#also kids like stealing stuff right?
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hoperays-song · 1 year ago
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Eddie Meeting Ash
Buster: There she is, my precious daughter. 
Ash: *covered in blood and holding a guitar like a weapon* 
Eddie, scared: Is... is she part of the package? 
Buster, smiling: Don't accept my daughter and I'll divorce you right now.
Eddie: 
Eddie, nervously: Hey! Wanna go, uh, steal something? 
Ash: 
Ash, grinning: Finally, you brought a man of culture back home.
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peppermintack · 5 months ago
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show tempe gang crossover with the morris islanders would actually have been the best episode of bones ever. btw
#please ignore the rest of the tags i will just be making things up#okay they start out in carolina but at least half the episode takes place in dc. do not ask me how travel logistics would work#tory spends the entire episode off with tempe doing bone stuff. booth feels upstaged by a 16-year-old girl#so he goes and hangs out with ben who does NOT trust him right off the bat#ben ends up having to run him over to liri at some point because there's crime afoot and tom is busy. they spend most of the ride in silenc#ofc they end up bonding Eventually because they are both obsessed with crazy emotionally stunted redheads named t brennan#tory is more effective than any of the squinterns and manages to piss hodgins off so bad just by existing#coop hangs out in the lab as saroyan tries to kick him out thirty times. he just keeps showing up and she can't prove who's letting him in#(it's tempe.) angela loves tory but tory does not love angela back. saroyan tolerates her. sweets likes her but knows she's hiding somethin#comes to the conclusion that she can read her friends minds and slowly drives himself crazy because obviously that can't be true#tory brings hi along whenever she needs someone with people skills and he is MORE than happy to participate in a hodgins experiment#hi gets to be king of the lab for about ten minutes. shelton hits it off with angela immediately and they solve half the case together#booth fucking HATES hi because he's evasive and really good at the manipulation thing. booth can't win verbal sparring and he gets Big Mad#at one point the four of them are in an interrogation room together (MISTAKE) because tory had them meddling a little too close to the sun#and booth is trying so hard to question them which didn't work even when they COULDN'T read each other's minds#tory figures out who did it and hi steals her thunder a la shrek wasnt vandalized he gave birth#temperance tells tory 'i know you've got a secret sweets told me and even though i don't trust psychology i find he's insightful' etc etc#tory's like well i might be but i can't tell you it's not just my secret and you wouldn't believe me anyway#because let's be real tempe WOULDNT believe her#meanwhile saroyan convinced by sweets paranoia managed to get a sample of tory's blood and test it and is like HEY WHAT THE FUCK#gets hodgins and they just stare at the results together and delve into conspiracy theories. he's like i KNEW there were werewolves#they debate telling tempe but know it wouldnt end well for the kids and decide to get rid of the evidence. but hodgins is SO smug#also angela spends the whole episode trying to convince everyone hi and shelton are dating and no one believes her#they finally see them kiss or something and they're all somehow floored and angela's just like yeah? duh?#if anyone read this i'm sorry and why
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missmitchieg · 9 months ago
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You know what one thing I like about Mia's makeover in the first Princess Diaries movie? Paolo at least asked her about contact lenses and it was actually acknowledged that Mia wears the glasses not just because she's a dork or w/e, but because without some kind of aid, Mia can't fucking SEE.
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methoughtsphantom · 5 months ago
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HELL YEAH CROWN PRINCE PHANTOM whose ectoplasmic signature readings are obviously higher than that of his dad’s, who’s still filtering the corrupted ectoplasm and that takes time, (which is why he only wears the crown and not the ring.) So imagine, imagine that the imaginary of the vengeful angel was only visible to Danny, just like the crown, like imperceptible to human eyes kinda thing. To Batman Red Hood is just another ecto-entity who caught him off guard, and so he has to be better prepared. He goes see the JLD to ask for more information about these entities. They tell him one is the ghost king. Cuz mages can get a read in signatures and one is off the charts level powerful, or maybe Batman just had a scanner I dunno, point is Batman wrongly deduces whose the ghost king in this situation. After all, only one was able to actually display a tangible supernatural form and readings that remained steady during the scan. ((Jason’s are unreliable, funky if he’s not trying and bitch-you-better-start-running if he is.))
So. Batman wants to summon the ghost king. He doesn’t see a reason to involve the JL, just him and Constantine, who’s like ?? I heard there was new management, but…so new that the king’s a literal child?? okay I gotta see this. im putting a bunch of binds and spells so the ghost won’t be able to cross the summoning circle. Like Constantine just has Batman’s initial assessment and a power chart. Bruce’s detailed report indicates the kid has no experience on battle combat and instead just heavily relies on his powers (list of known powers not conclusive), but is still a threat that knows his and his associates secret identity. Curiously, the Bat also put that the kid is heavily suspected of being emotionally compromised.
Anyways
They expect a child.
They get the Red Hood.
Red Hood, who is still a bat, and still trained with assassins. Motherfucker whose ectoplasm readings are again so funky he can pass through the summoning’s restrains and binds as if they are not there. He’s such a little shit about how he’s sprinting the whole thing. He’s ghost adjacent enough he can turn intangible. He’s an expert on combat who can fucking predict what the bat’s planning to pull because he fought alongside him. Dramatic bitch saw Batman and immediately went to throw hands. Especially when the the Bat tries to pull off a gun on him.
Jason: oh so you’re using guns now??? you’re really such a hypocrite!!
Batman: I’m not the one whose letting a child cover for their criminal activities!!
Batman, at some point: I would never hurt my own son!!
Jason:
Jason: 🤡
Batman: how do you know our identities???
Jason, who didn’t know B knew he knew and who also had a pretty hardcore pretty little liars phase ✨: two can keep a secret if one of them is dead. bitch.
Batman:
Batman: this is confirmation. a dead figure from my past told him i’m Batman
…..
Batman, who’s still trying to see an angle to the Red Hood: You are obviously unfit to take care of a child
Jason:
Danny, 15 and thoroughly done with everyone's crap, steals the Crown of Fire and the Skeleton Key and uses the later to find a suitable new High King for the Infinite Realms. The key (also known as Deaths kay) acted like a sort of Infi-map but lacked the limitations of needing a natural portal to spawn in that time/location and could get you past any wards/protections no mater how powerful.
The key spawns him just in front of the form of a sleeping Jason Todd, and Danny decided he wasn't going to question the magical keys judgment and just plops the crown on a bleary and startled Jasons head.
The crown burned for this guy, signaling that it found him worthy and that was more than enough for Danny.
With no context whatsoever, Danny looked Jason in the eye, burning neon green meeting with wide greenish blue, "You're our king now."
Then he vanished.
Jason later finds that the Lazarus entity left behind a handmade pamphlet. It was immensely unhelpful.
#Jason: you are the least adequate person to tell me that you overgrown emo furry#You don’t see ME going into your house to scream all you did wrong when you were a first time dad#Jason somehow finds himself facing a Batman that’s asking him to sign away him parental rights#to which. first. deja vu. that’s even the same pen that B used when he was adopting Jason#and second. no. what the fuck.#Jason can’t believe the AUDACITY of this man#omg Karen you just can’t adopt the first child you think is in a bad place#like Jason bluescreens for a second#then he decides that if Bruce is gonna be such an obtuse little manchild about it then so will Jason#that’s right. uno-reverse card bitch#Jason is about to steal all his siblings back from his dad#Jason revealing himself to all of B’s children: yes hi you’re my sibling now#and you have a nephew!!!#Jason is just on a warpath to drop as many bombshells as he can#like#Yees i’m alive again dickhead please stop crying i missed u too#What no!! Timmers you are my brother no you cannot be my son. why?? bitch Dick will kill me if I take away his older brother dad thing#Dames Dami no you don’t have to compete to see who’s the best kid-nephew here also please don’t try to kill Danny#he has the power to die on command. not the wish#*sigh* wait what do you mean I don’t breathe sometimes?? omg cass hold me I’m having a bit of a panic attack#shit I’m literally king of the dead. oh-uh you didn’t know?? huh. huh#i must still be reeling over you figuring out I was the red hood like two second after meeting me you little menace#Duke still isn’t in the picture. but he would be BLINDED. like shit Danny didn’t you say only other ghosts could see the ethereal glow and#stuff?!?#Danny: DAD that was YEARS AGO you’re stable now and like pulsing mermaid barbie levels of power of course others CAN SEE YOU#dw they learn how to put the blindsides on#but yeah B now has his children giving him the stink eye#OOF I FORGOT#ESPECIALLY AFTER THEY LEARN HE ATTACKED THEIR BROTHER AND NEPHEW#Jason is very happy tho because now he knows he has family that loves him and will avenge him (even if it is against B) 💜😌
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endzithefangirl · 3 months ago
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"I'm gong to put 'being a WAG' on my CV"
Authors note: Here's a little Max Verstappen x TechCEO!Reader. Bet you didn't see that comng. Anyway, got the idea for this a few days ago, and I guess my love of Italian food made me finish this
Summary: Max's new relatioship causes a social media stir, but the new couple couldn't care less whilst in Italy.
Warnings: English isn't my first language, no use of Y/N, female reader, famous reader
Word count: 2k
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You understood it, to a degree. Max had just broken off a three-year-long relationship right before summer break, and now suddenly he was spending the summer with you. Now you’re at the paddock... No wonder people thought there was some crossover.
The truth? You two met last New Year's at a party for some sporting event. You, being one of the sponsors for your country's national sports committee, were invited, and Max... well, Max was Max Verstappen. You hit it off, exchanged numbers, showed him around your company a few times, and took him to all of your favorite restaurants in NYC. But you knew he had a girlfriend; everyone knew. And he was taking care of her kid too.
That breakup was hard on him. He had stopped loving her, but he couldn't just kick a woman and her kid out of his house. Max waited for them to have a huge fight, and then they just... broke up. And to your surprise, he was in New York the next day, saying that he needed someone to talk to. Bullshit. You knew he liked you. Otherwise, he wouldn't have come all the way here 'just to talk.'
But here you were, in Italy, spending time with him before Monza. You were currently typing away on your phone, trying to make peace in the finance department. Max glanced up from his phone every so often, stealing peeks at you while grinning.
He had never quite been so into someone like you. You were smart, funny, talented, pretty, and on top of all that - you were also rich. But you were also the most challenging girl to flirt with Max had ever met.
"You look like you could use a break," he said, after watching you tap away at your work laptop for a few minutes.
"Probably. What's the point of having interns if they don't do anything?"
"Then you should consider hiring me; I'm pretty good at helping out," Max teased, looking up from his phone and sending you a cheeky smile. He loved a woman who was in power, who knew what she was doing, and he could tell you were used to being the boss. "Come on, take a break. You know you deserve it," Max encouraged, resting his hand on top of yours to stop you from working some more.
"I guess I could eat…" You say, closing your laptop. "I saw on Google Maps that there’s a nice pizza place down the road. We can go if you’re hungry.”
Max smiled and nodded. “Yes, I’m starving; let’s go,” he said, reaching for the car keys.
“No, it’s okay, let’s walk,” you stop him. He turned towards you, slightly confused. Usually, women would give anything to drive around with Max Verstappen. Maybe that’s just what makes you special.
The two of you walked out of the hotel, your bodyguard Lenny standing outside the door. The tall, muscular man just nodded as the two of you entered the elevator. Max found it funny that you preferred Lenny guard your stuff more than you. Especially the laptop. He sometimes wondered what you kept in there...
“Is Pierre gonna be at the race?” you asked as you exited the building, breaking the silence.
Max’s head snapped towards you, and he raised his brow. “Uh, yes, of course he is… Why?”
“Because I want to see Kika.”
“Oh, so she’s your secret F1 crush, eh?” Max said, relaxing.
You laughed. “Pierre is a solid seven with a better haircut. Kika is a twelve on a bad day.”
As you got to the bigger streets, you started to understand why Max drove everywhere. Unlike you, who were a chiller and niche celebrity, despite being incredibly rich, Max was a real superstar. Your short walk to the pizza shop became a fan meet and greet, with people coming up to you every three seconds and asking for photos.
“Is this your girlfriend?” one of the people asking for a picture asked. As you finished taking the photo, you noticed Max’s slightly flustered face as he heard the question. He stumbled, but you answered with a simple “Yeah.”
As you arrived at the restaurant, you noticed that Max was staring at you. He seemed… surprised. You laughed at his facial expression. The sound of your laugh calmed him instantly, his heartbeat beginning to return to normal. Max cursed himself in his head; he was better than this. He chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck.
"Is it something I said?"
Max ran a hand through his hair, feeling his cheeks heating up slightly. "No, no... Not really," he reassured you, trying to sound casual. "I was just... thinking."
"Okay, well I'm thinking about the food. I think a Vesuvius sounds great right now."
Max chuckled and quickly glanced down at the menu to hide his embarrassment. "Vesuvius? What the hell is a Vesuvius?" he asked, though his eyes scanned down the menu, searching for it.
"It's a type of pizza," you teased. "It's been like three minutes; have you not even skimmed the menu?"
Max fidgeted under your gaze, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks again. "What?" he asked with a nervous chuckle. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"You tell me. Why are you staring?" Max shook his head, glancing up at you questioningly. He had no idea what you were thinking about. "No... What are you thinking about?" he asked, his curiosity getting the best of him.
"There are pots from 4000 years ago found in ancient Egypt that are made out of an incredibly difficult to manage material and are cut to such perfection that they balance on their round bottom."
Max's eyebrows shot up in surprise. He was expecting something totally different. Something that had at least a little bit to do with him. He chuckled, still somewhat surprised as he studied your face. "Where did that come from?" he asked incredulously.
"The Egyptians. They were like, cooking pots and stuff. Royal cooking pots probably, but still," you teased.
Max chuckled again, shaking his head in disbelief. "You're thinking about cooking pots, and here I am, just trying to figure out what I did to make you say that we're together so casually."
"What do you mean? Are we not together?"
"Well, of course we're together," Max said, his voice taking on a more serious tone now. He glanced around the restaurant briefly, making sure no one was listening in on their conversation. "I just... I didn't expect you to say it so casually," he said, his eyes meeting yours again.
"Oh, sorry. I didn't know we were keeping it a secret. I mean, I was at the paddock and all last time, and I took days off work to come to this race—"
Max shook his head, realizing you completely misunderstood what he was saying. "No, no, it's not that... I just..." he began, struggling to find the right words. He took a deep breath, his fingers fidgeting in his lap. "It's just... you're so casual about it... and I'm... a bit too flustered for my own good," he admitted, a tinge of embarrassment in his voice.
You softened up a bit. "Oh, okay, I get it. It was just a bit too shocking for you... Yeah, sorry."
Max felt his heartbeat a little faster when you softened, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "Yeah, it was a bit... unexpected for me," he chuckled, feeling somewhat silly for being so flustered. "But it's fine, honestly."
"Do you think my stomach is gonna have space for gelato later? There's a really good gelateria; I can see it from the window... They make the ones with the macarons..."
Max chuckled, loving how you were so excited about the gelato. "Well, based on the amount of pizza you usually eat," he teased, a smirk on his face. "I'd say you're probably fine."
"No, they put the macarons on the gelato."
"On the gelato?" Max repeated, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise.
"I've never heard of such a thing," he said, leaning forward to get a better look out the window at the gelateria you were talking about. "Well, in that case," he said with a grin, "we're definitely going there for dessert."
After eating so much that your belts barely held, you came back to the hotel, Lenny greeting you at the door as usual. Max's stomach was stuffed to the brim, but he was in such a good mood from the good food and even better company, he didn't even care. He walked back into the hotel together with you, his hand still holding yours. Lenny greeted the two of you as usual, but Max couldn't help but notice the way Lenny looked at you, like he was analyzing you.
"All good, Len. You go to your room for the night," you said to Lenny. He nodded, smiled at the both of you, and then went off. Max watched as Lenny walked off, then turned to you, a small frown on his face.
"He was looking at you funny," he said, a protective edge to his voice.
"He thinks it's funny. That I'm dating a Formula 1 driver."
"What's so funny about that?" he protested, his grip on your hand tightening ever so slightly. "He just... I don't know, he's a big fan of yours I don't think he's processed it yet". Max's frown relaxed as you explained it, his ego immediately soothed a bit. Of course he was a big fan of his, who wasn't?
"Oh, so he's a big fan?" he teased, a hint of pride and cockiness in his voice.
You take your shoes off and lay on the bed, your stomach bloated from all the good food "Yeah. Talk to him a bit, I think it'll make him happy" You let out groan as you move "I hate you Italy. You has so much good food... I love it though"
Max chuckled, watching as you dramatically threw yourself onto the bed, your stomach protesting the amount of food you just had. "You're such a drama queen sometimes," he teased, grinning as he took off his shoes as well and joined you on the bed. He lays down beside you, running a hand over your bloated stomach. "You'll be fine," he said, though there was a hint of amusement in his voice.
"Oh, you know what I saw on TikTok?"
Max raised an eyebrow in curiosity, his hand now resting on your stomach. He didn't typically pay too much attention to TikTok, but he was more than happy to listen to you.
"What did you see?" he asked, turning his head to look at you.
"Well first of all, I'm a WAG now. Thank you for that, I will be putting that on my CV. But second, they liked that I was wearing Red Bull merch. I thought they wouldn't like it, but they did"
Max chuckled as you spoke, amused by how casually you mentioned being a WAG, and how seriously you were taking the fact that you were wearing Red Bull merchandise. "Well, of course they liked it," he said with a smirk. "You were wearing the merch of the best team out there."
He gave you a smug look, his hand moving up and tracing a lazy pattern on your stomach. "Not to mention the merch of the best driver out there."
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zephyrchama · 4 months ago
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Dark Past
A common demon on the street caught your eye. You slowed, almost to a halt, just to gaze at them. They paid you no mind at all. You were two strangers with no connection in the middle of a crowded street. As they passed, you turned your neck for one final glance before continuing on.
The seven demons you were walking with noticed your little stare. Some of them exchanged quizzical looks. None of them had ever seen that random demon before. They didn't look special. Leviathan paused in his tracks to glare daggers of envy at the stranger, cursing them in his mind for stealing your attention.
"Someone you know?" Satan asked. It was hard to hear him over Mammon shouting, "Who was that?"
"What?" You fixed your eyes on them, confused by the sudden outburst. Beelzebub tenderly placed a hand on your back and guided you around some uneven pavement.
"Who was that demon you were staring at?" Belphegor asked.
"I wasn't staring at anyone."
"Yes, you were." Lucifer didn't question you, but he crossed his arms expectantly. His brothers would do all the work of wrestling an answer out of you for him.
"I saw you rubberneck so hard, I thought you were going to chase after them!" Asmodeus must have been exaggerating. You only glanced at that demon for a second max, or so you believed.
You didn't think it was a big deal, and brushed the incident off with, "they just reminded me of something." You hoped that would suffice as an answer. It did not.
"And what would that be?" Satan sounded like a courtroom interrogator trying to corner a lying defendant.
At some point, the eight of you had come to a stop in front of a closed and shuttered business, letting the foot traffic flow around you. The seven of them boxed you in and blocked your view of the rest of the street, circling you like a pack of hungry sharks. You waved your hands at the ridiculous bunch.
"I was just looking! What's it matter to you guys?"
Mammon got right up in your face. "I'm in charge of protectin' you! I can't be lettin' you stare at every chump lookin' to take advantage of ya!"
Asmodeus pulled him aside, claiming, "you should just look at me! I'm the only demon you'll never get tired of staring at." He gave you a wink of fan service that would have sent anyone else into a lustful fervor.
"I... also... don't want you looking at other people," Leviathan mumbled while lacking the courage to look you in the eye. His hand fidgeted with the bottom of his jacket.
"There are many dangers in the Devildom. You know that we have a responsibility to keep you safe, both as an exchange student and as someone very dear to us." Lucifer always had a way with words.
"So, who was that?" Beelzebub asked. He was followed up by Belphegor wondering, "do you know them?"
"No! They just..." You took a deep breath before your admission. "Ok. They look like the demon I would pretend to be when I was a kid."
There it was, the truth. Out in the open. There was a long beat of silence.
Belphegor was the first to go "huh?"
Leviathan caught on quickly. "Like, a demonsona? You had a demonsona?"
"It's something a lot of human kids do," you hurried to explain. "On playgrounds and stuff. When we're little we imagine we're secretly vampires and demons and cool monsters. It's fun but we grow out of it, usually."
Belphegor tried to clarify. "So you pretended you were a demon, and that you looked like the one who just walked by?"
You swear you heard Lucifer snort, trying to hold back his laughter.
"That is sooooooooo cute!" Asmodeus did not hold back. He started cracking up, his high-pitched laughter ringing around the street, and wiped a tear from his eye. "So, for years you played pretend demon?"
"Want me to go get them and ask for their picture?" Beelzebub offered. "I can catch up pretty quickly.
"No!" The offer was mortifying. "Lets just go, we have to finish our errands."
"You had a demonsona," Leviathan repeated with a smile and a chuckle. "That is kind of cute."
"Why somebody like that loser? Why not imagine someone cooler, like me?" Mammon flexed his wings in a show of vanity, as if he could make child-you change their mind.
"I didn't know you then, Mammon. I was, like, ten. All demons were cool."
"That's funny. Humans are so silly," Belphegor chimed.
"I was a child!" You spun to look at Belphegor, sticking an accusatory finger in his face. "You don't get to make fun of me, seeing as you pretended to be human when we met. You're thousands of years old! Act your age!"
"Ok, but I can do that because I'm a demon." Belphegor explained. He ran a hand through his hair, making his horns briefly disappear. "It's what we do."
"Yeah, it's different for us," Satan agreed.
Lucifer cleared his throat and stated, "I imagine we should continue this conversation while walking, now that we have an answer. Unless you lot want to spend all night on the street." He took a step back and gestured down the road in the direction you all were headed.
Sensing an escape from this topic, you nudged your way through the wall of demon brothers and followed after Lucifer, hoping to leave this memory behind. One by one, everyone else followed suit.
Leviathan sped up to match his pace to yours. Once the group was back on track and you thought the conversation was in the past, he asked, "so did you imagine having any cool powers?"
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Dumping the start of the tags here cause tumblr has a tag limit of 30 :/ sorry op
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also more things I couldn't fit in. after cuddy bails out choreman chase gets assigned a bunch of clinic hours as Punishment TM. But mom-dad wilson (house is dad-mom) keeps him company till house gets angsty and comes to bail him out pick him up.
More I couldn't fit in at the end so I dumped here outta order:
wilson teahces the ducklings to paint since obvi house passed down his musical talents
rich kid chase got assigned clarinet at age 6. he's ok but has 0 heart. house jokingly points him towards a lyre in a music shop and he takes to it instantly. house go to tease him (baby angel lookin-) but chase looks so overjoyed and he says something like "look just like David played for Saul" so he melts on the spot (and convinces wilson to by him a kinnor so he doesn't know its his idea. he sings like a screeching alterboy tho)
I think cameron can sing but she's quiet and stumbles so she refuses to get formal training. she's tear rendering on a cello tho. surprisingly she can dj like all hell too. she had a wild college life before her 1st husband
foreman can sing smooth as silk. but he can't play an instrument to save his life (no patient for it). his dancing though? stage worthy. can be convinced to show off after a couple drinks.
Obsessed with the whole vibes of early season one of House. The ducklings have the energy of dysfunctional siblings along with their insane Vicodin-addict father. Wilson isn’t shown to have an office yet so he just lingers at House’s side while constantly and giving him fuck-me eyes. Wilson will just sit in on diagnoses and give his advice like he doesn’t have any responsibilities in the world. When the team needs to (illegally) shrink a patient’s tumor so it’s small enough to operate on, Wilson just says “alright” and does it along with Cameron. Chase does a silly American accent to fool a patient’s mother and it WORKS. Foreman is new and already despises everyone. House comments on how fuckable Wilson looks when Wilson is simply wearing a green tie and nice shoes. An old woman says that House has the same bedroom eyes as Ashton Kutcher. At one point the team, House, Wilson, and Cuddy all gather together in the small lab room to discuss a patient and are all basically brushing shoulders. Wilson reads a love poem out loud in the middle of the hospital to House. House eats tomato sauce that the team suspected was killing the patient. Wilson ditches his wife on Christmas Eve to go hang out with House and it shows a montage of them laughing and eating take-out. Cuddy greets House and Wilson by saying “hi, boys” like they’re kids. Foreman and Cameron are tasked to search a patient’s home and Foreman eats the ham he found in their fridge because he was hungry. The first scene with House shows him and Wilson walking down the hallway literally brushing hands and shoulders despite the hallway being huge. One of the first things Wilson does is lie to House. Wilson asks House — who rarely ever takes cases unless he finds them really interesting — to take a case and House just takes it. When asked why it was so easy, House just looks at Wilson with a smirk and says “you know why” and then they both smile at each other. This is all in the span of the first eight episodes.
#cameron watches the met gala with wilson and they make a tradition of judging the Shit outfits together (they both still suck at shopping)!#they still go shopping. but for silly obscure mugs! they make a death match outta it! foreman introduces them to ebay and decimates them!#it gets so bad house inlists amber to take them (wilson + cameron) shopping. somehow he and chase end up tagging along#chase and amber actually slay the house down. they are effective and vicious at shopping.#think crazy rich aunt who shows up once a month for a shopping spree therapy ses. and bad bitchin life advice. then you never see her again#later that night chase and foreman go out drinking. they have a bro moment get robbed and some how they're the ones who end up in jail#(probably for drunkenly disorder)#they get their phone call and chase is like noooo i cant tell mom and dad theylll be sooo disappointed in me :( (house is not)#foreman is like i gotchu bro and calls up cuddy at like 5 am. she brings rachel with her cause she cant be left alone yet#(its fine tho she was already up. kids r just Like That) she shows up eyebrow raised like 'Boys'.#foreman the lil shit points at chase straight face and says it was all his idea. his fault. tried to stop him but nooo he wouldnt listen 🙄#and since foreman is (canonically) cuddy's favourite she believes him.#thats how foreman gets brotherly revenge for chase always throwin the rest of the team under the bus and bein a lil snitch (affectionate)#chase regrets not calling cameron and facing her moral wrath for all of 5 mins. then they get to cuddys car#and chase lights up like a stage 4 cancer patient in a ct scan. cause rachel is in the car. and rachel ADORES foreman. finds him facinating#he's her new teddy. she asks him every question under the sun + leaves him covered in Child Stickiness. chase thinks this is an Opportunity#but plot twist foreman is great with kids. he listens and answers and gives fun neuro facts. rach makes the 😮 face kids make till shes 13.#she gets in trouble @school for diagnosing kids w/ stuff (mostly true) but her teacher is so confused about this kids family she just 👋#foreman always makes time for Rachel between cases holidays etc. and bring your kid to work day is right after her birthday.#so she goes every year spends the day in the teams or wilson's office. sitting in foremans lap until she just kicks him off and steals it.#also she has a height chart in foreman's Dark Shadowy Corner that she updates every year and everybody must Write A Note every year#on the flip side she hits chameron with the double 'why are you both blonde. sad.' and they both die of humiliation.#everyone thinks rachel'll take after foreman when she shows interest in medicine. she does. in a way. she goes into psychology :)#when she announces this (either in the clinic or in an ambulance over some guy who collapsed) house (who with wilson + cuddy coparent rach)#has what'll become known as The Great House Swoon of 2026 when rachel hits 18 yes i did math. he's fine tho. what's the logic behind this?#what season is it in? shhh no :) as a gift 4 college wilson gives rachel the dime she swallowed as a baby gold plated on a chain cause well#house md#gay dads hilson#h/w/c#the og ducklings
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wolfiesmoon · 11 months ago
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Ratted out
sometimes friends and family accidentally (or purposefully) reveal things they shouldnt :)
characters featured: Leona, Kalim, Jade, Jack
ufff idk whats wrong with me but i ended up creating an entire (unrelated to this fic) movie plan related to twst this is mentally stable activities, truly
also unrelated but the new event got me SCREAMING how do they look so good😫
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ᐟᐟ☆๋࣭ ⭑໑ Leona Kingscholar
when hanging out with your boyfriend Leona, a little lion boy suddenly jumps him and he immediately lets you go
who is this child???
"Uncle Leona!" the boy clings onto him and you can feel the annoyance eminating from Leona
it's like its own aura thats how annoyed he is🥴
so his nephew (you presume) looks to you all of a sudden and asks "who are you?" with an innocent look on his face
"I'm his lover...?" you said, a little unsure. But when you looked to Leona, he had a look of pure horror on his face...? What is even going on?????
"What?! No way, you're dating Uncle Leona?!" the kid got all excited and ran off somewhere before you could stop him
"...What have you done?" Leona hissed at you through clenched teeth, holding his forehead
you do realise you just revealed that he's dating you to the most big mouthed child in the world, right? that his whole family will know in a matter of minutes, right? that you've basically just invited yourself to every future family gathering at once, right?
and sure enough, in a few minutes he got a surprised text from his brother which he left on read 💀
"Damn brat..." he muttered under his breath, you still confused over what just happened
ᐟᐟ☆๋࣭ ⭑໑ Kalim Al-Asim
let's be real babes there is nothing for his siblings to rat him out on because he immediately told his family he was dating you
however....😈
his siblings happened to overhear a little something...
"Hey, hey." one of Kalim's younger brothers pulled your sleeve, wanting to tell you something
"yes?" you answered absentmindedly, thinking he's going to start talking about a strange thing he saw today or something
"Kalim's gonna marry you." he whispered to you, looking around to make sure no one heard
You laughed a little. "If you think so." you pat his little head
"No, he was like, asking mom if he can marry you soon. We heard it." another one of his brothers joined in after hearing the tea being spilled
"What?! Really?!" you're both extremely surprised and happy and mad at his brothers for ruining the surprise right now
oh well, what's done is done, and now you know Kalim is SERIOUS about you
that gets you thinking about wedding stuff now...🤔
What none of you know tho is that Jamil overheard all of you
"Okay, maybe we need to scrap the whole surprise wedding proposal thing..." he sighs, making a mental note of it and preparing to dissapoint poor Kalim
ᐟᐟ☆๋࣭ ⭑໑ Jade Leech
jade is like... oddly nice to you after you first meet him
you're a little wary of him considering his reputation but he hasn't done anything weird at all so... might as well accept his gifts?
one time he approaches you with jade in tow and you think absolutely nothing of it since they're together like 90% of the time anyways
"Hello there, are you enjoying your lunch?" he just sat down next to you without asking if he can at all 😔
"Uh, yeah, I suppose." you didn't really know what to tell him and it seems he doesnt know how to continue the conversation either so u just kinda... stare at eachother while Floyd casually steals a bit of ur food
"Maaaan, aren't you like, supposed to be crushing on Little Shrimpy or something? Then taaalk about stuff, I'm bored." Floyd looked bored when he saw the two of you didn't start talking about weird stuff
Jade simply smiled at you, telling you to ignore Floyd
But on the inside he was planning approximately 10 ways to... get rid of someone without others noticing
or alternatively, just beating the everloving crap out of his twin brother if the first plan is not a possibility
"Do you have a crush on me?" you wanted to know now...
"That's for you to think about." he smiled oddly eerily, but then just started talking abt something mundane 😥
ᐟᐟ☆๋࣭ ⭑໑ Jack Howl
You're visiting him for the first time because you got curious what his family is like
OF COURSE HE'S AN OLDER BROTHER IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW
his younger siblings immediately ambushed you with their little sniffer noses as soon as you stepped in the house🤔
"Who are you?" they asked, always curious about anyone that Jack brings over
When you told them who you were, they immediately ran away to "TELL MOM" and were literally screaming that the two of you are dating so loudly that the whole neighborhood could hear
You could also hear some woman (who you presume is his mom) laughing from somewhere in the house so uhhh.... atleast she isn't mad about it?
You looked back at Jack who seemed more annoyed than anything
"Aren't you gonna... go stop them?" you asked, raising a brow.
"Nah, I was gonna tell mom I'm dating you anyways. I'm just mad that they beat me to it." he crossed his arms, huffing in annoyance
"Actually, speaking of, isn't me dating you kinda a big deal? You told me before that wolves have one partner for life." you actually got kinda nervous, i mean, you gotta impress his family good now
"It is. But I think everyone's just happy I got someone at all." Jack looked at his overly excited siblings who were still celebrating
"Wow, that's sad." you sassed him 😝
"...I shouldn't have brought you."
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yandere--stuck · 3 months ago
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would u ever write more for stanley.. its so dry out here.. stanation is suffering in a drought……….
You're so right, I'm so sorry, Stanation!!!!
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💰 Stanley's obsession for you manifests into rocketing between pitiful internal justification for his possessive feelings for you and deep, deep self-loathing and disgust with himself while trying to distance himself from you. Oh, and who could forget, Stanley allowing himself to indulge in fantasies of you returning his feelings and living out happily ever after together. Ha, like that'll ever happen! … But, a man can dream, can't he? Just nice, sappy, romantic stuff, you know? Cuddling together in bed, making the kids breakfast with sleep still in both your eyes, watching the sunset together on the porch, and scaring off any lousy creep that tries to take what's his with one of his many guns. In fact, he may already be doing that last one.
🎲 Talks a big game and acts like a tough guy around you, but it couldn't be further from the truth - at least when it comes to you. In reality, when Stan's around you, he feels one second away from breaking and acting like a lovesick puppy. He feels like a kid with a crush! He hasn't felt this way since he was a young man! It'd be embarrassing if it, if you, didn't make him so happy. He just feels lucky he hasn't turned into a babbling, blushing idiot in front of you or the kids. That's for when your backs are turned. There have been some close calls, though. Like the time he got so lost in listening to you speak that he hadn't realized he'd started resting the side of his face on his hand while staring at you, hearts practically in his eyes. The moment he realized, he'd run off from you with a shout of, “Nonspecific excuse!”
💰 Stan is a bit of a collector, and that certainly doesn't stop with you. He loves snatching little keepsakes from you. Nothing you'd miss, or nothing you'd miss for long. Discarded doodles, forgotten gloves, change that had fallen to the floor unnoticed, and occasionally, your phone, to make sure he didn't have a competition. Everything he keeps goes into his study. He also likes swiping your unfinished snacks or drinks and finishing them himself - he thinks of it as an indirect kiss (yeah, he's gross, what of it?) And it's hard to admit even to himself, but he gets a certain thrill whenever he snaps a candid shot of you from one of the polaroid he swiped from stock for “store use.” That's not all, though! He goes through security camera footage and rifles through it for cute videos of you - ah, but hey, you're always cute, aren't you? He saves them all and watches them religiously. He also may secretly go through Mabel's scrapbook to find pictures of you and make copies of them for his own personal collection, always making sure it gets returned to Mabel seemingly untouched. It's probably the most organized collection he has! And, of course, he's put a framed picture of you right beside the one of Mabel and Dipper in the laboratory downstairs. It makes Stan think of an imagined, impossible world where you and he raise the two together. Your own little family.
🎲 Another fantasy he indulges in is drugging you up and keeping you hidden in the laboratory. It'd be so easy. You're so trusting of him when you really shouldn't be, when he doesn't deserve to be. It'd be so easy to steal you away all for himself. Gravity Falls is a weird town. Strange things happen, and they either go unremembered or unspoken. Sure, you'd be missed, but it's not like the police force in town would get very far. Heck, he'd put more faith in his grand-niblings cracking the case than Blubs and Durland! And, well, you stole his heart first. It's only fair. And Stan would take such good care of you, he knows it! He'd keep you all nice and drugged up. Maybe you'd be euphoric and clingy, or your brain too foggy to escape or do much for yourself, or maybe he'd give you something so that you're too sick to even consider leaving for the hospital lest your condition worsen any further. You'd need him. That's all he'd ever want.
💰 Stan is very protective of you. He tries not to be so obvious, but his temper had such a short fuse when it came to you. You were just so sweet, so nice, even to a scumbag like him! You were so good with the kids, always such a help around the shack, even going so far as to visit on your day off just because you liked the Pines’ company. Liked his company. I mean, how the hell could anyone think they're good enough for you? Nah, nah, nah, he's not letting any mouth-breathing idiots in this town try to make moves on you just because they're too stupid to realize you're outta their league! And if he even thinks he hears someone a bad word about you, he'll be up in their face, cussing them out and making threats (as well as very rude hand gestures.) It's embarrassing for him afterwards, though. He doesn't want to think he's losing control and becoming more obvious, but with how Mabel claims it was ‘so sweet’ of him to be so protective of you, he can't help but worry.
🎲 Stan gradually becomes more physically affectionate with you. “Accidentally” brushing his hands against yours, leaving a hand on your shoulder or arm for a bit too long, nearly embarrassing himself by wrapping you up in a hug in front of everyone. He just can't help it! He's… He's in love! He's in love with you, and he wants to be with you. You make him happy just by being near him. You make his life better just by being in it. He wants to hold you, hug you, kiss you, be with you, and keep you with him forever. But, Stan also knows he can't. You'd never agree to it, surely. No matter how much Stan wants to think otherwise. Old bastard like him, he wasn't good enough for you - but then again, he thought no one was. But he could take comfort in you just being near him (if you ever tried to leave, he doesn't know what he'd do…) That way, at least, he couldn't screw anything up. That's all he'd do, anyway. It'd fail, just like all of his other relationships and all because of him. He should know better. He should know that he's a fuckup, that he destroys everything he touches, and that everyone he's ever known has suffered because of him. He just… He just wishes he could be closer. He knows he's not good enough for you to love him or need him and that he never will be, but God, does he wish he was.
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bonebrokebuddy · 10 days ago
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honestly? I love that. As someone who has multiple siblings, I respect that take heavily
What if I lived in a reality where Wally and Bart were close
#I’m now just imagining Wally giving Bart a figurine he found on clearance from a show Bart mentioned a month ago#Bart’s confused because a month is Forever ago and he’s long moved on to other interests#but Wally’s like ‘I gave him a gift from smth I remembered he liked. i did a good job:)’#meanwhile Bart’s just baffled sitting on Max’s living room couch like ‘wait. huh?!’#it’s a begrudging ‘i don’t entirely hate you but don’t you dare tell max’#Their styles of love language are very different in that Wally’s trying his best & Bart isn’t the best at giving gifts at first#bones writes in the tags#I’d imagine they also clash because when trying to show affection- bart & Wally’s love language just doesn’t mesh#Bart doesn’t really like Wally at first so he’s a little confused.#and doesn’t entirely know how to return Wally being nice to him because Wally doesn’t talk to him much#but Bart talks At Wally when he comes over often. might be a fun lesson for Bart to sit down and listen: something he’s known to struggle w/#when trying to find a way to return a gift back. I’d imagine the first few times he tried to do smth in return it’d be an activity#but he’d mess up the first few times. depending on how early this is in Bart & Wally’s relationship it could be smth like Wally complaining-#about his food bill & Bart just steals food from a grocery store for Wally. he’s trying to be helpful-just not going about it the right way.#eventually as Bart learns social norms & how the world works outside of VR & gets to know Wally better-#it goes from understanding that a ‘thank you’ and telling Wally that he liked the gift can be enough of a payment back & understanding-#the thoughtfulness of the gift. to realizing that it’d help Wally significantly if he learned how to get better at -#moving bystanders and civilians out of the radius of rogue fights. to taking over duty as The Flash in Central City when he got older so-#so Wally could have an uninterrupted date with Linda.#like- considering Bart’s large belief in the beginning was his value was tied to his abilities as a hero- most of his gifts back would be-#in the beginning sidelining ‘main hero’ duties and helping Wally like he’d a sidekick. because in the beginning- that action would have a -#Lot of meaning to Bart.#because all Bart wants to do is rush into the action and prove his worth so Max will train him to do the cool hero stuff#instead of the lame stuff like learning patience and how to be a normal kid#it takes Wally a while to realize that Bart is trying to show he cares in his own way.#i can’t personally picture their relationship as anything but very non-typical.#it’d take a while for them to get along- but I’d like to imagine Wally trying to show that he cares for Bart & Bart for Wally but in very-#different ways. but once they start getting along better- Wally does things like tell Bart the best places to get cheap food to satisfy -#his calorie count with a tight budget. and etc. they show eachother they care but it’s in their own special way I’d imagine#plus I’d love a comic of Dick finding Wally taking Bart out for icecream & Wally trying to make excuses abt how it Totally wasn’t his idea
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chochuuya · 1 year ago
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soft & random headcanons with tr boys!
characters included: mikey, mitsuya, draken, kazutora, baji, takemichi, chifuyu, smiley, angry, hakkai, inui, kokonoi, rindou, ran, izana, hanma and kakucho.
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⤹ mikey would subconsciously tuck your hair behind your ear when it gets out of place, while you were talking. then he'll tilt his head in confusion when you blushed and stumble on your words.
⤹ mitsuya is good with make up. i'm convinced that anyone who is good with arts/crafts are automatically pros in doing make up.
⤹ draken understands personal space, but he would always make sure you're alright by sending texts or food.
⤹ kazutora definitely cried when he heard laufey's song falling behind for the first time. (i did too)
⤹ baji is the type of person that would cover the sharp edge of a table when you crouch down to take something on the floor.
⤹ takemichi would run to a photo booth whenever he sees one, while holding your hand with his smile a mile wide.
⤹ chifuyu is a taekwondo kid and he is good with subway surfers. (i fell even more when he kicked down those tenjiku boys)
⤹ smiley would say "my brother was right about you", whenever you mess up but he won't say what exactly.
⤹ angry is a good cook and smiley would always be the food taster. he also seems like the person to make sure you never eat alone.
⤹ hakkai is a pretty boy so, he would totally have those dyed buzz cut designs and pull off every look. i also think he is a trinket person who collects cute stuff, especially keychains.
⤹ inui would hold your pinky or play with your hand mindlessly while you were talking about your day.
⤹ kokonoi knows a lot about everything and he is creative with the gifts he give you. it's been known that his love language is giving gifts anyway.
⤹ rindou is smart and he would even offer to stay up late to help you with your homework.. not forgetting to nag you a little.
⤹ ran knows how to do pottery and has a famous public spotify playlist. i feel like he would show off his skills on tiktok and would blow up overnight because 1) he is hot and 2) a hot guy doing pottery.
⤹ izana is bold and for some reason, i think he hates slow walkers. he would either nudge someone's shoulder while walking past them or simply sighed in annoyance. or both.
⤹ hanma is a fashion boy and he will change his style a lot. he is also funny without even trying and loves taking ootd pics.
⤹ kakucho is a great listener and he gives the best advice, but won't hesitate to call you out if he thinks you know better. he's a real one.
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please do not steal, copy, translate, repost to other sites or claim my writings as your own. plagiarism is real!
i challenged myself to type more 🥸 i hope you like this one~ all notes; reblogs, likes and comments are vv much appreciated! ( 〃▽〃)
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poppyflower-22 · 6 months ago
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~Love Has No Boundaries~
Summary: Layla is Max’s sister, Lando and her have been dating for 3 years. He was the one that helped her after her ex dumped her for someone else and left her to raise her kid by herself. Now he’s back and wants it all.
But no one is going to let that happen. Not her friends, not her fans. Especially Lando.
Side note: Layla is an OC. Matty is her son who is four. Pedri is aged up to 24 for this. I was going to use someone different, but I only know stuff about him only. And I don't why the twitter thing is not he greatest.
Face claim is Sabrina Carpenter.
Masterlist
Layla Verstappen
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Liked by LandoNorris, MaxVerstappen and 2,456,582 others.
LaylaVerstappen: My new song 'Cinnamon Roll' is out now! This has been one of my favorite songs to write. Enjoy the song and the amazing video featuring my Lan and our son. 💘🦋
Tagged: LandoNorris
View 514,568 comments.
User: OMG!!! 🗣️ THIS is THE SONG OF THE CENTURY RIGHT NOW!! 🗣️
User: No, I watched the video for this song and its so cute. Lando and Matty together are everything. 😭
↪️User: Omg yes. You could see that Lando really loves being Matty's dad.
LandoNorris: I love you so much my love. 😘😘
↪️LaylaVerstappen: No, I love you. Thank you. 💘
↪️LandoNorris: No thanks needed to be given to the love of my life and our beautiful son. 🛐
↪️User: No! Stop this is so cute. 'Our son.' 🥺🥺
MaxVerstappen: Love the song sis. 🎤
Liked by, LaylaVerstappen
User: I will never recover from this. This song and video will forever be stitched in my brain. I love Layla and Lando.
↪️DanielRiccardo: Same. 🥺
CharlesLeclerc: Okay I admit that's cute. 🙌
Liked by, LaylaVerstappen
PedriGonzalez: Good song.
↪️OscarPiastri: No. 🙅‍♂️
↪️MaxVerstappen: Go away. 🚮
↪️User: Oscar and Max. 🤭Also, Pedri? NO. YOU CAN BACK AWAY!! 🤺🤺
User: Why is he likening and commenting on her stuff now after what he did?
Tweets.
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Tweets about her song.
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Tweets.
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Texts:
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Lando Norris
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Liked by, LaylaVerstappen, MaxFewtrell and 1,154,698 others.
LandoNorris: My family. 🧡🦋☀️
Tagged; LaylaVeratappen.
View 568,112 comments.
User: YES. 🙌
User: The first photo. 😭 I’m going to cry from cuteness. 🥹
LaylaVerstappen: We love you so very much my love. 😘
↪️ LandoNorris: Not as much as me. 🥰
MaxVerstappen: The only man for my sister.
↪️ User: Oh the shad. 🤭
CharlesLeclerc: Leo wants to have a sleepover again. He misses Matty and Layla. 😞
↪️ LandoNorris: Your dog is stealing my wife and son. 😐
↪️ User: Oh already saying wife.
User: No why is this slightly possessive but in the most subtly way.
OscarPiastr: 🧡
Liked by LaylaVerstappen and LandoNorris
Load more commands….
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So, you guys want a part 2?
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wonderjanga · 7 days ago
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even though the bad parent captain marvel thing is resolved, i'd still love some more scenarios from the JL's pov of marvel's 'bad' parenting. ONLY if you WANT to do it, if you dont then just ignore this request lol
like him telling freddy or mary to 'fuck off' or swear at them in general and threaten to steal their stuff or blackmail them (like normal siblings do -coming from a middle child with two siblings)
or maybe they hear freddy and mary ranting about marvel and they JL misinterprets their sibling rivalry as abuse
Marvel is a terrible parent. The JL knows it. It just flabbergasts them every time they see or hear about it because Marvel is literally the nicest person ever so why does he hate his kids?
Junior and Mary: *walking down a hallway in the Watchtower while complaining about Marvel*
Mary: “Says you. He was chasing me around with a darn stick trying to beat me yesterday.”
Junior: “You don’t have the right to complain. At least you could run.”
Mary: “I guess but Pedro was carrying you so you could get away too. So I think I have to right to complain.”
Flash: *had the unfortunate displeasure of hearing that*
Now why was a grown man running around after his kids and trying to beat them with a stick? Also what did Cap do to make it so that Junior couldn’t run away?? Flash knew he was magic, so he was hoping he just used some magic to bind his legs or something. Speaking of Junior…
Junior: *annoying Marvel*
Marvel: *looking more increasingly annoyed* “Junior. Please take five steps back from me before I decide to slap the shit out of you.”
Supes: *immediately looks over to them*
Junior: “No you won’t. You’re chicken-”
Marvel: *literally raises his hand to do it*
Supes: *looks extremely concerned*
Junior: *immediately shuts up*
Marvel: “Yeah that’s what I thought.”
Junior: “Bastard.”
Marvel: “You’re a bastard too. Anyways, want lunch?”
Junior: “Yeah, tacos.”
Clark got a little whiplash from the quick change of topic. Though, that entire interaction really does enforce that he does not care for these kids. It’s so unfortunately obvious. Another example of him not caring was when Marvel and the silver one were sent to go examine a cave on a deserted planet.
Marvel and Eugene: *staring at the ominous cave*
Marvel: *walks behind Eugene* “Well… go on.” *pushes him forward to the cave*
Eugene: “What do you mean go on?! I’m not gonna sacrifice myself for you!”
Marvel: “But we’re family.”
Eugene: “So? I’m not fighting a dang Xenomorph if one pops out.”
Marvel: “Don’t worry. We’ll fight it together.” *continued to push him, but is thankfully walking with him*
Batman saw this entire interaction when he was reviewing to body cams he forced the two to wear. Who just pushes their son into danger like that? He needed to have a talk with Marvel about his parenting.
Pedro: “Hey, which of us is your favorite?”
Marvel: *almost immediately* “Mary and Darla.”
Pedro: “Mary and Darla- why them?? Darla was eating crayons just the other day, and Mary is Mary.”
Marvel: “Okay and…? They’re still my favorites?”
GL: “Wait, who’s Darla?”
Marvel: “The purple one.”
At least he likes the purple one, Darla? They haven’t seen a negative interaction between her and Cap yet. Emphasis on yet.
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stardustedseas · 3 months ago
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small dating stan hc, he will absolutely use you in his schemes and cons lmao especially if youre afab or look more feminine. cant or dont want to get pregnant? thats okay! you will experience what its like via you wearing a fake belly and stan shoving stuff in it to steal or sneak snacks into a theater. if you already have more belly fat and so it wont be as easy to add on a fake pregnancy belly without it looking odd, thats okay! just wear a bigger shirt than normal and stan can wrap thinner things around you like sheets, bags, towels, clothes ect. yall will be sleeping on the nicest sheets gravity falls has that very night LMAO
if you wear a bra, especially if your tits are bigger, stan will shove things in there to steal as well lmfao that spot between your tits? perfect for hiding small items, under them? also perfect.
if you are okay with it and wear a packer, im so sorry but that is now a can of beer. you now have a very expensive can of beer or some other cylinder shaped object for a peen. if you wear a silicone breast vest thing or just ones to put in your bra to look bigger (sorry im unsure if there is a name for them like packers) stan gets you a hollow pair to stuff things in to steal as well. always wanted a big chest? no worries! he can get you a pair AND some free ibuprofen!
he gets you guys a baby carrier and steals stuff in that. if someone asks to see the baby? sorry no absolutely not, you were just able to get them to sleep before coming into the store and if you take the blanket cover off they will wake up and never get back to sleep
also idk if any of you have seen the best show in the entire world ever made, trigun 1998, but there is a scene where two characters smuggle a girl out of town and she hides under one of the characters long coat/dress so she just looks like an expecting mother taking a stroll with her husband. stan absolutely does that if youre on the skinnier side(just for the same reason it would be harder to have a fake pregnancy belly if youre bigger) to smuggle one of the twins into somewhere.
theres a movie you guys wanna go see but kids only get in for $5? thats ten dollars right there! plus whatever it costs for two adults, what do you think he is, made of money? (tap tap) mabel, get under your graunt/grunkles coat, youre their unborn baby now (mabel thinks this is the funnest thing ever, its like a scene from a spy movie where you infiltrate the enemies base! yes she brings her grappling hook and wears her sneaking into somewhere sweater and earrings)
he will also have you wear a pregnancy belly or wrap some sheets around you to make your stomach look bigger/more pregnant as a way to get ppl to buy more stuff at the mystery shack. he is just a father-to-be trying to get enough money for a good crib for his baby </3 dont you kind folks want to help an expecting family get the stuff they need? snookums, cmere so these loaded- he means generous- uhm, these sweet people can see your baby bump better. tf you mean 'isnt he too old to have a baby', everyone boo this person out of town for shitting on the miracle of life!!! boo them!!
all in all he will absolutely take advantage of having an s/o if you allow him
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dc-gotham-instincts-wild · 18 days ago
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DC BATFAM FANFIC IDEAS
Bruce not telling anyone in the JL his identity and one day he casually mentions something only an orphan would understand. - The JL members who are orphans understand. The others don't. - The entire JL gets concerned.
Tim's nervous (Read: really scared) around Jason. Jason does not like this and wants to fix it. Wait, why does Bruce glare daggers at Jack Drake? - Jason: I sense child neglect. Dad's already onto it, i see. Ok so how do i use this to get Tim stop fleeing the room whenever i walk in.
Sort of an AU fic where Bruce and Oliver were close friends (Read: brothers and that's what they see each other as) as kids, still as adults, and as vigilantes they work pretty well together, they recognized each other instantly even in cape, and while the the JL doesn't know their identities, each knows the other. - Also they're both autistic and somehow chaos ensues after Flash overhears them talking one day at the Watchtower and now the JL wants to know how these work so well.
Bruce was a wild child and so is Damian.
Jason adjusting to being under a roof, right after Bruce found him.
The first days of Tim's being Robin. Bruce and Dick are concerned, while, oblivious, Tim is doing things that only neglected kids do. He is surprised others care. Dick sets out to change this.
AU where Jack ends up being a crap dad. Bruce has had enough and steals legal custody. - Bruce: Well you had one chance at being a dad and you blew it. - Bruce: Tim's my kid now. - Jack can't do anything about this. To Tim, Jack is 'Father'. Bruce is 'Dad'.
Some of the villains notice that the other vigilantes and even Red Robin himself like joking that 'RR's folks don't even notice that he practically lives at our place, they won't notice him sneaking back in at 2AM'. - Until one day they joke about 'RR's dad blew it. B took legal custody'.
Flash has ADHD but tells no one. The other see the signs tho. Batman calls him out on hiding it. Why Bat? Welp, the other nominated him. GA joins his autistic buddy tho.
This isn't Batfam but Billy/Captain Marvel accidentally drops some street child stuff. The League, of course, pick it up.
Bruce has trust issues. No specific event- just it was that way after his folks died. The JL figures it out that it's not just how he is, he just generally doesn't trust people. They figure out that something happened to make him this.
The JL has to come to Gotham for a mission. They have to stakeout in a graveyard. At some point while they still have a few hours, Batman slips off. When *insert any JL member(s)* find him, he's standing above two graves. They catch him saying "Hope you're proud, Mom, Dad." - Chaos ensues from this.
Kid!Dick has a nightmare. Bruce allows his kid to spend the night with him.
Cass gets into a fight with David Cain. She is shaken. Bruce is there for her, though.
Duke has a nightmare.
Tim tries to sneak outside after having a nightmare. Bruce catches him because he's a Dad. He sensed a disturbance in the force. Anyway instead of getting mad he makes it clear who Dick learned it from and tickles Tim to bits and then carries him back to bed lol.
That's all i got for now lol. Might update it if i get more ideas.
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gaywineauntsstuff · 10 days ago
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See one of my favorite things about fanon is that Dick is like a normal dude outside of nightwing like genuinely he’s normal person who isn’t that extreme canonically. He loves his family but he needs space with them and doesn’t want to be a carbon copy of his father.
He follows Bruce is moral compass while also being more lenient on some crimes. He canonically values life and protecting the sanctity over it than actually stopping crime and has a very strong moral compass that exceeds “well it’s the law”. Dick canonically thinks that Corrupt police officials are worse than criminals and became a cop to weed them out the same way he did the mob. And has bad blood with the BPD despite working for them.
He has genuine reservations about trusting Jason for obvious reasons even if you don’t like Dicks run as Batman where Jason was flat out the worst or like stealing the Nightwing suit in New York in brothers and blood. While still being able to work with and like him.
He is supportive of Tim while still being frustrated at taking on more work bc he knows Tim does too much and will need help.
He loves Damian but steps away from that relationship because unlike Bruce at his age he’s emotionally mature enough to realize he cannot be a parent for the kid. A role model sure! A big sibling, yeah. But not a parent.
He didn’t want Steph as spoiler, Robin or batgirl bc she wasn’t well trained but neither did literally anyone else. Once she and him started working together they had a decent relationship.
Dick and Cass have a strong relationship and he helped Babs with her when Bruce was being an asshole while still not stepping into a parent role bc he’s in his mid 20s and not going to do that actually.
And Dick believes Duke is going to become a big leader in the hero world and sees his potential despite not agreeing with the we are Robin thing.
And the fanon goes 1 of 3 ways
he’s fully uninvolved, doesn’t like the bats, has cut them off after trying to send Tim to Arkham, and abusing/ mistreating or co-signing the mistreatment of Jason. All his relationships with everyone except Damian have been erased. He ruined Tim’s trust, hated young!jason, has never spoken to Steph or duke and Cass doesn’t like him because she’s on babs side or in Hong Kong.
Or
Literally Bruce Wayne’s lapdog, says yes to everything with the worst case of battered women’s syndrome you’ve ever seen. Jason must stand up for him and protect him from the big bad bat/ the bats cut him off aswell after abandoning the bat movement (more rare but I’ve seen it). He doesn’t have critical thinking and his morals are identical to Batman’s and he refuses to question them. Will call the police on a homeless man stealing food bc it’s illegal. And has never tried to rehabilitate anyone including his friends, abandoned Roy and Kory bc of moral differences. He’s still a cop and doesn’t understand the nuance that Jason, Tim, Steph and Duke do.
Or
Dumb himbo, doesn’t know nothing except smile and nod. Pretty face, no brain. Has had one thought and it’s the fact he misses his siblings and needs his cereal oh wait was that two thoughts? He forgot how to count lmao. Babs or Tim will roll their eyes and do stuff for him bc he’s so dumb and sweet like a puppy who has had a lobotomy. :( doesn’t even have a college degree dumb silly teehee. Worst liar you’ve ever met everyone can see right through him hehe. He’s loves Bruce and calls him Dad 24/7 and uses nicknames for everyone.
And like it’s total flanderization
He has some of these traits sure, (more rigid moral compass, more willing to work with other heroes and delegate though this one literally only became a thing during Tom kings run and maybe a little bit after Donna died, in the current canon he went to Uni for business and dropped out, he’s not as good on the tech side as oracle)
But they’re just so exaggerated and I firmly believe it’s bc the rest of the bats are so extra. Like Tim trying to clone his dead bestie 99 times.
Jason goodness gracious I’ve been bamboozled let me try and kill the penguin on live tv
Damian my mother literally tore my spine out
. Duke let’s start a cult that’s something that isn’t dumb and won’t get us murdered.
And Dick is just there like… yeah fuck okay.
Like he’s still unhinged even for a superhero but he’s just objectively more hinged than all of his siblings like you’re telling me if TIM got the talon ancestry storyline shit wouldn’t have hit the fan??? The mother fucker who at age like 13 broke in Nightwing and starfire’s house, memorized all their schedules bc he’s the most insane stalker you’ve ever met. You’re lying and we both know it.
And everyone thinks their fave is the sane won and you are all just wrong I fear. I have already slandered Tim so I’ll do the rest for funsies
“Oh babs is the only sane one”
Bby Barbara is such a stalker with a need for control someone stole her tech and turned Gotham into a police state. If she decided that she wanted to go dictator she has a WHOLE setup for it. She’s also unhinged
“Jason just needs to get away from the bats then he’s the only sane one who the others go to for protection”
Yall Jason’s 2 biggest teams were
An Amazon, and a kryptonian
An arrow and an alien (also some times an Amazon)
So the league big three knock off and a titans knock off
He has also slept with his dad’s ex and 2 of his brother’s exes. Let’s not pretend that he’s being dragged back into the bat family, bro never left.
He wears a bat on his chest
He has a helmet with explosives in it… when he died in an explosion and fought with a crowbar when it was one of the major reasons he died. Let’s not talk about his whole thing with scarlet but the Morrison run had some weird characterization.
“Damian-“ no actually you can’t even start with Mr let’s go to Lazarus island. Let me adopt a giant bat monster bc my abusive childhood means I slaughtered his entire race. No actually I will not allow it. The fucker is unhinged and I love him.
“Steph” - you know what she is also my fave so everything she has ever done is justified and she has the best batgirl run and also her and Damian are hilarious. (She’s also the best female bat hands down I prefer her to both Cass and Babs for so many reasons I will not get into)
In summary this isn’t actually a criticism I find it hilarious plz keep going my darling fanon fanfic writers
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