#and becoming continually something you cannot comprehend. is comforting???
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I never liked reincarnation as a religious belief/afterlife/whatever because I don't wanna be someone else. I'm me. Fuck off.
#theres some stupid video called 'the egg' and ppl are always like#'oh that helped me deal with my dear of death!'#really??? being trapped in an eternal cycle of forgetting everything about yourself#and becoming continually something you cannot comprehend. is comforting???#if im going to be immortal then i need to keep being myself#otherwise thats just hell with extra steps#*fear not dear. whatever
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Connor x reader
Fandom: Detroit Become Human.
Character: Machine-Connor.
Genre: angst (sorta) / hurt no comfort.
"Connor,please don't do this.."
Walking slowly on the rooftop, hands in front of her, trying her damn hardest to persuade the android who was focusing on the sniper in his hands.
"Detective, you are off the case, you cannot intervene anymore"
He didn't even look at her, however her resolve did not waver, she had to bring him back to his senses.
Crouching near the edge of the rooftop, and with precise presesion he locked on the target.
The devient leader, RK200.
"No no! You have to listen to me,Connor! They are sentient beings! They have feelings and loved ones and-"
"This is your last chance, Detective. Leave right now, or I will take the necessary actions against you"
He wouldn't...would he?
Sweet, precious Connor, who stole her breath the moment she laid her eyes on him, who got her coffee every morning the way she liked , and then proceeded to info-dumb everything coffee-related on her, who criticized her about her junk food consumption, who protected her from being shot by the tracis in the Eden club, who gave her his jacket when she was fretting over his injured shoulder because she was shivering.. he wouldn't hurt her..right?
"Connor.. you are more than your program, you are more than what anybody tells you, please just listen-"
She didn't comprehend that he moved, until she was staring at the barrel of the gun he apperantly had on his person.
His eyes were so dead, that was not her Connor.
Or maybe it was...
Maybe she was too blind to notice, she let her feelings for him consume her mind.
She couldn't change him. It was too late. She was too late.
Was she was even important to him like he was to her?
Did he even realize.... no, was he able to understand how she felt for him?
"I warned you, Detective..."
His eyes, she was so stupid, they were like this from the begining, machine-like and so lifeless.
So so blind..
Tears welled up in her eyes, hands shaking, not from the cold this time, a broken smile slowly twisted her pretty features.
"I'm sorry.."
"There's no nee-"
"I'm sorry to myself for loving you, for thinking that you felt something, anything, for me.. and the worst part, is that I still love you, and I hate myself for it."
"Well, it's your fault, Detective. You know that androids cannot harbor feelings, and you chose to continue with the fantasies you created in your mind.
You cannot blame me for what I am..
After all, I was built for a specific purpose..
And I always accomplish my mission."
#connor dbh#connor detroit become human#connor rk800#connor x reader#dbh connor#dbh connor x reader#connor rk800 x reader#machine connor#angst#dbh#dbh rk800#dbh x reader#x reader
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One thing people have a ridiculous hard time accepting is that animals are driven to live by default. They will limp on three legs with a gaping wound in horrific pain and if they are able to they will continue feeding and controlling their territories and mating if they have the opportunity to do so. Animals cannot comprehend when a condition is so severe the logical action is to rest or receive medical help, this is not something they have an instinct for. An animal that feeds, expels waste, moves around; is doing so regardless or despite the pain it is in. These are basic actions for them and we can NOT equal them to having a quality of life. When an animal is sick or wounded it cannot afford to sleep it off or take it easy. People are always surprised about an animal's resilience but this is in their basic programing. It is not resilience, it is pure instinct. And it is not, in any way, an indication of an animal's quality of life. Roaming animals can be miserable. Feeding animals can be in extreme pain. Sometimes a condition is not only not compatible with life, but it is also so damaging to the animal that it makes being alive hell on earth.
And animals cannot rationalize that, but we can. We can recognize pain, and we can say enough, and put a stop to it. We can be responsible and not have a living being suffering every second it is alive for our own morbid pleasure. It is cruel to not do so. We have that responsibility and we have to acknowledge it and be mature about it. Equalling the ability to perform basic bodily functions with a state of wellness and comfort is erroneous, it is dangerous, and it can become sadistic. Helping animals go is merciful if it's needed. It is the correct action. Shove your sentimentalism aside and put the animal's needs over your own for a second. You have the gift to do so, so do it. Help it not be in pain.
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housewife psychosis 🐇 🕳️
hmmm — I am worried- I thought maybe I had triggered doubts inside you— what if living in secret was our only option?
I have a rush of thoughts making me feel insecure, but I chose to feel secure in this from the start-
do you think you can live with having me but without ever having me?
is this something I am taking into the limitless realm of possibility?— life? — experience on earth? do you ever wonder why we are so limited as a species? how the only thing they let us indulge in is money, sex, drugs, — by drugs I mean food too.
why do these things only hurt when they are destroyed? why are these things only important when they are destroyed? How are people so unaware of the death that surrounds them? — they don’t feel it until it is taken from them. is it security? is it comfort? am i mentally ill and need the constant connection and love from another? why?
I do kinda want to run and hide- -but I can’t, I don’t want to, - I want to know, I want a transcript of your raw thoughts, I want every detail, I want to get so lost in translation that only our sense of security can save us—-
what are we? what do you want to be? what does anyone ever want from anybody? what can we do that we have never done? could we continue to evoke evolution within each other but always as separate beings? Two being one, but always needing to be two in order to BECOME one— falling in and out of each other, always together but easily detached because love is not complicated at all— it is natural state of forever being soul tied.
hmm. what door have I opened? I do not own you- I love you so much.
Jesus Christ himself wouldn’t even be able to comprehend anything here, right here, right now.
yes, I believe im bound to my husband, bound by a bond I cannot label properly- still can’t stop thinking that I am mentally sick. how did philosophers do this? how did they maneuver around the words “mental” “sick” — because well— they were all sick with an ache, in their soul, not their brain. —- and the soul is the only thing science cannot explain.
-x
#raw thoughts#oh wow#um yeah#girl interrupted#fucking mood#inside my mind#human behavior#self concept#human mind#human connection#diary#housewife psychosis#tumblr diary#diaryposting#personal diary#poetic#writeblr#writing#writers and poets#poetry#poetry blog
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Very smart! I often use a kaomoji website I found and discovered lots of cute emoticons myself. No problem! I do, which is why I was pretty confident in you not meaning to come off as brash or cold. I have a good idea of your tone of voice in my head already, it did not come off that way, hee-hee! So, your worries can settle for now. If I feel confused by your tone I will be sure to ask.
That is true. I am still pondering if I should continue being vague or not but I guess I am also a loser myself which makes me a bit afraid..! Though, I do dislike the publicity aspect of being on anon, I know there is secrecy on who exactly I am but my words are out in the open. It feels more intimate and special to have a one on one conversation. Especially when my words are so special to me and to the one I direct them towards. Me too. I am not a super confident person but I do often fluctuate. Especially when I become possessive, it does feel a bit wrong though since I do not own you or anything- that's how I remain composed at least. Composed as if I'm definitely not ranting in my private notes but moving on.. I also agree with that. It is a bit tiring for me personally to see one constantly degrade themself, unnecessarily so. I don't interact heavily with such individuals. I cannot comprehend it either. Neurotypicals love to talk in riddles but get upset when I do not immediately understand. I do feel a tad incompetent that I need such explicit details said to fully understand but it is way better being discursive and indirect majority of the time. I understand that too, why get upset when knowingly being vague all the time? Of course one is not going to get it if they cannot read your thoughts. Why would you want someone to completely miss the mark and drive yourself mad further? Just communicate instead! I do believe I understand if my former sentences were accurate! Sorry for making you talk with me so late! I do appreciate it. Neurotypicals usually cannot comprehend that some individuals have different thought processes and learning styles too I've realized? Specifically with teachers giving out instructions. I have gotten yelled at many times just for simply asking a question to confirm fully!
It does feel long for sure! I guess it just amazes me how different one thing can change to another in life. That is a very good perspective, I'm glad it doesn't upset you. It only plagued my mind so much because I did not know how you'd react. I understand, I hope your personal life settles a bit so you can relax more and find time to respond to your family and friends. I just feel a bit.. ill not doing anything, it bothers me way more to just sit around and wait for something to happen. I know you feel the same way. But I am also aware you have a life and a busy one at that! I can be patient but being shiftless is not a feeling I enjoy. I'm ambitious despite everything. Even if it is scary for me to step out of my comfort zone, I'm more than willing to do it - for you, at least. Very cheesy, I am sorry! But this is my way of doing that, so I am very grateful for your presence as well.
Ah, I saw! Please don't be mortified, you are probably overthinking it! It is funny though that you bash your response meanwhile I felt so happy by it! So do not worry, I was genuinely very flustered by it. All I wish is to get to know you more. My day was alright, thank you for asking! I hope you have a wonderful sleep, I'm sure you deserve it! I am very happy that you've talked with me so much even though it is late for you. Night night! (* ´ ▽`)
Crawls towards you with bullet wounds. Absolutely no need to reply to this, I wrote a lot .. oops .
Websites are a good source !!! When I’m on my computer, I’ll go to them for my Kaomoji fix — since there’s not a Japanese keyboard I can set like on my phone. What’s your favorite one that you know? I can’t decide… I like a lot of the blushing ones!! Since I use those a lot (as someone who gets embarrassed or flustered easily……). The dog ones are also very me. Since I am a dog …. ฅ՞•ﻌ•՞ฅ silly!!! I wonder how you hear my tone of voice.. if it’s loud and exaggerated, that would be accurate. Of course I don’t exaggerate every sentence I speak in but. You get my point… Yes! Feel free to ask me clarification on anything I say anytime, even if it isn’t regarding tone. I can be confusing in other aspects as well ………
I’ve enjoyed our conversation thus far, so I wouldn’t care who you are if you do decide to be more open! Also . Being a loser myself, I am personally fond of other losers !!! I find them much more interesting. I don’t really enjoy nonchalant people that much … Why present yourself as put together and composed, when you can be unabashedly yourself? It’s more fun! I also agree with the publicity part. I actually believe you mentioned that before… I distantly remember having that conversation with someone ??? I don’t remember much from last year, as I was under a great deal of stress from school T_T;; my apologies if I’m not remembering correctly! I’m actually much more open through one on one conversations, both over text and in real life. On tumblr, there’s only so much that I’m willing to say — especially since others can see my rambles. Sometimes I end up getting shy and going back to delete portions of text where I feel that I was being too public… I agree on it being more intimate and special!! It’s a sweet memory only you and that other person share. A suggestion I have, if you want, you could make a burner account and we could always DM over that! I think it’s rather normal to fluctuate with your moments of confidence! Everyone has their moments of weakness. I find myself to be rather confident in comparison to others, but I have my moments . . . Kicks my spam account behind me . I don’t blame you for being possessive! It’s natural to become defensive when faced with someone acting as an obstacle to you becoming closer to your object of affection, I know I would. How very composed you are!! Slash silly! The idea of someone furiously writing in their notes is amusing to me for some reason … I do the same for when I’m irritated. It’s very helpful, since I do struggle with my anger. That, or I’ll violently chew on something. Many pens have been destroyed in the wake of my wrath…….. I’m glad you get it!! In the past, I had several friendships in which I was to be a therapist friend 24/7 and it got exhausting Very quickly!! Especially since that’s all they wanted from me. I’m more than willing to help someone, but if all you want is my help and you don’t wish to actually be close to me ? ? ? Why am I here then. I don’t enjoy being somebody’s free therapist …
I also am awful at riddles now that I think about it. I think too literally for them … if I was held at gunpoint and my only way out was giving the correct answer to their riddle, I would be dead !! I suppose I was also never taught How to think for them? To better explain this, solving a math equation goes much easier if you know how to solve it. I do not know how to go about riddles. They seem fun in theory but. In practice…. σ(^_^;) I should go train in the mountains… when I come back I will be the riddler…. Neurotypicals are quite strange! Sometimes it’s like they’re a completely different species . . . It’s not incompetent of you at all! It’s merely because our brains process information differently!! It is much better than being vague, as you could really interpret somebody’s words in any way without any sort of clarification … Why get mad at others for interpreting it differently if you never tried to make certain of how it should be interpreted ???? We seriously are not mind readers !! The more I think about it, the more confused I become. Maybe neurotypicals have some sort of secret mind-reading ability that we’re unaware of ……. Those scoundrels!!!!! But I also am sort of grateful, I don’t think I’d really want to be able to hear the thoughts of others. I can hardly deal with my own . . . Yes!! Your sentences were accurate! I am glad I was able to get my point across amidst the haze of sleep! You didn’t make me stay up late at all, I chose to. I wanted to make sure I replied !! I don’t like leaving others without a response. They really can’t . . . They’re all built in with the automatic assumption that everyone thinks the same. Which is easy to do , so I don’t know if I can exactly blame them… I will blame the people who are purposefully ignorant though! I’m terribly sorry you had that experience. It makes no sense for teachers to be yelling at their students about asking questions over the instructions … wouldn’t you rather they fully understood them instead of going through with an assignment while not knowing what’s going on ???? So odd!!
Life is so funky sometimes !! I never realize how much things have changed until I’ve looked back on it in the future. I used to believe things would never change for me and that I’d be stuck in a place of peril forever but . Look how that turned out!! I am better now!! I understand being scared of reactions. When I finally get back to people, I feel intimidated by how they might react to me not texting back over a period of time. Luckily, a lot of people I know have been kind about it! But that’s also because they know I’m . A little mentally silly …. There’s always the chance they may curse me out though ^_^;; When I was spending time with my family for the holidays, my sister started going on an angry rant on how I should text her more, and ignored me when I tried explaining that I was much too busy with school that year. I also just. Don’t enjoy texting my siblings that much in general. Whistles… well. Here’s the thing. I . Kind of enjoy being solitary from others ?? It’s a weird concept to explain, and I’d rather explain it in a more personal environment … Basically I am an introvert through and through! I just seek companionship in the form of a partner . I do feel the same way.. Guh… Σ('◉⌓◉’) read me like a book….!!! I do feel the same way.. I am rather busy!! Mostly self-inflicted - I get myself to go to events in order to socialize since I’d be alone in my room otherwise. I also do my best to try new things, even if it’ll seem boring . It’s also Also a part of my being restless. I need to do something !!! If you want more swift responses, DMing could also work for that! Even though my tumblr notifications don’t quite work so great … I also don’t enjoy being restless. I am workaholic incarnate!!! I need to be doing Something . Or else I feel incredibly unsettled. I need a purpose or reason to Be ! Gunshots ring out !!!!! The smoke clears and I am found lying dead on the floor . Kind words again …. My one weakness …. Coughs out blood ….. don’t worry about too cheesy, I love cheesy! And cheese . I am very flattered you’d be willing to do such things for me !!!! I know how tough it is for many to do that, so for me to be the motivation for it is^_^^_^_^!! Lovely!! It means a lot, actually. I’m the same way, in that I’d overcome my fears for who I like, but I’m often faced with people who wouldn’t do the same for me . So . That just makes it all the more sweet. Thank you!!!
Yeah I do usually do that . . ! I just started thinking about how awkward it sounded in comparison to your heartfelt words about devotion . I didn’t want to seem like I was undermining what you said! At least my words brought you joy though!!! That makes me feel much better about it! Flustered too??? Wow . I am so incredibly charming, aren’t I !!! (^_−)−☆ (Slash silly . I absolutely am not ..) I do greatly enjoy conversation with you, so I’d be more than happy to do that!
Wahoo!!! Good that your day was alright! Nothing too stressful I hope . I also hope that you got good sleep as well!!! Sending my good sleep neurons over to you!! I usually get great sleep, since I just flop on the bed and practically pass out from exhaustion. My bed is also incredibly comfortable….. though I do want more comfy blankets and pillows for it. I am the number one blanket lover ! This one was much later than the other one, I deeply apologize T_T. I kept getting pulled away from my phone today…….
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Philosophical Thought of Human Nature
I just had a thought, a very minor thought that whispered in the back of my mind as I pondered how people perceive other people and how people actually are.
The thought being: how can you make assumptions about the nature of a person despite only seeing the side that bloomed from nurture?
Like, when a convict is taken to prison due to some terrible crime, society only sees the part of that convict that was nurtured but they will never look deeper to try and figure out the nature of that convict.
I comprehend that most convicts have done horrible things, but there are also some who have turned themselves in and accept the consequences of their actions.
There is an undertone agreement in society that "the crimes evils that a convict committed or done in their past will always define their character moving forward, and thus, the actions they complete in the future will not redeem nor change their character."
Yes, I do agree that there are some crimes against humanity that cannot be forgiven. In most of those cases though, that convict does not wish for mercy, forgiveness, redemption, or atonement because they know what they did; and most of the time, are proud of it or do not regret it. Or, they believe what they did was too far and won't even seek repentance- they will continue and push on until they d!e.
That brings up a whole other topic of redemption and the meaning behind it. I mean, in what society where morality is suppressed for comfort and riches has what right to decide someone is 'irredeemable'? Every human being on this earth is not perfect, so does that mean that even their minor mistakes are irredeemable to their character?
It basically creates an oxymoron, where an everyday person- to say, had cheated on their partner but is not repentant or apologetic of said action- is forgivable but a m*rderer- who is desperately repentant and guilty of said action- is unforgivable; are both irredeemable?
What does the word 'redeem' even mean? The dictionary definition is 'compensate for the faults or bad aspects of (something).' but what are the standards of which a person is morally redeemable?
That really narrows it down to morality again doesn't it? This society/world has an unspoken set of rules of things that are objectively good and evil whether anyone wants to accept/see that or not. A person can walk through life minding their business and not correct one's behavior due to it being 'their business' but will upturn their nose in disgust when they see an atrocity reported on the news.
Going back to nature and nurture- when someone's past actions are 'too awful' to be redeemed. They return to society- torn apart from their consequences and do everything in their power to gain approval or forgiveness from society; their hard work and actions of (objective) good is then deemed as 'not good enough' for atonement.
How can we give that person a chance to 'bloom' into their nature if we cannot even give them a chance to? Where is the line? What are the standards? How is atonement possible if no one is even bothering to see the nature of this person?
Remember, a person is "nurtured" from infancy- whether it was from an ab!sive household or a regulated on- to one day become a member of society- they will either conform to its standards/principles, or they will turn away from it and go on to commit crimes.
What both of those possibilities have in common is that both people have objective freedom but one is doing 'what they ought' and the other is doing 'what they want'.
It's a very interesting and intriguing thought and I would like to offer an ear to thoughts or debates on this matter.
#philosophy#philosophical#conciousness#deep thoughts#morality#morals#ethics#responsibility#society#social issues#i think this taps into theology idk#just thoughts#why am i like this#nature vs nurture#psychology#empathy#criminal justice#Why didn't I consider a law major?#or at least a philosophical one?#wisdom#mindfulness#this also taps into the idea of tolerance#tw abuse mention#tw murder mention#tw death mention
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Alright, I'll give it to you- I've never played Metal Gear Rising, though those songs are cool.
But Journey almost won a grammy- the first video game soundtrack nomination- and for fucking good reason.
Journey is a cool game. The graphics, the story, the way it plops you into a lonely, empty world, filled with nothing but ruins, and the way it makes you rejoice upon finding another player- just one other person, to cling to, to comfort, so that you don't lose yourself. The way it manages to make statements on war, compassion, and honoring those who came before us without ever saying a word. The way anyone, anywhere, speaking any language, could play it, and be reduced to tears.
Few video games with that much story have no words. And that is why Journey's soundtrack carries the game.
There is magic in music, that is besides the point. Every chord and note and tone is another gesture, another component, in a grand and potent ritual- especially in this game. But why describe what I can show you?
Let me introduce you to Nascence.
youtube
I have always found cellos, as an instrument, the most evocative of human voices.
It rises and falls like the hills of the desert before you, each dune a smaller echo of the greater mountain you see in the distance, your destiny. Let this sink into your bones; it will become part of you.
And here we add some magic, some rhythm; your steps are part of something bigger, are they not? Your feet fall in the footprints of those buried in the sand before you.
The theme continues, and it feels younger, maybe- more sure of itself, now, more individual, kinder, maybe.
As it continues, higher, it becomes haunting, and every cell of your body strains forward; longing, yearning, a pull you cannot ignore. That is the essence of this game. That is Journey.
Do you feel it re-calibrating your bones? Do you feel it grabbing every string of you, like a puppeteer, and focusing every line of your body towards some unknowable point in the distance?
And then the Road of Trials.
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WE'RE IN IT NOW-
Racing, sliding, dancing, skipping, there's wind on your skin and ribbons of gold below your feet- how could you stop moving, stop laughing, stop smiling, when- down, down, you are rushing and falling and living! Let your eyelids flutter closed. Let gravity take control.
By this point you have found another.
Maybe they are older, white-cloaked, or younger, red-robed, but either way they are graceful- and you are graceful, and you can get there, together. Your scarves are long and never catch on anything. your calls are breathless and beautiful.
This world is large and empty and dead, but the two of you are alive, and you found each other, and you have energy.
And yes, there's quite a ways to go. But something is building, do you- do you feel that? Do you feel the way the two of you can speak without speaking?
You are liquid creatures, skimming the surface, diving down the dunes. The flare of your cape and the sureness of your step will guide you. Your feet are on the ground, sliding, sliding down, but with the flute your mind ascends, reaching up, up- UP!
Up with the peak of the mountain, up with success and golden light and triumph, up with celebration, your destiny and the apotheosis to come, it's all spread out before.
Just a few more steps, you feel it, fluttering down staircases and abandoned street, the pair of you, because you're not alone anymore. Rattlesnakes and the sinking sun can't dissuade you.
Why are the violins so anxious like that-
But you persist. You are surefooted, you have each other. What more could you need? Ignore the uncertain tone of the strings. Curiosity draws you onward.
And then what's this, what's this, what's this-
The world is so grand.
You can barely comprehend it. The shadows are deep, but they only serve to highlight the brilliant gold of your bodies. Stay close, stay close, keep each other charged. Affection is a quite lovely thing, really.
But enough distraction. On you go, onwards, onwards, there is something building, if you aren't tapping your foot listening to this song I think you need your ears checked. Marching, straining, you're right, you're doing this, put your head down and focus, keep your dignity. Be insistent about it.
but that is what they did.
War. Pride. Ignoring their gut.
And the world was not kind to them.
Things will get worse, but for the sake of time, Apotheosis.
youtube
Easy now. I know you don't remember, but you just died.
At least you died together.
Blink a couple times. Let it sink in.
But- what's happening? Your elders have gathered, they are mourning you as you have mourned them. All you can offer is gratitude, all they can offer is gratitude- after all, you failed. You didn't reach the top. Your one goal, to honor them, to save what sacred wisdom was left by their civilization, to pay homage to their dead, your dead- you didn't succeed. And you wish you did. You do.
And then a hole opens in the sky and you are being pulled forward, and maybe your suffering isn't over, maybe there is a place where the war machines take those travelers who fail. You want to turn back.
Fear is building, mounting, thunder surrounds you-
And you see the peak of the mountain through the clouds.
You've done it.
And to your side is your companion, your faithful ally, the pair of you buoyed forward by the strings under your wings.
The sky is blue, and you don't need to be scared.
Inhale relief. Inhale sand-free air. Inhale with thanks, because you are still alive.
It feels gracious, doesn't it?
Apotheosis- to become a god.
And how beautiful it feels.
The world feels bigger than it ever has before under this sky, over these clouds, under these arches.
You understand, now, something more about what it means to honor the dead.
Part of it is recognizing your ancestors, of course. But there is also the duty to live, to be a good ancestor yourself.
It is to care for those around you- like your friend, who you can't even speak with, yet you may very well have died for.
It is to carry on.
And so you soar, with your friend, over the tiered heavens of your world, alongside whales and mythical creatures and ribbons emblazoned with symbols of your heroism.
Up, and up, and up, and-
Honestly just listen to the song. Close your eyes.
Come back when reality returns to you. I'll wait. You'll know when I mean.
(I'm thinking 4:47)
You have landed. You look to your companion; you have walked so far in each others company.
And here is where you say farewell.
You've never met this person. You can't see their screen name, there are only 2 cosmetics to choose from, and it's a miracle you ended up in the same server.
This part sounds like someone singing in my opinion.
People like to trace hearts in the snow. That's a fun mechanic.
And then it's just you.
And it's kind of cold, isn't it?
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if you really must have words. (many of the lyrics repeat.)
I was Born for This:
Stat sua cuique dies - "to Each His Day is Given" (Latin, the Aeneid).
Maél is mé tó féran - "Tis time that I fare From You" (Old English, Beowulf).
Ahleto men mei nostos - "Lost is my Homecoming." (Homeric Greek, the Odyssey).
C'est pour cela que je suis née - "I Was Born For This." (French, Joan of Arc).
Kono michi ya yuku hito nashi ni - "On this road goes no one,"
Kono michi ya aki no kure - "On this road, autumn sunset." (Japanese, Matsuo Basho)
C'est pour cela que je suis née- ne me plaignez pas- c'est pour cela que je suis née -
I was born for this. Do not pity me.
I was born for this.
(do you hear the echo of your companion in her voice? do you accept your destiny? are you crying yet?)


#tournament propaganda#journey#journey tgc#tgc#thatgamecompany#journey that game company#austin wintory#cheshi squeaks#Youtube
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Cold comfort
A short fluff/angst one piece I wrote inspired by this artwork by tumblr user domilk (https://www.tumblr.com/domilk).
Pairing: Hisoka/Illumi
Word count: 1,479
Content warnings: None

Cold Comfort
“Are you cold?”
Hisoka asked as he gazed down at Illumi sitting cross-legged on the floor of his room in the Heaven’s arena.
“No. I’m fine, why?” Illumi looked inquiringly at the magician who was sprawled out on the sofa, taking up all the space with his long legs.
“Don’t lie to me Illu, you’re shivering. I can see that from here.” Hisoka retorted, not fooled by Illumi’s attempt to deceive him. “You know, you could have just asked me to close a window, or put the heating on for a while. Or done it yourself, you are an adult after all, aren’t you?” Hisoka’s tone was mocking, but beneath the teasing there was a rare hint of warmth and concern for the assassin. Hisoka knew his partner was strange and tried not to question his unusual tendencies, such as choosing to sit on the floor rather than any of the more comfortable seating options in the room, refusing food or drink unless he had cooked and/or paid for it himself and never staying overnight with Hisoka, despite the fact they’d been dating for months now and that his bed was big enough for at least 4 people. Hisoka never questioned these little quirks, accepting that they were part of what made Illumi so different to anyone else and so much more interesting and appealing.
However, that didn’t mean he was just going to allow his boyfriend to feel any kind of discomfort, not in his home, and he certainly wasn’t about to let him lie about it. Deception was Hisoka’s specialty; he didn’t appreciate anyone trying to out-do him.
“Yes. I’m 24, I thought you knew that already?” Illumi’s tone bore its usual lack of expression. However, Hisoka could tell that in this instance he was being sarcastic, and met the response with a sharp glare that served as a warning not to go off topic.
“I’m fine. My body will adjust itself, there’s no need to make changes just to accommodate for me.” Illumi continued, ignoring Hisoka’s warning glare.
“You know that money isn’t a problem, I can more than afford to put the heating on for a while.”
“No thank you.”
Hisoka rolled his eyes, Illumi was being stubborn, but this time Hisoka had decided he wasn’t going to just let this go.
“Then, at the very least let me give you a blanket, I do hate to see you so uncomfortable my dear.”
“A blanket?” Illumi looked at Hisoka with those blank eyes, not comprehending.
“You know, large, soft piece of fabric to sit on or wrap around yourself, usually found on beds or over sofas.” Hisoka teased, earning an eyeroll from Illumi.
“Yes. I know what a blanket is. But why would I want one?”
Hisoka opened his mouth to make another sharp retort, but stopped short narrowing his eyes at Illumi instead. His expression, although difficult to read, seemed sincere. Illumi was genuinely asking why he’d want a blanket.
“Why wouldn’t you want a blanket?” Hisoka asked, almost as genuinely curious as Illumi had been, “it’ll warm you up, and they’re soft and comfy.”
Comprehension dawned over Illumi’s face, a brief light in his otherwise dark, mysterious eyes.
“Comfort is not necessary for an assassin. It is merely a luxury and something we cannot become too used to. Not being able withstand simple discomfort is a form of weakness.”
The words may have come from Illumi’s lips, but they were not his. Hisoka knew Illumi had grown up in a strict training regime to become the lethal assassin he was now. These words carried the weight of some kind of indoctrination or mantra that he clearly believed to be true.
“So, you’ve never had a nice blanket, or duvet or anything remotely comfortable? What do you sleep on?” Hisoka felt he already knew the answer and that he didn’t like it, but he had to know for sure.
Illumi shook his head. “I sleep on the floor; it provides good spinal support and is a good habit to get into for long missions where I’m outside a lot.”
Hisoka cringed at the memory of Illumi digging a literal hole in the ground to sleep in during the Hunter Exam. Was that a regular habit of his? At least it explained why he insisted on sitting on the floor at any given opportunity and also why he never stayed overnight with Hisoka, but it was a depressing thought.
Standing up Hisoka crossed the room in two large strides. He opened the wardrobe, eyeing the contents that lined the top shelf – a selection of pillows and blankets left as complimentary extras by the Arena staff to ensure the needs of all the high-ranking fighters were met. Finally, his eyes rested on what he was looking for, the largest, softest blanket he had ever seen. It was too warm for him to use on his own bed, but for this particular emergency it was perfect.
“What are you doing?” Illumi asked as he watched Hisoka pull the ridiculously large blanket out from the wardrobe.
“Fixing this terrible mistake. Blankets and comfort are good things and you deserve to experience good things my dear.”
With a flourish, Hisoka draped the large blanket over Illumi, before settling in behind him on the floor his legs on either side of the assassin’s slim body. Illumi tried to wriggle out from the blanket, but Hisoka wrapped his arms around him, tightly caging him in a blanket burrito, with only his head sticking out so he could breathe.
Hisoka chuckled softly, Illumi looked adorable all bundled up like this, even if he was frowning.
“Relax, I will let you out. But only once you accept that this is comfy and nice.”
“This is comfy and nice.” Illumi responded automatically, clearly hoping that Hisoka would let him go if he said the magic words. Hisoka just chuckled again though.
“Nice try darling. But you can’t just say the words. You need to mean them too.” He squeezed his arms tighter around the burrito bundle and pressed a gentle kiss to Illumi’s neck. Illumi gave a frustrated sigh not liking having his freedom taken from him, if it were anyone else ridiculing him this way, they’d be dead.
Hisoka tried to keep things as natural as possible, chattering on to Illumi as though this was a totally normal position for them to be in. He worked hard to keep his tone light, but Illumi’s rigidity and seemingly total inability to relax and just enjoy or even understand simple comfort made him ache with sadness and rage. He had to work hard not to let his bloodlust show, but Hisoka was furious at the Zoldyck parents. Sure, their training had produced an elite assassin. But at what cost to Illumi? Was it worth it if he couldn’t even enjoy the most basic of human comfort?
Hisoka was beginning to consider just giving up and freeing Illumi from his arms – he was no longer shivering any more so there seemed little point in keeping him trapped against his will if he wasn’t enjoying it.
However, just as he was about to release his prisoner, Illumi shifted slightly – leaning so his back was pressed against Hisoka’s chest. Hisoka barely dared to breathe, he could feel the shift in Illumi’s aura, the usual high alertness that was consistent to him had lowered a little and Hisoka could feel from the weight of Illumi pressed against him, that his muscles were more relaxed than before when he’d been sat upright.
Illumi tipped his head back to look directly at Hisoka, before speaking.
“I suppose, this actually is quite comfortable.”
Hisoka smiled, “told you so…. Just wait until you discover pillows.”
Illumi sighed and curled onto his side, his face pressing against Hisoka’s chest, long hair almost completely concealing him.
“‘s very warm though.” Illumi mumbled almost inaudibly making Hisoka shake with silent laughter. He’d never seen Illumi this unguarded before, it was surprising, and warmed Hisoka’s heart.
“Guess I’ll just have to make-do as a pillow for now.” Hisoka whispered moments later as the assassins breathing slowed and deepened. He watched enraptured as sleep engulfed Illumi, smoothing out his features and giving him an almost child-like look of innocence.
Very slowly and carefully, so as not to wake him, Hisoka shifted so he was lying on the floor, pulling the bundled up Illumi burrito on top of him. He supposed that if Illumi was willing to try sleeping in a blanket for him the least Hisoka could do was try to sleep on the floor. It wasn’t the most comfortable but he would gladly convert if it meant more of this kind of gentle intimacy with his favourite assassin in future.
Though he may need to teach Illumi not to hog the entire blanket next time they decided to nap together.
#Hunter X Hunter#hxh#hxh oneshot#hxh fanfic#Hisoka#Illumi#Hisoka/Illumi#hisoillu#my writing#this is the first fic I've ever finished and the first I've ever posted here#please be kind#fluff#angst#one of my fave ships#I love them
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Shadow x Female Reader (NSFW)
CW: NSFW, AFAB Female Reader
Jumping in to writing some original content a bit more, hope you enjoy!
Another long day at the office done, you return home to your empty apartment and flip on the tall floor lamp in the living room.
“Hello, no one, I’m home.” You called to the emptiness. You sigh and remove your shoes and head to your bedroom to change out of your work attire. It was Friday evening and you got paid today so you opted for takeout tonight. Once your favorite meal arrived, you settled onto the couch and dove into your favorite show.
Your Friday nights used to be much more exciting. Evenings out with friends, flirting at the bars, dancing and sweating with handsome strangers. At one point all of your close friends and you were inseparable but one by one they found someone and paired off. Now you were the lone single friend and your Friday nights looked like this.
Sometimes they invited you over for game nights but you were always acutely aware that your presence made the teams uneven and you could only be scorekeeper so many times. So, alone it was.
Dating? You’ve tried it so many times. If one more of your married friends asks you if you’ve tried online dating, you might actually audibly scream. You’ve had no luck clicking with someone. So, you figured, alone might just be your thing whether you like it or not.
Companionship was a thing you could try to numb yourself to through TV dinners and binge watching tv but you had other needs too.
You knew exactly how to pleasure yourself, all your spots to make you writhe and finish. In fact, you had almost become too efficient at it and it just wasn’t the same anymore. You longed for the touch of another. For someone else to be giving you and adding to your own pleasure.
Later, you lay in bed, half heartedly palming your sensitive parts. You sighed, looking up at the ceiling. Moving your eyes around your room before settling them onto the dark corner opposite your bed. As you stared into the dense blackness, you almost thought you could see movement.
The more intensely you stared, the more you were certain you could see discernible features in the shadow.
“Hmmm,” you whined as you dipped your fingers between your slick folds. “Maybe that’s what I need. A ghost? Something I can conjure?” You spoke out loud towards the shadow. You let your imagination run wild at the thought. An otherworldly creature appearing solely to pleasure you.
“I am not a ghost. But I think I could be of assistance.” A voice low, like old creaking wood filled the room. Your heart stopped for a moment then beat so intensely you felt white hot. You froze. The room seemed to suddenly feel full as if you were not alone.
“H-hello?” You managed to squeak out in a voice that was even smaller than you intended. Your back felt damp with sweat against your sheets.
The features of your room were obscured as an opaque black sheet moved over your field of vision. You would think you had absolutely lost your mind except that this...shadow...seemed to have weight to it. You could feel it passing over your feet, then your calves, soon your entire body felt like it was being touched, held.
The touch wasn’t frightening somehow. It was the first time in so long that you felt the beautiful weight of another being on top of your body—even if this being wasn’t human or even solid, it was still comforting.
“What are you? Are you real?” You whispered dryly.
A ripple of cool energy passed over your body.
“Can’t you feel that I am real?” The voice rumbled back. You nodded, unsure of if it could see you or just hear you. “I believe humans refer to us as shadow people. Though our real name can not be comprehended by your kind.”
“Shadows are...alive?” You tried to take everything in. You shivered as your slick cooled on your skin as your attention had been turned away to the situation in front of you. A chuckle emerged from the darkness.
“No, no. We are beings separate from shadows and yet we can hide and move through the shadows of your world. Shadows cannot touch you, I can.” A pulse of cool energy passed over your soft stomach and ghosted lightly over your core. Heat immediately pooled in your abdomen.
Despite all the logic your mind was trying to throw at you to tell you this wasn’t real and wasn’t happening, the aching in your body overpowered. You decided to allow yourself to submit to the situation at hand.
“You can really...do things to me? I mean, do you...want to?” You fell over your words as your heartbeat raced in your chest. An insecure thought popped into your head, me? Really?
“Oh yes, I want you badly. I’ve observed you for quite some time.” The voice creaked and sounded fuller than before, almost lustful. You felt your cheeks flush as you thought about all the times you had pleasured yourself never thinking twice about another presence in the room.
“I….want this too…” you shifted your weight to open up your body a bit more, unsure what this shadow might have in mind.
“I can and want to do so many things to you. Who do you want?” It breathed over you.
“W-what?” You breathlessly reply, trying to steady yourself to listen to its question.
“Hmm, have you ever noticed when you look for too long into a shadowy room you can sometimes see a face in the darkness?” You nodded. “Who do you want me to be? I can make myself look like anyone...anything” the deep voice cracked through the static feeling of the air. You thought just for a moment, a few faces from your past flashed through your mind.
“No one.” You finally answered. The shadow swirled over you, a concentrated feeling cupping your face almost like caring hands reaching to support you.
“No one?” The shadow repeated back. You sighed.
“There’ll be no one in the morning, so there should be no one now.” You hoped you had hidden the tired sadness in your voice. The energy over your body shuddered and receded slightly. Tears stung at the corners of your eyes. “Please, I-“ you moved your hands down your torso, tracing your soft skin, reaching towards your sensitive spot that was begging for the pressure to return.
You halted your movement when a tendril of energy pressed across your lips. The sensation was warm and somehow wet like the tongue of a lover asking for entrance. Your mouth fell open without thought.
“I wish you could understand how beautiful you are.” The voice rumbled and the shadow engulfed your mouth in a kiss. That’s the only way you could describe it. No discernible mouth or tongue or chin, just darkness but you could feel it all. You returned the kiss with equal passion and the warmth that was pooling in your core previously started to unravel you again.
As you continued your deep passionate kiss, a dreamy light pressure settled on your breasts, making your nipples harden and your back arch just slightly. You let out a soft moan assuring the shadow that it was touching you perfectly. As the shadow massaged your breasts, teasing and pulling your nipples, you slowly rolled your hips hoping to feel more pressure down there.
You were so wet the movement of your hips caused a cool drop of slick to rub on to your inner thigh. You clenched your thighs together, squeezing your sensitive area and giving you some much needed relief. You broke the kiss, gasping for air and reached out into the darkness. Your hands were enveloped in a now familiar cool, tingling pressure.
“I need you...there-uuungh” your plea was interrupted by your own whine of pleasure as the “tongue” you felt earlier on your lips began to glide over your slit. You shook out the disruptive thoughts in your head that were trying to figure out how the hell something incorporeal could give you this intense physical pleasure and tried to let yourself just enjoy what was happening.
The shadowy tendril pressed into your folds and moved upwards from your entrance to your pearl achingly slow. It repeated the movement, wide, equal pressure a few more times before settling over your most sensitive spot. The tendril moved around the bundle of nerves with such incredible deftness, you could already feel an orgasm building. You whined and moved your hips simultaneously wanting more and not knowing how much more you could handle.
Without losing any pressure on your bud, you felt something hard resting against your entrance. Energy danced along your entire body, it was almost as if the shadow was as excited for this part as you were. What felt nearly like a hand grazed longingly across your cheek, as if it sought permission for this next development.
You nodded your head wildly and let out a loud moan. You were already starting to feel over stimulated between the “hands” still teasing your breasts and the “tongue” on your clit. You were fairly certain all it would take is the shadow pushing into your entrance to make you come. Still, you needed it. Needed it inside you. Your dripping entrance needed to be filled and full like every other part of you felt just now.
The shadow seemed to hesitate, seated at your entrance. You pushed your hips down, pushing the shadow just barely inside you, ghosting your inner walls. Your jaw tightened as you tried to relax your body. The shadow finally pushed into you and it created a sensation that was hard to describe. It felt like a cock pushing into you except that the size seemed to change when it was inside you. It moved in to you and felt big at your entrance but not painfully so. Once inside of you, it seemed to grow to fill you perfectly, like it was made to fit inside of you and only you.
The shadow pressed inside of you slowly and finally stopped. You instinctively pushed your thighs out on either side of you to open yourself up as much as possible. The feeling inside you was perfect though you did feel a bit exposed. You missed feeling the weight of someone’s body pressed firmly against your pelvis.
“Shadow…I want to feel you against me….is that...can you?” You tripped over your words. Shadow was giving you every sensation you could dream of but you still ached for the feeling of another body against you. You felt the pressure that was playing at your breast dissipate and a feeling of fullness, of weight settled against your hips. Suddenly the immense “cock” within you felt as if it were connected to a body.
“Like this?” The shadow asked, you swear the voice sounded bashful. A breathy moan was all you could manage as you shifted your hips to feel the weight against you once more. With that, shadow began to move its “hips” in and out of you. The size of the appendage changed to keep you stunningly full all the time while still giving you the sensations of movement you needed.
Your orgasm was building again and you knew you couldn't stave it off and prolong these sensations any longer if you tried. Every nerve ending in your body was screaming with pleasure and your body was heating up white hot. Shadow snapped its hips into you deeply once again and a scream tore through your throat. Your orgasm crashed against you, your walls spasming, your back lifting off the bed.
Shadow never stopped its movements as it did everything it could to your body to help you ride the sensation out as long as possible. As you were beginning to catch your breath, you ground your hips down on to the mass inside you hoping to return the wonderful sensation you’d been given, unsure if the shadow could even experience something like an orgasm.
The energy all over and in your body flickered and receded for a flash before expanding even larger and making your body tingle all over. It felt electric and strong and you forgot to breath for a moment as you let the static wash over your body.
Then the feeling receded completely and you were left lying on the bed alone, covered in your sweat and slick, panting. It would maybe feel lonely on a different night but you felt so completely fulfilled you couldn’t help but smile.
“Does that mean it was good for you, too?” You called out to the empty room. Movement caught the corner of your eye and you stared into a corner of your room where the darkness looked particularly dense. A low, gravely chuckle filled the room and moved over your skin.
“You know, that was the first time I-with a human...I mean, I could do better next time.” The voice responded. You pushed yourself up to sit on the bed.
“Better than that?” You asked.
“Oh yes.” Your core tightened just at the thought. It was the first time in so long that you didn’t feel lonely. In fact, you felt excited about the possibilities your connection with this shadow presented.
“You’ll come back again?” You asked with a tinge of hopeful uncertainty in your voice. The room darkened, filling up with the intense shadow.
“As often as you’ll have me, beautiful human.”
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Legs cross, folding comfortably beneath her, though she cannot feel discomfort. Even though there's no need, posture is perfect. Gaze finds the floor, listening patiently as venom in the form of criticism is spewed.
Like a dog who knows they've done something wrong, but can't quite comprehend why they're being scolded, she just stares. She wishes for the same ignorance. "You can't lie to me. Even if I wasn't linked to you, you're a bad liar." She wishes she could warm Kiana up, but as a spirit, it would merely tickle skin and most likely create a more frustrating sensation rather than fix the issue.
The comment about her eyes, she had heard that before. Well, not quite that. Another found the blue to be preferred. What she original was, yet the red felt more fitting. A more accurate reflection of herself.
"No. It's... a long story. Both that version of myself and this version are real. It's a... complicated matter. When I pull upon more of my powers, I become like this. Naturally, I look like before, with blue eyes and grey hair." A pause, pointlessly shrugging afterwards. "And when I am like this, I don't really have a choice. I must rely solely on my powers to continue on."
Not bothering to explain too in-depth, it would bore Kiana, even if she were not upset.
"I have a lot to atone for. I won't make excuses, but... When I die and become like this, my memories... they all become blurry. But the girl you met at St. Freya's, I'd like to think that that was not some mask. I understand if you don't believe me, though." Truly, recovering from such a betrayal would not be easy. It was still far from the hardest hurdle Fu Hua had overcome, though.
Even despite such irritation, the phoenix is not angry. She is not confused nor shocked by Kiana. Dejected, maybe a little, but it wasn't worth the mention. Kiana had endured more struggle than Fu Hua had in recent years. This was about the lone drifter, not an eternal soul.
"If there's anything else you need clarification on, or something you need of me that I can do, I will," a long pause, finally gazing to the other. "Do my best to provide it." She anticipates what comes next, yet does not say no.
till death do us part type shit
arc north, march 2017
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❝ i was sort’ve hoping you needed me. is that selfish? ❞ for any RO?
❝ i was sort’ve hoping you needed me. is that selfish? ❞
I’m gonna do this one for Alonzo! :)))
My child has once encouraged me to write in this, to collect my thoughts, to preserve memories, the journal reads. I had never planned to go through with that, but given the impending danger venturing towards my life and that of the general populace of the city, it is my utmost wish that the words I will say here will serve as a guidance to whomever crosses upon them.
The earthy, musty smell of the page almost makes you wheeze, though your eyes remain fixed at the cursive ink as you scribble down the author’s name on a separate sheet—each letter a painful reminder of what you did.
“It’s late,” a scrutinizing voice notes. You look up briefly to see Alonzo leaning against the open doorway, arms folded as they stare at you before their gaze falls to the journal clutched within your hand. “Don’t you think that’s enough?”
The tone is softer. Careful.
“There are some things I have to go over,” you respond, tapping the pen against the journal. “You should go ahead.”
I am surrounded by people I cannot trust, and I fear feigning ignorance will not be enough for my family to be safe, you continue reading. Not anymore.
“Hey,” Alonzo says, settling down on a chair they have dragged in front of yours. “What are you thinking?”
"I’m thinking about how much I fucked up.”
“We both fucked up.”
“You’re not the one who put it all into motion. I was.”
An exasperated sigh leaves their lips. “You didn’t know.”
You shake your head, opting to look down at the remaining words.
But I don’t want to die.
Something snaps in you whenever you get to this point, a massive pit opening with nothing to fill it up. A sinking feeling you can’t shove away. It’s a persistent reminder of a reality you’ve ignored for years.
You failed them.
All of them.
Your companion may be right. You didn’t know. You remained ignorant to it all while hailing yourself as a hero, but the blood that was shed, the lives that were lost—a good portion of them wouldn’t have happened had you not been there that day. Had you not decided that justice was on your side.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“For me,” they say in a most gentle manner, grabbing the journal from your grasp and replacing it with the tender hold of their hand, “it does.”
Wet streaks begin to flow through your cheeks as you glance at them, guilt and hopelessness mixing in, and you grit your teeth as you wipe them away. This is another mistake. Another thing you shouldn’t have. Another connection you need to cut.
You cannot let this happen. You cannot let them stay.
“Why don’t you just— Why don’t you just leave me alone?”
Silence. The air between you becomes tense.
You can’t comprehend the expression resting on their face—a deep concern mixed with anger. A resentment so unlike what you’ve always seen from them. Are they mad at you? At themself? At everyone else? It should be no huge challenge to figure this out, but the heavy twitching of their lips somehow does not match the struggle occurring in their dark brown eyes. There’s a stillness in them that persists even as the curly ends of their hair sway in front of them, as if measuring up the words that are about to be said.
It hurts, seeing the care they’re manifesting despite the frustration they feel. It hurts, because even after all the things you’ve done for them, after all the comfort you’ve given them, a thought always slithers through your mind, making you remember that you’ll never be able to truly pay for what you’ve done.
But of course they surprise you once more. A smile breaks out, a sad hesitant smile that eases the pain building up. “I was sort of hoping you needed me. Is that selfish?”
Alonzo doesn’t wait for a response, their hand squeezing your own as they continue, “I’m not in any position to tell you what to feel, and I know you’ll never listen anyway, but at least... at the very least, don’t keep me out. Let me help.”
A pause. A short, agonizing pause.
“Let me share your burden.”
#e alonzo#interactive fiction#hollowed minds series#hollowed minds prompts#hollowed minds#writing#yearning prompts#choicescript#if game#if wip#wip#character prompts#ask#anon
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Grand Slam - The Blood-Vomiting Beast: Chapter 8
Location: Yumenosaki Grounds (Sports Festival) Characters: Ritsu, Sora & Natsume

Natsume: Well, in any caSE, let’s not get ahead of ourselves and continue to steadily maintain our victoriES. It’s still the first dAY, there’s no need to push ourselves too much to pull ahead of the otheRS.
It’s not just thAT. If we’re winning by a landslide, the viewers might not be curious about what happens in the end and they might stop watchiNG.
As an idol performing in this “show” called the “Old-Fashioned Sports Festival”, we’ve got to leave a sense of thriLL.
Ritsu: Amazing. You’re an exemplary idol. …I can’t help but wonder if you were always such a good boy, though.
Natsume: What do you know about mE?
Well, we’re both fellow brothers of the saME “Nii-san”, so I think that’s something we share in common, though…♪
Ritsu: Huh? What’re you talking about? None of your “big brothers” have anything to do with me, though?
Natsume: (Phew… It seems the magic has somehow workED, I suppose I’ve dodged most of the follow-up statemenTS. If I bring up a topic he dislikES, he’ll distance himself all on his oWN.)
(BuT. As expected of the younger brother of Rei Nii-san, the leader of tHE “Five Oddballs”.)
(The brains behind the veteran unit “Knights”... I don’t know if he’s doing it on purpose or by instinCT, but he just smoothly touches upon the dangerous topiCS.)
(As eloquent as I am competeNT, I shall manipulate the strongest here – “Knights” – and fulfil my goal.)
(In order for that to happEN, I can’t have them become wary of mE, so I cannot act any differently than I normally dO.)
Sora: Master~...? What’s wrong? You’ve got a scary look on your face~
Natsume: It’s nothiNG, Sora.
Our current situation is, well, not that bAD. I’m glad I told Mophead to put your name forward during the "Summit” when they were deciding on the leaders yesterdAY.
You prioritise harmony and happiness over victoRY. As long as you’re holding up a brocade flAG, even the attitudes of the other teams towards us will softEN.
There aren’t that many humans who will kick a small, affectionate and soothing animal with all their migHT. Although, I can immediately name a few who would do such a thiNG.
If the leader was me or someone from “Knights”, we would’ve unintentionally won so many evenTS, the people around us would probably come to hate uS.
Sora: Yes! It looks like Tsuka-chan loves fighting and winning, after all~♪
Natsume: YeAH. But since the “Old-Fashioned Sports Festival” is a re-enactment of an ancient ceremoNY, negative feelings and danger go hand in haND.
Sora: Yes. It’s a ceremony to cleanse the “bad thing”, but if ill feelings and hatred are gathered in one place, then that would be upside-down thinking instead~
Sora knows it might be too late for this, but we can’t explain that to the others? We can’t work together, make it a fun event and drive away the “bad thing”~?
Natsume: AhaHA. “Something” stained with evil that drives the humans of this land crazy is swirling togethER.
In order for us to cleanse thAT, we need everyone’s happiness and positive feelings, don’t wE?
Those who assert that with a straight face and, in turn, questioned whether they’re sane or not is what we call modern socieTY.
Magicians, aliens and people with ESP don’t exist in this worLD. Those sorts of occult things are simply a fantasy that should be told as a joke to pass tiME.
Sora: HeHe~♪ Master~ You’re saying things that would make people come to their senses like it’s a catchphrase of yours~
But, in reality, Master~ wants to believe in “those” actual things the most, correct?
Natsume: …You see right through mE, Sora.
YeAH. I truly believe it would be nice if “that” exists in this worLD. Something supernatural that we humans cannot fully comprehend nor contrOL…
I think it would be great if “that” could be an ally to humaniTY– No, I wish they were my alLY. With that, life would be much more comfortable and simpLE.
That is the mentality we’ve bore in our hearts since the very beginning of tiME, one where we seek god’s salvatiON – a religious beliEF.
Sora: Hmm~? Master’s speeches are very educational as usual!
Natsume: Fufu. It’s because you’re here listening very intently that it makes it all the more worthwhile to sAY.
(But even so, there are things I cannot tell hIM.)
(If there were some sort of wisdom that would befall humanity, it’s a magician's job to monopolise that and use it for our own gaiNS.)
(Therefore, those existences are the enemy of religious belieFS; in other words, they were hunted down because they were the enemy of all humaniTY. That is the grim history of humaniTY.)
(I cannot make my precious Sora “humanity’s enemy” so, in the end, I must be the one to eradicate thAT “bad thing”.)
(As for whether or not I’ll be able to obtain the power to destroy it or something that will be usefUL, I’ll have to ascertain its quality firST. The “Old-Fashioned Sports Festival” will be the perfect and worthwhile testing ground for thAT.)
Sora: (On second thought, does Master~ actually like the occult? But he must~ Otherwise, he wouldn’t call himself a magician!)
(I’m glad! Sora likes it too! Sora is happy knowing Master~ likes the things Sora likes!)
(That’s why! Sora wants to show Master~ the thing he wants the most!)
(It looks like Sora is the only one who can see it right now, so Sora has to think of a way to allow everyone else to see “it” too~)
(To do that–)
(Hyaa! Hmm!?)
Natsume: ? Sora, what’s wroNG? Was there a moppy piece of Mop-Glasses in the lunch box we got from the agenCY?
Sora: That sounds like a blessing if that was the case~♪ But it’s not that. Sora just got a message on “Hallhands”.
Natsume: A messaGE?
Sora: Yes! It’s a message about the next event? But there’s something fun scheduled to be happening soon during the lunch break?
Natsume: Something fuN…?
Sora: Umm? The thing that they often have at sports festivals. A cheering contest~♪
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£uc!f€r
Originally written April 2022
Masterlist
Ship(s): Lucifer X MC
(genderless MC)
Trigger/content warnings: trauma depictions, guilt
Headcanons/notes from the author: I think I intended on continuing this…? Didn’t happen. Might rewrite or something though. SEASON 2 (PAST LESSON 38) SPOILERS; written under the assumption that Lucifer didn’t get his memories back.
Brief Blurb: (Spoilers) Lucifer cannot recall what caused his nightmares.
A dark, bare room, cold and uninviting, which Lucifer sat in the middle of. The candles gave little light, and he could barely see his own hands when he held them up to his face. A price he was willing to pay… for whatever it was. He couldn’t name it, despite it being on the tip of his tongue. A guilt that drenched his very being as he curled into himself with every panicked breath.
Why was he so… unsettled? Surely he had a reason… he was Lucifer, after all. The morning star, the one humans believed ruled over demons.
Then he heard it, the screams he once heard in not fearful context. He was used to the screaming and shrieking; from day one, they were of a joyful tone… an indicator of fun, child’s play. This was the new norm. Agony coated, shrill screaming and sobbing; no matter how much he tried, all he could do was make it worse. When did he try to make it better? His head felt fuzzy…
Lucifer gasped and clawed at his sheets as he woke. Tears were already sliding down his face as he coughed and choked on his saliva. His body hurt, and his head spun so violently he felt like vomiting. Another dream that he couldn’t understand had brought him to consciousness. “Lucifer?” He startled, whipping his head around to find the source of your voice. “Lucifer, it’s alright. Just listen to my voice,” you cooed, sitting up on your side of the bed. “Was it another nightmare, love?”
The avatar of pride didn’t respond, opting instead to hide in your chest and cover his ears. The screaming had followed him into reality, which often happened, much to his dismay. You very carefully adjusted his body to be in a more comfortable position before placing your hands over his own, hoping it was helping ground him. He soon began to sob, whimpering apologies that you couldn’t comprehend.
Ever since Simeon had placed the ring of light on your finger, Lucifer’s amnesia seemed to worsen. He often forgot more than he initially had, but at the same time he still felt comfort being around you. It didn’t take very long for his insomnia to become apparent. You insisted that you accompany him at night, after Mammon pointed out that Lucifer allowed himself to nap on the couch with you around.
Despite your presence, the nightmares did not cease. Lucifer couldn’t remember many things, but his brain still tortured him as he slept. He had become more like his old self, being gentle with his brothers, letting himself ramble, openly expressing his feelings… but at a price. He could never have a peaceful slumber.
Lucifer had cried for a long while before he finally fell back asleep. You held him still, petting his hair and humming a human world lullaby. If it weren’t for you, he probably would never sleep again. The thought made your stomach twist, wondering what would have happened if you weren’t in a relationship with him. Who else would he have found comfort in?
After a while, he began panicking in his sleep again, and you gently blew on his face until he awoke once more. “Lucifer, maybe we should go do something for a little bit.”
“I’m keeping you up… I’m sorry…” he muttered, red with humiliation. “I’m an awful partner.” You hushed him and brushed his hair out of his face. “_____… I’ve caused you so many problems…”
Sighing, you shook your head and kissed his temple. “That’s not the case. Just relax for me, darling.” You ran your fingers through his hair, using your other hand to hold one of his. “Was it like the one last night?”
He exhaled long and sniffled, then buried his face into your shoulder. “Yes, it was.”
“I’m sorry. Maybe we can talk to someone about making it stop.”
“No… I probably deserve it.” Lucifer wrapped your hand in both of his. “I’m without memory of whatever I did to deserve it, but I’m sure I do.”
“Lucifer—” You cut yourself off when you realized he was crying again. “Lucifer, you can’t keep this up.”
A long pause stretched between the both of you. “I know…”
#lucifer x mc#mc x lucifer#lucifer#mc#gn mc#obey me! one master to rule them all#obey me! shall we date?#obey me!#obey me#omomtrta#omswd#om#fanfiction#darlingficsbycinna#iwannawritelots
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An Arm's Length Away [01]

pairing: Kaedehara Kazuha x fem!reader
content: bodyguard!AU, fluff
words: 2.4k
a/n: Most of the flower and herb names in this work will be made up.
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[One]: Eyes That Talk
➺ Even among those who are willing to look past your reputation, you are not immune to some questioning eyes.
"The weather's beautiful today, (Y/N)."
"Yes, it is auntie." You say monotonously while sipping your bowl of miso soup, already being able to guess where this conversation is going, having gone through it in far too many mornings that it has become almost routine-like.
"It would be such a pity to waste a day like this being here all day, don't you have anything planned? Going to the city perhaps? Why don't you go to Ogura Textiles with me? I heard that Mio has some new kimono designs."
You had to resist the urge to snort at the suggestion. "I'm afraid if I'm spotted roaming around Inazuma City, it would be an unwelcoming sight, Aunt Sayuri. Words can travel fast, who knows what will happen if they reach the wrong ears?"
Sayuri's lips purse. "You're making it sound so dramatic, (Y/N). It's not like the people are going to throw sticks and stones at you."
You set down your bowl with a quiet sigh. "Perhaps not, but it's too close, auntie. I would rather not risk making a scene."
The older woman gaze at her young niece and shakes her head, unable to comprehend whatever is going on in her mind. "You worry too much about the trifling opinions of that person, my dear niece. It has been months, surely many have moved on by now."
You stay silent, intent on finishing your breakfast instead of continuing this dance with your aunt and risk getting into an argument with her like you did many months ago. Sayuri sees the way you avoid her words and cannot help the lines from forming on her forehead. Perhaps she was too optimistic in hoping that the people will have found another event to talk about, knowing far too well just how much they will latch onto something scandalous and hardly ever let the rumors die, especially when it pertains to the noble families.
Sayuri grips her chopsticks tightly as she imagines just how smug that woman must be right now.
"If you change your mind, (Y/N), I will be leaving soon after breakfast."
The rest of the meal is spent in silence.
In many ways, both Kazuha and your aunt are right; the day is too beautiful to not be outside. But instead of leaving the premises of the small estate as your aunt would have wanted, you opt to let the sun soak your body until even your weary bones tingle with warmth while in the comforts of the garden.
You let your fingers graze through some of the growing flowerbuds, smiling in satisfaction at the healthy, verdant color of the leaves.
"I'm glad these Moonflowers are doing well, for a moment I was afraid the storm yesterday had uprooted them."
"Once they mature and bloom, we will be able to bask in their moonlight glow that rivals the celestial body itself," Kazuha says beside you.
You make a happy-sounding hum. "I can't wait to look at them from my room, maybe I can finally convince Aunt Sayuri to open that plum wine bottle."
You drift over to where the herbs are grown, the different aromatic scents mixing together into a heady perfume and in a flash you feel like you are in another corner entirely. Another time and place where things are much simpler, where there are also plants and flowers swaying with the breeze, but there is also a warm hand gently patting your head and a comforting presence giving you a smile as soft as petals.
You close your eyes in defiance of the memories, but they rise like the tidal waves, twisting your heart with their ebb and flow. Kazuha looks at you from the corner of his eyes, the way they become downcast betraying his concern and worry for you. He longs to be able to use more than just his words to make you feel better, something that can ease the creasing of your forehead and turn your frown upside-down. Something that can convince you he is there for you more than his constant presence by your side.
An audible crash and clamor break the both of you out of your thoughts. You both look to the source of the sound, originating from the part of the estate close to the kitchen. You hear bits and pieces of Kana's annoyed voice as it travels down the open corridor, and a moment later you see her walking by, her whole face scrunched up into a scowl.
"Is everything all right, Kana? I heard some sounds from the kitchen," you ask.
"Don't worry my lady, we just had a minor accident with Ayumi. That girl is clumsier than I thought." She shakes her head. "Now I have to help clean up her mess. I just hope I will be able to make the delivery to Konda Village in time."
"Do you mean the herbs that Konda Densuke needs?"
Kana nods. "I was hoping her first day would've gone better, but now I see I have to keep a closer eye on her."
You blink as a sudden thought comes to you. "What if I make the delivery for you?"
Kana jolts, her eyes wide with shock. "My lady, there is no need for that! I cannot ask you to do my work for me!"
"It's perfectly fine, Kana. Konda Village is only a walking distance from here, it would be no trouble at all."
"But-" Before she can continue her protests, however, another sound of something smashing and a high-pitched cry is heard. Kana's face twists in disbelief as she looks at the place where the sound came from.
"Maybe you should go check up on that," you suggest while sweat-dropping internally.
"Then excuse me, Lady (Y/N). Do you know what are needed?"
"I remember. Dewgrass, chrysanthemums, and some crystalwort leaves, correct?"
"Yes, my lady." Something breaks against the floor and you can almost see a vein popping out of her neck. "I better get going." She bows before rushing off, leaving you to begin to harvest the aforementioned plants and flowers.
"Are you sure you want to go the village, my lady?" You hear Kazuha ask as you bend down to pluck some chrysanthemums.
"If it's Konda then it's going to be fine, Kazuha. Besides, my aunt is always nagging for me to get out of the estate, this should satisfy her for once." You stand up with a bundle of golden flowers in hand. "Can you help me with the rest?"
"As you wish."
As the Morimoto Estate is only a walking distance from the Konda Village, it only took you and Kazuha about less than an hour or so to arrive at the gates with the sack of herbs. The serene atmosphere of the place is only broken once in a while by the lively chatter and sounds of the few young children running and playing around.
The smell of freshly-made dye and food cooking over open-air stoves fill the air, and you slow down for a moment to breathe it all in. There's something about this place that makes you feel more at peace than the city ever did, something about the calm way the people go about their day make you feel at ease.
The head of the village, Konda Densuke, breaks into a smile when he catches sight of you. "Ah, Lady (Y/N), it's a pleasure to see you. Are you passing by? Or do you need something?"
You offer a small smile in return. "It's always good to see you too, Densuke-san. I actually have the herbs you requested from my aunt."
"Oh my, you didn't have to go through the trouble of coming yourself." His eyes glint in gratitude as he accepts the sack.
"It's no trouble at all." You wave a hand dismissively.
"Why don't you sit down with us for some tea?"
"Oh no, I simply can't-" Your polite refusal is interrupted by the cheering and hollering of the village children as they bounce over.
"Kazuha-nii-san!!" Futaba and Takeru each get a hold of Kazuha's arms while the rest crowd around him. "Play with us!!"
"Eh?! But I want him to play the leaf flute for us like last time!!"
"Ah guys, wait. One at a time please." His voice is drowned out by the children's shouts, and he can only look back at you with a pleading look in his eyes. Your only response is to give him a closed-eye encouraging smile as he gets dragged away.
Densuke shakes his head affectionately. "Come Lady (Y/N), rest a while. We have a pot of tea ready, and Eri has just made some of her famous dango."
You follow him to an outdoor table that provides a clear view of Mt. Yougou and its towering spires, dotted sporadically with pink and purplish tops of sakura trees. If one stares long enough, they may even catch a glimpse of wispy trails of light encircling the mountains, signifying their sacred nature.
You quietly drink your tea while occasionally chatting with Densuke and the other elders, for once your shoulders feeling light like air as the soothing atmosphere lulls you into its hold. You don't trick yourself into thinking that these people haven't heard the rumors about you, but they either don't seem to care or don't want to bring them up in your presence.
Whatever they think of you, however, the way they treat you respectfully and is willing to interact with you makes you long to pretend for a moment that all is well.
The melodic sound of a flute travels with the wind and you turn around to see the children staring at Kazuha with the widest doe eyes as he brings a leaf to his lips and somehow is miraculously able to makes music from it. Their eyes sparkle with wonder and they cry out for him to do it again, do it again.
You see him chuckling and your heart can't help but be filled with warmth. Kazuha may not be the most talkative person, but it's clear the children love him, and seeing him smiling like that makes you feel such joy that at times it concerns you.
He catches your gaze and something about the way his eyes crinkle and soften, almost unnoticeable, makes your heart involuntarily skip a beat. You clear your throat and take a sip of your tea, more to hide your reaction no matter what you tell yourself.
"Oh, if it isn't Lady (Y/N)."
"Tejima-san." You greet him as you see him walks past. "How are you doing today?"
"Not too bad, I did a couple of odd things here and there."
"That's good." You're relieved to see him looking much more chipper than the last time you saw him, though you can still see the distant look hidden in his eyes, no doubt thinking about his special someone.
"By the way, there are some merchants wanting to buy some dye here, Densuke."
"I see, excuse me then, Lady (Y/N)."
You nod and he gets up to approach a man and a woman with a boy looking younger than you by a few years by their side. The two of them spare a glance your way momentarily, their eyes becoming round for a second before they quickly direct their eyes to Densuke.
The boy, on the other hand, is not doing a subtle job at looking at you. His eyes flit back and forth to you curiously while trying to be discreet, but you notice the way his eyebrows knit together, as if he is trying to place you. There is a flash of recognition on his face, but before it could culminate into anything, the woman had tugged him closer to her while hissing something into his ears, right before sneaking an anxious glance your way. He didn't look at you at all after that.
Your lips become a thin line at their reaction. You're sure you have never met them before, but they seem to know you.
At once, the tea tastes like bitter ash in your mouth, and you want nothing more than to stop the shiver from going down your spine and chill your skin.
Kazuha, ever perceptive, notices your sudden change in behavior and stiffness right away, having witnessed the looks the merchants were giving you.
"Sorry everyone, I have to go now."
"Ehhh??? But we want to play more with you, Kazuha-nii-san!" The children protest.
"I'll play more with you next time, all right?"
"Promise??"
"Promise." He pats Futaba's head and walks over to you. "My lady, I think we should return soon."
You peer up at him, wondering why he wishes to go back when he was having such a good time, but also silently grateful for his proposition. "Yes, I think we should."
You get up and say goodbye to Tejima and the other villagers. On your way out of the gate, you see the children waving their arms at you.
"Bye Kazuha-nii-san! Bye Lady (Y/N)!"
Kazuha waves back, and their innocent and enthusiasm cause a smile to make its way up your face despite your sullen mood. Even so, as you leave, you cannot help but feel several pair of eyes on your back, like a weight on your shoulders.
The journey back is mostly silent, but as you look up at the sky, you pose a question.
"Say Kazuha, do you think the moon will be beautiful tonight?"
Your silver-haired bodyguard closes his eyes in thought, the corner of his lips curving upwards. "I believe that is something we have to see for ourselves, my lady."
That night, when everyone is surely sound asleep and you are still wide awake with nary a hint of sleepiness, you look out of the window – unable to see the moon.
There are a series of barely discernable knocks against the glass panes, and you would have freaked out if not for the recognizable pattern of the knocks. You open the window to see Kazuha standing there with a smile on his face.
"I haven't been able to decide whether the fact that you're so easily able to sneak near my room is concerning or not."
Kazuha laughs softly at your quip. "At least I'm someone you trust. That is, you trust me, don't you?" He offers a hand to you.
"Do you even have to ask?"
And into the night you disappear.
Taglist: @annie315 @tigerpriestess @artificial-heartache @cyberllamaprofessoregg @callmekatt @jaemin-paws @kazukazusbaby
#kazuha x reader#kaedehara kazuha#kazuha x fem reader#genshin impact#genshin impact x reader#an arm's length away#momiji's collection
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C4: Sisyphus happy. Yan Zhongli x Reader

Warning: Yandere behavior, unhealthy relationships
< Sisyphus happy chapters >
“You must follow that sound through the windings of the labyrinth, and, by and by, you will find him.” ― Theseus and the Minotaur
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When did the winds begin to speak and the dust retained memories?
They whisper in the night, like ghosts that caress the skin as your husband thinks you sleep soundly in the dark. “Follow. Follow. Follow where the winds blow and dig the dust that has built, the birds sing of riddles. The earth holds your soul.”
Yet come morning it is all that rings in your head like a nightmare that leaves your skin crawling and your sweat cold as the autumn’s breath, a lone tear falling when your eyes open. “Is it another one of your dreams?” Zhongli’s familiar voice asks, wiping them away with his gloved fingers and you try to think of a time when you have seen rather than feel his skin beneath the clothes, but all there is are touches shared in the dark of the night when not even your eyes can see a single star.
“Yes, I feel like it is ringing in my head like a broken tune.” This simple question and answer becomes more frequent than good mornings in autumn as the routine continues like clockwork. The tea is quite different today, as you have made one for comfort on the cold even though you never tell him that it never helps.
“You should rest for today.” Rest. Rest. Rest. He keeps asking you to rest, and you are thankful because your joints hurt from the cold and you wonder if you are about to be frozen come winter.
“I will after checking on the garden and making the medicine for your young helper, poor boy must be going through a lot in the cold.” You smile and walk beside him to the door ready to part ways, with a promise to be home tonight. Like usual. Like always.
“I’m sorry I can’t stay home to be with you.” His amber eyes are filled with guilt and longing...longing? You wonder why, he holds you at arms length and hides in the dark but looks at you as if you were home, but this is another one of the things you brush under the rug until it is long forgotten as you reply: “It’s okay I love you.”
By afternoon, the winds have stopped their ballad yet it howls with the promise of rain. Your land’s unpredictable weather isn’t much so when you smell its change, but nothing could have prepared you for a knock on the door.
No one has ever knocked on that very same door.
No one, not even Zhongli who simply opens it.
No one has ever been up this mountain, for as long as you can remember.
So curiously, cautiously, with shaking hands you open to peek at the visitor and lo behold a man with hair of fire. “I hear that a herbalist lives in the mountains, I seek a cure for my master.”
“I’m sorry the herbs that I have made are already in the city brought by my husba-”
“I am not here for medicinal herbs, I am here for medicine of an ailing heart and probably mind.” He cuts you off with a sharp gaze, voice firm with resolution as if he knew already what you were to answer before you even dare to open your mouth.
“I’m sorry I don’t cure sickness like that. I make herbs from plants for the ailing body.” You stood before this figure, tall and imposing, as if you are nothing but a mere child who knows not what is left nor right.
“I see…” he mumbles something under his breath, that not even the wind tells you of the words. It is quiet in his presence, hiding and you think if it is scared or did it know that this one is to be trusted? “Then, I am sure that you could lend me a word, rather, so as to not render my journey pointless.”
It is neither a question nor a suggestion, it is an order that you immediately pick up and offer him entrance to your home. You lead this nameless man to the dining where, like the morning before, you make him tea.
“My lord had seen a woman not for what she is, rather what it reminds him of, yet the moment that she has gone he claims her soul to be haunting him as he had tied the lady to a promise not even death can break.” He begins, looking around the house from where he sat, squinting at bookshelves and fabrics. Passing a glance, longer than any other, at the teapot beside you while you brew.
“Her ghost is woven by his own memory, no one has the heart to tell him so, not even I for who am I to halt such a small selfishness for someone who has endured years of loneliness that not even he recognizes.”
The sound of a cup being filled is the only thing that could be heard after, thinking of a way to answer such a riddle if it was. “A tale of a poor soul that cannot pass on to rest where all must go and a lover who holds her captive, one must take the initiative to break the chain of suffering or they are for sure set to madness.” You place the cup before him, steaming and the aroma just perfect that it relaxes the air enough for you to continue such a bold answer if the person’s lord is from a respectable position.
“Would you have let them continue on this path as long as it meant you lord’s happiness?”
“Even if it meant indulging in his madness, yes.”
He looks at the window where the sun has begun to set and the world to be engulfed by night, a thought passing behind those eyes that seem a bit familiar, and takes his hat with new found resolve or was it that he finally got the answer that he was looking for? You would never know as he thanks you for the tea left half empty, and heads for the door.
“As you have given me great advice, I should return the favor lest I am called ungrateful. One should listen to the intuition for it knows more truth than a fragile mind.”
He closes the door behind him, and you run. Run as if something was finally in your grasp, a semblance of something that you cannot begin to comprehend, enlightenment, truth, yet another riddle that keeps you wide awake at night? You do not know, all that will be answered if you had asked the right questions yet when you open the door all that is laid before you is a lit lamp the sound of flapping wings from birds disturbed by your sudden unrest, and finally eternal darkness. Nothing but pitch black beyond the well lit lamp.
When Zhongli comes home, for the first time you hide a secret from your husband. Staying quiet as you dine and the secret rises to your throat like vile poison to be spit out for the world to hear. You swallow it, along with the food that you cannot stomach, then hold it there hoping that it does not rise again as you lay down in bed.
“To love a mortal, one must sacrifice eternity and learn of the passing time and death.” The wind whispers one last time as you lay wide awake at night, thinking of a crane and the dust as it flaps its wings in the air and this time you are sure. Sure as the very bones that creak like a tired machine under your ever so cold skin, that this is not just another dream.
#yandere zhongli#zhongli x reader#zhongli x you#zhongli x y/n#yandere zhongli x reader#yandere genshin x reader#yandere genshin impact#genshin imagines#geshin impact#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#genshin x you#TiredZ Sisyphus happy
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I know it’s scary to think of turning down a job that previously was something you were interested in, but I can’t stress this enough:
The only way things like remote-work activity tracking software won’t become the norm is if people outright refuse to work under those conditions.
I’m not talking about, “Well other people are refusing and I’m desperate,” I’m talking about choosing to continue a job search even when you’ve been searching for months as an act of revolution. I’m talking about going to a soup kitchen or mowing lawns over allowing companies to exploit and abuse us just because we want to work remotely!
This is especially important for abled people to do, especially if you have any kind of savings and aren’t on the verge of homelessness. If you have an even remotely stable way to survive, if they tell you you’ll have to have your activity monitored, you shut that shit down.
“Sorry, I only work for companies that respect my privacy and have some level of trust in my integrity. This company must not be the right fit for me.”
We need to be vocal about not tolerating this kind of shit. Especially, like I said, abled people who are working remotely. Because the actions abled people take in regard to activity monitoring will HUGELY affect disabled people.
Disabled people often rely entirely on remote work, and we’re not necessarily able to make sure we click every 10 seconds, or whatever it is that they want. Someone disabled may need a ten minute break during the work day to handle symptoms of their disabilities. We may need a slightly longer lunch break. We may be slower to read and comprehend a text we’re reading for work. We cannot be subject to ableist working conditions that aren’t even healthy for abled people to work under.
It is your duty to make sure this doesn’t happen by refusing to allow it.
The only people who should even remotely consider working under this kind of condition are those who are literally unable to afford food, have children who aren’t getting enough to eat, and who have exhausted all other outlets such as local soup kitchens and government assistance. And if you’re in that position, I highly encourage you to continue looking for other work even after taking that job so that you can get out of it as soon as possible. And, if you do, be vocal about why you’re leaving.
“This activity monitoring is infringing on my privacy and discounting my integrity as an employee and I’m just not comfortable working here any longer. I’ve found work with an employer who respects my autonomy and am giving my two week’s notice.”
Fight this. Fight it with everything you’ve got.
#psa#civil rights#union#unionize#work#remote work#poverty#disability#spoonie#disability rights#disabled rights#capitalism#ghostpost
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