#and I wanted to avoid getting sick
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HAHAHHAHAHHA I DID IT I FILLED EVERY SPACE and almost all of them are coloured :D
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#little fire's art#cw: gore#just in case because of May's#I'm not gonna bother tagging the medias/characters#ignore the fact that July's was part of the colour wheel challenge thing#my favs this year is probably Jan and Nov#even if Jan was a screencap redraw#would it even still be called that if it's a comic panel? idk#April had the short end of the stick bc I was recovering from sleeping on my chair every night in March#bc I couldn't be upstairs bc that was the COVID quarantine zone#and I wanted to avoid getting sick#which I was successful#but my chair is not a bed#should I be sorry for Sep and Nov bc they're a request and gift respectively?#idk but they're still my art#so I do have the right to share them#even if they technically belong to the people they were drawn for fhsdjf#okay not technically#absolutely belong to them#but still#I drew them#and Nov's does have my oc#the ginger one#Hisaki the disaster lesbian arsonist kitsune#I guess the gift does count as a request as well#since I asked my friend what he wanted me to draw for him for his bday#this year was a heck of a year#but I survived#and reached my goal of finally doing at least one drawing a month#I should shut up and actually post this
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The organiser(s) of the #savetf2 movement have created a website, where you can sign their petition for this year's campaign. Please read it, and sign if you can. All it takes is to input your e-mail and verify it, no signing up for newsletters or making logins.
https://save.tf/
I myself don't really play tf2, i'm a massive coward when it comes to multiplayer games, but i am in the fandom and i'd preffer for it not to die. I see how this whole bot problem affects the playerbase, it is truly horrible how Valve let the game get to this state, and i wanna help in any way i can, hence me sharing the link to their website.
if WOW playes could do it, we can too
#no forcing anyone. just saying there's a movement like this and it would be sick if it actually worked#tf2#savetf2#fixtf2#alsp i know i don't usually post stuff like this. but i feel like we have a chance#i want to be able to play tf2 one day when i get the courage and not have to learn how to avoid infested servers first#you know. have a clean first-time experience#praying to got the embed works
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i care him so much guys . guys. hes blorbo bingus
#someone on discord wanted him to be tarred and feathered#fop#just doodles#dale dimmadome#fop a new wish#thinks about his childhood and cries so hard i throw up. thinks about how he could've gotten help but none of the adults in his life cared#enough to get him what he needed#thinks about how he could've avoided continuing the cycle of dismissal and neglect#after he escaped the stupid ass evil dungeon he could only eat plain white bread for a month until his body adjusted to Actual Food#and he took 5 hour long showers every single day and would scrub until he drew blood#hes very deeply traumatised and having a real rough time adjusting to 'normal life' and doug just waves everything off#'chin up sport!' and buys him some random shit before going down a new rabbit hole business endeavour#imagine he finds out about the ransom. that doug knew and just didn't care enough to get him. oh mygod#HE HAS THE PICTURE. IN THE NEW SHOW. so he definitely finds out eventually#and doug wouldnt even try to hide it he literally just Did Not Care#i'm sick.
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OC again gomen ... (her name is Yuma)
#my characters#she was (shocking to no one) a side character in a plot from forever ago and while i fleshed out her bg a LOT#she never got her own actual story ? the plot she was in had a lot of characters so her and her best friend myo were like... cameos#in other character arcs rip to she having her own#basically she had light powers and had a kind of whispy clear happy look (top)#and then the big bad guy corrupted her and she got dark powers#so myo and her start to think she is sick and then big bad shows up and tells myo that if he wants to help yuma - hed help#so he manipulates the two into working for the bad guys who id like to point out! think they're the good guys#so yuma keeps having cloudy and foggy memories and nightmares and she doesnt understand whats going on with her#and she tells myo who hasnt clued in yet and he tells her shes fine and shes too nice to do what she feels guilty for#and then after its all kinda said and done and the big bad dies the corruption disappears bc he was the one causing it#and at that point myo knows the horrible things hes kind of helped yuma do and the actual things yuma has done#and he goes to rem who a lot of people avoid since rem has mind reading and memory manipulation powers#and he asks if rem can help yuma forget everything bad#and rem - who is the unfortunate right hand of the big bad who feels so much guilt for everything he has done -#asks him if its what yuma wants cause it isnt his place to change it without her consent as well#bc rem was actually the one that yuma interacted with most outside of myo#but as far as actual plots and arcs rem was more important ? common? idk ? as a focus#so despite yuma having a lot of established background and drama she never had her own ... thing#but as the dark corruption gets to her she loses the clear stream vibes and is like an oozing oil spill#and it kinda festers into her becoming like an eldritch monster type being from the grief and guilt her conscious has#while polluted by darkness sooooo#she just kinda becomes a monster in the background of the plot its fine she gets better#and that was storytime in the tags bye
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If HOPRs had a corrupted version (there’s no good reason for one to be on sierpinski since they’re supposed to all be decommissioned) I think they’d fill the role of classic spitter enemy. They’ve got gross goopy heads and I think they’d essentially try to projectile spit evil juice that attracts other corrupted replikas to you
#ITS BASED OFF OF SOME GROSS GLAND STUFF I LEARNED ABOUT HOOPOE BIRDS#apparently the nesting females can produce gland fluids that smell like rotting meat etc to deter predators#wanted to do something with that#not sure how to incorporate their spears though…#kinda like the thought of them fusing with the head#something something hoprs clinging to their beloved items as a last comfort upon getting sick#only for it to further hurt them#maybe the spears would grow/fuse vertically and limit neck movement#they’d also look so silly. spike heads lmaoo#<- ohhhh actually that could also be a fun mock hoopoe crest#anyway corrupted hoprs I think would be really aggressive but would have a hard time chasing u#due to being goopy kabobs essentially#they just want u out of their space but they REALLY want you out#I could even see other corrupted replikas avoiding them just bc they’re that territorial#maybe only tolerating other corrupted hoprs?#idk but it’s fun to play with#hopr#signalis oc#blorbo tag
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every day im reminded that though my parents may have wanted a dog they clearly did not want to take care of a dog
#and i KNEW this which was why i insisted on not getting dogs though they keep trying to gaslight me#into thinking that i agreed on the dogs. i didnt and i wish id railed against it harder#because ill be honest i knew i didnt want to take care of a dog i wasnt in the headspace#but i also knew that if they got the dog that the actual caring duties would be foisted off to me#and the things that They would have to do ie go to the vet nd pay the bills etc theyd complain about and avoid#and thats one thjng. but oh my fucking god. my dad specifically#its like hes trying to get these dogs to die. we have several plants in the backyard#bad for dogs. i point them out. i have pointed them out Several times.#theyre his plants the gardens his thats none of my things. he just goes oh they wont get into them#THEYRE DOGS. but he doesnt want to move his fucking plants#one of the dogs is on medicine but has a habit of not eating his food in the morning#which means if u leave his medicine in hjs bowl the other dog might eat it#one solution is to give him the tablet straight. because hes good about eating it#he doesnt want to because 'thats gross'. Are you five fucking years old#the dog doesnt like the texture of dry food so another solution is to wet it#dad wont do that either because 'hes too spoiled' and 'it takes time' ONE MINUTE?????????#like i have to assume this is some kind of ploy to make me do it instead when i dont wake up that early#because if its not then hes truly just incompetent or doesnt care about the dogs#which brings me back to WHY DID YOU GET THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE.#im sick of having to worry about them when he just does shit like this its wasting my time and its wasting money#but ohhhh we dont want to give the dogs away theyre part of the family 🥺#CLEARLY. because apparently u wanted kids but didnt want to take care of them either!!#im pissed off!!! im tired!!!!!!!!#i need to know im not going batshit here for being pissed off!!!!!#the dogs are getting back to back problems and at least some of it would have been mitigated by oh.#i dont know. the bare minimum?????#at least if the plants had been taken care of i wouldnt have to wonder if theyd just gotten into them#or if its an actual problem like a mass or bite. but no now i dont know#and at this rate were going to waste money going to the vet every fucking week
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i don't forget to eat, i just ignore being hungry because literally nothing is appetizing at that moment, and trying to eat something would just result in it being left unfinished and being thrown away
like ill just go "hm im hungry", think about what is available to eat, realize i dont want any of it, and then proceed to ignore it until the food seems appetizing enough
#arfid#avoidant restrictive food intake disorder#kitkat chat post#and sometimes if youre TOO hungry eating just makes you feel more sick#so like gotta wait for that to chill out and then get something#'just eat anyway' i dont want to waste more food!!!#its better to wait for the hunger to like calm down too before eating#bc if i dont i just get nauseuous from eating
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absolutely hilarious to me that that side of the fandom think the buddie side is the delusional one because of the tim interview when the man himself CLEARLY stated that he had NEVER seen the fandom behaving this badly in all of his years working in the business and the only difference from all the other years to this one is the bt fandom, like genuinely lol.
he also stated about people coming to talk to him and using what he said when there are prints out there of their fandom doing this, like it’s not all of them obviously, just like there are parts of the buddie fandom who can be disrespectful too, but as someone who recently joined the fandom and saw the comings and goings through the years, i can safely say when a fandom is being too much on the disrespectful side and i saw that behavior way more on that side, honestly.
#buddie#anti bucktommy#tim minear#i kinda promised i wouldn’t get involved with fandom stuff#because i know how ugly can get#and i usually avoid it#but like have some common sense#no wonder some of them don’t understand what’s going in the show#when they can’t understand a simple interview too#some people just need to get a grip#didn’t like being called out?#do better and move on#this is directed to a very specific side who think they’re the poor victims#not the entire fandom just to clarify#i’m just sick and tired of buddie shippers being attacked#of doing perfectly reasonable things within the fandom#like ofc in 911 posts they talk about wanting buddie#this is called engaging#it’s very different from dming the showrunner to talk about theories#there are lines that shouldn’t be crossed#and ofc we’re going to talk about our ship getting together#it’s what we want to happen#this is normal behavior in fandom#that’s why it exists#canon is there and we take in that information and decide what we like and what we don’t#anyway i talked too much already#that was it
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yall Im so fucking tired. This month has been exhausting. I promise Im alive, just barely functional atm.
#personal#rant below#begining of the month docs said dad had less than a month. Hes still around but declining#been taking care of him and my mom#along with working full time#and my boyfriend doing his damndest to keep me busy when Im not helping with dad#which is great except Im so tired#but also I havent been able to sleep much#and I've lost my appetite which apparently is a grief thing I didn't know about#So I've managed to get all the physical grief symptoms and it is taking a fucking toll#so your girl is sleeping in tomorrow and spending the day doing my own little crafts and avoiding people as much as I can#a girl just wants some sleep and a fulfilling snack but all she is being given are slight naps and unappealing food. send help.#anyways after this experience Ive decided that I no longer give any fucks because you only live once so Im just gonna do what I want foreve#and actually live life instead of being constrained by societal standards#after all this is over of course. gotta take care of dad first#also I got to paint the door because he was sick of staring at the porch. so its a lake view now#woooo#yeah so thats my life update for you all#also I saw a girl for the first time in 9 years today who completely changed the tradgetory of my life and didn't know it. so that was fun.#exhausing but fun#also idgaf about spelling right now I am running on caffeine and pure will power atm
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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#hello friends i just wanted to share some good news! i just tested partially negative for covid :) it got my GI tract pretty bad but i’m ok#i successfully avoided getting my family and friends sick!!! and my senses of smell and taste are returning to normal#everything is turning out to be the best possible scenario if you’re sick right now then i wish you an equally speedy recovery!!#(i won’t be going out until i’m fully negative for a couple of days)
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Well. I finally looked into the Neil Gaiman allegations and I feel even worse than I thought I would 🙃
#m rambles#neil gaiman#I’ve been avoiding it because I knew I would get upset#but actually reading the articles?#I feel like throwing up and I’m on the verge of sobbing#I’m just so fucking sick of people I think are good turning out to be monsters#I know I’ll probably be able to enjoy his work again at some point#but right now I just want to vomit
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#tw: school shooting#…………….#our Director sent a really thoughtful email about today’s school shooting#and is very supportive if we want to wear ‘protect kids not guns’ gear#it’s just. I’m surrounded by the right people but it’s so fucking hard to read this news as often as I have to#I try to avoid it because if I think too hard about it I don’t even know#it’s too close to home I guess#it’s gut wrenching to think that there was a teenager texting her mom ‘I wasn’t a perfect daughter. I love you. I’m sorry.’ and it’s just#another news piece to put together with angry orange Cheeto being demented#and nothing! changes!#i get a bucket of kitty litter for my classroom#I get another training or another lockdown drill#as if there’s not enough.#Just. fucking sick of this continuing to happen#because somebody wants to be paid!
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everything SUCKS nobody TAGS anything and i am sick as a DICK
#quite frankly i care less abt what driver said what etc than i do about managing my own brain#eve disappointed and sad . obviously . eve also sleeping for 15hrs to try not to be sick#eve also trying to avoid getting triggered !#like ugh they made horrible statements . i dont want to read it four hundred fucking times#i’d like to not throw up today!#christian horner //#<- not actually explicitly but very vaguely#talking Around It
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I'm leaving for vacation in less than a week, and I told myself I'd finish first drafts of both these fics before then...
Hmm
Scrivener is taunting me
#it's either going to be a big old push in the next few days#(I mean...I'm staying home to avoid getting sick beforehand so maybe I'll have time?)#or I'm writing overseas baby!#(I could also wait & just not for the one that doesn't have a deadline other than a self-imposed one but you see...I want to)#(also starting to have ugh I hope people will still be reading bg3 fic in months' time thoughts—#but I know I will be and that's what matters/it's not a race/it's only been a year/it's fiiiine)
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why the fuck did i write about birds this fucking sucks. i just found out birds only sleep for a few minutes at a time, hundreds of times a day. do you know what this is going to do to my structure? the logistics of their road trip? this is already like three days late and i've been fighting for my life to get A Plot Like Any Plot That Makes Sense out and now the birds fucking sleep for 5 minutes at a time.
#i should've just bailed and written another story when i had the chance#i'm not joking i've never fought a fiction piece this hard before. usually because i'm not writing for specific deadlines#and not a piece so big. and not one that's gonna be workshopped. i wanna blow them away but if things keep going the way they are everyone'#gonna tell me the pacing sucks and it feels pointless and the characters feel really confused. I KNOW. I KNOW THAT. FUCKK#i'm the type to do about 15 passes before i let someone see my 'first draft' and i'm just not gonna be able to do that if i want to get it#in time for a workshop. every day i delay is making things harder for my classmates y'know?? but i've been writing like 1k words a day#and it's still not done. GUHH#I DON'T LIKE WRITING THESE CHARACTERS THAT MUCH THEY'RE NOT FUNNY OR ENDEARING AND THAT'S MY LIKE.#MAIN SKILL AND VIBE WITH SHORT STORY DUOS. BUT NOOOO I HAD TO MAKE THEM DIFFERENT CUZ I WAS SICK OF DOING#THE SAME DYNAMIC OVER AND OVER. BITCH THIS IS YOUR FINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRIED AND TRUE GETS THE BLUE (RIBBON)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head#going to work on it some more. fuckk#the voices aren't consistent and i'm trying to make it clear that this is toxic bird yuri and not a mother/daughter thing but the maternal#themes are kind of fucking with that but they're important and i don't wanna get rid of them but it feels forced cuz im forcing it#sigh. i'm gonna have to cut the yuri. these two don't work romantically at all. what a waste of time.#i watched the entirety of mnthly girls' nozaki-kun in the past two days while avoiding writing. did you know that? the lengths to which i'l#go? anyway it was fun i appreciate fellow creative agony and i uh never knew how they did screen tones and wasn't expecting that somehow#so i learned something new (hooray). anyway back to. fucking. bird story stuff#i'm so mad i hate these two (<- lying. just pissy) i hate this story (<- mostly exaggerating. throwing a tantrum)#eughhhhhh i just wanna lie on the floor and cryyyyyyyyyy (<- completely deadpan irl. not That upset just kind of sick of shit)#i'm so burnt out and it's only gonna get worse. ughh#why can't someone just come in and write it for meeeeeeeeeeheheuhhh (<- would hate that)
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