#back in november when i was like a month into bsd i started writing an essay abt this exact theme of reasons to live

[daz4i]

ik I'm the edgy suicide mutual but i really do love bsd's themes even if i don't quite follow its ideas in my own life. i think the story uses them in a very lovely way and does give them focus and they underline every element of the story even if not in immediately obvious ways and i think that's what's important

[yellowloid]

ten people i'd like to get to know better

i was tagged by @uhbasicallyjustmilex @arcticshadowturtles @rearviewghost - thank you so much!! 💖

last song: girl, so confusing - charli xcx feat. lorde

favourite colour: purple and black 💜🖤 all shades of purple are just my favourite but especially lilac which i made my whole personality ever since i was like 13

last book: currently reading normal people by sally rooney, i'm really enjoying it so far! can't wait to catch up with the tv show, i've heard very positive reviews of it + i love daisy edgar jones' and paul mescal's on-screen chemistry, plus i miss ireland sm and the book is continuously feeding my dublin blues </3

last movie: i honestly can't remember bc i don't watch that many movies (i'm more of a tv show girlie) but it was probably visconti's 'death in venice' after reading the short novel - thomas mann is one of my favourite authors and the movie perfectly captured the languidly eerie atmosphere of the book

last tv show: tim burton's wednesday! i purposely avoided it back when it came out bc everyone was talking about it and you know how it goes, the more people talk about smth the less i feel the desire to watch it lmao. but then last month i was in the mood for smth with a spooky autumn vibe that was also kinda light, so i decided to give it a chance and it was a really nice surprise! i wasn't expecting to like it so much but i found it really entertaining, i loved jenna ortega's portrayal of wednesday and i also found her and enid so cute (GOD i hope they make wenclair canon in s2 it'd be so good)

sweet/spicy/savoury: savoury all the way, but after that then also a sweet treat

relationship status: blessedly single and also the dating scene is so atrocious i'd rather put my hand in a blender than open tinder ever again

last thing i googled: t.s. eliot's poem 'the naming of cats' because i remembered i had it saved somewhere but couldn't find it so i just looked it up - it's so silly i love it

current obsessions:

am/tlsp as always - i  finished writing a very long chapter of my wip the other day and even tho it was very angsty i'm so happy i finally finished it because i'd been bogged down in a slump for quite some time and i'm just so glad i managed to pull myself out of it. just a couple of chapters left and then the fic will be completely written :')

taylor swift as always - last couple of days i've been losing my mind over her new surprise songs outfits specifically. i see. i see it all so clearly

garrett and andrew (my favourite youtubers along with dan and phil): i LOVED the new spooky video and ugh every single one of their videos has the power to become a comfort video to me

bungo stray dogs and soukoku in particular - i watched the anime for the first time back at the start of 2020, then i rewatched it around this time last year and i'm afraid ever since then it's been living in my mind rent free, especially these two chaotic bitter exes </3 i'm on volume 18 of the manga but i need to catch up asap!!

looking forward to: having dinner with my friends on saturday night, the new bsd chapter at the start of november, christmas time, planning another trip with the girls <3 also having a break (isn't going to happen soon unfortunately) and getting some quality SLEEP i'm so tired

tagging: @alexturner @mrschwartz @reconciledviolence729 @hesterias @partynthem @depressedraisin @glorious-blackout @1llusionmachine and anyone who wants to do it 🫶

[hideyseek]

2, 19, and 27 for the writing wrapped! ^^

thanks for the ask!! <3 sorry this is: so long aha

2. Did you have any writing goals? Did you meet them or not? ah, actually this year i did not have a year-long writing goal, but i did camp nano in april with the goal of a 20k draft of narrative!fic and i did nano in november with the goal of an 8k draft of the first arc of narrative!fic, and ... length-wise i reached both. but, content-wise i definitely did not actually produce a coherent 20k draft in april (i ended up with a 20k collection of: random fucking scenes that did not connect, which was also useful). in november i got a little closer to one coherent arc but discovered right about the end of the month that actually the first arc was not 8k (i would have had to go back and revise like 3k to keep all of the 8k within the "first arc" of story) and so cheated a little bit and skipped ahead to get to 8k of newly drafted material in the month.

19. Summarize your writing project in 5 key words. moving forward into your future (narrative!fic)

27. Which books, movies, etc, helped instruct your storytelling this year? HAHAHA THANK YOU FOR THIS QUESTION! actually this year there were several! some craft/theory books, some pieces of media that really made me go: oh, wow, okay, i want to do THAT. sorry this answer is so long lol i just... started and then kept thinking of things. the actual list under a cut:

george saunders' a swim in a pond in the rain which has fully changed the way i think about writing. this guy breaks "keeping your reader's attention" into several component parts and ... just makes writing all about keeping your reader engaged which happens to align closely with what my own goal is with any piece of writing (based on a quote from the west wing episode "the u.s. poet laureate"). HIGHLY recommend

anne lamot's bird by bird which is such a good book on how to wrangle your brain as a writer. there's not much "how to do the thing of writing" past the stage of "how to get writing on the page" so for me the primary value of this was brain!wrangling tips rather than "how to get words on the doc" but it does a great job of both. also highly recommended. she is simply so so funny and nice about it

bungo stray dogs, surprisingly enough. i think this was a big year for me of understanding / finally starting to think about structure. i am a writer who ... does not read a lot (and i think, truly, this is to my own detriment!). i don't currently consume a lot of media in a language i understand (english/mandarin) and so i've shifted my craft thinking focus to story structure rather than to capturing like, a cadence of written language (which i remember was way important to me in like 2020/2021 when i was first coming back to serious writing in college). and i'm sure a lot of other anime has also helped with this, but after bsd i was really thinking about the component parts of a larger story, and how a multi-series plot-heavy show will have to do careful work in having an arc per-episode or per several episodes, but also have cohesive series arcs as well as cohesive and consistent overall arcs. which i just hadn't ever really thought about before.

summer wars which is a movie i watched completely on a whim. i don't know that it consciously changed anything of what i DO as a writer in terms of process or anything like that. but this movie has stayed with me for months, just because it is so so SO tightly written, everything in there has it's place. and it is SUCH a good example of "BIG STORY that starts out as a really REALLY small and specific story that actually never stops being a small and specific story". that's what i want to do, so so bad!

tada-kun doesn't fall in love which frankly speaking i have not finished because i become too emotionally overwhelmed at how much i love it every time i watch an episode and then have to take a break for several weeks lol. but this was the show that made me go: OH. there is a clear difference in specifically the humor and pacing and the way that information is conveyed to the audience in in an anime-original series vs a manga-adaptation series, which got me into a larger realization about how one of my goals as a writer is to fully take advantage of the medium i'm working in, and to make the story i create one that would have to be changed (not necessarily for the worse, but different in some way) if it were to go to another medium.

thanks for the ask!! this was very fun <3

--

hehe finally getting to my writing wrapped asks for 2022!

[anti-dazai-blog]

15- He just doesn’t respect privacy (and other complaints) 

Chapter 15 is the final chapter covered in season 1. I’m surprised we got this far. I look forward to the day when the Anti-Dazai Series is caught up with the manga.

Dazai starts off this chapter by being Dazai™. Obviously.

His first and primary Dazai Crime here would be rooming Kyoka with Atsushi without informing Atsushi first. This is weird and borderline creepy for a number of reasons:

1- It’s a violation of Atsushi’s privacy. 

Regardless of who exactly’s rooming with him, he has a right to privacy. I’d criticize someone for entering a person’s room without knocking first, and it’s so, so much worse to send someone a free roommate without their consent.

2- I highly doubt he asked Kyoka whether or not she’s comfortable with these arrangements.

Kyoka is 14. From my experience of once being a 14 year old girl, being forced to share a small apartment with an 18 year old guy would not be a very pleasant experience.

3- It’s most likely very uncomfortable for Atsushi too.

Look, Atsushi’s not a creep. He’s obviously not going to do anything to Kyoka. I doubt he’s all that comfortable with sharing a small living space with a barely-teenage girl.

4- It comes off as somewhat shippy on Dazai’s part.

[I’m not sure if I’m misinterpreting this, but back in chapter 9 bsd was definitely paring Atsushi and Kyoka together in a shippy way (with the whole “a date? With you?” thing). So I don’t think it’s such a stretch to say that they’re being roomed together for shipping reasons]

Dazai, a grown adult, should not be playing matchmaker with two teenagers. Especially since one’s 18 and one’s 14. Also especially since he’s their superior at work, and to an extent they have to listen to him. 

5- To make matters worse, there were probably many other options for who should room with who

Kyoka could have probably roomed with Yosano, or with one of the clerks. Even rooming with Kunikida (a responsible adult who used to be a teacher and knows how to take care of children) would be better than rooming with Atsushi (a traumatized teenager who’s still getting over his tiger identity crisis and is clearly uncomfortable with this). It’s not like there weren’t options. Dazai could have roomed Kyoka anywhere, and chose the one place that would make his favorite subordinate uncomfortable. 

But of course, it takes little to no convincing for Dazai to get Atsushi on-board with this. He makes up a flimsy excuse and Atsushi buys it. 

But Dazai’s crimes against Atsushi don’t end there. Dazai found out about the people who places the bounty on Atsushi, and hasn’t yet told anyone about this. It’s been days, and he’s been walking around with knowledge that’s vital for Atsushi to learn about, and he hasn’t bothered telling anyone about this yet. 

No one even knows what happened to him or what he was doing in the time that he was captured by the mafia. Kunikida tells him to go write up a report of all that. Dazai won’t do his job without making it difficult for everyone else first. He tries to rock-paper-scissors his way out of writing it, but Kunikida is not amused. He tells Dazai to stop wasting time and write it already. That is his job, after all. Then he tries to get Atsushi to write it for him instead. When he refuses, that’s when he finally gets around to admitting that the report would include information on the bounty, since he found it out during his extended mafia visit. 

To reiterate: he uses the information about Atsushi’s bounty as a bargaining chip to get Atsushi to do his work for him.

Ah yes. Typical Dazai Move™ there. 

Join me sometime(?) when I eventually get around to explaining how Dazai doesn’t get any better in the arcs covered in season 2. There’ll be an inconsistent posting schedule until November, because a friend of mine is getting married and I’ll be busy with that for the next few months. 

[nycttophilic]

Guidelines

If you don’t agree to these rules and don’t want to follow me back—and if I have already followed you—please just HARD block me. It’ll help keep my dash cleaner, as well as make sure in my forgetfulness I won’t follow you again. Don’t worry, I won’t be upset lol. Thank you so much for looking at my rules!! 🖤🖤

Basic Rules:

-SEMI SELECTIVE AND MUTUALS ONLY.  This is for my own safety and feeling of security. If you want to roleplay with me, follow me. I will do the same for you if I’m willing to interact.

-OCS, AUS, AND ALL OTHER CHARACTERS WELCOME. I don’t care who your muse is. I’m all for OCs, crossovers, AUs, anything!! Just know I’m a bit more selective towards fandoms I don’t know about lol

-NO ONE-LINERS. I need some more interest in our thread from your end so I don’t lose muse as well. One-liners are fine for crack threads, but nowhere else. I’m fine with single to multiparagraph, and that’s how I will be writing.

-NO GODMODDING. I cannot express this enough. It’s my biggest pet peeve. Just don’t, or I’ll end the Rp immediately.

-PLEASE USE CORRECT GRAMMAR. I’m a bit of a grammar freak, so seriously. At least try. However, If English isn’t your first language, I COMPLETELY understand.

-MULTIVERSE, MULTISHIP. Every thread is a different verse, every ship a different verse. Simple.

-DONT REBLOG THINGS FROM ME. Honestly, guys this just gets on my nerves. It’s a bit irrational...but also irritating because when I check my phone and see a notification from a mutual, I get excited because I think it’s a reply! But then I realize you just reblogged that meme/musing/whatever. Please, only reblog threads from me and everything else from the source. This includes memes, musings, pictures, and promos. Also, pls don’t reblog my PSAs, if you agree with them let me know so I can post it to my rp memes blog, which I would LOVE for you to reblog it from!!

-REBLOGGING ASKS AND TRIMMING THREADS. I’m not as strict as a lot of people over this, but some mutuals of mine are so please trim your threads when you reply to me. If you are in a situation where you can’t, that’s perfectly fine. However, thanks to this new Tumblr update I cannot trim asks because I don’t have xKit. So I ask for you to trim them for me, and if you can’t either then I’ll figure something out. Also with asks, I’m fine with you reblogging an ask to continue it. I will turn it into a separate thread for my friends’ sake.

-UNFOLLOWS. There’s a low chance I will unfollow someone, and the only reasons I can think of are spreading drama, being inactive for over a month without a hiatus, something else that annoys me, or too many OOC posts. The latter is why I am hesitant to follow back personal blogs who roleplay on said blog, but it’s not impossible. I won’t follow personal blogs from side blogs, but if you let me know you are a side blog I will gladly follow where you roleplay.

-DONT INVOLVE ME IN DRAMA. I hate drama. I’m the type of person who wants absolutely nothing to do with it. If I ask about what’s going on, then you’re welcome to tell me, but other than that, don’t talk to me about it. I won’t take sides. I won’t tell other people what’s going on. I’ll only act like nothing’s happening. 

-SPOILERS. I will tag spoilers for everything that’s not in the anime. For example, if a post contains something in the BSD fandom that’s not in the anime, I will tag it. I doubt I will tag threads for spoilers, and if there’s a character that’s manga only I won’t tag it (ESPECIALLY if I write that character, like Daki.)

-REQUESTING MUSES. If you don’t request a specific character in an ask or a starter call, I won’t write it. I just don’t have the time to go to you and ask which character you want, nor try to guess what you were thinking when you sent something in or liked a starter call. So I just won’t respond to whatever it is. This is the case when requesting one of my muses or picking one of your muses, if you’re a multi like me. Sorry..!!

Romance Rules:

-NO SMUT. I can’t stress this enough. It’s not that I’m a minor (which I’m not), it’s that it makes me uncomfortable. You will never see smut on this blog. I’m fine with heavy make out scenes, but when the clothes start to come off is where I request a fade to black.

-I LOVE TO WRITE ROMANCE THREADS. I’m a pretty big hopeless romantic, as that’s where most of my muse is generated from. I may want to add a ship to our thread at some point, but will never force it.

-REFUSALS. NO pedofilia, NO incest, NO rape, or ANYTHING nasty like that. I understand that sometimes in writing dark situations occur, as some of these things are in my muses’ backstory. So, if you write any of those things, I’m not going to block you. However, if you request to do any of that stuff with me, I’ll say no. Press the issue, I’ll hard block you. I shouldn’t have to hear you request it the first time, as it’s right here in my rules and that means you didn’t read them. But I’ll go easy until you cross a line. 

-THERE MUST BE CHEMISTRY. Don’t bother trying to make a ship work that just won’t click, it’s a waste of time. But I’m more than willing to try things and see how they work..!!

-PLEASE RESPECT MY MUSES’ SEXUALITIES. You can tell a muse’s sexuality by what it says on their about. Most are bi/pan, but a few may be different.

Rules and things about me:

-I HAVE LOTS OF WRITING EXPERIENCE. I’ve been writing since I was maybe even seven years old, played games where I pretended to be a character irl since I was five, and have been actually roleplaying for approximately 7 years now. I’ve been roleplaying on Tumblr for three years. I really love writing, you know?

-WARNING, I WRITE GORE. I tend to go into detail about pain, suffering, death, and just very demented topics. That’s just a warning. If you have a problem with that, you may not want to follow me…

-TAGGING. Gore, murder, suicide, and other dark and triggering things will be tagged, but swearing will not. I swear far too much for me to remember to tag it. Also, I don’t post NSFW images or threads on this blog, so don’t worry about that, but I will tag asks and memes that can be perceived as nsfw. I tag things like this (using death as an example): “tw: death”. If you have any triggers, PLEASE let me know so I can tag them. There’s always a chance I might forget about something, and if I do please tell me. I’ll make sure not to forget a second time. Also, I ask you all tag vomit mentions, even if it’s just written, and ESPECIALLY TAG VISUALS OF THROW UP!!!! That is my ONLY trigger. Thank you.

-RESPONDING TIME. I’m a college student, high school student, and I work, so my responding time isn’t what it used to be lol. Please don’t pressure me over that..!! I also post most threads via queue unless I just need to send it out ASAP. I won’t bother you if it takes a little while to reply. We all have lives outside of Tumblr!!

-I’M NOT GOING TO SEND IN PASSWORDS. It just adds to my anxiety, and I don’t like that. That’s why I don’t ever ask someone to send a password in and just ask that they like my rules post! Just know I will always read someone’s rules before interacting.

-I’M ALWAYS HERE IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO. Honestly, I want to help! If something’s wrong and you want to tell me about it, I’m all ears. I hate being upset or depressed myself, so I like to try to make others feel better. It helps with my own sadness.

That’s all for right now..! Happy roleplaying~!!

like this post if you have read it and agree to it, please.

Hello! My name’s Kiki. There isn’t really much to say about me, except that I love to Roleplay!! That and write, of course. And draw. And sing. So I guess I love a lot of stuff lol. Also, I am diagnosed with ADD (attention-deficit disorder), so please bear with me..!! One last thing, I’m 18 as of November 2020.

If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m right here and always accepting PMs!!

My main account is twx-sid3d, but I’m rarely ever on there so here is the best place to contact me. I also have a multiverse oc sideblog @hxlf-bred and an Identity V multimuse at @surviiived.

Thanks for reading! Have a nice day~!