#and he CERTAINLY didn't murder several people

[nortyourself]

Little guy of all time!!!

original by soup-erb

[sasagehoes]

His Darling Snake

⋆.ೃ࿔remus lupin x fem!reader

⨾𓍢ִ໋;; Hogwarts reunion dinner brings friendships back to life, yet for many, deeper feelings come to the surface.

CONTAINS: angst, self doubt, arranged marriage, abusive parents, toxic relationships. smut, p in v, unsafe sex, fingering, breeding kink, untold feelings, bitter sweet ending, the effects of the full moon not used for its intended purposes, fwb to enemies to strangers to lovers pipeline, reader may or may not have murdered someone, Remus is whipped. no voldemort AU!!

wc: 3.7k ( this was supposed to be a oneshot..)

Remus stood in front of his mirror, tie in his hand being tied around the white collar of his shirt. Looking down on his dresser, he took the Hogwarts sealed letter, inviting him to the whatever year reunion of class of ‘78 and ‘79. It stated that every alumni could bring one person in with them to the gathering. He sighed, putting it down, fixing his hair aided by the reflection of the mirror. He contemplated not attending but Lily and Regulus convinced him, saying that it’ll be a way for the whole gang to be together after three years of them all constantly being all over the place for work and personal reasons.

 Why didn't he want to go? Simple. All of his friends one way or another had figured out their lives; Lily and James cooparent with both Regulus and Mary by their sides, Marlene and Dorcas own a successful vinyl store, and Sirius has been to more than five countries on tour in less than eight months. What has he done? Been thrown out from job to job time and time again for his condition, even from jobs he’s severely overqualified. The 90’s are just around the corner and this is still a bloody issue.

He’s happy for all his friends, he’d give his life for them but seeing them live life at their fullest makes him feel jealousy starting to bubble beneath his skin. It made him feel horrible.

He left for the door before grabbing his cane, a constant reminder of his weary bones and worsening condition, he took the ticket that was in the envelope and left for the train station. Once there he started to see familiar faces, amongst them was Pandora with an adorable small version of herself on her arms “I’m so glad you decided to come Rem!” The seer beamed with joy at seeing him approach her, he gave her a warm smile and hug before acknowledging the little thing “How is the little lass?” he’d ask the giggling Luna, pinching her cheek. While talking with Pandora and waiting for the others they updated each other on their lives, how Xenophilius got a promotion  and how her experiments were doing, the conversation was cut short when Regulus arrived with a grumpy Harry in tow and a sleepy James behind them.

“Bloody hell Prongs, you with us?” he asked the man with a chuckle, “Stayed up all night painting the mural on Harry’s room even after I told him to leave it for later” Regulus scoffed as he exchanged children with Pandora. “You really need to start listening to Reg mate” Gods how he missed this.

A couple minutes before boarding the train, and many others had shown up, the hopes of Sirius to show up were slim to none, yet as if he was summoned he appeared, tie loose and hair disheveled, panting like a maniac as he barely made it to the train platform on time. Lily just cackled at his state and James burst out laughing like an idiot “Ladies and gentlemen the heir of House Black” Regulus said, the sarcasm pouring out. “Oh come on little brother we both know who’s getting all the dough” he hugged his brother who responded with a nasty “Someones been touring too much around America” causing the people in the booths to laugh. After he made his rounds around the four booths that were filled with friends and acquaintances, his last stop was where Remus and James sat “Last but certainly more important— wait, where's Pete?” 

“The Tosser said he wanted to spend more time with his “wife”” James added with air quotation marks making Marlene’s head peek out of the booth behind them “Hey! What's so wrong about spending time with your wife” she laughed. “Nothing! Just bring her here with your mates, just saying!” James replied “You two are not even a booth apart, stop yelling!” yelled Mary

The rest of the train ride was spent with Sirius obnoxiously man spreading on the tiny booth causing him and Regulus to bicker like always, and the kids learning a few accidental curse words from their favorites aunts and uncles

“Long time no see Reggie” as voice spoke rather calmly behind the man, his eyes widened at the sight, “Been long enough” a sight that made a blood moon more common was wasted at that moment, Regulus smiled from ear to ear as he saw your face, once he stood Pandora almost squealed at the sight of you, if you were here that meant— “No calls, no letters, is this how you treat your brother?” Evan asked Pandora with a contagious grin. “Well dear brother, the phone works both ways” she smiled back “ouch”

Pulling away from the hug,Pandora looked at you with confusion, looking for someone else “Barty’s gonna be late, but he’ll get here” you smiled and went to hug her. Luna upon hearing her beloved aunt’s voice she ran from one booth to another and jumped in your arms. “How’s my girl?” you ask her, pulling her up into  “Uncle Moony is here” she said sheepishly, you turned your gaze to where she was pointing and were greeted with a smiling Remus.

To say you two ended on good terms was a straight up lie, his last days in Hogwarts were spent either trying to pass his O.W.L.S. or having a discussion with you, the last one you had was the last time you two were ever on talking terms, this caused the group to divide like the red sea, if you found out he was going to a certain activity, you would noy attend to avoid any tension, and so did he, the only time this rule was exempt was birthday parties, especially the kids, but even so one always ended up leaving early.

“Do you not get that I don't have a say in who I marry and who I don't right?! Your yells echoed the walls of the prefects bathroom, “I don’t know if you haven’t noticed but the 1800s ended a few fucking centuries ago!!” he screamed back. These fights always ended in one of two ways, either one of you storming out, or you splayed across his bed with his head in between your thighs, as if that was gonna change the mind of your deranged parents to not marry you off to some creep in his fifties. 

After the night of his graduation the two of you never spoke to the other again, a simple ‘Hello’ was the most.

“You have to tell me all about your trip to the isles” Pandora pulled you away to some far away booth, scared of this becoming a battleground.

“That’s it? Are you guys ever going to have a normal conversation like the adults you two finally are?” Sirius groaned “Don’t start Sirius” Remus sighed, he hated when he would give him lectures of this eight year situation, he wanted to respect your space, as he should’ve done years ago. It's never late to do the right thing, right?

After some time, Remus decided to walk to a far away booth, away from the kids to have a smoke, halting when he saw your body, facing away from him, just like Pandora he opted to leave the situation, but you stopped him.

“When are we going to stop behaving like children, John?” you asked in a chuckle, he decided, fuck it why not, and approached you, lighting his cigarette in the process. He sat on the booth chair, now you were the one towering the other, yet not by much, he took a hit of his cigarette paper quickly turning to ash “How about when you start calling me by my name hm? He spoke “How is life treating you, Remus?” you complied now facing him.

“My hip’s giving out on me as if i was fifty, and cant hold a job for the life of me, so bloody fantastic i have to say” He joked, missing the whole point of making one.You frowned, letting out a dry laugh, no sentiment behind it ”I hear laws are being passed that forbid employers to fire people with lycantrophe” your eyes stared at his the crude facade chipping with each word

“They said that four years ago dove, look what good it’s done me” you smiled fondly at the nickname. He continued, “And you, how’s life treating you” now it was his turn to burn his eyes into yours, you could only sigh, a cloud of mint scented smoke coming out of it as you slumped down the chair slightly. “Could be worse”

He was expecting to talk about that bastard, maybe even children, seeing as everyone is doing that nowadays— Gods did he like to suffer. “Have been traveling a while so that’s a plus” He hummed in response, flicking off thrash on the shrinking cigarette.

“My godmother senses are tingling Remus, i'll catch you later” you say as the cries of Luna were heard across the whole train, putting off the cig on the sole of your heel and stood to leave to go to the crying baby, before you left the booth he called out your name, “I'm glad you’re doing alright”  a genuine smile adorned his face, so you gave one back.

He made it back after his third smoke and sat with his mates for the rest of the ride, locking eyes with you from time to time, making James and Sirius smirk at each other knowingly.

Finally arriving at Hogwarts everyone went to their old dorm rooms to change into more formal attire, inside the Slytherin common room sat the Rosier twins, Regulus and you, waiting for a certain someone to show up late

“Didya miss me?!!” Barty showed up by the window, riding some poor kids broom, you all laughed and Evan almost had a heart attack. Catching up wasn't really necessary with you all since you basically lived with Evan and Barty, Regulus might as well move in and Pandora visits every other day.

“So, do I get my fifty galleons or do I need to keep waiting?” Bart asked and Regulus shook his head “What bet are you tossers making now?” you asked, groaning “Nothin!” Pandora answered, eyes wide and voice high, something that even when young gave her away when lying.”Salazar’s beard, you all best behave today, im being serious”

The night was falling and everyone was getting ready, Pandora wore a beautiful navy blue dress with golden decals and stitching and an array of golden jewelry. Evan had ironed his suit and pants for the occasion using a tie that matched his house colors but Barty om the other hand had the most wrinkly suit known to man yet he managed to pull it off, Evan tried his best to straighten his suit to no avail

Regulus had a simple black suit with a green tie and a red boutonniere, once you left the restroom they looked appalled. You were rocking a golden backless dress with golden jewelry and your hair down, “Who invited the Hufflepuff to our dorm?” Evan asked Regulus with an insulted look on his face, he only shrugged and you could only laugh “Who said it had to be your house color” They looked at you as if an unforgivable curse was casted

“Here at least wear these” Regulus gave you two golden snake arm cuffs “Had a feeling you'd disgrace Salazar and brought the cuffs you left home” 

You placed them around your arms and they slithered into a more comfortable position.

“You guys are twats” you say once more seeing their faux disappointment on their faces.

You all walked to the dining hall where the celebration dinner would take place, and as the wooden doors opened the place looked very different. The tables were not placed how they were normally displayed, now there were multiple tables and chairs to accommodate all the past alumni. No housing separation.

Lily came up to the lot of you and she looked marvelous, she wore a emerald green dress that hugged her curves in ways that would have anyone dropping to their knees “See!, she's wearing green and she's not being egged and stoned around the corner” you whined “you look amazing lovie” You said all in one breath. 

“She gets a pass, she actually looks good” Regulus said with an obnoxious grin, Barty and you gasped at the same time but only he spoke “Don't listen to him treasure, you look ravishing” he said seductively 

“Yeah Reggie,  play nice” Lily giggled "You look stunning dear!, but I have to steal her from you guys for a minute, Marlene will cry soon” she spoke to your friends not before throwing them a wink as you unknowingly kept walking.

You soon were at the marauders (or what was left of them) designated table, you looked around trying to spot Marlene but she was nowhere to be seen. James gasped at your dress “Stunning, I might have to steal you from Barty from time to time” he joked

“Keep dreaming, lover boy,” whispered Barty, who was walking behind him.

Lily stood beside you, a hand on your shoulder, “James, Reg is looking for you, love, it's rather urgent” she emphasized urgent and he seemed to get the hint.

He excused himself and Lily was soon to speak “Oh my, Let me go fetch Marls, she was here minutes ago” without giving you time to respond she left. Leaving you alone, you were left thinking why all your friends were so strange this evening, but once you saw Remus walking up to your table, leaving a smirking Sirius on the balcony. Were they really doing this again?

“Sirius told me you wanted to see me” he approached you, wearing a brown blazer, worn down by the years with a red tie under, “I don't know what to say lovie, but i think our dear friends are setting us up..again” you reply with your hand now holding your head, you unknowingly gave him those half lidded eyes that made him go crazy, he looked away and adjusted his tie. He was never one to shy away from women’s flirtatious antics but with your methods he was but a victim.

“I had a feeling, I'll go talk with the tosser” he went to leave but you grabbed his arm “Let’s just talk, maybe that will make them stop” you knew it wouldn't end until you two got back together, but talking with an old friend never hurt anyone.

It went rather well, the talk went in more depth then what you two had talked in the train, out in the balcony the talking resumed, accompanied by smoke in your lungs and liquor in his bloodstream, he built up the courage to ask you something that Sirius mentioned recently. Your missing wedding ring.

“Is everything going well with what was his name?— Dominique?” you let out the most unflattering laugh and he stood there thinking he had way of with the name “Let’s just say it didn't last past the honeymoon” you took a chug of his flask “What happened” he said taking the flask from your hands to grab some as well “He passed” you put simply, his jaw went slack “What happened?” 

You leaned in to whisper in his ear “I don't kiss and tell, Moony” and briefly kissed his cheek. Before he could even process what was happening the booming voice of the headmaster reached his ears, telling everyone to take a seat for the grand speech.

So now both of you sat multiple tables away as the effects of the upcoming full moon take a toll on the poor Remus, now tripled in intensity by your touch. Unknowingly he bore his eyes to your body, the canine side of him going feral just at the thought of having you once again. You pretended not to notice but you could feel his gaze. Oh and you knew the effect that kiss, innocent as it could've seem, took a toll on him

You knew that look on his face. Hunger. Not just any type of hunger, he looked insatiable. Anyone would think that he was mad, because of the intense glare, but you knew him well enough.

You had seen it multiple times throughout your days in Hogwarts, days before the full moon he became engulfed in a primal like feeling, never getting enough of you until he filled you up to the brim.

 You shifted in your seat and he seemed to get self conscious of his leering and looked away, having had enough of this awkward back and forth you took your glass of champagne and the one next to yours.

You walked over to him, leaning in so close you were almost on his lap, “I dont scare easy big guy, stop staring and do something about it” you whispered in his ear. He closed his eyes to relish in your sent before snaking his arm around your waist “Dove, don't do this to me” he groaned, his pants getting impossibly tighter “Moony, I've missed you so much, I need you” 

God's bless alcohol because if it wasn't for that, you would've never gotten here.

How did you exit the dining hall without being noticed? You didn't know, maybe people did notice but you couldn't care now.

Now that Remus had you pinned against the wall of some classroom kissing every part of your body that was exposed fervently. His cane and aching bones now long forgotten. He went to take his jacket off but before he even had a chance to take it fully off you were pulling him by the belt, “hands off leannan” he groaned, putting your hands away and taking matters into his own.

His shirt was off in a heartbeat and he was to attack your lips, sliding off the straps of the dress in the process, you deepened the kiss, gripping his hair to bring him closer. He groans at the closeness he has yearned for years. 

Remus picked you with ease, still devouring you to his heart's content and settled you on the professor's desk. Your dress now discarded on the floor, his lips traveled down the path that your body led,leaving goosebumps in its wake,making you sigh in pleasure, he knelt down on the floor and made eye contact with you before more or less groaning “Port láimhe nó port béil?” Oh how his words made you feel, you arched your back against the desk whispering a low “Your mouth” accompanied by a moan. Wasting no time he spread open your thighs and started lapping at your core like a man starved.

You gripped his hair with such force causing him to groan, his fingers were quick to enter the scene, starting with just one that had you feeling so full, “Tá tú chomh tais”  he groaned, his mouth still on your cunt. Slowly a second finger was introduced making you gasp, he moved his middle and pointer finger in a scissoring motion all while sucking on your pulsing nub “Too much, fuck!” the chuckle that left his throat being the last straw to have you shaking under him, walls clenching on his finger, so close to sweet release before he stopped.

You whined, tears threatening to spill, he hushed you by standing up, and placing his slick covered fingers inside your mouth. “Want to feel you cum around me dove” he whispered in a gruff tone. He undid his belt with his free hand , ridding himself of his garments. He stroked himself a couple times before aligning himself with your entrance. Your slick was enough for him to slide inside you, you felt so full you it made you whimper, he wasn't doing too well either, overwhelmed by the tightness of your cunt, your scent, and the sheen coat of mixed slick that decorated so prettily the base of his cock, he knew he wasn't going to last long.

He grabbed your hips with such vigour that they were sure to be bruised the next morning, his thrusts were becoming more erratic and shallow as his moans and whimpers matched yours, he bent over to engulf your lips with his in such a passionate manner that contrasted his sudden harsh thrusts, he swallowed any moans you gave to him with such greed that would leave Plutus astonished. He left your lips swollen and bruised, glossy with a mixture of your combined spit, “Please Remus, i cant hold it anymore” you moaned, nails digging in his biceps, “Just a little more Dove, yeah?” you could only nod not trusting your voice with words,  “Atta girl” he grinned, sheathing himself deeper,if that was even possible. Few more thrusts had him cursing in his mothers tongue “Let go for me love, c’mon” he said, voice hoarse. Remus swore he would cry at the way your cunt tightened against him, before the knot on your lower abdomen burst, causing you to moan in pleasure, “So, so pretty like this,” he muttered as he himself came undone over your shaking body.

You both laid on the floor of the classroom, basking in the light of the moon that came through the huge glass windows, naked bodies entangled in a warm embrace, slightly covered by Remus’s blazer, he turned around to give his poor hip a break and you took the opportunity to trace the marks you had created, making him forget about the ones that caused him pain and instead relish in the ones that were caused by love”

Suddenly remembering something, he turned back around, smug smile adorning his features “You remembered what it meant didn't ya?” he chuckled and you could only roll your eyes “How could I not” As the laughter died down you both stared lovingly into each other's eyes. “I have some empty property around my house if you know..you need a safe place for the full moon” you ask sheepishly. Remus only smiled, kissing your lips tenderly “I’d love that dove”

Maybe all the two of you needed was a well deserved push.

Bonus: Morning came and it was time to leave the classroom before anyone noticed what you two were getting up to last night. Opening the doors to leave, clothes all wrinkled and put on in a hurry, you were quick to halt as you saw Barty smirking at a leaning Evan while he gave him his well deserved fifty galleons “Told you id get them tonight” he winked your way. And not far away from this betting mess was an absolutely hammered James yelling “Atta boy!!” from across the hall.

Tá tú chomh tais- you are so wet

Port láimhe nó port béil- tune with my hands or my mouth?

This is my first time writing smut so i hope i did ok, I hope you enjoyed this, i was just testing the water seeing if this was for me but i dont know what to think just yet..

⭒๋࣭ ⭑ DO NOT;; RE-UPLOAD, TRANSLATE NOR COPY MY WORKS!! This belongs to;; -SASAGEHOES

[raymurata]

Just scroll (or go ahead and block my #dav critical tag) if you don't wanna read me whining abt Bellara's Archive choice again, but I'm not done with the salt.

What bugs me isn't that the choice to destroy the archive exists, it's that the game frames it, through its UI (which is the closest thing we have to a nonbiased narrator in this medium), as equally weighted against the opposite choice.

If they had worded it like this:

"Free the archive (the knowledge will be lost)" x "Keep the archive (the knowledge will be kept)"

With no extra commentary, then that would be better. If you got to be openly racist against the Dalish or openly in favor of the Dalish, period. Just like in previous games.

Bellara says "(the archive would help us) get back what made us who we were," and "With it, we could be that again."

Which is funny because... People don't study history to return to the past. It's fine if Bellara is idealistic and saying whatever unrealistic, grandiose dreams she and Cyrian had, but the Dalish would never (could never) become like the ancient elves again. For starters there is a Veil now. So what it would in fact do is help them understand where they come from, what they've been through, and trace the changes in their culture.

Of course our modern historians and scientists have tried to reclaim lost technology, too. They've figured out how the Romans made their extra sturdy concrete, and scientists in Brazil have long been trying to replicate the extra fertile Terra Preta from indigenous peoples that lived in the Amazon basin, and several South American historians would love to know how exactly the Inca used the quipu as a writing system aside from counting tool, etc... And that's super cool!!! And maybe (but that's a big maybe) the Archive could give the Dalish a technological edge to carve a corner of the world for themselves without the constant struggle with Tevinter trying to enslave them or Andrastians trying to subjugate them.

But I personally don't think anyone's reading Aztec accounts of human sacrifices to replicate the same practices in modern cults, or that there is an army out there utilizing Roman decimation as a method of discipline. We're using different horrific methods of control now, lol.

But let's say a modern general does decide that the best way to punish a battalion for one man's insurgence is to force every group of ten soldiers to violently murder the 10th man.... Do you really think that the fault would lie with the historian who unearthed that information and put it on Wikipedia? Or the insane general that decided to do this? Would modern morality and laws allow for that punishment to be executed? Do you think that the existence of that article online is inherently dangerous and controversial, and that it should be taken down? Do you think this general would have been a good and non-violent general if he hadn't ever read about Decimation? Or is it clear to you that violence and ingenuity are both inherent to mortals as a whole and can't be so easily blamed on the spread of knowledge?

Because it's not clear to DAV. The game (not Bellara, not Varric) words it very unambiguously as a dichotomy: The only safe way to deal with this Archive is to destroy it. Keeping it is inherently dangerous because the knowledge could fall in "the wrong hands."

What Bellara says is "Cyrian is gone because of what that thing knew," and "what about the bad side, the other things we did?" and "We stole the dwarves' dreams."

Again, she gets to say whatever she wants because she's a character and she's an anxious, idealistic mess. Love her for it. I like that she feels guilt here too because she has been established (through her way of dealing with Cyrian's first death) as someone who takes the blame for mistakes she didn't even commit (She certainly isn't responsible for Solas' actions). She's someone who drives herself sick cooking up the most horrific scenarios in her mind, and she's so compassionate she can't stand the thought of being the one perpetrating violence against innocents. Her misplaced guilt and dread are the emotions that lead her to consider destroying the Archive.

But no matter how guilty a young german may feel about the holocaust, destroying knowledge about gas chambers is not what will prevent other genocides from happening around the world. Individual guilt is barely productive.

Furthermore, Corinne Bursche says that DAV gives you a choice between "destroying" or "sharing" elven knowledge, which is not how the game worded it. But the point still stands even if the Veil Jumpers, for some condescending plot reason, completely lost control of this knowledge, or were so flippant as to put everything on Thedas' wikipedia without curing it at all.

Let's accept, too, that the Archive contains knowledge of how to build something equivalent to nuclear weapons, which one could argue is in fact truly dangerous, but... Well. Do you think it's fair that the countries that have nuclear arsenals are some of the most vocal about the dangers of other countries ever developing their own?

Because that's what it feels like, to me, when the game calls elven knowledge dangerous without ever allowing you to question -- what about Tevinter rituals and magic? Tevinter's millennium of slavery, still in practice at present day? Should we destroy all their libraries too to keep the world safe from dangerous magics? Why do we only get to tell the Dalish, the nomad nations severely subjugated in present Thedas (If you ever played the previous games and have the context, at least, since this game that happens in Tevinter somehow manages to completely gloss over racism against elves as if it never existed) to destroy a one-of-a-kind, ancient trove of knowledge? And have it be framed as good and safe? As "moving forward"?

If you choose to free the archive, Rook says "The elves deserve the chance to chart their own course" to which Bellara answers "Right. Define ourselves by who we are, not who we were," but once again that writing just makes me question Bioware -- Do they not understand the point of history at all? Do they think indigenous peoples are monoliths stuck in the past if they choose to study the history they lost to colonialism? What purpose do they think that keeping that history and culture extinct serves? Who do they think it benefits?

If you step outside of what the game is telling you as fact and think for yourself, with the context of the other DA games in mind, do you still agree that it's inherently dangerous to keep the Archive? Do you still think these are equally morally weighted choices?

Or would you agree that DAV has to subtly convince you, out of character, that keeping this knowledge is inherently dangerous to make this dichotomy make sense?

Again. This wouldn't bug me if they just owned up to the fact your protagonist can, once again, genocide elves/their culture, just like in previous games. And scapegoat present elves too for the sins of their thousand-years-old tyrants, now suddenly returned (it would make so much sense for characters in the narrative to scapegoat the elves, and for us as heroes to fight against that. But no, they don't even go there except through Bellara's guilt.). It's just bizarre to have an elven historian guiltily agreeing with destroying the Archive and then telling us "The Evanuris broke us and kept us broken" without anyone, either Rook or her, ever mentioning a thousand years of Tevinter slavery and several centuries of Andrastian persecution and subjugation.

No. The Evanuris are the be-all and end-all of evil and everything bad that ever happened in Thedas, ever, can be traced back to them.

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

Vaggie: "I can't believe I'm saying this... No. We can't kill him."

Alastor: "Oh I DO believe we can! Between my own illustrious career and your more effective if far less stylish hackjob with those inelegant, messy, uncultured Exorcists, our combined body count at the very LEAST proves that we-"

Vaggie: "Fine. We could, but we won't kill him."

Alastor: "Why EVER not? I brought him all this way, to this dingy back alley, so that we would not sully those TACKY hotel carpets-"

Vaggie: "So Charlie wouldn't see this, you mean."

Alastor: "She cannot POSSIBLY object to what she's not aware of!"

Vaggie: "She'll still be fucking upset when she hears about it afterwards."

Alastor: "Then don't tell her."

Vaggie: "I-"

Alastor: "You are QUITE skilled at that little trick aren't you?"

Vaggie: "Wow yeah, and it worked out SO great for her last time!"

Alastor: "Didn't it? For you certainly it did. She barely takes her hands off you theses days doesn't she. Truely I shudder to imagine what the nights might bring-"

Vaggie: "I brought my spear here because you said you were in danger. I'll make getting a spear in the eye the danger if you say one more word."

Alastor: "Correction! I said I needed help. There is nothing in hell that could leave ME in ANY danger."

Vaggie: "I'm not from hell. Neither was the dick that almost killed you last time."

Alastor: "My point, oh terrifying hotel manager, is that this thing-"

Vaggie: "Don't jab at her ex like that! What the fuck Alastor? You'll leave a hole!"

Alastor: "-he is a loose thread in her life, my dear, and one that might seek to re-entangle himself with her, now the hotel has proven itself not entirely a joke and there is power and influence in Hell on the table, ready for the taking."

Vaggie: "He could also be a fucking ally. Or just a guy minding his own business in Hell-"

Alastor: "Or he could make the hotel HIS business and put YOU out of a job. Yes~?"

Vaggie: "..."

Alastor: "He DID mange that well enough in the past now didn't he?"

Vaggie "... if he can do it better than me, then, fine."

Alastor: "You are gripping your spear rather tightly as you say that."

Vaggie: "I'm trying not to shove it down your throat."

Alastor: "Touching! Oh I DO find you rather amusing my dear, ever SUCH a font of self-inflicted misery and abject, whole-hearted suffering!"

Vaggie: "You bring it out in people."

Alastor: "Don't I? And how I would hate to lose you as a source of daily entertainment!"

Vaggie: "I thought you wanted to kill him to keep him away from Charlie."

Alastor: "Him? Hmmm, no, I doubt he would be an issue. For me."

Vaggie: "Great. So why bother."

Alastor: "To keep YOU around, of course~!"

Vaggie: "You mean, to have something you can tell Charlie I did next time you want her upset and alone and desperate enough to make another fucking deal with you!"

Alastor: "You wound me! Why I would never manufacture such a thing! I didn't need to the first time, did I?"

Vaggie: "... You try killing him, and I WILL stab you."

Alastor: "If you're so worried of entrapment why not head me off and call her right now? Let her bear witness! Or send a, ugh, recording of it directly to her afterwards!"

Vaggie: "How the fuck would that help!?"

Alastor: "Why shouldn't it? Better to ask forgiveness than permission, yes?"

Vaggie: "Oh yeah wonderful idea Alastor, I'll just call her up like- Hey Charlie, guess what sweetie- I did a murder! But you still love me, right???"

Alastor: "She did after the first several THOUSAND."

Vaggie: "That was before I knew her!"

Alastor: "A death is a death. In your case they were all the total destruction of otherwise immortal souls, but in any case,I fail to see how one killing more should make any difference."

Vaggie: "Then you really don't get Charlie at all."

Alastor: "Oho? I 'get' her rather well I think. I got her into Cannibal Town, my dear. I got her to PRECISELY where she is now."

Vaggie: (snorts) "Sure you did."

Alastor: "She would not have the hotel without me."

Vaggie: "Fuck the hotel. If you think our dream is some walls and shitty furniture then you don't get why we're doing this either."

Alastor: "Hmm."

Alastor: "... regardless! Shall we?"

Vaggie: "NO."

Alastor: (sighs) "You are being rather tiresome about this."

Vaggie: "Then you shouldn't have invited me to this creepy wannabe bonding moment thing."

Alastor: "I am TRYING to help you! It feels rather like attempting to prize a poisoned rat carcass from the mouth of that absurd little hotel manifestation you call a CAT."

Vaggie: "Always a compliment to be compared to KeeKee's perfection."

Alastor: "I beg to differ."

Vaggie: "You'll let him go. Now."

Alastor: "Really after I brought the man all the way here, dragging him kicking and screaming through shadows the entire way-"

Vaggie: "Alastor."

Alastor: "-he'll never be the same again anyway at this point. Wouldn't it be so much more KINDER to EnD HIs MISERY~"

Vaggie: "Drop him."

Alastor: "If you insist." (splat)

Vaggie: (groan) "Not drop him LITERALLY into the trash bin-"

Alastor: "Exact words my dear, we are in hell after all. Oh and please DO come crying to me, won't you? When he renews his advances to Charlie, rekindles that old flame, and sweeps her off her cloven hooves with his... well...."

Alastor & Vaggie: (stares at the him)

Alastor: "...I assume he must have SOME merits, somewhere. His well fitted suits, perhaps."

Vaggie: "Charlie... Charlie has standards."

Alastor: "Are we sure?"

Vaggie: "Hey."

Alastor: "Present current standard excluded, of course."

Vaggie: "No, I..." (sigh) "...maybe I'm proof she needs higher standards for dating people, honestly."

Alastor: "Ahhhh. When she dumps you, I hope you will keep in touch. You are so inconsolably self-loathing WHILE in a loving relationship I can only dream of the succulent agonies you will extrude while heartbroken..."

Vaggie: "Who says you can't be a little heartbroken while loving someone." (walking away) "Also, 'succulent'? 'Extrude'?? What the fuck am I Alastor, a fruit gusher candy?"

Alastor: (bangs trash lid down) (following) "Actually I'm afraid I am a bit peckish and was envisioning a delightfully well aged side of venison-"

Vaggie: "Gross."

-night at the hotel-

Charlie: "He WHAT!? Noooo... he didn't..."

Vaggie: "Cross my heart, sweetie. Maybe the fight with Adam knocked something loose in his head."

Charlie: "He hadn't even done any maiming before you got there? He WAITED???"

Vaggie: "I mean emotionally speaking your ex might a kinda scarred from the trip there, but physically? Barely a bump or scratch on him."

Charlie: "That's, that's amazing!"

Vaggie: "Suit was a loss though. Not that that's much of a loss."

Charlie: "Alastor called you AND he waited! AND listened to you! It's like he was outsourcing having a conscious, oh Vaggie that's HUGE! That's- Wait."

Vaggie: "It's a brand new way for him to be a pain in the ass but whatever. Yay."

Charlie: "Wait, Vaggie- What's wrong with Sev's suit? You like MY suits!"

Vaggie: "Your suits look good on you, babe. And best of all they have you in them."

Charlie: "Oh. Heh."

Vaggie: "And I am NOT taking on the job of being that other asshole's conscious. I'm already employed. Plus it's hard enough not to stab him anyway."

Charlie: "What about helping him as his friend?"

Vaggie: "What about him holding out on us until he could get you into making a deal with him sweetie?"

Charlie: "Well. Okay. Yes. He's not... he's still got a ways to go..."

Vaggie: "No shit."

Charlie: "But he COULD have just done the murder and THEN tried getting you involved! And he didn't. He listened when you said no. That's something, right?"

Vaggie: "It's, something alright."

Charlie: "It's improvement!"

Vaggie: "To his morals or his manipulation games?"

Charlie: "We'll find out! But for now..."

Charlie: (scoots closer)

Vaggie: "?"

Charlie: "Maybe, um. Tell me again how you stood between my ex and certain death...?"

Vaggie: "....really? Really."

Charlie: "It sounds like it was VERY cool~"

Vaggie: "It was the lowest effort rescue ever, hun. I think I might have stepped on him a few times. Uh. On accident."

Charlie: "Mm. Still kinda hate him?"

Vaggie: "I'm still open to stabbing him for you if that's what you mean."

Charlie: (giggles) "Only for me though, huh?"

Vaggie: "Sure I, I'll- I'll go do it right now, if you want?"

Charlie: "I've got a better idea of what we could be doing."

Vaggie: "Y-yeah?"

Charlie: "I might have to take my suit off for it, if that's okay~"

Vaggie: "Uhhhh-"

Charlie: "But first!" (hugs gf)

Charlie: "Thanks, Vaggie... For not ignoring Alastor's call, or turning right around and letting him kill someone when he didn't have to. Even when it was my ex."

Vaggie: (melting) "That's just, part of being hotel manager right?"

Charlie: "It's amazing." (squeezes) "I'm so proud of you."

Vaggie: "I just did a normal thing, Charlie."

Charlie: "Not so normal down here."

Vaggie: "Or for an Exorcist."

Charlie: "You're more of a guardian angel these days. Especially days like this."

Vaggie: "...."

Charlie: "Was it hard?"

Vaggie: "...yeah. Sorry."

Charlie: "Then THAT makes me even prouder."

Vaggie: "....thanks, sweetie..."

Charlie: "Vaggie? What's wrong?"

Vaggie: "Nothing. All good."

Charlie: "....."

Vaggie: "I'm good, okay?"

Charlie: "Okay. And I can stay in hug mode alllll night."

Vaggie: "...."

Vaggie: "Look, not to question your taste in ex boyfriends, but-"

Charlie: "Wha- that's what-?"(laughs) "Vaggie, as a lesbian, I really don't think you get to have much of an opinion here!"

Vaggie: "-there has to be SOMETHING attractive about him, right? Something you liked? Or, still like? I mean, we've both got grey-ish skin I guess, and there's the hat thing he wears- you always liked Pentious's hat too- or is the suit thing? I could, they're not that hard to move in guess, I could probably wear-"

Charlie: (kiss) "You look great in anything, Vaggie. And happiest in skirts, which makes them prettiest on you."

Vaggie: "But-"

Charlie: "And I like you BEST in nothing~"

Vaggie: "...."

Vaggie: "That's a lot easier."

Charlie: "Heheheh."

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Killua and the Power of Wishes

Okay going to try and make this coherent because the amount of wish association all through Killua's character development makes me want to chew plaster.

As a fair warning, this analysis ended up being long as hell, and I didn't even include everything I could've said. This is also just one lens to analyze Killua's story arc with, and I feel there are other valid interpretations of some of these moments. This is just one of mine, so keep that in mind please.

One last warning that this analysis does discuss emotional manipulation and abuse, as is par for Killua's background.

Let's set the stage with one important piece of info: Killua's birthday.

Killua's birthday is July 7th, the same day as Tanabata. Tanabata is a folklore-rich festival where according to legend, the two lovers, weaver Orihime and cowherd Hikoboshi, represented by the two stars, Vega and Altair, are allowed to reunite once a year after separation. A popular custom of Tanabata is to make wishes by writing them down on tanzaku, then hang it on a bamboo tree so that the wish might one day come true.

Tanabata is also known as the Star Festival. Please keep this in mind, because I'm going to come back to it.

To finish setting up the lens for this analysis, I'm going to need to dig into the game-changer scene for Killua's early characterization - his confrontation with Illumi at the end of the Hunter Exam, and specifically, the exact nature of Illumi's manipulation of him.

I say "game-changer" because it really is - up until this point, it's kind of fair to not fully know what to think about Killua. Certainly, he seems excited to hang out with Gon (he approached him first, after all) and he's friendly enough, but he's also arrogant and claims to be motivated mainly by boredom. For all intents and purposes, Killua seems set up to be Gon's dangerous yet charismatic rival... but then this scene happens and it completely turns it all on its head.

Because Killua may have mentioned his family was controlling before, but he seriously downplayed the severity of it - likely because he has no point of reference for how awful his situation actually is other than it makes him feel bad and trapped. Illumi's appearance immediately shifts our understanding of Killua from runaway murder kid with annoying murder family to straight-up victim of emotional abuse, and dissolves his cockiness instantly to terror.

What does all this have to do with wishes? Glad you asked. Let's look at some of Illumi's dialogue.

[ID: A screenshot from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. Killua looks up, sweating and conflicted, as Illumi tells him "You don't want anything or wish for anything." End ID.]

This is the crux of Illumi's (and the family's) control. Killua's desires do not align with the family trade. They must be excised from him.

When Killua insists that he does have something that he really wants, Illumi says "Tell me what it is you want", in a mockery of a certain other sibling who would have helped fulfill this wish - Illumi asks only so he can completely dismantle it. And Killua isn't even really surprised at Illumi's words, just heartbroken. You can tell this isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened.

Killua states his wish quite fervently; he really means it. But his words are not rebellious, nor cathartic. Instead, he answers Illumi quietly, as if fearful or ashamed, almost reminiscent of a sinner's confession.

[ID: Two screenshots from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. In the first Killua looks down with a troubled expression, saying "I want to become friends with Gon...". In the second, his face is hidden as he stands with hands clenched at his sides with a spotlight on him. He says "I'm sick of killing people..." End ID.]

It's such an innocent, simple want.

And Illumi proceeds to make him feel like even something so simple is harmful and selfish of him... not to the family, but to Gon.

In a matter of a few minutes, Illumi breaks down Killua's wish by:

Acknowledging this desire, but twisting it into something that will inevitably fade over time, thereby causing Killua to doubt his own conviction and feelings -> "Gon is a novelty, a radiant presence who has piqued your curiosity. No more than that."

Acknowledging that Gon is someone important to Killua, and undermining this by telling him that by his very nature, he will eventually bring harm to Gon, which makes him feel as though Killua cannot trust himself to be a good friend -> "If you try to be friends with him, you will one day want to kill him... because you are, by nature, a murderer." (As a... delightful... bonus, this is also apparently how Silva and Illumi justify their treatment of Killua to him - "This is the essence of your existence and we taught you accordingly." Like they adapted to Killua's nature, instead of them molding Killua into who they wanted him to be.)

Delivering an ultimatum - to fight Illumi and win, or else Gon will die - that Killua is doomed to fail due to his upbringing and the needle in his head. Since Killua doesn't know about the needle, he assumes this is his own personal failure, something Illumi feeds into -> "You're just not qualified to make friends."

And it's the last point that breaks him. The first two shoot down Killua's present wish, but the last proceeds to shatter any hope he might've had of wishing for anything similar in the future - he has told him that his desires are weak, temporary, inherently dangerous to those around him, and worst of all, aren't enough on their own for him to deserve friendship and love from others. And the clincher: Killua feels like all of this is his own fault, that there is something inherently dangerous and wrong with him!

So, it doesn't even matter to Killua anymore if he fails the Hunter Exam. To him, he just failed the only test that mattered.

10/10 manipulation, Illumi. Fuck you, seriously.

Killua's character arc is mainly his quest and struggle to refute Illumi's arguments and to shake off the manipulation and the ways in which his family have molded and controlled him. And by far, the most difficult part of his conditioning to shake off is this idea that he is undeserving of anything more than what he is already given.

It's almost like the family has drilled it into him that wishes are dangerous. How interesting.

Thankfully, however, there are two parties to Killua's wish here - Gon, too, is a part of it, and it is not simply his reciprocated desire to be Killua's friend that saves him, but also his recognition of Killua's situation for what it is (notably, when no one else correctly identified the true issue).

"You know it wasn't his choice. You manipulated him, kidnapping his spirit!"

The ensuing Zoldyck family arc emphasizes that Gon is 100% correct: the main hold Killua's family has on him isn't physical - it's all emotional.

Killua breaks one of his shackles when Milluki threatens to have his new friends killed, but he only breaks the rest when Zeno tells him he's free to go. So, if Killua could break loose at any point, was this still a rescue like Gon said?

Well, yes - just because he absolutely could've broken out physically at any time, that does not mean he could just leave. That's the nature of situations such as this - it's not as simple as "just leaving". Support is necessary, as is actually having something tangible outside the situation to go to - otherwise there is little point to leaving at all. Gon (and Kurapika and Leorio) showing up to free Killua showed him that his wish was reciprocated and allowed him to break one cuff - this is the start of his journey, but he still has a long ways to go. Notably, he again hesitates and closes off when Silva asks what he wants.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 42. In the first, Silva asks Killua "...would you like to see [Gon]?" Killua's expression is complicated in the next panel - he's closed off and uncertain. Silva continues "Be honest, Kil... what do you want?" End ID.]

Killua will backtalk and casually break his shackles and death glare his family... but he's too fearful to voice his wants aloud.

And once again, asked by his father what he wants, he is subtly set up to fail. His wish is granted, but made conditional - "Do not betray your friends", something Killua is regrettably set up to do by virtue of the needle in his head that he, again, doesn't know about. Silva fully expects him to fail and come back home, disillusioned, believing it's his own fault due to his "nature", and trusting in Silva still as a "reasonable" figure in his life.

This condition placed on his friendship is what drives much of Killua's fear and insecurity with regards to Gon for much of the series - the idea that Killua has to earn his right to friendship, and that if he doesn't, he will lose it, one way or another.

It really makes me wish that Killua had actually gotten to hear Gon's views on friendship from the beginning of the Zoldyck Family arc, because it entirely refutes this entire philosophy. He even outright refuses to go through the Testing Gates at first, purely because he thinks the sentiment of needing to prove yourself just to be friends is completely outrageous - he only relents because there is no other way.

[ID: Two screenshots from episodes 21 and 22 of the 2011 HxH anime adaptation. Gon looks up at Illumi and firmly states "[Killua] doesn't need to earn the right to be my friend!" In the second, Gon's face is seen in profile and close up as he asks "Why would you test your friends?" End ID.]

I doubt it would've truly prevented Killua's insecurity from manifesting even if he had heard this, to be honest - his issues with usefulness are very deep-rooted in his upbringing - but still, it would've been nice for him to hear, I think.

However, that's not to say that this exact sentiment doesn't come through in their interactions.

Gon, as Killua's friend, cares about what Killua actually wants and wants to make sure Killua knows that - and that's part of what makes the Whale Island conversation between them really important.

[ID: Two images, both of the same scene from HxH chapter 64, and episode 37 of the 2011 anime. In the manga panel, Gon has turned his head to look at Killua directly, who looks shocked and taken aback, to say "I like hanging out with you." In the anime screenshot, Gon has turned his whole body to face Killua, and says "I think it's fun to be with you." End ID.]

I see a lot of people chalk this up to just Gon being Gon, but it reads to me as much more deliberate than even his usual honesty. He's turned so he's looking directly at Killua, which is a sure way to make his words come across clearly. The lead up to this is Killua, again, not knowing or being able to vocalize what he wants. He doesn't have a goal to work towards like Gon, he only knows what he doesn't want - he's a mix of envious and admiring towards Gon, who knows what he wants and simply goes for it.

But this conversation makes it clear that they have a shared wish - they both want to be friends, and they'd both like to stay together. It's not about earning, to Gon, it's only about if they both want the same thing - mutual, not conditional. There's a nice almost call-and-response type dialogue here, where Gon asserts that he likes spending time with Killua (very directly lol), then shares that Killua is the first friend his age he's had. This prompts Killua to say that Gon is his first friend ever, and that he does have fun with him. And just like that, Gon replies "Then let's stay together!" and pointedly includes Killua's desire to find a goal in their, now shared, upcoming journey.

Overhead, a shooting star appears in the sky. A mutual wish is granted.

[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 64. The night sky is full of stars. In the centre is a shooting star. End ID.]

Hm. Stars. Remember how I told you to keep that in mind, all the way back at the beginning? Their association with Tanabata, making a wish on a shooting star, etc. etc.?

Well, buckle up because this star is going to make you experience so much sadness now.

[ID: Panels from HxH chapter 286. The first is a conversation between Killua and Meleoron where Killua asserts he intends to "go down in flames with [Gon]". When Meleoron looks concerned, Killua brushes off the declaration as a joke. In the second image, Killua is turned away, his outline pale, as Meleoron thinks "Why... did you looks so sad... back there?" The last image is a cloudy night sky filled with stars. At the centre of the panel is a shooting star. End ID.]

Yeah, it makes its reappearance directly after Killua has "jokingly" resolved to die with Gon if it comes down to it, after "since it means nothing to you".

I am assured, in Japanese, the word choice here is 心中 (shinjuu), the word for double suicide, where the intent is to die at the same time in the same manner in order to be reunited in the afterlife. The implication here is that Killua, having increasingly grown insecure in his place by Gon's side but unable to voice this, knowing that Gon is hurtling down the path of no return, thinks back to their conversation under the stars where they both mutually wished to stay together and, because he believes that it is no longer possible for him to help Gon, has resolved to stay by his side in death, and after it.

...holy shit, kid.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 4th ending of the 2011 anime. In the first, Gon and Killua stand back to back as meteors fall around them. In the second, they stand facing away from the audience towards a body of water under a night sky filled with stars - Gon throws a stone, which flashes in the air like a shooting star. End ID.]

And of course, here's the shooting star again in the 2011 anime's Nagareboshi Kirari ending, as well as it being the subject of the song itself and rather explicitly referencing that wish to go on a journey together, to stay together, because... Madhouse hates us. I guess. :'(

What started off as a simple wish for a friend deepened into a wish to always stay by Gon's side. This is largely good at first! Killua is able to explore and experience genuine friendship, to get a taste for freedom, and use the power of his fervent wish to protect his dear friend in order to rid himself of Illumi's needle. However, the more Killua wants, the more he traps these wishes in monologues within his own head and does not voice them aloud. Part of it is that he already feels he's been given much more than he deserves - seeing himself as a creature of darkness and Gon as light - but a greater part of the issue here is not that Killua is afraid to wish for things, but that he is afraid wishing without "compensation" will inevitably lead to horrible repercussions - namely, losing who he loves.

In order to feel worthy of staying with Gon, of earning his friendship, Killua works hard to help Gon achieve his goals, taking on the role of wish grantor, growing to do practically anything needed to support him for seemingly nothing in return - but that's not 100% true. Killua wants at least some appreciation, whether he admits it or not - it's a security thing, and it also clearly makes him happy, even if he's not great at accepting it. He insists in Chimera Ant arc that friends don't need to thank friends, but this declaration always read as very sudden to me or like a rationalization, and it's relevant to remember that this is at the peak of Gon isolating himself and self-destructing before his eyes, and Killua's own insecurity regarding his importance to him.

Killua might not mind doing things without thanks, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like to hear that Gon appreciates him. He clearly does appreciate verbal confirmation of their bond! We know this.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 2011 anime. The first is from episode 61. Killua smiles down at the ground with his hands in his pockets, the colours having gone soft and bright. The second is from episode 70 during the dodgeball match. Gon smiles determinedly in the foreground as Killua looks shocked next to him. End ID.]

Keeping all this in mind, Killua's story, or at least this part of it, couldn't have concluded in a better way than his rescue of Alluka, the wish grantor.

Now, I could probably write an entire other analysis on Alluka and Nanika alone, but for the sake of not making this any longer than I already have, I'm going to go through only a few points. Alluka is incomprehensible to her family because they make no attempt to understand her, with the exception of Killua. The only thing they do seem to understand, when explained to them, is the demands made after Nanika grants a wish - this, of course, fits neatly into their own predetermined views on "earning" and "punishment". However, beyond this, they make no attempt to understand her, and since her power is deemed dangerous and uncontrollable, she is locked away.

They are worried, first and foremost, that Alluka will bring harm to the family, and there's two ways in which this could be true:

As a function of failing to fulfill her requests, of course

Because she, just by existing, threatens the family's status quo

I stated at the beginning that Killua's desires do not align with those of the family business, and he's always apparently been more open to understanding others - he asks Alluka and Nanika questions to understand them, and treats them with respect, while his family are more so focused on subjugating anything that might be a threat. This is what Illumi tried to drill into Killua after all; never fight a superior opponent - everything is about assessments of relative strength, which leaves no room for open-mindedness or getting to know people.

Faced with a daughter who is clearly incomprehensibly powerful, and a son, the would-be inheritor of the family trade, who is showing a disturbing amount of willingness to befriend instead of retreat from her, the family made the decision to excise Alluka not just from where she could "harm" the family power-wise, but also likely to secure their control over Killua, who they then set about practically programming to not have any more wishes for himself, or at least to not be able to vocalize them without fear of loss or retribution.

The family's nickname for Killua is "Kil" or "Killu", which is deeply fascinating to me as a reader - nicknames are expressions of endearment, typically, and I actually don't doubt that here. Killua's family does love him, but their love comes with conditions. He must be molded into the perfect son, and every part of him that doesn't fit must be excised.

So: Killua's memories of Alluka are suppressed with the needle, and she is further cut from his life by dropping the "a" from his name (the Zoldyck children are named like a game of shiratori - Illumi -> Milluki -> Killua -> Alluka -> Kalluto). The nickname is also like a command or order "to kill", which is of course what they want him to do.

Saving Gon through saving Alluka and Nanika forces Killua to have to face down the last and hardest of Illumi's manipulations to shake, and that's the notion that a wish, that kindness and friendship and love, cannot be unconditional without severe repercussions - where the people he cares about get hurt because of him, something he cannot envision being forgiven for.

It's a little sad to me that after spending most of the series struggling against his family's teachings that they didn't lead to Killua betraying Gon at all, as he'd feared... but to him betraying Nanika, by sending her away.

Here is this little girl with a bloodstained past, incredibly powerful and dangerous and capable of amazing feats, treated as some evil thing by those who fear her. But she is kind at heart. Her true strength lies in healing, not killing. And she only takes commands from Killua.

Illumi thinks this is because Killua is the only one with control over her. Killua believes this is because she wants praise. They're both partially correct, but this is not the full reason Nanika does what Killua asks of her.

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146 of the 2011 anime. In the first, Nanika smiles and says "I love Killua." In the second, Killua looks at her, stricken. End ID.]

Nanika loves him. Everyone has been trying to figure out all these complicated rules and conditions on her wish granting and why Killua is the one exception, but the answer is exceedingly simple. She loves him, and wants to do nice things for him so he can have his wishes granted. It's the only way she knows to get the love that she wants in turn.

Just like her brother, Nanika makes herself useful to earn love and appreciation from someone who accepted her when no one else did.

Even though he knows Nanika just wants to help, he still sees her presence as a danger to the person he sees as pure and innocent who must be protected. He sends her away because her "nature" is to be a threat to Alluka's safety, even if she doesn't intend to be. Killua's fear of Illumi and repercussions causes him to make a horrible mistake.

And Alluka tears into him for it.

[ID: A set of panels from HxH chapter 336. A furious Alluka glares and asks Killua if he made Nanika cry. When Killua stutters, she demands he apologize to her. End ID.]

You tell him, girl.

Oh hey, this looks a little familiar, huh?

"Apologize to Killua!" says Gon to Illumi after Illumi sends Killua away.

Nanika should not be the one punished for the actions of those trying to control her. She certainly shouldn't be forced to leave those she loves, or have to earn love from them.

And neither should Killua.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 336. Alluka yells, tears in her eyes, "If you're going to protect me... you have to protect Nanika too!!" Killua looks shocked, then his eyes widen. End ID.]

It's interesting to me that this is the line that snaps Killua out of his fear enough for him to properly speak with Nanika and apologize. One party cannot receive all the protection, nor can the other only give and give limitlessly.

Killua makes it clear to Nanika when speaking with her that he will protect her, and that she doesn't need to earn affection from people by granting their wishes. He promises they will both be there for each other - Killua will praise her whenever she wants, and not just when she does something for him, but he also doesn't refuse Nanika's desire to grant his wishes. It's mutual, not conditional.

And on the heels of this "betrayal", Killua asks for what he never thought he could receive - forgiveness. And even though Nanika is clearly still very upset...

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146. In the first, Nanika and Killua face each other, both of them teary. Nanika says "Kay." In the second, he has pulled her into a hug. Nanika is teary, her fingers gripping Killua's back tightly. End ID.]

...she doesn't even have to think about it.

I do think Killua still has a ways to go, but he is in a position right now to learn from his relationship with his sisters about balance - that love is not just selfless devotion, but also allowing those who love you to help you and make you happy too. I think that's what unconditional love is, in a way - supporting and working together with the people you love to make each other's wishes come true.

[mademoiselle-cookie]

It was at this moment that she decided to assassinate Ambrosius.

She could have continued to protest Ballister's words, she could have tried to make an excuse or even sent Ambrosius back to his post. But no. She gives up extremely quickly and almost jumps straight to murder.

Is it only me who’s shocked that it’s happening so quickly?

She who does all this in the name of Gloreth has absolutely no problem killing her (as far as we know) only descendant. Which means if he dies, Gloreth's lineage is over.

Ambrosius is a Goldenloin, a noble, a knight, the very example of a knight! He's exactly what she's trying to "protect." And she kills him with her own hands. (If that's not a metaphor, I don't know what is)

But concretely, there are several reasons for this sudden choice:

She has no good excuse at her disposal, either because she had overestimated her influence on Ambrosius, or underestimated his trust in Ballister;

She realized that Ambrosius is too attached to Ballister, which means that not only will he try not to hurt him and will not accept him being killed or treated unfairly, but also that the first chance he gets, he'll take Ballister's side and not hers;

As Ballister's (only) friend, he is one of the only obstacles in making him out to be a heartless assassin;

If someone as important and influential as him were to get in her way, she will have great difficulty doing what she wants and may even risk losing her position and power;

She knows she will never be able to convince him of the "merits" of her quest;

She has a great alibi: Ballister.

This last point is very important. She can get rid of a nuisance as she wishes with complete impunity. No one is there and Ballister has already managed to sneak into the Institute without anyone noticing before then (it's not like anyone is going to accuse her instead of the 'Queen's Killer'). So she also has a golden opportunity to silence any doubt about Ballister's guilt. I mean, others could be like Ambrosius and question her again, and Ballister managed to obtain evidence that she had killed the Queen while he didn't know before that it was her, so someone else provided them to him, so the idea of him being innocent can spread. By accusing him of killing the most popular knight in the Kingdom, she ensures that no one questions his position as a monster and criminal.

It's the Institute, where knights are trained to defend the Kingdom, there's no chance that the Director didn't have access to another weapon than Ballister's. But she chose to use his sword.

But Ballister's sword was destroyed, no one will wonder about the appearance of a second?

No one asks questions about a man who decides to assassinate for no reason the person who allowed him to rise from his social condition, in public, surrounded by knights, right next to an armed man, and visibly without any plan to escape?

The more I think about it, the less sense this supposed assassination makes. It only worked because of media manipulation and because Ballister was the culprit. If the roles had been reversed with Ambrosius - in the event that they had exchanged swords (and the Director didn't notice the exchange and/or couldn't disable the attack) - it certainly wouldn't have gone that far because:

Ambrosius is loved by all and known for being trustworthy/kind/insert knightly quality. Ballister is a commoner, who, even after several years of working hard and being miles better than others, is not seen as trustworthy. People will be much more likely to make excuses for Ambrosius than for Ballister.

The Director has no interest in using the media to blame him. On the contrary, she will try to defend him and claim that he was framed.

Ballister had no excuse for having a deadly laser sword, he has no one to blame for him. Ambrosius yes. There's Ballister. Not only because it is the untrustworthy newcomer dirty commoner that his fellow knights despise, but above all it is HIS sword that was trapped. The Director and the population will accuse him of framing Ambrosius.

People will WANT him to be the culprit instead of their lovely and respected knight. They don't want the literal descendant of their hero to be an awful person who did something this horrible. They don't want the representation of the Institute, of their society to be shaken. (I'm a pro jedi fan. I know that when people want to defend their blorbos, they can go veeeeeery far, including putting responsabilities on other people, even complete innocents or victims)

In fact, this situation will be even more credible than the original one. Why he didn't plan his escape? Bc he didn't need to. Why he did that? Obviously to take revenge on better people in better situation than him, and on society itself, by targetting the Queen, leader of the Kingdom, and a Goldenloin, who's also the Kingdom's most prestigious knight and the descendant of the founder of the Institute.

[smolsleepyfox]

Okay so, I attended a VERY local event where Falk was a speaker. By very local I mean there were maybe 20 people in a refurbished bar and he hung out with us after the Q&A.

Things that he mentioned in no particular order:

- PW didn't have a crew on tour until around 2008 and it didn't include a sound tech, that came way later

- they used a refurbished truck they bought in ye olden days and one time Matthew said he smelled fire. They told him it was his croissant. It was not his croissant.

- Falk is the organizer and logistics guy for the tour because (my interpretation) he can't stand not knowing if everything is going okay. Including checking the weather constantly during festival season

- he's also super nervous about his keyboards not arriving when they take a flight. Apparently they have been hidden to prank him before.

- the band knows exactly how to push each other's buttons by now and it is being used lmao

- his favorite video shoot was We don't wanna be no saints because his slimy (his words) character was really fun to play and it was a great location

- the tennis video was just a spur of the moment thing. The biggest issue was actually getting a tennis ball because the location is in the middle of nowhere. Roel had to drive to several stores.

- Yes the staff broke, but they fixed it again lmao.

- Falk has murdered at least four harmoniums by now. Most of them were from eBay. One instrument he actually refurbished himself, he showed us photos it was great.

- Also, the guitars in the Sinners of the Seven Seas video were the original stage guitars. They had to have their entire wiring redone after.

- the water corpse pose in Sinners was something he made up because standing in the water, his legs couldn't move the way he wanted them to for his usual poses. Apparently the entire shoot was very physically demanding.

- rain scenes are fine but My Will Be Done was hard because they used water AND wind, and looking chill while being pelted in the face with artificial rain is rough. Also, there were just literally people standing on the sides throwing leaves into the wind for the scene, which is hilarious to me.

- Falk was HORRIBLY seasick during the filming of Sinners. The ship apparently didn't actually move much but the difference in motion patterns to modern ships and the slanted deck was not fun. He was however very appreciative of the ship itself and the crew that worked it.

- Falk forgot the name of Demons are a girl's best friend during the interview lmao

- when i said i liked his tattoos he got excited to show them and seemed almost annoyed that he started so late in life. He's planning a full sleeve apparently (good for him!)

- I was a bit surprised but even when speaking to people who did use heavy dialect, Falk didn't switch from standard German. Some phrases still slipped out certainly and some pronunciation struggles (ch pronounced as sch are an easy tell) but otherwise nope, nothing. I've heard Attila speak more dialect in BtS videos.

- Falk for his perspective on fandom especially in contrast with Ghost and Sleep Token (I answered an ask about that recently) since I was curious if he had an idea why three bands with similar themes have such a different type of fandom around it. His best guess was that Powerwolf are kind of approachable (case in point that I'm writing this) whereas Sleep Token and Tobias from Ghost are more at a distance.

And lastly, not only did I get a picture, I got the title page of my thesis signed (in green marker because I didn't find anything else at my brother's house). And Falk got a copy of my thesis, since he seemed genuinely happy to read it. I really do hope he likes it!

Overall he was an incredibly down to earth, funny, and kind person even four beers in and very very tired. He said bye to us with a hug as well 🥺

[itsmeyaspider]

Yandere Kengan Ashura mens x female reader

Pov: The first time they saw you

Trigger Warning: Yandere behavior, stalking, jealous behavior, possession, obsession, smoking, cigarettes

Note: I know it's been a while since I wrote something, but I recently finished watching the Kengan Anime and I can't stop thinking about anything else, then my hot muscle men's!🤧😭✨️ ((I probably should mention that this was my first real attempt to write several headcanons, english is not my main language I really tried my best! I still hope you liked it<3))

Ohma:

Ohma doesn't think much of love and certainly not of love at first sight. He has far more important interests than dealing with such an idiotic thing like love, or at least he thought.

The first time he sees you was at one of his underground tournaments , you were sitting in the back row, waiting for a friend to bring some drinks and popcorn. At first he didn't think much of it, you were just an ordinary spectator who had come to watch one of his fight. But something in him wondered what a beautiful woman was doing at such a place. Of course there were other woman present but they eiter were CEOs or family members. So what the hell are you doing here?

He keeps catching himself staring at you, something about you has aroused him but he didn't understand what. Was it your beautiful (h/c) hair? Or were it the different gestures you made during the tournament? Something deep inside him wanted to see you closer, he wanted to talk to you and ask what you are doing here.

After the tournament was finally over he ignored everyone else around him, he had a new important mission and that was to find you. He walked in every hotel room and in every corridor just to find you. It took a while but he found you. Finally. You were sitting outside on the beach with your friend and it seems that you having a lot of fun together. Was this your boyfriend?!

Only now does he notice how his heart begins to race faster and faster, something he only knew from fighting. He immediately comes over to the two of you, as your (e/c) eyes look at him for a few seconds. You are a bit surprised what one of the fighters wants from you at such a lats hour, as you let out a small sigh.. "Can we help you? Oh and your fight was sooo cool!" A small smile spreads on your lips as you keep looking at the fighter.

That was the moment when Ohma fell in love for the first time in his life. Your voice, your eyes, everything about you made him want more of you. You were his new obsession and he would do anything to keep it that way. Even if it means to get rid of this asshole by your side. He was the better choice anyways.

"I don't like seeing you with that guy. You should stay by my side, forever. You are mine."

Raian:

Raian knew since his childhood days that one day he would be forced to marry someone. After all, the Kure Clan is known for strengthening their family through marriages. Even if he would rather devote himself to other, more fun things like murdering or fighting, he had no other choice but to obey his grandfather.

The first time he met you was outside at night. You were on your way home when a strange, drunk man accosted you. You usually ignore this kind of people, but today was a fucking shitty day. "Please leave me alone sir. I need to get my bus." You said with annoyance. The man weren't interested in your words, he came closer to you and as he was about to touch you, you finally had enough. You threw your (f/c) bag you had taken with you on the ground and kicked him in his face.

"Don't you dare to touch me ever again." you threaten him, the drunken man slowly falls to the ground. You roll your (e/c) eyes in annoyance as you pick up your bag and make your way back to the bus stop.

Suddenly you feel a warm breath behind you, as you slowly turn around you see a tall, muscular man. His wide sadistic smile and his damn black eyes who keep staring at you, made you really uncomfortable. The mens laughter didn't make the situation any better and something inside you knew immediately that you didn't stand a chance against him.

"Look what we have here~ A little bunny trying to act all mighty and strong. How cute." His voice sounds almost psychotic, something that makes your body tremble. How long has this men been behind you? Why didn't you notice him? And why the fuck is your body acting so damn scared? "Have you lost your tongue?~"

And from this moment on he laid eyes on you, Raian knew that he would marry you. Even if you didn't want to, what are you going to do about it? Try to fight him?

Even his grandfather couldn't do anything about it, once bis grandson got something into his head there was no turning back. At least the Kure Clan would get new descendants.

"You will be mine and mine alone understand?! You will obey me and give me many children little bunny."

Sen:

Sen is a womanizer, he loves woman very much but sometimes a little bit too much. He never really cared about commitment in a relationship. Most of the time he gets bored and breaks up with a woman, or he simply cheats on them. It's nothing personal, but that's how he is.

So when he met you for the first time he was in a small shopping mall, he didn't have much to do and because his day was filled with boredom he decided to go to the mall. He was just about to take a cigarette out of his pocket when he realized that he had lost his lighter. With a small sigh, he scratches his head as he looks around for someone who might have a lighter with them.

And then you caught his eye, you were standing in front of one of many entrances, lighting up a cigarette. You took a drag from the nicotine as you feel your body relax.

"Do you have a lighter for me?" You are thrown out of your daydreaming when you hear a soft male voice. You immediately reach into your pocket and hand the handsome man your lighter. With a smile, the men starts to light his cigarette too. "What is a beautiful woman like you doing here? Oh, how rude of me, my name is Sen." You're a little bit suprised that the men is talking to you, most people ask someone for a light, then they light their cigarette and disappear again. "Oh...I'm working here, I just have a small break. My name is (Y/n) it's a pleasure to meet you."

Sen is visible pleased that you are talking to him, his relaxed eyes never take their eyes off you and your (b/s) body. The two of you talk for a while, as you almost forget your work. "I need to go back to work, it was a pleasure to meet you." You say with a small smile on your face, putting out the cigarette. For a glimpse you thought you saw some anger in his eyes, but you shake off those thoughts as you head off to your work again.

He decides to make his way home, but all he could think off is you, something in him longed for you and your sweet voice. He wants to protect you...and maybe also kiss you. With a small sigh he turns back to the mall as he slowly starts to watch over you. He only wants to make sure that no one is trying to hurt you.

"Don't be afraid of me doll, I will make sure that nobody hurts you. Just come in my arms and I will show you how much you mean to me. You will be mine so don't be a douchbag and accept your faith."

Saw Paing:

Saw Paing had never thought much about love, his life consisted mainly of training and fighting, one day he would beat his rival Kaolan for sure! But he wasn't like Ohma who is certainly not interested in love, he just never had the right moment for it.

He was in the gym where he started his usual training routine, when he suddenly noticed you. You were doing a few push-ups as you failed miserably. Something in him had to giggle at your helpless sight, he immediately runs to you with a lot of charged energy. "SHALL I SHOW YOU HOW TO DO IT PROPERLY?"

The unexpected shout jolts you out of your thoughts as you fell on the floor. Your cheeks start to flush from the embarrassing moment you witness. Why can't you just sink into the ground? Unfortunately that wasn't an option, you try to pick yourself up as you notice that the men is holding out his hand to you. For a small moment you both stare at each other, but the silence was even weirder than your push up and so you gladly took his hand.

The man pulled you up with such a swig that you thought you would fall to the ground again. Saw Paing started to laugh again, as you still were embarrassed by the whole situation. "I AM SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO SCARE YOU." He yells again. "It's alright, I just wasn't expecting this."

The man turned out to be Saw Paing, you two talked a bit and he actually helped you to do some proper push ups! However, it was getting late and you were desperate to get home before it went dark. The fighter offered to walk home with you, you smile as your (e/c) eyes start to sparkle. "Thank you, that would be really nice."

The two of you spent some more time together, and Saw Paing noticed how much fun it was to talk and train with you. He saw how your beautiful eyes sparkle when you talk with him. Something in him wanted to know if you also look at other men's like that.

He doesn't quite understand what's happening in him, but something inside him wanted to spend more time with you, even if you are a stranger to him! He didn't want you to lead a life without him and forget about him. He wanted to be there for you, to help you! Was that love? If so, then he would do anything to make sure that you were only his!

"Let us be together (Y/n)! I will help you with everything you need, just promise me that you only have eyes for me! You are mine."

[midnightcatharsis]

I’M NOT ANGRY AT JAYCE BECAUSE HE THOUGHT HE HAD TO DESTROY THE HEXCORE AND IN CONSEQUENCE KILL VIKTOR OR BECAUSE HE DECIDED TO DO IT. (I have no doubt that he saw something terrible that will be revealed later). I AM ANGRY AT JAYCE FOR HOW HE CHOSE TO DO IT and because it looked like it was way too easy for him.

Most arguments defending Jayce like: "he did everything right because he saw something terrible and had to stop it", "Viktor was manipulated or taken over by the hexcore and had to be stopped", "the cult was morally questionable/evil" - all operate on a fallacy that there were only 2 solutions: either to do nothing completely and let the hexcore do whatever it wants or kill Viktor in the EXACTLY SAME way and manner that Jayce did it. And I have several problems with that take.

A. First of all Jayce didn’t save anyone because it was probably a self-fulling prophecy and by killing Viktor without thinking Jayce didn't stop the tragedy but rather made it happen.

Yes, after merging with the hexcore Viktor seems a little more distant and hollower and is certainly manipulated/used by it, but Act 2 proves he was still himself. He still was desperately clinging to his humanity, he still disagreed with Singed, he still wanted only to help his people, he still wanted them to have their humanity (as proved by Vander's situation) and he still had emotions. He was happy and excited to see Jayce again and wanted to share this dream with Jayce, wanted Jayce to be proud and happy with him... And then he just feels betrayal, confusion, disappointment, and fear. Whether he was manipulated or whether the cult would have bad consequences long term is beside the point. What is important is that he was to some extent in control, had good intentions, wasn't aggressive, and was capable of talking and reasoning. Jayce couldn’t see that. By killing Viktor to avoid the tragedy Jayce took his humanity from him, and this will cause exactly what he wanted to avoid. Dying Viktor rejects humanity -he thinks that everybody he was trying to save and he himself were killed only because of his positive emotions towards Jayce and his trust in him, and he probably doesn’t want to feel that hurt, fear, and betrayal anymore…

It was still possible to talk with Viktor, only Jayce’s choice to murder him will create a villain Jayce wanted to stop.  

B. Even assuming that Jayce absolutely had to kill Viktor to stop the hexcore that is the least problematic and hurtful part. I couldn't hate Jayce or be angry at him for killing Viktor if he was convinced, he had to do it to save the future regardless of whether it turns out to be a good choice or a self-fulling prophecy. I'm not angry at him for that. I’m super angry at him for how easy it was for him to kill his partner/roommate/best friend, how he didn't struggle with it at all (for comparison we see Vi clearly struggling with the idea of killing her sister despite knowing that she is a terrorist), how emotionless he was, and how he made Viktor's last moments hell and emotional torture by giving him the most brutal, terrifying and heartless execution that was possible.

He didn't even try to find an alternative solution to save Vik. I am not saying he should have found it, but he didn't try. He returned and immediately decided to murder him. Viktor invited him and Jayce didn't even bother to talk to him, didn't try to reason with him or to convince him, didn't want even to spare 5 minutes to explain the situation to Vik, perhaps Viktor could give him some advice or insight or if not, at least Jayce could tell him why he had to kill him so that Vik doesn't feel so betrayed in his last moments. Jayce could spend 2 minutes to reassure him that Jayce doesn't want to do it. Finally, Jayce could just say "I'm sorry Vik" or "Forgive me, for what I have to do" or ANYTHING. If he did that, I would find it tragic but I couldn't possibly dislike him. My problem is that he didn't. He didn't want to spare 2 fucking seconds to say "I'm sorry" and to make it slightly less horrifying for Vik or to reassure him that Jayce truly cared. Imagine the hurt, confusion, and betrayal that Viktor had to feel upon realizing that the only person he considered a friend wants to murder him without regret and without telling why. Probably if Jayce spared those fucking 10 seconds to express to V that he doesn't want to do it, only thinks he has to, Viktor would be able to understand, wouldn't want to completely get rid of his emotion and humanity later and the villain Jayce was trying to destroy wouldn’t be created at all. Let’s be honest those 10 seconds wouldn’t have destroyed the earth or caused any horrifying cataclysm.

Viktor in episode 6 has no idea why he has to die and you know what? He doesn’t fucking deserve it. Regardless of whether he will become a villain later or not, regardless of whether he was controlled or manipulated by the hexcore he still had good intentions and didn’t deserve to die like that, to be treated like that, especially, not by Jayce who merged him with the hexcore in the first place.

I think that if I were in Viktor’s position I would like at least to know why I have to die or whether my best friend ever cared to, you know, die more peacefully. Wouldn’t you dear reader?

Even later after murdering Viktor Jayce still doesn't look as if he gives a damn about him. He doesn't say anything, or do anything that indicates that he feels sorry about that. He doesn't cradle his body, instead, he leaves the corpse in a place where he knows nobody will even give it a proper burial... He shows fewer emotions and less care than supposedly taken over by the hexcore Viktor.

I don't think Jayce deserves hate for deciding to destroy hexcore/killing Viktor even if I think he didn't save anyone but made everything worse. However, Jayce deserves every possible critique for choosing the cruelest way to do it, for how easy it was for him, and because he doesn't show any care or emotions in episode 6.

The only thing that could still make me understand this and forgive him is if it turns out that he was being manipulated or taken over by the void/hexcore or some other powerful being.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What do you think L thinks of the successor program?

Previous Thoughts on Wammy's and How the Concept is both Bonkers and Toxic

Well, what we see is pretty damning.

L... Doesn't Talk About it Much and Other Bad Signs

L brings up the successor program once in the manga (this line is removed from the anime adaptation). It's a very one-off line in which he tells Light (while still in the college arc) that "you know, even if you were to kill me, L is legion and I'd just be replaced by the next L" and Light sort of stares at him.

Neither touch on this ever again.

Worse, when the torch is passed, it's only because Watari happened to be in the room where he could push The Big Red Button (TM) that sent information to Wammy's. And yes, while there was clearly a protocol in place to let the successors take on L's legacy, it uh... sure wasn't L pushing that button and the fact that it's a secret button in the security room where Watari hangs out (and certainly not L) leads me to think this is a Watari idea (the orphanage where people compete for the title of L, being in fact, Watari's weird fucking idea).

Most tellingly, L doesn't even bring it up when he knows he's going to die. He doesn't even think to himself "ah yes, those bratty twelve-year-olds in England will get vengeance for me and then Light will be put to justice". L doesn't think about the Wammy program at all in his last day, in fact, he knew for several hours he was going to die and he didn't seek out any means to bring his successors in or even think "oh woe that Light is right there or I could inform my secret successors of everything we need to know".

We learn later that Near and Mello never actually met L, in fact, and if they ever did speak to him it was... brief and impersonal. This leaves them both with weird complexes about the man and their relationship with the role of successor.

In fact, L blatantly says "Light is my successor" and seems to mean it. True, L knew Light was Kira and was perhaps doing this for the mind fuckery, but on the other hand he had no reason to do this and again, had time to take it back once he realized Light was Kira again (which he did very quickly after Light got his memories back). Had L not done this, he could have either a) directly had a Wammy's person take over and explain the whole successor thing (he does not) or b) left it such that Soichiro was in charge. He has nothing to gain by even hinting that Light could take control over his title after he left. And the fact is... Light does do it. He's the power behind L for six years while Near and Mello do... well, Mello joins the mafia and has a time in Nevada, Near does who fucking knows what.

Basically, L couldn't be less supportive of the Wammy's orphanage unless he actively shut it down and fired Watari (but then who would bring him snacks?)

But Why?

L's in it for personal victory. L wants to beat Kira himself, he wants to do it on his own terms, with his own ingenuity. It's not so much about beating Kira but the fact that he will be the one to beat Kira. His 'successors' doing so would be less than meaningless to L.

Leaving it to some twelve-year-old to solve, hand-picked by Watari because they solved puzzles good and read good too, would be worse for L than fucking Matsuda or Misa making a major break in the case (and canonically, both those things happen, and canonically L handles it fucking poorly).

Worse, Watari is not even implying, but outright saying, that L is not so special a super genius snowflake and that Watari can cultivate another one simply through hard work and careful selection. "Congratulations, L, you are irrelevant and superfluous!" And worse, those replacements are little kids and I imagine L finds their quirks... annoying. (I'm not convinced L's not just s troll).

And if we take LABB into account, all L sees them do is kill themselves or make trouble for everyone (through murder). L does not want to deal with these people (and so he doesn't and makes Naomi do it for an entire hilarious novel).

TL;DR

L hates those fuckers.

[dronebiscuitbat]

Oil is Thicker Then Blood (Part 80)

The first step in a long list was to set up a lab outside the bunker. N and V helping to move debris and burned out vehicles from the area right outside. And a small team of workers setting up temporary shelters to work in and hooking it up to the main power grid.

Uzi did her part, standing over a map with the locations of each landing pod, there were around ten of them within salvaging range, in various conditions ranging from utterly destroyed to lightly damaged.

“We'll start with the pod in the corpse spire. It's the most intact, since I've already attempted some repairs.” The building she was standing in was made from thin scrap metal, welded together hastily to serve as a planning room. Tera was sitting on the edge of the table, eyes darting to the 20 or so people huddled around her mother and the map.

It had only taken exactly 24 hours for them to set up this rudimentary workshop, she hadn't been joking when she'd said workers were incredibly efficient in large groups.

Even so, the inside of the building was still drafty, and some snow still found it's way inside. It didn't matter, it still served it's purpose well enough.

“We still have that big ass fork lift?” She asked into the room, and a drone behind her with white eyelights gave her a curt nod.

“Good, we'll need it to move the pod.” She circled the closest pod on the map- the corpse spire. Eyes a certain degree of determined as she sighed.

She was working with Khan’s team of engineers, the ones most experienced with doing something this large or complex. Even so, she still felt weird being the one basically in charge.

“Right, need to get that lift out here, then we'll head out to recover the pod.” At that, several people left; presumably to make good on that request. While a few more fluttered around the planning room, sealing up holes in the thin walls or writing on notebooks.

She wasn't used to giving orders, and she certainly wasn't used to people following them without much question. This was her plan, and she was really the best drone to see it through due to her previous work on the pod, but that didn't mean she wasn't incredibly nervous about leading a team. She'd only ever worked by herself.

A small knock on the empty doorframe caught her attention and she looked back, finding N hovering there, covered in a dusting of rust and a thin veneer of old motor oil.

“All the cars are moved. V said she was going to do a sweep to make sure the perimeter is secure. Need anything?” He smiled tiredly, though it was significantly less full of poorly hidden dread. With a job to do and a plan made, there was definitely more hope behind his visor.

“Nothing other then more sleep.” She replied bitterly, though her ire more directed towards the situation then him. She felt his radiating heat come closer and she had to fight against the urge to lean back into him and curl up into it.

“You sure? What about a break? You've been up on your feet for hours.” His tone grew more soft, and it now drew the attention of a couple of her team members from their tasks, they very unsubtlely tried to hide either behind a notebook or another task, but she could see the soft smiles and knowing looks.

“I'm fine, I'll take a break when we get the first pod in…” She waved him off, not wanting to be soft in front of her team. She'd already exposed herself once, live on stage. That wasn't about to happen again.

“Uzi that could take all night, plus, it's going to be sunrise soon, we can't be out here.” She blinked, oh yeah, she hadn't thought of that, her N and V were limited to nighttime hours, it was lucky that nights on Copper-9 were rather long, but it still put a crunch on things.

“Sh-” She looked at Tera, who was now looking at her curiously, Uzi grumbled as she censored herself, knowing that Tera was beginning to pick up more words. “Shoot. I forgot, how long do we have?”

“About an hour.” He replied, and she groaned. That wasn't nearly enough time to do what she wanted. She'd really wanted to get started on reverse engineering the first pod ASAP.

“Dang it. Ugh, okay… my feet are starting to hurt anyway…” She admitted sheepishly, which was true, she'd had to start shifting her weight differently do to her increased weight, putting pressure on her feet and back.

And, like the gentleman N was, he took that opportunity to quite literally sweep her off her feet. Picking her up bridal style in a single swift motion that had her let out a yelp.

The drones around her started to snicker, amused at N's open affection and Uzi's flushed, upset expression in return, an extremely violet blush invading her face.

“I can walk N!” She protested, feeling much too vulnerable for the public eye.

“What? It's not like everyone doesn't already know.” N smirked, which had the effect of making her more flustered, especially when the team she was supposed to be overseeing were now giggling at her expense.

“Bite me!” She seethed, crossing her arms before slumping in defeat, there was no escaping N's iron grip. She was taking a break, unwillingly.

“Uh, when the others get back, can you guys tell them we'll get the pod tomorrow night?” She fumbled over her request, mostly because N was still holding her as she made it, so much for garnering respect…

“Sure thing boss.” Someone relayed, giving her a small two fingered salutea while smirking. Uzi growled in indignation, and Tera pounced into her open arms half a second later with an excited trill.

“Let's just go before I die of embarrassment…” She mumbled, burying her head into his shoulder as N laughed, walking out of the small temporary structure and unsheathing his wings with a startling crack.

He went off the the direction of their nest, wind rushing and snow blowing past the family as he streaked through the air at high speeds, she could hear Tera laughing excitedly, but Uzi just gripped her tighter, making sure she wouldn't fall.

They were at the nest in less then ten minutes, N gently laying her within it's warm, safe, confines. Checking the heavy sheets put over the windows to block out even the slightest bit of cold.

Despite her indignation, she quickly relaxed, the muscles that now helped support her back beginning to decompress and her tail freeing itself without much conscious input.

Absent-mindedly, she tapped her own core, giving out a yelp as it shocked her with a tiny white spark, the core was sensitive duh. But now it was even more sensitive, becoming uncomfortable even with just the sensation of her clothing rubbing up against it.

It wasn't like she was going to wear her loose, low hanging shirts while in public though, so power through it she did.

“You good?” N asked after he did his obligatory ‘nest checks’. It seemed instinctual for him to make sure everything in the surrounding area was safe before he settled down with her, now joining beside her.

Tera crawled and rolled around the nest, taking pillows and throwing them small distances before attempting to chase after them on all fours. Easily entertaining herself.

“Y-yeah. Just startled myself. My core is getting super sensitive…” She hummed, curling up into N's comforting warmth the second she was able, purring softly when she felt N's fingers run through her hair.

“Is that… normal?” He asked, he assumed yes, she wasn't freaking out about it.

“Yup. Just another lovely symptom…” She deadpanned, feeling a yawn overtake her. She hadn't slept a wink during the construction of the workshop, nor any after she'd accidentally announced her pregnancy to the whole bunker.

“You should rest. It's not healthy for you or the baby to stay awake this long.” He hummed, she could feel his tail curl around hers, the beating of his core the perfect lullaby.

“Only if you actually sleep this time.” Uzi replied, and N chuckled, ignoring the way his core felt like lead or his visor angerly blinked that he needed to recharge. He'd tried, he just couldn't! His processors wouldn't let him go to sleep where something could sneak up on them.

“I'll try lovely.” The term of endearment made her curl up tighter into his chest and he sighed as he watched her drift off into sleep mode. His purrs, his tail and his warmth perfectly curated to relax his chosen mate.

Instead, he watched his kit play with a fond smile. Even if he couldn't sleep, he felt satisfied that he could at least keep then safe.

At least… until he heard a loud clang hit the side of the nest and he immediately detangled himself from her, growling louder then he'd ever had before in his life.

His processors were screaming again;

This was their nest! This was a special place, it was for his mate and her alone!

He came teeth bared and claws unseathed, a great territorial roar ringing out of his chest and his eyes in a vibrant red ‘X’. And the uncontrolled slashing of his claw was met with a sword, clashing against each other with a clatter.

V had narrowly avoided getting her head slashed off. Her eyelights hollow as she stared at him, the red drained from his visor and his thoughts returned from primal and erratic.

“V?”

“Holy fuck, you nearly took my head off!” She exclaimed, hanging off the side of the building much like he was.

“I-I'm sorry,, I don't know what came over me…” He blinked, the sudden outburst of uncharacteristic rage being gone in an instant.

“I think that was my fault… I snuck up on you.” She admitted, he could see her visibly relax, her head dipped inside the sheets, eyes falling on a still sleeping Uzi and an energetic kit.

“Is… there room for another? I uh… don't feel comfortable leaving you two out here alone.” Her tail was kinking as if just asking was uncomfortable for her.

N sighed, looking at the tint of purple beginning to crest of the horizon.

“There's not enough time for you to go anywhere if I said no.”

Not that he would've, despite his initial, very territorial reaction, V's presence was extremely welcome, a second drone to keep watch for threats.

He moved a sheet back with his tail to invite her in, and she gave him an uncertain smile as she crawled inside, eyes taking a scan around the nest as if she was memorizing it.

Tera threw herself on her, chirping loudly: “Vee!”

N curled himself around Uzi once more, this time however, sleep mode tugged on his visor, and he looked up at V, displaying how exhausted he was unintentionally.

“I got this one. That's why I'm here… I think?” She hummed, and with that conformation he quickly lost consciousness. V laying herself close to- but a respectful distance away from, the slumbering couple.

Next ->

[cardentist]

"haha Wow can you Believe how crazy it is that jay outed tim's medical records?"

Hoody:

1: stole tim's records from when he was 8 years old, which meant that he had to Specifically and Intentionally track them down To steal them. from his house? Maybe, we certainly see him breaking into tim's house plenty. (though why would tim even still have those)

2: baited jay both in person and online implying that tim was lying to him (reminder, the last guy who lied to jay about his intentions tried to kill him with a gun and turned out to have tried to murder all of his friends. and tim himself had watched jay sleep, been in videos threatening him right before jay's apartment burned down, and tried to physically attack him.)

3: intentionally planted the records in a scary tunnel under the abandoned burned down mental hospital and lead jay there by the nose, going so far to write how much of liar tim is in big bold sharpie on the files themselves.

4: after all of this happened hoodie's immediate next step was to break into tim's house, steal his medication, and intentionally set off and film tim having a seizure and post it on the internet.

Hoodie leaked tim's medical records, he specifically and Intentionally baited jay into finding and documenting them because it proved that tim was lying about the slender haunting only starting recently for him.

and it's important to note that jay's response wasn't to get angry with tim, it was to Blame Himself and express empathy for tim.

it's Also worth noting that the majority of the records were redacted (including tim's Name), which is a point in favor of both jay And hoodie (hoodie still cares about tim, even if he's angry at him and willing to hurt him to push him towards what he thinks needs to be done).

moreover, jay's censored tim's last name before (several times, actually), just like he's censored amy and jessica's phone numbers. I think it's safe to assume that part of the reason why jay filmed it was because those details Were redacted (that and, of course, evidence keeps disappearing from his house and from his laptop. which means if he forgets about them and they're stolen then they're just gone- if there isn't some other record of them online, of course).

my point being, it burns my ass that people blame jay for this and hold it against him like it's the worst thing that he could've done, without ever holding it against hoodie.

I feel like this is a cross section of fans only holding characters accountable for what other characters get mad about (tim was Right to be angry at jay for it, but he didn't call out hoodie. probably because there'd be no point, he can't exactly hold him responsible. likewise jay Deliberately didn't get mad at tim about what he did as masky, at least not openly, so fans tend to not understand his perspective)

And fans holding jay to a different standard than they do other characters in general. whether it's because most of his personal information is on his twitter (secondary material people are less likely to go through, especially while watching), because his voice acting tends to be less emotionally charged (it was probably just that troy's acting was a little awkward, but I personally like to read him as autistic), Or because he's just generally not as cool.

either way, people tend to hold jay accountable for things they let tim and hoody off the hook for. and it's kind of Really insane in this case.

[let-roman-bite-someone]

it's been a while since i made an analysis here but as anyone else in this fandom, i've been speculating on orange. i know that by now, most people are convinced that orange is anger or something related to that.

however, we need to look at the previous patterns in order to figure out who orange might be. “the dark sides” were all facets of c!thomas that he was unwilling to accept or acknowledge. his anxiety, his ability and capacity for deception and probably the most jarring for him, the violent and/or disgusting thoughts that pop into his head without warning.

despite virgil's arc, anxiety was probably the easiest for thomas to accept. virgil didn't even have to introduce himself; thomas already knew he existed and while he was not happy about that, thomas had already accepted by that point that anxiety was a part of him. janus's existence was a harder pill to swallow and remus's was even harder.

so with all this, orange turning out to be anger (or wrath, rage, whatever you want to call it) would be a little underwhelming. while anger is not an emotion that is always encouraged, it's certainly not that hard to accept. especially compared to having repetitive intrusive thoughts about murdering people.

besides, thomas has already acknowledged his own capacity for anger before.

here, he refers to logan and roman having short tempers. they've shown this multiple times in the series too. if logan and roman are prone to anger, then it follows that thomas is also prone to anger and that he is aware of it. and regarding the nonchalant way he addressed it, i doubt he's troubled about his temper at all.

since there were only two short episodes before the introduction of virgil, we don't have enough context as to whether thomas was aware of his anxiety or how accepting he was of it. for janus and remus however, we have several instances of thomas either being in denial or being completely unaware of their existence.

regarding the concept of lying, thomas chose not to lie to people to the best of his ability. regarding intrusive thoughts, while there's no instances of thomas straight-up refusing to feed into them, he was a lot more "clean" before remus came along. he didn't swear as much and when he did, usually censored the swears (probably a conscious decision from thomas & co. but i think it had a canon reason too) and using more technical terms for sexual activities.

anyway, all of this is just a complicated way to get to the point, so i won't bore you any longer. my point is that orange would have to be something bigger, something more terrifying and that thomas would likely be in denial about.

one thing thomas has constantly been shown to fear is losing his friends and loved ones. this has surprisingly been a consistent theme from the early stages of the series.

a lot of the episodes like Making Some Changes, Can Lying Be Good and the SvS duology were centered around thomas's fear of losing his friends. friendship is very important to thomas and different situations in his life often feeds into the fear of being left behind.

now what is a common theme in all the scenes that orange has been hinted at?

the feeling of being ignored or belittled. logan gets mad at roman because roman mocks his attempts at trying to communicate honestly. SvS Redux has thomas feeling irritated and upset that lee and mary lee barely paid attention to him during the wedding. the intrusive thoughts asides video, of course, has both thomas and logan getting angry over being ignored.

so, with all this, i conclude that orange is desperation (n; a state of despair, typically one which results in rash or extreme behaviour). a need for validation, a need for attention and affection. thomas, at this point, is especially disturbed by a lot of things going on in his life. but a recurring theme throughout the show, especially after the introduction of janus and remus, is thomas's fear of driving away his friends. he is overly judgmental of each of his actions, worried that they may lead to him being lonely and left behind.

and again, in WTIT, thomas is also desperate to be noticed by nico. he fears dying alone but at the same time, he struggles to reach out to people. still, he makes the first move by texting nico but the fact that nico doesn't reply makes thomas more and more fearful of ending up alone. he is desperate for love and support, he is desperate for validation; but he needs to focus on himself and fix his own issues, if he wants to maintain a healthy relationship with other people.

like all the other sides, i think that orange is also only trying to help thomas. he's trying to get thomas to come to terms with the fact that nothing is stagnant. most things in life are temporary and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be able to let go of any worries weighing you down. thomas just needs to face that fact and focus on living in the moment, instead of worrying about what could be. he also needs to have a little trust in himself and know that he's trying his best to be a good person.

and logan is the right person to target for this. because first off, logan himself is suffering from the desperate need for validation, he is visibly struggling to get to thomas. secondly, a sign of deteriorating mental health is when logic becomes clouded due to emotions and this affects a person's basic functioning, such as decision making, problem solving and if gone too far, even everyday activities. the one time logan temporarily left the group, we saw how much of a chaos the others were. i believe orange thinks that this is the only way to make thomas understand how dire the situation is.

so yeah, that's just my take on this whole orange deal. i could be completely wrong but it's still fun analyzing these things.

[scoobydoodean]

omg i just finished your emma vs amy takes and the subsequent discourse about it (which was so refreshing to see btw!! love it when adults can be Adults and argue about the topic without insulting the other person) and I might get fried for this but that incident aside, do you have any other scene/episode in mind where sam reacts the same way or does the same thing?

(im sorry if this isn't your cup of tea for asks! your takes have been Enlightening)

You mean another situation where Sam shoots a person with supernatural abilities who hasn't shed blood and has a sympathetic backstory without giving them a chance? Not as overtly—Benny in season 8's "Citizen Fang" certainly comes to mind, but even Benny, Sam at least made a show of giving a chance by assigning Martin to keep tabs on him and make sure he didn't do anything wrong before trying to kill him. (Though whether there was conscious or subconscious sabotage involved when Sam chose Martin specifically—someone he knew to be mentally unstable—is certainly a good question given Sam had already made death threats about Benny before then.)

The fact that Sam's behavior in 7.13 "Slice Girls" is pretty unique is really what I want to point out about this episode in the first place—that Sam's actions in "Slice Girls" are inconsistent with his previous behavior and future behavior as far as "good" monster episodes. We can turn to examples such as:

1.14 where Sam insists they try and talk Max down instead of killing him, because Max's murders are a result of extensive abuse.

Lenore and her nest in SPN's seminal "monsters can be good" episode (2.03)

Sam thinking Andy is responsible for the killings in 2.05 but still waiting for proof before acting.

2.09 where Sam insists they not kill someone they think might be infected with Croatoan virus before he turns and tries to kill them because that doesn't give him a chance.

Two episodes where Sam faces off against Gordon because Gordon wants to kill him before Sam kills someone (2.10, 3.07)

2.17 where Sam and Dean search for a cure for Madison, who is not aware that she has been killing people.

4.04 Metamorphosis where Sam is the one who takes the initiative to research Rugarus, learns that they can survive without giving into their urges, and insist they go and talk to him about how his body is changing (lol) so he has the chance to fight the urge to kill and eat people.

5.06 where Sam and Dean oppose Cas who wants to kill Jesse, who is a child who is not aware that he has powers and is hurting people.

6.02 where Sam, even soulless, recognizes the innocence of a shifter baby.

Then we have Amy and Emma in 7.03 and 7.13 respectively.

8.04 where the brothers let Kate the Werewolf go because she was turned against her will and killed the man who turned her in self-defense.

8.09 Citizen Fang (already discussed)

I'm getting lazy but then we also have Magda and Jack Kline—both children with powers, one severely abused, the other the son of the devil with uncontrolled explosive powers that could end the world, both of whom Sam attempts to help work with their abilities.

Dean has a more structured series of personal "rules"—a litmus test we see from the very beginning—one Sam often follows as well, but I'm not sure Sam ever really fully grasps that Dean thinks this way.

Has this person hurt or killed anyone?

Was it on purpose or was it outside of their awareness?

If it wasn't on purpose, are they capable of learning to control their urges?

We see this code as early as 1.12 "Faith":

SAM Wait, what the hell are you talking about Dean, we can't kill Roy. DEAN Sam the guys playing God, he's deciding who lives and who dies. That's a monster in my book. SAM No. We're not going to kill a human being Dean. We do that we're no better than he is.

Dean applies the same reasoning in 1.14 with Max:

SAM These visions, this whole time -- I wasn't connecting to the Millers, I was connecting to Max! The thing is I don't get why, man. I guess -- because we're so alike? DEAN What are you talking about. The dude's nothing like you. SAM Well. We both have psychic abilities, we both... DEAN Both what? Sam, Max is a monster, he's already killed two people, now he's gunning for a third.

Despite the exact opposite being the typical fandom perception, early on we learn that Sam tends to define a monster by their features/abilities, while Dean defines a monster by their actions. We see the same with Amy—she is "a monster who killed four people" (7.07) . She isn't a monster because of what she is but because of what she did. This again—is also why Dean doesn't even consider killing her son right after her kid swears to kill him one day. We see Dean, in the rare cases where it comes up, is also perfectly fine with taking out human serial killers they stumble across (ex: Thin Man).

Sam will also kill a human serial killer at times (and murderous witches by 3.09), but he reserves the word "monster" to describe individuals with supernatural features/abilities... and I think the fact that Sam's definition of the term differs from Dean's is something neither brother ever fully realizes about the other, leading at several points to arguments where they are talking past each other and do not understand one another. Sam hears "monster" and thinks "Dean is talking about me", when Dean is operating under a completely different definition of the term that is based on the actions of a person.

When Sam is in a headspace where he is thinking of himself as one of those monsters, he shows increased or lessened sympathy in turns. For example, he assumes Andy's guilt in 2.05 because he is panicked about becoming evil himself and is comparing the two of them (but again—still waits for confirmation) but his sympathy for Max in 1.14 comes from the same comparison with himself. Sam completely misrepresents Amy in 7.03 as an addict who relapsed but more generally is "managing", as a way to compare her with himself... when Amy didn't feed on anyone herself and her actions have absolutely nothing to do with addiction or battling "monstrous urges".

I've been bitching and moaning a lot, but I will reemphasize that there is a more sympathetic reason that Sam shoots Emma—Sam and Dean are both crowding up to the diving board at the deep end of the pool in season 7. Dean's grieving and is drinking extremely heavily to cope and Sam is hallucinating. They are both unraveling at the seams. Neither of them is in a place where they trust the other's judgement because they both know themselves and each other to be unstable. So if we imagine a reality where Sam and Dean give Emma a chance, and it doesn't take, Sam assesses himself and Dean to be in no mental state to cope with a potential surprise attack. It's just that Sam also erroneously compares Amy and Emma when they are not the same, and by doing so, frames Dean wanting to spare Emma but killing Amy as hypocrisy (because they are both "monsters") when Dean's actions are perfectly consistent with his personal ethical code and his definition of a "monster"... and Sam's actions aren't.

[sunnybunnyy2]

Two Wrongs Don’t Make A Right

Daryl Dixon x platonic!reader

Negan Smith x daughter!reader

WORD COUNT: 4.0k

TIME: season 7

Warnings: imprisonment, talk of rapists(briefly), talk of murder, mentions of Abe’s and Glenn’s deaths, arguments, mentions of saviours, mentions of what transpired in season six and seven, spoiler warning and bad writing.

CHAPTER 2 of the Dark Cell series

Series Masterlist Official Masterlist

This is long awaited! I'm sorry that this has taken so long but I have been making fanfics on Wattpad recently and if you are a fellow fanfic writer you understand how much unnecessary time it takes to come up with ideas and lines to make your character come to life. Thank you all for being so patient with me! Also, requests are open, and I will be redoing my master list, so look out for that. I have been influenced so yes, this is going to become a series so stay tuned! Now that I finished this part I have more motivation to actually write for this! I’d you want to be tagged in the series let me know! Thank you so much for reading<3

(if there is third person slip ups I’m sorry, I’m just so used to writing in third person :( )

The exchanges took place every night at around 1 a.m., and it had for the past seven days.

You would arrive carrying a plate or bowl of whatever leftover food you had managed to swipe from the kitchen or some dinner from the meals you would share with Negan. 

You had aimed to make the food before you went down so that it was still hot but it was risky as, there was a large chance that one of Negan's men would notice and alert your father, which would raise suspicion. 

The food consisted of Sandwiches, chicken, pasta, fish, soup and wraps. 

You wished you could do it more often, but you knew that it would largely increase the chances of you getting caught. 

You knew your punishment wouldn't be anywhere near how severe Daryl's would be. You also knew that as much as you pleaded your father would allow his pawns to have their fun in harming the long-haired man. You weren't quite sure why your father's men were so willing to starve and beat a man senseless to appear strong. Men and their egos you supposed. 

Your father could preach all he wanted about how he would do anything for his daughter, how he would move mountains to appease you. How he would kill anyone who dared to disrespect you (he had) but yet he couldn't try and be a better man. He couldn't put his rage and grieve the wicked world had caused him and help people instead of torturing broken people and turning people who wanted to survive into heartless killers. Turn them into him. 

You couldn't say you hated your father. You never could. But that certainly didn't mean you agreed with half the things he did. 

You could tell he cared what you thought of him. You were the last thing he had of your mother, but that didn't mean he listened to you when you expressed your opinion. 

You and your father were close before all of this happened, well before you found out about his affair. After that day you hated everything about him. Even when your mother got sick and he stood by her, did everything for her. You weren't sure if it was because of how guilty he felt for betraying her or because he loved her. 

Normally you would insist on it being the first but now she was at a loss. 

Since your mother's demise, your once childish but thoughtful father had turned into a power-hungry greedy man. At first you gave him the benefit of the doubt. He was grieving and was trying to find a way to cope with the loss of the woman he loved but it was as though he was forgetting that his daughter had lost her mother.

He wanted to make you happy, so he gifted you the biggest room in the sanctuary and allowed you to purchase whatever you desired without working, though you often helped with the growing crops in the back of the sanctuary. Your father never really liked the idea of her around the fence but he backed down after a heated argument between you. He did send some of his men to keep an eye on you, he tried to be discreet but his men were less than. 

You always made sure to bring a large glass of tap water from your room down to his cell, wanting to at least make sure he didn't die of dehydration. 

You knew that his physical health wasn't as bad as it was before but you knew that his mental health was still declining. He had been locked in the tiny cell for weeks on end, the only sound filling his ears was the constant lyrics of the song 'East Street'. 

The bags under his eyes were proof enough of the lack of sleep he had been receiving. The way his eyes could barely focus on one thing when you would bring him his meals was another important factor in your conclusion. 

Since your visits had become more frequent he had uttered his name quietly into the comfortable silence that had filled the cell as he hastily inhaled what was in front of him. It was so quiet that you had barely heard him, but once you realized that it wasn't your imagination you smiled softly to yourself before muttering your name as well. 

In your mind, you were friends. You knew his name, he knew yours, you would bring him food, he would be thankful and you were both the highlight of each other's day. 

Daryl- because he wasn't rapidly dropping weight as he had been before from his lack of food, which in turn kept his brain running so he could coax his thoughts into coming up with a plan to escape his captivity. Plus your company wasn't so bad he reckoned.

You- because you got to meet another survivor from a rivalling group, you had heard your father angrily ranting to his soldiers about how this mysterious group had taken out one of his many posts and killed everyone in it. 

You were shocked at how brutal this group could be but you knew that your father could be even more heartless and it was proven when a week later whispers were passed along through the sanctuary that your father had partaken in another one of his lineups and had bashed in two members of Daryl's groups heads in with Lucille. 

You knew that Daryl's group had killed countless people, saviours but at least their families and friends didn't have to see it, as apparently the people from the outpost were killed while they slept. It was a very cowardly way to kill but it was better in a way, they didn't see it coming. 

You clutched the tray of food which consisted of a slice of ham from a pig the saviours had recently slaughtered as a way to celebrate the new community they had under their control, standing with the other few that they had taken over. With a side of carrots that you had picked herself to give him some energy. 

Then finally a generous helping of mashed potatoes to fill him up, as you knew that a small sandwich was going to get him through the day. Well, you guessed it was two, as Dwight had made sure to feed him a dog food sandwich every other day to keep him going. A dark pork gravy from the brand Bisto (clubhouse is better but whatever) that was covering a large portion of the potatoes. Your father did always say that you made it taste even better when you made it.

Your eyes peeked around the sharp corner to make sure Arat was on her way to her break that she always made sure to hide, always quick on her feet to head to her room to get several strong minutes of shut-eye. 

Your eyes caught sight of Arat quietly creeping her way further and further away from Daryl's new home. You waited a couple of minutes until you were sure she was in her room, possibly already captivated by sleep. You placed one foot in front of the other as you too, crept down the hallway, the fear of getting caught burning fear into her veins.

You balanced the tray on one hand as you reached into your left pocket, to pull out the cell key that you had stolen from Laura, well it wasn't quite stealing, she had dropped it and hadn't even noticed. You could still remember her confused face when she caught you on the ground after catching you mid-grab. You smiled at her and played it off as if you were tying your shoe, which she bought as she shot you a smile and continued on with her ranting. 

You turned the key clockwise into the rusting metal, smiling in satisfaction when the lock clicked quietly as a sign that it was now unlocked.

The creak that was loudly pulled from the door as it was opened left you cringing as you quickly shuffled into the room, closing the door until there was only a fragment of it for a little bit of light but it wasn't large enough to draw suspicion towards your meetings. 

You could already see Daryl gazing up at you as you pulled the door closed, before lowering yourself to the floor, holding your hands out as a sign for him to take the plate which he did. He had loosened up a large amount since you had started being him food a week ago. 

He was still stand-offish and didn't like to talk about his group which you didn't blame him for, you were with the enemy, you were his daughter. You weren't sure if he knew of your status at the sanctuary but if he did, it didn't come from you. It had already taken a great amount of effort to gain his trust and you wouldn't want it broken just because of who your father was. 

If he brought it up, you would talk to him about it, but for now, you didn't want to risk losing one of the only people that didn't just suck up to you because they wanted more points or because they were scared to face your father's wrath if they hurt your feelings. 

"Hey, sorry I was late, Arat took longer than usual to hit the deck." You quickly explained as expected the food in a curious glint in his eyes. "It's ham. Sorry, I didn't know if you liked it but they just killed a pig and me and my-... I had some for dinner earlier, it was good... and there's potatoes obviously, there's some cheese in them too with carrots and gravy." His eyebrows furrowed as he looked at you in question just as he had been since you had almost slipped up. "Don't worry, it's not poisoned well... at least I hope it isn't because I ate the same thing but I guess we'll find out."

He let a harsh breath out of his nose that sounded similar to a laugh before he picked up the metal fork before shoving a large bite of potatoes in his mouth, a barely audible groan fell from his lips as he continued to inhale the food, not even bothering to use the knife that you had brought to cut the meat, opting to just pick it up with his hands. 

If it was anyone else you would find the wild eating disgusting, but you understood. He was being starved as a torture method to force him into submission. You had seen this countless times, but nearly all had caved within the first few days. It was shocking to you how strong he was. If it had been you... you weren't sure how long you could last if you were in the same position. 

From how wild he was eating you could only assume today wasn't the day he got fed from Dwight. 

You assumed you did well with the amount of food you had given him. 

You kept your eyes trained on the opened part of the door to make sure the coast was clear still. Normally this side of the sanctuary was almost always deserted, but since Daryl as been held here, you had noticed a lot of working people wanted to catch a glimpse of one of the Alexandrians who had killed numerous soldiers. You weren't sure if was from fear or awe. 

"Why are you doing this." He asked as he looked up from his half-eaten plate of food, to examine you while you spoke as if to see if you would lie to him. 

"I don't like how he's handing this. I mean... what your group did was wrong. Really wrong. But what he's doing to you isn't right. No one should have to deal with this. I mean other than rapists, pedophiles, or child killers. I mean murder is really bad but there are some ways to excuse it, like self-defence but I mean the worlds over. People kill each other every day to survive. Don't make it right but it makes sense. You did what you thought you had to, to 'save' your group." You ranted slightly as you looked down.

"So you're doing this because I deserve better?" Daryl asked with a quiet snort as though he couldn't fathom the thought of someone actually thinking he was a decent guy. 

"Everyone deserves better in some way. But no, some people just need a little help sometimes. You do, so I'm trying to help you." You said as watched him proceed with eating.

He looked up at you after he took yet another bite of his food. "I ain't need no help." He dismissed with a huff as he finished the last of his food.

"Obviously you do. Everybody does. You're no exception." You disagreed as he watched for any signs of Arat possibly returning earlier than usual.

"So why ya helping me? I'm sure the big man has more bitchs." He all but growled as he thought about your father causing your face to drop slightly as he kept your eyes away from him, in hopes of him not being able to see your full life story from just the shine in your eyes. Daryl looked like the type to be able to, you thought.

"He has some other... people in cells-" You were cut off by Daryl as he let out a dangerous scoff that should have had you scared. You were in a closed space with someone who wanted your father dead, I mean sure he didn't know that you and the man he hated most shared the same blood but it didn't matter. You were a Smith and that would never change. No matter how much you hoped and prayed that your father would suddenly turn a new leaf, it never seemed to happen. So at some point, you just saved your previously wasted breath. 

"Ya mean prisoners?" He spoke sharply, his words not a question but a statement, showcasing how enraged he truly was with her father. 

"Yeah...prisoners. There is some down here, yes. But they deserve it." You said while shaking your head as you thought about the awful people that were locked down here.

"Ain't nobody deserve this shit." He said with his whole chest as his eyes scanned your face with a mixture of hate and disgust at your words. You couldn't blame him though, he was locked in a cell and you had just said that the people locked in them deserved it. 

"They're awful people. Rapists, child killers, people who kill without reason-"

"I ain't no rapist and I ain't no child killers. Me and my people had every righ-"

"Nobody has a right to take someone's life. Who made us god? When did we get to choose who got to live and who got to die?" You argued as you furrowed your brows at the man's words.

"How bout' ya tell yer buddy that? He killed my friends." He raised his voice louder than necessary which earned him a dirty look from you as you peeked out of the sliver of the door that shined light into the cell and once you were sure no one was coming with guns raised you turned back to face him. 

"You killed dozens of his men while they were sleeping. You do realize that, right? I'm not saying what he did was right either, but you're lucky he didn't kill more of your people." You ranted slightly as you looked at him in confusion, he was so stuck in his own misery that he wasn't thinking about how other people were affected by his and his group's actions. 

"Lucky? He bashed my friend's heads in." He said angrily but it was quiet. As if trying to scare you into submission but you didn't back down.

"And I'm sorry for your friends. I really am. But you couldn't have thought that your group could get away with slaughtering- and it was a slaughtering,  his men and get away scot-free. You killed his soldiers. He takes that shit as a personal attack. So when I say I'm surprised he didn't kill more of you I mean it." 

"One of my friends' wives was pregnant' ya think she deserved ta see that? Now tha' kid's gonna grow up without a father."

"Of course not. That's awful and I'm so sorry...but some of the men and women you slaughtered had kids. Wives. Parents. They had people who loved them too. One of the men, Mike, had a pregnant wife at one of the other outposts. She was eight months and gave birth to her baby girl two days after he died. Alone. And a woman, Mel, just got married to the man she loved, they were trying for a baby... He killed himself last week. Hung himself in his room all alone." You paused for a moment to see if he was going to speak up but when he didn't, you continued.

"An-and a woman named Willow had a baby at another outpost. Now that baby has to grow up without a mother. Another man named Carlos was an only child and had to work for points to provide for his parents. They're old and can't do it themselves. Now they're barely eating and are so depressed that their health is deteriorating, we're not sure how long they have left. So I'm sorry that your friends lost people they cared about but you didn't just get your group hurt with your guy's actions. You guys ruined so many lives that night." 

You finished your rant as you shook your head, looking up at him only to see him looking down at his hands, his overgrown hair hung low to cover his eyes, masking his true reaction.

"I'm not trying to say that your friends' deaths don't matter but you can't just go around acting like you didn't kill people either. Like everyone else's pain doesn't matter to not feel guilty. But it does." You said quietly before deciding you had spent long enough in the stuffy cell. You reached over, grabbing the plate from in front of him before pulling yourself to your feet. You waited for him to speak again but he didn't bother and once you turned around he noticed that he hadn't moved from his place. 

"Good night." You shook your head before he pulled the creaky door open a little more so the gap was large enough to fit your body through, closing it until you felt the metal clank quietly against metal. 

You pulled out the key and shoved it into the lock, twisting it quickly before you heard quiet footsteps walking down the hallway from where Arat had left from. It seemed like you had left at the perfect time, you supposed.

You quietly but hastily quickened your pace until you were at the same corner you had looked over from around fifteen minutes prior. 

You watched as Arat ran a hand over her short black and bleached blonde hair as she let out a yawn, swaying on her feet slightly from the over-tiredness she was experiencing, which was probably in full swing by the shortness of her sleep. 

You let out a quiet sigh of relief before you quietly made your way in the direction of her room, the plate held tightly in your grasp as you walked past the mostly deserted sanctuary, sending a small smile to some of the saviours on watch duty. Most sent one back your way, while others seemed annoyed at the fact that they had duty at all, leaving them too aggravated to bother.

You were about to turn the handle of your door when you heard a voice stop you.

"Baby? What are you doin' up? It's late." Your father's voice stopped you in your tracks. A part of you wanted to run into your room and pretend that you had been sleepwalking but you knew your father knew you better than that and could almost always tell when you were fake sleeping. It was an odd talent if you were to be frank. So you turned around with a smile and spoke.

"I couldn't sleep. Decided to take a walk." You lied.

"With an empty plate of food?" He asked with raised eyebrows a sarcastic smirk on his face.

"...I got hungry on the way. Just heated up some leftovers from dinner. Didn't know that was a crime, Dad." You huffed in an attempt to sound believable.

"It's late. You could have woken me up. I would have walked with you." He said as he studied you. 

"Seriously, dad? Literal armed guards are crawling the place. I think I'm okay walking to the kitchen. Plus you barely sleep as it is." You rolled your eyes at his mindset.

"I always have time for you, hunny... so who's the boy? Or girl. I don't discriminate. Hell, ya could be in love with a goddamn pumpkin and I would still approve. Maybe a little weirded out but hey, we all have our kinks." He smirked but his nose scrunched up slightly as he realized he was talking to his daughter and not one of his henchmen. 

"Oh, wow, you figured it out. His name is Donteatmyseedsplease. I didn't want to keep it from you but I don't think you would approve. I'm so very glad I have your support, father dearest." You said in an overly happy voice even your eyes rolled with almost every word you spoke. You turned back to your door and turned ten knob, not going in as though to not give your father the opportunity to join you.

"You'll have to bring him over for dinner sometime we'll have squash." 

"That wasn't funny Dad." 

"Damn, you know how to wound a man's ego. Good girl, I taught you well." He said in a proud tone.

"I'm exhausted. Can we talk tomorrow? I wanted to talk to you about something actually..." You spoke as you pushed your door open even wider than it had been and started to make her way into your large room.

"That's never good." He groaned before he leaned over to land a kiss atop your head. "I'll see you tomorrow, baby. I'm busy but I always have time for you." He pulled away and sent a smile your way which you returned before closing the door and leaning against it. A sigh of relief left your lips as you realized you were in the clear.

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[glitterguts13]

Which genshin make character do you think makes the most sounds I.e screaming, begging, sobbing, groaning, panting etc… during birth?

My personal bets would be on Aether. He just seems like he would just be such a wreck when he goes into labour, panting and groaning with each push, begging the doctor there to pull the baby out.

He probably starts sobbing quietly when he gets told he can’t push, but he's quite submissive and listens to the doctor.

Bonus points in that he’s also super shy during labour because the doctor likes him bare, a bunch of people are holding back his legs staring at him as he pushes. His noises seem even louder because the room is so quiet besides him. 🥺

Poor baby has some of the most painful births.

How about I do you one better and give you an in-depth review of all the male characters and how loud I think they'd giving birth? Is this entirely too long and unnecessary? Yes, but who the fuck cares. Hopefully, I didn't miss anyone. Also just a reminder since we don't have canon ages, everyone here is assumed to be 18+

Mondstadt Albedo

5/10 Starts off very calm and collected. He's focused on his goal, and he's done plenty of research on the matter at hand. So confident in fact, he only asks for assistance from Sucrose, and feels it completely pointless to reach out for help from any midwife or doctor. About halfway through, he starts to get more vocal, with low moans and heavy pants. It certainly is more intense than he expected. But the time he's he's on his knees pushing, he's full-on cursing and pleading for it to be over. Never gets to the point of screaming, but he's certainly not quiet.

Bennett

8/10

It doesn't take much to get Bennett to start moaning and groaning in pain. Sure, he's got shit luck, but his pain tolerance is awfully low. He seeks out help from the local doctor and is chastised several times for being too loud and frightening other patients. Gets on his hands and knees to push, screaming the whole way through, no matter how much the nurses tell him to quiet down.

Diluc

2/10

Quiet. So quiet it's almost concerning. The baby is nearly crowning before you so much as hear a whimper from him, and even then he's deep breathing his way through it. Occasional soft moans, but only when he thinks no one can hear him. The doctors are rather impressed with him. Kaeya

6/10

Stubborn fool, refuses any and all medical assistance. Handles the first part of labor with only a few groans and annoyed huffs. Gets more vocal as it goes, pacing around and rocking his hips to help the baby move lower. Never full-on screams while pushing, but there is a lot of yelling and swearing and threatening. Mika

7/10

Handles the first half of labor and most of the middle pretty well. Pacing around his room, chatting with the nurses. However, once he starts to transition it's a whole other situation. He's on his knees, screaming bloody murder begging for someone to make it stop. The nurses have to haul him back into bed and pin his legs down to keep him from kicking the doctor in the face. Razor

4/10

Razor just returns to the woods when he feels his labor starting. Doctors make him nervous, and he doesn't want a midwife either. Might not be the most sanitary thing, but the woods are where he's most comfortable and this is where he wants to have his baby. Lots of low groans and growls sound more feral than painful. Only starts to shout a little as the head begins to crown, but even then it isn't all that much.

Venti

6/10

Shockingly not as bad as you'd think. Honestly, I feel like Venti has had a lot of kids over the years, and maybe it's just because he's been through so much, he's pretty chill through the first half. Once the contractions start ramping up, he's huffing and puffing, moaning and groaning. Lets out a few screams while pushing, but always seems to have rather quick births. Never seeks out medical attention.

Liyue

Baizhu

6/10

Very calm at first. He's delivered many children in his time as a doctor, so he's not at all unprepared. He sips on tea and slowly breathes his way through each wave of pain, closing his eyes and bracing himself. Once he starts to push he gets more vocal, shouting and crying, exhausted and weak. He doesn't have the physical strength to push the baby out quickly, so he's struggling for a good long time.

Chongyun

7/10

He gets pretty loud halfway through, mostly moaning. He can't sit still, constantly getting up and down, squatting and kneeling. Everything is just so uncomfortable. The midwives help him, but when it comes time to push they have to keep reminding him to stop screaming, it's only wasting his strength.

Gaming

9/10

Has no pain tolerance for this. He's already crying as soon as labor starts and doesn't stop the whole way. The doctors have to strap his legs up for his own safety as he keeps tossing and turning while trying to push, desperately shutting his legs to keep the head from popping free while he screams for them to just pull it out.

Xiao

1/10

Jesus Christ he barely makes so much as a whimper. No one even knows he's in labor till he's reaching between his legs and lifting a crying baby into his arms. Catches everyone off guard, all they heard were a few soft pants and deep breaths.

Xingqiu

8/10

Starts off very collected and together. His family hires a well-known midwife to tend to him, but like Gaming, he has no pain tolerance. He's screaming and moaning from start to finish. His legs had to be held back because he refused to push, the pain was just too intense.

Zhongli

1/10

Like Xiao, you aren't going to have a clue until he's literally pushing his baby out into his hands. A few low moans maybe, and some deep breathing, but Zhongli is literally a stone wall while in labor.

Inazuma

Arataki Itto

6/10

Not loud in a screaming way, but his moaning is astoundingly loud. Long, low, and drawn out, he's moaning through each contraction like it's a lifeline. Chatters away between contractions but as soon as the pain hits, his head is down and he's moaning away. A few yells and cries as the baby is born, but never a real scream. Gives birth alone, the doctors and midwives don't want to deliver the child of an Oni.

Gorou

7/10

Gives birth with the aid of Kokomi. She's helped deliver babies for others in the army before and was thrilled when Gorou shyly asked her for help bringing his pups into the world. Gorou is very shy about making too much noise and stifles it through most of his labor. However, when it comes time to push, he's a wreck. Shrieking and shouting, trembling all over with tears running down his face. Doesn't help he's got at least three pups in his belly waiting to be born.

Kazuha

4/10

Mostly quiet, but he does start to pant and moan near the end. If he wasn't around the doctor of The Crux he would most likely be louder, but he feels too embarrassed to be making a scene. A few cries as the baby is born, but it isn't much.

Kamisato Ayato

3/10

Stoic through most of the birth, mainly because it's expected of him. As head of the family, he can't go making a scene with a bunch of screaming and crying, so he's forced to keep it all inside. Slow, even breathing, and a couple of deep, throat moans while actively pushing.

Heizou

6/10

Very typical birth honestly. Seeks the help of a doctor in Inazuma and follows instructions nicely. Deep breathing, low moans, and a few panicked screams as the baby starts to crown.

Thoma

5/10

Like Heizou, he's very typical. Follows the instructions of the midwife the Kamisato family hired to tend to him. Paces a lot, and tries to keep cleaning even while in labor. Starts begging for it to stop while in the transition phase, and gets louder from there on out. The midwife gets onto him multiple times for being too dramatic.

Sumeru

AlHaitham

2/10

A lot like Xiao and Zhongli, he's extremely quiet. He's a little more vocal at the end while pushing. Mostly grunting his way through each push, and gasping for air as he finishes. Not much else though, the doctor and nurses tending to him are very impressed by how well he handled it.

Cyno

4/10

The moron gives birth out in the middle of the desert because he refused to be fussed over. Tighnari has to go out and find him but fails to drag him home before Cyno is moaning about the baby coming out right this second- A few loud shouts and the baby is born, very quickly.

Kaveh

10/10

From the second his labor starts, everyone knows. He's moaning, groaning, crying, screaming, panting, gagging all of the sounds you can imagine. Swears he hears a nurse mumble something about taping his mouth shut at some point. The whole hospital is trying to get him to calm down, he's not even halfway through, but Kaveh just cries harder. Has to be held down while pushing because he kept flailing about, screaming bloody murder the whole way.

Tighnari

5/10

Very calm about the whole thing. Like Baizhu, he's delivered babies before. Mostly on accident because no one else was around to help, but still, he knew what to expect. Has his pups at home, very good about steady breathing and not wasting energy on being noisy. Only starts to get loud at the end, because like Gorou, his kind have litters and one baby is hard enough to get out, let alone three.

Fontaine

Freminet

4/10

Dead silent through most of it aside from some labored breathing and quiet moans. Does scream some at the end though, while the baby is crowning. He gives birth at home with his siblings, they wouldn't allow anyone near him anyway.

Lyney

6/10

Much more vocal than Freminet but not overly loud. A lot more huffing and puffing, waddles around their home the whole time until he can't stand any longer. Definitely starts screaming towards the end and while pushing, his pain tolerance isn't as high as his siblings.

Neuvillette

4/10

Will not allow anyone near him while he labors. He's shut off from the world, held up in his house. Shuffles about, but mainly rests in his bathtub, the water keeping him calm. Slow, even breaths, a few moans here and there. Cries some while pushing, but never gets much louder than a shout.

Wrio

5/10

Pretty much the same as Neuvillette, but gets more vocal towards the end. A lot of moaning, very loud and guttural. Let's the medical staff at the prison take care of him, and because of his rank, no one makes any comments on how loud he's being.

Fatui

Dottore

??/10

No ones anything about what this man does in private, and honestly, it's probably better that way. In all seriousness though, he's very quiet, scarily so. It's like he doesn't even feel the pain at all.

Capitano

1/10 Not so much as a whimper. Dead silent through the whole thing.

Pantalone

6/10

Starts off very collected and slowly breaks down into a panicked mess. He doesn't handle pain well, and by the time he's pushing, it's all screams and swears.

Pierro

1/10 Again, no sound. Doesn't face him beyond an occasional flinch.

Tartaglia

4/10

Handles it very well, with lots of slow breathing and pacing. He's been there for the birth of his siblings, so he's fully prepared for what's to come. Gets a little loud while pushing, but never more than a few deep moans.

Wanderer

7/10

Won't let anyone near him. Most of the moaning and screams are coming from panic over pain, a lot of flashbacks to what Dottore has done to him over the decades. He'll never admit just how much it hurts, but he's very vocal regardless.