#also something something i need to let people know im into something New and if i cant find Normal tumblr posts to reblog about it i simply
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♡ Pack It Up - CL 16 ♡
Summary: You're so irrevocably in love with Charles Leclerc and enjoying life when all of a sudden, you hear this agitating noise (your ex who is an actor and probably mentally deranged or SOMETHING).
Author's Note: Hi my lovlies! This is my first attempt at an SMAU so PLEASE BE NICE 😭 this is based off this request! also this can be seen as a pt. 2 to good luck charlie, but can also be read as a stand alone 😋 also the part 2 link is here and at the bottom cause fuck ass tumblr can suck my dick
CW: SMAU, uhhhh, fluff? angst? girl idk 😭use of the word hoe/whore in portuguese
y/n_l/n
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f9214dc9c1d5461c47821f6e49011b3b/b78b6454122e9f3d-0a/s540x810/50b06f44373ee0f6ed3835f41f3d0541a7b8538d.jpg)
Liked by charlesleclerc, yourbestie, 745,372 others
y/n_l/n in your eyes, i get lost, i get washed away
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charlesleclerc mon amoureuse, the most beautiful person in the world and the one i get to belong to ❤️
User67 ohhh our girl is so in love 🤭
User32 does this mean the next album will solely be a love album? 👀
jade_distinguinn ✨🌘
alex_albon i just know the next album is gonna eat!
↳ lilymhe who tf taught you that?!
↳ alex_albon you?!
↳ lilymhe mhm 🤨 im watching you, Alexander Albon Ansusinha
↳ User22 yall… its been 3 hrs since albon was last seen, do you think lily got him?
↳ lilymhe 🤫
↳ User22 😨
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charles_leclerc
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/703e2a7e23a66ed423bcff96b7a024e5/b78b6454122e9f3d-3d/s540x810/8594b7e61518db5ab287eb87fd34ad5df7af5ae3.jpg)
Liked by y/n_l/n, francisca.cgomes, and 1,549,948
charles_leclerc i wanna teach you how forever feels, ma déesse
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y/n_l/n je t���aime tellement, mon amour. I can’t believe that this incredible man is all mine 🥰
User89 wait he’s using her song lyrics about him 😭😭😭😭
User56 yall ever think about how on y/n’s posts, the first pic is of charles but charles never puts her in the first pic?
↳ User44 it’s not that serious dude
↳ User79 hmmm i never thought of that, it is a bit weird, like he doesn’t want people to see her that much?
↳ User10 yall are crazy, this post has 4 pictures and 3 of them have y/n in it
↳ User05 tom never hid her tho 🙃 just saying
User23 ugh they’re literally couple GOALS 😍
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tomblyth
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/2c27865eb20ec7e7925e846b8850aa8c/b78b6454122e9f3d-47/s540x810/fce7e9b0eaf9038900f125dcd035b0b1cc94a954.jpg)
Liked by rachelzegler, kit.connor, and 379,941 others
tomblythe some photos from christmas break, ready to come back to work happy and healthy 👍
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User51 ugh, could he be any hotter 😫
User33 ehm, who dat?
User00 cringing at the 2nd pic
↳ User99 okay and? U didn’t have to voice it
↳ User12 but yet i did
User0 is that rachel?
↳ User9 NO IT’S Y/N
↳ User34 yall need to let that go, they broke up so long ago
↳ User9 no im being so fr, y/n posted that exact picture when they were together
↳ User56 omg?! You might be right, i recognize that pic
↳ User12 YALL ITS LEGIT HER, ITS MY PFP AND I GRABBED IT WHEN IT WAS FIRST POSTED WHEN THEY WERE TOGETHER OMFG
↳ User66 wait, so what does this mean? I thought y/n was dating that one french guy
↳ User45 that guy is not french, hes monegasque ☝️ and yes they are dating
↳ User3 maybe they broke up?
↳ User72 no way, they just posted pics of each other, my money is tom is playing dirty to get her back
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y/n_l/n posted a story
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y/n_l/n posted a story
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tomblyth posted a story
Replies:
User99 oh sir…
User34 it was clearly an accident, you don’t have to apologize
User76 so are u guys not getting back together? 😔
User89 but why did u have it? It’s been years
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/507fc658cfacc6ab8766746bf65a44ae/b78b6454122e9f3d-d0/s540x810/9b817ab627864e1957a9d88efc9fd0ba942a6dcd.jpg)
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tomblyth posted a story
Replies:
User32 OMG ARE YOU AND Y/N BACK TOGETHER?! PLS STOP WITH THE GAMES AND TELL US
User45 bruh this is so fucking weird, using your ex’s song to soft launch your new girl?
User96 ooooh this tea is piping HOT
User62 Oh hell no 😭
User05 so you’re not single anymore? 🥺
francisca.cgomes VAI P’A PUTA QUE TU PARIU
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f1gossippofficial
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/44a36c8bd072599e167224c6fe674367/b78b6454122e9f3d-38/s540x810/802fab9e9ee4a06814450b77fa6c41ee66571739.jpg)
169,452 Likes
F1gossippofficial seems like y/n l/n’s ex, Tom Blythe, wants her back? Tom has not only posted an old picture of y/n but has also used her song, which she wrote about him, to soft launch a new girl… or should i say someone he’s knows ‘all too well’
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User96 I can’t be the only one who thinks this is crazy, right?
↳ User55 Def not, idk what’s going on but holy fuck they either need to stay together or get over eachother
↳ User87 i think y/n has been over Tom for quite some time now. She seems happy with charles
↳ User34 but is she really? Tom was the one to end things so she might’ve “moved on” but is wasting time with charles
↳ User66 no way, those two are so in love and you can see it in the way they look at eachother and talk about eachother. I mean just listen the song she just put out ‘ease my mind’
↳ User29 if you’re gonna bring that up, then let's also bring up ‘we can’t be friends’ i mean it’s all about how she’s waiting for Tom “wait until you love me again”
User10 Tom needs to leave Y/n ALONE
↳ User98 AGREED
Use09 she’s probably just another bitch using charles for fame and money, she should just leave him already cause he deserves so much better
↳ User77 not to mention she’s not as pretty as his exes 🤭
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tomblyth
Liked by rachelzegler, bensonboone, 90,342 others
tomblythe the smell of you hair reminds me of her feet
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User40 wtf is that caption
↳ User55 OH GIRL LEMME TELL YOU. so this song is called ‘be my mistake’ and it’s essentially this guy telling the girl he’s fucking with that she will never be the girl he loves. Like “you’re great but shes amazing and beautiful” type of stuff
↳ User40 nah that’s sickening 😭
User76 i lowkey feel bad for his new girl, he’s obvs using her to get y/n back
↳ User56 yall not everything is about y/n
↳ User78 but it clearly is?! All the evidence points to it being about y/n and getting her back
User66 omg couples goals 😍
User90 that girl is so lucky to have tom like UGH i wish
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f1gossippofficial
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/59940c2ee855cf1ce4f8f6c97ee50f27/b78b6454122e9f3d-23/s400x600/4e7d6a9e9dc1c1197c79251245cec12cd972f494.jpg)
130,593 Likes
F1gossippofficial Breaking: Charles Leclerc was recently spotted attending a brand event… without y/n? Rumor has it the two have separated 😱
Thoughts? 👀
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User49 OMG DID HE FINALLY DUMP THAT GOLD DIGGING BITCH 🤩
User12 nooo, mi parents 🙁
User56 honestly about time
↳ User44 wdym about time?
↳ User56 i feel like it’s been obvious that they’ve been unhappy together for a while. Tom is also a better match for y/n
↳ User44 uhm, they literally posted pics of eachother not long ago in a loving photo dump? Also tom was a manipulative person towards y/n and he drained the fuck out of her and made her miserable
↳ User56 instagram posts dont mean shit in the real world. And all this stuff against tom is alleged
User32 now’s my chance 😍
User66 orrrr maybe they dont have to be together 24/7?
↳ User94 they always go to events together tho…
↳ User21 well y/n also has a job so maybe she was busy
↳ User50 idk man, doesn't look good for charles atm
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y/n_l/n
Liked by francisca.cgomes, oliviarodrigo, and 784,483 others
y/n_l/n working on things 👍
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User77 NOW LOOK WHAT YALL DID! YOU TOOK HER SPARKLE
oliviarodrigo omg so excited bestie 🤭
User93 omg new music? 👀
↳ User33 breakup music? ☹️
↳ User10 do NOT put that into the universe ☝️
User65 yall i dont wanna be a bummer but… charles isnt in the likes…
↳ User80 why is this a big deal?! Maybe he’s busy
↳ User34 charles is ALWAYS the first to like her posts, he’s never missed a post or been late
↳ User78 omg did they actually breakup?!
User89 FUCK YOU TOM BLYTH! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID
francisca.cgomes my beautiful girl, love you so much ❤️
↳ y/n_l/n love you too 🩷
↳ User42 YALL SHE ISN’T USING THE RED HEART, ITS OVER 😭😫
Part 2
#f1 smau#f1 fic#f1 imagine#f1 au#f1 x reader#charles leclerc smau#cl16 smau#charles leclerc fanfic#charles leclerc imagine#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc x yn#cl16 fanfic#formula 1 smau#formula 1 x reader#charles leclerc au#f1 fanfic#charles leclerc fic#cl16 imagine#cl16 x reader
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With the new lens of Corvus knowing how Soren feels about him and Soren being a bit oblivious I also started thinking about wing man Terry during the hunt for Parrow too.
Terry trying so hard to wingman for Soren and Corvus because it’s painful for him at this point watching them flirt and seemingly never get that they are both very into each other. How can two people so perfect for each other not realize this!
Until one night after they’ve set up camp Corvus walks over to Terry and tells him they need to chat. Privately.
Terry of course does not like the sound of that and is pretty nervous as Corvus leads him deeper and deeper into the woods until finally Corvus turns around and is like:
“Hey. I know what you’re trying to do with me and Soren and I need you to stop.”
Terry starts getting embarrassed saying something along the lines of “oh sources I totally misread your feelings for each other didn’t I? Im so sorry I promise I wont-“
“No you’re right. We have feelings for each other.”
“Oh…oh! You’re already together!”
“No.”
“….I uh, I’m a little confused?”
Corvus kind of nods and sits down, patting the floor to let Terry know he is welcomed to join him. This is a weird conversation to have out loud so they might as well get comfortable.
Corvus awkwardly prefaces the conversation with how he isn’t great with words but continues on.
He tells Terry he’s known Soren has been in love with him for years but he has only realized recently he has also been in love with Soren for years.
Terry asks him if he knows why hasn’t he said or done anything about it? Corvus shrugs even though he knows the answer. He confides that he wants Soren to figure it out for himself, that the last thing Soren needs is someone telling him how he feels and what to do and how to act about it.
He wants Soren to make his own choice. If Soren realizes his feelings and wants to make a move he’ll be happy to reciprocate but if Soren realizes and decides be doesn’t want to do anything with it then that’s his choice.
He loves Soren and he wants him happy, that doesn’t mean it needs to be with him at least not right now. He’s been through so much and he still tries to smile but until the smile isn’t forced Corvus doesn’t want to rush into anything not until Soren is ready.
He has spent so much time haunted in the shadow of his family, and its been 3 years but Soren needs more time to be himself away from the chains of his history.
Terry can’t help but think back when Claudia had asked him to tell her what to do, how he declined. Sometimes guilt seeps into the memories of the times he could’ve told Claudia what to do, told her to not go down this path, but the feeling of control over her would’ve felt worse.
Its just now that Terry is realizing how badly Viren messed up both his kids.
Despite the memories Terry smiles cause he gets it now, these two are working in reverse from him and Claudia. Soren just needs time to be himself and Corvus is patient. He doesn’t need to rush things for them, they both are right where they want to be with each other right now.
Terry bumps Corvus’s shoulders and says Soren is lucky to have such a great future partner.
So although he’s playfully rolling his eyes when he watches Corvus rest his chin on Soren’s shoulder when they fly with a pleased look or when Soren can’t stop talking about Corvus when they split up with that wistful look in his eyes, or when Soren starts singing extremely off key and Corvus starts hums along he knows all they need is a bit of time.
That love they have for each other isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
#jelly tarts#the dragon prince#tdp soren#tdp corvus#tdp terry#tdp claudia#sorvus#clauderry#tdp tree-o
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EDYN TIDESTRIDER, CHALLENGER OF THE UNDERSEA, RIVAL OF THE DEEP. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR BROTHER WAS CHOSEN TO BE A WEAPON OF THE GODS? HOW WILL YOU UNDO WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO HIM?
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#edyn tidestrider#cw blood#EDYYYNNNN TTIDESTRIDERRR OHH HOW I LOVE HERRRR#THIS IS A PAGE FULLA REEAALLY OLD DOODLES AND REALLY REALLY OLD DOODELS AND NEW DOODLES. ENJOY.#ONLY CLEANED IT UP A BUNCH TTODAY AND IM ACTUALLY SO SO HAPPY W IT WEEEEE#WHAT WAS IT LIKE? DOWN IN THE UNDERSEA. TO VISIT YOUR BROTHER WHENEVER THE ADULTS WOULD LET YOU#A KID WHO DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS GOING ON OR WHY HER BROTHER WAS BEING TAKEN AWAY OR WHY HE KEEPS GETTING HURT#OR WHY THE ADULTS JUST KEEP LETTING IT HAPPEN. ITS FOR THE BEST? FATE OF THE WORLD AND ALL THAT? HEY WHO THE FUCK IS IN CHARGE HERE#HOW DO WE STOP IT. HOW DO I STOP IT. THERES PEOPLE OUT THERE WORKING ON SOMETHING. ARITIFICIAL LEVIATHAN YOU SAY?#WE COULD BUILD A THING TO RIVAL THE GODS. WELL. SIGN ME UP. IM GOING TO UNDO WHAT THEY DID TO YOU#WHAT A FASCINATING THING SHE ACTUALLY SAID. 'IM GOING TO UNDO WHAT THEY DID TO YOU' HELLO?? EDYN? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN#WHAT EXACTLY DID THEY DO TO HIM. OTHER THAN THE PROPHECY TRAINING. YOU CAN UNDO THAT? YOU CAN UNDO ALL THAT? HOW?? HELLO???#LIKE SURE I JUST SPOUTED MY THEORIES I THINK SHE WANTS TO KILL GOD BUT THATS JUSTA THEORY... A GA#WHAT IS EDYNS GOAL AND WHY CANT SHE TELL ANYONE OOUUUHHH EDYNNNN CMERE EDYNN CMERRE STOP WALKING AWAY CMERE. COME HERE.#fuuuuuck shes so mysteriousss what is she HIDING!!shes also so so so so angry i fucken know she is. shes so gentle and so sweet and timid#but she is ANGRY and shes SMART and clearly shes AMBITIOUS bc shes TALKING TO THE FUCKING BIG HEAD HONCHO O THE FUCKEN NNAAAVYYYYY#ALSO WHO IS NICHOLAS. IF THATS EVEN HIS REAL NAME. WHO DID YYYOU MEET EDYN. DO YOU HAVE A WISH TO BE GRANTED EDYN???#CHEWING ON THE BARS O MY CELL I NNNNEEEEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT EDYN IM SO CURIOUS IMG ONNA KILL PEOPLE#i said once in another post 'the oath an eldest sister takes on is on par w that of a paladins-#-and sometimes upheld w the very same ferocity'. I REALLY LIKED THAT LINE.#pleeese... if u can hear me.. pls join me and draw edyn w unbridled plasmatic rage abt the way her brother was treated by the Elders#also pls draw her SCARY. I NEED HER TO BE SSCARY. PLEEASEE I NEED HER TO BE JUST AS VIOLENT AS GILLION BUT INA ICE COLD WAY#JUST AS VIOLENT JUST AS STRONG JUST AS MUCH OF AN AQUATIC MONSTER. im sure u see the vision.#ok i gotta go t bed now i got work in tha morning n i should nnot be stayin up this late. if u hav thoughts abt edyn pls scream abt em#okay byyyyeee goodniiigihhttttt
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if escape rooms as team building exercises became popular im not sure if id be more excited or terrified
#if it isnt already anyway.. i can see it happening as a school frosh thing. idk if it would catch on as a workplace thing#i kind of find the concept of being locked in with strangers and working to find a way out weirdly exhilarating though#at least compared to icebreakers cause i dont have to spend 10 minutes racking my brain for something to blurt out abt myself#as a bonus u could like. put people into groups and give prizes to whoever escapes first second third etc. apparently they also do themed#escape rooms.. maybe let people pick a theme? or voluntary sign up? actually this would be really fun for smth like a blind friend date#although if i found out i was locked in a room with an online friend id be too excited to actually escape LOL#ive never done an escape room before so sadly i cant speak from experience. its like up there on things i want to try next to rug tufting#workshop and visiting new art exhibits or conventions. i seriously need to get out more if it wasnt for the horrors <- school and anxiety#i was planning to invite cass to a drop-in art workshop in town but neither of us could go bc typography is making us go thru hell and back#AND THEY HAD A BUTTON MACHINE TOO#im nostalgic bc i miss working in groups and not being awkward abt it or worrying abt schedule conflicts#i realized that i learn best in groups and its a little corny but i like sharing ideas and talking through a problem#in elementary i could just sit down with friends for review and come out of it energized *and* more familiar with the material#and i could technically still do it now. but as adults we're more picky abt who we work with on top of being way more busy outside school#maybe im lonely. im shy and grew up not talking to ppl unless i absolutely have to so its hard to make friends on my own i guess#only thing getting me thru it is telling myself that humans like helping and that my cringe is overblown in my head. but its hard#hence the escape rooms. i have been able to talk to 2(!!) people though!! mostly abt school stuff but im glad to be on friendly terms#i dont really know how to be happy these days cause im constantly scaring myself abt my portfolio and finding places to work#not being ambitious is part of not wanting to put energy into something that wont work out while also not having the passion to do literall#anything else.. i should probably talk to my counsellor ugh#yapping
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Dumping out devilman thoughts today.
I know I'm far from the first person to think about this, but I don't feel like it's given enough attention. What I'm talking about is the really noticeable lack of discussion about god as a character/driving force throughout the story (and I mean the lack of discussion on the fandom's end as well as within the stories.)
Like, you really have the all-powerful being who is the only thing in existence with the true ability to completely stop the war - to completely halt the cycle of violence. But they never intervene. Not until humans and devils have all destroyed one another. Not until Lucifer has finally killed Akira, and he's all that's left, alone on a rock on a decimated earth, watching the stars and expounding on the concept of love to a cooling corpse.
THEN god intervenes. To scorch it all and start it over again, only for the same story to play out time and time again. The only consistent exception to this, really, is whenever divine force is shot down in the beginning phases of the war. Though usually, this just ends up causing destruction in a different way. It never saves anyone, it just overpowers a show of force from the devil's side.
You could make the argument that god isn't the same all-powerful being here that he's seen as being in a larger cultural sense outside of this story. But I'd both disagree and say that's a bad take. He clearly carries more power than anyone else, as again, when he does intervene it overpowers everything else. And yeah there's the idea that he didn't make devils, but that doesn't make sense to me either. So much of this story is based both on christian mythology (or dantes inferno, but still).
To rewrite the concept of god in this way. And to practically ignore this character's existence. ESPECIALLY in a story that is so much about the cycle of violence and the failings of humanity. It does the whole thing such an injustice.
In devilman, the war between devils and humans is ultimately constructed by god himself. Because it all comes back to the fact that he had to have created the devils in some manner - how else would they have come about? - and then tossed them aside to make room for humans. Running parallel to the way he tossed aside one of his own angels for going against god's authority. An angel who then went to the devils, joined with them and led them toward liberation.
What else were the devils supposed to do? What else was Lucifer supposed to do?
God is absent from the story until there's nothing left. Then he does it all over again. For what? To punish lucifer and the devils? Again and again for their refusal to lay down and die quietly? And it's not to protect humans - how many human lives are destroyed in the process?
God is absent from this story and we continue to let him be. We focus so much on Akira and Ryo, and on trying to save them and rewrite their connection into something that can be saved. We try to rewrite it so Miki lives, and the war is averted. But that doesn't make sense to me.
This story has already been written to be a tragedy. The omniscient, all-powerful god of the story has decided that's what it's meant to be.
As long as lucifer lives to the end of the story, it will be scrapped and retold again and again. And if lucifer were to die? That would still be a tragedy, let's be honest.
The cycle of violence has already been set in motion, and it will not be stopped so easily. That's important to me. Because ultimately, erasing the tragedy of it suggests there would be an easy solution to the world's problems - that escaping oppression is as simple as being kind and quiet in the face of your own eradication, that stopping a war is as simple as crying in front of the right person, and that making the right choices are as easy as listening to what you're told is "good."
Devilman is a tragedy, but I don't think that's inherently nihilistic. I think it can make you think and ask questions and consider layers to the problem. It will not give answers, because it's not that easy - because if we had those answers then the world wouldn't be the way it is. What we see at the end isn't meant to be a prediction, or even a threat. It's simply null - this is complex and painful, and our characters were not able to figure it out, because of that. Possibly, very likely, because they were not able to see outside of their own perspectives and drives (who could? At a certain point, that would mean abandoning feeling. There's a reason Michael is the most unsettling character in any of the stories to me.)
I mean, sure. God always had an easy answer. He probably wants the story to go this way.
#idk if theres an actual single point here#and i dont think this is anything novel#i think most people who like devilman like it specifically because of the humanity it gives devils and lucifer#the way it questions christianitys view of good and bad#god is considered a villain and i know thats nothing new#but i feel like we never really talk about it#and the story never touched on it enough#i feel like that does the whole thing a disservice#anyway i have a headache and im tired but im also right#maybe ill add to this later once my thoughts start making more sense#part of how i would present this story would involve putting more attention on god as a villain#and on the way so many of these characters struggles are orchestrated by bigger hands than the ones trying to fix them#on how solving the problem will never be as simple as killing the enemy right in front of you#even if it isnt completely ineffectual#that ceo was gunned down in the street#lets be real its not going to change much#it didnt do nothing and id be lying if i didnt say the dude was based for doing it#but its not going to fix the problem#it could potentially be a step#time will tell i think#im rambling at this point#my point is this story is a tragedy for a reason#and its because god is the villain that it can never be anything but a tragedy#thats not nihilistic because in real life i dont believe in god#i dont believe the source of the problem is something untouchable and all powerful#but its bigger than two people#my point is devilman is a tragedy and its better that way#i need a nap#devilman
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how do i do it though. how do i let go of the bitterness and the hardness when they kept me "okay" for so long? does it come when i finally leave? can it ever?
#babes i actually relate to the frigid angry woman more than im comfortable with but this time there's no prince coming to save her and idk#i was never beautiful but i was and am angry and capable and that's served me well but being angry is exhausting#it's a birthright i can't give to a younger sibling. it doesn't transfer.#i dont inspire devotion. there's no version of this that ends with me waltzing with a true love.#im not the type you launch a thousand ships for.#so what's left?#who am i when i have no one? when ive spent my life making *me* less to make others more? when im nothing but a useful piece of furniture.#i know God loves me! i love Him! but it's not the same. i want *people* to love me. i want to be someone that theyd fight for.#im feeling that 'women have minds and hearts but im so lonely' scene from little women 2019 so much right now.#except im not jo. my family loves me but theyd never do for me what jo's would do for her. theyre also all focused on surviving.#i feel like a military ration. there to be consumed but cast aside the moment something more palatable comes around.#how do i become consumed with joy? how do i let go of the cynicism? its all thats kept me safe! but its choking me too.#its like tony stark in iron man 2. the thing thats kept me alive this far is killing me. i need to find an alternative but its looking like#ill have to synthesize a new element to make it happen and that freaks me out.#ive always been derivative. never an individual. how do i become a trailblazer when my job was always to hold the hand of the one blazing#the trail? how do i become myself happy and free?#because i WANT to be more#i WANT to be more than anger and coldness and a useful idiot. i WANT to be me and be so so happy#but i dont know how to get there#and if someone suggests therapy im shooting you. i dont want to listen to one more person pretend to care about me and tell me#all the things i need to change and spend even longer not learning how to think for myself#i want to be more than this. but i also cant stand the thought of taking up any more space than i do#anyway.#anyone who's read all this thank you and i promise im fine im just in my feelings today lol#im going to work out and get some happy brain chemicals flowing and then ill take a shower and itll all be good.#please dont worry about me! im just having A Moment TM#lilac rambles
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Thinking about my Rook hours </3
#i did not mean to get so attached to this character so immediately#but god the scenes with harding and taash and solas have given me so much to chew on#like. first of all raised in the mournwatch as an orphan fully removed from her culture as a qunari#but also being very aware she didnt look like any of the other young mournwatch recruits and there was something Different about her#being genuinely invested in the work they do but also being so afraid to step out of line and be ousted#only for that to exactly happen the one time she pushed back against the nobility#then she's throwing herself into her new job helping varric search the realms for solas#and suddenly because of a call she made he's too weak to fight and she has solas in her head telling her how badly she fucked everything up#and she just feels so small and worthless#but no. she cant let her emotions get anyone else hurt#fuck solas. fuck him for trying to pin this on her.#as a matter of fact fuck anyone trying to undermine her while she's doing what needs to be done#she sees how harding is blaming herself for what happened and she tells her she cant blame herself#'blame me' she says secretly in her head#'im the reason you got hurt'#but she knows harding would see right through her#so she puts on a happy face for her and stays optimistic when she starts showing signs of being the first dwarf to cast magic#but deep inside rook is panicking because what if something is changing her harding? what if something is going to take her away from her?#she compensates by trying to seem as laid back as possible#and then they meet emmrich and rook is launched back into her mournwatch mindset#she stands up straighter and uses bigger fancier words to keep up with the professor#and harding calls her on it and suddenly she realizes how much shes been compartmentalizing everything#fully shifting her personality around her friends based on what she thinks they need#she realizes with horror that solas of all people has seen the most unfiltered version of her#the version that is angry and frustrated with how unfair everything is#but is also very aware that no matter what she does she will be seen as a villain in the eyes of some#simply because she cannot save everyone#and then she hangs out with taash and sees someone who also compartmentalizes to hell and seems like. okay about it#and taash doesnt need anyone to take care of them. sihu feels oddly relaxed around their no-nonsense approach to socialization#datv spoilers
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another vent in the tags ugh i should try and do something nice rn
#my pains got so bad again that i threw up again#it's tiring because. i can't even eat atp without worrying about whether it'll make me feel so nauseous i throw up#the doctors wanted to try another new medicine but its put straight in the rear and. shouldnt be shit out. and. yknow. IBD ....#so i obviously do shit it out like immediately ... bcus i cant help it#i probably have to call them on monday to let them know ive started throwing up too#couldnt even go upstairs today without taking breaks bcus of the stomach pains#and theres so much blood all the time#i need to. think about something to distract myself from this bcus i know i shouldnt be ashamed of my condition and i cant help it#but im ashamed anyway and im frustrated and hate myself because i cant do anything else but lie down rn. cant even sleep for the most part#i get like 2 hours sleep max in a day#i kinda wanna draw my apex oc but i suck at designs and idk how to design her clothes LMAOAOA#just wanna draw her interacting w people tbh#also i want more alter content but idk what to make#i just love her
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GAAHAHHHHH
#venting in the tags#maybe its just past darkness and the Bad Thoughts which i shouldnt listen to are clouding my brain too much#but i feel so fucking weird and inadequate over everything rn#im unable to work on drawings as i usually would have and its kinda plaguing everything which it should like yeah i love drawing but#i cant let just one aspect of me ruin everything. right? the fact that i havent been able to draw as well as i usually can should make me#feel sick to the stomach and unsure about everything i do but it happening and i hate it.#plus i got the ipad id saved up from the comms to buy and its fun and nice and all and maybe i just need more practice with it but i feel#like im not able to draw on it even more? and i spent the whole day trying to get used to it but its just not as good?? and then when i went#back to the no screen wacom i couldnt get a hang of it becuase idek its just not happening#and also the fucking art block wants me dead i swear i want to draw so bad and i have so many ideas but the moment i start anything its just#crumbles down into nothingness and i hate everything i do and gods fuck i want to cry but i can because there are people at home and#usually im a big 'crybaby' when im at home but i dont fucjing wanna be like that anymore like i can handly my shit myself im fine.#i dont need to just fuckinf cry abiut it becuase thats not gonna fox anything but also i feel like crying might just make me feel better#but then id have to hear shit from my family and i know theyre just teasing in a /pos way but i dont wanna fucking deal with that#plus my brother iust talking to him os annoying sometimes like he talks about things so condescendingly and fucking hel dude shut#the fuck up i dont need you telling me that my art is something people can 'just do' and the fact that i was able to get the ipad#'basically for free since i got that money from the little drawings i make' as if they dont fucking mean anything to you like#shut the fucking fuck up dude i worked hard on those and even though i dont like my own shit sometimes i still fucking work hard on those#fuck you you bitch#i think a lot of things are just piling up and i need to sleep#tomorrow will be a new dawn and a fresh start and maybe ill hate myself less#ps. note to anyone reading the tags#im fine i just needed to yell out and express my frustration a bit. some sleep will help surely.
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I barely know who Jojo Siwa is, but ive also publicly defended her numerous times for all the "relationship drama" she seems to get cancelled for on twitter and tiktok, and i guess i still stand by that we need to be leaving ourselves out of the romantic affairs of celebrities. But now i also feel like having publicly defended her for anything is a bad look, given her stupid statement on Colleen Ballinger and her victims. And thankfully this situation is nowhere near on the scale of horrific as the Danny Masterson situation, but I can't help but draw some kind of parallel between Ashton & Friends defending Danny in their letters and Jojo defending Colleen. Like... why on earth would anyone make a decision to publicly support someone who has victims... is it money?? Just like being famous and having money??? That's the only thing jojo and Ashton seem to have in common, is that they're both famous and have money. So like when you're rich and famous do you automatically just not have a soul? I'm just floored at what could possibly cause this behavior of supporting people who do awful things. Unlike Ashton & Friends though, I think Jojo could recover from this if she just realized she's in the wrong and apologized. But i dont see her as the type to admit to being in the wrong, which is based off of nothing tbf, it's just a vibe and my own personal opinion. But yeah, horrible look. Not a girl's girl, i hope she grows up real quick and sees this situation for what it is.
#and when i say we need to be leaving celebrities alone in their relationships#I mean in situations where you just don't like how they handled something#like if it's a ned fulmer situation#or an ethan slater/ariana grande situation?#then yeah let's definitely talk about how awful those people are#but if you're just butthurt that a celebrity got over their ex too fast for your liking#or dated someone new immediately after the breakup?#like fuck you honestly. i stand by that.#leave people the fuck alone. cancel culture at it's literal worst.#and while this time Jojo put herself in the deepest of shit for absolutely no reason#im also like... why is absolutely no one looking out for that girl?#like ok yeah she dug her own grave here.#but she's famous and shes basically still a child#she needs people who care about her to manage her brand#and not let her ruin her already damaged reputation by saying the worst possible shit like this#where is her team???? her parents??? a friend? anybody???#she should not have been allowed to say that.#anyway i fully know im the only one here who cares this much about internet drama lol#but like i just had to speak my mind somewhere#ooc
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were so back btw
#hate that every time. the solution is (at least for a bit) to just go outside and talk to people#or work. same thing basically maybe a little.#anyway im feeling ok again =w=bbbb lets go im so awesome#AND. ive found that against my will: im still not lesbian.#apparently talking to a somewhat fun guy is enough to convince me still. i should do that more often me thinks.#bless male coworkers my age for being fun o7 in the three ive had i COULD. i think.#does that say something about me? :3 erm.#anyway im pretty sure its combined with platonic attraction & gender shit but. ermm#sillyposting#BUT THIS GUY IS SO CUTE. as in personality. i need to keep him in a jar i think. humanely.#or on a leash. yes.#ok kink brain shuttting off: i like this guy hes cute and nice and i would if i was a different person. and if i could.#=3=bbb#but yeagh great news that were back to normal. now lets hope it stays like this for at least a day =w=bbbb#most of what helped was surprisingly just not being able to think about stuff for myself. huh.#but then the question is: how do i do that if i am NOT forced to think about other stuff???#bc. ngl there. is a need for me to stay 'bad' and also its difficultyyyy to get outttt#so: i need to be forced out. how do i signal to people that they have to force me out?#could i go with that stuff to my parents? i should. but can i? i dont think so. i wouldnt know what they could do for me either.#hm.#much to think aboutt#lets go back to cute guy. yes......#it SUCKS that im running movie theather today bc hes up in regular theatherr nooooo#PLUS. other guycoworker i know ALSO up there rn.#THEY WONT SCHEDULE ME WITH THE FEW OTHER GUYS. ITS HOMOPHOBIA.#hmmm whateberrrr =3=bb#its not like i would do anything help#i want a perfect-for-me bf without having to try. is that too much too ask???? grumpgrumpgrump#im gay help.
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me when i woke up two days ago and my kamioshis have beef and the allegations are getting srs
#im not tagging this with either liver or any companies i dont need to add oil to the fire#tldr there is no tldr bc theres so much background context to why there would be this sort of allegation in the first place#im just pissed and mentally ill#fuck bro#you guys get my thoughts so ig thats context but no specifics and if you ask im ignoring you#1 i didnt realize that a KAMI oshi fucking hated another oshi the entire time he was in the same vtuber company and wave as him#2 there are super serious allegations going around for that another oshi/kamioshi 2 that have no solid proof or sources#but people think it aligns with how he acts and are harassing him#3 kamioshi 1 adds fuel to the fire for petty reasons and is acting so immature that its disappointing even if the allegations are true#4 im forced to realize that i didnt actually support my fucking K A M I oshi enough to want to follow him after he left that company#bc i honestly wasnt paying much attention to him anymore until all of this happened over my current kamioshi / oshi 2#5 if i say anything too crazy about it the “news” channels trying to push allegations without proof will just fucking steal my tweets#because theyre desperate like that#and theres nothing i can do about it#and now im just realizing that when i got into this group of livers i was even younger than i am now + immature + naive#the group that convinced me that me and my friends could stick together as a group was harboring this kind of conflict the whole time#why did i let my guard down to become a fan of a real person#why did i actually think i could see the good in a real person#whatever fuck this#idk the plan now is to stay neutral unless something comes out and clears up the situation#also if the company handles it badly whether the allegations are true or not thats the last straw#im done with all vtubers after that#this is right after my trips to japan too i dont fucking know what im supposed to do with the vtuber ita bag or nui plush#ALSO im being very selfish about this on this post#these thoughts will NOT be going to twitter#let it be known that this posts tags are an example of an unhealthy and overattached fan#this shit is NOT about me#i just have to make it about me because i got so attached to this and its my fault for doing that#this isnt getting my post tag either#major vent alert major veeeeennntt alleerrrttt
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OBSESSED with this scene between them. 🥺🫶
Also, she is Sooo beautiful.
And side noteee - ezekiel out here calling his full ex-wife and mother of his adopted child and woman who he "will never stop loving" his friend. Bc you don't have to be one or the other - someone tell the spinoff showrunner.
I have to admit, though. It feels special. After all we’ve been through, as close as I came. I got a fresh start. And it was important to me that my friend know just how much I appreciate her. It must feel really really good.
#been in this fandom 3 months now and im finally starting to re-learn/feel I dont need to justify how I feel about minute aspects of the show#it seems like in this fandom if you seem like maybe you like carol too much or you dont hate ezekiel or connie or something something you..#get insta blocked by various people#i dont know if people in this fandom are just traumatised or what#but im new so I wasnt and I just did not know what was happening when I first joined#I've made friends now w people who have varying opinions on the show so now I know not everyone is like that#we dont have to auto assume we're at war 🙃#but when I first joined I had no reason to think bad of anyone and I went in super open but I honestly got bullied??#and you know who the worst people were for it#- the very people I got enticed to join the fandom by bc of their positive seemingly friendly attitudes and content#the way they made me feel was as bad as the anti-caryl fans that I think most people know about#but I definitely want to shout out to the friends ive made who have been able to stay more positive#positive doesnt mean toxic by any stretch but the most hurtful fans I've come across have claimed to be positive#please it definitely isnt everyone I just really trusted the people and the spaces I was in and that made it hurt so much worse#but I also found some lovely people in those same spaces#anyway clogging a post with drama tags that doesnt deserve them bc I want to say it but somewhere these people hopefully wont see it#they seem to hate that I love carol and enjoy her dynamic with ezekiel#please just let me be#shes just a baby and he loves her it ok#no I still dont like darabelle and thats ok too#yes shes nearly 60 and what#if you dont like it just dont read my posts please??#I would call it gatekeeping tbh
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whining hours . sry
#like idk i try to like. imagine a future where i have like. friends. you know. Bare mimimum i have People i talk to. who arent lamp. and i#just cant imagine it happening again#like. i genuinely feel like i cant connect to ppl anymore and idk how id like. i dont see a way for me to do that ever again since i cant g#to school and like. sny job im able to get wouldnt be the kind where i like. meet people or make friends. and last year when i eent out wit#the express purpose of Making friends i literally couldnt. speak to anyone. like i just sat alone with my headphones on until it was time t#go home ... i dont know how to like. initiate casual conversation#+ like. i worry i get way too invested in any potential friendships bc i want so badly to be Normal and have friends and then i freak out#rly badly over something trivial. and thats entirely my fault like I need to work on not letting my freakouts effect the person im freaking#out abt. yk. like its my stupid brain that just gets rly rly overly defensive and weird abt everything its not like. I need to work on that#and thats another reason i dont knowif ill ever be able to make friends again is bc i genuinely dont trust myself not to get overly attache#way too quickly and then explode or something. idk#i also think maybe im just not meant to have actual lasting relationships with anybody ever. yk. like maybe im not meant to ever have roots#and maybe i just wont ever get to have stability and my life will always be entirely transient. Perhaps thats for the best so that i dont#have t like. lose ppl. and ppl dont have to deal with me#+ if i make bad decisions there r less ppl to care abt it. you know. which is a plus. idk#theres like. some parts of me r like desperate for friends and for love and to just . feel like i exist and Talk to people and like. have#stability. and then the rest r like No this is good bc we cant hurt as many ppl like this and also we dont deserve any of that so this is#for the best. and i just have to sit here like ok ! bc if i seek out friendships that part shuts it all down and if i dont the other part#makes me feel miserable and lonely. like damn i am destined for misery. but whatever. it doesnt rly matter DHRNFJFN im just being whiny#it just feels like i need like. ok this is my abdicating responsibility and is the reason i dont have friends disclaimer. i know that. very#aware. but i like. i need somebody to be the one to reach out to Me bc i like. i cant reach out to ppl like. i cant Try to initiate#conversations . but i think if there was a person who like. initiated conversations w me and started a friendship with me i like. i think#itd help me get used to Having a friend again and then id like. id be better at maintaining it and eventually id be able to pick up th#weight. but Obviously nobody wants to like. put in all that effort for somebody whos incapable of returning the favor possibly ever. yk#i need to just bite the bullet and humiliate myself and reach out even if its embarassing and even if it makes me have to throw up#<- happened one time when i tried to talk to someone new. which is so. oh my god. there r ppl who have avtual fucking issues and then im#just like boohoo i tried to think abt a conversation starter and got so anxious i fucking threw up. GOD. i hateit i hate it i hate it. but#wtvr. ik i cant actually expect that from anybody basically like. ik its a stupid wish. idk. i just wish i had somebody who could help me#like. remember how to mask and how to socialize Like a real person. and wouldnt mind that im like. weird right now. and would be willing to#talk to me until i got normal and stuff. wtvr. idk ... 10000 lashings
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feeling calmer bc I remember that all that matters is the present and what I choose to do rn. if anything arises in the future I deal with it then🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂↕️
#still applying for jobs and i think ill apply for the volunteer work... bc then at least im doing something a little moreand getting to know#people and forming connections etc#and if i get offered a full time job when im still volunteering then ill just speak with the people in charge of it#and well work something out:)#no need to worry and think ill let people down when 1 I dont even know if ill get accepeted to the volunteer program 2 if i do i also don't#know if ill get a job offer for a full time position#what matter is i make moves😤#get to know people and form connects#and get out of my house so i can make new friends:) and maybe meet the love of my life loooll
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It is kind of funny thinking on my headcanon like naturally im googling that where im like Did anyone else have this thought and a few people yes! I tend to see other diagnoses which are usually fair. But also stumbling upon someone else thinking that by chance was so DELIGHTFUL i still clap when i see others mention it like YES!!! YEAH!!!!
#floyd.txt#it can be a complicated thing but again for me#i am projecting in some ways but i also see other traits and its#for me i do have genuine interest in this i always think its neat to see stuff align#for a character made before this was like...a diagnosis i guess. i guess thats wording it right...#i was rereading and highlighting because i know i had a lot of moments casually reading where im kind of like#woah...that reminds me of this/me#i always feel like i need to disclaimer stuff or otherwise but must i really. i can have fun. i can do things#i do think this is stemming from like..never really reading a character with such similar struggles.#both in what a lot of people may relate to but some things were like...#i dont know just kind of eerie in how nearly 1:1 it would feel like ive never really read a protagonist going thru this stuff#so i feel like i naturally dive im some more#i feel like these always sound goofy silly i just have a lot of struggles and it was an experience to see so fucking many in a guy made so#long ago...#like i read ive been picking up reading more and have related to charactwrs before to degrees but WAOW...#Good God i can ramble about him. sorry....nope...MY BLOGGGG#i can get over the duhh everyones thought and known this about the guy because I am pretty new here#part of the joy and fun is all of this..we are all new to something...! at some point! thank you.mm#tumblr app let me edit tags plese...
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