#and all of the things im not able to say yet will be able to come flooding out
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strkly · 3 days ago
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misunderstanding
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s.m: you and bob were inseparable. until he begins to ignore you and you have no clue why. when you’re injured after a mission gone wrong you’re finally able to find out why.
robert ‘bob’ reynolds x avengers!gn!reader
w.c: 2k
c.w: hurt/comfort, bob being avoidant (but he means well), two idiots in love, hea, reader implied to be an og avenger, no use of y/n, thunderbolts spoilers obv. not proofread and intentionally lower case.
a.n: as soon as i finished the thunderbolts i wrote this LOL. im already working on like three more for him
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After you had all saved the city and had been established as the new avengers you and bob had been inseparable. you had chucked it up to you just seeming the friendliest out of all of them but the looks the rest of the team all exchanged with one another anytime the two of you were around told you they thought otherwise.
you watched movies with him, went to go get milkshakes together, helped him with the chores around the base, there wasn't really a second the two of you weren't together unless you were out on a mission or sleeping.
yet as a recent theres been a shift. hes been avoiding you. its so obvious to not only you but everyone else in the team, he was more than happy to chat with yelena ava alexei hell he’d even rather talk to walker than he’d rather talk to you. the only person also seemingly receiving the cold shoulder from bob was bucky who shrugged when you asked him if he had any clue what was going on.
whenever you would walk into the room and smile at him he stared at you wide eyed before rushing out the room mumbling to himself before you could say anything to him. you tried not to let your heart break show on your face as you watched him flee the room as you had entered. you had been so determined to get him to talk to you today after over a week of nothing from him but watching him run away from you killed any sort of motivation you once had.
the pout only grows on your face as you feel yelena pat your back in pity. “i dont know what i did wrong.” shes quiet for a moment before she speaks, “dont worry im sure he’ll get over this weird phase and you’ll get back to normal in no time.” you look down at your feet and sigh, maybe she was right. you knew he struggled with his mental health maybe he just needed space yet the idea of that being it just made you feel worse. he had always confided in you, told things he wouldnt even tell the therapist he started seeing. it made you feel trust worthy, like the two of you had a bond stronger than words could describe. you like him, you like him so much your heart feels like its about to burst out of your chest at the thought of him.
it was later that same night. you could see the light peering out from under his door. he was up, but when you knocked on his door you were only greeted with silence. “bob?” silence. you sigh before pressing your head up against the door. “i just wanted to say goodbye, were leaving for the mission, me and bucky.” you can hear some shuffling inside at your words, you almost let yourself hope he’s about to come to the door but after a few more beats he still doesn’t respond.
“i miss you bob.” the words spill out before you’re able to stop them, “im sorry, for whatever ive done im so sorry, i just want use to go back to the way we were. i miss you so much, i hope we can talk once i’m back. goodbye.” you force yourself away from the door as the tears begin to pour down your face you don't even bother to glance back at the door as you exit the hallway and down to the area where bucky is waiting for you. he doesn't comment on your tear stricken face, simply just placing hand on your shoulder and asking if your ready to go. with a quick nod you join him on the ship and your off. you silently thank him for it.
what you don’t know is bob is curled up in a ball in his bed, pressing his face tightly against the stuffed bear you had bought him as a gift as he tried to silence his own sobs. it was for the better, he told himself over and over again. you didn't need him, not when you had him, you were better off without him as much as it made his heart ache.
five days. it had been five days since you had left and bob felt like he was losing his mind. he didnt leave his room, laying and rotting in his bed hoping the universe would just swallow him up. it took yelena and walker finally coming into his room to force him out of bed much to his dismay. he couldnt stomach to eat anything, shaking his head and hanging it down like a child clinging his stuffed bear to his chest while they tried. he knew it was a pathetic display but he couldnt find it in himself to care.
the rest of the team stares at him in pity, unsure of what to say. they all knew what he was going through, the only one oblivious to it was you, as walker finally sighed and opened his mouth to speak they all froze at the sound of the doors slamming open. “can somebody call a doctor?” bucky called out and everyone turned to see him enter the room. you were held in buckys arms, all beaten up covered in blood. bobs head spins, he doesnt hear the sounds of everyone asking what happened he doesnt see ava running off to get medic all he sees if you and he faints.
the mission was supposed to be easy. it was easy, until the last guy standing ended up being a mutant neither of you were prepared for. you ended up taking the bigger hit and bucky quickly finished the job rushing to take you back to the tower. your injuries were not life threatening but you lost a lot of energy in the fight and had ended up knocked out for a couple days. when you regain consciousness the first thing you hear is his voice. bob. he’s talking with someone whos voice you an barely make out, based on the brass and tone you assume its bucky. you cant make out what he’s saying but you cant bring yourself to open your eyes just yet.
footsteps ensue with a couple final words exchanged before the gentle opening and closing of the door and suddenly you’re alone with him. you can hear the scrapping of a chair and suddenly his very warm body heat flows next to you, you can feel his hands playing with the blanket as he sniffs. “please wake up.” you still cant open your eyes, maybe you’re still too tired but a part of you thinks you simply want to hear what he’s going to say.
“im- im so stupid. im so so so so stupid. all ive been dreaming about is seeing you again,” you feel him place his head on your stomach and you try to keep your heart and breathing at a regular pace, “i wanna sit on the couch together and watch movies and drink milkshakes and talk about anything with you i miss you please i was so stupid please just wake up so i can hear your voice again.” your chest aches and you fight the frown growing on your face. you open your eyes, realizing his has his face turned away from you. when you go to speak he manages to beat you to it. “i was so jealous.”
his words have you almost gasping before quickly closing your eyes again realizing he was turning his head to look at you. your mind running a mile a minute, you had no clue what he was talking about but his words had you hopeful, you couldnt help but be eager for whatever he was about to say. “he’s so much cooler than me. i get why you must like him, i just,, i just wish i could be the one you like. the one you think is cool but i know im not worthy of that.” what? you almost find the word spilling out from your lips but you manage to stop yourself. “i just couldnt do it anymore, after i saw you guys in the kitchen, you were smiling at him, i couldnt make that ache in my chest go away like you taught me and whenever i saw you it just go worse so i ran away like a coward. im such a loser.”
it finally clicks. you remember.
it was late at night. you had stepped out of your room to get a glass of water. when you got to the kitchen bucky was also there drinking a glass of whiskey, the two of you chatted for a moment and when you opened up the dishwasher to get a glass you busted out laughing at the sight of his metal arm in the dishwasher. “what the hell is that doing in there?” “what how do you think i clean the damn thing?” ‘not in the dishwasher! you’re so stupid bucky.” he walks towards you and leans down to be face to face with you, “thats why you like me doll.” you grin and hit him on the chest, shaking your head. “shut up.”
you opened your eyes once more and realize he had pushed his face to be pressing against your stomach. slightly shaking as he sobbed lightly into the fabric. your heart ached, realizing how sad he must have been. how lonely he must have felt. he freezes when you put your hand on his hair lightly running your fingers through it. “i dont like bucky.” your words are course, its clear your throat is yearning for some sort of hydration but you dont care. his head flys up and he looks at you with his wide wet eyes. your name tumbles from his trembling lips but you still continue to speak. “ive known him for a long time, he’s called me that for forever, he was just joking around with me i dont like him i promise.” he continues to stare at you in shock, his mouth opening and closing like a fish before he clenches his jaw and looks down at the floor, mumbling to himself, “im so stupid.”
as much as it hurts you force yourself to sit up and touch his shoulder. he looks up at you, a much sadder expression having taken over his face. “i love you bob.” his breath hitches, “i love you so much it kills me.” you wait for him to say something back, anything in return but he simply stares. you wait for him, you’re so patience with him he just can’t help himself.
you yelp in surprise when he suddenly laches onto you and you fall back with him ontop of you. you ignore how much your body burns in pain as he shoves his head in your neck. “i love you i love you so much.” you feel so much relief your eyes burn with tears. you can hear him mumbling over and over again that he loves you and it feels unreal, like youre dreaming and youll wake up soon.
“bob look at me.” he reluctantly pulls away from you and stares at you with heart eyes, your hands gently cup his face before pressing your lips against his. he eagerly but sloppily returns it, clearly inexperienced but you cant even find yourself caring as you can feel him brightly smile against you all other thoughts float away from you.
hours later when bucky comes back to check on you a smile falls on his lips as he sees bob laying on top of you and the two of you asleep peacefully, both of you unknowingly smiling in your sleep. he shakes his head before walking away. he pulls out his phone and clicks a couple things before raising it to his ear as he walks down the hall. “you own me 50 sam i told you they would get together.”
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gabi-take-the-wheel · 1 day ago
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my personal spiral down the rabbit hole that is the prosenna tag on tumblr led me to read 'the power and the glory' by david sedgwick and. well. i had a lot of thoughts. well, mostly feelings, but they're still thoughts, and because i am an impulsive being with no self-restraint i am going to share them with the rest of you guys. expect a lot of rambling and incoherent sentences and jumbled rants that make no sense. may the forza be with you.
***
thots while reading tpatg alain: im kinda boring compared to ayrton hehe also alain: *forges weekend pass for funsies to pursue racing* babes pls bfsfr
sneaky little shit (affectionate)
i love how david consistently refers to alain as a "little french guy" like yes he is tiny yes he is smol yes you are mentioning it at opportunity given tf
not them never failing to mention his nose too like ok doja cat i see you
he is a nailbiter thats so cute
"Who could not possibly warm to a man who chooses to call his yacht Wet Dreams?" me tf
"Who is the Prost asshole anyway?" girl bye 😭😭
"Shit, I have to take care of this guy!" and just like that, prosenna was born
"Water, water everywhere" must be the water
senna after a rainy monaco race: i win! f1: um, i think tf not
i know people (read: ladies) thought senna was the shit back in the day but like that was kinda weird to read ngl
tyrell + the media: the french won the french race led by french people because of some french rando waving the flag so the french is to blame! ickx: im actually belgian tyrell: i dont give a FUCK keisha!
them: we call racism! prost: pls i just want to go home and sleep
"Alain Prost. That name again." yes ho the same guy you put up posters of on the walls of your childhood bedroom we know
"Had the driver not been able to extricate himself from the burning wreck, he might well have ended up a Brazilian marshmallow." this is funny to me im sorry
"That most residents are unable to distinguish a Nelson Piquet from a Nelson Mandela hardly matters." LMFAOOOO GET REKT
man f nelson me and my homies hate nelson (senna momentarily possessed me during this idk what to tell y'all)
"Rosberg, Alboreto, Lauda, Piquet, Mansell, they will all cross swords with the Lotus protégé in 1985, but there’s just one driver who Senna is gunning for, one driver that matters: Alain Prost."
cue that one The Office meme: OH MY GOD ITS HAPPENING EVERYBODY STAY CALM (whats the procedure man whats the procedure?) STAY FUCKING CALM
senna documentary 2004: anything senna says, the opposite happens the power and the glory: anything alain says, it happens right so, alain, im gonna need you to say "senna is alive" so that the fcker will come back from the dead and i can interview him to filth with a stick thank yeww
elio: *wins grand prix because alain's car was underweight* wtf just happened
not ferrari ferarri-ing in 1985.
must be the water
'Alain giggles. Selina blushes. Others cringe.' others was senna and me btw
"It is not enough though. Only one thing will quench his thirst: to be acclaimed the undisputed king of his chosen sport, a title currently held by a certain Frenchman." my reaction to this was not in fact normal
"Ayrton Senna had just become public enemy number one." first time?
"When he predicted Senna would take ‘at least ten poles this year’, as usual Prost had been right on the money. Poles will come all too easily, wins less so." i love it when shit he says becomes real
"...back in the McLaren pit in company with that rarely seen creature, Madame Prost." MAMA PROST?!?!!? oh no wait its his wife. MADEMOISELLE PROST?!?!?
prost: i am the best, i am number one senna: and i took that personally
crazy ass nutting because the car felt good 😭😭 1988 equivalent of "shit so good made my dih hard" dawg what 😭 inchident #1
"‘It’s not fair! It’s not fair! It’s my turn!’ By now Ayrton is on the point of eruption." relax ho
mind games aint even start yet and he was already acting up
alain rein it in a bit hes boutta go feral
i need to remind myself that they hated each other's ass back in the day
"Enzo Ferrari is senile. Nigel Mansell thick, his wife ugly and Senna gay." DAMN i just started reading part two calm down 😭 senna is, btw, for prost i mean. the psychosexual obsession tag in ao3 is not there for show yknow
"Maybe they have also found their own worst nightmares: each other." strap on mfs this is where it truly begins
tpatg: there's rain in this race me: *immediately knows who the winner is* i take it back alain won HHAHAHHAHAHA
"Four years later, it still hurts." meanwhile prost absolutely dgaf abt that race bro LET IT GO
"I’m going to blitz him …" this ho's motto for life. what you gonna do when he aint on the grid no more, huh, kill yourself? ...too soon?
dawg everytime piquet is not having a good time senna possesses me and dunks on his ahh like pls stop hating vicariously through me bro 😭😭 like whens it gonna be alains turn to possess me 😔
"Three races into their partnership and already the two drivers are watching one another’s every move like a couple of eagles, worried lest the other man should gain even the slightest of advantages." ong they just don play abt each other 😭😭
that paragraph of piquet's yacht just casually inserted in the middle of a prosenna monologue felt like an "and bumblebee!" ahh moment
the girls are fighting
i know it aint so (tf is this miss yeehaw bad boy all the way across the fcking sky ahh grammar) but like i cant help but imagine senna speaking telepathically to his bestie berger in the back like 'mate i need you to defend tf against him pls its important shit like this give me an immense ego boost as well as an immense boner pls' and berger's just *thumbs up*
"I’m going to lap Alain Prost! At Monaco!" i just know his dih was hard the entire race. inchident #2
"Until an encounter with the Portier corner, that is." the ho just had to one up his teammate now didnt he
ayrton: *in a fucking mental crisis* alain: :P ✌️
i cant believe i just addressed senna by his first name tf
me as i continue to read senna's parts in tpatg: *with dawning horror of the realization* oh no... oh no... he's just like me fr...
who i wish i was like: alain prost who i really am: ayrton senna i will be back within three business days... let me recover from this first
"As for the shining light at sea and the compelling urge to follow its aura into oblivion – that he keeps to himself." not the foreshadowing
on a much funnier lighter note that could've been alain chanting "pls crash pls crash pls crash pls crash pls crash' in his head and then it suddenly manifesting lmaoooo
"‘Psychologically, this was an important win for me,’ grins Prost afterwards." its all about the mind games for these hoes now isnt it
aw nostalgia <3<3<3<3
little man word count: lost count
idk the outcome of this race (yet) so im going to pretend that this is happening just now for me instead of 30 plus years ago, so im keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that alain wins or outqualifies senna at least lol.
im scared to read the next lines lmao.
"I have to be as close to perfection as possible because Alain is always like that too – close to perfection." bro just admitted in front of the whole wide world that alain is the shit. just say youre gay for each other, kiss and move on. god these two keep making me feel things
"‘So Senna says he has to be perfect because of me,’ smiles Prost in response. ‘I’m facing the same situation – I have to be perfect because of him. He wants the championship and he wants to beat me. No problem between him and me. He is quicker and I have no excuses, but honestly I don’t think he is that much quicker.’" i cant explain it but alain is giving it girl here like yas queen slayyy. i love my sneaky little psychological tormentor
"His objective is clear: break Prost’s heart in front of his home crowd." and his back— WHAT WHO SAID THAT
rahhh the girls are FIGHTING fighting ts giving me goosebumps i feel like im watching the race itself
lmao he forgot hes a mclaren driver. its giving carlos missing the williams pit in 2025
YALL TS MAKING ME NUT BRO IM PULLING AN INCHIDENT #1 ONG IT GOT ME SO HYPE
ron: economy mode! prosenna: f the economy i gotta put this ho in the wall first
its funny how nelsons much more interested in them fighting than in winning a race. its giving that one meme where two guys are beating each other up in the back and then one guy is just posing chill in front of them. nelson 'this is what i like to see!' ahh piquet
OH MY GOD HE TOOK THE LEAD OHMYGODOHMYGODOH MY GOD HOLY SHIT HOW MANY MORE INCHIDENTS AM I GOING TO EXPERIENCE
HE WON HOLY SHIT THIS IS THE NUT OF MY LIFE HE ACTUALLY DID IT VIVE LA FRANCE YALL KNOW WHAT IM SAYING LIKE no cus fr im actually getting insane goosebumps rn. tears in my alain prost eyes.
the last line of the french grand prix chapter: Round seven to the Professor. me: slay the first line of the next chapter, the italian grand prix: Prost is finished! Prost is a coward! me: wtf what the hell is this whiplash
if this book so much as mentions a 'wet race' i immediately think of senna, like you cannot lie he is the undisputed master of the rain fr
genuine question why is senna called a young pretender. what he pretending to be, straight? mb mb
"Can anyone stop Senna?" yes me lmfaoooo
"‘It’s over. Ayrton is the new world champion. He deserves it,’ declares Prost after his team-mate takes a facile victory in Belgium – his seventh win of the year." i know for a fact senna started giggling, twirling his hair and kicking his feet when he heard that
damn the number of times alain finished second to senna? i know bro mustve been on a power trip then. fck me i cannot get the idea of him having such an huge ego blast that he starts nutting out of my head. this is all haruchimaki's fault
"...back then, the world champion was decided on the number of wins not points." *immediately starts counting how many wins prosenna has*
"For the first time in a while, the Italian squad believe." was 1988 also the last time they believed? lewis is starting to throw a fit dawg someone save the 2025 ferrari
"...unable to accept being bettered by the younger, hungrier man?" ayo haha lets not insinuate now hold on
"They are hoping, praying for a miracle. Forza Ferrari!" literally the tifosi rn hahhahah
ohohh shit the girly's plotting. i love it when he does that dawg
"Prost can afford to smile: his team-mate has taken the bait." ooooh you devious little man!
not me praying for berger to win
God bless the french LMAOOOO
nah cus alain definitely manifested that, he was like, 'if im not the one who will take senna down today, at least please let it be another french' and it was another french HAHAHAHAH bless you jean-louis
"‘No problem,’ replies Ayrton. ‘I had enough fuel to last.’" i know alain is smiling behind his hand under the guise of biting his nails lmaooo a win is a win
"Not long after that infamous day at Monza where he played such an unwitting role, Jean-Louis will marry the ex-wife of tennis legend Bjorn Borg. Among the guests will be one Alain Prost." bro really said 'gotta pay my respects to my homeboy for ruining my rivals day' HAHAHHAHA
"...fumed a victorious Prost post-race before disappearing into the McLaren motorhome for a ‘chat’ with a very sheepish team-mate.'" oh so the ho actually knows how to be self-aware. this is so me i cannot— STOP SHOWING SIGNS OF BEING MY KIN DAMMIT for some reason though all i can think of is small alain going off at senna pissed off and all and then ayrton is just 'blah blah blah proper name place name backstory stuff' good material for the femprost fic im brewing in my head hehheheeh
"...but are Honda manipulating the outcome of the world championship?" nah its just alain manifesting. pop off queen
nobody hates the french more than the french
"Besides, Balestre has long been thought of as a little unhinged – a garlic-breathing megalomaniac who just happens to wear a blazer." so what that does make mbs?
"...sleep-deprived Prost..." probs the only time i'll ever relate to the guy 😭
"Where’s the fire? Answer: In Alain’s pants!" wtf i just flipped back to the tpatg tab on my laptop and this is the first sentence i see 😭😭😭
little man word count: still lost count. david just loves referring to alain as short now doesnt he. like we get it hes a short king but come on
"Race morning and the bright skies gradually start to disappear behind a cloak of grey. Perhaps this is the moment that Alain Prost knows the 1988 world championship will be heading for Brazil. On a dry track the Frenchman reckons he is more than capable of holding his own, but on a wet surface …" aw hecks nahh its a wet race even alain knows who boutta win this gp we're severely cooked.
something about the fact that senna is good at rainy races makes me feel giddy though idk i just think its pretty neat
"Not a chance in hell." oh shit its about to go down
"The rain is coming, so too a Brazilian rain master." shiiieeeet this made me hype idk why idk i guess i just love rain races and people who master them im sorry alain its just really cool that hes a pro at ts cant help it
yup its a wet race ayrtons obviously winning. guess im on a first name basis with him now. eh, hes sort of earned it
"I made a special effort to be close to Alain" i love taking sentences out of context hehehehhehe
im starting to think ayrton's kink is breaking alain mentally like that guy gets off that shit fr fr can confirm i am ayrton senna
"They all knew that Alain and I were fighting for the championship and I expected them to be nicer about letting us by, but no." my guy really said 'can you guys not im trying to beat the love of my life here'
bro just cry about anything, whether he loses or wins damn
"By turns swearing, weeping, choking, and babbling, their man has become insensible. As he rounds the final corner, Senna gasps in astonishment. There, filling the heavens, is the face of … Christ! The driver becomes hysterical. F***! F***! F***! Both arms flung out of his cockpit, Senna finally takes the flag." he is so dramatic and so me i will never come to terms with this
"‘I would like to thank McLaren and Honda…’ begins an emotional winner, before adding archly, ‘for the big improvement in my car over the last two races.’" HES STILL HOLDING A GRUDGE this asshat i swear stop that youre being too relatable stop it alain pls come back im scared
"There is just one unoccupied seat – directly behind Prost. Senna sits down and proceeds to nibble on the smoked salmon. ‘Hey, you were so far behind me, I felt sorry for you …’ From the adjacent table, Alain Prost has swung around and now rests his hand on his team-mate’s shoulder, ‘… so I let you catch up!’ Much laughter. Senna smiles: ‘That’s very kind of you, because I was just about ready to give up!’ The two gladiators laugh. It is a rare moment of accord, one that will never again be repeated." i... no word for this moment tf? its giving george and max having to sit next to each other at the driver's dinner but george moves his chair far away, but neither of the two here did that obviously, they just sat next to each other. no seriously, the fact that ayrton's seat is directly behind alains? nah fate design ts fr. and they laughing at each other? they're actually sharing a smile and laughing? see me in the air rn boy. see me in the air rn. unbelieveble. and fym it'll never be repeated?? hecks nah man this shit give me the tingles it HAS to repeat. but then again its one of the most intense rivalries to date lets be fr
the number of times i had to give myself a reality check is insane
"No retreat, no surrender." the book of life reference (not i just had to say it)
its not enough for them to win physically noooo they just HAVE to win mentally too
"‘I wanted to win this one to prove a point,’ grins Alain as he and Senna embrace on the podium." THEY EMBRACED I REPEAT THEY EMBRACED I CAN NOW RETIRE IN THE ARMS OF MY BED IN PEACE
"... A watershed moment." what does this mean. is it going to be a wet race? david what does this mean?! help!
"Five years into the future, on a grim May afternoon in 1994, the circuit will bear witness to the sport’s darkest weekend." there was no need to drop this bombshell man come on i was just enjoying their rivalry
"He had been impulsive, they say. He needs to know when to back off, they say." he also needs to know when to stop being obsessed with his team mate like oml most of their spats is because he just has to beat him or he will dnf a nut come on man
"Indeed, on Friday afternoon the Amalfi coastline looks anything but a tourist haven as a band of black cloud appears, stubbornly refusing to return from whence it has come." ANOTHER WET RACE OH MY GOD i just love wet races man its the most entertaining kind of race ever
"It is Gerhard Berger though who snatches provisional pole in the dying moments of the session. Perhaps Ferrari are back in the game after all. Gerhard shrugs: ‘Too early to say. Let’s see.’" our humble king. live laugh love gerhard
"Ferrari have flattered to deceive. Last year McLaren scored a crushing one-two victory and there is every reason to believe that history will once more repeat itself." i was so engrossed in the prosenna battle that i forgot that there is also a wcc and was immensely whiplashed by this lmao
"We should not risk an accident tomorrow. Prost and I should make an agreement: not to cause an accident at the first corner. After the first corner though … The pact of San Marino is thus conceived. 'What do you think? Is it a good idea?’ Prost pulls on his overalls. He has to admit, his team-mate’s proposal makes sense, quite a lot of sense. ‘D’accord. We do not overtake until after the first corner.’ The two men shake hands. Whoever makes the better start come 2pm will have immunity – until the second corner that is." they... actually agreed??? on something?? crazy absolutely crazy i cant believe this is real
"Sunday starts with a bang – a literal one as Berger’s Ferrari catapults into the concrete wall at Tamburello at an estimated 170mph, bursts into flames and then proceeds to ricochet along the wall for a further 100 metres. Race stopped." im telling you guys that corner is evil. tamburello is cursed yall
senna went back on his word oh my god i am on the floor while my heart rate is in the air these two are trying to kill me istg
"The little man feels betrayed." i dont know what moves me to say aww about this, but aww. little alain throwing a tantrum. *deep breath* AYRTON I TOLD YOU TO STOP POSSESSING ME DAMMIT IM GOING TO CRASH OUT STOP IT
and embarassed senna makes a return. i swear hes doing it on purpose so that alain wold yell at him again. i know what you are. we kin after all. no i have not come to terms with it yet
"Ron Dennis can only look on impotently. The McLaren chief senses the stench of civil war in the air. Going on 18 months he has gone out of his way to keep both men happy – a trick that has required the diplomacy of Henry Kissinger, the patience of Mother Teresa and the psychological knowhow of Sigmund Freud." pov ron: pls God im not your strongest soldier pls knock some sense into these idiots pls
"I’m thinking of quitting for good,’ announces Prost." so pissy he’s about to quit. you absolute diva this is not the time to say periodt.  
"Though ostensibly a test, today’s meeting is a rather elaborate marriage guidance session between his two superstar drivers, with Ron cast as marriage guidance counsellor." TS HAD ME SCREECHING AHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAA DAVID!!! DAVID KNOWS WHATS UP HE KNOWS THESE SNEAKY AHH BTCHES ARE BASICALLY AN OLD BICKERING MARRIED COUPLE WE LOVE TO SEE IT
Im scared for ron LMAOOOOOO i hope his marriage counselling works
IT WORKED HAHAHAHHA YOU SNEAKY HO HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA GOOD OLD DENNIS TFFFFF his plan was to make them angry at him instead of each other and it. FUCKIN. WORKED. HAHHAHAHAHHAH OH MY GOODDDDD
Im commentating on their fighting like im watching a reality tv show what the hell lmaoooo. the divorce has begun.
DAWGGG THE DIVORCE. THE DIVORCE IS HAPPENING AAAA IM WATCHING IT ABOUT TO BEGIN AND IT HURTS NOT EVEN ONE SENTENCE INTO THE STORY AND ITS HURTING ME AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
"‘I am very careful to control what I say,’ Ayrton tells the veteran journalist, ‘because I see the danger of damaging other people.’" bfsfr rn boy bfssssssssssssfr rn you aint been controlling sHIT in yo past seasons lets be honest
this is the part where he starts referring to him as frances baixinho lmaoooo
nelson’s still here? Lmaoooo i forgot he still existed lolol
hi jamesss
bro was losing so hard he thinks his only way out is by literally having an out of body experience im creasinggg
"Racing – winning – is everything to Ayrton Senna, almost." almost was not enough apparently he lives and breathes and nuts on that shit
oh my gad. he left. hes in ze ferrari. waeouw. supearb. i am now saying my prayers. hows senna doing.
dawg i feel bad for alain like im the one being beaten by senna pls ferrari work well for my guy before you start ferrari-ing again pls pls
oh theyre still teammates lmaooooo i thought alain had already left
"Prost rolls his eyes…" ok divaaaaa
"Poor Alain, so sad to see a great champion looking for excuses. A shame." poor alain is right babes stand upp quit moping and get to workk
oh my god whenever theyd go wheel to wheel im on the edge of my seat its like im watching a replay even though im not im just reading 😭😭😭
BOOMSHAKALAKAAA YES GAWDDD. YESSSS. im sorry ayrton but a win is a win. a win is a win.
…oop. he broke the trophy. relax!! you can get a new one made ron calm down. eughh i can feel alain’s sheepishness through my laptop screen grr. i can almost see senna smirking about small satisfactions and small victories in small battles, and, honestly, understandable, he's had a shite day
not the fisa adding fuel to the fire 😭😭😭
oh my god the next chapter is suzuka 89 😭😭😭 stop the planet im getting off
"‘So, when he retires yet again from the next race at Estoril, some fear for Senna’s sanity. ‘Who put the f***ing right-rear wheel on? Who?’" about damn time he starts getting pissy honestly
"Prost does not even figure in his calculations, not anymore." holy shit this is rare as fuck somebody write it down and take a picture
"‘Both men, believe you me, are driving on the very edge of their personal abilities,’ remarks James Hunt in the BBC commentary booth.’" AHHHH james you dont even know the HALF of it. asdfagaj ts got me scaling my wallss tffff
im scared i cant read im scared its the same with the french grand prix so im pretending it happens for this first time this year instead of 30 plus years ago somebody help
"‘Senna could lull Prost into a false sense of security,’ muses James Hunt, as prescient as ever. ‘He could then catch him unawares,’ adds the Brit.’" PERIODT!!! PE. RI. ODTTT!! OH MY GOD.
im scared for the next line oh my god senna is going to try something i just know it i swear if this is the part where they crash i will ascend good motherfuckin bye
"Had not Alain promised not to open the door this weekend?" dont count on it girl he motherfuckin hates you now dont count on it. theyre going to crash arent they? Shit.
and they crashed. i knew it. i. motherfuckin knew it. i *clap* knew *clap* it. I KNEW IT. SABIA. LO SABIA. i cant with these motherfuckers i swear
oh hes playing dirty rrr i love to see it. DONT EVER CALL YOURSELF BORING AGAIN ALAIN YOURE A SNEAKY LITTLE SHIT AND YOU KNOW IT
IT WAS GOING SO WELL TFFFFFF
AAAAAAAAAAA I CANT READ THE REST IM TOO HYPE RN IM GOING TO TAKE A SHOWER TO COOL OFF AND THEN COME BACK ISTG
(im back btches) HE DIDNT WIN HE WAS DISQUALIFIED RR. hooo okay we can calm down. neither won so im kinda disappointed but at least my heart can relax we can calm down ayrton is pissy ngl i would be too just kin things but i dont care we can calm down. God the hos werent lying this WAS their most heated moment. hooo gave me goose bumps fr so much i had to take a shower before continuing
"Senna v Balestre: the immovable object v the irresistible force." not ayrton always beefing with the french ho relax
"‘What the f***! This is ridiculous!’ Senna is on his feet, Dennis too. ‘Mr Senna, sit down! Sit down!’ He will not and does not. The driver is incensed. ‘You screwed me at Monaco and now you’re screwing me again!’ Accusations fly on both sides. With emotions running high, the hearing threatens to descend into chaos. Dennis and his legal team are taken aback: ‘Like preparing a case of shoplifting, and then being hit with charges of rape and manslaughter!’ says a shocked CEO of McLaren International. Judgement deferred.’" SHIT they fighting in the fia courts too 😭😭😭 the only thing im worried about though is the backlash alain is going to get for this im so scared for my queen somebody please protect him
"Given the vibes that had not been entirely unexpected." me when im reading tpatg
"‘They are treating me like a criminal,’ Senna tells the press, eyes moistening, the voice trembling." stop the whiplash that im getting this is where the media starts portraying alain as the villain isnt it? aw hecks nah man i cant do ts anymore. on the flip side, STOP DOING THINGS I WOULD DO DAMMIT SENNA PLEASE WE’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO RELATE TO EACH OTHER FUCK
"Nigel Mansell wades in too when he describes a ‘certain individual’ who has ‘got away with so much in the past and now it has come to a head’." nigel comin through my man thats my homeboy right there
"‘The sonofabitch blocked me!’ hisses the Brazilian. ‘He did it on purpose!’" i get insane whiplash whenever hed swear man
"Berger (and of course) Prost are adamant the race should not start and say just that." oh so now his bestie up against him too everybody just a senna opp atp
"While all around him heads are lost, Senna remains in his car with all the serenity of one who has found peace within. Now to put the plan into action." nahhh now im trippin immensely. he thinks of alain as such a sore loser when he is one himself. this is the craziest divorce i have ever witnessed to DATE
"Jenks also notes that F1 drivers are supposed to be amongst the elite, the best of the best. They are also paid more than enough money to prove as much. If that means racing in ‘diabolical’ conditions, then so be it." tell it to the past dead drivers’ graves bro, tell it to senna in 94. bfsfr rn man.
"1989 – F1’s annus horribilis – ends with Alain Prost as its world champion. Senna has to settle for the runner-up spot." i hate the shit we had to go through to get here, but a win is a win. a win is a win.
"Instead, he is consumed with Suzuka. It is all he talks about, night and day." and the ho is back to pondering. pop off ig senna.
"On the one hand the prospect of family life and marriage, on the other unfinished business in the world of Formula 1. He spends many days and nights in deep contemplation." contemplation of what, racing is practically in the man’s blood, sweat and jizz, i know the outcome of this contemplation
"And to think Nelson Piquet reckoned he was gay!" well he aint that far off ngl. that's probably the only real thing he ever said in his entire career.
"1990 is on. Prost v Senna III." aw shit. here we go again
"With a revitalised Frenchman declaring he feels like a ‘new man’, 1990 promises to be a vintage year." im sCARED. DONT JINX IT.
awww gerhard bless you such a sweetie compared to your monster of a teammate and his stubborn headed rival. YEAH THATS RIGHT IF THIS WAS A KINDERGARTEN I’D PUT BOTH OF YOU IN TIME OUT CUS THE BOTH OF YALL JUST DONT KNOW WHEN TO QUIT GODDAMN. im now mad at the both of them
"The FIA president laps it all up: ‘I would have come here on a stretcher just to annoy that lot,’ chuckles El Presidente, blowing kisses to a huge crowd of jeering Paulistans." no wait because who is this cheeky diva. he's problematic clearly but this was funny ngl. mohammed ben suckmydick could never
"The perception that Prost wins by default has haunted the Frenchman throughout his glorious career." nah cus same here pls this shit scares me ong
"Although well used to the attention, it is always a shock for this highly religious man to comprehend the effect he has on so many people. Often accompanying the letters are the types of photos that would make his mother blush. The messages, too, are to the point: My husband is away tomorrow afternoon; please I must spend just one afternoon with you … The half-smile. He selects another letter. This time the accompanying picture comes straight out of the pages of Playboy: I have loved you and only you forever. I want you …" nah cus the insane whiplash i got from reading this threw me off. there was NO need to put this in the book david. NO need.
pls let gerhard have a win pls i am taking a break from prosenna as i read this book because they are not doing wonders for my cardiovascular health pls bergie's a sweetheart let him cook
"All that hard work starts to pay off. Prost takes consecutive wins at Mexico City, France and Britain. Ferrari are on the move. Suddenly Senna’s world championship is under threat. As of Britain, Alain has 41 pts to Ayrton’s 39." shiet. i know i said id take a break but. shiet. dont tempt me. dont tempt me now ho dont tempt me.
"‘Will you guys ever bury the hatchet?’ The question comes from nowhere. A hush descends upon the Monza pressroom. A frozen stare from Senna, a frown from Prost. The question hangs in the air. Like a couple of sweethearts on their first date, the two men glance coyly at one another. Prost offers a nervous hand. Will Senna take it? Yes! Much to the delight of the media, the two men finally shake hands. The feud is over, for now. ‘We are both professionals who share the same passion,’ says Prost. ‘It is a start. And yes, I was moved by it,’ says Senna. So, friends again – at least for now …" NO BECAUSE I WAS FOUND ON THE FLOOR WHEN I READ THIS. I DIDNT EVEN READ IT PROPERLY, SKIPPED A FEW LINES AND ZEROED IN ON ‘SWEETHEARTS’. DAVID WHAT IS THIS WORDING. MONZA PRESS PEOPLE WHAT IS THIS QUESTION? DID YOU GUYS JUST MANAGED TO PULL OFF A LEGENDARY MYTHICAL TRUCE? I SAID DONT TEMPT ME HO I SAID DONT TEMPT ME NOW. GIRL I CANNOT. I AM READING THAT ‘LIKE A COUPLE OF SWEETHEARTS’ LINE OVER AND OVER AGAIN. SEND ME INTO CARDIAC ARREST WHY DONT YOU IT WOULD BE MUCH EASIER TO DEAL WITH THAN WHATEVER THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH YOU TWO HELLO????
hello james. hows it feel like to comment on this hellhole of a season.
"‘He [Senna] is a great driver,’ gushes Nigel. Ayrton repays the compliment. Prost’s reaction is best described in the words of Autocourse who note that the reigning champion, ‘looked as though he wanted to throw up over the pair of them’." its giving ayrton being immensely allergic to proquet in the 80s lmaooo. I know for a fact alain be complainin to elio’s grave rn.
"‘He [Prost] is very good at getting people on his side,’ adds a driver under no illusion as to his position in the Ferrari hierarchy. More tensions. Prost, for his part, suggests Nigel play less golf and spend more time in the garage." he’s just hella good at this psychological bullshit now, isnt he?
not suzuka again im boutta spin off the floor my god
"He thinks long and hard about many things: Balestre, the FIA, Formula 1, Prost, tomorrow’s race." uh yeah um uh question, how hard exactly? no i refuse to elaborate on hard thank you
"After several hours obsessing in the dark of his hotel room, he comes to a momentous decision: you work hard and try to do your best and they screw you. If Prost takes the lead at the green light tomorrow, I will take him out. Besides, he still owes the French driver for ’89." ah so EXTREMELY hard is the answer, got it. still refuse to elaborate
"Before he can continue, Senna is out of his seat. He cannot believe what he is hearing! Isn’t that precisely what he had done at last year’s race? Precisely why he had been disqualified! Precisely why he and Ron Dennis had been back and forth to Paris over the winter months arguing their case! Silence. All eyes on Senna." i know for a fact the rest of the drivers on the grid are eating the drama up
"If Prost takes the lead, I’m going to take him out." this race is going to shit isnt it. man these two cant just— gerhard? gerhard where are you? gerhard come pick me up im scared
"Prost opened the door ajar and Senna went for it. Déjà vu. Alain should have known better, and so should Ayrton. They’ve only got themselves to blame." FACTS tf these two just gotta gravitate towards each other every time they’re on track i cannot, not anymore im done gerhard come back here
"He is greeted by ESPN reporter John Bisignano, the man who routinely refers to a certain driver on the grid as ‘Elaine Proust’." this is funny though ngl this is how im going to refer to the guy from now on. on a more serious note has senna used this against alain and if he has how many times has senna used this against alain
"Nelson Piquet eventually wins a race described by Autosport as ‘one of the most tedious GPs on record’." once again i forget hes still here lmao im too engrossed in the prosenna rivalry lol
"When told of his former team-mate’s threat to retire, the Brazilian, usually a model of restraint, launches into an astonishing attack on his rival." this ho refuses to let him go dawg LET HIM GO. LET HIM GO— its his fucking life if alain wants to retire he will retire you can exist without him on the grid– okay, thats a lie, this is ayrton motherfucking senna we’re talking about here his entire life revolves around alain who are we kidding here why am i even fucking surprised tf
"Although nobody could have known it at the time, 1990 would prove to be the very peak of Ayrton and Alain’s bitter rivalry." please tell me this is a sign that it will start to mellow out
"Decisions, decisions. Such is the nature of Formula 1’s shifting sands, it only takes one bad call to jeopardise an entire career. Just ask Fernando Alonso." there was no need to dunk on the guy 😭😭😭
"‘Perhaps it won’t work, but we both want to try,’ announces a sober Brazilian, sounding like one half of a married couple." lmao i think we all know who the other half is. prosenna never beating the married allegations fr fr
not the ferrari ferrari-ing for prost. this must be what team lh must be feelin this year and what leclerc fans have been feeling practically all their lives
"Ayrton Senna has his third world championship in four years. Elation. Relief. Who could have guessed it would be his last?" not the foreshadowing again
"If you get f***** every single time you are trying to do your job cleanly and properly by other people taking advantage of it, what should you do? Stand behind and say ‘Thank you, yes thank you?’ No, you should fight for what you think is right and I really felt Iwas fighting for something that was correct because I was f***** in the winter and I was f***** when I got pole. I tell you if pole had been on the good side last year, nothing would have happened." aw hecks nah he’s popping off again i know for a fact ron regrets not media training him.
thank god he got sacked ferrari was going to shit anyway
"Prost catches the drift. A wholly French Formula 1 team. Hmm … where has he heard that one before?" lmao not the renault french civil war flashback 
bro got fired because he was sassy af i love to see it like okay charli xcx play 365 
there was a female f1 driver? dang, imagine the possibilities and opportunities this coudlve unfold… too bad she failed to qualify man :( i now have a new reason to be smad
"He is not the only one left cold at the news: ‘Just who does Prost think he is that he can walk into the best team of the day?’ asks an angry writer in Autosport’s letters page." ok ho, is you a driver? uh huh i thought the FUCK not btch okay square up
"Boom! A Budapest bomb erupts. Mansell quits!" a budapest bomb is right, cus what? wtf hes actually retiring. what do i do with this information?
"Mansell and third-placed Berger stare impotently ahead." they really said ‘we do not exist in here we will pretend we are somewhere else and ignore this raging idiot next to us we do not claim him and his energy’ lmaooo
"For once, the mighty one is wrong." well thank God
they just not never think about each other now, do they?
the girls are fighting once more and now the limits of my cardiovascular health are being tested. somebody pray for me. how they even managed to become friends towards the end of the year will forever be a mystery to me
hes like ‘idgaf man, sennas all the way in the back, this lead is just a bonus for me lol’
"Hasn’t he always believed in driving just as fast as it takes to win and no faster?" thats because his teammate was ayrton dawg, with senna there was a need to be fast, with damon, bless the guy, alain can relax. huge diff
"‘Boring’ says old sparring partner Niki Lauda, adding that ‘viewers can’t even keep awake long enough to switch off the television’." translation: prost domination be boring fans. welcome back king. also hey niki how you doin
"Post-race Alain’s anger is evident for all to see: ‘Just take a look at the video,’ growls the winner. A seventh win of the year at Hockenheim all but seals Alain’s fourth world championship." but he wins regardless ok let the boy rage
"While such tactics hardly endear him to the fans, it’s mission accomplished for one of France’s greatest sporting icons." WRONG it endears him to ME LETS GO ALAIN LETS GO
"They are going out in the same way they started, at the front, way ahead of their rivals." this gets me emotional oh my god for all of my slandering and hollering and hyping and cheering i will forever miss and cherish this rivalry dawg. prosenna you are very dear to me <3
"Lauda, Rosberg, Mansell, Piquet, Berger and more recently Michael Schumacher – great drivers and formidable foes each and every one, but Ayrton Senna has only ever had eyes for one driver, only truly feared just one man: Alain Prost." no because im actually going to tear up, this is so heartwarming to me tf 😭
"On the Adelaide victory podium all is forgotten. Senna hauls his rival on to the top step. His eyes are glassy. It all ends here. In an odd way he feels an emptiness, as if he is losing a part of himself today. All the rancour, the bitterness is swept aside; just Ayrton and Alain. Nobody else has ever mattered, not really. Embracing, it is as if both men sense that their eternal struggle has paradoxically brought them closer together, closer to an understanding of themselves. Neither man will ever step on to the Formula 1 podium again. It will be a last embrace. End of an era." and you’ve done it. im crying now. oh prosenna my prosenna you will be very dear to me. if i ever have a girl child im naming her prosenna i do not care i love them very much for all of their ugly fights and clashes and rivalry and murder attempts at each other you cannot deny that it was what truly made them special as well as entertaining nobody will ever do it like them ever again bro NObody fr
"All the rancour, the bitterness is swept aside; just Ayrton and Alain. Nobody else has ever mattered, not really." NO BECAUSE LET ME ZERO IN ON THIS THOUGH THIS LINE WILL FOREVER HAVE A PLACE IN MY HEART IM PUTTING THIS ON A TSHIRT
AHHHH THE PICTURE MONTAGE HAS ME ROLLING MY SHAYLAS I LOVE THEM SO MUCH
awwwww niki and alain :((((
"A typically nonchalant Prost during Brands Hatch testing 1986. © Peter Denton" og nonchalant queen
"Smiles were a rare commodity at McLaren during the Senna–Prost years. Here at the 1988 San Marino Grand Prix, the veneer was holding – just. © Getty Images" NO BECAUSE WHAT WAS THE CONTEXT BEHIND THIS PICTURE THO???? when i see alain in real life, because i will and he will live to 200 trust me, i will ask him about the picture.
"End of an Era: The 1993 Australian Grand Prix would prove to be the last time either driver ever set foot on an F1 podium." AAAAAAA MY SHAYLASSS AAA MY SHAYLAS I WILL FOREVER LOVE THEM 
aaaaaaand i finished the book. all i have to say is, what a read, and, these two have been both the greatest comfort to me as well as the biggest pain in my ass. God bless the Prosenna rivalry, God bless David Sedgwick, God bless Alain Marie Pascal Prost, and may Ayrton Beco Senna rest in peace.
a more accurate description of my thoughts after reading the book would be ahsdyuaasocqagwuydgsygcygasuygayusdvyu qywe c8g w8fe wdycugsuydc uasg yua  aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
***
and scene. thank you for your time.
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ravenpoets · 3 days ago
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*possibly thunderbolts spoilers maybe
okay so here’s my take on this because there’s been so much discourse about it the past couple days and its actually crazy😭 the thing about media and fanfiction is that you can pretty much ship who you want to and interpret a work however you see it or want to. whether that be romanctic, platonic, whatever. after watching thunderbolts a couple days ago, personally i do see yelena and bob as more like platonic soulmates type thing and i don’t see any romance there. but if people do, again that’s totally fine. i’m just going off the comic that yelena is aroace but marvel hasn’t confirmed that so if people want to ship her and bob then that’s what they can do because it’s a movie and a piece of fiction and people are allowed to interpret it in any way they want to after seeing the movie. i think people saying it has to be one or the other and hating on what people like doesn’t really sit right with me because that’s the thing about fandoms is that there’s can be a bunch of different ships, head canons, and opinions and people can still get along because we all share a common interest of something, especially on tumblr! but i just had to say this specifically after watching thunderbolts (an amazing amazing movie if you haven’t seen it yet pls go see it) and coming onto tumblr/tik tok and seeing all the discourse im just like let people like what they like 😭 and if you don’t that’s totally fine, you’re not obligated to, but i hate that people are lowkey fighting about it and we honestly should all just be able to like what we like without judgment yall know what i mean?
ok that’s all if you read all of this thank you and like whatever you like from this movie, whatever that may be 💖💖
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radioroxx · 1 year ago
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in. clover lives aus or aus where they choose to live in the underground whatnot. i think more ppl should play with the idea that their friends know Jackshit About Humans. please and thanks
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stranger-theory · 8 months ago
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"i feel so bad for Will :(( he loves Mike sm but he deserves someone better-"
SHUT UUUUUUP. if Mike's dealing with being queer, why do you expect him to handle that calmly. like i genuinely DO NOT understand how its so hard for people to grasp that Mike is dealing with as much trauma as the rest of the gang. "okay but if thats true then why isn't it ever shown" buddy thats the same as asking why the Upside Down being stuck in 1983 hasn't been revealed yet.
it's necessary that mikes issues are held back from being public knowledge because they're critical to the storytelling of the character.
we see the outside view because we're supposed to be satisfied when his character finally makes sense as his story concludes. we're supposed to look back at all those times where Mike did something upsetting and say "ohh, he was stressed because he never let himself feel".
Mike being gay flips the tables entirely when it comes to reasoning behind his actions.
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nyxi-pixie · 2 months ago
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actually incredibly funny to me that ranpos entire thing centres on how his intelligence is not because of an ability or any other great thing, its just him. hes entirely, completely, inarguably human. and Yet, when it comes to dazai, so many people are Desperate that there just Has to be another explanation. his intelligence cant just be that hes unusual, no it must be a marker of separation, of difference so great it disallows the reality of his humanity.
#dazai osamu#ranpo edogawa#bsd#sorry hating on main again. AND about to put 3 billion tags on this bc i have shit to say thats not well worded enough to be its own post#asgr cooking up shit about being that smart that young in places that dont accommodate it in a healthy way#(ranpo being disliked by adults bc hes smarter than them and dazai doing god knows what and then joining the mafia and directing it all#towards violence.) and then everyone only accepting it for ranpo but not for dazai is Crazyyy.#anyway. it leaves them Lonely which contributes to the inhuman feeling. FEEEELING!!! not reality#theyre going to feel beyond understanding bc their intelligence puts them ahead. theyre going to be easily bored bc things dont shock them#etcetcetc.#and then this is countered for both by ranpo finding fukuzawa who makes his own way to allow ranpo belief in his own humanity by#telling him hes Different in a Special Way rather than being some kind of monster by telling him that its all just an ability. (whether tha#is his best idea is. beside the point) whereas dazai has chuuya who doesnt need to be an intellectual match to surprise dazai and be#able to figure him out ('i know how you work' line in sb is fucking insane given the whole ln everyones like omg hes beyond understanding.)#theres still always gonna be moments where they feel Aside from humanity bc they dont think like normal people (hence the way dazai talks#abt humanity in dead apple. as fascinating and not worthless but still as distinct from himself and ranpo is 'im better than you'ing his#way through life.) but it IS just a feeling.#anyway!!! part of the reason their dynamic in particular is so sweet is bcccc ranpo is entirely human and hes that smart just by himself!!#and dazai tests it to check if its an ability but its NOT and you Can be intelligent in a way that seems impossible for human beings#and it doesnt disqualify you from humanity.#wahh#theres a lot of stories within bsd that work like this. investigating the things that make us feel outside of humanity#and then saying despite despite despite you will never be anything but. no matter how different you are you will always be at your core#a human being. and yet the fandom is OBSESSEDDDD with putting a bucket on their head and going SECRETLY A ROBOT! SECRETLY A LIVING ABILITY#SECRETLY AN ILLUSION THAT EVERYONES ALL SEEING!!!#like good god does it not get tiring#'dazai manipulated people too good this week. he knew too much info and is too good at things for a 15 yo so ive decided hes the book'#what the fuck are you saying
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rebornofstars · 6 months ago
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if anyone seeing this post is under the impression that not attending university lectures is fun and edgy. let me paint you a picture. you are going to look at your calendar one day soon and realise your final is in 38 hours and you still have 17 and a half hour long lectures to watch and take notes from.. and while this is possible to achieve it's not exactly relaxing. yeah i'm still fine-tuning my academic skills what abt it
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puppppppppy · 10 months ago
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Was nobody gonna warn me that I would fall a little bit in love with every character in Stardew
#I am literally following them around and getting excited like a little puppy its insane#I cant decide who I wanna marry I like all of them… I was a little torn between Sebastian and Harvey at first but now Alex is an#unexpected fav??? and I like Elliott and Sam theyre so goofy.. and I appreciate how down to earth Leah is#Emily is also quickly growing on me she feels like the valleys manic pixie dream girl to me. or at least Clint’s manic pixie dream girl#the only characters I don’t have much to say abt are Shane and maru.. Shane’s still a little mean to me like I know he warms up to u as#u get to know him but I’m not there yet.. and I’m just not all that interested in Maru sadly#it’s not just the marriage candidates its almost all the NPCs especially Granny Evelyn SHES SO NICE?? shes fun to talk to I love giving#her my best flowers.. I also like saying hi to Willy and Marnie they’re nice!!! I love Marnie’s smile it’s so cute#I’m also fond of gus after seeing Linus’ 2 heart event that was so sweet of him… mister gus I’ll give u my best ingredience……..#I’m too busy trying to finish the community centre and make money before I go around marrying anyone or building up friendship#so I haven’t had a lot of time to get to know everyone ;w; I’m trying to trigger the wizards heart events now that I’m at like 9 hearts#with him cuz I wanna be able to move my buildings around#I actually have 2 saves rn one on my brothers pc and one on iOS. but the one on iOS is cosmos file and it just playing as him as a character#not as myself and I think he would marry Alex. but my pc save is my personal file so I’m marrying Harvey#until my pen gets fixed I’ll be drawing at a snails pace pairing the stupid thing but Im making cosmo a ref definitely#I kinda wanna get to know Pam too.. she’s like rough around the edges but in a jaded way I wanna know what she’s like yk#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#Stardew#yapping
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pidgeonlaguz · 23 days ago
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howdy!! it's been a minute but i'm still around. fair warning-- i have been lurking the whole time and have about. 100+ posts drafted 😵‍ you'll be seeing these shortly, i'll try my best to space them out as i get around to tagging them
#tldr im fine it's just been a lot lately and i havent had the energy to tag anything#which!! i like being chatty in the tags and i try my best to say at least something cool about any art or fic i rb#when you're running on 0 tho.... it gets hard to keep that energy up yk???#long version: (if anyone is reading this ty but feel free to drop off at any point it's kinda heavy and just a vent)#hit the 'one more minor inconvenience and im running off into the woods forever' point about five major events ago yet we're still truckin#firstly: found out two months ago (february) that i needed 6 credits worth of college by june to keep my teaching license for next year#so accelerated online graduate courses were the only option and i have since done more work for that than my 5 year undergrad#im almost done with the second class but im so fuckin drained dude i havent been able to really draw/write or play music or sew or anything#everything i do try has either been hit with the executive dysfunction or turns out Bad enough that i get frustrated#shortly after i found out the nice old guy downstairs died my upstairs neighbor who i cared a lot about died. last week and im still waitin#to find out when the funeral is from her son. ive been taking that kinda hard since i feel like i should have checked on her#my parents are moving 17 hours cross country to move back to where we are which is nice but ive been hearing about all their stress with th#house sale on loop by this point whenever i talk to them. which fair they managed to sell the house in a week when we thought itd be months#got smacked with thousands of dollars of surprise car repairs out of nowhere to get my inspection sticker and am still trying to recover#and petty things: lost my favorite piece of clothing and broke my glasses last week while running tech week for the kids#idk man any one thing at a time i could've toughed out better its just been all at once#anyways like i said i'm still truckin and will probably delete this (or at least the tags on it) later had to get all that out somewhere#messenger pidge#if anyone did get this far down thank you for watching me yap <3 i promise im good and will be back to normal shenanigans soon hopefully
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nabaath-areng · 8 months ago
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Sometimes I think to myself "actually maybe I'm exaggerating the terror I felt from being stalked", but then I remember that the person in question followed me and waited for me outside my school every day, tracked me down on every website I'd spent even the slightest time on, left physical letters in my mailbox, sent creepy as hell novel length messages on a near daily basis on FB. And then when I was living abroad and I answered the phone I told the caller to text me cause I couldn't hear, after which I had to read "I was saying that you would probably be VERY scared if you knew who's calling... hehe" with my own damn fucking eyes...
And then I'm like yknow what nevermind!!!! the fact that I'm still terrified of being perceived and seen in public not just IRL but also FFXIV might be understandable actually!!!
#im not saying its what caused my psychotic breakdown cause there were many factors#but needless to say it played a HUGE part especially surrounding the debilitating paranoia i was left with for years#i should mention that i only learned LAST YEAR that this person supposedly gave up according to them#by an old mutual classmate (the only one im still in contact with sadly because this person destroyed all the connections i held dear)#(we were classmates for years and this fucked me up cause we were friends for years before it all went down)#but yeah so last year they gave up apparently and it started 2012.#id managed to evade their notice online since 2019 when they last contacted me on facebook and i assumed id simply shook them off#given the habits i developed as a result of it that still affect me in ways i hate#but yeah its only been about a year of feeling relatively safe for the first time since 2012... and even then only relatively#cause i have no idea how permanent that is. and i dont dare to fully relax knowing what the person is capable of in terms of violence#hysterically tumblr is one of the very places online where they never found me it seems#but yeah. apparently they can just move on and here i am meanwhile still feeling the effects#such as feeling like im drenched in ice even in fucking *ffxiv* just because someones targeting or emoting at me#even though its never actually a problem! its a normal thing! and yet that brief moment of dread and fear seems to stick#IDK WHY IM RANTING ABOUT THIS I WAS JUST REMINDED AND. AURGH#awful. horrible. hopefully itll be fine forevermore and that ill be able to relax one day#silvi talks
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adashulaz · 2 months ago
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I love any and all Adam content but one thing that bugs me is art of Adam surviving the blast and he has like minimal scaring and is only missing like one arm, one eye, and possibly deaf in one ear. It mainly bugs me because he wouldn't look like that.
The Ion cannon(I think that's what Sendak and his fleet used) is STRONG asf compared to the technology the Garrison has. Like we know it's powerful based off of fights with Voltron but against Earth, it'd be like having the sun thrown at the planet like it's nothing. And so we can assume that the blast of the Ion cannon is hotter than anything.
And Adam was using a ship, which is made out of metal. Metal gets really hot, like insanely hot. So now imagine flying around in the sky, trying to protect your planet, and then you just get hit with a blast that's hot asf while in a flying metal box. You'd probably be boiled alive but you did survive, you'd be lucky if you could do anything without help because your flying metal box fell to the ground and crashed.
Like Adam would have the most disgusting scars known to man, no one would be able to look at him without feeling disgusted. He'd also probably need someone to help him take care of himself because of the blast. But he wouldn't be attractive by societal standards anymore, he'd might also end up hard to identify because of how bad the wounds would be.
Basically, give me content of Adam surviving the blast but he's a Curly and Sal mix but 10x worse please 🙏, I'll do anything for it.
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blooming-cecilia · 2 years ago
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5 am feeling emotional over venti out of nowhere thinking about how good and kind and loving and full of hope he is and how every action of his expresses that and how he always encourages peace and love and happiness and it sounds cheesy as shit but dear god i would not have him any other way and i am so glad and happy he is the way he is and he brings me hope and happiness and makes me feel at ease and looking at him makes me feel like everything is okay and im actually literally close to tears and i love him very much
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eyes1nthewoods · 1 day ago
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behold. the lannmaercy spawn.
#are they lore accurate? no . but i don't care. they delight me#ignore that i misspelled neutral btw#my art#oc riann#oc beatrice#oc lily#ohh wait. collective tag idea#the neathlings#idk if i'm going to do much with them but they get their own tags anyway just in casies#the sparring scene becomes a giant fucking meme to them. if any of them is interested in or seeing someone they immediately#say something to along the lines of ''you have to fight her'' or ''who won?''#beatrice has pet rats. they're names are breakfast and lunch. dinner died. she doesn't eat them but she lets people think she does#because she thinks it's funny. her favorite thing in the world is bullying her dad.#she also almost choked to death on an egg as a child. riann convinced her she'd be able to swallow it because she's part lizard.#he genuinely believed this#lily is 5 years younger than the other two#lann accidentally cooked a chicken that she made friends with when she was a kid :( she's never really forgiven him for it#they all hated each other as kids but are good friends as adults#i need to flesh out riann's design more. he looks so plain compared to the other two :(#i'm extremely happy with lily. she's so fucking cute look at her#beatrice might be my favorite btw. not quite design wise yet but her character is the most fun for me.#well im not happy with their clothing designs but i hate designing and drawing outfits so we'll just pretend i like them until i do#they need something to distinguish them as being nobility or something and rn they aren't really giving that#i don't think maercy ever fully commits to living among nobility (she most likely rejects or avoids it as much as possible) but like#she was the knight commander. she definitely benefits from her title and has garnered significant wealth. so they should have nice clothes.
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void-of-unparalleled-chaos · 9 months ago
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The Healthcare horrors persist
Hhhhhhhhhhhhhh
#Updates on this whole mess:#Im insured under my dad#he has Healthcare option 1 which is government provided since he is retired millitary and option 2 due to his new job#after his retirement option 1 went funky for me and changed things around meaning i was no longer able to be seen by my pcp#Im also unable to log in to any of my accounts for 1 so im not sure whats going on there and what plan of 1 i have specifically#so i switched to a new pcp which accepted option 2 (which was super hard to find) literally last week#made an appointment with her for next month so i can finally get answers about my funky blood test results#(which is still don't know what specifically is wrong with it! for all i know i could just have high cholesterol-#or i could have markers for rheumatoid arthritis instead of my prior fibromyalgia diagnosis!)#(i also do not get refils for my anxiety medication until i have an appointment with my new doctor)#crisis averted right? WRONG!#I just got a call from my Dad saying he is switching jobs so I am no longer insured under 2#meaning...#1) i need to call option 1 and figure out how to get into my accounts and what my insurance is#2) check that this pcp acceprs said insurance#3) find yet another pcp if she doesnt and make an appointment for god knows when#and here is the kicker:#since option 1 is government and millitary based it is going to take FOREVER to get anything done#And Im not sure if they are going to want me to renew my millitary dependent ID or not#because that shit is EXPIRED and i was under the impression i can no longer renew it due to his retirement#but also in order to make any acoount with option 1 they require a benefits number which expires alongside the ID#Then on the other side of things i also have my wisdom teeth surgery to schedule (through my mom thank god)#and school starting again in a few weeks#going to defenestrate myself istg
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stormbreaker-290 · 10 days ago
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God i am too slebgy tired to process any other emotion than need
#what is it that i need you may ask . good question! fuck if we know#everything! nothing. anything you could possibly give me. and just this one specific god damned apple.#i need to hold and be held by all the people thatve gained a peice of me through this stupid webbed site thats captivated me so#i need to bake and play my keyboard again and learn to knit and play outside and bike and kite and collect and#i need to be able to do dumb teenager shit with my lovely group of goobers because god knows we need it despite it all#i need to be able to do so so many things with my friends and yet the only way i can get a taste is by being glued to my devices#i need to have someone i can cling to and nuzzle against and love and fall asleep with forreal#ive had enough of pretending with blankets and pillows already#i need to show my love in the only way i truly know how to by smothering one in all the affection that i feel when interacting or talking or#i need to hold him and kiss him and fucking tell him over and over just how much i love him because holy shit it drives me insane#how do you expect me to not be jealous when ive only ever known being loved back by him and suddenly im shouting into the void of tags#i need to scream and cry and laugh and hold onto the people thatve wrapped around my heart so dearly till we're sure that the other#will always feel the warmth . i need to be able to walk up and bonk against someone with my whole body and just flop in their arms#i need to kiss that one and that one and that one and that one and so damn many fictional wives its pathetic#i need to be able to express my love in any other way than physically clinging and never letting go because everyone i need to love#im unable to till i manage to get the messy nonsense words out#i need#i need to go to bed#goodnight chat. i love you. m sorry bout that#sorry i cant love you or anything in a normal way actually#i lied imh really not . normal#sorry again#i love you#mmmbhh i need some tea#midnight ramblings#may delete later depending on what my tags say in the morning . i aint readin allat again right now
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orcelito · 21 days ago
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Good News for me, it seems like my application to the new apartment is being accepted :]
The leasing coordinator messaged me to say she's sending the lease to me to sign tomorrow, & so long as I submit the payment by the start of the term (April 30th), then the apartment will be Mine.......!!!!!
Wonderful News!!!
#speculation nation#honestly that's really not far from now. it's the last day i could have it start where id get the discount tho#dancing a little jig as i realize my apartment search is OVER!!! and i got my absolute first choice!!!!!#the 2 bed 2 bath WITH the rent discount!!!! yay!!!!!!#it was the last unit of that model available so i got nervous. but it all seems to be working out in the end :]#im gonna be living by So Many Things........ ehehehehe#i will also hope that i can in fact fit my bike in my car. bc i will not be within easy biking distance of the woods at new apartment#but i dont want to give up my woods bikes. i havent tried sticking it in there but it's got a decent size back so ??#if i put down the back seats then Hopefully..!!!!#gonna be by so many other things tho heheheheheh. and i'll have a GARAGE and IN-UNIT LAUNDRY and AN ICE MAKER!!!!!!!#and a walk-in shower!!!! walk-in closet!!!!! deep kitchen and bathroom cabinets!!!! the biggest bathtub ive ever owned!!!!!!#and the leasing coordinator mentioned how i could switch out the shower head if i wanted to. said while i was testing the water pressure#ougugjhghg and im gonna have that 2nd bedroom for my Workshop Room. which is to say. the room where my cats wont be allowed in#so i can get up to whatever i want in there without worrying about my cats mucking it up#maybe i'll even get into dice making like ive been wanting to!!! who knows!!!!! the world's my oyster!!!!!!!#once the apartment is 100% confirmed mine (and i also have the time for it) i want to take stock of all of my furniture#and make a plan for where i put everything in my new apartment. it should be Much less cramped than my current apartment is#i hope i have enough room to get a new bed frame tbh. idk when id do that but i wanna go to IKEA or smth and find smth that's like#like it's been my dream for a long time to have a bed with some kind of shelving attached to it. or drawers. a bed that is also storage.#IKEA seems like the place to go for smth like that that wouldnt entirely break the bank lol#probably a full or even a queen size... like i like my twin size top bunk but. i kinda do wanna have smth a bit more. adult i guess.#id still keep the current bed. put it in the spare room maybe. top bunk could be extra storage space lol#bottom bunk as an extra lounge area i guess. but also keeping them so i have an extra place or two for people to sleep#if i ever have anyone sleep over. hasnt really been a thing But who knows!! i could become the type of person who has guests overnight!!!#man now i wanna go look at IKEA beds. i dont even know if i'll be able to fit that bed yet (w/o it ending up cramped)#but im daydreaming..... very excited about having this new apartment.....
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