#also no room for criticising the questionable stuff i did either

[quetiapinnapark]

one mention of speaking to my ex online turned into a full blown family fight because they think i should cut him off completely even tho hes like. still a friend. a weird complicated friend im angry at but a friend still, not an enemy. my parents are absolutely insane lmao

my parents reaction made NO sense like it was a fucking BETRAYAL OF THEIR AMAZING SUPPORT WORK of just telling me to give his wii u back and forget abt his existence and never talk to him again and telling me TO STOP THERAPY ALTOGETHER (GREAT IDEA AFTER A DAY OF SUICIDAL IDEATION HUH?!?!?!?!?!?)

[its-real]

I was going to wait until I had finished doing all the concept sketches for this but uh, I’m lazy so here take it as it is I’ll keep adding surely surely.

-LONG POST-

AU where the hermits fall into the boatem hole with no way to fly out because of some event that happens - maybe an apocalypse, maybe everyone just goes apeshit, who knows - and they all get messed up heads from falling in the void and passing out n fun stuff like that. They ‘land’ - idk how this would work without them dying lol - in a semi futuristic city which for now let’s just call it Boateqm (silent q). The hermit crabs would also fall at different rates therefore appear in the city at different times. So where do they end up?

Hospital gang:

Etho wakes up in a hospital bed with no memories - most of them will wake up with no memories btw - his doctor/nurse (this hospital may be understaffed) Tango asks him a bunch of questions then has to go see another patient. Etho is seen by a certain Bdubs who had just finished visiting his buddy Scar -will get to him next- in the bed next door. Bdubs walks back to notify Scar, a fashion designer, that the guy in the bed across would make a great model, just look at the striking hair! And the red eye! He opens the curtains on the side and Scar gets a look. He asks if Etho would like to be hired. Etho is to say the least very confused and on the verge of a panic attack that never quite seems to happen so he’s in a weird kind of limbo anyway it is now that his doctor/nurse Tango comes back and having overheard the conversation suggests it would be a good idea. The hospital can only take custody of Etho for so long, might as well start earning money now so he doesn’t become homeless. Etho is still very confused. So Tango just agrees to the job for him as his caretaker lol, and besides Scar comes here kinda often so Tango trusts him. Anyway Etho’s true passions he discovers are synthesisers, breeding horses with Bdubs and finding elaborate ways to do tax evasion. A simple man.

Scar is in the hospital because he got SCAR (hehe) from walking into a glass door in his super fancy house, which he owns because he’s a super fucking rich fashion designer of his own label Scara (this is not the first time he’s walked into a glass door). Scar refuses to go to a rich people hospital tho cause 1) he cares about healthcare and wants more funds to go to lower grade hospitals 2) Tango is his mate, and needs a goddam raise. But yeah, very successful, ran for mayor once but someone really didn’t like that which resulted in another hospital visit. Mans in the wars. One hospital visit he got really inspired by the fabric and stuff there so he had a line of clothes that were hospital inspired one time, in turn making hospital inspired garb very trendy for a bit. What a mad lad. Ideas man. Some would call him a genius if he didn’t keep on walking into glass doors n shit. Scar woke up in the back room of a small tailoring shop owned by a nice old couple who took him under their wing. He thanks them in every award speech, and whenever he’s in the area make sure to stop by and give them presents. His side hobby is gardening.

When Tango came to, he was lying on the footpath of a quiet street in the suburbs just out from the main city. Gorgeous day, golden hour, pretty houses, very aesthetic. He also had a leg injury, fuck. So Tango did what anyone would do: hobbled to the nearest house, asked in the nicest way he could under a lot of stress (so he kinda yelled) for a first aid kit, and performed surgery on himself atop the nice families dinner table. The nice family turned out to have called the police and an ambulance, who showed up just as Tango was wrapping up his leg with a bandage and took him away to the police on a stretcher. This debacle got him a leading story on the local newspaper: ‘Man performs surgery on himself after waking up with no memories and a leg injury’. After being questioned by the police, they decide they can’t really charge someone with amnesia and no money with anything like breaking and entering (he did knock and they did let him in) or property damage (blood on the carpet). The paramedics are stunned at his surgery, so they tell the police to take him to the nearest hospital and get him hired there, he could save so many lives. He gets hired by the head doctor after an examination of the surgery. The head doctor doesn’t really care that Tango doesn’t have any records or anything, the hospital is understaffed and Tango seems like an Angel sent down from the heavens to him. Tango is very very good at his job. So good that he gets offered a job at a far better paying hospital which he takes, then soon drops because he prefers the chaos of his old job much better.

Tango found Impulse extremely dehydrated, looking like death, wandering outside his flat one night, so he carried the man inside and saved his life. Now they are flat mates, and Impulse works in a tech store - an upgrade from working at a service station previously.

Bdubs woke up in an inner city park at night, homeless, broke, and in the company of other homeless and broke people. He built his way to success, got luckily hired by some rich asshole to mow their lawns plural - the rich asshole didn’t ask much questions, he just saw a poor man criticising the way a park had been landscaped to an old guy in a caravan and though it was good enough, seeing as the last one quit - and Bdubs didn’t mind too much, because the rich assholes property was really gorgeous. Once Bdubs was able to say he had work experience and wasn’t homeless he started babysitting the kids in the neighbourhood, pretty good money. Plus the kids love him, and everyone he meets loves him, he's just a nice guy. He met Scar because he had to purchase a suit for a kids birthday party, so he went to the cute little tailors shop he always walked past on the way to his favourite cute little gardening supplies shop. By now Bdubs had been promoted to part time gardener - the job is shared - and started working on and off at a building firm. They become besties, turns out Scar is also really into gardening etc etc. Eventually Bdubs becomes an architect, mainly designing for city contractors n such but occasionally designer homes, like the one he did for Scar.

Mumbo and Grian wake up in the hospital around the same time that Etho is still there, however Etho has been awake longer, and should really find a place to stay soon now that he’s got a steady job. Since - ok plot point here - the two are in the exact situation that Etho found himself in, he starts to feel like something weird is going on. Mumbo and Grian take a lot longer to recover than Etho did, and the two become hospital bed neighbor buddies. When they finally recover Scar offers them a temporary place to stay at his house while they find work. Tango gets Impulse to put in a good word for Mumbo at his work.

Nomads:

TFC is an old man who lives in a caravan off the money he made being a very successful miner, he now collects pretty shiny rocks and gems and stuff to give to kids. He’s like an all year round caravan Santa and wise old mystical figure. Dope.

Joe is a humble man who likes to wander. He’s never had a home, but if he needs anything he’ll go to TFC’s caravan or a homeless shelter or something. But he isn’t sad or anything, he really likes the freedom of being a simple wanderer.

Others:

Keralis is a business partner of Bdubs. Kerlalis is mega stonks. He was one of the first to land, had a big diamond in his pocket, bought shares in a company that blew up soon after and now he is really fucking rich.

Doc and Ren are the only ones who remember anything, and they arrive at the same time. Doc manages to keep his cool, but Ren loses his shit and gets thrown in a mental institution. Doc spends some time trying to get Ren out, and after a final success and laying low for a bit the two seek to bring all the hermits together.

Pearl ends up working in Bdubs building company.

Beef works in a music shop -sells records and instruments- and he starts up a record label out back after his boss retires and passes the shop onto him.

And yeah I don’t really know the other Hermits that well was hoping some of ya’ll could help me find places for them in this city :) don’t really know how to format this either so maybe some input would be nice, just wanted to get the idea out hehehe

[aotopmha]

Attack on Titan in 2020

I've sort of dropped doing detailed chapter posts on the series because that type of writing wasn't very fun for me anymore and I have taken a liking to a bullet point kind of approach where I list the elements that stood out for me in the chapter or make a separate post for some specific topic I'd like to talk about in it.

I've started like 10 different posts to attempt to talk about AoT this year and I always end up with incoherent rambling because of all of the elements I'd love to to talk about.

This year's chapters were 125-135 and this year's episodes episodes 1-4 of season 4.

The anime episodes in particular have given me a lot of food for thought, so I'm just saying fuck it.

I think the biggest misstep of the story for me will forever be the fact that it decided to use fairly specific historical imagery.

The Eldians are clearly supposed to have allegorical equivalency with Jewish people, but the Jewish people were never the oppressors. There weren't any Jewish empires. That's conspiracy theory bullshit.

But on the other hand, the series clearly takes great effort to not stereotype any of the groups it's portraying and gives complex reasons for what both sides do. It's one of the few Japanese series that I've seen not stereotype Middle Eastern-coded people (Ramzi and Halil) or black people (Onyakapon). Everyone are people, it says. It even champions diversity:

(Chapter 118)

It is also very much true that a bunch of fascist states use long-term history as an excuse for their actions:

(Chapter 127)

Nation did X 2000 years ago therefore our conquest of them is justified.

This makes discussion about the series' themes like a minefield.

The people who are very critical about its imagery are right, but the people defending the series aren't wrong, either because it condemns all of those nasty ideas of conquest and hurting innocent people.

You can't have a more clear-cut condemnation of genocide:

(Chapter 127)

If you combine all of these details instead of zoning in on them one by one, to me what the story is saying is that *even if* all of that conspiracy bullshit is true, innocent people don't deserve to be slaughtered no matter the reason because they are still people who have their own feelings, thoughts and wishes.

The story clearly gets the baseline, but fumbles the details. I decided to look up some more discussion surrounding this these past few days and I just wish there was more good faith discussion about it. A lot of it feels like a moral superiority contest.

I think it's these kind of flawed stories that actually deserve detailed scruitiny over stories that are rotten to the core because they are *almost there*. Talking about them is a good topic starter in what to do and not to do in a story like this.

Speaking of rotten to the core, I think the absolute highlight of the chapters this year is Eren and some of the chapters this year finally gave me a pretty clear picture of what is going on with him.

Context from 123 certainly helps, though:

(Chapter 131)

This is about Eren's perspective. He can't accept the destruction of Paradis.

It's not that this solution was inevitable looking in from the outside (which is one of the interpretations I see around for Eren's actions), it's that *Eren* can't see any other way out of this except the most extreme because of all of the horrible things he has seen from the outside world. It is very similar to the way suicidal people can only focus on the negative.

You can tell them everything is going to be okay, but those words won't reach them because their mind won't let them and loops them back to those negative thoughts.

Eren can't see the ice cream or silly clowns. But he can see how the other Eldians in the league of Eldians are willing to push Paradis under the bus. He can see how Grisha's sister was killed. He can see how racist and cruel Marley is towards the Eldians in Liberio (and how the people have racist leanings towards other nations, too).

He can only see those bad things. But he also understands how everyone outside of the walls are human just as the people inside of the walls are.

So he is torn to pieces by guilt.

He doesn't want to do this, but he can't see any other solution.

This is why I also think he can't rob his friends of their agency. He is fighting for them to have a good future:

(Chapter 133)

(Chapter 131)

What really stood out to me on a revisit is that Eren considers himself much worse than Reiner.

I've seen criticism on how the story pushes the narrative of both sides being the same and this detail is really important to me because this is the story acknowledging that what Eren is doing is worse and gives all of the following exchanges about this the context of it being a similarity in principle.

Both sides have killed for what they think is right and have to deal with how they have killed people. This is such an important detail in the Uprising arc, too, where Erwin firmly acknowledged that overthrowing the government might not actually be the right choice by him. It was simply what he saw as right. On a narrative level this avoids absolute truths and preference of one character perspective over the other and once again makes it about individual perspectives.

The theme of individual perspectives is so ingrained in this story at this point in my eyes that it's another cornerstone in understanding what is going on with Eren to me.

I think it's great.

I also really appreciate Annie and what was done with her in this chunk of chapters.

(Chapter 127)

There has been this narrative going around that proposes that the story is in Eren's corner too much. But these chapters are nothing but questioning Eren and Annie is one of the main voices in this. It's the Marleyan girls, really and I think this is a very necessary part of making the narrative work. Once again, it separates the narrative and character perspective.

It says that the Paradis side caring is about character perspective, not what the narrative sides with and Annie is even sympathetic to Mikasa in that instance.

She gets it. Unexpectedly, I think Annie might play a bigger role in taking down Eren than expected. Her character arc about deciding to no longer go with the flow because she doesn't want any more tragedy to happen is basically calling for it.

(Chapter 128)

Another element I've seen brought up is the fact that nobody seems to address the Bert-sized elephant in the room, but some of our characters are certainly thinking about him.

This is such a thematically strong element and really interesting because Connie joined the military to make his mom proud and be a good soldier. This is the motivation behind his claim when he says they are going to save the world. But what does becoming a good soldier mean, exactly?

Well, apparently possibly gunning down people you care about.

This moment is so good because it's another moment where the idea of glory in war is taken down a peg.

The moment with Connie declaring they're going to save the world is so often criticised, but it is actually turned on its head in 128. There is no heroics in this. This is actually Connie's big "killing a person" moment because it strips away the final bit of comfort in killing in war, the excuse of killing for good moral reasons.

It is also a wonderful complex evolution of the series' themes. Trost was about fighting monsters. In the Female Titan and Clash of Titan arcs some of those monsters turned out to be human. In the Uprising, Return to Shiganshina and Marley arcs all of those monsters turned out to be human and here in the War of Paradis arc, everyone is human and the only separating system is what everyone views as right.

I really hope the anime will let this chapter breathe a little bit more.

Moving on, I guess it is time to address the rumbling.

I love it as a horror spectacle.

(Chapter 130)

And I really I think it needs to be non-CG when animated. CG is fine in spectacle battles, but not in horror settings because it is too clean.

The rumbling needs to be disgusting and dirty.

Chapter 132 gave me one of the few moments in which I truly cared about Levi. I think him telling Hange to dedicate her heart was a very good moment to cap off their relationship. He sent another SL commander to fulfill their duty.

The speech about hatred in chapter 134 also stood out to me. I think it definitely should be fitted in there somewhere in this, but I also see a bunch of criticism for it.

I want to point out that this is the side of present Marley talking here. It's the military dictatorship.

It's the Nazis. I think the Nazis should feel regret for exploiting innocent people and admit they're wrong.

I also like how the horrors here are undoing the brainwashing and showing the truth to the citizens.

I guess you could read it as heavy-handed, but it is also something that needs to be addressed and in principle, it's not wrong.

I'm also going to put a mention of Historia here. I've talked about how this is my biggest and most glaring problem with the series because of how thematically unfitting it feels, but I've also talked about it in many posts. I wanted to focus more on other stuff in this post.

So now, we make it back to chapter 135.

I think having stewed on it for a month now, I like the element of mindscrewing our cast with the Titans of the people they love is the strongest element of it. It's making them face their personal traumas and we also get some great character moments and payoffs from it.

Mikasa ended off the year in a very good note in my eyes.

Even this deep in the story, this chapter left me in a situation where I have no idea how things might turn out.

I might have rough ideas, but not anything specific and that's fun.

Well, this is it on my retrospective.

2021 is confirmed to be AoT's final year of publication as volume 34 is set to be the story's final volume.

Those who hate the story can finally be free of it and those who care for it, can look back on it with fondness and sadness and many other emotions and evaluate.

It's been 7 years for me. What a wild ride.

So, I'm asking everyone, what are some of your observations on AoT in 2020?

Is there anything you'd like to add or do you have any observations or counterarguments for anything I've said?

I'd be curious to see what everyone else thought of AoT in 2020!

[watchinglikeafangirl]

Lovely Writer episode 3 - analysis

The episode this week changed everything again. We see more of Nubsib's true colors and we see the two become closer. Nubsib is still pretending but his true personality is also showing here and there, Gene starts having thoughts and is confused how he feels about Nubsib. All in all, this week's episode had a lot of information and was even more fun to watch. Especially the scene, when they film "bad engineer" and the first meeting of the characters ending in a weird embrace filmed in slow motion. It was hilarious...

Honesty and no filter

I don't know if honesty is the right word here but I would say it kind of fits. Even though Nubsib is crossing many lines, Gene at least tells him immediately when he's uncomfortable. Especially in the scenes when his personal space is invaded which he is not used to. He lives with Nubsib but kissing him is a whole different thing. He is someone who is very closeted and only opens up to Nubsib because he learns that life doesn't happen in fantasies and books. But when Nubsib tries to kiss him in the second episode, puts his face aggressively closer to Gene's, Gene pulls away immediately. This shows that even though he might be an introvert who is living in his head very much, he is not shy in the way that he doesn't talk about any emotion. He felt very uncomfortable and told Nubsib immediately also because he feels that Nubsib would listen and back off, which he then did.

In this episode, we get a similar scene. Nubsib pushes Gene on the sofa in a very slow, dominant and erotic way and Gene is kind of okay until Nubsib is too close.

Right before the kiss, he's extremely uncomfortable and says that he is. Nubsib is really concerned and sorry about it and backs off immediately. You could also say about this scene that Gene was not really uncomfortable and just scared of his feelings towards Nubsib but I think, it was just their closeness. They only know each other and live together for three weeks and Gene opened up just yet. It would be out of character if he would have settled into a kiss or even a make-out.

Nubsib is his true self when he comforts Gene who is having a nightmare. There is no sound effect, just some music playing and this scene is very slow and calm. Nothing disturbing the peaceful moment of taking care and there is no rushing.

Defensiveness and hidden feelings

Like I said, and like we all know, Gene is an introvert which becomes very clear when we get to know that he is living alone in a condo that is too big for one person alone. Everything is chaotic and as soon as Nubsib moves in, it's very tidy and clean. But Gene is too scared to admit it. He's too scared to admit that he likes Nubsib's company. Nubsib knows he does and jokes around when he's trying to get a confession from Gene. Gene, completely confused why that kiss is stuck in his head, gets defensive whenever Nubsib flirts and teases him.

This difensiveness becomes more after Aey says "he seems to like you" which confuses Gene even more. He can't stop thinking about it and ends up throwing Nubsib out of his condo because he is too scared to admit it. To himself and to Nubsib. Gene is very inexperienced and insecure about romantic stuff, so he doesn't know if this feeling of tenderness is even real and if Nubsib is really honest with him. There is an awkwardness between them that reminds us that they don't know each other well and Gene would have to get to know Nubsib more in order to be okay with his feelings. Because now, Nubsib still is a total stranger. The insecurity in romantic things and feelings leads Gene to question the meaning behind every word Nubsib said to him and if they were even true. This growing friendship with a stranger and growing romantic feelings for him is too much for Gene and he feels like he won't be able to focus on writing any more. For him it's either living or writing and he chooses writing over everything and feels like he can't think straight.

His feelings which he can't name or distinguish make him get defensive whenever he feels Nubsib is playing around.

Pretending and unawareness

Nubsib gives us all the vibes of fakery in many scenes and we feel there's something breeding under his skin that will show its true colors at some point (and I think very soon). Gene gets that vibe too and that's why things get awkward between them sometimes when both suddenly turn quiet like they don't know what to say to each other which could be because both can't get rid of the picture of their kiss. I mean, both obviously think about it. Nubsib can't even kiss Aey for the scene and Gene can't focus on writing because of it.

Nubsib is the one pretending here. Especially on the sofa. He even says that he learned it "in a workshop" which means the way he is behaving is all inspired and copied from these acting workshops. And that adds depth to his character. He is inexperienced too. He acts like the typical dominant BL character but even says himself that he learned it from the workshop.

That means, he's also insecure but is very good in hiding it. Because he feels like being his true self when it comes to romantic stuff is not enough and that he has to cover those stereotypes in order to appeal as attractive. Especially because Gene wrote this kind of character in the novel himself. So, Nubsib thinks it's the right way to act and is too shy to be his real self which is very sad and thankfully doesn't work out that well when they are on the sofa. Gene gets uncomfortable and I guess a bit frightened by the now very dominant version of Nubsib.

I don't think Nubsib is aware of the effect the moments when he is his true self have on Gene. They are the moments when Gene likes him and falls for him, not the ones when he's pretending. As soon as the pretending stops, the sound effects stop as well and they are talking more natural and real.

Same goes for Gene. What I noticed this episode was that the moment Gene enters, the sound effects start. That means Gene is pretending too but not in such an obvious way and maybe not even on purpose. He backs out of every situation because he sacrificed his life to writing. Writing defines his whole day, social-life, sleeping-routine and health. But I think, deep down he wants to live a bit more. He pretends to be okay with the situation, with how his life is going, but he sees, now that Nubsib moved in, that his way of living covers up all the desires he himself has. Nubsib unlocked something in him, makes him see that life is not only in your condo and especially with other people. Gene sees that now and he'll get sad.

Criticism and jokes

This show criticizes many different aspects. Basically everything of the BL industry is being criticized.

Mostly the charcters don't stand up for themselves when they are feeling uncomfortable. The scene on the sofa was definetely too intense and Gene didn't like it at all. I was already turning my eyes because I was just like 'not one of those scenes' but surprisingly the scene didn't go the way I thought. In many shows this would've gone in a very different direction even though the other charcter is not okay with it. BLs sometimes like to romanticise harrassement.

The writers are mostly female and the target audience is as well. BLs are mostly a fantasy and that's totally fine. It's just boring that every show is basically the same with the same stereotypes and exact same plot. The characters are not in any way real and Gene just copied this idea for "bad engineer". BL novels are created by women for women and that's what is criticised here because there's nothing real about it. In fact Gene wants to focus more on character developments and not NC scenes.

Fanscervice blends over problems the actors might have with each other. Nubsib and Aey don't get along that well but they have to, for the fans. This is a new level of pretending and also very uncomfortable to watch because they have to sacrifice their own values in order to have a job in the first place.

The jokes ... they are just very funny. Having a discussion about product placement for product placement?

Changing in the women's changing rooms because you thought it was 'unisex'?

Nubsib wearing a shirt saying 'eat me'?

There are many more but these are the ones I remember laughing at the most.

Questions

What's the deal with Aey?

Nubsib obviously doesn't like him but why? What did he do?

Is Nubsib jealous? Does Aey have a crush on Gene?

Will Aey become a character we feel sorry for?

What's going on in Tum's life? (I'm concerned)

Ending

This show adds layer after layer and from afar it looks like the typical BL but it's way, way better than that. It's funny, entertaining, realistic and interesting. Basically a writer navigating helplessly through the BL industry and learning that everything needs to be mainstream and is not allowed to be very different from the rest. I like this idea very much because as fans of BLs, we only see the things from the outside and can only assume the stuff that's going on behind the scenes. Here we have people who know what they are talking about whom we can use as a ressource. I found new aspects in this show I didn't even think about being a problem with the BL industry. It's just very interesting.

Preview

The previews always promise some heavy developments and I'm really excited to see jealous Gene and also drunk Gene. What will he do and will he be different? I mean, Nubsib is going to move out but I guess in the end, he won't. I don't know, something will happen because when Gene said "you can stay" he looked very sorry. Perhaps Nubsib shows more of himself and I think we all agree that he's probably messed up. He thinks pretending and manipulation leads to love...

[angelofthequeers]

How is Zoe's comic racist? (sorry don't mean to question you, genuinely curious) Also, I admit I was also sucked into the salt fic whirlpool, but quickly left after I realized how toxic it was being. Could you also elaborate on GalahadWilder, if it isn't too uncomfortable for you? I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, or ask uncomfortable questions.

I can’t point out everything off the top of my head but the racism (along with everything else but that’s not the focus) is a large part of what made me throw my hands up and write this. And I won’t be answering any more asks about any of this because I just want to get it out there so people know (because of how many people genuinely don’t see it) and then go back to trying to forget that this shit ever existed, rather than dragging out some new fandom drama. Also keep in mind that while I’m West Asian/Arab, I’m also white-passing so if I get anything wrong, I appreciate call-outs. (Also I finally got my laptop charger today so I can snip my posts again 😭)

Her treatment of Max in ‘Gamer’.

It’s not unique to her; it’s a very common salter thing to utterly tear into Max for being a “sexist jerk” and daring to underestimate princess Marinette because she’s a girl. Never mind that they canonically aren’t close friends because of Chloé’s bullying, so Max probably had no idea that Marinette’s liked video games all this time, where Adrien is the new boy so it’s just one more thing to learn about him.

It’s especially heinous compared to how the other classmates are treated far more leniently for their own mistakes - they still get salted on but Max, aka the Black boy, always seems to get singled out and held to higher standards. Just look at ‘Chameleon’ and how the other classmates are mildly to moderately attacked by salters but Max gets utterly ripped to shreds because he “should know better”. (Never mind that just because he’s smart doesn’t mean he’s good at human interaction. They just want to attack him).

It also angers me because people like Nathaniel and Ivan are absolved of what they do as akumas (like kidnapping others and literally forcing someone to go on a date with them) because they couldn’t help it, yet Max is literally held responsible for what he did when akumatised (because he dared to go after Princess Marinette) and even for daring to get akumatised in the first place. Both these things just make him a sore loser, apparently.

So SL ‘Gamer’ was the final straw for me, especially with how she characterised Max as a smug arsehole, and it made me so angry that I just exploded to my friends, but I didn’t know how to directly call it out without looking like a petty bitch.

Here’s a post I made about salters and ‘Gamer’ if you’re interested in a more coherent and in-depth thing about it.

Alya’s treatment throughout the whole thing.

In canon, she’s an enthusiastic and passionate girl who sometimes gets carried away and goes too far and who idolises Ladybug because Ladybug stands against evil. Here? She’s treated as the butt of the joke for being so starry-eyed over superheroes that she idolises Scarlet Lady while Marinette mocks her behind her back. Never mind her iconic line of “all that is needed for the triumph of evil is that good people do nothing” and this is why she loves Majestia in the first place. Never mind that she loves Ladybug because Ladybug is kind and passionate and strong and creative. Canon Alya wouldn’t want a bar of Scarlet Lady, who just sits around complaining, and yet SL!Alya worships her because...why? Running joke? The only Black girl in the series is treated as a gag to be made fun of by someone who’s supposed to be her best friend, just for the audience’s amusement. Marinette’s probably meant to look funny and relatable here, but she just looks like a major bitch to her new friend. Alya’s flaws are basically blown up and exaggerated for comedic effect, while Marinette in contrast is airbrushed to perfection, with no flaws and no anxiety that was only alleviated in canon by - guess what - being Ladybug.

It’s like Zoe wants to stick to canon while adding her own little “fun” twists for humour, like making Marinette snarky and perfect (which just makes her look like an utter bitch) and in the case of Alya, it does her so dirty that even Lila is more sympathetic. LILA. After SL humiliates Lila, Alya looks doubtful but buys some bullshit excuse so that she can continue to be the Scar-worshipping idiot. And then in the aftermath, her concern isn’t for Lila, the girl who was humiliated and bullied by a literal superhero and then ended up sick. No, she’s angry because...Lila lied on her blog. The blog that doesn’t have nearly as much recognition as in canon because SL would never validate her, unlike Ladybug. So her passion for her blog is exaggerated to imply that she’d say that a girl deserves to be bullied and sick because she told a few lies (since at this point, Alya doesn’t know about any possible malice on Lila’s part, just as in canon. All that’s known is the lying for attention).

It’s horrible hypocrisy, where Alya is held to higher standards than the other (white) characters and when she fails to meet those standards, she’s torn into. She’s not afforded any sympathy for being hurt that Lila lied to her; in fact, she’s demonised for feeling hurt, especially because of the running joke that her blog is focused on someone so horrible and she doesn’t see that. Lila is presented as the sympathetic one here. LILA. Just because Alya dared to believe her in canon.

Also, how she’s constantly trying to either tease Marinette for having a crush or insist that Marinette’s only doing what she does because of a crush...even though according to this ‘verse’s canon, Marinette is too good to make mistakes and do obsessive stuff over a crush, which is why canon Alya thinks this about her in the first place. That didn’t just come out of nowhere in the show purely for “woe is Marinette, her best friend doubts her”.

Like in the first part of ‘Gamer’, where she’s accusing Marinette of only entering the tournament to flirt with Adrien while Marinette so “coolly and calmly” rebuts her...why? By the ‘verse’s own logic, Marinette isn’t a flustered mess around Adrien. The only purpose of this scene is to glorify Marinette and her amazing calmness while making Alya look like a nosy idiot who dares to doubt her best friend. The logic of the ‘verse and of canon clash really jarringly in moments like this, and it becomes clear that the only purpose of these moments is to make Marinette look better at the expense of others. Most often her best friend, who’s an utter idiot for not seeing Scarlet Lady’s true nature and just can’t keep her nose out of Marinette’s business and so comes to wrong conclusions. Why are Marinette and Alya even friends in this ‘verse? SL!Marinette’s been nothing but condescending towards Alya most of the time.

Uh, and also the way she occasionally whitewashes Alya. Just look at the SL headers. She literally made Alya, aka a Black girl who’s one of the good guys, lighter than Lila, aka a white girl who’s one of the bad guys and not even that tanned in canon. Why do people make one of the villains darker and often whitewash one of the heroes? It’s not that hard to figure out.

(Also the way she really played into the aggressive Black girl stereotype in ‘Horrificator’ over a minor argument, even physically threatening Nino. Why? Literally why did she have to go full-on aggressive instead of just looking angry and scolding him or something?)

This all might not be conscious on Zoe’s part but the way Alya is treated is still disgusting, especially if you’re operating on internalised salt from other aspects of the salty fandom. I’ve seen her claims that she’s trying to help Alya improve and she’s not being salty but...even if she’s not being consciously salty, her salt is definitely still leaking over it and part of that salt includes racism. I also don’t see how making Alya a joke and exaggerating her flaws is helping her to improve when there was plenty to go off in canon but, well, that might just be me.

Even Marinette, who’s pretty much treated as white for 99% of it.

Marinette, aka the girl who’s only made visibly “Asian/Other” in SL ‘Reflekta’ with her Chinese-inspired Black Cat suit and name which is a one-off, while her permanent Bee outfit is just the bland tight suit that salters criticise Ladybug for having and her name is just Marigold. It comes across as using “Asianness” as a costume and it really didn’t sit right with me at first, but it took me a while to tease out why exactly this made me feel ick.

There’s nothing wrong with touching more on Marinette’s heritage and expanding on it in ways that the show doesn’t, especially because this is a big sticking point for salters, but again...it’s only a one-off. A costume. There aren’t casual hints sprinkled throughout the comic that just normally establish Marinette as half-Chinese, aside from like a page or two in ‘Timebreaker’ showing Sabine’s outfit. It’s another ‘Kung Food’ where it’s slammed into one episode and shoved into our faces that Marinette Is Chinese and it’s really jarring and unpleasant.

It just comes across as fetishising, is all. I don’t think it’s something most people would pick up on unless they’re used to being able to see this kind of thing.

Master Fu. Oh, Master Fu.

From an old man who made mistakes but tried as best as he could with the limited knowledge he had, he’s now a bumbling idiot who...put the earrings in Marinette’s bag instead of her room for some reason? To kickstart the plot? Especially because the ring was still in Adrien’s room. It’s very, very contrived.

And then in one of the most recent updates, Zoe has Adrien - a white boy - physically threaten Fu, aka an elderly Asian man. It’s disgusting. I was gobsmacked when I first saw it. And that’s the thing with salters: they tear into Adrien for being a white boy so they can look Enlightened when he hasn’t actually done anything racist, yet they then turn around and perpetuate actual racism in trying to “fix” him

There’s probably more but those are the examples that jump out at me of the racism in SL. There are plenty more problems but...whatever. I’ll be here all day if I try and cover those.

As for the Galahad thing...it’s personal. That original post was as much as I was comfortable revealing.

[evarcana]

You gave us a moodboard for it but now we want the written tea... Tell us about Ev and Valerius's wedding 💕🥰 (bonus points if it includes behind the scenes)

Aaaaawww💕

Ok, I freaking love this moodboard so you all will have to see it again

Ev x Valerius Wedding

Unapologetically long text under the cut

Wedding preparations

Most of the wedding planning and preparations were done by Nadia and the palace. The couple had ‘a vision’ and Nadia seemed to be the best person to take care of the execution - she was rather excited.

Valerius told everybody that he decides on wine and the ceremony location, passed the list of guests from his side and did his best to appear as busy as possible to avoid any further involvement.

Ev told everybody that she was not a control freak (lol) and felt pretty relaxed about the whole thing. The very same evening Portia had to check every envelope with the wedding invitations and remove personalised notes which were clearly added to some of the invites by Ev. Few examples include: “please try not to get shitfaced at our wedding”, “kindly be advised that the wedding dress code includes (emphasised) a bra”, and “please don’t feel pressured to attend”. Extra ‘0’ also appeared in the quantity section of Valerius’s wine order (not like he complained)

Talking about ‘pretty relaxed’ - as soon as post hen/bachelorette party haze had cleared in Ev’s head, she realised that she did not enjoy public attention that much and she was mildly terrified of the idea of half of (in fact, more like whole of) Vesuvia being aware of her personal life. Strangely enough, she did not have this thought earlier, when the massive banner “That B*tch is getting hitched! Closed on xx.xx - private hire for Ev’s party" appeared above the Rowdy Raven's entrance the very moment some of the ‘bridesmaids’ were given a green light about the party. Anyway, the panic continued...

Valerius was ...nervous. Not like he started doubting the whole decision but he suddenly started thinking that nothing was done right. Were they courting long enough before? Not long enough but went too far? He didn’t ask her parents first - now, forget the courting, that was bad. Where were her parents anyway?

When Ev’s parents actually arrived, Valerius wished she didn’t get in touch with her family for the first time in like 10 years. Why did her family suddenly have so many wedding traditions, the majority of which involved either doing something ridiculous for Ev’s mum or drinking with her father..? ‘Foreign customs’ Valerius had to repeat to himself.

So to make at least something right, he decided that they couldn’t see each other the day before the wedding. And maybe not to stay in the same bedroom for few nights, just to be sure?! Did they spend at least three days arguing about it? They certainly did.

The day of the wedding

The morning of the wedding Ev got separation anxiety a strange feeling that Valerius would not turn up on time- he most definitely got drunk and slept in, she thought. Everybody was telling her that Valerius had never been late in his life but it was not convincing enough for her. She kept demanding wine for nerves and that somebody go to check on him. Why did they not allocate an ‘escort’ for the groom? This was a very good question, somehow everybody presumed that Valerius would have..friends? Or that somebody would volunteer? Didn’t happen. Somehow the only available individual who was not busy and somewhat fit for the job turned out to be ... Valdemar?! Valdemar didn’t care and didn’t want to move an inch until they heard Ev’s “and if the busta - *everybody’s wild protests* tries to run away, you can drag him to dungeons and I don’t care what you do !!!” - *sparkles in the red eyes* “as the bride wishes” - Valdemar was on the way.

Valerius was actually ready when Valdemar arrived, and wasn’t in the particularly bad state - he only verbally abused his servants the entire morning, but when it was time to leave, the signature look of complete disinterest was back. The only Valdemar’s contribution to the wedding was that they removed the wine glass from Valerius’s hand on the way out of the estate.

The ceremony was taking place in one of Vesuvia’s many temples, which was chosen by Valerius. It was the same temple his parents got married in. The formal part of the ceremony (much to Vlastomil’s relief) was to be conducted by Nadia (who also did a very long poetry reading nobody asked for) and the temple official.

Valerius was waiting at the temple’s entrance for Ev to arrive as they were to walk ‘down the aisle’ together. All of the guests has already gathered inside and even outside of temple. Valerius was lost in thoughts wondering what kind of gossip was going around the rows of nobles when Ev’s carriage arrived. Was he left speechless when he saw Ev? Yes and no, he hadn’t actually thought about what she would look like on the wedding day but somehow presumed that for the wedding of this scale the dress would be more extravagant - it was surprisingly simple, all beige only with the glint of gold coming through the lace on the chest and waist, but it was elegant, so very her and looked bare on her body. Luckily the walk from the carriage to the temple entrance was not long, and his thoughts didn’t wonder too far.

The moment they stepped inside and made the first step towards the altar, an audible gasp echoed across the temple: the large room was now filled with delicate clouds glimmering gold and the water started flooding the way to the altar. Valerius gave Ev questioning look, he would of preferred to be notified of any kind of witchcraft in advance. But it was not planned by her - it was a surprise present from Ev’s parents who were keen to make a statement about the bride’s family heritage. The look of the couple literally walking on water reflecting the warm light of many temple’s candles certainly made an impact. Ev had to gently squeeze Valerius’s hand for reassurance.

They both were wearing the golden leaf wreath like headpieces which were to be tied together with red ribbon during the ceremony - as it was the tradition from where Ev was coming from.

The vows were formal (though Ev’s voice was still trembling and people in the front rows might of noticed tears in her eyes) and the kiss was rather modest. As soon as they were pronounced husband and wife, the shimmering clouds cleared, the temple interior suddenly became brighter and thousands of red rose petals became falling from the temple’s dome. On that point Valerius decided that he rather enjoyed all those magical dramatic touches - being married to the witch wasn’t that bad after all.

The celebration and the party part was in the palace. The palace’s ballroom and garden were decorated gold with the touches of red. The palace’s stuff were slightly bewildered by the sheer quantity of wine but the guests loved it. Ev and Valerius spent most of the time politely greeting the guests. At least 10 people were instructed to count how many glasses they had. It was rather tame in the beginning. Everybody was strictly prohibited from telling any even slightly embarrassing stories about the newly weds.

The couple disappeared for a little more than once during the celebration, coming back and pretending that they’ve been there the whole time and whoever was stupid enough to ask question just had too many.

Valerius and Ev left the celebration early and missed some of the highlights of their wedding, like: Ev’s dad, Namar and almost all of the bridal party doing twerk battle, Nadia’s face when Valerius’s mother was criticising the colour of tablecloths, Julian setting the curtains on fire with the fireworks and half of the guests trying to stop the fire with wine - hey there was clearly more wine than water at that wedding.

They were glad that they did not hesitate to leave early - it took Valerius at least 20 minutes to undo all those torturous buttons at the back of Ev’s dress.

[your-turn-to-role]

hi okay i hate sending asks to people without knowing them but you seem kind so im trying: during the break, i’ve been working my way through VM, and i’m at episode 75. my question, because i’ve read some of your more recent meta, is “what’s Percy’s deal?” i know he’s loved by the fandom, but i can’t find myself relating to him, and i find his assertions that he’s the only one with a plan offputting. is there more context you can give to me about percy’s character that explains his motivations?

aww, thank you!

(and yeah, asks like this are totally fine, i totally get that anxiety, good job on sending this!)

i mean, first off, you don't have to like a character everyone else does? if you don't relate to percy you can just, not relate to percy, that's fine

(and to be fair, as much as i love him as a character, i would not want him as a friend, because he's a very flawed person that has a lot to work on, but in fiction those traits are interesting to watch rather than difficult to deal with)

but, percy's deal! the short answer is people generally like him because taliesin's funny and charismatic and he does morally grey right, which is rare and a fun thing to explore (also in his relationships with other people, the entire vex-vax-percy-keyleth square is full of neat parallels and opposites and interesting things and i have whole essays in my head on all six combos there)

i don’t know which posts you’ve read so i’ll link this one here too, just to cover a couple more of the generally unnoticed aspects of his character, and things i like about percy

he’s also far from perfect, as you’ve noted, he does tend to believe he’s the smartest person in any given room, because he’s young and clever and used to being that, which you’re allowed to find off putting, but i will say i find he does that less than a lot of characters of his general archetype? he listens to pike, he listens to keyleth, he listens to vex, he respects when they have more knowledge than him on a particular subject, he’s not above asking for help. and generally most of the arguments he has with keyleth on that subject aren’t him asserting he knows more than her, but more a matter of principles and values (they’re a really interesting pair that way, they have similar backgrounds, both children of royalty running away from the crown, but they’re such opposites. percy is a natural leader who would rather anyone rule than him, keyleth fumbles her way through all of it but sticks to it because she doesn’t want to let anyone down, percy is a pragmatist, keyleth is an idealist, they both are too focused on the big picture but in two completely different ways, i could write a whole other post on this, but to get to my point, they wouldn’t be such good balances for each other if percy didn’t absolutely respect where keyleth is coming from)

for the long answer, i’m gonna break this down into parts and try to get to the core of percy's character and why he is the way he is

(under the cut bc this gets long)

1 - heavy trauma

like... this is the really really big one. percy, at age 17 or 18, had his entire life up to that point completely destroyed. his family was killed, his friends were killed, people he trusted like family (professor anders, who was a more present figure in percy's life than his actual parents) betrayed him and helped the briarwoods, he was imprisoned in his own castle's dungeons and tortured for information, they threw his siblings' bodies in there with him to make a point, cassandra helped him escape but as far as he knew she died helping him. he has two years of his life after that he straight up doesn't remember, his hair turned white from the stress of it. 

trying to go after ripley the first time didn't work, he was captured and left to starve in a prison cell, for the first few months of travelling with vox machina he genuinely believed it wasn't real, because realistically no one was gonna come save him, this was just a hallucination of his dying mind. returning to whitestone he was forced to confront the fact that literally everyone he ever knew growing up (with the sole exception of archibald) was either dead or working with the briarwoods, and even after retaking the city there's a lot that can never be repaired. 

and he's just... never really dealt with any of this? like, he gave vox machina the technical details of what happened to him in the briarwood arc, because they needed to know that information, but the first time he actually started processing his trauma, the first time he admits it out loud to anyone, is the final episode of campaign one. before then it had been occasional snide or handwavey comments, and like, he'll let himself feel the anger over it (in the beginning of the story he encouraged it, because then he didn't have to feel anything else), but he's never processed the grief, never admitted to himself how badly that affected him

which means he's got a lot of pent up emotions in there that he just keeps burying, and sometimes they come out in unhealthy ways. having so much taken from him also makes him really motivated to keep the things he does have - he’s got some deep set abandonment issues and takes any kind of betrayal really badly, don’t know if you’ve got up to the scanlan stuff by the time i post this, but that’s something to keep in mind as to why he acts the way he does there. (and it’s not more explicit because percy was raised nobility, keeping a brave face through anything is part of who he is, he tends to cover emotions he’s insecure about in snark or indifference or, for the intense ones, anger, because those are the things he thinks he’s allowed to show, but the real emotions show up occasionally, when they’re particularly strong, or if you’re reading between the lines. he really does care a lot about vox machina)

2 - legacy and loyalty. 

speaking of nobility, it's hard to do a character study on percy without mentioning whitestone and the house of de rolo. this is the number one thing to percy. he was raised to respect title and name, and most importantly, raised to respect the people he represents - both the townsfolk of whitestone and also percy's ancestors and future de rolo generations. whitestone is more important than any one life, he has a duty to protect and serve it, and that comes before any personal wants he may have. it's also important to him for family reasons - he was a pretty lonely child, but he loved reading about the history of the city, all the weird ghost stories whitestone had even before the briarwoods. it probably made him feel more connected to all of that, this is the place he belongs. and after his family dies, it becomes even more important, because this is his connection to them. the soul of a city lives as long as its people, by protecting what's left, he keeps a little bit of what came before

(and also in just tidbits to understand percy's character, he sees all cities and man-made things the same way - in a world where some races live for centuries or millennia, their history exists mostly by word of mouth, you can physically talk to people who were around 500 years ago and get their take on things - humans don't have that, they get 100 years at most, so the things they build are vital to their heritage. this is how you keep people alive long after they're gone, by honouring what they created. and especially for someone so concerned with legacy and history, percy literally says abandoning westruun would be blasphemy, because the place people grew up is important, yes it's better that they live, but letting the city be abandoned and destroyed would be an irreparable act of violence.) 

this is the number one thing on percy's mind when evaluating anything about himself, where do i come from, and what do i leave behind? which is a question that has a lot of moments to be tested, because of my next point...

3 - pragmatism and terrible thoughts

when it comes down to it, percy is a very ends justify the means kind of person. he finds it very easy to square away any kind of collateral damage as long as it gets him to his end goal. see: trial of the take, where he's fine to catch his friends in the blast radius of a new bomb design because he's so excited that it worked, preparing to fight vorugal and resigning himself to potentially having to kill innocent people to kill the dragon (he wasn’t okay with that, but he would do it), also his conscious decision to let ripley go, knowing she would lead to the deaths of thousands because it was her or the briarwoods and he wanted revenge 

(this is by his own admission his lowest point and worst mistake, because as mentioned, he thinks about the consequences of his actions near constantly, he knew she would reproduce his guns and they would lead to a whole new form of warfare. but in that moment he was just blinded by grief and way too emotionally burnt out and did not have the capacity to care. and he spends the rest of the campaign and honestly probably the rest of his life trying to make up for that one)

he's also, by his own admission, someone who has a lot of bad thoughts he doesn't act on, he's very clever and creative and ideas for ways to use those skills for violence or vengeance come easily to him (like, percy as an actual villain would be ripley but worse, ripley's intelligent but a very direct point a to point b kind of thinker, percy has multiple times criticised her lack of imagination, a percy with her lack of morals would be terrifying)

(honestly this is why i was seeing percy so much in taliesin's narrative telephone, because "sometimes i wake up having dreamed of a terrible thing, and normally i just file that away for things that i would never do, because i wanna maintain friendships, but then LIAM did something to me." and the whole being absolutely fine with throwing the rest of the cast under the bus just to enact revenge on liam was quintessential percy)

but we’ve seen the pragmatic anti hero everywhere, anyone can be a terrible person, and have reasons for it, that alone doesn’t make an interesting character (at least not for me)

what does, is my last point

4 - trying to be good

i still vividly remember when i first watched campaign one, being really surprised at how much percy asked for help? like, i went in expecting the usual full on demon possession storyline, i expected percy to hide how bad it was, i expected him to make poor decisions without realising he was doing it until he was in too deep to back out

and like, he had some of that. but at the first sign of things being out of his control, he asked his friends for help. he let pike greater restoration him. he told vax to kill him if things ever got too out of hand. he was really, genuinely scared about what he got himself into and what he might do because of it. there was never a point where he pretended, even to himself, that making a deal with orthax was okay. the minute he realised there was a demon involved, he was working to stop it. and yeah, by the time he realised it was already a bit too late, there were already some things out of his control (and also taliesin kept having the worst rolls against the whitestone corruption which was really fun on a meta level), which is how things got as bad as they did. but honestly, all things considered, there’s very little to criticise about the way percy handled himself in the briarwood arc. 

and he keeps doing that, trying to get better. he struggles with it, he struggles a lot, against his anger issues, against all the trauma, against the fact that he really doesn’t want to be here and things would be so much easier if he were dead. but he recognises he holds grudges too easily, so he starts actively trying to forgive those who’ve wronged him (this is something he and vex have in common, and something they were working on together before they were together, which probably helped a lot in getting them to that point as well). he recognises he makes poor decisions when he’s angry, so he starts learning to step back in those moments and leave the decisions to someone else. he has never not owned up to his mistakes, he takes responsibility for everything he’s done, and if he notices a problem he can’t solve himself, he asks for help.

and i find that fun to explore. like, percy’s been likened to hamlet in the actual show, and i was the kid who got super obsessed with hamlet when i was like 15 because i was in that same mental space of suicidal self hatred and existential melancholy but also thinking i was the smartest person in any given room and being too young to have gotten over the arrogance that makes you ignore everyone else’s needs for the sake of indulging your own problems. and then i got older and realised there are smarter ways to go about things, like having empathy and appreciating the light in the world and not being a dickhead to people because it makes you feel better, and maybe hamlet can be justified and in the wrong at the same time. and while there’s some stuff i won’t spoil for you, percy after ripley kills him is definitely starting to learn that, which you rarely see in the hamlet archetype, bc everyone’s like “ah yes so Deep so Important who cares what bad things this person did they had Trauma and are Clever”

well, percy cares about the bad things he did, and cares about not doing those anymore. so like, he’s still a disaster of a person bc he’s like 23 and no one has their life together at 23, especially not someone in percy’s situation, and honestly i find that fun to watch as well bc i like watching characters make stupid mistakes and do stuff i’d never approve of in real life, and as i mentioned at the start, taliesin makes captivating and funny characters. but yeah, that’s generally where percy’s at, most of the time

[craftypeaceturtle]

My True Identity

Summary: Thomas has started university. His lessons haven’t started yet but he agreed to help out and do a YouTube channel about the student experience. And like the true student, he’s already having an identity crisis. 

Note: Not written to be overly shippy but read either way! This series is a little weird, no idea if it’ll translate well. The idea is just Sanders Sides retold. Feedback would be GREATLY appreciated!

Next Episode!

.

The kitchen was silent. Thomas was completely engulfed in darkness with only the faint glow from the streetlights outside. The floors were already speckled with dirt and the hob was decorated in fine splatters, he noted already knowing he couldn’t be bothered to clean it. They had only all moved in a week ago! But then again four teenagers trying to live independently would always be messy. He groaned loudly before burying his head in his arms. “Oh woah! Oh, Thomas! What are you doing!” Logan’s voice interrupted the stressed silence. 

“Hey...” Thomas muttered back and, without looking, wiggled his laptop mousepad. The screen blasted a harsh blue light against his defeated lump sitting on top of the kitchen stall. Logan paused at the door before actually walking up to him.

“That does not answer my question,” Logan sighed as he leaned against the work surface. Their quest for a glass of water for bed promptly forgotten. 

“I have no idea who I even am...” 

“Yes. Not many people do. The concept of identity is an ongoing struggle. To expect you to have all the answers at the age of 18 for the rest of your life is ridiculous.” They answered with a quiet smile, their shoulders drooped with tiredness but they already knew they were going to do whatever it takes to Thomas through this, “Why, can I ask, is this bothering you?” 

“This stupid YouTube thing I said I’d do,” Thomas actually sat up and explained once he saw Logan’s confusion, “The uni encourages students to creatively express their experience here and essentially promote the university by doing YouTube videos. I thought ‘hey that sounds fun’ and here I am! God, I don’t even know! I thought it’d be a fun idea to do a video about who I am and why I wanted to go to uni. And now I realise I’m not even sure I have a personality.”

“Ah. Well I’d love to help you. That’s a complicated topic when you truly delve into it and well... Believe it or not, I was quite the nerd in school and it’d be fun to help!” Logan smiled and sat themself next to Thomas’ dramatic form. 

“I’m sure that’s a surprise to no one,” Thomas muttered, sounding more harsh than he wanted to. But they were both too tired to really mention it. As he untangled himself and actually sat properly, another of his roommates burst through the kitchen door. 

“Greetings wonderful citizens and you nerds!” Roman winked as he fingergunned Logan, to their immense confusion.

Despite how open and chatty Roman was, they were all still fairly new to each other and some awkward tension flooded the kitchen as well. Already Thomas felt a little squirmy at Logan helping him but this was so much more embarrassing with the actual stereotypical jock flouncing around the kitchen. Not that Roman was bad or anything! Just... Thomas was a true introvert at heart. 

“Hi!” Logan squeaked while Thomas gave a weak salute.

“Now what are we muttering about at 1 in the morning! You’re disturbing my beauty sleep!”

“Oh sorry! We were um... it’s just the YouTube thing again... It’s not important, I’m so sorry!”

“Hey it’s okay! We’re students, what makes you think I was getting any sleep anyway!” 

“Well that just seems unhealthy, why would you del-”

“What’s going on kiddos!” Patton smiled with a giggle as he rose up from the other side of the table. Now, Logan and Roman positively shrieked while Thomas totally remained totally calm thank you very much. Patton was the only one that he had properly warmed up to. The kiddo thing got annoying but he knew that Patton didn’t mean it insultingly. He was the first to move in and so the first one to meet him. He immediately helped him unpack and sat with him when his parents finally left. While he wasn’t sure they had any real shared interest, Thomas was already clinging on to Patton. 

“I’m just trying to get a video done! It’s just a general about me thing and why I chose uni. I just need to have a sit down with myself, figure myself out and maybe come to a better understanding that we could all learn from,” Thomas said strongly, puffing out his chest with a plastic smile. 

“Well maybe they would know you if you’d post YouTube videos more often,” Roman snickered while Patton whooped, Thomas deflated with an embarrassed smile. 

“Hey I have posted! I’ve got two videos so far! That’s not bad for something I only started like two weeks ago.”

“Yeah but you’ve been stressing about it for every second of those two weeks. Plus, people don’t watch uni channels for the person. They just want to avoid going to the open days and find out about the campus,” Roman said while Logan frowned. 

“Wait, if all you’re looking to answer is general information about yourself then that’s easy! You just start with the basics. Introduce yourself,” Logan prompted.

“Well... I am Thomas Sanders. I go by he/him pronouns and am proudly gay. I’m taking English literature...” He trailed off. Feeling that same sense of dread and nothing slowly grip him again. Great, met these roommates only a week ago and he’s having a breakdown in front of them. 

“That’s a promising start! Topics like gender and romance can be a challenge in of themselves to figure out. You could try and answer some light hearted meaningless questions as well. Like... um, something like what’s your greatest fears?” Logan smiled as he twiddled his hands. 

“Oh! Rejection!” Roman gasped and clutched his chest while slowly sinking to his knees. 

“Spiders!” Patton shuddered.

“I always get nervous about the idea of what exactly is at the bottom of the ocean...” 

“Nope! Not doing that! I’m perfectly aware of my greatest fears. I know that’s fun and all, but I want to keep it fairly serious. Like, what are my flaws?” Thomas shrugged them all off, his shoulders tensing again. 

Logan now lit up completely. Pulling a notepad from nowhere (his pyjamas?), he flipped to a previous scribbled page and pointed out a checklist with a pen. “Oh we’re talking flaws. Well, I’ve noticed you procrastinate a lot! I mean, it’s only your first week... Lectures haven’t even started and you’re already behind. I mean why else would you be planning a video at one in the morning!” Logan panted as they spoke all in one breath but the determined shine in their eye refused to let them go without saying this. 

“Do you just... list all our flaws like that... or...” Roman mumbled.

“You can be pretty selfish with your food...” Patton looked away but his mischievous smile remained firm. 

“Really Patton? I’m like 90% sure that milk was expired!” Thomas huffed and threw his head back, his already scruffy hair whipping wildly. 

“Didn’t stop you from drinking from it...” Patton muttered again with his hands held out. As if Thomas couldn’t be sucking any more at university, it was only his first week and lessons hadn’t started yet! But here he was with flatmate drama, a breakdown at 1 in the morning and a growingly filthy flat. 

“You aren’t very adventurous either...” Roman interrupted before any room mate war was launched. He was hoping to at least get past the month mark before any wars. Not that that was saying much for him. 

“Okay, maybe this was a bad idea!” Thomas sighed and slumped back into his ball on top of the kitchen stall. Legs drawn up to his chest and head buried firmly. 

At that, all of the roommates froze. The kitchen seemed so much harsher without any of its lights on. If someone had closed the curtains then the only light would be the oven timer that was flashing the wrong time. They could all hear the faint slamming of doors and whoops from students outside. All of which were actually enjoying their fresher’s week and having fun outside. Patton felt a little mean for joking so much with him. Thomas was still a very new friend and he just criticised him when he clearly wasn’t doing good. Roman looked awkwardly around before busying himself by going to make toast while Logan kept fiddling away. Patton wished, not for the first time, that his parents were here. 

“Well, everyone has flaws. That’s what makes us human,” Patton smiled, hoping his tone made up for the weak childish message. 

“Of course. As long as you’re aware of them and working through them, then I’d even say that flaws are what keeps us improving and doing our best,” Logan happily took over. 

“Yeah! Plus, you have a lot of good in you.” 

“You value your friends above all else,” Roman butted in. It was awkward, but the eye contact and his gentle tone did a lot. Thomas found himself smiling on instinct. 

“You see the good in everyone!” Patton chirped, seemingly bursting from happiness before sending an expecting glance at Logan. Not that they needed it.

“You’re extremely passionate and stick through every project. I mean, look at this YouTube channel. You’ve committed to a project that you understood is difficult. You’re still powering through despite the adversity.”

“Well, that’s very nice, you guys,” Thomas replied, eyeing the clock as it ticked to half past. 

Thomas heaved a deep breath. The blank word document no longer seemed as intimidating but he could feel his standards tutting at the weak script he was thinking through. Yeah, this was all good stuff to talk about but how on earth was this going to connect with people. How was this going to even connect to university? 

“Oh but you should also talk more about why you are filming for the channel!” Patton squeaked, Thomas uncurled and looked on with a sceptical look, “I’m guessing you want this to be a bit more than an intro video. If you talk about why you’re running the channel then people will understand you and your content a lot better. Like, what positive impact did you hope to inevitably bring with this channel?” 

“Woah... Patton that was genuinely deep and exactly what I was lo-”

“Hey! We have the same glasses!” Patton suddenly lurched forward, pointing an accusing finger. Logan blinked sleepily.

“Yep...” 

“Okay well,” Thomas cleared his throat, “Being able to put out silly light hearted content into the world is kind of a good start, it makes me really happy to do that!” 

“Wait! This is supposed to be happy!” Roman gasped with the bread popping from the toaster soon after. Thomas wilted again under his withering gaze. 

“Just because the topic is serious, doesn’t mean the video has to be serious. I think I would’ve liked to watch a light hearted joking channel when I was looking at unis. Identity is a serious topic but I want to joke about it,” Thomas explained to the table, slowly drawing out of the crumbs a smiley face. Roman melted and turned back to his toast. 

“That’s easy! You don’t even need answers to make that video then. No one watching your videos knows who they are and if you’re making fun of yourself for not knowing, it shows that it’s kinda okay. Y’know to be unsure and stuff.”

“Self deprecating humour is very popular at the moment,” Logan reported. 

“Just as long as you don’t go too far with it! Make sure to keep it light hearted!” 

“Yeah...” Thomas had immediately perked up and starting clicking away at the keys. 

They all sat there for a couple of minutes. All of them taking pride in how quickly Thomas pulled himself together again. The words quickly filled the screen and Roman finally clicked on the light, despite all of them hissing tiredly. 

“See, you’ve got this,” Patton smiled once Thomas took another careful to pause to proof read. “You may not entirely know yourself yet but that’s okay. You know who you are at this moment, even if you just know you’re confused.”

“Yeah, I guess I do know myself better than I think,” Thomas laughed off. 

“Right, Tony?” Patton gasped with Roman and Logan whipping round. 

“Not my name.” Thomas didn’t flinch.

“Then what is it!” Patton collapsed on top of the table with a gritted guilt expression. 

“Thomas! I said it earlier in this conversation!” 

“It’s really late!” Patton winced, feeling extra guilty. 

“He does have a decent point, at the very least, I am going to sleep. Please try not to make much noise,” Logan waved before disappearing from the kitchen. 

Patton joined them shortly after while Roman and Thomas talked quietly. The project also sinking into his mind before he even realised. And now he has to make sure that Thomas even knows about proper lighting and ideal times of the day to record himself! Roman was already stealing his laptop to make amendments to the script while Thomas awkwardly laughed it off. 

[chainofclovers]

You are one of my favourite fic writers and a fountain of wisdom in general so I turn to you in my hour of indignation: what, in your opinion, is the proper commenting etiquette? Another favourite fic writer posted a lovely story today only to be heavily criticised by a reader. This reader may have a had a point but the way they worded it was hugely patronising in my opinion. The writer, who is one of the kindest people ever, responded very gracefully but I'm angry, dammit! So what is your view?

Oh my GOSH...first of all, this ask is so ridiculously nice. Anon, I’m so happy you like my stories and everything about this ask is just the kindest compliment. 

(The petty person in me deeply wants to know what story this was. If you’re willing to come off anon and drop it in my DMs or send another anonymous DM with the link...I’m curious! 😂)

So. Commenting etiquette. I share these thoughts with full awareness that this may not be “what’s done” in fandom but are nonetheless my thoughts as a  reader and writer who’s part of fandom but also does other types of writing and has been in writing workshops and stuff like that. 

Almost any comment is better than no comment. It’s difficult to overstate how much comments matter. Receiving a fic comment is like being the perfect level of tipsy in a beautiful spring meadow right next to a vibrant city frolicking with friends and loved ones. I have been very blessed to get generous, wonderful comments on my stories and to have a lot of “success” in my fandoms (tiny niche groups of people who want to read about old ladies who sell vibrators and bicker a lot) and I still feel insecure about my writing and still want more comments. It’s just the way it is. I bet Stephen King wants more comments.

The worst comments are the “MORE CONTENT NOW” and “I NEED MORE” and “IS THAT IT” people because...like...I just posted something that I spent a long time on and the only thing that person has to say is an immediate need for more? Without even mentioning anything about what I already shared?

The second worst comments are ones like the comment you describe--the unsolicited patronizing asshole comments.

In some fandom spaces, I think there’s a sort of unspoken rule about constructive criticism, and that rule is “don’t share it, even if it’s constructive, if the author didn’t say it’s okay.” For me personally, I’m very comfortable receiving constructive criticism. If someone has a legit question about why I did something a certain way, or wants to point out an error? That’s totally fine with me. It’s usually well-meaning and helpful, and I’d rather hear that feedback than not. Not everyone feels comfortable receiving that kind of feedback, though, and that’s fine...but I do think that if you put your work out into the world you’re opening yourself up to the responses of the world. I think fandom would be a healthier place if there was a more open exchange of constructive criticism. In workshops, you’re often encouraged to sandwich criticism with the positive. Maybe the problem in fandom is that comments are more or less anonymous (at the very least pseudonymous) so they can be a bit more polar...the reader either loved loved loved everything or they hated it, with very little room for grey.

As a reader, I try to leave positive comments. If I don’t like something, I just don’t comment. If I know the person on some level and see an error in an otherwise great story or have a big WHY question, I will often share that feedback--privately if possible, or publicly only if I’m sure that author is okay with it.

As far as what you can do in this particular case, I think it would be wonderful if you left a supportive comment if you haven’t already, or even DM that author to say that you thought the negative comment was very patronizing and that they deserved a more constructively-worded comment. 

Exception to everything I just said: if the story is racist garbage, go right ahead and comment that it’s racist garbage. 

Now that I’ve rambled on for a bit, I hope this was in the ballpark of what you were looking for? Thanks again, Anon! 💖

[mego42]

1x07 Discussion Questions

My b! My b! I usually try to do these when the episode is fresh but instead I went to sleep, I am at peace with my priorities, tbh. As always, many thanks to @pynkhues​ for her time and energy putting these together and shout out to @foxmagpie​ for the assist. 

1. What was your favourite scene of the episode? Tell us why!

Lot of contenders, tbh. I really love the scene with Mary Pat when she puts together the (extremely transparent) bullshit that is the whole secret shopper scheme (I mean come on y’all, did you even try????), I love Ruby and Stan’s date (high five to Stan for coming through with my parks & rec reference, it’s nice to know there is one (1) man I can count on). The Annie and Greg bit is REALLY SWEET LEAVE ME ALONE. The god tier brio content, specifically The Grab Heard Round The World My Living Room and the Give Me A Name bit. Some classic Rio nonsense (do you think if we asked him to point to an egg he’d point to an apple?) Tyler and his “reeeeeeally fill out the surveys?” was, obvs, the best moment on the entire show. Anyway, one of those for sure.

2. Was there any scene that missed the mark for you? And if so, how?

The Boomer setting up Annie stuff always falls flat to me and idk exactly why? Like, individual pieces of it are great, Mae does EXCELLENT work post police station and when getting arrested in the first place but ultimately I find it fairly forgettable in the grand scheme of things.

3. Let’s talk about the secret shopper scheme! What do you think were the strengths of it? The flaws? Do you think it had longterm potential? Or was it always going to crash and burn?

I said this during the rewatch but I straight up blocked out the fact that all of the shoppers are hitting the same store on the same day (waving around upwards of $5k in cash???? no less???????) because my brain cannot comprehend how three women we’re supposed to believe are reasonably intelligent didn’t realize this was the stupidest, most transparently obvious, most short-sighted scheme in the entire world. 

I struggled with the sustainability of it a bit when I thought they were spreading their efforts around (they roped in A Lot of people, there are only so many Costcos in the Detroit metro area and waving around that much cash and then returning it all, again for cash, is uh, already p memorable) but I could deal with it when I thought they were spreading it around. Short-sighted, immediate solutions are a cornerstone of Beth’s brand, after all, but all of them at the same store at the same day???? Too much. I cannot. 

4. The girls spent their money in very different ways! Ruby on romancing Stan, Annie on clothes for her son, and Beth on jewellery for herself. What do you think this tells us about them and their arcs? Particularly coming off the back of Ruby’s conflict with Stan, Ben’s issues at school with clothes, and Beth leaving Rio her pearls?

Love these connects. The show’s got a pretty clearly defined and consistent visual/character motifs (this may or may not be the word I’m looking for, shut up) when it comes to depicting the girls priorities and motivations. You also see it reflected and reinforced with their repeated coping mechanisms throughout the show. Whenever bad stuff happens, Ruby goes home to Stan, Annie crawls into bed with Ben and we usually close with Beth either alone (ouch david) or connecting with Rio in some way (exhibit a: the aforementioned pearls). 

In all of the instances it comes back to the heart of their priorities:

Stan is Ruby’s number one, (which isn’t to say her kids aren’t a part of that, I think Stan is both himself in this sense while also representing her whole Hill family unit—TV is all about visual shorthand kids—but also it serves to illustrate that Ruby has something Beth and Annie do not: a true partner). 

Ben is at the root of everything Annie does, she makes choices based on not only his. well-being, but how he sees her and he has the most influence over how she sees herself and what actions she takes as a result of that.

Beth, on the other hand, is at a contrasting point. She’s done the devoted partner and mother thing (lowkey implied by the little bits and pieces we get of her and Annie’s childhoods to some degree more or less for her entire life) and is now putting herself first, her needs, her wants. Which isn’t to say she doesn’t give a fuck about her family, she waits until she’s got a fat stack of cash and they’re taken care of before splurging on a thing, but as a symbol I think the necklace pretty clearly illuminates that for whatever Beth tells herself, she’s building an empire for herself, bc she wants it, needing it is secondary.

5. Eddie’s arrest is arguably what sets us on a collision course with the finale! Do you think Eddie was loyal to Rio until the end? How much do you think he told Turner? And what sort of loyalty do you think Rio inspires in his boys? And why doesn’t it translate with the girls?

OF COURSE EDDIE WAS LOYAL TO THE END HE HAS CLEARLY DEMONSTRATED HE HAS SOME KIND OF CODE OF HONOR HOW DARE YOU SLANDER MY BOY LIKE THAT.

Tbh idk how to answer the loyalty question without more information from canon because the gang and how they operate, how they all came together, etc is pretty well shrouded in not-central-narrative-focus, though I think it’s been implied somewhat heavily that what’s going on with the girls is not standard operating procedure.

My personal headcanon for Eddie is tied up in my personal backstory for Rio and Mick that I started for my (lmao first) Mick POV fic. I gave Rio and Mick a friends since we were kids backstory and decided Eddie was a kid in their neighborhood, slightly younger then them, and always looked up to them/followed them around/thought they were cool. He ultimately got involved in crime because they did and they looked out for him and brought him up with them (which, you know, makes how it all turns out that much more tragic). Obvs, this is all just me and my tendency to imprint on random side characters and give them backstories. Let me live.

6. This episode introduces us to Mary Pat, who’s probably one of this show’s most complicated antagonists! What do you think of her generally? And could you have predicted her arc with Boomer and Turner?

I love her and I’m done lying to myself about it.

LISTEN, first off, Allison Tolman is great. Her line delivery is fantastic, she has a knack for subtly adding SO MUCH to every scene she’s in and uses her face and inflection and pauses exquisitely. Top notch comedic timing. Truly a gem.

Second, on a character level, the lady is in a bad spot and the girls basically gift-wrapped the circumstances and handed them to her like here is a present!!!!!!!!!!!! What was a struggling girl to do besides accept what was offered to her??????!!!!!!???

7. This episode features a very pivotal scene in terms of the Beth, Ruby and Annie dynamic. What starts as tension between Annie and Beth quickly pivots when Ruby criticises Beth and Annie leaps to her sister’s defence. What do you think this tells us about the dynamic between the girls as pairs and as a trio?

I am so!!!! curious!!!!!!! about the backstory that exists in the writers’ heads for Ruby and Annie (all three of them, really, but the bff and little sister having an independent friendship is of particular interest to me bc it isn’t something you, or I guess I, run into a lot) and how much of it was defined at this point vs how much it’s evolved/fluctuated as the show goes on. This fight pretty clearly illuminated that when it really comes down to it, it’s Beth and Annie vs Ruby which a) breaks my heart and b) isn’t totally a dynamic I think the show ultimately stuck with? Or maybe intentionally fluctuates? Idk this is a half-baked thought. Ask again later. 

8. Greg is the one who kisses Annie! Who do you think left who in that relationship, and/or what were the biggest issues in that relationship?

I feel like there’s pretty much no way Annie wasn’t the one that called things off with Greg. Not just because of how it plays out this time but because he’s got a kind of persistent yet also go with the flow attitude that makes me think he would absorb a lot in the name of making it work whereas Annie seems to have a pretty established history of cutting her losses and bailing when she hits her limit. Based on how fond they are of each other and how much affection they clearly still hold, I tend to assume they just grew apart as they grew up which makes it almost more complicated and tragic because it leaves all of the good stuff and just mixes it with the knowledge that it wasn’t enough. 

9. What did you think of Ruby’s sauce story? And what do you think it meant as a turning point for her arc?

I HATE THIS STORY SO MUCH USED BAND AIDS ARE GROSS ENOUGH ON THEIR OWN WITHOUT MIXING IN FOOD SERVICE AND MONTHS, MONTHS, OF MARINATION. I REFUSE TO TALK ABOUT IT. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.

10. Knowing that Beth, Ruby and Annie’s system of paying Mary Pat off doesn’t work, do you think there was a way they could’ve handled her on their own that would’ve worked? Or do you think Rio’s intimidation (and potential murder) tactic was the only way out?

Idk maybe I’m just cynical, but I take trust no bitch to heart, they pretty well screwed themselves into a corner by being idiots. 

[zetalial]

I can’t stand Ling

Random rant about how much I dislike Ling Yao. Sorry if you like Ling, I just can’t. Feel free to argue with me if you like - this ended up way, way longer and more detailed than it needed to be. I try not to dwell on characters I dislike so don’t expect a dozen more spite posts - this is a one off. I decided I’d feel better by writing it out.

But I really do dislike him. He annoyed me from the first moment he appeared in episode 15 of BH where he behaves absolutely obnoxiously throughout the entire episode and continued to annoy right up until he got consumed with Greed. And his ending annoyed me.  

Part 1 - First appearance

First impression are everything, right? I’m willing to change my mind if a character has hidden depths of course but if their character is plain irritating, that impression tends to last.

Okay, so he’s passed out in a random alley and Ed and Al find him - which is by the way a huge plot contrivance. They’re in Rush Valley in the South and Ling will explicitly tell them that he travelled to Amestris via the Xerxes ruins which are the North-East. And he seems to be heading to Central, there’s no reason for him to be in Rush valley let alone in a random alley alone so Ed and Al can help him. (This is a minor point though, I can deal with a couple of contrivances.)

After Ed and Al help him out, giving him food, he asks about the Philosopher’s stone and Ed tells them they don’t know anything - and the Philosopher’s stone is evil by the way, seeking power from the stone is dangerous - will Ling ever have to question his desire for the Stone and the source of its power? Ha, no.  

So Ling decides to sic his ninja bodyguards on Ed and Al! They said they didn’t know anything! Given how rare information on the stone is, that’s completely reasonable but oh Ling just knows that they’re hiding something about it? And thinks attacking two kids he knows nothing about is a great idea?

Lan Fan and Fuu do not hold back either, they use explosives and knives and cause loads of damage in their fight when Ed and Al haven’t even done anything! It’s a cool fight but the circumstances make me hate it! We get a shot of Ling casually eating a big meal while this is all going on to show how little he cares. Oh and he makes Ed pay the bill for it.

When Ed and Al do manage to win, Ling is completely unapologetic and allows Ed to get all the blame for the damages he caused when he sent his people to attack Ed and Al. When Ed comes back to see Winry, she is furious at him for damaging his automail again and Ling’s just there again, casually breaking in to Ed’s place, insisting on tagging along even though Ed tells him not to. Ling doesn’t face a single consequence for any of this by the way. Ling does explain his status here explaining that he wants the Stone to become emperor of Xing which is... yeah still quite a selfish goal.

And then there’s the conversation at the end of the episode where Fuu asks Ling why he’s putting up with Ed and Al, who are beneath him. Eh? This is Ling being nice? Ed and Al have been fairly nice, helping him in that alley, listening to his story and their anger was entirely justified at how obnoxious Ling has been this entire episode. But oh Ling is supposedly bowing his head to someone so far beneath him? Ling realises there’s bigger things than a little humility when his clan’s fate is in the balance? What do appearances matter then?

So you’re telling me that being the most obnoxious and annoying person ever was deliberate? All he achieved was making Ed and Al and me absolutely hate him! I’m going to ignore this conversation about Ling seeming wise and having a bigger plan because it doesn’t match up with anything else in the entire episode.

Now, I don’t mind flawed characters - but Ling never gets called out on any of his behaviour and never gets asked to change. Lan Fan is ridiculously devoted to him right from the beginning and the only way we see it as a flaw is that she’s so defensive she loses her cool just from hearing Ling get insulted. Quite why she is so loyal is never explored and I know she’s only a side character but you know I could really use a legitimate reason to like Ling.

Part 2 - Ling’s leadership?

Okay, his first appearance was just a comedy episode so I’ll just be kind and dismiss it. What’s Ling like when the plot gets a bit more serious then? In Central, Ed and Al hatch a plan to catch a homunculus by getting Scar to attempt to kill them and Ling volunteers to help fight the homunculi while Ed and Al deal with Scar.

So Ling and Lan Fan get into a fight with Wrath and Gluttony and Ling reveals that he’s also a superb fighter too because why not? Like, Lan Fan takes a nasty injury from Wrath but Ling manages to hold him off and runs away while carrying Lan Fan. That’s downright crazy alone - that Ling is such a competent fighter he can hold off Wrath while carrying Lan Fan! Isn’t Lan Fan meant to be the trained bodyguard?

Okay so his fighting skills are ridiculous, fine it’s a shonen anime, everyone can fight, whatever. It’s the conversation with Wrath that really gets to me though.

Wrath tells him that if he let go of Lan Fan, he might have a have a chance of escaping. Ling interprets this weirdly and goes on about how a true ruler cares about his subjects and so would never abandon his people and says that Bradley is no true King.

Shut up Ling. Bradley isn’t hiding behind others here, he’s fighting you one-on-one, not sacrificing minions. And you aren’t Amestrian so you have no reason to know about Bradley’s other decisions as a leader so how can you so confidently criticise him? (Bradley is an interesting character who totally shines when being challenged by the heroes but I hate Ling doing it here.) I mean, isn’t Ling the one who orders his minions to fight while he eats breakfast and lets someone else pay for the consequences?

Okay, so I shouldn’t take that fight seriously because it’s not meant to be serious. How about the current one? Ling volunteered to help with Ed’s plan and that lead to Lan Fan risking her life for him! Sure, Lan Fan agreed because she’s stupidly loyal but this was Ling’s plan and she got hurt! Her injuries are as much his fault as anyone’s.

Ling choosing not to abandon her is nice, sure. But given she got hurt following him, I’d call it being a decent human being, rather than a true paragon of leadership! And that’s if I’m to accept that any of this makes one particularly good for being a leader anyway. Ling is kind of extremely reckless. Did I mention the part where he disappeared on his bodyguards just because, leading them to worry as he was passed out on the street in the middle of Central? And then got arrested? Gosh he’s irresponsible. He is so lucky that worked out so easily.

Bradley doesn’t refute Ling’s words, just saying something about how there are no true kings in this world while Ling attempts to escape, still carrying Lan Fan. And there’s another annoying plot hole here where Lan Fan lets off a flashbomb and Ling takes the chance to escape but Wrath reveals his other eye under the eyepatch, preventing Ling’s escape. And then it cuts to the next scene and... Ling has escaped the room!

He’s still running away from Wrath while carrying Lan Fan and despite how fast Wrath is, Ling manages to get pretty far away somehow. Far enough that Lan Fan successfully cuts off her arm, then they tie it to a dog, and escape through the sewers all before Wrath catches up to him. This whole sequence was all off-screen!

In case we haven’t got enough of Ling being awesome, our next scene of him has him jumping out of the sewers with his shirt off where he proceeds to capture Gluttony.  Heh, I guess there’s nothing wrong with that but I can’t help but feel like I’m really supposed to like Ling here and love the badass moments and I cannot. I’m upset that the scene where Ling is forced tie her arm to a dog while Lan Fan is bleeding out beside him was cut as that’s the kind of scene that would get me to actually like him. Not scenes of him being an awesome fighter.

Part 3 - The part I don’t hate

Ling is a character with flaws and room for growth, which is something I can appreciate. But these earlier flaws are presented as just comic relief. That’s what annoys me - I usually like characters who can be obnoxious jerks so long as their flaws aren’t just blatantly laughed off as a joke.

In the next few episode we do get to see a more serious and conflicted Ling. This is Ling at his most interesting. He feels guilty about what Lan Fan’s done for him when he was too weak to do so himself and is determined that her sacrifice has meaning. So he’s got the hero flaw of caring too much.

This leads to an interesting conflict where Ling, Roy and Ed all fight over Gluttony and his philosopher's stone. Ed wants it for Alphonse and points out it was his plan. Roy wants it to heal Havoc. Ling wants it to become emperor and argues about what Lan Fan’s sacrificed so that they could catch the homunculus. Sadly, Gluttony breaks free then so this argument isn’t explored any further here.

At the end of the series we see how they’ve changed in this regard. Ling finally has a stone and even though he’s just lost Greed to another sacrifice, he freely offers the stone to Edward to save Al. Ed refuses. So this stuff is all interesting and I really do wish the conflict and resolution wasn’t so brief (and that Roy wasn’t just given a stone to cure his blindness but I digress.)

Next, Ling gets swallowed by Gluttony and there’s more comedy which is still a touch irritating but not nearly so bad as his first few appearances. Ling collapses again with no energy and this should be serious but it’s still presented as comic again. I can’t take Ling’s fainting spells seriously as it’s played for comedy every. Single. Time. That aside, Ling is at his most tolerable here and it’s interesting how determined he is against Envy in contrast to Ed’s horror at Envy’s true form slowing him down. When they’re out, Ling distrust of Father is also good.

And finally we get to Ling accepting Greed into his body. Again he’s being super-reckless and he’s sort of being called out on this as Ed urges him to fight but Ling decides not to. Again we get this characterisation of Ling as someone willing to surrender and lose face to get what he wants. As he said to Fuu when he first met Ed, appearances don’t matter in the long run. He can bow his head when the situation requires. Fighting Greed here would be pointless.

(This is in contrast to Ed who is prideful and can never accept defeat. In Gluttony’s stomach we see him marching relentlessly onward even though its futile. Later, we see Ed’s growth where he agrees to be Greed’s minion, letting go of his useless pride as he realises he can gain something by humbling himself.)

I wish this was explored a bit more too though. It feels more like Ling’s recklessly jumping at the chance to gain immortality despite having been told repeatedly that its a bad idea and, though it seems like he faces consequences in getting consumed by Greed, it eventually works out quite well for him. (Okay that’s a bit harsh, I love Greed’s struggle.) And it seems like its more like luck than any cleverness on his part, which is kinda irksome with how lucky Ling is generally.

-

So yeah, I like where he’s serious and gets challenged but I feel like it rarely happens. Ling’s other flaws just feel like they’re all comedy where the joke is that he’s rude and obnoxious and pushy and gets away with it. None of his other appearances stop his personality from grating on me. At the beginning of the series, he thinks he’s going to find the secret to immortality and be a great leader and apparently he’s completely correct. Not that I want him to fail, I just don’t like his initial character when I feel like I’m supposed to and most of the character development with Greedling feels like its solely for Greed. Eh I’ve rambled on enough now.

I actually love Greed’s character, he’s really interesting and I adore his development. My hatred is purely directed at Ling.

[being-worthy]

Goodbye mom...

... I hope it’s not for always though.

I apologise if this post has some harsh words or comments. I’m not a bad person and just want to get this out of my system once and for all.

My brother and I went to visit my mom and aunt to spend Christmas with them and we’re staying two entire weeks here, and I’m already starting to wish it was only a few days…

We arrived yesterday/this early morning quite late due to flight delays. The moment she opened the door she started with her interrogation asking questions, like ‘did you’ve a good flight’, ‘what flight did you take’ (like wanting to know the exact flight number), how long was it’, ‘where’s your brother’, ‘why didn’t he come with you’, and then targeting me specifically with ‘why did you leave the UK’, ‘couldn’t you hold it together in your job and stay longer until you found something else’, etc. We weren’t even through the door yet!! I didn’t mind the first question because you always ask that, but I told her I was tired and wanted to go to sleep. She came to my room to ask the same questions at 3.45am when I was about to fall asleep!! Also, every time she comes into my room, she never has the respect or decency to knock first and just barges inside all the time and bombards me with questions.

Today, she asked me if I could help her to sell some jeans online. Jeans that are almost 10 years old!! I told her no and she said, and I quote ‘no wonder you don’t have a job’. Later, I went into the kitchen to get something to eat and she said all upset ‘your aunt left. No idea where’ I asked her if she was like a prisoner or if she had to report to her where she goes and what she does, and she got even more upset. So, I left without taking anything to eat.

But that isn’t the worst part. The worst part is that the kitchen, the living room, the basement, the rooms upstairs, the garage, and the basement are all full of junk!! When I say junk, I mean it, books that are falling apart, clothes that nobody fit in or even like, broken furniture or excessive furniture she doesn’t need. It’s so bad that I can’t go in there because I feel like crying and helpless, so I spend all my time in my room, which so far doesn’t have so much junk in it yet. Nevertheless, I can see the wardrobe full of clothes I threw away some time ago or clothes that nobody needs.

I can’t talk to her about this because according to her nothing is wrong and it’s all tidy and clean and she likes to remind me that ‘you don’t clean any shit here, only bring more into the house’. In some rooms it smells bad, like either heavy mould or something died in it (which I wouldn’t be surprised), and one has a huge hole in the wall which I saw today. She seems to forget all the hours I scarified spending 4-5 hours a day cleaning/helping her in the house while I still went to school instead of going out with friends or thinking about my future, or that most of the money I earn in the UK I sent it to her because she couldn’t work back then and had no income and doesn’t know that I starved myself so she could throw the money out of the window to buy more useless junk. It’s also not possible to talk to her about something else because she ends up criticising my decisions all the bloody time and that all I did and do is wrong. For example, when I told her that I couldn’t go back to work to my old job because it was killing me, she said that I was stupid.

Every time when we come to visit her, she expects us to do her biding, like she expects my brother to play chauffeur for her driving her here and there for mindless stuff and doesn’t care that the car most of the times belongs to the company he works for or rented (like this time). He can’t go and load the car up to get rid of some furniture she deems broken or to spend 5-6 a day to drive her around much less with a rented car!! Because if anything happens, he has to pay for it and fill in a form and this will go into the system, and I can assure you she won’t pay for it, even though she got some money from selling her parents flat. Besides, we are on holiday!! If she asks for something like this and either my brother or I say ‘no’ to her, she gets upset first, then angry, and lastly she turns herself into the ‘victim’ saying things like ‘I know you don’t love me and I’m nothing to you, I’m just a poor woman with nothing’ and she has said worse things to manipulate us to feel guilty and like we’re the bad guys here.

She constantly complaints about knee and backpain but when she goes out (like to work) she carries 2-3 bags for no reason, at least not to a sane person. I’ve tried talking to her patiently if she could get help because it hurts and destroys me to see her like this and living in a junkyard, but she claims that nothing is wrong with her and that I’m the one who needs help because “I can’t keep a job”. She only wants to talk about my life so she can say what I’m doing wrong and insulting me at the same time. She keeps remining me that she’s the way she is because it’s my fault, that my dad left is my left, that my other brother doesn’t want to see her is my fault, everything is my fault. Her favourite is that I’m a horrible daughter because I’ve heard this from her almost daily basis. She really started to get bad when my dad left and divorced her. I might not fully understand what she’s going through, but I do understand that she is deeply hurt that my father left after over 20 years of marriage, the loss of her mother affected her as well, but she refuses to change or to see that she has got a problem and that his problem affects the people around her too. She has told me some horrible and hurtful things – I rather not share what exactly she said it’d reopen too big scars. There was a time where it was too much that I tried to kill myself. She saw what I was trying to do and stopped me and said that she was sorry, sorry for everything, that she knew she had a problem and would get help but it was just talk... I asked her last Christmas to please get help and get someone to collect some of the junk, there are people she can call, and they’ll come and collect them, and she doesn’t have to worry about them anymore, but she doesn’t want to.

I’ve told my brother about what I researched in Google yesterday and that I believe that my mom has Diogenes syndrome or hoarding disorder. If I’d tell her that I think she has that she’d say that I’m stupid and that I might have it. Furthermore, I also told him that I won’t be coming next year until she realises that she needs help, urgently. I was always stopped to live my life to the fullest because I was worrying about her 24/7 but I can’t anymore - I’ve barely any strength left...

Mom, I love you so so so much and I always will love you no matter what!! You’ve done so much for me, but I can’t keep doing this anymore because I’ll end up killing myself for real this time and I don’t want that. I can’t keep trying to help you if you don’t want help much less realise that you need it!! I want to live and be happy again. You’ve no idea how much this hurts me but for the sake of my own sanity and my own life I’ve to let you go mom until you get help...

Goodbye mom... for now.

[immortalcockroach]

GIVE ME SOMETHING TO HOLD ON TO

summary: All he wants to do is embrace her; hear her promise they’re going to be okay. But that’s not what she needs, because she likes to do that on her own. All he can do is make her realize that he’s not going anywhere, no matter how much either of them fucks up.

And then she says, ‘Give me something to hold on to.’He looks at her, straight into her eyes, and suddenly knows.

---

or, the one in which clarke and bellamy end up in a heated argument that makes bellamy realize some things about their relationship.

pairing: Bellamy x Clarke

words: 3,245

read on AO3

He doesn’t know when they started arguing, or what about. He doesn’t know why he’s storming around the apartment, waiting for her to come home. He doesn’t know what went wrong. He doesn’t know why his blood is boiling and why his knuckles are red.

He knows the answer to all that, of course – they disagree on some stuff. He’s twenty-five and she’s twenty-two and fresh out of college, while he’s been out of the game for a while. There’s a difference between their mindset and a difference between their styles of living and they’ve only had less than four months to get accustomed to a life where they live together.

They were bound to have an argument, a proper one. The past three years were too timid. Little arguments scattered through weeks if not months, where they both admit to their faults and come to an agreement. Meaningless arguments, ones that never mattered.

Pacing around their tiny living room with a couch, a TV, and a coffee table, his bare feet hitting the hardwood, he remembers it started out as another meaningless argument. It was about the dishes, or the towels, or setting the table – something not worth noting.

He wanders into the kitchen area, the ‘table’—a bar that also serves as a counter—and slams fist on it.

Curse after curse after curse, he does it again.

They have a good life here. They love each other and they have a nice group of friends, but Clarke also has Nyko and Niylah from work, and he has Echo and Bryan and Miller and they don’t spend too much time together. They have a similar mindset, goals and wants and needs in life, and they get along so fucking well.

They’re good. They have something most people their age don’t.

They shouldn’t be allowed to fuck it up so easily.

‘It’s not the end of the world,’ Bellamy tells himself. What he means is it’s not the end of us, but he can’t bring himself to say it.

He walks into their bedroom, where a queen-sized bed is just enough for the two of them. It’s a place of love but today, that’s where their argument started, early in the morning.

Once again, he can’t recall what it was about. The side of the bed that he claimed the first time they slept in the same bed, as friends, is cold now but it wasn’t in the morning. Hers was.

Clarke got up earlier than him, earlier than she usually does. He woke to her coming from the shower and giving him shit about boxers he left there, but he didn’t think anything of it.

The bathroom is almost empty when he walks in, but his black boxers are still there, and he puts them in the laundry.

His hands shake.

Clarke cooled down, eventually, before she left for work. She teaches kids at an art school and he’s a carpenter, and they make enough for a modest living in the modest town of Arkadia.

Really, he thinks, he could’ve gone the whole day without thinking much of it. It was last week that Octavia brought the news of her engagement, and he didn’t connect that to Clarke’s unusual acting.

Everything went wrong when he came home from work, at six. He was pissed, she was irritated, and it was just bound to go to hell.

  Not like this. He looks around, to the emptiness that she left behind. It was never meant to be like this.

It’s nine now, almost ten, and things only escalated less than an hour ago. They were bickering and giving each other shit and getting on each other’s nerves because they never had something like this.

He needs to talk to someone. So he calls Murphy.

  ‘Blake,’ comes from the other side of the line. ‘What’s up?’

‘Clarke and I had an argument.’

  ‘Right. Gimme a sec.’

Bellamy hears clanking and Murphy distantly talking to someone—probably Emori or Raven—and stomping, and a variety of other sounds he can’t really decipher. Leave it to Murphy to not know how to use the mute feature on calls.

It’s been more than a second, and Murphy probably realizes the extent of the situation if Bellamy calls about an argument, especially with Clarke, and especially if it’s Murphy he’s calling.

Bellamy takes that time to stop pacing and finally sit down. He thinks the couch will be okay, but it isn’t, and neither is the bed or the floor, so he ends up sitting on the bar/counter/table/whatever they need to use it as. His legs are hanging off it and his back is propped against the wall and it’s not comfortable, but is somehow right.

Over the phone, he hears a door slamming.

  ‘Right. You still here?’

‘Yeah.’

  ‘So what’s up?’

It occurs to him that maybe calling Murphy wasn’t the best idea, since the guy barely has any experience in relationships and is generally bad at giving advice and his moral alignment is definitely chaotic something – but then again, that’s probably exactly why it’s him he decided to call.

Murphy doesn’t do bullshit, or sugarcoating.

‘Clarke and I had an argument.’

  ‘Yeah, you said that already.’

Murphy doesn’t to questions, either, so Bellamy takes a deep breath.

‘She called me controlling for trying to bring O to her senses about the engagement. And we’ve both been irritable the whole day, and the whole thing somehow escalated and we both said some bad shit and we’ve never had an argument as bad as this one.’

  ‘You are a bit controlling regarding Octavia,’ Murphy says.

‘I’m doubling as her brother and both of her parents,’ retorts Bellamy. ‘There’s no fucking guidelines for that shit.’

  ‘Yeah, we all know your sad story. But Octavia has been a legal adult for two years now and has a life or her own. You don’t get to babysit her anymore. She’s her own person.’

He repeats Murphy’s words in his head a couple of times, compares it to what Clarke said to him, and they gain a deeper meaning. He’s still stubborn about it – but if even Murphy can see it, maybe there’s something Bellamy isn’t seeing.

‘I told her she has no right to tell me how to raise my sister, or how to lead my life. That O’s too young to be making those decisions. And Clarke—’ His voice cracks and he swallows dryly, lets out a shaky breath and closes his eyes. ‘She told me that O’s more mature than I can see. That I’m the only thing that’s making her insecure. The only one with that power.’

Murphy’s quiet, but Bellamy can almost hear him playing with his shoelaces – just like he is. It’s a habit they picked up from one another. He still doesn’t know who was the first to get it.

‘I told her if she’s so close to my sister, that she can fuck off and be her girlfriend.’

  ‘What did she say to that?’

‘That if that’s what I think, then I’m too insecure and immature to be in a relationship as serious as ours. That I either need to stop being so overprotective and narrow-minded or we’re over.’

The other end is silent for almost a minute, but Bellamy doesn’t say anything this time. He knows this silence and he’s waiting.

First comes a sigh, then Murphy clears his throat. ‘Did you actually mean what you said?’

‘No. Never.’

  ‘Why did you say it?’

‘Because…’

Thing is, he doesn’t know. He was being defensive, for the first time in a long time with Clarke. He was defending his pride and the way he raised his sister and he thought it was the right thing to do.

  ‘Maybe this relationship is too serious for both of you.’

‘Funny coming from you,’ Bellamy remarks, thinking of how Murphy moved in with his current girlfriend Emori within months of dating her.

  ‘Well,’ says Murphy, ‘I’m the one currently sacrificing time with my girlfriend to talk my dumb-as-fuck friend out of being dumb-as-fuck.’

‘Thanks.’

‘Anytime. Look, maybe you two spend too much time together. She’s fresh out of college and you’ve been out of the game for a while. Maybe moving in right after she was done with her degree wasn’t the smartest idea.’

There it is – Murphy’s thought of it, too. Maybe that’s the problem.

As he puts his glasses on the counter and pinches the bridge of his nose, Bellamy tries to think about Murphy’s words. It’s not often that Murphy offers something even remotely similar to advice, since he likes to claim that the only life he’d ever want to be responsible for is his own. But this is Bellamy, and they’ve known each other for ten years now, and they know each other better than anyone.

He wakes up next to her, every morning. They have a routine of waking up together, even if she starts work later than him. They have a routine of dinner, even if one has to wait for the other, and a routine for when one of them can’t make it on time. They know each other. They chose each other, time and time again – but never in a situation like this.

It’s never been this serious.

But even when he thinks about it, he’s not mad with her, at all. He’s mad with them, with how they handled things – with how he reacted to what Clarke said and with how she phrased it. He’s mad because it’s the first time she expressed outright disagreement on his relationship with O, and because he’s not used to people criticising that.

Something that Clarke said while they were arguing comes back to him, clear as a day: ‘I’m not saying this just for Octavia! I’m telling you this because of you, too. For both of you.’

He’s mad because he’s been alone for so long that coexisting with someone who’s as mature as he is—someone who doesn’t need to be raised—it’s completely unfamiliar to him.

Being with Clarke isn’t like walking on thin ice. It’s exploring another person, another character, and falling in love with her as he gets to understand her better and better. But what they’ve had until now was a dream, something unrealistic. They can’t agree on everything. They can’t not be involved with every part of each other’s lives, or at least not something as big.

  ‘You still here?’ Murphy’s voice brings him back to the present – in which he’s sitting on their countertop, playing with his shoelaces with a deep frown on his face.

‘Yeah. Sorry.’

  ‘Look, I should get back to Emori.’

Fair enough, thinks Bellamy. Murphy’s done more for him than he usually would and that says a lot about how good of an influence Emori is on the guy.

‘Yeah. Thanks for the talk.’

  ‘You’re going to be good? What are you going to do now?’

It doesn’t need thinking. ‘I’ll go find her. Try to figure this out.’

Murphy sighs, quietly. ‘Best of luck, buddy.’

‘Thanks, Murphy.’

They hang up like this because Murphy isn’t very keen on goodbyes—something that probably stems from his childhood, but Bellamy never questioned it—and his phone falls into his lap, silent.

As he told Murphy, he is going to look for Clarke and he knows exactly where to find her, but he can’t bring himself to do it. His legs and arms feel heavy and he feels chained to the counter. Some small part of him feels like he deserved this – as if what Clarke said to him is true, because that’s what he’s been telling himself for the past twenty-odd years.

But here’s a thing he’s realized – none of that is true. Clarke is an adult woman, mature for her age, and she knows what she’s looking for in the people she surrounds herself with more than anyone else he knows. If she’s with him, then she like sbeing with him. If she was willing to move in with him, then it means she considers him an equal, because she would never settle for less.

This—whatever this was—was never going to ruin them.

They know when they’re arguing too much. They know when they need time away from each other. They know it’s better to leave and spend some time alone when it gets too much than take it out on the other person.

He realises that the moment it was starting to become irrational, both of them saying things they don’t really mean, they stopped arguing. Clarke left and he took a shower.

That’s what lifts his limbs from the counter and makes him grab his keys, walk seven blocks until he’s standing in front of the cafe Clarke’s friend Luna works at.

He sees a blonde girl clutching onto a coffee mug, with wet hair and drained clothes. He sees her from the side, and barely, because he forgot to put his glass back on, but he feels calmer. Content.

Bellamy’s had enough time to think about the fight. Even if Clarke hasn’t, he’s ready to face her.

It’s the moment he walks through the door that she sees him. He raises his hand in a wave, awkwardly, but she doesn’t return it. He sees her sigh, leave her mug and her bag behind and walk up to him, grab his arm and take him outside.

‘Can’t we talk inside?’ asks Bellamy. ‘It’s raining.’

‘We’re shielded from it. You ready to talk now?’

She’s a bit more aggressive than he thought she’d be, but in his eyes, she has every right to be – in comparison to him, she was a lot less of a dick to him than he was to her.

‘I’m sorry for being so defensive. I’m not used to people having an opinion on how I’m looking after O. Well, not the people whose opinion I care about.’

‘It’s not just Octavia,’ Clarke says. ‘You’re being overprotective with me, too. I’m a grown woman, an adult, Bellamy. I can look after myself.’

He swallows the lump in his throat. ‘I’m used to needing to protect the women in my life.’

‘You shouldn’t be. Octavia’s an adult now and even if you disagree with her decisions, they’re not your decisions. And I’m—Bellamy, for fuck’s sake, when I fuck up my life by going to a job that’s not my ideal job it doesn’t mean I’ll be unhappy!’

‘Is this what this whole thing is about? Me trying ot make you realize teaching kids art is dumber than going to an art school?’

‘You giving me shit about teaching kids how to be artists instead of going to art school.’ Clarke crosses her arms on her chest, taking a step back. That’s when he realizes she’s wearing only a cardigan and it’s freezing outside – but she wouldn’t accept his jacket, if he offered. ‘It’s not just about the money thing, or the career thing. Maybe I’m happy doing something that’s helping other people. Maybe helping those kids uncover their artistic talent or whatever bullshit is something I wish I had when I was their age! Maybe it’s—I don’t even fucking know.’

She looks so vulnerable, now, and he hates himself for only realizing the truth now. Of course she’d be happier teaching kids art than studying it. Of course she’d be happier being carefree and not bound by studying. Of course she wouldn’t admit it out loud on a normal day, because that’s not what people usually expect.

‘I’m sorry,’ Bellamy says, and he means it. ‘I didn’t realize, but now I do, and I’m sorry that I hurt you.’

‘I know you are. But that doesn’t erase the fact that you did, and how do I know that you won’t do it again?’

He closes his eyes, lets them flutter for a second before opening them. There’s no sugarcoating. There’s only truth, as much as it will hurt. ‘I can’t promise I won’t hurt you again, but I can promise to try not to . To try to understand better than I did now. Clarke – I’ve never been in a relationship this serious. This is new for me, too. But here’s the thing: as long as you can tell me when I hurt you and I try to fix it, and I try to be better, and I do the same for you, then it’s good. If we learn and grow, it’s good. And fuck, Clarke, we’re so young! We’re—’

‘That’s not an excuse, Bellamy! I love you and you know I do, but you can be so sensitive sometimes! And you’re so stubborn and hotheaded and protective and I’m trying to help you realize—’

‘You are, Clarke, so fucking much. I need you to tell me when I fuck up. I need you to put me in my place when I’m being a dick. This—this fucking argument we’ve been having the whole day is making me realize how much I need you.’

She’s quiet for a while. He takes in her appearance – her eyes are red and there are bags underneath them, and her cheeks are blotchy and her lips swollen and he can tell she’s shaking, and he thinks he’s an absolute idiot for getting her into this state.

All he wants to do is embrace her; hear her promise they’re going to be okay. But that’s not what she needs, because she likes to do that on her own. All he can do is make her realize that he’s not going anywhere, no matter how much either of them fuck up.

And then she says, ‘Give me something to hold on to.’

He looks at her, straight into her eyes, and suddenly knows.

So he says it: ‘Marry me.’

‘What?’

‘Marry me, Clarke.’

‘I’m—’

‘I know this is a shit proposal and I promise I’ll make it up to you, but fucking hell Clarke, I can’t imagine a life without you. I need you and I want you and you’re making me want to be a better person every single day. You’re the only one who calls me out on my bullshit and loves me despite it, and I can’t imagine what I would do without you, and if only you could see yourself from my perspective then you’d know why there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you.’

‘Bellamy, this is—’

He steps closer to her. Another step closer, and he closes the gap between them. Her face is cold in his arms, and maybe they’re being rained on now as the wind has changed, but he doesn’t give a shit.

‘Clarke Griffin, marry me.’

He sees the hesitation in her eyes. He can tell it’s not a decision she can bring herself to make easily, or admit it – but he knows for him, it’s settled. She’s the only person he’s ever truly, completely wanted to be with.

She closes her eyes.

‘Yes. I will.’

He kisses her and she kisses him back, and she tastes like Luna’s trademark coffee and he’s never been more in love with her. She’s feisty and opinionated and caring and loving and stubborn, but she’s his.

They’ll argue and they’ll scream at each other in front of cafes and they’ll make each other cry, but at the end of it all, she’ll always be his.

That’ll be enough for him. Always.

[kpopboysreact]

Ghost - a Min Yoongi Scenario Pt. 1

Read Part 0 here And check out my masterlist! ❤️ Words: 2,609

Note before reading: R1 is an app that allows rappers who either never made it or never tried put their material out there. Yoongi’s had a profile for years. He doesn’t write much, but he follows a lot of users he claims are hidden gems. Most of his writings are raps responding to WAV3’s music, your music. The app is fairly stigmatised, as a lot of underground rappers use it to criticise society and speak ugly truths. Also, I italicise internal dialogue if you haven’t seen it before 😘

Preface

His eyes burned as he frantically scrolled on his phone, desperate for an answer. Not this one. Yoongi sighed and left the tab, searching for another. Don't these people have lives? The jarring pound on his studio door jolted Yoongi out of his mesmerised state. He didn't answer, rubbing his eyes and returning to his phone. He heard the lock click and the door push open, but pretended he didn't. “Hyung.” Namjoon approached, looking over Yoongi’s shoulder. “R1?” He squinted to read the tiny words on the phone better. “Why are you on R1?” Yoongi looked up idly. “So many people claiming to be WAV3′s ghostwriter. It’s bullshit.” “Do you really think the ghostwriter would reveal themselves, though?” “Well if they do, it'll be on R1.” Yoongi found another, a profile promising to be WAV3′s ghostwriter. He read some of their work and scoffed. “Bullshit.”

Earlier

“What does this mean for me?” You asked your CEO, fear in your tone. It’s not like any of you wanted the world to find out about WAV3′s ghostwriter. Just some disgruntled ex-employee had the nerve to out your company’s biggest secret. “You’ll keep writing.” He replied, as though it were obvious. You sighed in relief, thankful to still have a job. “But I expect you to continue to keep your identity a secret.” Your chest tightened. “Is there really a point for that anymore, though?” “Everyone is talking about this scandal. Do you know how good that’s been for WAV3′s music on the charts?” You could hear a subtle hint of annoyance in his response. “...I see.” You mumbled. “Thank you.” “Keep up the good work, y/n.” He stated flatly. You could picture the fake, toothy smile on his face you’ve grown all too used to, and hung up. May was resting in the other room, so rather than yelling out your frustrations, you sat on the cold, tile floor of the bathroom, letting the sink run quietly so you didn't face the anonymity of silence. Rather, you faced the anonymity of identity. You pulled your knees against your chest and thought. Sure, the house was comfortable, safe. Sure, the food was good, nutritious. But the bags under your eyes weighed your whole body down. The cracks adorning your knuckles stung and bled from the constant busking. Maybe, just maybe, you could make enough money to one day leave this place, reclaim your life as your own, and finally tell your story to the world as you; not some ghost writer. Maybe...but not today. Today, you were just another one of the 7 billion people in the world, nameless. Your phone buzzed. You hated that expensive piece of metal. All the money you made from the extra busking went to buying it. A necessity, your CEO needed to keep in touch with you. It would've been nice if he felt the need to pay for it, too. Disheartenedly, you checked the notification. Couldn’t he let me have five seconds to myself? Your CEO wanted you in now to show him new material. Back to work.

Yoongi didn't bother to get up this time. He'd fallen yet again during rehearsal, but not during the same part of the song as the time before...or the time before that. “Yah, what’s with you today?” Jin poked Yoongi’s side as he stood, glaring back at his hung. “I’m distracted.” “Let’s take a break, okay? Good job, guys.” The boys all bowed to their leader and filed out of the practice room one by one to get water, all except for Yoongi. Namjoon waited until everyone left before speaking again. “Are you okay?” “Hungry.” Yoongi mumbled. “We can go eat later. Maybe once you've made it through one dance without tripping, stumbling, or falling out of synch with the rest of us. Yoongi locked his jaw. “I understand you're upset, hung. But this shouldn't be affecting you so harshly.” “You don't know a thing.” Yoongi spat back. “Maybe I don't. But I do know that you're okay. You're not hurt. Your life is going on just fine. It’s just an anonymous writer!” “Just an...” Yoongi chuckled, thinking back to the journal that he used to covet. The journal of you. Though destroyed, the thought of it brought him peace. The thought of you, the you that put raw emotion into your music. No, he didn't know you. But he knew you. And he felt like you knew him, too. “Just an anonymous writer. Right. Sorry. Let’s get back to rehearsing.”

Present

You sat in the lobby playing on your phone looks like it’s actually good for something and waited. You were getting more used to this treatment, sadly. When you’d first joined the company, you were treated like a precious diamond. Now…it’s as if the diamond never transitioned from the coal. It was kind of frustrating hearing people come by, check in at the front desk, and be helped right away. But hey, it’s not like you had anywhere to be. You looked up from your phone and nodded your head in a quick but polite bow at the man sitting down next to you. He did the same, and smiled. You returned back to your phone, but were distracted by him addressing you a few minutes later.

“Busy day today, yeah?”

“It always is in this industry.” “Yeah.” More time passed before he continued speaking. “What do you do here?” “I work in PR.” You replied. That was the lie your CEO had decided on for you, should you run into a situation that required one. “You?” You looked over the man, assuming he was a trainee or something from his looks.

“I actually don’t work here, I’m part of another company.”

“Oh!” You turned off your phone, now curious. I’ve missed having a genuine human conversation about something other than my damned company. “Which company?” “A small one called BigHit.” BigHit…that sounded familiar. “Oh shoot…” Now that he mentioned it, he kind of looks familiar, too… “Are you a member of BTS?” “Yeah! You’re a fan?” “I uh-my friend is. Could I get you to sign something? Sorry! I know you probably don’t want to, just she-“ “I wouldn’t mind at all. What’s your friend’s name?”

“Mina…” You rummaged through your bag, thankfully finding a receipt from one thing or another, and handed it to him. He took a pen from the table in front of you and you watched as he wrote a little message with neat handwriting. “RM?” You questioned, looking at how he finished the signature. “What does that stand for?” “Real Me.” “Real Me…then, who is the real you?” Namjoon chuckled. “I don’t really know how to answer that question. If you listen to my music, maybe you’ll find out.” “I feel the same way.” Namjoon looked at you, a little puzzled. “Oh, I write music sometimes, too.” “You do?” He smiled and you noticed his dimples. Wow he’s cute.

“Only sometimes. Nothing ever really good.”

“Aw come on, I doubt that.” “No really, you’d be shocked.” Namjoon chuckled. “Do you have an R1 profile?” “Yeah…but it’s really not good.” “Well maybe I could check you out? Maybe that would help me see the real you.” You felt yourself blush and just hoped it wasn’t obvious. “I guess…” Namjoon handed you his phone and you pulled up the R1 app…and couldn’t help but let out a faint gasp seeing his recent search results. “Is everything okay?” “Y-yeah, fine…you’re interested in WAV3’s ghostwriter?”

“Yeah. That’s why I’m here, actually. One of my members is a little obsessed with finding out his, her, or their identity. It’s affecting his work and, as his leader, it’s my responsibility to help him out. I was hoping to have a word with someone who could let me know the identity of their ghostwriter.” “They wouldn’t do that.” You responded quickly, a little sharp.

“Oh?” Namjoon raised an eyebrow. “What makes you say that?” “That’s…one of our company’s biggest secrets. I don’t even know who the ghostwriter is.” That came out pretty smoothly. Maybe I don’t know the ‘real me’ after all.

“Well there’s no harm in asking.”

“Do you like WAV3’s music?” You couldn’t help yourself from a little prodding as you pulled up your R1 profile on Namjoon’s phone.

“I love it. I was disappointed when I found out they have a ghostwriter, too. I expected more from them. But life has its ups and downs.”

“Just gotta keep it real.” You added.

“Exactly.” He smiled at you as he took back his phone. “Do you mind if I read through some of your stuff now? Something tells me I’ll be waiting here a while.” “With a request like talking to someone who can tell you the identity of our ghostwriter, I’m sure a while is an understatement.” Again with that cute dimple smile as he turned to his phone and opened your first tab.

“That was…” You turned to look at him as he began to speak after a few minutes. “Was it okay?”

“I loved it.” Your phone buzzed. Checking it, you saw you had a new R1 follower.

“Do you do the rapping yourself?” “Oh, haha, no…just do the writing.” “You should give rapping a try. There’s so much passion in your writing, I’m sure you’d be able to project that in your voice.” “Thank you…I’m more of a behind-the-scenes person, though.” “I get that. But, I do really think you should go somewhere with this.” “Maybe…” “Y/N ssi, come on.” One of the assistants to the CEO called you up. “I gotta go…” “Okay. Before you go, since I gave you an autograph, could you give me one?” “Really?” “If you wouldn’t mind.” You smiled and took the paper he handed you from his bag, along with the same pen from before. “Oh, and um…” Namjoon rubbed the back of his neck. “Maybe you could put your number on it, too. Just in case.” “I-In case of what?” “Well um…” He laughed. “In case I like you.” You smiled in return, somehow managing to stay composed on the outside whereas on the inside you were freaking out. It was a little embarrassing having to check your phone to see what your phone number was, but it’s not like you needed it much. You felt the assistant’s eyes burning a hole into your back as you finished your little autograph and handed it back to Namjoon. “I’ll see you later.” He called to you as you left. “Is that a promise?” You boldly called back, and left to the sight of his dimpled smile. Namjoon settled back into this chair and entered your number into his phone, remembering your name from when the assistant called you. “Y/N…cute.”

“How did it go?” Jin asked Namjoon when he returned to the dorms.

“How we expected it would.” Jungkook let out a disappointed sigh. “Now what are we going to do?”

“Youaren’t going to do anything. I’ll keep an eye on Yoongi. You guys just have to pretend that everything’s completely normal, and it will be.” The present members nodded and Namjoon walked up to Yoongi’s room, knocking quietly. “Hyung? Are you asleep?” “No.” A tired voice said from the other side. Namjoon entered. “How are you?” “Dumb question.”

Namjoon walked up to where his grumpy hyung was sitting on his bed and held out a hand. “Your phone?” Yoongi handed it over without question. “There’s this R1 user I think you’ll like.” “You told me to stay off R1.” “Only because you were using it obsessively to find that ghostwriter. There are still things to appreciate, you know.” “No. No, I don’t know. Everything’s fake.” “Everything isn’t fake, hyung. It’s just-“ “You’re wrong. Those lyrics were me. They were my everything. And they still are.” “It’s not like the lyrics are what’s bad! It’s just a ghostwriter.” “No. It’s just the world showing that it’s always fake. That there’s nothing to really believe in.” “Well, I met this writer myself, so I can assure you they’re the real deal, not some ghost.” Yoongi huffed and took his phone back. “Life has its ups and downs. You just…gotta keep it real.” Namjoon smiled. “Don’t get all sentimental on me now.” Yoongi lightly punched Namjoon’s arm. “I’ll check out this writer. They’re good?” “Amazing. I really think they’ll help you out of this rut.” “Okay. Thanks.” Yoongi managed a slight smile as Namjoon left the room, and he turned to his phone, pulled up to the page of the R1 writer. He looked at it for a few seconds, before opening your first song.

Namjoon left Yoongi’s room, hopeful. Even a little confident! That confidence drained when he remembered he had your number saved in his phone, and that you’d probably be expecting him to text you some time soon.

He entered his room and plopped down on his bed, taking out his phone and pulling up your contact, feeling his face get a little hot as he tapped the text icon. You shouldn’t be getting this nervous. “Hey, it’s RM. You can call me Namjoon, if you want.” That seemed fine. He hit send and waited…delighting in the fact that it didn’t take long for you to respond. “Hey! Thanks :) is that the real you, then? Namjoon?” “You tell me…have you listened to any BTS music yet?” oh shit oh shit I hope that wasn’t rude…

“Yep! I went on a binge about an hour ago. You guys are really good~” “I know, right?” “A shame you’re not popular.” He smiled at your snarky response. “Well, at least we’ve got some fans.” “And what if I sold one of them your phone number?” “Lol, have fun with the entire five dollars you’d make from that.”

A knock on his door followed by Yoongi entering distracted Namjoon from his conversation with you. “I guess you can come in.” “They’re good. That writer you showed me.” “I know, right?” “No, like, really good. Where did you say you met them?” Ummmmmm…“Just on the bus. I noticed R1 open on her phone and asked about it. She showed me some of her writing and I thought you would like it.” “Did she recognize you?” “Kind of. She knew who BTS is but she didn’t know me by my stage name, and she said she only just listened to our music like an hour ago.”

“Wait…you’re talking to her?”                             “Oh, um, yeah.” Yoongi was silent for a little bit. “Are you into her or something?” “What?! No way. Just wanted it in case.” “In case of what?” I should’ve thought of an answer to that by now. “Writing advice.” “…Yeah, okay.” Yoongi rolled his eyes. “Can I have it?” “Have what?” “Her number. Keep up.” “Why do you want her number?” Yoongi smirked. “Same as you. Writing advice, right?” “Well, I’d have to ask if she’s okay with that.” “She’s fine with it.” Yoongi took Namjoon’s phone out of his hands before he could react and screenshotted your contact, then sent it to himself. “Thanks.” He said and tossed Namjoon his phone back. Namjoon sighed while shaking his head, and quickly texted you to inform you of Yoongi now having your number.

Now back in his room, Yoongi pulled up his messages on his laptop and his contacts on his phone, entering your number slowly and carefully; sure to not make a mistake. He was about to save it, when he realised, I don’t even know her name…

He tapped the name box and entered the only thing that came to mind: “Ghost?”

[myheartrevealed]

I Will Be Here- Chapter Twenty-Four

Jack Kline x Reader

Summary: Dr. Myla was one of the only therapists who specialized in treating the Supernatural, someone who offered an oasis to people like you. Carrying the burden of your father and being the ever-hunted Cambion, you attend her sessions however, that begins to change when you meet a fellow patient, Jack. Can unfortunate circumstances bring you two together even though all odds are against it?

~ ~ ~

Your footsteps were silent on the carpeted ground of the hotel. You checked the numbers eagerly, excited and nervous to meet your fellow cambion.

You reached a door and knocked slowly, listening to movement from inside the room.

As the door creaked open, a gun was immediately trained on you. You didn’t flinch like you did last time, simply glared at Jesse as he came into view behind the door.

“Not this again,” you criticised. “What if I was a cleaning lady?”

“I’d apologize for frightening you,” he stated, opening the door wide enough for you to walk through.

“No, you’d be kicked out immediately. Not to mention, unless you have a permit to carry that gun around, which I doubt you do considering you still don’t know how to hold it right, you could get in serious trouble.”

“Alright, alright,” he conceded. “I promise not to point the gun at any cleaning ladies.”

You chuckled as you set down your bag and was met with two pairs of curious eyes.

The boy, David Starling, was sitting at a kitchen counter, chewing on some cereal. He dark hair, like Jesse’s and dark orbs for eyes. The girl, Kim Blanchett, was lounging across the couch. Her dirty blonde hair hanging over the side. She also had brown eyes, but they were much softer. You wondered how this girl could possibly be the same one going around threatening angels, but you didn’t doubt that she had some fire in her.

David spoke up first. “Uh hey. I’m David.”

You nodded and looked at Kim who introduced herself as well.

“Kim.”

“Great. I’m Y/N, I’m-”

“The leader?” David asked. “We know.”

You were taken aback by his sudden statement. “Leader? God no. Why would you think-”

“Uh,” Jesse interrupted. “I just figured that you would be best and I-”

“Jesse told us that you were bossy and secretive and that if we just do what you say it would all be good,” Kim responded.

You glared at Jesse. “Bossy?”

He shrugged. “Well, you are pretty scary.”

You were going to respond, but David cleared his throat. “Sorry. I thought that you knew. But anyways, seeing as your the man with the plan, I definitely think you should be the leader.”

“Oh no,” you said. “I really shouldn’t I mean, Jesse’s the oldest and-”

“Your the most powerful,” he shot back. “And the most trained.”

“Oh my gosh,” Kim announced. “Why don’t you both be leaders and we can get started on this training thing.”

You weren’t exactly happy with the arrangement, but pushed down your complaints. “Fine. On to business. I’m not sure how much Jesse told you, but there are six angels still alive and one archangel.”

You picked up your bag and sat down in a chair by Kim, pulling out your laptop. You pulled up all of your research.

“We are only targeting four of them.”

“What?” Kim asked. “Why only four? I was promised that I would bring down Heaven itself and you’re telling me I only get to fight one angel?”

You sighed. “Well if it makes you feel better, I’ve killed multiple angels in my life, so you can have mine if you really want it. Not like there’s much glory in the death of Heaven’s finest.”

Kim scoffed. “We’re demons. We should be proud of our heritage and our destiny.”

“Yeah, well I’m not,” you snapped at her. She pulled back slightly, obviously not expecting your argument to her statement. You rolled your eyes and pushed your computer towards her. “Here’s what we got. Michael is the archangel. He currently has plans to basically take over our world and he has four angels on his side: Izrius, Mesiel, Pethillion, and Efanial. These are the ones we’re after.”

“Why not Michael?” Kim asked. “We’ll bring down the whole system if we get Michael.”

“Michael’s off limits,” you responded coolly. “Others are already tracking him, they just need us to get rid of his entourage.”

“Oh what?” Kim exclaimed. “You work for someone else? Were you hired to do this? Build a team of angel fighters so that someone else could steal the prize?”

“Kim,” Jesse said forcefully. “They’re her family.”

You were kind of surprised to find Jesse defending you. You knew he wasn’t fond of the people you lived with.

“Look,” you said. “As much as I’d like to kill off Michael myself, we aren’t trained like they are, and they have some personal beef with Michael. This is their fight. I just want to help, but you guys can go back home if you like.”

Kim took a minute to size you up, before grumbling, “fine. Not Michael.”

You smiled at her. “Thank you. Now then, Adah is another angel. She’s in hiding from Michael. We aren’t sure if she’ll survive, but nevertheless she’s not on our hit list, so just forget about her. Now, I was thinking we-”

“Wait, you missed one,” David interrupted. You gave him a look, so he went on. “You said there were six angels and an archangel. You’ve only listed five angels.”

“She didn’t want to bring up her angel best friend,” Jesse retorted.

“Your friends with an angel?” Kim asked, shrilly.

You bit your lip, getting impatient with the girl. “Yes I am. The last angel is Castiel and he is not on our list either. He’s working to beat Michael right now and yes, he knows what I am doing and agrees with it wholeheartedly. So no, we won’t kill him.”

She put her head in her hands and you felt like she was pretty upset with you too, but you wouldn’t dwell on it. If Kim wanted to be known as the demon who killed off the angels, that was fine with you. As long as she left Cas alone.

“Now then, we need to get the angels’ attention. Draw them away from Michael. I say we have me do something, as Michael knows who I am. He won’t go after me directly, he’ll probably send his henchmen out. Then, we attack.”

David approached, looking over your research as well. “Okay great. But, uh, Jesse said we’d get some sort of training before we… ran into battle?”

“Sure,” you agreed. “Jesse’s a hunter and I’m well versed in… angel killing. It shouldn’t be a problem. Although, I don’t have any angel blades on me. I’ll go back to the bunker and grab those and we can reschedule that training sessions for… Thursday?”

Jesse looked at you, confused. “Aren’t we on a time crunch? Perhaps we should get right on the training. Tomorrow?”

You paused, knowing full well that you had an appointment tomorrow and wouldn’t be able to make it.

The other two looked at you for a response. “Oh, um, I’m not sure if tomorrow will work.”

“What? Why not?” Kim asked.

“Yeah, Y/N. What could possibly be-?” he paused when he saw the desperate look in your eyes. “Oh. Yeah, I guess we can wait.”

You were still tense, knowing the others were going to have questions about his sudden change of heart.

“What just happened?” David asked, slowly.

“Nothing,” you responded. “I think Jesse forgot about my busy schedule. I promise I’ll be back here on Thursday with Jack and we can get right on it.”

“Who’s Jack?” Kim asked, suddenly interested.

You stood up grabbing your stuff. “He’s my boyfriend.”

“He’s also part angel,” Jesse whispered to Kim, somewhat teasingly.

You reached the door and turned around. “Okay guys. I’ll see you later. It was nice to meet you both.”

David smiled at you, but Kim was more… hesitant.

Jesse followed you out, giving you a brief hug before you left.

“Good luck tomorrow,” he whispered to you.

“You don’t even know what its for.”

He shrugged. “Maybe that’s true. But hospitals are never fun, no matter what you’re there for.”

You nodded. “You’re right… They’re not.”

~ ~ ~

Tags: @sophiasescape @iris-suoh @random-stupid-stuffs @themaddonesblog @mahalaraewolfe @choosemyname

(If you want to be added to the tag list, just send me a message to let me know!)

[crazyfreckledginger]

Meeting At A Gala

This beautiful fanart

This fic includes Bruce Wayne (Batman), Alfred, Dick Grayson (Nightwing), Jason Todd (Red Hood), Tim Drake (Red Robin) and Damian Wayne (Robin).

——————————————————-

Your PoV

Gotham was not the most beautiful city I have been to. Not to mention the crime rate here. However, helping out The Dark Knight once in a while was comforting in a way. How did I meet him would you ask? Well, I saved his life a few times, yes believe it or not, and blurting out that I know his real identity, giving proof of my theory etc…

My thoughts were interrupted by little amounts of cold liquid falling from the sky. Looking up, I saw more and more raindrops falling from up above, falling on the streets and cars i was walking by. Shit I don’t have my umbrella, I thought. I paced faster, towards my apartment. Taking out the key before arriving at the front door, making sure not to slip, I bumped into a man. “Wach where ya goin’!” He howled before walking away. Wow that was rude, I thought, still looking at the figure disappearing into an alley. Unlocking the door, I made my way upstairs. After arriving at my apartment, I took a quick shower and put on some comfy clothes. I started walking towards the kitchen when a sound of metal hitting metal spread in the hallway. Looking towards the front door, I saw a few letters lying on the floor. Picking them up, I started opening them. Sighing while skimming through my electricity bills and my rent, I stopped at a fancier looking envelop. My name was inscribed on the front in cursive. Gently opening it, it looked somewhat like an invitation.

Bruce Wayne has the pleasure of inviting you to the official 2017 Wayne Gala. Each member present will increase the amount of money funded for charaties, most noticeably Gotham’s orphanage.    

This gala will include an all-you-can-eat buffet, champagne and much more.

P.s. Come in a fancy dress not your vigilante suit ;)   was written in a scrappier handwriting.

Batsy getting all fancy for a party, I thought smirking.

—————Time skip to a couple days later—————

Tonight was the night of the famous Gala and I decided to put on a fancy yet not too complicated red dress.  

I’m ready, how do I get there again? I sent by message to Bruce.

Alfred is coming to pick you up! he replied.

Since when do you know where I live? I asked, making sure to add a smiley face.

I needed to make sure you came home safely, wouldn’t want a teenage vigilante getting hurt do I? He asked adding a smirking smiley face.

Wow I never knew you would be so sarcastic! I texted.

Well I do have sarcastic sons, some more so than others, but I have picked up a few things along the way. You will be meeting them by the way! He wrote.

I suddenly became nervous What if they don’t like me? I thought. My train of thought was interrupted by a black limousine parking in front of my apartment.

Gotta go, my ride’s here! I quickly sent Bruce

Making sure that I had locked my apartment and taken my purse, I hurried downstairs.

“Hello Miss (Y/N)!” A elderly man with a British accent greeted.

“Hello Sir!” I greeted back.

“Oh please call me Alfred” He said warmly.

——-  Time skip to arriving at Wayne Manor——

It’s beautiful I whispered to myself, awestruck, upon entering the front gate.

Alfred kindly escorted me towards the large staircase to the immense mansion in front of me. I was welcomed by Bruce Wayne himself.

“Hello kid!” He smirked.

“Ok so first of all hello to you too, second of all do not call me that! How many times do I have to tell you, are you losing your mind old man?” I asked smirking back.

He laughed lightly at me and brought me inside. He guided me through numerous corridors made of marble towards a colossal ball room “Woah” I whispered. “So the drinks are in the far corner, the food on the opposite side and the bathroom in the room behind seating area” He directed me.

“There is so much food” I squealed excitedly.

“I know, hence why you are here, I know how much you love food”, he said cockly.

“Ooouh I’d say that hurt, but it didn’t!”  

Laughing, “Well I better get to welcome my business associates and other important guests!” he said, walking away, leaving me alone. I decided to wonder around a bit.

Jason PoV

“Ugh all of these people are so fake!” Tim moaned from across the table

“Shhhh! Don’t say it so loudly, people will here you!!” Dick shushed him.

“I hate to say this but Drake is right” Damian stated

“I’m bored” I pouted playing with the butterknife that was neatly placed on the table. Looking back up towards the crowd, “and there isn’t any decent looking wo–” I stopped when my gaze locked onto a young women in a red dress. My brothers looked back at me when I didn’t finish my sentence, then followed my gaze to the same young women.

“Woah” Tim and Dick said at the same time.

Snapping everyone out of their thoughts, I chirped up “I call dibs!!!” Before standing up and pacing to the women, my brothers quickly following behind me.

Your PoV

Looking at the men and women dancing in the ballroom made me feel sad and insecure. I finally decided to go get a drink.

“Would you care for a dance?” a voice spoke up.

Slowly turning around, a tall yet not too muscular man in a nice balck tuxedo and red tie was smiling at me. He had black hair and a white streak. Wow he’s handsome, I thought smiling. “Sure” I answered enthusiastically. Proposing his hand to me, I gladly took it whilst he guided me to the dancing area. Putting his spare hand around my waist and mine on his shoulder, we started dancing in sync. After a few minutes of dancing and looking deeply into each of our eyes.

“I’ve never seen you around here! Have you recently started working with Bruce Wayne?” he asked.

“Oh um no I don’t work for him, I’m a bit of a private detective and I’ve made a few investigations about him. It happened to be a misunderstanding. Nothing too serious and since then we have been friends.” I lied, suprising myself of how convincing I sounded.  

He hummed in response. Putting his forehead to mine, he mumbled “I never got your name!” He said looking straight into my eyes, the closeness making me blush.

(A/N: If y'all thinking I’m taking Paul Wesley as a Jason Todd then you’re wrong, wow that sounded violent, I’m sorry. It’s just the gif that shows what I am describing.)

“It’s (Y/N)” I smiled looking at the ground.

“And are you single?” he asked, hopeful.

“Are you trying to seduce me?” I asked shyly.

“Depends, is it working?” he answered looking for an answer in my eyes.

“I barely even know you and you’re already making a move on me?” I questioned.

“Well I can’t think logically when the most beautiful girl I have ever set my eyes upon is right in front of me!” He smirked.

Taking in a breath, I blushed a deep red and I looked at the ground with a shy smile.

3rd Person PoV

Jason examined (Y/N)’s actions Damn that’s cute!, he thought smiling back at her.

Back at the table, Dick, Tim and Damian observed the whole scene unfold before them.

“I can’t believe Todd got the girl before any of us, well except for Drake.” Damian argued.

Tim glared at his younger brother and retorted “Doesn’t suprise me you didn’t get her!”

Dick interrupted the raising fight by standing up.

“He’s leaning into her!!” He warned before racing towards them.

Your PoV

The man in front of me started leaning into me. What are you doing!! You don’t even know this guy’s name!!, I scolded myself. I suddenly put a finger to his lips to stop him from kissing me, making his eyes shoot open. Suddenly he was pulled away from me and I was met with a shorter black haired man with a blue tie. He had a similar body structure.

“Hi!!” He said with a goofy smile. “I’m Richard, or Dick for short (A/N: Short eyy!?).

”(Y/N)“ I whispered.

“Sorry about the quick change, that was my brother, he’s always looking for one night stands and stuff” he lied, looking everywhere but me.

“Riiiight” I agreed, unconvinced.

“So a dance?” He squeaked out.

3rd Person PoV

Jason joined the table pouting like a little baby whilst staring at (Y/N) and Dick.

“You look more like a kid than you usually do Todd!” Damian pointed out.

“Why would Dick do this to me!! I had the girl!” He criticised.

“Dick obviously wants the girl to himself” Tim stated.

“No shit!” Jason said sarcastically.

“Anyway he isn’t going to get her!” Damian informed.

Both brothers looked towads the youngest curiously.

“Obviously I’m the best suited to be with her. Being the blood son of Bruce Wayne and the best Robin” he said, whispering the last part.

“Riiight, whatever helps you sleep at night Demon” Jason mumbled whilst Tim rolled his eyes.

Your PoV

After half an hour of dancing and having a nice conversation chatting with Dick, I politely asked to leave, which he accepted.

Sipping some champagne from my glass. Truth be told I bribed Bruce into letting me drink, at least no one knows I’m underage.

“Aren’t you underage?” A younger man, if not boy asked, also with a glass of champagne, as if he read my thoughts.

“Kinda ironic coming from you don’t you think? You don’t exactly look 21 either.” I smirked.

“Touché!” He acted while raising his hands in the air. “A secret for a secret?” he asked.

“Sure!” I chuckled.

“Sooo, do you have a name?”

“(Y/N).” I said for the third time tonight.

“Tim!” He said enthusiastically.

A younger boy pulled up a chair next to me. I looked at him suspiciously.

“I’m Damian Wayne! I excuse the behavior of my brothers, they have always pursued women, except for Drake over here, no one would go out with him, which doesn’t surprise me. So don’t bother with him!” He informed.

“Oh no, you are all brothers?” I facepalmed.

“Yeah!” Tim said.

“God, I didn’t expect Bruce to introduce his sons this way!”

“You know Bruce? Personally?” Tim asked.

“Well not very personally, I work a night shift!” I said.

“Oooh! But-”

“She knows about us!” A familiar voice interrupted abruptly. Turning around I saw Bruce and the two men I danced with.

Dick and his brother sat at the same table as we did whilst Bruce explained who I was.

“So you lied to me?” The red tied man asked, acting hurt.

“Well, I didn’t know who you were did I? And I still don’t know your name except for Dick’s brother!” I teased.

“Todd, Jason Todd” He smirked, sounding like 007.

“No offense but you’re not cool enough to be a James Bond!” I teased again.

He gasped exaggeratedly.

“Wow (Y/N) I didn’t think you could get even sassier than you already are!” Bruce sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Get over it!” I mouthed. He chuckled before strolling away.

“So you’re going to work with us?” Tim asked.

“Maybe, well I don’t really do teams, maybe a partner but not much more than that! I’m willing to help out once in a while though!” I explained.

“Can I be your partner?” All four boys said simultaneously, then glared at each other.

I laughed, flattered by their interest.

“You can take turns?!” I suggested.

“Yes!!” They agreed.

Looking at my watch, wide-eyed, I said, “Yikes it’s getting late for me, I need to go, see you guys around!” I marched away.

“Wait!! I didn’t get your number!!” Jason yelled. Dick looked at him smirking as if to say why would she give it to you? “Well, how are we going to contact her?” He stated like the rest of his brothers were complete idiots. Soon enough, the three brother’s eyes widened and started running in the direction I was in, only to discover that I was gone.  

—–-———————————————-

A/N: First one shot up!! Let me know what you think about it!!

Tagging: @lumifuer