#and the story never touched on it enough
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Dumping out devilman thoughts today.
I know I'm far from the first person to think about this, but I don't feel like it's given enough attention. What I'm talking about is the really noticeable lack of discussion about god as a character/driving force throughout the story (and I mean the lack of discussion on the fandom's end as well as within the stories.)
Like, you really have the all-powerful being who is the only thing in existence with the true ability to completely stop the war - to completely halt the cycle of violence. But they never intervene. Not until humans and devils have all destroyed one another. Not until Lucifer has finally killed Akira, and he's all that's left, alone on a rock on a decimated earth, watching the stars and expounding on the concept of love to a cooling corpse.
THEN god intervenes. To scorch it all and start it over again, only for the same story to play out time and time again. The only consistent exception to this, really, is whenever divine force is shot down in the beginning phases of the war. Though usually, this just ends up causing destruction in a different way. It never saves anyone, it just overpowers a show of force from the devil's side.
You could make the argument that god isn't the same all-powerful being here that he's seen as being in a larger cultural sense outside of this story. But I'd both disagree and say that's a bad take. He clearly carries more power than anyone else, as again, when he does intervene it overpowers everything else. And yeah there's the idea that he didn't make devils, but that doesn't make sense to me either. So much of this story is based both on christian mythology (or dantes inferno, but still).
To rewrite the concept of god in this way. And to practically ignore this character's existence. ESPECIALLY in a story that is so much about the cycle of violence and the failings of humanity. It does the whole thing such an injustice.
In devilman, the war between devils and humans is ultimately constructed by god himself. Because it all comes back to the fact that he had to have created the devils in some manner - how else would they have come about? - and then tossed them aside to make room for humans. Running parallel to the way he tossed aside one of his own angels for going against god's authority. An angel who then went to the devils, joined with them and led them toward liberation.
What else were the devils supposed to do? What else was Lucifer supposed to do?
God is absent from the story until there's nothing left. Then he does it all over again. For what? To punish lucifer and the devils? Again and again for their refusal to lay down and die quietly? And it's not to protect humans - how many human lives are destroyed in the process?
God is absent from this story and we continue to let him be. We focus so much on Akira and Ryo, and on trying to save them and rewrite their connection into something that can be saved. We try to rewrite it so Miki lives, and the war is averted. But that doesn't make sense to me.
This story has already been written to be a tragedy. The omniscient, all-powerful god of the story has decided that's what it's meant to be.
As long as lucifer lives to the end of the story, it will be scrapped and retold again and again. And if lucifer were to die? That would still be a tragedy, let's be honest.
The cycle of violence has already been set in motion, and it will not be stopped so easily. That's important to me. Because ultimately, erasing the tragedy of it suggests there would be an easy solution to the world's problems - that escaping oppression is as simple as being kind and quiet in the face of your own eradication, that stopping a war is as simple as crying in front of the right person, and that making the right choices are as easy as listening to what you're told is "good."
Devilman is a tragedy, but I don't think that's inherently nihilistic. I think it can make you think and ask questions and consider layers to the problem. It will not give answers, because it's not that easy - because if we had those answers then the world wouldn't be the way it is. What we see at the end isn't meant to be a prediction, or even a threat. It's simply null - this is complex and painful, and our characters were not able to figure it out, because of that. Possibly, very likely, because they were not able to see outside of their own perspectives and drives (who could? At a certain point, that would mean abandoning feeling. There's a reason Michael is the most unsettling character in any of the stories to me.)
I mean, sure. God always had an easy answer. He probably wants the story to go this way.
#idk if theres an actual single point here#and i dont think this is anything novel#i think most people who like devilman like it specifically because of the humanity it gives devils and lucifer#the way it questions christianitys view of good and bad#god is considered a villain and i know thats nothing new#but i feel like we never really talk about it#and the story never touched on it enough#i feel like that does the whole thing a disservice#anyway i have a headache and im tired but im also right#maybe ill add to this later once my thoughts start making more sense#part of how i would present this story would involve putting more attention on god as a villain#and on the way so many of these characters struggles are orchestrated by bigger hands than the ones trying to fix them#on how solving the problem will never be as simple as killing the enemy right in front of you#even if it isnt completely ineffectual#that ceo was gunned down in the street#lets be real its not going to change much#it didnt do nothing and id be lying if i didnt say the dude was based for doing it#but its not going to fix the problem#it could potentially be a step#time will tell i think#im rambling at this point#my point is this story is a tragedy for a reason#and its because god is the villain that it can never be anything but a tragedy#thats not nihilistic because in real life i dont believe in god#i dont believe the source of the problem is something untouchable and all powerful#but its bigger than two people#my point is devilman is a tragedy and its better that way#i need a nap#devilman
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natlan 5.1 was batshit insane but i won't deny cookery when i see it. last 1/3 of the archon quest is just brilliantly done in my opinion, from writing to level design to soundtrack. just genuine excellence
#sev.screams#natlan#the character centric parts were rather weak to me#ororon has an intriguing arc but i don't care enough about him to care about the arc#similarly i only felt a surface level investment with a lot of the other main cast; though funnily enough excluding citlali#she's a breath of fresh air amongst the cast and i really enjoyed her screentime#there are a lot of story decisions in this quest that i'm impressed and glad hoyo decided to take; it adds a layer of realism to natlan tha#was missing in inazuma and ultimately i believe was the reason inazuma flopped as a nation#there is real tangible weight in the things that happen in natlan; i felt moved by the story and i think that's the hallmark of a good stor#i hope in the next archon quest they don't undo or undermine these decisions in any way. they truly contributed so much to the overall tone#of the story that to remove them would be like taking the legs out from underneath it#writing aside the environmental storytelling and level design also contributed so much to crafting the atmosphere of this quest#it felt gut wrenching in a way inazuma never did. for even the briefest moment these npcs were people and you were watching them struggle#a poignant beautiful desperate struggle that i think is so incredibly human and both moving and heartbreaking to witness#also helped by the exquisite ost. hoyomix has certainly not lost their touch even with yu peng chen gone#despair hope triumph relief; all captured so wonderfully in a score i know i will be listening to for the next few weeks once it drops#i'm rambling so much but. i liked this a lot and i can only hope hoyo sticks the landing on this one#i hate having high expectations but i can't help it for this one i fear
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Crazy people were calling me a misandrist for my beauty and the beast comic 💀
#1. i was like 17 when i made this and yes its hard to read and theres a fake word in there#english and french are similar enough that i englicize french words sometimes my bad#2. did everyone miss the part where the first guy str8 up hired the beast to kill the other guy? Beast just didnt like their vibes its not#that deep#the story is not that deep#i did in fact just wanted to draw a lesbian fairy tale#queer ppl complaining about predictable writing 🫵 sit down and touch grass#sometimes people just want to make something and it doesnt have to be the best#im good btw its just been circulating again and its funny seeing how serious so many ppl took it#like. its just a comic#its literally just a story made in one day by a 17 yo who had never read a queer fairy tale can you calm down#everyone being confused by convoited was funny to me tho 🤡 here random fake word for free#meanwhile me : yea thats a word. convoited. from the verb convoit which means to admire and desire something#totally a verb i can directly translate from French i dont need to look it up
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and obviously this is by far the least important part of ANY of this, but i'm going to pretty strongly dissociate myself from anything relating to that smp-- mostly for my own mental health (again, not to center myself here). as for CS, i would like to continue it, though obviously the disclaimers again will be heavy. it is a story i wrote to cope with abuse, and if fanworks like that are called to be stopped then i will obviously rethink things. but i will give it a lot of time to figure out how to meaningfully create something from a piece of media created by unfathomably shitty people, and i'd like to be able to continue writing for the message that CS was set to convey.
again, this is not the focus of the conversation, but i just wanted to say that since i am online for once and i figure i may get an ask or two about it.
#nightmare.personal#nightmare.cough-syrup#as an update for folks since i do typically discuss my own personal life on this blog#i'm currently in the stages of questioning whether or not i have CPTSD#and after a few conversations occurring the last couple of months i've been keenly in touch with the various-#-abusive relationships/situations i've had in my life that i did not ever recognize consciously.#people seem to be handling this situation far better than past occurrences in this general sphere.#but i cannot emphasize enough how fucking difficult it is to speak out about these things.#those in my life were very selective about what abuse they let be shown publicly versus what i could never speak about#and i again am so in awe of shubble's strength in acknowledging something like this given how public of a figure her abuser is.#i hope he rots and i hope she heals. that's about where i'm at as i hope everyone is.#(and also if i post a bit about my mental health in coming days note that that is not an attempt to detract from-#-another victim's story. i want to make it very clear that while there are parallels in stories of abuse-#every abuse victim's story is theirs and is not to be trivialized or collapsed in any broader way.)
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i don't really know how to word this but like i feel like i'm gonna forever have to deal with the pain and heartache of one of my very first pokémon games- the first 'normal' pokémon game i've ever played, that i will have lasting nostalgia and love for as a result of it being formative to my introduction into the series- being the one that will forever be looked down upon for bad graphics and technical issues as a result of the game having been rushed
like i honest to goodness want to scream and yell and cry into the void about how this means everything to me and will always be one of my fave games just in general. but how am i gonna do that without someone being like 'the broken overpriced mess? the one that's missing all this stuff from the older games that was great? the thing with all the cringe? that one?' or whatever. and the thing is they aren't wrong for their criticisms either like i know the fact that they rushed this wonderful game hardcore is a massive stain on its reputation and it hurts me too but like i cannot turn off the brain full of love in me and be a mean critic. or even an impartial one. i mean i criticize everything i love don't get me wrong i am constantly running my mouth about what i like and don't like. but at the end of the day i approach all media with an unusually optimistic mindset. if you see me talk a ton about something no matter what i'm saying you can bet it means i love it.
just. aaagh. it's always tough being a new fan of an old series. i'm like too embarrassed to express my opinions bc i feel like they're invalid y'know? i feel so exhausted every time i see something to the effect of like 'oh those poor kids these days having to deal with such bad quality everything what a bad time to be a fan of pokémon wow y'all make me feel so old' well see the thing is i actually am thriving and i love it here. and i'm also an adult myself so i have more critical thinking skills than people who played red when they were like five years old did. and even with the power of critical thinking i manage to be in love with this. join me in marvelling at the beauty of life
#sorry for the massive rant i am full of both love and rage but i feel alone in this world about this particular subject#my other fav complaint is like 'they make it too easy to xyz these days'#to me that reads like 'i suffered so why shouldn't they'#yes we should encourage people to spend 100 hours grinding to do basic story requirements.#to weed out the true gamers from the weaklings. or maybe we could use the spare time in our lives to touch grass#the only easy-fication change in sv i don't like is the ability to access boxes right from the menu#that kinda cheapens the need to strategically organize a team before heading somewhere#i can.. sorta understand being miffed about the remember moves mechanic?#frankly platinum was so stressful with not being able to freely switch without great hassle/cost#it would have been a fair enough compromise to make you pay a bit of lp or something#or do it for free but having to go to like a pokécenter or something#i'll never agree that exp share is bad though sorry#pokémon#ok but about the 'i feel bad for kids these days with these ugly designs/lame 3D models' thing#yeah i have news for you every gen has its ugly/stupid pokémon.#dude look at exeggcute#and some of the oldest spritework is hideous#granted the ds era spritework was beautiful#but i don't see what is so bad about the 3D models of today? they're both nice...#dude play an indie game or something if it's that important to you idk#it will never be the 90s again. it will never be the 00s again. i'm sorry.
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your ocs?? your artfight attacks? is your world and comic not original? the one with the world that is always cold and dark and getting colder?? the one where anaya is looking for the flame? the way you draw anything fantasy is very 👌👌👌to me. it's in your chara tags! it has that vibe that honestly doesn't get enough attention in fantasy settings to me. the simplicity and occasional gloom of it all, it gives me the impression that you really appreciate the scenery in souls games
anon clock was insane
#THANK U WAUUUUHHHHHH#complimenting my original ideas... i might get so happy i die. I DIE!!!#but its true ayana and cass's world is something of a dark souls ripoff#they were originally bright high fantasy but i reworked them in 2022 when i discovered ds 1#and as i received this ask im literally on ft forcing my friend to play ds1 so i can relive it without all the suffering#BUT HOW DID U KNOW IM A SOULS GAME FREAK??? I NEVER TALK ABT IT...#i guess i streamed ds3 occasionally so maybe that but...#or does my inspiration just read that clear...#haha not mad abt it. every story is insp from something. and i have enough of my own touches in there#anyway TYSM AGAIN#sobs.... i never expected to be more than a klancer.... to you....#ask
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Before you know it somebody is going to make a show about the children of these rockstars
oh boy how that show would flop! mind you most of these kids are WELL into their adulthood and have kids of their own. plus…im sure most of these kids want nothing to do with the spotlight. i personally don’t interact as much with my favs kids as much as a lot of ppl (on tiktok) do. like, if i see a post of theirs and they’re talking about their dad or whatever i’ll go “awww cute” and keep it pushing. why would i want to see a show about their lives?? like im glad it hasn’t happened, probably because no kid has stepped up and said “let’s do a show about me!” and thank goodness for that. i’d rather know as little as possible about these kids tbh.
#rocker wives adjacent (??)#pls let this never ever happen#im ok with knowing as little as possible and hearing a story about their father every once in a while#but anything more….#im not even willing to watch ex flops of mop why would i even touch this scenario#mind you i can’t keep a singular track on all the motley kids#nikki has enough to build an army don’t ask me to name all his kids#don’t care about vince or tommys kids and micks kids are probably way too old to even have social media#well an active social media at least idk#lily of the asks
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just enough to let me drown - pettiot - Peaky Blinders (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
Ch 1 | Ch 2 | ? | ?
During S6-E5, starting with Tommy meeting Diana at the narrowboat, how he gets back to Arrow, that particular Dinner, through to Tommy returning home after dropping Jack Nelson off at the train.
Tommy was running out of women who didn’t look like other women. If Lizzie found out, he’d have only redheads left to fuck in his old age.
No. No old age. Only this.
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Diana Mitford/Tommy Shelby, Past Oswald Mosley/Tommy Shelby, Tommy Shelby/Lizzie Stark, Past Oswald Mosley/Lizzie Stark, Jack Nelson, Charles Strong, Small Heath Sex Worker | Reference to Incest, Dehumanisation, Cigarette Burns, Disassociation, Racism, Class Issues, Intrusive Thoughts, Extremely Dubious Consent, Post Rationalisation, Flashbacks, Dyfunctional Relationship, Self Harm, Oral Trauma, Trauma, Plausible Deniability, Close POV/Unreliable Narration, Horrible Dinner Parties, Prostitution, Shame, Hurt/Comfort, Eating Inedible Objects, Vomiting, Pre-Seizure Markers, Where Fascism becomes a Personally Targetted Sexual Nightmare, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Falling Off the Wagon, Unreliable Memory, Hoarding, Orgasm Control, Innuendo, Ethnic Slurs, Trying (so fucking hard!) to Communicate (emotion is the enemy of oratory!), Spiralling, Purposeful Ambiguity, Failed Love Confession/s
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#my writing#peaky blinders#peaky blinders fanfic#tommy x lizzie#tommy shelby#tommy x diana#tommy x mosley#lizzie x mosley#jack nelson#charles strong#a purposefully 'did that actually happen? did he actually say that? was it all in his head' chapter#i promise the flashbacking and tommy's trauma-blurred sense of time/place only happens once more in this story he's done with the past now#featuring snips of my headcanon of tommy's hoarding habit:#as a little kid he collected/stole little bits of rich people tokens and hid them under the floorboards with a vague thought one day he'd -#-have enough to become one of them#also tried to write this so the t-l scene in the show (getting dressed and 'when i know everything i'll tell you everything') still works.#lizzie is pissed at the perfume but she always believed tommy slept with sex workers ongoing through their marriage. not the same as diana.#lizzie realising txd happened the morning after txl's hotel ILU seemed important. nothing in what diana said at dinner did that. and so#also wanted tommy handing duke to uncle charlie.in this way that tommy arranged the fam's marriages#sorry uncle charlie that i never saw you as a dad. but here you go: a fatherless son i prepared earlier. good luck#as to what tommy's 'script' was with lizzie that got derailed when she laughed at him: reader's choice. XD#he spirals around and around and around what happened with diana and never touches centre
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Something seriously lacking in my art is the ability to tell a story in a single illustration.
I've gotten so used to drawing my characters standing around doing random things that I've never practiced telling a full tale/putting implications into my pieces that require more thinking/looking.
It also comes from a lower amount of details in my works by default [since I like to get pieces done fast], but I'm tired of using that as an excuse.
#vent#kinda#sorry I'm just having a rough one tonight but I'll recover lmao#I think the AI art thing is really getting to me cuz like.#Anyone can make pretty images if they study and practice hard enough#[not to detract from people who don't tell stories with their images!]#but something in my brain wants to fight back because AI will never be able to Tell a Story through its images.#It can't make narrative choices through its regurgitation of random elements. It will never tell a cohesive and interesting tale through#detail choice#the worst it can do is create surface-level 'pretty' images by smashing together a bunch of mushed up information#but storytelling? that's human touch#that's intention. Thought. Choices.#and idk it's really bothering me lately that my images almost never... 'say' anything about a character.#this does not apply to anyone else's art I look at#it's just a standard I'm starting to feel my head apply to my own work and nobody else's.#which I'm taking as a sign that this is something I'm unsatisfied with#but the thought of starting to develop a completely new skill like that? terrifyingly daunting.#Sorry for the wall of tags I'm havin' some hella moodswings tonight#happens a lot when I get inspired by art I see#which I'm trying to work on but yaknow#it's a long process#anyways how's your night goin#I'm gonna cheer myself up by eating some amazing asparagus casserole
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someone who plays wuthering waves should tell me whether it's good after the 1.0 storyline or whatever actually releases
#ramblings!#i . still will not play it 1 gacha is enough but i guess id like to see if it's legit or just popular rn bc haha gnsn competition#+ jiggle physics.... JFKSDLFJKLSDMFSKLDG#i can't take the female characters seriously and the only guy who looks interesting is lion dancer guy but we have that at home#queued#would be cool to have gnsn competition but at the same time it'll just continue the massive dick measuring contest and im like -_-#me when ive heard 'genshin could never wuwa scaring hoyo' like ok. if you wanna prove smth go outside and touch grass#also that guy something jinhsi why is it just his name in not mandarin romanization lol#or is it a girl i forgot.. anyways yeah i need story reviews not just ‘they’re so hot omg gnsn could never’#like ok idk what the trailers say but I have not seen a single plot review pls whereeeeeee is the story why is everyone tattooed with their#rarity star number
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I do not understand the mindset of "the co//smere eventually being so interconnected that you have to read older books before you can read newer ones is bad" because like cmiiw is that not how series usually work
#like i do personally think reading sla last of the main cosmere series is the most fun route#bc characters from other books love fucking around with roshar more than any other planet and the easter eggs are so much fun#and it has more easter eggs than any other#but not understanding the cosmere-wide significance of the thaidakar reveal nor recognizing vasher and vivenna under their pseudonyms#does not make the series unenjoyable. you know#like other fantasy series love dropping hints of some spectulative people like the iriali in scadrial#or theyll reference ancient or distant wars and then never follow up on it#why is it bad that you CAN follow up on these things by reading other books#i dont think it's bad that you kind of have to read the mistborn eras in order so that they make sense#i dont see a problem with sunlit being completely unintelligible if you dont read stormlight first#you can read stormlight all the way through and never touch another cosmere book and still get the full experience of the story yk!#fantasy just usually doesnt give you the option of finding all the answers to made up worlds if you read enough#are we spoiled that we do have that option? idk idk!#fantasy books will say some shit like 'the king over the sea did X and Y thousands of years ago#mistborn says 'the lord mistborn did X and Y hundreds of years ago'#but with mb you can just go read about that it's not a problem to me#says kenna
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"I honestly think both in terms of fic for the show itself and for RPF, it's about race"
Ah, I wasn't expecting this, which as a brown woman is incredibly naive of me.
There's currently discourse on X about Louis being the most "boring" character which is also, undoubtedly, driven by racism.
(x)
Oh, I'm really sorry, anon, and you shouldn't feel naive. I mean, for starters, I could be wrong, and I'm being pretty speculative, but even if I'm right, the onerous of that isn't, or at least shouldn't be, on you. I think there's a lot of really great progressive things that happen in fandom, but at the same time fandom is created by People Living in Societies, and unfortunately biases and discrimination, at least in my experience, can and do seep through in ways that are both toxic and just flat out negligent.
The idea of Louis being boring is absolutely an insane and racist rhetoric too. He is so wildly interesting as a character, with so many layers of storytelling and nuance and contradiction, which I adore in him, and it makes me wonder if the people who find him boring are the same ones who want to make him the audience insert (insane given Daniel is literally right there) or to project all this 'battered housewife' narrative onto him, which - - look.
I've tried to shrug this off, but I literally just spent the entire day at a symposium on how the Australian government child support system is weaponised by abusive men against women post-divorce, so I'm a bit of a raw nerve about this topic, but it's made me even more pissed off at the Louis-Housewife arguments than normal.
Not only is it diminishing and completely at odds with his character, but what a way to show you've never, ever engaged with real survivors of, or conversations with, patriarchal oppression.
#i am so sorry this is not what your ask is#but i've spent 75% of the day feeling lowkey ill being present for harrowing conversations of physical and financial violence#as well as dowry abuse and remittance abuse in south asian-australian and african-australian communities#and like one of the first posts i saw online when i logged on tonight was a recommended post about louis as a battered housewife and i just#WHAT are you TALKING ABOUT#touch grass#if you think this is what the show is exploring let that radicalise you enough to go and support actual women and the lgbt in your communit#and engage in nfps working in the space#because then you might realise that the 'battered housewife' trope in general is a hateful one that was created by men to further victimise#and you might realise that while lestat's abuse is real it's a fraction of louis' story and#no#mutual abuse is NOT real#but louis and lestat aren't either#and regardless of that trying to apply a gender paradigm to a romance between 2 men is both gender essentialist and really ugly#and as courtney replied to me the other day it's like - -#terf-y#frankly#'woman-coded and man-coded' is just#oof#again#very gender essentialist#and honestly i think it's been used to reduce louis' character in so many ways#so there's both racism and this weird gender stuff working against him which is wild#given louis is never depicted as anything but cis and gay#him wanting kids and liking books and art doesn't make him 'woman coded'#i just - -#yes sorry#this has derailed#it's been a long day
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#the thing is. you should believe survivors#also my ex after we broke up tried to go to half of our mutual friend and tell them horrifying stories of abuse he was dealing with#it wasn't even planned smearing campain (I don't think it's his style). he was truly hurt. some things really di happened. some even#happened the way he told it. and some were blowed to 'I went to work with bruises every day' (he was grabbed by hand by other partner once#and had bruises because he was so white-skinned he bruised like from touch)#or how I forced him to live with other man that hated him and turned his life to hell (he forgot to mention that it was my disabled brother#he flew away from our abusive mother as soon as he turned 18 and I gave him shelter. after asking partners to consider this seriously#because it's big commitment. I also stated several times that I'm willing to move out with him if it's unpleasant. also this 'living hell'#was him ignoring my partner completely after he yelled on him several times because as he said he didn't ran away from home#to suffer yelling again)#so yeah. it didn't work that time because my friend actually know everything from me long before my ex came to them#they nodded politely and never talked to him again#but it lingers. and it majes me look really critically at any call out or accusation.#person could be really hurt. really harmed even. and still there could be biases or misunderstanding or any human messiness#it sounds like girl had a horrifying experience. it also looks like she kept illusion of being fully on board and loving it.#was it believably? or he just didn't care#did he pick her because she was young and inexperienced? or because she told him she's interested in bdsm?#did he tried to help her when she was in bad place? or was he calculatingly buying her silence?#was he creepy or was he awkward?#honestly I don't know even... what kind of proofs you can get there#like we have her statement. we have objective thing — texts and vids. we can have Gaiman own statement#so what if he will repeat what stated in messages: it was consensual she literally wrote what she want me to do etc#believe survivors. what if everything she told is true too. but also what in messages are true too#what if she was scared and hurt and also told him yes and more and please master. because people are complicated#would he accused of not reading her mind? would there be charges on not checking enough. HOW WRAP MY MIND AROUND IT#like it's all is ne genuinely trying to understand what's next and how it could be wrapped at all#for the record: even if it was absolutely 💯 consensual and girl like completely lying about everything etc#he's still clearly fucked up and things were messy for a lot of reasons. it's bad!#but there's difference between 'it was rape or coercion' and 'it was poorly planned affair and he should've be more considerate of partners#feelings'. and in any way. hope that girl gets help
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finished like 153 chapters in one night. i love these kinds of executions for yandere characters so much. i love it when a story takes mental illness and psychological brokenness seriously and still be able to create a beautiful interpretation without fetishizing that appeals to the very raw and basic nature of wanting to be loved so badly that fractures a person. i love stories like this that show us the worst of a person but doesn't rush to ease them again. i love stories that show the darkest pits of the human psyche and makes you go, "this is happening but it isn't the end. wait just a bit, and ill show you how things get better." i LOVE when stories do that; get all meta and create a story within the story that the actors/characters have to now see their way through and reach the scripted happy ending that feels impossible and illogical to reach as a conclusion, but happened anyways. stories that are seemingly taken out of the author's hands and into the characters instead and them being like "i know you believe this happy ending to be false, because you can't believe it'll be achievable through anything but delusion. but just wait, i'll show you." (thinking particularly about the princess iron fan arc in act age bc that still makes me tear up)
the depiction of ptsd and mental illness was something i was particularly touched by, too. the "problematic" aspects, ugly aspects, of mental illness were addressed so kindly and compassionately, and the solution never felt like it was straight up telling you "you're messed up. this isn't right, you're not normal". this is something i would've expected reading a story with a yandere character, because for most people the appeal of a yandere is to be attracted to someone who is Fucked up but hot. but like. even rebuttals like "no that's not normal! that scares me!" were handled so casually -- almost to the point you could call it carelessly, but it wasn't careless at all. it was a deliberate choice to not make a Huge deal about being turned off by someone's thoughts or preferences that made for a much more judgement-free and loving environment to agree or disagree with each other.
rindo is really the ideal wish fulfillment for mentally ill buddies like me along w kim kitsuragi sjjdjdjfkfkf. like i kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, to see the twist that oh this guy is gonna be fucked up too! bc of the Genre! but no. he's kind, steadfast and humourous, and is so generous w his capacity to love people. he might be understood as a selfless martyr type with the way he keeps wanting to reassure amane even during really troubling events in the plot, but he was never traumatised by those events and he had a clear and sane mind the entire time. its so easy to think of him as a "victim" in an overbearing codependent relationship in the story, but he's just really emotionally resilient. he doesn't give up, he doesn't take hurtful words at face value because he knows something deeper is at play, he doesn't hesitate opening up first and being vulnerable or pushy if it helps amane feel less ugly being vulnerable with his thoughts and desires towards him.
this is a fictional story and not irl, so obviously like. irl, you wouldn't want to enmesh yourself so deeply with someone that you'll die if they do. but he was willing to do that. not necessarily that, but the same gesture -- "if i ever betray you, you can kill me, and then we'll both be the last thing we'll see". on paper, even just writing it, makes me sound insane and delusional. how could this be something someone sane could say? but he WAS sane, because he was also saying "you said you love me so much you want to die with me, so you must also mean that you love me so much you want to live with me forever. this means your heart wants to be with me, so stop deceiving yourself into thinking you'll be fine. know that my heart and yours are joined in the same way, because i want to see you at the end of my life too, and there's nothing wrong with that."
rindo has such a great talent for finding multiple meanings, often positive, to amane's thoughts. because his mind is often muddy and swamped with unpleasant words and memories when he spirals / ruminates , he can't stick his hand through it long enough to see what comes out when he pulls out of it. very natural, normal and human desires you form with someone you love: "i love you. i'm scared you'll leave me someday. i want to be with you forever. i don't know if i deserve to be this happy. i love you. i love you. i love you. i don't want to spend a day without you. i want you to be happy and i want to be involved in making you happy, but i feel so incompetent that i'm worried i'll fail too much. i love you. please love me back.”
the way the characters in this story is so kind genuinely ... makes me want to cry. like rindo's mom accidentally saying homophobic things at first out of surprise but then her Maternal instincts took over and she could have another son to shower with love. the way everyone looks out for them but doesn't judge their relationship or try to messily break them away from each other or intervene for their "own good". there's no unnecessary drama or misunderstanding that isn't solved within 1-2 chapters in a really clear, reassuring tone (while also maintaining a natural pace so as to be thoughtful to the writing).
man. i cried multiple times reading this story. i was just here for the yandere BL ride, not the unexpected feeling of love and validation for my mental health issues?!
#yuu rambles#yuu reads#my perverted stalker#GODDD THE TITLE DOES THE STORY SUCH A DISSERVICEEE I MEAN I KNOW IT STARTED OUT AS A SHORT 14 CHAPTER STORY BUT LIKE#ITS REALLY GOOD. PLEASE TRY TO MOVE PAST THE GENERIC RED FLAG PROBLEMATIC SOUNDING TITLE OKAY#im so. :')))))))) i want to cry. i felt so touched.#to my friends who experience splitting from bpd - i think you might resonance with the way amane thinks#he doesnt have bpd iirc. he has ptsd and mild panic disorder; but his lines of thinking are hugely relatable in the way he#unconsciously self sabotages himself and his chances of happiness bc being happy triggers him#pls bear in mind the trigger warnings in the story if you cant handle it and stuff; this is more of a#rambling to show people what i read recently tjat moved me-post rather than a you should read this-post#im just v emotional. i love them so mucj#i feel like this is thr closest depiction of romance that i understand sincerely and resonate with oddly enough#i dont just want them to be happy but also felt that it would be nice if i could also be happy being supported and loved like that.#ive never experienced that before. this is very new to me#anyways sorry for rambling in da tags but its my signature move !!! okay!!#okay bye love you have a good day i ahvent slept yet
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That sure sounds like something bad is going to happen to these teens just doing their homework.
#this is old but i never posted it#the context is we were playing with that character ai thing in april and i was trying to see if the thing could properly answer math#it could not because not even the equation for a parabola was correct#(so at the end of the story we had was eli crying about not know what a parabola is)#but what happened in the story is theyre parallel studying in liam&charlie's apartment when they hear screaming and police sirens#they look out the window and then look up and they see a man on the opposite apartment complex standing on the edge of the roof#drama ensues and charlie and joey have an extended interaction that makes me want them to be friends rather than acquainances thru eli#but that whole ordeal was not canon but it does open the door to my mind. so that ai shenanigans wasnt all negative#i dont touch the thing anymore tho. but i did find this pic again and remembered...i need to draw these kids more#and they are my kids now. i made them in high school so they were my peers but now they are my children#oc stuff#find eli#joey#charles#eli#also char and joey were able to talk the man down or at least distract him enough until EMTs were able to bring him down
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ik I'm the edgy suicide mutual but i really do love bsd's themes even if i don't quite follow its ideas in my own life. i think the story uses them in a very lovely way and does give them focus and they underline every element of the story even if not in immediately obvious ways and i think that's what's important
#back in november when i was like a month into bsd i started writing an essay abt this exact theme of reasons to live#idk man. ig it kinda touched me. enough to start moving things in my life at least#(never gonna admit it again so cherish that one lol)#not only do i think it's a good story but it's also an important one. exactly for those reasons i think#yknow like how ppl say hq hypes you to work hard for your goals and p5 makes you want to stand up against injustice?#maybe this is part of what asagiri meant when he said bsd is for ppl who aren't good at living. maybe it can inspire them (...us)#to find some other thing in life to strive for. to find a meaning. even if it's in stories#idk maybe I'm speaking nonsense rn hehe I'm very emotional rn for some reason and special interest brain is working overtime
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