#i do think this is stemming from like..never really reading a character with such similar struggles.

[a-page-full]

Once more I need to talk about Welcome to Demon School Iruma-Kun! Specifically about Mephisto.

As such, manga spoilers ahead!

I've been thinking of the Scala exam a lot recently, and about Mephisto's reaction to Iruma. I realized that this is the first time in the manga that we see someone contrast Iruma from Delkira instead of compare him to.

If you think about it, it is often repeated through the series about how similar Iruma is to Delkira. Asmodeus saw him as Delkira during his first evil cycle when sitting on the throne. Repeatedly Sullivan sees Delkira in Iruma. Amduscias saw Delkira in Iruma during the musical festival. We are pretty consistently reminded the similarities between Iruma and the previous Demon King. It's kinda like we start to see Delkira as this amazing, never wrong being.

I think that is why it is so shocking when we get Mephisto's view point on the very beginning of Delkira as Demon King. For the first time, we see someone viewing Delkira in a negative light. We see Delkira be greedy and selfish enough that someone was essentially fired from the position that they had held for centuries. Mephisto was cast off on the whims of Delkira.

I think it is so interesting that it takes hundreds of chapters to get to this point. When I first read it, it felt wrong. Like 'that's not right.' Iruma is compared so often to this person that seeing something negative about them feels off putting. It's a reminder that Delkira was not perfect.

I also think that is why the conversation between Mephisto and Iruma is so beautiful. Mephisto realizes how different Delkira and Iruma are from each other, and because of those differences, Mephisto sees a future king in Iruma. That Iruma cares so much that he would never cast aside anybody. Everybody is important to him no matter who they are. This is the first time we finally get someone looking at Iruma as a future demon king because he is different from Delkira.

No one means ill by comparing Iruma to Delkira. Instead everybody means the highest respect by doing that, but there is something so refreshing about Iruma being seen as a future leader for being Iruma. For being greedy in a different way. Instead of making it all about himself and his desires, his greed stems from wanting everyone to be happy and fulfilled.

I was not expecting this outcome from the Scala exam. Initially I was very wary of Mephisto, but now I've come to love his character. He just wants to feel needed again, and Iruma offers that without even realizing it. Iruma is so clueless to the impact he has on the demons around him.

I hope my rambling was coherent. Basically, I am really excited for the series to continue and to see how this all progresses. To see Iruma continue to make a name for himself, as himself. This manga is just so beautifully done.

[lesbianraskolnikov]

It is kind of funny thinking on my headcanon like naturally im googling that where im like Did anyone else have this thought and a few people yes! I tend to see other diagnoses which are usually fair. But also stumbling upon someone else thinking that by chance was so DELIGHTFUL i still clap when i see others mention it like YES!!! YEAH!!!!

[yumeka-sxf]

Well, seems like something that was just a theory before has come very close to truth...

Because of this major revelation, I wanted to take a deep dive into what we know about Donovan so far and how hints throughout past chapters could indeed indicate that he can read minds. While we still don't have concrete proof for this other than Melinda's word, I don't believe there's anything that discredits this idea, either. In fact, many things throughout the series support it.

First we have Loid's encounter with Donovan way back in chapter 38. I always found it strange that we never got insight into Donovan's thoughts throughout that whole exchange. We always get to know what characters are thinking, even without Anya's mind-reading support. It's not an uncommon storytelling mechanic in general after all, especially for manga. Yet, Endo chose not to give us any insight into what Donovan was thinking. I figured this was simply to avoid spoiling anything about what his exact plans and motives are for future stories (also why Anya was absent for this). But now it seems like this could have also been to hide the fact that he can read minds. If he can read minds, certain things he said during that exchange take on a more ominous meaning. For example, what he said below about how people can never truly understand each other.

It's been a headcanon of mine that the reason why Anya, and perhaps Donovan, were given mind-reading powers, stemmed from the desire for world peace...the idea being that if people could read each other's minds - in other words, always know what others are thinking and feeling, sympathy and understanding would abound.

We learn later on that Donovan had ideas like this even as a kid when he made a similar comment during his debate competition speech. He said that it's impossible to know the true intentions of others so people will forever doubt each other, thus war is inevitable.

We also have the little detail in today's chapter that Donovan did not have the scars on his head during Melinda's flashback (of course, he didn't have them as a kid in chapter 99 either).

Now this is totally my theory, but if we take Melinda's words as the truth, without any misunderstanding, then sometime in Donovan's adult life after he married and had a child, he was experimented on and was given mind-reading powers, perhaps by force but most likely by choice. Now that he has these powers, his laments about people not being able to understand each other are no longer true, at least not for him. Perhaps the experiments done on Anya were preliminary tests that he put together to perfect the mind-reading implementation science before actually doing it to himself. Again, totally just speculation, but not out of the question.

Then we have Demetrius...we learned in chapter 93 that Anya has trouble reading his mind.

If we put that together with Melinda's comment in today's new chapter, that Demetris also took note of Donovan being able to read minds...

...then perhaps Demetrius conditioned himself to think in ways that would make it difficult for his mind to be read, specifically to thwart the "alien" that's impersonating his father. I mentioned last time that I don't think Donovan is actually an alien, and that this description is the only explanation Melinda could come up with to explain his mind-reading powers. If this is true though, it really does make the Desmond dinner scene all the more telling...that throughout all those panels without dialogue, Donovan was absorbing the deepest inner thoughts of his family members (and again, no insight into his own thoughts, just like in chapter 38).

But if the "Donovan can read minds" theory holds true, then the most disturbing idea of all is that Donovan knows that Twilight is a spy. He knows that he's the target of Twilight's mission, and that Twilight seeks to thwart him. Not only that, but depending on what he's read of Damian and Melinda's minds, he knows that they're fond of Anya and Yor, respectively - people who are close to Twilight. Mind-reading powers in the hands of a child are one thing, but in the hands of a shrewd and power political figure...I'm both excited and anxious to find out what Donovan's next move will be!

[loveriotss]

Hello :)

I really enjoy your work, I've read all of it even if I didn't like the character bc your writing style is just so good I want to chop you up and put you into a stew in the best way possible

do you think you could do a bakugo x reader where the reader has a similar personality to him? they would be such a power couple + I'm a fiend for mean readers

also, may I be 🛸anon?

DOUBLE TROUBLE ⸻ katsuki bakugo

INCLUDES — gn! reader, headcannons, drabbles, fluff, crack WARNINGS — swearing

main masterlist — mha masterlist ༊*·˚

BEFORE DATING —

you both always tried to one up the other.

both in studies and combat training, y'all were rivals.

during training exercises, aizawa would have to use his capturing weapons on you two because sometimes your arguments would get out of hand.

[bkg] "HAH! I WON!" [y/n] "YOU CHEATED YOU MOTHERFU-" [aizawa] "that is enough. i will expel both of you if you keep doing this.

you both would get annoyed at times because of how similar you are.

ideas and tastes clashing occasionally and sometimes, even insults.

like an argument would be going on and suddenly you both spew out the same insult 😭😭.

[y/n] "shut the fuck up bakugo no one cares if you don't like this movie, we all are watching it." [bkg] "tch whatever, i don't want to watch a movie with your dumbass in the room anyway." [y/n] "yeah sure bakugo, make excuse. we all know the real reason is because it's past your bedtime." [bkg] "THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME!?" [y/n] "OH I DIDN'T KNOW YOU'RE DEAF TOO!" [kiri] "uh hey guys? y'know this is a movie marathon, you both could pick out one movie each-" [bkg + y/n] "SHUT UP IDIOT" "SHUT UP IDIOT"

and now you two are having another fight because "you copied me!"

despite your bickering, there’s an underlying respect and understanding between you and him.

you recognize each other’s strengths and weaknesses and can see the drive and determination in one another, even if y'all don’t openly acknowledge it.

there will be times when you silently exchange your notebooks where you've written quirk/fight techniques and read through them, sometimes adding small tips on the side.

you might bond over your shared ambitions and goals.

conversations sometimes revolving around your dreams and aspirations, and both of you motivating each other to push harder, even if you guys don’t show it directly.

mixed signals, mixed signals, mixed signals!!!

both of your dumbasses can't tell if the other sees them as a rival or something more.

like yeah you maybe 'hate' his guts but there's no one more understanding than him, no one who'd help you with your combat as much as him, no one who'd motivate you to stride further as much as him.

katsuki would be in denial for a bit, thinking these feelings would pass.

but honestly, he knew he was lying to himself. he admired you a lot as a person and his romantic feelings for you stemmed from there.

after he admitted his feelings to himself, he attempts to give you hints.

but poor boy doesn't know how to show that he cares for you properly and so all of his attempts fail as you take them as his usual brashness.

even people from outside your class start noticing how big of a crush you two have on eachother. always bickering but always together.

eventually you had decided that you'd confess soon. no use in dragging this out right?

but i fear katsuki beat you to it.

the ua dorms were quiet at this hour, save for the whisper of wind rustling through the trees. behind the building, where shadows danced in the moonlight, katsuki bakugo stood with his back against the wall, arms crossed tightly over his chest. you approached cautiously, glancing around to make sure no one else was near. you had a feeling this meeting wasn’t about a routine patrol or a late-night training session. when your eyes met bakugo’s, you saw something different — a rare vulnerability. he cleared his throat, the tension in his shoulders betraying his nervousness. “look, i've never done this and I’m not good at talking about feelings or whatever. i like you, okay? i’m not gonna be all sappy but i wanted you to know.” his eyes darted away, focusing on a distant tree, as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. your heart raced, a smile tugging at your lips. “ah shit, you beat me to it bakugo.” bakugo’s head snapped back to you, eyes wide with surprise. for a moment, the air crackled with an unspoken tension before you both let out a chuckle, the gravity of the confession settling between you. "katsuki." he says, as your eyebrows rose in surprise. "call me katsuki, no more bakugo." you laugh before replying. what an honor. the bakugo katsuki is telling you to call him by his first name. "then you call me y/n. no more dumbass." you reply. "i'll think about it." "HEY!" the night air seemed to have grown warmer, the two of you stayed outside for another hour, simply taking strolls and talking. before you two headed back in, katsuki stopped behind you, causing you to turn around. “so . .” katsuki began, his voice less abrasive now, “we're like . . together right?” you pause, reaching your hand out to him. “we just confessed to each other you idiot. obviously we are.” a small hint of a smile appeared on katsuki's face as he took your hand in his. "i said to call me katsuki." "be quiet."

WHILE DATING —

you and katsuki had decided to not tell anyone about your relationship.

it wasn't a secret or anything, you two just didn't bother to tell anybody.

now this had driven your class mad. they knew something had happened between the two of you but they couldn't point out what.

it wasn't uncommon for you and katsuki to disappear at times. everyone assumed that it was for extra training.

so when you both would be leaving randomly in the afternoons, returning close together with not a sweat droplet in sight, they started suspecting something is going on.

[mina] "these two are killing mee! there is something going on, i'm so sure of it!" [tsu] "you're right mina. i think i even saw them wearing the same bracelet?" [jiro] "no way. i thought it was just a coincidence but now that you pointed it out, they did start wearing it from this week. getting the same bracelet is one thing, but at the same time?" [toru] "oh my god i feel like they're doing this on purpose to annoy us! i asked y/n about it and they just made a face at me and left."

you and katsuki know damn well about what y'all are doing. not oblivious to some of your classmates glancing at you two when you both leave to 'train' (going on a date).

it's absolutely hilarious to both of you when you see your classmates going crazy over your relationship.

when you and katsuki do decide to drop the bomb on them, they actually go ballistic.

the common room was a buzz of energy as class 1-a settled in for their usual friday night tradition: snacks, board games, and a new episode of their favorite show. the table was cluttered with bowls of popcorn, candy, soda cans and laughter filled the air as the group organized the evening’s activities. katsuki and you were sitting on the carpet, backs against the couch as y'all played an intense game of monopoly with mina and kirishima. everyone got really competitive, occasionally shifting their focus towards the show before continuing to play. after a while, you emerged victorious, shoving your victory into kirishima and mina's face as katsuki yawned and stretched beside you. “i’m heading to bed,” he announced, his tone as casual as if he were commenting on the weather. you glanced up from the board, nodding in acknowledgment. ���goodnight,” you said. katsuki stood up, gave you a quick kiss on the forehead, and turned to head towards the dorms. his demeanor was so matter-of-fact that it was as if he’d merely forgotten his snacks in the kitchen. the entire common room went silent, eyes widening in shock. the gesture had been so casual, yet it spoke volumes. kirishima broke the silence with an excited shout. “i knew it!” he ran off to sero who reluctantly handed him some yen. wonderful, your classmates had a bet on you two. a wave of murmurs and surprised exclamations rippled through the room. “wait, you guys are together?” denki says, his eyes as big as saucers. you shrugged, a smirk tugging at your lips as you propped yourself up to the couch. “what do you think stupid? did he just kiss my forehead for fun?” denki opened his mouth to retort back but was interrupted by squeals from mina. “OH MY GOD YES!! YOU BOTH ARE OFFICIALLY MY FAVORITE COUPLE!” mina exclaimed, interlocking her fingers with toru excitedly.

word travels fast in ua and by the end of the weekend, everyone and their moms know about you.

it couple, power couple (sometimes even literally because of how strong/powerful you both are), the couple. all these titles were easily taken by you and katsuki.

you both had a private relationship, everyone knew you were dating but never knew anything other than that.

both of you still have your competitive nature when it comes to training, however it has taken on a more balanced role.

while y'all still enjoy challenging each other, there's a greater sense of teamwork. you both support each other's goals and work together to achieve them, blending your rivalry with cooperation.

your arguments become less frequent and more constructive.

you've learned to communicate better and understand each other’s triggers and emotional responses.

instead of heated arguments, your interactions often involve playful and affectionate teasing.

you both have learned to express affection through shared humor and banter, making your interactions more enjoyable.

while y'all might still show a tough exterior in public, you have a more private and tender side to your relationship.

when alone, you both share moments of vulnerability and affection that are hidden from the outside world.

katsuki's protective instincts become more apparent and openly acknowledged.

he knows you're strong enough to handle yourself, but he can't stop himself from always looking out for you and feeling the need to protect you.

overall you both have a sweet and healthy relationship. always being there for each other and correcting the other when necessary.

NOTE — OMG THANK YOUU THATS SO SWEET 😭💕. OFCC YOU CAN BE 🛸 ANON!! hope you liked this! im so sorry this took so long, school has started and i get really busy on the weekdays so i only have time to write on weekendss.

©loveriotss — all rights reserved to me. please don’t try to copy/steal my work. please do not use any of my ideas/translate my work without my permission.

[tomatopers]

biggest peeves with genshin x reader fics

I'm going to preface this by saying you can write whoever you want however you want and no one is gonna stop you; heck, it likely won't even affect your likes and stuff. These are my personal peeves stemming from character portrayal <3 Characters A-D

Albedo ;; He isn't very heavily emotive; He is shown to approach almost everything from a logical/analytic standpoint!! My guy expressed concern with the most nonchalant voice, so he clearly does care, just not in an expressive/passionate way

Alhaitham ;; Similar to Albedo, but slightly more expressive! He clearly has things/people that he values, and his own ways of showing care differ from societal norms, which is why he comes across as cold and indifferent!! Even the vulnerability that comes slowly with trust isn't immediately obvious, but this is definitely something that's interesting to explore in works⎯ Would he change the way he feels comfortable expressing himself into something else for you? Would you want him to?

Aloy ;; fuck what genshin did to my girl im skipping aloy

Amber ;; One of her main personality traits is the lack of deliberation!! Even with people she really cares about and loves!! Overthinking? We don't know them

Itto ;; Let bro be silly. Let bro make mistakes. Let bro have no idea what he's doing, but know he's giving it his all no matter what⎯ This is the Arataki Way.

Arlecchino ;; Gonna be honest I know jack shit about her but everything I read sounds hot <3 I do think she isn't the type to get frazzled/embarrassed but boy oh boy you can try

Baizhu ;; bffr he would NOT let you neglect your health like... Look at the man 🤨 I don't think he's the yelling type either?? Like he'll stand up for you obviously, but wouldn't start a fight imo; He got them dangerous snake eyes and scary words fr

Barbara ;; idk i don't read minor x reader things + i don't think i've ever seen a barbara x reader ever 💀 I do think she'd be patient and caring to the point where doing anything bad would make you feel guilty asf :/ not even in a romantic way, just like⎯anything. The kind persona isn't actually an act, she's in a role where she cannot be seen as anything else but it isn't hard to be kind as she would act that way, idol or not. More of a character thought, not a fic peeve </3

Beidou ;; She would start fights for you and she'd win, we all know this. I do think that many fics don't explore her emotions to a deeper extent, like motives and such? I think there's a lot of flexibility in that, and many avenues to explore! Not a peeve either, just a thought.

Bennett ;; Minor again(?), I don't read Bennett fics aha 😭 Grasping at straws here, with such a brave face shown to everyone, taking it off to share the sadder stuff sounds hard

Candace ;; Dunno much either 💀 Nor do I see any fics about her...

Charlotte ;; Would she love and cherish you? Yes. Would she leave her job for you? No. Would she feel bad about always being busy chasing headlines? Yes! Would she only really do well with a partner who supports her career and aspirations? Yes!

Chevreuse ;; Sorry guys I don't even know her 😭

Chiori ;; Would also start fights for you, would also win; Clearly takes no shit, I imagine certain compromises would take a while to reach? Canonically fairly headstrong, I doubt she'd be a pushover with an s/o

Chongyun ;; Minor 🧍

Clorinde ;; Her showing vulnerability with you definitely means a LOT. Beyond her career and the things she does for it, I just know there's so much going on in her head :( Let my girl share, give her a safe space, be patient to eventually emotionally connect

Collei ;; Minor 🤨

Cyno ;; He does not seem like the dominant/aggressive/pushy type :( I bet there's complicated feelings between the way he acts as a General and the way he acts with a lover⎯undeniably would never want you to be scared of him. Teasing type, likely nothing worse.

Dehya ;; I haven't seen her done dirty, so I'm pretty content

Diluc ;; High-functioning man, having dealt with varying stressors over so many years I doubt anything could interrupt his work flow⎯having said that, yes that means issues with a relationship making him struggle to work would mean more; Yes, i still believe that's highly unlikely

Diona ;; No.

Dori ;; No. Also, I hate her.

[dandydeya]

Ksbd Posting.

6 Juggernaut Star Scours the Universe, White Chain, trans people, and nihilism (This is gonna be a long one (Spoilers Ahead))

(I’ll be mostly using She/Her when referring to Juggernaut)

I think Juggernaut Star is such an interesting character that never really gets talked about, despite showing up in many of the series’ best moments and I do fear that her story could be left open-ended in lieu of the fate of existence that Allison currently faces.

I mostly want to talk about the full reveal of her true form in King of Swords and how it contextualizes her character and actions leading up to that. 

Also, due to the fact that she is ultimately a side character, never acting as a main antagonist even in her final fight. Most of the things I say about Juggernaut will be in comparison to WC.

When we first meet Juggernaut it’s easy to see her as an antithesis to WC, in all fairness that’s what she ends up being but at this point in the story and for most of it leading up to the tournament in KoS. Juggernaut acts as a very real possibility for what WC could end up becoming. More importantly, this also means that White Chain represents what Juggernaut could have possibly been (Or even may have been at one point).

Focusing on Juggernaut being similar to WC. I want to talk to about their forms. WC is ridiculed for her human and feminine appearance. While Juggernaut appears as a flaming skeleton clad in armor, ultimately they appear much more human than the other angels. It’s almost comedic how intense they are, arriving on a motorcycle made from the still living skeletons of sinners, before removing the front wheel and executing someone with it. One ends up asking why a being of such hatred for humanity and weakness would have their true self represented by something so human.

This particular aspect of Juggernaut’s character hit me pretty hard after seeing her true form. It felt like an experience that I and likely other trans people can relate to when trying to present as a gender that isn’t theirs. Like a jacket that’s a few sizes too large, it’s awkward to live and act in, and people start to notice that it doesn’t fit you. WC attempts to do something similar, literally casting her face/humanity to the side but still ends up in this awkward in-between that isn’t sustainable.

Furthermore we see that Juggernaut’s form seems to waver based on her composure. When she loses the fury, the flames fade away to reveal a softer, feminine, and more human side.

Also notably in KoS, we see her trying to retain her form while being beaten. Even in this state she attempts to retain her appearance putting her in a state resembling her true form but attempting to suppress it with the armor of her skeletal form. This also made me notice that she is the only one of the angels (beside the unnamed thorns members) to still wear armor outside of their physical bodies. This could just represent the power gifted by becoming a Thorn Knight however I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the power of a thorn can only be achieved by covering up one’s true self in armor covered in spikes. 

However, it’s not just her form that acts as a façade, I don’t believe that Juggernaut, disdains humanity, at the very least not as much as she lets on. This should be fairly obvious due to her form but I believe that she may not be aware that this disdain is false. I think her hatred stems from a sort of jealousy. A jealousy at others being able to freely enjoy what she feels is impossible for her to ever accomplish along with an ignorance to the nature of the world. 

Juggernaut will have to suffer if she is to be herself, possibly endlessly as she does not have the same friendships and connects that WC has. This is then compounded by the fact that the universe remains on an infinite loop controlled by people far more powerful than her. 

I know I’m probably reading into this too much but it feels like it can be easily compared to many feelings that can often swirl in us as trans people. The knowledge that who you are can be controlled by someone with little to no say from you along with the jealousy that can stem from seeing cis people and even other trans people exploring gender when you cannot can cause some terrible things to solidify in a person. I have met people like this, and quite embarrassingly have been this person at some points in my life.

How this manifests in Juggernaut Star is an intense nihilism. If the world will not have her than she will do her best to usher its end. The only control she can have is through destroying the people attempting to pursue what she feels she may never have. I think it’s rather fitting that one of her weapons/forms is the wheel of her motorcycle, aka the supposed shape of the universe. She is quite literally taking the wheel/universe into her own hands. However, as Zoss says “He that masters the Wheel cannot break it”. 

During the tournament arc we see WC begin to go down this same path. Growing increasingly frustrated with Allison and shortly taking the opinion that humanity or at the very least Allison is unworthy and cannot be trusted. At the peak of this after defeating Allcio, she takes on a similar intense linework and hatching that we see in Juggernaut.

She of course immediately realizes her mistake and feels remorse.

In comes Juggernaut Star.

In the ensuing fight, WC rejects her stone body (aka the body/gender assigned to her by humanity) as her reality and confronts Juggernaut with them both in their true forms.

I do want to talk about some aspects of Juggernaut’s true form. One, compared to WC she looks much less like a warrior. Despite how “soft” she may look, in every one of White Chain’s iterations it has always been clear she can still kick ass. However, Juggernaut appears in a long flowing dress, her features are thin and she walks with an almost ballet like stance. One could say this design just matches with her dexterous fighting style but as far as we know Juggernaut is the only angel to wear clothing. Two, she sports two clipped wings. While I’ve spoken on the skeletal form being a façade it still has done real damage to her. traveling down this path has removed her freedom to choose her own path keeping her grounded and chained to Metatron’s whims. 

Anyhow, in this confrontation WC attempts to give Juggernaut the same help and connection that helped her change for the better. Juggernaut meets this with her own nihilism stating that no final happiness can be achieved and shows that she has decided to place herself comfortably within the grasp of hopelessness, just waiting to be crushed under those with more power than her.

As she rejects this final chance at personhood, she once more cloaks herself in the anger before being defeated by 10 Vigilant Gaze. Somewhat fittingly we get a few panels of her struggling after being hit by his attack but ultimately giving up and retreating to the void.

That last bit I talked about is because I wanted to express that even if we can feel sympathy for Juggernaut Star it is still her choice to take the path she has gone down and in accordance with this comic’s ideals we see that it is the coward’s path that brings one under the full weight of the wheel to be crushed.

I’m not sure how to end this so I’ll wrap it up with the idea that made me write this whole thing

6 Juggernaut Star Scours the Universe is canonically a doomer trans girl  and becoming a Thorn Knight is essentially taking the blackpill.

[lordofmelancholy]

Arcane Silent Frontiers: Isha and Jinx's Relationship

Alright! Time for something new! The (tragic) Relationship between Isha and Jinx in Silent Frontiers

Now for those who read This (if you haven't go read it), you might have notice that I put down one of the inspirations for Isha's character in SF as not only just Ellie from The Last of Us but also Joel as well.

This is because, both Isha and Jinx take the "Joel" role in this AU; which is basically a fancy way of stating that both of them have major attachment issues stemming from trauma and apparent abandonment. Because of this, both Isha and Jinx actually don't get along to each other as quickly as they do in the show. The need to Bond is there, but Isha often finds it hard to gain attachments towards people following immense heartbreak in her life, and is in many ways similar to Jinx in this notion. However what should bring them together, instead makes it hard for them to do so. There's a pull of course that neither can understand, but it's a pull that tends to lead them both at the current time to face first into a wall. They have to break that wall and it's a process. Its literally has to build up. But with every build up, there can be an explosion which with Isha and Jinx happens.

Thus then comes the Isha (ellie) and Jinx (Joel) parallel Remember This Scene, in the first TLOU

Well. . .Jinx and Isha basically go through the same thing Despite the attachment issues, throughout the story of SF, Isha does end up getting close to Jinx much like she does in the show. This however is where it gets complicated for JINX because Jinx's whole thing IS the fear of getting close to someone in a world that tends to take them away too easy.

The only one she's EVER close to is Ekko. He's been her rock since they were kids. But anyone else doesn't get as close easily and it's just how she's been for years.

She's been so stuck in her ways that it honestly scared her how quickly and how attached to Isha she got and as a result her first instinct was to push away.

To not only protect others, but herself.

Jinx's biggest breaker in this whole thing was the fact that Isha once accidentally called her mama by mistake and Jinx's first instinct was to fear the word because she never expected it to make her feel good. It was what started the OG argument (similar to the one Joel and Ellie got into in the first game) and what had caused a small rift to form between the two of them, because Isha tried to get close but Jinx pushed back and thus Isha basically "gave up"

which she was actually starting to NOT DO because of Jinx.

Jinx ends up of course beating herself up over it later on down the line because she realizes how stupid she's actually been about all this. Realizing that Ekko was right, that everyone was right and even Isha was right about a lot of stuff. But her stupidity this time caused her to go and "Jinx" it cause it's obvious that Isha is distancing herself from JINX now and it's not the other way around

When what happens with Isha happens (basically what caused the events of the fic: Alone in this Platinum Field which can be found there in the link), Jinx is distraught over it because not only could she possibly loose Isha, but she'll also loose Isha at a point in time where there's a big chance that Isha hates her.

But the issue is, is even now Isha doesn't hate Jinx. And that's the sad part. Made even more sad by the fact that she never did, nor does she think she ever could

It's just that Isha's hurt

She's hurt because in the process of pushing her away, Jinx had also said things that just got Isha the wrong way

Because as we all know when Jinx is scared, Jinx can't shut up for shit and has to put her foot in her mouth.

Jinx never really leaves her side shortly after what happened. The issue with the field was something she couldn't avoid, it sucked but she couldn't. But after that she never strays too far. She's always close by. Always within reach. But while part of it is her just being observant, there's also another reason as to why.

She keeps trying to apologize

Every once in a while, sometimes in the dead of night, while everyone is asleep or at least trying to sleep. You could often hear whispers. Hushed sounds. And it's Jinx trying to talk to her. Trying to apologize. Shes trying to apologize because the thought that Isha is going to die with the thought of Jinx not caring in her head absolutely terrifies Jinx to no end now.

So every once in a while you'd hear a hushed apology. "'I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it".

And sometimes when Isha's awake, at least long enough to actually hear those words somewhat, it would often seem like she would jump at the opportunity to accept it. To put it all behind them and forget about it all. But then she would get a look in her eye, as if she was remembering what exactly got said to her.

Playing it all back in her head.

and then Jinx would notice the sullen look. As if even now Isha couldn't bring herself even to forget. Or to forgive

But Jinx keeps trying to apologize.

And that's the sad part really in all this.

But what somehow makes it even worse. If that was even possible to begin with. Is the fact, that that's not the only thing Jinx tries to do. What she always seems to try despite it never working in the end.

She thinks the others don't hear her when she say's it. But they do. They always do. And it breaks their hearts to hear how desperate she sounds when she asks Isha to call her Mama once more.

Because they know the odds are slim now that she ever will. Not after everything.

But Jinx need's to hear her say it. She wants Isha to say it. Mouth it. Sign it. Garble Anything. Now more then anything

She doesn't care how Isha says it because at least if she does. At least if this is does turn out to be the end, Jinx can at least know and hold on to the warm feeling that Isha calling her Mama made her. Can hold on to that warmth at least for a while, just a little. Just long enough to help her cope with the fact that she may never get to hear it again if this truly is the end.

She hopes its not.

God she hopes its not

Because she still needs to make up for what she did.

So she's keep trying. As long as it takes. However long both her and Isha have left.

She knows she sounds selfish. Wanting Isha to say it now when there's a chance this might all be it. To say it now after pushing her away the way that she did. She knows it sounds selfish. Sounds cruel

She knows it probably is in some way. But its not. Really its not She's not being selfish nor is she trying to be cruel. Not really anyways. She just finally has come to accept something. Just a little too late. Just a little too much at the wrong time

But

"Just once. That's all. Call me mama again. Please just say it. Just once, that's all. You can say it. I wont be mad I promise…I won't just…-"

"Please?"

____

(Also as a added bonus in pain. Imagine Isha referring to Ekko as Papa by mistake when they make it back to the compound. They get her all fixed up for the time being and her being slightly drugged up for the pain, accidentally refers to Ekko as papa when he shows up to see them. Imagine being worried that she "did it again" and that she's going to be rejected by Ekko just like she was by Jinx. Imagine her being terrified of the potential rejection. Jinx did it, what's really stopping Ekko from doing it as well)

[phalangemedes]

CAMPAL LIT ANAL 🔥🔥🔥

To start off with, a personalised character debrief, of sorts, so the nonsense I'm about to spout stems from my known perception of them rather than just inherent batshit:

PALAMEDES SEXTUS: Tall ergo mouse faced man with the jokes and no brain shut off button. Burdened with gifted kid ego AND gifted kid guilt. Disabled even for a necromancer (not genetic turbo cancer for the nuke blast creation of thanergy but allergies, aerospace thick specs, lingering hint of the 'tism (social cues whomst, Mr that evil nun who thinks I'm a murderer is now my BEST FRIEND. Decided he was going to marry a girl because he liked that she was puzzley. His life partner is low emotive and he's never noticed.) (RE:marry Dulci the man is a glutton for a hyperfixation. 12 years and he's like 'we'll be married, Cam's my best man, I love them')). Bred for necromantic psychometry and groomed for Wardenhood (I used "groomed" because he was a literal child when they lauded his intellect as sufficient enough to egregiously test him to see if he was worthy of the title of Master Warden (spoilers, a 13 year old is a tiny baby child, no matter how cute, clever OR smug they are) This neatly slots into the "gifted kid" issues in that his parents ALLOWED this to happen, nay, encouraged it as an accolade. So I wouldn't say he was actively abused, but neither was he "cared" for, which is prime reason as to why he latched onto the only emotionally available peer AND was self sacrificial to a scary fault (re: ka-boom)

CAMILLA HECT: Tall TANK with too much inside to contain without fidget. Burdened with an inferiority complex 20 miles wide and a dunces hat of imposter syndrome. (Some of this is that The Sixth don't really respect swordhands, some of it is that in the capacity they DO respect it, she isn't ranked the most highly (RE: Not an Alexandrite. I assume Epeids? Cause she will class herself as competent and I think the Sixth aren’t stupid enough to put her in the spec ed class once she’s a Cav Prime.) Low EXTERNAL emotion, high energy, Palamedes is patently the words and she's happy with that. (As we go through HtN and NtN it reads more and more like alexithymia, more so when she just finally bursts the fuck into tears). Focuses a little too hard on being "useful", to the point and beyond of harm/self harm. Treats loyalty in a similar manner. A 0% or 100% kinda bitch. Close with her sister, but NOT her fathers, which is an interesting one because we have minimal backstory on that one, but it very much READ as a "forbidden" thing to be with Palamedes not just in the act of lyctorhood ascension but a 'They never understood' way. So her choosing to be Cavalier Primary was her choice AGAINST the wishes of other, societally and inter-familially.

ADDENDUM to Cam: She is a Carer, not in a motherly carer role, a Carer with a capital C. She cares for those with disadvantages in a MANNER I have witnessed IN the caring profession. This is MOST notable in the dynamics with Nona but she does the same with Pal. Where Pyrrha gives Nona fun dad treatment, with no less care, and Palamedes is the voice of gentle reason, consent and options, Cam is loving enforcement and active encouragement. It’s a theme. I’d like it highlit to those of you that have never had one or interacted in what is a COMPLICATED dynamic, a Carer is not a SERVITOR, they are a companion, they see you at your weakest and tackle ills with compassion. Is it a CHOSEN role.

Likewise Cam being raised female and not necromantically inclined (on planet eugenics and Your Eggs Are So Useful To Us BabyGirl) has just had humility beaten into her, but there are various places (Dr Sex coming to mind the most vividly, Pal trusting her with reconstruction of his skeleton, him trusting her opinion on things HE is looking at necromantically) where she is AS bright as him, but is not afforded the same societal perks as him as a necro.

tl;dr

Golden boy brain box who is struggling to live up to it, doing anything to be Good Enough. Held together by Cam's trust in him.

Black sheep who is struggling to perceive herself as worthy, doing anything to be Good Enough. Held together by Pal's faith in her.

Cool, we got it? ONWARD.

GENDER; PERCEPTIONS AND CHANGES:

Pre-Canaan through Canaan:

Palamedes Sextus, Master Warden of The Sixth House is a seeker of knowledge, his pronouns are forgot/to/eat (j/k.) I don't think he perceives himself as much of anything, until he's forced to. He is a man as The Master Warden and for Dulcinea, but I wonder how much of that is the "breeding program" ethos of the Sixth and how much of that is his OWN perception of himself because he's not a TRADITIONAL feeling man, even compared to other men in the canon. When I joke he's a he/him lesbian it's because he FEELS, not female, but feminine. In how he interacts with space and people, with the touchy-feeliness, with the way he expresses himself vociferous and poetically. 'Male' to him seems to be a mantle he wears above the neutrality of who he is and the femininity of his affections.

Camilla Hect, Hand of the Library, is a swordswoman and a cavalier and a hand. Cam is beautifully ungendered, but not in the same way as Palamedes is more of a... I feel like she'd be shocked to be told there's a binary? Just generally. She's practical, but butch, she's just Camilla. A she/her in the same way as a ship or a car. Not like a mother but like a deity -- and THAT is from Palamedes' perception of her. If he's a good boy, she's the Goddess he lays his altar out for. She’s not a ‘woman’ for anyone, not her house, not him. I think that’s important.

New-Rho:

I know there're alotta trans allegories here, but I'm gunna be a party pooper and say this is QUEER but not trans, not because it doesn't follow the path but because I don't think there is a Tomb binary to start with. There's a fluidity and flux IRL doesn't have (because people like their lil ticky boxes). And Pal doesn't feel different IN Cam, he feels the same. More him. He's more outwardly affectionate, he's more fussy and stroppy. He's him but Settled. I think he likes being whatever he is as Camilla. I think because he always liked Cam more.

Cam remains Cam. And I am delighted with this because Palamedes' influence within AND without is the same? I fucking love this woman, she popped out the womb like this and she's just keeping on trucking. Someone thinks she's a sex worker? Unfussed. Someone thinks she's fucking Crown? Mild distaste but that's more on the fact Corona is a biiitch. Dual daddying with Pyrrha? It's a TITLE, Cam seems to like titles. Maybe that's what it is, Camilla's self expression is a list of titles given to her by those who love her. The only one she’s picked for herself is Cavalier.

PAUL:

LEAST they/them they/them in the world. OBSESSED with them, they have the feminine energy that Palamedes carries but in Cam's body?? But the siege weapon threat of Cam?? Obsessed to get to know them more. I sense I shall kiss them on the mouth.

THEM AS CHARACTER ARCHETYPES VS "PEOPLE":

I think in part some of the issue with Palamedes and Camilla is how, on the whole, they seem to have been type cast as Male Boss and Female Minion. Because a tall dude with some authority and a quiet woman are put together and people get weird about that. (Even IRL. ‘Which one of you’s the fork?’ well firstly, she’s the knife, SECONDLY… that’s my tall glass of baby girl that speaks in a countertenor)

And this is a two fold issue:

THE FIRST: The Necromancer and Cavalier dynamic as portrayed by Muir.

It's seen as crass to dick down your cavalier (From Abigail and Magnus, through to Judith and Marta with canonical romantic refusal and LATTERLY Judith's SECONDARY canonical refusal of Coronabeth. Interestingly I don't see much shit about Isaac and Jeannemary but that's another hillock to rot on.).

But that doesn't seem to be the main issue WITHIN FANDOM or (more) people would be coming for Abigail and her lovely ottery meat shield.

Or Griddlehark.

Harrow and Gideon are lauded as the greatest romance of all time and the power dynamic there is TRULY whack. (affectionate)

Heir to the throne and indentured slave?

Necromancer made of a bajillion babies and a Base Level Not-Even-Squaddie.

Abuser and abused.

FORCED cavalier and necro?

Witness and sacrifice.

Even if you view them as a complicated sister dynamic... there are ABUNDANT issues there and a staggering co-dependancy that plays out in a sapphic lobotomy. So we have a base line of what, in the Nine Houses, classifies as a Fuckin' Ride Or Die of a relationship.

(this is without the fact that the NORM is for a baby to be specifically born for a Necromancer. Either RE:The manyfold uncles or like Babs being chosen as a zygote. Which do I have to explain how eugenics and baby-promises are worse than two people choosing each other or NAH?)

THE SECOND: People see a man and a woman and they give them preordained gender roles, which they then do some A/B/O level gymnastics to make them negatively fit into the necro and cav dynamic. It's funny because they're grey librarians who look like librarians. They look similar, they act similar but for some reason the fact Cam has tits gets some WILD hottakes.

(My favourite (said with spite and loathing) was someone asking if Cam fancied Harrow because she let Nona touch her… I.. I just??? She was letting Nona express herself in a safe way, Nona, who is a VULNERABLE ADULT with sensory issues. (yes this was reddit how did you guess))

Which.. is peculiar when you think of how we meet them, in an investigative role where they are immediately, companionably mocking each other? Where, out the gate, Cam lunges to protect Pal and as quickly as that happens he calls her back to protect her?

The Cavalier is there to protect the Necromancer. And yet he is IMMEDIATELY portrayed as a shield.

There's also an inherent, and non-canonically spoken of trust about what Pal EXPECTS of Camilla. It starts off with her with the rapier and how although adept with it, it is not her main skillset. And it's played against the bum rush way Gideon had to give in the two hander, but it's also, OBVIOUSLY, something Camilla has done forever and a day. So their roles are already non-traditional, with the basics of 'your cavalier should be your sword' cause girly pop let his barn door have two because she patently WANTED THEM.

Likewise, when hoorah boot clack salute, stick up her arse, repressed lesbo challenges them for their keys Cam is hot to go, but she waits for him to catch up. And he was erring on denial, he was erring on losing KNOWLEDGE, which is his main gain from any situation, to make sure she didn't get injured. But he puts her in that fight for HER HONOUR first, not his, not the Sixth's, Camilla Hect.

When she's injured, other than a brief moment of being a catty princess to Jody and Marta who lol DESERVED, he CHECKS Cam. He's frightened, he's fretting, he just wants her to not have been stabbed quite a lot, and PATENTLY blames himself. He is a PHYSIOLOGICALLY ADEPT necromancer and he FEARS for her injury, because of the pain not the complications of healing. It's an obvious show of how he perceives her as an extension of himself but NOT a tool.

Likewise, the only thing Pal ever did wrong and honestly, Dulci you aquatic-bint your way out of that river and give him a SLAP, was that he left her when he went to nuke Cytherea. He did it as a kindness, he didn't want her to see, he THOUGHT he did the right thing. And he didn't, and there wasn't a right thing, but oh my god dude.

He acted like a cavalier to guarantee her safety.

And I see a lot of 'oh well he did it cause he was upset about Dulci' like?? Cytherea SPOKE to them about the Avulsion trial. He had to look "Dulcinea" in the eye when she asked him to siphon Cam. Do you not think he wasn't already turbo pissed off? Hurt? Upset? Do you not think he was already mourning her, that he chose Cam over her, because he said “no”?

Which is a good segue into 'Paul is problematic'. First up, buckle up my darling little babies, spiritual cannibalism isn't exactly a fuckin' jolly holly time anyway, cause it was made by a man with the moral compass of a rabid wolverine and tits covered in biscuit crumbs.

At no point does Palamedes not feel dreadful for squatting inside Camilla. He is the (un)embodiment of a nervous friend sitting on a mostly full sofa trying to make himself as small as possible and wincing whenever he accidentally touches someone. He is there ONLY because it's what she wanted. And we know that because they discuss it, PRIVATELY, and it overheard by Nona. He also offers Cam the choice, they keep going as they are, or they do something else. But it is together, whatever they do is together. And she chooses to not suffer alone. And that some a y'all shit on that is a choice.

Harrow TBI's herself to not lose Gideon, but when two people enter into togetherness with consent it's a no?? They had a big ol’ adult chat (or 50 off screen, who knows, babygirl can’t shut up so I imagine it was more) and there’s booing and hissing.

Wah wah they're co-dependent it's not healthy, SURE, but it’s extreme circumstances, it's grimdark space heresy. Cam is a victim of torture, starvation and other such New Rho hells. Palamedes was in the purgatory of river isolation post suicide and his only hope of survival was Cam. They are the reason the other kept going. Paul is them keeping going, Paul is their promise to the other that it'll be okay, because they're there. Yes, they're co-dependent but they are each other's reason for being.

Even in the real world, when everything is subterranean, sewer level shit, you are told to find a reason to keep going. It can be a concert in a few months, or your ageing cat, it can be your mother or your tomato plants. And it's not long term, but THEY don't have long term.

And they BOTH chose. Palamedes had no promise of what would happen once he was booted back out of Babs, did he go back in Cam and risk her soul, or did he try another body? Was he already compromised by Tridentarii taint? But he was willing, if it was for her.

Likewise she was at the precipice of a wound that really needed a necromancers attention (look how BoE left Judith, like jesus colostomy christ the woman is a menace but shoving a carrier bag in her then blood letting her to refuel your stolen tesla is rough guys). It needed HER necromancers attention. And that wasn't happening. And she couldn't take not having him any more.

And they didn't go into it blind, The Sixth as a house patently had more knowledge on the melange of souls than most (via all the secrecy that was shared with BoE etcetc), and Pal had just learnt more, first hand, shoved up inside Naberius feeling their edges bleed together. And they had felt what it was to be Them before. They BOTH experienced that, like, blood-sweat and worried daddy lap aside, they both knew it would hurt her, and I have no doubt it cut Palamedes up, but it ate some of him too. 'Oh it hurt her more' my DUDE the man was already bone dust and fuck all else all that COULD be hurt WAS hurt.

THIRDLY (I realise there was not initially three points but there sure fucking is now LESSGO):

SACRIFICE. I've seen it said, repeatedly, they have an uneven power dynamic because Cam 'sacrifices' herself for him.

WELL. Let's break that down with a direct comparison.

Gideon Nav, a woman who had never been loved, but had sometimes been useful, sacrificed herself for a chance to die with the knowledge of being wanted. She knew and wanted to be eaten, absorbed, nothing more than her sword. This was seen as a rejection by Harrow for reasons even GIDEON was aware of, poor kid.

Harrowhark Nonagesimus, woman who, understandably, thinks she's cursed as all fuck, refused to take the sacrifice of Another Body and in the process made Gideon think she was being rejected. I think she is less aware, but not totally unaware. And it was in desperation. And she is so young, they both are, they were scared and staring at a bone wall or forever death.

But my point is their togetherness, no matter how complete, was born of VIOLENCE and the eradication of one of them, the violence of need, of desperation to belong, to not be torn from the one consistent point in their lives : each other.

Camilla Hect saw the buckshot shrapnel of her life partner embedded in Canaan's masonry (this is an actual sacrifice, he sacrificed himself for her safety) and chose to take the red string of fate and GANK IT until she got Palamedes back. Because they had a (theoretically possible) predetermined get-out-of-jail-free plan for if something took him first. They planned to never be apart, this was one plan of many.

And Palamedes Sextus, for his part, did everything he could to keep them safe, keep her safe, to make sure, even in the end, they would be together in the safest, sanest way possible. He dredged her from death both times they were shot, he sewed her back together from within the cage of her body. He resurrected them. He was a god FOR them, so they could stay them.

Was it actually safe and sane? Compared to gutty stabs and being consumed by a IANTHE, honestly, yeah.

Was it ideal? No, but it was better than death.

They lived, together. Discussed it, chose it.

If Palamedes is Decisive Consent and Camilla is Patient Protection, Paul is a Conversation with a lil line of kisses at the bottom. They're not made from love, they're made from necessity, but they are born BECAUSE of love, gentility. The difference between rabid hunger after suffering food scarcity and spending 14 hours cooking a meal for someone you love. They are both acts of consumption, but the tone is so vastly different.

✨anyway yeah hi I fucking love Cam and Pal and this is the hill I've chosen to climb and repeatedly die on✨

(I'd like to postface this with I love ALL these characters, I slag them off with the love of literary analysis, and none of them ever did anything wrong they are my tiny angel baby war crimes whom i wub them a normal amount.

...And I'm not getting the books out to quote shit so you're gunna have to embrace the Vibes.<3)

(shout out to @grievingbovine this is (partially) their fault *heart hands*)

[royboyfanpage]

Okay a post by @mew-poo got me thinking about Titans (1999) #15-#16 again, and I think I noticed something. This may be absolute bs, I haven't slept in two days so I might be doing analysis that doesn't exist, but-

I think Roy is the only one of the fab five who doesn't hold grudges.

Essentially the comics, particularly #15, focus on the fab five being stranded on an island with Gargoyle, who is bringing their personal resentments and grudges to light, causing a lot of tensions between the team. But one thing I've noticed is that the different arguments Roy makes are rarely centred around anything that happened between him and the others off the island. The main issues for him are-

-the current situation, or-

-regarding Lian. Comparatively, the things that the others say to him, such as Garth bringing up his addiction arguably unnecessarily-

-Donna suggesting that Roy's stupid for thinking their relationship will last (and later insulting him for leaving after she said that)-

-and Dick questioning his commitment to the Titans (which I won't post a panel of due to Tumblr photo limit, so imagine it's here), it's clear to see a difference. Despite being on an island intended to highten negative emotions, Roy never actually brings up anything anyone's done in the past (at least not yet) unless he's actively prompted to by someone else, like his defending himself from Dick's criticism-

-and the only time he really brings anything up without a prompt (prior to the end) is STILL in reference to something that was said to him on the island as opposed to years ago.

I think that makes a lot of sense for Roy as a character. He's a very practical man, and so it makes sense that he wouldn't dwell on old grudges compared to current issues he's faced with. It could also, at least partially, explain why it takes Roy so long to recognise that Garth is mad at his teasing. Roy reacts strongly in the moment to issues in his life and relationships rather than letting them brew (at least this era of Roy does, his reactions were different in the Snowbirds era), which may make it harder for him to see that someone *is* harbouring a grudge against him that they haven't acted on- that's just not how his brain works.

And then, there's the moment where Roy does snap.

I don't think that Roy's dialogue here stems from a grudge, and it's not based in negativity. As mentioned earlier in the comic, Gargoyle thrives on negativity, that was what was keeping them in purgatory. However, Roy's rant and punch was what managed to free them. It's not based in bitterness but rather... I guess violently constructive criticism? Roy doesn't like seeing Dick stuck in Bruce's shadow, and his tirade is based in concern for Dick more than anything, a wake-up call. And anything similar to bitterness in this is rather based on the double standards towards Dick- everyone has to walk on eggshells around Dick's issues, whereas Roy's issues are constantly brought up (Roy's addiction is mentioned in almost every comic with him I've read). He's angry that his friends will step in and give *him* a wakeup call, but they let Dick spiral without stepping in.

Anyway I'm very tired and forgot my point halfway through writing this, so do with this as you will and reinterpretations are more than welcome.

[starlostlix]

Daughterhood in Bungo Stray Dogs - Part 1 - Kyouka

So in light of me finally reading Another Story and my recent obsession with Arcane and its focus on daughters and their relations with their parents (which I love) I wanted to do something like that for BSD. I have 4 main examples (Kyouka, Tsujimura, Aya and Elise) I'll talk about in depth and save some mentions of others for the end part.

Adding the links here to the other posts when they're all out!!

This part is about Kyouka (main timeline, not including Beast!Kyouka) and her relationships with her parental figures. Next part will be Tsujimura.

So Kyouka is really interesting as a character especially in her relationship with her parents (and by extension her ability, Demon Snow). If we remember the events that played out, Kyouka's parents were attacked by a body possession that causes her father to try and k!ll her. In order to protect her, Kyouka's mother, also beginning to be possessed, transferred her skill over to Kyouka and ordered it to protect her. Because of the sudden nature of the transfer, the control of the ability was transferred to the phone rather than herself. However, since she was quite young, for a long while Kyouka thinks that Demon Snow k!lled her parents of its own will and despises it for that.

I think it's fascinating that she has this idyllic view of her mother (at points when she remembers her) but hates her ability which came from her. Because she doesn't know that it was given to her as protection, she thinks Demon Snow is a force for slaughter and nothing more at first, being ingrained into her by the Port Mafia and specifically Kouyou and Akutagawa as her mentors/superiors. But when she learns the truth, she finally sees Demon Snow for what it truly is - a manifestation of her parents love and her mother's protection. Almost as if part of her mother lives on with her in the form of her ability. This is especially important when we notice that Demon Snow somewhat resembles her mother - the long hair in a bun with a hair stick, traditional kimono, similar face shape etc. (I had to use anime images I couldn't find the manga ones in a google search)

Kyouka since has grown an appreciation for Demon Snow, and I think her arc of disliking her ability then coming round to appreciate it once she realises how much it protects her is probably a reason she gets on with Atsushi so well (among other reasons). He began disliking his ability but Byakko has done a lot to protect him and bring him strength, and if the theory that the 'dazai' he's been talking to in his head is in fact Byakko it adds to how much protection she gives him and furthers the comparison between Atsushi and Kyouka's view of their abilities.

Kyouka's mother's main way of protecting her daughter was giving Kyouka her ability - a symbol for her own strength and skill - and so giving her daughter strength. This can be directly contrasted with how Kouyou attempts to protect Kyouka (it can be debated whether Kouyou can be considered a parental figure but hear me out for this point). Kouyou has a very negative outlook on life and is quite cynical, due to her failed mafia escape in her youth that lead to the d3ath of someone she cared dearly about. She feels that people born in the 'dark' are never able to escape to the 'light' - an aspect of how she views herself that she pushes on to Kyouka. Her own fears, frustrations and experiences lead her to try and mould Kyouka to have a similar mindset - her way of 'protecting' Kyouka is trying to make sure she doesn't do what Kouyou had previously attempted in escaping the mafia. However, her way of 'protecting' her is actually harmful in a number of ways and stems from a focus on her own feelings and not the well-being of Kyouka herself - especially since she was the one to tell her Demon Snow murdered her parents.

However, after Kyouka has left the mafia she is still somewhat attached to her but in a more traditionally protective way. Her leaking of documents to Kyouka about the actual reason for her parents' d3ath can be interpreted as her trying to undo the damage she caused, and her ruling against hurting Kyouka shows that she still wants to protect her in some way. But the self centred 'protection' she gave Kyouka in her youth may not be outweighed by these acts even though Kyouka's mindset has somewhat healed.

In essence, whereas Kyouka's mother's protection for her daughter was by giving her strength out of her own love, Kouyou's idea of protection was fuelled by her own internal issues and involved demoralising her so she wouldn't follow in her footsteps. It's really fascinating how different they are in their decisions placed in a similar role in Kyouka's life (although I don't think Kyouka ever thought of Kouyou to be like her mother).

In all daughterhood, for Kyouka, is associated with protection, only differing in its motivations or impact.

[The 2nd part of this will be posted pretty soon after this as I've already written it! Originally this was going to be one long post but I decided to split it up since it was getting really long. I loved talking about Kyouka here as well as her view of her mother, her ability and also Kouyou's logic behind her actions as a mentor, although my explanations may not be the best. Hope you enjoy this series since I am just getting started (and I still need to write the rest of Aya's part and the whole of Elise's part haha). Don't know how long it will be until part 3 tho there's a lot to do for that.]

[dallasgallant]

As I re-read the novel I find myself appreciative and disappointed. As it’s really damn close a lot of the time, some parts are word for word and there’s little details here and there but then it’ll loose these pretty important moments. The biggest for me being how cut down the drive in scene is. Not only because there are some funny quippy parts to it but also so much world building and character work.

The whole reason Marcia cracks her “you just burry him no sweat.” joke is because Greaser fighting is wildly complicated! It’s fascinating to how two bit explains it.

To a greaser violence becomes almost like another form of communication, blowing off steam, solving an argument- getting the anger out of the way now so there’s less grudge holding and more solidarity. They have self made rules and honor that holds them to their system of fairness. You back up your friends when they ask you but sometimes it’s their fight alone— Dally’s getting what’s coming to him for slashing those tires, they ain’t cheap and it’s a poor community. Tim will whip him and they’re back to buddies by the end of the night. Big fights, real fights - rumbles- are organized with rules and this weird sense of civility.

There’s this weird mix of “Boys will be boys” roughhouse with “got to be tough to survive” raised in violence survivalism.

Meanwhile,the Soc’s are a lot less warm with their approach to fighting its “cold and impersonal” like they handle all things. Though honestly I’d argue it’s a lot more personal— not fighting for communication but because one can or to exert power. They don’t fight fair, they hold those grudges and there’s no solidarity to that. Ponyboy describes them best as “a snarling pack”. Their violence is rooted in the same systems and misfortunes Greasers face - in that what perpetuates violence is a bit universal. The difference is a greaser will help a guy up and maybe get him an ice pack where as a Soc will just leave you in the street for the sake of appearance or dominance, it’s not enough that they beat you. Nothing is ever enough, like Cherry mentions they can never be satisfied.

“It’s not the money it’s feeling— you don’t feel anything and we feel too violently.”

I’ll keep mentioning that quote until I’m blue in the face honestly, it goes right alongside “things are rough all over” Differences stem especially from their reactions and behaviors in response to what’s rough. Some hardships are universal but don’t mishear me as a good portion of it is also class issues because the Reason a Soc might drink himself into oblivion is way different from why a Greaser might.

Beyond Two-bits explaination I’m sad we loose more of the talk between Cherry and Pony on emotions and money. How people are people and they’re all a lot more similar than one might think (despite the contrasting I’ve been doing in this post it’s very true). And talking about his brothers. In the movie it’s a little weird as he only brought up Soda once but she “feels like she knows him” and he brings up sunsets to her later in the movie and they never mentioned it here! Unless they’re trying to imply they had more of a convo on the short walk to the parking lot but I’m not buying that.

Ponyboy being resentful (not that he’s wrong for it) because how hard everyone he knows has it compared to Soc’s. How he has to learn though the novel that “things are rough all over” isn’t that everyone has the same troubles/level of trouble. As they’re certainly worse off; it’s about empathy and everyone being human. That some might be better off but that doesn’t mean they’re entirely without problems. That not everyone is out for a fight all the time.

It’s just a shame as this scene adds so much context to the world, social circles and the moral of the literal freaking novel. The compare/contrast with their lives is pretty important… I digress.

[phantomdialogue]

˗ˏˋ. ݁₊ ✶ ˖ 𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐚𝐥𝐢 𝐡𝐚𝐳𝐞𝐥𝐰𝐨𝐨𝐝 - 𝟓.𝟐𝟓/𝟓 ☆ . ݁ ˖ˎˊ˗

premise: scarlett vandermeer is fighting to keep her life together as a junior at stanford still finding her footing after a detrimental diving injury her freshman year. lukas blomqvist is the picture of discipline and being the best at what he does. when they learn that they might be more similar than they think, tensions rise and an agreement is formed, one that may just change how easy it is to tread the waters of their busy lives.

couple(s): lukas blomqvist and scarlett vandermeer

tropes: sports romance, secret relationship, friends with benefits, slowburn (ish?), opposites attract, forced proximity, he falls first

content warnings: mentions of child abuse/abuse, power dynamics, open discussion of kink and BDSM

review below!

review:

okay ali hazelwood... i see you. this had me hooked from the very start. one could argue this is her best book yet and i would not fight them on it. i would actually agree. it just worked. every part of it meshed together like a fine tuned machine for me. from the end of the very first chapter, it became all i thought about and i just wanted to keep reading. it flowed beautifully and the pacing was spot on. there were no slow moments really. i've heard complaints that this book is "too horny" but truly i think it balances the smut and the plot and the characters so well and you never feel like you're being overloaded by one of them.

the only logical reason this is rated even 0.25 stars below love theoretically is that i have an undying love for jack smith turner BUT lukas blomqvist... wow. ali hazelwood knows how to do the he falls first trope better than most i have to admit and it works unbelievably well here. lukas is just easily top two ali hazelwood book boyfriends for me. he is such an amazingly flushed out character and i will never not love a refrigerator sized man who just is head over heels in love with the girl that's smarter than him. it's the dream really.

scarlett may also be my new favorite ali hazelwood fmc. she is just one that i connected to so deeply immediately on so many levels. while she does still have that little nagging classic ali hazelwood thing of being slightly annoying due to an insecurity, i think it feels more manageable here than some of her other books. you understand why she's the way she is and the events in her life that have led her to be this way. she has reasons for those insecurities and you watch her grow and become more sure of herself in some ways and it's really so wonderful in this book.

overall, this is likely my new favorite ali hazelwood book. she knocked it out of the park. her take on a sports romance while still throwing in her amazing stem charm just sold me completely. the cameos also were such a fun welcome. it just felt like her best as you were reading it as well. she had a clear voice for scarlett and lukas was perfect and the plot and pacing just felt so smooth. truly hats off to ali hazelwood for proving once again that refrigerator sized men do it better.

my ratings:

characters - 5 ☆ - change and grow, memorable, multilayered, original, strong relationships

plot - 5 ☆ - addictive, satisfying conclusion, steady pacing, well-structured

setting - 4.5 ☆ - realistic, fits the story

writing style - 5 ☆ - beautifully-written, easy to read, original, witty

favorite quotes (some spoilers here, of course, but minimal):

There are snippets of him here and there, though, like confetti stuck to my hair after a New Year’s Eve ball drop. I didn’t mean to take them home, but still get to examine them, and I’m glad for that.

I can be brave. I can be anything for noodles.

“Maybe the elephant’s just… blindfolded?” He nods slowly. “And tied up.” “And doing as it’s told.” He looks like he might find that more appealing. “What a good elephant.”

Being a good athlete, a good student, reaching for perfect—those were the building blocks of me. Now that I’m struggling with almost everything, do I still have a fully fleshed identity? Or am I just an assembly of meat pieces, to be sold separately on clearance?

He conspicuously left the door open, and he made sure I was aware that he could see me through the glass doors. Ah, the frazzling ordeal of being known.

“I do miss them, but when I’m with them, I sometimes contemplate violence.” “Isn’t that what being siblings is about?”

“I’m not soft.” “You are with me.” His eyes meet mine. A dark, unflinching look that sands layer upon layer off me. “Maybe I make you soft.”

“Sometimes, I feel like my life is split in two. There was the first part, where I was in control, and was able to make myself do what needed to be done, and then… now.”

“I’m afraid of the unpredictability of existing. I’m afraid of not being able to control the direction of my life. I’m afraid that no matter how much I plan, I won’t be able to avoid hurtful and sad things. But above all…” I take a deep breath and laugh softly, because what I’m about to say is ridiculous, even if it’s true. Even if it’s me. “Mostly, I’m afraid of attempting something and not being perfect at it.”

“I’m not that smart—” “Shut the fuck up, you brilliant, beautiful genius.”

That’s where it lives, my love for him. In the space between the things he could do, and what he chooses instead.

“Million? Hyperbole?” “Not this time.”

Sometimes, when she’s in deep sleep, a thoughtful little frown furls on her brow. Lukas cannot physically get out of bed until he has smoothed it over with his lips.

[the-minster]

My hot take is that the same people who call Jason copaganda, pr-gunviolence or etc are from the same vein as people who blame schoolshootings on videogame violence, who blamed crime on Metal and satanism.

Instead of taking a critical look at a system within which a symptom of a problem is making itself known, you look if there is an outside influence, a kind of "virus" that you can blame for making it "sick".

DC comics are a little fucked up. That's the agreement you entered when reading them. All characters are inconsistent and sometimes in the wrong. Jason is a Bat, so at least it feels like he's maybe substantial enough to blame for the whole batclans issues, in a way that Helena Bertinelli (for example) can't be, because she is less closely tied and has less appearances. Congratulations, you have an identified patient! Jason is the problem that is rippling out and causing all these nasty and unsatisfied feelings the readers have about how crime is handled in these comics.

We see crime being fought in imperfect ways and our current cultural consciousness goes off with warning bells to identify the problem. But what you were taught was to identify what outside influence happens to be present and connecting the issue, and how to justify that all evil stems from this malignant influence. So surely if we could just remove this bad thing, we could go back to the wonderful world we knew where everything was ok.

That world never existed. The thing we are nostalgic for, is the world before we became aware of it's flaws. The problem has always been there, has always been an integrated part of this whole you used to love and admire.

But because the kind of people blaming Jason for "copaganda" do genuinely and truly come from a good place of wanting social justice (I'm saying you are good people. I disagree and think you are making a logical error, but we do care about and want the same thing. Good People) because you come here with the right intentions, you use the buzzwords of copaganda. Or gunviolence. You know from what you have heard that the issue is systematic, but you are struggling to find what that system equivalent is in DC comics. You are falling victim to the fallacy of assuming a main narrative perspective. Just as irl cops are hard to identify as the problem bc you might have to first struggle through the cognitive dissonance that your old worldview of good cops was wrong (so so wrong), you experience cognitive dissonance if trying to read comics with someone like Batman being wrong and flawed.

Looking beyond any superficial similarities to cops Jason is called out for (uses a gun, kills, enforcing his vision of justice) he really doesn't have much more similarities. He isn't a figure of authority, he lacks the nigh god-given justification to do whatever he wants whatever the outcome and is questioned at every turn. Just the sheer instances of Batman or another Bat showing up to beat Jason up and lecture him on what he does.

Extending this, he does not have the pervasive and persuasive power to shape a narrative. Jason's narrative is so far out of his hands. Which has been a core truth about him since for ever. From his maleable origin story, to his death, the years of him being gone and having No Voice Whatsoever, his resurrection in utrh showing him trying, struggling to have a voice against Bruce's story and being drowned out and denied his perspective, the inconsistency of his character after, each writer trying to shape him into something. Now cops fucking have a narrative. Their narrative is the main one we are fed. Their violence is structured and oppressive. Jason is neither a structural systemic power, nor is he oppressive of anyone. If you disagree with his violence for the sake of the moral highground of condemning killing.... Then, just, there are other media, you know.

Cop violence is systemic violence. It is violence that is "justified" to the extent it requires no justification. It is above being questioned. I am genuinely willing to hear an argument how Jason is cop-coded. But to me he is the punk resistance based "violence" that is only organized in the anarchical but organical sense of caring to protect the community that surrounds you. He doesn't approach Gotham as a paternalistic force of protection shielding it from above, but as one of them from within, showing up for the people who are suffering the way he has suffered too.

[foptbw]

I just found this tumblr and it’s now apart of my comfort aus. It’s surprisingly helping me understand myself a little better by making me reflect on myself when I read about Timmy’s situation alittle. I still don’t understand completely why I can relate to how Timmy acts(I don’t know much about how age regression works) but it’s given me some stuff to think about. But anyways, I love this au and hope all the best for you. Seriously, I adore this and want to know more about Timmy and the other characters and see how the story will good. I love it and I don’t know how I can express how much I do.

OOC: OMG thank you so much Q//w//Q I personally use a lot of my own feelings and experience for Timmy's situation so it means a lot other people can relate.

A lot of Timmy's issues stems from having grown up but his memories being taken away resulting in him feeling like he never really grew up. Physically he is grown, but without those important memories and with only just bad memories, some good, and many blurry. When we go through things that we can't remember it makes us feel and wonder what part of us is missing. And I dive heavily into that with Timmy.

I've always thought as a fan of the show. If Timmy grew up and the fairies took his memories away it wouldn't have the same results as the normal godchild like Chloe, where their wishes become games of pretend that help teach them lessons and their fairy godparents become similar to imaginary friends that some remember and others grow up to forget. But all chalk up to a child's imagination. Timmy's memories and life is so tied into magic and fairies it would be impossible imo for this to be the case for Timmy.

It means so much that you and others like my AU, I've put a lot of love into it and I have so many thoughts and things planned for it that I can't wait to show! Thank you so much for the lovely comment!!

[abadbutsadcollective]

Questioning: Future Life? Kintype? Hearttype? Or Something Else?

Ok, weird new experience for me time. Hoping to get some feedback but also get my experience out there. No one in my system has ever felt this before, so I'm doing what we always do and writing about it. Gonna put this under a cut because it's long, but feel free as ever to read and give input.

Point is: do you ever feel like a character would have you as their kintype?

This character, Hawks from MHA for your information, is very very similar to me. Bird guy with red feathers, his backstory if you twist it lines up eerily well with Hunters (from The Owl House, the guy I'm a fictive of), his general outlook in a lot of ways matches up with me. But I'm not him.

Honestly it's like looking into a funhouse mirror. The reflection is similar to you, but definitely to the left, and if you saw that thing walking down the street you wouldn't call it you. Just something that looks like you. Something that was you, but got changed somehow, even if it still holds the pieces of what you were.

This would be all fine and good, no problems--he's just not something I identify as even though he's similar, right? Simple, problem solved! But the actual problem is... I feel closely intertwined with him to the point where I feel like he should have a me kintype. Instead of a sense of "I have experience of being this man and see myself as him", I feel like he would have experience being me, and that if anything he'd literally have me as a kintype.

Obviously this guy is a fictional character and can't have kintypes unless the source creators wrote it in there. So this isn't even about the source material itself, this is... A distinct feeling. Different to "haha he's like me, he'd probably have me as a kintype" too--it's deeper. It's not a joke or a fandom thing.

I've seen people talk about future lives around--rarely, but I've seen it. Never in-depth aside from "a life you believe you'll have in the future", so we never really learned about what it's like to have an identity that stems from that. I feel like maybe this could be related? It seems to fit the feelings well enough, I'm just not sure how that would work in a logical way. Not that it needs to be flawless in its logic--but I do prefer to have a satisfying explanation for things that concern me.

Hell, is it a parallel life maybe? We've seen more on those. It'd be confusing if Hawks-me in whatever other timeline had a me kintype and I didn't have him as one--though I guess it could work regardless? Maybe? Haven't got anything else pointing toward that explanation yet though--once again it's something I'm not entirely familiar with.

Could it be a hearttype? Never heard them described in this way, though. We've seen "this is like family to me"--not what I experience. I don't know him. We've seen "I should be this"--also not true. I should be me because that's who I am right now, I don't think I "should have" been Hawks. It just doesn't seem to fit, though in a pinch I guess I could describe it as one for a quick explanation?

In the end I could always go with vaguetype and call it a day. But I still don't think that's direct enough of a term--it's not vague, it's a distinct feeling that doesn't have a name. It's unclear on what this is, sure, but only because it doesn't have a name or explanation.

Not that I really need to put a name to it, but this isn't something we've heard of before. I'd like answers, or at least to put this out and maybe have some form of solidarity with someone over it--whether that be now, or a year or two in the future when someone else finds this and goes "wow, just like me!".

I'll keep thinking on it, I just needed to get this all down somewhere.

[cadys-ramblings]

I realized something recently: the reason I resonated so much with the secret history when I first read it was because richard's experiences are like a dramatic reflection of my own. subconsciously I knew there was something similar between us as I read it. for a long time, I just thought our personalities were similar. we share an MBTI type, one very few characters have, so of course I would lock on to one of the few, right?

now, as I have matured greatly, I realized that our similarities are far beyond our manner.

in 2022, I was spending hours a day on pinterest. I found my way into communities of like-minded girls who love pretty things like coffee and books and autumn leaves and cats and chunky sweaters. many of these girls labeled themselves with different aesthetics, namely coquette or dark academia or old money. I always considered myself "downtown girl." they always put their self care first, had the best makeup, the coolest doc martins, and the latest trending book (which is how I found the secret history, ironically.) though these aesthetic labels seem harmless on the outside, they had a great psychological affect on me that I only recently realized.

I built my pinterest account and taste in music and movies around this downtown girl aesthetic, as well as a few others I took interest in. I went paddle boarding with my best friend and took pictures of the sparkling lake to memorize how beautiful I felt in the moment. I redecorated my room and refreshed my wardrobe in hopes that people would see my photo dumps or outfits on the street and think, "wow, she is straight out of pinterest." many of these things I did genuinely enjoy. I still wear my big sweaters and bootcut jeans and I'm listening to my playlist full of taylor swift and the smiths as I write this. despite this, I still played up my enjoyment for other people to see.

it got especially bad when the school year started. after spending so much time on pinterest, I had idolized this group of girls with similar interests and ideas of 'aesthetics' to me, so that when I saw a pretty girl in my biology class carrying a latte and colleen hoover book, I wanted to drop everything to befriend her (ps, I don't like colleen hoover, it was just the idea that she was a 'reader' like me.)

I became so fixated on befriending her and her other friends, all swifties and readers and activists, that I neglected the great friends I already had. I didn't want to do activities that I couldn't document, either with photos or my mind, because it didn't fit my aesthetic. I wanted friends who would fit my aesthetic. looking back, this was one of the worst things I have ever done to my friends, even if I never told them about my real thoughts.

I think much of this issue stems from growing up knowing there was something different about me but never really knowing what. now, I know it's neurodivergence, but when I was younger, I couldn't understand why people thought I was weird. they never directly said it, but I could tell by the way they looked at me when I talked to them or how they made strange false assumptions about me they later confessed. I wanted nothing more than to fit in while still being myself, which I believe is why I was so attracted to the idea of aesthetics. my style naturally changed to something more 'socially acceptable' during this time and I was no longer being called emo bitch in the hallway. people would approach me or talk to me in class more than years before. I finally felt like I was being accepted by these 'normal' people. but, of course, I am not free from the shackles of being neurodivergent. these 'normal' people still eventually found me weird or felt there was something off about me. not to be dramatic, but richard being excluded from the bacchanal is a great allegory for being a weird girl to me.

I am obviously not performing rituals to bacchus or killing my friends, but I find richard to be an incredibly relatable character, so much so that I wonder if donna tartt wrote the secret history with similar experiences in mind.