#and honestly? it’s a little healing to just be pieces of shit with them

[madaqueue]

i think everyone should have a toxic selfship . as a treat

[ladyloveandjustice]

A Ranking of the '4 Days of Ohtori: Someday My Revolution Will Come' Revolutionary Girl Utena Game Endings

I was commissioned to do a post ranking the endings of the Revolutionary Girl Utena dating sim based on quality and enjoyment! I did a liveblog for it for it a while ago, see here. If you know nothing about the game, I think you should read it and then come back to this post. It's a fun liveblog!

I was also asked to talk about if any of the endings work out well for the main character (who I call Purple Pigtails).

Basically all of the endings aren't ideal for Perfect Pigtails. Her dad is sick enough she has to leave Ohtori to help him iirc, she doesn't ever get to reconcile with Chigusa even though she badly wanted to (it's implied she had a crush on her despite everything, but she had to basically kill her). She also knows her dad's a piece of shit now, and that both her parents lied to her. I doubt she'll ever trust them again. She may even hate her Dad now. Her family was a lie, and that's very sad. On top of that, several of the endings imply she may come back to Ohtori which is honestly not a good thing for her!!! So none of them really work out for her, but I'm going to talk about which ones work out for her the least and the most as I rank the endings.

My favorite endings of the Utena video game, from best to worst:

Juri Ending

So, after much deliberation my favorite ending is the Juri one. The fact that her response to Purple Pigtails falling in love with her is "sorry, can't just enter a healthy lesbian relationship because I am super committed to this toxic one. You know that girl I painfully pine over while starting at her in my locket? That locket I wish I could throw away? Well I'm giving you your own pining locket to torment you with MY picture. We can be sad lesbians together."

It's just so Juri. Has to spread her unhealthy behavior everywhere. I don't think she knows any other way to deal with this stuff except to put it in a locket, keep it a secret and stare at it longingly. So she assumes Purple Pigtails needs that too. It's just...incredibly funny but also incredibly sad.

Does this ending work out for Purple Pigtails? Not really, no, she has to leave her crush behind and mirror Juri's unhealthy behavior. As long as she has that locket she can never move on or find a girlfriend. I will say she's better off than Juri though, because at least her crush doesn't try to actively torment her every chance she gets. I also think she's more likely to eventually put away the locket than Juri. She only knew Juri four days and isn't quite as fucked up as her. But then again, I could see her go on a similar quest to find Juri someday, like Utena did for her prince...but I don't think Juri will ever be in the position to be what she needs, even if she's healed and moved on. Because no real princes exist.

Then again, the fact Purple Pigtails was able to leave Ohtori at all means she was able to grow up and move on herself. She's accepted that her childhood was never what she thought it was...so maybe such a quest is unlikely. Maybe she will move on pretty quickly. Or maybe being obsessed with Juri means she will be welcomed back to Ohtori soon...

Anthy ending

My second favorite ending is the Anthy ending. The only reason it's lower than the Juri ending is that the washing each other's back scene is a little uncomfortable to watch, knowing Purple Pigtails has no trouble coercing sexual favors from Anthy. Whether this is all part of Anthy's plan or not, she is likely not enjoying this...and yet it's framed fairly comedically, which feels weird.

But otherwise? God it's perfect, so wonderfully absurd, so wonderfully Anthy. Her plan here is so elaborate and there are so many layers. There's also the question of why the hell she even did all this, which is so intriguing.

The way she's so direct with Purple Pigtails, her resentment and cynicism coming out, is great. Purple Pigtails is pretending she wants her, but she only wants power.

She also actively sabotages Utena in the fight in order get with Purple Pigtails. Why?

But after that, she also sabotages Purple Pigtails, deliberately keeping her up all night with uh. possibly sex, (again, uncomfy) to ensure she'll be too tired to concentrate the next day. But she does this so PP will lose to Utena even though Utena doesn't have a sword anymore.

Anthy played PP so thoroughly, but again, why? My theory when I first played this was Anthy was feeling guilty about her inevitable betrayal of Utena and was trying to get with Purple Pigtails, only to immediately realize there's no way PP could become a prince so she goes back to Utena.

But there are a lot of options. Maybe Anthy and/or Akio needed PP to be taken out. She was upsetting their plans somehow, so she needed to be defeated so humiliatingly she'd never try to get with Anthy again. It could explain why PP eventually left in the other endings, maybe she actually hadn't moved on, maybe Akio felt she was too much of a risk (possibly by how things got so complicated with Chigusa, too much of a distraction for the duelists) and kicked her out.

Or maybe this was all to test to find out where she was a prince candidate, and she was found wanting...considering you have to order rose tea as a prerequisite, this one's very possible.

It's all so fascinating. Maybe I should have put it as favorite...ok, let's say it's this and Juri tied.

Obviously this doesn't work out at all from Purple Pigtails Perspective. She becomes a supervillain, she's humiliatingly defeated, and she very well may be stuck at Ohtori for a long time...and fact she doesn't appear in the anime implies she's no longer friends with any of them. Maybe Akio made everyone forget about her. Maybe she was so bitter she rejected them all.

Utena's ending (Romantic Version)

(As a PS... it's very obvious the girls aren't allowed to kiss on the lips in this game, likely because of outside pressure, both Saionji and Miki get lips, while Utena and Juri do the princely forehead kiss (but you could also argue it's because they are the most "princely characters...and imitating the prince kiss is 100% in character for Utena. Also kissing a girl on the lips at this point in the story would pretty much short circuit Utena. Send her into such a lesbian crisis her heart might give out)

This ending is so sweet on the outside, but then you peel a layer back and see how fucked up it is. Utena very deliberately imitates her "prince" here, and that will someday horrify her, that she imitated Akio and got another girl obsessed with princes. And obviously that's very bad for PP too, since the thesis of Utena is the chivalrous prince who will save you is a lie.

Utena's words imply they will meet again and there's not a lot of outcomes that are good for that. One outcome is that PP goes back to Ohtori to find Utena, only to find she's already gone. But then Akio has a replacement Utena, right there. I'm not sure that would even matter, with Anthy gone, there's no way he can like, use her for anything...but he might take his anger at Utena and Anthy out on her. The better option is PP finds Utena in the real world, and sees that she and Anthy are officially girlfriends and have become healthier people. That might be good for her, actually--I'm sure Utena would encourage her to move on, find her own identity, and Utena would still want to be friends. Or she could ignore Utena andsink into bitterness and jealousy.

One of the most screwed up things about this ending is that PP basically loses her individuality and has become a copy of another person. It's not great for her that she's so wrapped up in Utena that it's her identity now. It's very sad just like it was with Anthy in the manga.

So no, I don't think this ending goes well for Purple Pigtails at all. She loses who she is, becomes obsessed with something that's just a false patriarchal idol, and that makes her vulnerable to Ohtori. Her only hope is finding Utena in the real world, and Utena making up for her past mistake.

Miki's ending

It was such a chore to get to this ending, but it's worth it for how funny it is. Purple Pigtails immediately deciding she actually wasn't in love with Miki after all (hint it's because she's a lesbian hint) and just. blowing him off, pretending she has a boyfriend back home. Legendary of her, and honestly Miki kind of deserves it. From his perspective it must feel like she really played with his feelings, though.

Because it doesn't exist, Miki!!! It was never real!!!!

She does say she "likes younger boys" after this, but that's just what she's telling herself. Someday she'll realize. Hopefully.

I think its interesting that Miki is the only one in this game who explicitly actually has feelings for her. He is able to move on from his sister (sort of. I mean at the very least iirc he never compares PP to Kozue that I can remember. Which is HUGE for him), but none of the rest can move on past their obsessions.

I actually think this works out pretty well for PP. She's not too attached to Miki, so she's unlikely to go back to Ohtori, and it doesn't break her heart to leave him, she's still herself, and I think she'll be able to move on.

Touga Ending (italicized since I haven't seen the whole route)

I haven't fully watched this route, so I don't know what it takes to get there. If I did it might affect my opinion, so take it with a grain of salt. But while this ending is so mean and horrible, it is also so darkly funny. Touga distilled. He's such a asshole that it is impossible to get any thing positive from your ending with him even in a dating sim, and that's amazing. You think you've won but you lost. You lost the second you decided to date Touga.

Basically, Touga promises he will write PP every single day, and he will come visit her too, and she's ecstatic.

And then he goes and burns her address, calling her stupid, because of course he fucking does. Thus PP is totally ghosted, left despairing and wondering why.

It is also very interesting he's the only love interest she does NOT get a kiss from, unexpected since Touga has not problem kissing girls he does not give a shit about. Either he just, genuinely hates her guts THAT much or he's ---

ahhh shit. I just looked it up. You can have PP have sex with him. In fact you have to actively avoid it if you don't want to. So that's why he doesn't need a kiss. Her already got what he wanted. That actually makes this ending so much more heartbreaking, a lot of girls place a lot of importance on their first time, and PP was treated so cruelly with hers. This goddamn prick.

It is horrible, but it is exactly what I'd expect Touga to do (esp since this is set so early in the story) and I think it's incredible the game was so true to his character that you just get a straightforward unhappy ending when you date him. The others at least APPEAR a little happy, though they're quite sad when you think about them for long, but the game makes no pretenses with Touga. It just goes "no, you got nothing good out of this relationship, this man is trash, he played you like he does everyone"

Obviously this is pretty sad for Purple Pigtails, who gets manipulated and ghosted, and, depending on your choices, gets to have the lovely experience of a horrible older boy manipulating her, fucking her, and throwing her away at the tender age of 14. But, assuming she is able to move on (I hope so?) this might be happier than others for her in the long run (especially if she avoids having sex with him). Touga ghosting her means he won't be able to torment her further, and that's better than any other option with him. Unless, of course, she goes back to Ohtori to get an explanation...

Perfect Ending

I do like the perfect ending bc of the funny interactions the council get in--Juri teasing Miki about liking older girls and Miki getting extremely flustered, Touga being so fucking annoying especially when he insists on calling Saionji BEST FRIEND over and over until Saionji is like "can you shut the fuck up''...

The goodbye with Utena is fairly generic though, just the tiniest bit gay. One thing that is interesting for this ending is PP wanting to learn fencing.

It's ambiguous who she's talking about here, she could even mean Chigusa despite the fact she's deader than dead, or it could be "we don't know which person she's most attracted too ooooh".

As far as working out for Purple Pigtails? She escapes romantic trauma, which is great for her, but she seems really determined to go back to Ohtori in this one, and as has been said many times, that is not good for her.

Akio Ending

I considered rating this higher bc it's so funny how PP calls Akio on his bullshit.

But there's the fact that PP's particular Akio ending is even more uh, rape-coded than any other Akio car ride, IIRC? It's not only the fact she's underage, but she actively begs Akio to stop. But of course that motherfucker doesn't listen.

It's honestly so sad so that kind of ruins any fun. Which doesn't make it bad, but i don't like thinking about that part.

This is the second worst ending for PP. Just like the Black Rose and Anthy endings, she's still at Ohtori and has no friends, but there's the sexual assault aspect on top of that. She will be so traumatized, and on top of that she lost humiliatingly, while Akio basically called her worthless.

Saionji ending

Saionji's ending is both kind of boring and vaguely interesting. (And I'm ranking it like this on the assumption Saionji never hit her, which I assume he didn't from the Youtube comments. While he would definitely be cruel to a gf in multiple ways if she stuck around enough, I think it's possible the only person he would physically abuse while dating is Anthy. which is. something to analyze.) Saionji is (blessedly) silent during most of this ending. only saying "I owe you a lot" when he gives her the present (implying she's been kind of for caring for him, wet pathetic dog that he is, which does fit with the snippets I've seen of this route and echoes his relationship with Wakaba)

Saionji does give her his little leaf (apparently the only present he's capable of making?? like if he can carve this leaf he must know how to carve other things, right??? maybe it's just the carving he's best at) but PP knows he's too obsessed with Anthy (and Touga. the obsession with Anthy is just an extension of an obsession with Touga lets all be honest here) to return her feelings and they're both pretty honest and open about things. But THEN she claims she'll come back and make him look her way someday.. AND THEN she just plants one on him out of nowhere. Girl, you forget about consent!

Honestly Saionji just seems extremely confused and freaked out about it, even his expression afterwards, which makes me feel bad for him, something I'd never thought I'd say in my life. It's kind of interesting to see him like that. But...it doesn't stand out too much other than that. It's kind of just like. okay girl. calm down.

This one does not work out perfectly for PP since she seems pretty determined to come back to Ohtori and make Saionji love her, which is definitely never going to happen. But she doesn't lose her identity, doesn't get a pining locket, Saionji is surprisingly nice to her, unlike Wakaba she knows she doesn't have a chance right now, so she wasn't hugely disappointed...so it could be worse.

Utena Friendship Ending

Basically the same at the perfect ending, except we never get to see any fun interactions between the group. Boring.

Black Rose Ending

This one claims PP is obsessed with books, which has never come up in the game before, so it feels out of nowhere and like it wasn't properly developed. There's not much to dig into, when there should be. And her defeat is basically the same as the Akio endings, so it doesn't add much.

(Utena is being so mean here!!!! You know she's brainwashed why are you being an asshole about her skill!)

One the worst endings from PP's perspective, her mind is messed with, she literally has no friends, and she's stuck at Ohtori.

Game over

Obviously a Game Over is pretty boring. The game just ends. Bye.

I think PP would disappear from the world in the game over ending, just like Chigusa wanted. So this is the worst ending for her, she not only dies. she's erased from existence. At least in the other endings she gets to live.

(also I think either this one or the perfect ending are canon for the anime. The game over ending makes a lot of sense, since they would all forget PP and all that happened with her ever existed, and that would be the explanation for why she's never mentioned in the anime. But the more optimistic take is that the perfect ending is canon, and nobody ever mentions her because she just doesn't come up.

So there's my favorites ranked from best to worst.

NOW let's rank the endings from worst to best for Perfect Pigtails!

Game Over (she dies)

Akio Car Ending

Black Rose Ending

Anthy Ending (it's possible for her to have friends in this one)

Touga Ending (provided a) he has sex with her and b) she is unable to move on from what happened. Without those two factors though, it's under Utena's in the long run)

Utena Ending

Juri Ending

Saionji Ending

Perfect Ending

Miki Ending is the best one for her, weirdly! (Or at least my interpretation of it. She got out unscathed and has no desire to return to Ohtori!)

---

And those are my rankings! I hope everyone who read this far enjoyed the rambling.

[sanji-piss-hell]

ZOSAN FIC REC

Here is some of my fave zosan fics. Some of these I read years ago and so I don't fully remember what theyre about but they we're good enough that I still have strong emotional attachments when I see the name. Most of them are things I've read recently. Literally all I do all day is homework and have an app tts fanfics to me like an audio book so there's quite a few of recs here. I am not the best at summeries but just trust me bro these are GOOD SHIT. I only provide the best. What I consider a good fic: - Takes place in the one piece world (I don't like modern aus) - Characters stay in character or if they do have changes from their canon portrayal there is a justifiable reason from within the story. - Solid story telling and arcs (even the shorter fics) - The Zosan dynamic is kept mostly how it is in canon they fight and bicker. (I know some like when they're soft with eachother like a loving married couple. You won't find much of that here) - Some of these have pervy sanji, que nose bleeds and ogling. With that out of the way here's the list!! Now to my fave zosan fic of all time and ironically enough the only fic taking place in a modern setting: Life is fine series. TW: Drug abuse, heavy angst, depression I have reread this twice and forced a friend to read it too. It is so amazing not just for the zosan but for the genuinely good story telling. You follow zoro reeling from his sudden loss of relationship with Sanji and falling down a...Well uh, path. It's fucked it's dark it's depressing and its fucking riviting. Alot of the time reading this you're just like WHY DID SANJI LEAVE HIM WHAT IS GOING ON??? Honestly I need to reread this again. Onto softer fics to heal your heart after that one: Honor in limits, his strengths in weakness By Hawksbrood

“Fucking hell cook, what happened to you?” Zoro demanded, voice low so as not to disturb the others sleeping nearby.

Sanji rolled his eyes. “What do you think? I told you we got in a fight earlier.”

“Not that, your fucking feet!”

The cook snarled at that, crushing his cigarette in his teeth. “What the fuck do you mean, my feet? They’re just feet!”

Zoro’s eyes widened, looking at the bruised flesh before him. This wasn’t that.

This was just so good and cute. I appreciate watching zoro appreciate sanji. They take care of eachother but in a way where theyre both still them yeah know? I appreciate how sanji is written letting himself be vulnerable but understanding that he's always gonna be crass cause it's just a part of who he is.

come on, come on (turn a little faster) by donutsandcoffee

The one where everyone thinks they’re dating, Sanji is oblivious, and Zoro takes everything in stride.

Sometimes a love story can go in reverse.

I reread this one recently and it's just soft and sweet. I like watching sanji flounder around. The gay panic is great.

a complete guide to falling in love by ThousandSunny Sanji was trained in the Bridal Arts; this does not go unnoticed by the rest of his crew. I read this like 3 years ago and I dont remember much but I do remember loving it!

Part Timer By 8ball Sanji really, really doesn't want to give Zoro a job at his restaurant. Zoro doesn't really even want to work there in the first place, but, well, there’s this thing with Sanji, and this thing with feelings and the whole thing is pretty damn stupid all together. Zeff just wants grandkids. He’s too old for this bullshit anyways. I am sure everyone knows 8ball very well they're like zosan famous but still just in case this one is really fucking good. Also read this 3 years ago so I don't remember much but I consider this a zosan classic. Onto the rated R Grand Buffet by asyndese Drunk fic!! If there was one thing Zoro knew, it was that you could always trust Sanji's inclinations to do a beautiful 180 as soon as he was drunk. Luckily, Zoro was more than equipped to handle it. I spent. 30 minutes. Trying to find this fic again because that's how much I loved it. It altered my brain chemistry. Sanji getting a nose job during sex is just. aaaaaaaaa. Read it. Cannot suggest enough. Horrors not yet known by Trixree

Sanji doesn’t know how he didn’t notice it before, is the thing. Of all the times he has seen Zoro shirtless (in battle, mostly) he just… never noticed. The problem is, once he has noticed, Sanji can’t seem to stop noticing. And neither can anyone else.

In which Zoro has a nipple piercing and Sanji has a Problem.

I recently reread this and the first time I read it I didn't really get the whole gender sanji shit. Now though???? Yeah another fic that rewired my brain chemistry. This fic opened doors for me it exposed me to a new world. Also sanji gay panic is in here and I live for that. It can be pretty raunchy (love that too) Three rounds with a tiger by KobochaKitsune Another drunk Fic!! also in modern times damn maybe I lied sdklfj

Liquid courage, drunken decisions, terrible euphemisms, and texts from last night, or: how to think entirely with the booze (and your dick) for once.

Or: By the time Sanji got to the party, everyone was already drunk.

I read this 3 years ago (theres a trend going on can you tell??) It also rewired my brain chemistry (from this point on just assume all of these nsfw fics rewired my brain chemistry each of these opened doors for me. This one opened the doors to bottom zoro.) Fucking 20k words of just pwp. I dont even know how the author did that bro like damn. Nature of things by stark_black Tw: Sex work and prostitutes When the Sunny docks, Sanji and Zoro sometimes seek out relief in some not so savory places. After crossing paths in town on more than one occasion, the two find they have a lot more in common than they would like to admit. I hunted this down for like fucking hours a couple of weeks ago because it was that good. Stark_Black has a fucking library worth of zosan fics this one is a classic to me. But if you want more content check out his other fics I think they have like over 100 zosan its kinda insane. Coregasm by Yakarmi

Sanji discovers that sometimes, Zoro has orgasms while he lifts.

-----

“You…” Sanji trailed off, gaze turning down as he licked his lips. Pink tongue darting out nervously. “You orgasm when you exercise?”

Zoro clenched his jaw. Shrugged. Trying to act nonchalant.

“Sometimes.”

Sanji’s eye went wide, and like his mouth had suddenly been liberated from his brain, blurted out, “that’s so fucking hot,” before clamping his hands over his mouth. His cigarette fell from his mouth, bouncing soundlessly on the ground.

Bro bestie, the way this put me on nose bleed Sanji. Perv sanji. I need that gif thats like mmm cause man this is good. Ending this fic rec with a BANG we have

Contingencies and Congruencies by PeaceSignDisasterBi

Somewhere between finishing the bottles of alcohol and mugs of beer, the crew comes together to create a contingency plan for something that may-or-may-not-happen during their time on the Grand Line and beyond. Usopp thinks it's more likely than bumping into zombies, Zoro wants to stay out of this, Sanji is just going with the flow, and Nami may or may not keep things legally binding and above board with consistent consensual acquiescence. Robin finds it all amusing.

The damn chart stays in the locked drawer in her desk, split into three neat categories: Devil Fruit Powers, Science, and Magic. Each represents whatever they're hit with but also categorizes the amount of self-control the person has during.

AKA: 5 times Zoro and Sanji had to help each other as Consensual Helpers of Dubious Consent + 1 Time There Was Nothing Dubious At All

Ok this is 152k long its pretty insane. It regoes over the arcs so throughly so carefully that I literally had to question my memory because I havent experienced alot of these arcs in a while (it's one of the reasons im rewatching one piece). I will say despite how amazing and well written this is I had a hard time comprehending sometimes. now I was sick at the time of reading this so that might be why but sometimes the way things were phrased felt like yoda talking. I think it's just me though. I'm not used to big words :( And thats a wrap!! These arent even all the ones I wanted to include I have at least 20 more off the top of my head but I'll save that for another day. I hope you find joy in these fics Like i did I'll def do another one of these as cause I didnt even touch my sanji centric fics or germa 66 or just in general the best sanji fanfic writers. (Mentioned some of them like 8ball, thousand sunny and donuts and coffee.) Best of luck to yall and let me know what you think!

[dimplyowl]

Today I want to talk about intentions. A while ago I made a post about why Izzy's toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia doesn't give him a free pass to treat other people like shit and then not try to atone for that. A lot of the Izzy apologists I see seem to be of that opinion: that because we take into consideration Ed's past trauma when thinking how his actions have hurt the people we care about, we should give Izzy the same grace.

Well, I don't actually think we should, and I'm going to tell you why.

First, though, I want to say that this isn't about attacking people who enjoy characters who are pieces of shit. Please, by all means, enjoy your grubby little shitstain characters (I absolutely have some of my own that I love). This is about discussing why it's problematic to twist the canonical narrative to label Ed as abusive and Izzy as a victim.

And, in my opinion, it comes down to intentions.

"But dimplyowl," you say, "someone's intentions don't matter when the result is harmful to the people around them!" And I think, to a point, yes, that's true. People who hurt others through careless or reckless behavior need to bear the responsibility of their actions and own up to it (something that imo Izzy does not do). But I think there's also a distinction that needs to be made between people who hurt and control others because they take pleasure in feeling powerful over them, and those who don't.

If we take a look at Izzy's actions in season one and compare them to Ed's actions in season two, in my personal opinion, it becomes clear that one of these men is someone who has repeatedly taken pleasure in mistreating the people around him, both insubordinates and people that he claims to "have love for." And that man isn't the dread pyrate Blackbeard.

Does Ed enact violence on other people? Yes. Does he "love a good maim?" Also yes. Does he enjoy hurting people? Mm, debatable. The thing about Ed is that he has a complicated relationship with violence. To him, it's a tool to be utilized when necessary. I think he certainly gets a sense of vindictive pleasure when instructing Fang to skin the French captain or when the people at the French party descend into chaos and set themselves on fire. But, importantly, it's because those are people who wronged him. Those are people who hurt him, who dug at his race and his background and took pleasure in using those things to hurt him.

But Ed doesn't enjoy violence for violence's sake. There's always a reason, whether it's in reaction to being insulted, belittled, or threatened, or whether it's because it's literally just in the job description, he has a reason.

In season two, his reason for mistreating the crew is that he's trying to provoke them into mutinying on him. And, like, honestly, he does a pretty shitty job of it. Up until we rejoin them, his big crime is overworking them. The crew is tired emotionally and physically, but for the most part they're unharmed. They lost Ivan on a raid, but any one of them could die on a raid at any time, because it's literally just a hazard of the job. Not a single one of them is even considering mutiny at this point.

Ed hits his breaking point when Izzy suggests that they try and "talk it through," and imo completely understandably. It's his fault that the morale on the ship is low, is it? It's his fault because he was sad and heartbroken and vulnerable? It's his fault because he was healing in his own way, but that wasn't acceptable to Izzy at the time, but now because the ship isn't fun for Izzy anymore, because Izzy is on the verge of losing his position of power as Blackbeard's first mate, now is when Izzy decides that maybe talking it through might actually be helpful? Yeah, if I were Ed, I would fucking shoot him too.

But not once do we get any evidence that Ed is taking any pleasure in wearing down the crew. When he hits his breaking point, he is very clearly not having a good time. He realizes that if he wants this to end, he needs to up the ante. He hands Izzy a loaded gun and offers himself up as an easy target. Izzy laughs at his suicidal boss, friend, someone that he "has love for", and tells him to do it himself. He prolongs Ed's suffering. He puts the crew in even more danger. And even as Ed is trying to make the crew kill him, he doesn't touch them. By this point, we've seen this crew turn to mutiny twice, once because of Stede's ineptitude and once because of Izzy's abuse when he took over as captain. It shouldn't take much to get them to act, and yet it takes Ed threatening to get them all killed in a storm for them to finally act. Because up until that point, he's been unstable, he's been clearly going through a crisis, but he hasn't hurt them, he hasn't been abusive. He's clearly not enjoying any of this, he's going through some shit, he's hurting, and they love him, and until their lives are imminent danger, they're discussing how to help him.

If Ed wanted to hurt them, if he wanted to push them into mutiny sooner, there are so many things he could have done to terrorize them. Instead until the point he decides he can't live anymore, his only hope is that either he'll get killed in a raid, or he'll overwork them enough that they'll kill him themselves. This is not about abusing his crew, this is about abusing himself.

In contrast, when we look at Izzy's behavior throughout season one, we see someone who very clearly enjoys his position of power over other people, and who gets pleasure out of abusing that power. In 1x2, he sows distrust and uncertainty in Ivan and Fang about Ed's decision-making, telling them that he's half-mad, keeping Ed separate from the crew, and discouraging any questions by asserting himself physically over Fang. (He then claims in 1x4 to have reassured the crew when they've doubted Ed's leadership, when in fact he seems to be the cause of that doubt). In 1x3 he blatantly lies to Ed about having "explicitly" (his word) told Stede that "Blackbeard wants a word with him." He is practically gleeful when he passes on Stede's message to go suck eggs in hell, clearly expecting that to get a rise out of Ed, certainly to get him to drop his fascination with the Gentleman Pirate, and probably intending for Ed to attack Stede himself for disrespecting him.

In 1x4, he flip flops between caring that some of their crew died while fighting the Spanish to get Stede and his crew, and telling Ivan and Fang to kill anyone who refuses to fight the Spanish. Intending to fight the Spanish warships that have caught up with him is absolutely going to get everyone slaughtered, when there are other options. Ed actually advises anyone who can to leave, knowing that that's their only chance for survival, and similarly he tells the Revenge crew to surrender when cornered by the British. In 1x4, he clearly considers every death that would occur to be his responsibility when he tells Stede that being Blackbeard means that everyone's going to die, and it's going to be all his fault. Who's the one who actually cares about what happens to his crew here?

In 1x5 Izzy attempts to exert control over Lucius and punish him for, apparently, not working on his day off? Never mind that there are two other people in that room who are slacking off. Izzy targets Lucius, who is an effeminate unapologetically gay man, who Izzy clearly believes will be an easy target. He attempts to mock his sexuality (which actually winds up being more telling on himself), decides that it's his right to tell someone else's crew what to do at all, and attempts to use Lucius as an example to show the rest of Stede's crew that their "days of doing fuck-all are over", but then doesn't give jobs to the rest of the crew? He catches one of his own crew members fucking off with Lucius, and from what we can extrapolate, decides to only punish Lucius, because clearly Lucius as the "seductress" is to blame. He threatens to blackmail Lucius into obeying him, is visibly enjoying threatening him and manipulating him, and leaves like a pissy toddler when he doesn't get his way. And by "get his way", I mean successfully gains control over someone through threats and manipulation.

In 1x6, he once again decides that an effeminate gay man needs to be punished for his existence, but this time it's Stede he sets his sights on. He decides that he needs to take action only after hearing Ivan say that he's never seen Ed so open and available. Izzy can't have that, because he needs Ed to be dependent on Izzy, so that Izzy can continue to isolate Ed from the rest of the crew, can remain the only source of contact between Ed and the crew, and thereby easily control and manipulate both parties. He pressures Ed into finally acting on what he said he would do, belittling Stede and Ed's connection to Stede by referring to Stede as Ed's pet. (It is not an accidental choice that the writers will later have another antagonist refer to Stede as Ed's pet; it's deliberate mirroring to Izzy as an antagonist). He uses Stede's ego to manipulate him into insisting on putting on the fuckery so that they can get rid of Stede today--almost as if he knows that putting immediate pressure on Ed to act won't give him time to reconsider, to rethink, to back out, to maybe consider why Izzy is so adamant about this--and then uses Stede and Ed's relationship to further manipulate Stede into doubling down on doing the fuckery when he's doubting himself. And doing it in possibly the creepiest way possible?? Stede literally puts up a physical barrier between them, and Izzy pushes against that, actually literally pushes up against the curtain to push against the boundary that Stede has put up.

And then when it's clear Ed isn't going to kill Stede, Izzy decides that he's going to take that decision out of Ed's hands. He decides he knows better than Ed what's best for him, places more value in his own decisions than Ed's, essentially mutinies on Ed by disobeying him, and on Stede by challenging him to a duel. He clearly believes he's going to win, and easily, in the process forcing someone he again claims to "have love for" to watch as he destroys the only thing that's brought hope and life and light and enjoyment back into Ed's life. He's embarrassingly easily goaded into losing his temper, relishes the moment he thinks he's won, the moment he stabs Stede, loses his temper again when his sword is stuck. Canyonites love to talk about Ed having anger problems, but this episode clearly demonstrates who actually has the anger problem. He looks to Ed when he realizes he's lost, as if Ed is going to forgive him, let him stay, when he just tried to kill Ed's friend and (only in Izzy's mind at that point) lover.

Izzy then turns to the fucking cops to turn Stede in. He reinforces his belief that Ed isn't capable of making his own decisions when he refers to Stede as having "done something" to Ed's brain, as if Ed is a weak-willed, easily manipulated child. He sends Jack in because he knows that Jack will put a wedge between Ed and Stede, and hopefully to get Ed out of there before the navy shows up. He apparently doesn't consider the fact that Ed is the most wanted pirate in the world, and if Jack doesn't succeed, will be in life-threatening danger. But maybe he doesn't care about that, considering what he tells Ed later.

He arranges for Ed to be put into his custody. Like, I shouldn't have to say anything about that, because it's fucking disgusting. Like Ed is property to be handed over to Izzy. He tries to convince Ed that Stede's execution is actually a kindness, despite knowing what it will do to Ed. When that fails, he tries to convince Ed not to take the Act and sign the contract, but...isn't that what Izzy himself just did?

In 1x9 we get more of his control and manipulation over the crew. Taking away a week of Wee John's rations for making a comment about Izzy's terrible name for his ship, as he is actively eating in front of him. Making Ivan and Fang serve him, telling them his food needs more salt, and then not even eating more of it when they salt it? Fucking gross. That move is all about control.

And then 1x10, which I shouldn't even have to talk about, but the fucking horrible way he treats Ed apparently is still something that goes over some peoples' heads. Once again keeping him secluded from the crew, refusing to give them answers about what's going on, keeping them busy by literally spitting on their clean deck, when he could have just dumped the coffee out on it. Watching Ed grieve and bond with the crew, once again deciding for Ed that he knows what's best for him, interrupting his grieving process, telling him that what he's become is worse than death. Threatening him that if he doesn't return to the very specific image that Izzy says Blackbeard is, that Izzy will kill him. Later on his deathbed apology admitting that he knew that being Blackbeard was harmful to Ed, but that he kept pressing because Izzy needed him, needed Blackbeard in order to feel powerful, to keep the level of respect and fear that other people had for him.

All of this paints a picture of a person who enjoys feeling powerful, who enjoys using that power to hurt and abuse and control the people around him, who will do anything, even at the detriment of someone that he has "love for", to keep that power for himself. A person who takes pleasure in hurting people, physically and emotionally.

I see a lot of people trying to say that what Ed did was worse than what Izzy did. I personally don't think it was, when you add up the consistent way that Izzy mistreats every person around him. But I think that what's even more important in this discussion are the intentions behind the hurt.

Ed did everything he could not to harm his crew until it became evident that the only way he could be successful in getting them to kill him would be by giving them a very present, very real threat. And even then, the way he went about doing it was very distant. Making Jim and Archie fight each other. Sailing directly into a storm. Damaging the ship to make an already dangerous situation even more dangerous.

Izzy repeatedly enjoyed exerting his control and physical and emotional violence on other people. He displayed a pattern of believing himself to be the only person capable of making the right choices, of removing the agency from the people around him, specifically of removing Ed, a person of color's, agency. He hurt every single person around him, all for his own benefit, for his own gain.

Maybe it comes down to value systems, maybe intentions behind someone's behavior really don't matter to you, but I know that I am much more forgiving of someone who hurt me as a byproduct of hurting themselves than I am someone who knowingly, repeatedly hurts people because they enjoy it.

[waywardducks]

I have a love/hate relationship with Batman and I need to talk about it.

I’m obsessed with the Robins and anyone that hurts them is on my shitlist, and this includes Bruce. He's a horrible father, he’s abusive, he's got some misconstrued morals, he's just an asshole altogether and he acts like a moody teenager more than a middle-aged man.

But he's such a fantastic character. He has done some fucked up shit, but he's also lived through some fucked up shit, and no, I don't just mean his parents. Despite losing his parents, he was still raised in a house built on love, and Alfred raised him the same, but differently. He didn't come from a bad home. Yet he still turned out the way he did. And that's fascinating to me!

I attended a Batman panel at a convention back in September and it has honestly stuck with me. The panel was on Batman’s traumas and how they affected him and shaped him. It was run by a group of licensed trauma-specific therapists and psychologists and the insight they had on it was amazing.

One of the speakers said that in the loss of his family, Bruce is trying to surround himself with a new family, all young boys who look similar to himself. I believe that one of them said he wasn't trying to make a family in the sense that he was the dad, but that it was just family. Like brothers maybe. They said that it wasn't even something he was doing consciously, it just started happening naturally for him. Because the boys remind him of himself. Batman is still a scared little boy in an alleyway, watching as the bad guy gets away and his parents bleed out on the floor at his feet. He trains them because he wants them to be strong, stronger than he is.

Something else that they said that really stuck with me was that the best way for Batman to heal is to not be Batman anymore, that Batman is so ingrained in Bruce that trying to get rid of Batman would do more harm than good and that the only option to lead to any healing for him was to help him shape Batman into something different. Slowly, help him use Batman to overcome his traumas instead of create new ones. But not to get rid of Batman.

I think of Batman Beyond. Bruce is so controlling still over Batman. He's old, lonely. There's no one left but Terry. This is what Batman did to him and he chose it. Its shocking.

Batman is a huge crybaby, a self-sabotaging man who does what he thinks is right, even if it's not always right. He's mentally ill, no one mentally healthy is that paranoid. He pushes his traumas onto his kids, he can't handle having to be emotional, because that means feeling and grieving the pain, and that's too much for him. (see: how he acted after Todd’s death) he’s stubborn, he can't take no for an answer half the time. He thinks everyone and everything is out to get him. He has lost himself in a persona to try and hide from his feelings. He hates himself for his parent's death and feels like he wasn't strong enough. He can't handle the idea that someone might love him because he hates himself so much that he ruins his relationships. Dick is such a good match for him because Dick is so loyal and will stay through all of his little freakouts. I think Dick realized that Bruce only means well at some point and that's why he forgave him.

I hate him. He's so stupid. I love how his brain works. He's such a piece of shit.

[star1ight0]

Dabi x Reader/Sibling PLATONIC.

REQUEST ARE OPEN

Quirk: Opposite of Dabi/Toya you had an ice quirk stronger than your mothers and the rest of your siblings, but your body had little to no resistance. It was built for extensive heat, causing you to get frostbite damaging your skin. 

You are the second oldest being born not long after your big brother Toya and he was your best friend.

Endevor quickly realized you were a “mistake” leaving you to a similar fate to your brother. You'd found peace with your body's scars by learning how to manage your power on your own and how to heal them properly.

You had run away awhile ago finding yourself resentful of your father and in turn hateful of the heroes who allowed you to be discarded and abused by the now number 1 hero. You had stumbled across the LOV a while ago and had been a help given your healing talent and had a mass interest in taking down endeavor. 

You sat at the bar with Kurogiri asking him to make you a drink before Dabi sat next to you taking it away. “You definitely look too young to be drinking kid” He said, pulling it further away from your reach. “Fuck off scar face” You spat reaching over him taking back your drink, his eyes looked so familiar, you couldnt help but stair “Got a problem, if so speak now or forever hold you peace” He said pushing you away and placing your drink Infront of you “If its about the drink i was just fucking with you, no need to get hostile” he said putting his hand above his head.

"No, you just look familiar. Not your face but your eyes, it's stupid.” You said taking your drink and walking away. “I'm going on a walk, tell crusty i'll be back” you said b-linging it for the door shaking.

“Nah he’ll be fine not knowing, I'll go with you kid” You finch at the sudden familiarity in his voice. “Don't fucking call me kid. I'm not your fucking kid.” You said snapping at him grabbing his wrist coving it in a thin layer of ice. He pulls away, raising his hand in a surrendering motion following you out the door.

You walked around for a while feeling the cold of the air around you, the weather app said it was going to freeze and snow but you’d honestly forgot it was starting to get cold, too cold. You started shaking and wrapped your arms around yourself refusing to go back to base yet. “Are you shaking because you're cold or because you think I'm gonna kill you?"

He said, crossing his arms. “The first one” you said while looking around for a store to buy a jacket. "Bit strange for someone with an ice quirk but okay."

You pulled out your phone. The lock screen was a photo of you and Toya side by side holding hands smiling at the camera. It was probably the only photo you had of the two of you together not covered in scars.

“Nice wallpaper for a villain” He said, snatching your phone to get a better look. You froze his feet in place reaching for the phone. “Give it back. I’m not fucking playing games with you Dabi” you said, he was taller than you but that didn't stop you from trying to jump to get the phone back. “Where the fuck did you get this photo.” he spat using his fire to break away the ice and grab your face. “It me and you brother fuck is it to you?” he put you down shoving your phone in your hands “You’ve go to be fucking shitting me ” You were about to yell at him again before he stopped you “All this time you must have thought i was dead huh?” you look at him confused “what..? I'm so confused” He pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket, it was the same photo but more crumbed and worn. You looked at him then at the subtle white roots of his hair. “Shit” you said, feeling the wave or realization hit you feeling tears form in your eyes “Who would've thought we both end up villains?” He said before seeing the tears falling from your face. “Hey, let's take down that shit stain of a hero together okay?” He took his jacket off, placing it on your shoulders.

[pokegalla]

Requested/Traded by @veiled-rebel

FINALLY✨

I’ve been dying to write for this guy✨

Lucifer pinning for a skittish and wary S/O

* Ok getting his attention in general is a surprise for ANYONE. Even HIM. Honestly for the first half of him liking you is him in heavy denial, thinking he’s finally lost his mind, and making rubber ducks through his five stages of grief. Until finally yes, he realizes the feelings are real the moment he leaves his office to see you again. Oh crap-

* I mean of course he’s gonna try talking to you! He wants to know more about you! Though his first greeting wasn’t too great. He tries to be suave by leaning against a table, winking and saying “Hey bitch✨” but that made you scatter away with a bow of your head to say hello. Shit. Was it something he said?

* He tries to gather a bit more information after that and realizes that you’re ALWAYS that skittish. Had him worried there, he thought he scared you off- oh. Oh never mind. He also heard you were wary of HIM too. But then he realized why. He’s the king of hell. Shit any sinner would be scared shitless if he personally sought them out! Dammit he didn’t even think of that!

* So at wits end….he actually goes to his daughter Charlie to help him out. Man she was EXCITED to help. She and Vaggie personally helped him in what to say then introduced him to you so it would be a little less scary for you. The king himself was still nervous and messed up a few times but he decided to be honest and admit that he’s genuinely interested in you with a soft smile and a rose in his hand. Thaaat had thorns and it cut your finger- you were wanting to leave but Lucifer stopped you and took your hand. That is when you personally saw a rare side of him: A gentle and caring side as he healed your hand.

* You were….speechless really. I mean you never expected such a soft look upon the king of hell’s face! So once he healed your hand, you shyly wrote on a piece and handed it to him before scattering off. Lucifer was disappointed….until he realized you gave him your number.

* You could hear his cheering from hallways away. Such a goofy lil guy. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea….

Mini story time!!!

“Ok. You fucking GOT this. You won them over. You can send them a text. Just be cool….,” He was pacing around his room before finally sitting down to message you.

Oh dammit….! What should he send…? Hi bitch obviously didn’t work to well. Maybe something different? He looked around and spotted something he made earlier. YES! That would be a fun conversation starter! So he took a picture and sent it to you!

You yawn as you go to lay down and notice a message. You gulp and nervously check your messages, “Ok. Calm down….it’s probably nothing bad- ……what the?” He sent you a picture of a…..rubber duck? And it was designed kinda like you! You took a moment to process it. “….that is so fucking adorable-“ So you sent him a heart emoji and said you loved it.

He practically JUMPED to check up on your message before combing through his hair nervously, “They….Like it? THEY LIKE IT! FUCK YEAH!!! OH SHIT-“ He fell back from his chair but happily chuckles as he was too happy to care. Charlie secretly checked in on you two and saw you both smiling.

Shes just glad you two are happy ❤️

[cottoncandybitchfuck]

Unsleeping City Quotes I Like

“Magic is Real and you get to see it. Isn’t that great?” -Misty Moore

“Sometimes you gotta do the nice thing, not the right thing” -Kingston Brown

“You know, just kind of when you’re already in a shame spiral and then people are good to you, it almost stings a little bit worse.” -Pete Conlan

“Things are not always what you want them to be, and they’re not always what you dream they are. Things are what they are.” -Jackson Wei 

“It does not diminish a soul to give worship or adoration”-Nod

“Being the founder is not the same as being a leader” -Nod

“You’re not done yet kid. Come on. We got work to do” -Kingston Brown

“You’d have to be a real asshole not to recognize when someone is trying to not be a piece of shit in general. And I don’t know that we’re good, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not good. And… I guess you’re worth helping.” -David Kugrich

“Because honestly if you don’t show up now, there might not be anyone to fuckin’ choose ever again. So then you’ll have had this little gift you could have given to someone, this little ‘choosing’ you could have done, and you will never do it to anyone. It’s like letting food go bad, I hate when people let food go bad.” -Sofia Lee

“The true spirit of this place is to meet dreams with concrete. To hustle in the muck and the grime, and to grind away to make something miraculous happen, and that the spirit of this place is that these people make it happen for themselves.”-Brennan Lee Mulligan about NYC

“There is nothing more in the spirit of this place than to rely on nobody but yourself to decide that you will be chosen.” -Brennan Lee Mulligan about Sofia Lee

“You want to be someone’s everything, and you’re everybody’s everything. Made it real hard to feel special.” -Liz Herrera 

“I can’t visit everybody. That’s also because not everybody is worth visiting.” -Kingston Brown

“Just because I have to be something for everybody doesn’t mean I can’t be something more for you.” -Kingston Brown

“If somebody would fuckin’ teach me how to do magic, I’d come help you whoop ass. I’m from the fuckin’ Bronx” -Liz Hererra

“I can’t have what you’re offering me, and that’s my fault. But American Dreams change.” -Kugrash

“My Love. For you are my love. My one true love. You don’t need to enter, for you’re already there. And you don’t need to be real because you already are real.” -Rowan Berry to the American Dream

“Dreams changing with the minds of their dreamers, is the most beautiful aspect of dreams. When you look to see the true form of this, what you see is that a dream this important and this large needs to be able to change. And its true form, is any and every form that people want from it. And if it is pushed back through the golden door, into the realm where it can have any form that people give to it, that is where it will have its true form. So the answer to your Nat 20 is that the only good form for a dream is formless.” -Brennan Lee Mulligan about the American Dream

“It is what it is”-Dale “And what it is, is anything”-Nod

“Greed is good, for rat motherfuckers like Robert Moses. But not in our town, not in our fucking city!” -Kugrash

“Pain is a part of healing. And the things we’ve lost should hurt. But it does not mean that we are defeated or they will hurt forever.” -Em from Bethesda Fountain

“These sacrifices are never made in vain. All these people, their lives are our lives, and ours are theirs. All intertwined together. I think that’s kinda beautiful.” -Em

“It’s not really what happens, but it’s your reaction to it and how you feel, that’s what you should pay attention to.” -Pete Conlan

[strwbnnie]

chileee what is up with me & angst 😭 I was able to salvage this from my notes so I thought why not post it lol probably my first and last aot piece cause idk how to write them fr 😭 & sorry to the Reiner loves cause I wrote him so mean 😭

cw: fat shaming, fat phobia, best friend Eren, ex-boyfriend Reiner, mention of cheating, verbal abuse, mention of k!lling, friends to lovers, one sided pining, sorry if I missed anything!

Word count is undetermined but it’s not that long.

❀

Eren hasn’t said a word to you since you arrived at his apartment, puffy eyed and soaking wet from the rain, just stepped out of the way and allowed you to walk in. 

You didn’t blame him, it’d been quite a while since the two of you had last spoken. Two or three weeks maybe, you couldn’t remember. It was difficult keeping track of time when your mind was slowly but surely shutting down. Either way it made you feel like shit. 

You wanted to to sit and talk to him but your first priority was getting out of those wet clothes. You went straight to his bedroom, closing yourself in the en-suite.

You let the shower run for a little bit, fogging up the room and hopefully drowning out your sorrow as you sit on the covered toilet, aimlessly scrolling. You checked the notifications on your phone, tapping around until you heard your ex-boyfriend’s voice projecting from the speakers. 

“Baby, just come back home. Please, let’s just talk about it.” “Hear me out, Y/N. I’m sorry okay, just come back.”

The way he was pleading you’d think he actually gave a damn about you.

“Come on Y/N,” There’s a short pause and a deep sigh. You know it’s coming. You hear the change in his tone, that false compassion and empathy has withered away. “Let’s face it, Y/N. Nobody’s gonna want you but me. Nobody’s into fat bitches. You’re lucky your face is cute. Nothing but a pretty face and a hole to fuck. Or should I say holes? I’m sure a slut like you takes it up the ass too-.”

Globs of hot tears ran down your face, budding at your chin and pooling on the screen of your phone. You deleted the nasty voice message Reiner left, only thirteen seconds into the minute and twelve second voice message, his harsh words breaking your heart all over again. 

The wound was still fresh and he did nothing but cut you deeper. Why was he like that???

Blocking his number so you wouldn’t receive anymore, you were ready to be done with this shit. Ready to heal from Reiner and all the bullshit he‘s put you through.

After your eyes are cried out and your skin is parched from the piping hot water, you finally exit. 

You didn’t leave with anything except your purse, phone and the clothes on your back, so you’re more than grateful to see a white tshirt and a towel on Eren’s bed waiting for you. The shirt was a little tight on your arms and the hem ended right at the cusp of your butt but it was better than nothing. 

The California King in his bedroom looked freshly made, plush and inviting, but you’d spent far too many nights alone in an empty bed while your so-called partner occupied another. You should’ve known that’s how it’d be when you decided to get yourself into a domesticated situationship with a narcissistic cheater.

You opted for the couch, where Eren was also sitting. He’s munching on a bowl of cereal watching some crime documentary. The atmosphere is dull, but it’s not as bad as you thought it’d be.

“Hey!”

He didn’t bother feigning the same excitement, sending nothing but a head nod you’re way but you’re still grateful to get something out of him.

Maybe he was annoyed, which he had every right to be. It was late as hell, around three in the morning, and you honestly felt a little bad. Showing up out of the blue and forcing him to share his space. 

“I really appreciate you letting me stay here, there were no rooms available anywhere.”

He ignored you, you figured he would. He hasn’t said much since you’ve been there. He’s treating you as if you’re a stranger, almost.

Unfortunately the documentary has lost all of his interest, he figured out the wife was the killer all along and there’s no reason to keep watching. 

Now he’s stretching out, manspreading if you will, with his legs cocked open. He’s sporting that same bored look, except now he’s on his phone watching TikTok’s with his volume obnoxiously loud.

Honestly, he didn’t even touch this app unless he was watching the shit ton of videos you sent him at some manic hour of the night. But right now he needed something to distract him. To distract him from everything only you made him feel.

“I get paid Friday, I can send you something once it’s deposited, my money lookin kinda funny right now so...” 

You’d spent close to your last getting an Uber to Eren’s. You weren’t sure why you even decided to come to Eren’s. Your parents lived in the same city and they probably would’ve been more welcoming than he was being right about now. 

“When have I ever asked you to pay me back for anything y/n?” 

His tone isn’t cold or mean, but indifferent. Like he doesn’t care. You’re sure he doesn’t. 

The tension is almost tangible, thick and suffocating.

“I know, but-“ You cut yourself off, stumbling over your words. Your throat is scratchy and your mouth dry. You didn’t know exactly what to say to mend things between you and your bestfriend. 

You hoped to pick up the pieces. Pickup where you left off like the two of y’all always did. But this here just showed how dumb and deluded you really were.

“I’m sorry…you were right.” You feel ashamed. Embarrassed even.

You can feel him staring at you, so you keep your eyes glued to your hands in your lap, twirling your thumbs in hopes to make amends. 

“What are you talking about, y/n?” You can feel his gaze boring into you.

“About Reiner…and every-everything else really. We not getting back together, forreal this time, I can’t.”

He was right about everything. Reiner was an immature asshole. You trusted his smooth talking, pretty smile and it backfired horrendously. 

Reiner was verbally abusive, insecure and mean, and he projected it without a care. Tore you down every chance he got, belittling you until you were almost an empty shell of your former self. 

On top of that, he was insensitive as hell, bullied you worse than any of those middle and high school nobodies you no longer remembered.

He’d probably use his last breath to lie, just because. If you were blind he’d tell you the sun was blue and the sky was yellow, for no reason whatsoever other than to be a dick. 

All of this Eren warned you about, but you just had to go and see for yourself. You fell for the first boy to show interest in you. The first to give you attention and affection. The first one who wasn’t looking to ‘try it out’ with a fat girl or looked at you like some pity case. 

So you thought. 

“You’ve said that before.”

“I know! But I mean it this time, and I’m so sorry for ghosting you and lying a-and putting him first before our friendship cause..I know you wouldn’t do that to me and I’m such an awful person-.”

Your sniffles turned into sobs, deep sobs that shook your entire body against his when he finally went against his stubborn ways and pulled you into a hug. 

You sound sincere, but Eren doesn’t know if he believes you. Hell it wouldn’t be the first time you lied to him about getting back with Reiner.

He wanted to tell you off. Scold you and yell at you for abandoning him. For giving him your ass to kiss cus you thought you were in love, only to come crawling back asking him to pick up the fucking pieces, again.

“I should’ve listened to you.”

Words muffled into his chest but he heard you. 

“You should’ve.” He doesn’t mean to sound condescending but it’s true. “I don’t like seeing you cry.” 

His voice startled you a little bit, velvety and deep, chest rumbling as he still had you pressed up against his frame. The aloof facade cracking with each sob. 

“I’ll handle it.”

He’d handle it. Handle him. 

His arms embraced you tighter. One holding you against him while the other ran down your back, over your thigh then back up again as he allowed you to bawl your eyes out.

“I hate when you talk like that Ren,” You leaned back to look at him. “You know I don’t like unnecessary viole-.” 

He grabs your face mid sentence, squishing your cheeks together, your lips round and pouty as you stared back at him. 

“How’s it unnecessary when my princess is sitting here with tears running down her pretty ass face?”

It slipped but he made no attempt to correct it.

His princess. He’d always called you a princess, especially when y’all were younger. He found it very intriguing how spoiled you were, especially by the men in your life. Dad, uncles, even Eren himself. 

He remembers saving up his little paychecks from working part time to spoil you as well, buying you little trinkets and gifts you probably didn’t even have anymore. 

Nothing was unnecessary when it came to his princess. He’d die for you. Kill for you, even. You were the light of his dim life. Why wouldn’t you just realize it?

[thatfreshi]

Little Stars and Such (Astarion x Reader)

It's here, the piercing fic, in which body-modded Tav gives Astarion hella piercings. I made a previous post with his piercing map in case you guys don't know the terms (I basically didn't until yesterday)

Tw - needles, implied sex

Recommended Song: Gregg's Woods - Alec Holowka

For the past couple of days, Astarion has been asking quite a few questions about your piercings. You had adorned your nose and face in tiny pieces of metal, all done by hand. Your little collection has grown over time, most recently with an eyebrow piercing once you settled down in Baldur's Gate once again.

"Do they hurt?"

"Like, when you pierce them? Yeah. You get used to it though. Surprised you don't have any honestly, elves are known for having the most elaborate piercings."

He stays silent for a moment, and you realize he wouldn't know that.

"Wasn't exactly a thing Cazador just let us do. Body modifications were mostly limited to demonic scars and being cut up for fun."

"Right... sorry."

"Don't be."

The conversation ended pretty abruptly, but picked up the next day while you were swapping out your nose ring.

"Do you ever get scared that your little ring will get caught on something and rip out of your nose?"

A sudden question, but a welcome one.

"I mean, sometimes, but not many people are that close to my nose. Unless you're planning on ripping out my piercing?"

You eye him suspiciously and he smirks.

"Oh, I would never."

This goes on for days, little prodding questions about all your accessories. One morning, while the two of you are lying in bed, you catch him staring at the helix on your ear.

"Astarion do you... do you want a piercing? Because I can do them. I mean I did these to myself."

"I've been thinking about it. I'm just a little nervous is all."

"Why my love?"

"I mean, I've never really had the freedom to do what I want with my body, in a lot of ways. That's one of those things I never got to explore, all the body modifications people are oh so familiar with. I suppose I could've done one with an embroidery needle if I was desperate, but that's just not something I had the liberty to think about."

You move a strand of hair out of his eyes.

"Well, you have the freedom to do whatever you want now."

"Then perhaps I'd like a couple."

"A couple? You don't wanna start with one?"

"Nonsense! One would be sad and pathetic, and we know I am a man of extravagance."

"Alright, if you insist."

You then grab a notebook sitting on the bedside table, and begin to draw out a plan for his piercings. Astarion insists that he only wants them on his ears, because he doesn't want anything to ruin his perfect face. As you're sketching, you continue to talk.

"You know this is gonna suck, right? Since your ears are so sensitive?"

"Sensitive? What makes you say that."

You blankly stare at him until he gives up.

"Okay fine, but I'm sure it can't be that bad!"

"I don't know. I mean I'm going to stab multiple holes through your ears. You barely like them being touched."

"I've been through enough pain. Nothing compares to jagged cuts in your back, I promise."

There are many moments like that, where he says something tragic that you just can't bring yourself to argue with. Without another word, he curls up against you, and the two of you discuss the options he has. Eventually, you settle on five on each side, because he INSISTED they be symmetrical.

"Tav, what kind of idiot would I look like if I had one ear with a bunch of shit on it, and one just, empty?"

"I guess you're not wrong."

He decides on two helixes, two lobe piercings, and a daith. You're a little surprised that he's going all out on this, but you don't mind. Everyone has that thing that lets them feel free, the thing they finally do to show the world 'I'm my own person.' Besides, if he didn't like them he could simply let them heal back up, forget this ever happened.

You go to grab your little makeshift piercing kit, full of fine needles you've collected over time, just in case you ever lose some.

"Now, you'll have to wear some of mine since you don't have your own earrings yet, but I'm sure you won't mind because my collection is amazing."

He sits up in bed, his shirt sleeve softly draping off his shoulder. If he could still be in the sun, you'd imagine a beam of light coming through the window right now, illuminating his face. You sit beside him, gently placing the box of needles by your feet.

"Alright, I'm gonna walk you through this as I do it, and if you want to stop at any time we can."

"Thank you my love."

The thought crosses your mind, that he'd probably not let any other soul on the planet do this kind of thing. Any time he's let someone else have control over his body, it's been riddled with sin and scars. But you? You've always been kind, soft, present. That's one thing he loves most about you, that he feels like he can be present. Not drifting off somewhere else, not closing off his mind to defend himself, not playing a chess match in his head. It's, easy. Life is easy now, and isn't that something wonderful?

"Alright, we're gonna start on the lobe. You feel the needle?"

You hold it lightly against his ear, and he shivers a little.

"Mhm."

"Alright, don't tense, but it's gonna hurt."

You hear the air escape through his teeth as the needle goes through. A pretty clean job if you do say so yourself.

"Well?"

You put in a dangling gold moon, waiting to see how he feels.

"Painful, but not horrible."

"Want to go again?'

"Of course."

He says it a little suggestively, and you give him a playful push.

"Save it for later imp."

You continue with his piercings, taking small breaks in between for conversation. You've continued adorning his ears with astral-themed jewelry, little stars and such. By the time you've finished the last one, you're quite pleased with your work. Astarion almost doesn't let you put the last earring in since he's so excited to see what you've done. He had Gale teach him mirror image a while ago, so he could finally see his reflection whenever he wanted. After casting it and giving his ears a look, he smiles.

Astarion laughs at your comment, giving one of those genuine smiles you used to rarely see. You silently curse the people that took that smile from him, wondering how anyone could see this specimen and torment him. He's like a pixie, a little trickster, someone you could pick up and hold forever. You know you're probably the only one who sees him that way, the only one who would call him cute, but he is. He enjoys it, being viewed as something that isn't devious or sexual, but a bright presence. You told him once how it's ironic that he can't be in the sun, because he was probably sunnier than the sun itself. He'd never let you tell anyone else that though.

"I... I think I quite like them."

"I do too. It's fitting."

You plant a kiss on his cheek.

"Worth the pain?"

"Most things are my love. Like you."

His hand meets your face, taking you into a deep kiss. When you break away, you whisper in his ear.

"I think they make you sexier too."

A chuckle under his breath, lips meeting again, and the morning is soon wasted away in bed. What a joy, to wake up every day with him, with someone living their life anew. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? Neither of you know, but it's exciting none-the-less.

[doodoodinklefart]

okAYYYY so ive been planning this au for literally forever and i couldnt get white diamond satoru and black sapphire suguru out of my head... ive seen a couple other hnk x jjk aus floating around but i wanted to take a crack at it!! i'll just explain these three + the setting for now cuz theres a bunch of other shit brewing in my head LOLOL honestly hnk and jjk are pretty different themes-wise i feel so i couldnt rlly help changing a lot abt the world LMAO

in this au its not just a couple gems in the school, there's a bit more of a society and structure outside of it. there are still the three major "clans" though maybe more like major cliffs?? lol?? that the gems are formed in that produce a much higher frequency of strong, high quality gems. i imagine that before the idea of working together (modern jujutsu society) had come about, gems fought to have control of these spots to assure that they would have those to protect them from lunarians (aka curses we're playing a bit fast and loose here). while there were many attempts to merge the clans, the fighting was more a waste of time if anything, so they stayed separate. jujutsu high in this au would probably just be the school, a set of gems that are trained to always be ready to dispatch lunarians and protect tengen (who is the prayer machine here), who has basically been dormant.

and THATS where we get to white diamond. i wanna say while diamonds are p common irl, its rare here for there to be a fully formed diamond lustrous that actually has inclusions. while there have been extremely strong lustrous born from the gojo cliff, white diamond is the first diamond in several centuries, filling a vacancy after others had been taken away to the moon. not only that, he's got special eyes too!! im thinking he can see sunspots from far away, or maybe can tell artificial gems from real ones, like being able to see their inclusions or something. probably both!! either way he has to wear special blackout glasses during the day. his eyes are really reflective so he can work at night too, but that often leaves him restless.

white diamond—in his mind at least—is untouchable, and really it may as well be true. due to the combat training that he's gone through and his hardness of 10, he has never sustained so much as a scratch. he had a tendency to break all of his sparring partners back home, and thus he feels he's hit a brick wall with his training, and that the only things that will come close to putting up a challenge are likely lunarians. he doesn't really care much for weaker gems at this point, and is eager to finally fight lunarians for once. eventually, he is sent off to the school to begin what he would call "actually worthwhile" training.

black sapphire, on the other hand, was born practically from nowhere, in a unremarkable place with little more than himself and a few other older gems that were around to help shape him. with a hardness of 9, he was the strongest among them and—after his first dangerous encounter with lunarians—he realized he had an obligation to protect the rest of them. his strength often leaves him feelings alienated, as he normally ends up working alone for fear of other being taken away. i wanna figure out how to incorporate his ct better but for now ill just keep thinking about it. for now, it was probably his strength that got his scouted and sent to the school.

boulder opal, or just opal, is in training as a doctor at the school, and shows extreme promise. her lax attitude reveals none of her medical prowess, especially when it comes to gems with missing pieces. she has a particularly good eye for finding missing shards, or finding pieces that she can replace missing shards with. there's nothing she can do if their inclusions reject the replacement, however. maybe she has a way of resonating with the other's inclusions to speed healing up on bigger points of damage?? idk ill figure it out

ANYWAYYY this is getting super long so i'll end this shortly BUT!!! basically, white diamond, with black sapphire (who he calls saph), and opal are all training under yaga sensei (idk what kind of gem he would be yet LOL). diamond, at first, sees opal and saph as weak, but quickly realizes they have their own feats. saph in particular is the first lustrous that has ever made sparring fun, because while he's less durable his combat skills make up for it tenfold. maybe black sapphire is the first to ever leave a break on white diamond who knows... opal is probably always having to put the two back together. theyve never lost to a lunarian before, and have certainly never come close to being taken to the moon. these two are the strongest together, and each finally feel like they have a place to belong.

alsooo..... they do get a mission to escort a "star plasma vessel" of sorts. tengen slowly erodes over the years and needs a compatible lustrous to replace their missing pieces. boleite (riko) happens to be that gem, and diamond and saph need to escort her.... lmaoaoao now i have to design riko, toji and kuroi...

[itneverendshere]

hii! just wanted to drop by this message to say I’m currently obsessed with the series of ‘loved you at your worst’. It has dragged me to pull out all folklore songs again 🥲 I just loooove your writing style and it amazes me how you can redact so amazingly <3 can’t wait for more chapters to see what’s next. Quick curious question: can you give us some more context on how invested was Rafe in the relationship with y/n? I’m curious how their dynamic was when both were stable lol. (I’m sorry if there’s misspelling, English is not my first language hehe).

your english is perfect don't worry, it's not my first language either!

im gonna try to summarize their relationship pre-big break up: rafe was SO obsessed with her, like genuinely all-in on this relationship. when things were good, they were perfect, they just clicked in this undeniable way—emotionally, physically, spiritually, they were just meant to fit. he wasn’t just invested; he was borderline consumed.

but it wasn’t just love, it was also their shared trauma. both of them had been through so much, and that’s partly why they felt so seen by each other. she got him in a way no one else did, and he craved that understanding (that's why shit hit the fan when she didn't coddle him when ward died). when they were stable, he actually put in effort to be open with her (his version of it), and she was his safe place and vise-versa. you’d look at them and think, “they're meant to be" yk??

but when things went wrong...it was a shitshow.

neither of them knew how to communicate their needs properly, so they’d just explode instead.

they’d go on those “breaks,” but they were still obsessing over each other, stalking socials, making each other jealous with a little flirting, just overall trying to be mean and hurtful but also checking in, very much toxic.

if they want any chance at real happiness together, they’re both gonna have to do some serious inner work, “heal your childhood traumas” level of work.

therapy? mandatory.

individual and couples counseling. they’d both need to face all that baggage, which is a LOT, honestly, given their history. 

i know everyone’s mad at rafe for dumping her just because she called out his father—even if she wasn’t wrong—but remember, he was not in his right mind. he was drowning in grief, numbing himself with alcohol, desperate for any sense of validation, so yeah, he filled her space with someone else just to feel needed. it's messy as fuck and desrespectful, but it wasn't a calculated choice.

and here’s the thing: it’s been from reader's POV so far, so we haven’t seen everything. yes, she’s hurting, but she’s not entirely blameless either. there were so many situations she could’ve handled better, and you’ll get to see those moments from a different angle soon.

honestly, both of them need to grow up. while i love my baby reader to pieces, part of why she feels so isolated now is because she put all her energy into rafe and rafe alone. she never took the time to build friendships or let others in, assuming he’d always be there and she’d never need anyone else. so yeah, she’s alone while he still has people around him, but that’s not entirely his fault, either. they both need to work on themselves if they want to heal.

[acourtofquestions]

These Dorian & Rowan chapters are absolute GOLD:

THE BROMANCE (their bro based friendship is unmatched… maybe my fav thus far, I’m just enjoying this so much)

Dorian being Dorian (I needed this after the pain of QoS; like yes, he’s different now (how could he not be?) but in a way that is slowly healing & maybe a little “broken”; but still Dorian; beloved Dorian🥹)

Rowan being Rowan (in a way we have yet to see that honestly is just SUCH Celaena vibes; their sass is unmatched and I. AM. HERE. FOR. IT.)

Dorian FINALLY having someone appreciate him for all he is worth & Rowan being the person to appreciate & respect him for all of his own genius/goodness/loveliness/skills BECAUSE HE HAS THEM (instead of underestimating & not communicating) like THIS MAN (not only has unmatched levels of magic) but he is a diplomat, a war planner, A PROPER KING. He has survived in the shadows a lifetime (living with A VALG PRINCE) and then ACTUALLY LIVING WITH ONE in his brain; yet he remains grounded in morality, fighting for goodness, for his people & all people. He reads people, his empathy & compassion is a power in itself, he knows how to play the game; use the phrases; make deals and wage alliances. He is level headed, he can plan a part, he keeps it together & has a dam good poker face. He is smart, he is quick on his feet. And he is JUST GOOD; he is a good man. A good king. A good… well… HE’S JUST DORIAN. & Rowan has a great ability to see peoples powers & skills, to teach & empower. And THEY needed this.

Because vice-versa Dorian REALLY appreciates Rowan the way he deserves; instead of fearing him, being angry & bringing up hundreds of years of “what if” & “why not”, instead of feeling the need to puff his chest & “prove” something, creating an environment of distrust & disrespect, or just disregarding annoyance; here he is, thanking him, asking to learn, listening & learning, understanding him, speaking of their lives in honesty, seeing what he’s doing & giving up, treating him as an equal not a lesser or a prejudice just a friend. It is refreshing after centuries to meet a good king, a good man.

The way they work together; they have a great natural ease & understanding. They speak & LISTEN. There isn’t a “captain” or wage for leadership, they just both respect & use the other & their own skill set. They are working both for the present, but also building of the future, while piecing together a lot of pain still aching in their past. They make great diplomats but also warriors. Good cop & bad cop. Hilarity of their youth and age. Just this great balance that’s wholesome & entertaining. You really get to see THE Princes. (Though let’s be honest they are THE KINGS).

The two of them managing to GET. SHIT. DONE. Save the king✔️ Escape Rifthold safely✔️ master their skills & magic (before something explosive happens)✔️ secure an army✔️ build alliances✔️ keep tabs on Maeve✔️ plan for Wyrdkeys✔️ finding Ilken Island (I think this is a check) ✔️

And even as the lovely @mysterylilycheeta mentioned they have a friendship based on more than a mutual pining, love, or heartbreak of a female character. They show emotion. And have a genuine friendship. Frankly it’s just refreshing!!

… so while I miss Aelin & Rowan, anxious to see how Aedion & Gabriel play out, needing Manorian’s ship to fly… etc. I also kinda just want the road trip of fun bromance to continue😂🫶

[borderline-buddies]

U know whats funny?, u have friend who's a bit problematic and that influenced u someway but u still love and wish the best for them and always try to support them in their steps of change, and when they do change now they have better people around him, more friends, when u were the only one they had, and not only that, they don't bother to even reply to ur texts...so when u confront them they say they've been dropping hints that they don't want u anymore, n that they feel 'uncomfortable' n that they want to be a better person and have better influences around them...funny because when the vent to me about their daddy issues and mommy issues and over-shared info that u shouldn't, i didn't say hey that makes me uncomfortable, i stayed, n i comforted u, i tried my best to be supportive, amd when that person made sexual jokes about me or any other thing, i never said i was uncomfortable...i let it slide because i held that person a special place in my heart, its funny because i was always trying to help this person get better n call them out if they did something that upsets me, but now that they're fixed they dont want their broken piece anymore, the little piece that was heavily influenced by them, the one who always were there even at their worst, cuz if the people they know now knew how the person was like before changing...they will throw up. They wouldn't put up with them as i did. And i hate myself for every moment i never told this person that i was uncomfortable, afraid of misunderstanding, afraid of hurting someone...and now, they think they are so much better than me...that they changed and went back to god, and suddenly became pure like all their past troubles were erased, and they tell me that my feelings are scary, for being honest...for telling them how i actually felt! About them leaving me unwanted and excluded, "its like ur saying im obsessed with you" yea thats what they said to me...OBSESSED!? Just for being upset. for feeling invisible. unwanted. used.

Oh god where do I ever start Yeah ! Yeah. It really is always just like this - huh ? When you think it all gets better and then life hits you with this shit. But hey - that person is a fucking ass. That person does not deserve people like us - nor do they deserves to use people like us for their own gain. fuck anyone who thinks they can do otherwise - the mentally ill are not your dumping groups for your own issues - nor should they be fixing you. think about it like....this. If you were not around - this person would have remained a sad little loser with nobody to talk to. Let us see where their "good influences" are then. Drop this person and never look back. It is so - SO difficult to do that sort of thing - but trust me ? you will only be so much happier. Morons like this do not deserve your time - nor should you waste your comfort for them. You can find somebody to treat you so much better - honestly. Let them be the issues of somebody else and heal from their influence. You are not obsessed. You cared - and that is not a crime.

[fantasylover145]

Whilst, I'm glad that Bobby is going to come face to face with one of the survivors of what happened to his family and see Eddie actually grieve and get closure, we've dealt with Bobby and his grief for the last six or so seasons. Plus, we had an entire season of Eddie going to therapy and getting better, I'm just kinda sad to see more Eddie angst, i just want him happy. And I love Eddie and I am glad he will finally deal with his grief and get closure, stop looking at the past with rose coloured glasses and move forward to have healthier and happier relationships. Despite this storyline really creeping me out a little, it's still vital for his health and recovery.

However, I honestly want more main storylines to focus on Chimney, Athena and Hen. I feel like they give a lot of the big long storylines to the white main characters (Maddie, Bobby & Buck). I definitely do want Buck to have a breakdown after all the shit that he has been through, but it looks like we're never going to get that. Since the writers always brush off his trauma like it doesn't matter, just so they can put him through more. I want him to get the therapy he actually needs and focus on his passive suicidal and self harm tendencies due to his childhood emotional neglect. Buck needs to actually deal with how he feels like he has to keep giving pieces of his body away to feel worthy and that if he isn't doing something for someone he's worthless, since he was born to save people, which could really affect how he views his relationships as conditional. Also, I would love a possible ADHD diagnosis storyline that would be amazing, since that would be so important to show people getting diagnosed later on in life and the negative affects that can have on them, their relationships and their health.

But mainly, I want to see more of Athena dealing with the trauma that comes with the job, how the kidnapping of Harry affected her, her grief and devastation of losing her first love. I'm so glad we got to see her finding out what happened to that little girl, but we need more storylines focused on her. I loved that storyline where she was finding the rapist, how badass she was, but also the terror, the fear and intensity. Hated that she got hurt, that will always be one of the most painful moments for me.

But I need it to focus on her not on Bobby and how Bobby felt about her going back to work, I hated when he lied to her and sympathised with a women who purposely drove drunk with her child in the back and then basically said it was payback for not discussing returning to work. Also, I want to see her adjusting to her job and the new intense fear she has of losing her kids, her calling them because she had a nightmare or as soon as she hears about a child being kidnapped because she needs the reassurance that they are okay. I need more of Athena going on her journey with therapy. Moreover, I want her to heal and I would love to show her and Bobby connecting over losing the first love of their lives and her remembering him.

Furthermore, I need more of Hen actually dealing with the traumatic stuff that happens to her at work. They put Hen through not ONE but TWO separate occasions of different people dying and her being accused of wrongdoings because of it and it not being her fault. We got one ep of her dealing with the car crash in therapy but that was it?! And then they brought up old wounds with that guy dying at the scene after he refused care and people made her think it was her fault AGAIN and we're supposed to move on?! Like neither of those were her fault, I wish they made it clearer to her. I wish Chimney stood by her more because he was the only one that actually saw everything and KNEW the patient refused care and that you can't force it on them. I wish we got to see her struggle with trusting her judgement more and how that trauma affected her. Her dealing with that in therapy, her thinking maybe it's a pattern. Also, I'd like to see her dealing with how she got shot when she was younger, her relating to both Eddie and Bobby and how that changed her life.

I fucking hate that they are forcing everyone to forgive their shitty family. So I really want to see more of how Chimney grew up, if he stayed with the Lee's whilst his mother was going through cancer treatment, what he felt when he realised his father completely abandoned his mother to die alone, how he probably felt like an orphan. I want to see how his dad could possibly make up for all of that, I want Chimney to get the space he deserves to say decades worth of anger and resentment and have his dad actually listen, more than we already have. I'm so glad he wasn't at the wedding but I'm sad Albert wasn't, I wish we got to see more of how similar Albert and Chim are. I find it so hilarious that they are both terrible liars, I wish we got more brotherly bonding moments and maybe Chimney helping Albert find his place in the world, even if it's not firefighting.

I love Bobby but honestly after him having SEVEN seasons of basically the same storyline over and over again, I am a bit tired of it. I know it's realistic and shows a natural progression of grief, trauma, addiction recovery and finding new triggers. I'm not saying it's not important or trying to devalue the storyline, but there are also other really important stories that could be told, especially with the main poc characters! The others don't get as much recognition and they so deserve everything and more!! They don't get to grieve over SEVEN seasons for the loved ones they have lost, they don't get the same treatment and I wish they would.

[practically-an-x-man]

I have no brain cells. For TsT, can I ask for a directors cut/commentary/ramble about one of your favorite scenes in any story, and why? From a more technical perspective? If that even makes sense?

ABSOLUTELY you can!! Thank you so much!!

I think I'll do a director's cut on Vestalia, one of my newer Eris/Rick fics, since I was really pleased with how that one turned out :D

Under the cut for space, as usual :D And fair warning.... this one got LONG!

Talk Shop Tuesday

So first things first, this fic was SUPER impromptu. I was brainstorming ideas for Deep Freeze, the other new Eris fic, at the time... but it turns out that writing a hypothermia whump fic in the dog days of summer is a little hard. I was out walking my dogs, trying to brainstorm Deep Freeze, when instead the idea for Vestalia popped into my head.

“She left her key. Under the doormat.” they responded, setting it down on the kitchen counter as they passed, “Stupid place to hide a key, I think. Especially if it unlocks something valuable.” “Tch. Yeah. My shit apartment’s so worth robbing.” he muttered, shaking his head without looking up. “I don’t mean the apartment.”

First little hint at how much Eris cares about him... that "something valuable" is of course Rick himself, and he notices. At this point in their timeline, Eris has known Rick for about 5 and a half years, and they've danced in and out of that romantic space up until he started dating June, but it was all still so nebulous that neither of them are entirely sure how connected they are to one another.

And honestly, even as brash and sharp as Eris is at the beginning of this piece, it's that little admission that convinces Rick to let her stay - without that show of how Eris cares about him, he'd probably have just told him to fuck off.

Eris found himself relaxing, with that little reminder gone. The emotion still filled the room like a New England fog, but it was easier without the physical reminder written across his face. They couldn’t remember the last time they’d seen so much candid emotion from him.

Part of why Eris likes and respects Rick so much is because of how steady he is - he's coolheaded and adaptable in the middle of battle, he wrangles the Suicide Squad and even manages to make those supervillains into his friends and allies, and he all-around acts as a bit of an anchor compared to Eris' whirlwinds. But by that same token, that steadiness makes seeing him so rattled and emotional completely foreign to Eris. He's trying his best because of how he cares for Rick, but he is not used to being the anchor or emotional support in the relationship.

Eris suppressed a shiver, that ancient beast in the depths of their heart just beginning to stir. They battled it down. Not now. Not for Rick, and especially not when he was so vulnerable.

As we see here, Eris' sense for conflict is not entirely within her control. I'll go into this more with a future fic showcasing more of Eris' backstory, but it's something he was born with, and his upbringing on Themyscira led him to lean into it rather than being given the support to process it in a healthy way.

Conflict really does affect Eris - not only makes them stronger, heal faster, but it makes them more quick-to-anger and prone to violence. Normally he embraces that and isn't afraid to cause damage, but instead... he fights it down, for Rick's sake.

“You never expect to be blindsided. You give too much of your heart away. You let someone wrap you around their little finger, and you let them use you up when they decide they’re done with you. You make friends out of your enemies but never expect the tables to turn the other way. And it gets you into trouble.”

Eris says this, fully aware that they're also under this umbrella. They're referring to the Squad and all the supervillains Rick works with, and how he tends to get attached to the people he works with, but Eris also sees herself included in that. He has no intention of betraying or harming Rick (though tbh... internally he still has a skewed perception of himself as a "monster" for how he was treated on Themyscira), but he also recognizes the patterns here - making friends out of someone who's an enemy to just about everyone else, being unfailingly attentive and caring no matter how much Eris feels like they don't deserve it, taking the risk of getting close knowing it could go wrong in some way or another.

And in a way... Eris reflects those same words. He may not be as openly affectionate as Rick is, but he's still intensely loyal, and keeps giving his heart away no matter how many times he's had to watch his past lovers age and die - or worse, he's been blindsided and manipulated by those who wanted a pet weapon (when 90% of your relationships are war heroes... they're not always the shining examples of humanity, let's just put it that way)

“She’s just lost one of the good ones. Perhaps one of the only good ones left. She’ll never find another one like you.”

This is HARD for Eris to admit. Like I said before, they're not good with comfort or feelings by any means, and even this fairly simple admission is difficult for them. Eris' affection is... not exactly "human", and more often takes place in actions rather than words, so this is odd for them.

“Too torn up to appreciate it, I think. Waste of good whiskey.”

Full disclosure, I know NOTHING about alcohol, so I tried to be as vague about this whole "fancy vintage whiskey" piece as possible, lol. But a bit of backstory on Eris: she has a whole hidden collection of preserved vintage alcohols - partially for her own enjoyment, since she loves a good vintage bourbon even if the alcohol itself won't do a damn thing for him, but also for a bit of quick cash. He doesn't really have other income, and doesn't really need it, but vintage alcohols sell really well when he needs some cash.

It wouldn’t do much of anything for him - the last time he’d been anywhere near drunk was back on Themyscira, with a good strong Amazonian wine - but it was a damn fine whiskey either way.

I do think it would be interesting to see Eris with a type of alcohol that does affect him - the Amazonian wine I mentioned here, or some other type of alcohol made for metahumans. I honestly feel like it could make a good fluff fic: I could see Eris as a surprisingly cuddly drunk, the same way they're cuddly when they're sleepy, and Rick taking care of them since it's been several hundred years since Eris has last been properly intoxicated.

“Thought we were doing okay. Not… great, but okay. And that’s a lot of what relationships are, I think. Or just… how life is. You get through the okay times and the good ones come along again eventually. But I guess not. Not with her, at least.”

Look, I've got nothing against June Moone as a character, I really don't. I'm not a huge Cara Delevigne fan, but I'm really just neutral on June as a character. But I didn't want to write her out entirely, especially since their relationship is tied to the first Suicide Squad movie, plus I think it makes for some good tension/angst with Eris here.

I also didn't want to turn this into the old "this relationship just Sucked, time for the Real One" stereotype when it comes to them: Rick and June did work for a while, it was a genuinely good relationship, and it just came down to their inability to live together long-term that made the relationship break. I mean... that's how it usually is, right? Most relationships don't end because there's something genuinely wrong with one of the parties, it's just that something doesn't quite work out. With this one, I think there's absolutely the element where their relationship began when June was emotional and struggling with the Enchantress, and that emotion made things simpler for a while, but it stopped working once the Enchantress was gone and June could return to her usual studies.

“She said… go back to that sadistic nightmare you spend so much time with, if you really want to fight like this.”

Eris and Rick have always been very close, even when it wasn't romantically-oriented. They were close when he started dating June, and while Rick did try to make June his priority, she still ended up growing incredibly jealous of Eris over time. She just couldn't understand how Rick could be so incredibly in-tune with someone who seems so difficult and violent, when there those things that didn't quite click with him and June (who was calmer, gentler, and in many ways a better - or at least more typical - partner)

But moments like these? Outside the battlefield, the alliances? Put in a place where Eris faltered and failed, where he needed comfort and all she could give him was booze and too-sharp banter, where she couldn’t be what he needed? He was still grateful for her presence?

Again, drawing off that previous point: Eris has lived a very isolated life, and much of their history has given them a skewed self-image. They've spent a lot of time being treated as a dark god, a monster, the embodiment of strife and discord, and they don't even realize the way that's affected their view of themself. Part of the reason emotion is so difficult for him is because he feels like the moment Rick (or anyone else) chooses to slow down and process those emotions, he'll realize Eris is completely and utterly unlovable (not true, of course, but that skewed self-image)

Love. Was that what it was?  Either way, Eris had found the head of the sea serpent six feet away from the rest of him.

I haven't decided how many past lovers Eris has had. There's Wisteria in Whatever Keeps You Around, there's this gentleman here, and references that indicate Eris has had many more lovers throughout history, but I haven't chosen a number. It fluctuates, too: sometimes Eris will go centuries between lovers, other times it's only a few years. Every time, though, it's similar to this with Rick: Eris grows irrevocably attached, latches on, even though it usually ends in tragedy. Eris may not love particularly often, but when he does, he loves hard.

Today marks Vestalia, the celebration of Vesta and the home.

Fun fact: Vestalia was historically celebrated during the second week of June. That's not only a reference to June the character, the fic itself was actually posted during Vestalia - June 15th!

"It’s an unlucky day for a home to break.”

You pointed this out, and I love you for it: it's not the breaking of a home, it's the creation of a home. Eris and Rick may not officially get together on that night, since Rick still has some emotional recovery to get through, but it is the night they recognize those feelings and choose each other.

Eris came to celebrate the creation of a home, with no idea that Rick and June had broken up until she arrived, and in the end, they still end up celebrating the creation of a home in that backwards, grief-stricken way.

“You pushed me aside for her, you know.” Eris found himself muttering, “You met her, and you let her wrap you around her little finger like you did with all the rest, and soon she was all you talked about. You told me I was your number one, and yet you closed me out of your home the moment she asked you to. I’d have expected that from someone else, but… I thought you were better than that.”

Eris is hurt here. Genuinely hurt. As I've said, when he loves, he loves hard, and he'd already found that connection with Rick when June came in. Even if they weren't officially together at that point, Eris had trusted Rick to give him a home and a partnership, and those began to trickle away as June became a bigger part of his life. Despite that harsh exterior, Eris does have emotions, and strong ones at that.

"Figured you’d just move on to the next war, or the next guy, or whatever it is that you do.”

Semi-random fact: Eris is pansexual, so it wouldn't necessarily be "the next guy", but historically they've been mostly attracted to soldiers, athletes, and war heroes, those with a lot of muscle and skill in battle - which throughout most of history, was predominantly men. As Rick points out in Whatever Keeps You Around, Eris' "type" is definitely noticeable and typically applies to masculine body types, but that doesn't always mean men.

“I won’t be your rebound.” he muttered, “It can be something or it can be nothing, heart or just sex, but I won’t be your rebound from June. If you want me, I need to know you want me. Not just a body in your bed.”

Eris is used to being treated as a god, for better or worse. Whatever the relationship ends up being, they want to be seen for what they are - they want to be worshipped. Whether it's a committed relationship or a casual friends-with-benefits sort of deal, it has to be with the recognition of Eris for who he is.

“Alright. Then I’ll wait. However long I must.” they said, and stood up from their seat, “Call me when you’re ready.”

Patience!! Because Eris can afford to be patient! As much as they always talk about wanting more time with Rick, they can afford the weeks or months it'll take for him to recover if it means the relationship starts the right way.