#amatonormative

[thearoacemoon]

Romance is not mandatory to have a good plot!

Let's repeat it until society understand.

[autuboho]

Amatonormativity is an internalized cultural perception that a partnership is a default relationship and central romance.

[yellowdaffodils-76]

“That’s not how people act with just friends”

Why do you, as a queer person, want to live according to society’s strict, rigid rules about how to behave/be normal and enforce these rules on everyone else?

[beautifullyreckless16]

Amatonormativity is the widespread assumption that everyone is better off in an exlusive romantic longterm coupled relationship. And that everyone is seeking such a relationship. ⁠ ⁠ I also launched a new product! It is a poster you can reference on your computer or print and hang up. It's a series of questions to help you when you feel dysregulated.⁠ ⁠ I sell an accomodation pdf on etsy that walks you through how to access accomodations in higher education and what types of accomodations you can ask for. Included a sheet for theater and film majors and a page for DIY accomodations. ⁠ ⁠ http://www.disabledariana.com/shop⁠ ⁠ #neurodivergent #autism #autismingirls #queerownedbusiness #autisticownedbusiness #instragrammademebuyit #etsy #smallbusiness #lgbt #queer #asexual #ace #aromantic #aroace #transgender #nonbinary #gendernonconfirming #amatonormativity #amatonormative #pride #pridemonth

[cynicalclassicist]

Put this out about what is amatonormative and what isn't.

I think it's important to understand that discussions around amatonormativity usually aren't (or shouldn't be) asking people to see their individual romantic relationships as less important, because wanting a long-term monogamous romantic relationship isn't inherently amatonormative.

Amatonormativity is about the bigger picture of how society treats romantic relationships. It's about placing romantic relationships at the top of a hierarchy and then claiming that most meaningful close and intimate connections to other humans are only accessable through them. Amatonormativity is the assumption that everyone wants to end up in a monogamous long-term romantic relationship and then decrying anyone who wants a relationship that doesn't fit into that very narrow category.

Every individual person has to figure out for themselves which types of relationships they desire or don't desire and how much importance they want to give them. Amatonormativity criticizes the fact that that's not a question you are normally asked in the first place, because the answer is always assumed.

I think if in the end someone decides to prioritize their romantic relationships, they will still have defied amatonormativity simply through consciously making that decision, and through not assuming the same for everyone else. To me, dismantling amatonormativity is about deconstructing the assumed hierarchy of relationships, giving people the chance to actually think about what they truly want, and opening the pathways for those possibilities.

[killingmyselfbutnotdying]

"Friends dont look at friends that way" COWARD. I look at my friends with awe in my eyes, my chest is filled with love, im glowing because i get to be near my friends. I look at my friends and i would give them my everything. SO SKILL ISSUE, look at your friends with all the love that you have

[shiverandqueeef]

if you aren't best friends with your lover and a little bit in love with all your friends than what's the fucking point

[neurovarious]

[cecenyss]

‘There’s no platonic explanation for this’ and it’s just two people caring about each other’s wellbeing

[daybringersol]

fun fact (not fun at all fact actually) :

aromanticism and asexuality are still treated as issues to be fixed in most therapy settings, at least in the western psychiatric institution. i cannot fucking mention my aromanticism or asexuality to a therapist or it’ll immediately become their primary concern and goal to fix. whether or not i have a partner/am trying to have a partner is actively being used as an indicator of my wellness, regardless of if i WANT one. i cannot have access to needed mental health ressources because of fear of conversion therapy. aro and/or ace conversion therapy is the norm in most psychiatric institutions and we are getting told by the rest of the queer community that our oppression isnt real and that there is no link between our struggles and theirs.

more thoughts on the medicalization of asexuality and/or aromanticism

answers to common notes

aplatonic perspective

ressources

background information

tips to avoid aro and/or ace conversion therapy

[thearoacemoon]

Did you say "f*CK amatonormativity" today?

Do it now. It's cathartic.

[autuboho]

[descendant-of-truth]

Shipping is fun and all but I swear every single time someone makes a comment, whether as a joke or in a legitimate analysis, about there being "no other explanation" for a pair's interactions, I lose just a bit more of my sanity

Like, no, you guys don't get it. Romance is not about the Amount of devotion, it's about the COLOR. the FLAVOR of it all. a character can be just as devoted to their platonic friend as they are to their romantic partner, and they don't love either of them more, just differently.

But because the majority of people still have it stuck in their minds that romance exists on the highest tier of love, I'm stuck seeing endless takes that boil down to "these two care about each other too much for it to NOT be romantic" as if that's the core determining factor to how literally any of this works

In conclusion: stop telling me that I don't understand the story if I don't interpret the leads as romantic, I am TIRED

[yardsards]

i hate you "pair the spares"/"everyone must be paired" tropes, i hate you forced last minute romances, i hate you implication that a happy ending means a romantic partner, i hate you amatonormativity

[leikeliscomet]

When it comes to asexual allyship a lot of people wanna have their cake and eat it too (pun unintended). People like a lil 'aces are valid' moment but don't actually unpack compulsory sexuality. People see sexless queer representation and always clock puritanism before they ever clock asexuality. No one's actually reading the ace theory and texts coming out. Everyone keeps doing surprised Pikachu faces whenever a conservative or TERF says they're against asexuality despite the fact ace activists have been saying since day conservatives are not anti sex but anti sexual autonomy. 'Aces are queer' until we actually are. Even ace support posts keep ending with some expectation or condition that asexuality is #valid as long as asexuals still perform a small quota of sex/sexual activity. I'm so over 'Aces still have sex!' 'Aces are hot' Aces are sexy' 'Aces aren't virgin vanilla prude sexless puritans!' disguised as support.

Like no. Sorry. Until you accept that some asexual people's no is permanent, that some asexual's singleness is permanent, that some asexual's childless-ness is permanent, that some asexuals are the 'no' in little to no sexual attraction and i'd say most importantly, that queer sexlessness isn't a biological, social or moral failing, I don't believe you'll ever genuinely support asexuality. (In reverse, I also feel similar about aromanticism and romance).

Like a lot of u haven't gone beyond 'the a isn't for ally' and it shows. I don't want people to support asexuals just because we're soooo hot or because we write the best smut apparently or because we could have hypothetical sex or because we could do hypothetical kink or because our minds are soooo dirty actually or because we'd do romance reallllyyyy well or because we can still have kids or because asexuals hand out water bottles at the orgy or some shit. I want people to support asexuality because no sexuality is deviant and it's basic human decency.

[ryebreadedd]

being aro in fandom is so hard because you'll say "i wish not everything had a focus on shipping, its kind of strange that romance is held on a pedestal above every other type of relationship and dynamic" and people will act like you've kicked their dog and killed their family and hate fun and how dare you tell them to never ship again etc etc. bonus points if they pull the homophobia or ableism cards