#and expressions of queerness being punished

[nerdygaymormon]

I recently found your blog and you post many interesting, thoughtful things. I have a question, and I'm not trying to be rude, but why is being gay such an important part of your identity. Not just you, but people are so proud of it and they post about it and they do a big celebration in June and so on. Being straight isn't like that for me or other people.

It's true that being queer is simply a part of our natural being, not something we did or accomplished, and so it may seem strange to others that we have Pride in this.

Things for which someone is treated differently, that aspect of yourself will become a big deal to you. This is true of race, color, religion, sex, age, disability, and so on. Being treated poorly for some trait will likely impact your feelings of self worth. These things about who you naturally are would not be a big deal for the individual if someone else didn't first make it a big deal.

Think about a pendulum that swings back and forth. Normally it would be still, just hanging there. But when the ball is pulled to one side, the natural reaction is for it to move just as far to the other side.

For queer people, we have been repressed by our nation, our religion, our family, and so on. Because we were made to feel uncomfortable and guilty about our gender and orientation, because being who we are was banned, when we come out we go through a phase of pushing back against that negativity as a way to validate ourselves. When you've grown up this way and hidden how you experience things, getting to the point that you're willing to explore & accept yourself means each new understanding feels like a big revelation and you want everyone to know. My sexual orientation is a big deal to me because it was such a big deal (in the negative way) to my family first.

People eventually reach an equilibrium where they're comfortable with themselves, and neither try to hide nor advertise who they are, they just live their life.

As a society we have been marginalizing groups for a long time for traits they have naturally. As a nation we are collectively going through the pushback phase and groups who were made to feel guilty, or lesser than, or even punished, for being who they naturally are have been rising up and expressing pride in who they naturally are. If they hadn't been marginalized first, this opposite reaction of Pride wouldn't be necessary, like in the way that Straight Pride or White Pride isn't a thing because those were not traits which were forbidden and punished.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

I tend to think that people saying that someone is queerbaiting is pretty inconsequential and not high risk. ////

I'm not sure what you mean by "pretty inconsequential and not high risk"? Because i think it's a big risk for acceptance as a member of the queer community by the queer community. It's also a risk for people's perception of him as genuine and authentic, and not just gay for pay. It's affecting his reputation.

If an artist is rejected by the queer community, they might as well consider themselves cancelled. You need queer people on your side and for them to consider you cool.

Queer people are the opinion leaders when it comes to pop artists. If you're not in, then you won't stand a chance. Harry's percieved queerbaiting and his statements about the queer community aren't exactly endearing him to them. So i think he should take the queerbaiting accusations seriously and not dismiss it.

Thanks anon - these are really interesting thoughts and I will try and explore what I think a little bit more and respond to what you're saying.

I think I need to start by saying that I don't think 'queerbaiting' is real and I don't think it has ever been real. The idea that the reason for ambiguous depictions of queerness is not that someone has set a trap is and has always been absurd. For me the idea of queerbaiting has nothing to do with anything that is interesting about queer culture.

Obviously other people feel differently, but for me one of the questions is how deeply that feeling actually goes. A lot of it seems to me just about chatting shit - and not very deeply held. Now it's possible to shitpost things into existence (both wonders and horrors). But I haven't yet seen an example where people saying that someone is a queerbaiter online, having any actual impact from that person.

A couple of thoughts about what you are saying. First of all I think the idea that there's a singular queer community that could either accept or reject an individual queer person is just not how it works. There are many queer communities - with many different norms and values. And any queer figure who has been in the public eye (straight or gay) has had other queer people who fucking hated them. To go back to the bears - the gay liberation movement protested Larry Grayson for not being out. I think there are plenty of queer people who love and engage with Harry - and don't see much sign that's at risk.

You say that rejection of an artist by a queer community is akin to cancellation. If I agreed it'd be because I think both the possibility and impact of both are massively overstated.

You seem to see accusations of 'queerbaiting' as being something that could spread and poison the whole community. I see them more as something people who don't like Harry say. It's hard to tell. We don't actually know what impact people making fun of Harry int he aftermath of DWD had on him. My feeling is that 'queerbaiting' is currently just chatting shit, and will continue to be, unless one day suddenly it isn't.

[dykedvonte]

Ty for answering my asks! Recently, I saw some fanart of the gender bendered crew and it got me curios, how much would the plot change if Jimmy was a woman. I mean, she would still be emotionally abusive (esp to Fem!Curly), but at lest, I guess, the crash would've never happened (?)

Also, her relationship w/ Anya: if she was assulted still, it prolly would've been dissmissed, since it's between 2 women. Or, if Anya is male in this scenario, he couldn't really be able to talk abt it, since society decided that "women can't r*pe men", so it's not serious and he should suck it up. Man, it's just sucks to be Anya in any scenario my poor girl 😭

What do you think? If you have an opinion on that at all, that is

-💀

I think the scenario's where the gender was flipped or any level of gender based intersectionality is expanded makes it so much more complex.

If this is the scenario with fem!Jimmy, it comes with the territory of questionable internalized homophobia. Does Jimmy brush it off in this scenario because she doesn't think lesbian encounters are real ones? Is she struggling with her identity and taking it out on Anya who may be openly queer compared a fem!Curly who is either straight or just not interested in Jimmy? Perhaps it's a sort of weird entitled that can occur in female dominated spaces "We're both girls, I know what you have, it won't matter." It's still is something I don't see Jimmy denying in this scenario, he never really denies it in canon just talks around it with Curly. Here I can see it's less about the pregnancy and more so about the internalized homophobia. Not seeing Anya as anything but an unwanted aspect of her femineity and the allure of it, there's a lot more objectification of both Curly and Anya in this alteration as I would believe feels better thinking of them in that light if they are just fodder in her mind. Guilty pleasures that no longer bring her such. It's a careful situation because I don't want this to fall into predatory lesbian stereotyping, Jimmy is just a person who does not respect other people or their choice, if it conflict with what he wants or perceived is owed.

The idea of Curly having to report it and outing her not only as a rapist but queer and the denial, especially in the case Anya and Curly are both out as she feels a sort of resentment she can't be secure with herself that way. If it is masc!Curly, there could be the jealousy of him being able to actively pursue relationships he wants while she feels she can't, Anya and Curly playfully flirt, its casual but it's something she longs for in the same way she doesn't. She obsesses over Curly because she wishes she could be Curly in a social sense in both aspect male or female Curly.

If it's fem!Jimmy and masc!Anya? It's a much more delicate situation. In this scenario Jimmy gets pregnant. Maybe Anya does a blood test after the incident and finds out Jimmy is pregnant. It's a very sensitive matter because if it's fem!Curly her first assumption is Anya may have done something. That is just the immediate assumptions in cases like this. I think the fact that Anya is telling her would make Curly think it's not that simple, especially since Jimmy isn't brining it up or really caring but everyone reacts differently. Jimmy is pregnant however, and that's a big deal, she'll figure that out eventually on her own but how will she react? Curly knows it won't be good, Anya knows too.

I think the crash is instigated in this scenerio by fem!Curly actually doing more, refusing to sweep it under the rug because she can conceptualize that fear, likely she and Jimmy are the only girls on board. She trusts everyone, well did trust everyone, but it's just something you live with. She can't just live with that double standard but I feel like she really doesn't know how to address it. How does she bring it up to superiors without implicating Anya? What does she do with Jimmy, it still feels like she's catering to Jimmy but now the concern is primarily focused on the life this baby will be born into. If it is born at all. I don't think Jimmy would try to kill Anya in this concept but try to spin the narrative it was mutual up until she got pregnant. Curly doesn't really buy it but it's a lot of processing, a lot more he said she said but what Jimmy is saying just doesn't make sense. It gives Jimmy too much time to really settle with the fact she's pregnant and likely can't support a kid nor wants to give birth out in space. Jimmy feeling like she's being othered from the only other woman could also be a factor, maybe even starting into her thinking Curly is behaving like a "pick-me" for siding with a guy over her. The crash is more spiteful in terms of having to protect herself alone, due to Curly not outright supporting her delusions.

It really adds a certain horror to Jimmy's pregnancy hallucinations because after the crash they are about her, her symptoms the sign of showing. She doesn't want the child either and considering what being pregnant can do to your mental/physical state, especially some of the more negative symptoms, I doubt she is handling it well. A lot of Anya's struggles are with the stigmas around male victims. His body reacted so did he want it? He's gonna be a father and courts likely will make him pay or care for the baby even if they take Anya's side, their world is just like that. Would the other's blame him for not doing more, he is a man after all? Should he be considered lucky a woman was that into him? It's eating away at him because not only does he not feel safe, he actively blames himself.

In the case Curly is still a cis guy, its that weird feeling guys often get when talking about male victims of assault. I don't think he'd victim blame but he likely asks or thinks about how it could've happened, why wouldn't Anya just overpower Jimmy? Maybe he couldn't? Maybe Anya didn't have it in him to strike a woman. He wouldn't. Now he thinks of what he would have done if Jimmy did something like that to him. SImilary to my trans!Curly post, he's wondering if it could've been him. It's likely one of the first times in his life he has to think of that type of vulnerability in terms of himself and other men and against likely his girl best friend. I think that arm pat right before Jimmy crashes the ship would really make him feel weird, not like he'd have the time to really dig into those feeling but y'know WERE GONNA CRASH!!!.

In terms of Jimmy and Curly's specific relationship, it just gets messier if they aren't both guys or girls. There's a lot of misogny on Jimmy's side with fem!Curly. He often points out she's a woman captain or makes a point of her being one of the few independent woman in her field and how certain men hate that. It's insidious but Curly doesn't think about or like to cause she likes to believe Jimmy isn't one of those guys. He can be a bit antiquated, maybe a bit of a pig but no ones perfect! Here a lot of his resentment is more gear toward a woman having that power over him as Captain/filling the typical male roles he fails at. He can't stand that she's above him in almost aspect and he likely takes it out on other women. Similarly, fem!Jimmy and cis Curly is just as bad. It's a fact of not knowing if she wants to be him, wants him or wants to destroy him. It's obsession without anything positive. She feels entitled to his space and life and time and he has a hard time setting up boundaries cause, well, Jimmy's a girl, his bestfriend and it comes with all the stigmas around boygirl best friends. To him it's a sort of oppressive doting, he feels wrong telling her not to pick and like he's being controlling. That's how she'd spin it whenever he'd try to make boundaries with her.

They are still just friends but most people can't tell even if they can tell it's not healthy, in both cases. Either way I feel like if they were opposite genders to each other there would a specific infatuation Jimmy would have with Curly that would be less hidden but sort of unaddressed because the idea of Curly rejecting them would make them lash out in a way Curly may just leave for their safety. It's also Jimmy wouldn't want to be with Curly specifically but just want what would consistently provide/available.

If they are both girls, its envy. It's that sort of hate that someone fits the standards you don't, wanting them to be picked second or crack. She likes to get into Curly's head, point out flaws and act like it's just her being helpful. She wants Curly to be a girls girl but only for her. There's a sort of possessiveness like purposely jeopardizing relationships because why would a man come first? That girl hates me and is a pick me, why are you friends with her still, Curly? Like this is silly but think about how Regina George treats Gretchen Wieners and that's effectively how fem!Curly and fem!Jimmy would work but technically Curly has the sway of Regina.

I believe the crash would always happen. Jimmy would try to escape responsibility or really thinking about what they did in any world, any gender. It's about facing the consequences, losing things he refuses to let go of or having to deal with responsibilities he's not ready for. The switching of sex or gender really doesn't change those core aspects.

[moe-broey]

Like it's def been said before one thousand times way more in depth/eloquently but like. It truly is striking how inhospitable and downright hostile Everything has become

[blackkewpie]

not to expound upon the political implications of fandom every chance i get but noel gruber is revolutionary gay representation because he wants to be fucked up and evil and it is so disheartening to see transformative works where they act like his wants and personality are character flaws. roadblocks in the way of the most conventional and milquetoast gay romance story ever put to word document. which isn’t terrible but the fact of the matter is noel gruber exists to say not every gay person wants to be normal or wants to have a normal easy heteroimitative life. marlene dietrich was a bisexual woman who endured mountains of hardship on every level and did important things and made important art. jean genet was a writer and activist who lived on the fringes of society doing survival sex work for most of his youth. liberace was never *out* out and was torn apart relentlessly by tabloids about his life. these are the people he canonically admires, he wants to be a starving artist and live a fantastic, queer, risky life that offends and challenges the mainstream. not because he is too naive to want a normal quiet life, but because he was raised in the bosom of the most banal, sterile, conservative small town existence he could have possibly been in and knows for a fact he wants the complete opposite. queer assimilation to the heteronormative standards of life has been a powerful tool in our survival, yes, but the point of that is to survive to make a world where that isn’t necessary anymore. the ease straight white cis abled society offers is one that exists at the expense of those who do not fit it. that is why the girl is fucked up. in a perfect world she shouldn’t have to be any other way.

[welcometoqueer]

wish more people understood the difference between “I wrote this character as aro because I legitimately want to express or explore the orientation through them” and “I wrote this character aro because they were the only single character left in the group and it makes me uncomfortable for everyone to have a partner but them so they need a ‘legitimate’ reason to explain why they’re single”

Wish more people understood the difference between "shipping this aro character because i want to explore their aromanticism and where they stand in the spectrum" and "shipping this aro character because i don't care about their orientation".

[autolenaphilia]

I don’t care about accusations of ”pedophilia.” I will not give a fuck, I won't investigate your claims, I will just ignore it.

For one thing the accusation of pedophilia is often entirely meaningless. This is because pedophile/pedo etc are words that carry the taint of child rape, of calling up the disgust such an act naturally produces, but are accusations that don’t require such an act or a victim of it. If you call someone a “child rapist” that has weight, but you also have to back it up with a victim this person supposedly raped for the accusation to actually be meaningful. But words like “pedophile” carries no such demands, it literally just means “someone who has an attraction to children.” It doesn’t require an actual victim. It’s an accusation about how someone feels in their head and can thus be liberally applied. Someone criticizes your asinine submarine idea to rescue some children in a cave? Call them a pedo. And even words that once had a more specific meaning, such as “grooming” can be stretched beyond all meaning to mean whatever it wants to. Someone talked to under-18 people about sex and gender in a way you don’t want to? Call them a groomer.

In a culture of pedohysteria, pedojacketing is easy. And it’s especially easy to weaponize it against queer people, the idea that queerness spreads through queers recruiting children by molesting them is one of the oldest queerphobic narrativeness out there. I’m using “queer” here because this is a narrative used both against gay and trans people. But in the present transphobic/transmisogynistic backlash it’s most often used against trans people, especially transfems, as transmasc people are more often infantilized.

But on a more deeper level “pedophilia” is the wrong framing of the real problem of child sex abuse. It’s literally a medical term, a diagnosis. It makes child sex abuse a problem of some sick individuals with a diseased attraction.

This is of course a bad and antifeminist understanding of what rape and sexual violence is. It’s an inevitable and natural expression of power. The widespread rape of women is caused by the patriarchy, of men having power over women. And the misogynist oppression of women with sexual violence naturally extends to young girls. But all children are disempowered in our society. Adults have power over them in the patriarchal family, in the capitalist school system and other institutions of our society. Sexual violence against children flows from the power adults institutionally and systemically have over them. The vast majority of sexual violence towards children comes from the family and schools, not the “stranger danger” of creepy weirdoes hiding in bushes.

This is the reality that the framing of sexual violence as the result of sick individuals with a diseased attraction obscures. And it inevitably calls for a reactionary carceral and psychiatric response, justifying the police, prisons and psychiatric institutions. That’s why “what will we then do with the pedophiles?” is such a popular clichéd response to prison and police abolitionism. This very framing of the problem calls for a carceral response. If the problem of child sex abuse is sick individuals instead of the system, if we constantly root out and punish individuals we will eventually solve the problem.

In reality carceral responses actually make the problem of sexual violence much worse. The police, prisons and involuntary psychiatric hospitals are violent expressions of power and thus create the conditions for rape.

Pedohysteria is constantly used to justify the expansion of state power. Here in European Union we have had a legislative push to ban end-to-end encryption and make all online communication accessible to law enforcement, total online surveillance. And the reasoning is because otherwise pedophiles can use e2e communication to secretly send child porn to each other without the police being able to do anything, which is of course true, that does and will happen, but doesn’t justify killing all online privacy. This “chat control” act is literally called “regulation to prevent and combat child sexual abuse.”

The pedohysteria also justifies vigilantism, which tumblr callout culture is part of and is also a deeply reactionary and even fascist phenomenon. Vigilantism rests on the idea that what the police do is right, but they are not doing it well enough, because they are too reigned in by liberal ideas such as laws and regulations and the courts. So random people should take on the role of police to punish “criminals”, like pedophiles. And this goes through tumblr callout culture. A subtext running through pedojacketing callouts of transfems is the idea that transmisogyny does not exist and does not lead to transfems being disproportionately punished, but instead transfems are using their minority status to get away with sex crimes.

This standard conservative rhetoric about how liberals often literally let minorities get away with murder justifies their reactionary vigilantism. Of course in reality, transfems are far less likely to commit sexual abuse of children than other groups of people, because we are systematically excluded from the very institutions where such abuse happens, such as parenthood/the family or schools, because of the transmisogynist stereotype that we are all perverted child rapists. And the callouts of transfems as sex predators are in themselves abusive and protect actual abusers, just like how police and prisons are.

So no, I will continue to not give a fuck if you call someone a pedophile.

[limpfisted]

Wyll is not well-adjusted he is repressed and there is a difference

Sometimes being nice... is worse!

Does wyll forgive his father. Does he even know. Does he let himself feel that pain out loud. Does he let his Father see how much he hurt him. How much that will always hurt him

He hasnt told anyone about mizora in seven years. He doesn't talk about other punishments from her. He doesn't defend himself when u call him a liar, a hypocrite, a monster.

Suffering in silence is still suffering. And he's had to deal with a lot of silence these past seven years

He was a homeless disabled queer teenager with a literal devil that STILL follows him around and he ONLY says no to her bc he doesn't want to kill an innocent person. And he tells you he's scared for himself after he doesn't kill karlach. That there will be a reckoning for him. He says it in a vague riddle bc he can't even tell u about mizora

Like he's been hunting devils since he was 17 and he doesn't even talk about avernus or devils except to talk about how evil and cruel and vicious and dangerous they are like hmmmmm I wonder how he knows that. I wonder

Like there are some people who never talk about their trauma but it doesn't mean they're well adjusted it just means that despite all wylls poetry, he doesn't know how to express how deeply he's been hurt. And that's sad!

He can say the most beautiful words to support u and tell u how he loves u, how devoted he is to other people, how proud of them he is

But when it comes to himself. I just did what was right. What's done is done. Let's keep moving

And u know that's certainly one way to get thru it but also he just dismisses his own needs and weaknesses and soul like that

Damn you can't even tell him you're proud of him the whole game. U can't give him a hug. U can't tell him you'll take care of him for a change. Fuck broe

[pineapplerightsideupcake]

So.. I'm confused about something. If your beliefs in radical feminism say that trans people aren't valid in their feelings of being trans, what's stopping you from making bisexual people not part of the LGB? B stands for bisexual. What if their sexuality is just a phase? What if they are *actually* just heterosexual? For that matter what's stopping you from excluding YOURSELF from the community? At some point, you can't exclude any more people from a space that wasn't supposed to be gatekept to begin with! -Vero of CFC

You people always use that word “valid”. It’s absolutely meaningless post modern nonsense. Trans people feel that despite having a male or female body, their feelings about it change reality. I’m not telling trans people how they feel. Because you’re right, I can’t know that. What I’m telling them is that their feelings don’t change their bio sex. I’m telling them their feelings don’t supersede the rights and dignity of women. That’s not at all the same thing as being same sex attracted.

If I tell you that I am attracted to both men and women you can believe me or not. It doesn’t change my sexuality. You can’t know how I personally experience sexual attraction. But if I tell you I’m an Olympic Figure Skater, that’s something external and material. That’s something that either is or isn’t. And it doesn’t matter how true I want it to be.

This isn’t about people being invalid or valid. It isn’t about telling others I know better than them how they feel. It’s me telling them that their feelings don’t change material reality.

And we don’t get to sidestep reality because language is limited and imprecise. We create words to express ideas and categorize things so we don’t have to start every conversation from the ground up. Think of the quote “a rose by any other name”. The word ‘rose’ is made up but the flower it refers to exists in the material world. And you and everyone on earth could declare a rose a tulip but as long as people needed to specify they’d find a way to invent the word rose again. It’s why every 3 years your movement declares old terms verboten. MtF and FtM got used until people got mad it didn’t erase the reality of bio sex and people just used those terms in place of “male and female”. Then the same thing happened with AFAB and AMAB. Now we’re onto TME and no one knows what anyone is talking about because at the end of the day, people are male or female and no amount of “validation” or the right words erases that reality.

I am bisexual because I am attracted to both men and women. Lesbians are women exclusively attracted to women. Gay men are men exclusively attracted to men. Straight people are exclusively attracted to the opposite sex. The LGB community formed because the thing we had in common- same sex attraction- is punished in most societies. It absolutely was designed to gatekeep. It was a civil rights movement- not a secret club house. The LGB have no more moral responsibility to admit opposite sex attracted people than black activists have to include white or Asian people.

“Queer” has nothing to do with it. Demi flux genderoo aroallo fox kin have nothing to do with it. A group of men that believe their internal state of mind makes them literally a woman has nothing to do with it. You people overran a movement for same sex attracted people, convinced everyone to call our community a slur, and demand that we center heterosexual teens too immature for a relationship thinking that makes them the same as a Gay man.

I’m tired of arguing with 19 year olds that read too much mlm fanfiction that having short hair and wearing hoodies from the boys section doesn’t mean they’re gay men. I’m tired of arguing with those same girls that the 45 year old man with pigtails and a pink pinafore sucking his thumb and holding a dolly on social media isn’t a brave woman defying The Man. He’s just a pervert.

[itsgivingfaggot]

Trans men always pass as cis men after they were on T for a year or two, everyone knows this actually. Its soooo easy for trans men to pass. Actually trans men are never targeted with transmisogyny because everyone knows you were born a girl with a pussy between your legs when they see you. You know, trans men in make up and skirts are always read as cis women or theyfabs never as trans women, stop lying. One year of HRT and they're seen as a cis man. If they are targeted with transmisogy (which doesnt happen) they can simply renounce their perceived AMABness because we all know trans men are never the victim of violence. Read as a cis guy so you're safe unless you're not read as a cis guy then you have to out yourself as a trans man which means you're safe unless you're not but it's fine because you're basically a cis woman which means you're safe unless you're not, then you're read a trans man which means you're safe because you're basically a cis man-. All these queer groups love you there because they dislike people with deep voices, who are balding, who are fat, with beards and body hair, and trans men are never these things. One year on T and you pass as a cis man. Violence against trans men is misogyny because they all perceive you as women. No theres actually not a lot of (sexual) violence against trans men, they arent at risk of being forcefully impregnated or married off. They would never struggle with being denied education, employment or promotions or adequate pay. Because they're men. Violence against them is basically violence against women because everyone actually reads them as cis women when they commit violence against them,- people love [cis mens] masculinity so they love trans mens masculinity. feminism is when I tell trans men that little [perceived as] cis girls or teenage girls or grown women are never harassed for dressing and or acting masculine. But actually when they are harassed for being masculine its misogynistic and never because it could be read as an expression of transness. Trans men never get harassed for being masculine because people love their masculinity. Transmasculine history is actually butch lesbian history. Trans men need to stop feeling attached to lesbianism and lesbian spaces, theres no reason for them to feel like they belong in them. Violence against trans men is because they are perceived as butch lesbians so its homophobia and not transphobia. Trans mens masculinity is not punished or met with violence.

[yes-these-obsessions-are-healthy]

As a NB, Taash is a huge blow to non-binary representation. Yeah, give the non-binary rep to the rudest, most emotionally immature, hypocritical companion. Make their personal quest about them getting all defensive when their mom reasonably asks about what being non-binary is, because oh my God how dare Mom be ignorant to this super abstract concept that is difficult to articulate to someone who does not perceive the world that way, cancel her with death. Make Taash coded autistic to give them the excuse for being a poorly socialized brat that gives you no option to tell them to shut the fuck up like any reasonable person in the real world would tell them to do because autism is no excuse for rudeness and casual disregard for other peoples’ feelings.

Like why are we feeding into the stereotype that NB people are immature brats who expect the world to freeze when they’re misgendered and for people to flagellate themselves with stupid performative punishments when they slip up or don’t immediately grasp the concept? This is literally how Republicans and conservatives see us. These are the jokes they make about us to invalidate us because they think that’s how we behave, and then you have Veilguard literally say “Yeah we’re like that lol”. If it’s some sort of subtle attempt at satire, it’s a shitty one that I’m not laughing at because it’s a waste of NB rep just to be ironic. If it’s sincere, it’s an embarrassing power fantasy that only the lamest and most miserable person on earth would find cathartic.

Imagine if Emmrich was the non-binary companion. Keep his personality and appearance (ok tweak it so it looks far less modern), but you learn in his romance ‘actually gender is not that much of a concern for me. In death we are all the same.’ and the reason he looks like *that* is because he likes it. You could add more depth to his fear of death with the question of “Have I lived as my most authentic self? Am I truly who I am, or have I fallen into the trap of reflecting what society expects of someone born with the body that I have?’ because there is this worry that some NB people like myself have where we’re not outwardly “NB” enough, like we don’t practice what we preach. Most importantly, Emmrich would never use the term “non-binary” to describe himself. He would have a term or phrase he would use to describe his feelings that someone of that setting would use to represent how queer people would characterize and conceptualize their gender and sexuality for themselves before they had access to all the precise modern labelling. He could call himself some untranslatable word that he’s transcribed from some foreign language—Tevene, Qunlat—or he gleaned from some epitaph while working with the Mourn Watch, an epitaph for a Planasene tribe member who was given the designation that roughly translated to “neutral” for referenced sex (gender and sex being interchangeable to these ancient peoples). SOMETHING cool like that. Something thoughtful and full of far more depth than thunk “I’m non-binary”.

Personally to me, non-binary is a political philosophy as much as it can be personal expression. You can dress “binary” and be non-binary because the point is that it doesn’t matter, and that is the beauty of it. There’s freedom in that nihilism and exploration, and Emmrich would’ve been a cool gateway to that sort of ‘live as you wish because we’ll be dust eventually’, especially from an older man. We have very little queer older men rep in media, and far, far less rep of NB individuals over 30 just in general. Being NB is seen as a phase dominated by young people. Emmrich would be that bridge and perhaps even that door for older individuals who might not have considered they were non-binary because it’s a young person thing or what have you.

And you know we could explore these ideas more if Veilguard had, I don’t know, extensive dialogue trees and opportunities to talk to our companions outside of demarcated “hey I need to talk to you” events, shitty banters, and lil intramurals between the companions that Rook is just a bystander to like a camp counselor or head of HR.

[twopoppies]

I think Harry is a lot more open with his sexuality then Louis is. Even a lot of anti’s think Harry is gay, they just don’t believe in Larry and are completely convinced that Louis is straight or worse homophobic. Louis seems to be a lot more reserved and closed off regarding it. What are your opinions on this? Do you think Louis struggled more to come to terms with it then Harry did?

I think Louis is a very different sort of gay man than Harry is in terms of the way he expresses himself. He has never been sort of person to wear feather boas and wave rainbow flags and strike stereotypically “gay” poses. It’s so much easier to pick up on Harry’s queerness because these days he does do that kind of thing, but that’s who Harry is. They’re not the same person.

I think categorizing Louis as “reserved and closed off” about expressing his sexuality is actually extremely unfair. There is no one way to be gay. There is no one way to show comfort with it. I think, like Harry, he has become much more private about his life beyond his career.

I don’t think Louis has had any difficulty accepting his sexuality. I find it so bizarre that fans today even question it because when they were in the band, he was considered “the gay one“ by so many people. He was very clearly effeminate and very, very pretty (and the suspenders outfits didn’t help).

I think the combination of this new breed of fan who makes sexual comments about him every time he’s on stage is part of the shift. I think his decision to start wearing the sort of clothes he wears now (plus the drinking/smoking/talking about weed, etc.) gives many people the impression that he’s a “lad“ and therefore somehow can’t be gay.

Beyond all of this, I think it’s really important to remember how harshly it seems he was punished for so many years for looking/sounding/being “too gay”. I honestly can’t imagine going through so many years of being told everything about me was wrong and having the whole world commenting on everything about me, and coming out the other side without being at least a little reserved about expressing myself freely.

But this is the man you’re wondering about. Do you seriously think this is a guy who’s not at peace with who he is?

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LOUIS NOT BEING HOMOPHOBIC

JUST LIKE YOU MUSIC VIDEO

THERE IS NO HETEROSEXUAL EXPLANATION FOR THIS

FLAMBOYANT LOUIS

You’ll have to scroll through this tag, but X FACTOR JUDGE LOUIS being super supportive of all the queer acts who auditioned

And honestly, do you really think someone who wasn’t comfortable with their sexuality would stage two fucking rainbow bears with so much LGBTQ+ history night after night?

[catinafigtree]

Hi, do you have any tips on how to be comfortable being a Muslim while being queer?

I've been trying to do that for a very long time, focusing on my faith in Allah, but it's a bit hard and I always get demotivated randomly :(

Hey! Salam! Sorry for the kind of late response, moving houses has been hectic. This will be a long response (sorry), so I will put it under the cut.

I want to preface this by saying every queer person is different. I don't know the specifics of your identity so I am going to cover both sexual queerness and gender queerness.

My biggest obstacle in nurturing my relationship with Allah was believing that the way I am was haram, and even that I was cursed by Allah. I no longer believe this, but it was a long road.

Sexuality

I don't believe that homosexuality is haram. The common claim that the story of Lut is about homosexuality is full of holes and inconsistencies and it's largely based on the Christian religious tradition, even if the grammar of the Qur'an doesn't align with the Christian tradition (eg. the Qur'an uses the word "banaat" for Prophet Lut's (as) daughters. Bannat is plural, meaning 3 or more daughters, and in the traditional telling Lut (as) has 2 daughters).

Here is a really good study by Nahida Nisa:

I recommend reading all of Nahida's things because she's an amazing writer.

And a video from Dr. Shehnaz Haqaani's (PhD, Islamic Studies) podcast "What The Patriarchy":

and you can find her blog here

These articles from the blog, Lamp of Islam are also pretty good. He is a hardcore Qur'anist with some strange opinions, so peruse his blog with caution.

Letting go of the belief that the way I am was haram and that Allah had cursed me was the most critical part of fixing my iman and overall nurturing my relationship with Allah.

Also, it doesn't make any sense that The All-Merciful, Allah would make someone with an innate attraction to the same gender and then forbid them from "acting on it".

The Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa salam) never punished anyone for homosexuality, after his death, his companions debated whether or not to punish homosexuals and they could not come to a conclusion.

Gender

The Qur'an seems to acknowledge the differences between sex and gender. For example, the word for 'man' in the Qur'an is rijal and the word for 'male' is dhukran. And the word for 'woman' is nisa, but the word for 'female' is untsa. You can read Lamp of Islam's article on the meanings of these words here.

There also may be a vague reference to intersex and/or gender non-conforming people in verse 42:50.

There are also some hadith that seem to imply that gender non-conforming people were accepted around Prophet Muhammad (salla Allahu alayhi wa salam). Prophet Muhammad's (Salla Allahu alayhi wa salam) wife Umm Salama (Radi Allahu anha) had a seemingly close friend who was then called a 'mukhanath', named Hit, who was described as a 'male who exhibited effeminate traits' was was welcome into the private women's section of the Prophet's (Salla Allahu alayhi wa salam) home. Today this person might have been a gay man (who displayed effeminate traits by accepting the "woman's role" (🙄) in relationships), or, more likely IMO, this person would be considered a trans woman today.

Hit was punished by the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa salam), but not for their sexuality/gender expression, they were punished for describing a woman's body to a man, which was possible because they were allowed into both men's and women's spaces. The punishment of Hit is often used as 'evidence' to support homophobia and transphobia, but they neglect to mention the specific reason that Hit was punished.

You can read more about queerness in Islamic history here.

The link above takes you to Muslims For Progressive Values, they also offer marriage services for queer Muslims and interfaith couples, specifically for Muslim women seeking to marry non-Muslim men.

Here is a link to MPV's video series, but massive trigger warning for the comment section.

And a second MPV video series.

And another article from MPV.

More Tips

As I said, learning about LGBTQ Islamic History helped me a lot.

Keep your relationship with Allah between you and Him. Only share it with people who you 100% trust, because religion is extremely personal.

Find your people. Whether online or in-person, a community of people like you is important.

Know that Allah knows you, your identity, and the way you feel. Ultimately, Allah is your creator and we will only return to him. And we, as queer people KNOW that this is the way we were created. Nobody can tell you that who you are is false because they have no way to know that.

Block. Block. Block. Block. Block anyone who is being a problem, who might become a problem in the future. Block them all. Block Islamophobic queers, block queerphobic Muslims. Protect your peace and your relationship with Allah at all costs.

Here are people that I block quickly: anyone who has outwardly queerphobic or Islamophobic things posted on their page. Salafis and Wahabis. The black flag freaks: those with black flags in their user names/bios. I block people for the comments they leave all the time. Generally, I don't wait for them to do something, I block them on sight.

You mentioned that you struggle with low imaan sometimes. It's important to know that fluctuations of imaan are normal and completely natural. But I'm assuming since you've sent this ask, you always come back, which is what's important.

Here is another video from Dr. Shehnaz Haqaani's (PhD Islamic Studies) Podcast for Muslims who struggle to practice.

And a TikTok from @/soundous.boualam:

My biggest tip for building faith is to start slow.

Pray one prayer a day at first, and wait until that prayer is deeply ingrained into your habits, then add another. I recommend starting with Isha before bed. Don't try to do everything at once. You'll burn yourself out.

Build up the fard actions. Your prayers, primarily.

If you can take on more, add in the dhikr after prayer (subhanallah 33x, alhamdullilah 33x, and allahu akbar 34x). Or add dhikr in throughout your day. I use an app called Azkar that I set to send notifications to remind me to do various worship activities.

When I braid my hair I say alhamdullilah every time I cross a piece over another.

If you can, it might also help to put a poster or picture on your wall with your favorite Qur'an verse, hadith, or Islamic quote on your wall, or make your screensaver a reminder to remember Allah.

You can also buy or make a beaded tasbih bracelet, sometimes having something on your wrist can make it easier to remember.

I also like to spend 20-30 minutes every morning after Fajr to just spend time with Allah, talk to Him, and read the Qur'an.

But also remember that you don't only get rewarded for outright acts of worship. You get rewarded for caring for your body, taking a nap when you're tired, eating food, drinking water, caring for pets, and spending time with family. All of that stuff is worship.

Be easy with yourself. Allah does not want hardship for you (2:185).

And I'll leave you with a Qur'an verse.

It was We Who created man, and We know what his soul whispers to him, and We are closer to him that [his] jugular vein. (50:16)

I hope this helps you some. I love you. Allah loves you. May Allah bless you with peace, imaan, and His abundant guidance and mercy, Allahumma Ameen.

You can ask questions in the comments or in asks if you want.

[finleycannotdraw]

okay so.

Hell's Lust Room.

something about it is making me insane.

something about edwin wearing white clothes, not even stained with his own blood anymore, entering that room and being groped and dragged down, and then shouting for charles to help him.

something about how edwin died in edwardian england, sacrificed to hell because of queerness in some form (simon's internalized homophobia + "mary ann" being a derogatory term for gay men in that time), having zero positive relationships in regards to his sexuality. he had his sexual awakening when the cat king decided to prey on that aspect of him for his punishment, and then later tells monty that he'd thought "those feelings were never to be spoken of."

something about queer sexuality being shamed and silenced so much, we hurt ourselves with it. edwin not fully believing what he says to simon, because simon is able to move on with that forgiveness and edwin gets, once again, dragged to the ground in the lust room. instead of fully realizing that being queer in itself isn't wrong or disgusting, i think that his talk with simon is edwin becoming aware of his own shame and guilt and self-punishment, but he still hasn't entirely let go of it, and i argue this because of—you guessed it—the lust room.

something about edwin growing up being told that sexuality, especially homosexuality, is disgusting and never to be talked about. something about him then having these awakenings and realizations about himself and his feelings for his best friend, which relate specifically and intrinsically to sexuality. and almost immediately after having the realizations that his sexuality is real, he is attracted to men, and he is attracted to his best friend (and the subliminal guilt that entails), he is faced with a viscerally horrifying room full of blood and gore and sex.

something about edwin, wearing all white, being grabbed by the mass of bloody hands. during this scene, he isn't even covered in his own blood anymore. the only blood on him now is what is smeared onto him by the writhing, mindless souls being punished for their desires. what is he supposed to think? in this scene, he becomes literally stained by sexuality, expressed in an animalistic manner. charles doesn't get pulled so roughly into the mess, because edwin is the only one still actively processing the very concept of sexuality, and he hasn't entirely unlearned what he was taught about his own sexuality.

something about edwin's sexuality—not necessarily his homosexuality, just his sexuality—constantly being used to manipulate him. the cat king gets into his head by confronting him with physical attraction. monty very innocently flirts with him, then kisses him, and then leads him into a trap. simon killing him because he had feelings for edwin and didn't know how to handle them. edwin's sexuality has only ever been used against him, and during every single instance, other people have been hurt. knowing this, is it really wrong to assume that a small part of edwin probably saw the horror in that room and thought 'i belong here too'??

AND HE REACHES FOR CHARLES. who drags him out of that gory orgy (...gorgy??) (well. move the G to the front of orgy and you have gory. do with that what you will.) without a second thought. edwin loves charles, and is attracted to charles, and charles has never judged him or shamed him for that. so charles is the only person who could've possibly pulled edwin free.

[the-shipper-center]

Why the Anti-Fujoshi Movement is a Symptom of a Bigger Problem

Let’s talk about the uncomfortable truth: fascism and purity culture have more in common than anyone wants to admit. Both thrive on the suppression of individuality, the enforcement of rigid norms, and the ostracization of anyone who steps outside their narrow lines. The rise of the anti-fujoshi movement is a glaring example of how purity culture seeps into fandom spaces, harming creative freedom, marginalized voices, and meaningful discourse.

The anti-fujoshi crowd often claims they’re protecting morality, accusing fans of fetishizing queer relationships. But peel back the layers, and what do you find? Misogyny. Gatekeeping. The policing of women and AFAB folks for how they engage with BL media, all under the guise of protecting the vulnerable. It’s purity culture 101: weaponize moral panic to control people’s interests while erasing their agency.

And here’s the kicker: this isn’t about critiquing problematic tropes. It’s about demanding perfection—a hallmark of purity culture. Fiction becomes a battleground where anything messy, complex, or taboo is branded as harmful. The idea that fiction can explore uncomfortable themes without causing real-world harm? Completely dismissed. This moral policing isn’t just toxic—it’s downright authoritarian. It mirrors how fascism labels certain art or ideas as "degenerate" and punishes creators for daring to stray from an impossibly rigid standard.

What’s worse, this movement doesn’t just harm creators—it actively damages queer communities. By insisting there’s a “right” way to tell queer stories, it erases the historical and cultural significance of BL and yaoi. These genres have long been spaces where women—many of them queer—could explore their identities, desires, and creativity. Branding them as inherently exploitative not only ignores that history but silences the very people it claims to protect.

Instead of fostering dialogue about representation and improvement, the anti-fujoshi movement creates a hostile environment where any engagement with BL is suspect. This doesn’t lead to progress; it leads to fear. Fear of creating, fear of enjoying, and fear of being labeled immoral for consuming stories that don’t check every ideological box.

At its core, this movement is a symptom of a larger issue: the creep of purity culture into fandom. By framing certain expressions of art and fandom as “impure” or “immoral,” it chills creativity and discourages the messy, imperfect process of grappling with complex ideas. The parallels to fascism are chilling—both seek to suppress dissent, enforce conformity, and control how we think and create.

We have to push back. Fandom is supposed to be a place of exploration, creativity, and connection—not a moral battleground. Fiction is not reality, and we need to defend the right to engage with it without fear of judgment. By rejecting purity culture and its authoritarian tendencies, we can create spaces where all voices—including marginalized ones—can thrive. Let’s fight for a fandom culture that values freedom, inclusivity, and the power of imperfect art.

[hellyeahsickaf]

You know how you look back at past shitty connections, friends, family dynamics, and relationships and you're like "I can't believe I let them treat me that way"? I think it hits differently with disability because when you're disabled you don't always even know that you're being mistreated and/or abused in regards to it.

I know statistically disabled people are more likely to be abused but sometimes there's an additional type of abuse that's hard to identify even in hindsight because no one tells you how abusive it is.

But ableist abuse relating to your disability can look like:

Pushing you to do things beyond your limitations despite their awareness of them.

Blaming you for the "inconveniences" brought on by things beyond your control (ex: missing a movie because you had to wait for your pain meds to kick in).

Not allowing you to take breaks or antagonizing you when you do.

Bullying or making fun of things you can't help like gait, a lisp, an embarrassing symptom.

Trying to "cure" or "fix" you, often framing it as "helping" you. Sometimes they look similar and you might be able to tell by their reaction towards lack of improvement.

Holding over you the things they have to do for you (cooking, cleaning, driving, working, etc).

Giving ultimatums that demand things of you that you can't do (getting a job, keeping up with multiple chores).

Using insulting terms, language, and/or slurs that you have not permitted them to or in a context where there is intent to harm you.

Interrogating you about your disability or trying to find discrepancies between your experiences and what they've heard/read/seen about it.

Implying or saying anything along the lines of you faking, being lazy, or exaggerating. Reducing you to a hypochondriac, saying you enjoy being disabled because you seem to like having things done for you, or that you're lazy or abusing them by depending on them for things.

Asking you about it not to learn more, but to use it against you in some way.

Having a martyr complex, acting as if they're a hero for giving you the support you deserve.

Calling you a burden, implying you to be one, or treating you like one.

Acting like you owe them a debt, sometimes even demanding some kind of repayment. Keeping track of money they spend on you that you won't be able to pay back, feeling entitled to things like control, sex, a portion of government benefits, etc.

Self victimizing. They act like you being disabled causes more suffering to themselves than you.

Accusing you of being addicted to your medication. If you genuinely develop an addiction a normal response is concern not rage, finger pointing, etc. if you don't have one baseless claims are very harmful

Trying to force you to stop "depending" on things you need like medication and disability aids

Comparing you to others that are doing "better" than you. Maybe showing you inspiration porn of someone with no legs for example doing incredible things- which is great for them but the "I don't let my disability stop me so you can do anything" shit is harmful. Some of us will get very unwell if we try, and some just can't.

Trying to make others also see you as dramatic, faking, or lazy. Often embarrassing and mocking you as well.

Withholding things you need like medication or disability aids as a punishment

Saying your disability is karma or something inflicted by a divine entity/religious figure. Maybe as punishment for not praying, being queer, or something else they disagree with.

Saying that it's a result of being "promiscuous"/LGBT. For instance if you have HIV or ME/CFS that was a result of something like mononucleosis ("kissing disease").

Shaming you for things related to your disability beyond your control or expressing embarrassment over these things. including but not limited to: appearance (general but also things like say a lupus butterfly rash or weight gain/loss), having to lay down in public (ex: with POTS), inability to keep up with hygiene, etc.

Lacking boundaries and acting as if they are entitled to information or intrusion of your space/belongings due to the power they hold over you and assistance they may provide.

Implying/saying you're living an extended vacation. Maybe one they say they wish they had because they have to do x y z while you "sit around"

Abandoning you solely for your disability (ex: because you can't hang out, they don't want a disabled partner, think you're faking, etc)

Note that someone doing one or two of these things a few times doesn't always mean they're abusing you (also depends on which). It's about the patterns and frequency of this behavior as well as refusal to improve once aware that they're hurting you. People who care about you don't want to hurt you and the normal response is to do their best not to repeat the action that negatively affected you

There are more examples and you can feel free to list some

✨This is about physical illnesses and disabilities, please don't derail✨