#and a lot of piling up feelings
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I've seen a lot of posts in the wake of tsc calling out how the Foxes mistreated Kevin and never really gave him the same degree of compassion and patience that they gave Neil (and like, fair enough, there's definitely a disparity in how the two are treated by the broader team) but I think it's important to remember that it's very likely most of the Foxes didn't know just how bad things in the Nest were, especially when Kevin first came to Palmetto.
Like, they knew he'd been hurt badly, but were they ever told the full extent of the abuse in thr Nest? Probably not, because unlike Jean, Kevin was media trained. It was ingrained habit for him to conceal the true conditions inside the Nest to all outsiders, and that's not a habit he'd have been able to break easily. The only people who knew the full extent of what he'd been through were probably Wymack, Bee and Andrew.
Add to that Kevin's abrasive personality and his tendency towards nitpicking and perfectionism, and it's no wonder that the Foxes' patience with him ran thin after a while.
#i get where people are coming from with these posts bc kevin absolutely deserved the same level of support neil got#but we've gotta remember that the Foxes probably didnt have the full picture of what he'd endured#and that lack of context makes kevin's more irritating behaviors seem like inherent personality flaws#rather than the trauma responses that they actually are#also like#consider being the worst team in the league#then the best player in the league shows up one day and wont stop telling you how much you suck#and like#you KNOW you suck#so it just feels like hes piling on instead of being helpful#neil got a warmer reception by the foxes bc he didnt swoop in and heap a mountain of criticism on the team#sure he caused trouble later but he had a good stretch of just being the quiet new kid before he revealed himself to be a problem child#anyway this got rambly i just have a lot of thoughts about this
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#this really looks more like a cartoon character than a pokémon. especially with those eyes#i dunno what it IS about the eyes. but they really strike me as “2010s 3d animated cartoon for kids”#orthworm#one of the numerous steel-types of gen 9. i don't think there actually are that many but it FEELS like there's a lot of them#for some reason. i remember keeping up with the leaks and someone revealed all the types for all the new pokémon#and i saw THREE fairy-steel types and i was like holy shit#turns out. that's one evolutionary line. whoops!#then there's this thing which was just another steel-type to add onto the pile and i was like there's so many steel types#but i guess it's. not that many steel-types
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ttt_snowed_in
created by lennrrrd
#garry's mod#gmod#source engine#half life 2#deathmatch#remaster#hearted#i covered this map 2 years ago (to the day) in 2022! but it's so good that i wanted to give it another pass#the cozy winter atmosphere is still there and i still very much love this map#the gigantic piles of powder surrounding buses parked in the middle of the street. flanked by cars covered up to the wing mirrors in snow#there is a part of me that finds joy in the idea of being cataclysmically “snowed in” despite the logistical headaches that come with it#it's the part of me that also found joy in pandemic lockdowns that i had to downplay. in being *expected* to stay at home no matter what#i think i selfishly want more of that. which is why i still feel more excitement than annoyance in the preparation for a winter storm#it does not help that i worked customer service through the beginnings of the pandemic & never really had the experience people lamented#anyway! i'm a winter dude and i love this map a lot
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Against the light/ A contre-jour
#twisted wonderland#rollo flamme#twst rollo#I had this idea since this morning and went insane until I could draw it#still feeling very sane abt rollo yea#sick victorian child in a nightgown drip#Got inspired by one of my favorite pages in one of my fave bl of all time probably#it’s called ’Barbarities’ and yea I love it so so much for many reasons#I can finally draw again a lot more now aaafhdhf I have a bunch of asks that piled up im sorry
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I’m going to paint you a picture of modern communication, and how it is fundamentally broken.
Let’s look at one friend. You chat pretty much everyday, and mostly talk to this person on twitter and discord, with occasional tumblr DMs. That’s three places you talk. But that’s actually not true, because you also have each other’s priv twitters and talk there as well. That’s four. Now account for, let’s say, one post reply per account per person, in addition to your DMs. That’s eight. But that’s ALSO not true, because not only do you talk in discord DMs with each other, but you’re in a friend group server as well! And you talk in those channels together! That’s nine.
This is one friend.
Now look around you. How many friends, how many mutuals are you in contact with. A few, a handful, a dozen, more? How many accounts per person do you have, how many places can you send each other posts, devolve into separate topics and conversations? How many people text you as well. Friends, family, coworkers? What do you do day to day around catching up, what IRL commitments will rip you away long enough to let the pile build again?
I can’t do it. I cannot live an actual life in the real world and balance this much interaction, it’s crushing. I reply to a friend’s post because I’m interested in the subject, I want to have a discussion! I WANT to talk about it with them, but I immediately kick myself for adding another conversation to the pile. Day by day, I ignore messages for hours on end and watch mountains pile around me, to reply en masse at the end of the night to let the cycle repeat. I wake up to six discord DMs and as I clear the third, the first replies back again.
We weren’t meant to have thirty simultaneous conversations. We weren’t. And you know in your bones that the number isn’t an exaggeration.
#hush catríona#this is essentially copy pasted from my twt last week but made a touch more coherent#iiiii spiral about this pretty regularly. i think this is the 4th or 5th time ive gone on this spiel bc its agonizing#i feel horrific guilt for ignoring messages for so long. and its absolutely voluntary. but i cant FUNCTION like this i cant DO it#i have friends where we talk Every Single Day and i LOVE them so much. so unfathomably much. but it KILLS me#hell take my roomie for example. one of my fav ppl in the world. we text- twit dm- discord dm- ig dm- reply to posts. thats five right?#i guess!!! but we also LIVE TOGETHER. i see them in real life and talk to them out loud with my voice and its still this much to add on!!!!#and i feel like nobody else talks abt this shit and it makes me feel crazy. am i the only person completely debilitated by this???#i dont want this to come across as like ‘boohoo we get it ur sooo popular’ that is NOT what this post means#i think a lot of ppl big acct or small. fandom or otherwise. talk to a dozen ppl online. and i dont get how anyone copes#this is agony. and every single time i ever make a post? its another opportunity to add to the pile#i only reply to comments on posts on twt and this is why. i cant DO it i cant keep up. i see every tag and im so grateful but i cant ever#reach out. i cant add to the pile. theyre already taller than me
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Ef's moment of respite at the bottom of the Mariana Trench from amazing story Falling Falling Stars by @not-poignant
#new#my art#I planned a lot of things#but now I am kinda numb emotionally#cause sister's nearly divorce crises and her husband being my best coworker#and me not managing my talks in my head lol#soooo I don't think I will draw anything for a long time#rip plans but life always happens#and maybe it a good thing#anyways#oh how I enjoyed drawing this one!#I've never drew anything bigger than like 2k pixels#and this one was meant to be printed on A3+#and the first time I did the right size for it I was like WHAT? DO? YOU? MEAN?#when I am at 100% it's only one rock at my whole screen#but then I figured out that like... I can draw details ten times moooooore#spending 8hours on one roooock!!!#MORE SPACE#and I dont know shit about proffesional stuff with exposition and placement and shadows and colours#so details everywhere as I go#and I love to think that the portal to the lake with antlers bars is portal to Augus' lake#and I wanted water snails and knitted jelly fish and kinda blanket but water themed so it's a big algue piece#and it just piled up#and the colours feel was the most relaxing thing to look at all the time#yeah#really proud of this one
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I don’t think rui would write a show with romance and cast tsukasa as the lead/himself as the love interest on purpose I think he believes in the separation of work and personal life a little too much for that. but I do think he would do it unconsciously & write characters that are pretty clearly based off of him and Tsukasa and 1) not realize this at all 2) not cast himself as the love interest. He’s like I don’t know why but this play just came really easily to me :) & tsukasa’s in the background tearing out his hair like What Does He Mean With This.
Rui: and I believe emu-kun should be cast as the love interest
Emu: (looks at tsukasa) (looks at rui) nuh-uh I think YOU should do it rui-kun :)
Tsukasa: (behind rui frantically signaling for her to cut it out) it’s a big role, and he needs to focus on directing! Right, rui?
Emu: (ignoring him) nenechan and I can help!! Pretty please? I think rui-kun will be super duper Kira Kira extra wonderhoy in this role!
Rui: hm… this show won’t be too technical, so it’s a good time to train you both on behind the scenes work… I suppose that could work, if that’s what you really want. are you both sure that’s alright?
Emu: yup yup I’m ready to learn!!
Nene: I don’t mind. I’m just happy I don’t have to be the love interest for him… (makes a face)
Tsukasa: excuse me??
Rui: Alright, it’s settled then.
Tsukasa: do I not get a say in this?!
Emu: nope! 🥰
Rui: oh..? Do you not want me to play this role..? (Fake crying) how cruel… and I’ve been so excited for weeks to play it too-
Tsukasa: you told me you wrote this three days ago! You just got the role a minute ago!
Rui: - alas at the final moment my joy has been snuffed out by our tyrannical troupe leader… boohoo…
Tsukasa: 😑 seriously? I already started refining my character assuming emu would be in that role.
Emu: (clinging to nene) you made him cry tsukasa-kun!! Let him take the role!!
Nene: what a monster…
Rui: I suppose it was too much to ask for you to step out of your comfort zone… I just expected a star to be more capable of adapting to changes…
Tsukasa: of course I can! That’s not- (rapidly realizing there’s no way out of this that lets him keep any dignity) urgh. fine! Rui will play the love interest!
Rui: (immediately drops the fake crying bit) wonderful! Let’s work together and produce an amazing show!
Emu: yay!! Can we add a kis-
Tsukasa: (covering emu’s mouth) haha of course it will be amazin - EUGH emu do NOT lick my hand!!!!
#rui 🤝 emu: the most heavy handed meddling of all time#rui#tsukasa#emu#nene#mine#my special brand of posts is wxs ganging up on tsukasa#& what a coincidence that’s colopale’s speciality too.#emu: r u guys gonna share food hehe 🥰#rui: hmm it seems like you have a lot of fun with emu-kun nene… hint hint nudge nudge#more ‘tsukasa is aware but trying desperately to ignore it’ vs ‘rui is awful at recognizing his own emotions and just thinks#these are normal friendship feelings’ propaganda to add to the pile
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helo pls draw monkey
Maybe for my first five minute drawing I should have chosen a monkey that I've drawn before TT o TT anyway have a golden lion tamarin.
It was so hard to remain focused on visualizing what I wanted to draw before drawing, but I can already tell it'd save me so much time if I improve at it lol.
#five minute drawing#I got a lot of great reqs for this piled up now!#Feel free to send more though - I wanna try to do this close to daily.#You're allowed to send more than one if you're particularly inspired.#ask#lotusloveslotus
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How do you think bruce would react to a Robin pile situation?
oooh this is a fun thought. i think it depends *entirely* if you're working with a morally stable Bruce or a Bruce who's a little fucked up and dead dove-ish. somehow, i think it's actually more fun if it's a completely stable Bruce bc that adds so much more drama and issues if Bruce is deeply unsettled by the idea. if it was maybe just Jason and Dick or Jason and Tim dating that's sort of understandable. Bruce knows that while he may see them all as his sons (except Steph bc do know Robin pile will *always* include Steph for me and tbh Cass too as an honorary member. they're all going in the pile.) but he understands that doesn't mean they see each other as brothers. he respects the nuanced and complicated relationships scattered across all of the Batfam.
but if all of them are *dating*? or at the very least sleeping together? that raises a lot of logistical red flags. the most obvious one is the age gap of it all- at the biggest gap you have Damian and Dick who are an easy fifteen years apart, meeting when Damian is a kid. not to mention how many of them have tried to kill each other at some point. it shouldn't work and Bruce doesn't like that it does. Bruce has a history of wanting to control the relationships of the Batkids when he disapproves. and so he'd absolutely try to break them up. at first, he paints it purely as a logistical issue. saying it's smartest not to bring feelings into work and that this is dangerous. i think it's especially fun if this happens at a time when Bruce doesn't approve of Steph or Jason so that *also* plays into it, he doesn't want either of them near the ones he currently considers to be his family. he says he wants to protect them and wants to keep them safe. he tries to appeal to who he thinks would be more logical and listen to him the most. first Dick, and then when that doesn't work, Tim. and when neither of them listen, i *do* think Bruce would stoop to the low of trying to break them up by fabricating internal conflict between them, hoping to divide and conquer the weird polycule it's become.
while i don't think Bruce would be jealous in the sense he wants to be included, i *do* think he's wildly dislike the Robins having this close bond that makes them trust each other implicitly more than they trust Bruce. they will defer to each other before him and clearly keep things from him. he'd despise that. it's an inner circle he's not let in on and it makes him lose aspects of control over some of them, especially Damian who's the youngest and his son, who Bruce deserves the most control over. he would drive himself mad about it. at first for genuine reasons over the perceived fucked up nature of the relationship (even when each of them have confirmed that it is entirely consensual and they're happy) and to protect them. but he becomes so bitter over being ignored. they openly prioritize each other over him when the truth comes out because they see no point in hiding it. and i could definitely see Jason gloating about how he's back in the family whether Bruce likes it or not. Bruce would be beyond pissed about it. he's just never recovering. trying to stop them gets nowhere, even if he manages to cause some internal conflict.
eventually, Bruce would be forced to accept it for fear he would lose all of them. but he's *not* going to be happy about it and he keeps making side comments, hoping to get through to one of them eventually. it doesn't work, but he's definitely not going to stop trying. i also think on some level it would just disgust him a little bit in a visceral way, since they're his kids to him and he doesn't like to picture them in that way. esp when Jason or Steph lean heavily into PDA just to fuck with him. ass grabs, cuddling, sloppy kisses, the whole nine yards. Bruce will not have a moment of peace.
#necrotic answerings#robin pile#robincest#batcest#i do think fucked up bruce is also fun#but that answer wuold be more straight forward and expected#just. he creeps on them and tries to join and probably succeeds. the end <3#it's fun but i find it more fun if he's just. grossed out by it#like he's trying so hard to break them up#and he can pretend all he wants but it's purely personal reasons and disliking that he's not in the inner circle#i'm so seirous about including steph in robin pile btw#AND DUKE#let them in on it.#i'd say maps too but i'll be honest i don't know enough about her to. care honestly i'm so sorry#and i dislike helena wayne as a robin (new-52 when i catch your ass) so i don't include her#and i love carrie but i think she should be kept to her own world and not forced into the main one#i dislike seeing “incorrect quotes” that include carrie bc like. why is she there. take her back to her world free her from these shackles.#but gods i adore robin pile#i usually include cass just bc it feels weird not to#it's the same energy as “cass isn't here bc she's in hong kong :) doing hong kong things :)”#like sure technically cass was in hong kong for a lot of the comcis but we all know why.#and cass wasn't a robin but she (and steph) aren't included in a lot of batcest and we all know why.#so i include her. i just think she deserves in on it.#let her fuck her brothers stupid <3#i love the emotional conplexities of robin pile a lot#the smut is good. but so are the feelings of all of these characters are so chained together by this mantle#they just can't escape each other.#it's good shit.
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You know, I will fully admit that Charles is my Blorbo and I probably take criticism of him harder than I should
At the same time, it's the second time in as many weeks I've seen either a meta post or a fic blaming him for everything that goes wrong in the show and I am genuinely not into that at all
#Matt reads#Fanfiction#Charles Rowland#dead boy detectives#It's the second fic by that author where Charles spends his time being angry lying and crying and like#I get people aren't perfect and times of crisis are hard but I feel like it's piling up a lot of things#especially with Crystal and Edwin explicitly blaming him for another character's actions#idk man I'm. conflicted about this#10n#20n
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The crisis of the last year with student protests has made even the richest institutions aware of how much of their presumed wealth can be yanked away from them by a donor class who are increasingly inclined to exert their influence and authority in openly oligarchic ways. The obsession with safety—and the contradictions of that obsession—is as much about financial management as anything else. But that also is a wider sociocultural formation: the American upper middle-class is generally an asset class now who think about safety in the same way as universities both because all institutions with asset-based wealth have to and because they personally have to safeguard their assets in the same fashion, and face some of the same risks from liability exposure. [. . .] Moving away from the caretaker era can’t just be a matter of exposing students to risk and dismantling systems that make safety the mandatory product of an intrusive regime of surveillance and correction. If the people in charge inside the university and outside of it aren’t equally exposed to the natural consequences of their actions and decisions, all this means is forcefully communicating to students—or perhaps all young people—their relative powerlessness and vulnerability. It means deciding that the lesson you really want to teach is that it’s bad to be powerless and thus you should strive in life for power and wealth in order to be beyond consequences. Arguably, if the caretaker era and the bystander era were both aligned with a wider social ideology that was broadly shared across a generation, then this in fact the new ethos of our time—that there is no safety but in power, and that where power believes people are not being sufficiently punished for the things that power disdains, it will find a way to make consequences where there have been none.
bleak essay that nonetheless collects a lot of idle thoughts i've had in one place & puts them together with more coherence than i've ever managed
#it's also an interesting point re: the seesaw thing happening where so-called helicopter parents#are reacting to the shortcomings of their more free-range upbringing#(e.g. i was generally brought up more free-range than my peers but#(1) mom was reacting against an *uncommonly* strict upbringing#(2) fam was socioculturally located s.t. e.g. my brother's antics would be coded Boys Will Be Boys rather than. y'know. Deep Trouble#(3) people weren't fucking calling CPS when kids walked home in rural kentucky during those years lmao)#and like i'm grateful i got that.#fostered a lot of independence and trust in myself when i'm p sure i'd be a more baseline anxious/judgey person otherwise#but idk if you can really get that *back* unless you fix *gestures at essay*#like the liability obsession the piles of moneys sloshing around etc just all feels deeply Askew yaknow
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holy shit i’m going through an absolute whirlwind of emotions
#there’s way too much going on#it’s not even the election like it’s everything#i have a lot i feel like i should talk about but i don’t wish to in a public setting#there’s just so much happening#everything feels like it’s just piling up from now since 2020#like more so personal things but god#i just need someone to listen ig#we’re vibing guys i’m good
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Oh god what now?
I watched this HORRIBLE video (all the tws, plus it's the daily mail sorry I didn't even realize that was the op until just now so actually fuck it I'm not linking; it's details of the time leading up to Liam's death and a person being gross and insensitive about it, will describe below, skip the rest if you don't want to be as upset as I now am)... ...showing an American who was also a guest at the hotel saying that Liam was in the lobby of the hotel multiple times in the time leading up to his death causing a scene and they just kept escorting him back up to his room. They show pictures the guest took of him while all this was happening, including one from something that happened according to this man just before he died, which is that he was in the lobby looking at his laptop and passed out and was convulsing (he took a fucking picture of him passed out) and they woke him up and took him upstairs and put him in the room alone again; that's when they called the police but 5 minutes later he was dead.
#I am also hit hard by zayn's cancellation#obviously its for the best and I want very much for him to take care and for this to go so well for him and feel safe and comfortable#but I was going to see him wed#I was really excited#it was something to look forward to in a dark time#plus I was thinking about Liam and about being in that space with a couple thousand other people mostly also feeling sad#again I AM GLAD FOR ZAYN and it's clearly the right call#but I can't help feeling pretty fucking sad about it#and like... well I felt sure the first show of tour would happen at least plus it was the FIRST SHOW#a whole leg more than a month after the first? we'll see I guess#ugh sorry this is all so trivial in face of everything but yk. it's all just a lot piled up#cw Liam details
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i saw that you used to hint at oc stuff on twitter (don't ask me why im digging im looking for zola stuff lmao) why don't you post more about them?
i am simply terrified that if i post oc things online someone will steal the concept and run with it faster and better than i ever could have and then i will be devastated forever and ever
more seriously i have very little to show for any of my oc things (adhd brain making life difficult as per usual awawawawawa) and every time i've shared oc things in the past i've ended up never following up on it and it makes me feel bad and guilty so i've just convinced myself i will Never talk about my ocs until i have something substantial i can put out there
#mio answers things#anon#i'm getting a little better with making things for my ocs#on account of having friends i can actively share my brain rot with#but i still dread the feeling of posting a character and being forever haunted about never doing anything with them ever again#(echoes of custard howling in my mind)#just like how i dread having a repeat of that time in middle school#where i talked about my werecrow oc in the comments of a bigger artist's works#and they ended up making their own werecrow oc immediately after#they very much directly aligned with mine#but it got wildly popular on their account and they made a ton of art for it and i just#ended up deleting any evidence of mine because i felt so bad about it skjdfhgkldhfkgj#like i have no problem with people taking inspiration from my designs#i think it's fun seeing people design vy2s with two toned hair and kyos with pink eyes and hair pins w#but like. the thought of posting my oc and having someone run them through a blender to make their own character makes me feel. bad.#i can't articulate the specific reason Why it makes me feel bad but it does skjfghdkjfgsdhkjf#like if i finally posted theater gang stuff and then saw someone else take those concepts and make them into their own characters#i might just collapse into a pile of beef trimmings and never get up sdfkjhglksjdfg#it's silly and i don't know why my brain's like this but because of this in combination with my fear of posted oc things haunting me foreve#i simply will not be posting <3333#(and also just that. i'm incapable of producing enough artwork to make my ocs matter in a public context i think.)#(like you breed affection for a character through familiarity)#(which you only really get by creating A Lot Of Art)#(and i cannot do that <333)#(so instead most times i post it's a few handfuls of likes)#(and that doesn't really feel worth it to my brain when i could just settle for going insane over them with my friends skjdfhgkjsdf)#i really think this last year has just taught me that i really. honestly truly prioritize the reactions and feelings of my friends#over strangers on the internet#and it feels a lot more comfortable that way w#AH
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Some mild existential dread in the house today
#im just feeling reeeeally really drained#works taking a LOT out of me#like. it feels less intense day to day? or maybe im reacting less? but its still very much piling up#and im just feeling very...idk. like im still waiting for permission to live my life#except now the permission osnt coming from any one person its. having the money to docit#and the time and the energy#and i guess thats just what adult life is? waiting#and hoping#and along the way losing sight of what i even wanted in the first place because im so *tired*#idk. i definitely need a project of some kind but im struggling to settle on something and then organise it#i have stuff to do today anyway. alfie had a lil bit of emergency cash saved so i need to go shopping#and i need to tidy the kitchen and do some dishes#and have a bath and shave at some point#i also want to draw but again. struggling ti pick something and idk if ill have the executive function spare#AND i want to try and be more social and talk to folks but thats its own kind of difficult#part of me would like a disc server that just has all of my friends in it bc i find it easier to dip in and out of conversarions#but i imagine that would be weird for folks who dont know each other#idk. lot goin through my mind when all i really want is sleep#which also hasnt been...greeeeat lately#mainly because Alfie wakes me up in the mornings bc they dont like being alone but also have a very different sleep schedule to me#and can take multiple smaller naps over a day whereas i really need a solid 8 or so hours or i just. dont fully switch on#but theyre also struggling atm (mentally and also they got an injury at work AND seperately broke their foot ffs)#so they need me more and its just#this never ending cycle of SOMETHING needs my attention#and its fucking exhausting asfghfkd#but!!! we keep goin!!!!! been applying for a bunch of jobs and havent heard anything positive yet but. we keep tryin huh
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will basara stans come for me if I say basara walked so yona could run?
#basara#yona of the dawn#akatsuki no yona#no hate#I’m in the middle of my first time reading basara and I’m really enjoying it#but I feel like the character relationships could be stronger or better fleshed out#maybe it’s a me problem or a pacing problem but the whole found family collecting misfits as you go trope isn’t making me as emotional#as it would in other stories#or for example ageha’s and shido’s history#it’s so interesting and complicated but we really only get a brief glimpse of ageha’s thoughts and then shido dies#that could have been so juicy!#don’t get me wrong the paneling with ageha’s emotions is strong but#it just didn’t hit like I know it could#but I’ve still got a lot of story to go#I’m only a third of the way through#but I guess I wish the side characters got a bit more exploration#I do have kind of high expectations of asagi’s arc with how things are being set up#so we will see#maybe I will have another asshole fave to add to the pile#sarah reads basara
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