#and I much like Crowley I’m choosing to be an optimist

[finethingswellworn]

I've been so anxious about season 3, about the reunion, about everything, really.

But I'm choosing to cope by thinking about what it means, in the GO universe, that Crowley and Aziraphale know one another so well.

Yes, yes. Alright. Har har! Feel free to insert the inevitable "You mean knowing in a Biblical sense?" jokes here. Get it off your chest.

Because Crowley obviously likes Aziraphale. In all senses of the word.

But more importantly, Crowley knows Aziraphale. He's known of him and known him and has been known by Aziraphale in return for so long now it boggles the mind.

And what I mean is

Crowley sees who Aziraphale is in the garden, sees that he is an angel unlike the others, an angel with a conscience, an angel who doesn't always do the "good" thing but will do the right thing most of the time.

Even then, Crowley sees more of Aziraphale than heaven ever could. Crowley's intrigued, fascinated, willing to truly engage with Aziraphale, test him from the very beginning. But he doesn't know, yet. Not completely.

After all this time, however, months and months out from season 2, I still believe the Job incident solidifies there relationship for Crowley. For Aziraphale. For us, the devastated audience. And I think it works in tandem with 1941 part II to give us an idea of what to expect in season 3. Or, at least, it gives us a glimpse of how Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship could potentially go.

Because as much as Crowley is sure Aziraphale will break out of heaven's black and white mindset, Aziraphale is equally confident in Crowley's sense of justice, his inherent, if not goodness by heaven's definition, then his... humanity. Both his love for it and how he's been influenced by it.

Crowley stands in a fiery house with the lives of Job's innocent children hanging in the balance, asks Aziraphale if he really knows him, and not once does Aziraphale waver.

In 1941, we get an explicit, out loud declaration of trust along with a quiet realization of love in the ruins of a church. It's beautiful.

"You said "trust me,"."

"And you did."

But also, haven't they been doing this for millennia already? The sheer level of faith they've had to put in each other, starting from Job, carrying through to 1941, and finally to the present storyline is honestly astounding.

Circling back around, I think the heartbreak on both sides is the perceived misalignment between what each of them knows about the other and their present day choices.

So yes, they have issues. They fundamentally disagree about how to be together, how to make it finally safe to be together. They've hurt each other. They're not talking.

But!

Does that matter?

When shit hits the fan, haven't they always lied for each other, broken the rules for each other, protected each other without a thought?

They know it, too. They've known it for a long, long time.

I've seen some people say that one or both of them were naive to what their relationship was until The Kiss™, and I just can't agree with that.

So, this whole ramble is to say, just because you don't say something out loud doesn't mean it's not there. Just because you break someone's heart doesn't necessarily mean you won't come running to them in an instant if need be. And one conversation, no matter how hurtful and fraught, cannot undo thousands of years worth of actions.

They have, quite literally, been loving each other too long to stop now.

Deep down, both of them know that, too, I think. I'm choosing to hope.

[cant-really-remember]

Good Omens from a Cult Perspective

And I don’t mean the fandom cult…

I wrote a hasty meta about being a cult survivor and watching GO (here) and I was hoping to start parsing out some of the things. I wanted to start off talking about the final fifteen.

Starting here feels the most natural because it was this scene that I felt so so deeply.

Before I dive in, I want to lay down some foundations so this can be easier to follow.

Things to know

-Cults can be benign, the proper way to distinguish dangerous ones is calling them “high control groups”. I will be talking about high control groups only, using the shorthand “cults”. Also I will speak of “inside” and “outside” to describe the “us and them” nature of cultic systems.

-Cults use a system to organizes people around a doctrine, a charismatic leader, or both. Akin to fascism, complete obedience is expected. This can be achieved in many way, but the most common are: behavior, thought, and environment control.

-“Bounded choice” is a term from Janja Lalich (an incredible cult scholar) from a book of the same name. She describes that cults hijack peoples’ free will by making them think they have choices, but really the are bounded to the reality of the cult. So people inside feel like they are making choices, but the things they have to choose from are ONLY within the rules or world of the cult. Every choice is, at its core, “do what we say or you are out”.

-Cults are not just robes and incense. It’s not even always a group of random people. Families can function like cults. One-on-one abusive relationships can be set up as a cultic system. My story has all three.

-People in cults, and to a much higher degree people who are born in to cults, are not allowed to have an identity that is separate from the cult. Their sense of self is defined by the cult. An extremely cool term I learned while studying cults is “arbiter of existence” - the cult essentially tells you who you are and, at the end of the day, they tell you if you are. They can tell you that you aren’t, that you don’t exist. They can - and often do - cut you off and erase your existence, in their world, you will have never existed. This is a common practice and an even more common threat. Sound familiar?

-Lastly, Aziraphale = he, Crowley = she (babygirl)

The final fifteen

Really more like the final 21. I want to start when the Metatron shows up. Quick run down:

Metatron shows up, he isn’t recognized by the beautitudes, immediately demands validation (asking Crowley who he is), then demands obedience, and sidles up to Aziraphale with a small gift and some doddering old man charm.

Next we see him assure Aziraphale “you don’t have to answer immediately, take all the time you need…go and tell your friend the good news”. Then, in flashback, we see him reassuring Aziraphale that he is a great leader and honest (I’m pretty sure he is neither) and *harmlessly* mentioning that he has seen Aziraphale’s “de facto partnership with the demon Crowley”.

After this is when the wheels fall off. So I want to stop here and make cult connections.

painting by @aliceblakeart

The cult connection

In my analysis of the final 21 through the lens of cult survivorship, this is how I identify the parts. But I do have to first state that Neil Gaiman grew up as both a mainstream Jew and a Scientologist, as well as attended a highly religious Christian school.

Heaven and Hell are both cults - Heaven is a regimented, highly organized cult (like Scientology) and Hell is oppressive and insidious but much less strict (like, ironically, mainstream Judaism). Crowley was ejected from the cult of Heaven for asking questions - this is literally why LOTS of people get get kicked out and shunned from their cults - and she has found a new cult, Hell.

Cult members are, by necessity, optimists. They HAVE to believe there is a greater good, especially when they are enduring or witnessing violence or oppression. They are trained to think that the small things don’t matter (like Job’s children) because there are more blessings in store for the future. Aziraphale, as we see through the entirety of GO, is struggling with this. Crowley isn’t struggling with it, she knows it’s crap. She knows Heaven and Hell are both full of shit. But she just goes along as far as she can.

Ethereal/Occult, by Me 😇

Surviving a cult

It’s takes a lot of mental and emotional fortitude to survive inside and outside of a cult. While inside, you are constantly being asked/forced to do things against your own moral judgement. You are expected to push past your own boundaries to achieve the cult’s (or the leader’s) goals - no matter how ineffable they may be. You exist in a world of mental gymnastics. When you are confronted with hypocrisy or just plain bad deeds, you really only have a few choices: deny it, justify it, or let it start to crack at your sense of self.

This is where Aziraphale is. We see him in denial, we see him performing feats of mental gymnastics, and then we see him let the truths begin to crack him. Now from a person looking in from the outside, we can celebrate these cracks! They mean freedom, right?! But these cracks come with the most, absolute, devastatingly heartbreaking pain.

Crowley knows this pain. She is now an outsider. (I know she is still in a cult, but let’s just focus on Heaven right now). She has been ejected and shunned and possibly her memory has been wiped. Crowley’s existence as an angel is no more. She knows the cruel pain of the million light year free-style dive from the naïveté and comfort of the her life as an ethereal being into a dark, disgusting place.

I have been both inside and outside of a cult. I have known people on the outside when I was inside and I have known people inside when I was out. These are two sides of an extremely emotionally complicated coin. When you are in, looking out, you see the freedoms and the fun but you also see it as so lonely without your cult and confusing. The cult is your constant companion, either actually physically or just mentally. It guides your choices, it has rules for everything so you don’t have to do that nasty critical thinking stuff. Yuck. And the cult gives you meaning, it provides members with a higher purpose, it tells them who they are, and it even defines the boundaries and rules of the world. If your cult tells you that gravity only works if you wish every fifteen minutes, you will spend your entire life wishing every fifteen minutes - not daring to stop because if you do, gravity will cease and everyone on the planet will go floating off in to space. A cult can also tell you that certain things don’t work, like perhaps that an angel and a demon cannot be friends. It’s physically impossible. It is against the rules of physics. This, again, is where Aziraphale is.

On the outside looking in, you have so much more information. And a lot of the that information is pain. At least at first. With time and therapy, the pain will hopefully melt away or be healed. But Crowley ain’t there yet, she is still standing in the window grieving the loss of her angelic existence. Well, at least, in S1. By the end of S2, she has figured out they are toxic and she doesn’t need either of them. So the burden of information weighs heavy on Crowley. She knows the absolute gut-wrenching pain of leaving Heaven, but she also knows the lightness of leaving it’s fascism behind.

I have had more Crowley experiences in my life, most recently my sister leaving our cult and my best friend leaving her abusive relationship. For many years, I have been in close relationship with both of them while they were deep in their respective cults and then witnessed them leaving (the latter left three times). I wanted to grab them and shake them and yell at them and say RUN!! But I knew it wouldn’t do a lick of good. I knew it would just cause more pain. I knew that the only best option is to stay right there, available for support, and as a constant reminder that there is a life on the outside.

(If you know whose this is, I would love to give credit)

How this translates to Crowley and Aziraphale over the years

We know the dynamic well: Aziraphale digs his heels in and Crowley runs. But if you peel back just a few layers of the well-crafted artifice, it is Crowley who never waivers. Aziraphale constantly reminds her of the wide and deep fissure that exists between them. Or at least Heaven says it exists. That fissure. They are “hereditary enemies”, they are the bad guys, there can’t be an “us”. Aziraphale is still so deeply indoctrinated by Heaven that he believes any relationship with Crowley is literally impossible.

Aziraphale lobs cruel insults and constantly downplays how much Crowley means to him. Crowley just sometimes gets hurt and leaves the scene. But Crowley comes back because she knows that it’s not Aziraphale saying that, it’s Heaven.

When my sister was still in, the only times she said anything cruel to me was when it came from someone else. I could hear it, in the way she was talking and in the words she used. They weren’t hers. And I knew the words weren’t hers because I knew my sister deep underneath all the cult stuff. So I would get off the phone and draw a boundary and leave the scene. But here is where my and Crowley’s stories diverge. She always went back and apologized.

This is Crowley still feeding into the cult dynamic. In a cult, the leader and/or doctrine in never wrong. So you become extraordinarily adept at taking responsibility for everything, no matter what. It becomes second nature. I did it in all my relationships until I realized where it came from and that it is just pisspoor boundaries. But Crowley is scared and doesn’t want to lose Aziraphale and doesn’t think her love is stronger than Heaven. So, instead of holding her boundary, Crowley comes back and asks for forgiveness from Aziraphale every time.

We all know where Aziraphale needs growth - he needs to leave the damn cult - but this is where Crowley needs growth. She has to walk away and stay away. In my own life, I played this game with my sister back and forth until I realized that I had nothing to apologize for. She was being cruel and crossing my boundaries. I was reacting accordingly. In an extremely painful decision, I told her that I couldn’t talk to her anymore because of the way she was treating me. I can’t tell you how excruciating this was. But, two years later, it’s the best thing I could have done.

That day something snapped in her. When she saw me walk away because of how the cult was expecting her to behave, she began the slow and painful process of getting out.

Smitten, I believe, by Me 😇

The fifteen, for real this time

So in this analogy, the Metatron is the cult leader, Aziraphale is in the cult but waffling, and Crowley is on the outside trying to help him get out.

The Metatron has done all the things a cult leader/abuser would do:

-lied through flattery (you’re a great leader)

-threaten very passively (I’ve seen the de facto partnership)

-given a gift (the coffee)

-the “im just like you” moment (I’ve ingested things in my day)

-isolation (taking Aziraphale out of his safe space and away from a person who would actually stand up for him)

-lying about having a choice (you don’t have to answer immediately, take all the time you need - but really he shows up ten minutes later and says “ok let’s go” and we never see Aziraphale actually give an answer)

-making something awful sound good (tell your friend the good news)

I can list these things from memory because this scene is seared in my memory. When I saw it the first time I cried like a baby and it wasn’t because I was so invested in our ineffable idiots. It was because I had seen this same thing happen to my best friend. I saw her get hoovered back into a relationship with her abuser twice.

What you have to understand about trying to leave a cult is that you never really want to. Something has to push you over the edge. Something has to break. Something that’s so f’ing bad that you decide to essentially elect not to exist anymore. I did this, I elected not to exist to my family anymore. But this was after so, so many years of going back after leaving and being treated just as poorly, if not worse.

The cult/leader/abuser is a master at keeping you just far enough from the edge that you don’t fall over. One of the ways they can keep you is that the cult dynamic is set up so nothing in the world feels better than being in the cult’s/leader’s/abuser’s favor. This is the pinnacle of validation, it is life giving (because remember, they are the arbiter of existence).

The act of drawing you back from the edge is known as hoovering - like sucking you back in with a giant Hoover vacuum. There are many plays in the playbook for this, but the particular one the Metatron uses is the “you can have it all” play.

See, the Metatron knows that Aziraphale doesn’t want to leave Crowley but he also knows that Aziraphale desperately wants to be in Heaven’s favor. Aziraphale was trained to desperately want that. There are little moments in S2 where you can see him getting validation from Crowley (in lieu of Heaven’s approval) and his eyes light up, he even laments not being able to report to Heaven. So the Metatron proposes a “you can have it all” scenario.

Come back, we will flatter you and give you approval and status, oh, and you can bring your twink with you. It will be totally cool and you will be able to do whatever you want and we trust you to make decisions and you will be in charge and you will have it all just perfect.

Except it’s all a lie. We know, from the Gabriel tapes, that you can’t say no. No matter if you are the Supreme Archangel. It’s not totally cool and you better tow the line. And Crowley knows this, too. Crowley knows that Aziraphale is being lied to, again. She knows where this goes.

So when the happy-arms bright-eyes proposal of going back to Heaven comes out, Crowley - after being aghast at Aziraphale’s naïveté- makes a last ditch effort to pull Aziraphale out the door and over the edge. “How can someone so clever be so stupid?” The final fifteen is Crowley slowly coming to realize that this is a train wreck she has absolutely no power to stop or divert. The kiss was an attempt at the grab-their-shoulders-and-shake-furiously that we all feel when we see someone clearly making a mistake. And “don’t bother” is Crowley succumbing to the speed and velocity of the train barreling down the tracks. She knows that the only thing that will stop this is the train actually hitting something.

Tell me you said no, by Me 😇

Aziraphale has made his bounded choice. He has believed the lies and manipulation and future faking and thinks he is making the best choice for them AND for the world. He will change Heaven, he will save humanity, he will be with Crowley. It’s literally perfect. He can not understand why Crowley doesn’t see it.

So where does that leave us

Well, in the worst case scenario, Aziraphale goes back to Heaven, back in to the fold, becomes totally indoctrinated and forgets Crowley. But, Neil said it was going to be ok and I trust him.

I think that two wonderful things will happen. I think Crowley will hold her boundary. I think she will learn her own value and that she deserves to be treated with care and kindness. I think we see this in the way she left the last time. She walked out and waited. Didn’t run back, didn’t apologize, didn’t beg for the forgiveness she pretends she doesn’t want. She stood there leaned against the Bentley with a straight backbone like “I am worth it and if you can’t see it you’re an idiot.” She is saying, “you have to come to me this time.”

And I think the moment outside the elevator is the train-hitting-something for Aziraphale. When the Metatron says “it’s called the second coming” you hear a miracle sound. Forever I thought that this was the Metatron putting some sort of trance on Aziraphale because that would explain the creepy smile, right? But after the sound, he turns to look at Crowley one last time. If he was in a trance, he wouldn’t have done that. Then I realized, that was his snap! All the cracks and doubt and things Crowley has been telling him finally snapped into place. The miracle was putting “A Nightingale Sang” on the radio of the Bentley.

Hear me out: we know that Aziraphale has established a connection with the Bentley. We know that song means a lot of things for them. And now we know that Aziraphale has possibly had slow motion train crash moment.

Aziraphale is well aware of the mortal/ethereal danger he is in in the presence of the Metatron. He could be smoted/smited/smitten on the spot, so he is not going to turn on his heel and run back to Crowley. He will send a message and start to make his escape plans.

I don’t want to make predictions past that because Neil is incredible and I want him to tell the story.

Thanks for reading of you got all the way down here ☺️ I have so much to say about the intersection of cults and GO.

[lickthecowhappy]

Playlist Analysis: #5 - Like Real People Do

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#5. Like Real People Do – Hozier

This is a Crowley song.

Overview:

I wasn’t super aware of Hozier prior to what Neil, Michael, and David done to my brain in season 2. All the Instagram edits and animations told me how much people associated the band with the show so I decided I would intentionally seek them out for this playlist. I listened to this song based on the name, but it took multiple listens to decide that it fit. It may be clear by now that I spent a COMPLETELY NORMAL AND REASONABLE AND NOT AT ALL WEIRD amount of time curating this playlist. I didn’t choose anything frivolously. 

This song is present because it is a song of fear, NOT a love song, and it makes me sick. This comes after A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square because it represents the general direction of the characters for season 2. It’s about being curious and looking for answers but NOT asking questions; we know how much trouble one can get in for just asking a few questions. It’s about burying things that you want or need to hide. It’s also about running away from your problems. This is a Fall�� trauma song.

Lyrics:

I had a thought, dear However scary About that night The bugs and the dirt

This song is Crowley speaking to Aziraphale. Only in his mind – since we know they never talk about anything important. He is thinking about something that still frightens him. A time in his life when he was metaphorically buried under filth, corruption, and vermin.

Why were you digging? What did you bury Before those hands pulled me From the earth?

Aziraphale is the epitome of the British tradition of having a stiff-upper-lip. He buries every emotion he has unless he knows it is 100% safe to show it, and even then, he might still try his best to keep it hidden. He wears his Heavenly veneer like a Good™ little Angel; never betraying doubt, worry, or anything that could be considered anywhere near blasphemy. In Eden, Aziraphale may have metaphorically pulled Crowley from that filth, corruption, and vermin with his admission of giving away his sword (see I'll Be Your Mirror analysis). Was Aziraphale doubting the Great Plan even when only two humans existed?

I will not ask you where you came from I will not ask and neither should you

I wonder about The Fall. What was it like? Was Aziraphale witness to it? Did they see one another during the War in Heaven? By the Nopocalypse, Aziraphale holds command over a platoon (likely around 40 soldiers but up to 100). When blowing up his halo, he says he hasn’t done it since the war; so we know he fought. He’s a soldier, he was there, and he fought on the side of Good™. Did Crowley fight? Furfur claims he was there. But Crowley is an artist, not a warrior. Did he fight then, only to lose and develop the response to forever run from conflict? Or did he break ranks immediately because he was built to create, not to destroy? Did they hurt one another during the battle or show mercy or even have the opportunity for either option? Whatever happened, I’m sure neither have ever considered broaching the subject. It’s in the past and that’s where it should stay. 

Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips We should just kiss like real people do

But should it stay in the past? These two need to understand each other and you can't do that through smitten gazing and coded speech. It’s so horribly inappropriate for Aziraphale to say, “I don’t think you understand what I’m offering you.” I don’t think he meant to say Crowley is incapable of grasping the gift of redemption he’s offering. I believe his intended meaning was, “You don’t understand that I’m offering us safety. Who would complain about two angels in love?” But Crowley has been on both sides. He may be optimistic in general terms, but he's also terrified. He’s unforgivable. Last time he had strong opinions in Heaven, he was punished for it. He doesn’t want to fight and he doesn't want Aziraphale to fight. He wants to run. He wants to ignore the problems, and the dangers, and the promise of the end of the world by one side or the other and just be with the being he loves. To be together, carefree, the way real people live. “If Gabriel and Beelzebub can do it, go off together, then we can.”

I knew that look dear Eyes always seeking Was there in someone That dug long ago So I will not ask you Why you were creeping In some sad way I already know

Aziraphale is always looking for answers; for a solution. He tries to find any way to avert the apocalypse in season 1 even after Crowley (who convinced him to do it in the first place) has given up. He seeks to protect Jim and uncover the truth in season 2. In the Companion to Owls segment, he admits his doubts about the righteousness of Heaven and fully prepares to fall. He’s 100% convinced that is the path he’s chosen. Crowley knows what it was like to fall and he doesn’t think Aziraphale would like it. He knows Aziraphale wouldn’t like it. They’re reflections of one another. Opposite but the same. Crowley dug long ago for answers and ended up swallowed by the muck. Aziraphale dug for answers and found Crowley. Crowley doesn’t need to ask what Aziraphale has questions about because he already knows.

I will not ask you where you came from I will not ask and neither would you Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips We should just kiss like real people do

The subtle change in this chorus from “neither should you” to “neither would you” says that there has been some mutual understanding that they aren’t going to talk about it. “I guess there’s nothing more to say.” There is still a longing for sweetness, but Crowley still fully intends to retreat in the face of adversity.

I could not ask you where you came from I could not ask and neither could you Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips We could just kiss like real people do

The change from will/would not to “could not” is significant here because of the change between willingness and ability. It’s no longer about choosing not to communicate, it’s about lacking the resolve, or the tact, or the emotional capacity to have the difficult conversation required to truly understand the hidden feelings and fears of the other person. Rather than face these difficult things we haven’t ever had to say out loud, put sweet nothings on your lips and share those with me instead. 

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[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 225

Inside Man/Kill the Moon

“Inside Man”

Plot Description: Sam and Castiel set out on a mission to find a cure for the Mark of Cain, and Crowley’s relationship with Rowena is put to the rest

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: No one died

Goddammit, let Bobby rest!! He earned that

(Cut to 24 hours earlier)

It’s a good thing the brothers know each other like that because Sam wanting to go off to some other city to see a foreign film on their off day is not convincing me as the viewer. How that convinced Dean, I don’t know

If we want to get…….oh. It wasn’t “if we want to get rid of the Mark, we have to get rid of Dean” it’s “it’s we have to get back in cahoots with Metatron”

Crowley, can you KNOCK?!

She looks stunning in purple…the costumers have been so wonderful to me

She’s got herself a lil boy toy…maybe. Or she made up a boy toy to cover up her real motives, which is even funnier

Cas isn’t allowed in heaven?!

🥹Hannah🥹 it does make me sad to see them opposing each other though

How do you break Metatron out of jail……….oh. That’s why they need Bobby, I bet

“You can be damned AND a conscientious worker” man, you don’t HAVE to be though

How does Dean have that many people in his phone? No offense, man

Sam’s :/ yet undeterred face when faced with a billion “No trespassing” and “keep out” signs

I love sasstiel. “And you’re….what ARE you?” “…I’m an angel” “that…no you can’t be” “why not?”

This psychic calling Metatron a creepy hobbit lookin fellow. It honestly made me laugh out loud in the break room

Dean…now you’re just being mean. There’s hustling someone at pool and then there’s taking that kid’s watch that his dad gave him. Yeah he’s an asshole college kid, but damn

There is no rest for Bobby…

She dressed up so nicely to go try to kill Dean, and she’s so unrepentantly evil. Fuck, I love her so much.

Ewwww…the structure of heaven is really…terrible. It’s all sterile hallways with alphabetized rooms where every individual person gets their version of heaven. It’s not what it should be

GIRLIE!!! You literally cut yourself up and blamed Dean to get Crowley to turn on him. And I love how she absolutely cuts Crowley to the core with her words

Omg a revolt of all the Robert and Roberto and Roberta Singers that Bobby broke out of their respective heavens

That was such a funny action movie sequence. Cas jumping into the portal to heaven and sliding through the door

“Dean has given up” “And you idjits haven’t.” “Would you?” “Hell no” Cas and Bobby deserved more screen time together

God, this sit down talk between Dean and Crowley…they ARE friends. They’re somehow still friends

I hate Metatron as much as the next guy (and the next guys have called him a creepy hobbit and a fraggle, so…) but him calling Cas Asstiel will never not be funny

YES, CAS! “You’re gonna be MY punching bag”

I promise I still hate him but he gets so many funny lines. How much time did he spend thinking about

I am…so damn impressed with Sam and Cas’s plan. They just STOLE METATRON’S GRACE AND THEN SAM SHOT HIM IN THE LEG just to get the leverage they need

I want her to burn it all down. I appreciate that Crowley is choosing himself, and it’s great for him…but I want her to go ballistic, just completely of the deep end with rage. I need it like air

I’m not lying when I say that Bobby telling Sam in a letter that he’s a good man, one of the best, and he’s damn proud of him is making me tear up. With all the doubts that Sam’s had that he’s a good person, that he’s not just cursed…

“Kill the Moon”

Plot Description: The Doctor and Clara crash land on the Moon to find a world of horror

This…only takes place 26 years from RIGHT NOW. 2014 was such an optimistic time. Y’all really thought we’d be going to the moon again? I wish I could believe that. PEOPLE? On the MOON?!

Please tell me that the astronaut that was in the cold open with Clara is a future Courtney Woods! (I love that she’s back in the post opening credits scene, so THAT is what I’m holding out hope for)

Oh…not future Courtney…present Courtney is on the moon

“One small thing for a thing. One enormous thing for a thingything” honestly, I’m not mad at her. First girl on the moon and those are her first words on the surface? Love it for her

The shuttle says United States, WHY does everyone still have an accent from across the pond? The TARDIS doesn’t need to translate it. They’re all speaking English

WHY ARE THERE SPIDERWEBS IN THE ABANDONED SHELTER?!?! WHO BROUGHT SPIDERS TO THE MOON????

Nooooooooo. No I don’t like whatever’s living here

THAT IS A HUGE AND GROSS SPIDER. This is also the worst soundscape I’ve ever experienced. It’s the amplified sound of weird skittering and then IT ECHOES BECAUSE WHY NOT

Courtney Woods 2024. I don’t care that she’s not American, in the face of great danger (a giant spider) she was cool calm collected enough to do what needed to be done (all purpose cleaner it to death. Kills 99.9% of all germs. I guess huge spiders count, too)

THAT WAS A MOON GERM?!?! No. I refuse to accept it. Why? I hate it

I also don’t like knowing what the twist is. I know I’ve said it before but so much of the Moffat era is depends on not knowing the twist

Courtney is an ICON. She retches in the TARDIS, which sends her a little off the rails because the Doctor then tells her she’s not special, so Clara tries to get the Doctor to just take that statement back, but that’s not good enough for him, he needs to make the statement untrue, she has to be special now, so he takes her to the FREAKING MOON where she becomes a sort of hero because no one knew how to kill the giant spider looking germs, and the second she’s sent to the TARDIS for her own safety, what does she do? POST PICTURES OF HER TRIP TO TUMBLR

I need to know…ok, the actress playing the astronaut was 47 when this was filmed. If we take that age and make it her character’s age in this episode, that means this character is 47 in 2049. She is 21 today. She was 12 when this episode aired…do not come into my hellsite and tell me “my granny used to post things on tumblr” Your granny MAY very well be here for all I know, but don’t pretend you weren’t, too. YOU ARE NOT THAT FAR IN THE FUTURE. You signed up on your 13th birthday in 2015. I cannot let this go. “Courtney’s posting stuff to tumblr, doesn’t that know where you are?” “I don’t know, I’m not a historian” BITCH. WHAT. STOP THIS BLASPHEMY RIGHT NOW

Oof, now we’ve entered the part of the episode that’s gonna make me mad but not in a fun way.

The optimism that we could have a female president by the time 2049 rolls around…..

You can’t expect someone with an amount of Time Lord DNA to go kill hitler if they were in 1930s Germany?? Really??? Have you forgotten your wife so soon?

So they’re letting Earth democratically vote whether or not to blow up the moon, which is an egg, by whether or not they turn out their lights. Lights out on earth means lights out for the moon. It’s not even a close vote (but I’ve now had the ending spoiled for me and I’m not happy about it)

And then Clara decides on her own that ALL OF EARTH’s decision wasn’t as important as her own feelings on the matter. And to make matters worse, she gets justified in her actions by the narrative because everything worked out anyway no harm done

Is that really what we should be doing though? I’m not saying checking out our own space neighborhood wouldn’t be interesting but every time in this rewatch when they mention some human colony out in space somewhere…like, SHOULD WE BE COLONIZING SPACE THOUGH?! And it’s gonna last FOREVER?!

Wait. Pausing how much this episode makes me mad to say Courtney ACTUALLY becomes president of the United States?!

Ok but honestly, how much DID the Doctor know? Because if he knew that it would all work out and how humanity starts to travel to the stars because of this day and didn’t let them make an INFORMED DECISION, that’s…I can understand why Clara is so upset with him right now. She took the fate of humanity in her own hands and didn’t know how it would shake out, but the Doctor might have and he just fucking vanished. She has every right to be furious with him

She will never look at the moon the same way again

[finleycannotdraw]

Guess what? I’m re-binge-reading Good Omens. And here are some Obervations that I forgot about and some things I might put in fics. Also things I found funny. Basically my dumb commentary on the book.

Crowley actually flees Sister Mary. He doesn’t saunter vaguely away. He flees.

Ligur is rather more thoughtful than he’s portrayed in the show

Anathema likes to read about herself, and her teachers are confused because she spells words like Agnes Nutter

Crowley apologizes

By page 41, it is mentioned at least twice that Aziraphale and Crowley Do Not choose each other’s company for any reason other than that they are constants, that they have an Arrangement, and that they are Friends because being Enemies got boring.

Aziraphale blushes!!!!!!

The Drunk Scene is fuckin hilarious and it’s actually a lot longer than it is in the show, and really you ought to read it. (Book pages 47-50)

My mom (who has a PhD in human development) would probably like to talk to Crowley about upbringing because they seem to agree on how important it is

War has always looked 25, and had a vulture that died of fatty degeneration

Pollution is very cleverly compared to actual pollution

Warlock has Kermit the frog overalls, and Nanny Ashtoreth is described as someone who “advertises unspecified but strangely explicit services in certain magazines”. The tutors are present for about four paragraphs. Warlock is good at math and likes banana flavored bubblegum.

Crowley has a slice of angel cake. Aziraphale eats it. Aziraphale also eats deviled eggs. Hm.

Crowley calls Aziraphale angel casually enough to suggest he’s been doing it for a long time

Some girl at Warlock’s party calls Aziraphale a f*ggot

Crowley glares suspiciously at a gerbil. It is suggested that Hell has, in the past, sent hell-gerbils in place of hellhounds.

“Oh dear,” muttered Aziraphale, not swearing with the practiced ease of one who has spent six thousand years not swearing, and who wasn’t going to start now.

Adam and his friends play in a place called The Pit, where shopping carts go to die, apparently

Crowley is the first one to mention sides in the book!??!? Also Crowley goes on about how humans are more evil than Hell (but he calls himself evil—is he calling himself human already?)

Aziraphale yells “get off the road, you clown!”

“What’s a velvet underground?” *love confession???* “you wouldn’t like it”

Aziraphale is a bit rude to Crowley in the “flashes of love” scene and Crowley is less panicked about it

Crowley glares at the Bentley and it fixes itself

Anathema’s bike is called Phaeton

COULD THEY ACT ANY MORE MARRIED OH MY GOD

Aziraphale speaks like. Like ugh. “FlOUndeR on tHe rOcKS of inEquiTY”

“Thirty seconds later someone shot both of them. With incredible accuracy.” *cuts to a random pleasant story about Mary Hodges* *cuts back to where Aziraphale has fallen into a rhododendron and Crowley licks the paint before he knows it’s paint* dumbasses

Crowley does not slam Aziraphale into the wall

Crowley is actually pretty impatient and doesn’t argue with Aziraphale when he’s worried

“Nothing but dust and fundamentalists” “that was nasty” “sorry, couldn’t help it”

When the radio sings “Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me,” Crowley sings “for me” and then screams

Crowley asks Aziraphale if he’ll keep in touch, and Aziraphale doesn’t say tickety-boo, and then Crowley says “right” and feels very alone

the international express man is small and has glasses, and wears green woolen socks

The sword, which turns out to be Aziraphale’s, is described as having an aura of hatred and menace, which makes me think of how it could’ve gotten that aura from Heaven or from humanity or from War...

In the book Pepper has red hair and freckles, which makes it a cool comparison to War’s appearance and the defeat of War

Adam is excellent at slouching, apparently

Occasionally, as Aziraphale reads the book, he would very nearly swear

“He wouldn’t have said ‘that’s weird’ if a flock of sheep had cycled past playing violins.”

“If you had told him there were children starving in Africa he would’ve been flattered that you’d noticed.”

“...that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide.” (151)

Wensleydale watches David Attenborough programs

Shadwell’s voice is described as “the color of an old raincoat” and seems to fake smoking cigarettes

Aziraphales cocoa is moldy and solidified by the time he calls Arthur Young, and has a thin layer of dust on himself too

Newt says that the walls look like nicotine and the floor looks like cigarette ash, and he suspects both are, actually, coated with these substances

Newt looks a bit like Clark Kent, and people seem to like Shadwell for some reason, much to his annoyance.

Aziraphale calls Shadwell “dear boy” on the phone

Agnes Nutter called God a daft old fool #goals

Adam is wayyyy too good at video games

Smelling Anathema’s perfume makes Newt uncomfortable

Adam suggests that Pepper ought to have Russia cause of her red hair (huh)

Anathema and Newt actually have decent conversations?? Like?? Show??? C’mon, man. The show kinda butchered their relationship.

Trees, apparently, make a ‘vvrooooommm’ sound when they grow very fast

“He suspected that Crowley was from the Mafia, or the underworld, although he would have been surprised how right he nearly was.” Shadwell also thought Aziraphale was a Russian spy. Wow, Shadwell.

Aziraphale calls Crowley and actually says “shut up” to him, and then when the answering machine beeps, he tells Crowley to “stop making noises” and then he swears for the first time ever.

The fuckin’ footnote on page 227

“A sleek computer was the sort of thing Crowley felt that the sort of human he tried to be would have.” I like the word choice here. He’s not pretending to be a human, he’s trying to be one. That’s a really important distinction.

It never actually says what Crowley does to his plants.

Crowley’s flat is very white. Wow, Crowley. It just looks dark because of the lighting. Heaven imagery and symbolism out my ears, goddammit.

Why does Hell say Crowley’s name so much when talking to him?? Honestly, I think that’s an intentional dig at his chosen name, using it in their speech to scare him. Wow, Hell. (And wow, Finn, excellent sentence)

Whenever the book says something is shaped like something, it definitely isn’t that thing. “man-shaped” “dog-shaped” “car-shaped”... makes it pretty obvious they aren’t men, dogs, or cars, huh.

The code to Crowley’s safe is 4004. The year he “slithered onto this stupid, marvelous planet”... and the year he met Aziraphale, of course. Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt, Crowley, my dude.

Crowley consideres sticking Hastur into his car until he turns into Freddie Mercury but then decides even he isn’t that cruel

Actual text that I feel like nobody really agrees with: “Madame Tracy was by many yardsticks quite stupid”

“Do I look like I run a bookshop?” “...imagine me out of uniform, sir, and what kind of man would you see before you? Honestly?” “A prat.”

I’m crying. The fucking bookshop fire scene made me fucking cry. I’m literally crying.

“...on all fours in the blazing bookshop, Crowley cursed Aziraphale, and the ineffable plan, and Above, and Below.” “The police and firemen looked at him, saw the expression on his face, and stayed exactly where they were.” “...a crack of thunder so loud it hurt....” *the sound of Finley sobbing into their cat*

The shortest biker in the cafe thing is 6′2, what the fuck

War, Famine, Pollution, and Pop Trivia 1962-1979

“Pollution removed his helmet and shook out his long white hair. He had taken over when Pestilence, muttering about penicillin, had retired in 1936. If only the old boy had known what opportunities the future had held.” HMMMMMMMMMMM

“There were no bitches in Hell either.” I know it’s talking about female dogs, but I rather thought Hell was full of bitches.

“Why are you talking like a poofter?” “Ah. Australia.”

“gOsh, aM i on teLEviSiON?” (Basically Aziraphale gets passionate about stuff and likes to talk).

Crowley is actually an optimist and doesn’t dwell too much on how sucky the world is. He doesn’t go get smashed in a bar. He just finds Aziraphale’s notes in the book and heads to Tadfield. And also, his new pair of sunglasses just... materializes out of his eyes. And he likes to whistle.

“Death and Famine and War and Pollution continued biking to Tadfield. And Grievous Bodily Harm, Cruelty to Animals, Things Not Working Properly Even After You’ve Given Them A Good Thumping But Secretly No Alcohol Lager, and Really Cool People traveled with them.”

“on top of the pile a rather large octopus waved a languid tentacle at them. The sergeant resisted the temptation to wave back.” Honestly dude, if an octopus waved at me I’d wave back.

Wait Agnes was apparently talking to Shadwell and not God when she said yowe daft old foole. I dunno

Madame Tracy: You old silly. Shadwell: 

Aziraphale does not know how to get rid of demons. Canonically. “Had never done other to get rid of demons than to hint to them very strongly that he, Aziraphale, had some work to be getting on with, and wasn’t it getting late? And Crowley always got the hint.”

The road to Hell is paved with frozen door to door salesmen, apparently. The question is where it is, because the demons always seem to just stem out of the ground.

“Heigh ho,” said Anthony Crowley, and just drove anyway. I love this sentence during that scene. 

I bet Hastur gets really mad whenever he hears Aziraphale’s voice from now on

Crowley isn’t breathing the entire burning Bentley scene

ADAM. SAID. “But I reckon you can make your own side” AND WE FUCKIN IGNORED IT?

The temperature above the M25 was simultaneously 700ºC and -140ºC which makes me think of something I read about magenta not being real. The M25 is magenta.

I feel like “Agnes” is just going to become an inside joke between Anathema and Newt at this point, and it will drive Crowley insane because he knows who she is but somehow still doesn’t get the joke.

I’m six inches taller than R.P. Tyler, and apparently according to the back sleeve of the book jacket, I’m very similar in height to Neil Gaiman

R.P. Tyler thought Shadwell was a ventriloquist’s dummy, and then sees cows doing somersaults

“That’s terrific. Much obliged,” said Crowley. — “Funny weather we’re having, isn’t it?” “Is it? I hadn’t noticed.” “Probably because your car is on fire.” .... Also the fact that Crowley looks like a young man which I find interesting.

“The Four Button-Pressers of the Apocalypse”

“Where is Armageddon, anyway?” “I’ve always meant to look that up.” “There’s an Armageddon, Pennsylvania”

Famine is the one that says “that’s one big avocado”, and also, I find it interesting that War, more than once, talks about love. (All is fair in love and war much?)

Anathema threatens the guard with a stick, pretending it’s a gun

Aziraphale, of course, asks Crowley to sort it out because he, Aziraphale, is “the nice one” and then proceeds to sort it out himself. Because of course he does. Because what else could he possibly do.

I just ADORE THIS BOOK OKAY

I’M PROBABLY GOING TO READ IT AGAIN IN A MONTH

Aziraphale and Crowley are so fuckin married I can’t

[subukunojess]

Overblot Plans for “Legends Over The Horizon”

With the second part of the Ignihyde chapter revealing many interesting secrets, it made me think about my Twisted Wonderland fanfiction series and it helps a little, but I'm still a little stuck. Along with making three new OCs, I also got into thinking on some of the major plot points for the main fic.

Slight Spoilers of Ch 6 Part 2 and "Legends Over The Horizon" under the cut:

I won't reveal major things about my Yuu just yet, but I can say that it helped with the prologue a bit as well as the "curse" Yuu has. 

Originally, I had planned for seven main Twist OCs with a monster theme in mind that have their significant spotlights here and there, but there was so much about Overblot I learned this week that made me think more about it. There are still major plot points that I need to figure out, but I'll show what I have so far:

There might be more OCs on the way depending on the situation, but in general, the two OCs that have a major focus in the overall series plot-wise are Koura (Twst Tamatoa) and Felix (Twst Oogie Boogie)

Out of the side student OCs (currently three), the one with the major focus is Julio (Twst Bruno, yes I gave in)

Out of the main seven OCs, Koura is the only one so far who is definitely planned to Overblot. Not only because of the Moana themes with Yuu, but he is also the one who is most likely to Overblot due to his insecurities and power. Originally, the main seven were planned to Overblot, but due to the specific nature of Overblot, it has changed.

Whatever happens in the rest of the 6th chapter, I still have some alterations in mind for the AU. Specifically a "Half Overblot" state, which like the name suggests is someone on the verge of Overblot or an Overblot state without the Phantom (the ink monster with the glass head behind the victim). There are many variations of the Half Overblot state.

Still figuring out the specific details of Felix's backstory, but basically students snuck into abandoned Ramshackle (while the ghosts were out mind you) to party. In the middle of the party, an old room at the basement of the building starts to collapse. Felix uses his Unique Magic (which is basically a "hive mind" that is supposed to last for a short amount of time) to help others escape. However, he uses his magic on too many students and at the time, he was inexperienced. Complications happen and just when he's about to Overblot, debris fell on him. As a result, Felix is in an in-between state between life and death, okay and overblot. Crowley theorizes that whatever happened to Felix confused his body, soul, and blot.

Felix is a very rare case due to his current situation. He has to be extra cautious using magic. Most fear that any strong magic or emotion would cause him to go to full Overblot and/or worse, die. He is considered a "monster" and is nicknamed "the Boogeyman of Ramshackle". He can also communicate and attract/influence ghosts. Although many people believe that Felix is destined for the afterlife, Yuu is determined to help him with his needs and wants, being optimistic that he would have a happy ending. They convince Crowley to let Felix be a student for at least a year (to complete unfinished business/encourage him to choose to live).

Due to the "darkness" that covered Yuu's eyes and ears in the Prologue, Yuu sometimes has hallucinations/altered vision when seeing some of their classmates. Along with this, they can see and hear things that others can't such as some languages from different species and in this case, Phantoms when they are about to form. Throughout the first five main arcs, they will refer to Phantoms as "Shadows". During the Overblot fights, they would hear Phantoms with a blend of the victim and the Disney Character they are based on. (Ex. Riddle's Phantom sounds like Riddle and the Queen of Hearts speaking at the same time). The Phantoms voice every desire and negative emotion the person is feeling.

When Yuu and Grim meet Felix for the first time, Yuu can see and hear Felix's Phantom (who because of the rare state, is usually invisible to most people). It is basically a ghost who follows and haunts Felix, waiting for him to Overblot. Sometimes Yuu notices and could interact with it, telling it not to eat or harm Felix. Felix's Phantom takes on the form of the last appearance of Oogie Boogie in the film: a colony of insects in the shape of Oogie with a glass head. Yuu has also seen the Phantom as Shadow Oogie or Blacklight/Neon Oogie depending on Felix's mood.

I'm not going to reveal any other major plot points for Yuu, but let's just say that one of their discovered abilities is connected to the Half Overblots that happen.

Specific for chapter 6 that I want to mention here because I have planned for Felix to be part of the Board Game club with Azul and Idia. Plus I thought it would be interesting. At first, Idia wouldn't care/not notice anything because he'd be more focused on what he's playing at the time and be a little intrigued at Felix's gaming skills. But throughout the story, Idia would notice a few things yet he would not act or say anything about it for several reasons. When chapter 6 happens, there's going to be major angst between Idia and Felix. Felix is not only this once in a lifetime specimen who has been in a state no mage has been before (perhaps), but as far as Idia is concerned, Felix should be considered dead/a Phantom that should be kept away/under the care of S.T.Y.X. There's also going to be tension between Idia and Yuu with Idia scolding/arguing with Yuu about interacting with the Phantoms and calling them "Shadows". Phantoms are dangerous/a lost cause in Idia's perspective. There is no reasoning with them, so why bother?

And that’s what I have so far! May talk about something later to add to this. 

[heycaricari]

Well here we go. My first ask. Tagged by the inimitable @mortifyingideal Behold, Tumblr, the inner workings of my soul...

------

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

27 under this name 😬

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

476,208

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Ho boy... Ok. I am probably forgetting a few but the big ones were LOTR, Harry Potter, Doctor Who, Star Trek TOS & VOY, Spooks, Silence of the Lambs, and of course Good Omens!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Top, Anthony, Silk, Saltwater, and Any Other Way.

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I really truly try to. When I'm in a place where I'm actively creating content and happy with what I'm putting out, responding is easy. There's nothing I want to talk about more. When I'm in one of the troughs, not so much.

The appreciation is always there though. ❤️ I love that people care about what happens to my characters. The idea of my thoughts coming alive in someone else's imagination makes me feel like an ALL POWERFUL WIZARD.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

It will surprise no one to hear that I'm not a big angst writer. Ive tried but apparently I'm not a pessimist but a depressed optimist in disguise. Who knew.

Ive got a few dark chapters - especially in PL - but I think the endings make up for them.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

No. I barely manage continuity in one fandom.

8. have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes.

9. do you write smut? if so what kind?

Yes. The wholesome kind.

10. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes. Not in this fandom but in one of my previous incarnations. I always used to wonder how well the Scottish idioms came across...

11. Have you ever co-written a fic?

No, but I would love to give it a go someday. Preferably with someone who has a loose grasp of deadlines. And endless stores of patience.

13. What's your all time favourite ship?

It's hard to choose. All the pairings I wrote about had a very different dynamic.

I guess, as I got older, characters like Aziraphale and Crowley became more appealing to me. (It was probably that realisation that it's easy to fall instantly and dramatically in love, but finding someone who can also be your friend, who you can trust... well, that's a whole thing).

14. What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

A Cold War human spy AU. It's research heavy and pretty dark.

15. What are your writing strengths?

Output. I have periods of time (usually days but occasionally weeks) when I can churn out copy like a room full of monkeys on typewriters. I have days where everything clicks. Sentences flow. Dialogue writes itself. Dangling plot threads find one another.

My good days are really good days - so I can double down and get a lot done.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

I also have really bad days. They come from nowhere and, when they do, I avoid writing out of some weird fear that I've "lost" my flow and I'll never get it back. I put off working on things for weeks and, when I finally manage to sit down, I end up picking over what I've already got rather than working on something new. I overwork and lose confidence and end up screaming into the void. It's a whole cycle.

I am also not concise. I ramble and then resist cutting on edit.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I hadn't thought about it until this moment in time.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Lord of the Rings. Me and my sister used to write glorious (😂) epic romances which I would then type up and print off in the dead of night.

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Fave multichap - "Cold". Not my most popular or polished (it's from before I met my wonderful beta) but I wrote as I posted - over the 12 days of Christmas - so I feel it's less filtered than my other work. I am really proud of some of the imagery I managed to get across. And I'd like to go back and spell-check it one day.

Fave one shot - probably New Life. It felt more real than the others. Maybe because it was from an outside POV. (Adam's).

----

This was fun - thanks mort !!

[clarionglass]

tagged by @dheiress to post the first line of my last 20 fics (thank you! <3)

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag 10 other authors!

aight my lads here we go, there’s going to be a few unpublished wips and other piece of dubious writing in here bc i doubt i have 20 stories but anyway, here we go (this is very long! press j to skip or just get that dash scrollin bc this might take a while :// ) in very rough chronological order going backwards, starting with the published work:

1. so i ran to the river (tma grifters au, unpublished yet but will be soon!): The sunlight feels different on a face fresh out of prison, and it feels even better to Jonathan Sims now that he’s truly home.

2. crowned by an overture bold and beyond (tma pretentious college au, based loosely on the secret history):  It was a cool, rainy day in late March when I first approached the Magnus Institute--one of those days that served as a reminder that the London spring, that fragile creature, was still all too vulnerable to the occasional strike from the claws of winter.

3. we should ride this wave to shore (tma chatfic where everything is beautiful and nothing hurts): Friday, 3:14 P.M. “archives research & statement envestigation” Timothy Stoker renamed the group “drinks drinks drinks” Timothy Stoker changed Sasha James’s nickname to saucy sash Timothy Stoker changed Martin Blackwood’s nickname to martini kart Timothy Stoker changed his nickname to stonked stonked: so how bout it lads saucy sash: oh god.

4. i am the maker of rules (dealing with fools) (tma chatfic, an elias-and-peter-focused accompaniment to wsrtwts): Monday, 7:39 P.M. Elias Bouchard to Peter Lukas Elias Bouchard: Peter, I need to talk to you. Elias Bouchard: I’ve had the most infuriating day at work.

5. An Optimistic Tragedy (good omens orchestra au that i swear to god i’ll finish one day): Three years ago Eve shifted in her chair, her mind clearly on things other than Milhaud and the music in front of her.

6. The Spaces Between the Stars (the Beast of a dw fic that i can’t even begin to describe; a mate and i have been working on this since 2015 and it’s a sprawling mass of writing that encompasses Many google docs--what’s on ao3 atm is a very small percentage of it,,,,): The Doctor clutched the TARDIS railing as if somehow, it could take the pain away.

7. Carol of the Bells (a chrismas chatfic companion to aot! i’ve always been a sucker for a chatfic but oof looking back on this one my formatting style sure has changed): [Friday December 13, 1:31am] Anthony Crowley to Angelface: u up? ;)

8. An Exploration into The Nature of Human Beings, sub. Homo Sapiens: A Research Paper by Milton Jones (british comedy rpf. this is my oldest piece on ao3 and it shows, but there’s a special place in my heart for this dorky lil fic about an alien researcher making a place for himself in british comedy. fun fact! i actually added the final three sentences to this a couple of days ago, and will post it when i do my next fic update): <<I knew you’d be down here, as per usual. Do you never stop working?>>

and now for the stuff that i like but hasn’t yet/will never/one day, if i get my act together, might be posted to ao3... please ask me about these bc i love them, even though i’ll probably never post them :)

9. untitled mitchell spy comedy (a show that @monimolimnion​ and i want to pitch to the bbc in which david mitchell and victoria coren mitchell are married spies who work for MI5 and MI6 respectively, and most of britcom pops up in one place or another. it’s nothing more than a Lot of planning and a few snippets, but i love returning to this doc): [David is sitting at his desk, shaking his head at an open file.] David: They’re taking the piss. That’s what they’re doing, they’re taking the piss.

10. In the Demonic Style (a good omens au of @teashoesandhair’s glorious smooching contest piece, which is the first piece of fiction writing in the reblog chain. i’ve promised a chapter 2 to this, which i’m halfway through, and feel incredibly guilty for not finishing. still, my quarter-year’s resolution is to finish something old whenever i post something new, so maybe it’ll get done soon!): “It’s the end of the world” was not a good statement with which to start one’s morning in any circumstances, but the angel Bryndael was in the middle of cataloguing his newest shipment of tea samples when said statement reached his ears, and he didn’t much appreciate being disturbed.

11. magpie (good omens canon-mostly-compliant fic based around the song magpie by the unthanks/the magpie folk song/nursery rhyme): Wednesday (approximately 11 years before the end of the world) From a bird’s-eye view, St James’s Park was beautiful at this time of year.

12. untitled ficlet for tales of dwrwedd (a present for my writing buddy! the link is to her fic, i just wrote a bit of her two witcherverse ocs being soft as hell): The two women seated by the hearth didn't look old, either of them. But there was something about the pair--in their movements, or their mannerisms--that suggested an age far beyond what their unlined faces would suggest.

13: Tempo d’Attacco (an original bit of Light Crime a la midsomer murders, set in a university music department that is naturally a thinly-veiled copy of my own, hence why it will never ever be posted anywhere. i wrote this for my supervisor at the end of honours (her character is the sleuth) :P ) Dr Marisa Tan didn’t exactly start her morning well, on the day that everything seemed to upend itself.

patterns...... i’m not seeing that many, tbh? idk if i could call this in media res, but there’s certainly a good bit of plot starting without heaps of setup. 

my favourite? hmmmmmm i’d say my favourites would be crowned by an overture bold and beyond, and in the demonic style. i gotta say, going back to revisit a lot of my older writing has been nice! time and distance have been v kind :)

i’m hella bad at tagging things so if you see this and want to share your own writing please go ahead! i’m very shy when it comes to Fandom Interaction (tm) so i don’t feel comfortable launching myself into people’s notes (i loved this tho! i just need other people to make the first move lol), however i will give a specific shoutout to @monimolimnion whose writing i adore and who needs to do this!

[umishiqu]

Scarabia chapter is over and I’m screaming at everything rn hold on-

(sorry if I’m stuffing this rant down anyone’s throat, because I’m realizing people get annoyed with it and I’m sorry but,, scarabia brainrot ;;;...)

(spoilers for chapter 4 under the cut!)

Sad there’s no magic carpet :,( but oasis maker saves the day!! Still mysterious as ever as to why oasis maker is called a blessing other than um. Being a blessing to the Country of Hot Sands. But yes Azul enjoys it! (if you wanna hear me rant about oasis maker pwease dm cause I,, now have some thoughts and I can’t keep my mouth shut ;;...)

Also no mention of kidnapping happenings or poisoning in post-OB backstory but that means slow burn character development for Kalim possibly later on, so I’ll take it

Also Kalim’s guilt kills me on the inside :,,( guy says that he has anemia, but I’m wondering if that’s acc just Jamil giving him an excuse for his hypnosis. Mainly cause he himself says that he’s not bad at PE, which he really would be bad at PE if he really did have anemia,, but the anemia could explain a lot other things, other than that little tidbit,, either way, that means, again, slow burn character development! (But just,, his voice wavers, and how he says that Jamil can have the dorm leader position and Kalim will just go home is just,, Jamil you couldn’t talk to Kalim at all about this? Really?)

And scarabia duo is still killing me on the inside :,,,( Jamil wanted revenge cause of how he had to be below Kalim all the time and couldn’t objectify his hate to anyone but Kalim, but he also couldn’t sincerely hate Kalim for everything he is esp. when he’s the one who’s been encouraging him at all, all their time together. Jamil also loves his family apparently but in the way that he doesn’t like what they make him do but he also realizes that his parents are in the same position as him (hence why he screams, in his fit of anger, how he’s gonna free both him and his family). The only other person I can see that he personally hates but has to deal with is Crowley. I literally just see Jamil as a stubborn, kind of selfish tsundere,, Do I like Jamil more than I did before? I mean a lot of what I personally thought about him (not standing out so that Kalim is above him, having to adhere to tradition and such) was basically confirmed with the recent chapter.

But coming personally on my thoughts on Jamil cause he’s a contradictory character rn in the discord,, he is really really easy to sympathize and relate with, esp if you compare him to the less-realistic-outlook-on-life Kalim from Scarabia. And Kalim’s banquet fevers aren’t easy to deal with. My younger brother who gets more credit than me in,, literally everything drags me to play around on electronics sometimes and usually I just wanna sleep, but I can’t and usually just l just give up when playing with him cause I should look like he’s winning (fun thing is that he’s 2 1/2 years younger than me, and also a lot taller than me). I have to let him throw punches at me and when I do one little thing like tell him to stop, it’s into the dark room with me. So I can appreciate Jamil’s stubbornness for his plans and ideals to overthrow Kalim, esp cause I was more or less conditioned to be helpful to other people. Not that I’m complaining because beig helpful to others is something that I’ve noticed rewards you in a good way,,

With all that being said,, the way he acted and went about with this crossed a lot of lines. At first, I thought the reason why he would hypnotize Kalim so that Jamil could become dorm leader + the other stuff mentioned above is so that Kalim can be seen as having a personality/morale worse than him. Or at least, less cheerful. But then Jamil goes in and with Kalim’s happy personality, cheers up everyone and helps them wth their troubles while in the oasis. And I’m here and I’m just,, if you hate him for that personality so much why do something like that?? (He can’t admit that’s what people acc like about Kalim, and he decides to take one of his few positive qualities that gets people attached to Kalim and just,, wreck it. I was,, very very mad, but I didn’t rant about it cause I knew I’d yell unreasonably in the discord chat.) Revealed at the end, Jamil literally doesn’t want to be friends with anyone and I’m just,, sigh. And also,, the students only agreed with Jamil that Kalim was an incompetent dorm leader after Jamil hypnotized Kalim into doing all those things, not before. Before? They acc loved Kalim because of how kind and gentle and thoughtful he was to others, even though he can be kind of hopeless and random and a bit irresponsible to them sometimes. And these were all qualities that Jamil apparently hated, not because they were anything bad that’s supposed to be a front for secretly mocking everyone, but because he personally was confused as to why Kalim’s so freakin carefree as a character when Jamil himself isn’t. (As Azul said, it’s very easy for people to become envious of Kalim, and that’s already confirmed with how quickly the Scarabia dormmates’ opinion changed of Kalim after he takes them out to march to the oasis and after Jamil keeps mentioning the Asim family.)

Jamil’s had 17 years to harbour resentment against Kalim, but he’s also had 17 years to truthfully bond with Kalim, which he decided not to do because again. Stubborn. That’s why I can’t really say that Jamil’s just made one mistake (which was the entirety of scarabia chapter), especially the little hint drop that Jamil’s been hypnotizing Kalim even while they were younger and used anemia as an excuse for Kalim’s drowsiness. Anyway, the fact that Jamil’s been the one teaching Kalim magic, but even he didn’t know Kalim could summon a river and was genuinely surprised for a bit says a lot about how much of Kalim he can’t read, which he also mentions in his personal stories that Kalim is unpredictable. And fact is that Kalim can read Jamil’s emotions like an open-book, but couldn’t connect the dots until after he realizes how much Jamil’s hated him says something too. And when I say “realizes”, I mean “chooses not to ignore” how much Jamil’s hated him. Like,, it’s not like Jamil sleep-talked his backstory to Kalim while he’s passed out. Nor does anyone acc see the backstory except for the viewers + Jamil. And this can explain why Kalim didn’t really change how he interacts with Jamil at the end, if he knew the hate was coming but just didn’t want to acknowledge it. Then again, he does have limitless optimism here so there’s that.

But,, we’re talking about the only person Kalim’s ever trusted at all, betraying him and going off in one of the worse ways possible. I’m with the tweels here, I’m a bit mad because after what Jamil did, Kalim had no excuse to not get angry with him. He didn’t even get to punch him smh, but he did call him traitor so babey steps. Octavinelle teaching Kalim to be a little more harsher has me very very happy. (But miscommunication is strong in Scarabia, and with slow burn character development, I can see Kalim getting gradually more and more self-destructive poison anyone? chapter 5? and internally cynical and Jamil gradually regretting the time lost between them because, also according to the end of Scarabia, he doesn’t really mind an optimistic Kalim because like Kalim only had Jamil, Jamil really only has Kalim now after the tomfoolery he pulled in this chapter.)

So do I like Jamil more now than I did before? Kind of,. I had hopes for Scarabia (I’m sure a lot of people did with all the hyper analysis we did :p) But,, Jamil literally just got me angry this whole chapter. The backstory was nice, and Kalim praising Jamil and Jamil telling Kalim to stop (the way he screams ;;..) everytime gets me going. But esp with that piece of information, hating and blaming Kalim over something neither of them could change just,, recked them both. I can’t blame Jamil for building up resentment, but I can’t blame Kalim either for wanting to believe they were friends because he was trying to make the most out of their situation. Until Kalim realized the only way to do that was to just tell Jamil to stop being his servant and start off as equals to be true friends now. To which Jamil says no to the second notion profusely, but he also implies he’d rather be with Kalim than wth Azul, so. No more master/servant dynamics. And the ending was written off so sloppily but I think it was supposed to leave Jamil’s true feelings about Kalim end off on an ambiguous note imo. Again, sloppy, but sure.

Kalijami/Jamikali just seems really really toxic to me now, and I figured it would end up like that which is why I ended up reading other Scarabia ships (very into flokali and kaliver rn :p). I don’t usually see Japanese media fleshing out happy characters all too much, but with Kalim as literal Scarabia poster boy even tho he doesn’t represent the villain, I can see what direction they’ll take to develop Kalim now. Hopefully not how they developed Soma. (Ofc I wanted overblot!Kalim but,, I’m personally glad they didn’t do it rn, y’know? And the fact that we didn’t get introduced to an RSA counterpart for Scarabia at all has me,, thinking some things now...)

...dm if you want me to rant about oasis maker and rsa cause please I need to feed someone ;0;

[ladyfiresfanfiction]

December Deals - Supernatural Fic - Crowley x OC

The winds blew colder than usual on that gloomy December day. The waves crashed with ferocity and brought a luke-warm mess of water and sand to my bare feet. It had been three miserable years since I lost him, but on the anniversary of his death, I always visited our secret place. The little private beach off of Orange street and first avenue. It was our hide away from our parents, our problems, and our growing sense of dread. This stretch of land could protect us from the worst pains, the saddest truths, and the darkest lies. But like a set of keys, I lost him. He was gone, without a word, and it killed me every day. I always wondered if Jay was still around. If he could actually hear me talking to him. If he maybe came to visit me at my apartment, or tried to keep me safe in tough times. I could always feel him around me. I could smell his cologne, I could hear his laugh, see those bright, adorable blue eyes. But it never lasted long. I walked along the waters edge, chilling myself to the bone in my black wifebeater and fishnet arm warmers, and those ripped up dark blue skinny jeans. The only thing that was kept the slightest bit toasty were my feet, the sand was still a bit hot from the suns powerful rays. I carried my black boots and knee high black and red striped socks in my hand while I looked out far into sea. Jay was a big part of my life. He was like the older brother I never had. He could make me laugh, protect me, surprise me in so many ways. He always had my best interests at heart and no matter what I said, or did, he never judged me, never left my side. The thought of my heartless words and childish behavior still brings tears to my eyes. The last time I saw him, I was so self absorbed and selfish to even help him, and despite the over bearing sense of desperation and need, he listened to me wail about some guy who broke up with me before he went away to college. He held me all night on the eve of my eighteenth birthday. When I left, he told me he would be over at my house bright and early for a little celebration. But he never showed up. I waited all day, swearing at him for being late. I never once thought he could have been hurt or in trouble. It only started to hit me when I remembered how sad he looked before I left. He asked me to stay the night, that something felt wrong. But all I wanted to do was try and call my ex boyfriend, see if he could come over to talk. He just gave me this optimistic smile and said "things happen for a reason, you never know what the future holds". I thought it seemed so old world of him to say things like that, but in the future, he was right. I put on my socks and shoes and stood up, slapping the sand from my jeans, and turned to the long, tall hill that would lead me back to the deserted road. I put in my earbuds and let the music of my favorite bands take me away to another time and place. Mine and Jay's favorite Tool song, "Right in Two", blared in my ear drums as I walked. I finally reached the road and, as usual, was not paying attention. I walked right into a man with dark features and dressed in a nice tailored black suit. I fell backwards and when I looked up, he stared me down. He had this mischevious smile form across his lips, and he extended his hand to help me up. Cautiously, I let him hoist me to my feet and I looked at him. "How are you, Cassidy?" he asked. "How do you-" "I just know these things." he replied in a thick british accent. I thanked him for his help and apologized for my clumsiness before turning away and walking towards my car, which was parked down the road. When I turned to see if he was still standing there, he was gone. I made it to my car, to be startled at his prescence leaning against the hood of my prized '72 cherry red mustang. "How the hell did you get here before me?" I asked. "Just fast, I guess." he replied, coyly. "Seriously, you were behind me. I would have seen if you -" "Darling, that's not important. I have a message for you." he said, waving off my questions. We stood beside my ride, and I shivered. He was taking in the sights, and then he looked in to my eyes. For a man his age, he was pretty good looking. A few inches taller than my five feet, four inches. He had a cute, chubby face, and a bit of stubble. His hair wasn't too long, and a light brown. It kind of made me want to run my fingers through it. His eyes looked like a melted chocolate, and his smile was contagious. He had a pretty nice build, too. His style looked pricey, but it looked even better on him. I felt like I was getting sized up as he continued to look at me. I felt as if his eyes were burning a hole through me, into my damn soul. I couldn't stand the quiet and I was so cold I could barely feel my fingers or my face anymore, so I cleared my throat to get his attention. Upon seeing how icy I was, he offered me his jacket. It was big on me, but it was cozy and felt great wrapped around my shoulders. He asked if he could hitch a ride, and although I was scared, I was so attracted to him I couldn't muster up the courage to tell him no. We hopped in my baby, that I named  Candy, and we sped down the street and on to the main highway. He asked if he could be dropped off at a bar that was, surprisingly, right down the street from my house, and I agreed. Puscifer's "Conditions of my Parole" blasted through the speakers and I caught him mouthing the words to the song. When the song ended and we came to a traffic jam, I turned in my seat and asked him what this so called message was, and from whom. "You know anyone named Jay Barnes?" he asked. I felt an ice cold chill run up my spine. "That was my best friends name, but.. He's been dead for three years now." I whispered. "Oh, I know. Was tradgic, really. But Jay told me to tell you that you're not at fault and to stop blaming yourself." he replied, while looking me straight in the eyes. The traffic cleared and I began speeding down the road, the man in the suit was digging his nails into the arm rests and swearing when I nearly collided into on coming cars and light poles. I swerved into another lane and went down a deserted street, about two miles from the bar, and hit the breaks, causing both of us to slam our heads against the dashboard. I frantically got out of the car and walked away a few paces. I heard him get out and jog after me. "I told the damn boy you'd react this way but he didn't want to listen." he said, grabbing my wrist. I backhanded him, leaving a red mark on his cheek. He backed away and saw that my eyes went from their usual green-hazel to a darkish, forest green. He rubbed at his aching cheek and began to speak again, weary of my random movements and frequent wheezing breaths. "I mean no harm, darling. Was just passing on a message as a favor to the kid." he said. "I don't know who in the hell you are, but my best friend did not come to you with a message from the grave! Who are you! What is your name?" I snarled. "Oh! Pardon my poor socialization skills. The names Crowley, and I'm the King of Hell." he smirked, and his eyes went to a dark black. I came to on the ground with him standing above me. My whole body was shaking and I could feel tears of fear leaking from my eyes, threatening to smudge my nearly perfect eyeliner. I backed away and he still came forward, and again, he helped me to my feet. "I'm not going to hurt you, relax." he said. "You're a.. A fucking.. Fucking.." "Spit it out, doll, I don't have all day. Yes, I'm a demon. What? Demons can't have nice clothes and be polite?" "Get the fuck away from me, or I swear I'll.. I'll.." "Shoot? Hate to break it to you but guns will only bring a bit of pain, but not death." he smiled. I was on the brink of hysteria when I took off running. The good looking stranger that was nice enough to give me his jacket was a fucking demon? And all these years I thought it was bullshit tales and lies to keep people in line. When I turned I saw my car getting smaller and smaller, but again, when I looked in front of me, he stood there and grabbed me by my waist. I screamed and kicked and scratched but he didn't let go. The last thing I remembered was begging for help, and then I blacked out. I woke up on a king sized bed with canopy curtains pulled in around it. It was dark out and I couldn't remember much. I didn't know where I was and for a split second, I thought I was in a high end hotel. But when I saw him in the doorway through the canopy, I froze. He slowly inched closer with his hands raised, signaling that he had no weapons or intentions to hurt me. I pulled the curtain back but kept the comforter pulled up to my shoulders, it felt so cold in the room. He took a seat on the edge of the bed, with his back turned to me. An overbearing desire to kiss him took over my body, but common sense screamed at me to run like hell. "I came to you because, not only did the boy ask me, but because you need help." he said softly. "Help? From a demon? HA!" I laughed. "I know this may be a bit hard, but can you please SHUT your damn TRAP and LISTEN!?" he shouted. If this would have been any other man, and any other time, I would have jumped him and let him fuck me around every corner of the earth while yelling at me, but instead I did as I was told and let him speak. "Jay is still around. He's been watching you ever since he checked out. He knows that you think it's your fault, he hears you when you talk to him. He won't leave until you realize what he did was his own choosing and no one could have stopped him. He can't be in peace until you finally let go and move on. Following so far?" he asked. "Yes, uh, sir." I spoke quietly. "Good. Now, what I am going to do will hurt but help both you and the boy. Do you want my help? Or, here's a better question; do you want Jay to move on?" he asked. "Of course, he was my brother!" I replied. "Take my hand, and hold on then." he said. I opened my eyes and saw that I was in Jay's apartment. He was downing whiskey straight from the bottle and looked like the poster boy for hell. I walked over, as if in a trance, and tried to touch his cheek. I called his name, but my efforts had gone unnoticed. "He can't see or hear you, honey. This is just a memory, so to speak." Crowley said, standing behind me. I watched as Jay looked through photo albums; they were of the two of us, his family, and then one of him and his ex fiancee, Taria. He wept and traced his fingertips over her picture, asking God why she had to die. He had struggled for six months over her death, and he never let any sadness show, but behind closed doors, I saw the emotional side of him I only wished he could have shared with me. His and Taria's song, "We're in this Together" by Nine Inch Nails played on his stereo, and the look in his eyes showed anguish and defeat. I watched him write his suicide note, take one last look at a photo of the three of us; Taria, Jay, and I, and then go into the bathroom. I followed behind, tears and shrieks escaping from me. I watched him get in the tub, now filled with hot water, and I watched him electrocute himself with his hair straightener. I cried out for him and when Crowley decided that I had seen enough, he brought us back to present day. "How could you put me through that?" I choked. "I'm sorry, Cassidy. I had to." "Why? So I wouldn't feel guilty? Well newsflash, genius; I feel even worse." I snapped. "Damn it, girl, you saw with your own eyes the pain he was going through. You saw that it had nothing to do with you, and no matter what, you couldn't save him! No one could! For fucks sake just accept it!" he barked. I sat on the bed and turned away from him. It was bad enough I was in a strange house with a member of God's public enemy number one, but I'd be damned if I let him see me cry. I laid on my side, facing a wall, and I felt the burning hot tears sting my eyes. I kept my moans to a minimum and kept as far away from him as possible. I heard him sigh and then after several minutes, felt his arm slide around my waist and pulled my back up against his body. I turned to look at him, and I saw compassion in his eyes. I didn't know what to think at this point. "Is there anyway.. I could bring him back?" I asked. "I'm sorry kid, but no." he whispered in my ear. "Please, Crowley, I'd do anything. I'd even sacrifice my soul." I pleaded. "What a nice gesture, but, still, the answer is no." he replied. I shoved him away and he fell backwards off the bed. "Well fuck you! What kind of pansy ass demon are you!?" I shrieked. "Sweetheart, you have no idea what you have just started." he said as he placed me on my back and hovered over my body. I looked up at him with curiosity. For all I know, he was about to murder me and hide the body somewhere. But instead, I just gave in to him. He was free to do whatever he wanted to me. His fingertips traced down my jawline as he leaned down and kissed my lips. They were warm and moist and sent electricity throughout my entire body. I couldn't help but moan. As the kiss grew deeper, I felt him smile into it, and his hands explored my curves. My tongue entered his mouth and I felt him begin to suck on it, it was new and exciting and made me feel like a giddy middle school girl. I felt his hands cup both sides of my face, and his own tongue began to rub against mine. He nibbled on my bottom lip and I slid my hands slowly up and down his arms, but then the reality that I was making out with a demon came in to play. I shoved him off and did a back flip off the other side of the bed, quickly throwing on my socks and boots. As I got up and made my way to the door, he stood in my way, looking down at me with eyes filled with lust and dominance. I felt my heart lodge in my throat as he grabbed me by my hips and slam me into the wall, his body pinned against mine and whispering in my ear that I was in alot of trouble and my best bet would be to let him fuck me and it wouldn't hurt... too much. I pushed back against him, trying to free myself from his grasp, but all it did was make me groan and make him press his lips hard into mine, stifling any sounds I tried to make. He yanked my hair back from my neck and let his lips wander down from my jawline, to my neck, and right along my collarbone. His kisses were rough and hard, and my knees were growing weak with each and every powerful kiss. His hands pinned my wrists into the wall, and I began to feel pain as his nails dug into my moist flesh. I was taking in short, jagged breaths while peering up to look at him. His facial expression was determined, concentrating on areas he somehow knew would make me turn to putty in his hands, and he looked as if he was happy with himself for turning me into his whore. He nipped at the sensitive areas on my neck, the last love bite drew a little blood, which he slid his tongue over. I arched into him and let out a whimper, which caught his attention. He freed my aching wrists and I jumped up in his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist. As he kissed my lips again, he banged me into the wall, grinding against me, letting me feel every inch of his body melting into mine. He turned and threw me down on the bed, in which I half heartedly tried to sit up to see what he was doing. He smiled at me, clicking his tongue against his teeth, as if wondering what his next move should be. My mind was frazzled and I was more than turned on. I needed to feel every inch of him inside of me. He slowly walked over to the bed, bending down the slightest bit so he could lick my lips and bite down hard on my bottom lip. His hands were gliding through my hair, softly playing with every soft strand as he fell on top of me. Under him I felt like I was on ecstasy; my heart was racing at the speed of light, my mind was blacking out, and my body was shaking furiously. His hands, once again, trailed down my sides, his finger tips gliding down my rib cage, and slowly his fingers hooked into my jean loops, trying to yank my pants down a tad bit. I found the strength to take off his jacket and throw it on the leather desk chair behind him, and he locked eyes with me again. "Patience," he whispered in my ear, and his hot breath on my neck made a sharp breath stick in my throat, painfully. "When I'm through with you, I'll be carrying you around for awhile." I bit my lip as his last sentence played in my mind, like a broken record. He slowly pulled up my wifebeater, and with each inch he pulled up, he left a trail of kisses to my shaking form behind. I arched in to him again, and our bodies seemed to mould together perfectly. He rested one large, unwavering hand on the small of my back, holding me against him as he sucked and bit my neck. I went to work and began to unbutton his shirt. He ripped my wifebeater off, throwing the fabric on the other side of the bed. He muttered something about sloppy clothing pissing him off before kissing and licking the top of my breasts. I felt a slight film of sweat trickle down my forehead and along the sides of my face, with one hard, forceful move, he ripped my jeans off my legs without even unbuttoning them. I finally had his shirt fully unbuttoned, no thanks to my trembling fingers, and he quickly slid it off of his slightly muscular arms. He undid his tie painfully slow, and made a nice pile for his clothes on the nightstand, leaving me frustrated and snapping at him to finish what he started. "Oh, in due time, darling. Have a bit of patience." he would say, and then he pinned my wrists above my head and began to slide my bra straps off my shoulders using only his teeth. I bucked my hips against his, grinding my lower body in to his, letting him know I was more than ready for him to pound me in to the next century. He grunted, only once, and then stared me down. When my bra straps were down as far as they would go, he sat up, straddled over my body and yanked me up with one hand, and undid the bra hooks with ease. It went flying over his shoulder and he laid me down gently, smirking. He stood in front of the bed, staring at my nearly fully naked body. I felt as if I was being sized up, or as if he was taking a mental picture to add to his probable vast collection. I sat up, cautiously, and looked up at him. He nodded his head, as if giving me permission to undo his pants. With slow progression I had them unzipped and unbuttoned within a minute, and they fell to his ankles. He kicked them, along with his shoes, off and looked down at me. He shoved me hard into the bed and grabbed my legs, slowly pulling off my boots and socks. He threw them against the wall, looking disgusted at my now ruined attire. He leaned down, hooking his thumbs into the strings of my thong and ripped it off quickly. I sat up long enough to pull down his boxer briefs, and he kicked them off, placing his clothes on the nightstand. He stood in front of me, fully naked, and his length was something most girls only dream of having in a lover. I smiled up at him, ready for the most fierce sexual encounter I've had in my life, when he gently took my hand and helped me to my feet. "This will be the only time I'm careful with you" he groaned in my ear while he pulled me against him. "Bring it, black eyes." I choked out. He slammed me hard into the wall, lifting one leg and wrapping it around his waist. I felt him get situated and shove his full girth inside of my aching cunt. I swore at him as he began to forcefully penetrate me. He wasn't slow, he wasn't gentle, he was an animal. I held on to his shoulders, letting my nails dig in as he continued to make me squirm and scream. He grunted like an animal in my ear as he continued to slam into me, making me bounce back against the wall each and every time. My hips ached as his hit them with such a force I felt like they would break, and my eyes began to roll in the back of my head, making me feel dizzy and see stars. He nipped at the soft flesh on my neck, making me cry out, and as he pounded my cunt, he let his thumb play with my swelling clit. I bit down on his neck, surely drawing blood, and I arched in to him again. When he was tired of banging me into the wall, he threw me on the ground, landing on top of me. He looked into my eyes, out of his mind with hunger, and kissed my lips hard. My legs lifted into the air, giving him more clearance to penetrate me deeper. With each and every thrust, he hit my gspot and made it hurt so bad I was sure I was bleeding. He kissed down my sweaty body, nibbling on my collar bone, breasts, and back up to my lips. Our tongues locked in a passionate wage of war that no one would win. My nails raked down his back, making it burn as he continued to thrust in to me, making me scream his name. My throat was hurting and turning raw, but I couldn't stop the uncontrollable urge to scream and swear at him. I heard his seductive chuckle, and as I let out a stream of cum, I shoved him off, pinned his wrists down to his sides, and whispered that it was my turn to have some fun. I carefully kissed down his sweaty body, leaving gentle kisses to his chest, down to his stomach, and held one last kiss to his lower stomach, where his happy trail began. He groaned, trying to fight me off of him, but part of him was willing to be submissive, at least for a little while. I let him go, looking up at him and smirking as he bit his lip in anticipation. At first, I put quick, soft kisses to the head of his cock, down to his shaft and back up, I slowly let the tip enter my mouth, and I swirled my tongue inside and out of it, making him swear and call me his dirty little whore. With each curse word, I sucked on the tip while holding on to the shaft with one hand. I massaged the shaft with my fingertips as I began to slowly let it enter my mouth, inch by inch. He was trying to move, trying to force it all inside my mouth and down my throat, but it was as if he was paralyzed. I held on to the base as it was all in my mouth, and I showed him what was any guys favorite ability in a girl; I could deep throat. "Fucking Cassidy, you slut." he grunted as I let it all slide down my throat. I let him hardened, pulsing dick slide in and out of my mouth, and sucked it hard like a lollipop. Each time it slid down my throat quickly, the precum was leaking more and more, and then finally, when he couldn't take anymore, he let a wave of it release into my mouth. Looking up at him as I slowly let his cock slide out of my mouth, I swallowed every last drop, and smirked as he lay there, shaking and muttering to himself. "This isn't over, you fucking bitch." he gasped. "Oh, but I think it is." I laughed, slowly getting off my knees. "Guess again." he said, regaining balance on his feet and shoving me on my stomach on the bed. He entered me from behind, pounding my pussy while his fingernails raked down my back. As he entered me with force, I gripped the sheets and felt him grip on to my ass as he shoved in every inch into my now swollen cunt. I cried out for him to stop as I felt the familiar pulse rage inside of me, but all I heard was him grunting over and over again, and making my head spin and the little breaths I did have stick in my throat. He leaned down, over me, while he fucked me senseless and placed several sweet kisses to my neck. With one last push, the muscles in my cunt contracted around him and we soaked the bed with our burning hot cum. He placed me on my back and fell on top of me, his face buried in my hair. I slid my fingertips up and down his spine, and turned to kiss his cheek. Our hearts beat against each others, and when we finally caught our breath, I felt his arms slide around my waist and his lips gently kiss mine. "How does it feel to be fucked my a demon?" he whispered raggedly in my ear. "Sinfully spectacular. How does it feel to be completely worked by a human?" I asked in return. "Let's just say, it was a pleasure working with you." he chuckled before kissing my lips again.

[lady-divine-writes]

Truth (Chapter 1 of 2)

(Warning for mild gore associated with the description of a demon.)

“Crowley? Where are you, dear?” Aziraphale hurries through Crowley’s flat in search of his demon, adjusting his cuffs and straightening his collar. He’s dressed to the nines, only he doesn’t know why. Crowley requested it. He claimed tonight was special, so Aziraphale broke out his finest suit. That still might mean his demon will dress in a thin black shirt and jeans but, in his defense, they will be his best jeans.

He rounds the corner to the master bathroom, humming an old hymn to himself. “Are you finished dressing? We’re going to be late for din---“

“Stop! Go away! Don’t look at me!”

Aziraphale stumbles to a halt, catching himself on one foot before he can suffer the misfortune of falling forward on his face. Once he regains his balance, he tries to abide by his demon’s wishes, the pain in Crowley’s voice compelling him to turn away, but it’s too late.

He’s already seen.

Crowley, naked, curled into a partial ball, shredded wings trembling as they try fruitlessly to shield his distorted form.

“Crowley!” Aziraphale cries, but out of respect, he doesn’t rush to help regardless of the voice in his head screaming for him to do exactly that. “What happened? Were you attacked? Did a … did a demon get in? Or an angel?” He looks around, searching for any sign of an intruder, but he detects nothing. This bathroom, the bedroom before it, the whole flat smells like Crowley, feels like Crowley. Aside from the touches of Aziraphale blossoming in small corners of every room, there’s no trace of anyone else.

“I’d hoped you’d never see me like this,” Crowley whispers.

“See you like what?” Aziraphale tiptoes closer, needing to be near his demon, to ease his suffering if he can. “What’s wrong, Crowley? What’s happened to you?”

Crowley sighs straight to his bones, defeated. His wings, bent at unnatural angles and nearly featherless, fall away, the strain of keeping them up pushing the boundaries of his strength. He rolls to his knees, bowed low to the floor, reminiscent of a child in prayer. Sparse strands of slate black hair cling to his hollow cheeks; skeletal fingers, sprouting jagged talons, cover his eyes. “This is who I am, Aziraphale. This is what I look like … when I’m not in human form.”

“I---I thought you were a serpent,” Aziraphale stutters, mind racing, attempting to make sense of this, to rectify the fact that this (he hates to think it) monstrosity lying on the floor at his feet is his Crowley.

Crowley shakes his head, the bones in his neck crackling loudly with the movement. “I wish it were that simple.”

Aziraphale takes a step, then another. Crowley turns his head toward him, void black eyes watching his slow progression forward, but he doesn’t object. Aziraphale accepts that as a sign, taking another step until he’s a foot away from Crowley’s mangled right wing.

‘My God,’ he thinks. He’d never thought, never realized …

For six thousand years, he’d seen Crowley in human form. A serpent a handful of times, but mostly human. But human Crowley is a façade. It’s how he imagines himself to be. His human form, and the fact that he maintains it during times when other demons wouldn’t see the need, are two of the most optimistic things about him.

Some might blame vanity, but Aziraphale chooses to believe otherwise.

In truth, Crowley is a demon.

And this is his demon form.

Scarred.

Deformed.

Decaying.

Aziraphale kneels beside him. “H-how … how did you get this way?”

“I … I changed for a moment.” Crowley sniffs. “I usually don’t because … I don’t want to forget ...”

“But why did you change?”

“I got anxious? And now … I---I can’t remember how to change back.”

Anxious? That strikes Aziraphale as odd. Why would Crowley get anxious over dinner? They’ve dined together dozens of times.

“Are you injured?” Aziraphale’s eyes follow Crowley’s spine where it runs between his wings, the bones protruding as if the greying flesh covering them were no thicker than onion skin. Cracks form before his eyes when Crowley breathes too deep. Oily gunk leaks from the wounds, searing everywhere it touches, and from the burns, maggots form, spilling onto the floor, squirming helplessly on the tile.

Aziraphale has been in the company of demons before during his stint in hell as Crowley. He’s seen them as they are – rotting flesh, black eyes, fetid wounds oozing pus and crusted over with coagulated blood, some with dagger sharp teeth, some with their teeth disintegrating out of their heads. He’s been told that, where the fallen are concerned, the punishment fits the crime. Hence, the worse they behaved, the more vile they appear.

As far as he knows, Hastur, who in his demon form is a conglomeration of maggots bound together by mucous and some sort of evil goop, holds the highest honor in hell. And whereas he definitely deserves it, in Aziraphale’s opinion, whoever created that system also has a penchant for overreaction.

For the sins Crowley committed that got him exiled from heaven – the handling of which, over time, Aziraphale himself has begun to question - he doesn’t deserve this.

Regardless of his own beliefs, Aziraphale must have realized that hiding underneath the glamour of Crowley’s human form, something ghastly lay beneath. If he had only known …

… it wouldn’t have changed a thing. Crowley’s human form – the handsome man with the serpent eyes and the exceptional sense of style - appeals to Aziraphale because Aziraphale has seen the heart of the being inside. He sees it now in this broken creature before him, turning himself nearly inside out to hide his shame.

“No. I’m not injured. I just need to get back … need to change back …”

“It’s all right,” Aziraphale says soothingly, reaching out to lay hands on his demon. “I can just …”

“No!” Crowley snaps, but his face crumbles immediately after. This isn’t Aziraphale’s fault. He shouldn’t be taking this out on him. But his first instinct is to push him away, bolt out of this room, jump in his car, and drive – leave and not return for at least a hundred years.

But that’s his pride talking. He needs Aziraphale now, in this horrible moment, more than ever.

“I don’t … I don’t want to be miracled. Please. I just want to remember … who I am.”

Who I choose to be, he means because this … this distasteful creature, covered in sores and pot-marked flesh, is his true form.

Aziraphale scoots closer, fitting himself beneath the remains of Crowley’s wing. Crowley shrinks away, but Aziraphale extends a hand.

“Please,” he whispers. “Please, let me help you.”

Crowley doesn’t. He can’t. He has so many regrets from his thousands of years on Earth, but this tops them all. But his biggest regret isn’t in letting Aziraphale see him this way. He would have eventually. Crowley is a demon. Lying is in his manifesto. But the way he feels for his angel, the way he knows his angel feels about him - keeping this a secret for too much longer would have been unforgivable, even for him.

No, his biggest regret is that he’s lived this lie so long, he almost convinced himself it was real.

When Crowley doesn’t move, Aziraphale takes the initiative and inches closer, hand still extended, pleading with his entire body for Crowley to take it.

“Please,” Aziraphale repeats. “We can do this. Together.”

With a slight nod, Crowley claws his way towards him, meets him half way, and hides his face in his angel’s lap. He doesn’t want Aziraphale to see more than he already has. If this doesn’t work and Crowley has to leave, descend into hell and stay there, he doesn’t want Aziraphale to remember him this way.

Aziraphale puts a hand on the crown of his demon’s head, silently praying for his strength. “What do you need, Crowley?”

“I need … to remember. That’s all. Just … remember …”

“You have wavy red hair down to your shoulders, like the soft parting rays of a summer sunset.” Aziraphale cards his fingers through Crowley’s thin hair the way he would any other time they’re together, touches his neck and spine with soft fingertips, lays kisses on his shattered wing. “You part it down the middle so it frames your face. You never fail to look ten years younger than me. I have a feeling you do that on purpose.”

“Maybe …” Crowley teases in a quiet voice and Aziraphale smiles.

He’s not gone. He hasn’t left me. Not yet.

“You have cunning yellow serpent eyes; a broad forehead; high cheekbones; a square, masculine chin …”

On and on, Aziraphale continues, describing his Crowley from heart, the way he sees him, from his all too kissable lips (which finally makes Crowley laugh) to the fact that, as hard as he tries to fight it, from time to time, he still has faith in the good and the beautiful and the wonderful things on Earth. Aziraphale feels Crowley shiver as he tries to re-form into the man he’s describing, watches scraggly black hair turn brown, then blond, then settle at last on a gorgeous fire red. The maggots disappear, absorbed into the breath of the universe. Sores heal. Pale, grey skin darkens, becomes thicker. Maps of veins and arteries form, then disappear beneath healthier, human flesh. Muscles grow and sculpt beneath Aziraphale’s fingers as his hand moves from Crowley’s head down his back.

His words create a path that Crowley’s magic follows, but his fingers seem to heal on contact with no miracling required.

Crowley’s shuddering slows as his body becomes familiar, more recognizable, and Aziraphale’s heart skips.

“Your wings are raven black,” he says, those words causing feathers to grow, “and shine like obsidian. You dress better than anyone I’ve ever known … (*clears his throat*) aside from me. You can charm the honey out of a bee hive, and you’re a fantastic dancer. A-and I know you don’t like to hear it, but when you want to be, you can be an incredibly kind and generous person.”

“Sh-shut up,” Crowley mutters, but lightly. His wings straighten and extend, full and unbent as the first time Aziraphale saw them. A ripple of red light travels the length of Crowley’s body from the top of his head to the soles of his feet, this sweep restoring the clothes he’d been wearing – a crisp black dress shirt with, of all things, a tartan collar, and black slacks.

Crowley breathes in deep, lets it out slowly, gathering his strength, and stealing a moment to swallow his wounded pride. He raises his head, then his hands to the level of his eyes. He looks them over, flexes them, laughing with relief. He chances a look into his angel’s eyes, Aziraphale’s expression all he needs to see to know that it worked.

And it did.

“I’m … I’m back!”

“You may have looked different, my dear, but you never left.”

“Wait …” Crowley runs a hand through his hair “… you told me my hair is long, but I just got it cut.”

“True, but that was a mistake. I’ve rectified that for you. I’ve always liked it this way better.”

“Is that right?”

“Mm-hmm.”

Crowley blinks his eyes, slowly sitting up, getting comfortable again in his human form. He catches a glimpse of the wall clock.

9:47.

How did two hours zip by so quickly?

“I’m sorry, love, but we may have missed our reservation,” he says. “I can miracle us up another if you’d like.”

“I …”

Their gazes land on it at the same time – Crowley’s on purpose and Aziraphale’s by accident. It sits not too far from Aziraphale’s hand, its shape unmistakable, its purpose undeniable, and Aziraphale thinks he may be starting to understand.

“It’s all right,” he says, picking up the little black box under his demon’s watchful gaze and handing it to him. “Actually, I think maybe it would be nice to stay in tonight, in case we’d like to do some celebrating. What do you say?”

Crowley wraps his fingers around the box, holds it over his heart, but he only has eyes for Aziraphale. “I do.”

[blkholeinfinity]

All of Us vs. All of Them, Post-Canon Headcanon

So at the end, Crowley posited that the next Armageddon will be “all of us against all of them”: all of Heaven and Hell against all of humanity. I think 90% of the fandom agrees that Aziraphale and Crowley will be siding with humanity, with the 10% torn between the two of them somehow rejoining the side of the celestials or running off to the stars to avoid losing each other to the war. This headcanon will be supposing that they stay and fight on behalf of humanity... but also that they won’t be the only celestials to do so.

I can’t find the original post(s) talking about the Earth surveillance team of angels who took the photos of Aziraphale and Crowley hanging out, but I like what the OP theorized: that this team of angels shipped them and so purposely hid the evidence from the Archangels/never reported it. (If someone could link me that post, please let me know so I can give the OP the proper credit; I saw the post only last night but this fandom moves too fast for me, Crowley.) I also like to think that they were unhappy with how Heaven was being run, but being angels, weren’t inclined to rebel, because look what happened the last time.

While I believe that one of the big reasons why Aziraphale never Fell and will never Fall is because God is fond of him/approves of what he’s doing (link to my own headcanon post about Her Ineffable Plan), I’m inclined to also believe that these angels never reporting his activities is another factor, too. They look up to him, in their own way, but they’re too scared to do or say anything beyond this tiny rebellion that they’re hoping that “incompetence” or “look, we’ve got a lot of work to do, so sorry that this didn’t ring any alarms for us, we don’t know what all the demons look like, there was something Bigger and More Important going on at the time anyway, etc.” will be a sufficient enough defense.

But after the failed Apocalypse, they get braver. It takes decades, perhaps centuries, or perhaps the last second before Heaven and Hell make their move against humans, but this team of angels will join the side of humanity with Aziraphale and Crowley. And they might be able to convince a handful of others to do so, too.

However, the first person to join their ranks will be one Disposable Demon, or Bunny Demon, or Eric. Let’s call him Eric, shall we? This is based off of this headcanon by @ineffably-in-love, who made wonderful observations and headcanons based off the little screentime he gets in the show. I like to think that he looks up to Crowley even before the failed Apocalypse, but kept it under wraps because demons aren’t supposed to care about one another, not even look up to each other. They aren’t supposed to even trust each other. But Eric (a name he chose for himself, inspired by Crowley choosing his own name) wishes he could be like Crowley, but with his own style. Because this demon certainly has his own style.

So some time after Armageddon, be it weeks/months/years, it’s Eric who seeks out Crowley, defying Hell, not only because he admires Crowley but because he feels like no demon will get him like the Serpent does. There’s a steep learning curve since while loves and appreciate human culture in the same way that Crowley and Aziraphale do, he hasn’t learned to love humanity itself yet, but don’t worry, once Crowley and Aziraphale learn that they can trust him, that he’s not part of some trap or scheme laid by Hell in retaliation, they get him there.

Because really, that’s the other thing, isn’t it? It’s one thing for these angels and Eric to want to join Aziraphale and Crowley’s side, it’s another thing for Aziraphale and Crowley to trust them. I imagine that they’ll get there - eventually - but it’ll take quite a bit of time and a LOT of convincing considering everything that went down. I also like to think that they use these angels and demon(s) before they become friends with them, too: for information about what Heaven and Hell are up to (since they probably wouldn’t openly defect, not at first), and with plans in place in case it is a trap. Eventually, they learn to trust them almost (but not quite) as they do each other, but it’s a process. The angels understand, and while Eric doesn’t 100% get it, he’s nothing if not optimistically persistent.

Also, another reason Aziraphale and Crowley would resist these new followers is because a) they don’t believe they’re equipped to handle leadership responsibilities and b) they don’t want to assume any leadership responsibilities. They just want to live their lives. But over the course of the next few decades/centuries, as the next War grows closer, they reluctantly fall into the roles - and they discover that they aren’t half bad at it, actually. But they still don’t necessarily like it and will actively avoid it until and unless they have no choice but to do so.

Eric won’t be the only demon, of course; other demons would join too, either because Eric is keeping an ear to the ground to find others who might sympathize, or because Eric wasn’t the only one. Same with the team of surveillance angels. But they’re careful about who they actually recruit to the cause - but in the end, at the Final Battle For Real This Time, everyone’s true colors will show. Angels and demons no one ever thought would join up on the side of humanity will, and maybe there was a traitor in the midst of humanity’s side all along. And maybe some humans join up with the side of Heaven and/or Hell because they were coerced into it, or because they legit hate humanity or they think of themselves as Better, etc.

So maybe “all of us vs. all of them” isn’t so much “all of Heaven and Hell against all of humanity” but “all of God’s creations against each other.”

Tl;dr - Aziraphale and Crowley caused a bigger revolution against Heaven and Hell than they realize, and they won’t be alone in the Next Big One.

[nellie-elizabeth]

Supernatural: Atomic Monsters (15x04)

I love it when Supernatural goes meta. Seriously, I don't think I've ever seen a show do it better. It's goofy and yet still thematically appropriate. And it's respectful of the once-in-a-lifetime fandom experience of being a person who watches Supernatural. Who grows up watching it. Let's talk about it.

Cons:

There is one thing that this show can't make its mind up about, and it's when it's cool to murder people. Like, yeah, the kid in this story was a vampire who had killed a young woman and was worried about losing control and killing again. But this episode also featured a (kind of) return of Benny, reminding us that vampires can be allies and friends, too. We've done this so many times over the years - Sam and Dean have had many debates about whether well-meaning monsters can control themselves enough to be left alive. And they've allied with people who under normal circumstances they might have just killed. Rowena. Crowley. Benny. Even Cas, if you want to get technical about it. It was painted as extremely tragic that the young man in this episode had to die. But I wanted there to be at least a conversation about it beforehand, where Sam and Dean said that yes, a normal life probably wasn't possible... but death wasn't the only option. If we can't live in the middle-ground, where exactly are we going with all of this?

I'm not surprised that Dean and Sam didn't talk about Cas in this episode. It makes sense because Misha can't be in the whole season, and Destiel just broke up in episode three. They're going to draw this sucker out just a little bit. But yeah, on a selfish note, I admit I was hoping for at least a mention. Maybe Sam could remark that Dean's good mood seems like a front, given how upset he's been about Cas. Oh well. I'm choosing to remain optimistic.

Pros:

The monster-of-the-week story was not one I'll be remembering as a favorite or anything, but it worked as a nice mirror to poor Sam's state of mind. Obviously he's sad about Jack, sad about Rowena, feeling really low about things in general... but he's also having terrible nightmares about turning evil and killing his brother. And now here we have a story about a monster who is afraid of hurting his loved ones, and who chooses to die to protect others. That's a very Sam-Winchester-y choice to make, and I know for a fact that Sam would rather die than hurt anyone, especially Dean. So the foreshadowing here was clear, even if the details of the case this week weren't especially memorable on their own merits.

And that dream at the beginning... I loved the cool lighting, the fight choreography, Dean's signature "cupping the face of my dying boyfriend loved one" move... all of it was wonderful. Jensen's directing really shone in that opening scene. And Jared played Evil!Sam so well. The fact that they brought back his psychic powers, the demon blood, and used it to frighten Sam about what he might become... all of that stuff was golden. Poor Sammy. There's a great moment before they leave for the case when Sam suggests that Dean call on another hunter, and Dean insists that Sam needs to come along. You just know that Sam is scared of hurting Dean, or of being off his A-game and causing problems. The poor darling!

The impala brotherly moment at the end was really powerful, and showcased to me how far these boys have actually come. Dean is open and honest, saying that he wants to help Sam out of his funk, that Sam helped him to believe that what they do still has a purpose, and still does some good. Sam is then honest about his own feelings right back, saying that he can't let the past go, that he still thinks about Jessica, that sometimes it all catches up to him and he feels like he can't breathe. And then, as if wanting to appease Dean and brush past the conversation, he says "maybe I'll feel better in the morning."

The Dean Winchester of earlier seasons would have let it go, stayed in a place of denial, and moved right on. But this Dean Winchester says to his little brother: "And what if you don't?"

Sam doesn't have a good answer for him, but just the fact that Dean asked shows huge character development. As far as the boys are concerned, Chuck is gone. They are free. Now they can work on their emotional well-being. They can decide what the rest of their lives look like. And as a start, Dean wants to help his little brother, and he doesn't want to shy away from the rough parts of that. I am enamored with the character development here.

But let's pivot and talk about that meta goodness. We see that in the years since we last checked in with her, Becky has gone through extensive counseling, and has gotten married and has kids. She is also still an active member of the Supernatural fandom, selling art on Etsy and writing fic. Let us just track the way that this show has talked about its fans over the seasons. In the beginning, Becky was a manic, obsessed, crazy fangirl who literally drugged Sam and forced him to marry her. Over the years, however, they have taken a different tack, treating the fandom with respect, especially in episodes like the 200th. And here, we circle back around. We have an acknowledgment that this show has been on for fifteen years, that some of the teenage girls who fell in love with it when it first started, are now grown adults with careers and families. And that these grown adults might still love the show as much as ever, might spend their time online chatting with other fans, working hard on fanfic, turning their passions into lucrative careers. And this is not mocked or derided in any way. I was gobsmacked by how respectful this interpretation of fandom was, and was so, so pleased to take a look at an old character and show real change and development.

This episode also firmly telegraphs something about the theme of this final season of Supernatural. The year 2019 has been rough for me, in terms of beloved franchises choosing to go the "dark" and "grim" and "realistic" route, what with your Game of Thrones and your Endgame and your killing off of beloved depressed bisexual characters (ahem Magicians ahem). There was a not-so-small part of me that feared that Supernatural was going to go the same direction, ending the story with some dark tragic ending, because it's the cool thing to do or whatever. But after this episode, I'm fairly confident that's not where we're headed. Chuck, our villain, wants to end the story as a tragedy. But Becky, the audience avatar, tells him exactly how much the fans will hate that. And Sam and Dean have always been about free will, in the face of insurmountable odds. So it's looking like the boys are going to earn their happiness this season. And I'm very much all about it.

I feel like there's a lot more I could say about Becky and Chuck, but I'll leave it at that. This episode had a lot of really great stuff going on in it. For once, the C-plot episodes make sense for Sam and Dean, because they truly don't know that the bigger threat is out there. We get the nostalgia factor with returning faces like Becky and Benny. We get meta-commentary on the nature of storytelling and endings. We get Sam having sinister dreams and actually confronting his own depression and trauma. I'm a pretty happy camper!

8.5/10

[asiryn]

tagged by @primrose-path-of-dalliance (!!!!!! thanks!!! (lmao, it’s been so long since i’ve been tagged in anything XDD))

Rules: Name your top 10 favourite characters from 10 different fandoms, then tag 10 people!

i’m putting this behind a cut, bc i rambled on for quite a while XDD these won’t be in any particular order, and the fandoms will be chosen based off of what i’m currently most into/whichever ones i think of first XD

1. Maleficent [Disney]

okay, i lied a little.....she is clearly my #1 favorite character of all time, so of course she’s first (the rest of the list won’t be in any particular order :P). but....yeah, i love her forever and for all time and eternity, i love her class and elegance, my hunt for all merchandise of her that i can get my hands on is legendary and knows no bounds, she’s my forever girl, etc, etc. if you know only one fact about me, it’s probably that i love maleficent. there’s nothing i can say here that i haven’t probably already said a million times over, so i’ll move on XD

(moana has risen to be a pretty close second, tho)

2. Anthony J. Crowley [Good Omens]

i read the book from a library over a decade ago, and i liked it well enough, but it like....wasn’t an instant new fave that i had to immediately buy for myself (tho it is on a list of books that i wouldn’t mind owning...but maybe it’s finally time, who knows). i’m halfway through the show, and i’ve finally fallen in love with it (i think it finally being a #confirmed love story between our favorite ineffable idiots finally gave it the push it needed XD). it’s still a bit early for me to have a solid, definite fave, but lbr, if i know myself at all, it’s gonna be crowley XD i love this dumb demon (who’s rivaled in his idiocy only by his equally dumb angel husband), i love how he’s so soft even as he tries desperately to convince himself and everyone else that he isn’t, that he loves so many things and humanity and an angel even as he tries to say that he isn’t capable of it, that he never stopped questioning even after it had made him Fall. also, i am so thankful that the fandom has really embraced the potential for the shenanigans of crowley’s snake form.👍

(second place is probably aziraphale, but i also really love anathema too)

3. Namine [Kingdom Hearts]

another one that probably comes as no surprise, if you know me. i love this girl to the ends of the universe. i love the way she reclaimed her agency, her selflessness and determination, her empathy and kindness, how she went from a damsel in distress to pretty much saving everyone, over and over and over again. she deserves only happiness and the best things from now on. and please, for the love of god, give her some new clothes, nomura. >_>

(second fave is roxas, tho really, i love 98% of all the characters in this series ;;;)

4. Aerith Gainsborough [Final Fantasy VII]

my precious sunshine girl 💖 i prefer her in the original game, where she was sweet and optimistic, yes, but she was also sassy and fierce and took shit from no one. i love the girl that decided she wanted to wear a sexy red dress just for the hell of it, and threatened to rip off a mafia don’s balls. i love the girl that was confident and flirty with cloud, but never let any kind of bullshit ‘rivalry’ get in the way of being friends with tifa. i love that she always called cloud out on his bullshit, that she never let tragedy and oppressive shinra forces grind out her optimism, that she never stopped dreaming of a better future. i love that she was exposed to the worst of human nature, and yet still believed that they were worth saving. i love all versions of aerith, obvs, but they’ve definitely smoothed out her edges over the years, and i think that’s a shame. so here’s hoping that she’ll be more like her original self in the remake. 

also, can’t wait to see aerith die again :)))))))

(my second fave tends to flip between cloud and sephiroth)

5. Ling Yao / Greed [Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood]

look. listen. i can’t choose between them, i just can’t. and hey....technically they sort of combine into one entity, so it’s totally fine to count them together, right?? XDD so yeah, it’s really fucking hard to pick a fave out of this cast, bc there’s only like....3 characters?? that i don’t love. but ultimately, it had to be these two. every single second they’re on screen, they totally steal the show, and they have a lot of the best scenes and moments in the series. i love ling, how he seems like a total goofball and comic relief at first, but fairly quickly you come to see just how fucking seriously he takes his duties and responsibilities, how selfless and devoted he is to his people, how he would walk through hellfire for the people he loves. he’s just....he just loves, so fiercely and intensely, that he moves even greed into loving him and the people he cares about without even trying. 

and then there’s greed, who even from the beginning, you can’t help but be charmed by, with his sarcastic slow claps and laidback attitude. but over time, you see that he’s just like ling, really, in that he can’t help but get attached to these humans, that he loves them just as fiercely and intensely, even as he desperately tries to play it off. i love the way his character serves as a means for the story to have a really thought-provoking rumination on the nature of sins and desires, and on humanity (as do all of the other homunculi). i could go on forever about these two, and about the show in general, bc it’s just so deep and incredibly layered and complex, so i’ll stop here. 

(next fave after them is winry)

6. Bucky Barnes [MCU]

it’s hard for me to talk about bucky without just dissolving into endless sobbing, but i’ll try my best. he’s just.....he’s someone who has ended up suffering so fucking much, who has every reason in the world to be angry and bitter and resentful and if this was the villain origin story, you’d probably find it hard to blame him. (also, i refuse to say that bucky was ever a villain, bc he never willingly chose to be with hydra, he’s a victim goddamn it--) and yet....he still chooses to be good. to be kind. he could have chosen to go on an endless revenge tour against hydra, but instead he focuses on his own recovery. and always, always, always, he puts other people first. he chooses to goddamn freeze himself, possibly forever, so that he doesn’t hurt people again. he’s truly an inspiration to me, because even after everything he’s been through, he still doesn’t give up. ......and if you’ll excuse me, i need to resume crying about bucky barnes for the rest of eternity 😭😭😭

(next faves are sam and steve. what can i say, i love my caps XP)

7. Keladry of Mindelan [Tortall]

speaking of inspirations, few (if any) characters inspire me more than kel does. unlike every other tortall protagonist, she has absolutely no magic at all, and she starts her story with more odds stacked against her than any of the others. the system and institution are against her, and most people actively, viciously hate her and want to see her fail, all for being a girl and daring to openly step outside of her gender roles. and yet, kel never gives up, and wins through pure will and determination. more than that, she never stops fighting any oppression that she sees, and is always looking out for the abused and marginalized of society. she is fair and just and righteous, and full of a quiet, immovable strength that i, frankly, envy. she’s a fucking mountain; you haven’t a hope of ever tearing her down. 

(other faves....george, raoul, and dom. it’s really fucking hard to choose between them, i can’t even)

8. Oree Shoth [Inheritance trilogy, by N. K. Jemison]

oree is pretty much single-handedly responsible for me loving this trilogy, and is the reason why The Broken Kingdoms (the second book, of which she is the protagonist) is in my top 3 favorite books of all time. she is....just so fucking radiant. she’s a blind artist, and is flung so far out of her depth in the story, and yet she holds her own. in this world of gods, she brings this incredibly human element, and is celebrated because of her humanity. she’s angry and flawed, but also full of love, compassion, kindness, and mercy. she teaches gods the meaning of forgiveness. she takes shit from no one. just....do yourself a favor, and read this series, even if it’s only so that you can read this book. 

(second fave....it’s probably shiny, lbr XD)

9. Sirius Black [Harry Potter]

ahhh, a classic fave. but yeah, i still love him, even after all these years. yes, he’s incredibly flawed, but at his core, he’s just so loyal, and he loves so fiercely, and he tries his absolute best to be there for harry, that i can’t help but love him. also, i have a Thing, for characters who suffer so tremendously, but who don’t give up, and still try their best to be good people anyway. also, wolfstar was the foundation of a very formative part of my life, and put me onto the road of accepting my queer identity, so i’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for the characters who were a part of that. 🤷‍♀️

(other faves are luna and harry, always)

10. Gladion [Pokemon]

mostly his anime incarnation, tho i do like him in the games as well. i love this soft goth boy with all of my heart. he’s so gentle and kind and loving, and i can’t even with him. 

(other faves are lillie, n, zoey, and kukui)

if you guys want to do it, i’ll tag... @dabiden, @green-piggy, @seasbelow, @theroyalweekend, @toomanyfeelings5, @ashetrashe, @neddea.....i can’t think of anyone else, and i’m running out of steam, so if you want to do it, then consider yourself tagged! :)

[tradingjack]

Hey so uh I forgot that I hate drawing wings lol

Anyways, this is a headcanon I came up with sometime 2 weeks ago and I’m sure someone else already came up with as well and wrote about before I finished this involved-ass drawing and wrote about it myself but I’m sharing it anyway. Of course it involves Good Omens cause uhh that’s the current hyperfixation my dudes

Basically this is the Archangel, Raphael.

About the headcanon under the cut if you’re interested (prepare for a goddamned novel)

So yeah, this is a drawing of the Archangel Raphael. I’m sure those interested have heard the theory by now that Crowley could have been the Archangel Raphael before the Fall, based on the fact that Raphael is not in Good Omens canon (seemingly replaced by Sandalphon or whatever), Raphael’s symbol is a snake wrapped around a staff, and, for me personally, the fact that Crowley can just??? Stop time????? Like what kind of overpowered Bull Shit

(I’m sure there’s a bunch of other things that support this theory that I just don’t know, please look it up some people really go in depth and it’s awesome)

Also, a brief note on angel rankings. I looked it up, and it didn’t really help because there is a lot of conflicting information out there. In the end,  I just kept it at Wikipedia cause fuck it, it is a pretty reliable source in the end. We’re gonna be focusing on the first and third spheres, since the second sphere really doesn’t apply. Basically, the highest order of angels are seraphim, followed by the cherubim and then the thrones. Skip the second sphere, and the lowest three rankings are, in order of most to least rank, principalities (or rulers), archangels, and angels. Now, concerning the difference between archangels and Archangels: apparently the capital letter makes a big ol difference. Archangels with a capital letter are not, in fact, the second lowest ranking but may be interpreted to mean above all other angels, and are the highest ranked angels even among the seraphim. Therefore, the highest angels of the highest are referred to as Archangels with a capital A. (Idk if the Archangels are even really mentioned in the book, I haven’t read it yet, so idk if their titles are capitalized. I’m talking mostly in the context of the Amazon Prime show.)

Quick description of seraphim and therefore Archangels straight from Wikipedia: “fiery six-winged beings; with two wings that cover their faces, with another two that cover their feet, and the last two they use to fly.” (Oh shit I forgot the fire goddamnit I’m such a fuckin idiot oh well it’s too late I wrote this after I finished the drawing)

So, Crowley could be the fallen Archangel Raphael. However, as someone else brought up (and I’ve seen several posts stating this), the name “Aziraphale” is like a bastardization of the phrase “Also Raphael,” meaning Aziraphale could have been the Archangel Raphael but demoted and therefore forced to be renamed. It makes sense that Aziraphale could have been at least of a higher rank than a Principality because he was supposed to be guarding the Gates of Eden, which, in biblical canon, were guarded by higher ranking angels than Principalities (I think they were as high up as cherubim?? idk).

And then I heard, when Neil and Terry were writing the book, both Aziraphale and Crowley were originally just the demon, Crowley. I think it was Terry who made the decision to split that one character into 2 characters instead.

(Also if that isn’t the most soulmate-y shit I’ve ever heard)

But also like... What if that was how it was in canon?

What if........Crowley and Zira............................were both........the Archangel Raphael before the Fall?

Cause like, Raphael (or Israfel, in some religions) literally means “God heals.” Some of the things they’re the patrons are are of “young people,” “guardian angels,” “lovers,” “travelers,” basically everyone in the medical field, and “ordained marriage.” They’re like... everything optimistic and loving and hopeful about humanity. (Nothing about time but like, wtf?? That’s so powerful it’s gotta be the power of the seraphim, it’s at least equal enough to Lucifer’s power that it’s able to give them more time before Lucifer shows up to make a game plan, like it stops Lucifer???? That’s some power to give a lowly-ass demon, that an angel as powerful as a Principality isn’t able to do) It makes you think huh, maybe they care about humanity a lot more than most of the others would. So how would they have fallen?

Well, maybe they got angry at God for testing the humans so damn much. Like Crowley said, a tree right in the middle of the garden that’s super accessible? Literally the only thing the humans aren’t allowed to touch when humans, the most curious and spiteful things in the universe, are more likely to touch something when they’re told not to, when it’s obviously not allowed, and doesn’t appear to present any immediate danger? It’s not very fair.

Another interesting thing; in some canon, Raphael is even considered to be the closest to God, able to talk directly to Her, and possibly even the highest ranking angel of all, even above Michael. So God was likely very close to Raphael in return. (Of course, in the context of the show, it seems that all of the Archangels are very disconnected and are also all on equal footing, it not being entirely clear where Michael, Uriel, and Gabriel stand with each other in terms of ranking even though Michael is usually considered the highest ranked in most biblical canon. One explanation I came up with is that after God banished Raphael, that would be two of the seven archangels that She would have had to banish, her favored, so She could have withdrawn from everything in order to have some alone time, and just became more and more withdrawn as time went on until it was like She’d completely abandoned them.)

And if Raphael started questioning this wrathful god who just kicked out like, half of heaven, including Lucifer, one of her other favorites, I imagine she’d be pretty upset and not willing to hear about complaints right now. But she trusts this angel, so instead of straight kicking Raphael out, she gives them a choice instead. It’s not like they’re trying to straight rebel, anyways.

When Raphael chooses to leave, She doesn’t have a choice then but to cast at least that part of Raphael out, the part that cares too much, who doesn’t want to harm the humans. She says, “crawl under the feet of those you care so much about,” and splits their eyes and casts their staff down into hell cause like, you can’t just have a rogue ethereal being wandering about Earth with the humans, so the newly formed snake which represents all that Raphael chose to leave heaven for is Lucifer’s problem now. 

But in splitting Raphael like that, she’s left with this less powerful being who’s still attached to heaven, who still has the gold of an angel but it looks washed out on their head, and who looks up with sky blue eyes and who looks lost as anything. She doesn’t want Raphael gone, so She pretends this one is also Raphael, but She’s still kinda upset so She sends this “Also Raphael” to Earth to guard Eden. Because they’re weakened, She equips them with a limited edition Flaming Sword™ and sends them to guard the Gates of Eden.

Meanwhile, the Raphael that got sent to Hell gets processed (?) and realizes that they’re now a snake. They really don’t like the name “Crawley” in the future so I imagine that when they joined hell, they were given the name “Crawley” based on the fact that they’re now a snake, and none of the residents of Hell wanna go to Earth since the entire reason almost all the demons in hell got kicked out of Heaven is cause they didn’t wanna love humans. “Crawley,” however, got kicked out for caring about humans too much, so the lords in hell decide to send them. So “Crawley” ends up tempting the humans into eating the fruit, making sure it’s on their terms and happens somewhat safely, and watches the humans leave.

And then he meets “Also Raphael,” and, as someone else has pointed out, Crowley has never had to ask for their name. They just know 👀

Crowley, imo, has been the better of the two, consistently throughout the series. Crowley’s never killed, has always questioned why humans have to be tested and hurt and killed, including motherfucking Jesus Christ, hasn’t even lied to Aziraphale, tries to get out of doing their job consistently, jumps on the opportunity to perform miracles alongside their dastardly inconveniences, has been in love with Aziraphale ever since they found out that Zira helped protect the humans by giving the couple Zira’s own protection??? The “god-given Flaming Sword™?” HELLO THIS DEMON IS IN LOVE AND THAT IS ACTUALLY CANON?????? That, and like... while Aziraphale, who’s still a part of heaven’s whole bureaucracy deal, felt the need to contact god through a whole damn ritual, all Crowley did to try and contact God was just look up and talk. I think Crowley knows about the choice and about who they were before the Fall, but doesn’t associate themselves as Raphael anymore, therefore the “I didn’t chose to fall, (BUT) I just sorta sauntered vaguely downwards.”

(Going off of that, I don’t think Crowley knows that Aziraphale is literally their other half; I like to think that Crowley just thinks Aziraphale was the angel chosen by Her as their replacement in heaven, therefore “Also Raphael” meaning another Raphael and not literally part of them that they left in heaven. They don’t know why they knew that Aziraphale was named Aziraphale right off the bat, but it doesn’t really matter to them tbh; before they fell in love, they thought Aziraphale was just another angel, and then after they fell in love it still didn’t matter cause they were in love baby!)

Meanwhile, Aziraphale’s goodness is either out of fear of disobeying heaven or being nice to Crowley. Which, they’re not even that nice to Crowley when it matters tbh. Or humans, most of the time. Like they protected Adam and Eve but wasn’t gonna blink an eye about all those children being drowned until Crowley guilted them about it.

Although they used to be the same angel, I think that, over 6000 years and even then, in the Garden, Crowley and Aziraphale ended up becoming their own person. Aziraphale, even though God cast out the part that cared about humans a little too much and is basically Raphael’s attachment to heaven and God, ended up caring quite a bit on their own, giving the first couple that sword for protection and growing very attached to the things humans created, and abandoned their allegiance to heaven after losing their faith. Crowley, who is the care and defiance and power of the archangel Raphael, ended up a pretty lowly ranked demon and is pretty damn bitter, especially after the death of Jesus of Galilee, and when they do use their power, it’s usually to fuck with humans in some capacity (unless it’s to help himself or Aziraphale :P ).

TL;DR I think that both Crowley and Aziraphale are remnants of the Archangel Raphael after the Fall because Raphael questioned God concerning the testing of the humans and chose to leave heaven. God wasn’t happy and did some shit that ended up with Crowley and Aziraphale being as they are. But both are still their own person.

[oeruki]

I was tagged by sweetie Ana @aizawashoutta, tysm lovely!! ˆᴗˆ

Rules: choose any three fandoms (in random order) and answer the questions. Then tag some friends.

Tagging: @naoamaya, @kishitan-iis, @nicorobins, @kishou, @kojiiro, @ranpohedogawa, @ackersoul, @durararas, @nakkaharachuuya, @shinjikaris

I choose:

Boku no Hero Academia

Haikyuu!!

Owari no Seraph

The first character you loved:

Midoriya Izuku

Darn I can’t remember if it was Hinata Shōyō or Sugawara Kōshi >.<

Hyakuya Mikaela

The character you never expected to love so much:

A bit random but Tokoyami Fumikage’s quirk, Dark Shadow… LMAO

Bokuto Kōtarō thought he’d be the typical dick rival character but nope, he’s an angel

Saotome Yoichi ok I lie. I knew I’d like him ‘cause I always go for the cinnamon roll types lol

The character you relate to most: (Most of my favorite characters are usually the main characters because I relate with them so much)

Midoriya Izuku c’mon almost everyone can relate with the whole “I’m not special, I’m just your typical average person but I give my all” trope right? Though I’m not as optimistic or positive-minded as Izuku, I put in hard work and effort in everything just so I can barely catch up with everyone in life.

Hinata Shouyou two words: the height 😂 lol jk well that too, but again, I can relate with feeling talentless and average while being surrounded by talented, successful people and working hard to achieve something easily obtained by most of the others.

Hyakuya Mikaela he’s the one who I relate with most. Just his personality in general is pretty much me–with less hatred? But yeah, I don’t really trust anyone or open up easily. I don’t have much friends but I have one whom I knew for 10+ years and she’s probably the only one I’m “nice” to. I give no regards to strangers or people I’m not close with irl sometimes I don’t even look at them;; and uh I’m not really proud of this but I can be pretty jealous, like the “You don’t need anyone else but me as your best friend” type. Obviously this is getting long but I can write a whole essay on how and why I relate with Mika so much 👍

The character you’d slap:

Mineta Minoru ‘nuff said

Hmm there really aren’t any I truly dislike but if I had to choose one I guess Terujima Yūji? Yeah Tanaka and Nishinoya always hit on Kyoka but the way he was approaching her was pretty creepy

Opposite of Haikyuu!! There are so many I want to slap but for sure Hīragi Mahiru

Three favorite characters (these are in order of preference):

Midoriya Izuku, Todoroki Shōto, Bakugō Katsuki

Hinata Shōyō, Sugawara Kōshi, Bokuto Kōtarō

Hyakuya Mikaela, Saotome Yoichi, … none really lol I don’t really like a lot of the characters from this anime

A character you liked at first but not so much anymore:

None tbh for both BnHA and HQ!!, none of the characters really stood out to me when I first began the anime but I gradually grew to like almost all of them :)

None

Hyakuya Yūichirō that stubborn piece of ass sigh

A character you did not like at first, but they’ve grown on you:

None as mentioned earlier, most of the characters didn’t stand out to me for both BnHA and HQ!!, meaning I didn’t really like or dislike anyone in particular :)

None

Crowley Eusford

3 OTPs:

I don’t ship as excessively for BnHA but TodoDeku and BakuDeku dj’s catch my eye… yeah I’m aware they’re like polar opposite ships though lmao

I also don’t ship much for HQ!! so they’re not really my OTPs but KageHina, KuroKen, IwaOi are cute

YūMikaYū my OTP right here. I don’t even care who’s top, I even like seeing Yū being the top for a change. Actually I don’t even need to see them having sex they can just do fluffy things without having to suffer and I’d still be flailing ♥︎