#also he’s insufferable about grooming

[asurius]

I like the idea of Monkey!Reader having been a monkey for quite a bit before the journey starts but have been separated from other monkeys for any number of reasons so when the journey starts and either they join or Wukong joins depending on timeline their instincts say they need monkey cuddling time because they’re so used to it by now but Y’know they don’t want to be WEIRD about it, they’ve now got to acclimate back to human standards and that’s difficult in of itself and they’re heavily delaying asking him because it would be weird right? They’re not even from the same troop of course it’d be weird, plus they’re also both demons so like it’s also not the same-

Meanwhile Wukong just walks up to them and is like “Hello fellow monkey I have gone 500 years without contact please assist.”

Mans has no chill

[starlit-mansion]

thinking for no reason about the trend cycles of popularity and public scapegoating, and how it's really hard to be immune from them, and in many senses, you should not try to be immune from them, but also remain critical, and i think the main points i'm coming to is 1) if you didn't like someone for arbitrary/aesthetic reasons and then you find out something that justifies your dislike (especially something that was completely unrelated to the thing that was annoying you), that does NOT justify your dislike of them and you CAN'T let yourself do the intellectually lazy thing and do the magic pie bush association of "my revulsion is an indicator of someone being a bad person," 2) even if you love to be a hater, or have really legit reasons for hating someone, you should be extremely judicious about making fun of an actual person part of your brand, and 3) you cannot let a single person be an emblem of everything you hate about a cultural moment, that is a deep and unfair cruelty and also intellectually lazy

[starmocha]

My brain ran away with a plot bunny of Zayne and Caleb having been secret lovers as teens/young adults, taking out their sexual frustrations and curiosities on each other knowing that they both will be able to keep it well and truly from MC and Grandma and when Caleb comes back Zayne just launches at him and everyone thinks he’s throwing a punch but its a kiss

I am so sorry for not answering this sooner, but I wanted to write a little something-something with this 👀 it turned out so silly omg

Open Secret (Zayne 𝔁 Caleb)

A deafening silence fell over the room. The bride and groom watched from the side, surprised, as all around guests started whispering quietly amongst themselves.

You sat next to your grandmother, also in a state of shock, never once expecting to witness both of your childhood friends suddenly kissing in the middle of a wedding reception.

“Za…Zayne?” You called out to your plus-one, surprised when he had left your side without a word, and dashed across the room the moment he had heard the name ‘Caleb’. For a moment, everyone had thought an altercation was about to break out between the two young men, but to everyone’s shock, something completely different had happened.

“Y-you…” Caleb panted, his eyes widened as well. “Zayne…you…kissed me. Fuck, what were you thinking?”

Zayne blinked, his ears suddenly red as he realized what he had done in a weakened moment of complete loss of composure. “I…I don’t know,” he admitted, looking away. “I just…it’s been a while.”

Caleb chuckled, amused by the pathetic excuse. “Is that how you greet all of your childhood friends?”

If possible, Zayne grew even redder. He turned away, huffing, trying to regain some sense of dignity. “Stop spewing nonsense.”

“So why did you—wait a minute,” Caleb paused, his brows furrowing in confusion. He pulled Zayne a little closer, sniffing. “Have you been drinking?”

Zayne stiffened. “N-no…”

“You’re lying.”

“Chocolate,” Zayne clarified, embarrassed by his slight tipsy state, “There was a bit…of liquor in the chocolate.”

Caleb laughed. “God, you’re still that fucking bad with alcohol?”

“And it seems you are still so insufferable,” Zayne said, his lips suddenly on Caleb’s again.

“Hey—mmph, god, you are so—fuck—oh, fuck it…”

“Well, it’s about time!” you griped, causing both Zayne and Caleb to freeze and whip their heads in your direction, a look of complete confusion on their faces.

“What do you mean by that?” Caleb demanded, being the first to find his voice. He narrowed his eyes at you suspiciously.

You rolled your eyes. “Please, we’ve all known you two were up to something when we were teens.”

“‘We’?” Caleb questioned, doing a double-take. “Who’s ‘we’?”

“Well, Grandma—” you continued while Caleb started sputtering, nearly choking on air, “A bunch of girls at school—haven’t you ever wondered why no one bothered leaving either of you two chocolates on Valentine’s Day? They all knew you were an item—and also—”

“We were not an item!” Caleb protested loudly, his face and ears completely red. He turned to look at Zayne, who had been in a catatonic state since your revelation. “Well, say something!”

Zayne snapped out of his daze and cleared his throat. “Caleb’s right, we were not an item—”

“Caleb’s dick was literally in your mouth, Zayne.”

Both men looked like they were about to have a heart attack after your latest bombshell reveal. Caleb struggled to speak, his voice several pitches higher, suddenly completely aware everyone was watching them and listening in on the conversation—including his grandmother. “Pipsqueak, stop making things up—"

“I have pictures.”

“Of course you do.”

“Of course she does.”

Both Caleb and Zayne said simultaneously, tone flat, rendered defeated instantaneously. Caleb tried to speak as calmly as he could, silently begging for a meteor to hit earth at this very specific spot right this second. “Pipsqueak…why…do you…have pictures…of…that?”

“It wasn’t intentional,” you said, sulking at the implication in Caleb’s tone. “I wanted you to help with my homework and I thought you said ‘come in,’ so I opened the door, and…you were…cumming. My bad.”

Caleb nearly dropped to the ground in that moment if not for Zayne quickly catching him from behind. Zayne sighed as he shifted his weight, letting Caleb’s arm draped over his shoulders as the other young man leaned against him with sudden jelly legs. Zayne tried to keep his patient, calm tone, but you were really pressing his buttons with all of your roundabout responses. “You still haven’t explained why you took pictures?”

“Financial opportunity,” you answered blankly, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“You were going to blackmail us?” Zayne questioned, his eyes widening a little.

“No,” you protested, offended that he would think you would ever do such a thing to them. You explained nonchalantly, “I let the girls in our school look for a price.”

“I feel like such a whore,” Caleb groaned at this piece of information you just shared.

“You moaned like one, too,” You quipped, earning an instant glare from him.

Before any of you could continue this conversation, another voice piped in.

“Sweetie,” your grandmother called out, and suddenly all three of your faces lost color in that moment. “This is all new information to me. I only thought the boys…kissed.”

You backed away nervously when both Zayne and Caleb turned to glare at you with murder in their eyes.

“Oh, um, the hunter’s watch is beeping,” you lied, “I—I better take this.”

“Get back here!” Caleb screamed out, making a mad dash toward you.

Yelping, you took off your heels and quickly bolted out of the wedding venue with two grown men chasing after you yelling bloody murder.

[streets-in-paradise]

Matured Desire - Achilles x (Fem) Reader

Troy (2004) Oneshot

Requested by Anon

" hiya! I have an Achilles request, what if they’ve both been sort of enemies for the longest time ever since they were kids, and at one point he gets fed up, and kisses her roughly ending up in the roughest kinkiest sex people could think of (tying up, choking, spanking, dirty talk, dom x sub, sort of a hate fuck.) please! "

Hi! I'm a bit nervous because this is my first time writing a full piece of smut, but I did my best and i hope you will enjoy it. The plot for the childhood rivalry is inspired in greek mythology, but adapted to how the story of the film plays out regarding characterzations.

Warnings: Rough hate fuck against a wall - hair pulling -chocking - spanking - lots of dirty talk.

Summary: Your eternal rivalry with Achilles gets you the attention of the mycenaean king In the context of his country wide search for a queen. Bringing up your troubled past together, the myrmidon believes you are seeking an union with Agamemnon to get the power to destroy his life.

As he confronts you about it, your tensions get to a critical point when the warrior concludes he will have to do something out of it. Your hatred remains too close to passion and he can only ruin you for any other man before you could ruin his lifetime's ambitions.

Tags: @thorsslxve

There was nothing Achilles despised more than the cheerfullness of Agamemnon. Not only because it usually meant bad news, but also due to how insufferable he tended to become on a good mood. His arrogance was high up to the sky contesting with his. Since the king felt in constant need to compete with his best warrior, it was important for him to brag on his every achievement.

On that particular moment, it was about the bride he would get for himself. After his brother married the most beautifull woman in the world he started to reconsider the lack of a queen in his palace and commanded every king of Greece to pick one of their unwed daughters so he could pick a wife among the princesses of the region. All the generals of his army were invited to witness the contest, and a handfull of kings he considered friends were there as well.

It was a power display to cause envy. A parade of the most ravishing girls of Greece after Helen circling the King in some sort of reverse parody of what happened when the spartan queen was still a maiden wanted by a multitude of suitors. The myrmidon found it hilarious, but that entertainment came with the price of standing the triumphal bliss of his rival.

In order to avoid an early scandall making fun of him, Achilles tried to distract himself watching the girls. They were all veiled for the future groom, only showing their faces when he commanded each one to introduce themselves. Beauty from all over the country was gathered there and while their faces remained covered he could still have a fun cassually checking their bodies.

He found a personal favorite quite soon. The light clothes of her fancy purple dress allowed him to perfectly picture her shape underneath, occupying his imagination in more pleasant thoughts. One by one her contestants did their thing, but he followed her with expectancy for the big reveal.

All traces of amusement abandoned the warrior's face when he recognized you. From all his many daughters, King Lycomedes had to pick you in representation of Scyros. It was unfortunately true for him that you had become a very desirable woman, so the choice was understandable, but you were one his enemies of longest date. Since he was a kid hidding in your father's court, and when you were teenagers you almost got him kicked out of there.

Everytime you crossed ways, disaster happened.

It was an unspoken theory, but he believed it all started because you were jealous of your sister. She was his first crush, and you told your father about it after you discovered them making out. Lycomedes would have kicked him out if Odysseus wouldn't have discovered his disguise in the first place, but your hatred didn't end with that.

Only a heartbroken girl would react so viscerally, the hate you hoarded for years didn't make sense otherwise. He believed you still despised him because you couldn't have him and once that childhood crush matured into desire things could only escalate. You would never forgive him for being your first love, but the passion of your hate showed your flame never got extinguished.

As soon as circunstancies allowed it, you were mesmerizing the mycenaean king with your disdain for his soldier.

" Achilles! Long time no seen. " You saluted him, with poisonous cordiality. " How are things going in your kingdom of savages? Well, only if that can be called a kingdom. Nowadays it's a military reserve of Mycenae you don't even rule as king. "

The myrmidon was visibly calm, calculating his strike before delivering it.

" How is Deidamia? I remember her with such strong affection."

" She is married. " You responded, with false propriety. " Happyly married, thanks to our protectiveness of her keeping scum away."

The wedding of his teenage crush didn't bother him at all, but he still manage to utilize it against you.

" I always knew she was going to make it before you. Look now where you ended: pleasing an old man that could be your father. "

You showed a tranquilzing smile to the king, mere witness of your altercate that was untill then very amused.

" Don't worry, your majesty. Achilles tends to act like this arround me because my presence reminds him of details that ruin the appeal of his legend. He wants no one to remember he spent his younger years hidding in my palace dressing on girl's clothes so your emisaries wouldn't find him. Have you seen the baby face of his little cousin? He has the same girly features he used to have back then."

Agamemnon was in awe with the slander. Even if it was just for that, you were becoming a strong favorite.

" Well, my dear. I hope you have some good stories for me. "

" She is the only person in the country who is more obsessed with me than you. " Achilles recalled, determined to ruin your plans. " She went as far as turning her father against me saying i was going to sleep with her sister. "

The way in which he twisted the facts to make it sound like a conspiracy against him got out the worst of you.

" I was the onlyone seeing past your charm, and time proved I was ríght now that we all know of your amatory adventures. " You fiercely defended yourself. " You were a reckless boy that had just discovered the thing hanging between his legs and was eager to try it on the first foolish girl available. Deidamia was too naive, but I knew better. By warning my father I protected her and saved our royal house from the shame of being stucked with a fatherless mess like the one you were when we received you. "

It crossed límits, but he wasn't afraid of returning the hatefull gesture.

" I think your boyfriend deserves to know where all that hate for me comes from before taking his choice. " He teased you ríght away. " You are my Phaedra … "

He had just compared you to the most sexually frustrated queen in greek history, whose vengefull spite was rooted on being ignored by the object of her desires.

" You insolent BASTARD!!! " You called him out before you could loose your temper and try to smack him. " Better start praying I won't be crowned queen. "

The warning left a bad taste in his mouth that was stronger than the altercate. Imagining you as Agamemnon's bride was a nightmare on itself because of the implications of a teaming up against him, but there was more that he couldn't simply admit.

He hated you, but couldn't stand the thought of seeing you with him. He still attempted to understand why you were so Interested on giving yourself to that pig of a king. Could your thirst for vengeance have gone that far? Where you capable of tolerating Agamemnon as your husband just so you could get some control over him? It was most likely that you had no idea of where you were stepping in, since your island once sheltered him safely because they didn't have much contact with the mycenaeans.

Figuring out what you were all about was his most inmediate need but, for that, he needed to talk to you in private. All day he awaited untill the oportunity to get lost with you presented itself during a lousy banquet. Following you closely as you intended to leave, he catched you off guard in a hallway.

" You knew this was coming, now follow me. "

Your playfull smirk spoke for you before you did.

" What If I don't? "

He grabbed you harshly, keeping your wrist still.

" We will do it the hard way. "

There was no choice, so you let him guide you through the foreign palace searching for the nearest room he could lock you in. Achilles secured the door behind him, knowing from then you were going to be completely alone.

" After comparing me to the thirsty wife of Theseus, you drag me away like this? " You mocked him ríght away. " Have you no shame? "

The tension was escalating slowly, but consistently.

" I have no time for your games, so you better tell me what I want to know. "

You chuckled lightly, enjoying yourself in this curiosity.

" Go ahead, i'm feeling generous. "

He groaned out of angered frustration, clearly fed up with you already.

" What do you want from Agamemnon? Do you expect me to believe you really are excited to the chance of being his wife? "

You response was calm and you were aware that would provoke him.

" He is the wealthiest, most powerfull man in Greece, and he hates you … Two qualities I find irresistible. "

He pushed you against a wall, barely able to control his rage to continue the interrogation.

" Do you think i'm a fool? You can't possibly wish for anything but the power to destroy me through that marriage. "

His strong hand grabbed your neck and squeezed, cutting off your air with ease. Achilles wanted to force a truth out of you, but couldn't help noticing you were peraphs too on board with that before releasing you so you could speak.

" I want an empty palace where i can sit on a throne. " You began to explain once you catched your breath. " While he will be away with you doing his wars, i can do what I want here. "

It wasn't enough for him.

" … And when he will want to touch you? Are you going to spread your legs for him like a good little wife ? "

His hand was once more arround your neck, quietly threatening with more choking depending of your answer.

" Are you trying to scare me? That's not going to work with me. " You mischievously warned him. " I'll do what it takes, my duty of queen. Agamemnon can have me, I will even fake my moans if i have to just to keep him satisfied. I'm fine with that, he has to get something out of the deal. I will take care of his throne and meet his sexual needs "

The answer awakened something primal on him.

" Not if I ruin you first … "

Sick of pretending to ignore the frustrating tension, he pulled you in for a rough kiss and you responded taking one of your hands to the back of his neck to pull his hair.

There was no way out for you from then.

Achilles ripped off the safety pins of your dress so it would fall on the floor. Once you were naked against him he began to tease you again.

" Look at how easily I destroyed your pride … Yet you dare to deny you are a needy whore. "

You didn't stay behind, iniciating another passionately hatefull kiss while your hands worked in undressing him. The godly shaped hero allowed you to roam his perfectly sculped body and you sank your nails in his hips before replying.

" You are only good at killing or fucking and you loathe me enough for either, so unless you want to spear me … "

The recklessness was paid at high cost when he turned you over so you will be facing the wall, head posicioned firmly to the side.

" I'm going to make you feel as if I was killing you. " He whispered against your ear in a husky tone. " But first, you will learn to respect me. "

You flinched with anticipation, incapable of predicting what he would do. Then, his hand started following the trace of your back all the way down and stopped in the curve of your ass.

A soft squeeze was followed by a hard spank that sounded as strongly as it felt. It send a wave of confusing, pain-stained pleasure all the way to your core, but you tried to keep still. He persisted, untill it became so intense that your knees were failing and you were about to cry.

" Who are you going to spread your legs for now? " He asked in a mock. " Are you going to be my obedient little whore? "

You lost the few shame you had left with one more slap on the mistreated surface of your asscheck.

" YES, YES! " You practically cried out. " I'll be, … I'll be your whore. I want it so badly, please! "

Achilles released a dark chuckle.

" Let's see how bad you really want it. "

He had barely reached the surface of your soaked cunt with his fingertips and you were already buckling your hips in desperation to find friction.

" Dripping wet, you nasty whore. " He commented and removed the hand to watch you fall apart. " Stop whimpering, i'm not going to keep touching you. Caresses are not what you deserve."

Suddenly, you felt the tip of his hard cock teasing your folds. Arrousal had reduced you to a pathetic mess and he got to hear you sobbing from that contact.

" No mercy, I will be rammering you. " He warned you. " … and you are going to take it. "

With that, he pushed himself inside you. Absolutely careless for your needed time adjusting to his size, he began his mercieless thrusting using you for his pleasure. The animalistic grunts he was making and the exquisite painfull pleasure of being fucked like that were soon going to become to much for you.

Achilles had completed his vengeance to control you before you could control him: you were ruined for any other man.

[dark-lord-of-awesomeness]

Did you know cougars can purr and are more closely related to domestic house cats than to other big cats like lions and jaguars?

Stan froze, one paw raised, head swivelling around as he searched the forest. He couldn’t hear or see anything, but he knew something was nearby. He could feel it. His cat senses tended to pick things up faster than his human brain could follow, but he trusted those instincts after all this time. Something was near, and after another moment of searching, Stan spotted it.

A mountain lion was crouched in some foliage not far away, its coat helping it camouflage in its natural habitat.

All of Stan’s fur stood up on end. The cougar’s eyes were locked onto him, body crouched low, haunches wiggling in preparation to pounce.

Stan turned tail and fled. The cougar was far bigger than him and could eat him for lunch. Unfortunately, it could also jump farther than Stan could run. What had Ford said about them again? Oh yeah: mountain lions can leap horizontally up to 40 feet.

So Stan didn’t get very far before the cougar was upon him. He yowled in anger and frustration as large teeth closed around his scruff and he was lifted off the ground.

Ford! Stan hissed, tail lashing about in irritation. Put me down!

Ford only made indistinct grumbling noises in response, his mouth full of Stan as he began to trot through the forest towards where the house was. Stan knew exactly what Ford wanted to say though. It was the same things he said every time.

You shouldn’t be out here alone, Stanley. It’s dangerous in these woods for a little kitty like you, Stanley. What if you got hurt, Stanley? You’re a house cat, Stanley, that means you’re supposed to stay in the house.

Blah, blah, blah. Stan had heard it all. What was wrong with a grown man wanting to take a nice walk in the woods by himself? Just because he was a cat now didn’t mean he needed supervision! But nooo, Ford wouldn’t listen. Always trying to pull the older brother card on him.

As if it wasn’t bad enough that Stan was cursed into a house cat while Ford was cursed into a cougar. Lucky bastard. Why did he get to be a big cat and Stan was stuck as a small one? Ford was insufferable about it. Always carrying Stan around everywhere like he was some sort of kitten. Size-wise he might as well be to Ford, but the point stood that he wasn’t and they both knew it. Ford was just taking the piss out of him.

Stan grumbled and growled the entire way home, wiggling in Ford’s jaws. He couldn’t get free, of course, but he wasn’t going to put up with it quietly. But Ford only snorted at his efforts as he pushed open the front door that he’d left ajar, bringing Stan inside and setting him down in the living room, where he proceeded to trap Stan between his paws as soon as he dropped him from his mouth.

Stan hissed and thrashed, but one of Ford’s paws easily covered almost his entire flank. He reached up with his own paws and slapped at Ford’s muzzle angrily, but his brother only chuffed in amusement.

You’re doing so much damage with your tiny feet, Ford cooed at him. Keep trying! Maybe you’ll succeed one day.

Oh, shut up! Stan snarled back. You’re being purposefully condescending!

That’s such a big word for you! Good job. Ford leaned down and began to lick at Stan’s fur.

Stan howled like he was being tortured, mildly disgusted as his fur was groomed in the wrong direction, making it stick up and feel horrible. Ew! Keep your tongue to yourself!

It’s been a while since either of us last bathed, Stanley. We can’t exactly operate the shower like this, so we’ll have to make due however we can. Grooming is natural for cats anyway. Just lean into your instincts.

Ugh. Stan slumped in defeat after a minute, tired and unable to escape his brother. It didn’t stop him from complaining for the entire “bath” though, vocalizing his annoyance and calling Ford every name under the sun. Once Ford deemed him clean enough, Stan tried to dart out from under him as Ford shifted to his feet, but he soon found himself once again dangling in the air, caught in Ford’s jaws.

I can walk! he yelled as he was carried up the stairs.

Ford ignored him, going into his bedroom and jumping up on the bed. He’d formed a nest of sorts there with various blankets and pillows, and he put Stan down in the middle of it, curling up around his much smaller brother.

Go to sleep, Ford said, getting comfortable.

Stan grumbled and whacked Ford in the face with a paw—which Ford ignored—before curling up into his own ball. Once Ford decided it was time for them to sleep it was hard for Stan to get out of it. Ford’s cougar reflexes were just as good as Stan’s cat ones, and he was usually able to catch Stan if Stan tried to jump out and leave.

Also it was warm here—not that Stan would admit it. Ford’s big form practically cocooned him, and as a cat, Stan liked the heat far more than he did as a human. He wasn’t going to tell his brother the nest was comfortable though. Ford was smug enough as it was. Stan didn’t need something else to be tormented over.

Ford began to purr as Stan settled down, the loud rumbling echoing around Stan in an oddly soothing way. He closed his eyes and let it lull him to sleep.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

This is amazing! I loved every sentence!

Just! Of course Stan wants to go and do his own thing, and of course Fords gonna worry about his much smaller cat brother and carry him home.

Poor Stan! Can't even take a walk anymore. He's a grown man! Let him be in danger outside!

Awesome. Amazing. Loved it. I have no words to express how amazed I was to read all this.

[therhythmafterthesummer]

The Wedding Planners (M) ~Changbin

Pairing: Werewolf!Changbin x Werewolf!F.Reader Themes: Fantasy/Supernatural AU | Smut | Fluff | Established Relationship Word Count: ~3k | AO3 Synopsis: Planning a wedding was way more stressful than Changbin could’ve ever expected. It seemed so easy at first, like all that was needed was to fulfil a checklist and call it a day, but he realised very quickly that there was a reason for the concept of bride and groomzilla to have been created. [This story is an instalment of my WereRoomies series]. Warnings: mentions of arguments (but it's fine. this is all soft) · graphic depictions of intercourse (smut warnings under the cut).

Author’s Note: this was originally going to be a drabble inspired by an ask that an anon sent. however, i felt like moving a bit of the story forward with it, so i upgraded it :^) hope you enjoy!

Due to all the abovementioned warnings, this story is intended for an adult audience only. Minors please do not interact.

Changbin’s WereRoomies Instalments: Finding Comfort in Autumn · Heat · The Love I Always Dreamt Of · The Wedding Planners.

Smut Warnings: unprotected penetration [piv] · creampie · fingering [F.Rec] · oral [F.Rec] · cum-eating/snowballing

Disclaimer: the story presented in this work does not represent Stray Kids in any way; anything described in this story and all actions performed by the characters are purely fictional, this was created just for good fun.

Planning a wedding was way more stressful than Changbin could’ve ever expected. It seemed so easy at first, like all that was needed was to fulfil a checklist and call it a day, but he realised very quickly that there was a reason for the concept of bride and groomzilla to have been created. 

Changbin was a perfectionist to a fault, and so were you. This combination was a recipe for disaster… ‘You want those flowers? Are you serious? Do you even want to get married?’, ‘That tablecloth fabric is atrocious, I can’t believe you’d choose such a thing!’, ‘If there aren’t exactly eight flowers in each table arrangement we can’t even call this a wedding’…

It didn’t matter who said what, both you and Changbin had become absolutely insufferable beings. Not only to each other, but to the people around you as well. Which was why, by the nth month of you both planning your wedding, you’d very smartly agreed to create a proper system, name your must-haves and your absolutely-nots, and to fully hand over all duties to a wedding planner, your bridesmaids, and his groomsmen–who had also agreed it was the best choice for everyone’s sanity.

It’d been the best decision you both could’ve taken, since petty arguments over locations and flowers and tablecloths were most certainly taking a toll in your household’s dynamic. 

Finally, after months, Changbin and you had returned to acting like your normal selves again, and he’d figured, what better way to celebrate this regained freedom than to take his beloved fiancé on an escapade to the mountains?

Changbin was a man of luxury, he was well aware of this. When it came to his loved ones, he spared nothing. So renting a cabin in the middle of the woods for five days and four nights was an insignificant expense when it meant he could spend all that time with you. A time where he wasn’t Changbin the engineer, nor the right hand of an Alpha wolf, nor the groom in a wedding that would soon take place…

It was a time solely reserved for him to be himself, for him to be your mate and fiancé, your future husband, and for you to be his future wife.

His wife…

Every time he thought about it, he felt giddy, he just had to admit it. 

It was just a title, of course. He didn’t love you any less when you were ‘just’ his girlfriend, nor would he love you any differently when you’d legally become his wife, but he still liked the way it sounded. Not only that, but you liked the way it sounded.

Every time he called you his wife, he could just hear the way your heart rate spiked, he could see the big smile on your face…

But, oh, boy… When you called him your husband?

Changbin always felt like he was the luckiest man in the world, like he was ready to run a marathon or become the next Ninja Warrior. 

You were mates, yes. You had mated long ago, and although he was very satisfied with this, the idea of being your husband did things to him. Maybe it was the fact that he spent a lot of his time surrounded by humans, but the prospect of being legally tied to you in their world made his heart swell in his chest.

When you’d arrived earlier than expected to the main lodge three days ago, you’d proudly told the receptionist that ‘My husband has made a reservation for one of your cabins. Do you know if it’s already available?’ he couldn’t keep the grin off his face, nor did he want to.

These three days had been absolutely amazing. You’d had the opportunity to go on runs through the woods together, to stuff yourselves full of delicious food, to have couple massages, and to huddle yourselves inside this cosy cabin to escape the outside world.

The fireplace radiated warmth, which was more than appreciated during these cold months. The gentle crackling produced by it was an immensely relaxing background noise. The fairy lights and many candles distributed throughout the cabin covered the inside of your little safe haven with the gentlest light, and, truly, this was probably the most relaxed Changbin had felt in months.

Especially now, when he could feel your nails digging on his forearms, when your delighted moans joined the sounds of your bodies colliding and the wood burning in the fireplace.

“B–Binnie, b–bunny, b–baby–” 

Oh, you were already dropping the Three Bs on him, and that only made him want to rail you more.

Yes, Changbin was usually the more submissive one in the bedroom, that was no secret to either of you, but sometimes, the alpha in him just wanted to satisfy you, just like the omega in you wanted to be satisfied…

Was there a better way to do that than to have you in a mating press right there by the fireplace? 

There just wasn’t.

“Hm?” He grasped at the soft faux-fur rug under you, trying to ground himself. If he focused too much on the vice-grip of your cunt, or the blissed-out expression on your face, he’d just come.

He was so fucking close… He’d been for a while now, but he was enjoying himself too much, he just needed to prolong this for as long as possible. It wasn’t like he couldn’t have you like this again later, on the contrary, he was sure he was going to, but he was horny and an idiot and you felt so good and the sound of the dainty ‘C’ charm on your anklet tinkling next to his ear was just so enticing…

“You’re so–Fuck…–you’re so good, b–baby…” Even if you were looking at him, your eyes had lost focus a long time ago. If he looked hard enough, he could’ve sworn your blown pupils had taken the shape of two cute little hearts. “I love you, love you…”

You repeated yourself over and over again, and Changbin couldn’t help but swear under his breath. He took your calves off of his shoulders and leaned into you so he could hold you close. With an arm under your neck and his forearm planted on the floor for stability, he resumed his steady pace. “Lo–love you, too… Love you, pup…”

Your quiet whimpers so close to his ear were bringing him to the edge at an alarming rate, and he was incapable of keeping his own moans in check with how aggressively his insides were burning up.

“Fuck, baby, I’m so, so, so fucking close…” He mumbled against your hair, speeding the movement of his hips and increasing the strength of his thrusts.

“Yes! Please, please come… Want–Binnie, I want your puppies so badly, please–!”

His brain fogged up immediately, and he started to feel dizzy. “Yeah? My wife wants to be full of my pups?”

“Fuck, yes!” You dug your nails on his buttocks, and the sting alone almost made him blow. “Please, please, my– my alpha, my husband–”

“Oh, shit–!”

An animalistic growl resonated throughout the small cabin when he came. The sound quickly turned into desperate moans as he kept fucking bucket-loads of his cum into your hole. He was too far gone, too overcome with pleasure and warmth.

He didn’t stop moving until your slick walls had milked every single drop he had to offer, and even then, he kept pumping himself into you, just to make sure…

Well, it wasn’t like you’d be getting pregnant, since your birth control had been very efficiently doing its job for months and months now, but his instincts didn’t care about that. All his inner wolf cared about was to try his best for it to stick.

It wasn’t until the mild sting of overstimulation started to settle in that he pulled his cock out, but swiftly replaced it with two of his fingers before he was moving down your body and attaching his lips to your puffy clit. 

Oh, how heavenly it felt when he had you in his mouth… When you grasped at his hair and started gasping because of his tongue. His ears were still ringing, and he was still dizzy, but he needed to make you come, too. He was dying to feel you clamp around his fingers and hear you moan his name over and over again.

“O��oh, Changbin, fuck–!”

More.

He needed more. 

Before he knew it, he was sucking and licking your clit like a starved man, fucking you with his fingers to stimulate that area within your walls that had your thighs trembling around his head and your grip on his hair tightening. 

And, of course, you gave him more. Every moan, every sigh, every whimper was either a pet name, or a version of his name, or just a sound of pure pleasure and he was on absolute cloud nine. 

“Bun–bunny, I’m coming–”

Changbin could barely perceive the sounds coming out of his throat. He’d been groaning and moaning against your folds since he’d settled camp here. But when your walls started fluttering deliciously around his fingers, you managed to pull another growl out of him, and your whole body just trembled in response.

He stopped lapping at your clit when you’d patted his head with a whine. Pulling out his fingers, he revelled in the creamy mix of your climaxes coating his digits. His eyes found yours before he brought them to his mouth and sucked them clean.

Your breath hitched in your throat, and you bit on your bottom lip as a smile started to spread across your face. Changbin loved to see that twinkle in your eye, to hear your body’s responses to him and his actions. They always made him feel proud of himself, and like you were the only person in this world for him.

He supposed you were. 

Never had he romantically loved someone this much, and at this point, he didn’t want to love anyone else romantically like this ever again. For him, it was just you. Every day, he was reminded that he was ready to spend the rest of his life with you.

As soon as he noticed his cum starting to spill out of your cunt, he immediately started cleaning you up with his tongue. He made sure to collect as much as he could in his mouth before he pressed a final, tender kiss to your clit and made his way up your body again.

With a satisfied sigh and your fingers buried in his hair, you pulled him in, sealing your mouths in a sloppy, loving kiss that had his brain almost disintegrating in his skull.

Changbin let his weight fall on you, and you simply wrapped your limbs around his body and squeezed him tight.

As the kiss slowed down and turned to tender pecks, Changbin hummed, pleased. Not only because of the body-rocking orgasm he’d just had, but because he was just so incredibly in love with you.

When he pulled away and his eyes found yours, he couldn’t help but appreciate how the reflection of the fairy lights sparkled in your eyes. His cheeks heated up at the sight, and a small giggle escaped his mouth before he was pressing another brief kiss on your lips. 

“Y’know”, you mumbled, burying your fingers in his hair when he shuffled a bit so he could lay his head on your chest. “Coming here was an excellent idea”.

“Mmm… Of course. It was my idea”, Changbin laughed when you pulled on his hair at his comment, and pressed a kiss to your chest right after.

“Duh, what would we do without your huge brain, Bin”.

He pulled himself away from your chest and planted both hands next to your head to look down at you. “I don’t appreciate the hints of sarcasm in that sentence, puppy”.

He was, of course, joking. The splitting smile on his face was a great indicator of that. The comment made you chuckle.

“Me? Being sarcastic about these things? Never”, a smile tugged at your lips, and you brought your hands to hold his waist. “But seriously, though. I couldn’t even recognise myself the last few months… It’s been awful”.

“It really has been. I couldn’t recognise myself, either. I’m really happy we can be here together. It’s like our pre-honeymoon!”

“Oh, my God, the honeymoon…” You sighed dreamily, squeezing his sides. “We’re really gonna be gone for two whole weeks…”

“Mm. Two whole weeks of you, me, and all those tourist traps we’re gonna visit”.

“All those tourist traps we’re gonna visit as husband and wife”, you giggled, wrapping your arms around his middle. “I can’t wait”.

“Me neither”, Changbin didn’t think he could smile any wider. The thought genuinely made him so, so happy, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to contain all these feelings within himself for long. “Anyway, how d’you feel about a warm bath?”

“That is another amazing idea for sure”, you chuckled, hanging onto Changbin with all of your limbs so he could stand up from the floor with you wrapped around him.

That warm bath was absolutely lovely. The way you caressed his hair and lovingly left trails of kisses on his face, arms, and shoulders had his heart swelling with adoration. Plus, getting to pamper you as well always left his inner wolf with a metaphorical wagging tail, so he stepped out of that bathroom feeling light, like he was walking on clouds.

With your bodies dry and fluffy robes over your frames, Changbin held onto you from behind as you both waddled back to the fireplace so you both could lay down again. 

He tried his best to choose a clean spot before he dropped a cushion on the floor for him to lay his head on, and pulled you into his arms. On the very first night here, you’d both mutually decided that you didn’t care about paying the extra cleaning fees for this rug…

Changbin exhaled a satisfied sigh once you had buried your face in his neck and hugged him close.

You inhaled deeply, almost dreamily, and the tender kiss you left on his pulse point had a small smile appearing on his face. 

“I really do love your scent…” You mumbled, letting your lips graze against his skin with every word. “I never thought I’d find so much comfort in an alpha’s scent. But yours is just so… ugh, I just looove it”.

Changbin could feel heat creep on his face, making him blush, and since words failed him, he just pressed a loud kiss on your forehead to show some appreciation for your words.

“I was thinking…” You mumbled after a while, cuddling closer to his side and draping a leg over his torso.

“Mm?”

“Y’know… About puppies…”

Changbin’s ears perked up, and his heart did a flip in his chest. “…Yeah?”

“D’you think Chris would have any problems if another couple in the pack had pups first?” You mumbled, tracing shapes with your index finger on his clothed chest.

What an interesting question… Would Chris have any problems with that? 

He was The Alpha of their pack, their leader, and tradition dictated that the alpha must be the first one to reproduce and bring pups to the pack. However… Chris wasn’t particularly traditional.

Chris had never really enforced anything on their packmates other than a few barely existing rules here and there, not only that but he had a human mate–yes, yes, he hadn’t claimed his girlfriend yet, but there was no doubt in Changbin’s mind that his dear best friend was going to do it at some point anyway. As far as Changbin had seen, having a human mate meant that their relationship would definitely go at a much slower pace than it’d go between werewolves.

Knowing Chris, and knowing his girlfriend, he was sure there wouldn’t be pups from them coming anytime soon. 

“Chris… I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t mind”, Changbin said after a while, caressing your hair. “I could be mistaken… To be honest, I’m not, but I could be, so it’s something you could always ask him if you’re curious… Why?”

You hummed in response, and remained silent for a bit. Your hand slipped into his robe, and the shapes you’d been tracing over the fluffy fabric were now leaving a fiery trace on the skin of his chest, right over his heart.

Puppies… Changbin had thought about puppies before. Years ago, he would’ve never imagined himself as a father. He was a wreck, he didn’t have the emotional maturity to care for a child in the way they needed. Back then, that was… Nowadays, though…

“Would you… would you like to try for puppies?”

Your voice startled him. It went through his eardrum and spread all over his body, reaching his heart to accelerate its pumping. Puppies… Your puppies…

Changbin pulled himself away from you a bit, enough so he could prop himself on his elbow and look you in the eyes. You were looking straight at him, but he could tell you were nervous about what you were asking, and he realised then that he’d been quiet for a bit too long.

“Yes”.

“Yes?” The shock in your voice almost made him laugh. Were you doubting it?

“Of fucking course, puppy. Have our own litter?” He was almost shaking with excitement at the thought. “It’s like a dream. Our puppies, you and I…”.

A bright smile made its way onto your face, and in no time, you had straddled his waist and started peppering kisses on his cheeks, making him giggle.

“Our puppies, you and I…” You repeated, just before you planted a loud, wet kiss on his lips. “It really does sound like a dream”.

Well, nowadays, Changbin believed he could be a parent, especially if it involved you.

It seemed like that honeymoon was not only gonna be spent as a husband and wife visiting tourist traps, but also mating like dogs until that dream became a reality. It was very clear that you were both absolutely looking forward to it.

© therhythmafterthesummer 2023. all rights reserved. do not repost or translate my stories.

Constructive feedback (or even keysmashes, really) is always welcome :) feel free to leave your comments in the caption/tags when you reblog, or by sending me an ask !

General Masterlist | Ko-Fi Changbin’s WereRoomies Instalments: Finding Comfort in Autumn · Heat · The Love I Always Dreamt Of · The Wedding Planners.

[meanbossart]

Just thinking thoughts about Orin and Drow lore, and idk if this has been asked already, but

If Orin had just disappeared for like a year, not even Sceleritas could find her, with how obsessive pre-tadpole Drow was how would he handle that? Aside from being prideful and murdery, I don’t remember in the pre-tadpole Drow lore about any instance (after he made it to the temple) of him expressing anything else. Did the two ever have a wholesome moment?

Hmmmm not wholesome, no. I'm sorry to disappoint people who might wanted to see a more explicitly vulnerable side to both of them at that stage in their lives, but that's just not... How I envision things. I don't think anyone born into the temple would have had much room to express themselves in the way average people do.

What they did have was an undeniable connection and mutual understanding. This lasted for about 7 years, so between ages 18-25 for DU drow. (Canonically he's currently 28, give or take). I think that, sometimes, they also silently understood among themselves that things weren't always fair or good.

This might sound like a whole load of nothing to some people, but based on the culture within the cult, Orin's story, and the behavior of everyone involved in it, it seems huge to me that two people who were essentially groomed to be the embodiment of murder would harbor any kind of care for one another, even if it was subtle. The fact that they could share a bed, talk shit about Sarevok, and seamlessly work together and share in the glory of their deeds as equals is what intimacy looked like for them - before DU drow's ego (and the very need of a more explicitly intimate connection with someone, to be fair) got to his head.

They killed together, they rolled around in blood together, they bickered and fought and one time Orin stabbed him in the gut and DU drow punched her jaw out of it's socket. Then they flopped down on the ground and cackled about it while Sceleritas rushed in to stop the bleeding. Is that wholesome? I think for deified bhaalspawn who know nothing but that life it's the closest it gets.

There had to have been quiet moments I'm sure. Like Orin waiting around while DU drow got ready to go somewhere, him adjusting her headpiece, Orin slicing her brother's long hair off when he first arrived and looked like some sort of sinewy wood's creature. At night, they probably laid in bed in silence and sometimes stared at each other until either fell asleep.

I am very interested in not inventing an obscured, soft side to Orin that we didn't get to see, you know? While she wasn't always the level of manic we see in-game, she was completely unfit to function normally due to her upbringing, and this reflects in her relationships. DU drow is also undeniably emotionally stunted, just in a slightly different way.

I got off rambling to no one's surprise LOL but to answer the first part of your question - I don't think he would have been quite as dramatic about Orin just up and vanishing, as there's no explicit suggestion of death in that. He would have been insufferable to be around for a while, but in that scenario I could see his duties keeping him busy.

Not to mention that, while through death, she would be leaving him unwillingly - disappearing with no trace implies the uncomfortable possibility that she truly, honestly, just didn't want to be around him. That allows room for contempt and bitterness to fester until you wrongly convince yourself there was never any love there at all, even if just to soothe your own conscience.

He would have just become a much, much worse person that way in the sense that he would have nothing to focus on besides for his lord's will - as horrific as his attitude towards Orin was, it is very much a human feature to desperately cling to connection. With Orin around, he had a little bit of fucked up tenderness and love in him - it was a personal desire completely separate from his "job", a vestige of free-will. Without her, he just has Bhaal and whatever Bhaal wants.

Orin has always unwittingly anchored him, and then, later freed him. And he never ever deserved any of it.

🤷

[sematarygirls]

a couple more sonny carisi headcanons (nsfw ones in pink text 😏)

                   ౨ৎ

he says the green m&m is his favorite even though they all taste the same

he's allergic to kiwis, not like deathly allergic, but his throat will get all itchy if he eats one.

also has insanely bad seasonal allergies. he's all stuffed up and nasally for most of spring when the pollin is really bad.

so so insanely dramatic when he's sick. constantly moaning and groaning and saying that he's dying (he's literally fine)

along with that, also insanely dramatic when you're sick. this man is compulsively wiping everything you touch with disinfectant wipes. you'd swear you had the plague with the way he was acting.

you can not watch legal or crime dramas with him. he is literally insufferable about it. he will nit pick every single thing and be like "that's not accurate! this is what would actually happen! 🤓☝️" and it drives you crazy.

he loves talking at all times, during sex is no different. half the time, he's complimenting you, telling you how much he loves every inch of your body or praising you, "you're doing so well for me, doll" and "goddamn, you're perfect"

the other half, though, is just him constantly checking on you. you're his main priority. he wants to make sure you are comfortable and pleased the whole time. "can i touch you, baby?", "you doin' alright, doll?" "yeah? you like that?" #consentking

he is veryyyy serious about his appearance. not really in a vain way, but more of a he feels the need to look put together at all times kind of way, so he is very well groomed. he's the kind of guy to make sure his nails are trimmed, face is shaved, hair is styled— he keeps himself looking very prim and proper.

he likes having a hand on the small of your back or an arm around your waist at all times when you're in public together. he likes touching you, having you close to him.

he can get a little handy occasionally, especially when he starts drinking, but a hand on your thigh is the farthest he'll go if you two are out. when you get home, though? his hands are all over you.

[sunsetconcert]

this is a fic that i would LIKE to write, but unfortunately, the actual details of writing it drive me up the fucking wall. so i am posting the general framework here, just to get it out of my system. so:

CONCEPT: Sonic Forces Metamy Political Marriage.

four months into the war. the resistance is losing ground, they only control about 10% of the planet. and rather than just crushing them outright, eggman comes up with psychological warfare - he starts to torment them with terms of surrender. in particular, he targets amy by saying stuff like "You can save everyone, Amy! The war will be over, and everyone gets to go back home! You can save everyone, right now, if you just stop caring about your principles and surrender."

the terms of surrender are actually pretty good, but they're also pretty visibly designed to inflict maximum psychic damage on the resistance. the most IMPORTANT part, though, is that the terms of surrender require a binding ceremony between the resistance and the eggman empire. it's framed as a political marriage thing.

however - eggman never intended the terms of surrender to be accepted. it was purely a psych-out tactic. he never actually expected that the terms of surrender would be ACCEPTED. and by amy rose, of all people??? so eggman basically weasels out of it by saying now amy and metal sonic have to get married. amy and metal hate it immensely but begrudgingly accept it.

amy and metal manage to peacefully coexist for all of sixteen hours before they have their first screaming match, followed by a deeply personal conversation regarding their feelings about being engaged to each other. metal basically says "Nobody will ever love me. Nobody will ever love me, so just let me pretend otherwise until this farce is over with." and amy still hates him, but like... she's not going to be a bitch about that sort of statement. eventually they agree to have a big dumb lovey-dovey pretend wedding as a coping mechanism for their respective situations, and go back to hating each other afterwards.

(spoiler: they do not go back to hating each other.)

they then proceed to get WAY too invested in the wedding. like, unhealthily so. the argument over the flower arrangements go into the history books. when the time comes for the actual wedding, amy and metal sonic both decide to go big or go home. it is the biggest, gaudiest, ugliest wedding you have ever seen. everything is either hot pink or goth black and there is NO inbetween. the cake is like sixteen layers tall, the chapel is filled with so many flowers that it makes a few people sick, everything. MAXIMALIST WEDDING. eggman is just along for the ride at this point.

the bride and groom wear the ugliest fucking wedding dresses you've ever seen. amy looks like she's from a 1980s barbie commercial and metal sonic looks like a hot topic got their shipments mixed up with a bridal goods store. they are very pleased with themselves and they are also so fucking insufferable that basically all the guests heckle them most of the way through the ceremony.

halfway through the ceremony, infinite tries to crash because he's obsessed with attention and can't stand not being the most important person in the room. unfortunately for him, in the chaos of the wedding planning, eggman is SO DONE with this loser and promptly cuts all power to the phantom ruby prototype infinite is using. the gathered guests promptly kick his ass and toss him into a dumpster outside.

at some point sonic shows up for the sole purpose of leaving a gag gift at the wedding reception. like a toolbox just in case amy wants to inspect any of metal sonic's parts. sonic does NOT know the tools will be used for foreplay and would be fucking horrified to find out.

at some indeterminate point sonic and his very canonical bestie ian jr both break out of the death egg and tear down the eggman empire's stranglehold on the world while everyone else is obsessed with the wedding. the rest of the cast find this out like three weeks after the wedding goes down.

[insufferableprotagonistpoll]

Round 1

Propaganda why Dr. Heinrich Faust is insufferable:

"Dude is an old disgruntled man that does nothing but complain. He gets the coolest sidekick (Mephisto) who grants him the power of looking hot and young again and what does Faust do with that power ?

-- no suspense here we all read the play. He seduces an underage girl (Gretchen), impregnates her then fucks off to party with a bunch of witches for 9 months, after wich Gretchen is sentenced to death for killing the resulting infant after you know....BEING A SHELTERED YOUNG WOMAN NOT REALLY KNOWING WTF TO DO WITH A NEWBORN.

And then Faust cries to her about it in prison.

Faust sucks. "

"INSANE over him being submitted and SURE i'll go along with it. He is supposed to be insufferable, clearly. Which REALLY starts in the Gretchentragödie. Where he (middle aged scholar) tries to get with a 14yr old girl (and manages to) and kills like her whole family. The reason this is extra infuriating is because in the first part of the drama he's actually quite relatable. Whining about how he has nothing to live for and how he studied everything there was at the time and he STILL doesn't get what the world's really about. He also recognizes that nature and culture have a lot to offer instead. So what does he do when a demon promises him a fulfilled life in a deal? Of course he decides to groom a 14yr old. Cool writing, there's a reason it's a classic. But yeah, he's Supposed to suck and be infuriating. He acts like a little BITCH towards mephisto, the demon, asks him for shit all the time, like a toddler. In my opinion, gay sex would have fixed him. If a demon told me he'd give me anything to make life worth my time i know who I would bang instead of the 14yr old. Not only does he wanna be with her but he's so BAD at it too. Failure of a man. You WILL want to punch him"

"Rarely have I ever loathed a character as much as Faust.

He starts relatable enough, wanting to know more than possible and stuff, but he is incapable of accepting a no. Desperation and hubris are fun, don't get me wrong, but he is so incredibly annoying about it.

My main issue is his obsession with Gretchen though. Like. My guy gets deaged into youth and needs to fuck the first girl he sees. Buddy, she's, like, 16 At Most (probably 14 actually but I don't remember). You're literally an old fuck of a professor. And like, you literally keep calling her a child and ignoring all her concerns and her values! The only times you agree with her are to placate her so you can still get in her pants!!

And like. He literally admits this outright. He literally says he doesn't care what happens to her as long as he gets what he wants. He manipulated a teenage girl into accidentally murdering her mother during their first time. Then he leaves her alone! She's pregnant, that's a death sentence!

And AFTER the fever dream of Walpurgis Night or whatever he's like "ohhhh I love you so much please run away with me and abandon all your values again" LITERALLY SHUT THE FUCK UP THIS IS YOUR FAULT.

YOU LITERALLY HAVE A LIFE TIME OF EXPERIENCE YOU KNEW EXACTLY WHAT YOU WERE DOING AT ALL TIMES YOU'RE A MISERABLE ARSEHOLE WHO KILLED HER AND SOMEHOW YOU STILL DON'T RESPECT HER AS LIKE A HUMAN????

Like even for the time! That's fucked up! Even in the fucking context of Goethe's time that is messed up!!

Anyway I haven't yet gotten to read the second book but I'll do it literally just to watch Faust die. I need him to die so badly. He's such a horny, selfish, holier-than-thou bastard who thinks he's better than everyone because he's do "big picture" and "studied all fields of science" and then acts Like That. I'm chewing on his remains. I hope he suffers forever.

Like. You could have done anything. But instead you manipulated a teenage girl (and like, literally, not the tumblr usage) just to sleep with her, doomed her for your own pleasure and then had the gall to throw a fit and make her death all about yourself, and still didn't acknowledge her as a person even once. I hope you choke on your ego, Dr. Heinrich Faust."

Propaganda why Victor Frankenstein is insufferable:

"Victor Frankenstein is so pathetic not even tumblr could love him. The best parts of Frankenstein are the ones where your blessedly saved from being in his whiny, self deprecating, self centered pov. He’s so conceited that when his creation tells him directly “In revenge for killing the wife you were making for me I’m going to kill YOUR wife to see how YOU like it!”, Victor Frankenstein thinks that the creation is going to kill him and *only* him. (A decision And on top of it, he’s a shitty dad. Truly the worst.c

"this fucker has zero self awareness, which could maybe be fun to read about! except that 3/4 of the book consists of him constantly woe-is-me-ing about his own mistakes and how he shouldn't be responsible for any of his own actions."

"He's not irredeemable, but his refusal to take accountability til it's too late is irritating"

"The man has never one in his life taken responsibility for his own actions. He's always surprised when the things he does have consequences for him and the people around him.

"It's not my fault I spent months grave robbing for spare body parts, sewing them together, and giving life to the results. How could I have ever predicted that that creature wouldn't look quite right? How could I have known that it was wildly irresponsible to abandon the grown man sized newborn that I created?"

Man acts like he is a completely innocent victim when, in reality he's the cause of every one of the problems in the book."

[gartenofbanny]

Alright, for some reason I actually typed an indepth review of Unhappy Campers because I didn't really have much else to do, so with that out of the way let's get started with the positives!

The Positives

Alright so now that the positives are out of the way let's get started with the negatives!

The Negatives

The Characters

The characters in this episode were all just infuriatingly insufferable to watch throughout the episode or were just painfully underwhelming. I'm gonna start off with the character I disliked the most in this episode and that's Moxxie.

Moxxie, as I said in a previous post, was honestly stupid, extremely sensitive, and legit wanted the attention of everyone in this episode. They had the clear opportunity to just solve the case and get it done, but Moxxie wants to roleplay with literal kids, wants to be well known, and use his solo mission as some detective game for some fucking reason. He gets mad at Millie just because she's getting the attention he wants where tf did this toxic behavior come from exactly? Moxxie is a hypocrite in this episode and Millie was 100% in the right to tell him off.

Oh yeah and I almost forgot, they made Moxxie physically weak again. Which I gotta ask why was he struggling against Barbie Wire and how tf did he not kill the human when he was fully capable of fighting and killing demons twice his size just an episode ago? Doesn't seem consistent now, does it?

Not to mention the writers did another "Moxxie gains confidence arc" AGAIN. Millie tells him to "play to his strengths" literally giving him the same damn advice she gave him IN HARVEST MOON it's just worded differently.

And for some reason, Moxxie is like a Blitzo dickrider in this episode. Why is Moxxie ecstatic when Blitzo gave him the solo mission? Why was Moxxie down in the dumps when Blitzo called him a disappointment? Moxxie in Season 1 wouldn't take that shit, what the hell happened? They made one of the more sufferable characters in Helluva Boss so insufferable.

Now onto Millie and this is going to be short. I am glad that Millie's getting a lot of screentime but this entire revelation where she likes being loved and respected because of her physical capabilities comes completely out of nowhere.

Millie has always been respected for her physical strength especially by Moxxie, but she wasn't this fixated on it. Where did this come from? Why is it that she's obsessed with fame over her physical capabilities? And what's even worse is that her fans don't even like Millie for her personality that much they mainly like her because of her looks and strength. It had no build up and Millie wasn't even affected in the slightest when all of that reputation she garnered was instantly flushed down the drain. It was just meaningless. Now that I think about it, I would appreciate the character arc more if it had some form of build up and Millie would actually reflect and talk about it later on. But I know she probably won't.

Now onto fucking Barbie Wire. Her screentime in this episode is 3 minutes and 16 seconds and the entire episode is 20 minutes and 18 seconds long excluding the credits. So there was more screentime of Blitzo and everyone he confronts MENTIONING her than there was actually showcasing her.

Barbie Wire is literally Blitzo but female design wise and disguise wise..she just looks like a human version of Velvette. Tell me you can't design characters without telling me you can't design characters, this is the second new character in a row that shares a physical similarity to a previously made character. I'd get why she looks exactly likes Blitzo but having her human form be extremely similar to Velvette's actual design is lazy as hell.

Barbie Wire is also a groomer too. I know that the counselor is technically an adult, but Barbie Wire is still using her body to manipulate him and adults are vulnerable to grooming. Plus it's still weird to me due to the age gape, Barbie Wire is in her 30s and the counselor is 18 to 19 years old. I bet you're all wondering how I got this info too, well Viv made a tweet about it. It wasn't stated in the episode that the person Moxxie and Millie were trying to kill was barely an adult leading many people to believe that Barbie Wire was a...cupcake eater.

Barbie Wire is revealed to hate Blitzo, do we know why? No, we do not and for some reason the writers decided to keep this part ambiguous. When we first saw Verosika Mayday at least it was revealed that she had a reason to hate Blitzo but we don't get that with Barbie Wire for some fucking reason. Overall Barbie Wire is underwhelming but also infuriating, I honestly thought that I could manage to like her going in this episode but it just couldn't work no matter how hard I tried. So we have to wait another couple of months or at most years for Barbie Wire to show up again so then we'd fully know why she hates Blitzo from her perspective.

Blitzo was honestly the least sufferable character mainly because he didn't have much screentime, I was honestly so happy. But then I realized why is it that Blitzo now wants to see Barbie Wire? The nurse over at the rehab told Blitzo that Barbie Wire checked out of rehab months ago, so why is it that Blitzo didn't visit her prior? He apparently wants to make amends and catch up to her but why? We're not given an explanation or even a reason. He wants to help Barbie Wire, why? How come he doesn't visit Fizzarolli or anyone else he had a past relationship with?

Blitzo complains to Barbie Wire for not keeping contact with him even though he had opportunities to actually talk to her. Then after he's confronted by Barbie Wire he immediately goes back to being regular old Blitzo. At least in Ozzie's Blitzo actually had some form of guilt, in this episode we don't see how Barbie Wire yelling at Blitzo even affected him all we see him do is just make the sad puppy eyes, that's it. What was the point in all of that if you're just gonna go back to the status quo? 💀

Anyway, somehow they managed to make all the characters bad or underwhelming. Idk how they achieved both with Barbie Wire, they need a medal for that one.

This episode is a waste of time

This episode in all honesty is a literal waste of time. Nothing has changed aside from the fact that Barbie Wire is out of rehab. You can skip this episode and miss nothing because this episode immediately goes back into the status quo regardless of all of the shit that happened. The only important thing in this episode is that Barbie Wire got out of rehab, but even then we'd know that information from a throwaway line. And what's even more frustrating is that this episode isn't a filler episode, it's a chronological episode with nothing that's relevant to the story. 

More fucking questions

This episode as always raises a lot more questions than it does answers. With the main one being if Blitzo can find an Asmodean Crystal in a week then why does he even need the Grimoire? The Asmodean Crystal has more use to them regarding their business and actually gives them human forms. Next question is how come Barbie Wire didn't cover up her tattoos so nobody would find her? How did Blitzo recognize Barbie Wire in her human disguise instantly? Was the counselor aware that Barbie Wire was a demon the entire time? There's just so many questions but no canonical answers.

Too many plots

This episode juggles around three plots. Moxxie and Millie killing their target, Millie getting famous while Moxxie tries to get famous, and Blitzo finding Barbie Wire. This could've easily been split into two episodes have the Moxxie and Millie plot one episode, reveal that Barbie Wire is the one selling and smuggling the heroin then have the next episode dedicated to Blitzo finding Barbie Wire and trying to talk her out of selling drugs with Barbie Wire revealing why she doesn't like Blitzo throughout the episode.

But instead the episode just jumps from one scene to the next. Moxxie trying to get famous while also trying to go inside the shed, Millie loving her fame, and Blitzo trying to find Barbie Wire. It's especially apparent when Barbie Wire vs Blitzo and Moxxie is always halted to show Millie's fucking performance. Like holy fucking shit we don't need to see Millie perform, show the important fucking part.

Barbie Wire is confronted, cuts to Millie using her rizz, then it cuts back to Barbie Wire being confronted.

This is definitely an Adam Neylan episode because it's always the episodes he writes that has these amount of plots in one episode.

The..jokes

This is honestly the last thing I wanted to touch up on because the jokes in this episode are not even funny and honestly disturbing most of the time. I'll name the three worst ones.

The camp is called Camp Ivannakummore and it's a camp filled with preteens and children. Let that sink in.

Moxxie wants to be famous around kids and starts crying because he isn't even though he's in his 30s. I'm pretty sure that they were doing the "high school nerd trying to be famous" trope, but it doesn't work because Moxxie isn't in the same fucking age range as these kids. It's like if an adult disguised as a teenager tries to go back into their peak high school years by going into some random high school and starts doing some fucking musical.

This is like the worst joke in this episode by far. Fornication between demons disguised as minors that are also disguised as siblings in front of a crap ton of other minors. What is this, Rick and Morty? Did Dan Harmon write this joke?

Conclusion

This episode in my opinion is the worst episode to me. The characters weren't likable or just flat-out boring, there were too many plots, and even then it led to nothing in the future, none of the jokes made me laugh or even chuckle, and it was honestly very painful just dragging myself through this episode. Unhappy Campers has all the worst aspects of Helluva Boss in the span of 21 minutes. And it was just very very painful to even sit through. I honestly don't think I would've missed anything if I didn't watch this episode because that's what it feels like, a nothing episode that managed to make me mad.

Anyway, thank you all for reading and I hope you all have a nice day! ❤️

[lemonavocado]

i have many many thoughts about the portrayal of elizabeth (and henry) in adaptations of frankenstein and they need to be broadcasted immediately. feverish incoherent raving about this subject under the cut. tw for very brief mention of SA

so. elizabeth lavenza. by the time of the wedding, elizabeth is rather obviously portrayed to be just as morose and brooding as victor is, she just isn't as susceptible to episodes of mania and psychosis so it doesn't seem nearly as dramatic compared to victor's trauma. she's been through the gutter herself, being an orphan for starters, then being adopted into a family and having to assume the role of caregiver in the frankenstein family because of the coercion of her dead mother to not only take her place as the maternal figure in the family but also marry her surrogate brother (or literal cousin, depending on which version you read). then her surrogate younger brother william dies, and the within weeks she has to watch her closest heterosexual life partner justine be unjustly hung by a corrupt justice system. and she vocalizes, actively, her pessimism and hopelessness in light of these many tragedies. tldr she's fucked up and rightfully so, and while she's a little less crippled by depression than victor, she still has the distinct appearance of being rather ill, listless, and tired, especially towards the end of the novel. anyways my point is in the novel, the most important thing about elizabeth is not that she's a woman and victor's bride. yes, that's obviously the purpose she was created for, but shelley went out of her way to give elizabeth an extremely definite and unique character. she's gentle and maternal like most woman in early 19th century literature, but she's also introspective, intelligent, and perceptive. she displays agency and self-awareness repeatedly (her guilt over the locket, going to the execution of justine even when alphonse tells her not to, waxing poetic on the failures of the justice system, asking repeatedly and rather pointedly if victor actually wants to go through with the marriage, obvious anxiety and solemnity concerning the wedding) we also have to take into account that elizabeth's personality is being relayed to us BY VICTOR, and he wants to see elizabeth as docile and femininely passive, even if a lot of her actions themselves in the novel actually seem to contradict that. also, i am peppering in that many people can (and have) made a genuine and convincing argument that victor and elizabeth are not in love and were groomed to accept their union by their weirdo parents - that they care for each other, but the text includes important nuances that make it evident that victor doesn't feel anything for elizabeth like that. it is a legitimate interpretation of the book - dare i say it's the correct interpretation of the relationship between victor and elizabeth. but that's another essay for another day and it's not SUPER integral to my rant here today. it just highlights the complexity of elizabeth as a character.

so. for some fucking reason, writers do not understand this when they are adapting the novel, and do not want to apply more than eight seconds of critical thinking and the absolute shallowest 3rd grader levels of reading comprehension to this character, so they simplify her from what she was in the original novel, freshly complex, opinionated, and introspective to boring useless incest lady. victor is never portrayed with the same amount of nuance he deserves in any adaptation (also another essay for another day), because adaptations also have a very surface level reading of him as "guy who was ambitious and played god which immediately cements him as an irredeemable self-aggrandizing asshole and/or a raging insufferable narcissist who's a dick to everyone around him EXCEPT for elizabeth" but at least SOME adaptations are able to kiiinnnddaaaa capture the sympathy meant to be felt for the character in the novel. not so for elizabeth. her character in basically every adaptation can be boiled down to this: "omg victor my brother let me hammer in that you are my brother. im just going to stand here and look clueless and annoyingly naive for the entire time im on screen/stage. im just a little girl and idk what's going on victor but im gonna stay blindly devoted to you and ask numerous but completely useless questions 🥺 let me stare at you with tender worry in my eyes and treat you like a child even though we have absolutely no romantic chemistry and you're an objectifying dick towards me and we have nothing in common and the audience is actively dry heaving as we sensually make out for no other reason than to have characters in this movie sensually make out. im basically a carbon copy of original-novel-henry expect super boring and super useless because im a woman which means the doylist explanation for why im here HAS TO BE ONLY for the main character to fuck me and to hold the attention of the male viewership. now time for me to get SA'd by the creechur for basically no reason" we can observe something approximating this in basically every frankenstein adaptation i've ever seen: kenneth branagh's (my enemy) 1994 film, the 2004 hallmark miniseries, the musical, and the ballet. also in the 1931 film, but that one isn't really trying to be book-accurate so it doesn't really count for this rant.

with this understanding of elizabeth, writers then attempt to artificially generate more romance between these characters, mostly by, yes, replacing a lot of henry's role in the novel with elizabeth, hence why we see so many adaptations (1994, 2004, ballet) make elizabeth nurse victor back to health in ingolstadt instead of henry, which generates... so many problems. one problem with this is that it just sorta ruins henry's original role in the novel in one go. writers recognize that henry is supposed to be victor's character foil, but now they don't have much for him to do so he can demonstrate that role in the story since they gave all of the romantic tension moments to elizabeth. meaning that in adaptations you can tell the writers didn't really know what to do with henry because he's reduced to a comic relief bumbling idiot (1994, ballet, 2004 to an extent) with his only personality traits being "random xd" and "morals good playing god wrong!!!! 😠" (2004, musical, several independent stage adaptations). they keep him as a character foil, but just replace all of his compassion, tenderness, and devotion with elizabeth, while effectively draining henry of all of his original appeal and charm and stamping those traits onto their already stripped-of-all-nuance elizabeth. so now both henry and elizabeth are not only extremely different from their original roles in the novel but extremely, woefully less charming and complex. this especially pisses me off because it's explicitly stated in the book that henry was victor's only friend precisely because he was victor's intellectual equal, so seeing henry reduced to a smiley idiot and/or stupid generic male side character with Morals fills me with a visceral rage. writers will also sometimes make victor and henry meet in college (ballet, 1994) and try to strengthen the bond between victor and elizabeth by making it appear as though she was victor's ONLY childhood friend and companion. other times, victor and henry will be friends pre-ingolstadt (2004, musical) but most of the relationship development will be between elizabeth and victor. those two have all of the tender bonding moments while henry is just kinda inexplicably there sometimes. but i digress. this post is supposed to be about elizabeth. but IF YOU NEED A CHARACTER TO BE A SUNSHINE SOFT OPTIMISTIC LOVER FOR VICTOR IN A FRANKENSTEIN ADAPTATION, HENRY IS ABLE AND WILLING ARE YOU STEPPING ON MY BALLS

clervalstein is true. anyway

elizabeth is somehow more complex and powerful as a female character than the literal adaptations produced almost 200 years later. in adaptations, the most important thing about her is somebody else. the development of all of her character traits (which usually never go beyond standing around and looking helpless) are solely dependant on victor. she feels more like an appendage of the protagonist than an individual with thoughts and experiences separate from victor, and her character is loosely defined and flimsy so the writers can have her conform to her actions in the book whenever it's convenient and then change things up entirely that completely contradict her characterization in the book whenever it's convenient. i have no idea why the fuck this keeps happening with frankenstein adaptations (it's misogyny) and because it isn't looking like guillermo del toro's film (from what ive heard) is going to be super book accurate, i dont foresee too much of a shift in frankenstein adaptations.

look i get it. it's a movie/play/ballet which lasts like 2 hours and you have a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it. i understand you have to make sacrifices for brevity and these characters are, frankly, a lot less interesting and exciting than victor and creechur. people didn't come to see john hughes levels of charm and complexity in the side characters, they came to watch the creechur do scary shit and for victor to say IT'S ALIVE 😱 and be an evil mad scientist you love to hate. they came for their values of "it's wrong to play god!!!" and "too much ambition bad!!!" to be re-cemented even though that's not even the original point of the novel. which is why imo if you're going to adapt frankenstein in a manner that does justice to the beautiful and sublime subtlety of the original novel, it needs to be either a miniseries or a REALLY LONG film. it's a short book, but it's very eventful, and imo for an adaptation to work you have to let the audience sit with it. which is why you all need to donate to my gofundme so i can produce an honest to god frankenstein adaptation. in fact, im running for president in this year's primaries :3

just a disclaimer: im not an academic or a scholar or anything. i just like the book. i probably have no idea what the fuck im talking about. but im a very very passionate little guy and this has been my rant

[remylebeaugambit]

Did you not like X-men 97 specifically because of all the crap Gambit went through or did you not like the other characters and the series in general either?

I’ve actually thought about this extensively and concluded that, spite and grudge aside, I just don’t think it is a good show overall. I stand by the belief that people are still enamored with the idea of a childhood show coming back, intoxicated by nostalgia to the point that they are willing to overlook its innumerous flaws.   

To be fair, the animation is awesome –consistently good and fluid and colorful, it’s great (I don’t exactly love all the characters’ designs, esp the women are not that great, but that’s a minor nitpick), the script, however, is ridiculous, full of inconsistencies and incongruences, so many plot holes and favoritism. Didn’t the old groomer die? How was he alive? Don’t know, doesn’t matter, just roll with it. 

At the same time that the script relied on the knowledge we have on TAS, it also shitted on it. 

I’ve talked about this before, so I’ll try to focus on other details. A lot of the characters are out of character, while others are just there, no reason or explanation. For example, the script dictated that Bishop had a minor role to play, which was to take Nathan to the future, so… that’s why he was there, no explanation of how or why he was back, nada. Then he had a forced moment of glory and disappeared (and he screwed up the only job he had).

Other things like, Storm and Rogue were very close in TAS, but since the disgusting pseudo writer-who-shall-not-be-named preferred Jean and Storm’s relationship, that’s what we got. And also in order for the repulsive, nonsensical grooming retcon to “work” Rogue needed to be isolated, so that was another reason (not that the pedophile retcon worked, cause it did not work at all, it made no sense in terms of continuity and who the characters were. Rogue isn’t Rogue. Her character was assassinated. 

Other things like Storm not even acknowledging her supposed best friend’s death because, you know, “some things end up in the cutting room floor” but there was time for indulging scenes of the old pedo being shaved, who is now more handsome, athletic and desirable than ever, with the biggest dick of all, I kid you not. 

When I say the script is weak, to put it delicately, I mean that not only are the characters not treated or developed well but things are also too easy and rushed. Morph happened to know where Sinister was. So convenient. Since the show plays favorites there are no consequences for favorite characters’ actions. Shady old groomer killed thousands and thousands of people around the globe, and what he did to Wolverine, but that’s just brushed aside, because, you know, he’s got the biggest dick and is the fucking protagonist. In an X-Men fucking show. 

Storm’s episodes were slow and boring. Wolverine had little to nothing to do. Roberto and Jubilee took up too much screen time and nothing meaningful came out of it. And then there’s Gambit… 

So, yeah, Gambit being humiliated and killed off half away through makes me nuts but the whole thing… it’s just not good. Mashing two or three different great comic storylines in one episode is not what I find to be a particularly well written and thought out plot. And let’s not forget all the lies and misleading information during the airing. It baffles me how some fans are still paying attention and taking at face value what the jerk and the insufferable voice actor said/say. Urgh, hate her guts.  

If, and only if, the retcon was retconned and we got something better next season, I might look back and see it with more tolerant eyes, but I know in my heart of hearts that is just wishful thinking on my part; it’s not happening, and it wouldn’t undo all the agonizing weeks of waiting and the subsequent months of never getting it over. I’ve never gotten it over.

[brain-rot-central]

NSFW Alphabet

Thank you for the tag, @kittenintheden! This will be in reference to Tavaria and Astarion's relationship, heh.

Tagging anyone who would like to do it!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

They both take a moment to catch their breath and let the world return to normal around them. They're usually clinging pretty tightly to one another.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Astarion adores her freckles. He loves to trace them up to his second favorite place: her neck.

Tav loves his face. She's never seen a more handsome man in all of her life, though she doesn't remember much from before the Nautiloid. It's a sin he can't see himself in a mirror (before the ascension), but maybe even a blessing. He'd be entirely insufferable, should he actually know how charming he is. She loves playing with his ears as well, and the resulting twitch of his entire body when she does.

C = Cum (where does your muse prefer to cum/have someone cum)

Astarion's favorite place is inside, which works out great, because Tav loves to cum on his cock. c:

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Tav once cut down an entire row of goblins with such precise skill as they were escaping their encampment. Astarion was left speechless, and oddly aroused. From that moment forward, he realized that he really loves when she's violent.

Tav has a thing for watching the light fade from the eyes of Astarion's victims. There's something oddly erotic about it, how he holds them close against his chest. Almost like that of a lover, only to watch them slump lifelessly to the floor once he's done. She loves the rosy pink glow that spreads from his cheeks to the tips of his ears even more.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Astarion is arguably more experienced than most. Tav's first, from what she can recall, was Astarion. So, not much. Though, she's a quick study.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Astarion loooves missionary. Loves to be able to see Tav's face and have access to her neck. He tends to bite down on the soft column of her throat right as he cums.

She'll never admit it, but Tav really enjoys being taken from behind. The vulnerability is thrilling to her, as she doesn't readily give up her back to most. It's an immense sign of trust, for her.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Astarion enjoys smoothing rough situations out with a bit of sarcastic humor, while Tav is mostly stone-cold serious. It's not up until she rejects the will of her Father that she begins to come out of her shell, and that's mostly attributed to the murderous urges ceasing all together.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Since Astarion is a full-blooded high-elf, he's entirely hairless, save for hair on his head and eyebrows. Tav keeps herself relatively neat, though there are times where she lets her body hair grow out. They are trying to save the world, after all. Astarion doesn't seem to mind much.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Astarion is admittedly more forward than Tav. Their first time together was out of pure curiosity for her -- she had her suspicions about him being a vampire, which were confirmed once she saw his teeth poking over his bottom lip. She should have been afraid, sharing a camp with a blood-sucking fiend who could kill them at any time. Though, all she could think about was how this could work to everyone's advantage. A handsome vampire with a silver tongue? Perfect for manipulating and taking out potential targets.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

It's not often that Tav takes care of herself in that manner. She's usually fighting off the urges to slit the necks of those who bring her even the slightest of annoyance. Though if she has a drink or two in her, it's enough to dull the voices in her head so she can hear her body.

Astarion avoids intimacy with himself almost entirely. Though, there's one night in particular when he couldn't avoid it anymore, and sent a few pulses of pleasure through his tadpole connection to Tav. She didn't respond, but he felt better having made her aware of how he was feeling. They kissed the following morning, her asking him how it went.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Tav has an incredibly strong breeding kink. She's not sure if it's because of Bhaal's influence telling her to produce more Bhaalspawn, but it ramps up in intensity the longer she's near Astarion. It doesn't make sense, given he's an infertile vampire spawn, but the urge to create a half-vampire Bhaalspawn is strong. Again, likely due to Bhaal's influence and how powerful their offspring would be.

As time goes on, Astarion realizes he enjoys being teased. A lot. A suggestive glance or two. Tav rubbing her body against him as she passes, feigning "not enough room." It all serves to heighten his interest.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Secluded from the others. Neither of them enjoy an audience unless it's previously agreed upon. Doesn't really matter to them where or when.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Astarion is usually most willing right after he feeds, especially if it's from her. The haze of her bloodloss usually makes sex more enjoyable for her, because again, it helps quell the dark urges.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Tav does not enjoy anything that could be seen as too controlling. No spanking, slapping, being spit on, manhandled too roughly, being tied up, or things stuffed into her mouth -- whether they're fingers or makeshift gags. It triggers a fight response in her, and she's entirely sure Astarion wouldn't appreciate having his throat cut during intimacy. But she learns over time that she enjoys Astarion grabbing her ass while taking her from behind, giving it a few light smacks.

Astarion dislikes being controlled, as well. At first, any touches to his neck would incite instant panic. Being held down, turning onto his stomach, and pulling his hair too tightly would transport him back to the kennels with Godey hovering above him. But as time goes on, he softens to the idea of Tav lightly holding his neck as she rides him, because the pressure against his throat never increases. He never feels starved for air (even though he doesn't need to breathe), and he eventually becomes bold enough to encourage her to tighten her grip around his neck.

They each develop enough trust along the way that some of their no's turn into a conditional yes, so long as the boundaries are agreed upon.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Astarion is incredibly enthusiastic about eating pussy. Tav is a bit more hesitant to giving oral, only because she fears the sudden urge to dismember him will creep forward. They both enjoy receiving, however.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Both of them hate to admit this, but they're absolute sguckers for passionate, slow sex. Taking their time to let their bodies do the talking. But they occasionally have the urge to be rough and fast, and that usually ends up being more about a quick release of some sort as opposed to penetration of any kind.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

They're not opposed to it, but again, they prefer the whole set up.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Both are extremely hesitant to taking risks at first. They barely even speak about hooking up for days after it first happens. But the second time it happens is more spontaneous. Stolen glances from across camp and a short conversation leads them back to his tent once the last head falls soundlessly upon a pillow. They've never had an opportunity to discuss experimentation, even at this point within Sonnet. If the moment feels right, they both go for it.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Spontaneity is their deciding factor. They're usually a one-and-done sort of couple, but there's an immense amount of build up from start to finish.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Neither is against toys but they haven't introduced that into the dynamic. Yet.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Tav plays hard to get, Astarion having to break down her defenses. He doesn't mind, though. He looks at it as if it's a hunt, and he's hardly one to back down from a challenge. Still, she can't help but tease him, if only to watch the way his ears twitch when she says certain words or uses a particular tone of voice. He makes sure to give it to her in earnest later.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Astarion is the more vocal one. He's usually groaning within every sentence he speaks and is more forthcoming with expressing lust. Tav tries her best to muffle her moans within his shoulder or by biting her lip, if she can.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Once they've caught their breath, Astarion thoroughly enjoys carrying Tav into the wash room and putting her in a hot bath. While they were still traveling, Astarion would be the one grabbing her hand and leading her down to a water source of some kind to freshen up. He continued that tradition during his nightly visits post-ascension.

Astarion has his piece of the contract etched into his back. Tav has a small circular birthmark on her right areola.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Astarion's is higher, especially when they were traveling. It's true after a time he asks for physical intimacy to stop, but that didn't hold him from running his hands all over Tav any chance he got. Tav was too focused on keeping her urges at bay to really tune in to what her body wanted or was saying. It's only after, once Astarion returns, that she realizes how much she's always desired him physically.

Tav could fall asleep during, should she orgasm enough. They sap her energy, either by putting her mind at ease or the energy demand is truly that high for an orgasm. Astarion may need a few moments to recover, but he could either fall asleep with her or stay up the entire night. It's entirely his choice.

[studiokawaii]

Here's our piece for @lbfad-minibang !

When we knew Danyin and Xunfeng initially had a romantic subplot in CLJ (but was deleted due to time and budget restrictions) we just couldn't stop thinking about how these two would have been as a couple. They certainly are two peas in a pod!

Check out the fic for this piece from @live-he-says ! Thank you so much for accepting the challenge!

TITLE: Winter Frost, Spring Rain

GENRE/TAGS: Romance, enemies to lovers, getting together, he fell first and she fell harder, drinking

PAIRINGS FEATURED: main pairing: Danyin/Xunfeng, side pairings: Jieli/Shangque, background Xiao Lanhua/Dongfang Qingcang, contextual unrequited Danyin/Changheng

MAJOR CHARACTERS: Danyin, Xunfeng, Shangque, Jieli

RATING: M

WARNINGS: None

SUMMARY:

In Moon Tribe weddings, it is customary for the bride and groom to choose a champion as representatives to fight for their respective side: If the groom's champion wins, it's a good omen for health, healing, and continued strength. If the bride's champion wins it's a good omen of fertility, bountiful harvests, and wealth. In the past, this meant someone had to die, as a sacrifice for the omen to come to pass.

Fortunately, modern Moon Tribe weddings had long since ended the sacrificial tradition, and fights between champions are largely staged as symbolic tradition. But unfortunately for Danyin, the chosen champion for her sister Jieli, she has to be the one that loses the fight against Shangque's chosen champion. This wouldn't be so bad if Shangque's chosen champion didn't also happen to be the most insufferable, spoiled, prideful excuse of a failed coup that has walked the three realms: Xunfeng.

Or: Danyin’s longest, worst day ever turns out to be the best.

Takes place a few centuries after the war against Tai Sui is won, and before Xiao Lanhua/Goddess Xiyun revives Dongfang Qingcang.

[littlemisssatanist]

can i ask for a small favor? can you rant about daemon targaryen please? i just re-read your team green 💚 post and i'm reminded of how much ick i feel towards that character, especially in the wake of the team trailers being released.

hiii!!! tysm for this ask i was super happy when i saw it in my inbox i'm flattered people want to hear my opinions lol

my thoughts about daemon are very convoluted. i think he has the potential to be a very interesting character but it's kinda canceled out by the incest and pedophilia thing.

like. i understand it's an incest dragon show but my main issue with team black when it comes to their criticisms. they love to spout endless words about how aegon is a rapist and how alicent is a rape apologist for not... idk slitting his throat i guess.

it's really ironic to me, because these same people will turn around and then yap about how daemyra is the perfect ship. they'll be aghast when you even slightly suggest you enjoy aegon's character in any way but be in an uproar if you dare bash their dashing and roguish prince daemon.

honestly, name one terrible thing aegon did and i'll be able to give you something daemon did that is arguably worse than that.

aegon - raping a servant girl in the show (which honestly i'm treating more as a fanfiction considering how terribly written both the greens and the blacks are).

daemon - uhmmmm probably the whole thing with nettles. you know. the sixteen year old girl he groomed and raped (yes raped because minors aren't able to consent). actually, now that i think of it, he did the exact same thing with rhaenyra too, huh? or does team black find the whole fleabottom episode to be hot and rhaenyra being sexually free? that seems like the sort of thing they'd take from that whole fiasco.

on the topic of blood & cheese: the way some people defend this is honestly sickening.

'but poor luke was killed by his terrible uncle aemond' he was an envoy of war (not to aemond, btw, he owed him no safe haven) and also he kinda. yk. took out his eye. i'm not saying luke deserved to die, but i'm going to be honest this is one of the more mild things that happened during the dance.

whether luke deserved to die (which i'd like to reiterate: i do not think he did. i can understand WHY aemond killed him, but that is not me EXCUSING him. this is for those of you who don't know how to read and will inevitably find a way to start putting words in my mouth) b&c is completely unexcusable.

it's team feminism until its a woman who doesn't fit your little box of badass hottie. it's team feminism until that woman doesn't bow down to rhae-rhae and betray her own family and children in order to join the 'good side.' it's team woman until you point out that rhaenyra was groomed by daemon and continues to make decisions that are decidedly anti-feminist.

this is why i can't stand team black stans who say things like 'i hate the greens except for helaena bc she didn't do anything wrong' because you quite literally cannot do that without admitting that helaena suffered because of the blacks NOT the greens.

helaena suffered bc of DAEMON not because of any actions taken by the greens. DAEMON was the one who orchestrated b&c, the one who sent men to terrorize her and kill her children.

daemon did that.

i have no problem with people who can admit that their faves have flaws. i admit aemond's flaws, daeron's flaws, aegon's flaws. the problem i have with daemon is that his stans are so insufferably annoying and they literally cannot do any of that.

my last thought about daemon (at the moment, at least) is his relationship with strong boys.

lots of tb likes to say that daemon loved those boys like his own and would never do anything to hurt them. and i... honestly find it a little strange, and also a little embarassing, because how am i going to have a better grasp on his character than those that love him most???

i genuinely believe that daemon, had rhaenyra ascended to the throne like viserys planned, he would have caused 'unfortunate accidents' for the strong boys in order to get his blood on the throne. which, btw, was one of the main reasons viserys named rhaenyra heir, to keep daemon from sitting on the throne.

i think it the succession crisis had been between daemon and rhaenyra instead, it would have been a much more interesting storyline.

then again grrm isn't that good at writing interesting storylines when it comes to daemon considering he's a self-insert. honestly i wouldn't be surprised if when he died it was found out that grrm had a fanfiction written somewhere where daemon survived the fight with aemond and got to live out the rest of his boring ass life grooming little girls. who knows.