#i kinda promised i wouldn’t get involved with fandom stuff

[bibuckaroo]

absolutely hilarious to me that that side of the fandom think the buddie side is the delusional one because of the tim interview when the man himself CLEARLY stated that he had NEVER seen the fandom behaving this badly in all of his years working in the business and the only difference from all the other years to this one is the bt fandom, like genuinely lol.

he also stated about people coming to talk to him and using what he said when there are prints out there of their fandom doing this, like it’s not all of them obviously, just like there are parts of the buddie fandom who can be disrespectful too, but as someone who recently joined the fandom and saw the comings and goings through the years, i can safely say when a fandom is being too much on the disrespectful side and i saw that behavior way more on that side, honestly.

[lucemferto]

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT PH1LZA (or Why Philza is a Victim of Narrative Circumstance)

Heyo! Per request I am posting the script to my video of the same name here on tumblr. I must warn you that just reading the script will probably not give you the full experience, so I would encourage you to watch the video (linked above).

There might also still be a lot of grammatical errors in the text, because I don’t proofread.

Intro

LAST TIME ON LUCEM FERTO

Okay, so! I don’t want this to turn into a reaction channel OR a Dream SMP channel for that matter! [echo]

Well, I lied.

[Intro to “Luc is pretentious about the funny blockmen. Episode 2”]

I swear, I’m working on other stuff. It’s just that my dumb lizard brain has only capacity for one interest at a time!

So, something you might not know about me, is that I am on tumblr – who am I kidding, most of you will know me from tumblr. Before starting this whole YouTube thing, I thought that website died years ago – but as per usual reality proves me wrong. I’m also on Twitter and Reddit, but I get the most engagement on tumblr – by far! – and I need those sweet, sweet numbers for the serotonin!

Anyways, one of my favourite past-times on tumblr is to razz Philza Hardcore Minecraft – that’s his full name – for being a frankly awful father [clicking away] – wait, wait, no! Philza fans, this isn’t a hit piece on him, I promise! Please come back!

This is video is meant to be a companion piece to my previous video about Technoblade and the Doomsday event – you can tell by the shared nomenclature – so you should probably watch that one before you proceed. Unless you don’t want to, which is also perfectly understandable.

DISCLAIMER: This video is mostly about the character Philza plays on the Dream SMP. Whenever I talk about the content creator Philza, I will say so properly. Also, Spoiler Warning for Dream SMP Season 2.

… What is that? You’re wondering what the Dream SMP is? Well, if you had just watched the other video like I told you to do, you would know, because I explained it pretty well there. But in case you don’t know, here’s the cliff notes.

Dream SMP is the hottest New Media Series on Twitch right now! It has it all: gaslighting, child soldiers, Machiavellian political intrigue, Hamilton roleplay, desecration of the dead, shounen protagonists, SO! MUCH! AMNESIA! Filicide, furries, a red egg that’s definitely homophobic and teenagers inventing nuclear warfare. And it’s all done in Minecraft – yes, the funny block game where the only way to emote is to crouch.

And you say the perfect brief doesn’t exist!

Now, you might be wondering, why do I want to talk about this? Well, it’s because Content Creator Philza is one of least controversial internet personalities that I can think of. That man exudes pure comfort. So, it’s just very, very amusing to me that his character became one of the most controversial figures on the SMP, only outshone by Tommy and Technoblade.

And it’s not just amusing, it’s also extremely interesting! I want to dig deep to uncover and discuss the dynamics behind why that is. How did it come to this point? How did a man who appears genuinely so pleasant create a character that inspires so much discourse!

Now, if you watched that Technoblade video – like I told you to twice now! – you might know, that I am the resident character analyses hater of fandom! And that impression is false and slanderous! Don’t tell other people that I hate character analyses! I love them!

It’s just that, in the Dream SMP in particular, there is an abundance of character analyses! Every streamer has at least two very good essays written about them, exploring every possible angle to view their characters and backgrounds and everything. All I’m saying is: I don’t have anything to add on that front.

So, instead I want to pursue a different approach – something, that I feel is a bit underrepresented in the fandom! And I’m not just talking narrative analysis – that’s right, this episode we’re going even more pretentious! – I’m talking Transtextual Analysis!

Now, what is Transtextuality? Well, unfortunately it has very little to do with actual Trans people – #transrights, just in case that wasn’t obvious – but instead describes a mode of analysis with which to put – to quote French literary theorist Gérard Genette – “the text in a relationship, whether obvious or concealed, with other texts”.

Basically, you know how the L’Manburg War of Independence heavily quotes and borrows from the hit musical Hamilton? That’s transtextuality! A lot of the analyses surrounding how Tommy mirrors the Greek hero Theseus, who was invoked by Technoblade multiple times in the series, are already doing transtextual analysis! So, it’s really not something that’s new to the Dream SMP fandom.

But how does this apply to Philza and how he is looked at and judged by his parental skills? Well, there are multiple forms of transtextuality, two of which we will discuss today.

But before we continue, I gotta do that annoying YouTuber thing. I know these videos don’t look like much, but I spend a really long time making them. I work fulltime and I try my best to keep up, but sometimes I can’t. So please, like, subscribe, comment to give me some algorithm juice – I really need it – and most importantly share it! Share it with your friends, share it with your family – I’m sure Grandma is very interested in what I have to say about Philza Minecraft.

And I’m trying to be better! If I sound at all different for this video, it’s because I finally bought a new pop filter, so I can hit my plosives without it sounding like there’s a thunderstorm in my room. I hope it makes a difference; it was a very cheap pop filter, so maybe it doesn’t. Maybe it sounds worse – that would be bad!

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, CHILD NEGLEGT!

 Intertextuality: Why is Dadza?

You know what’s really interesting about the Dream SMP – aside from, you know, most things about it? Very few of the characters have concrete, fleshed-out backstories – and that’s pretty weird! In no other medium or genre could you get away with something like that – at least for long-form storytelling!

So, how does Dream SMP get away with this? Well, it’s because every character on the Dream SMP is basically a self-insert – and I don’t mean that in the “This character is based on me”-kinda way, but in the “This character, for all intents and purposes, is me!”-way. This, like many things that are fascinating about the Dream SMP, is owed to the fact that this series didn’t start off as a continuous drama – it started off as a Let’s Play.

And while we can talk about how someone’s on-camera/on-mic persona is in some ways a character, it’s still miles off of being an actual, fully-realized, separate character in a storyline.

This is where Intertextuality comes in.

Intertextuality is a subset of Transtextuality. It describes how the hypertext, which is the text, you’re currently engaged with, uses another text, the hypotext, to supplement itself. The interconnection the hypertext establishes with the hypotext, through stuff like allusion for example, uh-hum [Hamilton], can colour how an audience interprets the hypertext. Basically, Hamilton and Theseus are the hypotexts; the Dream SMP is the hypertext.

So, what does this have to do with backstory? Simple: The backstories of the characters in the Dream SMP consist basically of nothing but intertextual references. Through intertextuality their content effectively substitutes their character’s backstory.

You can see it everywhere. Wilbur’s and Schlatt’s relationship and rivalry is hugely enriched, if you are aware of their shared history like SMPLive, for example – I think anyway. I haven’t watched SMPLive, because … there’s only so many hours in the day and I cannot keep up with the Dream SMP and catch up on SMPLive and live a healthy life – which I already don’t do, so…

BadBoyHalo’s and Skeppy’s relationship, which has become the crux of the Crimson-Storyline of Seasons 2 and 3, is hugely supplemented if you know that they’re also very close as streamers and in real life.

Another great example of intertextuality is basically Technoblade’s entire deal. If you just look at him completely within the text of the Dream SMP and try to transplant his entrance to any other medium: It would be extremely weird! Like, he’s just this guy that comes in in the middle of a very climatic arc, no build-up, no explanation what his deal is, and he’s treated like he has always been there. In any other medium that just wouldn’t work – at least not without a flashback or some sort of exposition!

But because of stuff like Minecraft Mondays, the Potato Wars, his Duel against Dream and SMPEarth, we understand that he is a Big Deal!

Anyways, to bring all of this back to Philza Minecraft: What kind of hypotext informs how the audience sees his character? Well, this is where I will have to talk about SBI.

SBI is an acronym that stand for State Bank of India, the 43rd largest bank in the world and…

It also stands for Sleepy Bois Incorporated. Sleepy Bois Incorporated is a loose assembly of content creators, consisting of Philza, Wilbur Soot, TommyInnit and Technoblade. It is most well-known for its very endearing family dynamic – a dynamic that is frequently acknowledged and played up by the creators involved. Tommy is the youngest brother, Wilbur and Techno are the two older brothers and Philza is of course the dad. And when I say, it’s played up, I really mean it! Wilbur seems to be especially enamoured with the idea and leaves no opportunity untaken to bring it up – which we will come back to.

And I’m not saying that they’re faking this and this is somehow an act. While I know none of these people personally, it appears to me, that this is genuinely how they interact – if a little exaggerated for the streaming experience. Even when they’re not consciously playing into the family dynamic, their interactions still very much lend themselves to that interpretation by the viewers.

Philza especially just radiates Dad-Friend energy – so much so that it has become a huge part of his brand identity – yay, I can bring that back (check out my Christmas video if you want to hear me ramble about that). The nickname Dadza stuck even before SBI was a thing.

So, even if we completely disregard SBI – which we shouldn’t for reasons I’ll get back to – Philza has cultivated an image of strong paternal guidance. He is, in my opinion completely deservedly, regarded very positively. He is highly respected and in turn seen as a voice of reason.

All of this would eventually inform the hypotext of the character Philza within Dream SMP.

 Interlude: Before Dadza & November 16th

Okay, so now we have established that a) Dream SMP heavily hinges on intertextual readings by the audience to supplement character backstory and b) that Philza’s entire deal is that he’s the dad-friend – more specifically that he’s the dad of SBI (not the bank). I think you know where this is going.

So, yeah, ever since it was on the table that Philza could join the Dream SMP, it was immediately assumed that he would take on the paternal guardian role all these traumatized people on that server so desperately needed – and with good reason! Like I said before, the audience at this point was trained to take intertextual interpretations as basically canon or at the very least canon-adjacent.

I want to emphasize that this is most likely not done deliberately. I’m sure content creators Wilbur and Philza didn’t sit there and said: “Yes! We will rely entirely on the audience’s inclination to interpret our characters intertextually to define character Philza!”. Like, obviously that did not happen.

But it’s also important to remember that unlike with traditional media and the fanbases cultivated there, the separation between the Dream SMP and its audience is almost non-existent – and purposely so. The story events are streamed live, Chats are acknowledged in canon and even outside of livestreams creators are extremely involved with the fandom. So, the weight of fan-expectations is equally amplified and will more likely be incorporated into the writing process. Case in point:

[Wilbur “I miss Philza”/Philza about Wilbur]

During Wilbur’s villain arc, even before his official involvement, Philza became a prevalent point of discussion. The hope that he would be the one to snap Wilbur out of his downward spiral was not only wish-fulfilment on behalf of the fans; it also very much played off of the intertextual reading of the SBI-dynamic in relation to the Dream SMP.

Of course, this still doesn’t make Philza and Wilbur canonically blood-related – but it definitely used the “paternal”-dynamic of SBI to build-up tension and drama.

And that ultimately brings us to November 16th. The Grand Finale of Season 1 and Philza’s first canonical appearance on the SMP.

Now, for this I want to pull back from the transtextual analysis and talk about simply narrative analysis: What is Philza’s narrative purpose on November 16th?

Philza serves as the last threshold on Wilbur’s Villain’s Journey – to appropriate Vogler’s version of the monomyth for a minute here – he is what Vogler calls the “Threshold Guardian”. He is the last enemy the Hero faces before completing his quest – in this particular case Wilbur’s quest is to blow up L’Manberg. Multiple people have at this point tried to dissuade him from this course of action: Tommy, Quackity, Niki and others. So how come this Philza moment is not redundant in terms of dynamics compared to these prior scenes?

Well, it’s through our intertextual understanding of Wilbur’s and Phil’s relationship. Because Philza does not just occupy the role of the Threshold Guardian – he is also implicitly the Mentor. Before Phil there was no character in the storyline that held a higher position of moral authority than Wilbur – Dream and Schlatt, while at points more powerful in terms of actual authority, were never positioned by the narrative as Wilbur’s superiors in the same way as Wilbur was to Tommy, Tubbo or even Niki.

Before November 16th all challenges Wilbur faced were from people narratively subordinated to him. But that trend is broken with Phil. That is why he is the Threshold Guardian, why this confrontation is at the climax of Wilbur’s arc. Because Phil is the last thing tethering Wilbur to whatever morality he held before his villain arc; Phil is the last, moral obstacle Wilbur has to discard before gaining his reward.

And, just a quick sidenote, because I’ve seen it around the fandom a bunch: When I’m referring to Wilbur denouncing his morality, I’m using that in terms of narrative analysis. I’m mentioning it, because Wilbur’s character can very easily be read as mentally ill or neurodivergent and some people have – rightly! – pointed out that the excessive vilifying when talking about his character is … problematic, to say the least.

So, I just want to make clear, this isn’t a character analysis, I’m being purposely broad when talking about Wilbur and Phil.

In the end, Wilbur takes that final step and gets his “reward”: As his final request his mentor takes his life and vanquishes the evil – the dragon of Wilbur’s story slays the dragon of L’Manburg. It’s very Shakespearean in its tragedy – but beyond the larger theatrics it’s not really used to further characterize Phil – at least in the context of Season 1. There’s not a lot of focus on his characters internal conflict during November 16th.

Phil, like Techno, is very utilitarian in how content creator Wilbur writes him: He serves as a moment of hype; an obstacle Wilbur has to face; a participant in the tragic climax of Wilbur’s character and ultimately takes on his implicit and expected role of mentor and guiding figure to the rest of L’Manburg.

I think not a lot of people talk about how Philza does not join Technoblade during November 16th. He takes the side of L’Manburg – he fights against the withers and he joins Tommy, Tubbo and the others at the L’Mantree, thus framing him as loyal to the L’Manburg administration – even though Season 2 would make his loyalty to Techno central to his character. But more on that later.

What’s also important about November 16th is that this is the day when the general intertextual interpretation became canonized text.

[You’re my son!]

Wilbur is made Phil’s canonical, biological son. The intertextual interpretation of SBI as it pertains to these two characters on the SMP was completely reinforced by the narrative. Or to put it in Fandom terms: The headcanon became actual canon. At least when it came to Wilbur … but what about Philza’s “other” children?

Well, that leads to our second form of transtextual analysis:

 Paratextuality: Is Dadza?

These titles are just getting better and better.

The Paratext is defined as all those things in a published work that accompany the text. It comes in two forms: One of them is the Peritext, which are non-diegetic elements directly surrounding the text – like chapter titles, author’s notes, and stuff like that. Translated to the medium of the Dream SMP, it would be stuff like this:

[Examples]

And, trust me, I could make a whole separate video about how people on the SMP use their peritext as a tool for storytelling – I’m looking at you, Ranboo – but that’s not what we will talk about in the context of Dadza.

Instead, we will focus on the second form of Paratext, the Epitext, which consists of all authorial and editorial discussions taking place outside of the text. That’s stuff like interviews, private letters or J. K. Rowling’s Twitter Account – you know, before she decided to become a full-time asshole.

[Wilbur: Transrights]

After Season 1 ended, Wilbur indulged pretty heavily in providing epitext for the Dream SMP, something he had not done prior to November 16th. His paratextual additions ranged from the playful, like assigning DnD alignments to various SMP members, to the extremely impactful, like the whole three lives system!

You probably think, you know where this is going. Wilbur provided some epitext about how Tommy and Techno either are or are not biologically related to him … and I have to be honest I thought that too. But then I began looking into the impenetrable web that is the SBI-canon on the Dream SMP and found this!

[Ghostbur explains family]

So, it wasn’t paratext, it was just straight text. Said in character, in canon, without any implication that we the viewers should question this. The text of the SBI family dynamic was explicitly linked to Dream SMP-exclusive lore, namely Fundy being Wilbur’s and Sally the Salmon’s son. This is as clear as Philza’s anguished declaration on November 16th in establishing the intertext as text. And because Wilbur also had a very heavy hand in the discussion of paratext around that time, it gave his character’s words even more “canonical” weight. Metatextually speaking, this very much read like the author giving exposition through his character – exposition that we should understand as reliable.

And, by the way, before I continue, I need to give a huge, huge shoutout to kateis-cakeis on tumblr, I hope I pronounced that right, who was just so quick in providing me with these crucial clips. Without him I would have looked for days because these people don’t archive their shit! And the Dream SMP Wiki was NO help, by the way! I love what you guys do, but stuff like this belongs in the Trivia section on characters’ pages!

Anyways, basically during the entirety of early Season 2 the SBI family dynamic was basically canon to the SMP. Sometimes it was only alluded implicitly, again letting the intertext fill out the rest.

[Philza clips]

But just as often it was just explicitly talked about – both in the text and in the paratext.

[Fundy clip/Wilbur “Twins” clip/Tommy clip]

So, I know what you’re thinking: “Why is this part called paratext, if the entire family tree is just textual”. Well, that last clip might give you a hint, as to what I will talk about. Notice how Tommy, one of the people most directly impacted by the canonization of SBI lore, is both unaware of and seems generally unenthused about it, to put it nicely? Well, that would soon turn out to be a much bigger deal than anyone could have imagined as he wasn’t the only one.

[Technoblade decanonizes SBI]

Yeah …

This happened on 20th of December. Regular viewers of this channel will remember that I put out a 90-second joke video, where I complain about this very development. And while I was mostly kidding around, the core idea is still true. The paratext provided by Technoblade and established text were in direct contradiction with one another – and that brought a lot of confusion into the fandom. Confusion, that would soon be followed by frustration.

Because Techno only decanonized himself as part of the SBI family dynamic – but what about Tommy and Tubbo, the latter of which was incorporated into the dynamic exclusively within the lore of the Dream SMP. Was this still canon or wasn’t it?

What followed was a muddled mess of contradictions, intertextual implications, text and paratext in conflict with each another. It was for the most part inscrutable to figure out how Tommy and Philza related to one another. I’ll spare you every comment made about this – mostly because I want to spare myself from looking for all of them.

In the end, the current status is that their familial relationship is … unclear. Philza said, again in paratext, that it’s ultimately up to the writers to decide, whether or not Tommy is his son … which, I personally think he and Tommy should be the ones to establish that, but I’ll come back to that later.

But why is all of this important anyway? Why would this ambiguity create such an uproar, such controversy – especially when it comes to Tommy’s character? What makes Tommy’s and Philza’s relationship such a target for discussion in the fandom?

Well … this is where we will have to talk about the storyline of Season 2.

Interlude II: Tommy’s Exile and Dadza in Season 2

Okay, Season 2. This is where the spoilers are, so I will just sneakily drop this again. It took me five seconds to google this gif and I will milk it for every penny it’s worth!

At the beginning of Season 2, Philza’s narrative role has not changed much from where Season 1 ended. He is in L’Manburg dispensing earthly wisdom, being a paternal figure to Fundy, Ghostbur and Tubbo, helping with the nation’s rebuilding efforts; just generally occupying the role of the mentor.

[clips]

And then came … the Exile. The Exile Arc took place between December 3rd and December 15th during Season 2 of the Dream SMP. It revolves around TommyInnit getting exiled from L’Manburg and slowly getting psychologically tortured and broken down by Dream. It’s a really great arc, at least in my opinion, that explores and deepens a lot of Tommy’s character relationships, whether that be Tommy and Dream, Tommy and Tubbo or Tommy and Ranboo. One relationship, however, is noticeably missing.

So, yeah, Philza spends basically the entirety of the exile doing pretty much nothing of consequence. And that’s not a problem specific to him – One big criticism I would levy against the Exile Arc is that a lot of characters are left spinning their wheels. Which is why we get zany stuff like El Rapids, Drywaters, Eret’s Knights of the Roundtable, Boomerville – anyone remember Boomerville, that was a thing for 5 seconds, wasn’t it? – basically a lot of storylines are started and then unceremoniously dropped. Now, I will talk more about this, when I make a video about Season 2 of the Dream SMP … in ten years, look forward to it.

In the case of Philza, this inaction was especially damning, because at this point it was still a considered canon that he was Tommy’s dad. So, the fans were left with a situation, where just a few weeks prior Philza was occupying a paternal role for Fundy and Ghostbur … but now, that his youngest son was in a very concerning predicament – to put it lightly – he was nowhere to be found.

So why is that?

Well, the most obvious answer is that Dream and Tommy didn’t write him into the storyline. We’ve seen that Tommy wasn’t particularly interested in exploring a familial relationship to Philza, at least at the time. And it would just not fit in with what Dream and Tommy tried to do with the Exile Arc: they wanted to tell the story of Tommy being isolated, completely under Dream’s mercy, slowly worn down and manipulated. If Philza had been constant presence for Tommy during that time, it would have definitely shifted the narrative focus. That doesn’t mean that they couldn’t have done that, it’s just a matter of fact that they didn’t.

This also reveals another truth about content creator Philza’s character work, that I think is extremely crucial: He takes what the writers give him. Outside of a few choice moments, he doesn’t seem particularly interested in expanding or even solidifying his character on the SMP.

What I’m saying is that he is very go-with-the-flow: Wilbur wants to enact a Shakespearean tragedy? Philza’s up for it. Fundy wants him as a parental figure and mentor? Philza’s here for him. Tommy, conversely, doesn’t want him as a paternal presence, even though it would make sense for Philza’s character, as it was established so far, to be there? Philza will oblige.

The reason I’m mentioning this is because, while Tommy and Dream were unwilling to utilise Philza in their storyline, someone else was more than happy to. Which leads us back, like it always does, to everyone’s favourite Porky Pig-kinnie in a crown: Technoblade.

Technoblade and Philza, from everything I’ve seen of them, seem to be very good friends – and they share a lot of history even outside SBI. So, it’s commendable that they would collaborate on a storyline together.

A consequence of that, however, is that Philza’s narrative purpose shifts completely with very little transition. His entire character changes from being the Mentor-figure of L’Manberg to being pretty much exclusively defined as Technoblade’s ally; his man on the inside. It is a very sharp turn from the end of Season 1. Their relationship is once again informed via intertext – this time the Antarctic Empire on SMPEarth serves as the hypotext – but there isn’t a huge effort made to smoothly integrate that aspect of Philza’s character into the larger narrative framing around him.

How much the narrative utilisation of Philza has shifted can be very easily observed through the Butcher Army event on December 16th, a story event that I like less and less the more I think about. Here Philza is used to show just how corrupt and violent Tubbo’s administration has becomes. He is no longer the respected mentor, he is now the stand-in for the oppressed populace, similar to Niki’s role in Season 1. On a narrative level, he is here to prove a point.

If you’ve seen my Technoblade video, you know how I feel about … just that entire storyline, so I will not reiterate too much on it. I just want to make clear that I’m not principally against this development – if they wanted to truly explore Tubbo going down a dark path and getting corrupted by power, so much so that he would even treat the person who effectively raised him like a prisoner, I would be extremely here for it, I cannot stress that enough.

The problem I have is that it’s just so sloppily done. It is not coherent with how these characters behaved and, more importantly, how they were narratively framed prior to the Butcher Army event. Fundy gets one token line about Phil being his Grandfather – a far cry from the very emotionally complex relationship they had established at the beginning of Season 2 – and Phil then callously disowns him.

The major problem simply is that we don’t see how Philza changes from Mentor-figure to embittered, oppressed citizen. And there was enough time to build to that. During the entirety of Tommy’s exile Tubbo was pretty much spinning his wheels and Quackity and Fundy were opening up plot cul-de-sacs that didn’t end up going anywhere. This is time they could have spent on developing their relationship to Philza and the dark path they were going down – but again, Season 2 video.

There is not much to say on Philza’s narrative purpose and framing beyond the Butcher Army event. He remains pretty much exclusively Techno’s consigliere with his role as Mentor to L’Manburg a distant memory. He has some cute character moments with Ranboo, because content creator Philza is just big dad-energy whether he wants to or not, and whenever he and Ghostbur share a scene suddenly the narrative remembers that there are people other than Technoblade that should exist in Philza’s inner world. But aside from that, Philza’s storyline in Season 2 remains … pretty definitive is the nicest way I can put it.

Most importantly his relationship with Tommy continues to be completely unexplored – whether by chance or choice – and that combined with ever vaguer paratext leaves “Dadza” in a very peculiar situation.

 Conclusion: Is Dadza a Good Dadza?

So, the question to end all questions. The big, obnoxious text, that I will probably have put in the thumbnail – I haven’t made it yet, but I know myself. The honest answer is: I couldn’t tell you.

I have, in the past, been expounding the virtues of narrative analysis. That is because I feel that Narrative Analysis and Textual Analysis, like in this video, can provide certain tools that Character Analysis lacks. Often times I see people trying to get at a writing problem or query and getting frustrated because they’re not using the toolset, they need to figure out what they want to figure out.

But I’d be a hypocrite if I pretended like everything could be solved through the modes of analysis I prefer. And I think the Dadza-issue is exactly such a case.

I set out to explore why the Philza-Tommy-“Dadza”-relationship has become so controversial. It’s a combination of expectations build up through intertextual readings, that were partly canonized – something that is very common for the Dream SMP – conflicting pieces of paratext, which only serve to muddle the issue further and a text that is not only completely uninterested in actually exploring Tommy’s and Philza’s relationship – as it stands right now they might as well be strangers, narratively speaking – but also completely changes Philza’s narrative purpose as it relates to characters like Fundy or Tubbo about half-way through with little to no transition.

That is why I say, that Philza’s character is a victim of narrative circumstance. Because unwittingly, through all of these factors and decisions, there is not coherent reading of Philza that frames his parental skills in a particularly kind light.

The question of how we can judge Phil as a paternal figure ultimately falls within the purview of the character analysis – and that’s a very multifaceted issue, highly dependent on which POV you focus on and how you interpret the other characters in that POV’s periphery.

To put my cards on the table, I think that Philza is a very flawed father/father-figure – and I find that absolutely okay. Flaws are the spice of character building. He is not Cinderella’s Evil Stepmother – but he’s also definitely not Mufasa. If we were to read Philza as a paternal figure, then he would have made a lot of mistakes and decisions to the detriment of his “children” – least of all everything that happened on Doomsday.

But I also have sympathies for Philza fans who are tired of the Dad-Debate and would like to have his character judged independent from his relationship to Ghostbur, Fundy, Tubbo and Tommy.

Ultimately, to bring it all to a point, I’d like to end with saying, that I think that Philza, out of all the characters on the SMP, has the potential to be on of the most intriguing, multifaceted ones. There are all of these different patches of story, character moments and narrative and transtextual implications, that, if brought together, could create a beautiful tapestry of the character Philza.

You have his relationship with Techno, which holds the potential for so much emotional conflict and vulnerabilities, you have his time as mentor of L’Manburg, which is just criminally underused; the complex relationship between him and Ghostbur/Wilbur; and – for me, personally – most intriguingly this weird, almost uncomfortably distant non-relationship with Tommy. That last one is intriguing to me, because it contrasts just so much with our intertextual understanding of the characters and streaming personas – and it just holds the potential for so much conflict, so much drama, so much angst. Which I live for!

And, yes, I do believe that most of this is narrative happenstance, that this was largely not intended by Philza or really any of the writers. It’s just what happens when hybrid-roleplay-improv a long-running, livestreamed storyline in Minecraft.

But I want them to realize the potential they have on their hands, because it could – with barely any adjustments – turn Philza from a victim of narrative circumstance to a champion of it!

 Outro

Thank you so much for watching this video. Usually, I don’t record outros this standard, but after this beast of a video I felt it necessary. I hope that whether you’re a Philza fan or a Philza critical or just completely uninvolved in the whole thing, there is at least a little entertainment you could get from this.

I want to take this opportunity to say that my next few videos will probably not be Dream SMP related – a sentence which undoubtedly lost me a bunch of subs – simply because I don’t want to burn out on it. I genuinely enjoy watching the SMP and being exhausted by it would be something I wouldn’t want to force on myself.

But who knows what will happen? The Karl Jacobs video was something I did spur of the moment because the idea just came to me – so I can’t guarantee that the next video won’t be a three-minute joke about Purpled or whatever.

Anyway, my concrete plans for future Dream SMP videos are essays on Season 1 and Season 2 as well as one for Tales from the SMP.

Before that I have a longer video in the works, which I’ve already teased a bunch, so I hope it will finally be finished sometime. And I also may be working on something … eboys-related? Maybe. I’m not making any promises!

[randomingoftherandomness]

What I am hoping for from Winner is King ( 烽火流金)

Okay, so at this point, let’s just be reals here, Word of Honor has kinda set the bar for me in terms of standards to expect from the slew of danmei adaptations this year. Granted, I know that there are some who think the way it was adapted was not up to their standards and that it could have been done better, please don’t bring it on this post because this is not the post for it.

In this post, I’m going to talk about  Winner is King (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑

Now, Sha Po Lang, the original novel, is for me one of the best things that I have read in a very long while. As such, I can be rather precious about what I am hoping to see come alive on the show and what I am hoping will be present in the portrayals I see. I know there are some concerns regarding the script and behind the scenes stuff - and they are very valid concerns that I feel too! - and with the recent announcement that instead of 45 episodes, we are only getting 40, I can foresee that there could be some rushed handlings of the very plotty nature of the source material and perhaps a sense that style can trump substance.

But as the actual show isn’t beaming right into our eyeballs just yet, here are some things I am looking forward to seeing in Winner is King and some things that I am crossing my fingers will make the final cut! 

Warning for some novel spoilers ahead. I’ll keep it under the read more.

Tagging @zhongwans because I said I would haha...

Things I am looking forward to:

The Changgu dynamic. I think it goes without saying that if the chemistry between your leads is a dud, the show doesn’t need to even pass Go, it can just shuffle itself off the board because it will be dead in the water. The Changgu dynamic has to be nailed; I need to see that self-doubt, that caring for the other but coming at it from the wrong way, that awkwardness that comes with trying to hold back the burden of your love and care because you don’t want to overwhelm the other... 

I need Gu Yun to be shamelessly sweet with his words and his coaxing of his Yan Wang from a sulk. I need Changgu saying “I hate you to death, Gu Yun” (pining)

Hu Ge Er. Let me just be clear here, I will cheer when she dies, but I hope that how they handle her characterisation will do her justice. There is no excusing the level of horrible that she is, but I hope that she isn’t written as a single dimension abusive piece of shit. Nuance, is what I am looking for. I need her to be the villain and the reason for Chang Geng.

I. NEED. THE. WOLF. ATTACK. SCENE. OUTSIDE. OF. YANHUI. TOWN. aka The First Time They Meet

There is legit no excuse for them to fuck this up, but the Steampunk elements. I would not know what else to say if they fuck this one thing up that is so integral and basic to the love of this IP. They cannot fuck this up. I am very sure I will join people in rioting if they do.

I need to see my Red Kites, my Heavy and Light Armours, my Dragons... I need to see the steam powered lamps, the iron puppets... I need them to get the Wind Slashers right. I need them to get this world-building right ok? I need to be dropped into this show and just swoon over just how accurate to imagination everything looks. Tencent does have the blessed ability to make very good looking productions, so on this note, I am assured. 

I need them to get the human element right; I need to understand why Gu Yun is the way he is, I need to know why the members of the Lin Yuan Pavillion will back Chang Geng and why they won’t. I need to know why Liao Chi would betray the Emperor. I need them to make me feel; I want them to make my heart hurt when Chang Geng’s heart is hurting, I want them to make me cry when Gu Yun is at his lowest and feels like he can’t go on. I want them to make me laugh, I want to feel for Shen Yi and Miss Chen’s awkward courting. 

On that note, I hope they get the Shen Yi and Gu Yun dynamic right too! These two are bros ok? Life and death, ride or die, best bros forever and I need, need them to nail just how integral these are to each other and how much they chose each other as family. I need the bickering, I need the protectiveness, I need the banter. 

I also need Chang Geng conspiring to marry Shen Yi off quickly so that he can have Gu Yun all to himself lol but lbr here if we can get an ending for this show from Tencent that even breathes the same atmosphere of air as satisfactory I will praise the heavens

The Bone of Impurity. I don’t know to what extent they will cover this or if they would do it the way the book does it, but this being an element that is integral to Chang Geng, I would be surprised if they dropped it entirely. So yeah, I am looking forward to seeing Chang Geng fretting and worrying and getting Bone of Impurity attacks.

Just the way that Gu Yun allows himself to be cared for my Chang Geng and how Chang Geng lets Gu Yun care for him

I want one acupuncture hedgehog scene please and thank you

I do want to see how they handle Chang Geng and his elder half-brother; how that dynamic unfolds will be something to pay some attention to, I think

Oh! That moment when Chang Geng kneels down in front of his brother and tells him to please bury any talk of his marriage and revealing to his brother the scars that he carries from his time living under Hu Ge Er’s roof (this is one brand of Whump that I promise you will hurt you very badly and it will be very good)

The argument at Jiangnan is something I really think will also make the final cut. It wouldn’t make sense to drop it seeing as this is a pivotal shift in their relationship where Chang Geng is finally holding his ground and not bending over backwards and believing everything his Yi Fu says. And this was the catalyst for their four year separation so yeah. I hope they do this justice.

I am not a betting person, but I high key bet that the scene between Gu Yun and the previous Emperor where he tells the man, “If you go, then I won’t have anyone left” and this being the moment that softens the dying fucker’s heart enough to give him a bracelet of beads that will be a major plot point towards the end

THE. BATTLE. SCENES.

Things I am hoping will happen:

At this point, speculation is that the point that tripped Winner Is King up for a recheck was the politics. This year is the 100th anniversary of the founding of the Communist Party in China and rumour has it that shit be sieving thick and so a lot of shows are erring on the side of caution. 

Politics is the highest likelihood of a recheck but I am hoping that it won’t be dumbed down or watered down too much because the politics and the way things played out in the book was absolutely divine and I really want to see that court intrigue and scheming and interplay unfold.

I’ve mentioned in my most recent podcast episode that I am banking on this show to scratch my itch for a Nirvana in Fire level of plottiness and infinite craftiness of the characters and I am crossing all fingers and toes for that to happen because All! The! Characters! Hold! Their! Own! And I need to see that play out please I am not asking for much...

The final sea battle with the Pope. I wouldn’t even know where they would even begin to shoot that scene but this is something I would love to see happen.

The Bone of Impurity attack after Gu Yun sneakily left the capital. That was the scene that caught me and hooked, lined and sinkered me for Chang Geng as a character. Listening to this scene be brought to life in the audio drama has really hammered it home that if they make this bit into the show, I will watch and weep if it is done right. 

Cao Niangzi being Cao Niangzi. I am thinking it might not happen the way I want, but I just need them to get them right.

Ge Chen peeing on the enemy’s face. Please. I laughed so hard. I need this. It will be a balm to my soul.

Please, I need Gu Yun’s soul crushing flute playing like I need Gong Jun to always be absolutely horrible at singing because baby this is your niche and this is your charm own it work it

I also need Gu Yun stealing a bamboo flute from a 10 year old because he got jealous please and thank you

Any flashback of Chang Geng and Hu Ge Er before Yanhui Town

I want to see that moment that Gu Yun hears first hand from someone who had knowledge of what Hu Ge Er would do to a baby Chang Geng and the horrible abuse she inflicted on him, because up to that point, he only knew that something went on, but never to the extent that revelation wrought unto him

Any of the Bone of Impurity moments; any mention of it, any visual representation of it... Gosh, just the idea of having the Bone of Impurity made visual is just... Ugh. Yes. Please. The suffering.

[bonus] Things I wish will happen but will probably not:

The hot spring scene or a version of it

An implication that baby cannibalism was involved in the making of a Bone of Impurity

The scene where they get to the goddess doll (the description of it in the book was so bone chilling and if they do this I will have nightmares, I’m just warning you)

I really, really want a scene where, after being crowned Emperor, Chang Geng goes to the frontlines to reclaim the South and upon hearing that he was there, Gu Yun immediately panicked like he was about to be caught with his pants down doing something illegal when all he did was ordered his subordinates to keep news of his injuries from being reported back to the capital

Any flashback of Chang Geng and Hu Ge Er before Yanhui Town; especially when they were with the Barbarians

I want to see some version of Hu Ge Er realising what she has done to her own child and to Chang Geng

Okay this got super long but what are you guys looking forward to seeing when Winner is King hits our screens? I’m looking forward to creating content for this fandom when it hits ೕ(˃̵ᴗ˂̵ ๑) In the meantime, sound off on what you’re expecting and what you’re maybe wary about!

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

Hi, I know you’re a fan of namjoon so I wanted to ask your thoughts on this ring thing? I’m kinda new and assumed all these namjoon is married with kids stuff were a joke. But some people seem to totally believe that. I mean where he’d get the time to see a partner and kids is beyond me but who knows? Anyways I was looking at some of their recent pics and he doesn’t wear it all the time - which if it was a couples ring - wouldn’t he? I thought maybe he would only wear it if they were appearing on Run or Korean shows, but he didn’t have it on for either of the new shows they’ve been on recently, as they may not have been as widely watched. I mean I guess it’s none of our business - but I’m trying to rip of my delulu hat for making me think Seokjin gave it to him 🙈

Hi anon, I hope you don’t mind that I’ll combine my answer for you with my answer to another ask since I feel like they fall into the same kind of category, as in people taking things too far and/or blowing things out of proportion. And, coincidentally, both have something to do with rings.

I’ll start with your question though and give you another example that followed a very similar trajectory as the omg namjoon is married with kids because ring narrative/theory. Some months ago, Namjoon posted a few pictures on twitter and among them was a picture of him with another guy wearing a green sweater. His face though was covered. At first ARMY didn’t think much of it, but then, eventually, someone started a joke that “remember that sweater Joon wore for BV4? The guy is wearing the same one, what if that's his boyfriend?” and it went viral.

It started out completely harmless with hundreds of positive and funny tweets made in good humor, no one taking it that seriously knowing that we’d never find out even if it were true. But, as the jokes started to simmer down, everyone had their laugh, the next wave came in and this one decided that this isn’t a joke at all but serious matter. Quickly this harmless fun turned into a witch hunt of “ARMY” trying to figure out who the guy might be, if he is Namjoon’s mysterious friend that once sent him a coffee truck with custom drawn designs on it, perhaps the same one with whom Namjoon already once posted a picture sitting on this garden porch swing type thing, some even trying to prove that the guy is either Seokjin (in which case, what would be the need to cover his face?) or Florist Isaac whom they met during that one RUN episode.

So, very quickly a few idiots turned harmless fun into something almost malicious and got into fights with ARMY who were trying to tell them to stop.

The ring thing followed a similar story. It was once a harmless joke based on the fact that Namjoon wants to have kids one day, so some made jokes about what if he’s already married but we just didn’t know etc. But very quickly that got out of hand as well, going as far as people claiming the little girl in his pictures which he posted around his birthday or something is his daughter (even though it was said it’s probably the child actress from BTS WORLD) and that him making jokes (during a BangtanB while trying on glasses before their MOTS7 press con) about his child being able to read/write hangul at a very young age wasn’t jokes at all but solid proof of the fact that he is married with a child (despite the fact that he would’ve had to have gotten married and his wife pregnant not long after their debut for the timeline to even work out somehow which makes it seem even more ridiculous). This even went as far as people spamming the comments during this vlives with questions about it, flooded his selcas on twitter with questions and “jokes” and, again, attacked anyone who told them to stop.

In all of this, watching it happen from the sidelines as someone whose bias is Namjoon, I was confused why these particular rings (which I don’t even think were the same ones each time) caused such a reaction. The members have all worn so many different rings over the years, on all fingers, sometimes even like eight at the same time, and yet it wasn’t until 2020 and their KBS interview after their first BBH100 #1 that things went bonkers. All because Namjoon decided to take the ring off before they started filming or something.

In all of this I see two things that make me wonder:

When would he have the time to find a girl (since same sex marriage is not a thing in Korea) with whom he would have enough time to befriend her, trust her (considering who Namjoon is, that one is a major thing), fall in love, date and be together for a few years, and then get married? From Seokjin we know they have maybe two or three days off a month and work at least ten hours a day on their BH regulated schedules. Add to that the time they spend in the studio working on music outside of schedules, gym time, a few hours of sleep, and perhaps a few scarce hours of free time to (in Namjoon’s case) go to a museum or ride his bike, does that really leave enough time for romance (with an outsider) that leads to marriage (and a child)?

Is age 26 at the height of their career really the time for marriage? Even more so when you are someone like Namjoon, the leader of the world’s biggest group with more responsibilities than we can likely imagine as outsiders. Sure, he said he wants kids, but he can still have those in his thirties, he can also get married in his thirties, after all, life does not end once you hit thirty despite what some teens believe.

Lastly, I actually think that if it were true, Namjoon, or really anyone from the hyung line, would be the ones who wouldn’t have to hide it, at least not when compared to the maknaes. You could argue that “it would threaten their career” but would it really? Perhaps if the ring were from a man (some namjinists did make jokes that it’s like his promise ring from Seokjin or whatever, but it was all in good fun, nothing more than that), then yes, but connected to a woman? That one member from EXO also came out and said he’s getting married because his fiancé was pregnant and all it did was cause a few fansites to close and a handful of people to “protest” in front of the SM building. 

Little correction about my comments about that EXO member, though even with this my point still stands:

From anon: Re: your last post about namjoon’s rings! I agree with everything you said but just a small correction. I’m not an EXO stan but it wasn’t just a a few “protests” or fansites closing. From what I read online, he his fiancée and later wife, and his child were harassed, threatened and stalked to the point where he enlisted early just to give his family some relief. We all know there are people like this in every fandom and I know BTS would be aware of these things, so they’ll be extra careful.

Would there be delulus like this who’d go crazy if Namjoon were to say “ARMY, I’m (getting) married”? Of course. Would it ruin BTS’ career? I seriously doubt it. Do I think Namjoon would actually come out and say it if it were the case? No, but not because it’s bad idol etiquette or because BH wouldn’t allow him, but because people are insane and who knows what they would do.

It’s the same with times when people argue “I wish X ML members would just say he has a girlfriend so the ship wars would end” without taking into consideration the girl’s safety and the fact that a partner different than the one X member is shipped with has never been that big of an obstacle for some before. Just create a conspiracy theory about the company forcing this upon them and voila problem solved. We’ve seen that before when the tattoo scandal happened, and people thought JK might be dating that tattoo artist and therefore it would mean he isn’t in a relationship with Jimin or Tae.

Whatever happens in the members private lives, it is safer for all parties involved if it stays private, even more so if their romantic partners were non-idols, or non-celebrities, or another member.

Now onto the second ring question:

From anon: I am a young army and I am slowly losing my bearings. I've seen Vlive S, H and V. Many say it was a Tk*ok day (?) And all three emphasized it, and the V even wore the friendship ring for Jungkook. Is it true? I don't understand anything about it, I don't see it. After the last BTS interview on TV, I thought Vmin are best friends, not Tk*ok. I thought V said he didn't want Tk*ok and yet he was so happy during Vlive because it was Tk*ok day? Help!

Now this one, I was curious if we’d get an ask about this, even more since, if you’re a reader of our blog, you likely already know what I’m going to say.

Let’s start where you usually do—at the beginning. The day of the vlive coincided with what T*ek*okers have decided on is T*ek*ok Day, based on how supposedly some years ago this was the day Tae and JK named their subunit like this. I tried to find where exactly this happened, as in in which piece of official content, but I couldn’t find anything except for a screenshot. Anyone have a clue or a link?

Side note: T*ek*okers love using the “ship” naming as proof that not only are they real but also proudly showing it off by giving themselves a name but continently forget that they are not the only ones who gave themselves subunit names. After all Jimin and Namjoon named themselves MiniMoni, or Yoongi and Jimin who are MiniMini, Namjoon and Seokjin calling themselves RJRJ last year, or that one vlive with JK, Jimin and Seokjin where they also put together their names the way you build ship names. At the end of that vlive Tae, thanks to come prompting from the chat, named their trio vsope, so does that mean they are a romantic ship now too?

If you were watching that vlive as it was happening, and decided to look at the chat, then you know what was happening. For those who did not, basically the chat was flooded with comments about T*ek*ok Day, asking where JK is whom Tae loves, where his boyfriend JK is, congratulating Tae for T*ek*ok Day etc. Basically shippers took their shipping into a space where it doesn’t belong, into a space where the members can see it, and therefore purposefully broke one of the shipping rules (I even saw some tweet about how they were proud of themselves for literally spamming the chat with T*ek*ok comments which is so wrong, and I mean that regardless of which ship we talk about). In between those were the usual other comments like speak English or say hello to XYZ or say XYZ in whatever language, and very few comments that actually reacted to what the members were doing on screen. Like when Tae said he didn’t shave, instead of telling him that it’s fine, which it is, it’s his face after all, some decided to tell him he should shave more often, basically telling him what to do, which he saw and read out. Great job.

But all the madness came to a “climax” when Hobi was reading comments and among some other ones read out T*ek*ok, just the word not the T*ek*ok Day ones, and unfortunately we all knew he wasn’t reading out the Korean word for Thailand, which sounds the same though it is spelled a little differently. In that moment all hell broke loose. Focus cams of Tae’s facial expression in that moment went viral among shippers, most of course claiming he looked so happy, while other non-shippers claimed he didn’t look happy at all. It’s a micro moment so I won’t get into it, who knows what Tae thought in that moment and what his facial expression meant and if it even had any connection to the word and Hobi reading it out loud at all.

Because he read that comment, Hobi was basically crowned the new leader of the T*ek*ok shippers (I thought that role already went to Jimin?) and twitter basically had a meltdown.

As for the ring, I know this is something a lot of ships have, with romantic connotations according to their shippers, so I was curious how these rings supposedly look like in T*ek*ok’s case and if they even match the ring that Tae wore in the vlive. If it would, fine, if not, well…

If it’s not clear from the picture, the “supposed couple” or friendship rings are very delicate and thin, and sure enough I did find a lot of pictures in which both Tae and JK wore them, usually at different times, I will admit that. But the ring Tae wore during their vlive recently was much thicker and had some kind of design on it, therefore it’s a completely different one. Sorry. Why he wore it, if he bought it for himself or received it from someone, what emotional connotation to may or may not have, those are things we won’t know anything about unless he would tell us, so there's no point in speculating.

“Many say it was a Tk*ok day (?) And all three emphasized it” now this is curious to me since I watched the vlive as it was happening, and I didn’t see that at any point in the vlive. Sure, Hobi read that one comment, but if 95% of comments were about that, I wasn’t even surprised by it. Perhaps he thought that it would get people to stop? Perhaps he just read whatever comments his eyes landed on? Perhaps something else entirely? We have no way of knowing it so there is no point in trying to fixate on it. But besides that, they were talking about many other things and having fun making their smoothies, decorating them and just having a good time together with each other and with ARMY. 

So, this way of presenting the vlive basically comes down to shipper perception, confirmation bias, and simply, almost, rewriting history.

Rings do not determine who your best friend is (according to a quick google search, wearing a ring on your index finger simply means friendship or self-esteem/authority), after all many of the members have rings either from each other or ones that match, like Namjoon buying Jimin a Cartier ring for his birthday a few years ago which Jimin proudly wore since it’s really pretty, or pink and blue rings (there are several different ones, actually) that Namjoon has worn with Seokjin in the past (which fits into the Namjinist pink and blue agenda), or the rings Jimin and JK have together according to their shippers, and many more. Jimin and Tae have a whole plethora of matching jewelry in form of necklaces, rings, bracelets, even contact lenses (as in wearing one of each pair to match each other), some which were chosen by their stylists and others they bought themselves for themselves (which are all conveniently “forgotten” by those who ship either big ML ship). Though we’ve seen that even with clothes given by their stylists they were still the ones to choose their own accessories, like Namjoon choosing a pair of glasses from a whole box of different ones, or the members choosing rings from two big boxes before going on stage.

Tae himself said, on multiple occasions across multiple years, that Jimin is his best friend, even his one and only best friend, and that he’s the one he likes most which he even proclaimed on national TV. As long as Tae doesn’t say that this has changed in the last, what, two weeks and suddenly JK is officially his new best friend, those who claim otherwise are basically nothing but shippers pushing a narrative that willfully ignores Tae’s own words. Just like they ignore and twist his Weverse comment about how T*ek*okers should get out of their imagination. What doesn’t fit is ignored or adjusted until it does fit.

Lastly, sure enough, Tae really was happy during that vlive but I’m fairly certain (though neither you, them or I will ever know for sure, we’re not in Tae’s head) it had absolutely no connection to T*ek*ok Day, something shippers created and not Tae and JK themselves, seeing as Tae has been in a very good and happy mood for a few months now. Whatever makes him so happy, I truly hope it’ll continue making him happy and I wish shippers (and solo stans) would stop trying to force a reason (which fits them) upon his emotions.

I know it’s easy to get confused by how loud shippers are online, especially as young ARMY (in this case both ARMY who are young age wise but also young in the sense of being new to the fandom), but shipper opinions, in many cases, are just noise, and also noise twisted and skewed a certain way to suit them. If you kept to OT7 spaces on the day of that vlive, no one really paid attention to the ring, most were annoyed by and furious at the shamelessness of the shippers in the comments, and tried to just focus on how fun the vlive was instead.

[ihatebnha]

ouu the time jump thing for bakugou sounds interesting👀 sad i missed out on wtv age gap concept u deleted 4 gojo tho😭 also 4 the stuff u put under the read more on the age gap post, what fandom would it b for? n do u think u would ever write it? i figured that type of stuff would do better on ao3 bc i haven’t seen it on here n the reaction prob wouldn’t b good tbh😭

ANON!!! i'm love u.

i'm honestly kind of excited about the bakugo thing!!! it's definitely teeter-tottery for me because it started off as some brainrot that i decided should be expanded... so i'm trying to do it realistically even tho that involves thinking about the situation and connecting the three pieces i have for it? which is... HARD!!!!

(i really want to get better at writing which is why i'm trying so hard with my stuff rn)

anyway. i promise you didn't miss anything much with the gojo thing. if u want, i can always repost it under an ask, but... it was like. less than 500 words and didn't have any context other than what was in my mind (bc i was scared)... so not worth it in my opinion but. u know. i can.

(warning: age gap stuff + underage sex mentioned below the cut)

and for my age gap thing... it was gonna be for Arthur Morgan from Red Dead Redemption 2!!! at the time i thought of it, pandemic had just started and i was 18 and like............ [redacted], so i really wanted it to be about like. fighting against the urge to do something consensual yet bad even though you're not actually going to be punished for it (because they're in the 1800s where women are abused all the time).

(the concept was like: 36 year old arthur morgan having sex with someone aged 16-18 who actually WANTED to have sex with him even tho he was kinda like, grossed out by it.)

i'd actually. idk. i'd actually love to write it, but i think the nuance would be a lot different now that i'm a older and the whole concept relies on being younger. at the time i thought of it, i was young and was gonna be writing from that perspective, but i think now i'd probably lean more on describing the weirdness of the man over the actual "i don't care that i'm in 16 *flutters eyelashes* dalsjkdfjlkasd.

but gojo really unlocked this weird thing in me... so i think the whole thing just resurfaced bc i wanted to see if i could transform that initial idea w/ arthur to work for him since. i think he can be pussywhipped, if im honest.

could i, tho? will i? mmm. i don't really know. idk if i'd be able to convey what i wanted to convey... which is stressful. though you're actually so right and so SMART about ao3. good ass thinking tbh.

BUT, thanks for listening and for asking! i appreciate it so much since i think i was actually aching to talk about it. i adore u.

[zodiyack]

Being A Winchester And Dating A Mikaelson Would Include...

Requested by anon: Will you do a story about Sam and Dean’s little sister hiding the fact she’s dating an original and the families meet

Pairing: Freya Mikaelson x GN!reader, Finn Mikaelson x GN!reader, Elijah Mikaelson x GN!reader, Niklaus Mikaelson x GN!Reader, Rebekah Mikaelson x GN!Reader, Kol Mikaelson x GN!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, mention of murder?, crossover, slight angst

Note: ALTERNATE RESULT OF REQUEST!! THE FIC CAN BE FOUND HERE! THIS IS JUST ONE INCLUDING ALL THE MIKAELSONS/ORIGINALS!

This does not include Hope, by the way. I know I said all, but I meant from the Originals. I have yet to finish Legacies (though I’m getting there!)

Taglist: @matth1w​, @redspaceace-writes​, @fandom-puff​, @darling-i-read-it​, @simonsbluee​, @jenepleurepasbaby​, @thewarriorprincessxo​

Masterlist | Supernatural Masterlist | The Originals Masterlist

Freya Mikaelson

Your brothers don’t have much of a problem with witches than they did the rest of the supernatural

especially with Freya, as she can be useful in many ways

get your mind out of the gutter

When they first met her, they were a little cautious- as per usual, but she was cool with them pretty quick.

Dean definitely asked her a lot of questions.

Whether they involved magic or her sexuality, I’ll never tell.

they most likely did

Sam and Freya get along pretty swell

Dean...

Well-

He’s Dean.

Remember when Freya snapped Lucien’s neck because she “works better with quiet”?

ok so that...but just knocking Dean out instead of killing him.

Sam’s kind of in shock, a little intimated, not sure if he should be thankful or mad, etcetera etcetera.

Not a whole lot to say other than the fact that they get along and Dean doesn’t have much of a filter good and bad, but I think we all know that

Putting an end to hiding her was an amazing choice

Finn Mikaelson

His distaste for being what he is, your brothers can get behind, however, his stern mature exterior, they don’t like as much

He’s the kinda guy who they would call a “party pooper”

Dean doesn’t like how literal he is, Sam’s semi-okay with it but not to the point where he’d disagree with Dean

“What?” Dean suddenly stops laughing. Finn is glaring at him with strong judgement.

safe to say, Dean isn’t sure whether he likes Finn or not

Sam’s just trying to be respectful

The entire time he’s around your brothers, you have to be there.

To be honest, you more than likely wouldn’t allow your brothers anywhere near him if you’re not there with him

You’re trying to keep Finn from doing something he’d regret while eating with your brothers

be it, leaving, snapping, really anything- you keep him grounded

He’s not the biggest fan of your brothers.

Hunting, however,

though he won’t offer often, if it involves you, he’s by your side and ignoring any negative feelings towards your brothers

that won’t stop him from saying anything though. He’ll flat out admit that he doesn’t like them, but he’ll push past that for you

Not even sure if hiding the boi was good or not, so that’s up to you

Niklaus Mikaelson

Now Klaus... Well, your brothers disagree with each other one some parts.

Dean likes Klaus, but he still doesn’t trust him all that much involving you or your safety

Sam...he just dislikes Klaus. He despises him. Like Dean, he doesn’t trust him and he doesn’t ever plan on doing so.

Since they meet the family, Sam often tells Dean you’d be better with Elijah.

Dean gives him a weird look but doesn’t respond, dropping the conversation with a his own wordless version of “no”

They will never allow you two any private time.

With Dean, that depends

However, they do indeed ease up when they learn of his protectiveness

Dean probably offers to go get revenge with him

after they learn that Klaus’ revenge involves hunting the creature / person who / that wronged you, they learn to like some parts of him.

Sam and Dean are very strictly against his willingness to, and lack of empathy when, killing humans.

As stated, Dean is like a human, more sane and human (emotion and other stuff wise, not literal), version of Klaus

Sam feels uncomfortable around Klaus and he notices

Dean and Klaus poke fun at him for that and you can’t tell me no

On that note-

Klaus is very likely to pull some shit on your brothers.

Dean thinks it’s hilarious (unless Klaus goes too far), but Sam is not having it.

At all.

Pretty much what happens when the meet him.

just Klaus and Dean laughing with each other and Sam sporting a very criticizing squint at the two every so often

Good choice to hide him, but they probably would’ve found out anyway. News gets around when it’s about Klaus Mikaelson.

Rebekah Mikaelson

To be one hundred percent honest, Dean flirts with her the moment he sees her

but BOY is he surprised when he finds out she’s the one you’re dating

Dean definitely does some double takes between you and Bekah

Sam approves, Dean approves, it’s all good

Rebekah likes them both and is pretty quick to accept them.

she probably asks her brothers why they can’t be more like Sam and Dean, not even gonna lie

That’s how it goes. Their first meeting. All three have some good laughs and right away, they approve

They want her to come over and when she does, they want her to come over a lot more

Rebekah is probably one of the only Mikaelsons who don’t come off as...well, who don’t come off as Klaus-like to them. She’s the best person you could’ve dated and they’re ever so happy you’re doing just that

They’d be cool if you were just friends with her, but still

She too is definitely up for hunting, especially if it means protecting you

Bekah also despised when Klaus judged her for using a knife and being a woman, so you don’t have any need to worry about her preventing you from doing dangerous stuff

that just might be the worry you SHOULD worry about tho

They’re untouchable after meeting her. No one may harm them without being thrown like a javelin past hell itself

Her dreams of having a family really touch Sam and get some approval points after he learns of them

As we know, she’s not as open about that until she wants to be

Tbh, I don’t think they’d think anything negative of/about her

Right off the bat, there was no need to hide her.

Introducing them was absolutely 100% worth it, and your brothers can vouch for that

no promises that their answers wouldn’t be bias

Kol Mikaelson

Sam would rather you date Klaus than Kol, and that’s saying a lot.

While I would like to leave it at that, I have some headcannons to finish. So-

They really just- despise the living crap out of him during their first meeting

Dean thinks he can vibe with him, but then Kol says something Kol-like and Dean is just no

As we all know, Kol, in all three lifetimes he’s had, doesn’t have a filter.

In the slightest.

He won’t hold back.

Once he’s started, there’s no stopping him.

Dean has a filter, but not much of one; he’s a genuinely nice dude with nicer things to say than Kol, however, if those two get in a fight-

Sam would definitely jump in, but Kol’s lack of nice things to say in that moment, is also fighting him

have fun pulling that apart

But because he’s dating you, he has a soft side.

Once Dean and Sam find their way to his soft/good side, they like him a little more.

Sam will probably approve of him by then and forget all about his secret preference involving your love-life

Kol is up for any hunting the boys are doing as long as it doesn’t involve his family

Once the three are all buddies, he thinks of them as family

he thinks of them as off-limits when he first meets them because they’re related to you.

in his mind, no one can hurt them, but he’s allowed to threaten and injure them if they’re still living afterwards

When they’ve reached the family point of view, he’s all over protecting them

demands they allow him to join them on hunts but won’t admit why

They apply to the whole Mikaelson “no one hurts my family and gets away with it” thing

can we just thank Elijah for that quote for a sec? k thanks

Basically, you’ve been hiding him for good reason but if he does eventually get along better, you don’t regret it nearly as much as you once did

[shimmershae]

My thoughts on Episode 6--On the Inside

Very appropriate title by the way.  Works in a multitude of ways.  

As always, my randomness is going beneath a cut again to spare the eyeballs of those of you that don’t want to see it at all and also?  Help those of you that have somehow stayed spoiler-free in this brand-new age of early release episodes.  It is still so wild to me that I’m a full episode ahead of half the fandom.  I don’t know what I’m going to do when we get to the final episode and they decide to make us all suffer together--because somehow I do feel they will do exactly that after spoiling us for the first 23 episodes.  It is going to be agonizing.  

Anyway.  Without further ado, Shae’s stream of consciousness review (of sorts).  

Not fair, Angela.  Opening the episode with that shot of that big ass spider.  I hate those suckers.  So naturally, they’re an easy sell for setting the horror scene to me, lol.  

Okay.  Who the hell’s chasing Virgil and Connie?  Walker No-See-Ums?

Barely a minute in and the atmosphere for this episode is moody AF.  

What is this?  Tara Jr. The Walking Dead?  LOL.  Where’s the Scarlett for this mini plantation house?  Anyway.  First three minutes of this episode?  Just as attention grabbing as the first five episode openings this season.  I don’t think people out there are giving our writers enough love for that.  Every episode so far has opened like a mini movie.  

With the way the Walking Dead logo keeps crumbling away with each successive episode, somehow it wouldn’t surprise me at all if the Carol and Daryl spinoff was eventually titled The Living and had flowers growing out of each letter, lol.  I mean, there would be a certain sort of life-affirming symmetry in a show that’s been promised to be much lighter in tone doing just that.  

More Carol and Aaron?  Yes, please.  I don’t necessarily like Carol staying at home and sitting the sidelines like a figurative happy little homemaker in the B story while the rest of the mains are trying like hell to sell the A story, but if she’s going to be totally prohibited from the main storyline until it’s time to blow shit up?  I’m going to continue enjoy getting to see her do what she should have been doing for seasons--interacting with others in the community, especially Aaron and the ladies.  

Truly.  I really am loving my girl getting some quality Aaron and Rosita time.  It’s so long overdue.  

Bless sweet Kelly.  Riding off to her sister’s rescue.  

Why isn’t Lydia shown as part of these plans?  For someone that could barely read last season, I doubt that big ass map was a piece of cake for her and it’s all just guesswork anyway without her guidance.  I mean, why does it feel like they are cutting some of this stuff that might not seem like much plot-wise but would go a long way toward establishing different character beats?  Personally, I would have loved to see her involved in the search and sharing scenes again with Carol and bonding with Kelly. 

Virgil be having that “I always feel like somebody’s watching me” feeling.  Don’t you hate that, lol?  

“You haven’t slept in days.”  But how many days, Virgil?  I’m going to need a number because I’m confused AF about this timeline at this point.  What we’re seeing and what different pieces of dialogue is telling us is not exactly lining up.  I’m going to find it awful hilarious if it hasn’t even been two weeks since the cave in.  For reasons.  

Connie’s spidey senses are clearly tingling.  

Alrighty, then.  She’s clearly got PTSD.  Understandable.  They’ve all had it.  Some have been treated more sympathetically than others, though.  

I mean, it never seems to cross anybody’s mind how Carol probably sees Henry’s head on that pike, Mika’s pale and bloody body, Lizzie crumpled face down in a bed of yellow flowers, Sophia with a smoking bullet hole through her undead head whenever she closes her eyes but whatever.  

Okay though.  But what if Connie had really shitty, impossible to read handwriting?  AKA doctor’s  handwriting.  What then?  

Leah’s face honestly twists my insides whenever I see it, lol.  It’s quiet a visceral thing.  No, that does not make me a horrible person.  Not everybody wants or has to drink the awesome, great, redeemable villainess Kool-Aid.  IMHO, she’s got a face meant for a Walker.  Perfect makeover idea.  Eh.  Mostly it’s her expression and the deadness of her eyes.  

Anyway.  Why is it always the fingers?  Eff that.  

Listen.  If ya’ll can’t tell Daryl’s conflicted AF with the situation he’s landed in, you don’t know how to read NR’s face and eyes.  He’s not a masterclass like MMB but he’s pretty darn good when he wants to be.  

I honestly feel sorry for Redshirt Frost.  

“You do what you gotta do.”  Frost knows what’s what and he’s willing to walk the walk for Maggie.  Impressive loyalty.  I’m left wondering how the current, colder incarnation of Maggie inspired it because I’m still struggling to see it.  Anywho.  My point is the dude knows the score and just gave Daryl the okay.  

Daryl taking off his angel vest before stepping into the role of torturer/interrogator=him shedding the persona/the man Judith and RJ and Lydia and Carol know him to be.  Pushing away his man of honor status so he can just survive somehow.  

Pope never quits chewing whatever the hell he’s got in his mouth.  It’s kind of distracting.  

Ohhh.  We’re back to the Haunted Mansion.  I mean house.  Where are the Hitchhiking Ghosts?  

All the eyes scratched out of those creepy pictures=spooky.  

The good old fogged up bathroom mirror shot.  Somebody’s been watching and studying their horror movies, lol.  Not gonna lie though.  I’m legit bracing myself for the jump scares I know have to be coming.  

I’m loving the music/score in these scenes.  

Truthfully, I could care less about these Reapers.  But they are hella attractive, lol.  Listen.  Angela knows what she’s doing.  

Kelly’s horse is so pretty.  Prayer chain for that baby.  

More dead horses?  Why?  

Connie’s slingshot?  Sorry.  I maintain, no matter how much I like these two, that they have the lamest weapons ever.  Endless supply of Virginia rocks or not.  

So.  Did Virgil and Connie enjoy a little equine for dinner?  Did they kill it before the Walkers fed?  What monsters!  Yeah, no.  Not if they were starving even if I personally could not have.  The more probable story is they fled the camp in a panic and left the horse behind and then it went down.  Sorry.  I didn’t exactly study the wounds on the poor animal because it is so traumatizing to me to continue to see them meet such dastardly ends on this show.  I don’t know who the hell has such a score to settle with horses but stop it.  

Days.  It’s only been days.  Not weeks.  So many times with all that Daryl and Company have had to contend with since the cave in?  Those do not exist, lol.  They’re just a convenient, appeasing piece of dialogue thrown at a fanbase primed and ready to read everything into not much of anything.  There’s just not been enough time for it to happen unless Daryl has literally been up 24/7 for all of them.  You know, strategizing how to attack the remainders of Alpha’s horde, figuring out how to defend Hilltop before it fell, healing from the wound he sustained at Alpha’s hand, sitting on that log all damn night with Negan waiting on Carol to come home, having a lover’s quarrel with his best damn everything, taking care of the Grimes babies and Lydia, being the reluctant leader.  Kang, why you playing them like that?  Daryl’s a super guy but he’s not a superhuman with clones.  So many times my ass.  

Seriously.  Who been watching Connie and Virgil?  The MIA Oceansiders?  Beta’s Fee Fi Fo Fum Ghost?  

Nice.  A Michonne mention.  Maybe the truth will start to trickle out.  

LMAO at Connie’s “I’m not staying here.”  Me neither, girl.  I would be outta that house so fast.  

They really “Quiet Placing” this episode.  Honestly?  I’m kinda loving it.  

WTF was that?  I know she can’t hear but you telling me all the little hairs on her arms, legs, and neck didn’t stand the fuck up and say fuck this shit, I’m gone?  Pardon my language, lovelies, but that moment had my heart kicking up several beats.  

Okay, okay.  To be fair to Connie, every hair on her body been doing that since the front door closed.  Maybe they’re desensitized.  

Gollum’s chasing Connie!!!  He/She wants their Precious!!!

The knee jerk reactions about this episode sight unseen are OTT, honestly.  And I mean no disrespect by saying that.  I can understand completely where they’re coming from because we’ve been burned so long in this fandom.  But it’s obvious the spoiler source has their particular biases and reads into things in such a way that don’t line up with what’s actually being shown onscreen.  Daryl’s loyalty in this episode and all along quite clearly lies with his family and his community.  He’s been playing Leah since the start and is truly just trying to survive somehow.  

Awful thought.  The Reaper that’s so suspish of Daryl--haven’t quite caught his name or really cared to.  I feel like he might try to get to Daryl somehow.  When he realizes that Daryl cares no more for Leah than any human would care for somebody (they thought) they used to know?  He’s going after Dog.  Or Carol should she finally join this story. 

I refuse to believe Carol isn’t going to be a part of this story.  Because they messing with her mans, lol.  

“You’re ever with us or you’re not.”  Now where have I heard those words before?  I wish I could find that Daryl gif because that had to be one of the funniest things ever, lol.  

Unrealistic suggestion to Daryl, Leah?  Breathing oxygen seems to piss off Carver.  Oh look.  He finally has a name for me, lol.  

I love how all three of the ladies--Carol, Magna, and Rosita--look at Kelly with such indulgent, adoring “little sis, you alright?” eyes.  

They are seriously the most beautiful quartet of characters.  I mean all of them are lovely but Carol and Rosita this season?  Ugh.  The unfairness of the pretty.  

Human bones.  Terminus callback, lovelies.  How it all would have eventually gone down if Gareth and Co. hadn’t met the business end of Rick’s red machete.  

So many horror movie homages in this one.  

Virgil’s like “let’s leave this Texas Chainsaw Massacre behind.”  

Connie and Virgil have obviously bonded, ya’ll.  I’m surprised by how much I’m enjoying their scenes together when the character mostly got on my nerves with Michonne.  He’s a good actor and the core of his character is sympathetic, but I’m not going to lie.  I wasn’t super enthused when he was the one that rescued Connie because I didn’t know how their scenes would play out. But there’s a nice synergy there.  

Okay.  Does Carver want Leah for himself?  Because I’m sure Daryl at this point would love to scream “take her, I know where I fucking belong!”  

Daryl’s digging in deep because Carver has shown him Leah’s potential weak spot.  Nuance is truly lost on some people, LMAO.  He cares about Leah as a human being probably.  He’s Daryl, after all.  The sweet one.  But he sees her as his way outta this and he’s going to exploit it.  

It’s nice to have a silent Negan for once, lol.  I can pretend he didn’t take my baby Glenn away from me and enjoy JDM’s pretty.  

So.  These cannibal people were the watchers?  Hmm.  

I’m really digging Virgil 2.0.  Yeah.  Nobody’s surprised more than me.  

Sweet, sweet scene between Virgil and Connie.  His determination to reunite her with her family brings back the sympathy I felt for him when he told Michonne “I promised her flowers.  Every day.”  

Damn.  How many of those creepy crawly cannibals are there?  

How brave of Connie to confront her fears to save someone she’s obviously grown to care about.  

The Kelly/Connie reunion gave me chills and made me cry.  Thank fuck Angela didn’t cheapen that moment by having it focus on literally anybody else.  Kelly is the most important person in the whole world to Connie and vice versa.  Just like Carol is the most important person in the whole world to Daryl and vice versa.  Angela fucking knows.  Everybody does.  Except the people busy building castles out of sand while the waves of Carol’s and Daryl’s converging stories keep crashing closer and closer to shore.  

Such a beautiful moment given to us by Angel Theory and Lauren Ridloff.  So authentic and sweet.  Kelly and Connie are home to each other.  

Poor Frost.  That’s all I gotta say about that.  

WTF, though.  Was Mel just not available or what?  I want to see more of the ASZ characters that I care about, not the Reapers.  Like I’d be fine with the story if all the characters not named Maggie, Negan, or Daryl weren’t surviving on crumbs during it.  Especially the 2nd billed actress on the entire show.  Angela.  Please.  Fix this.  

One last WTF.  Seriously.  WTF has Maggie done to inspire Pope’s obsession?  It better be juicy after all this shit.  

Overall impression of the episode--

One of my favorites of the season so far.  The horror aspects were fantastic, IMHO. I truly didn’t expect to like Connie and Virgil’s scenes as much together so that was a nice surprise.  She got the reunion that felt most true and earned for the character and her story and I thank Angela from the bottom of my heart for that.  

I would have loved more Carol but I always want more Carol.  I’m okay with her taking a backseat because ultimately?  This was Kelly’s moment with her sister.  Carol and Connie will eventually have their time to sit down and talk.  And pick back up their blossoming friendship because I truly do not feel Connie blames Carol at all.  

I do wish Lydia had been included with the girl group.  Last episode felt like it was leading up to that.  

The Reaper storyline continues to be the weakest link because every time we see them the dialogue and interactions feel totally recycled from the time previous.  I feel like it would have totally been helped by a tighter focus and less stretching out because 8 episodes of this is really diluting what I feel like Angela and Co. are going for.  I’m not here for Leah being redeemed or being a bigger focus in any of the episodes because she does nothing of interest for me.  I’m just peeking in on that story for the Daryl of it all.  

Speaking of the Daryl? You lovelies out there gotta stop taking that spoiler source’s recaps at face value because it’s obvious to me at least that there’ some bias at work.  Every action and word coming from Daryl is coming from a place of loyalty to his family and wanting to protect them, no matter how he has to dirty his hands.  Leah is just a means to his ultimate end.  She’s not his future.  She never was.  His future’s already spoken for and 2023 can’t get  here soon enough.  But like Daryl, we have to just survive somehow.  

Oh goodie.  More Maggie and Negan next episode and looks like no real follow up on Connie and the ASZ reunions.  Hopefully, this is yet another instance of the previews being deceiving but I’m not holding my breath.  

Until later, lovelies.  

Hope my word vomit didn’t bore you too much.  

[ourstarscollided]

jatp fanworks appreciation - day 3 (wips)

wip wednesday - I didn’t think I wanted to join in on this day for my own stuff considering I’ve never posted anything original for this fandom, but I think this might just be the little boost I need from myself to actually finish the wips that I have sitting around. I am peer pressuring myself and holding myself accountable by posting this - or at least that’s what I’m telling myself. Most of the past 6 mths has just been me screaming to no one in a Google Doc, so here are some things I’ve been ruminating about over the last 6 months (and if my secret agenda is to get other people to write about it so I don’t have to? Then that’s between you and me).

Everything’s under a read more because I like giving context and that usually spirals out of control!?!?

If you would like to see more from any of the below, feel free to shoot me an ask/message and I can definitely share some more! (Or you can just come yell at me about JATP in general.)

Strangers Fake Dating AU // Julie x Luke

I’m a simple person. I see a prompt, I latch onto it, and then I completely miss the entire point of the prompt as my imagination goes wild for no real reason. This really was supposed to be a super short drabble, but it manifested into a 3k+ thing that isn’t even finished.

Julie’s not really sure what she’s supposed to do now. Nothing has ever prepared her for a situation in which she’s supposed to pretend to be a stranger’s girlfriend, especially if that situation involves parents. Does she continue this ruse? Can she come up with a quick enough excuse to tell this Luke character that she actually can’t stay? What if this is just all an elaborate plan to kidnap her? Has she been listening to too many true crime podcasts? Why does Luke smell so good? Does he know how to cook? Why does his shirt not have sleeves? What-

“I can hear you thinking from here.” Her head whips up at the sound of Luke’s voice, which is now at a whisper and kind of frantic. “I just- I just really needed to get my mom off my back, so I kinda need you to pretend to be my girlfriend. Just for the night. I swear I’ll make it up to you somehow.”

Julie studies Luke’s face and it’s nearly impossible to not cave under his gaze, which can only be simply described as ‘puppy dog eyes’. She finds herself smiling back, letting out a huff, “I hope you like lasagna.” And the grin that spreads across the boy’s face is enough for her to know that he’s incredibly relieved that she agreed.

“I’m Luke by the way. Luke Patterson.”

(Okay, he’s kinda cute. And no one this cute is a serial killer. Right?)

She gives a small smile back, “I’m Julie.”

//

5+1 alive!Juke AU // Julie x Luke

Inspired by paper - LANY

This is one of the first things I ever felt the urge to write down back in September because I love exploring the idea of how two people can appear to be the perfect relationship on the outside, but are actually fighting their own demons. Especially when it comes to celebrities and people who are in the spotlight. It’s basically a 5+1 fic about the moments from other people’s perspectives who happen to orbit around Julie/Luke that all revolve around paper. My outline for this is so long because I can’t manage to narrow it down, and there’s zero cohesiveness but I do have little things jotted down.

“Hey little man,” Luke’s knelt down to match his 5 year-old height, and a hand extends out to him for a high five, “What are you doing here?”

His eyes flicker to the left, towards his own apartment door, where his mom is giving him an encouraging nod. “ I- I just wanted to-” he stutters and finds himself looking at his feet as he shuffles back and forth on the spot. “I- I drew you guys something!”

He shoves the paper out towards the older boy in front of him, but doesn’t look up.

//

Reincarnation AU // Julie x Luke

I had a random thought in December about how magical it is that Julie and Luke are so tied to one another that their love transcends time and space, which will always lead them back to one another. I remember reading a book a long time ago about how the main character is fated to die at a certain age, and that kind of sparked this little idea. I can’t bring myself to actually plot out every single timeline right now, but I did manage to write a little bit.

It will never be as complex as Rosie’s idea and all the wonderful additions in the link here, and I don’t really plan on it being anything more than a small idea. But I really do still think someone should write some sort of reincarnation AU cause I’d hop on that so fast!!

“Okay- that’s not- Luke. You seriously just ran away?”

“What was I supposed to do Alex? We all know how this ends.”

His friend looks at him, face painted in understanding and he sighs, “Yeah. Yeah, we do.”

Because it’s true, Alex does know, so does Reggie and Bobby. Most importantly, so does Luke. It’s the exact same tragic love story every time.

Call it a curse or fate or destiny. Maybe it’s because Mercury is in retrograde. Whatever. It always ends the same way - with a heartbreaking goodbye, a whisper of the promise that they’ll find each other again, and the possibility of a happy ending. He’s said the same goodbye at least 734 times, but it’s not like he’s counting or anything. Fuck the universe and its mystical ways.

//

Competitive Alex // Alex x Willie

No real thoughts or reasons for this other than I just think I self-projected my need to play board games with people in real life into a fic. And maybe a little bit of my competitiveness onto Alex and then threw in Willie because I think he would be able to handle it while also finding it endearing. I also have written nothing about the actual competitiveness, it’s just 2k words of Alex crushing on Willie.

“Wait,” his eyes dart between the three boys, “You both know Willie? How come I’ve never met him?”

His roommates look at each other, and there’s a smirk on Luke’s face when he says, “Actually Alex, I think you have. Remember that time you got really drunk after one of our shows?”

Oh no. He really hopes that it’s not the time he’s thinking of, so he tries to sound nonchalant. “You’re going to have to be more specific, Luke.”

“The night we played at that tiny bar at the edge of the campus! We got paid in those tiny colourful shots?” He doesn’t really know where Luke is going with this, so he’s slowly nodding along. “And you were super upset that the hot dog vendor at the end of the street was closed?”

//

Dear Julie, Love Mom series

I made myself sad with this thought when I first watched the show and was talking to my friend about how I think that Rose would’ve left messages for the Molina family, especially when we found out that Wake Up was actually from her mom. I wrote a bigger explanation for it here.

Anyways, I started with the one for Julie’s wedding and it kind of became an 8k monster with three different POVs?!? As much as I love how I wrote this, I feel too unsure about my writing to share it in full, so you will get carefully selected looks alkfe. (I’m also kind of stuck on some of the more emotional scenes and I may or may not have procrastinated by photoshopping a moodboard for it.)

Excerpt 1 (Julie POV): A look into where I’m going with this whole letters from Rose thing.

The key clicks into place, and with a turn, the latch falls open. She’s not sure what she wants to find in the box, and she’s too scared to think about it really. All she knows is that this was the sign from her mom that she was waiting for all week, and in true Rose fashion, her mom had managed to give it to her, even if at the last second. Her dad turns the box to face Julie, and gestures to her to open up the lid.

Tucked inside is a VHS tape, the words ‘For Julie, on your wedding day’ written in her mom’s cursive on the cover. Some loose glitter and confetti fall back into the box as she reaches in to pick up the tape and turn it over in her hands. There’s a little purple butterfly etched on the back, the same one that’s been drawn on all the other messages that her mom had left her. Her finger automatically finds its way, tracing the shape of the small doodle.

“Do you want me to leave you alone, mija?”

Excerpt 2 (Julie POV): This part has absolutely nothing to do with the main plot of the story, but it self-inserted itself into this fic after @tangledstarlight and I talked about You’re Still the One by Shania Twain being their first dance. This whole scene came to me at 4am one night and might be the most self-indulgent thing I’ve ever written.

They knew that when they had asked Reggie to be in charge of the first dance performance, that they (and Alex) weren’t allowed to veto any of his ideas. Luke had warned Julie that that would be a mistake, but the giddiness that radiated off of Reggie when she had told him he could have free reign was worth it. She just hadn’t thought that he would actually take it to heart and run with it.

Sure, they had chosen You’re Still the One by Shania Twain as their first dance song, and sure it was more or less a country song, but she didn’t really imagine that she’d be staring at her adoptive brother, Carlos and her Dad wearing cowboy hats and boots at her wedding. They had somehow managed to ditch their Flynn-approved suit jackets and were sporting a taupe-coloured suede-textured vest over their dress shirts. If she looked closely, she could see that they had somehow also found some gaudy looking bolo ties with a matching set of ornamental clasps to wear. When she envisioned her wedding, she really didn’t expect that her first (public) dance as a married couple would be a full-on Western themed occasion. The only exception was Alex, who had settled on his cajon in the back, still in his pink suit, eyes rolling when she met his gaze. But even she knew how there was no real annoyance in the blonde’s reaction or else he wouldn’t also be wearing one of the tacky ties around his neck as well.

“I’m gonna seriously kill him.” She hears Luke grumble under his breath, only low enough for her to hear. But she’s still too busy giggling to actually be mad, and she knows that Luke isn’t really going to kill Reggie. At least she doesn’t think so.

Excerpt 3 (Luke POV): Idk man. My mind went “What about Luke?” and I said “You’re right!! What about him?!?”

He doesn’t realize that he’s just been silently staring at the woman in front of him, until a gentle voice breaks him out of his thoughts. “Why are you looking at me like that?” Julie’s peering at him from under her eyelashes, a curious look on her face.

“You just-” he gives a little shake of his head, trying to come up with the right words. He wants to tell her she’s beautiful. Stunning. A wicked beauty. But she’s more than that - she’s almost angelic. “I can’t believe you’re my wife.”

“Luke, we’ve been legally married for like, a whole year.” Her lips are quirked up in a grin, amusement in her voice. “You’ve only just realized that now?”

“That’s different.”

“Yeah? Different how?”

This feels a little strange to post and a little like my inner self seeking validation but let’s not talk about that.

Kskssj anyways present me @ future me: finish one of these because writing has been really cathartic for you and you didn’t think it would bring you so much joy!!!

[janiedean]

Is it bad that I really enjoyed reading the kinda fandom history/fanw*nk history posts abt j*nsa? XD Tbf I'm also a bit addicted to fanlore articles. XD Anyway I think in the tags of one post you mentioned j*imexs*nsa starting as an antijb thing? Would you mind elaborating on that? Sounds like an interesting, albeit bonkers, story, too.

dw I don't think it's bad I mean... we all enjoy catching up on wank we weren't part of (and my friends the things I could tell you abt spn fandom or when I was around at the sidelines for the worst rpf fic ever..) but anyway *deep breath* SURE THING LET'S SAY IT I mean....... it's not like it hasn't been years and I can talk abt it so whatevs, under the cut because reasons, also I'm saying now that a lot of this was what I deduced from circumstances and you've got to take my word for it unless someone who was around then remembers it and can confirm my impressions bc it was a lot less obvious than the j*nsa stuff

but going from the premises again:

I got a tumblr in like may 2011, read asoiaf june-july of that year, started being active on the tags around august-september 2011 so it was before S2 aired and 95% of the people that were bnfs/around then aren't on tumblr anymore/are here rarely these days so you've gotta take me at face value

in the main asoiaf bnf group there was this one jc shipper who like... I mean she's still active on twt and blocks everyone shipping jb on sight but good bc let's just say she's a piece of work not to mention that she spent months/years writing meta abt how jb was like fanfic stuff and had no book basis and how if you liked j but not c you were a misogynists which was wildly popular

I would like to add that person is basically... let's say everyone in jb fandom who ever got harassed knows exactly who I'm talking about and I'll leave it at that and was not for ship and let ship let's put it like that

so basically this person was on my dash bc I followed ppl who followed her and I saw a lot of jaimes*nsa stuff from her

in the sense that like... she was doing with it what I did with jonc/brynden back in the day when I was wanting to convince the world they were the crackship that was promised as in posting abt it/spamming it/discussing how it made canon sense/more canon sense than jb anyway and the likes, and like there was a fairly numerous amount of stuff for that ship back in the day - like before S2-3 aired jaimes*nsa had pretty high fic numbers/fanwork numbers considering that in canon they haven't interacted once

and that went hand in hand with keeping on trying to burn ground around jb before S2 aired/before they met in canon with that meta

and like... it's not like it started as an antijb thing in itself bc I'm sure that there must have been someone into it before the show aired same as there were ppl who as I was reminded lately wrote brienne/loras hatesex and so on, but the explosion which was during S1-3 (then it lost a bit of traction I think mostly bc jb exploded and sansa/tyrion happened on the show and the ppl involved kind of went more on twitter and didn't produce that much content anymore tho it still has numbers™) was also continuously fanned by person above + her followers who most likely were like... genuinely into it but again the antijb meta was around quite enough at the same time, so

also like... let's just say that back in the day I was the main t*robb ship contributor and I also wrote jb though less but jb was smaller as a fandom so I did post when the ao3 tag was at like... 30 fics or smth so I separately had my foot in both ponds and like until S3-S4 any t*robb fic where jb was the sideship would get tangentially less views/reviews than ones where they were not which in itself wouldn't be a problem bc obviously maybe ppl wouldn't ship one of them, but then there was this uuuh specific case

where someone who followed me for the t*robb who also followed her at some point asked me in private if a 22k t*robb fic that was the sequel to... my most famous/popular jb one let's put like that had a lot of jb in it because they were die hard jc people and it was triggering to them (which... I mean fair enough but in retrospective using that term instead of 'you know I really don't vibe with jb and I'd rather not read it' felt a bit like they were trying to guilt trip me ngl), I said that they showed up together in two scenes and were in the background and at most it was 1k worth of fic and the answer was that it was way too much so they were going to have to skip and like again their prerogative but idk that conversation kind of left me like is this some kind of roundabout way to say that it'd be better if I didn't sideship them? idk but until S3-4 I had the distinct feeling that at least for my own stuff having both ships together meant less readers and ngl I didn't update the infamous t*robb wip fic for a year because I was planning to make jb fairly prominent as a sideship there and I was there like 'oh god what if I get wank over it' and I didn't but again I would like to state it wasn't just because of one person, it was... the general atmosphere that seemed unfriendly unless you stayed on the jb tag/kept both separate

and I would like to add that the moment S3 happened and it sailed anyway bc it was going to was when the targeted harassing of anyone who was active on the tag started ssssso :|

basically like... I have a lot less evidence to go on re ^^^^ than the j*nsa stuff because that is well-documented the rest is my very humble opinion about the background of when j*aimesansa started getting popular but like it also was v. prominent in between jc people (same with the jcsansa threesomes) who were also following that person - I would like to also add that a bunch of ppl who shipped both were absolutely lovely and nice to interact with in other situations and not harassing anyone about it and again nothing against ppl into it as a thing but the moment of its peak was in conjuncture to the burning ground around jb moment driven by that specific person so *shrug*

[tundrainafrica]

Hi and hello! I just recently found your blog and im really really happy that i did! I love your fics about levihan (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ) anyways... i wanted to ask you if i could print my fave fic of urs? Its for personal use only! I promise!!!! I just prefer re- reading them while holding it as if it is a book.... and i want to put it in my bookcase together with the other fics about my other otp's... but it is ok if you won't allow it! I understand 😊😊😊😊 thank you!

Hi Anon! 

Omg, even though people have mentioned it before, I’m honestly still surprised people wanna reread my word vomit fanfiction and it gets me so warm on the inside getting stuff like this. 

Of course, feel free print my fics if that makes you happy! I mean as an avid fanfic reader I leave my fics posted because I’m hoping others can enjoy something too. So I guess it’s a gift to the fandom and as long as it’s for personal use, feel free to enjoy it how you want. 

I just have a few requests (which are not for me really, but for most other content creators as well) 

My first condition really is you just keep credit where credit is due when printing fanfiction or even just sharing the fic (particularly when quoting) like just keep that author’s name down there under the title or if you’re reposting or tweeting, make sure to link or make sure to keep the author visible. 

I personally don’t mind having my stuff quoted or shared without my name or link under but I just think that separating an author from their work just sets a dangerous precedence. 

For one, I believe all content creators should be appreciated for the hard work they do and appreciation isn’t so hard anyway since it’s just a small name under a title right?

Also as a reader and as a research geek, I just like knowing where my stuff comes from for further reading. I’m in love with sources. I read footnotes and bibliographies when I read papers and I like opening up blackholes of articles over one lead. So something to take note of.

And pls ask permission from the the content creator

The reason behind this is because writing fanfiction brings about some legal issues due to copyright especially when money is involved. I mean guys, we’re just lucky Yams isn’t Anne Rice 2.0

Because of that, Not all authors and content creators are open to this because they understandably want full management of their works and in case companies decide to tighten their grip on copyrights etc, a lot of authors are ready to take down everything. (But ao3 is working hard to make sure this doesn’t become reality so please appreciate the ao3 legal team)

So it will be very much appreciated if you ask before you repost or print (or not really if it’s for personal use but for credit’s sake just keep the author name visible) so at least authors are aware where their fics are and readers are aware who wrote it.

 I don’t really know if other authors and artists are uncomfortable with the links of their works being shared but one way I do go about resharing is I personally think it’s okay to just drop a link on a post or a tweet, no previews, let the readers go to the website where it is actually posted to see the actual work. 

Okay, for me, you don’t have to ask anymore. I dropped all my stuff on ao3 and tumblr knowing full well this is a public domain. My only condition is really if anyone reshares or prints my stuff, as long as there’s a link or there’s credit I honestly don’t mind.

I would probably still appreciate it if people asked though since I like knowing where the fruits of my blood, sweat and tears go but I probably wouldn’t mind too much if I just found some reader one day with a physical copy of my work. 

Just don’t earn money from it pls.

But it’s not the money issue, I don’t mind the money too much and I never intended to earn money at all word vomiting into ao3 and I never plan on monetizing my fandom activities really. I’m more scared of the legal implications involved with adding money to the mix.

Wow, this ended up a long post. Sorry for digressing. 

But yes, you may print my stuff. You may share my stuff. Just as long as credit is due and as long as the original posted in a link. If you plan on reposting my actual content, i would appreciate if people asked permission but low key I probably would laugh it off if I found some of my stuff posted online. 

Personally, I’m more terrified of the legal expenses and setting a dangerous precedence than the actual reposting of my work. 

Sorry if this went in all directions at once, I recently found a fic I wrote back in high school recently reposted to another website under a different author and this ask kinda had me thinking about that.

Like I didn’t think too much of the reposting, I just laughed it off and I ended up thinking ‘woah, I’m actually worth plagiarizing asdfghjk’ because it’s been years since I actually wrote for that fandom? But I know that a lot of other content creators would definitely not be okay seeing their work under a different creator or posters name without proper credit so I’ll put my foot down with the PLEASE CREDIT just because I want all other authors and artists appreciated and given the proper credit and respect as well.

On a side note...  

Just to share, I have something similar to what you have anon. I keep an ebook library on my ebook reader of my favorite fics. There’s this app called calibre which works similarly to itunes in making it loads easier to organize fic. And since ao3 makes it incredibly easy to download ebook files, I would just download them, organize them in calibre and push them to my kindle.

So, most of the fics I reread rn, are also on my kindle and for people who don’t have the means to print or line them on a huge shelf, putting the fics on calibre and just pushing them to an ebook reader like a kindle, almost simulates the whole book reading experience since the kindle has a paper white interface and the backlight can be turned off. (Not sure with other ebook readers since I’ve always been a kindle gal)

I actually have my own personal physical book compilation of all my favorite Levihan fanfictions (with all authors permissions granted) on my shelf right now and I will be keeping it for a very long time so that one day I can indoctrinate my children into the levihan cult.

I’m glad you enjoy my fic! (Out of curiosity though anon, which of my fics do you actually want printed?)

[shadowfae]

1- Not much tbh, just what you've posted, and 2- To be honest I quite like your long answers. It can definitely wait though, you should get some sleep.

Is your warpriest link a constant thing? Does it ever fade into the background? I'm contemplating forming a second link, something happier than my copinglink, and I'm not sure how to tell when to tell when the line of a link vs a persona is crossed when not worn out of necessity.

And the original ask so I have it on hand. I did take a look at your original context, and if you're cool with it, I'll edit this post with a link for those who may find this is a useful answer and need that on hand. Otherwise, it'll stay a mystery.

But yes, it seems like my Sabe experiences would be a useful thing to talk about here. And in order to do that, I need to go over four things: who and what Sabe is, why he exists the way that he does, what that does for me, and lastly what I think he is in terms of terminology and why.

To start, here is his toyhou.se profile, if you want to read more about his actual story and thoughts and whatnot. But I doubt you'll have the necessary context for that, so let me go into it. RuneScape (RS) is one of the oldest MMORPGs in existence. WoW might be older but I doubt it. Basically it's a medieval magic fantasy that's very long running and you the player end up the World Guardian, aka the guy that stops the gods (who are very powerful folks who just don't die of natural causes and typically stand for some philosophy) from blowing the world up because Guthix, the dead god of balance, asked you to. Well, he voluntold you. And that makes you a major chess piece, Elder Gods get involved, it's a big mess.

But before all that happened, back in 2006 when I was introduced to the game and very shitty at it, well. I liked the lore insofar that I've always liked the lore, it was interesting and I liked thinking about it. I didn't have membership and I sucked at playing so I just read the wiki and the God Letters over and over and sometimes the Postbag from the Hedge. Alongside my two friends, we played at being children of the then-triad of main gods: Saradomin, Guthix, and Zamorak.

I liked Zamorak best, but I didn't think his ideas would be the best for society as a whole, so I ended up playing child of Guthix. Eventually we grew up and grew apart but every couple of years I'd go back to RuneScape, read the lore, settle on what choices I'd make if I could play, and think about being the player character. In 2010 I discovered a fic - dawn by khayr, it's on Ao3 and dA - about Iban, son of Zamorak, right around when I was reading Percy Jackson. Cue him showing up as a soulbond and an older brother figure and guiding me right up until the end of sixth grade. Iban got me through the ruthless bullying that would later set the stage for all my major suicidal-ideation and self-hatred for the entirety of high school: even then, I was more stable than I might've been otherwise, because he interfered.

Saradomin stands for strength through order. Procedures and law and diplomacy and war strategy. He was originally kind of a ripoff of the Christian god, but he's grown to be more of an order-over-peace character and is quite well-written. Guthix stands for strength through balance, and has been all over the board in terms of what he's done and will do. He's kind of a dick, actually, but his heart's in the right place.

Zamorak, as you've heard, is strength through chaos and personal strife. It's no "the strong over the weak" or "the strong take care of the weak", it's flat-out "everyone is strong, and just need the right circumstances to tap into it to be the best they can possibly be". Now, his philosophy is kind of more for warriors and scholars, but if you tilt your head, it applies to everyone. Chronically ill folks will find their chaos in fighting to get up every day and maintain a life. Folks in traumatizing, abusive situations find that chaos in their very survival. Scholars challenge themselves and their fellows and their predecessors trying to find the answers they so need. Nobody in lockstep, no such thing as "we've always done it this way."

A lot of human Zamorakians and Saradominist propaganda says that Zamorak is simply absolute evil: and to be fair, when most of that was written, he kinda was because he was based loosely on the Christian devil. Later writing says that they're typically mistaken on that. Zamorak isn't evil. The very first thing he did upon becoming a god was fulfill a promise and lead a slave rebeliion. (The Avernic uprising, if anyone's curious.) He stands for the downtrodden and says "You are never going to get your dignity by going through the motions and trying to peacefully show you're worth respect. Burn some shit down and prove that you won't stand for this bullshit."

Zamorak in a Saradominist's eyes is someone whose banner you wear when you want to be a crazy murderer. Zamorak in a Zamorakian's eyes is the singing voice who murmurs "Get up, this isn't enough to kill you, you can still do this," when transphobic laws get passed or you hear a slur thrown your way on the street.

And as someone who grew up queer and nonhuman, yeah, that resonates, and the older I get the more I think "Guthixian philosophy is best for a society at large, but Zamorakianism for individuals is good." Because Zamorakianism can't really apply on a theocratic level. It really doesn't. It turns into American bootstrap culture and no social services and all that shitty stuff.

The funny thing is that Zamorak himself has no issues helping out if he thinks you need it. (If he didn't, he wouldn't be cool with asking for help, or giving it when he's asked. Which he does do repeatedly so. The man has more kindness in him than people want to admit.) What I do find fascinating is what he thinks of the actions of some of his longtime subordinates, who clearly support him, but I don't think support his actual philosophy. Because if you ask me, he'd side with the downtrodden humans of Meiyerditch, not the vampire lords that treat them like cattle. He's proven that he likes humans, and doesn't see them as unworthy. I do wonder if Jagex will show us what he might do about that.

Either way. Ahem. Over the course of a decade and a half, I keep going back to RuneScape, refining my philosophy and side, thinking again what I would do playing the game proper. About... I want to say five years ago, Jagex opened up the Sixth Age and I finally noticed, and they rewrote every god's philosophy because they wanted every single one to be actually playable. Not just "hurr durr evil" but actually have a logical line of thought. They probably didn't have pop culture paganism in mind, but the gods of RS are incredibly well-suited to it.

Well, I found that out, and immediately went through every god's philosophy, and reasoned my way through it. What does a worshipper of this god look like? What sort of life would they lead? If i apply this to me, what does that look like from that perspective? Do I understand this? Is it comfortable to exist in?

And as it turns out, I understand Zamorak the most, followed a close second by Armadyl, which was quite surprising. Zaros remains incomprehensible and I don't trust like that. (That's another story.) So I thought about it more, and it stuck even when I wandered off to different fandoms and interests. But what happened was that I ended up internalizing it, unknowingly and without meaning to.

It meant that when, two years later, I ended up in a horrific and traumatizing situation, the anchor I hit that held me together was a mixture of being a Devil - I am a fucking God you will obey me and recognize my power - and Zamorak's core philosophy: this cannot kill me, this cannot stop me, this is pure fucking hell and I am going to laugh in the face of death because people are forged in hellfire and I will walk away knowing what I'm made of.

And I was right. Honestly, out of everyone who was there with me, I think I'm the only one that was that deeply entrenched and walked out without trauma. I do not believe I could have done that had I not internalized Zamorak's philosophy. (That isn't to say if the others had that philosophy they wouldn't be traumatized, because there were absolutely other factors I wouldn't know about and some that I do and didn't do them any favours; but I am saying that it saved my ass and without it, I might not have been okay.)

I walked out of that with zero regrets. Zero. Even now, I don't regret a thing. Because it doesn't matter what happened or how much I was lied to or if he deserved my kindness. I know what I perceived to be happening, and I know how I reacted, and when the pieces were down I was stronger than steel, gave kindness without considering the cost, and I walked away unscathed.

How many people can say they've looked death in the eye and laughed? More than there should be, not too many that knowing what I'm capable of when put into pure chaos isn't somehow impressive. Because it is. And Zamorak's words proved themselves, or rather, I proved him entirely correct.

And when I last went back to RuneScape, and thought about it with enough time to put it all into hindsight, well. Aw, shit, he was right. Then vaguely around that time I went back and read Dawn, which was unfinished, tracked down the author and demanded to know how it fucking ended. (She told me and we're still friends like three years later. xD) Then I went back and found my old OCs, and decided fuck it, I'm making my own World Guardian.

So first thing I did was log in and jump over to the Makeover Mage and make myself into a boy. Kept the plateskirt though, I wanted to have the RS equivalent of a limp wrist to prove I'm Very Queer. Then I went about remaking my character. I wanted to make a self-insert, I was old enough to know it wasn't cringey, it was just fun, but I didn't want to use my default avatar with the black hair over one eye and the Chaorruption. I wanted to make a new self-insert based in nothing I was already using.

So I made the most beautiful man I could! Long, dark brown hair, pretty semi-dark skin, looked Kharidian, and then I said fuck it and made him Zamorak's youngest son. Originally, he was adopted when he was young by Iban and Clivet, and suffered serious imposter syndrome when being WG meant he'd never get demigod powers. But as I grew more confident in myself, he ended up getting powers? And then eventually I rewrote his backstory, and then wrote about his mother, and her relationship with Zamorak, and then he had friends like Blaire and Icthlarin (who was also my furry awakening, rip me).

Then with the most recently questline I've been getting a bit more into RS magical theory, and I've been mulling it over lots, and Seanan McGuire's Middlegame definitely helped; and I figured out how I wanted him to handle being World Guardian: it didn't make sense for him to be openly Zamorak's son, the other gods would just target his family to manipulate him. So I had him play neutral openly and Zamorakian to his friends, effectively living a double life.

Then he just looked up one day and said "Oh, by the way, my father won't acknowledge me to keep me safe but I don't know that so we have a very unsteady relationship because I don't know if he loves me", and then Children of Mah came out, and he was all "Oh and I think I just got disowned (I didn't, Zamorak was protecting me, but I don't know that) so my relationship with Zamorak is Fucking Shitty" and he was stuck that way until I figured out how to save their relationship.

It culminated in Sabe not knowing how his Mahjarrat powers worked and guessing, and hating himself for being half-and-half, and missing everything about being a Mahjarrat, and literally you couldn't have gotten more obvious in order to tell me I was having Fucking Issues coming to terms with the fact I didn't have any understanding or knowledge of my own heritage, but whatever, eventually I noticed that.

And as I've been working to understand myself and my heritage, so too has Sabe been doing that with his Mahjarrat heritage. But for the longest time, no matter how I put him and Zamorak in the same room in a scene to try and get them to talk it out, it wasn't working. Something wasn't right. Sabe resented being World Guardian, hated having to betray his family, didn't know if he was wanted, and hated himself for having to kill Mah, the mother of his species.

Not that long ago, a few months actually, he informed me (which is my shorthand for 'I suddenly figured out this happened, and it genuinely feels like remembering that one fucking word you have on the tip of your tongue, I always knew and just forgot for a while') that no, he'd been ripped in two by a hope devourer, brought to his father's stronghold, and Zamorak split his magic between mortal and divine in order to get around his godproofing and heal him. Zamorak's intense worry for his youngest son was what caused Sabe to break down and tell him honestly what was going on and how he was feeling, which caused Zamorak to do the same, and they finally, finally made up.

A week later, I noticed the connection between Sabe's Mahjarrat issues and my Irish issues, and started to wonder if he was a linktype.

I mean... he's a self-insert. He makes the choices I would, the me in the here and now, that I think are best. He's not a person I was and still know myself to be, he's not someone I grow into, he's not living his life beside me like a shadow. He's me, choosing the things I do, because I say so. But he's also me in the things he reflects, the things he struggles with, and things I had zero fucking conscious input on.

Sabe is the person I am when a crisis hits and I have to deal with the chaos. Sabe is the person I am when I need to lead. Sabe is the person I am when I am desperate to be known and loved by those I consider family. Sabe is the person I am when I want to be sure in where I came from, where I will return to, and the things that I will always be. Sabe is a man of darkness who knows the light as an acquaintance and nothing more, who is cruel and careless and kind.

Sabe is a warpriest of Zamorakian philosophy, because it took me twenty fucking years to put into words how I see the world, and now that I know, I will argue them to death and use them to help others. Drakath may have wanted a messiah to share the hivemind with others. Sabe is a warpriest, spreading the word and calling home the broken and the damned. He is the Last Rider, not the last of the Ilujanka but the one who keeps riding towards the chaos and never falls, no matter what.

Some of who Sabe is I have conscious input on. A whole lot of him was unintentional and perfectly reflects me.

So when it comes to terminology... I don't know what he is. A self-insert, yes. A linktype, maybe. A kintype, also maybe. Sabe doesn't feel like my past linktypes, because Sabe isn't always catharsis and comfort. Until he made up with his dad, Sabe was brutal and hurt a lot and constantly yearning for his foundation and slowly going mad. It wasn't fun. I just refused to do anything but see the story through. I was going to get it right. I wanted to see it to the end. I wanted to be the Last Rider, even though I didn't phrase it that way.

But to answer your actual question, of what he feels like when I'm not actively being him out of necessity, desire, and active thought. If it fades into the background.

And like... it can? Sabe as he is, recognized for what and who he is, is kind of a new thing. Sabe as a concept is very old, but Sabe as what he is right now is new, and confusing, and honestly I'm still trying to figure out what to make of it.

Like, seriously. Sabe is Zamorak's son. Am I Zamorak's son? Is he keeping an eye on me as I am? Would he be proud of me? Would he offer his approval of my progress? Does that make me, in some way, the World Guardian?

I have not a clue, buddy. Not a goddamn clue.

So what it means is that I've been paying attention, really. I don't just become strong in times of crisis. I've been trying to do better. Be better. Learn, and listen, and rethink myself. Break out of lockstep, of doing things the way I've always done them. Try to always do better than I did, build habits I like, stop waiting for things to change and just do it. Become the chaos, instead of waiting for it to hit me.

It means I need to live up to what Guthix told Sabe to do. It means being gentler, being kinder, not burning bridges when I'm not sure. It means keeping an eye out for any sign Zamorak's listening, in case I am his son, in case I really have to decide what I'm gonna do about being the son of chaos incarnate.

But other than the questioning, what it feels like is just... what I was already dealing with, just a little more at arm's length and easier to deal with. Once I recognize that his issues are reflective of mine, if I solve his, I have a pretty good idea of how to solve mine. Some of it won't work exactly right - Zamorak will always forgive him for not being the son he expected he might have had, my own parents may not, yay I'm queer and pagan - but it's a good rule of thumb.

It's also just comforting to know that when in doubt, nothing can kill me, because I simply refuse to die. I am World Guardian, I am a demigod of chaos incarnate, all the hellfire in the world can do nothing but strengthen me. And if I present those to myself as unshakeable beliefs, because for Sabe they are, then I'll be okay. It probably couldn't stop most disasters or tragedies, but I got hit by a car, broke five bones, and walked away with a record recovery time, so I mean... I can't prove that I can't die by some accident or tragedy, but you also can't prove that I can. (Trying to do so usually falls under what we call 'murder', and I personally believe I can't be murdered. Only assassinated.)

But really, I think the worst that could possibly happen with a new linktype is that you learn what not to do. It's new, it's scary, it's chaotic, and from where I'm standing, that's the best way to learn.

[cienie-isengardu]

K, O, P?

Thank you for the lovely ask, it was fun to write! :D

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

Hard to pick the one character, even more since the best of character development I love so much are not tied to one arc but happens through the whole story. But since I’m on OP kick lately, Roronoa Zoro gets all the honor. 

I love how at first he promised to follow Luffy as long as the rubber-man didn't get in the way of his goal (and threatened him with death otherwise) but took his commitment very seriously from day one. And somehow through the relatively short journey, Zoro literally threw away his ambitions, pride, life, everything for Luffy’s sake. And not only for Luffy, but for the crew as a whole, because  Roronoa is always ready to stay behind, to be left behind, to protect nakama at all cost. And the best part of this development is that, Zoro’s priorities changed from carrying the burden of promise and shared ambition with a dead friend being the best to giving everything to Luffy, while it does not change what Zoro is at the core. It doesn’t make him a better man in the sense of an improved attitude or outlook on life. Hell, I would say it makes him more workaholic with the need to get stronger, pushing himself harder than before once he gets to know the wider world better, but Zoro is ruthless and rude as he was. He is born killer and monster in human form that don’t give a fuck about the world, politics, what society thinks while his own moral sense does not budge at all. He was and is willing to kill, he enjoys fighting and drinking, has this ambitious as hell goal of being the best. The development does not change who Zoro is, but what matters to him the most and this growing loyalty and trust can be seen through the whole story and I don’t know what would need to happen for such dedication falter even for a bit.

And like I said, this is not something that happened in one arc, but was happening through the whole story, from earlier little occasional clashes with Luffy to being of one mind with his captain while always ready to carry the burden when Luffy can’t do it, ready to stay behind and protect nakama. What makes the final of Thriller Bark one of the coolest pledge of loyalty but not the best development arc itself, really, because Zoro’s character develops in that direction from day one and the decision made in Thriller Bark is just a result of all the previous adventures.

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

I’m going to cheat with that and instead of a random song, I will give you two I have on loop already for several days: Broken Crown and I gave you all by Mumford & Sons, because both suit Donquixote Brothers so well and could tell the same events from two different perspectives. In advance sorry for ranting but these two songs kill me emotionally so much, I must talk in length about them!

Broken Crown is all about Rosi rejecting the “crown” given to him by brother (“I'll never be your chosen one”) and yet… still caring and sadly, knowing it too well he wouldn’t pull the trigger (“but oh my heart, was flawed I knew my weakness. So hold my hand consign me not to darkness“) and the final lines, gosh:

So crawl on my belly 'til the sun goes down

I'll never wear your broken crown 

I took the road and I fucked it all away 

Now in this twilight, how dare you speak of grace 

So crawl on my belly 'til the sun goes down 

I'll never wear your broken crown 

I can take the road and I can fuck it all away 

But in this twilight, our choices seal our fate

And then, I gave you all is just so Doffy about Rosinante, it hurts. Seriously. Like, I really believe he never meant to hurt his brother (and maybe never understood he did), and the whole last lines are just so on spot:

But I gave you all 

But you rip it from my hands 

And you swear it's all gone 

And you rip out all I have

Just to say that you've won 

Well now you've won

It’s just so, so about Rosi stealing Law and Opi Opi no Mi even though Doffy already “gave [him] all” what he could. And the most ironic thing? When people usually think about their last meeting, we remember that Doffy killed his younger brother, but in fact, Rosi DID WIN in the long run. He cured Law and saved him from Doffy, he stole Opi Opi no Mi and took away from brother a chance for immortality, even if just for a while. Which is like three main victories in one strike and he did sort of say it to Doffy’s face (“[Law] is already free!!”). 

Just… so many feelings from two songs that fit well two brothers so different from each other. And the regrets and hate, and lack of understanding and spite. Seriously, it makes me think about their last meeting so much :(

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

I have three major growing ideas, but since I’m in a good mood, I will share the happiest AU in which Donquixote Rosinante never played the role of spy and confronted Doflamingo in the open sea as a Marine Officer. 

Or more like: Doffy found out his bro is alive but part of Marine, so of course he couldn’t leave him in peace and like the maniac he is, chased after Rosinante across all the sea to recruit him into the Family - to no avail. So Doffy’s main reason to become Shichibukai was just so he could jump on Rosi’s warship and annoy the fuck of him, like an older brother should. And Rosi can’t kick him overboat, since as a Warlord Doflamingo is untouchable by Marines. Or at least in theory, because Rosi serves under Garp’s command*, and the old Vice-Admiral does not mind to punch some sense into Doffy (and Rosi) with fist of love, cause no punk like Doffy will tell Monkey D. Garp  what he should or shouldn’t do on his own ship and if bros are lucky, Tsuru may save them from this madman… or not). Despite that causing ruckus between sailors is much better than boredom, and Doffy seeks out his younger brother under all excuses and more often than not, visits just to rant about all annoying people and bitching on Kaido or Sengoku or Nobles or really, everything and maybe for a drink or two and napping between one and another business meeting, because there is no better nap than under Rosi’s silencing powers. It is worth, no matter that more often than not Garp is kicking his ass, even when in fact he acts as a good boy should. And maybe, just maybe Doffy is so bored with all his underground business going well that he is actually doing “government dog” work of hunting down random pirates. Or more likely, slaughtering every asshole who dare insult his clumsy brother.

Because no matter what, Rosi is his baby bro and he belongs to Doffy even if the dumbass stubbornly refuses to join the Family. Which is fine, one day Doflamingo will find a way to change his brother's mind and until that day comes, he will mess with Marines as much as he can. Which is all fair, because Rosi too does mess with Doffy’s underground business whenever he has a chance and the klutz set on fire accidentally himself AND so many Doffy’s stuff one may wonder if he really is that clumsy or does he do that on purpose. Trebol thinks the latter, cause somehow Rosi always drops things on him by stumbling or spilt hot tea in his face. Doffy finds that amusing as hell, even more when his little bro uses his devil fruit powers to mute half of the Family just to piss them off. At least, as long as Rosi remembers to unmute them before leaving (sometimes the lil shit does not unmute them on purpose and Doffy is forced to chase him around the sea to undo the damage. Younger brothers can be a really pain in the ass).

So Doffy & Rosi kinda have this I-hate-you-but-I-love-you-dumbass relationship over the years until Law comes into picture and of course, Law stab the younger Donquixote and of course, Rosinante kidnap the kid to find a cure and maybe, just maybe, kidnap his brother along the way, and drag Law and Doffy on forced family vacation that involves burning a few dozens of hospitals, a lot screaming at each other and some terapeutic honest talks that no one really wants but everyone needs. Law gets the Ope Ope Mi, Doffy and Rosi kinda explain to each other all the traumatic shit from childhood and made sort of peace.

So, in the end, Doffy does not take over Dressrosa but is still doing his shady business and just being himself, just with better mental stability (cause Rosi keeps muting Trebol and all his shitty talk about what king can or cannot do on every occasion). Rosi has a brother that is not complete monster but not the good man either, but he isn’t ordered to kill him or lie to, and even though they are on opposite side, Rosinante can always call Doffy on den den mushi and shout at him for hours for all the stupid shit he pulled without any regrets or fear (and sometimes, Doffy does listen). Law is saved but still decides to sail and causing havoc as pirate captain while both Donquixote brothers are doting on him and of course, allying himself with Monkey D. Luffy, while the poor Sengoku just gets constant migraine for dealing with all the nonsense of Monkey D. and Donquixote family drama (but secretly feeling relieved that his son is finally doing fine). Garp on other hand, find it hilarious as hell. The World Government does not find it hilarious at all.

 *Sengoku doesn’t like putting his precious Rosinante under Garp’s command because the Hero of Marines of course drags the poor kid into all possible troubles and chaos, but since Rosi is brother of Doflamingo and Doffy is hated by Nobles, Garp is the best protector for younger Donquixote. He will punch everyone who would dare to hurt the kid of his closest friend, including World Nobles and their armies. The side effect is that Rosi is looking after Ace and Luffy, once they set sails, because they are uncle Garp’s grandkids and he will happily save Ace’s ass before Blackbeard get his hand on him and be even kind enough to give the kid a choice: either he comes back to Whitebeard or Rosi takes him straight to grandpa Garp and so Ace ends safe under pop’s watchful eyes once and for good.

Here, a happy Donquixote Bros AU. You’re welcome!

ask meme

[chil2de]

It’s fine love, take your time with the responses 💕Yeah I heard he’s taking a break but he left things on a cliffhanger?!?! You have my sympathies. My sister was telling me about a flashback arc involving gojo and geto and I am pretty excited about that

No I get what you mean about gojo, I like him and I definitely wouldn’t say no to him in bed but… there’s just others that I like more. I haven’t even met yuuta yet but you make him sound so sweet 🥺🥺 I’m ready to protect this precious boy with my life

Just looked up naoya and you’re right, he’s so hot. Why do they make the assholes so goddamn pretty? From what you’ve told me and the pictures I’ve seen the song ‘quit’ by cashmere cat and Ariana grande seems like the perfect way to describe how I’ll feel about him (it could probably apply to toji as well)

Side note: I read some of the stuff you wrote for akaashi last night… babe they were all so good!!! God he’s so soft and you write him so well. Definitely sending in some requests for him once I finish my reread. You mentioned that you were planning a second part for ‘you’re lovesick, not homesick’ and I know this was months ago but are you still planning that? It’s fine if you’re not cause the first part was so amazing on its own

Oh the heels are no big, I wear them so often that now they’re kinda comfortable and only hurt when they’re new. But I get what you’re saying about them making your feet sore, when I first started wearing them a few years ago I was in so much pain. Hey I’m more than happy to help you get through all those sweets as long as you’re okay with me treating you to a spa day (this has become a game of ‘you hang up first’ and I refuse to hang up first but I am running out of things to say so you might win this one) - 🥰

aaaaa sorry this came so late dhfhfhsh i swear i posted this last night but perhaps not?? anyways hi again! it’s for his physical health i’m pretty sure he’s overworked considering the latest chapter was extremely sketchy and rushed. the gojo arc is *chefs kiss* despite us both stating he’s not our favourite, but i think with that one i started liking him a lot more

i kid you not when you said quit by cashmere cat i started BARKING i love that song so much! i mean it has views on yt but it’s severely underrated, considering ariana anyway and you’re so so right! i actually had the exact thought when toji and naoya were introduced, realistically irl they’re probably both the worst men you could get with LMFAO but... they’re just, built different? this is one of the many reasons why i kin yuuta so much, i’d get along with him and itadori so well it’s the crackhead energy sometimes ig

edit : the song that resonates with toji the most for me is wicked games by the weeknd, it’s literally.. made.. for him. i can’t fathom it, the lyrics were literally FOR HIM there’s a mention of scars and well, toji has a scar on his mouth + mental trauma

i haven’t written haikyuu for moooonths, seriously it feels like a whole millenia.. but i’m really glad that you liked my take on akaashi! he’s just so precious!!! protect him and yuuta at all costs i would trust both of them with my drinks at a party

i apologise dearly for cackling HAHAH but yea! i started writing the second part and kinda left it, i’m not sure why? it’s just one of those where i’d open up the document, stare at it thinking before leaving it to work on something else. this actually happened recently, and now i have a nsfw 4.5k word fic for takasugi sitting in my google docs that i just can’t bring about to polishing and finishing it off. i’ll try again tonight see if anything pops up, partially because there’s just so many characters that i can choose from as a whole across every fandom that it can get a little overwhelming, but i’ll be fine! pinky promise!

(hey though what if we pull a reverse psychology and just.. don’t hang up? you know? like those posts that are clearly edited to show someone being on a phone call for a year, except it’s real😳😳 okay no im joking HAHA my creative liberties have run up the wall, or maybe i’m just letting you win this one.. i’ll say the latter, take the win for yourself baby <3)

[fahhhhq]

Similar but Worlds Apart: Part 5

Fandom: Narcos + Kingsman: The Golden Circle

Pairing: Reader x Javier Peña // Reader x Jack Daniels a.k.a Agent Whiskey

WaRniGs: Sexy timeeeeee! Cursing. Smutty smut.  

Words: 3.8k

Summary: While on search for your partner, who also happens to be your love, your trip takes an odd turn when you come face-to-face with the twin of your partner. Twins that have no idea that the other one exists. And when feelings get involved, it’s up to you to choose, or not.

If you’re new here, start hereee: Part uno, Part kinda dos, Part tres, Part cuatro, 

You had officially been in Colombia for almost two weeks now; still searching for Jack and still developing unwanted feelings for Javier. After the night that you told Javier about what you were doing in Colombia, the topic hadn’t been brought up since then. You had had dinner almost every night. Sometimes it was too late, so you would leave food outside his apartment with a note saying what you had either bought him or made him food. He would slide a thank you note under your door every morning after you did that. And you would always see the note slide in from the other side with a smile and a hot coffee on your hand. It had become a “thing.”

That night he had promised that he would make it for dinner. You had told him that it wasn’t a big deal, that if he had stuff to do, then to do it, but he insisted that he would make it. You wanted to see him, too. Every time he missed dinner, or something came up on his day off, you waited anxiously until he was back. You were fucked.

There was a knock at your door and your stomach dropped.

You opened the door and there Javier was, leaning against the doorframe with a hand on his hip. His beautiful brown hair showing hints of caramel when the light hit it.

“Hey,” you say, not hiding the smile on your face. You open the door wider so that he can go inside, and he does, but his face is serious. “You OK?”

He sniffs the air, “You cooked?”

“Yeah!” You smile once more and go to the kitchen. You grab a glass of whiskey and bring it to him.

Javier gladly takes it and takes a sip, “Wow, that’s good.”

You take a sip yourself, the whiskey elegantly burning your throat, not leaving a fiery taste behind, just oaky and smooth. “It’s from where I live at the moment, Kentucky.”

“You mean, Statesman?” he’s serious when he speaks, putting emphasis on Statesman.

“Have I already given you some, or have you had this whiskey before?” you ask confused as for his attitude.

“I know,” Javier says and sits down on your couch then leans forward. “I had someone look you up at work.”

You’re confused, why would he do that. “Why did you do that? And what do you know…?”

“I know that you work here,” he motions to the glass of whiskey in his hand, “and that you're not who you say you are.”

He must had been talking about your fake background. That person, your fake self, worked for Statesmen yes, but as a receptionist, and that person was also a recent graduate of the University of Kentucky, was from California and had two dogs, and was hoping to be a veterinary one day, so definitely not you. You were a badass agent who worked for a spy agency who took down bad guys. You had been to college, but not in Kentucky, and you had a masters, in kicking ass. The veterinary job was your idea. You always wanted to help animals, cure them, but you never got the chance. So that was the alternative.

As Javier stares at you expectantly, you go sit down next to him. “I do work there. And no, I’m not from where it says in those papers, I’m from southern California I told you that.”

His brow’s burrow, “You keep lying to me.” He stands and finishes his whiskey, and it looks like he wants to leave, but he stays standing.

You stand and walk to him, stopping only inches from him, “I wasn’t lying to you, Javier, I do work for Statesmen, but I’m not a receptionist like it said in the folder that was probably given to you,” you walk over to the side table by the door and grab your gun from under some newspapers that were deliberate put on top of and you hold it up, “Would a receptionist carry a beauty like this?”

You hold up the gun, press the button to release the magazine, catch it, pull the slide, the bullet that was in the chamber pops up, you catch it swiftly, and stare at Javier with a smirk on your face, “I’m Agent Vino, baby.”

Javier’s eyebrows shot up, “I’m guessing there’s more where that came from.”

You smile wickedly, “You have no idea, I’m the best with a gun.” You put the gun on top of the coffee table and grab your cup. “I made dinner; can we continue this talk while we eat?”

He doesn’t say anything, he just walks to the kitchen table, which is now clean of your paperwork, and sits. You head to the kitchen and prepare two plates filled with two steaks, mashed potatoes, green beans and coleslaw. You set the plates in the table and ask Javier, “Do you want more whiskey or a beer?”

“Beer and the bottle,” he points to his empty glass. You go for the beers and bottle and you feel butterflies in your stomach. You had felt them the whole day, and now they were more sadistic.

Once you settle down, and begin to eat, you turn to Javier and begin to speak, “After all this time I thought you trusted me.”

He puts his fork down and takes a sip of his beer, “I work somewhere where I can’t trust anyone, Y/N,” he wipes his mouth, “I do trust you, but I just had to do it.”

You pop a piece of steak into your mouth and speak between bites, “Like really, you think I can pass for a tree-hugging receptionist?”

Javier smiles, his dimple showing, “Not really, you're a headcase.”

“Eh,” you shrug and pop another piece of steak into your mouth.

“So, you really are an agent for a spy agency?” he asks.

You get up and grab a badge from a drawer near the dinning table, “This is the only thing that I can show someone from the law that might be interfering in a dangerous mission. So, here,” you hand him the badge that has your agent number and the name of your agency, “You're part of the law, I can safely show you this.”

He looks it over, “This is real.”

You take it from him, “I never lied to you.”

“Fine, I believe you, sit down,” he looks at your chair then at you. You do as he say, and your stomach does a little summersault by the demand.

“Yes, sir,” you say. “Did you like dinner?”

He wipes his mouth, leans back and rubs his belly, his baby-blue shirt stretching from his stomach, “You can definitely cook a mean steak.”

“I know,” you wink and drink more whiskey, “so now that you know almost everything about me, what don’t I know about you?”

He rubs his chin, pouting, “I almost got married once.”

“oh, what happened?” you ask as you pour Javier more whiskey and hand the glass to him.

He takes it, “I realized that I wasn’t going to do good by her and left the morning of the wedding. I couldn’t imagine her sticking around anyways, she wanted to start a family and wanted to continue with my career.”

“Do you think you made a good decision?”

He looks at you, “Yes.”

You just nod and drink the two-fingers of whiskey left in your glass. “Well, in my opinion, I believe everything happens for a reason, so maybe you weren't supposed to marry her, or anyone else for that matter.”

“Wow…” he looks wounded.

You laugh and pick up the plates, “I don’t mean it in a bad way, you just seem like marriage is not for you.” You place the plates in the sink and go back to the dinning are, “You’ll be a hoe for the rest of your life.”

He chuckles, the crow’s feet around his eyes become more pronounced, and the indent of his dimples make him look like a little kid.

After you clean and head to the living room with a glass almost completely filled with whiskey, you turn on some “oldies” as their called and sit down next to Javier. You clink glasses with him and relax back into the couch

“So, do you have any leads on where your partner is?”

“No,” you look at him, trying to imagine that you're actually siting next to Jack. “I had gotten a lead two weeks ago.”

“When we met,” he states, taking a sip of his drink.

“Yes. I had gotten intel that he was seen here in Colombia, so I was sent here to look for him.”

“And I’m guessing you haven’t found him,” he says motioning to the empty apartment.

You look at him, wishing you could tell him that you did kind of find him, but you couldn’t. At least not in that moment, he wouldn’t believe you. “No, I haven’t found him, I’m at a dead end actually.”

“And what are you going to do?” he asks with what sounds like hope in his voice.

You sigh, so many things going through your mind. “Go back home.”

He nods and drinks the whiskey like it’s a shot, “When?”

You shrug, “I don’t know.” He hums, understanding your conundrum. But you decide that you don’t want to think and talk about this subject, because well, it makes you sad, “Let’s not talk about me leaving, what do you say we get drunk?”

You fill your glass and then his. He raises a brow and displays his dimple, “You think you can go head-to-head with me?”

“Oh, baby, I've been asked that so many times that at the end they wonder why they asked such a stupid question.”

“Salud pues,” he says and you clink glasses. After that sip, you feel a bit tipsy, and the butterflies don’t cease.

An hour later you guys were almost at the drunk mark. Brenton Wood was now playing a little louder and both of you were feeling the beat. You were in a muscle shirt, ripped jeans and barefoot, like a true southern Californian girl. He was in his baby-blue short-sleeve shirt, in his tight jeans and cowboy boots. All your insides were warm and dizzy with desire.

“Come on,” you grab Javier’s hand and pull it as you stand. “Let’s dance to Oogum Boogum.”

He pulls back, “I’m not huge on the dancing.”

You let go of his hand and cross the coffee table. You begin to sing along with Brenton Wood and dance, “Come on, I promise I won’t tell anyone that you don’t know how to dance.”

He begrudgingly stands and finishing his whiskey, “Fine, but just cause I’m drunk, and I really like Brenton Wood.”

Javier gets closer to you, his predatory walk only making you hotter and a bit sweaty. He sway’s his hips to the beat as he extends his hand towards you and you grab it. You lift your hands so he can twirl, and he does. Very clumsily, but he looks adorable. You both laugh and continue to dance, letting the stress of not being able to find Jack wash away, because in a sense, you were with him, right?

Gimmie a Little Sign starts to play and both of you begin to sing to it in unison, “Just gimmie me some kind of sign, girl, oh my baby, to show me that you're mine, girl, oh yeah!” He pulls you in and you crash against his chest. When the bridge of the song plays you grab his other hand and dance, pulling him towards you, too. Javier twirls you and then you twirl him, both of you laughing and enjoying your buzz.

When that song ends, I Like the Way You Love Me begins to play. The tempo slows down and you both your laughter’s subsided. You lean into him and begin to slowly sway. You lean your head against his and just wave from side to side. His right hand placed on your lower back, cradling you, holding you like if he doesn’t want to let go. You inhale his scent, making you dizzier and wetter. He buries his face in the crook of your neck, inhales and chills run all over your body.

Then he begins to softly sing, you feel his voice reverberate against your chest as he sings in your ear:            “And I like the way you thrill me, oh, girl,            Well, you thrill me to my soul,            And I like, I like it all so,            And I tell myself that deep inside,            I could never let you go.”

You pull back and look at him. When your eyes meet, your breath becomes a bit faster and harder. And something sparks between the two of you, some deep understanding that doesn’t require words. You both lean in at the same time. Your mouths colliding into each other, and all the desire that you had been harboring for the past two weeks took control over all of your senses. He pushes you against the wall using his body. You collapse with a thump and all you can feel is his hands and mouth all over you.

“Fuck, I’ve been wanting to do that since the moment I saw you,” Javier’s voice is lower, huskier, sexier.

You kiss him again, harder, “Me too,” you say panting. His mouth crashes into yours again and as he pushes you harder into the wall, his hands go down you back, past your ass, stopping and lifting you up, all while not removing his lips from yours.

Javier carries you to your room and puts you on your bed, you stand in front of him and keeping eye-contact, you lift your muscle shirt over your head, unbuckle your jeans and let them slide down your legs. You step out of them and look at him eagerly, “I showed you mine, now show me yours.”

His crocket smile makes you whimper, “Yeah? And then what?” he asks and then begins to take off his shirt. Your eyes skim his body, already noticing that he’s as excited as you are.

You reach behind your back and unclasp your bra, letting it fall down to the floor, then your panties follow, “And then you’re gonna fuck me like its our last day on earth.”

“Fuck me…” he breaths when his eyes roam your body, making you shiver. You don’t even feel self-conscious about your tummy and your thunder-thighs because you know that you're a fucking badass who can have a gut and still kick some serious ass.

When you see that he was commando, you weren't surprised, Jack always went commando, too. You shake your head and eject him from your thoughts. Guilt is the last thing you needed in that moment.

He leans in slowly and takes your face between his hands, “You’re fucking beautiful.”

You quiver under his gaze and take his mouth. Javier lifts you again and falls on top of you. He begins to kiss you all over, traveling lower and lower with each kiss. You want him to put his hands on your breasts…and he does, caressing them with the perfect amount of pressure. You get wetter and wetter with each stroke. He travels lower and you can feel his hot breath getting closer and closer to the middle of your legs. When he reaches his destination, your body is now his to do whatever he wants. Your back begins to arch and your legs to shake. Your hands begin to grip the sheets relentlessly, then Javier’s head.

You gasp when he begins to work his tongue harder and his thump join. You're breathless, panting, a tear escapes and you just want to release but he stops, and when you can’t imagine any more please, he comes up from where he was, already with a condom on. And then you feel him at your entrance. You gaze deeply into each other’s eyes, and you feel a whole new wave of pleasure when he enters you. You let out a small gasp and Javier grunts a “fuck” and everything blurs with sensations.

“You're so fucking tight,” Javier groans into your ear, “fuck.” You gurgle against his neck as he rocks into you with a deliberate pace. His mouth returns to yours and its as if you missed it, because now you feel in sync.

Soon, everything fades until all you can feel is your entwined bodies fitting perfectly together, pulsing as one. Peaking at the same time. The sweat of each of your bodies making you slick and making your rhythm leisurelier but hotter.

You wrap your legs around Javier’s wait as you feel a tightening in your lower stomach and your toes begin to curl.

“Fuck,” you breathe, and Javier covers your mouth with his. Taking in your gasps. “Fuck...” you breathe while he kisses you.

He bites your jaw and purrs into your ear, and with his deep husky voice he says, “Let go, baby.”

And you do, hard. You tighten your hold of his back, the hold of his hips with your thighs, the walls of your pussy tightening all over his dick. “Ahh,” you gasp and mumble.

Javier tightens his grip of your hair, groans into your neck and comes.

Both you just lay there for a few minutes without talking. Javier’s body on top of yours and the weight doesn’t bother you. You feel at ease. Your shaking and jelly legs begin to fade away, and you feel as relaxed as ever. One of your hands is in Javier’s hair, while the other caresses his back.

He lifts his head. His eyes are glossy and dreamy. “What?” you ask him in a small voice.

He caresses your face and you close your eyes, taking in his touch. “Don’t leave.”

You open your eyes and see sadness in his, “I’m not going anywhere.”

“No, I mean, don’t go back to Kentucky,” he passes a thumb over your lower lip and then gives you a tender kiss.

Your heart then breaks with his words. Of course, you had to leave. You had a job, someone waiting for you back home, kind of, and you couldn’t leave it.

You reach up and move his hair away from his forehead, “I have to, but im not going anywhere, I’m yours right now. So, let’s just relish whatever we have right now, yeah?”

He nods and kisses you deeper. And then you feel him get harder against your thigh. You give him a devilish smile, “Already? I thought you would need more time, old man.”

He lifts an eyebrow, “I’m only 41, I’m like two twenty year olds,” he pushes up from you, gets off the bed, you hear a rip and then he heads to you again.

“Now what?” you giggle and squirm. He leans down, wraps an arm around your waist and with one swift move he flips you, you yelp and laugh. He grabs your hips and pulls them up to him until his sex pistol is against you. You’re now on all fours.

He leans down against your back and whispers against your ear, kneading your ass, “Now, I have a question for you.”

Your stomach does a somersault and you titter, “What’s that?”

He reaches to the front and rubs your clit, you whimper, “Have you ever had a real Texan in you?”

You have no time to reply a “yes” when he grabs you by your hair and enters you. Both of you exclaim at the same time. He fits you like a glove. Hitting just the right places at just the right time. Nothing on your mind, only the sensation and satisfaction that you're feeling with Javier inside of you.

You hear his grunting and groaning and that only gets you closer and closer. “Faster,” you say.

“Fuck,” he says but doesn’t speed up. He slows down, “Ask nicely.”

You reach back where his hands are holding onto your hips and you straighten up. Your back touches his chest and you reach up to where his hair is at. You pull him down to your mouth and stop, “Fuck. Me. Faster.”

He engulfs your mouth with his and fucks you tougher. He moans into your mouth, “Ask again.”

You pull at his hair again, gasping, “Please. Faster.” And he does. He pushes you down and you don’t go on all fours, you instead lay your face down and extend your arms forward so your ass is the only thing up in the air. Sooner than you think of, you're getting closer and Javier thightens his grip of your ass. He reaches down and circles your aching nub mercilessly, making your eyes roll back and your toes curl.

“Fuck!” you both scream in unison. Feeling the electricity travel all over me your body. Javier then collapses on top of you, panting. After a few moments, he stands up and goes for a cigarette, and begins to light it.

“Nope,” you say, staring at him over your shoulder. “No smoking in my home.”

He looks at you in astonishment, his chest and stomach glistening from his sweat, “Really?”

You grab a pillow and hug it to you while you're still on your stomach, “Yes,” you smile and pat the bed, “Come here.”  

He stops mid-light and grumbles. He walks to you and leaves the cigarette and lighter on top of the nightstand. He grabs the pillow and tosses it to the floor and replaces himself with it. You inhale his sweaty, manly musk when he hugs you and kisses you. You feel content. It had been so long, it felt, since you didn't have a worry or were stressed about work.

Javier kisses the top of your head when he lays down and positions your head atop his chest. Brenton Wood had stopped singing a long time ago and now, you both laid there in comfortable silence, you listening to his heart thump against your ear, slowing down.

As you both drift away, Jack comes into your mind. I miss you, he says, kisses you and then gets shot. You wake up startled and panting. Javier opens his eyes and asks, “You Ok?”

“Yeah,” you say and take a deep breath. You lay back down, but the picture of Jack getting shot in the chest keeps prying your mind.

And then...

Ring, ring…

Your stomach drops and your breath hitches. You shoot out of bed and grab the phone that’s on your nightstand, fumbling it.

“Hello?” you say out of breath. But there’s no one on the other side. “Hello?” you say again.

“Y/N!” you hear Ginger on the other side, “He’s here!” She says and you suddenly feel like you want to throw up. “Y/N, did you hear me?”

“Yes, I-,” you turn and see Javier staring at you with concern in his beautiful face and eyes. But the only thing you see is Whiskey staring back at you, “I’m on my way.”

Taggity-Tags: @shikin83 @readsalot73 @otherthingsinhead @batata-elegante @fleurdemiel145 @maryan028 @stxriss @igotmadskills @just-add-butter @ghostofthebarricade @fatbottomedcurls @mrsparknuts

[jhameia]

5 Things Creator Meme

I got tagged by @newtypeshadow and I guess it is that time of year.

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5(ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

So this year I published a few different things:

"Scholar Miaka’s Brief Summary of Memories Imbued in Memory Object Exhibit 132.NW.1." RECOGNIZE FASCISM. Ed. Crystal Huff. World Weaver Press, October 2020. CW: gendered violence, transphobia, slavery, physical & reproductive violence

The editor solicited from me a piece for her anthology back at the 2018 WorldCon (San Jose) and I said I’d give it a shot. It took me a long time to figure out what to write, because I couldn’t figure out a throughline. I was also kind of depressed from being stuck in Malaysia so it was kind of hard to write. 

I’m always interested in the small signs that things are getting worse, and moments that are part of a larger pattern that seem disjointed. But I am also interested in utopia, and what it would mean to live in a utopia. In 2016, I wrote a short story called “Eruption” which is a #killallmen fantasy which explores the trauma left behind from genocide, and what it means to bear the weight of responsibility in order to establish a new world order. Scholar Miaka lives in the same city-state, a few generations after the estabilshment of its utopia, where things have settled enough that the inhabitants are curious about the distant past.

Other things that went into this: clothes making (I learned to sew so I could make a skirt with pockets, and recently took up embroidery); the concept of imbuing memories into objects, which is an extension of the idea that specific things recall certain memories for its owner. In a magical society, where you weren’t allowed to write down your own histories, how might you pass on the memories? And memories are not always singular, coherent narratives--that’s how we interpret them.

And so here we have a skirt, part of an archaeological exhibit, imbued with memories of a traumatic past that make people of the future witness the awful things that happened to people in a certain time period. 

"In The Glass Hall of Supreme Women." Fireside Fiction. Ed. Maurice Broaddus. December 2020. CW: body horror, misogyny, fungi

OK I cheated, I actually wrote this last year, but it only just got published so I’m putting it as a writing success for this year!! 

I actually got this idea while working on a different setting, and in an intensely patriarchal country, men send their barren wives to become mushroom hosts. There’s no shortage of fungi that find hosts in animals, and I am also fascinated by this one that, uh, turns ants into zombies. The fungus is only concerned with propogating itself. I initially wrote a ballad about a woman who is sent to become a mushroom host, and as she contemplates her life, she becomes even more enraged, and on the day that her fungus matures, she sets her confinement prison on fire, so that its spores escape into the world outside, as her revenge on the evil society using her body.

Anyway I thought about it further and realised it wouldn’t work in the setting I was working on (high fantasy fake China; it’s a romance novel series) so I set it on a space station. It was also a meditation on how many white women voted for Trump, and why on Earth would you do that. 

But also the whole thing about mushrooms growing on your body is kind of horrific, and I wrote the first draft in one sitting. The original ending is more overt, where the main character actively traps some reporters trying to expose the industry, and it’s not clear whether it’s because of the fungi or her personal beliefs but that doesn’t really matter. I re-wrote the ending because the tonal shift was too stark. 

"Mid-Autumn Incense" as part of Circlet Press' last Halloween Microfiction series. CW: suicide

What can I say, there was a call for submissions for Halloween microfics, we just had double-seven holiday AND it was Hungry Ghost month. I went to Vietnam in December 2019 and one fo the places we visited made incense, so I got to see some of that process. And I thought, what if you could make magic incense. And make your ghost husband more corporeal. 

Basically, what if you could fuck your very hot ghost husband. 

"Trials by Whiteness: Definitions of Whiteness and Eurocentrism, and Their Relevance Post-RaceFail" at Strange Horizons

@blackwolfchng bugged me to write a column for SH and I have a whole list of ideas for essays on the theme of Trials By Whiteness, which is also the theme of The WisCon Chronicles anthology I edited back in 2017. I thought it would be nice to go back to basics with some definitions and some history of RaceFail. 

ONGOING WRITING

I also wrote a 128k thing that was originally fanfic of How Raeliana Ended Up At The Duke’s Mansion because as cool and entertaining as the concept is (book reader finds herself in the last book she read, as a fridged side character! fake engagement with the hero shenanigans! living the fanfic rewrite life!!), I thought the protagonist was.... kinda dumb? A cipher? Not really using her powers and position well? Inconsistent? Lacking self-reflection on herself and the story she found herself in? SHE’S DEFINITELY NOT A FANFIC WRITER OR EVEN A FAN. 

I like the isekai-into-media trend right now, and I like a lot of villainess stories, but that’s because I’m a fan of self-insert nonsense, and I was, ngl, really pissed that the protagonist was really a poor reader and had a poor grasp on narrative and motivations. The manhwa is ending and the metaphysics are kind of garbage--it promised a theme that you can escape destiny, but really it’s saying that destiny cannot be escaped, fuck your attempts, and also if you are destined to be the heroine everyone will love you no matter what body you’re in even though that’s not the role assigned to that body because who cares about thematic and worldbuilding coherence amirite!?! The antagonist is much more sympathetic than the protagonist and they done the real Raeliana dirty!!!!! 

Anyway I started writing it in May, veered it off-course into original fic, came up with new metaphysics and finished it as a draft in September, and since then I’ve been working on a second draft as an actual novel. I’m at 98k words, and while I’ve managed to recycle a lot, I’m not yet at the section where I get to use the very purely original stuff just yet. 

But it’s also my love letter to the parts of fandom and what I like best about being a fan of a piece of media, which is also what I like about some of these isekai stories. (Don’t read Raeliana for fan meta love, read Survive as the Hero’s Wife! Canaria is such a gr8 superfan! I also like I Am Troubled That My Fiance Is A Villain because the isekai’d protag is also a side character who’s changing things, but is very kind to everyone involved, even to the heroine-turning-villainess, AND the protag also thinks about the themes of the game and uses that  reflection to sort out her thoughts on some characters.)

Tagging @maybethings @jupiter235 @haunted-hideaway @dorkery @madain-sari 

[ifonlysj]

heyyyy i'm a relatively new elf and i loooove sungmin but i have a question. you said sungmin "made a mistake in the way he treated fans who were supporting and even helping out his wedding". what is that about? i only know that he got hate for marrying which is bullshit but what happened with supportive fans? thank you, love your blog

hey anon! as promised: here is my opinion about how sungmin handled the situation~ and please take it with a grain of salt and form your own judgement.

just wanted to remind everyone reading this that i still think sungmin should come back to super junior too! if there is something you wish to correct/disagree with under the cut, let me know nicely. we don’t have to fight, okay? let’s do this like civilised people :)

it’s known that leeteuk and heechul have acknowledged that fans would rather hear about dating/marriage news from the members themselves rather than through articles and rumours. this of course makes sense, idols who have “asked for their fans’ blessing” have seen a much better response from their fans than those who got “exposed” by dispatch/sasaengs/whatever. sure, this isn’t a blanket generalisation, but you kinda get it right? i wouldn’t want malicious rumours about someone i like getting involved with someone else, not because i am “possessive”, but because i think the relationship between an idol and their fans can be trusted so that you know, we can celebrate together and stuff.

there are also other rumours about the ‘controversy’ surrounding his marriage, but they were mostly cleared through an article on naver. you can find it here. it should be pretty accurate, because sungmin posted a link to it on his instagram as an instagram post. 

here’s something that i don’t know if it’s been cleared ; sungmin allegedly changed his signature by replacing the star he normally uses with ‘Mi’, which is a nickname for saeun (his wife). this part is really a little bit weird. i don’t think he should have done that, considering how the fan who requested for the autograph has a name that doesn’t resemble ‘Mi’ in any way or form. you can find the original post on pann here. look at it this way, you travelled all the way out and did x number of things and basically worked hard so you could meet someone you liked, and the person gave you gift, that was actually a secret message for someone else. that’s just... not right. again, anything regarding sungmin and the controversy has been grossly warped by people to the point where it is difficult to check if anything is right/wrong. correct me if you want. 

something else; sungmin’s apology letter was released ahead of his army discharge. he handwrote it and apologised for hurting fans by getting married before his enlistment. i think he missed the point. fans aren’t stupid. korean fans aren’t stupid. i believe the ones who are possessive and think they own him is a minority. but i think it’s understandable that these fans felt angered by how he handled it. he didn’t apologise for the signature and he didn’t apologise for ’sharing’ his fan gifts with his wife.

this is a difficult post to make and this part is the worst bit of it, because i’m going to share about why i felt uneasy about his marriage. i’m not saying i’m against it. i’m just. i don’t really know, i had really bad feeling about this when the news first came out. disclaimer: i do not pretend to speak for fans or for anyone at this point, this is just my personal opinion and maybe you disagree with it and that’s okay. this is how i felt about it in 2014-5 and it was a long time ago. with age comes wisdom LOL and honestly i don’t feel anything when i think about it now. 

i felt uneasy when the news broke out because of the timing of it. the timing was, quite frankly, quite terrible. there are some issues that made it worse that sungmin himself couldn’t control, but i don’t think it would have hurt to think it through a little more before releasing the news. 

sungmin confirmed he was getting married in between super shows. i don’t know what kind of impression that gives you, but i’ll be frank: it gives me the impression that he’s acting more individualistic and not putting his group activities as a priority in his life.

for international fans, this could seem like a shock to you. of course he should put his personal life first, he’s in love! he’s finally found someone he likes enough to get married, and we should support him because we want him to find happiness. that’s an opinion, and you’re entitled to it. but what we’re looking at is the confucian principles of community and society that are upheld by most of the korean community. this is a culture that mandates military enlistment laws for all males (with very few exceptions). so really, through their perspective, the outrage could be perhaps more understood. it is also important to know that when the news first broke, the general opinion ranged from congratulatory messages (that hoped for a better public opinion of idols getting married/falling in love), to speculations if it was a shotgun marriage and if saeun was pregnant. consider that sungmin had not enlisted in the military at this point. for korean men, entering the military is a rite of passage into “manhood”. it was already bad enough for idols themselves to still enlist, and fans were already dreading his enlistment. to suddenly spring the news of marriage on them? it made the timing of the whole thing even worse. what’s worse is that the fandom was trying to support them, but sungmin antis and even some of sungmin’s sasaeng’s gave false reports about the whole situation (see: rumous about the wedding, etc.). 

something to understand in korean netizen culture is that they literally live in a culture where paparazzi are so normalised and entertainment journalism literally puts out close to fifty new reports, news, and scandals out every day. on top of that, korea is notorious for their efficient, workaholic cultures that spares no time for research. imagine being bombarded with news about sungmin’s ‘misdeeds’ every week and every month. obviously your impression of him worsens. then he goes to enlist in the army, effectively disappearing, not making a statement until he nearly discharges, then going back to promote himself as per usual. you only have ten minutes a day, maximum, to see the news. you don’t have time to check for yourself on the internet what is happening. if you’re a fan, you go on twitter to check with the big fansites what is happening, and then you see that they are all quarrelling between themselves about writing petition letters. every single thing sungmin does gets uploaded as ‘breaking news’, paparazzi zoom in onto the other sujus’ “apologies” and “opinions” regarding their fellow member, and public opinion builds the impression that sungmin just doesn’t give a shit about his group. and remember! he’s literally getting married and having a honeymoon in between concerts, when the rest of the members are practising/rehearsing/working hard on TV to get more acknowledgement. gosh, sungmin really is throwing his group under the bus all for love... 

that’s a thought process i went through. i can hardly emphasise more about how this shit isn’t about me getting pressed and possessive about how he’s my oppa and he shouldn’t get married because i’m going to marry him one day. it’s not! it’s about me loving suju to the point where sungmin seems like he’s just going off on his own without caring about the group image. quite frankly if any of the sujus reveal tomorrow that they are dating someone, my response would be something like: “oh thank God!”, and if next year they say something like “y’all, we’re gonna get married”, then i would be like: “FINALLY!” because the sujus deserve nothing but happiness and i just want them to be happy after all the shit they’ve been through. [of course sungmin deserves happiness too. everyone does.]

i started rambling but... i just want to say that i really wish sungmin eased us more into it. the whole thing was aggravated because of how saeun handled it on TV also. sungmin enlisting right after was a good move, considering the damage already done. it would have given the whole thing to die down a bit, for fans to think things a little bit more through while sungmin basically removed himself from society for a bit. but while he was gone, saeun said some shit about how sungmin is really touchy and good with skinship, how sungmin drank 9 bottles of soju just to get the courage to ask her father for his blessing, and so on. that’s not right sis. why would you keep making headlines about your man when you should just lie low and wait for the hatred to pass... she then went on to like really controversial pictures, like the one where someone is slapping someone else. the slapper is labelled “international ELFs” while the one being slapped is labelled”K-ELFs”... that shit just ain’t cool bruv... obviously this started another internal fanwar, and i’m pretty sure a lot of ELFs have bad impressions of her. idk i feel like the sudden attention went to her head or something... why would you talk about alcohol... gosh...

anyway i don’t hate her or anything and i’m happy that she brings our boi happiness but i just don’t have a good impression of her... maybe she’s a really nice person IRL but you know, she’s a celebrity and we’ll never meet so i won’t pass judgement on her.

that’s... kinda it i guess? congrats if you made it all the way to the end. i just wanna rehash the point about sungmin returning to super junior. i think he should. he’s been away for long enough and i think that’s enough ‘punishment’, but i do think it would make it easier for the public to try and accept him again if the both of them just admit to what they did wrong in the past and apologise and then just move on. that shit is old as heck, i think. there’s what i think happened. lmk if i made a mistake or missed something, i wrote like 60% of this post thinking back to that time period and considering how, uh, i don’t live in korea, there might have been something i missed. the other 40% is stuff i searched online to double check, but you know. take everything that isn’t an article with a bucket of salt. lord knows how messed up everything is after those sungmin antis started spreading rumours and stuff. 

if you need a clarification about something said above, you can send me a (nice) ask and i’ll answer!

one last thing, i’m not saying what the sungmin antis did to sungmin (with regards to trying to kick him out of suju, threatening his wife, etc.) is justified by whatever i said above. i’m just saying it makes it a little bit more understandable. but it doesn’t make them entitled to such actions and i 100% believe that their actions are unjustified.