to pay out as much as he can to the survivors and their families. at least, at the very least, they shouldn’t be struggling financially because of him. 

and stiles helps him with that. and sometimes that’s all they do, hours hunched over the same computer, the same names and numbers, the same horrifying statistics. but money alone can’t make it right. nothing can, but—there has to be more derek can do. 

how do you cope with even having powers after something like that? with the knowledge that at any time, you could be taken over again, and used to do even more damage to the world? and what right does he have to give up those powers, at the same time? why isn’t he out there saving people right now, now that he’s in control again? anonymously, out of costume. the very last thing he wants is credit for his heroic actions. some kid looking at him like he’s an inspiration, some tearfully grateful mom. 

it’s too much to grapple with. he keeps coming back to the spreadsheet, with stiles. and stiles has kryptonite gas, and bullets, and more, and he’s promised derek, he’s sworn he’ll do it. if he needs to use it, he will. he won’t let it be like that ever again. death is better, and stiles knows.

derek wishes he would’ve died a long time ago. 

it’s unimaginable, the toll it takes on him. just a fraction of the damage derek has nightmares about would’ve destroyed stiles’ mind. 

well, superman’s fucking retired. it’s that or derek running into danger, hoping to die. 

and stiles isn’t gonna fucking let that happen to him.

in which stiles is kind of forced to be iron man. forced to figure it out, how to protect derek, how to fly alongside him, and be useful, and fight. how to deescalate as derek’s being tortured again. in a way, it’s just like old times.

but mostly, he stays with him, stays close to him. holds him when there aren’t words, and there almost never are. but stiles needs him, okay? he needs him. maybe that’s selfish, but… he won’t survive with derek gone. if he gets what he wants? stiles is gonna be right there, right behind him. 

so don’t you dare, okay? don’t you fucking dare. 

i’m not living in this hellhole without you. 

[hyperbali]

Straight up tripped into (Inquisitor!)Jeanne/Solas and saw into eternity.

It's like. One of the most hilariously fitting ships she has ever had.

Shit boy I die!!

[sunderwight]

More cumplanewar au thoughts (stealing the ship name idea from @thesadisticsiren):

-This throuple is like, two guys and their attack dog. At a glance it would seem like SQQ and SQH are the two guys and LQG is the attack dog, but it actually depends on the situation.

-SQQ is the attack dog for winning verbal arguments, and Shang Qinghua is unleashed when the best solution would be to just ruin some clan's big picture financial prospects for the next ten generations. Liu Qingge might stab you but the other two are more likely to make you wish someone had just stabbed you.

-Yue Qingyuan has mixed feelings about this whole situation, but standing on the outside and smiling sadly at this strange adult version of Xiao Jiu while he moves on with his life without him feeds his emotional masochism, so that's mostly what he goes with.

-Qi Qingqi did not know that men could have polycules. She thought this was mostly just something women did when they smartened up and realized that having sex with each other and locking their shitty husband out at night was a better way of coping with being in a harem than competing. Live and learn.

-Luo Binghe eventually joins Cang Qiong (despite numerous efforts to get him into some other sect) by climbing Bai Zhan Peak. SQQ and SQH start coming up with contingency plans for what to do if there's some sort of "kill his own shizun" mandate in effect and Liu Qingge bites it. This is useful stuff just in general, given that Liu Qingge is still just lousy with character death flags and also has literally made it his job to run headlong into dangerous situations.

-Shen Qingqiu still manages to die the most.

-Mu Qingfang doesn't know why these two specific martial brothers of his with like zero medical training keep coming to him with new miraculous methods for healing multiple amputations and heavy blood loss, but he is NOT complaining.

-Huan Hua Palace Master likes to make insinuating remarks about Cang Qiong's "famous fraternal love" between peak lords in a way that seems perfectly polite but also implies something seedy is going on. This doesn't work out well, mostly because it flies right over Liu Qingge's head, Shang Qinghua is just nodding along and feeding every scrap of HHP intel he gets to Mobei Jun, and Shen Qingqiu's roasting ability was forged in the fires of online comment sections, so pitting him against a tacky drama villain is like releasing a feral cat onto a small island that has only evolved flightless birds with no native predators.

-It actually does take them a while to start fucking. Mainly happens because of sex pollen the first time, of course, and then Shang Qinghua has to just be like "that was fun, let's do it again" so that Liu Qingge and Shen Qingqiu can yell at him about it until they calm down enough to agree.

-Liu Qingge keeps trying to get Officially Married, but Shang Qinghua doesn't want to do the paperwork (worries he's secretly the third wheel and they're going to want to get rid of him at some point), and Shen Qingqiu doesn't want to firm things up until after the plot has passed (thinks he might still get murdered and doesn't want to make things 'messy' if that happens).

-There is a persistent external impression that the shrewd & scheming SQQ and SQH have basically beguiled and bewildered Liu Qingge into their beds in order to exploit his potential and use his body. Shen Qingqiu tears this porn to shreds, Liu Qingge is reluctantly into it, and Shang Qinghua is just surprised to be cast as a top even though he's the shortest.

-Mobei Jun trying to figure out how to navigate human culture just well enough to get into the polycule but only to exclusively date Shang Qinghua is the lady with the math equations meme.

[whenmemorydies]

White supremacist capitalist patriarchy and season 4 of The Bear

I hear folks who are absolutely pissed that it looks like season 4 of The Bear ended with a petulant Carmy who got knocked off his pedestal, running cos now he doesn't know what to do with himself. I hear the anger. I also viscerally raged as I binge watched last night. For me, a lot of this had to do with the idea that this white man who is so used to being excellent, now has to deal with maybe not being excellent. But instead of dealing, it looks like he's vanishing. Like his dad did. Repeating old patterns.

But on a very rough night's sleep worth of reflection, I've come to the conclusion that this is probably a legerdemain. Let me explain.

Carmy is part of a system - white supremacist capitalist patriarchy to be exact. And that system ascribes roles and expectations on everyone that gets subjected to it. Including white folks. I've talked about Carmy's racialisation here but the TLDR of it is that Carmy is part of the Italian-American community that has been assimilated into whiteness over time in America. As a white man he sits at the top of a racial hieriarchy with a history and current reality of horrendous violence and control. He grew up and worked in cultures that valorised a toxic, violent, white masculinity that expected him to perform excellence, dominate and control everything around him as a result.

The rest of us - particularly racialised women (I'm a non-Black, diasporic woman of colour so I can't speak to Syd's specific experience but I think this holds true for all WOC) - we are never expected to dominate. We are often expected to be excellent because of the time and resources invested in us by our parents and communities and because of white supremacist capitalist patriarchy's insistence that mediocrity is a luxury that only white folks get to enjoy without being penalised. This garbage catch-22 is most starkly articulated by Syd during her nightmare in 4x08 Green:

Syd: And then, you're gonna take a perfect little sliver of chive, put that all on top, and it'll be great. And of course, if your dish fails, its no worry at all, no trouble, really. You'll just be a complete waste of space and a failure and a disappointment to anybody who's devoted any time or energy to you.

So how does a white man like Carmy - who was never socialised to be of service in community, who was raised throughout childhood and his career to smoke others, to prove that he could smoke others ("fuck you, watch this") - how does that white man navigate a world where he's no longer the best? Where he's no longer in control?

If that white man was integrated and mature? Well he wouldn't have been trying to dominate in the first place. But for argument's sake and in this context, if this hypothetical white man was those things - integrated and mature - maybe, he might take a step back and let others lead.

But Carmy isn't integrated. He's not there yet. Realistically, he does have to unlearn a lifetime of abuse, socialisation, racialisation and his own dysfunctional coping strategies so that he doesn't keep hurting people. He does have to figure out who he is without all of this bullshit. Honestly, as infuriating as this was to watch...I get it?

The frustration is that we, the viewers, have seen all the characteristics that Carmy identifies in Syd in that fight from 4x10, in him too. In 4x10, Carmy tells Syd:

You are considerate. You...You allow yourself to feel things, right? You allow yourself to care. You are a natural leader and teacher.

Across this show, we have seen Carmy be considerate of others, most significantly of the BIPOC people in his life (bringing all the crew at The Beef over with him to The Bear, giving his chef's knife to Tina, making Sydney The Bear's captain), we have seen him deeply feel (see Carmy's long overdue confrontation of his abuser, Chef David Fields in 3x10), we have seen him care (see Carmy's incessant checking in with Syd throughout this show), and we've seen him lead and teach his team (see Carmy walking the crew through how to make chicken piccata in season 1).

We know that Carmy is good. We know that he's deserving of Syd's love and that she is more than deserving of his. We know that folks can chew gum and walk at the same fucking time and so we - I mean most definitely me - yell at the TV screen (and on this platform lol): WHAT THE FUCK MAN? GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND BE THERE FOR SYDNEY, THE OTHER HALF OF YOUR HEART!!!!

But Carmy, and a lot of other straight, white men (and white women, quite frankly), probably don't know this about themselves. They probably don't know that its not being a soft shitty bitch when you're considerate of others, that you can feel hurt and pain and survive it, that you can care about others and have that be a strength, and that you can lead quietly and consistently without swinging your dick and trying to smoke motherfuckers.

I mean, America. Look at who the majority of white voters - that's white men and white women - elected to lead your country, for fucks sake.

This is white supremacy culture at work. This is the Berzatto's intergenerational, racialised trauma at work. White supremacist capitalist patriarchy facilitates the conditions for white people to not know themselves in their wholeness. To not know who they are in relation to others and the world. In fact, it invites everyone into this condition (via assimilation). So how do you resist it?

Integration time

How will Carmy fix it? How will he integrate?

Carmy will need to learn about himself. In 4x09 Tonnato, Donna tells him that she doesn't know him and he doesn't know her. This is true.

There is work to be done here in terms of understanding his lineage and the history that makes up Carmy's very skin and bones. But he has already begun doing this: Carmy knowing about tonnato because of his culinary training and imparting that cultural knowledge to his Italian-American mother because she's lost that knowledge or never had it to begin with made me tear up because THIS is the work of integration. Of reclaiming your history. Of resisting assimilation. It fucking hit me in the chest, right in my displaced, diasporic heart.

If Carmy was paying attention, he would have also seen Richie doing this throughout season 2. Recall his basement chat with Carmy in 2x01:

Richie: You know, um, I'm trying really hard to be on board with all this new shit, cousin. I'm, uh, I'm reading a lot. I'm trying to learn about who am I to my history.

Likewise, Sydney spent all of season 2 studying and integrating her past trauma into effective leadership for her team. I know for certain that we are going to learn and see more about Sydney's history in season 5 (if the show gets picked up again) and how this has influenced her professionally and personally.

But then what? What will Carmy do after he's undertaken that work?

This is where Luca's plotline is crucial and not just as a vehicle for us to gush over him and Marcus (which, yes, I gushed. I'm still gushing. They're adorable, supportive of one another and an indecently attractive couple).

Recall the conversation between Luca and Tina in 4x08 Green:

Luca: Pressure.

Tina: How do you get rid of it?

Luca: I think you get to a point where you don't want to. Like, at first the pressure sucks, right? Its the pressure that makes you feel shitty at what you do. And actually, thats just the pressure getting in the way. You learn to live with it. And then, next thing you know, you thrive on it. And before you know it, you can't fucking wait to get rocked. Like, you want that pressure, you need that pressure to be able to perform.

Tina: *looks dubious* (me and you both my Queen lmao)

Luca: So, then, the challenge actually becomes, can you live without that pressure?

Tina: Can you?

Luca: I guess not. 'Cause I'm back here working for Carmy again, so...I'm probably not the person to ask, but you let me know if you find out, Chef.

What Luca is describing, a state of not being able to wait to get rocked? That might be fine every now and then for motivation's sake. But what Luca is describing is a state of mind that folks are expected to be in for the duration of their working lives. He's telling Tina how to survive if she wants to remain working in this system. Wanting to get rocked, learning to live with getting rocked sounds the tagline for any ad selling white supremacist capitalist patriarchy to the masses: With our centuries-old system, you too can learn how to tolerate getting fucked, regularly!

Problem is, we are humans, not replicants (shout out to Richie and Phillip K Dick), and we don't take kindly to being fucked every day of our working lives. The Bear knows this too. Recall Mikey answering Tina's question about whether he likes his work, in 3x06 Napkins: "I definitely do not like never not being fucked."

So the question is, once you become accustomed to this way of life, like Carmy has, like Luca was, like many of us are, can you conceive of a different world? A different way of being?

I know Luca tells Tina in the above convo that he isn't there yet but truthfully, he is. Luca comes back to Chicago to "address things and not run away from things" as he tells Marcus in 4x08 Green. Those things involve his family, namely his sister. He's there to address something to do with his roots. In doing so, he says its made him appreciate the city. He, like Richie, is doing the work of learning about who he is to his history.

To give himself the space to do this, he's come to The Bear to work as a stage - one of the lowest level staff in the hierarchy of a restaurant. This is someone who once worked as a sous at Ever - ranked the best restaurant in the world at one point. He's using the skills he has acquired in the course of his pretty decorated career to support others who have not yet had the same opportunities as him.

Luca is at The Bear, doing the quiet, consistent work I've previously talked about: that work that creates the safe space for inspiration, creativity and dreams to thrive. This is the work of being in community. Luca is in community with Marcus, with Tina, with Gary, with Carmy, with Sydney. He is - without ego - supporting and mentoring Tina and Marcus. Luca is resisting (whether consciously or unconsciously) a white supremacist capitalist patriarchal system that would ordinarily demand that he dominate The Bear's kitchen. In doing so, he's being a good culinary ancestor. Next season, should we get it, it will be Carmy's turn: to come back integrated, sure in himself and without ego, to be there to support (in any way she requires it) Sydney.

And by the way, for the record:

In a world where Black women were the single biggest voting block consistently and overwhelmingly using their generations-long-fought right to vote to protect America from itself fascism in 2016, 2020 and 2024, this statement from Carmy:

[A]ny chance of any kind of good in this building, it started when you walked in. And any possibility of it surviving? Its with you.

….is as much about the salvation of The Original Beef of Chicagoland's soul by Sydney, as it is about the United States of America’s by Black women.

[mostlymarvelgirl]

Sam Winchester' Type

Let's talk about it.

This man. He's got phases. Especially when it comes relationships.

And these phases? They're basically based upon his age and experiences in life.

So if you're someone who's meeting him for the first time, good luck trying to figure out who he truly is like.

Of course he's not evil or anything, but he's got layers. And trust me, those layers are thick and deep.

Basic layers would include his absence of a maternal figure and a proper paternal figure. (I know Dean was like almost a dad but I'm talking about an actual father and let's be honest, John sucked)

Then you'll reach tough ones, the fights, the bullying, fitting into society, not feeling normal, being the weird one, etc.

Yes, he has had experiences with struggling to accept himself as a person. (You'd know that if you watched S1 to S5. He's not exactly someone who had smooth life in a normal society)

After that, demon blood phase (addiction and coping), his brother dying, his loved ones passing away, and then being alone.

These are just a few layers. He looks simple from outside though, right?

Now, let's bring in his horoscope.

Sam's sun is a Taurus. He's planner. Likes stability. He prefers a routine. He likes order. He likes control. His moon? His moon? It's Virgo. He's meticulous. He likes to be neat. Keeps things organized. He likes to go into deep analysis. If you meet him, he's forming an opinion on you. He's analyzing you. He may not show it, but he is. He will welcome you and be friendly. But for him? First impressions mean a lot. Yes he forgives. But he doesn't forget. His Ascendant is a Capricorn. He's driven. Passionate. Loves discipline. That's why he does Law, duh.

Now this man, he may not look threatening. In fact, he seems like an adorable harmless puppy. That is, as long as you are on his good side and you probably know him briefly. You spend time with him close. You get to know him, you'll see, he's not that puppy inside at all. He's got a burning fire in him. You'd never see it, but if you do, you have to learn to accept it. If you don't, you're already sidelined.

So, say you like him. Let's say he's the type of guy where slow burn is actually slow burn. It's always going to begin as friends. Not the kind for enemies to lovers. He doesn't do that. He doesn't do irrational and erratic. If he does, it's never to last long or something he cares about. He's all about going slow and paced. You force him? Yeah, consider getting yourself therapy cause that will hurt your feelings.

He's very clear on boundaries. He keeps them. If you have them, he will respect them. Unless said otherwise. He's very forgiving. But not the type who'll forget. If you betray him and have a valid reason or whatever, he will forgive. But he'll lose trust in you. He'll never look at you the same. So don't try anything stupid.

He's very loyal. Cheating is not in his bones. And he would expect that from you. It's bare minimum after all. He'll love his partner. If they're clingy, He'll give them the required attention and praise. He likes control. But at the same time, he won't be controlling. There's a difference.

He's a practical guy. He will seek for someone who craves and bonds on emotional depth. You have to be someone who is more observant than him. And he lives for that. He loves when someone understands him without him having to explain. It's his type.

He's someone who appreciates someone who gives him an emotional depth. He craves for intimacy deep down. He wants to understood and he will give you the same. It will take long. Very long for the trust to build. So be patient, and you will cherish and thrive from this relationship.

Now, getting to the real interesting part we all have been waiting for. Sex. Is he a freak? Who'd initiate first? How would it happen? How far along into the relationship?

Now, he's a guy who builds relationship on trust and loyalty. Honesty and mutual understanding. These are important things he sees and wants in a relationship. And he's a respectful guy. He waits for consent. Never forces. So, sex will only happen when you want it. He will never tell you. Or ask you. Or force you. It's all based on your decision. You will have to bring it up.

And when you do, he will be sweet, loving, careful and understanding. The first time it happens it's purely on trust and love. He won't rush it. He focuses on pleasuring you. He makes sure you feel comfortable. If you're insecure, he will comfort you. To him, physical appearance is the last thing on his mind. He cares about what you are from inside. What you are truly. What your real self is. The first time is when things also get more intimate and deep.

The relationship begins to evolve. You both speak more openly. Talk about your needs and preferences. He won't mind if you're a little crazy or freaky. He'll match you. He will love it the more you open to him. He feels special. He's proud that you tell him your desires. He's a careful man. He keeps a list in his head to remind himself on what you like and what you don't. In the relationship, you will always be the one who decides. You are his pillar. He wants you to be treated like a queen. He will be your pillar as well. He supports your decisions. He understands. What more could anyone want?

And that, is Sam Winchester's type.

Read Dean Winchester's Type Here

[dontbesoweirdkira]

Hi! I love your interpretation of the yan batfam so much bdnfbfkjfnd I was wonderong how you think Dick and/or Jason would react to a rather compassionate batsis?

She's definitely not on board with their obsession but she can understand where their coming from and gives them like ACTUAL compassion.

Ik you said Dick enjoys having a positive image in front of others most of all his younger sister, so how would he react to her seeing his flaws but still, being kind? Jason strives to be "normal", so much so he spirals sometimes, but like what would knowing/experiencing genuine closeness (not pity or false pretenses) change?

Idk if either of them would redeem their bad habits, but am curious to know what being truly seen and accepted would do to them, especially by someone they care about so much. The bats can have their walls pretty high up after all

A/N: sorry about the late responses. I've been out of it the past few days.

context dick context jay

Okay so when you are dealing with yanderes... you are dealing with extremely unstable people. There are so many ways thus could go but here's just one

Dick

Maybe your compassion makes Dick chill out a bit with his unhealthy tendencies. I think initially he'd still be uncomfortable and bothered that you can see right through him. You can see all his flaws and you don't revere him like the others which is bad. It will still anger him and he'll try manipulating you into loving him like everyone does at first.

A heart to heart with him could work. You acknowledge you know he's crumbling and has really horrible coping mechanisms but that doesn't mean that you don't love him. That you respect him even more because you see just how much passion he puts into everything that he does. It isn't his fault he craves so much validation when he had the upbringing he had but he doesn't have to pretend to be someone he's not to please you. That even if he doesn't smile as much or be selfish sometimes that you won't love him any less. You give him a space to be authentic with you with no judgment.

"erm,,,okay. I'll keep that in mind."

He's a bit taken back by it and doesn't know how to exactly process what you just said. I've mentioned before that he doesn't exactly know how to just be himself because for most of his life he was always being someone that others needed.

He's still on guard for a while. He will dip his toes in the waters by maybe not smiling as much with you or rescheduling your hang out session to go out on a date just to see your reaction. Did you truly mean it when you said he was allowed to be selfish? He was fully expecting you to hate him but seeing just how unbothered you were made him go...oh!

I think this shifts his obsession with you. He's still very much yandere but i think he's much more child-like ? I mean Dick still is obsessed with you and all that jazz but before, he wanted to be the best older brother/father figure. His happiness was dependent on how much you needed and revered him. But now you're becoming his safety blanket for when he's stressed, tired or upset. WIth you he can just lay on your shoulders without speaking and you won't even mind. He can be kind of assholey or dark and you will understand he's just in a mood and what he says never leaves the two of you. You won't take away your compassion or love based on how he acts...the first non-transactional relationship he's ever truly and it's pretty great. He finally feels like a brother and not like he's playing house anymore.

Don't get me wrong, he's still your older brother who gets on your nerves but there's just this mutual appreciation there that lacks with the others.It's clear to the others that he loves you just a bit more than the rest. When it's movie/game nights, he will allow you to sit it out or not tag along to restaurants. He's very protective and defensive over you. He doesn't feel as much of a need to do all that stupid crap with you because if he wanted your time, he could have a peaceful moment on the rooftops with you instead.

Jason

Hmm..i think Jason will just always feel a bit outcasted. There are plenty of people who do care about Jason in the comics but it's hard to relate to someone who's been through what he's been. It's just so unique to him. He knows you don't truly understand what it's like to have spirits of the Lazarus haunting you in your sleep. He knows that you cannot feel the pain of being replaced by someone you're now forced to see as a brother.

When i wrote my last piece a few people took it as me saying the reader found Jason to be odd. Really what it was is that Jason put those thoughts into his own head because he internalized the joke because of his own insecurities. The reader was perfectly fine with Jason being a little off...it made sense as he would've just come back from being dead and is trying to find a bit of normalcy.

It's funny though because while he's trying to be "independent" it's painfully clear he's still very much attached to you and is still unknowingly mimicking you.

I think though if reader sat down with Jason and explained he doesn't need to change or be "normal" because you love him the way he is, maybe he will relax a bit. But i think there would always be voices in Jason's ears telling him he needs to be perfect. My version of jason is around 20-ish year old who is a bit emotionally stunted and disoriented because he's just coming out of the pit. After a few years of being integrated back into the family he'll understand that you actually do love him as a brother and he serves a great purpose even if that purpose doesn't look the same as Dick's.

[withleeknow]

i think you'll do well with requests bc they seem to be popular in the fanfic side of tumblr! but even if it doesn't take off that quick, at least that'll be less overwhelming bc some ppl can be so demanding....anyways, i hope the best for you in this new journey haha 💝

me personally, i'm not very creative so i'll leave the details to the professionals (aka you) but i'd like to req something from minho's pov. i think those type of stories are SEVERELY lacking in the lee know fics department lol 🥲 it could be a childhood friends to lovers where he is pining for oc but he has a lot of self esteem issues and thinks she's not interested in him. also a big softie and just all around head over heels for her. you can add your magic! (if this is even remotely interesting enough to write lol i just want a minho pov tbh shsjjfjdjdj 😭)

light years.

summary: three times minho bites his tongue, and one time you don't let him.

pairing: minho x f!reader genre/warnings: childhood friends to lovers, fluff, angst; kissing, cursing, so much pining i could hurl. could this have been more edited? oh absolutely lmao but i actually don't hate it sooo this is what we're going with :p word count: 4.2k note: to the first anon, thank you so much for your kind words! :') and i'm sorry that this took me longer than expected. i was trying to figure out what i wanted to write for your prompt but then i got the second request with the song and i thought they would go nicely together hehehehe i hope the both of you enjoy thissss

as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

navigation / request masterlist / ko-fi

I'm not sure what it means to love But I blink kind of slow around you I'm not sure what it means to love But I'll grow wherever you do What that means, I don't have a clue

I'm Not Sure - Margeaux Beylier

One.

Minho is 18 years old, and he doesn't know what love is, doesn't really care for it at all.

While his friends are out there wrapped in the clutches of young love - the kind that blooms with stolen glances in classrooms and sticky notes passed in secrecy, Minho finds it simply unnecessary. He doesn't understand it whenever Hyunjin whines about not having a girlfriend because they're still young, they've got all the time in the world for romance later down the line. It's not the end of the world like Hyunjin laments it is.

Minho has his own life to prioritize. College is starting after the summer and he still needs to figure out how he's going to cope with the absence of his cats once he moves away. He's got dancing and he's got his other hobbies to keep him fulfilled and occupied.

And above all, he's got you.

You're getting ready for your sister's wedding when it happens for the first time. Or rather, when it doesn't happen.

You step back into the room where Minho is waiting for you on the sofa, his gaze resting idly on the screen of his phone, scrolling absentmindedly through his friends' group chat even though he has no interest in whatever they're talking about. You cough lightly to indicate your return after disappearing into the bathroom minutes prior to change into your dress. He looks up upon your soft announcement, and when his eyes settle on you, he swears it feels like an invisible force has collided with his chest and knocked all of the air from his lungs.

Throughout all his years of knowing you, inseparable from childhood until now, Minho has never seen you like this - all dolled up with your hair falling over your collarbones, cascading over your shoulders in soft waves that beckons him to run his fingers through. The light blue dress hugs you beautifully, the silky material catching the light from outside the window every time you shift on your feet under his steady gaze.

"So...?" you ask, moving your arms awkwardly behind your back like you're not sure what to do with them. "What do you think?"

What does he think?

Minho thinks you might just be the prettiest girl in the world. He thinks he must have been an idiot his whole life, to have spent most of his waking hours beside you and not once has he noticed how truly breathtaking you are. He thinks about the feeling that spreads in the pit of his stomach, sends warmth throughout his body and makes his heartbeat race a million miles an hours.

Your best friend blinks slowly as he savors the warmth that he's never experienced before. It's similar to the feeling you get when you're sitting under the shade of a big tree on a summer's day. It's comparable to the satisfied tranquility you get after you've just finished a hearty meal. A little hazy in your contentment.

It's not until you probe with a pointed Well? that Minho realizes he's been staring at you in silence for a few minutes now. He swallows thickly, willing away the words that he wants to say but they get lodged in his throat. He reckons it's weird to verbalize them, because it's not how the two of you function. You don't often utter that kind of sentiment out loud and he doesn't either. Never have and likely never will.

In the end, he bites his tongue. "You look presentable," is what he settles on.

You roll your eyes, then reward him with a laugh.

Minho doesn't care about love. He only cares about you.

Two.

Minho is 21 years old, and he's gotten used to his heart beating erratically whenever he's in your presence.

Three years flew by in the blink of an eye, and graduation is just around the corner. You've always done well in school, straight A student with a track record that most could only dream to have. You put in the hours, you do the work. You deserve everything that you've achieved.

But it's been a challenging few months for you both, being seniors and all. He's had to watch you struggle to stay on top of your classes while also having to slave over a thesis 24/7 until you were sure it was perfect. It reduced you to tears a few times, and Minho was there to hold your hand through it all.

He held you in his comforting embrace when you wanted to give up. He made you dinner when you were too immersed in your schoolwork to notice that you'd forgotten to eat. He was your biggest support system; if it weren't for him, you don't know if you would've made it through.

It's hot outside today, a little unbearable but not uncharacteristic for June. Minho waits in a familiar hallway, the same hall that he's walked past for hundreds of times over the past few years, the same hall that he won't see again once he holds a degree in his hands in only a few weeks' time.

As he sits on an old wooden bench, he bounces his leg as if he's one of the people in the classrooms that line the hall. He doesn't have to be on campus today, but here he is regardless because you're scheduled for your thesis defense this morning. You're in one of those rooms, probably also bouncing your leg from the overwhelming nerves. Minutes feel like hours; you went in there a while ago after he had sent you off with a pat on the head and an encouraging Godspeed.

He's nervous for you, but he's sure that you'll do great. Years of hard work accumulating in what must be the most important moment of your academic journey. You even stayed up all night last night, refusing to sleep a wink just to revise your arguments and talking points.

Minho's head snaps up instantly as he hears a door creak open, the sound of it reverberating throughout the empty hallway like a gong announcing your return from battle. It takes you a few seconds to step out of the room and into his line of sight. He can't see you very well with all this distance between you, but he can still make out the way your frame is visibly shaking with every step you take. He rises to his feet, and you break into a sprint.

He opens his arms wide - a hug of consolation or congratulations, he doesn't know yet - but he still can't seem to brace himself for the collision. You run straight into his embrace, your warms wounding around his middle tightly. Minho feels your tremors, hears your sniffles from where you're pressing your cheek against his shoulder.

"How did it go?" he asks gently.

You start crying then, and he doesn't know if the tears that his shirt is soaking up are those of joy or of grief, but he holds you through it anyway. He swears he can feel every single beat of your heart, hammering so wildly as you're pressed against him like you could sink into him if only you'd push just a little bit more.

"I passed," you say in between sobs. "I got an A."

Minho heaves out the breath that he's been holding ever since you entered that classroom, but it's not like he had any doubt about it to begin with. He hugs you tighter than he's ever had before, and he loves you just the same.

You two must look so dramatic, all wrapped up together in your own little bubble, but who the fuck cares? Although, when another student passes by and coughs, you do break away from him, a little embarrassed for a second.

Even with your hair all mussed up and your flushed cheeks stained with tears, he still thinks you look the same as you did when you were 18 at your sister's wedding. The prettiest girl in the world.

Minho wipes away the wetness on your face with his sleeves, then swipes with gentle thumbs at the moisture that's gathered along your lash lines.

"Holy fucking shit," you breathe out, your shoulders sagging with evident relief, so much more relaxed now that you've done it. "I can't believe it's finally over."

Your best friend can't entirely agree, because he's always believed in you. He's had faith in you since the beginning, since you were mere children laughing and crying together on the playground. You were meant to do great things, this was always crystal clear to Minho.

I love you, he thinks as he smooths a hand over your hair, his chest swelling with nothing but pride and fondness for you. You did so well.

But it's not what he ends up telling you. He swallows it down, washes it away with a dose of regret and longing. He's still not the type to express sappy sentiments, and he's grown accustomed to adoring you only in secret.

"Let's go," he says softly. "I'll buy you dinner."

Minho is still young, he's still got his whole life ahead of him, but he knows what love is now. He knows that it's you.

Three.

Minho is 24 years old, and he finds it hard to make peace with the fact that you're starting to get out there, that you're finally going on dates now that academics aren't taking up most of your time anymore.

To be fair, none of the guys you've seen have been graced with a second date, and Minho thanks his lucky stars whenever you return from a night out and text him a simple Not it. He knows that it wasn't your decision in the first place, that your mom and your sister have been setting you up on blind dates because they want to see you bring a boyfriend home.

You complain about it all the time, whining about how you're not interested but your family is adamant on it. Minho is well aware, and yet, there's a part of him that's a little shaken, because what if? What if the universe miscalculates and the stars misalign just enough in his misfortune for you to cross paths with someone who's absolutely perfect for you? Someone who's a good man that can give you what you've always deserved to have.

He really doesn't know what he would do if that happens. When it happens?

He doesn't know why you're here tonight either, sitting on a chair on the other side of his kitchen island in a pretty dress when you're supposed to be going on a date in half an hour. The guy apparently works for a big record label, some producer that your sister knows through a friend of a friend.

You look indifferent, kind of bored, as you watch Minho makes dinner for himself. "You seem miserable," he comments, taking a quick break from chopping vegetables to glance up at you. You do look a bit miserable, but you're still the most beautiful in his eyes.

You throw your head back and groan loudly, "Because I am. God, I don't know why they keep making me do this. These guys always give nothing."

"Please elaborate."

"They're all boring suits with tedious routines." you say, and as absentminded as your tone is, it sounds a little pointed to Minho's ears. "They don't make me laugh."

Do they not make you laugh, or do they not make you laugh more than I can?

"Then don't go," he snickers, though there's no humor in his voice at all. "These guys sound like duds. Just tell your sister to fuck off."

"Do you mean that? Do you really think I shouldn't go?"

And there's something in your gaze, something so suddenly expectant in the way you're looking at him that makes Minho wonder. If he says yes, would you listen? Would you stay here with him? Would you stay here for him?

I'm serious. Don't go. You can have this and I'll make myself ramyeon. Just be here with me.

You both stare at each other on either side of his kitchen island for an infinite stretch of time. He feels like your eyes are trying to tell him something that he can't decipher, as if they're sending him signals in a language that he never learned how to read.

For a second there, he indulges himself. He pretends that you're only asking because you want to hear him say it. That you want him to put up a fight and not let you go.

But he bites his tongue because it's become a bad habit. A habit that he can't shake because he simply doesn't have the courage to do so. Because if you stay here tonight, looking like that under the cozy lighting of his living room, he might just spill his secrets and he wouldn't be able to take it when reality comes crashing down and you end up telling him that you've never felt the same way.

"I'm kidding," he musters up the words, and tries to plaster on a smile for your sake, even though he's not sure if you really believe it. "You're dressed up anyway. Go and get a free fancy dinner, if anything."

Minho knows what love is, but his love has always lived in the shadows, his longing has only existed in the dark that it terrifies him just thinking about it meeting the light.

Four.

Minho is 26 years old, and he's been a coward for the better part of a decade.

Maybe he's loved you for even longer, but he has spent the past eight years head over heels in love with you, and not once has he done anything about it. Never been able to gather enough courage to ask you out, never even hinted at his feelings for you. He loves you from his place by your side and yet, you've never known.

He loves you the most, but he loves you in the worst way that a person can love another - he loves you in silence.

You're the prettiest girl in the world, and Lee Minho is a pathetic coward.

All these years, he's kept quiet and for what? There's always a spot reserved for him right next to you and yet, it feels like he can only watch you from the sidelines, far away from where it really matters, because he doesn't think he can fit into your life the way he truly wants. You taught him what love was, and love, to Minho, is unattainable. Something he can spend the rest of his life yearning for but won't ever have.

Love hurts. Sometimes, all love does is hurt.

"I would've taken you to a nice restaurant if you asked, you know," he says, putting a chocolate cupcake on the coffee table in front of you before he sits down next to you on the fluffy carpet of your living room. He pulls out a candle next, placing it right in the center of the sweet treat.

Your gaze follows his hand has he lights the candle, your eyes glinting with excitement as though you're a child again and your favorite day of the year is still your birthday. The tiny flame curves and bends, dancing to a rhythm that looks like only you can hear. You watch the candle like it's magic, while Minho just watches you, thinking the same thing.

He watches as you close your eyes and clasp your hands together for the theatrics, then you blow out the flame seconds later with a swift breath.

You turn to him with a smile, "I don't need a nice restaurant. This is perfect."

He blinks, and there's that warmth simmering in his belly again. He first felt it when he was 18, and he feels it now. He feels it almost every moment that he spends with you, and he reckons it's only reasonable, because you're his home personified and love can still be beautiful even when it hurts. There's his heart racing again, but that's nothing new to Minho.

He muses over your words. Perfect. Just one simple word is enough to get his hopes up in a way that it really shouldn't.

Your definition of a birthday well spent is in your cozy apartment, eating takeout pizza with your best friend. Perfect, to you, is him baking you a singular chocolate cupcake upon your request and being with him within these four walls, where his fingers occasionally brush yours when you sit next to each other.

Oh, Minho would follow you to the ends of the earth if you asked him to.

He clears his throat lightly, breaking away from your gaze that's full of gratitude and childlike wonder. "What did you wish for?"

"I'm not gonna tell you. It won't come true then."

Wishes don't come true anyway, he thinks, but obviously he won't say it out loud to you, and on your birthday no less. Instead, he diverts his attention to the cupcake, subconsciously tonguing his cheek as he takes a small chunk of the sweet and offers it to you.

You let him feed you even though your eyes are narrowed. "What was that look?" you ask.

"What look?"

"You had a look."

"No, I didn't," Minho insists.

"Yes, you did. You wanted to say something, didn't you?"

He shrugs, popping a piece of cupcake into his own mouth. The answer is yes, he did want to say something, but if you want to get technical about it, then he's wanted to say something for years now. He asks you the same thing every birthday, What did you wish for?, and you would refuse to tell him every time.

"Wishes don't come true," he verbalizes it this time, with a voice that's lighthearted on purpose despite knowing that you wouldn't take it that seriously either way.

You roll your eyes. "Now you're just being pessimistic."

"What? I'm speaking from experience."

"You've never had a birthday wish come true?"

"My birthday wishes haven't come true since I was 18."

Minho feels your eyes on the side of his face, and when you remain quiet for a beat too long, he turns his attention back to you. "What?"

"How do you know they didn't come true?"

"Because..."

Because you've been my wish for almost a decade now. I didn't use to believe in wishes but I always believed in you. Every year, I wish for you to look at me the way I look at you, but it never comes true. Every year, I wish that you would love me back, not just as a friend, but you never do. You are my wish, but you're also the very reason why I know wishes don't come true.

Then he's laughing, but nothing is remotely funny about this. It's your birthday and suddenly all he can think about is how much it stings to be reminded that you're the only thing he'll ever wish for, and still, maybe this simple wish is absurd enough that the universe will never grant him what he truly wants.

"Never mind," he says. "This whole thing is silly."

There he goes, biting his tongue again. Coward.

"No, what were you going to say?"

"You're so bossy today," Minho pretends to complain.

"It's my birthday. Tell me," you press on, and suddenly he can't find any appreciation for your stubbornness that he's adored all his life. You keep your eyes fixed on him when all he wants to do is hide from you.

What is he supposed to say to you? What can he even say? That he's spent more than a third of his life hopelessly enamored with you? That the second he utters any of this out loud, he knows it will be the end of your friendship?

And Minho can't afford to lose you. Even if it hurts, he would rather let love hurt than live in the absence of you.

"Eat your cupcake," he says instead. "I'll get some ice cream."

He makes a move to get up, and the bad habit further cements its place in his subconscious. He's always running away from you when you're supposed to be the person he can be the most open with. This is how he knows he doesn't deserve you.

But you reach for his wrist and it makes him still, the feeling of your hand sliding downward to hold onto his fingers. He's used to the feeling of your smaller hand in his, used to how he can hear his heartbeat in his ears whenever you lace your fingers together.

What he isn't accustomed to, is the look on your face this very second, akin to the one you wore two years ago as you sat on the other side of his kitchen island, asking him if you should go.

Expectant and hopeful; you're holding something back too.

The words that slip from your lips are ones that he never imagined you would say to him.

"I've waited for you long enough."

His poor excuse of retrieving ice cream is all but forgotten as he stares at you, doe-eyed and despairingly confused. "What is that supposed to mean?"

You take a breath, and Minho wonders if this is how he looked every time he wanted to say something only to back down in the end.

Then it all comes rushing out.

"For a while, I thought there might've been something between us, something more than just friendship. I don't know why I thought that, I just had a feeling. On the day of our graduation, I thought you would finally kiss me or at least say something, but you didn't. Whenever I went on dates, I wanted you to tell me not to go, that I was wasting my time with those guys that couldn't make me laugh because they weren't you. You never said anything, you never did anything. I waited every birthday just like I waited tonight. You're still holding it over me and I'm starting to wonder if you really love me too or if I imagined everything this whole time."

Your voice gets smaller toward the end, almost as if the uncertainty takes over you the longer he remains silent. He doesn't have the words for it, doesn't really have the mental capacity to process all of what you just professed. Years and years of longing, of hoping that you would come running into his arms the same way you did on the morning of your thesis defense, and it turns out that you were always the one waiting for him to reach you.

If you really love me too.

Your fingers start to loosen around his but Minho doesn't let you get away, not now and not ever again. Not when he finally knows that he's burnt up enough of your time just because he was too stuck in his head to see that you were holding a hand out for him all along.

He pulls you into his orbit and he likes to imagine that somewhere out there in the infinite universe, two stars collide when he kisses you for the first time, long overdue but still heavenly nonetheless.

He's crying but you don't seem to mind the tears. You're kissing him back and it's really all that matters. He can't think straight but he adores you to the point that his lungs ache.

"I love you," he mumbles against your lips. The sentiment comes out clumsy, half coherent but wholeheartedly sincere. "I'm sorry. I love you, I love you, fuck, I love you."

You're the one who breaks the kiss first, with your hand on his chest gently pushing him away. Panic instantly shoots through him like a lightning strike. These are the words he's been holding back for years, did he not even say them right? Did he fuck things up yet again?

You brush the tears from his cheeks, your voice so impossibly soft when you ask, "Do you mean it?"

Minho splinters into a million pieces, of course he does.

Your name falls from his lips, sounding like a prayer, like the most tender plea that's ever been uttered, "I love you the most. I'm so in love with you that it hurts. I've been yours for so long and I never said anything. Fuck, I-I'm sorry. I love you so much. I'm sorry. I-"

You bring his face to yours once more, shushing him with a kiss that makes him putty in your hands. You tell him that it's okay, and you kiss him like you forgive him. The world could be ending right now, and he doesn't think that either of you would even care very much.

Because you're the only wish of his life, and you kiss him as though you want to make up for the lost years. Because Minho feels like he's 18 again and you're the most beautiful girl in the world, wearing a smile that leaves him breathless in the most wonderful way possible.

all rights reserved © withleeknow. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted 06.05.2024]

[sadokasochism]

For me, the most heartbreaking aspect of Ivan is that the poor clueless bastard didn't have the tools to express his affection in any way that didn't involve violence or manipulation, or weren't too inscrutable, quiet, or unseen to be picked up by Till.

I definitely interpret Ivan as autistic for several reasons, a big one being their Segyein teacher's notes about him:

It's just. Classic ND behaviour to me.

Not only does expressing emotion and communicating the way other kids do not come naturally to Ivan, but it's not as if he's been given a great example of coping with this from the Segyein.

Ivan managed to mask in a way that made him popular with other students, and got him in the good graces of their captors. He did everything expected of him to survive and thrive in this environment.

Then he meets Till, inscrutable and very different to the other kids, just like Ivan is. Except, Till doesn't mask. He doesn't change or try to endear himself to their captors, and he doesn't bend to anyone, no matter how much he is hurt and punished for it.

This is a new situation for Ivan, and he's never had anything to compare his feelings to. He also can't figure out how to communicate with Till, every interaction, no matter how well meaning, seems to end in failure.

I bring your attention to the cheer up comic, and how, again, autistic this interaction feels:

There could be many reasons why Ivan chose to say what he did, but to me it feels like ND bluntness not being received well. And that's fair! From Till's perspective Ivan is being a jerk for no good reason.

Instead of responding with glee towards Till laying him out (as we see from Ivan when they're a bit older), Ivan justs seems... really confused. Like he didn't expect that statement to upset Till that much, and he didn't expect Till to respond in the way he did. Everything was fine a second ago, what went wrong?

Then, Ivan uses the phrase he learned from Till in an attempt to self sooth. It might have been the first example of comfort after an injury/hurt he had ever seen, given how he defaults to it. And it was from Till trying to cheer up a flower.

This also shows some of Till's blindspots. He has grown up having to be vigilant, because violence and hurt have been a core part of his upbringing. This leads to anything he doesn't immediately, clearly understand being perceived as a threat or a slight, and so he reacts violently to Ivan's statement.

I'll also draw your attention to this comic where, as far as we know, Ivan is simply stating a true fact in a blunt manner:

In my interpretation, these types of interactions keep adding up, and Ivan is grasping at straws the whole time, trying to be closer to Till and failing every time.

Eventually, the only surefire way to get Till's attention is to piss him off, provoke him, manufacture scenarios to talk to him. I'm not excusing this behaviour, but I understand where Ivan could be coming from, from the perspective of both an emotionally immature/stunted child and/or an ND child.

Despite how much they fight and bicker, at every moment it really mattered, Ivan was there for Till. It was always Ivan coming to free him, to take off his collar or gag, and it was Ivan who led their escape.

Ivan couldn't leave Till behind when he went back for Mizi. Even with the confirmation that Till would choose Mizi over Ivan every time, Ivan couldn't leave him.

The miscommunication goes two ways though. It's insane to think that Till didn't care about Ivan at all. They were close as kids, and I doubt Till ever forgot about the escape he gave up.

We have the graduation messages, where Ivan is able to write something that could be reasonably interpreted as affectionate or fond towards Till.

Meanwhile, Till's message-

If we're being charitable with our interpretations, we can say this was Till's way of saying 'of course I remember you' and attempting to communicate that Ivan HAD left a lasting impact on him.

However, how could any reasonable person be expected to get THAT out of 'you stole my fucking pencil'? Ivan could have taken this one of two ways:

1) Omg he remembers me 🥰

2) he leans into his 'i will never be loved back' bias and thinks that Till really doesn't care about him at all

Who the hell knows what goes through that weird little brain of his. But given how Round 6 went, and what Ivan had to say in the confession comic, he obviously didn't think his impact was significant enough.

Then Alien Stage happens, and in Round 3 Ivan is FINALLY communicating his feelings in a way that is vulnerable and might even have a chance of being understood as love and yearning!

Till is unconscious through it until the very end.

Then in the next round, Mizi goes missing, and Till can't care about anything anymore.

Ivan finds him after the private performance, takes off his gag, and just holds him. Again, Till is unconscious for all of this.

Then, in Round 6, not only is Till distraught from the disappearance of Mizi, but he's given no time to process what the fuck is going on before Ivan is dead at his feet. Till might have finally had a chance to really understand where Ivan was coming from, how he really felt all this time, and Ivan DIES.

And still, Ivan's most transparent act of affection? It's delivered with violence. He's kissing a distraught Till who tries to push him away, and neither of them are happy. He puts his hands around Till's neck, not really hurting him, but it's enough to look convincing for the cameras, and it's enough for Till to go limp and wait for death. Ivan's final loving act is to give Till a soft look with blood pouring out of his mouth, that Till still does not see, and then let go before falling to the ground.

It's just a collection of failures. We see from Ivan that he truly loved Till, made a lot of selfless decisions for his sake, was filled with so much longing and affection, but he just couldn't get it across in a way that doesn't seem fucking deranged from an outsider's perspective. And when he DID manage to communicate his feelings more clearly, it was to a Till that was unconscious, or too distracted/dense/traumatised to see Ivan's actions as ones of love.

There's no guarantee that Till would have reciprocated even if Ivan had managed to communicate his feelings in a healthier way, but there was at least a CHANCE. At least Ivan could have gotten some closure, even if he was rejected.

Instead Ivan died thinking he was completely unloved by the person who he cared about more than anything else, and his last ditch effort to make Till understand was deeply flawed and uncomfortable.

If these kids had grown up any other way, maybe they could have had a chance. Unfortunately, the world they were in didn't equip them to not hurt eachother in their attempts to grow closer.

[cepheustarot]

What will attract your future spouse in you?

Attention! This reading is for entertainment purposes only. This tarot reading does not give a 100% guarantee that all the described situations will occur or being ultimate truth. You build your own life and destiny and only you know yourself best.

Paid readings

Pick a pile. Choose one or more pictures. Trust your intuition.

Pile 1: I can say that you are already attractive in yourself, you have a beautiful, charming appearance and your charisma attracts people! You are one of those who knows how to start a conversation, always find a topic for him and you can also maintain a dialogue, any topic, you look like an interested interlocutor and your future spouse will immediately notice this in you, he will be very pleased that you are so attentively and enthusiastically participating in a conversation with him. You are a versatile person in yourself, you may have many hobbies or fields of activity, you are one of those who are open to new things and curiously plunges into all the unknown for you. Also your future spouse will be very attracted by your emotionality, you are clearly one of those who has a lively bright speech, who has a bright facial expression, he is attracted by how you vividly react to any details. As I said, you are quite a versatile person who likes to try something new and he will also like it in you. He respects in you that you do not give up after the first failure but try again, try new approaches, methods, he appreciates your diligence and dedication, the desire to achieve your goal. He also respects your ability to adapt to any situation, in this regard you are a flexible person and you react quickly to changes, you know how to adapt to them. You also adjust the dialogue to the form of communication that is convenient for both of you, this also attracts him very much. He generally sees you as the soul of the company, an open and brave person, and he admires and attracts you very much. You can also sometimes playfully flirt and flirt, but at the same time it looks neat and unobtrusive, which warms up interest in you.

Pile 2: Your future spouse is attracted by your maturity, wisdom, and life experience, and you generally look like a knowledgeable person who has achieved a lot in his life. You are also characterized by emotional maturity, you do not worry about any little things and minor reasons, you are calm enough and can keep this calm even in stressful situations; you are not one of those who succumb to panic and emotions, you are exactly the one who is already thinking through a plan of action, how to cope with a difficult task, with a difficult situation, with problems. He respects such personality traits very much, he sees you as a really adult and responsible person! You are also one of those who does not flatter people and does not exaggerate in words, you openly and honestly say your opinion, what you think about people's actions, what you think about this or that person in general — and your future spouse really appreciates your openness, honesty, straightforwardness. At the same time your honest opinion does not offend people, on the contrary, they just respect what you tell them, respect your words, because they can see in you some kind of mentor. Your future spouse is also attracted to the fact that you are easy-going, easily take on something new, you can make decisions quickly and not regret them, in general, this is your speed and attracts him, maybe because you two have the same pace of life, the pace of action! Also he is attracted by your passion for business, you can literally burn with new ideas, your activities, and such dedication to something he admires.

Pile 3: Your future spouse is attracted by the fact that you are a fairly active person who finds it difficult to sit still, you can always figure out how to dispel boredom, what to do, you are never bored. He likes your sense of humor, your jokes really seem funny and funny to him, he feels on the same page with you, he is very comfortable with you. You may also have the feeling that you have known each other for much longer, since in a short time you could really get very close. He is also attracted to the fact that you know how to find a way out of any situation, you know how to resolve any dispute and problem, you know how to find an approach to each person and in general you are one of those who have a ready-made plan for all occasions. He really appreciates your creativity, your non-standard approach to business, perhaps you also tend to think outside the box, you may have a strongly developed lateral thinking. It's also easy for you to study any topic, you literally absorb information like a sponge and you always have something to tell. It's your frankness that attracts him, he likes that you share any thoughts with them whether it's some of your reflections on philosophical topics or funny stories from childhood, or in general a story about how your day went. You know how to present information in such a way that everyone will listen to you attentively and with interest, you can tell a very fascinating story.

Thank you for reading! I will be glad of any feedback 🖤

[vaaaaaiolet]

f / m, angsty ooooh. you guys are exes. leon drops you off at a party after your car goes kaput and defies logic by staying. cue sad baby tate mcrae era worthy breakdown.

a/n: i’m supposed to be on hiatus rn but i‘m at a party where i don’t like anyone and no one likes me so i’m #thuggingitout by writing fanfic on my phone 🔥 no i’m not projecting anything onto leon. no i didn’t melt off my mascara crying to girl in new york by role model or her by the american dawn. mobile docs is so ass pls forgive any goofs 🙏

word count: 902 // read on ao3 // drabble masterlist

In hindsight, he never should’ve picked up your call. Leon’s standing in the furthest corner of the living room, here at your friend’s party tonight, nursing a red Solo (so that’s why they named it that) cup full of something too watered down to dream of taking any edge off, figuring out why it’s common fucking sense to let the phone keep ringing when your ex calls.

But he just can’t help himself when it comes to you. Never could.

Leon doesn’t know anyone here. He didn’t think about that part either. The last thing he remembers is dropping everything to pick you up at the side of the road where your car gave out. There you were, sat on the curb looking like a Barbie fresh out the box. Dressed in a shimmering little number he couldn’t remember paying for unlike all the ones before. Tears gelling your eyes. Chin tucked over knees spattered with new, purpling bruises he’ll never know the story behind. Didn’t know who else to call. 

(But he knows it must’ve been your bathroom cabinets. You’d become a hurricane in there when you got ready, always tripping over the stupid jut-out handles on the bottom. He used to kiss the little galaxies on your knees all better. 

It took every fiber of his being to not bend down again when you finally looked up at his face.)

Call it morbid curiosity. Leon wanted to know where you were going tonight that had you in such a rush to get out the door. What else is his insomnia supposed to ruminate over later? So he paid the towing fees, opened his passenger door for the first time in forever, and kept his mouth zipped while you typed in your friend’s address on the GPS. Zipped besides the minimum, you know:

Are you okay?

Does it still hurt?

No use thinking about it still.

– all about your car, of course.

Leon needn’t have bothered trying to calm you down on the drive here. You’d patted your bruises back to health with spare makeup from your bag. Your heels didn’t wobble when he followed you to your friend’s doorstep to make sure you got there safe, not even when she insisted he stay – new friend, Leon realized. She didn’t recognize your ex. You simply hadn’t known her long enough to tell the story. Clearly, you haven’t been shutting yourself off from the world like him. He should be happy you’re doing better.

Different people have different coping strategies, Leon soothes himself with a swirl of his cup. 

But two can play at that game. He doesn’t even miss you. 

Except in the mornings and evenings, and on weekdays and weekends. He didn’t think twice in the car about pressing a kiss to the back of your hand whenever the traffic lights turned red – just at the first one. There’s no need for an actress in his dreams when he can go at a punching bag long enough to tempt dawn, creeping through his semi-permanently shuttered windows. And he’s never been a song person either. Your laugh replaying in his head keeps him occupied on the longest drives. It’s not like it stings to even think about ejecting the Jeff Buckley CD you left behind in the console. Did he hallucinate you looking at it on the way here?  

No, Leon’s never wondered if you still think about the way you used to feel in his arms. 

Or how long it took for you to tell your mom that he broke your heart.

When is your friend going to start glaring daggers at him?

That thought sets him straight. He can leave. He should leave. You’re a smart girl. You’d figure out a ride home and Leon could use a drink more than anyone here. 

You’d told him a story once: of a tiger chasing a monk down a cliff. The monk, too panicked to change direction, had ran right off the precipice, managing to grab on to a solitary grapevine as the tiger licked his chops from above. All Leon had gathered was that the guy was a goner. A pancake whether he gets gulped or falls victim to gravity. 

You said there was a lesson here, sweetheart. He’s just going to die. 

Okay, okay! So there he is, the tiger’s about to eat him, the vine’s starting to give way. He’s completely doomed. Then he notices a bunch of grapes growing off the end of it.

The vine?

Yeah. 

So they’re magic grapes? Do they save him somehow?

He uses one arm to hang onto the vine and the other to pluck a grape off the bunch. He pops it into his mouth. And it’s the sweetest grape he’s ever tasted. 

The monk falls to his death. Obviously. It didn’t matter to Leon, not when he’d tickled you to tears under the covers, his tired laugh drowned out by yours that sounds like tinkling bells, begged you to tell a different story before he turns the light off. Leon’s always the one telling stories for a reason. All his have endings that make sense.

But then he sees you in the center of the room, shining brighter than any mirrorball, laughing that same laugh, one he hasn’t heard for so long that it shatters his ribs – and he stays. 

How sweet the rim of his Solo cup tastes.

the monk story is a zen parable i got from my fav short story of all time, maria of the grapes by jen silverman pls read her book the island dwellers i beg

click for my full drabble collection, and find more of my work here!

comments and reblogs are very much appreciated <3

[turningbloodypages]

could you do cullens (or just emmett) x reader with aspd?

Of course! 🫶 apologies for inaccuracies, i did as much research as i could

“You know i’m good on my own… you know, it’s more the being unknown.”

The Cullens/ASPD!reader

Edward

Though he doesn’t fully understand, he can relate to the general disregard for others

He let’s you stay close to him whenever you’re around other people, and tries his best to help regulate

You can’t really lie to him because he can read your mind, which is frustrating at times but it helps to break the habit

Your seemingly nonexistent worry about your safety tends to stress him out, but he does his best to keep you out of trouble

Distracts you by reading to you or taking you out into the woods with him

Got all your classes changed so he could keep you calm while at school

Deescalates any fights you may or may not get into

Overall just fusses over you all the time, trying to make sure you’re alright and everything

Alice

She knew what she was getting into, and she loves you all the same

Loves to sing to you to keep you regulated

Get’s upset when you lie to her or do something to hurt her feelings, but she tries not to show it too much

Any time you get into any complications in public she simply drags you to an empty room or bathroom

Which is frustrating at first but it usually works in terms of keeping you from getting hurt

Tries to work through your impulses by taking you to do the most adrenaline boosting things she can think of

I.E cliff jumping, running as fast as possible through the woods, taking you hunting with her

She loves having fun, and would rather work through things in an exciting way than try and pretend that you don’t get impulsive

Talks you out of trouble whenever you do end up getting yourself into it

She is quite the charmer

Rosalie

Like Edward, she can relate

Spends most of her time with you locked away in her room, doing something mundane like reading or watching a movie

Her approach is to just keep you from getting triggered

When you do inevitably get impulsive, she hypes you up and lets you take your frustration out

Once took you out into the woods to shoot nail guns out of trees

Let you tire yourself out and then takes you home to take care of you

Gives you a warm bath and sings you lullubies

Emmett

Would definitely take you to a rage room

Tries to make you laugh whenever you get upset

This works most of the time

Distracts you with the most ridiculous games

You’ll be about to get into a fight and he’ll go “if you can beat me to that tree i’ll take you to get ice cream”

Other honorable mentions are attempting to beat him arm wrestling (he puts up a good fight but lets you win once you tire yourself out)

Playing baseball with him and his brothers when you’ve had a hard day

Tree climbing contests

Trying to catch squirrels (surprisingly difficult for all parties involved)

Will also resort to bear hugs if necessary

You can’t punch anybody if you’re in the muddle of having being squeezed half to death

Jasper

His ability to influence emotions is a huge help

He’s able to keep you calm in most situations

When he can’t, he’s good at talking you through impulses

He understands what it feels like to have a lack of control, and he teaches you coping methods and ways to stay calm

Finds new hobbies for you guys to try together to distract from stress

Can tell when you’re lying to him, but usually doesn’t say anything

He lets you tell the truth and come to him when you’re ready

Lots of physical touch therapy

Always holding your hand whenever you go anywhere, making sure to keep you focused on him and not the crowds

Carlisle

His medical background makes it easy for him to help you

He figures out what triggers you and stays prepared for any situation

Lots of talk therapy and discussing your feelings

He’s very civil when it comes to any altercation you may get into

Never gets angry with you, but makes sure to talk to you about what happened and discuss how you can cope better next time

He understands that it wont always be easy, and he’s there to support you on hard or stressful days

Never forces you to do anything your uncomfortable with

Likes to take you out to quiet places (library, hiking trails, etc) to try and help you cope better with being around others

But will gladly have a night in with you if you request

Esme

Doesn’t understand at first why you wouldn’t enjoy being around others

But she does her research and learns how to help

Likes cooking and baking and having you help her

Will plan the most elaborate movie/cuddle nights

Loves reading to you, singing, anything you want

Reminds you that the way you feel is okay and that she’s always there to talk

Never forces you to open up, but it the best at helping when you do

She gives wonderful advice

Always makes sure that the rest of her family knows how to support you in case she’s not there

Be prepared for the most kisses

Vampire!Bella

Tries her best to get it

She knows what it feels like to not really want to be around other people, but thats the extent of her understanding

Very protective of you, even when you don’t need it

Stands up for you whenever you get into disagreements/fights, makes sure nobody gets hurt

She was never too good at talking about her feelings, so she never pushes you to do the same

Always there if you do reach out though

Would get frustrated over lying/attempted manipulation, but reminds herself that it’s not exactly your fault

Would do petty crime with you

[cornerdreams-txt]

quick headcanons about the new characters in the bo6 crew :)

black ops 6 was phenomenal, btw. i loved it. please come talk to me about it. please. please. please. please. please. pl

★ william "case" calderon

— known to dissociate or space out frequently, but is easily pulled out of it. it's on his record, but it's never caused enough problems for command to really get concerned about it.

— fidgets with his holsters when he's on edge. it's too quiet, or he's waiting for something to happen, he'll rub his fingers against the leather of the straps, or catch his nail on the metal of the buckles, over and over again. even if the weapon inside, blade or gun, is already drawn.

— seems uneasy around smoke or fog, shifty eyes and a pinched brow, but whenever its brought up, he's confused. seems like he has no idea that air that's... thicker, maybe, is a good descriptor, seems to put him on edge.

— unbothered by bugs, snakes, and any kind of creepy-crawly. seems to enjoy them, if anything - helped handle spiders and other insects or pests that found their way into the safehouse. biting insects seem to love him, though - mosquitoes especially. probably a blood type thing, right?

— avid horror enjoyer. seems uneasy about human experimentation, though. him and woods both seem to dislike that kind of trope.

★ troy marshall

— art is a coping skill, and hobby, of sorts. he keeps a pocket sketchbook and a handful of pens in his pockets whenever he can so he can pull it out when the inspiration arises.

— the longer the group stayed in the safehouse, the more that sketchbook filled up with portraits and still life sketches. people, interactions, architecture, sunrises, scenery. memories, ones troy couldn't help but want to capture.

— definitely a motorcyclist. did you see how he handled that bike with case on the back of it? that was NOT this man's first rodeo. 110% has a motorbike of his own. his biker jackets cycle in and out of his daily wardrobe at seemingly random.

— terrible cook. cannot make complex dishes to save his life. can follow instructions, sure, and makes a damn good sandwhich, but do not trust him to make soup or anything of the sort from scratch.

— ...isn't terrible at cooking meat, though. says he learned how to grill from his parents, but didn't really give the team many chances to see for themselves.

— seems to almost act as an older brother figure to the team instinctively. based on how he responds to jokes about him being a mother hen, it doesn't seem like he realizes he does it. (it is welcome, though. the compassion is nice, in such a harsh field)

★ sevati dumas

— very task oriented. you give her a goal and the right motivation, and she'll do it. very very headstrong, though. doesn't like taking orders unless compensated properly.

— food motivated. loves a good savory dish. enjoys exploring other cultures through that. but, no, she will not accept food as payment. nice try.

— good at acting lax and unbothered, but does, in fact, care very deeply. she's empathetic, but forces herself not to show it. she's had that be taken advantage of once, and she refuses to let that happen again.

— very reluctant to get attached or form connections to others, see her admitting she's only with the team until she gets paid. but she still hangs around felix, and she still tries to talk to troy when harrow's fellowship with the pantheon was unveiled. seems like she's not perfect when it comes to avoiding getting attached, is she?

— vibes only but like. i feel like she wants a little sibling. she wants someone she can take care of. she wants to be a good family member to someone, but having a child... no. she refuses to be a mother. she doesn't want to be a wife. she wants to be her own person. (she'd make a great godmother. or aunt. if she had the chance, and if she tried)

★ felix neumann

— if this man isn't autistic i am going to swallow a leather jacket whole like a snake. by the way. just sayin.

— the gloves were a paranoia result. they're metaphorical, sure, a reminder to himself not to harm anyone else, no taking another human life, but also a horrible, creeping paranoia eased in, of "what if they find your fingerprints," "what if you get blood on your hands again," "what if what if what if" until he could only ease it by wearing gloves. worked nicely, in the end. taking them off was... cathartic. to say the least.

— probably an anarchist? the vibes are there. hates society. hates government. wants to dismantle it all and start from scratch. that's the vibe.

— you... my special little man, get the nature autism. this guy can go on for hours and hours about the critters case finds around the safehouse, and case listens attentively and happily. also fantastic at foraging, has dozens of safe-to-eat and unsafe-to-eat plants stored away in his brain, and can rattle off the facts at a moment's notice.

— not the best hunter, but is, amusingly, better with a bow when it comes to hunting than he is with a gun.

— would code simple video games (think similar vibes to the chrome dinosaur game) to play for fun if he got bored enough. good thing he's excellent at finding things to distract himself with, no?

★ jane harrow

— photography lover. not fantastic about herself, but she'll sit and analyze photos taken by others for minutes on end, noting all the little details captured by a camera lense freezing the moment in time.

— does the same with drawn art. paint, sketch, whatever, she'll sit and analyze every little detail she can and point it all out. she loves noticing the details. calling attention to them. letting the artist know, if she can, that she sees all the effort they put into their work.

— her guilty pleasure? window shopping for stuffed animals. always writes it off as being for her niece, or a friend's child, but she wants to collect them. there's something soft, precious, genuine and uncomplicated about plush toys. but she's an adult. she can't afford to be so childish.

— ...alongside the drawing troy made of her, she still also keeps the little teddy bear he insisted on buying for her as a thank you gift, once. but that one isn't in her office. she hides it, away from prying eyes.

— mildly claustrophobic. she can push through it, and she will, when it comes to what her job demands of her, but she likes to avoid enclosed spaces when she can get away with it. it's... easier. feels less like being cornered. (she dances around the real reason she hates it. she never wants to be stuck hiding in a closet, or tucked under a little girl's bed ever, ever again.)

[sunderwight]

SV AU where Shen Yuan transmigrates into a kind of mimicry demon.

He still gets tasked by the System with replacing Shen Qingqiu, except this time he actually has to pull off an imposter role on multiple levels, while the real Shen Qingqiu is stuck in a coma due to his qi deviation. Initially he thinks the situation is going to be temporary -- just take over until he figure out how to get the original goods to wake up -- but Shen Jiu's condition proves to be more difficult to repair than just waiting. Shen Yuan buys special side missions from the System to find items and artifacts to keep Shen Jiu alive, mainly because he doesn't want to be stuck playing this part until Luo Binghe kills him, but also after the first couple of times Shen Jiu regains some consciousness (not enough to leave his bed), Shen Yuan starts to feel kind of... bad for him. Too. Despite everything.

Shen Jiu, of course, is deeply suspicious of this doppelganger that has obviously taken advantage of his weakness to infiltrate the sect and steal his identity. He initially theorizes that the creature must be keeping him alive because it needs some aspect of his vitality in order to keep posing as him, but as they share more encounters is forced to concede that the thing might just be insane? And weirdly softhearted. Over time and by feigning sleep to listen in on Shen Yuan's muttering, he figures out that this all has something to do with Luo Binghe, which he's not pleased about. But he can't deduce what. (Luo Binghe doesn't get to move into the side room in this version of the story, because Shen Yuan has the house on lockdown for obvious reasons, but he does still get to make Shizun's meals!)

Anyway, Shen Jiu doesn't manage to conveniently wake up before the Immortal Alliance Conference. Shen Yuan has to throw Luo Binghe in, which he hates, but along the way he manages to recover that magical flower macguffin that won't work on Without-a-Cure (which he doesn't have in this AU because his species is immune to it), brews a tea that finally fixes Shen Jiu, and then fucks off to go mope about Binghe being in the Abyss.

Shen Jiu doesn't tell anyone about his demonic replacement, for a variety of reasons. One, he's punishing the other peak lords for not figuring it out themselves. Two, he's punishing himself for the fact that a literal demon replaced him for like 3 years and everyone considered it an improvement. Because it was. Three, he has mixed feelings that might potentially amount to not wanting to hunt down and kill Shen Yuan, but he's not admitting that even to himself.

Everyone thinks that Shen Qingqiu's return to asshole form is a result of Luo Binghe dying, and that his sudden new research projects are part of him like, trying to make sense of a senseless tragedy, and coping. But no, he's still trying to figure out why the fuck Luo Binghe was important and why Shen Yuan inserted himself into their lives only to basically just do Shen Qingqiu's job while he was indisposed, and then fuck off the moment Luo Binghe left the picture again.

After... healing Shen Jiu. Also. For some unfathomable reason.

But this version of the System's just happy that the plot is back on track! And surely it will stay back on track. Yes? Problem solved, right? Shen Yuan? Definitely nothing is going to mess with the rest of the story, cough cough, wait why are you visiting User 01, and what would you, a demon shapeshifter, need with a Sun & Dew seed...?

[wyervan]

I had a couple of thoughts about slasher Smoon! one of them more silly than the other >.> First question: How would Sun handle the situation, if he ended up saying hi to one of those friendly stray cats, but then he got stuck with an EEEEXTRA clingy one? like, one that keeps rubbing on his legs with every step, tries to Velcro onto him, wont let him go back inside alone XD how much would his mind break down due to his own kindness being his weakness? Question 2: Why does Moon have such a twisted sense of humor and entertainment? has he always been like that? or did something cause him to just become really unhinged and violent? or... is he just a lil fuqed up, and has a weird fascination with blood n' gore for no apparent reason? >_> don't feel forced to answer super fast, or if you're not comfortable with what I asked!! I hope you're having a good week so far!! I love seeing your posts, your goofiness makes me smile X3

Sun thinking he successfully shut the back door on the cat, locks it, spins on his heel and looks down… only to see the little guy twirling figure eights around his legs. Getting fur all over Sun’s khakis 😝.

Every time he tries to pick it up to lightly toss it back outside, it melts out of his grasp like mercury. Sun muttering about diseases and dander and the carpet getting scratched up while he chases it around the arcade.

Gives up when the cat curls up on Moon’s chest while he’s sleeping on the break room couch. It is very cute, Sun will admit. He will consider the arcade having a mascot. Just hopes the cat doesn’t try using the ballpit…. for any unintended purpose…*shutter*

Question 2: Moon’s always been a bit of a freak. And he wears it on his sleeve. I can’t delve too far into “why he like that tho” without revealing more than I’d like to at this time, but there’s certainly violence in his past (and his present, and his future). Dark humor is just one way he copes with his reality.

[wake-me-up-inside-imagines]

A Charlie craven (I think that is how it's spelled) X nurodivergint reader specifically autistic or ADHD or both if its no trouble its ok if you don't want to

Yeah no problem! I'm gonna stick to autism for this post because I don't have ADHD and I fear trying to write for it will end up with me falling into stereotypes, but if you would still like an ADHD post, I'll be happy to write one!

Yandere! Mafia Boss With A Darling Who Has Autism

gn! reader

Warnings: kidnapping, implied torture involving skin (not on reader), overstimulation, intentional and unintentional infantilization, obsession, mentioned fighting, Charlie doesn't know much about autism but he's learning

Divider credit goes to: @enchanthings-a

-I feel like Charlie would be pretty understanding of an autistic darling, all things considered. Of course, kidnapping you and forcing you into a new environment wasn't so great, especially if you already weren't good with change to begin with, but he had expected a bad reaction, so it was kind of par for the course.

-Having said that, Charlie does do everything he can to keep your environment as comfortable as possible. He already learned your likes and dislikes through stalking you, so your room will already be decked out in the most comfortable, least overstimulating decorations, textures, and colors by the time you get there. The change is horrifying and so is the situation, but you can't really complain about the room. That's been decorated to perfection. Charlie also tries to keep the rest of the house relatively friendly to your needs, but it might take awhile to fix some things, depending on the previous furnishing and your preferences.

-Charlie's naturally pretty blunt with his thoughts and emotions, so he doesn't have a hard time communicating efficiently with you. He's always made himself very clear with what he wants to convey, and while he's much gentler with you than his employees, that habit doesn't die. He just uses a nicer tone when speaking to you. When there are mix ups in communication, he doesn't get upset. You ask him for clarification or he'll see your confusion and he immediately clarifies whatever it is he was talking about, barely giving the miscommunication a second thought. he truly doesn't get bothered by it, he gets it. As long as you understand what he's saying by the end of it, all is good.

-Because Charlie's super protective of you, you don't often get the chance to interact with others besides him (at least at first). However, in the event that you do end up in social situations, Charlie makes sure you're always comfortable and in the loop with what's going on. If there's some social cue you're not picking up on, Charlie will be sure to clarify for you. He's not very subtle about it so it can be embarrassing and borderline infantilizing, but he's not doing it on purpose. He just wants to include you fully, and telling you how it is tends to be Charlie's go to. If you give him a better way to communicate possibly missed social cues he'll quickly adapt, but if you don't say anything he'll carry on they way he normally does.

-One thing that does drive Charlie a little crazy is a lack of eye contact, but if you're someone who struggles with that, he tries not to blame you. He's aware it's not your fault and it's not like you're trying to be rude, so he has no real reason to complain. He just likes connecting with you via eye contact, but he'll figure out ways to cope with the lack of it appropriately.

-One thing you and Charlie have in common is the tendency to have more black and white thought patterns. It can lead to some pretty heated arguments if you two can't get the other to understand your point of view. It'll take a decent amount of work and communication to work that out, and it's something you two may need to start getting better at. Still, it's nice to have someone who can relate to similar thought patterns, even if it creates issues sometimes.

-Charlie often does his best to keep anything that could trigger your sensory issues to a minimum, but he is naturally pretty loud, which might cause some issues. Still, he'll try to keep his voice at a reasonable level if you ask him to. He'll also do his best to control other aspects that might trigger you like textures, air quality, temperature, brightness, stuff like that. It's not too hard considering how much money he has at his disposal to change things out if need be, it's more an adjustment in terms of remembering what's ok and what isn't. He's pretty good at remembering though, only the best for his darling, right?

-If you do happen to get overwhelmed or overstimulated, Charlie makes sure to bring you to a dark, quiet spot in the house. He's not sure exactly how to comfort you, if you want to be touched, if he should say anything, so he'll probably shuffle around awkwardly and wait for you to tell him what to do. He doesn't want to make things worse for you, after all. He'll mostly just end up sitting relatively close you without touching you directly, nervously rocking back and forth while he watches you try to calm down. He hates when you feel like this, especially since you describe overstimulation as having something crawl or poke around in your skin. As someone who's inflicted skin related torture on people before, it is not an experience he wants you to go through. Ever.

-On the topic of hyperfixations, Charlie doesn't really understand them, at least when you first explain it to him. He'll indulge you of course, buying you anything and everything related to whatever you may be obsessing over while listening to you talk nonstop about it, but he doesn't really understand why you feel so strongly about something seemingly unimportant. Why do you care so much about some random piece of media, or a band, or something of the like? Sure it's entertaining, but is it that cool?

-And then he realizes that he's just as obsessed with you as you are with your hyper fixation, and honestly, he's even more offended. Why can't you focus your devotion onto him, like he's done to you? Why does a something so insignificant grasp your attention more then him? Is he not good enough? Does he not entertain you enough? Is e not loving you enough? What more can he do to prove he deserves to be the focus of your obsession?

-Yeah he doesn't really understand the difference between being harmlessly obsessed with a piece of media and being obsessed with a real person to the point of stalking and kidnapping, but uh...that's neither here nor there.

-The biggest downside to being with Charlie as an autistic person is his habit of infantilizing you, but you have to understand that it's not because of your autism, it's because he's insane. No matter who his darling is, autistic or not, he'll treat them like they're much more fragile then they actually are. Because you're a civilian, he believes you to be much more weak then him, both in mind and in body. It's for this reason that he babies you to near death. He wants to spoil you rotten, but he also sees you as beneath him, in a way. Like you're someone who needs to be coddled and protected rather than a normal person with unique strengths and weaknesses. It has nothing to do wit your autism though, so it's not like he's treating you differently then he would any other darling.

-Overall, he's not too bad with an autistic darling, despite his lack of understanding on the matter. If you can ignore his typical infantilization, you'll probably fare fine.

I hope you enjoyed!