#and I’m going to say no but I love tumblr personal diary posting

[cloneboywonder]

I LOVE SUMMER I LOVE CRAFTS

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

Girls will say things like “you’re not too much and I wish you wouldn’t try to make yourself smaller all the time” and expect u to be normal about it

[devildomwriter]

Obey Me As Tumblr #26

Mammon: I love NyQuil. It’s just like. Detroit become liquid. I don’t use the measure cup I just chug what feels right. I’m moving backwards through a brick wall rn

Mammon: You could fit anything in me rn I’m so relaxed

Mammon: For sure gonna shit the bed tonight

Lucifer: You’ve summed up NyQuil in a way that most could not

Mammon: Hello

•

Belphegor: Cheat mode

Close your eyes and you can play any game in your mind, even paper Mario

Leviathan: Paper Mario is trash

Belphegor: Close your eyes and imagine yourself being a more likable person, and then open them and weep

•

Asmodeus: How slutty would you say you are?

Leviathan: In theory? Very. In practice? Not at all. I’m lazy

Simeon: The sprit is willing but the flesh is weak

•

Mammon: The names practice

Mammon: Mal practice

MC: Nice to meet you Dr Practice, can you please tell me what’s wrong with my son :)

Mammon: He needs surgery on all of his bones

•

MC: Me giving my Chihuahua two kisses: Chimuahmua

Luke: Bad post

MC: Sorry it didn’t make you Chihaha

•

Lucifer: Don’t ever call me OP you will adores me by my full name

Satan: Obert Pobert

Leviathan: Obiwan Penobi

•

Leviathan: Haha not to scare anyone but the hell does beyond in bed bath and beyond stand for?

Leviathan:

Me: what’s ‘beyond’

Employee: *snaps my neck* go find out

Solomon: As a former bed bath and beyond employee, I appreciate this

Leviathan: What the hell and fuck are you implying

•

Belphegor: I crawl into bed

Sheets: made

Pillows: fluffed

Lights: out

Belphegor: I am forcibly removed from ikea

•

Mammon: What’s a gender neutral word you could use for your spouse? Wusband? Hife?? Wifesband?!?!?!

Mammon: I may be stupid

Satan: This is the text version of looking for your glasses when they are on your head

•

Satan: Could you please put your crying kid on vibrate

Mammon: I CANT STOP LAUGHING BC I JUST IMAGINE THIS KID SCREAMING AND THE MOM PULLS A REMOTE OUT OF HER MOM-BAG AND PRESSES A BUTTON AND THE CHILD JUST STARTS TO VIOLENTLY SHAKE AND THE LOOK OF TERROR ON THE KIDS FACE AS THEY TRY TO MAKE NOISE BUT THEY JUST VIBRATE DEAR GOD

•

Diavolo: The fact that makeup is considered to be “mature” and “sexualized” implies that being a clown or mime is the sluttiest job out there

•

MC: Remember kids: rats are the Capri sun of the vampire world

Barbatos: Hi what the FUCK does this mean

•

Beelzebub: This is so funny with and without context

Beelzebub: I forgot to add the picture

•

Solomon: Knuckle tattoos that say ESCAPED BIOHAZARD

Asmodeus: That’s way too many letters do you have radiation poisoning or something?

Asmodeus: Oooooh

•

Simeon: Gangman style came on the radio again

Satan: This sounds like a post-apocalyptic diary entry

•

MC: Bed bath and behind you

Solomon: Bed bath and beware

Last • Next

[shellxrls]

okay someone asked but I can’t find the post, here’s my tips on shifting.

first of all, it’s all about belief, as long as you fully believe that you can do it then you can (this gets much easier when you’ve done it for the first time cause well, you know you can do it)

you don’t need a script or anything like that!! some people prefer it but it’s not a necessary thing! though for beginners I would recommend it because it just helps get ur thoughts in place!

always be safe when shifting!! make sure to have safe words in place!! but also know that it is not possible to get stuck in ur dr! safe words just make it easier.

use subliminals! but be careful with these, make sure to use ones you trust. some of them can have horrible messages or manifestations in them.

okay so I tend to use a method, you totally don’t have to tho. I just find it makes it easier for me.

I’ll share the method that I use because I’m not sure if I invented it or if it’s just uncommon. I thought of it anyway.

the tv show method

- get comfortable and calm. I recommend guided meditation to ground yourself!!

- put on your favourite tv show, and really concentrate on it for a while, make sure you’re fully invested in the plot and that it’s what’s taking up most of your mind.

if any other thoughts go through your head that’s fine!! just let them pass.

- when you feel ready, imagine that you’re watching the show in your dr

- visualise your dr, the things around you, the sounds. try to feel the feelings that you might be feeling. notice things.

- say affirmations if you would like to. or count to one hundred. Or just keep visualising.

- when you feel ready to shift, close your eyes

- concentrate on the sound of the tv show and say affirmations

- visualise and affirm until you feel that you’ve shifted

- open your eyes when you are certain you’re in your dr!!

good luck <3

- rafe shifter

ANON BABE THANK YOU SO MUCH. if i’m gonna be honest, all this talk of shifting is making me want to try again sooo badly. i’m so grateful that you guys are giving advice and stories as well bcuz it truly motivates me sm !! i might start creating a visual diary/moodboard for now and then when i get back from my spring break trip rlly try with the intent to shift. the tv method also sounds great so i might try that when i do intend to shift.

although i haven’t shifted yet, i’d love to give my take as well bcuz quite a few ppl have asked for advice, and i think it wld be nice just to have the perspective of someone who has been rlly into shifting, but hasn’t quite yet achieved it !!

try to do basic research initially just to get a proper framework of shifting and have enough knowledge to keep up with the main linguistic terms (e.g script, cr, dr, etc). i’m not sure what the best current resources available for that is, but i know amino used to be great for finding shifting communities, and i bet tumblr also has good resources. although don’t overload yourself, it’s good to get diff perspectives but remember shifting is largely a personal experience and so ultimately whatever you choose to do has to feel write for you. for example, as rafe shifter said not everyone has to have a script, although some do find it rlly helpful as a resource.

for new shifters, don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t happen immediately. i know a lot of ppl shift to get out of a bad situation/mental state, but i personally think a large part of the energy it takes to shift is mental, and so to achieve that you should try to take care of yourself and nurture your mental health as much as possible— the more you focus on caring for yourself and your mind, the stronger it’ll get and the easier it’ll be for you to shift <3.

now for my own experience, i personally used to use the pillow method and the raven method the most, although looking back i feel like they were limiting bcuz due to the sleepy sort of state i used to be in it wld make it difficult for me to truly visualise my dr. however, one method i’d highly recommend is the estelle method (i’ll explain it in a sec), it sounds kind of strange but honestly it was the closest i’d ever been to shifting and i truly never recovered r from that fraction of a second where i literally felt myself in my dr. i can still picture it to this day and its own of my biggest shifting motivators <3.

ok anyways, here is the estelle method explained:

Step 1: Get in position. You can lay stand/sit/lay you want as long as you're comfortable.

Step 2: Play a song. Preferably something you associate with your dr or something that lets you feel connected to it. While this song is playing you’re going to imagine slow dancing with someone from your desired reality. It can be anyone: your s/o (i recommend this one lol) best friend, enemy— anyone.

Step 3: Imagine. I recommend closing your eyes for this to truly be immersed. You don’t have to actually dance, but play out the whole scenario in your mind and rlly let your imagination loose, try to imagine the landscape and the scents, anything you can. When the song ends, imagine the person from your desired reality letting go of you and saying "Y/N, it's time to go home." After they say that, they should lead you through a ‘door’.

Step 4: Affirm. Once you are inside the door, you are going to do "I am" affirmations (I am shifting to my desk reality, I am in my desired reality, etc.) anything that’ll help cement your belief really.

Step 5: Finished. When your vision goes black, you can open your eyes. You should be in your desired reality.

i think it’s a very beginner friendly method, it’s great for visualising esp if you have a song that you strongly associate with your dr and you can even have fun with it bcuz i find it’s not as exhaustive as other methods !!

remember to be safe and take care of yourself darlings !! feel free to pop into my inbox with questions for me (or rafe shifter anon if she doesn’t mind) about shifting as well, i’d love if we could have a whole shellxrls shifting community lol.

[lynn-nau]

Hi

Idk what I’m doing, this is gonna be a mess of words but I’m okay with that.

As the first note or whatever on tumblr (idk how this works) I just wanna jot a few points down.

This is MEANT to be a “diary”… it’ll probably turn into spam thoughts.

Most of my writing will sound like a conversation for the most part. Like I’m talking to you, because in my head, I am. I wouldn’t know how else to write without you on my mind. (You know who you are)

I also just went into the Marshall’s bathroom to take a nice piss, and there was diarrhea blown all over the toilet seat. My days going well.

AND, another note I’m adding.. fucking tumblr is pissing me off with this fucking loading bs. HOW IS IT MY WIFI? I reset my phone, turned on and off my vpn, connected to different internet sources, the whole nine fucking yards. This shit sucks. It took me an hour.. while I was on the Marshalls clock 💪

Diverting from that…. I really don’t have much else to say other than that this is some form of a diary.. but I don’t know all the hashtags and stuff so I’m just making a blank post. Really only one persons gonna see this and she knows who she is.

Also, Immediently as I walked away from you, I had called back to you that I love you, but some boy interrupted and exclaimed: “welcome to the diddy party!”.

I can’t make this shit up.

Braxton then talked my ear off the entire bus ride.. all I wanted to do was write down my thoughts but they left me.

I have no clue what I wanted to say other than I was saying “I love you” to you, not Ray. Rays big head got in the way and he answered instead of you. I hope you answered in your mind or something.

I’m aware this is a total mess of thoughts, but I think that’s how I want it to be <3

I just found that thought I should throw it right there. Fits the post idk

-October 15th, 2024, 17:13

[starsinkpop]

what do you think if theres blogs that are not only deeply obsessing with finding out ateez members exact fs but they also discussing their potential body parts. I tried telling them how weird and gross it was of them but they tell me I was taking it too far. what the fuck? am sorry but this kpop tarot thing is what is taking ppls obsession with idols fs too far. its bordering on creepy rn and its not just one blog theres like several of them that mainly focus on idols fs.

some blogs be claiming they dont dig too much but then they still think it ok to even discuss idols sexuality or some other aspect of their personal life.

i’m not really on that side of tumblr or social media so i can’t really say much about it. i have clear boundaries. im fine with certain readings about ateez’s fs but i wouldn’t do more readings than i have online right now. we already know more than enough. i keep getting a crazy amount of asks in my inbox of people trying to fit especially san’s fs aspects. i’m deleting all of them because none of those people reading my stuff and also myself will be their fs. some people really need to touch some grass. when i see certain physical traits in a reading i point them out, however i focus on personality only. what’s bothering me is how almost everyone on here in my inbox assumes that the members are straight. making their fs a girl at all times. we don’t know their sexuality and it’s quite frankly none of our business. we don’t know if their straight or part of the lgbtq+ community. this is why i keep my readings gender neutral because we don’t know shit.

now in general i don’t want to spread any negativity because life itself is already a big struggle for most of us. i want my blog to be a place where people could just entertain themselves for a bit and. so i won’t say anything about other readers because i honestly just can’t. like i said, im not on that side of tumblr. i get your point but you have to remember you’re telling me this, im a kpop (well just ateez) tarot reader myself and i’ve done reading about their fs too so 🤷‍♀️🤣 like i said, i have my boundaries with readings, won’t do any sexual readings and i don’t focus on looks. being someone who was crazily sexualized since being a child, i really hate this side of any fandom. there’s too many obsessions going on. you wanna know what happened when i saw the most recent pool pics of the members, especially san and woo? as a gym girly i was like “woah i really need to know their routine so i can shape my body like theirs” i can just admire them. viewers here are a little too delulu and have a hard time sticking to reality and form an own opinion it feels like. and I’m sure some readers feed into that. it’s giving you a ton of likes and if that’s their main purpose for posting i guess i get it. that doesn’t mean i’m okay with that but i know many people need validation like that. whenever there’s people coming up and officially date like twice’s jihyo for example i always feel really warm around my heart. gives me the feeling they can still have a bit of a normal life.

i don’t really have anything else to say and only repeat myself. i don’t know if i’m the right person to talk to about that, i do readings and did fs readings like what you just complaint about, but i have boundaries and know what’s reality. none of us will be with any of them, ever and viewers should stop honestly believing “omg XYs fs is like this and that, i’m just like that it has to be me they have to do more detailed readings so i can make it fit for myself”.

on another note, and this is in no means anything bad or hate whatsoever, i love getting asks from you but those long asks are sometimes a bit much because im not your diary, love 🤣 no hate. but it just felt like a rant and i do really like rants but my inbox is maybe not the best place for that because i don’t want to spam any of my followers page with that you know?

edit: you can still send me longer asks, but please try fitting the stuff you want to say into one ask and not three or more 💖

[iguessitsjustme]

What’s been going on with me?

No one asked but this is the oversharing website and well. I’ve always treated my blog like my own personal diary. For those of you who know me irl, feel free to ignore. You either already know or you I’m planning on telling you when I get the chance (only you get more details then what I’ll post online). Under the cut for length and other reasons.

I debated posting this but I am incapable of shutting up and telling everyone my business. Well sort of. Obviously, I don’t go into a lot of detail but I share what I’m comfortable telling strangers online.

I had something happen roughly a month ago that massively triggered my ptsd. I also had a whole lot going on in my personal life and I decided to take a break from tumblr for about a week. That break was great. But it became clear not long after I came back from my week break that it wasn’t long enough. Now, if we’re mutuals it’s likely that you’ve noticed I haven’t exactly taken a full break from tumblr and I’ve been here lurking and liking. But I definitely took a break from posting. June and July are already extremely rough months for me mentally and there were things about being on tumblr that made me feel…not great. So I decided to take a step back for myself. I also cut down on the amount of shows I’m watching. I had to place a lot of shows on hold because I no longer had the brain space for them. I’m planning on watching them when I have the time and capacity though.

I have also been…physically ill. I don’t talk about it a whole lot on here but I am chronically ill and it doesn’t often flare up and it doesn’t often flare up bad enough to impact my life but I can honestly say that the month of July has been one of the toughest months of my life. (Please don’t worry about me, I have a rock solid support system and I am doing okay.)

But as a result of my ptsd being triggered and my mental health tanking so severely, I really sat with why tumblr was contributing to this. And I had to come to a decision. I realized that over the past few years, in an attempt to make my blog as safe a space as possible for everyone, I have turned myself into a doormat. I have said before that it is a struggle for me to be kind because my natural state of being is to be mean. So I’ve decided that I’m just gonna be myself. I am going to be mean. That’s not to say that I’m going to go out of my way to be mean and rude and cruel to people. What I mean is, I’m gonna stop pulling punches if people come to me. If you do something weird, I am going to call a spade a spade and call you on it. My motto in real life and now on tumblr is “don’t start nothing, won’t be nothing.” Before I can make my blog a safe space for others, I need to make it a safe space for me. Because I was very close to deactivating my blog and never turning back. BL tumblr can be a wonderful community and I genuinely love it with all my heart (why I am still here and did not deactivate) but dear god we all need to stop policing each other. It’s one thing to have boundaries and it’s entirely another to tell people if they don’t post the way you do, that they’re wrong. If you come on my blog, if you interact with me in some way, you do not get to control what I say, how I say it, or how I post. By all means, if I am being problematic, call me on that shit. But if all we have is a difference of opinion, you don’t get to say shit. That’s not to mean that we can’t have a difference of opinion, but if you in any way imply that I am wrong to be sharing my opinion in any way, then congrats, you’ll see what I’m like when I’m mean. (To be clear, I have a whole list of blocked people now but tumblr is shit so I still see some toxic shit here because tumblr’s blocking system is ass. and before you tell me to use xkit, I do on my laptop but that doesn’t help if I’m on my phone.)

So now that I’ve said…all that. I want to share two things from the past week or so:

I saw Deadpool & Wolverine twice. Those two did definitely fuck in that van. The soundtrack slapped and I’m not just saying that because Stray Kids has a song…somewhere…in that movie. Apparently. Also their song for the movie goes SO HARD. Check out Slash by Stray Kids and then tell me your thoughts.

Speaking of Stray Kids. I saw them at Lollapalooza yesterday! They were GREAT. I was not. I felt wholey unwell the whole time. I am too introverted, too old, and too ill for music festivals. But if you get a chance to see some clips of the performance…just think of me, in the crowd, screaming despite feeling not too hot. (And when I say ill I mean my chronic illness not that I went to a crowded place with a contagious disease). I made a new friend there and I got to see them perform so many songs live. I don’t have a lot of videos or photos of the performances because I was too busy being entranced but I will say that I didn’t know I had to see Super Bowl live until I did. I did not realize I bad I wanted it. And seeing Back Door and God’s Menu live was simply a dream come true. I was close to tears but I held back because I needed to be able to SEE.

And speaking of lolla…one of the bands I saw there (same stage as Stray Kids) is Sundial and they are just…delightful. Wonderful stage presence and a fuckton of talent and if you are looking for some new music/new artist to check out, I HIGHLY recommend. They had a new fan out of me before the first song even ended.

I don’t have much else to add. As always you are welcome to DM me, reply, or send me things to my ask box but energy will be matched. If you’re kind and understanding and approach me genuinely, we’ll get on well. I have made some truly amazing friends here. I mean this when I say that my mutuals are really some of the greatest people on the planet and they deserve all of the love in the world. I love you all so much that I couldn’t leave despite how close I came to leaving. I also would like to add that despite all of the above, I am genuinely and truly fine. I will start posting again and annoy you all with my unhinged thoughts yet again <3

[traumatizedjaguar]

how do you tell if someone you love is a narcissist and what to do?

First I’m confused on why you’re asking this question and exactly what you are looking for? Some people have asked me bc they tell me they’re living with an abuser so that’s how I’m going to take your question…

If that’s the case and you have an abuser you’re living with and you can’t get away yet I don’t exactly have any good advice other than the usual we survivors always tell each other:

leave when it’s safest

keep everything low key and secret from your abusers such as passwords, accounts and users, jobs you’re working, etc.

Don’t leave papers with your passwords and usernames written down laying around your bedroom if you’re living with an abuser

!!! Lemme add: I used to write down on paper fake usernames and fake passwords and I’d leave it on my desk or in a drawer easy to find so my abusers wouldn’t know my actual accounts and passwords !!!

grey rock technique is always useful

And you can’t control how people perceive you when you’re being smear campaigned, so it’s best not to care about it and do your best with your life for yourself

Look for local DV shelters

Also do t leave journals or diaries laying around, I keep an online diary password locked

I’m posting a master-post soon about how to do your best living with abusers still in your life based on techniques and other things I’ve used to help myself deal with abusers. I’m almost done with it. It’s kind of based off one persons experience I.e. my own lol and everyone’s experience with abusers is unique. So some of what I say might not work for you, some will.

I can’t use words like narcissism on tumblr when talking about abusers, although about 6 of my abusers actually had NPD, ASPD, other stuff and Conduct Disorder (some were flying monkeys who abused me) and these disorders certainly impacted how they behaved with me (using fire to harm people, abusing animals, bullying, physical cruelty, sexually abusive both coercively and violently, excessive lying issues and manipulation, deceitfulness, justifying harming others, vandalism of property, conning, severe possessiveness and jealousy issues, lacking in remorse and care).

It’s common for psychological abusers to have “gangs” of others just like them/same personality and behaviors. Which is why you often see them together in numbers behind the scenes.

It’s best to use the word abuser or psychological abuser instead at least that’s what I do on my tumblr account as not to cause uproar. But you can still be honest about how their symptoms impacted you, as I still talk about it too.^

Idk if this person you’re referring to is someone abusive, someone you wish to keep in your life, or someone you’re just trying to help?

You can’t help abusers nor should you try, I’ve been there with all of my abusers and it’s a bad cycle to stay in. Don’t try to get them help if they’re abusive, just leave when you can. Grey Rock everyday. Please never try to stay and help an abuser.

——————————————

If they’re a loved one who isn’t an abuser (rarely have people asked me it this way ahhh):

Then it’s best to just bring up the disorder casually instead of accusatory.

Like say you’re interested in psychology and want to share what you’ve learned and you can go over the symptoms like, “such an interesting disorder I have been learning about!” And then go over the symptoms more so in depth with examples of how the symptoms can manifest and see if they start thinking about it as “huh I do that?” That way you don’t make it sound accusatory, but instead you are just casually talking about a subject!

That’s all I can come up with unless you have specific questions or specific needs? I’m not the best with advice but we’ll see hah

[reddstarr-exe]

warranted by your recent post I have arrived to ask ur very much wanted opinion on ur personal cobymeppo head cannons on what u think their dynamic is like, like- what things from the anime and live action do you prefer over the other and take as final canon and what are the things that you just simply refuse to acknowledge or dont personally like about whats said or occurred between them? basically just certain personality traits or scenes and stuff

Oh! Their dynamic huh… I never really thought of that before 😅😅😅

Well I haven’t got to the point where I see them again (I’m on punk hazard) but I try to answer this question as best as I can 😁

The Live Action

There’s a lot of things that I preferred in the live action. (since it was the hook that reeled me into the world of kobymeppo/meppokoby 🤭)

They have more interaction and meppo doesn’t have as much of a golden stick of nepotism up his ass (as he did the episode of kobymeppo in the anime) he’s more (how do i say this) gentle and low-tempered,

i just can’t wait to see their interactions when they do the adaptation of the diary of kobymeppo!! *squeal* and i can’t wait to see their interaction with one another at marineford too!

i can’t wait to see them as chore boys as well🤭

Anime

I was watching the anime before i watched the live action, but around the end of water 7 when we see their glow ups i had that ultimate thought (“wait, do people ship koby and helmeppo together?”)

after searching it up and with that thought in hand, i went to go watch opla (not because of the ship thing i watched bc my brothers were watching it too)

and after the infamous bar scene and looking through tumblr for like minded folks my life and view on them has never been the same since (the kobymeppo fungus entered my brain) so watching the anime after opla was a breeze 😁 (it was not 😭)

When I first started marineford, every time they were together on screen i couldn’t help but smile 😭😭 ace’s death wasn’t even the worst part of the arc for me, it was me seeing the pink and yellow speckled flower of shounen-ai blooming in front of me🩷💛

just seeing them together made me TWEAAAK‼️‼️‼️😭😭

What I Don’t Like About The Canon

The vivre cards and due to them the “age gap” between them. and the no-funners that persist on using them. (whether they acknowledge it or not) This is the ONLY thing that i don’t like about the canon

The vivre cards state that koby pre-ts is 16 while helmeppo is 20 (4 year gap)

Ocean (cobymeppocean) made some age headcanons for them and I really like them so i have those headcanons too but some no-funner on twitter (the screenshot was taken on nitter bc i didn’t have twitter back then, do NOT find this person’s account i block on both twitter and here.)

they were pretty much shitting on his headcanons and they didn’t even bother to CENSOR HIS USERNAME.

be aware, their ages have been ambiguous for YEARS it was only in 2018 that their ages have been “confirmed”. The ages strawhats have been confirmed since VOLUME 4 (over TWO DECADES AGO.) that’s too many years too late!

And along with the yamato/kiku trans “discourse” is actually the main reason why i refuse to see the vivre cards as actual resources for ANYTHING one piece related.

But with that, that’s really all i have to say about them, really! I love them so much 🥰

[angelwithnightmares]

WARNING: LONG RANT AND EXPLANATION

I feel like I have to stand up for myself now when I’ve seen the way some of the people in this fandom have been spreading rumors about me on Twitter.

I’m going to take this from the beginning.

//

In November, I was kinda new on Twitter. I remember seeing a tweet in my feed, it said “Let Robin say lesbian in season 5” and to me, who lives in Sweden, the word lesbian isn’t a very “bad” word. It’s actually a very common and normal word here, and we have a bunch of movies and tv-shows when lesbian girls and women simply say: I’m lesbian! So to me, I had NO IDEA that in the US, it’s seen as a “bad” word and that’s why the fans wanted her to verbally say it. I totally get that now, but I wasn’t aware back then. Silly me then made a comment, because a very cute and funny little moment popped up in my head and I felt like: AH I need to write this. It was something along with:

“Or gay, because imagine how cute it would be if Will came out as gay, and Robin would say “I’m gay too”, and then a stunned Dustin (or someone) would say “Okay, so while we’re at it - does anyone else want to come out of the closet?” And then Mike slowly raises his hand.”

I didn’t think much more about it, and the next time I logged into Twitter I had gotten like 50 qrts with: LOADS of death threats, gifs with people murdering people, people calling me lesbophobe, people mocking my grammar, my age, people saying weird things to me about Will etc. I was in such shock, I deleted the tweet right away and had a panic attack. What the hell just happened? How did that made me a lesbophobe? I’m bisexual myself, and I LOVE lesbians. I have also a bunch of wlw ships that I love. But all that shit just because I didn’t know that the word lesbian was very uncommon for americans to say in American media and how they wanted to change that.

Anyways, I deactivated my Twitter because all these horrible rumors about me triggered my suicidal thoughts (I suffer from depression), I made a new one and people figured me out right away so I changed alias and pfp/header but people still figured out it was me.

I blocked every single toxic person I came across, a few months passed and one day I was on Twitter again. This time, it was about an analysis of a scene in Stranger Things. Me and an iconic Byler here on tumblr were analysing the scene when everyone says goodbye at the end of season 3. First, Mike looked uncomfortable af when El kissed him, and later on he looked uncomfortable when she was close to him, hugging and touching and making a forehead touch. In one of the gifs, to ME it looked like the hand movement from El was kinda harsh when they made that forehead touch and I just couldn’t understand how people thought it was cute. It was a personal opinion and just a harmless analysis. Both me and this other person were also saying “Nothing against El though, she’s a kid, but I guess if the roles were reversed - if Mike would be the one to kiss El with her not kissing back, with open eyes, looking uncomfortable and shocked, I guess people would have accused him for SA or something. Not that we did, but we know that it would look a lot more bad if Mike was the one who kissed her and not vice versa simply because of the statistics. WE NEVER ACCUSED EL FOR SA. We both love her and she’s my favorite female character in the show. I just don’t like the SHIP Mlvn and I didn’t get how people thought that scene was cute. It was simply an analysis, nothing more. Not an accusation. Not a hate post. That post had over 200 likes and LOADS of reblogs with people who thought the same. But still only me and my friend were attacked. That also lead to ANOTHER accusation: of me being antisemitic. Why?

In year 2006, I first started my YouTube channel. I was very interested in learning how to edit, so thanks to tutorials I learned by myself how to edit. I was 14 years old when I read Anne Frank’s diary for the first time and I saw so much of myself in her. I also loved the way she described her relationship with Peter in the diary, so I watched “Anne Frank: The Whole Story” from 2001 and thanks to my family I could get that movie on my computer so I could make tribute videos of her since she inspired me so much, to never give up on my dreams and to ALWAYS follow my heart and believe that every person is truly good at heart. I made my own trailer for the movie, because there was none to be found on YouTube. My edits became very popular for being back in 2007, and soon loads of people found them. 90% was so happy I made these tributes, that I let the memory of her and all the people who tragically was murdered by the nazi’s back in the 30/40’s live on. But there was also a bunch of REAL antisemitics who called Anne a bunch of horrible stuff in the comments, people who claimed the holocaust never happened etc and I was defending her and the other victims for dear life. I was so proud of my edits, like I said: I was 14 years old and she was my biggest inspiration. My parents also watched these and they didn’t think they were problematic in any way so of course I trusted them and their moral.

And yes, I also made two tribute edits of her and Peter (I didn’t even knew about the term “shipping” back then) but this person on Twitter said I was making “ship edits” about Anne Frank. I have made all of my old videos private now, mostly because of the bad quality but also because of this person who now made me embarrassed of them instead. I wouldn’t make these edits today. Here’s a glimpse of one of them:

Is this antisemitic in any way?

Anyways, because of this person + a lot of others, this made me and my friend to eventually deactivate our tumblr accounts. I hade SO much going on in my personal life back then too, so this was just too much. They found out things about my family situation and that made me freak out, I was threatening them with the cops just because they were attacking and stalking me and my family on a personal level. They were harassing me on TikTok. On DM. On Twitter. People were leaving me and I felt like shit. Luckily there was a bunch who still were standing by my side through all of this and I am SO grateful for you all. Never forget that, you guys made me come back here.

Also, now when one of my tweets became popular on Twitter, of COURSE these people found me and started spreading these rumors again. I found that out from some of my friends here, sending me ss.

I just can’t fucking believe these people. All because of a silly little tweet which ended up in a total DISASTER.

End of rant. I hope at lease some of you understand.

[wisecrackingeric-2]

Oooooooooo. Oh no. I’m breaking my super mysterious persona to use tumblr as a personal trauma dumping diary aur naur !!!!!!!! Uh vent under cut but I really R E A L L Y Need to reiterate I’m not looking for pity or sympathy at all I just need a place to write all this down!!!!!! If you have advice ofc that’s always welcome but I’m not trying to centre myself at all or make anything about me I just need a space to vent !!!!!

I’m obviously not the first person to say this but I REALLY REALLY HATE the passage of time. I hate that it’s almost the new years and all of my art and posts and other peoples art is gonna be from last year or just have the ‘2023’ label on it. I hate that people are going to move on from my interests and I am TERRIFIED that IIIIIII may also move on. That scares me so unbelievably bad. I hate it so so much I hate that I can’t just pause time or pause my anxiety or autism or ocd to make me stop worrying for two seconds. I hate that so many things are gonna be in the past- like what do you MEAN re4r is gonna be a YEAR OLD in March of next year???????? I cant do that shit man!!!!!!! I can’t see people move on!!!!!!!!!

I HATE being reminded of how fickle everything is so so so SO much. Everytime E V E R Y T I M E something good happens to me, it’s paired with something bad- literally every time without fail. I hate that I can’t enjoy those good things cuz I’m subconsciously constantly waiting for something bad to happen.

For the first time since I came out to my parents in March 2022 I feel like I actually have a future to look forward to. I feel like I actually have things to work towards!!!!!! Projects I can start!!!!!!!! Friends to enjoy them with!!! Things to be EXCITED about!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But then like clockwork I’m brutally reminded of the fact that that could all come crashing down and all of my friends could dissapear off of the face of tumblr forever and it’s all fickle and delicate and why should I enjoy the present if I know bad things are gonna come right after???????????

I hate that this thing that’s brought me comfort and security in my life is so delicate. I could get hate crimed and ran off the internet like what happened on Twitter, my account could get deleted, Etc etc-

And worst of all I could loose my friends in the blink of an eye. They could take a break one day and never return. Something could happen to them and I’d never know. They could leave tumblr forever with no warning and I’d have no way of contacting them whatsoever. It’s happened before to me and it caused me SO much anxiety. I’ve had friends who’ve gone on breaks only to pass away and it leaves me wishing I’d DONE ANYTHING to help them or wishing that I spent more time with them or told them I loved them just a lil mroe

I’ve been so stressed out trying to finish as much stuff as I can before the end of the year cuz of arbitrary rules I’ve set for myself. This is the first time I get to be excited for the future yet I’m constantly knocked down and reminded WHY I SHOULDNT be excited.

Everything’s moving on and everything’s so delicate it could all slip away from me in a the blink of an eye and getting to the end of the year and seeing friends take breaks or say that they may have to leave for whatever reason is only making that anxiety worse.

Not to mention my goddamn parents got a divorce. I havent talked about it hete often cuz I feel like if I did it’d be all I talked about NDNEHENEJWN but it’s taken a MASSIVE toll on me. The fact that they’ll never be the same and I’ll never feel completely secure in life ever again has taken its toll on me.

I hate that there’s no solution to this. ‘Just move on/keep going in spite’ doesn’t work for me. I don’t WANT things to move on I don’t WANT things to change I don’t WANT to loose my friends and the community I’ve worked so hard to build and everything I’ve created again. I don’t wanna move on and it hurts so bad.

I don’t want the new years to roll around.

[cowgurrrl]

hi june! 

to say the vibes have been off lately would be an understatement, wouldn’t it? because there has been a lot of negativity, too much for a place that is supposed to be about finding an outlet for your creativity and people to share your interests.

i know it has been difficult, draining to be around here and face all the discourse cankering the fandom. 

because of all this negativity, i believe it is important to try and balance it out with some kindness. so here i am, doing a little check-up on you <3

so first, how are you, really?

everything you feel regarding what is happening is valid and you deserve to feel happy and safe around here. so please, make sure you take the time you need from posting, from sharing fics, even just from being on the platform. i want you to know it’s okay and i support whatever you decide, for whatever reason.

i also want you to know that you have your place here, as much as the rest of us. you’re loved and wanted and i can assure you the fandom is a far better place with you in it.

i hope you’re taking care of yourself outside of tumblr as well. please remember to stay hydrated and to eat something 🫶🏼

now i would like you to sit back and enjoy the perfect, quiet night in with joel <3

do not hesitate to reach out if you need to talk, i’m here for you! sending you all my love and so many hugs 🫂

anna 💗

Hi sweet Anna!!

The vibes have been ✨off✨ and I keep seeing people talking about discourse but I honestly have no idea what’s going on so I’m just in my own little lane like ✍️🥸 but I’ve been busy with grad school (and my 12,000 words worth of essays due all within the same week), trying to figure out my living situation for the fall, managing my mental health, work, and all that good stuff so I haven’t been able to churn out fic like I used to and feel a little bad about that but it’s all in my head (more or less)

I’m also just trying to remind myself that this is a hobby and it’s fun and I, obviously, love getting to share my work with y’all but it takes countless hours researching, brainstorming, writing, re-writing, editing, formatting and posting on top of what I’m already researching and writing for school and for my own personal fulfillment (be it poetry, prose, shitty diary entries, etc.,) and trying not to get discouraged if I don’t get as much interaction on it and just being happy it exists and is out there so it’s a balance and one that I’m not always the best at managing!! Thank you for checking in, honey, and I hope you are handling this stress much better than I am lol

[algolagniaa]

actually fuck it I’m posting it anyway. who gives af about a tumblr reputation

a couple years ago I was very deeply in love with somebody. like the strongest feelings I’d had for anyone since my relationship with my ex fiancé ended. and I talk a big game about not giving af about anyone but the reality is when I care about someone I REALLY care about them, like I am EXTREMELY all or nothing about it as Jess could tell you lol. and I was not quite recovered from being not only cheated on but also told (well I read it in Levi’s diary but same difference) that they’d never really loved me or been attracted to me at all and only got with me bc they didn’t think they could do better basically. so basically I was very emotionally fragile at this time and the fact that I had opened my heart enough to love again was a pretty big deal

and this person knew how much I cared about her. and one night she got really drunk and confessed her love to me in a big grand gesture that lasted literally an hour. and talked about how wonderful and beautiful and smart and kind I was, and how she wanted to marry me and have a big wedding so everyone could see how beautiful I was, and how she loved me so much and the reason she did xyz things was all to impress me but she couldn’t believe that I could also love her. and also she told me she shouldn’t be telling me any of this because she was going to take it back the minute she was sober, not because it wasn’t true but because she knew it wouldn’t work out between us so she was going to deny it all in the morning. and the reason it wasn’t going to work out between us was because her parents didn’t approve (did I mention she was a trust fund baby) and also because I don’t wax my eyebrows and that’s a dealbreaker bc my natural eyebrows make me look ugly. but she was also basically begging me to say that I also thought we were just like a fairytale and it was this big overwhelming thing and then in the morning she said she’d lied because she was trying to drink herself to death and it would’ve made a good story.

and it WOULD have made a good story if I had stopped talking to her on the spot. only I didn’t. because I wanted to believe that everything she had said was true. she did say she was going to deny it after all. and by the time I figured out it definitely wasn’t true - well at that point she and I were really close and she’d done a lot to show she was sincerely sorry for what she’d done and I still kept her around. and I just tried to push down how shitty and unlovable she’d made me feel. because after Levi I hadn’t felt like anyone could love me. and then somebody did, and it was that. and we spent years in the most fucked up situationship of all time that eventually became an admittedly pretty good platonic friendship but I never fully got over it and am only really processing it now after she did some new fucked up shit to me.

and I’m in a relationship now with the best kindest most wonderful woman of all time who makes it clear every day how special I am to her. and I’ve also had poetry written about me and artistic nudes done of me without me like specifically posing for it or anything like I’m obviously not some undesirable wench. but I feel like one constantly. when I’m with Jess I don’t feel like that but when we’re apart I start wondering how long it’s really going to last. I read tumblr posts about being a femcel loser virgin or whatever and I think “oh that’s me” even when my pussy is actively sore from having sex. like. it’s insane. but between her and Levi I spent p much my entire 20s in that mindset when I really didn’t have to. and it’s really fucked up. and I don’t mean to make myself sound like an innocent victim because I have continued to choose the circumstances that make me feel like this, but also it’s really fucked up that someone made me feel this way because I don’t and shouldn’t have to. and I don’t know how I’m going to get over it like I actually don’t know how to rebuild my self esteem from here.

also - the girl I’m talking about reads my tumblr and will definitely read this. and I’m not even going to bother hiding it from her tbh 🤷🏻‍♀️ kind of hope the guilt keeps her awake at night

[detroitbecomeonline]

Not expecting a reply, just wanted to drop by and say THANK YOU SO MUCH!

I started doing a little modding around in January, mainly trying to google and learn stuff only to find out that info and the modding community of DBH is scarce. I’m a very shy person, so starting to talk with other modders didn’t (and still doesn’t) seem like an option. Not to mention not knowing how to approach them ans where.

I used all the little info I found and got as far as to learn how to do hex swaps on the dbh demo (since the online model swapoer doesn’t work on it). Also found tutorials for textures but didn’t go for it yet. Now that I finally have the full game I’m better able to do more stuff.

Thanks to your activeness, more info has become easily available. Of course I have to thank the whole modding community as well, but I personally feel like it wasn’t until you came along that the info started to surface.

So thank you again and keep doing what you do. I love to follow your modding diary and I’m excited to learn from your learnings!!

I started modding at the start of the year too! I'm so glad you're finding my mod diary entries helpful.

I really want DBH modding information to be much more public, so that's why I started my diary! Unfortunately, a lot of people keep things private when they're not supposed to/are told not to share it. I somehow got caught up in that (which you will see in one of my previous entries) even though it's like, the opposite of what I want to achieve.

I can't take credit for "figuring out" the mods though. People have figured these out long before I got here, and those people are linked in my previous entries. <3

I would love to learn a programming language so I can reverse engineer the game and get codes that way rather than asking fellow modders, but learning that feels so out of my grasp since I like, you know, have work to do. Grass to touch. It's time that I wish I had!

Unfortunately, (and this is NOT to cause drama) my main source of info/mentor has blocked me on Tumblr because she misunderstood a post I created (classic Twitter-style misunderstanding lol)(and no hate to her at all! I am unable to talk to her privately anywhere to reconcile and clarify. So, I'm locked in a learning stalemate at the moment), so the entries will be significantly slower.

You are absolutely welcome to DM me if you get stuck with something. I only know as much as people tell me, so if you figure anything out, please let me know! I'd love to learn anything from anywhere and put it in an entry for more people to find.

I hope your modding journey is easy! It's tough for me because I have no idea what I'm doing and finding stuff is so, so hard. So I hope you're having fun and getting the results you want. I'm so glad you're using my regurgitated info lmao <3

DATE: 01/03/2023

[findswoman]

7, 16, 21, 22, 32, 42 and 61 for the fic writer ask game!!

Ooh, a lot of wonderful asks there! (From this post.)

7. How do you choose which POV to write from?

Just according to the needs and form of the story, mostly. Limited third-person is my go-to for most things, but if I’m writing something in a journal or diary format, or even just if I think it would work better for the character in question, I might try first person. I did that in my OC diary Shaman, Traveler, Oracle, which was written for a diary-writing challenge, with the result that now I often (but don’t always) write segments featuring the same character as if they were extracts taken from her diary! Another example is ’Cause I Don’t, which centered on DJ from TLJ (the prompt was to write a story about a character you don’t like, and that was the best I could come up with), and he has such a distinctive speech pattern and way of expressing himself that I couldn’t resist going with first-person there, too.

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

Just a couple at present, because I’ve recently returned to writing The Book of Gand and my brain is at present mostly taken up with that—so I guess many of my current ideas concern future directions to take I that story. But in addition to that, I have been planning another Lasan Series story, this time about Zeb’s first time going to the Honor Guard Ball with Shulma (OC). It’s just been a matter of figuring out some goofy, humorous crisis for them and their friends to encounter!

21. Would you ever collaborate with another writer for a story?

I’ve done this a few times, and it’s been fun—it’s just something I have to prepare for mentally, and I would want to know my collaborator very well.

22. Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)?

My main no-nos are excessive gore, heavy violence, and anything in the gross-out line. Probably NSFW will end up on that list as well; I’m still working out my feelings about it. For the most part my stories top out at a T rating, with a few isolated instances of M (which have more to do with what people call “thematic material” than anything else).

32. Name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

Oh, do I have to choose just three? 😛 I’m going to use this opportunity to shout out to three fanfic writers I enjoy who are not on Tumblr (or at least only rarely): Raissa_Baiard, Kahara_the_Ghostly_Galoomp, and a hidden treasure who isn’t (as far as I know) on AO3 either: Thumper09.

42. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

Why yes! It was a recently posted vignette by @jedi-valjean: The Doqvic Method, in which an OC police officer on Coruscant takes a unique and off-the-beaten-track approach to deal with a spice dealer he’s recently arrested. It ties into his longer magnum opus, the Stars in Their Multitudes series. Very keen character crafting achieved in a small number of words!

61. Why do you continue writing fics?

The best I can say is because I feel I still have some stories in me worth telling, and because there are people out there who seem to enjoy them! I’m not aiming for popularity—I’ve made my peace with that long ago—but I love the community this fan fiction writing hobby of ours creates between writers and readers, and that’s always been one of the most fulfilling things about it for me.

[cemchelarna]

Updates and housekeeping

Hello! It’s been a while since I last used this blog properly so I’m not sure how many people following me are still active, but I thought I’d do a quick update anyway.

I took a long break from tumblr for a while, which was definitely the right decision, but as I’ve discovered new hobbies and passions and interests, I found myself missing fandom interactions and that sense of community and just generally having a place to talk about things I like with fellow fans. Therefore, I’ve decided I want to make a proper return to using tumblr. My original plan was to just delete this blog and start anew, but as I was looking back through all my old stuff, I realised I couldn’t just delete it all. I’ve had this blog for well over ten years now and looking at old posts was like looking through a diary (albeit  a very cringe one at times), but I’m sentimental and don’t like the thought of getting rid of something that’s like a time capsule from my angsty teenage years. Not to get soppy on main, but I’ve changed so much as a person in that time and this blog has seen me through so much and so deleting it just felt wrong. 

So, the plan now is to keep this same blog and just rebrand a bit to fit more with my current interests. I’ve deleted some of my really old/cringe posts (god I really did post some absolute shit back then) but apart from that most other stuff will stay. I still love Hannibal and it will always have a place in my heart, but now feels like a good time for a url change to sort of mark the start of a new era or whatever. I love organising and tagging stuff so I’ll be keeping this blog as a place for whatever I’m currently interested in (which now includes stuff like hollow knight, the elder scrolls, and the goblin emperor series) and I’ll keep my sideblog as a place for everything else (memes, shitposts, reblogging cool art etc) and I’ll get round to organising that at some point too. 

Not sure where I’m really going with this but that’s about all I have to say, so if you’ve read this far, thanks! Feel free to drop by and say hi or whatever as I’m always up for new friends.