#hidey speaks
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the one really unexpected side effect of getting into social dance is that now sometimes i will read fic and go: oh. ahaha that is not where a follow's hand should be in closed position, or: oh no you guys really should not have your hands intertwined there unless you are really really sure nobody is going to be turning
#I FORGOT DANCING AS A ROMANTIC THING EXISTS IN FICTION LMAO#maybe i'll write a 'bring your fandom to your other hobby' fic one day lol#hidey speaks
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patiently waiting for your The First Shot fic
*that pic of spidermen waiting sitting in the balcony*
hi anon i have been saving this in my inbox and cherishing it deeply! thank you so much for this message wahhh!!!
the idea that someone is full of anticipation for my fic based only on the little bits i've sent out into the world so far ... EXTREMELY heartwarming and encouraging for me!
*that pic of a teary-eyed cat looking at its phone surrounded by heart emojis*
#wahhhhh this is seriously so niceys of you to say! patience ...... what a kind and generous thing <3#fic is ... ongoing ahah but slowly coming together! i hope you like it when it is done cooking! i will do my best to make it delicious!!!#hidey speaks#hidey answers asks
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HAPPY (belated) BIRTHDAY PYRRHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 💗 💖💜💜 💕💜 💗 💖 💖 ❤️ 💜 💜 💖💜 💛💗 💛💗 💖💖💙 💙💗💗 💚 💜💗 💚 💚 🎉 🎉 🎉 🎉 🎉 WAAAGH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH UR THE BEST WISHING NOTHING BUT JOY AND LOVE AND WHIMSY FOR YOU MY BELOVED
oh yeah and I tried recording a timelapse for the first time using csp's built in feature! added music and stuff so it wasnt just quiet, so that'll be under the cut too :-]
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#913's art#ok to rb#♡ pyrrha alexandra#digital art#clip studio paint#pyrrha alexandra#soulcalibur v#scv#//hi im having a moment#//was in a reeeeeally bad depressive slump but depression aint got shit on the love i have for this fictional woman#//the haters (read: me myself and i) can eat shit ILY PYRRHAAAAAA!! anything and everything for my wife from my favorite pile of slop (scv)#//speaking of eating shit its (almost) 7am i need to go to bed before i end up tripping and actually doing that goodnight.#//posts this and skitters back into my hidey-hole#Youtube
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the boys are here!!!
#kota speaks#lackadaisy#lackadaisy cats#ive no fucking space so they go on a box i set out#as a fun lil hidey bed for my cats
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im gonna add just. So manny pockets to the inside of my vest
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tagged by @svmit 💙💙💙
last song: sacrifice (eat me up) by enhypen
currently watching: talk x today
currently reading: good question! whatever i have in my drafts i guess
current obsession: tomorrow x together (help)
open tags because no i don't want to put myself on blast about being stuck in the kpoppie trenches </3
#tag games#azure speaks#feel free to do this if you want to but i'm going to sit in my little hidey hole now bye
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Ew jsut remembered one time I was sick and I didn’t want to have sex and my ex kept telling me to blow him cause it’ll like clear up my sinuses and help with my congestion. And when I told him no he started showing me videos of this TikTok doctors saying that women should do it bc it helps them with that. Like dude I’m sick I’m dying I do not want a penis in my mouth please.
#nsft?#I’m too lazy to put the little hidey thing on this one#spoiler alert I ended up doing it bc I got tired of his whining#marisa speaks
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🐭 for slightly intimidating, u seem lovely I'm just nervous about talking to people
how intimidating am i?
as someone else who has social anxiety, i get it! i'm glad you think i seem lovely tho, thank you very much :3
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hey oh my god this is so freaking nice????? thank you!!!!!
@hideyseek - Your inception drabbles are works of art, they have so much awesome in a small space! You inspire me as a writer!
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wow truly i had not understood the mischievious glee that is available if you buy yourself presents and then wrap them for yourself later! woah! its like pleasant anticipation mixed with a childlike delight of both playing a trick and being in on a joke hehehehe
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My spacial awareness is complete ass y’all 🥲. Got a big old welt on the back of my head, cause I slammed it into the freezer door handle when I was pulling ingredients out the fridge. It hurts so bad 😭😭😭. Like, why are house hold appliances coming for me like dis.
#toxic speaks#crying#it’s so painful#feels like a golf ball on the back of my head#As if the last two weeks haven’t been hard enough#now I gotta have a bump on my head too 🙃🙃🙃#this is what happens when I cook for myself#shoulda just ordered take out#imma crawl into my hidey-hole
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The Daycare Attendant and Their Dialogue
A little ramble on some of the things I've noticed about their ways of speaking. This post ended up being predominantly about how they refer to one another. Most of this is speculation mixed in with my own views on them and their relationship, without discarding some other possible alternatives (for instance, although I do view them as two AIs that heavily rely on each other to function properly, I do not cast aside the interpretation that they are the same person).
(note: although I have played SB and Ruin, I did not play HW2 myself. All I know about that game has been through let's plays).
Sun is, obviously, the chattier of the two. Not only are his sentences longer, he speaks more of them in a row than Moon does - in fact, we only see Moon going on and on in Ruin (which we will discuss later).
Both of them use a lot of repetitions when speaking. From their infamous "clean up, clean up" line, to Sun's panicked "you like glitter glue? I have glitter glue!" and "light's on! Light's on! Keep the generators on!", to Moon's "hidey hide, hide away" and "bad children must be punished. Bad children must be found", "knock knock", etc. One of the first things Eclipse says is also a repetition ("warning, warning"). They appear to occasionally rhyme their words too, or at the very least use similar sounds in their sentences. This is a robot that works with young children, so it's not surprising.
On that same vein, their main insult to misbehaving children (and employees... or at least Cassie's dad) is also a repetition: "naughty, naughty" (which turns into "naughty boy" for Gregory), "rulebreaker, rulebreaker", and "bad kid, bad kid". In fact, it appears they repeat words more often when they're mad/stressed (Sun's no no nos, Moon freaking out in Ruin). Taking into account they get mad pretty easily when things don't go their way, it's not surprising we hear it so often, but it's neat.
Although both of them speak in an almost song like manner, with Sun's run on sentences flowing well between one another, Moon is the one where this is more evident due to how much shorter his lines are.
Moon is also the one who speaks in a more childish manner. Not only are his phrases shorter, he doesn't articulate them as much as Sun does, and seems to prefer shorter words and sounds, especially giggles. This makes Sun appear more developed. Key word being appear.
Sun tends to speak as if he's entertaining a crowd, doing his best to keep the attention on himself while trying to keep it fun. This is most evident in his level explanation parts in HW2, but it's also clear in SB. In Ruin, this is absent for... obvious reasons.
Both of them are somehow direct in their way of giving orders/saying what they want to do. When they can't be direct, they find workaround truths in order to conceal what they truly want to say, while keeping the main order clear (such as Sun saying the player will hurt their eyes if they work in the dark and ordering them to keep the lights on, rather than saying Moon will kill them so keep that room bright. Direct, but nicer).
Not at all important to FNAF speech lore but I think it's funny: Sun says the infamous Vanny line during the daycare intro section. "Are you having fun yet? (Are ya, are ya?)". 0.5 seconds after Gregory just stands there, which coincidentally is what Vanny does 0.5 seconds after Gregory gets into a vent (numbers exaggerated). I don't know. I just think it's funny. Replaying the daycare section after hearing Vanny yapping that line non stop gave me flashbacks.
The way they refer to each other and the pronouns they use are an entire thing, so let me separate it in two parts.
So that this post doesn't become scrolling hell on the tags, I'll keep it below the read more line:
Sun
Sun is the one who refers to himself the most. He frequently uses "I" or "me" when talking about himself, and does it way more often than Moon. Examples of this are "I have glitter glue!", "I'm stuck in a nap", "it really speaks to me", "I feel dumber just looking at it" - you get the point by now. The reason I'm going hard on this point is to contrast his way of speaking to Moon's.
When it comes to him referring to Moon, we only ever hear it twice. In HW2 he says "He'll wake up if the lights go out!". In Ruin, he says "Not me, the other me!". Besides those two voice lines, he merely alludes to Moon without ever mentioning him by name or by pronouns (such as when he says he'll turn the lights off himself, implying he'll let Moon deal with you, or when he says you can't work in the dark and instead of saying the real reason as to why, he cuts himself and goes "You'll- hurt your eyes if you work in the dark").
This is interesting for two reasons: one, we only see him directly mention his counterpart when he's in a ruined state (the HW2 voice line comes from the mask off section, when they're broken down. At least I think so); two, he simultaneously views Moon as separate from himself ("he'll wake up") and as a part of himself/another side of himself ("the other me"). You can take that as them really being the same "person", or as a reflection of their complicated body sharing situation. Take it as you will.
As far as referring to himself and Moon at the same time, he only does it in Ruin when he states "We need to be whole".
Moon
The way Moon structures his sentences means that he seldomly actually refers to himself directly. For instance, he doesn't say "I will find you" or "I will punish you", putting himself as the subject of the sentence. Instead, he puts others as the subject, wording it as "Bad children must be found" and "Bad children must be punished". This is consistent across all of his voice lines except one... Well, technically two.
To get it out of the way: there's a deleted voice line where he says "I'm putting you in time out", a line he and Sun share and which worked the same way the clean up one does - them saying the same thing, a push towards them being the same person ordeal.
The only in-game time he refers to himself directly is in Ruin. This line is also the only time he refers to both himself and Sun as a duo. This line is also the longest line of dialogue Moon has.
"(groaning noises) Naughty! Naughty! Make it stop! The light makes us hurt! Grind Grind! Grinding gears inside my head! We can't move. Error! Error!"
This line, much like Sun's, is interesting for various reasons. Even though Sun is no longer with him (being stuck in the VR world and separate from Moon, shown by how Moon can't move because the lights are on but his body can't shift into Sun, so he's completely stuck), he first refers to himself as a "us" - adding Sun into the mix. Then he refers to himself alone, "my head" instead of "ours", before going right back to a plural.
We can assume one of three things here: one, Moon refers to himself as a we more often, adding Sun into the mix, a complete opposite of his counterpart who typically speaks in singulars; or two, Sun is not as absent as he appears and in that moment he is in fact with Moon, just stuck on the passenger sit, hurting alongside him; or three, this is merely an effect of this being in the Ruin DLC where the whole point of the daycare section is to fuse Sun and Moon into the Eclipse, so the writers decided to bring the point home further. If you have more options, feel free to add them.
Side note: This voiceline also shows Moon's speaking patterns pretty well. Putting "the light" as the subject instead of "we/I", the rhyming, the repetition, the clipped sentences compared to Sun's endless ones, the noises, the scratchiness, the vague childlike mannerism... All ending with "we can't move", way more straight to the point, said right before he freezes up, which deviates from the "other subject first then me" rule due to the pain tearing through him at the moment.
Moon does not call Sun "the other me" or anything similar in any of the games. He never refers to Sun as if he too was Sun. However, we can assume his view on their situation probably mirrors Sun's - being in the same body and all -, so take it as you will.
And as for Moon referring to Sun as a separate individual... He does not refer to him as a "he". Instead, he actually mentions his counterpart by name, saying "No more Sun". Meaning he's the only one of the the two that has canonically used his other side's name. I think it's interesting how the least chatty one is the one actually calling the other by name and not the other way around. And yes, you can say it's a way of speaking and he's referring to the concept of the sun rather than saying his name, but taking into consideration Sun never utters the word moon, I'd say it's still quite a big thing.
In my headcanon land, due to the happenings at the Pizzaplex, Sun is probably too embarrassed and mortified to even mention Moon. Moon, on the other hand, has no reason to have such troubles besides hating Sun for (in his perspective) keeping him locked in a prison of light. So for me, it makes sense we never see Sun saying Moon's name, and it makes it more impactful when he actually acknowledges Moon as the other me rather than a he.
Eclipse
I lied there's three parts.
Eclipse has very few voice lines. The only one that matters here is "We need to clean this place up before we can open in the morning." This is pretty straight to the point: Eclipse, unlike Sun and Moon, doesn't use an "I". They immediately speak in the plural. They do not view themselves as just Eclipse, but rather as both Sun and Moon combined, at the same time.
As for the DCA being two AIs or one... in Ruin, Sun thanks Cassie after Eclipse is activated. It's left ambiguous. You can say Sun speaking afterwards proves they're not one and the same, "with the Sun and Moon AIs still running separately somehow", or you can assume Eclipse existing doesn't mean Sun and Moon can't keep doing their thing under safe mode, albeit in a less chaotic manner, allowing Sun's voice to come through but not making him any less Moon - he is Moon, he is Sun, and they are complicated yet very simple.
I believe in whichever version is more convenient at any given time, with a preference for "two codependent AIs" given what the games show us. Although, going by everything I collected here, the only theory I believe to just not be supported by canon at all is the one with Eclipse as a separate thing all together. Eclipse refers to themselves as a "we', not an "I". Eclipse activates when you make Sun and Moon "whole". It canonically makes no sense for Eclipse to be a third thing. (Please remember this is a post about what's in the games, the canon of FNAF. AUs and fandom or whatever, you do you).
That's it. Hope you enjoyed my rambling. Uh artblog unpaid promotion @tagidearte thank you for making it this far.
#dca#fnaf#daycare attendant#fnaf moon#fnaf sun#sundrop#moondrop#fnaf eclipse#fnaf security breach#fnaf ruin#help wanted 2#hw2#if you wanna know#I spent time on this because...#I am writing two fics for them (just them and other canon characters)#and although Sun's dialogue comes easy to me#I did all this analysis just to be able to write moon's#never say fanfic doesn't make you look at stuff in ways you'd never really do otherwise
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Cleo had a public tumblr a few years back
That is the most terrifying thing in the whole godsdamned world- especially coming from an anon like wtf kind of woodwork did you come out of to curse me with this knowledge, is this your hobby? injecting fear into the hearts of all those foolish enough to utter Cleos name in the same breath as "tumblr"?
#You have no idea how unnerving it was to both get an ask. But also have it be anon. But also its talking about notes i wrote on a rb#bonechilling#thank you for the knowledge anon i would say i'd cherish it but i regret speaking her name now#what if she finds me. what then.#she'll somehow know I am a total simp and spend too much time staring at fanart#just by reading my mind#(she very pretty and I very stupid)#I never want to come out of my hidey hole ever fucking hell#I don't think i would ever survive a meet and greet with any of the ccs just cause anxiety#also knowing the fics i read about them? no. absolutely not. oh my gods. terrifying.#(thank you anon<3)
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Please, Mr Postman
Pairing: Joel Miller x female reader
Rating: 18+ Explicit
Warnings: Unprotected PiV sex, butt play, creampie, oral (f receiving), and lots of sex toys. No ages mentioned or alluded to. Reader is married. There are themes of infidelity, blackmail and stalking, but Reader is fully consenting and willing. Mailman Joel is a sleaze, consider youself duly warned.
Word Count: 4.3K (by far the longest thing I've ever written, whew)
Summary: Every morning at 9am sharp, you take your coffee to the front room and listen for his mail truck.
Notes: Poking my nose out of my hiatus hidey-hole to write this as a gift for my very very dear friend @magpiepills for the prompt "Stole your mail and uses it to sexually blackmail you mailman Joel". I love you, my sweet Bat. 💜 Giant thanks to @for-a-longlongtime for the last-minute rapid beta read. Much love to my sluts for cheerleading: @youandmeand5bucks @exquisiteserotonin @arcanefox207 @sparklefarts38 @redhotkitchen I have never written Joel before, so please be kind. Thank you and enjoy.
Please, Mr Postman - Joel Miller x f!reader
Every morning at 9am sharp, you take your coffee to the front room and listen for his mail truck. The squeak of the rusted brake pads as he parks at the end of the block is a melody, as distinctive to you now as the chimes of the classic ice cream trucks from your childhood, eliciting a Pavlovian response of salivating over the treats it held within.
Life was easy and carefree at that age. You didn't have responsibilities, grown-up worries, or this present burden of being a Stepford wife to a rich man who occasionally did some illegal activities. He was kind to you and you loved him, desired him even, but despite being a criminal he was boring. He was not the adventurous, filthy man in bed you secretly hoped for. But you knew things about his work that made it dangerous to leave, and financially he made sure you were kept comfortable enough to not want to tell. So you stayed. And here you were, marooned in a leafy suburb, stuck at home all day and fantasizing about the hot new mailman. What a cliche you've become.
The mailman's name was Joel. And he really did command attention.
Salt and pepper hair that curled around the edge of his blue cap. Dark brown eyes that showed a few flecks of amber the rare times you've seen them up close. A strong nose with a neatly trimmed mustache and gorgeous facial scruff. Large hands that could football-hold an entire package in each.
And speaking of packages: his looked prodigious. It looked obscene what he was carrying around in those standard issue United States Postal Service shorts. You dreamed about it at night -- how thick his cock must be and how you'd lick it like those sweet summer popsicle treats -- as your husband snored beside you after giving you one pitiful orgasm and then immediately coming himself and falling asleep.
You never thought anyone could be attractive in such a dumpy grey uniform, but somehow Joel found a way.
In the summer heat he always rolled up the edges of his pleated shorts, a thick pocket chain clacking along his meaty thigh. Light hair dusted his tanned legs. His black leather belt was cinched tight, further emphasizing his delicious bulge. The sleeves of his polo shirt were similarly rolled and showed off well-toned forearms from all the lifting and carrying. In short: he was a dream.
But you'd never go further than look. You loved your husband, for all his faults. You'd even placed a big order of sex toys last week in the hopes he'd be willing to spice things up in the bedroom. The tracking app says it's out for delivery, and right on cue, Joel comes walking up your driveway cradling a large cardboard box in his hands. Damn, he looks good today.
"Mornin', ma'am," he drawls politely. You think he winks at you, or maybe it's just the sun hitting his eyes. "Got a big one for you today."
You move to take it, but he shakes his head. "It's heavy. Let me put it inside for ya."
The thought of him being inside your home makes you tingle. You don't even think to consider that postal workers aren't supposed to go past a customer's front step.
You hold the door open and Joel stomps through, leaving bootprints of dirt on your "Home Sweet Home" welcome mat.
"Ma'am? Where d'ya want it?" He sounds amused, and you realize with a start that he's been standing in your entranceway for an awkward length of time. You'd been too busy ogling his legs, and more, in those rolled-up shorts. Was it your imagination, or was he not wearing underwear?
"On the coffee table, please." You lead him to the sitting room beside the entranceway. It's your happy place, your sanctuary, the spot you have your morning coffee in as you listen for the siren song of his mail truck.
Joel gently places the box on the coffee table and turns to you.
"I'll just wait here while you check that everythin's in order."
"What… what do you mean?" You feel your cheeks heat. Fortunately the box was nondescript, but it did give off a brown paper wrapping porn vibe.
"It's insured for $700. Must be some expensive stuff. 'S my job to write a report if anything's broken."
Nervous sweat starts beading down your back. "It… it's okay… I can report online if there's a problem…"
"'S no trouble. Let's just take a quick peek." Joel's already pulled his keychain ceramic boxknife out of his shorts, slitting the box open before you can say a word.
You stand there mortified and unable to speak as Joel opens the flaps, pushes aside the cushioning packets, and stares at the huge assortment of boxed sex toys.
"Well, well, darlin'. What do we have here?" His voice is a mixture of amusement and something deep and growling. Predatory.
Your face burns in embarrassment. "You… you can go now," you manage to squeak. "Please."
"Don't think so, sweetheart. Gotta check that everythin's in good working order." His boxknife shicks open the first product, a G-spot vibe from the looks of the box. Just before he can unwrap it, you find your voice. You hope you sound self-assured and assertive.
"That's enough. Please leave. My husband will be home any minute."
Joel smirks as he continues to rifle through the box. "Naw. He won't. Just did my route on Pine Street and saw him gettin' busy with that blonde divorcee in the cul-de-sac. Miz Perkins, wasn't it? Big tits."
It's a gut punch, and it makes you forget that this suddenly skeezy mailman is in your home and looking at your new collection of sex toys. An affair? He wouldn't. Not YOUR husband. Not your husband who rarely wants to do anything interesting in bed…
"Sorry, darlin." Joel pulls you out of your thoughts. "Fuck that guy. Wanna have some fun?" He pulls the vibe out of the box and waves it in front of you with a lopsided smirk.
This is too much to deal with. Your head is spinning, a mixture of emotions running through you. Including lust, incredibly enough. This mailman appears to be the take-charge dominant you wish your husband was.
"No. Like I said, you can leave now." You manage to say it firmer this time despite the gushing between your thighs. "Just go."
"Think I'll stay," he says, crossing the space between you in one step and pushing you backwards onto the sofa. "Don't want me reporting your ol' man to the authorities, now do ya?"
"Wha… what?"
He chuckles at your comically large-eyed look of shock. "Yeah, know all about it. Been readin' yer mail," he says matter-of-factly. "He's shit at covering his tracks. Who sends fake invoices through the mail? With his real address too. Amazin' he hasn't been caught yet."
"You've been reading our mail?! I should report you!" Who is this guy?
Joel looms menacingly over your prone figure. You didn't dare move. "Sure, darlin. Postal employees got a responsibility to report crime. I'll be fine," he smiles, leaning back a little, but not enough for you to escape. "But the Postmaster General don't take too kindly to mail fraud, or those aidin' and abettin'. That's a felony."
"But it's not a felony for a mailman to read people's mail?"
"Tell you what," he drawls, still in that matter-of-fact tone that should be so very wrong in this situation. He rifles through the box and pulls out a hot pink butt plug, wiggling it at you. "You're gonna let me try out some of these toys on ya, and I won't report him."
Blackmail shouldn't turn you on, shouldn't turn anyone on, but it does. You're only human, and besides, you definitely don't want to go to prison. You can't control your reaction as your upper half shrinks back into the sofa while your lower half stretches out towards Joel, the hem of your sundress hiking up like it has a mind of its own. He gives you a wolfish grin and rests a broad, heavy hand on your knee.
"Jus' what I thought, sweetheart. Seen you watchin' me out the window every mornin'. You been wantin' me to stuff your pretty little mailslot, haven't ya?"
A whimper escapes your throat. "Yes. Please," you whisper, thighs sticky between your panties and suddenly aching.
"Okay, honey. Gonna start easy with this lil' thing." He holds up a clit sucker, shaped like a penguin with a little pink bow around its neck, and switches it on to test it. It springs into life immediately. "Ah, great. Love how companies pre-charge things now-a-days."
How can he be so conversational about this? Does he blackmail all the married women in the neighbourhood? Well, maybe just the ones who have something to hide. Like you. You silently thank the heavens for sending you an attractive skeeze, at least. And Joel is so very, very attractive.
You spread your legs for him.
He ruches your sundress up your thighs and whistles appreciatively, the sound going straight to your core. "No panties? And gushin' out of that tight little snatch already? Didn't take ya for such a filthy girl."
"It's… it's hot out," you stammer, unable to think straight.
"About to get hotter," he smirks again, and damn that attitude is doing things for you. "You ready, sweetheart?"
You nod, and he keeps eye contact as he nestles your clit into the little penguin's mouth and switches it on.
Your back arches and you nearly scream out loud.
The sensation is warm, and there's no direct contact but it's like your clit is being gently suckled. You've never felt anything like it. It's only been three seconds and your hips are already squirming to chase more.
His hand presses lightly on your hip to give you something to brace against as he clicks the intensity button up a couple notches, and it's like waves upon waves of the absolute perfect pressure on your clit. The buildup in your core is so fast that you don't even realize you're coming until it's almost over. You also hadn't noticed that you'd grabbed his muscled forearm and sunk your nails into it, leaving little half-moon indentations in his tanned skin.
"That was… wow." Your gasps echo around the quiet sitting room. Joel doesn't say a word, just reverently watches your pussy pulse and gush out a few drops of slick. "Thanks." You wish it had lasted longer and were sad it was over. Oh well, a nice memory for the next time you think about Joel, or try out some of these toys with your husband.
You start to push your sundress down, assuming he'll leave now and half-grateful for it, but he grabs your shoulder and forces you back down into the pillows.
"Where you off to? I'm just gettin' started with you, darlin'."
"But…."
"But nothin'. Ain't done till I say so."
All you can do is stare at him, unsure if you should be angry, turned on, or plotting an escape.
He undoes his leather belt and slowly, threateningly, slides it out through the loops on his uniform shorts. "Don't make me use this, sweetheart. Gonna be a good girl for me now, ain't ya?" The depth and tone of his voice say he isn't joking.
You gulp, still tingly from your rapid orgasm. And ready for another one, you think as you make eye contact with Joel, feeling a bit bolder now. We're here, I let him do that much already, might as well go for it.…
The penguin gets discarded as Joel carelessly tosses it to the carpet and takes the hot pink butt plug out of the box again, running a finger along the curve of its long but slim length. "Hmmm. Pretty. This for you, or your husband?"
"Uh… me…"
"Ah, ah" he tuts. "You really are a nasty girl. You take one of these before?"
You shake your head, suddenly shy. You hadn't even wanted your husband to know about the butt plug, thinking he was so sexless that he'd be disgusted. Apparently not, if he's railing Ms Perkins with the big tits over on Pine Street.
"S'okay. Gonna slide it in real good for ya." While you shove a little sofa pillow under your hips, Joel combs through the box on the coffee table and pulls out a bottle of lube. He pops the cap and drizzles some over the plug, and you gulp again imagining it inside your ass. A faint scent of synthetic vanilla fills the air and for some reason it calms you, allowing you to relax your muscles as Joel slides the plug along your crack, rubbing and smearing the lube around your asshole.
"You like that?"
You do. You really do.
Your little moan spurs him on and he gently presses the generously lubed tip of the plug against your hole, just the teensiest bit. You look up at his face, that stupidly attractive face of a skeezy mailman who is sexually blackmailing you, and find yourself desperately wanting to feel his scruff on your inner thighs.
Apparently he's a mind reader, too. He smiles and lowers his head to your crotch, and licks your clit with his wide tongue at the same moment he presses a bit more of the plug into your ass. You nearly scream for the second time in minutes.
"That's it, honey," he breathes against your core, wiggling the tip of the plug in and out and hitting nerves you didn't even know existed back there, making your hips jump involuntarily. "Openin' up so nice for me."
A few more mind-numbing, distracting licks of your clit and the plug slides all the way in with a little pop. You're equal parts turned on and proud.
"Well, ain't that a pretty sight," Joel whistles appreciatively. He pulls up to sit back and just stares at you all spread out on the sofa with one leg hiked over the back, your sundress balled up over your stomach. He taps the pink flared base of the plug a few times like he's idly flicking away a cigarette. It wiggles inside you and you squirm and squeal. Actually squeal. You're still mad and weirded out and other things, but you're feeling too good to give up now and you're starting to not care how easily you're caving to this man.
"Lessee what other treats we got in here." He rifles through the box again. His face falls into a comical droop of sadness and he sighs loudly, holding up a little box marked 'Girth Extender Sleeve'.
"Oh, sweetheart. I'm so sorry." The condescension in his voice shouldn't turn you on this much. "Yer old man got a tiny dick? Not fuckin' you proper? No wonder you been starin' at me every day, desperate for a real man."
Before you can protest -- he's not tiny, I just wanted to spice things up, well okay maybe he could use a bit of help -- he unzips his uniform shorts and pulls out his hard cock, holding it at the base so you can take a good look. "Got a special delivery for ya, baby."
Yeah, Joel definitely doesn't need any artificial enhancement.
His cock is thick. Not super long, but probably one of the thickest you've seen, outside the few porn films you watched when you were younger and more uninhibited. There's foreskin covering what looks like a large mushroom head, and a prominent pulsing vein running up one side. It all looks delicious, and you unconsciously lick your lips as he smirks at how you take it all in.
"You want it real bad, dontcha?" He fists himself a few times, his foreskin sliding on the downstroke to give you a peek at the thick head. "Yeah, you sure do. Never knew I had such a little slut livin' on my route."
Shuffling forward, he grabs your thighs and spreads them wider. The head of his cock feels impossibly heavy as he slaps it on your clit, making you gush a little with every hit.
"Joel, will you… can you lick me again for a bit?" Your squeaky voice is impossibly needy and pathetic.
"Naw," he says, flicking the base of the butt plug again and making your hips jump. The plug was so comfortable that you'd already forgotten it was in there. "Gotta finish my route. Can't talk to customers with my face smellin' of pussy, ya know. I'm representin' the United States Postal Service out there."
"Oh, does the USPS regularly fuck its customers too?"
"Sure does, darlin'. Bends 'em over and gives it to 'em hard with the price hikes every year."
He roughly pulls you up and bends you over the sofa arm, positioning you like the personal little fuckdoll you are for him.
"Got the next best thing though." He slips on a tiny purple fingertip vibe, your free gift from the toy company for such a large order. With such thick fingers, it looks like he's wearing an upside-down Ring Pop. It gives a loud rumble when he switches it on, and he laughs as he tugs his shorts down over his thighs. "Cheap ass shit. Hope the battery lasts. But it don't take you long anyway, right sweetheart?" He reaches around your hips, lifts your sundress and presses the vibe straight on your bare clit without any preamble, and your hips slam backwards into his crotch as you scream again, his cock jostling the base of the butt plug and sending shockwaves both up and down your core at the same time.
"Yeah. Thought so."
Amid the mixed sensations suddenly comes a new one: the thick head of his cock slipping into your cunt as he swirls the vibe around your clit, not letting it rest in any one spot long enough for your liking.
"… Wait! No condom?"
"Naw. You're on the pill, right?" He doesn't wait for your answer, as if he already knows.
Normally you don't enjoy this position but you're too far gone now, pushing your hips back and encouraging him deeper in, more than wet enough from all the playing to take him in.
"Greedy little slut, ain't ya?" He feeds you another inch, pauses, then another, torturously slow as you stretch around his thickness. "Tight little snatch feels so good. Miz Perkins with the big tits probably don't feel this sweet." Joel demeaning your husband like this and throwing the adultery in your face should make you mad -- at both of them -- but it only turns you on more, beads of sweat dripping down your spine as he slides all the way in to the hilt, giving you a few moments of grace to adjust to the size of him.
One strap falls down your shoulder, letting your tit pop out of your sundress and he palms it roughly, giving it an exploratory squeeze. The finger vibe is still buzzing and he swipes it across your nipple, the nubby texture chafing just before the point of pain. "Nice. You like that? Let's add somethin'."
Mentholated 'arousal balm' was another of your free gifts, and not something you'd ever thought to try. Joel twists open the little tin and dips the finger vibe in it.
"That smells strong, do we have to?" Wooziness hits you as the peppermint smell goes straight up your nostrils.
"Like I said, baby, gotta make sure everythin' works. Else I gotta do a return," chides Joel, tossing the tiny tin on the floor. You watch it roll under the baseboard heater as he grabs your hips roughly and repositions you. "Real fucking pain, returns. Lotsa paperwork."
He brings the now-mentholated finger vibe back to your clit, and two seconds later it feels like your entire pussy is on fire.
Thank goodness he didn't put any on my a--
Joel moves the base of the butt plug aside and presses the finger vibe against your asshole.
The menthol soaks into your tender membranes and it's so, so cold and hot at the same time. Your brain melts along with it.
Everything is lit up now and you squirm as he slides his hardness back into your pussy and gives a few experimental thrusts. "Tight fuckin' snatch," he mutters, your walls clenching around him in time with his finger flicking at the plug, your entire lower half burning but not in a terrible way. "But could be tighter." He suddenly pulls his cock out and you whine, loudly and needily.
"Please, Joel."
"Please what, darlin'?"
"Put… put it back in? Please."
"All in good time. Gotta give those walls an extra little stamp."
You look over your shoulder to see him drizzling lube into the girth sleeve and slipping it onto his cock. He's already so thick that it's a tight fit, the soft tube slipping off a couple times before he finally stretches it enough so it can slide all the way on, pulling it down so his large head pokes out of the top. You clench involuntarily.
"Umm. That's not gonna fit."
"Sure it will, honey," he drawls. "Didn't think you could take that pretty little pink plug, right? And look at ya now."
He's got a point.
"Gonna stuff that little slot full to the brim and turn ya into a size queen. Open wide, baby."
He's merciless as he slides back inside, at a curved angle since you're turned slightly to brace both your hands against the back of the sofa. The extender is smooth and feels just like his skin, and you're powerless to resist the incredible feeling of the extra width. He was exactly right: you felt full. With the thick pressure in your cunt pushing against the plug in your ass, you felt more stuffed than you ever had in your life, and what's more your pussy is still burning from the menthol balm. It was overwhelming but also glorious. In that second you knew it would be impossible not to think of Joel next time your husband fucked you, even if he wore this toy. Stupid sexy blackmailing mailman.
Baby animals had more stability in their legs than you do right now, your thighs spasming uncontrollably as Joel palms the vibe around your clit while holding almost half your waist in the span of his other large paw. He fucks into you hard from behind until you're so close to coming you can taste it. With the extender, his cock is hitting spots inside you that you didn't even know you had. A heavy chain pops out of the neck of his polo shirt and hits your nape with a loud clank as he slams into you from behind, the cheap poly-rayon blend of his polo shirt chafing your shoulders in a delicious burn as his chest presses close against your back and his hips smack against your ass, jostling the butt plug with every thrust.
whirrrrrr goes the finger vibe as the tiny cheap battery dies, and he slaps your clit hard with the vibe one, two, three times and you come, yelling for the nth time since he left his bootprints on your welcome mat that morning. His grunts are loud and lewd as he fucks you through it, easing up only to make his thrusts shallower so he can reach a hand between you and gently pull out the butt plug with a little 'pop'. He tosses it and the finger vibe onto your pristine off-white carpet, not even bothering to aim for the opened box on the coffee table.
"So fuckin' tight," he wheezes hoarsely, "I gotta extra big load for ya," and he presses his hips so hard against your ass that you almost fall over the sofa arm, his voice faltering as he groans and you feel hot spurts of his come coating the inside of your pussy, as deep as he can put it.
You slump forward onto the sofa and he pulls out, both of you heaving. The fiery balm has mellowed to a gentle tingle and your core is pleasantly warm. Stretched out. Fucked out.
"Welp, gotta get back to my route." It's been only a minute and his matter-of-fact conversational tone has already returned. You peer over your shoulder and watch him pull his shorts back on, rolling up the hems and slicking his belt back into the loops, tucking his polo shirt back in with practiced efficiency.
"Will I see you again?" You hate how pathetic you sound, and you must be a real sight too, half naked with a sweaty rolled-up sundress stuck to your back, your ass still up in the air like you're waiting for him to stick it right back in and rail you again immediately.
"Oh, I'm sure we'll be seein' each other again real soon," he says smoothly.
As you stand up, knees a little weak, a drop of cum drips down your thighs. "Glad I'm on the pill," you mutter to yourself as you pat down your wrinkled sundress and pause at the mess of packaging and boxes littering your sitting room.
"About that, darlin'." Joel smiles, pausing by your front door. "Miz Perkins over on Pine Street orders sugar pills and well, you know, packages get mixed up sometimes on the route. Might wanna check you got the right pills."
Joel slams the door and the mail slot squeaks rhythmically as you stand there, horrified, listening to him whistle a jaunty tune as he walks down your driveway and back to his mail route.
#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#sleazy mailman Joel#pedro pascal character smut#joel miller fic
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💎 𝗡𝗲𝘄 𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗺! Hidey Horse
Wondrous item, rare This hollow metal horse is as large and heavy as a riding horse, although the space beneath its legs is covered by metal sheets. It has small windows and a door on its side, which can be opened using an action. The door is large enough for a Medium creature to squeeze through it. Inside the metal horse is enough space for two Medium or three Small creatures to stand; you can use an action to switch places with another creature within the horse. The bottom of the horse is covered in miniature wheels, and the floor is exposed below it. If you’re at the front of the horse, it and any other creatures within it magically move with you while you walk beneath it. While at least one living creature is inside the metal horse, it is covered in an illusion that makes it appear as a living horse from the outside. The illusion doesn’t hold up to physical inspection, and a creature can discern the nature of the horse by succeeding on a DC 16 Intelligence (Investigation) check using an action. Several buttons exist within the body of the horse. A creature at the front of the horse can use an action to press as many as two buttons. Pressing a button causes the horse (and corresponding illusion) to do one of the following things: 𝘽𝙪𝙩𝙩𝙤𝙣 1. It emits a metallic whinny. It sounds like a normal horse from outside.
𝘽𝙪𝙩𝙩𝙤𝙣 2. It emits a metallic snort. It sounds like a normal horse from outside.
𝘽𝙪𝙩𝙩𝙤𝙣 3. It extends its front legs by two feet, making the illusion perform a rearing maneuver. The creatures inside are magically obscured for the duration.
𝘽𝙪𝙩𝙩𝙤𝙣 4. It shakes its head.
𝘽𝙪𝙩𝙩𝙤𝙣 5. It nods its head.
𝘽𝙪𝙩𝙩𝙤𝙣 6. It flicks its tail. While there isn’t anything inside the metal horse, you can use an action to speak its command word to cause it to magically fold down and collapse into a metal box. The box is a 1-foot cube and weighs 10 pounds. Holding the box and speaking the command word again causes it to unfold and form the metal horse. It takes 1 minute for the horse or box to transform. ...Continued in the IG comment below! ___ ✨ Patrons get huge perks! Access this and hundreds of other item cards, art files, and compendium entries when you support The Griffon's Saddlebag on Patreon for less than $10 a month!
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Surprise Adoption with Floyd
Based on this
Sorry it's so hard to see. Poor camera quality killing me a bit. I might go back and line it and get better pictures so it's easier to view
Panel 1: smol mer elver staring into hidey hole (from the perspective of the hidey hole)
Panel 2: switch perspective to mer elver, eyes peer out from hidey hole
Panel 3: sideview of mer elver staring into the hole
Panel 4: Floyd pops out of the hole and snatches up the baby!! Caption says "*SNATCH!!*"
Panel 5: Floyd zooms through the water with the Itty bitty over his shoulder
Panel 6: Floyd proudly holds the baby up to viewer/reader/darling. The caption is Darling's speaking. Darling: "Where did you get that–"
Panel 7: Floyd holds child in front of him, smiling. Darling: "Floyd?"
Panel 8: Floyd's shoulders lower in defeat, the elver now held slightly lower, and Floyd is no longer smiling. Darling: "Floyd..."
#yandere twst#yandere#yandere rambles#yandere twisted wonderland#floyd leech#my floyd addiction strikes again#yandere floyd leech x reader#floyd leech x reader#yandere floyd leech#Fanart#tradiotional art#traditional drawing#traditional artist#traditional art#artists on tumblr#comic#floyd leech fanart#twst fanart#twst floyd#little comic
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