#and an abuse survivor

[calamitouscarnage]

My world used to one of repression and misery.

I felt isolated and alone. A pariah amongst my people. Never quite fitting in.

I rotted in my husk of flesh. I languished through churches and jails. Through schools and wastelands.

A pariah from my own flesh, entirely disconnected from my body. I rotted in a shell that was never mine.

Those who did take me in were monsters. They saw deep down in me a spark of humanity and they coveted it.

They manipulated me. Inflicted upon me trials and tourment. Controlling my husk like a miserable marinette, they used it. Exploiting it, beating it, gaining ceuel pleasure at the behest of my misery.

Rape.

Repeatedly. Not just by one monster, but several. One of them chained me. Built for me a cage of thorns and told me I would be safe. I stepped in and he carried me far away from whence I came.

In a way he did not lie. I was away from the other monsters. But I was also away from what few things I loved. I was his to do with. A frail miserable thing. I rotted for so long amongst the fields of wind and cotton.

Rape. Beratement. Control. And a few times.

Violence.

Slowly however, things changed. He imposed a metamorphosis upon me. It changed my husk into something I loved. Something I cared about. He told me nothing had changed. But I begun to think differently.

I Convinced him to let me go, to travel back to my valley of heat and rock. I continued to change. Free from the restraints of monsters I felt free. I felt joy.

This disgusted my captor. And in his disgust he cut my chains, and set me free. She will be back he thought.

Freedom.

I carved for myself a better life. I lived and flourished. My body my own, my date in my control. I found community.

A pariah no more. Now one amongst a community. Oh to love and to be loved.

My world is now a realm of dive bars and game stores. Of music venues and rejoice. Of intimate nights and self determination. Of love and understanding and companionship.

Joy.

Monsters in my life no more. People who love me. Uplift me. They took were once pariahs. They too were once husks. No more. We have all changed.

Not all of us make it. Many of us die awful painful existences. All the more reason to be happy, for they were unable to. Many have not even reached out haven. They are still trapped, rotting, and in pain.

We will welcome them with open arms.

We must survive.

We will survive.

We as a community will thrive and weather the storms.

Some day, we will all be free.

I look at my journey and smile.

There is no beauty in this world like queer happiness.

[uncanny-tranny]

Honestly, there is a certain type of fetishizing of violence that occurs when you are the victim of abuse - wherein people talk directly to you about how much they fantasize about your abuser/s dying and being killed - "all abusers must be killed!" they say.

As a victim of prolonged abuse, I never felt cared for when people indulged that information to me. It often feels like my abuse is being exploited for others to enact their own violent fantasies and secret desires - my abuse means nothing to them in the same way that I didn't matter to my abusers. It's not support - it's just another cycle of violence.

I'm begging people to care more about victims and survivors than they do about retribution of abusers. Nowhere along the way should your focus on the abuser outweigh the people affected by their abuse. If you truly want to support abuse victims and survivors, start with us

[absolutedestinyapocalypsse]

if i have to see one more person say that the show downgraded gabe from being abusive to just bad im gonna get my head stuck through a wall out of frustration. sally had to ask him permission to leave her own home with a car she probably pays for as the only person with income. our first impression is him being verbally abusive to a repair person. percy has to brace himself before going inside because he knows it's not safe in HIS own home. gabe ANSWERS SALLYS PHONE WITHOUT HER PERMISSION. he only backs down from making fun of percy when he finds out he was kicked out of school for violence- he's almost impressed. we didnt see gabe physically assault anyone but we have a whole season left to see him go on public tv and frame his own stepson for murder. please please understand that sally yelling back at her abuser does not make him any less abusive or mean he has any less power over her

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...

[locustgirl]

not to be radical or whatever, but i think that maybe calling women and queer people “pedophiles” for fanfiction is actually not the activism you think it is

[witchyykitten]

everyone talks about cutting off a toxic parent

but no one ever talks about the pain of wanting a parent but knowing yours cannot love you the way they should

[the-bar-sinister]

repeatedly sobbing "do what you want forever" as I desperately try to convince myself that it's okay to make small decisions about the short term direction of my life without concern for the opinions of other people.

[girl-in-the-thunderbolt-suit]

Baby reindeer was brutal, triggering, uncomfortable, honest and beautiful. One of the best portrayals of someone with sexual trauma I've ever seen on TV.

[havingagayoldtimeoverhere]

Hell yeah brother

[neuroticboyfriend]

get in bitches, we're surviving rock bottom no matter how much further we dig. one day we'll put down the shovel and climb out of this for good. we have to. as long as we're still alive there is hope.

[lostmf]

[queermystic]

Back to Motel 6. We've got a week paid for with Moms SSI and Mom gets her SSDI on the 3rd which we'll try and stretch out as many days as we can with that.

We used her entire check on the room though and have no money left for Food and Medicine.

Thankfully my Moms Chronic bronchitis isn't acting up right now but the cold weather is wreaking havoc on her arthritis [and mine]. She needs nutrients and she needs medication.

We dont get our food stamps until the 9th and we're probably not going to be able to squeeze any food or medicines out of the SSDI check on the 3rd, we need to keep this room.

I Still haven't gotten paid for babysitting my sisters kids.

She hasn't even turned in the paperwork for the state to process and pay me. She's also holding my ID and Social Security card hostage so I couldn't even apply for another job if I wanted to.

And she stole over a hundred dollars off Moms card between us getting in the room and me trying to walk to the store to get us food and medicine.

I'm not even surprised. She's been financially abusing us for years.

Long story short, we dont have money for food or medicine and don't know when or if we will this month.

If you can help, even a little bit, it would be incredibly appreciated. If you cant help I understand. It's hard for everyone. But please reblog so this might find someone who can help.

PayPal

Ko-Fi

[srapsodia]

Maaaaan, that was close...

[01298283]

[aintnopartylikeaprideparty]

as someone who has experienced abuse from someone with a personality disorder, it's actually incredibly easy to not dehumanize everyone with a personality disorder. i've seen people do borderline eugenic rhetoric surrounding people who have npd, aspd, bpd or other personality disorders, and then be like "I'M allowed to say these things because i'm a survivor, and if you disagree you are hurting abuse victims."

and frankly? i'm tired of it. as an abuse survivor i'm here to say that you're NOT allowed to turn into a fucking eugenicist the moment you're hurt by someone with a personality disorder.

does hurting and belittling other people who happen to have the same disorder as your abuser, people that are already suffering and that are already looked down on by society, bring you any healing? does it bring you peace?

Being hurt by someone isn't an excuse to hurt others that you feel justified in lashing out on. you're literally in control of your own actions,

you may claim to be making a safe space for abuse survivors, but i will never feel any solidarity with you, and i ESPECIALLY don't feel safe with you considering i might have a personality disorder.

you are excluding a large amount of abuse survivors in the name of "advocacy". a lot of people with personality disorders developed one or multiple due to heavy abuse. in the aim of creating a safe space, you are excluding the ones who need a safe space the most.

[give-grian-rights]

hey guys how SHITTY OF A RESPONSE do you have to make, for DreamWasTaken to make a better statement than you? x

i always thought of Wilbur as a fantastic writer and how the fuck did this guy MAKE SUCH A BAD STATEMENT that he got upstaged by DREAM??

This is one of the best things i've ever seen come from Dream. Words, actions, and intent, and to have someone who, for better or worse, has such a big platform support Shelby is just amazing to see.