a-pretty-damn-good-narrator

[a-pretty-damn-good-narrator]

A literal part of my book has the Great Evil go insane after getting spawn camped 87 times in a row

The prophecy foretold that The Great Evil would awaken 1000 years after his original defeat. As it turns out, the people took this very seriously, so when he awakened, he was met with an army of blessed knights, an evil containment system, and two dozen automated holy turrets aimed at him.

[a-pretty-damn-good-narrator]

You were born with the power of convenience, everything is convenient for you. Always a full cellphone bar. Never hitting a red light. Everyone being more late then you so no one can complain about you being late. One day, you were driving to meet a date. Until you got into a car crash

[a-pretty-damn-good-narrator]

[a-pretty-damn-good-narrator]

A noble sentenced to die is allowed to choose their execution method. They ask to die in honourable combat against the king's knights, armed with a wooden sword while the knights have real weapons. It's been 24 hours since the execution started and the king is running out of knights.

[a-pretty-damn-good-narrator]

Even if your goal was rotten or evil, if you did good to get want you want you're still a good person

The means justify the end

Inside you were rotten. But you've made the masses love you. Pretending to be the noblest of heroes was the easiest way to gain power. Finally, as your rule becomes absolute, you prepare to unleash your true self and begin your reign of terror… and then you die and end up in Heaven.

[a-pretty-damn-good-narrator]

You are a person who covers your counter space in clutter and inadvertently makes a shrine to a long forgotten god who shows up to thank you.

[a-pretty-damn-good-narrator]

This is LITERALLY MY BOOK! WHY?!

The prophecy foretold that The Great Evil would awaken 1000 years after his original defeat. As it turns out, the people took this very seriously, so when he awakened, he was met with an army of blessed knights, an evil containment system, and two dozen automated holy turrets aimed at him.

[a-pretty-damn-good-narrator]

You are a gladiator that can win fight after fight against even the most powerful wizards. Your secret? You were cursed as a kid to nullify any magic that came close to you.

[a-pretty-damn-good-narrator]

So it's used to save the placement of things? Like the pin function on discord?

I have this picture of sasuke on my phone that chase and I call “safe for work sasuke” and it’s because it’s the tallest picture in my camera roll so whenever he sends me any nsfw stuff when I’m in public I just send sfw sasuke and he takes up the whole screen

[a-pretty-damn-good-narrator]

*All that stood before you, after a thousand years for their descendants to get stronger and stronger yet stronger, the descendant of Heros strong enough to move mountains, a shamble of leather armor and wooden gear in their own blood, diluted from the rain

*They slowly turn to look up at you, the old villain that died so long ago, what they were warned about, but not what they faced. They can't look with horror, it's actually almost relief, as they look at you, lying on the ground ready to die already

So, I failed huh? Yeah, I should've expected that. And about your question, does it really matter? I'm already dead, if not by him then definitely by you; doesn't even matter if I still live after this, the hell I'm supposed to do? I have nothing

The villain swore that they would return in 1000 years to take revenge on the hero's descendants. When they wake up, however, they see another villain has already won, and the hero's descendants desperately need help.

[a-pretty-damn-good-narrator]

What's with Silver the Hedgehog?!

I get both: Sasuke being the ace/social protector and Axolotl the walking mine turtle from ASDF, but SILVER?!

I have this picture of sasuke on my phone that chase and I call “safe for work sasuke” and it’s because it’s the tallest picture in my camera roll so whenever he sends me any nsfw stuff when I’m in public I just send sfw sasuke and he takes up the whole screen

[a-pretty-damn-good-narrator]

*The Hero gets a letter. Normally this wouldn't be weird, but the circumstances say otherwise: It's the middle of the night, the letter and envelope is black with gold lining and lettering, they were given it by the Dark Lord's Right Hand, and they seemed really friendly

Hero: How can I trust you?

RH: You can't, but try. I don't agree with the Dark Lord's decision, but he's wiser and older than me, so I don't question it too hard

*The help reads the letter, confused; this emotion only gets worse the more and more he reads it, until by the end he makes audible confusion and shock

"1,000 years Hero. Do you know what happens in 1,000 years? Civilizations die out, stories retold 10 times over, generations FORGOTTEN, left to the dust and dries out in the rain."

"I'm bored of this; Our fighting and our 1,000 year long rivalry, my anger has died out and now we're fighting because that's what we've done. I'm tired, I need rest, and I want to relax knowing I don't have to worry about dying in my sleep"

"Meet me at my castle, you'll find no resistance to find me on my throne. It's time the oroboros straightens out"

*The hero looks at the RH, confused, wondering. Why would the DARK LORD want to stop fighting? Is it a trap? No, no the Dark Lord is honorable; Evil, but honorable, he wouldn't trick him like this, it's south of his ideals

Hero: "So... I guess I'm going to meet him. Can you lead me?"

RH: "I can, just keep up and don't be slow"

Hero: "I specialize in dexterity, don't worry"

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Dark Lord: So you arrived, wondered if you'd trust me

*The large walls of dark people bricks reach high above and arc like a cathedral, like they're trying to reach out of the void despite being ontop of a tall mountain. It's cold here, but despite that the Hero isn't frozen solid somehow, just be magic

*Glass stained paintings colour the room with the afternoon glow of the sun as the Dark Lord looks from his throne, his skeletal body in his large wizard robes and black steel knights armor

Dark Lord: I assume you read my letter?

Hero: How could I not? This didn't seem like a trap, you're one for chivalry and fair fights, not tricks and deception

Dark Lord: I don't like being blunt either, but I had no other choice at this point but to letter you directly

*Kobolds, Skeletons, Witches, and that singular odd human stands and crowds around, other beings like beholders and gargoyles stand on the second floor, looking over the balcony into the throne room. They're watching, wondering

Hero: So, you want this to end, but how?

Dark Lord: Just peace and quiet. We play the same rules as the other kingdoms: Land, Economy, basic Army. We're just another country wanting prosperity

Hero: But you have dragons and... You

Dark Lord: We won't invade, just defend- actually, I'd like you to live with me in this castle for the tone being as well. I'm done with this fighting, and despite the thousand years I've known you I don't know much about you

Hero: I... Yeah, don't know much about you either, huh?

*The Hero thinks about this long and hard, wondering if it was the right move at all. After all, he could be lying, and this isn't entirely something he wouldn't do, but...

*If this means the end, then-

Hero: Sure, I'm in

You and the Dark Lord are destined to be reincarnated to fight fight one another throughout time. After 1000 years of fighting, the two of you decide to sit down and actually discuss an end to this conflict.

[a-pretty-damn-good-narrator]

I'm making a book like this for November Writing and... Holy fuck- give me a bit

You and the Dark Lord are destined to be reincarnated to fight fight one another throughout time. After 1000 years of fighting, the two of you decide to sit down and actually discuss an end to this conflict.

[a-pretty-damn-good-narrator]

The superheroes have had enough of minimum wage, no benefits, no 401k plans, and being forced to pay high taxes. They decide to protest the unfair circumstances and surprisingly, the villains support their cause.

[a-pretty-damn-good-narrator]

THERE'S ANOTHER?!

thank you chiitan

[a-pretty-damn-good-narrator]

Glad to see you like my addition

The council is baffled by how a humble and poor farmer succeeded in taming a dragon, a feat demeed impossible as kings and the most powerful archmages have failed for centuries.

[a-pretty-damn-good-narrator]

*Years later, it took, for the council to find out that there was a dragon still here. Years, it's been, since any dragon attacks or sightings. Weird, because they felt like they should've known sooner

*Spy investigations showed it stayed here all this time, but had plants and vegetables as good and grew a harvest large enough to feed the city. The king and queen thought about it, but sent more investigations in the end

*They said a farmer was talking to the dragon. Talking about the "Orange Gold", carrots, "Red Gold" Apples -specified to be golden delicious apples, and "Green Gold", watermelons. The dragon didn't seem violent to the farmer, even friendly, if only to the point of being another king to their favorite maid or knight. The king thought harder, and sent it an investigation again

*They came back with weirder news again. The dragon was half treated as a king, a god, with the farmer being a servant, maid, and a priest to it. The other half was the farmer being a pet owner and the dragon just a giant scaly cat; a feral one, but a cat still. The king and queen looked at each other, and sent a diplomat. A bard, yes, but still a diplomat

*They got to the dragon, at the same time as the farmer. They walked in on them only to see the farmer half white from fear and half on the ground from begging. The dragon seems expectant, wanting.

"Can you do it, gift?"

"I... I might be able to, I don't know."

*The Bard-Diplomat steps in, strumming his lute to get their attention, but not to sing a song. Both snap their heads in shock; the farmer yelps but the dragon snorts in anger

"Hello, mighty dragon. I don't have stories to tell, or wish to make a story of love with you, but instead a story to inform the masses and qualm the queries and fears"

"You're stepping into dangerous territory"

"I know, I know. I just need to clarify some things with you- we wish no harm, we're just worried

*The dragon takes time to think: It can't afford to say no, in case they hurt them, the plants, or the farmer, but they hate bards with a passion. They'll entertain them until they're angry

"Don't break the ice, it's thin"

"Metaphors, my favorite. Let's start with the basics! My name is Lory, you two are?"

"Aria"

"Fireshatter"

"Why call Aria "Prize" if you don't mind?"

"She's special, important. Treasure but not."

"I would make a joke here, but not the audience for it. Regardless, I'm guessing you haven't caused any havoc, intentional or not, because you are eating plants now?"

"Yes, Gift had been giving me delicious gold, it tastes great."

"Balanced diets for dragons, wonder how strong you are now- do you have any intention of attacking the nearby countries, castles, towns, etc?"

"He doesn't-"

"I've contemplated it heavily and don't think it's in my best interest"

"Aria, I'm guessing you (mouthed "tamed") Fireshatter by these fruits?"

"The "gold", pets, talking, praise-"

"Ignore the second thing-"

"-I will not and it doesn't matter anyways because of my second to last question. Your relationship?"

"Close to a King"

"Close to a servant"

[Both failed the deception roll]

"... Bullshit, but dw no one will catch on-"

"Leave"

"Woah, hold on, 1 more thing and I'm out of here. If it'd help, I suspect you want more "Gold"? We have some other kinds of you want to help harvest and grow them

"... Continue"

The council is baffled by how a humble and poor farmer succeeded in taming a dragon, a feat demeed impossible as kings and the most powerful archmages have failed for centuries.