#but also I havent been able to sleep much
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
yall Im so fucking tired. This month has been exhausting. I promise Im alive, just barely functional atm.
#personal#rant below#begining of the month docs said dad had less than a month. Hes still around but declining#been taking care of him and my mom#along with working full time#and my boyfriend doing his damndest to keep me busy when Im not helping with dad#which is great except Im so tired#but also I havent been able to sleep much#and I've lost my appetite which apparently is a grief thing I didn't know about#So I've managed to get all the physical grief symptoms and it is taking a fucking toll#so your girl is sleeping in tomorrow and spending the day doing my own little crafts and avoiding people as much as I can#a girl just wants some sleep and a fulfilling snack but all she is being given are slight naps and unappealing food. send help.#anyways after this experience Ive decided that I no longer give any fucks because you only live once so Im just gonna do what I want foreve#and actually live life instead of being constrained by societal standards#after all this is over of course. gotta take care of dad first#also I got to paint the door because he was sick of staring at the porch. so its a lake view now#woooo#yeah so thats my life update for you all#also I saw a girl for the first time in 9 years today who completely changed the tradgetory of my life and didn't know it. so that was fun.#exhausing but fun#also idgaf about spelling right now I am running on caffeine and pure will power atm
51 notes
·
View notes
Text
you know the feeling when youve only had one hour of sleep or less and yet youre Very Awake somehow
#saw kagoutis' headcanon about the triforce of power having effects on the host#like increased metabolism or the ability to go for days without needing sleep or something#and i havent been able to stop thinking about that#pov you return to mortal form for the first time after getting the triforce and also being disembodied for who knows how long#and you realize you dont need as much sleep as you used to. if at all. but its not like you have a say in the matter anyway#saying a lot of things in the tags sorry#loz#twilight princess#ganondorf#zant#was going to draw this as oot ganondorf but i never ever draw tp ganondorf so#:]#doodles
132 notes
·
View notes
Note
just want 2 say abt the marvel rivals post u made... big mood bc that's me every game getting banished to Magneto, Strange, or Adam bc these ppl wont stop picking Punisher (?) and feeding like crazy… like maybe i want to play (idk any of the dps chars bc I never play them but imagine one here)... but noooo give the 2k dmg guy MVP and not me with 35k damage blocked/healing done..... smh -poro anon
do you really want to play dps when you dont know any of the dps tho ……… much to consider …….
#snap chats#OWDJSK I MEAN IM JUST SAYIN ……. yaint lab any for the day you Can play dps …..#ok im being mean . i Naturally gravitate to tank or support i gen love those roles#but it is very aggravating trying to tank or support alone#at least i feel as though people are more willing to dual support but if youre tank youre on your own#which isnt HORRIBLE its very much doable and ive won games that way but having one SUPPORT on top of that … girls ….#tank is an entirely thankless role which is fine for me but its just…. wow ……#like again im not super affected. except i am because I Repeat two supports is great#mags works best with a second tank but ive been able to win games with just him so w/e#also anon …… i dont think mvp is distributed based on damage blocked ….. its based on kills per second im p sure#idk i actually havent looked into how mvps are achieved in rivals but ill do that in the morn prob#in any case dont hard focus stats since stats arent wholly reflective of whats happening in game#what matters is winning and securing objectives and as long as thats being done then Yippee ….#ofc Play The Game and make yourself a productive team member but dont get caught up in just the numbers#ok that ends my unsolicited tidbit bye bye im sleeping
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#i feel wretched#as if my whole body's been caught in a current and bashed into every rock and rusted can and broken bottle on the river bed#i am nauseous as fuck#i could not sleep last night and cannot sleep currently#and someone just booked to view our house tomorrow#so i quite literally just rolled off my bed and crawled through the house trying to tidy as much of my art and Xmas and travel shit as i can#while my wife does the bigger cleaning jobs#and i do not have the energy for it. because no sleep. and also i technically have no food in me. do with that what you will#and i think i'm getting a fever again but i'm just pretending it's not happening because i want to shower and get into my pyjamas#and all i wanted to do today was write but i havent been able to#and i wanted to cook a nice dinner but i cant do that either#im gonna try and eat a BISCUIT in a minute and see if my stomach can bear it#and i keep forgetting that i'm overdue my period so that's definitely on the horizon#anyway if the person doesnt put an offer in tomorrow i may genuinely curl up in a ball and cry like a baby#i know this is tmi and i complain way too much btw. this is as brave as i can be about it#anyways im off to crawl to the shower#tbd
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
I have Mono guys 😡😡 I KNEW IT 😡😡 I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO DO ANYTHING LATELY 🥶🥶 The most annoying thing about this is that it’s ruined my Art fight streak because I’ve been too tired to draw anything!! Ugghhhhh
But lmao the only thing I can manage to draw is that stupid fucking triangle due to me only thinking of that DAMN BOOK ☠️☠️ My fixations can fix me I guess
#But I haven’t been able to finish the bill comic every time I do I just wanna sleep :(#like Ohmygod when I start drawing something I’m like 😈 what if instead 😈 I sleep 😈😈#ALSO THIS IS WHY I HAVENT BEEN TALKING TO ANYONE ONLINE IT TAKES ME SO MUCH EFFORT TO RESPOND TO PEOPLE IM SORRY#but I’ll make rants about Bill Cipher…. Guys wtf is wrong with me 😭😭😭#LIKE WHEN RESPONDING TO ARTFIGHT ATTACKS I HAVE TO LIKE FORCE MYSELF TO DO IT AND IT TAKES LIKE MULTIPLE DAYS UNTIL I CAN MANAGE TO DO IT ☠#unless it’s about bill cipher…. Sighs (GUYS PLEASE DONT QUESTION MY FIXATION ON THIS SHOW ITS ALWAYS BEEN BAD ITS JUST HAUNTING ME AGAIN)
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
I CAN LAY ON MY FUCKING BELLY LETS GOOOOOOOOO I CAN HOLD MY WIFE LETS GOOOOOOOOO IM SO FUCKING EXCITED YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
#i am going back to sleep with this new info bc i can hold her yay < 3#and holding her makes falling asleep SOOOOO much easier#my wonderful soft squishy space heater#and her snores are everything. they are genuinely so comforting I love pressing my head on her chest/back and listening to them to sleep#(it has also. Genuinely only been 10 days since i last held her like this stopppp 💀 its felt like a lifetime on my body oughghgh)#i feel myself relaxing and melting in ways i havent been able to since the surgery hehehehe I'm so happy
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
omg the cute autistic/mutual friend at the party I was talking ab way back just moved into our building!!! I legit ran into him omw in and exchanged instas he is SO adorable and cute and I love him like I just wanna be around him so like tf I am SO HAPPY
#im not sure the post is even still up but me n my friends were just having a casual gettogether and i met him n my post was talking ab how#im glad no annoying autsitics have been introduced to me yet bc ive already met like 3 and theyre all either like#smart autistics or adorable autistics or interesting autistics and i have a crush on two of them including the cute autistic this post is ab#like im so HAPPY omg im gonna bug him so much its weird bc idk what u call the type of crush where its like im not searching for romance#but i will do anything to be in ur prescense bc i know id enjoy being friends or partners or whatever the fuck involves KNOWING YOU#idk lol#yutamayo is starting the day off right (#(its 3:47pm)#at the party we were playing Detroit Become Human anf he seems to also be a hyperfixation/skilled autistic bc he SLAYED at the game i just#enjoyed watching him speedplay at that point#and everyone was ig close enough with him to call him by a semiracist nickname bc hes indigenous n his last name wad apparently too long#so i was like NOPE and made sure to spell it out and resay it so i could say his last name properly instead of his nickname#im noy shading them bc its fine to have a close friend thing where ur able to have a joking nickname ab a characteristic like my bestie#calls me “it” sometimes and thats not something i dislike bc we KNOW each other and its the opposite of malicious intent#but yeah i wad likr nah id prefer to know how to say it#then it was like 3am anf there was only like 4ppl left n he was like yeah i gotta go bavk home to whitby apparently he was just gonna#use the electric scooters they have around town but thats like 30min away in the mf a.m#n he didnt wanna crash on our couch which isfine n everyone else was like mkay bye bc yhey wanted to sleep#n i was like NOPE and hunted down bus fare n waited with him at the bus stop for the night bus n made sure he got on it then never saw him#again#until#today#god fucking bless#*introduced to 3 autistics not 3 annoying autistics the post was ab how im gkad i havent met an annoying autistic in my buikding yet*
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
I am EXHAUSTED. On top of all the other things, I've been spending more time trying to make something that Molly will eat to take her meds with, so I haven't had the energy to really cook for myself.
#i need to find the right kind of e colllar for her because she keeps rubbing the sore on her eye on things and makijh a mess of it#i have so much to do and havent been able to do barely any of it#also... sleep? whats that?
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍
Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.
But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.
I do need to eat. But... later...
#speculation nation#im the special kind of tired where im more tired than hungry#which is to say my every cell is yelling at me to get some fucking sleep.#and i dont think id be much more successful at eating rn than i was this morning.#i ate. half a can of chef boyardee. which was half bc i was so focused on typing and half bc i could barely stomach it.#so i at least ate Something. but not as much as normal.#i did have an ensure in the middle of the day. so theres some nutrients too at least.#i'll eat after i get a few hours of sleep. when the edge is no longer so desperate.#and hopefully i'll be able to stomach things better then.#honestly have all nighters always been this hard or am i just getting older? i havent actually pulled an all nighter since uhhh#well there was kind of one on dead dad day. but that day sucked just in general.#last time i think was april '23 when i read t.rimax volume 9-14 within a 24 hour period while also finishing a final presentation.#even then tho i got like 2 hours of sleep. it was still pretty rough though.#like ok i guess those times were pretty awful and also i did get at least some sleep. which is more than today.#so it makes sense for me to be in worse shape rn. i also didnt get as much sleep the night before last as i wanted to#i got... ...maybe 4 hours sleep??? ummm. which isnt a good thing actuslly. no wonder im so fucking exhausted.#i can barely type right now i will be honest. it was so hard to bike home. it took all my focus to not drive off a bridge#or get pushed into traffic by wind. oh boy the wind sure did try.#then i almost tripped down the stairs at my apartment after grabbing the mail bc i Briefly was focused on my mail 🙄#barely present. total mess. but at least im home. and i already did all the thinking i need to do today.#i was brave. i perservered. i was tempted to give up around 6 am ish but i was like No. this is getting done TODAY.#so i did it. i turned it in. and i so bravely did my in class work for my 2nd class. even though i was so mentally not present the whole way#i did my thinking... i am home... rest soon.#actually its kind of funny im lying on my couch rn and i think if most other ppl were in my current state theyd fall asleep right here.#but the power of my insomnia is so. powerful. i am not at risk of falling asleep without meaning to.#only time thats ever actually happened are like. a handful of times i was like. the most tired ive ever been in my life. etc etc.#in fact idk how well i'll be able to fall asleep for my nap. i certainly couldnt last night despite how hard i tried.#hopefully this time... i am truly tired enough....pls i need to rest i am so tired 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
as i said b4, cant wait til I'm 30 to experience my own yuri cherry maho. its gonna be great
#ive been trying in the past 8 months or so to give dating a go and I've concluded that 1. the apps arent for me also i cant rlly trust an#dating app profile to actually pick a good partner. 2. i hate texting. i prefer in person unplanned low intensity meeting much more.#and 3. I'm not ready for it yet. i want to spend these next 2 years being selfish. i feel like I've never actually been able to be purposely#self centered and frankly a bit selfish. I've never done that. ive always been compromising for false narratives and expectations in ny head#and I'm tired. i dont think i can be a good partner rn until ive had my fill of self centered ness b4 i can progress to a healthy medium.#I'm open and of the right person comes along i trust myself to not drive them away out of habit and hyper independence#but fuck yk. as mich as i want it. its nit for me. tho tbh i do think i should kiss random ppl in bars just once this year bc like.#i havent done that in .. oh god 6 years. mitski was right. one good movie kiss yk#but yea. hhh its 10pm i need to sleep but alas i cannot
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
I have to take two more lots of penicillin today I'm gonna fucking SCREAM (vent in the tags)
#vent tw#vomit tw#i thought tablets would be better than the liquid i had earlier in the year#bc i had to have these massive capsule antibiotcs recently and i was able to have those easy despite usually being terrible with pills#and my mom had some capsule penicillin recently so i thought id have the same thing#nope!#im having phenoxymethylpenicillin#and its the most disgusting thing in the fucking world!!!!!!#and its so bitter and big it triggers my gag reflex so i have to fight to get these two massive pills down my painful ass throat#had to try and fall asleep earlier after taking them bc they made me feel so much fucking worse#might have to call up the doctors and ask if theres anything else i can have because oh my god i hate this shit#id even have liquid over this because despite the taste lingering at least i havent been throwing it back up#i have like 24 more of these fucking tablets or smth like that#it was meant to be more but i lost two earlier to throwing up for the first time in my life!!!! 💀#if i ever have tonsilittis again istfg its the most miserable experience ever bc its like every illness combined plus disgusting ass tablets#also if ive misepelled anything im so sorry like i said i had to sleep after my last lot so i just woke up#about to take my third technically fourth lot of the day wish me luck :(
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
im thinking again
#ive been dealt the bad hand; the worse hand; the hand from the arm from the body#im just.....okay#Well aaaa its weird#nothing anyone says to me is to *me*#which is fair-- no one knows me. but i do wish i got it. i dont know#the passing of time is still my worst enemy#i love everyone so much. itssssssweird.#if youre following these posts and saw the last one: i think i am still gonna die soon. awwh man. i dunno#but i have no reason to go on truthfully and i dont feel like finding one#im tired and sad OK?#i do want an acknowledgement again#and if you're following these posts im going to do the same thing i did last time and talk to the three tumblr blogs:#1. hi. i really like you. i admit it. j think youre really cool and all. uh okay im supposed to ask a question so here; how are you? well i#hope. k dont know. i havent been reading up like i should be and as for the second blog im talking to here i also havent been reading up lik#e i should im very sorry. i will make that journal again though.#and third blog: hi!! i still have no clue how to do that one thing but youve really gotten me into the hypothetical idea of differences base#f off of like ...area. the thing you said about that one thing.! i javwnt been doing much about it but thinkin but you know thinkin is fun.#i do want to do reading on it but ive been very sad lately and i cannot be bothered#this is really fun talking to people like this. um#youre very cool blog one ive been becoming a big fan of you again#blog two.if you see this: i want you-- I'm sayin that to specify that I'm talking to you. but i dont. anyway: uh. oh no i forgot what i was#gonna say#okay here's to not talking to anyone particular:#i want to do drugs. its the only way ill be able to handle all this.but i... oh hey i have melatonin!!#hmmmmmm#idk#it just puts me to sleep and i hate sleeping cause im always having bad dreams-- both nightmares and just dreams that Suck-- but...... im#desperate.#okay im gonna take a normal dose and just keep it together i hope#I hate sleeping
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
GAAHAHHHHH
#venting in the tags#maybe its just past darkness and the Bad Thoughts which i shouldnt listen to are clouding my brain too much#but i feel so fucking weird and inadequate over everything rn#im unable to work on drawings as i usually would have and its kinda plaguing everything which it should like yeah i love drawing but#i cant let just one aspect of me ruin everything. right? the fact that i havent been able to draw as well as i usually can should make me#feel sick to the stomach and unsure about everything i do but it happening and i hate it.#plus i got the ipad id saved up from the comms to buy and its fun and nice and all and maybe i just need more practice with it but i feel#like im not able to draw on it even more? and i spent the whole day trying to get used to it but its just not as good?? and then when i went#back to the no screen wacom i couldnt get a hang of it becuase idek its just not happening#and also the fucking art block wants me dead i swear i want to draw so bad and i have so many ideas but the moment i start anything its just#crumbles down into nothingness and i hate everything i do and gods fuck i want to cry but i can because there are people at home and#usually im a big 'crybaby' when im at home but i dont fucjing wanna be like that anymore like i can handly my shit myself im fine.#i dont need to just fuckinf cry abiut it becuase thats not gonna fox anything but also i feel like crying might just make me feel better#but then id have to hear shit from my family and i know theyre just teasing in a /pos way but i dont wanna fucking deal with that#plus my brother iust talking to him os annoying sometimes like he talks about things so condescendingly and fucking hel dude shut#the fuck up i dont need you telling me that my art is something people can 'just do' and the fact that i was able to get the ipad#'basically for free since i got that money from the little drawings i make' as if they dont fucking mean anything to you like#shut the fucking fuck up dude i worked hard on those and even though i dont like my own shit sometimes i still fucking work hard on those#fuck you you bitch#i think a lot of things are just piling up and i need to sleep#tomorrow will be a new dawn and a fresh start and maybe ill hate myself less#ps. note to anyone reading the tags#im fine i just needed to yell out and express my frustration a bit. some sleep will help surely.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#ik that i need to be honest with my doctor and tell him i havent been taking my meds…#but what if i lie instead and somehow fic it myself#its just what if like i tell him how long i havent been taking them and he decides that i dont deserve them??#which isnt likely and would b a very shitty thing to do that i think legally he might not b able to do but#what if???#i might lie a little and tell him but say its been a shorter amount of time than it actually has been#dude idk but im starting to feel like possibly i might have an episode soon like it feels like one might b coming on and im scared tbh#like idk at this point theres not much i can really do except make aure im getting sleep and continuing to go to my lifting classes#but ya idk#i need to figure out how to get back on track with my meds but im scared to talk to him abt it bc i Just started seeing him#i also start therapy with a new therapist tomorrow and thats scary#but maybe i could talk to het abt it idk
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
im just gonna tmi-medication share in the tags real quick
#tales from diana#i want to preface this with i've been prescribed adderall as-needed for adhd for a fullllll decade now#don't come at me with anti-adderall or anti-adhd-medication bullshit im not here for it!!#but my health problems have been so bad and ive been getting the worst sleep of my life lately no matter WHAT i do#i can do everything right#and btw i do not take adderall every day. which is implied by as-needed but i want to stress again I DONT NEED IT EVERY DAY#only when i do like. work. which ive been doing less and less bc of health problems!#but even though i havent been able to physically work so much i still have been taking half-doses a couple times a week just to like. read.#just to have a brain to do ANYTHING when everything is so awful and my brain is so foggy#ive always *sometimes* cut my doses in half if im not doing so much. just to save it y'know.#and ive always also *occasionally* gotten worse or even a really bad night's sleep after taking adderall#most commonly i'll wake up absurdly early the next morning and not be able to fall back asleep#rationing sleep is always something ive been in the habit of doing anyway as a person w adhd.#sleeping 4-6 hours during the week and 10-12 hours on weekends. just to make up for the deprivation y'know.#but even lately cutting my regular dose in half. it's still too much.#my current dose btw is already half of what it was in high school! i decreased my dose already years ago#but yesterday i finally got the nerve to take. a damn quarter of my own pill#and i took the smaller quarter of the half i cut in half.#i was def taking less than 5mg of my damn medication#and i actually didnt sleep like complete shit! and i was also worried#it might not be so effective.#but it actually worked quite well. i had enough focus to read for several hours#i had energy throughout the day too#i sometimes try to do caffeine on days i cant/dont wanna take adderall but caffeine just does not do the addy things so effectively. iykyk.#i cant believe i have to be so skimpy w my own life-sustaining mental health medications just bc my physical health is so bad#but whatever. whatever!#im gonna take another quarter-dose today and finish pericles prince of tyre. have a great day everyone
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
I need to fucking redesign my egos again ive been meaning to since April
#im just too Busy and Tired :(#and ive been struggling with anatomy recently also i need to figure out wtf isnt clicking#god i just wanna go back to sleep#why do i have responsibilities :(#oh!!! its also another baby cousins birthday coming up and i need to crochet her a doggy#i think my adderall has been hitting too hard recently. like i havent been able to sleep all week#theres too much shit the world needs to slow down
3 notes
·
View notes