#i do think this is stemming from like..never really reading a character with such similar struggles.

[lesbianraskolnikov]

It is kind of funny thinking on my headcanon like naturally im googling that where im like Did anyone else have this thought and a few people yes! I tend to see other diagnoses which are usually fair. But also stumbling upon someone else thinking that by chance was so DELIGHTFUL i still clap when i see others mention it like YES!!! YEAH!!!!

[loveriotss]

Hello :)

I really enjoy your work, I've read all of it even if I didn't like the character bc your writing style is just so good I want to chop you up and put you into a stew in the best way possible

do you think you could do a bakugo x reader where the reader has a similar personality to him? they would be such a power couple + I'm a fiend for mean readers

also, may I be 🛸anon?

DOUBLE TROUBLE ⸻ katsuki bakugo

INCLUDES — gn! reader, headcannons, drabbles, fluff, crack WARNINGS — swearing

main masterlist — mha masterlist ༊*·˚

BEFORE DATING —

you both always tried to one up the other.

both in studies and combat training, y'all were rivals.

during training exercises, aizawa would have to use his capturing weapons on you two because sometimes your arguments would get out of hand.

[bkg] "HAH! I WON!" [y/n] "YOU CHEATED YOU MOTHERFU-" [aizawa] "that is enough. i will expel both of you if you keep doing this.

you both would get annoyed at times because of how similar you are.

ideas and tastes clashing occasionally and sometimes, even insults.

like an argument would be going on and suddenly you both spew out the same insult 😭😭.

[y/n] "shut the fuck up bakugo no one cares if you don't like this movie, we all are watching it." [bkg] "tch whatever, i don't want to watch a movie with your dumbass in the room anyway." [y/n] "yeah sure bakugo, make excuse. we all know the real reason is because it's past your bedtime." [bkg] "THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME!?" [y/n] "OH I DIDN'T KNOW YOU'RE DEAF TOO!" [kiri] "uh hey guys? y'know this is a movie marathon, you both could pick out one movie each-" [bkg + y/n] "SHUT UP IDIOT" "SHUT UP IDIOT"

and now you two are having another fight because "you copied me!"

despite your bickering, there’s an underlying respect and understanding between you and him.

you recognize each other’s strengths and weaknesses and can see the drive and determination in one another, even if y'all don’t openly acknowledge it.

there will be times when you silently exchange your notebooks where you've written quirk/fight techniques and read through them, sometimes adding small tips on the side.

you might bond over your shared ambitions and goals.

conversations sometimes revolving around your dreams and aspirations, and both of you motivating each other to push harder, even if you guys don’t show it directly.

mixed signals, mixed signals, mixed signals!!!

both of your dumbasses can't tell if the other sees them as a rival or something more.

like yeah you maybe 'hate' his guts but there's no one more understanding than him, no one who'd help you with your combat as much as him, no one who'd motivate you to stride further as much as him.

katsuki would be in denial for a bit, thinking these feelings would pass.

but honestly, he knew he was lying to himself. he admired you a lot as a person and his romantic feelings for you stemmed from there.

after he admitted his feelings to himself, he attempts to give you hints.

but poor boy doesn't know how to show that he cares for you properly and so all of his attempts fail as you take them as his usual brashness.

even people from outside your class start noticing how big of a crush you two have on eachother. always bickering but always together.

eventually you had decided that you'd confess soon. no use in dragging this out right?

but i fear katsuki beat you to it.

the ua dorms were quiet at this hour, save for the whisper of wind rustling through the trees. behind the building, where shadows danced in the moonlight, katsuki bakugo stood with his back against the wall, arms crossed tightly over his chest. you approached cautiously, glancing around to make sure no one else was near. you had a feeling this meeting wasn’t about a routine patrol or a late-night training session. when your eyes met bakugo’s, you saw something different — a rare vulnerability. he cleared his throat, the tension in his shoulders betraying his nervousness. “look, i've never done this and I’m not good at talking about feelings or whatever. i like you, okay? i’m not gonna be all sappy but i wanted you to know.” his eyes darted away, focusing on a distant tree, as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. your heart raced, a smile tugging at your lips. “ah shit, you beat me to it bakugo.” bakugo’s head snapped back to you, eyes wide with surprise. for a moment, the air crackled with an unspoken tension before you both let out a chuckle, the gravity of the confession settling between you. "katsuki." he says, as your eyebrows rose in surprise. "call me katsuki, no more bakugo." you laugh before replying. what an honor. the bakugo katsuki is telling you to call him by his first name. "then you call me y/n. no more dumbass." you reply. "i'll think about it." "HEY!" the night air seemed to have grown warmer, the two of you stayed outside for another hour, simply taking strolls and talking. before you two headed back in, katsuki stopped behind you, causing you to turn around. “so . .” katsuki began, his voice less abrasive now, “we're like . . together right?” you pause, reaching your hand out to him. “we just confessed to each other you idiot. obviously we are.” a small hint of a smile appeared on katsuki's face as he took your hand in his. "i said to call me katsuki." "be quiet."

WHILE DATING —

you and katsuki had decided to not tell anyone about your relationship.

it wasn't a secret or anything, you two just didn't bother to tell anybody.

now this had driven your class mad. they knew something had happened between the two of you but they couldn't point out what.

it wasn't uncommon for you and katsuki to disappear at times. everyone assumed that it was for extra training.

so when you both would be leaving randomly in the afternoons, returning close together with not a sweat droplet in sight, they started suspecting something is going on.

[mina] "these two are killing mee! there is something going on, i'm so sure of it!" [tsu] "you're right mina. i think i even saw them wearing the same bracelet?" [jiro] "no way. i thought it was just a coincidence but now that you pointed it out, they did start wearing it from this week. getting the same bracelet is one thing, but at the same time?" [toru] "oh my god i feel like they're doing this on purpose to annoy us! i asked y/n about it and they just made a face at me and left."

you and katsuki know damn well about what y'all are doing. not oblivious to some of your classmates glancing at you two when you both leave to 'train' (going on a date).

it's absolutely hilarious to both of you when you see your classmates going crazy over your relationship.

when you and katsuki do decide to drop the bomb on them, they actually go ballistic.

the common room was a buzz of energy as class 1-a settled in for their usual friday night tradition: snacks, board games, and a new episode of their favorite show. the table was cluttered with bowls of popcorn, candy, soda cans and laughter filled the air as the group organized the evening’s activities. katsuki and you were sitting on the carpet, backs against the couch as y'all played an intense game of monopoly with mina and kirishima. everyone got really competitive, occasionally shifting their focus towards the show before continuing to play. after a while, you emerged victorious, shoving your victory into kirishima and mina's face as katsuki yawned and stretched beside you. “i’m heading to bed,” he announced, his tone as casual as if he were commenting on the weather. you glanced up from the board, nodding in acknowledgment. “goodnight,” you said. katsuki stood up, gave you a quick kiss on the forehead, and turned to head towards the dorms. his demeanor was so matter-of-fact that it was as if he’d merely forgotten his snacks in the kitchen. the entire common room went silent, eyes widening in shock. the gesture had been so casual, yet it spoke volumes. kirishima broke the silence with an excited shout. “i knew it!” he ran off to sero who reluctantly handed him some yen. wonderful, your classmates had a bet on you two. a wave of murmurs and surprised exclamations rippled through the room. “wait, you guys are together?” denki says, his eyes as big as saucers. you shrugged, a smirk tugging at your lips as you propped yourself up to the couch. “what do you think stupid? did he just kiss my forehead for fun?” denki opened his mouth to retort back but was interrupted by squeals from mina. “OH MY GOD YES!! YOU BOTH ARE OFFICIALLY MY FAVORITE COUPLE!” mina exclaimed, interlocking her fingers with toru excitedly.

word travels fast in ua and by the end of the weekend, everyone and their moms know about you.

it couple, power couple (sometimes even literally because of how strong/powerful you both are), the couple. all these titles were easily taken by you and katsuki.

you both had a private relationship, everyone knew you were dating but never knew anything other than that.

both of you still have your competitive nature when it comes to training, however it has taken on a more balanced role.

while y'all still enjoy challenging each other, there's a greater sense of teamwork. you both support each other's goals and work together to achieve them, blending your rivalry with cooperation.

your arguments become less frequent and more constructive.

you've learned to communicate better and understand each other’s triggers and emotional responses.

instead of heated arguments, your interactions often involve playful and affectionate teasing.

you both have learned to express affection through shared humor and banter, making your interactions more enjoyable.

while y'all might still show a tough exterior in public, you have a more private and tender side to your relationship.

when alone, you both share moments of vulnerability and affection that are hidden from the outside world.

katsuki's protective instincts become more apparent and openly acknowledged.

he knows you're strong enough to handle yourself, but he can't stop himself from always looking out for you and feeling the need to protect you.

overall you both have a sweet and healthy relationship. always being there for each other and correcting the other when necessary.

NOTE — OMG THANK YOUU THATS SO SWEET 😭💕. OFCC YOU CAN BE 🛸 ANON!! hope you liked this! im so sorry this took so long, school has started and i get really busy on the weekdays so i only have time to write on weekendss.

©loveriotss — all rights reserved to me. please don’t try to copy/steal my work. please do not use any of my ideas/translate my work without my permission.

[tomatopers]

biggest peeves with genshin x reader fics

I'm going to preface this by saying you can write whoever you want however you want and no one is gonna stop you; heck, it likely won't even affect your likes and stuff. These are my personal peeves stemming from character portrayal <3 Characters A-D

Albedo ;; He isn't very heavily emotive; He is shown to approach almost everything from a logical/analytic standpoint!! My guy expressed concern with the most nonchalant voice, so he clearly does care, just not in an expressive/passionate way

Alhaitham ;; Similar to Albedo, but slightly more expressive! He clearly has things/people that he values, and his own ways of showing care differ from societal norms, which is why he comes across as cold and indifferent!! Even the vulnerability that comes slowly with trust isn't immediately obvious, but this is definitely something that's interesting to explore in works⎯ Would he change the way he feels comfortable expressing himself into something else for you? Would you want him to?

Aloy ;; fuck what genshin did to my girl im skipping aloy

Amber ;; One of her main personality traits is the lack of deliberation!! Even with people she really cares about and loves!! Overthinking? We don't know them

Itto ;; Let bro be silly. Let bro make mistakes. Let bro have no idea what he's doing, but know he's giving it his all no matter what⎯ This is the Arataki Way.

Arlecchino ;; Gonna be honest I know jack shit about her but everything I read sounds hot <3 I do think she isn't the type to get frazzled/embarrassed but boy oh boy you can try

Baizhu ;; bffr he would NOT let you neglect your health like... Look at the man 🤨 I don't think he's the yelling type either?? Like he'll stand up for you obviously, but wouldn't start a fight imo; He got them dangerous snake eyes and scary words fr

Barbara ;; idk i don't read minor x reader things + i don't think i've ever seen a barbara x reader ever 💀 I do think she'd be patient and caring to the point where doing anything bad would make you feel guilty asf :/ not even in a romantic way, just like⎯anything. The kind persona isn't actually an act, she's in a role where she cannot be seen as anything else but it isn't hard to be kind as she would act that way, idol or not. More of a character thought, not a fic peeve </3

Beidou ;; She would start fights for you and she'd win, we all know this. I do think that many fics don't explore her emotions to a deeper extent, like motives and such? I think there's a lot of flexibility in that, and many avenues to explore! Not a peeve either, just a thought.

Bennett ;; Minor again(?), I don't read Bennett fics aha 😭 Grasping at straws here, with such a brave face shown to everyone, taking it off to share the sadder stuff sounds hard

Candace ;; Dunno much either 💀 Nor do I see any fics about her...

Charlotte ;; Would she love and cherish you? Yes. Would she leave her job for you? No. Would she feel bad about always being busy chasing headlines? Yes! Would she only really do well with a partner who supports her career and aspirations? Yes!

Chevreuse ;; Sorry guys I don't even know her 😭

Chiori ;; Would also start fights for you, would also win; Clearly takes no shit, I imagine certain compromises would take a while to reach? Canonically fairly headstrong, I doubt she'd be a pushover with an s/o

Chongyun ;; Minor 🧍

Clorinde ;; Her showing vulnerability with you definitely means a LOT. Beyond her career and the things she does for it, I just know there's so much going on in her head :( Let my girl share, give her a safe space, be patient to eventually emotionally connect

Collei ;; Minor 🤨

Cyno ;; He does not seem like the dominant/aggressive/pushy type :( I bet there's complicated feelings between the way he acts as a General and the way he acts with a lover⎯undeniably would never want you to be scared of him. Teasing type, likely nothing worse.

Dehya ;; I haven't seen her done dirty, so I'm pretty content

Diluc ;; High-functioning man, having dealt with varying stressors over so many years I doubt anything could interrupt his work flow⎯having said that, yes that means issues with a relationship making him struggle to work would mean more; Yes, i still believe that's highly unlikely

Diona ;; No.

Dori ;; No. Also, I hate her.

[dandydeya]

Ksbd Posting.

6 Juggernaut Star Scours the Universe, White Chain, trans people, and nihilism (This is gonna be a long one (Spoilers Ahead))

(I’ll be mostly using She/Her when referring to Juggernaut)

I think Juggernaut Star is such an interesting character that never really gets talked about, despite showing up in many of the series’ best moments and I do fear that her story could be left open-ended in lieu of the fate of existence that Allison currently faces.

I mostly want to talk about the full reveal of her true form in King of Swords and how it contextualizes her character and actions leading up to that. 

Also, due to the fact that she is ultimately a side character, never acting as a main antagonist even in her final fight. Most of the things I say about Juggernaut will be in comparison to WC.

When we first meet Juggernaut it’s easy to see her as an antithesis to WC, in all fairness that’s what she ends up being but at this point in the story and for most of it leading up to the tournament in KoS. Juggernaut acts as a very real possibility for what WC could end up becoming. More importantly, this also means that White Chain represents what Juggernaut could have possibly been (Or even may have been at one point).

Focusing on Juggernaut being similar to WC. I want to talk to about their forms. WC is ridiculed for her human and feminine appearance. While Juggernaut appears as a flaming skeleton clad in armor, ultimately they appear much more human than the other angels. It’s almost comedic how intense they are, arriving on a motorcycle made from the still living skeletons of sinners, before removing the front wheel and executing someone with it. One ends up asking why a being of such hatred for humanity and weakness would have their true self represented by something so human.

This particular aspect of Juggernaut’s character hit me pretty hard after seeing her true form. It felt like an experience that I and likely other trans people can relate to when trying to present as a gender that isn’t theirs. Like a jacket that’s a few sizes too large, it’s awkward to live and act in, and people start to notice that it doesn’t fit you. WC attempts to do something similar, literally casting her face/humanity to the side but still ends up in this awkward in-between that isn’t sustainable.

Furthermore we see that Juggernaut’s form seems to waver based on her composure. When she loses the fury, the flames fade away to reveal a softer, feminine, and more human side.

Also notably in KoS, we see her trying to retain her form while being beaten. Even in this state she attempts to retain her appearance putting her in a state resembling her true form but attempting to suppress it with the armor of her skeletal form. This also made me notice that she is the only one of the angels (beside the unnamed thorns members) to still wear armor outside of their physical bodies. This could just represent the power gifted by becoming a Thorn Knight however I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the power of a thorn can only be achieved by covering up one’s true self in armor covered in spikes. 

However, it’s not just her form that acts as a façade, I don’t believe that Juggernaut, disdains humanity, at the very least not as much as she lets on. This should be fairly obvious due to her form but I believe that she may not be aware that this disdain is false. I think her hatred stems from a sort of jealousy. A jealousy at others being able to freely enjoy what she feels is impossible for her to ever accomplish along with an ignorance to the nature of the world. 

Juggernaut will have to suffer if she is to be herself, possibly endlessly as she does not have the same friendships and connects that WC has. This is then compounded by the fact that the universe remains on an infinite loop controlled by people far more powerful than her. 

I know I’m probably reading into this too much but it feels like it can be easily compared to many feelings that can often swirl in us as trans people. The knowledge that who you are can be controlled by someone with little to no say from you along with the jealousy that can stem from seeing cis people and even other trans people exploring gender when you cannot can cause some terrible things to solidify in a person. I have met people like this, and quite embarrassingly have been this person at some points in my life.

How this manifests in Juggernaut Star is an intense nihilism. If the world will not have her than she will do her best to usher its end. The only control she can have is through destroying the people attempting to pursue what she feels she may never have. I think it’s rather fitting that one of her weapons/forms is the wheel of her motorcycle, aka the supposed shape of the universe. She is quite literally taking the wheel/universe into her own hands. However, as Zoss says “He that masters the Wheel cannot break it”. 

During the tournament arc we see WC begin to go down this same path. Growing increasingly frustrated with Allison and shortly taking the opinion that humanity or at the very least Allison is unworthy and cannot be trusted. At the peak of this after defeating Allcio, she takes on a similar intense linework and hatching that we see in Juggernaut.

She of course immediately realizes her mistake and feels remorse.

In comes Juggernaut Star.

In the ensuing fight, WC rejects her stone body (aka the body/gender assigned to her by humanity) as her reality and confronts Juggernaut with them both in their true forms.

I do want to talk about some aspects of Juggernaut’s true form. One, compared to WC she looks much less like a warrior. Despite how “soft” she may look, in every one of White Chain’s iterations it has always been clear she can still kick ass. However, Juggernaut appears in a long flowing dress, her features are thin and she walks with an almost ballet like stance. One could say this design just matches with her dexterous fighting style but as far as we know Juggernaut is the only angel to wear clothing. Two, she sports two clipped wings. While I’ve spoken on the skeletal form being a façade it still has done real damage to her. traveling down this path has removed her freedom to choose her own path keeping her grounded and chained to Metatron’s whims. 

Anyhow, in this confrontation WC attempts to give Juggernaut the same help and connection that helped her change for the better. Juggernaut meets this with her own nihilism stating that no final happiness can be achieved and shows that she has decided to place herself comfortably within the grasp of hopelessness, just waiting to be crushed under those with more power than her.

As she rejects this final chance at personhood, she once more cloaks herself in the anger before being defeated by 10 Vigilant Gaze. Somewhat fittingly we get a few panels of her struggling after being hit by his attack but ultimately giving up and retreating to the void.

That last bit I talked about is because I wanted to express that even if we can feel sympathy for Juggernaut Star it is still her choice to take the path she has gone down and in accordance with this comic’s ideals we see that it is the coward’s path that brings one under the full weight of the wheel to be crushed.

I’m not sure how to end this so I’ll wrap it up with the idea that made me write this whole thing

6 Juggernaut Star Scours the Universe is canonically a doomer trans girl  and becoming a Thorn Knight is essentially taking the blackpill.

[dallasgallant]

As I re-read the novel I find myself appreciative and disappointed. As it’s really damn close a lot of the time, some parts are word for word and there’s little details here and there but then it’ll loose these pretty important moments. The biggest for me being how cut down the drive in scene is. Not only because there are some funny quippy parts to it but also so much world building and character work.

The whole reason Marcia cracks her “you just burry him no sweat.” joke is because Greaser fighting is wildly complicated! It’s fascinating to how two bit explains it.

To a greaser violence becomes almost like another form of communication, blowing off steam, solving an argument- getting the anger out of the way now so there’s less grudge holding and more solidarity. They have self made rules and honor that holds them to their system of fairness. You back up your friends when they ask you but sometimes it’s their fight alone— Dally’s getting what’s coming to him for slashing those tires, they ain’t cheap and it’s a poor community. Tim will whip him and they’re back to buddies by the end of the night. Big fights, real fights - rumbles- are organized with rules and this weird sense of civility.

There’s this weird mix of “Boys will be boys” roughhouse with “got to be tough to survive” raised in violence survivalism.

Meanwhile,the Soc’s are a lot less warm with their approach to fighting its “cold and impersonal” like they handle all things. Though honestly I’d argue it’s a lot more personal— not fighting for communication but because one can or to exert power. They don’t fight fair, they hold those grudges and there’s no solidarity to that. Ponyboy describes them best as “a snarling pack”. Their violence is rooted in the same systems and misfortunes Greasers face - in that what perpetuates violence is a bit universal. The difference is a greaser will help a guy up and maybe get him an ice pack where as a Soc will just leave you in the street for the sake of appearance or dominance, it’s not enough that they beat you. Nothing is ever enough, like Cherry mentions they can never be satisfied.

“It’s not the money it’s feeling— you don’t feel anything and we feel too violently.”

I’ll keep mentioning that quote until I’m blue in the face honestly, it goes right alongside “things are rough all over” Differences stem especially from their reactions and behaviors in response to what’s rough. Some hardships are universal but don’t mishear me as a good portion of it is also class issues because the Reason a Soc might drink himself into oblivion is way different from why a Greaser might.

Beyond Two-bits explaination I’m sad we loose more of the talk between Cherry and Pony on emotions and money. How people are people and they’re all a lot more similar than one might think (despite the contrasting I’ve been doing in this post it’s very true). And talking about his brothers. In the movie it’s a little weird as he only brought up Soda once but she “feels like she knows him” and he brings up sunsets to her later in the movie and they never mentioned it here! Unless they’re trying to imply they had more of a convo on the short walk to the parking lot but I’m not buying that.

Ponyboy being resentful (not that he’s wrong for it) because how hard everyone he knows has it compared to Soc’s. How he has to learn though the novel that “things are rough all over” isn’t that everyone has the same troubles/level of trouble. As they’re certainly worse off; it’s about empathy and everyone being human. That some might be better off but that doesn’t mean they’re entirely without problems. That not everyone is out for a fight all the time.

It’s just a shame as this scene adds so much context to the world, social circles and the moral of the literal freaking novel. The compare/contrast with their lives is pretty important… I digress.

[mintacle]

My hot take is that the same people who call Jason copaganda, pr-gunviolence or etc are from the same vein as people who blame schoolshootings on videogame violence, who blamed crime on Metal and satanism.

Instead of taking a critical look at a system within which a symptom of a problem is making itself known, you look if there is an outside influence, a kind of "virus" that you can blame for making it "sick".

DC comics are a little fucked up. That's the agreement you entered when reading them. All characters are inconsistent and sometimes in the wrong. Jason is a Bat, so at least it feels like he's maybe substantial enough to blame for the whole batclans issues, in a way that Helena Bertinelli (for example) can't be, because she is less closely tied and has less appearances. Congratulations, you have an identified patient! Jason is the problem that is rippling out and causing all these nasty and unsatisfied feelings the readers have about how crime is handled in these comics.

We see crime being fought in imperfect ways and our current cultural consciousness goes off with warning bells to identify the problem. But what you were taught was to identify what outside influence happens to be present and connecting the issue, and how to justify that all evil stems from this malignant influence. So surely if we could just remove this bad thing, we could go back to the wonderful world we knew where everything was ok.

That world never existed. The thing we are nostalgic for, is the world before we became aware of it's flaws. The problem has always been there, has always been an integrated part of this whole you used to love and admire.

But because the kind of people blaming Jason for "copaganda" do genuinely and truly come from a good place of wanting social justice (I'm saying you are good people. I disagree and think you are making a logical error, but we do care about and want the same thing. Good People) because you come here with the right intentions, you use the buzzwords of copaganda. Or gunviolence. You know from what you have heard that the issue is systematic, but you are struggling to find what that system equivalent is in DC comics. You are falling victim to the fallacy of assuming a main narrative perspective. Just as irl cops are hard to identify as the problem bc you might have to first struggle through the cognitive dissonance that your old worldview of good cops was wrong (so so wrong), you experience cognitive dissonance if trying to read comics with someone like Batman being wrong and flawed.

Looking beyond any superficial similarities to cops Jason is called out for (uses a gun, kills, enforcing his vision of justice) he really doesn't have much more similarities. He isn't a figure of authority, he lacks the nigh god-given justification to do whatever he wants whatever the outcome and is questioned at every turn. Just the sheer instances of Batman or another Bat showing up to beat Jason up and lecture him on what he does.

Extending this, he does not have the pervasive and persuasive power to shape a narrative. Jason's narrative is so far out of his hands. Which has been a core truth about him since for ever. From his maleable origin story, to his death, the years of him being gone and having No Voice Whatsoever, his resurrection in utrh showing him trying, struggling to have a voice against Bruce's story and being drowned out and denied his perspective, the inconsistency of his character after, each writer trying to shape him into something. Now cops fucking have a narrative. Their narrative is the main one we are fed. Their violence is structured and oppressive. Jason is neither a structural systemic power, nor is he oppressive of anyone. If you disagree with his violence for the sake of the moral highground of condemning killing.... Then, just, there are other media, you know.

Cop violence is systemic violence. It is violence that is "justified" to the extent it requires no justification. It is above being questioned. I am genuinely willing to hear an argument how Jason is cop-coded. But to me he is the punk resistance based "violence" that is only organized in the anarchical but organical sense of caring to protect the community that surrounds you. He doesn't approach Gotham as a paternalistic force of protection shielding it from above, but as one of them from within, showing up for the people who are suffering the way he has suffered too.

[royboyfanpage]

Okay a post by @mew-poo got me thinking about Titans (1999) #15-#16 again, and I think I noticed something. This may be absolute bs, I haven't slept in two days so I might be doing analysis that doesn't exist, but-

I think Roy is the only one of the fab five who doesn't hold grudges.

Essentially the comics, particularly #15, focus on the fab five being stranded on an island with Gargoyle, who is bringing their personal resentments and grudges to light, causing a lot of tensions between the team. But one thing I've noticed is that the different arguments Roy makes are rarely centred around anything that happened between him and the others off the island. The main issues for him are-

-the current situation, or-

-regarding Lian. Comparatively, the things that the others say to him, such as Garth bringing up his addiction arguably unnecessarily-

-Donna suggesting that Roy's stupid for thinking their relationship will last (and later insulting him for leaving after she said that)-

-and Dick questioning his commitment to the Titans (which I won't post a panel of due to Tumblr photo limit, so imagine it's here), it's clear to see a difference. Despite being on an island intended to highten negative emotions, Roy never actually brings up anything anyone's done in the past (at least not yet) unless he's actively prompted to by someone else, like his defending himself from Dick's criticism-

-and the only time he really brings anything up without a prompt (prior to the end) is STILL in reference to something that was said to him on the island as opposed to years ago.

I think that makes a lot of sense for Roy as a character. He's a very practical man, and so it makes sense that he wouldn't dwell on old grudges compared to current issues he's faced with. It could also, at least partially, explain why it takes Roy so long to recognise that Garth is mad at his teasing. Roy reacts strongly in the moment to issues in his life and relationships rather than letting them brew (at least this era of Roy does, his reactions were different in the Snowbirds era), which may make it harder for him to see that someone *is* harbouring a grudge against him that they haven't acted on- that's just not how his brain works.

And then, there's the moment where Roy does snap.

I don't think that Roy's dialogue here stems from a grudge, and it's not based in negativity. As mentioned earlier in the comic, Gargoyle thrives on negativity, that was what was keeping them in purgatory. However, Roy's rant and punch was what managed to free them. It's not based in bitterness but rather... I guess violently constructive criticism? Roy doesn't like seeing Dick stuck in Bruce's shadow, and his tirade is based in concern for Dick more than anything, a wake-up call. And anything similar to bitterness in this is rather based on the double standards towards Dick- everyone has to walk on eggshells around Dick's issues, whereas Roy's issues are constantly brought up (Roy's addiction is mentioned in almost every comic with him I've read). He's angry that his friends will step in and give *him* a wakeup call, but they let Dick spiral without stepping in.

Anyway I'm very tired and forgot my point halfway through writing this, so do with this as you will and reinterpretations are more than welcome.

[phalangemedes]

CAMPAL LIT ANAL 🔥🔥🔥

To start off with, a personalised character debrief, of sorts, so the nonsense I'm about to spout stems from my known perception of them rather than just inherent batshit:

PALAMEDES SEXTUS: Tall ergo mouse faced man with the jokes and no brain shut off button. Burdened with gifted kid ego AND gifted kid guilt. Disabled even for a necromancer (not genetic turbo cancer for the nuke blast creation of thanergy but allergies, aerospace thick specs, lingering hint of the 'tism (social cues whomst, Mr that evil nun who thinks I'm a murderer is now my BEST FRIEND. Decided he was going to marry a girl because he liked that she was puzzley. His life partner is low emotive and he's never noticed.) (RE:marry Dulci the man is a glutton for a hyperfixation. 12 years and he's like 'we'll be married, Cam's my best man, I love them')). Bred for necromantic psychometry and groomed for Wardenhood (I used "groomed" because he was a literal child when they lauded his intellect as sufficient enough to egregiously test him to see if he was worthy of the title of Master Warden (spoilers, a 13 year old is a tiny baby child, no matter how cute, clever OR smug they are) This neatly slots into the "gifted kid" issues in that his parents ALLOWED this to happen, nay, encouraged it as an accolade. So I wouldn't say he was actively abused, but neither was he "cared" for, which is prime reason as to why he latched onto the only emotionally available peer AND was self sacrificial to a scary fault (re: ka-boom)

CAMILLA HECT: Tall TANK with too much inside to contain without fidget. Burdened with an inferiority complex 20 miles wide and a dunces hat of imposter syndrome. (Some of this is that The Sixth don't really respect swordhands, some of it is that in the capacity they DO respect it, she isn't ranked the most highly (RE: Not an Alexandrite. I assume Epeids? Cause she will class herself as competent and I think the Sixth aren’t stupid enough to put her in the spec ed class once she’s a Cav Prime.) Low EXTERNAL emotion, high energy, Palamedes is patently the words and she's happy with that. (As we go through HtN and NtN it reads more and more like alexithymia, more so when she just finally bursts the fuck into tears). Focuses a little too hard on being "useful", to the point and beyond of harm/self harm. Treats loyalty in a similar manner. A 0% or 100% kinda bitch. Close with her sister, but NOT her fathers, which is an interesting one because we have minimal backstory on that one, but it very much READ as a "forbidden" thing to be with Palamedes not just in the act of lyctorhood ascension but a 'They never understood' way. So her choosing to be Cavalier Primary was her choice AGAINST the wishes of other, societally and inter-familially.

ADDENDUM to Cam: She is a Carer, not in a motherly carer role, a Carer with a capital C. She cares for those with disadvantages in a MANNER I have witnessed IN the caring profession. This is MOST notable in the dynamics with Nona but she does the same with Pal. Where Pyrrha gives Nona fun dad treatment, with no less care, and Palamedes is the voice of gentle reason, consent and options, Cam is loving enforcement and active encouragement. It’s a theme. I’d like it highlit to those of you that have never had one or interacted in what is a COMPLICATED dynamic, a Carer is not a SERVITOR, they are a companion, they see you at your weakest and tackle ills with compassion. Is it a CHOSEN role.

Likewise Cam being raised female and not necromantically inclined (on planet eugenics and Your Eggs Are So Useful To Us BabyGirl) has just had humility beaten into her, but there are various places (Dr Sex coming to mind the most vividly, Pal trusting her with reconstruction of his skeleton, him trusting her opinion on things HE is looking at necromantically) where she is AS bright as him, but is not afforded the same societal perks as him as a necro.

tl;dr

Golden boy brain box who is struggling to live up to it, doing anything to be Good Enough. Held together by Cam's trust in him.

Black sheep who is struggling to perceive herself as worthy, doing anything to be Good Enough. Held together by Pal's faith in her.

Cool, we got it? ONWARD.

GENDER; PERCEPTIONS AND CHANGES:

Pre-Canaan through Canaan:

Palamedes Sextus, Master Warden of The Sixth House is a seeker of knowledge, his pronouns are forgot/to/eat (j/k.) I don't think he perceives himself as much of anything, until he's forced to. He is a man as The Master Warden and for Dulcinea, but I wonder how much of that is the "breeding program" ethos of the Sixth and how much of that is his OWN perception of himself because he's not a TRADITIONAL feeling man, even compared to other men in the canon. When I joke he's a he/him lesbian it's because he FEELS, not female, but feminine. In how he interacts with space and people, with the touchy-feeliness, with the way he expresses himself vociferous and poetically. 'Male' to him seems to be a mantle he wears above the neutrality of who he is and the femininity of his affections.

Camilla Hect, Hand of the Library, is a swordswoman and a cavalier and a hand. Cam is beautifully ungendered, but not in the same way as Palamedes is more of a... I feel like she'd be shocked to be told there's a binary? Just generally. She's practical, but butch, she's just Camilla. A she/her in the same way as a ship or a car. Not like a mother but like a deity -- and THAT is from Palamedes' perception of her. If he's a good boy, she's the Goddess he lays his altar out for. She’s not a ‘woman’ for anyone, not her house, not him. I think that’s important.

New-Rho:

I know there're alotta trans allegories here, but I'm gunna be a party pooper and say this is QUEER but not trans, not because it doesn't follow the path but because I don't think there is a Tomb binary to start with. There's a fluidity and flux IRL doesn't have (because people like their lil ticky boxes). And Pal doesn't feel different IN Cam, he feels the same. More him. He's more outwardly affectionate, he's more fussy and stroppy. He's him but Settled. I think he likes being whatever he is as Camilla. I think because he always liked Cam more.

Cam remains Cam. And I am delighted with this because Palamedes' influence within AND without is the same? I fucking love this woman, she popped out the womb like this and she's just keeping on trucking. Someone thinks she's a sex worker? Unfussed. Someone thinks she's fucking Crown? Mild distaste but that's more on the fact Corona is a biiitch. Dual daddying with Pyrrha? It's a TITLE, Cam seems to like titles. Maybe that's what it is, Camilla's self expression is a list of titles given to her by those who love her. The only one she’s picked for herself is Cavalier.

PAUL:

LEAST they/them they/them in the world. OBSESSED with them, they have the feminine energy that Palamedes carries but in Cam's body?? But the siege weapon threat of Cam?? Obsessed to get to know them more. I sense I shall kiss them on the mouth.

THEM AS CHARACTER ARCHETYPES VS "PEOPLE":

I think in part some of the issue with Palamedes and Camilla is how, on the whole, they seem to have been type cast as Male Boss and Female Minion. Because a tall dude with some authority and a quiet woman are put together and people get weird about that. (Even IRL. ‘Which one of you’s the fork?’ well firstly, she’s the knife, SECONDLY… that’s my tall glass of baby girl that speaks in a countertenor)

And this is a two fold issue:

THE FIRST: The Necromancer and Cavalier dynamic as portrayed by Muir.

It's seen as crass to dick down your cavalier (From Abigail and Magnus, through to Judith and Marta with canonical romantic refusal and LATTERLY Judith's SECONDARY canonical refusal of Coronabeth. Interestingly I don't see much shit about Isaac and Jeannemary but that's another hillock to rot on.).

But that doesn't seem to be the main issue WITHIN FANDOM or (more) people would be coming for Abigail and her lovely ottery meat shield.

Or Griddlehark.

Harrow and Gideon are lauded as the greatest romance of all time and the power dynamic there is TRULY whack. (affectionate)

Heir to the throne and indentured slave?

Necromancer made of a bajillion babies and a Base Level Not-Even-Squaddie.

Abuser and abused.

FORCED cavalier and necro?

Witness and sacrifice.

Even if you view them as a complicated sister dynamic... there are ABUNDANT issues there and a staggering co-dependancy that plays out in a sapphic lobotomy. So we have a base line of what, in the Nine Houses, classifies as a Fuckin' Ride Or Die of a relationship.

(this is without the fact that the NORM is for a baby to be specifically born for a Necromancer. Either RE:The manyfold uncles or like Babs being chosen as a zygote. Which do I have to explain how eugenics and baby-promises are worse than two people choosing each other or NAH?)

THE SECOND: People see a man and a woman and they give them preordained gender roles, which they then do some A/B/O level gymnastics to make them negatively fit into the necro and cav dynamic. It's funny because they're grey librarians who look like librarians. They look similar, they act similar but for some reason the fact Cam has tits gets some WILD hottakes.

(My favourite (said with spite and loathing) was someone asking if Cam fancied Harrow because she let Nona touch her… I.. I just??? She was letting Nona express herself in a safe way, Nona, who is a VULNERABLE ADULT with sensory issues. (yes this was reddit how did you guess))

Which.. is peculiar when you think of how we meet them, in an investigative role where they are immediately, companionably mocking each other? Where, out the gate, Cam lunges to protect Pal and as quickly as that happens he calls her back to protect her?

The Cavalier is there to protect the Necromancer. And yet he is IMMEDIATELY portrayed as a shield.

There's also an inherent, and non-canonically spoken of trust about what Pal EXPECTS of Camilla. It starts off with her with the rapier and how although adept with it, it is not her main skillset. And it's played against the bum rush way Gideon had to give in the two hander, but it's also, OBVIOUSLY, something Camilla has done forever and a day. So their roles are already non-traditional, with the basics of 'your cavalier should be your sword' cause girly pop let his barn door have two because she patently WANTED THEM.

Likewise, when hoorah boot clack salute, stick up her arse, repressed lesbo challenges them for their keys Cam is hot to go, but she waits for him to catch up. And he was erring on denial, he was erring on losing KNOWLEDGE, which is his main gain from any situation, to make sure she didn't get injured. But he puts her in that fight for HER HONOUR first, not his, not the Sixth's, Camilla Hect.

When she's injured, other than a brief moment of being a catty princess to Jody and Marta who lol DESERVED, he CHECKS Cam. He's frightened, he's fretting, he just wants her to not have been stabbed quite a lot, and PATENTLY blames himself. He is a PHYSIOLOGICALLY ADEPT necromancer and he FEARS for her injury, because of the pain not the complications of healing. It's an obvious show of how he perceives her as an extension of himself but NOT a tool.

Likewise, the only thing Pal ever did wrong and honestly, Dulci you aquatic-bint your way out of that river and give him a SLAP, was that he left her when he went to nuke Cytherea. He did it as a kindness, he didn't want her to see, he THOUGHT he did the right thing. And he didn't, and there wasn't a right thing, but oh my god dude.

He acted like a cavalier to guarantee her safety.

And I see a lot of 'oh well he did it cause he was upset about Dulci' like?? Cytherea SPOKE to them about the Avulsion trial. He had to look "Dulcinea" in the eye when she asked him to siphon Cam. Do you not think he wasn't already turbo pissed off? Hurt? Upset? Do you not think he was already mourning her, that he chose Cam over her, because he said “no”?

Which is a good segue into 'Paul is problematic'. First up, buckle up my darling little babies, spiritual cannibalism isn't exactly a fuckin' jolly holly time anyway, cause it was made by a man with the moral compass of a rabid wolverine and tits covered in biscuit crumbs.

At no point does Palamedes not feel dreadful for squatting inside Camilla. He is the (un)embodiment of a nervous friend sitting on a mostly full sofa trying to make himself as small as possible and wincing whenever he accidentally touches someone. He is there ONLY because it's what she wanted. And we know that because they discuss it, PRIVATELY, and it overheard by Nona. He also offers Cam the choice, they keep going as they are, or they do something else. But it is together, whatever they do is together. And she chooses to not suffer alone. And that some a y'all shit on that is a choice.

Harrow TBI's herself to not lose Gideon, but when two people enter into togetherness with consent it's a no?? They had a big ol’ adult chat (or 50 off screen, who knows, babygirl can’t shut up so I imagine it was more) and there’s booing and hissing.

Wah wah they're co-dependent it's not healthy, SURE, but it’s extreme circumstances, it's grimdark space heresy. Cam is a victim of torture, starvation and other such New Rho hells. Palamedes was in the purgatory of river isolation post suicide and his only hope of survival was Cam. They are the reason the other kept going. Paul is them keeping going, Paul is their promise to the other that it'll be okay, because they're there. Yes, they're co-dependent but they are each other's reason for being.

Even in the real world, when everything is subterranean, sewer level shit, you are told to find a reason to keep going. It can be a concert in a few months, or your ageing cat, it can be your mother or your tomato plants. And it's not long term, but THEY don't have long term.

And they BOTH chose. Palamedes had no promise of what would happen once he was booted back out of Babs, did he go back in Cam and risk her soul, or did he try another body? Was he already compromised by Tridentarii taint? But he was willing, if it was for her.

Likewise she was at the precipice of a wound that really needed a necromancers attention (look how BoE left Judith, like jesus colostomy christ the woman is a menace but shoving a carrier bag in her then blood letting her to refuel your stolen tesla is rough guys). It needed HER necromancers attention. And that wasn't happening. And she couldn't take not having him any more.

And they didn't go into it blind, The Sixth as a house patently had more knowledge on the melange of souls than most (via all the secrecy that was shared with BoE etcetc), and Pal had just learnt more, first hand, shoved up inside Naberius feeling their edges bleed together. And they had felt what it was to be Them before. They BOTH experienced that, like, blood-sweat and worried daddy lap aside, they both knew it would hurt her, and I have no doubt it cut Palamedes up, but it ate some of him too. 'Oh it hurt her more' my DUDE the man was already bone dust and fuck all else all that COULD be hurt WAS hurt.

THIRDLY (I realise there was not initially three points but there sure fucking is now LESSGO):

SACRIFICE. I've seen it said, repeatedly, they have an uneven power dynamic because Cam 'sacrifices' herself for him.

WELL. Let's break that down with a direct comparison.

Gideon Nav, a woman who had never been loved, but had sometimes been useful, sacrificed herself for a chance to die with the knowledge of being wanted. She knew and wanted to be eaten, absorbed, nothing more than her sword. This was seen as a rejection by Harrow for reasons even GIDEON was aware of, poor kid.

Harrowhark Nonagesimus, woman who, understandably, thinks she's cursed as all fuck, refused to take the sacrifice of Another Body and in the process made Gideon think she was being rejected. I think she is less aware, but not totally unaware. And it was in desperation. And she is so young, they both are, they were scared and staring at a bone wall or forever death.

But my point is their togetherness, no matter how complete, was born of VIOLENCE and the eradication of one of them, the violence of need, of desperation to belong, to not be torn from the one consistent point in their lives : each other.

Camilla Hect saw the buckshot shrapnel of her life partner embedded in Canaan's masonry (this is an actual sacrifice, he sacrificed himself for her safety) and chose to take the red string of fate and GANK IT until she got Palamedes back. Because they had a (theoretically possible) predetermined get-out-of-jail-free plan for if something took him first. They planned to never be apart, this was one plan of many.

And Palamedes Sextus, for his part, did everything he could to keep them safe, keep her safe, to make sure, even in the end, they would be together in the safest, sanest way possible. He dredged her from death both times they were shot, he sewed her back together from within the cage of her body. He resurrected them. He was a god FOR them, so they could stay them.

Was it actually safe and sane? Compared to gutty stabs and being consumed by a IANTHE, honestly, yeah.

Was it ideal? No, but it was better than death.

They lived, together. Discussed it, chose it.

If Palamedes is Decisive Consent and Camilla is Patient Protection, Paul is a Conversation with a lil line of kisses at the bottom. They're not made from love, they're made from necessity, but they are born BECAUSE of love, gentility. The difference between rabid hunger after suffering food scarcity and spending 14 hours cooking a meal for someone you love. They are both acts of consumption, but the tone is so vastly different.

✨anyway yeah hi I fucking love Cam and Pal and this is the hill I've chosen to climb and repeatedly die on✨

(I'd like to postface this with I love ALL these characters, I slag them off with the love of literary analysis, and none of them ever did anything wrong they are my tiny angel baby war crimes whom i wub them a normal amount.

...And I'm not getting the books out to quote shit so you're gunna have to embrace the Vibes.<3)

(shout out to @grievingbovine this is (partially) their fault *heart hands*)

[foptbw]

I just found this tumblr and it’s now apart of my comfort aus. It’s surprisingly helping me understand myself a little better by making me reflect on myself when I read about Timmy’s situation alittle. I still don’t understand completely why I can relate to how Timmy acts(I don’t know much about how age regression works) but it’s given me some stuff to think about. But anyways, I love this au and hope all the best for you. Seriously, I adore this and want to know more about Timmy and the other characters and see how the story will good. I love it and I don’t know how I can express how much I do.

OOC: OMG thank you so much Q//w//Q I personally use a lot of my own feelings and experience for Timmy's situation so it means a lot other people can relate.

A lot of Timmy's issues stems from having grown up but his memories being taken away resulting in him feeling like he never really grew up. Physically he is grown, but without those important memories and with only just bad memories, some good, and many blurry. When we go through things that we can't remember it makes us feel and wonder what part of us is missing. And I dive heavily into that with Timmy.

I've always thought as a fan of the show. If Timmy grew up and the fairies took his memories away it wouldn't have the same results as the normal godchild like Chloe, where their wishes become games of pretend that help teach them lessons and their fairy godparents become similar to imaginary friends that some remember and others grow up to forget. But all chalk up to a child's imagination. Timmy's memories and life is so tied into magic and fairies it would be impossible imo for this to be the case for Timmy.

It means so much that you and others like my AU, I've put a lot of love into it and I have so many thoughts and things planned for it that I can't wait to show! Thank you so much for the lovely comment!!

[abadbutsadcollective]

Questioning: Future Life? Kintype? Hearttype? Or Something Else?

Ok, weird new experience for me time. Hoping to get some feedback but also get my experience out there. No one in my system has ever felt this before, so I'm doing what we always do and writing about it. Gonna put this under a cut because it's long, but feel free as ever to read and give input.

Point is: do you ever feel like a character would have you as their kintype?

This character, Hawks from MHA for your information, is very very similar to me. Bird guy with red feathers, his backstory if you twist it lines up eerily well with Hunters (from The Owl House, the guy I'm a fictive of), his general outlook in a lot of ways matches up with me. But I'm not him.

Honestly it's like looking into a funhouse mirror. The reflection is similar to you, but definitely to the left, and if you saw that thing walking down the street you wouldn't call it you. Just something that looks like you. Something that was you, but got changed somehow, even if it still holds the pieces of what you were.

This would be all fine and good, no problems--he's just not something I identify as even though he's similar, right? Simple, problem solved! But the actual problem is... I feel closely intertwined with him to the point where I feel like he should have a me kintype. Instead of a sense of "I have experience of being this man and see myself as him", I feel like he would have experience being me, and that if anything he'd literally have me as a kintype.

Obviously this guy is a fictional character and can't have kintypes unless the source creators wrote it in there. So this isn't even about the source material itself, this is... A distinct feeling. Different to "haha he's like me, he'd probably have me as a kintype" too--it's deeper. It's not a joke or a fandom thing.

I've seen people talk about future lives around--rarely, but I've seen it. Never in-depth aside from "a life you believe you'll have in the future", so we never really learned about what it's like to have an identity that stems from that. I feel like maybe this could be related? It seems to fit the feelings well enough, I'm just not sure how that would work in a logical way. Not that it needs to be flawless in its logic--but I do prefer to have a satisfying explanation for things that concern me.

Hell, is it a parallel life maybe? We've seen more on those. It'd be confusing if Hawks-me in whatever other timeline had a me kintype and I didn't have him as one--though I guess it could work regardless? Maybe? Haven't got anything else pointing toward that explanation yet though--once again it's something I'm not entirely familiar with.

Could it be a hearttype? Never heard them described in this way, though. We've seen "this is like family to me"--not what I experience. I don't know him. We've seen "I should be this"--also not true. I should be me because that's who I am right now, I don't think I "should have" been Hawks. It just doesn't seem to fit, though in a pinch I guess I could describe it as one for a quick explanation?

In the end I could always go with vaguetype and call it a day. But I still don't think that's direct enough of a term--it's not vague, it's a distinct feeling that doesn't have a name. It's unclear on what this is, sure, but only because it doesn't have a name or explanation.

Not that I really need to put a name to it, but this isn't something we've heard of before. I'd like answers, or at least to put this out and maybe have some form of solidarity with someone over it--whether that be now, or a year or two in the future when someone else finds this and goes "wow, just like me!".

I'll keep thinking on it, I just needed to get this all down somewhere.

[cadys-ramblings]

I realized something recently: the reason I resonated so much with the secret history when I first read it was because richard's experiences are like a dramatic reflection of my own. subconsciously I knew there was something similar between us as I read it. for a long time, I just thought our personalities were similar. we share an MBTI type, one very few characters have, so of course I would lock on to one of the few, right?

now, as I have matured greatly, I realized that our similarities are far beyond our manner.

in 2022, I was spending hours a day on pinterest. I found my way into communities of like-minded girls who love pretty things like coffee and books and autumn leaves and cats and chunky sweaters. many of these girls labeled themselves with different aesthetics, namely coquette or dark academia or old money. I always considered myself "downtown girl." they always put their self care first, had the best makeup, the coolest doc martins, and the latest trending book (which is how I found the secret history, ironically.) though these aesthetic labels seem harmless on the outside, they had a great psychological affect on me that I only recently realized.

I built my pinterest account and taste in music and movies around this downtown girl aesthetic, as well as a few others I took interest in. I went paddle boarding with my best friend and took pictures of the sparkling lake to memorize how beautiful I felt in the moment. I redecorated my room and refreshed my wardrobe in hopes that people would see my photo dumps or outfits on the street and think, "wow, she is straight out of pinterest." many of these things I did genuinely enjoy. I still wear my big sweaters and bootcut jeans and I'm listening to my playlist full of taylor swift and the smiths as I write this. despite this, I still played up my enjoyment for other people to see.

it got especially bad when the school year started. after spending so much time on pinterest, I had idolized this group of girls with similar interests and ideas of 'aesthetics' to me, so that when I saw a pretty girl in my biology class carrying a latte and colleen hoover book, I wanted to drop everything to befriend her (ps, I don't like colleen hoover, it was just the idea that she was a 'reader' like me.)

I became so fixated on befriending her and her other friends, all swifties and readers and activists, that I neglected the great friends I already had. I didn't want to do activities that I couldn't document, either with photos or my mind, because it didn't fit my aesthetic. I wanted friends who would fit my aesthetic. looking back, this was one of the worst things I have ever done to my friends, even if I never told them about my real thoughts.

I think much of this issue stems from growing up knowing there was something different about me but never really knowing what. now, I know it's neurodivergence, but when I was younger, I couldn't understand why people thought I was weird. they never directly said it, but I could tell by the way they looked at me when I talked to them or how they made strange false assumptions about me they later confessed. I wanted nothing more than to fit in while still being myself, which I believe is why I was so attracted to the idea of aesthetics. my style naturally changed to something more 'socially acceptable' during this time and I was no longer being called emo bitch in the hallway. people would approach me or talk to me in class more than years before. I finally felt like I was being accepted by these 'normal' people. but, of course, I am not free from the shackles of being neurodivergent. these 'normal' people still eventually found me weird or felt there was something off about me. not to be dramatic, but richard being excluded from the bacchanal is a great allegory for being a weird girl to me.

I am obviously not performing rituals to bacchus or killing my friends, but I find richard to be an incredibly relatable character, so much so that I wonder if donna tartt wrote the secret history with similar experiences in mind.

[ironunderstands]

if you want to, please give your opinion on this I’m really curious on others thoughts

Me remembering @blood-orange-juice post on how Childe has the aggression of a prey animal made me think of how I feel he is a very feminine character despite not outwardly presenting as such. His aggression doesn’t stem from a masculine desire to feel stronger, it stems from his fear of being hunted down, overlooked, and overpowered, an aggression felt by a lot of femme and afab people, including myself. Like the scene in the golden house where everyone ignores what he has to say, or the scene in the courtroom where everyone dismisses what he has to say and blames him guilty for actions he couldn’t have possibly committed. The courtroom scene in particular reminds me of how often famous women (especially poc but that’s a can of worms that’s not my place to get into) are often demonized with people waiting for them to make one minor slip up (real or made up), so the public can justify their hatred towards them. Moreover, the attitude of “he’s a fatui so he probably did something wrong anyways” (which is true but doesn’t matter in this situation) mirrors the attitude a lot of famous women get of the “I never liked her anyways”, or “finally a reason to hate” or “I knew she was a mean girl” if the public gets a reason to turn on them.

There is also Childe’s habit of for lack of a better term, larping as a normal person, especially as a normal brother and son to his family. This changing of his behavior, especially in front of family members as to not lose their approval is also a pretty common feminine experience (not for me though luckily) and I have a lot of people in my own life who I know act that way. Playing the “good, responsible, nurturing, and almost a third parent” older sibling is also a fairly common feminine experience, and Childe acts very similar to that archetype despite having completely different reasons as to why.

His important female relationships with characters like skirk, Tonia, his mother and the Tsaritsa also add to this. It’s made very clear that he loves his younger siblings a lot, with Tonia being no exception, and Childe likes experiencing Tonia’s girlhood with her, playing along with being the knight in shining armor to her princess. He buys dresses and other gifts for her in inazuma, and doesn’t posses the slightest bit of shame or care that others might judge him for going dress shopping on his own. Continually, Skirk and his mother both teamed up to give him mommy issues (although Skirk didn’t do it on purpose she didn’t try to abandon him like his mom did, he left the abyss of his own accord), although mommy issues tend to be pretty universal, his respect and desire for acknowledgment from female authority figures like Skirk, the Tsaritsa, and to some extent the traveler and Clorinde (he did really want a duel out of her and views her as a strong, worthy opponent) reads as a feminine desire to me. More specifically, the need to be liked and acknowledged by the women you look up to so one day you can feel as secure as they appear to be, I personally find to be a very feminine experience.

What I find most interesting about this situation is that most of Childe’s traits I find feminine are painful feminine experiences, besides the heels in foul legacy form, the garter around his legs, the exposed skin on his stomach and being canonically pretty, things viewed as traditionally feminine, the feminine aspects of Childe’s character deeply painful for both him and people who experience similar things in real life. It reminds me of a phrase I can’t quite remember where I heard from, but is something along the lines of “femininity is pain”.

[child0feden]

WEST COAST

chuck schuldiner x reader

♡ general dating headcanons for chuck!

୨୧ the chuck brainrot came back for me! he was so insanely handsome, such a gorgeous man <3

♡ view my metal masterlist here

reading music recommendations: zero tolerance by death - west coast by lana del rey

♡ i can see chuck being an absolutely huge fan of pretty traditional and cliche dates!

୨୧ like drive in movies, little diner dates and similar stuff like that? yeah, he just loves them…

♡ when it comes to drive in movie dates, his favourite movies to go and watch are horror movies! he will open his arms and let you cuddle up into him, gently resting his chin on your head, his eyes glued to the screen as he quietly mumbles some silly jokes about the characters that make you softly laugh into his leather jacket

“ god, what a moron… i mean, why would you run that way? idiot… look, i bet you ten bucks he’s gonna trip on that rock ” ( spoiler alert: the character does trip on the rock, causing you and chuck to share a quiet laugh, not wanting to disturb other people at the drive in )

୨୧ diner dates are just very relaxed and laidback dates for him, he likes to go and grab a milkshake with you after a long recording session! not only does the cold milkshake soothe his slightly strained throat but he gets to give you the juicy fresh cherry that was throned atop the cream in his milkshake

♡ it is not that he does not like cherries himself, he probably does, it is just that he knows you really like them so why would he not give an extra one to his gorgeous partner?

୨୧ if it is the opposite and you do not like cherries at all, he will snag yours from atop the soft whipped cream and pull it from the stem with his teeth before shooting you a cheeky wink

♡ i feel like he is really good with his fingers… like, really super good…

୨୧ i mainly mean this in a sexual way, chuck would probably be an absolute god when it comes to fingering you and just generally teasing you

♡ but i also just mean it in a general way, chuck is probably beyond amazing when it comes to comforting you by softly stroking your hair and gently cupping your face in his calloused hands

୨୧ speaking of comfort, he is just such a loving and caring boyfriend when it comes to you being upset and simply needing some loving

♡ he will cradle your face in his hands, stroking your cheeks with his warm fingers and gently wipe your salty tears away with his thumbs, speaking oh so quietly to you as he tries to calm your breathing

“ you’re okay, baby… what’s up, hm? what’s happened? ” ( his voice is impossibly soft when he is talking to you and he lets you talk if you need to whilst listening intently )

୨୧ chuck is probably super on top of your anniversaries and really just about any other dates that are of any importance to you! it is not even that he needs to try and remember them, it is more like anything related to you gets permanently stamped in his memory

♡ your favourite type of chocolate? he knows it by heart! the face wash you usually use? sure, he can grab you some from the store and you do not need to tell him the brand! your favourite candle scent? he sees a pretty candle with that scent in a store and buys it without a second thought

୨୧ i feel like he would just be so insanely sweet and domestic

♡ he actually really enjoys cooking with you, washing some vegetables before you cut them up as he holds your hips from behind, slowly swaying slightly and pressing soft kisses to the side of your head after setting the oven to preheat

୨୧ and chuck can absolutely cook! do not ask me why i think this, i just do…

♡ he never really told you he could, it just so happened that you fell pretty sick one morning and could not cook so he went to make some breakfast for you whilst letting you rest in bed

୨୧ you thought it would turn out to be some half burnt or maybe at least half decent toast but oh no… this man came back to the room with a fully cooked breakfast with bacon, sausage, hash brown and so on! even freshly squeezed orange juice and you have absolutely no idea where he got oranges from and he will not tell you that he snagged them from the neighbours garden…

♡ when you ask him why he never told you he could cook so well he is probably so cheeky and smug, simply throwing a little wink your way and shooting you a nerdy fingergun motion before climbing back into bed with you and snagging a soft piece of bacon from the porcelain plate

“ well, you never asked… but you know now! the great chuck schuldiner can cook like a fuckin’ god ” ( okay, maybe he gets a bit of an ego after revealing it to you )

୨୧ chuck really likes going to little bars with you! not really to drink though, he just likes sit comfortably with you and see the local talent, if there are any good bands playing, he really likes supporting small unknown bands, especially when they are teenagers!

♡ he really loves seeing people that remind him of himself when he was a teenager and you guys kind of become something like older sibling figures to a lot of the young bands he discovers, him giving them advice of how they should go about things and you making sure they are always well dressed and fed

୨୧ often times, you guys are not even that much older than most of the teenagers but the dynamic just works

♡ when it comes to marriage, i can see chuck being kind of split on how exactly he really feels about it!

୨୧ on one hand, he really does not think you need a piece of paper to have a “ legitimate ” love and he thinks weddings are just a bit of a sham

♡ on another hand, he definitely would not mind giving you a beautiful diamond ring and getting to call you his spouse to everyone he meets…

୨୧ but i cannot ever see you guys having a really traditional wedding, most likely you would get eloped! but he would still give you a pretty hefty chunk of money and tell you to buy yourself a pretty dress to wear if you want to

♡ the only witnesses are his band mates and your shared group of friends, they brought some kind of terrible store bought cupcakes with them to share between you guys as well as a truly terrible disposable camera that would end up photographing you and chuck feeding each other pieces of a cupcake with your elbows entangled whilst giggling as your ring glistens under the soft light

୨୧ chuck really loves spoiling you whenever he can, he adores taking you shopping or taking you to get your nails done, reading a random magazine in a seat by your side as you chat with your nail tech

♡ one time, you got the death logo painted across your nails and it really nearly made him combust, he was obsessed with them! he absolutely took you to see his band mates that same day and showed them just how sweet they were

“ look at that! i didn’t even know you could do that, i thought you could just get colours and shit… ” ( getting his tip colour on your nails too? woah now, who the hell said that? not me, i promise hehe )

୨୧ chuck is another guy who i could see just absolutely loving photo booths! he drags you into every single one he ever sees

♡ he just really likes having a bunch of pictures with and of you, for when he is on tour and you cannot come and just for general memories

୨୧ when the two of you are inside of one, he will sit you comfortably on his knee and wrap his arms around you whilst placing a sloppy yet sweet kiss to your cheek as you laugh

♡ he definitely keeps one of the photo strips in his wallet, always pulling it out and admiring the features of your face when he misses you, holding the photo in his hand when on call with you, matching your voice the face in the photo, imaging the smile you probably have on your face <3

[cantsayidont]

I think setting STAR TREK: DISCOVERY and STRANGE NEW WORLDS in the TOS era was a questionable idea for a variety of reasons, but one of the more troublesome is their treatment of Spock, which opens some cans of worms I don't think there would have been a good way to handle even if the writers weren't intent on making bad and reactionary creative choices in other areas.

In TOS, most of the Enterprise crew, and really the majority of the Starfleet characters we're shown, are exceedingly racist to Spock with disconcerting regularity. Of the regular cast, I think the only ones who aren't overtly nasty to Spock at least some of the time are probably Uhura and Sulu; they get frustrated with him at certain points, but generally because he's a difficult and inflexible supervisor rather than due to racial animus. A lot of the rest of the crew is openly hostile, and McCoy routinely addresses him with slurs in front of the bridge crew. Kirk tolerates and sometimes participates in this racist abuse, and the only times he seems to take it very seriously are when it threatens to become an operational problem (as in "Balance of Terror"). The main feature that comes to characterize the bond that develops between Kirk and Spock is not that Kirk is significantly more tolerant, but that he will usually (not always) at least listen to Spock's point of view, which the rest of the crew is very reluctant to do (most pointedly in "The Galileo Seven"), and can be persuaded to respect his judgment, which Spock values even though Kirk's attitude and behavior still often make him uncomfortable.

This kind of space-racism toward nonhuman Federation citizens is not necessarily a structural element of STAR TREK (unlike anti-indigenous racism, which definitely is), but it is a structural element of Spock's character. Spock spends a lot of TOS teetering on the brink of a nervous breakdown, and it's tempting (though not canonical) to read his decision to pursue Kolinhar in the beginning of STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE as a response to the stress of being on the Enterprise (fleeing to become a monk!). Even where Spock is not enduring racial slurs and constant microaggressions, you can see how that treatment, both in his youth on Vulcan and as an adult in Starfleet, has shaped his personality. Indeed, this is something I think to which fans of Spock have responded strongly over the years, because his alienation and stress are very relatable for LGBT people, people of color, Muslim and Jewish people (despite STAR TREK's canonical antisemitism and Islamophobia), and autistic people. This doesn't mean STAR TREK stories necessarily have to show Spock being tormented, which is often painful to watch, but if Spock had not been tormented in these ways, he would be a very different person than the character viewers know and love.

Making Spock a regular in DISCOVERY and later STRANGE NEW WORLDS thus presents the writers with a problem: Treating Spock the way he's treated in TOS would be uncomfortable, but avoiding it creates a tension with TOS that the newer shows obviously don't know how to resolve.

Prior to ENTERPRISE, the general presumption about the TOS era (which is stated as fact in some of the novels) was that having mixed-species crews is relatively new for Starfleet, and that the problems Spock faces stem from his colleagues never having lived and worked with an "alien" before and not knowing how to not be weird about it. (ENTERPRISE essentially transferred that idea to Archer's era, where T'Pol gets similar treatment.) In DISCO and SNW, however, we see that many Starfleet vessels have mixed crews, including officers (like Saru) who are much more obviously nonhuman than Spock is, and have for a while. So, how are we to read the events of TOS, with which DISCO and SNW still want to (uneasily) coexist? Is Kirk's Enterprise just a lot more racist than Pike's? That's possible, I guess, but how many STAR TREK fans really want to canonize the idea that Kirk and his crew are unusually intolerant by Starfleet standards? Are we to presume that SNW means to soft-retcon the hostility and constant microaggressions Spock experiences in TOS, shifting the entire onus for his twitchy alienation to his upbringing on Vulcan and to Sarek (who DISCO reiterates is a tremendous dick)? That would be sadly consistent with the disdain with which modern STAR TREK media treats Vulcan (and with the antisemitism of the modern shows), but it's a pretty bitter pill for anyone who thinks Vulcans are neat or cool, which used to be an uncontroversial majority opinion among STAR TREK viewers and writers.

The more sensible answer would have been to just dodge the issue entirely by staying further away from TOS and the period in which it takes place. There are other periods of the TREK timeline that are still largely unexplored (like the early 24th century era of the Enterprise-C), and there's always the option of moving further forward in time, as DISCOVERY eventually did. However, CBS seems very insistent on making heavy-handed appeals to nostalgia that require riding the coattails of TOS, even where that just doesn't seem like a good idea creatively.

My sense with DISCOVERY and SNW is that the producers would really like to simply redo TOS in a manner more consistent with their current vision, but that the decidedly mixed reactions to the alternate timeline JJ Abrams movies has made them gunshy about just declaring that openly. So, it seems they're instead trying to back into it with a kind of death-by-a-thousand-retcons approach, seeking to sand off both the uncomfortable aspects of TOS and stuff the producers and/or the network don't like (like Spock's gay-coding — SNW's determination to no-homo him is pronounced, albeit unpersuasive). I think I would find that vexing even if the producers' vision weren't frequently more jingoistic and racist than TOS, which it often is.

[perryabbott]

ben being the "only adult" hasn't actually mattered since the crash. it was subtle at first but then laura lee essentially tells him to shut the fuck up and the energy has a noticeable shift. there's a similar moment in 1.10 and all of that just solidifies it for ben: his "authority" means nothing out here. i do personally think some of it stems from the loss of his leg and his having to rely on the girls (i don't think any of them recognize that/outwardly think bad about him because of his disability, but it's a survival situation and it's impossible to not have that influence so much of their dynamics) but regardless, "adult" is a qualifier that's been meaningless for months now. we never really see ben have any interactions with the kids besides nat and travis (no, i will not be mentioning misty since she assaulted him, thanks!) like. he has spent his entire life being Othered. and he is still Other out here. because of his age. his gender. his disability. he is so completely and utterly alone. he is in the process of a mental breakdown. i truly don't understand how people are reading these scenes with paul as "flashbacks" or acting like they're willing at this point and not the product of his incredibly fragile mindset. paul's home was the cabin in 206. he could still hear the screaming. his mind is breaking down. no, his "gay fantasies" were not more important than shauna. it's a psychotic break. did no one see him almost pass out? (he's consistently had physical reactions to blood/injury. btw) does no one remember he didn't eat jackie, and probably hasn't eaten much since then?

does no one realize he can't exactly kneel in front of shauna and do anything meaningful because he's disabled?

but really, what can he even do? he isn't a "health teacher." i'm going to assume a lot of the people acting as if he has some kind of educational qualifications aren't american. i feel like it's pretty common in america for "health class" to be taught by a PE teacher/coach with no background in it who just plays video and reads out of a book. he doesn't have a medical history. he literally says, "i just press play on a video." no, misty and akilah aren't trained, but misty clearly paid attention in class and akilah's sister had given birth. they do know more than ben.

and no, ben didn't look at shauna and go, "that's gross." the blatant homo- (and transphobia) in acting like a gay man was just "disgusted" by childbirth is just disappointing to see.

if you really want to be upset by ben's actions, obviously, you can be. maybe he could have done more to be comforting but i just don't think he could have "saved" the baby. it was already dead. to blame him, to act like he willfully killed the baby/did not care about shauna, is just silly. to say that the disabled gay man needs to kill himself so the girls can eat him now is an insane take. to act like he needs to be punished for something out of his control is stupid. to single him out when he was far from the only one being "useless" is just weird. why is there a sudden lack of critical thought re: his character?

and can we wait to see everyone's reactions before deciding everyone hates him for it?

[symbologic]

Luffy vs. Zoro at Whiskey Peak

Unpopular opinion maybe, but the Luffy vs. Zoro clash in Whiskey Peak made sense for their characters. You could even argue that it was bound to happen, given their personalities.

Luffy likes the people who feed him. In the the face of their suffering, no matter who's responsible, he's too angry to concern himself with the reasons behind it. Zoro, on the other hand, prefers to handle things independently without saying much about it, especially if it means his crew gets to enjoy themselves a little longer

So it's not really surprising that Luffy would be blindsided by finding their hosts cut up by his swordsman, and that this would send him flying into a fit of rage. If he's never paused to listen to context or backstories before now, why would he start here? And of course, Zoro is not the type to back down from a challenge. He will match Luffy's energy and respond in kind

"But if Luffy were a good captain, he would have stopped to listen to Zoro's side of the story." Vivi tells him he's a bad captain two arcs later, precisely because of this kind of behavior. It clearly leaves an impression on Luffy, and we see he's grown into a better leader by the time he reaches Amazon Lily. (Almost as if Oda set all this development up on purpose with Whiskey Peak. HMM...)

"But Luffy refused to believe that Nami had killed Usopp in Arlong Park." This argument is like comparing apples to oranges. Nami did not actually do the murder that Johnny and Yosaku claim they saw, nor is she capable of killing people in cold blood. Of course Luffy isn't going to believe Nami killed Usopp based on hearsay. But in Whiskey Peak, Zoro did cut those bounty hunters. Luffy sees the evidence for himself, and he knows the carnage Zoro is capable of inflicting once he puts his mind to it. There is no denying what happened. Nothing other than Zoro saying "someone else did this" (or Nami knocking the soul out of him) was going to stop Luffy from going ballistic

"Why would Luffy fight so hard to recruit Zoro into his crew, firmly believing that he wasn't a bad person, only to later attack him because he believed Zoro was capable of harming 'innocent' people?" Because the fight was never about whether their hosts were "innocent" or not, not really. Their fight was about what Zoro did (assaulting the ones who fed them), and how those actions made Luffy feel (mad as hell, because these people FED THEM) For Luffy, context did not actually matter at that moment in time because, for him, "they fed me" unequivocally means "they're my friend", full stop This is even shown again in Mocktown! Both when Luffy unquestioningly eats an apple from Doc Q, and when Bellamy buys Luffy a drink in Mocktown. In the first case, Luffy only lived because he was lucky. And in the second case, he assumes Bellamy is a good person despite all evidence to the contrary, only to have his face brutally smashed into the bartop by Bellamy. Luffy is shockingly bad at reading people who try to feed him.

Luffy has interpersonal conflicts with all the core members from East Blue at different times. The fight with Zoro is the only one instigated by Luffy. But surprisingly, their fight highlights their similarities instead of their differences. They still fight equally and work together against BW agents who try to interfere with their fight.

I think that's what Oda wanted to showcase with this scene.

In short, Luffy's initial anger stemmed from his protectiveness towards those who have fed him, while Zoro's actions were driven by his dedication to the crew and subsequent refusal to back down from Luffy's challenge. It was a clash resulting from miscommunication and misunderstanding, something that is not typically a problem for them — until it suddenly becomes one When all is said and done, they're both quick to forgive and forget. This, too, is fitting for both their characters. From that point onward, Zoro continues to demonstrate that Luffy's trust is not misplaced. And Luffy never, ever doubts Zoro again after this