#also first: *is kinda gay for an evil bastard* ... fuck

[drawnfamiliarfaces]

the struggles of having gay thoughts about an asshole that tries to bring 5000 years of darkness

[ ref. ]

[dr-spectre]

So.... This game is 2 years old now huh?

Honestly... I don't think i have a TON to say about this game. It's just a great ass fucking video game that has given me a lot of fun and great memories!

This game came out during my final year of school, which is kinda funny considering that Splatoon 3 acts like a "finale" to a trilogy. It's interesting how those kinds of things work out eh? Splatoon 2 came out at the start of my secondary education, and Splatoon 3 came out at the tail end of my final year.

I remember thinking before the game came out, "why do we need a Splatoon 3? This is pointless, it's just more Splatoon 2." And then my mind was quickly changed once i got to play the Splatfest test fire and the actual game itself.....

I completed ROTM in such a short amount of time and i documented my reactions to my friends. Although i was spoiled in that Deep Cut had boss fights and Mr. Grizz was the final boss, ROTM still gave me a giant smile to my face all the way through. It was so fun, so charming and just a really good single player experience.

One of the things that i LOVE about Splatoon 3 is the vibe. I just love the location of Splatsville, i love the aesthetics, the lighting, the model improvements from Splatoon 2, the music, it's my favourite art style/aesthetic out of any of the Splatoon games by far. It just feels so polished, i don't know how to exactly describe it.

Also the fact that this game won best multiplayer game of 2022 over CALL OF DUTY! OVERWATCH 2 AND MULTIVERSUS MAKES ME SO GIDDY AND HAPPY!

PEOPLE GOT MAD ABOUT THIS AND THAT MAKES ME WANNA EVIL LAUGH! All of those fucking depressed and sad Call of Duty players who whine and complain about how "wahh modern gaming sucks!! There's no good games anymore wahhh!! It's all microtransactions wahhh!!" BITCH! SPLATOON 3 IS LITERALLY THE GAME YOU'VE BEEN ASKING FOR!! Yet you won't play it because it's on Nintendo huh? Yeah... You're a fucking PUSSY!! YOU'RE WEAK!! You're SCARED to be seen as less of a manly man!! You only wanna play games with oily dirty buff men.... Yet you call others who play games like Splatoon gay? Hmm..... Sounds like you're a wittle insecureeeeee!!!!

Have fun rotting in microtransaction hell you LOSERS!! GAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways.... uh.... sorry....

I also fucking love Deep Cut too. I thought i wasn't gonna like these guys and i remember thinking when i first saw them "oh... okayyyy..."

But now? I love these bastards.

I love their dynamic and how they are bandits but they actually wanna help the people back in Splatsville. That is such a cool and unique take to have for Idol characters. The Squid Sisters are very cutesy and so are Off the Hook, but Deep Cut aren't. They are loud, messy, chaotic, in your face, rude, etc. They are about contrast and the character designers did a phenomenal job at conveying that theme via their backgrounds and looks.

Another thing that i love about Splatoon 3 is that it also acts as a celebration of things that have come before, Inkopolis Plaza and Square return as hubs, old colour combos from previous games act as loading screens, most of the music returns in the jukebox, it rewards long time fans for sticking around and for a long running franchise IT'S SUPER IMPORTANT to have that stuff!!!

Seeing the improvements in the model quality from Splatoon 1 to 3 genuinely makes me kinda emotional, it shows how far we've come in just a little under 10 years...

It really homes in on the point that... These characters, have grown up with us.... The Squid Sisters are about to reach their mid 20s, Pearl is nearly 30 fucking years old!!!

And the last thing i wanna bring up before i talk about the Grand Fest...

...Is Side Order.

This fucking DLC... My god... Being able to experience it by myself and just enjoy the stuff i was seeing, being able to SCREAM AND CRY AS MUCH I WANT WAS SO IMPORTANT TO ME DUDE!

When i got to the 10th floor in the tutorial and i saw Marina Agitando staring me down.... I did the loudest gasp a human could possibly do and my jaw was hung to the floor for a solid MINUTE!

Marina's first fucking dev diary made me cry and scream, THAT IS NOT A JOKE!!!! THESE CHARACTERS ARE THAT IMPORTANT TO ME!

And the final boss.... Made me cry, it broke me down, i was singing along to Ebb and Flow as best as i could, it felt like i was brought back to 2018, being in my room, listening to that song on repeat... I feel like a kid again....

I love this song... i love it so much... Like it's not the most hype finale song ever, but, the emotion behind it, the build up from Splatoon 2... The power this song has in it's meaning... It's some good shit man...

So yeah! I love Splatoon 3!!! It's my favourite game out of the series and anyone who is gonna jump into this game now is gonna have a LOT to chew on.

And... It's both sweet and sad that we're at the end. This is it... The moment we've been waiting for. The final Splatfest to end them all. The event 9 years in the making.

The Grand Festival...

I am extremely excited and so FUCKING NERVOUS for this Splatfest!!!! I know i am going to cry and be so overwhelmed with joy. Seeing the Squid Sisters and Off the Hook perform their old songs again after all of these years is gonna make me sob so loudly it's not even funny.

These characters genuinely mean the world to me and it's gonna be so fucking hard for me to watch their final major appearance and say goodbye. Cause after this, we don't know what's gonna happen. I know they will come back, they have to but... In what capacity? That's what I'm scared about...

So yeah, let's savior this moment when it eventually arrives, take all the time you need to be engulfed in the Grand Fest.

Thank you Splatoon 3, you have given me so much.... It's not time to say goodbye just yet but, i wanna watch you as you walk into the sunset with your head held high....

[wrenrogue]

The first time Kenma heard Kuroo’s laugh, he thought is was the loudest most annoying thing he’d ever heard.

It was bizarre since his new neighbor had been really quiet up until then, quieter than him. So it took him by surprise when Kuroo guffawed with glee when the dirty volleyball landed in between his arms covering his sweater in muddy water, instead of bouncing off them like intended.

Kenma didn’t think much of it until Kuro only got louder with time and so did his laugh. He would laugh at everything, including when their volleyball would accidentally smack him in the face during practice.

It was annoying. Kuro was annoying. Kuro and his laugh were annoying.

And as they grew up, Kenma got to see Kuro annoying everyone else with his obnoxious donkey laugh. How he had a hard time staying quiet sometimes from finding something too funny. How he would get scolded by his grandmother for his laugh-induced coughing fits and almost throwing up on the furniture.

How Kuro had a phase where he invented himself an evil laugh and pretended to be evil around their neighborhood. How despite being “evil," when he accidentally broke his neighbor’s flower pot, he apologized profusely and took out his life savings (1000 yen) to try to buy her a new one.

And then Kuro met Bokuto.

Kuro honestly was polite, perceptive and had a high sense of self-control when he wasn’t laughing his ass off being a bastard to a poor victim. Kenma would’ve ditched him long ago if Kuro was just a high energy party animal with non-existent tact.

Somehow Bokuto loosened his self-control a bit too much though. They were loud together, had a ton of fun doing so too. But Kenma just wanted to play his games in peace and it was hard with Bokuto hey hey heying and Kuro’s taunting happening right beside him.

Kenma was truly the most miserable teenager in existence; he wondered if his misery would ever end. And then Kenma met Akaashi the year after and he thought he finally found solidarity in knowing someone else was plagued by their louder friends being idiots together.

What he found instead was Akaashi radiating the gay in massive amounts whenever he was around Bokuto that Kenma’s gaydar shattered irreparably. Kenma once told Kuro this, and like expected he turned into a hyena.

Kenma thought it wasn’t all bad when this happened, that Kenma was responsible for making Kuro laugh so loud. That he created that joy for him.

Kenma can’t really say Kuro’s laugh was always obnoxious. Because there were good things about it too. Like how Kuro’s eyes would crinkle at the edges or how Kenma was always flashed with all his pearly white teeth from that big mouth of his. Or how he’d turn red from laughing way too hard for way too long.

How Kuro, despite having a loud-as-fuck laugh, also had many other ones that were quieter, but just as effective. Like when he snickered at Kenma’s quips to other people and how he giggled at every joke Kenma told him. How sometimes his laugh was infectious and Kenma had no other choice but to laugh too.How Kuro had this particularly quiet breathy laugh that Kenma wasn’t sure how to describe, but that it was nice to hear anyway. How Kenma was many times the reason for that laugh to begin with.

The year Kuro’s gone to college, things didn't get any quieter, but the loud things weren't things Kenma liked to hear. Kuro’s laugh had always been obnoxious, but Kenma’s grown to kinda like it. If only because it belonged to Kuro.

If only Kuro was there to laugh at him for being so sappy. But he was far away and studying for tests instead of bothering him to practice a new special move near their bridge.

Kuro called Kenma that night out of the blue telling him he had the urge to bother him. “you’re not bothering me” kenma had said prompting a chuckle, something he missed hearing.

“how are you?” Kuro asked

“I…(miss you) played metal gear today”

“haven’t played that in years, let me borrow it next time I’m home”

“when will you be home?”

“aww kenma-kun misses me"

“shut up. my mom asked me earlier”

“riiiiiiight”

“i’m gonna hang up now”

Kuro cackled from the other end, and somehow kenma’s heart grew a little lighter.

Kenma joins Kuro at uni and their routine intertwines as is the nature of their friendship. But there’s a problem.

The thing about Kuro is that he was kinda objectively good-looking. Kenma wasn't dumb, he’d seen the entire student body ogling him from afar.

it’s kinda hard not to when Kuro was so tall, well built with a handsome face and even though his hair was always stupid, it looked good on him. Kenma was kinda mad at that honestly. How his childhood friend grew up into such a dreamboat with a foghorn attached. If he would’ve known sooner, he would’ve ditched him immediately.

Kenma thought this even more when his stomach wouldn't stop flipping like a pancake when Kuro started guffawing at his own corny jokes during breakfast, because since when did he find Kuro's laugh so attractive???

It gets worse. And it gets worse, and the years keep coming and they don’t stop coming. and Kuro's laugh gets more attractive and Kenma would just like to kiss him to shut him up once and for all. But he can't. All he could do was let the butterflies destroy his stomach as he stared dreamily at his best friend when he wasn't looking. He thinks he likes staring at Kuro more when he’s busy working on his things.

He was currently trying to apply to the JVA, said he wanted to make sure everything was perfect so Kuro was hunched over his laptop updating his linkedin account and kenma like a fool, watched as Kuro stuck his tongue out in concentration as he typed out his credentials, how he would randomly squint and make faces at whatever he was concentrating on, how he had a pen behind his ear despite the fact that he didn’t need to write anything down. How he was still in his pjs because he had stayed over at kenma’s house again and was too lazy to find any of his other clothes in kenma’s closet.

And kenma couldn’t handle seeing all that so he got up, only to come back to slide a plate of cut up fruit next to his best friend, because he hadn’t seen him eat anything since noon and he needed to eat.

Kuro turned to look at him, asked him “What for?” and kenma only shrugged. In response Kuro gave him a quiet breathy giggle and thanked him for the snack. kenma knows then that he’s completely head over heels fucked.

When Kuro gets the phone call that he got the job at the JVA, Kenma was there to see the glee write itself all over Kuro's face as he thanked the caller for giving him the opportunity.

He was there as Kuro joyfully celebrated his success, how he was loud, how Kenma couldn't help but celebrate too. How Kuro picked him up to twirl him around. How the excitement got to him enough that when he was back on the ground, he didn’t let Kuro go, instead bringing him down at eye-level to tell him “You did it” and kissing him on the lips.

Kenma’s not sure why he hadn’t thought of doing that sooner. He thinks Kuro’s laugh tastes sweeter than he imagined. Kenma’s not exactly sure when his own laugh got so loud. He thinks it’s probably Tetsurou’s influence.

Though he finds that he doesn’t really mind, especially when he laughs along side him as they reach more milestones together. Like when Tetsu became a staple in his streams, that they end up having a segment together. Like when Tetsurou kissed him feather light down his neck just to tickle him. Like when Tetsurou proposed to him the same day he was going to propose to him too. Like during their wedding and Tetsurou somehow got cake in his hair.

Like when they got a bigger house together and their friends helped them paint each room and lev got paint all over his face. Like when Tetsu lets their daughter give him makeovers and she makes sure his cheeks are as pink as possible. Like when their son learned to walk and immediately learned chasing their cat was a fun pastime. Like when Tetsu lets him hold him in bed while they giggle at how long it took them to get together.

Kenma remembers thinking Tetsu’s laugh was loud and stupid. He still thinks so, but he wouldn't want it any other way. Especially when he gets to experience all other laughs Tetsu has to offer, including the shy little giggle he does when kenma tells him he loves him before kissing him quiet.

[scalproie]

Literally watched all of S2 last night and I dont feel like doing individual reactions sooo

All of S1:E26 was me pointing at gay people on my screen and going "hey thats from the little dark age amv"

The orion pax arc is still literally so funny. Later episodes show that there was NO REASON to keep optimus/orion alive bc soundwave and THE FUCKING SHIP can also decode the locations of the mcguffins, megatron literally couldve won the war here and there what the hell. it took meg all of 0.5 seconds after he heard his former boytoy utter his name to try and find excuses to keep him around. Also making him call you "my lord"? I Know What You Are.

And apparently optimus/orion stayed on the nemesis for two months which is crazy to me bc megatron cannot improvise to save his fucking life what do you MEAN warlord ratchet??? YOU HAVE ULTRA MAGNUS IN YOUR FILES

It was funny tho bc meg heard ratchet say "I am your doctor of doom" and thought Hey thats pretty good and then make a callback to that when telling optimus/orion ratchet is evil incarnate

Extra hilarious to me that it partially ended bc starscream went to the nemesis to raid the fridge. [Megatron voice] this plane does nothing but ruin my life

The episodes where they send arcee and jin kazama to cybertron was pretty cool i did like the vibe it really felt alien ruins-like

You can tell the experience fucked optimus a little bc first episode after the season opening and peepaw is ready to consider warcrimes

Next was the "bumblebee gets his kidney stolen" arc and I have nothing to say other than it was funny when of course it ends in starscream getting his kidney stolen

Ok I do have some stuff to say actually, we trash on the cons a lot bc theyre disloyal assholes, but when a bot is told to stay at the base for valid reasons, they bitch and moan and end up disobeying anyway and never get punished severely by peepaw optimus bc them not following orders ALWAYS works in their favor

Megatron goes "Nu-uh-uh!" in S2:E5

Im always just so happy when meg is on screen ngl he is such a massive asshole bastard🩶

Dreadwing's cool I like how he just has a fucking flip phone to dramatically blow shit up

Everytime I see wheeljack im like oh god if the show has been made just a few years later he wouldve been drift

I FORGOT HOW QUICKLY BREAKDOWN DIED fanon will really build a castle out of 4 twigs huh. and the castle sucks ass anyway

Airachnid slayed and she was gone too soon

They lowballed megatron so hard in the episode where he was struggling against one (1) insecticon BUT. he was sexy in this ep. To me. Not to optimus anymore😔

Nemesis prime was well-introduced in the show but this is hysterical to me that THIS is the show that has the "evil double of optimus" concept

Every episode with starscream after he loses his cog is excellent and you have no idea how much it pains me to admit that

S2:E10-E11 is just megatron and the gang having the weirdest fucking day and it might be my fav eps. I think I just love watching the cons do shit. Megatron killed starscream four times, fought an army of bugs and then gave drugs to his ship

Knockout and megatron's banter is surprisingly always very entertaining. I think meg just like bouncing off of a little jester

The four relics episode are kinda whatever BUT they did gave us the one (1) soundwave focused episode and whaddayaknow he was extremely sexy and competent and it was funny to see him being treated like megatron's special boy&bird

Also bulkhead continue to have plot armor thicker than the apex armor like come on in every single one of his episodes he comes just this close to death

SHOOOOOOOOOCKWAAAAAAAAAVE

I was waiting to see smokescreen's episodes before judging but now that I did I can safely say *drops to my knees sobbing* IT SHOULD BEEN HOT RODDDDDDDDD

At least his friendship with jin kazama was cute, like that "green for go" was cute

Silas ditching his highly competent human crew to sucker up to megatron really felt like they had no idea what to do with his character anymore bc what??? Like okay you remove a third faction to focus more on the main ones but still

I fucking love S2:E20 bc 1) just throw some more mystical stuff at optimus like go full arthurian stories now, 2) lots of megatron action and 3) "drop the mountain on him"

I know its likely an animation lighting thing and optimus simply could not be based like that in the first place but conceptually it is absolutely hysterical to me that after slicing effortlessly a mountain in half, making megatron look like THIS

Optimus then look straight up at the camera and fucking winks at him

And then immediately after that, megatron going "decepticons, we are so fucked."

And THEN next episode is literally "MEGATRON YOU CRAZY BITCH" like come dreadwing lets desecrate a demigod's tomb

He fucking sucks at naming stuff tho bc dark star saber??? Come on man

The rest of the omega keys episodes are also whatever but fucking hell if the whole Peter Cullen speaking in slow motion and Steve Blum mimicking that didnt get to me hard

The last starscream episode tho? Screamer cringe compilation while hes having the worst job interview of his life, of course i loved it

MEGATRON NOOO YOU KILLED THE WRONG PLANE

But again, hilarious that for the season finale megatron went "alright guys no more fucking around" and they basically won. That one moment where meg, screamer, KO all laughing maniacally together with soundwave just shaking in silent laughter with them was really funny. Only shocky is missing for the decepticon high command reunion

I really liked the moment where raf, miko and jin kazama were like "the autobots are ready to sacrifice their life for our planet, im ready to do the same for theirs" idk thats really brave and it struck me

Optimus chopping megatron's arm was really fucking cold

SILVER ERADICONSSSSSS

They blew up the autobot base like the white house in shadow the hedgehog

Overall, a lot of my favorite episodes are in this season so👍 #megatronsweep

[definitely-not-an-alb]

ooh, how do you think molly would grift essek?

Alright. Let’s grift Essek.

First I need to note that any objection along the line of ‘Essek is too intelligent to fall for grifts’ is unnecessary, because whatever you think of Essek’s specific characterisation, assuming you are to intelligent to fall for a grift is one of the major ways people fall for them, in a ‘renowned high pressure social group researcher proclaiming on twitter that Sissy Porn is real and dangerous’ kinda way (look it up it’s some hysterical terf bs).

Gonna use that joke as a sidenote that if I am conflating grifts and high pressure social groups in this, it’s ‘cause as far as I care the difference is how self-aware the people running the show are. Watch any MLM-Doku (and I think we can all agree MLMs are grifts) and you’ll inevitably get to the part about weird aspiration culture bs and group pressure. It’s all one soup.

With that out of the way, let’s establish a baseline: What’s Molly’s reason for grifting Essek? Probably money and also the fun of it/being bored. Considering Kingsley abandoned his perfectly fine shipping company job to run off to be pirate king, I don’t think ‘Molly keeps grifting long after the M9 have become financially stable for shits and giggles and because Jester enjoys it’ is too outlandish a projection. Additionally, I don’t think Molly is great with impulse control nor this whole thing where current actions cause future consequences.

Now; why would Essek fall for a grift. Grifting relies on the dupe wanting something more than having good sense about it. Most people want money, so most girfts are structured around greed, but we know money is no object to Essek (though this does make him a juicy target – what he would barely miss might make a good haul for any grifter). We do know he is primarily motivated by knowledge instead, as well as a desire to be recognized as intelligent and exceptional. Additionally, we know he needs (in the character development sense) The Power of Friendship. Lastly, I think it’s fair to say he subconsciously longs for excitement (happy, fulfilled bureaucrats don’t become heretic spies; nor do they befriend a gang of mercenaries; implicitly, Essek is happier living the life of a wayward refugee-adventurer wizard than that of an Evil Gay Vizier Court Wizard or whatever papers a Shadowhand stamps nine-to-five.).

Being a paranoid bastard makes him a harder target, though the fact that we know he has fallen for someone’s bs before (I’m counting the spectacularly bad decision that is him allying with the Assembly as falling for a grift here. That’s a stupid decision to make!) makes him an easier target. Being so socially isolated makes him an easier victim, too, though his general rejection of people and clear discomfort with social interactions makes him an unlikely target for something like a romance scam. Essek’s relationship to tolerating bullshit is a weird one; on the one hand, he does put up with Jester’s (and the rest of the Nein’s) shenanigans, on the other he clearly knows how to and dares to tell someone to fuck off, and there’s that time he just ditches everyone via teleport (hilarious). So boundaries-wise, he could go either way. Lastly, I’d argue he’s at least somewhat impulsive or at least not risk averse. Always remember we are looking at an NPC next to Sword’n’Sorcery Adventurers – Essek might look cautious next to ruin-trawling wizards, but compare him to Gundula, 55, who works in Insurance and just clicked on a phishing link to claim her Totally Real Oilve Garden Gift Card, and you’ll see what I mean – most people are too risk-averse and unimpulsive to, again, commit treason via international conspiracy and then run off without a moment’s notice to dig around a cursed-ass ruin to save the world from a Cronenbergian nightmare.

Conclusion: He’s rich, he’s bored, he loves pretending to be a spy or grand discoverer, he wants to buy your dodgy foreign papers and incredible discoveries about the Luxon so, so badly and he has absolutely no one left in his life who’ll tell him it’s a bad idea.

So, for example, Molly could Voynich him. All he needs is a battered notebook and some writing supplies, whatever knowledge of what wizards’ and alchemists’ and spies’ scribbles look like he can easily pick up from traveling with the Nein and an opportunity to ask Essek to have a look at this encoded notebook he’s been lugging around all over the continent with him, why, he was at this party in Zadash and everyone else was some boring old pompous wizard (such a bore!) so he pickpocketed one of them, just for the fun of it, but, well, turns out neither Caleb nor Beau can make head nor tails of the weird sign code it’s written in (how tragic, if only someone happened to be so much cleverer than both of them!) and if Essek wants to have a look Molly would be more than happy to lighten his pack. For a small pittance, of course.

What’s small change to Essek is probably pretty nice to have for Molly, even by that level and especially if we’re mostly doing this for the fun of it. Essek gets to fall face first into his desire to show up Caleb, Beau and potentially an unknown Assembly member with his clearly superior decoding, espionage and wizardly skills and gain Secret Knowledge, maybe even Assembly Secrets on top of that.

Arguably, this one does rely very heavily on the fact that it’s hard to prove a negative, or in this case, hard to prove a barely-literate conman’s scribbles are just that. Do keep in mind Essek doesn’t know Molly is a habitual conman, but even so, it’s not a fantastic con (Essek isn’t dumb and knows his arcana after all and Molly doesn’t, or at least not enough to make a proper Voynich).

You could make it a better Voynich by getting Caleb in on it, but instead let’s pep it and turn it into a proper Real Stradivari by changing the hints that this manuscript might be legit to being alchemy-related and adding in a shill. Let’s go with Jester, because she’s down to clown, can lie and has a way with Essek’s boundaries.

So this time around, we aren’t asking Essek outright to buy our bogus notes – instead Molly gives him the whole spiel, hands him the notebook, fucks off with as little time to actually look at it as possible before Jester enters the scene to ask what THAT is and go oh it’s about ALCHEMY well, that DOES look like the signs she saw around Yezza’s house, pretty suuuure, oh, do you think it might be Yezza’s? Do you think Yezza might want it? Do you think she should ask Molly to sell it to her so she can give it to Yezza as a present to be nice because she’s such a nice friend who does nice things?

Honestly, the money part is optional if this is wholly about making Essek look up to see if the ceiling does indeed say gullible (and if Jester is involved, it might well do so! Always better to check, with her!), but a proper Violin Drop concludes with the Grifter returning to take their worthless thing back only to be asked to sell by the victim, who thinks the grifter doesn’t know what worth he has. If it was real, offering to buy the notebook would mean Essek outsmarted a minimum of three people (Beau and Caleb can’t crack the code, Molly is too dumb and illiterate to know valuable research notes from the morning paper) and gets his hands on potentially unknown-to-him luxon-related secrets! Alas, it’s not real, as he will realize soon.

So these are two (related) ways to scam Essek. But there’s a third one I want to mention one that is a lot of cinematic fun and I didn’t know had a name until Wikipedia told me no one does it irl (boo! That’s no fun!). It takes a lot of prep, math, and a lot of people and combines Essek’s obsession with the Luxon’s secrets and Molly’s penchant for passing himself off as psychic.

Molly would need something people in Rosohna bet on, like some kind of sport, preferably one with only two results and places people do said betting on said sport in groups. I’m assuming this exists on account of gambling and sports being culturally pretty universal concepts that love to go together.

Anyway. Imagine you’re Essek Thelyss, and one day a bunch of weirdos show up in court with a piece of the god you’re atheistically-heretically obsessed with. A few weeks later, you, having your ears to the ground about new developments regarding said not-god-pieces, hear one of the weirdos has made a name for himself as a outright oracle, correctly predicting the outcome of Fantasy-Dodgeball (Rosohnas’ favourite sport) perfectly six weeks running. He swears it’s because proximity to the Luxon amplified his inborn and long-trained psychic powers to predict the future.

Now, this is obviously bullshit. Except if Essek, being regrettably acquainted with the weirdos, were to ask, Molly would certainly confirm that sure, he has mystic powers and certainly they were amplified by the Luxon and predicting sport results is a hobby of his wherever they go, does Essek want to see? and lead Essek to a bar where every regular can swear on whatever he likes that Molly has correctly predicted the results of Fantasy-Dodgeball since the first week of being in Rosohna, in fact since before he himself knew the rules or track-record of any of the teams. Not only that, but there’s a second bar full of people Molly can introduce him too. And if he wants, he can certainly come back for a drink in one of them again next week when Molly has done it once more. Just call on Molly, he’ll tell you the time and date to meet some true believers, not all of whom can possibly be his shills.

(And, incidentally, barely worth mentioning, really, since Molly’s psychic blessings from the Luxon are so accurate, he has Exciting Business Opportunities for anyone willing to place more than their weekly betting budget in his trust, and he’d love for Essek to take a look at his powers. For a small compensation of his time, of course.)

Of course Molly can’t predict the results of Fantasy-Dodgeball. Instead, the first week of downtime in Rosohna, he found out what people like to bet on in Rosohna and where, picked one or two places in each district, go there and make predictions with a fifty-fifty split, then eliminate each watering hole where he was wrong each week, slowly cutting his audience back to only people who are getting to know him as That Outlander Who Always Knows The Results of Fantasy-Dodgeball, all the while escalating the story from him being just some dude betting and drinking with the guys to the whole Chosen By The Luxon thing. Considering this is a double-scam involving a faith aspect, he might very well still cash in in places he’s been wrong once only since victims of faith-based scams are very likely to overlook inconsistencies in their scammer’s stories or promised results. By the time Essek gets involved Molly’d be down to one or two places of true believers coming to him for ‘always accurate’ tips and a bunch of other people all over Rosohna he might get some money off based on the faith-aspect. And now perhaps one intrigued high-ranking government official who’s more than willing to overlook the hereticism inherent to the whole thing and is instead very likely to fall in the academic glue-trap of trying to disprove something clearly bogus that you do kind of want to believe in because like.

Wouldn’t it be cool? If the Luxon had more awesome powers? And one of them happened to fall in Essek’s hands, with no oversight and no need to cooperate with someone like Trent or Ludinus? Would he not want it to be real?

Anyway. The real answer to this question is: Enlist Beau to send bogus stuffed bills to Essek’s secretary. Bureaucrat on bureaucrat violence, let’s go.

[aforrestofstuff]

Chapter 164 (redrawn version) Expert Review™️

It’s been a hot minute! I’m in the middle of a heated custody battle with Cain over our 37 kids and Pokémon card collection and that’s kinda been weighing on me a bit so I didn’t have the energy to write these.

Anyways, I did write a review for the first version of 164 but then ONE ran into Murata’s office screaming “ERASE THAT SHIT!!!” so I deleted it and here we are. I hope Murata doesn’t upload another chapter before I post this otherwise I’m gonna have a real fucking shit-my-pants meltdown. Like some real fucking episodic type shit.

I’m gonna get started before I need to call one of my emergency contacts.

Oh dude ooooh dude Garou is so starved for affection and appreciation that getting just a crumb of it was almost enough to make him abandon everything oooooh dude it almost makes me wanna hug him but then I just think about the time he stole my Capital One Platinum Credit Card and those evil thoughts go away.

Um um um something something African proverb: “A child not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.”

Really fucking hamfisting it here, like—Garou’s entire rampage from Silverfang’s dojo since day one has been him screaming “I want to be accepted, I want to be loved” and his jealousy towards the heroes for garnering that acceptance and love… after getting just a tiny bit of what they get, it was almost enough for him to figure out what he really wants. But of course, he’s still angry. So he’ll keep fighting. Keep trying to bring the world into despair, not knowing that it won’t make him feel any better.

I’m sure if he were given time to cool down, he would find that he’s just looking for affection. I’m guessing that’s what they were going for before they SCRAPPED the Saitama sit-down arc. Saitama was probably gonna talk him down, give him what he wants, tell him what he really is, and Garou would slowly crumble back to being human instead of being punched back into one. Or he’d get pissed, flip the table, and a social worker would have to intervene. We’ll never know!

And I mean, I’ve seen some criticism of that before the redraws—people saying it’s too OOC of Saitama to wanna sit down and talk to Garou and I mean… kinda? It’s not like Saitama’s never been selfless before. Sure, he’s not Superman-levels of patience, but he’s been really kind! Giving the credit to the other heroes for defeating DSK, letting that kid keep his cash after the hero costume fashion show contest super bonanza whatever, saving that one dude from suicide with his gay little chopsticks…. I don’t think it was too hard to believe that he’d also want to help Garou.

GO GO GADGET ASS JETS!!!!

Ok I know they’re not coming out of his ass but that would be really funny—AND ALSO…. WHAT’S MURATA’S WHOLE DEAL WITH DRAWING MOTHERFUCKERS TRANSFORMING INTO JETS AND SHIT???? I’m not engineer but that doesn’t seem super realistic (I say as I’m reading a comic book full of superheroes and women who never complain about back pain despite having tits the size of Wyoming).

It was really stupid when Psykorochi did it and it’s a little less stupid now because at least we got the whole mountain-smashing attack or whatever thing (I’m not gonna go back and look at the name because it was probably really gay) so WHATEVER I guess but it doesn’t make a ton of sense okay SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF OR WHATEVER IDK ugh I feel like a greasy nerd complaining at comic-con when I’m really just a greasy nerd complaining in my bedroom.

Speaking about the aforementioned mountain attack (or whatever), Murata really removed the big titty elf woman and my sweet cheese my good time boey Boros 2.0 (AKA Murata’s ripoff of my sweet Xanados), so thats kinda a bummer. But I’m sure they’ll probably crop up later? Maybe? Please? I’m so upset about this LMAO

And “dimensional seal”? I assume that’s to keep “that bastard” in, yes? Perhaps in some sort of space jail? Could they be referring to this thing?

Which, I mean… it’s probably God. It looks like God… it’s really big like God…. and it would make sense that Blast and his Justice League would be really concerned about this seeing as though stopping God from committing fuckery is their whole deal (and also the fact Blast just “happened” to appear once Saitama poked a small peephole into this Thing’s jail cell)… but if that’s God and he’s been imprisoned in someone’s basement this whole time, then who the fuck has been fucking with Homeless Emperor and getting jiggly with it on the moon? Or, is this a sorta “awake and dreaming” situation where the God everyone has been seeing is just a projection by this Thing and he won’t reach his true power™️ until he breaks through the aforementioned “dimensional seal?” I’m super confused dawg! None of this shit was in the Bible!

Also this whole thing seems kinda sacrilegious but I’m not enough of a Christian to care lmao hell yeah I’d love to see Saitama clock this dude. If OPM gets a sequel then he should fight Jesus next.

Like 90% of this shit happened because God has one-sided beef with Saitama and everyone else just keeps getting in the middle of it with their Main Character Syndrome and I think that’s the funniest shit ever.

Lmao God is so fucking pissed at Saitama for breaking the rules (or just his limiter I guess) and becoming too powerful so now he’s brewing up all these fake ass haters in hopes they’ll be able to stop Sai. This is toooooo funny. I love the idea of God as central antagonist to OPM; that’s both hilarious and terrifying at the same time because there’s only one person capable of going up against him. Is that where this is going? Is that gonna be the Climactic End to this series way down the line? Saitama fights God? Because I mean… there is realistically no other being in the universe capable of giving Sai the thrill of a fight anymore. He has to fight God at this point. He’s already at the top of the mountain, the only thing left to do is reach for the heavens.

And I was wondering why God doesn’t just bloop Saitama out of existence or get down there and fight him himself since he hates his dog ass so goddamn much and I suppose that rounds us back to him not being at full power due to his imprisonment in the Dimensional Seal (which is basically just the phantom zone). This is all speculative, by the way. I’m not allowed to talk to Murata anymore.

Anyways, Sage Centipede, Evil Natural Ocean, and possibly even Psykorochi and Homeless Emperor were all sent by God to take out Saitama’s broke ass by proxy and if you don’t think that’s the silliest shit ever then idk what to tell you. I love it though. It makes perfect sense.

Now Garou is one of God’s artificially created Saitama Haters and he looks kinda cool I guess idk. Boy’s got mad hips for a celestial being I’ll tell you what.

OOOOOOUUGGGHHH I HATE GOD’S DOG ASS FOR PLAYING WITH GAROU LIKE THIS!!! BOY IF YOU DONT GO STICK YOUR HEAD IN A SEWAGE DRAIN PIPE RIGHT NAAAOOOOWWW!!!!!!

Multiple things to be said about this:

1. By Biblical standards, Garou is now considered a prophet.

2. I am aware this may not be Thee Abrahamic God™️ from the Bible but it’s really funny to think so and I’m gonna keep making jokes about it.

3. By Biblical standards, Garou is now also considered to be heavily concussed and dying from internal bleeding.

4. Even while Garou is Biblically concussed and witnessing A Religious Event, he still wants to beat God’s ass.

5. God ignores Garou wanting to beat his ass, which is hilarious. “I know you’re going through a lot right now so I’m gonna ignore you said that… take my hand and beat that bald dude’s ass for me.”

6. Garou wants so badly for Silverfang to be proud of him that he willfully takes “his” hand in this severe moment of weakness. Reminds me of Tai Lung from Kung Fu Panda (okay, everything about Garou reminds me about my boy TL because their stories are so similar) where, in his final fight against Master Shifu, Tai says “everything I did was to make you proud.” And when Shifu gives him an ounce of adoration, he wavers for a minute. KIND OF LIKE SOMEBODY ELSE WE KNOW…. OOUUUGGHH

7. God is a bitchass motherfucker for exploiting this and he better keep his doors locked tonight.

Edit: food for thought… what’s gonna happen when God takes his power back? I mean, we know Garou’s not gonna die or anything but like… oooooh spookyyyy. Oh shit. What if Garou does die lmao

In conclusion: GARFIELD, ARE YOU /J OR /SRS!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?

In conclusion part 2: still peeved we lost the comedy gold of the Saitama sit-down arc and my legal grounds to sue Murata for stealing my OC (this is a joke please), but I do think overall this works a bit better. The Monster Association Arc has largely been drawn out way too long and I kinda just want it to end but I’m sure a lot of the pacing issues will be ironed out in print. And if they aren’t, fuck it! I’ll violate my probation and fly to Japan to stick ONE’s nose in it (this is also a joke please). Have a good weekend. It’s Pride month, by the way. You’re gay.

[dicktat]

Okay my thoughts on the renegades ending.

Turns out Juan isn’t as much of a bastard as I give him credit for. I was expecting full blown chaotic evil dictatorship (akin to Vass Montenegro/Rais) but…he’s decent. At least compared to them. He’s still a tyrant but not like a “I’m building a pit and sending men to fight because I enjoy gore” evil but more like a “lolz people are dying on the street but I got all the good whiskey so let’s party” evil. And throughout the story you can tell his intentions weren’t that bad (at least that’s what he tells Aiden). He did want to uncover Matt’s conspiracy and is honestly the first character to openly lay out the shitiness of that guy (besides the unnamed officer form a collectible tape). And provided decent evidence that Jack Matt was the culprit for Black Monday, and therefore a power hungry fascist leader who’s willing to gamble millions of life for his own goal. So in a way. What he said during his public execution on my first playthrough was kinda true. And he ordered a court martial, an official trail. Perhaps that’s the reason Jack Matt didn’t show up during the X-13 mission. I guess he was overthrown. But that doesn’t excuse the fact that he kinda became something worse LMAO. I’m not cutting this guy any slack he’s still a prick but he’s also pathetic and gay and whimpers because he hates seeing his own blood. (But you could also argue that, the renegades that took over Villedor weren’t the cardboard cutout evil henchmen commanded by Waltz but a separate group lead by colonel Williams which could be seen as less amoral). But the ending is also kinda spicy cuz if you look closely they are protesting on the STREETS at NIGHT without UV meaning the renegades either got rid of all the zombies or made the place much safer to walk around without dying. Which is a W imo. And I’d like to argue food shortage is better than water shortage in the PK ending. And if we are REALLY going that way I could also argue this ending at least let’s you protest unlike the fascist PK supreme. But yeah he’s still a funny loser prick too afraid to step out of his floating castle because he knows the people are mad at him. Over all the missions were fun too, there were a LOT of stealth/spying missions which weren’t exactly my strong suit. I failed a mission 3 times because I kept alerting the guards (that I can’t just fucking kill). My favorite was probably the cathedral demolisher fight. And strangely enough, the side quest where you fight Hakon is a main quest for this one. It’s essentially the same but something you can’t skip and plays a part in the story. Only difference: Even if you chose to spare Hakon, your relationship with him isn’t exactly fixed. EVEN if you get to the homoerotic I don’t want to fight you let’s see the ocean together part. If you convinced Lawan to spare him. Instead of Lawan letting him go he just BONKED HER ON THE HEAD while her back was turned. Also later on he showed up with the renegades, had the exact conversation I posted yesterday, and gross failed ex relationship ensued. Which leads me to believe my save file was corrupted, the game registered me as somehow taking the Juan route and therefore gave me that cutscene. The rest of the game is pretty much the same, the ending- Aiden leaves alone anyway but I think there’s NO reason he can’t leave with anyone? The city has gone to shit and what’s the point in staying. Or alternatively techland could have given us a renegades officer Aiden or co-rule ending if they weren’t COWARDS. Like cmon this would be such a cool idea. Aiden going full evil mode lol. Overall I think it was fun and I got to spend some time with my boy Juan and holy shit he talks so much and panics whenever something goes wrong (which working with him, means all the fucking time). Him almost losing it every time he thought something was wrong was hilarious. Feral rat man. And they have some good chemistry too. Like actual “Aiden going on some death trip to impress some boy” relationship. Then again I feel like we’ve been robbed. Like I said where’s my evil Aiden route lol.

[mohluskiepedard]

Rating ATLA Characters literally only from what I’ve seen in fandom

or: posts that probably shouldn’t be on my writeblr except I don’t have a sideblog

the context here is it’s half midnight and I have never seen ATLA except I have opinions now apparently so here we go whoop de do- 

I’m also not actually rating them like numerically that’s too much work i’m just stating opinions I know I’m a fraud

AANG

- A child?  - A son?  - he is Baby. but also. he has had It Rough  - would make the updog joke - has unspeakable power or smth and everyone says he’s better than the Korra girl who comes after him but honestly tastes like sexism to me - doesn’t kill people because he’s like twelve, right? he’s like twelve so he refuses to kill people - I stan honestly - less twelve year olds should kill people - Some people say his name WRONG and they are BAD but i don’t actually know what the right way or the wrong way is so. have fun w that yall - lived in peace unTIL THE FIRE NATION ATTACKED 

KATARA

- She is also like twelve???  - Is everyone here twelve - Cortana?? Katana?? Catbug??  - She has good hair, - Her mother is dead??? her mother is dead n she has a brother but she cares about her mother being dead WAY more than him (or apparently the entire fandom??) - Badass - She seems soft. good. sweet - she’s a water breather or whatever??? her brother is NOT but he is a meme - I love her 

SOKKA

- NGL looks like a fuckboy  - The meme brother! does not do the water things, but he has an aXe???  - dates BAMF lady - ngl until I talked to my ATLA watching friend I thought he canonically dated Zuko  - kinda mad he doesn’t - I haven’t actually seen anything about him except like. in zuko ship posts and also Suki appreciation posts - joined the white lotus not-a-cult by accident???  - dark ATLA tumblr show me more Sokka posts - is his name prounounced the same way as Soccer or isn’t it I need to know - HIS FIRST GIRLFRIEND TURNED INTO THE MOON - (AND THAT’S ROUGH, BUDDY) - He and Suki are a good ship, but also, Sokka Has Two Hands

SUKI

- the BAMF herself - she says STOP in that photo but also to sexism - Rlly all I see of her in fanon is abt her teaching Sokka to drink his respect women juice and I appreciate her doing that but also it’s sad she never gets talked about outside of what she did for a man - I hope she has other badass moments w/o him it would suck if she didn’t - she is NOT the girlfriend who turned into the moon, she is the one who didn’t - I don’t know much else about her ATLA Fandom y’all should appreciate her more

ZUKO

- Look at him... my son... - He has a good redemption arc - he and his sister are evil lesbian and redeemed gay guy??? - has a straight canon ship but should’ve been with Sokka this boy is gay - I Want To Protect Him - That’s literally it - he has a cool uncle and his dad sucks  - people ship him with Katara and I Do Not Get It that’s his sister in law except not really - “We don’t trust Zuko’s change of heart” [the next day] “so Zuko is my closest friend now,”  - His dad was like “fuck up the avatar to prove your worth to me” and Aang was like “counter argument you already have worth and we should fuck up your dad” and I think that’s beautiful - he becomes the fire man and he’s very good at it - Zuko for President 2020 - in the words of myself, half an hour ago: “ I was like "that kid with the burn on his face seems like a sad but then happy mlm who needs found family" and I was RIGHT” - took too long to find a happy picture of him :( Zuko rights NOW please - His mother’s story got compared to an OC of mine and all I can say is oh no and they deserve better based on that alone - I have had Zuko for five minutes but if anything else happens to him I will kill everyone in this throne room and then myself

TOPH

- She is badass but like also will murder you while laughing maniacally? - for some reason reminds me of Nott from Critical Role, another show I Have Not Seen - Is blind but gets more out of making jokes abt being blind than she would from being able to see - “Sight is just a cheap tactic to make weak benders stronger!!!” - Literally the opposite of Aang and has killed many people?? - She Can Tell When You’re Lying. But I do not know how and Am simply mildly threatened by this - Therapist: Toph’s ability to know if you’re lying isn’t real and can’t hurt you. Toph’s ability to know if I’m lying:  - She and Zuko.... buddies???  - if not they should be - tiny sad boy needs friends like toph

AZULA

- Evil Lesbian Culture - [BDG Voice] You committed a war crime! Oopsie! - took be gay do crime too literally - her and Zuko have accurate sibling writin except instead of “you ever want to murder your sibling for breathing in the same space as you,” being a Joke Azula took it seriously - okay but with a name like azula she should be the blue bender this ANNOYS me she should NOT be red bender - AZULa  - AZUL - IT MEANS BLUE - She was half of y’alls gay awakenings and it SHOWS - Should have maybe been redeemed too??? Jury is out no one knows - Was she gay for Ty Lee or wasn’t she I can’t tell how much of that Audio is a joke - IS SHE ALSO TWELVE??? IS EVERYONE HERE TWELVE?? IS THIS TWELVE YEAR OLD COMITTING ATROCITIES? 

UNCLE IROH

- A Good Man - Finally, Some Good Fucking [Adult Figures]  - he has the tea. literally and figuratively - Ozai is like “and I will permanently disfigure my son and throw him out” and Iroh is like “What The Fuck, Ozai,” thus voicing the entire audience’s thoughts - Literally the only adult in this that I trust - I? I love him. this is all I have to say. my love for him is unending. Some1 protect this man from all harm   - he’s Zuko’s uncle (and also Azula ig) but he does not seem related to Ozai. is it just a theme in this family that one sibling is chill and one sibling commits horrendous atrocities against your fellow human beings or  - something happened to his son???? :((((( I Don’t Want Him To Have Suffered Like This

OZAI

- A BAD MAN - Uh Oh (stinky)  - THE WORST OF THE MEN  - I do not like him - Bastard man. nasty. committed war crimes and then went “but what if - get this - i also abused my son,”  - I would like him to Not Be Like This - by Like This I mean present and alive  - :/ 

TY LEE

- She’s NOT the There Is No War In Ba Sing Se lady and I don’t know why i thought she WAS but until I looked up her photo I thought that was her  - She looks like a sweetheart tho - I hope nothing bad happens to her????  - talks about auras??? or smth??? let her vibe - She would talk animatedly to me about warrior cats if she was in my year seven class and I was sat alone and I would understand none of it but appreciate her anyway - if azula bullies her I’ll be :( at Azula and Azula will not care because she has Mommy Issues and therefore is slightly unhinged - She seems like that one kid with no trauma vibing at the edge of [every other kid having trauma] and not really getting it but trying her best - Is she also twelve?????? She maybe looks twelve

CABBAGE MAN 

- HIS CABBAGES - fulfills my favourite trope: ordinary person repeatedly has life disrupted by the inconveniences of relying on actual children to save the world - probably has a campaign post canon for letting trained adults fix the worlds’ problems in the future - or sets up the Very First Cabbage Insurance Company - look at him. he loves his cabbages so much. you go you funky lil cabbage man

ALSO THE MOST IMPORTANT ONES MOMO

- LOOK AT HIM HE’S SO GOOD - small. fluffy. big ears - Lord Momo of the Momo Dynasty: his Momoness - a Good Boy...

APPA

- he looks so soft... - he can fly but he just does it by??? vibing through the air?? motionless??? iconic - I saw that one post about mishearing it as Abba and thinking he was Aang’s dad and he looks like he would be a good stand in dad ngl - he’s so LORGE - a chonky boy - love him

that is everyone I have heard of it and if I left someone out it’s a sign that y’all should talk about em more bc I have no clue they exist put more ATLA On my Dash ig I’ll do Legend of Korra ig maybe apparently that one has canon wlw and i love me some canon wlw

[euclydya]

Gamers I would like to see: any strangers thing for the blorbo sheet 😏

OHHHHOHOHOHOHOHO BOY OK OK OK LET'S GO LET'S GO

UNDER TJE CUT BC THIS WILL BE LONG PROBS. BC HYPERFIXATION SHOWGJJGKDMFMGGM

STARTING OFF: THE BASTARD. BILLY

I went into this show like "Oh he's a jackass. I hope he dies I hope we all dies <3" Then system shit happened Uhhhhh anyways I'd kill for him. @ Fandom please be normal abt him he was a whole-ass kid who had like The Most God Awful Abusive Racist "Dad" (aka Neil) Ever. Okay? Okay. ok <3

ANYWAYS ABOUT THE MURDER: HE WAS POSSESSED. NOT HIS FAULT THAT AN OTHERWORLDLY BEING DECIDED TO USE HIM AS A PUPPET FOR CRIMES! HFNSKDMFMDKSJD

I think it's fucked up and evil that he's canonically dead but he isn't 2 us (both system reasons & both Fuck Canon reasons) fjdkdfn

Also before u ask what The Realization™ is: it is up 4 u 2 decide. hav fun

edit just realize the ficking. the boxes aren't transparent..................... fuckign. hell on earth IDC im jot fixing it these took like am hour to do. whatever MOVING ON!

NEXT UP: EDDIE

pov ur just a dude who likes loud music and tabletop games and ur entire town decides that u need 2 die bc of The Horrors (read: supernatural bullshit). SAD!! Like it is Literally not his fault Chrissy got Vecna'd. ok? ok. </3

ANYWAYS I THINK HE SHOULD KILL PEOPLE! I think he should kill people. Ignore how I think all my faves should kill people HE DESERVES TO KILL SOMEONE! Fucked up demon bats don't count!! fjskxmKfjcjjaksjc

ignoring system shit btw but he truly is just like our singletsona for real. Hyperfixates on Games?? Check. Is obviously very much ADHD & autistic???? Check. etc. etc. I can go onJGJDKSKFmfmd

omg it's S🅱️eve Sepsis (/inside joke??) omg <3.

SO IN S1 HE REALLY FUCKING SUCKED. LIKE...... HE WAS BAD. LIKE. USED SLURS AND WAS JUST GENERALLY A HUGE ASSHOLE.

bUT Uhhhhh he Got Better (read: accidentally became an adoptive parent to like 6? 7????? children,) and also other things (such as Experiencing The Horrors, Acquiring Brain Damage, Becoming Besties With Gay People) Anyways he's normal as of like s3 and onward. we don't talk abt s2 bc it is boring (also bc we don't remember itFJFJDKDKF)

He Has Killed Many Monsters but afaik he has yet to kill A Human Person. I may be wrong tho but i don't remember..,,,, cjakdkfk

OK NOW THEIR KINDA ADJACENT CHILDREN/SIBLINGS OF SORTS LET'S GO

FIRST CHILD: MAX

As a child I too was also very tomboyish and loved music and was a social outcast </3. I care her a lot. One of the coolest kids fr NFNDMZNF

I do Not like how the show's handled her character-wise and On God If She Doesn't Fucking Wake Up In S5 I Will Riot. Also she needs to kill Neil too (DID YOU KNOW THAT WE COLLECTIVELY HATE THAT MOTHERFUCKER. FJDJSJSJAJAKDKFMFMDSKFKF)

for clarification on the murder™: in s2 Billy almost killed Steve (and,,, according to the fandom Lucas too but *mildpanic* I'M NOT. GOING TO OPEN THAT CAN OF WORMS IN THIS POST) so naturally Max tranquilized him and then threatened to bash his face in with a nail bat. WHICH! WAS DESERVED YES! BUT. Y'KNOW WHAT THIS IS A RAMBLE FOR A DIFFERENT POST LET'S LEAVE JT AT THATJFJKDKFGK

ANYWAYS GIVE THIS KID THERAPY GODDAMN!!

ok this one is vaguely system influenced bc our Eddie adopted our El so. There's that HFNSKF.

She's literally a walking mass murder weapon (AND YES SHE'S KILLED PEOPLE. MULTIPLE TIMES. THAT'S KIND OF HER THING) and she has Fucked Up Psychic Powers. She was stuck in a lab until she was middle school aged and life has been pain for her almost ever since.

I want 2 see her v happy and just being a kid but also if the show ends at s5 then I need 2 see her just fucking Eviscerate Papa without hesitation. Fuck that guy I hope he burns in hell.

.... omg her backstory is so edgy actually it's so funny. Anyways whatever she's cool actually NFNSSKF

IT'S HIM!! DUSTIN!!! GET A LOAD OF THIS KID!!!!!! ONE OF THE KIDS OF ALL TIME!!!!! i see him and I'm like I Will Commit Violence For U. GNNFMDF

He is literally just A Kid. But also he's p much Steve's adopted brother by s2 (i think. maybe it was by s3 i DoNT REMEMBER JGJDKG) they're like besties ur honour!

He Is One Of The Braincell Holders™ I Think. definitely btwn him and Steve that's for sureGJDJSKKFGK

here's 2 hoping s5 also treats him well too (ALONG W STEVE. AND MAX. AND EL.,,, and eddie actually i refuse to believe that [DATA EXPUNGED]. ok.) if anything happens to him, well! Y'know! 🔪!!!!

[via-the-ghoul]

Little Misters headcanons part 2

(Part one: here)

Life/death

Bi

Knows way too many cursed facts

A bit more distant to everyone

Constantly tired

Worried about whether or not he’s gonna wake up next time

Really likes bugs

Worked in Wondertainment’s medical staff before becoming a mister, yes there’s an entire medical staff for this place one of the toys is made with phoenix feathers

Fish

Transman

Barely ever gets surprised

The designated normal guy(tm) of the misters, but like, the cartoon normal guy, the comically normal guy

Collects board games

Slowly becoming more and more done with everything

Also one of Reginald’s cousins pre-being a mister

Moon

Ace

Astrology nerd

Cool grandad of the misters

Tells stories about his life but all of them are concerning, he just weirdly chill while being like “I remember in my youth I set a man on fire because he cut in line at the soda fountain” and no one knows if they actually happened or not least of all him

When you first meet him you’re like “oh nice granddad” but the longer you know him the more feral he gets, while still having grandfather vibes

I… honestly don’t have anything for pre-mistering, I kinda wanna make him literally be Reginald’s grandfather but I’m not sure if that would work

Redd

No one knows what his sexuality is

Pure chaos

Like every mister either fears him (Forgetful, Shapey, Soap, Hungry, Life/Death, Fish, Lost), wants to kill him (Chameleon, Headless, Laugh, Shapey, Hot, Sweetie, Moon, Mad, Lie, Stripes), just hates him but doesn’t fear or want to kill him (Brass, Money), or is Smiles (who he’s… kind of friends with)

Is physically incapable of wearing anything that doesn’t at least have a little red on it

Keeps sending Wondertainment letters that just say “fuck you bitch”

Before being a mister, he [REDACTED]

Money

Gay transman

The calmest guy, he loses at Uno and just goes “oh darn.” In a mildly disappointed voice

The holder of the braincells among the misters

*bleeding horribly* oh well that’s not good- *sees one of the other misters get a papercut* oh god… I must protect them…

Photographic memory

An accountant pre-mistering.

Lost

Pan transman

Name an anomalous location and he’s probably accidentally stumbled in there at some point. The infinite Ikea? He’s been there. The Wanderer’s Library? He’s been there. Alagadda? Well he’s somehow been there too

Will ramble about his interests for hours

Third member of Brass and Sweetie’s vocaloid fan club

*Standing outside someone’s window on the fifth floor* Hi there :D

Is trying to find Smiles

Lie

Ace, biromatic

You know that trope that’s like, card-carrying villain, but like, not actually evil in any way whatsoever? Yeah, that.

Dramatic little bastard

Horror nerd

Will find every little loophole he can and save em for later, in case he really needs to be honest about something

Lawyer pre-mistering

Mad

Gay transman

Has trouble… feeling, if that makes sense? Like, he doesn’t really get much emotion reaction out of stuff?

Hasn’t overall interacted with most of the other misters that much, even though he can. He just didn’t get that many opportunities.

*dressed in colorful clothes* this world is cruel

Whenever interacting with a piece of media he will always find the fridge horror

Smiles

Ace/aro

Before the rust he already technically had some anomalous properties, that being that people around him tended to be a lot happier and that he was physically unable to not smile. The rust has more or less destroyed the first one.

Most of the other misters are worried about where he is, except for Forgetful, who knows what happened, and Redd, who sneaks in sometimes.

Redd is trying to turn Smiles to the dark side but it’s just not going anywhere, he’s too stubborn to stop.

Is in horrible denial that Reginald isn’t gonna come back for him, believes that things have to turn out okay, right?

Stripes

Bisexual, aro

Pretty nice guy overall but says really concerning stuff a lot, he actually kinda likes freaking people out

Surprisingly good at playing the piano, good for him

Puts quarters in the card reader

Is just Always Cold

[vodkassassin]

🥒✈ doing fuck marry kill using whoever. Obviously they will be overheard, by mqf, mbj, or both. Also can have sqh state his sexuality which is nothing. Ace rep baby.

Yesss danci I can always count on you! Thanks for slipping my hc ace!SQH in there. Ily @dancibayo

—

“I’m bored,” Shang Qinghua grandly announces.

“Yes, so you’ve said, fifteen times already,” Shen Qingqiu states dryly, but his friend steamrolls right over him.

“I am so bored, so,” Shang Qinghua says, “Shen-ge. Fuck, marry, kill.”

Shen Qingqiu startles, nearly dropping his fan. He whips around to stare at the other with wide eyes. Shang Qinghua props himself up onto his elbow and the grin that’s on his face is mischievous and evil.

“Wh—Airplane?” He nearly squawks, and then returns the grin. “No, stop—!”

Shang Qinghua’s grin nearly splits his face. “Fuck, marry, kill! Tianlang-jun—”

“No!” Shen Qingqiu laughs, reaching for the nearby cushion to chuck it at his cackling friend.

Shang Qinghua ducks the projectile and continues. “Tianlang-jun, Zhuzhi Lang—”

“Airplane!”

“And Sha Hualing!”

“Her?” Shen Qingqiu shrieks, diving for another pillow. His fan tumbles to the floor. “Out of everyone you could have picked for the choices, it had to be her?!”

Shang Qinghua, nimble bastard that he is, managed to avoid this cushion too. “First round will be easy! I definitely didn't have a brain blank and totally forgot anyone else existed. Plus! Shen-ge, I have to cater to the player! Bi-represent!”

“If it’s catering to the player, then this isn’t the game to play when it comes to you,” the Qing Jing peak lord grumbles.

He grabs his tea up from the table he sits at and down the entire cup in one go as if it’s a shot.

“You gotta choose!” Shang Qinghua needles, and Shen Qingqiu casts him a glare.

“Goddammit, fine,” he groans. “Um…. Fuck Tianlang-jun—”

Shang Qinghua bursts into laughter.

Shen Qingqiu scowls, but it directly contrasts the grin that is unwillingly stretching across his face. “What? At least I know he’s got experience!”

“Oh my god,” Shang Qinghua gasps, and then waves a hand. “Okay, go on, go on.”

He narrows his eyes at him, and then slowly continues. “Marry Zhuzhi-lang, and kill Sha Hualing.”

“Do you really hate her that much?” Shang Qinghua asks curiously.

“No,” Shen Qingqiu shrugs. “I mean, she’s practically a teenager, and I hate teenagers on principal, but no. She was just the only one left.”

“Fair enough,” Shang Qinghua bobs his head in acquiescence. “Why marry Zhuzhi-lang, though?”

“Well, I can’t fuck him—”

“I mean, you could, you monsterfucker—“

“You’re so goddamn rude, you know that?” Shen Qingqiu rolls his eyes. “He’s just way too…. too baby. I can’t fuck him, so marry it is.”

“Oh, yeah,” Shang Qinghua finally agrees, staring up at the ceiling in thought. “He is just baby, isn’t he? Okay, good choices, I agree.”

“Your turn,” Shen Qingqiu says dangerously. Immediately, Shang Qinghua raises his hands into the air in surrender.

“I can’t play this game!” He whines. “I can’t fuck anybody! That drastically tilts the answer results!”

“Just change fuck to something else!” Shen Qingqiu demands. “You don’t get to just be the one who asks the question every time, that’s boring as fuck. Listen — kiss, marry, kill?”

“Kissing is like, the same as marrying though,” Shang Qinghua squints at the ceiling. He’s lying on his back now, feet dangling off the side of the bed. He gives them tiny, little kicks as he thinks. “Maybe, like, cuddle?”

“Isn’t that the same as kissing?” Shen Qingqiu scoffs. “Just use kiss, moron.”

“Fine, okay, fine. So! Kiss, marry, kill… who?”

“Kiss, marry, kill… Liu Qingge, Mu Qingfang —”

“Oh my god, bro, please—”

“Listen, this is my revenge — and Mobei Jun.”

Shang Qinghua turns his head away from the so very fascinating ceiling just to glare at him. Shen Qingqiu feels so special, very loved. “You totally suck.”

Shen Qingqiu stoops down to grab his fan off the floor and flips it open just to smirk over the top of it at his friend. “You gotta choose.” He quotes.

“I fucking hate you.”

“I mean, you could go back to being bored, it’s all the same to me.”

Shang Qinghua scoffs, lifting his legs up and pressing the heels of his feet into the bed. “God, okay! Umm… kiss… uhh…”

Shen Qingqiu presses a hand against his mouth to smother his laughter. “I’ll wait.”

“Why the hell did you make this so hard for me?” His friend grumbles, crossing his arms over his chest. “You totally hate me don’t you? Um, kiss Mobei Jun—”

“Called it.”

“Shut up, monsterfucker. Kiss Mobei Jun, marry Mu Qingfang, and— oh fuck,” Shang Qinghua sits up and turns toward him, pout out at full force. “There’s only kill left! Shen-ge! I can’t kill Qingge!”

“You gotta,” Shen Qingqiu shakes his head sympathetically. “That’s the game.”

“This isn’t fair! I gave you an easy out on your first go with Sha Hualing, you have to return the favor!”

“You already started choosing!” Shen Qingqiu argues. “Anyone else I give you now is just me choosing a random person for you to kill!”

“I totally forgot kill was a choice after you gave me the names! Shen-geeeee!”

“Goddammit, fine! You can kill Yue Qingyuan, for me, okay?”

Shang Qinghua pauses his wailing to shoot him an amused look, pout vanishing into nothing. What a brat. “You really have it out for that guy, don’t you? Um, alright, sure, I’ll kill the sect leader for you, but only because we’re bros.”

“Don’t turn this back on me! You’re the one who begged me to give you someone else to kill! Anyway, it’s your turn.”

“Haha! Fuck, marry, kill — Rong Qingsheng, Ju Qingsong, and Qi Qingqi.”

“Easy,” Shen Qingqiu scoffs. “Fuck Rong Qingsheng, marry Qi Qingqi, and kill Ju Qingsong. At least try and make this hard for me, Shang-ge, c’mon.”

“Wow,” Shang Qinghua sits up again to look at him, tugging one of the thrown cushions into his lap to hold. “No hesitation at all! You decided that so fast… what’s the thought process?”

“Rong Qingsheng is pretty, and not a douche at all, so I’d rate him pretty up there on the fuckable scale just for that. Qi Qingqi is a scary lesbian Amazonian warrior, and if I wasn’t male I’d definitely go for her, but if she ever needed to marry a man as, like, a cover for her true lesbian activities while under the thumb a homophobic dystopian government or something, then I wouldn’t mind submitting my application for that.”

“She can be pretty, uh…” Shang Qinghua makes a face. “I mean—”

“Purposefully provocative because she likes watching macho men squirm when she takes them down a peg and also has bigger muscles than them?” Shen Qingqiu sighs dreamily. “Yes, it’s boss as fuck.”

“Okay, I wasn’t going to word it exactly like that, but yeah,” Shang Qinghua admits. “And Ju Qingsong?”

“He’s an annoying pest. Kill.”

“Bro!”

“What? Please, You cannot tell me that you haven’t daydreamed about wringing his neck even once?”

“I mean. He can be kinda—”

“Irritating? Aggravating? Drive-one-to-murder?”

“—But! Under all that he’s a good guy! He can be really sweet, actually! He’s only really like that because he’s got a useless gay crush on—!”

The door is kicked in. Shen Qingqiu startles, dropping his tea straight into his lap while Shang Qinghua gives a loud yelp and falls completely off the bed with a resounding thump.

They both whip around to stare in uneasy and slightly-guilty silence at the group of people standing outside the door.

“Oh my gods,” Ju Qingsong says, face pale and arm still outstretched. “It was so amusing at first, but please don’t kill me, I promise I’ll be better!”

Rong Qingsheng leans around the man and stares at them for a moment, before casting Shen Qingqiu a wink.

“I wouldn’t mind,” the mild-mannered man says, and Shen Qingqiu brings a hand up to rub over his face.

“Not that I’m not incredibly interested to hear what this was all about,” Mu Qingfang says, from behind them, and Shang Qinghua squeaks. “But, it’s time for Shen-shixiong to take his medicine.”

“Please don’t tell anyone,” Shang Qinghua pleads, holding his hands up to cover his beet-red face.

“I’ll do you one better,” Shen Qingqiu says calmly, pulling off the tea-drenched outer robe. “If any of you eavesdroppers have loose lips about what you heard here, to anyone, then I will kill you. Understand?”

Ju Qingsong makes an odd sound in his throat, one that sounds both terrified and furious, and the way that the man glances between him and the smirking Rong Qingsheng leads Shen Qingqiu to believe he knows exactly who Shang Qinghua was going to say his ‘crush’ was. How adorable. Too bad for him, then, that Rong Qingsheng seems to find him just as annoying as Shen Qingqiu does.

“There will be no murdering of martial family,” Mu Qingfang says mildly, stepping into the room. “Is that water boiled? I thought I’d try the tea blend, since the capsule form doesn’t agree with you, shixiong.”

“Many thanks,” Shen Qingqiu says.

“Oh, it’s never a problem. Shang-shixiong, Qingge was looking for you. I believe he has the location of one of those flying thunder beasts the two of you were discussing the other day?”

“I don’t wanna go monster hunting again,” Shang Qinghua wails. “Why can’t he just play go with me and call it a day?”

“You’ve overstayed your welcome, Shang-ge,” Shen Qingqiu tells him, smiling politely at the betrayed look his friend shoots him. “Would you mind escorting these two out?”

“See if I ever bring you the newest tea leaf export again,” the An Ding lord huffs, climbing to his feet. “Rong-shidi, Ju-shidi, lets go.”

“Qingsheng, Qingsheng, let's play that game too—!”

“I’m not doing this with you, Qingsong. Shang-shixiong, let's go. I wanted to talk to you about next month's produce quota.”

“Sure thing, Rong-shidi!”

“But, Qingsheng—!”

“Bye, Shen-ge, see you later!” Shang Qinghua chines cheerfully as he tugs the moping man after him. Rong Qingsheng walks out ahead of them. “I had a lot of fun today!”

“Sure,” Shen Qingqiu says, fan fluttering before his face.

He’d enjoyed it too, of course, but he’d never say that out loud. Besides, Airplane already knows, right? There’s no need.

[pocketramblr]

Poll Results

Alright, that’s it, i’m tired of trying to sort the answers so yall just get the big list of all the free response answers to that quiz about ofa. be aware some are less safe for work than others.

memorable ones: OfA Snickerdoodle, I’d Give It To A Cat, So You Know Vore Right?, I’m in Love With Nana, Slicey Blood Oath, and Homoerotic Sword Fight

(My answer above is how I think it did happen, not how I want it to happen.) I personally think something along the lines of a Bruce Banner Jennifer Walker blood transfusion where the OFA holder doesn’t realize they’ve passed it on until later.

a tender kiss. perhaps loving. perhaps they're dying, and i already knew that they loved me, either platonically or otherwise, and we always knew that i'd be next. perhaps they tried so hard to make sure it never happened, and perhaps that tender kiss as an apology as much as it is a gift. sure sucks to be gay i guess 

Peacefully? By doing the do and making it a wonderful moment of lovemaking and passing on the future.. If we're in the middle of battle you bet your freaking butt I want them to kiss me dramatically, tell me they love me, and then yeet me away as they turn back to the fight. Ow but relationship goals. 

If we're not romantic because I am obsessed with the Duo Holders ship currently, blood works fine. Ingest it or have them pressing a bloody palm into a wound of mine *shrugs* Gotta pass it along somehow

Personally, I'd rather drink blood instead of hair. It feels less gross. But I'd pass it on as hair just to fuck with my successor

Hair or blood eating, but no touchy-touchy or whatever thx.

Probably a vial of blood so it’s easy and over quick

kiss 👉👈

i would like it to be blood from an already opened wound just cause it would probably less weird, ..........but knowing my luck and because irl my sister has attempted to feed me her baby teeth by shoving it to my lips and saying "eat", thats actually how i would get ofa. ( >:/ i have almost eaten at least two teeth this way because i thought she was being nice and giving me candy )

Consider: doing one of those blood oath things where you swear to be BFFs for eternity except now you also get a quirk out of it. But lbr kissing is way more romantic and you’ve made First/Second my new OTP, so I’ll stick with that for them. <3 But also, maybe to make the kiss option more romantic First thought something more along the lines of wishing he could give ~everything he has/all of himself~ to Second which counted as including his quirk, rather than specifically about giving him the power to defeat his brother?

This is going to sound gross but all ways of transferring DNA is. Just work up a sweat and have the other party drink it. It would probably be the best tasting option which is kinda a weird thing to think about. Nvm sweat doesn't contain DNA looked it up but I don't want to delete all of this so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ maybe a scraping of skin cells

Honestly the hair is probably the way I'd want to go. That or blood. Like just swallowing it.

Look, i know realistically it was probably some desparate on-the-brink-of-death "please defeat my brother" thing and oo, magic he gets the quirk. But consider. First's last fight with afo. Second is holding his bleeding body, crying. First gently cups Second's cheek and pulls him into a bloody kiss before dying. Second pulls himself together just long enough to flip off afo, barely resisting the urge to absolutely slaughter him, knowing he would lose. He finds his successor and trains him to the best of his ability, determined to not lose another person he cared for

I mean like dead skin cells probably dont work right? Except hair works so thats not true. So like you totally could lick someone to get OFA. Like could you imagine the whole holding your hand over someones mouth to shut them up but they lick you and they somehow wind up with your quirk, like crazy. What must have been the trial and error with this stuff cause they must have kept passing it inbetween each other to figure out its dna right. How long did it take for them to realize. Like you’re eating breakfast and theres a hair in your food like ew and why am i stronger now. Overall, comedic timing for getting a quirk would be hilarious.

My apprentice lays broken and bloody beneath me as I cradle them in my arms, crying on to an open wound on their face praying the power will be enough to save them

little bit of skin like a hang nail just like put it in a sandwich and dont thing about it

Put it in my coffee.

If I received it from Nana then I would love to have received it via eating her out~ though for passing it on to others I think I would just either spit into their mouths or shove a bleeding finger down their throat until they swallow and then run and get myself killed by AfO while taunting him with "I DON'T HAVE YOUR BROTHER'S QUIRK ANYMORE! SUCK MY NON-EXISTENT DICK YOU LOSER!"

knock me out and just inject the blood. if i have to actively think abt ingesting someone elses dna im gonna yeet myself into the ocean. to pass it on i'll just spit in a cup (or in their mouth) bc im not gonna make someone eat my hair nor is anyone getting my blood

who in their right mind would trust me with a power like ofa 💀afo just looks at me funny the quirk is his. im not a mc for a reason

Sexy battle where I’m the villain, and randomly the hero thinks “I wish I could save you”. Boom I punch them with bloody knuckles and the quirk passes to me. Now the hero has to teach me how to be good again. Also we fall in love.

You know, I always assumed I would head canon it as something romantic until canon proved me wrong But these options are so varied - I had to choose the most Dramatic (tm) one As for my actual answer: a gentle kiss with full consent from both parties

I will bite a holder as a sign of affection. There's probably some dead skin cells in the arm I can swallow by accident. They are used to this and sometimes we switch the quirk around for funsies.

You know, I spent like 10 minutes trying to think of something original here, but knowing my shit luck some bastard would spit in my drink or something and cast upon me the Curse of Bone Breaking and/or.... y’know..... AFO...........

okay this is gonna sound weird but. consider this i marry a very lovely women. we are in much love. we get attacked by evil people because she is a good hero but plot twist. i am secretly her nemisis. the attackers are my minions. i wanted her to protect me because i am very smol but. my comrades were too mean. she is nearly dead. "take this" she says. she kisses me and i am one for all. fuck, i say internally, but i dont tell her. she dies in my arms. i run and become vigilante and take down my once comrades. all is not well. i die unsatisfied. i eventually pass it onto a cat in an alleyway because they are the only one who is with me when i get hit with a back alley sniper

Blood or just like. skin. You could use nail clippers to take a bit off from a really fleshy area, like just under the nail. It's that easy

Spit in my food like an underpaid fast food worker.

i have long hair so that would not be ideal, but blood seems kinda...unsanitary, but i guess it would be better if i was 100% positive i wouldn't pass on some sort of disease. so if that could be ascertained then like a few drops of blood in a glass of water or something and then down the hatch, bam ofa passed on. i know other folks are probably typing some nsfw stuff but just. no. keep it in your pants y'all.

Blood transfusion First, pick a hospital Second, steal all their blood Third, have the previous user donate their blood to that hospital Fourth, get into a major accident and need a blood transfusion near the hospital you robbed Fifth, hope either OfA will only pass onto you bc your the intended recipient, or that no one else needs a blood transfusion Sixth, get the transfusion Seventh, steal all of the previous users blood back Eigth, return all the other stolen blood Ninth, get new identities, this crime leaves DNA everywhere Tenth, die of a blood clot due to incompatible blood types (optional)

okay realistically bleeding into a cut or a drop of blood into water and drinking it would be easiest but like... what if somehow dna could be baked into like a muffin or cookie or something... like i know when cooking with wines and stuff the alcohol cooks away and evaporates out but is that process the same for like blood? like if you baked your blood into a cookie would traces of your dna still be there? basically i want an ofa cookie (snickerdoodle preferably)

no i like my bones

drink a drop of blood. it'd go down easier than hair

no

Something dramatic and desperate in the heat of battle like blood or something

First of all, I think First passed OfA as he was dying entirely on accident, because Second was badly (though not critically) injured and they'd been sort of dancing around each other's feelings and doubting their own worth, so First, knowing he was dying and that his brother was a petty bitch who would probably kill Second anyway because he knows that First cared about him, kisses Second with blood on his lips and his last thoughts before dying are about how he wants Second to have the strength to survive if his brother comes after him.

If I was given the option of getting OfA, I wouldn't take it. I'm a coward and being given something like that is a death sentence.

If it was forced, probably ingesting the previous users blood, because blood is a lot easier to choke down than hair.

If I already had it and had to pass it on, I would want it to be something suitably dramatic like collapsing on the doorstep of a trusted loved one and explaining with my dying breath who killed me and why and then raising my blood covered hand to their face like I was going to caress their cheek only for them to taste blood. They cry and try to get me take it back and when I finally die they swear vengeance over my slowly cooling corpse.

Pass it on in a non-life threatening scenario where I decide I actually don’t like the weird bone breaking power a random person gave me as they were dying and wish I could pass it to someone else and through a weird set of circumstances end up accidentally cooking some of my own hair into brownies I was making because I shed like a dog and passing it to my new neighbor I came to welcome to the neighborhood.

Either drinking a glass of milk with their saliva (no icky hair taste), or an epic sharing of blood while clasping hands like knights in a noble brotherhood!

not by eating all mights long ass hair thats for sure, why did he give midoriya one of the longest ones he had, he has shorter hair right there on the back of his head. not to mention the fact of like how i would prefer to recieve it or give it away which would be just, fucking sharing a pop or something and swaping it through the backwash??? less nasty than hair and not as weird as the other options for spit which is like straight up spitting in a drink or the other persons mouth outside of kissing. if someone told me i had to eat their hair i would straight up say no thanks, cheers for the fitness glow up tho homie

I want nana 2 kiss me, on.,, the m,,,.."#*(@÷out.h pretty lady.,

Q-tip to the inside of the cheek

Those blood pacts where you slice your hands open and do a little handshake thing. Not very creative, but idk it just appeals to me

Via consumption of blood, babey

I would want it to be with a maybe maybe not homoerotic sword fight in a Wendy's parking lot, preferably while we are both being impaled on each other's swords. The sweet pain of almost dying is a very intense moment to share isn't it?

Sweet love

Hair

If it's someone cute, a kiss. Otherwise I'd probably just swallow a hair with some water.

i'd just like. spit in their water bottle. if thats not enough dna i guess licking a paper cut it is. hair is bad idwa bc it doesn't digest and can get wrapped up in things. and like. im too aroace for kissing and such

Last option, cause first is sexy as hell

okay you know what vore is, right. and you know how blood and organ transfusions work? well...

Not at all, like?? I enjoy being alive and not having my body destroyed thank you. Literally everyone with OfA died young-ish or has suffered debilitating injuries bc of it. Like Midoriya's bones are powder, and we don't even need to go into All Might's medical history. Like thanks but no thanks no freaky dna ingestion 4 me

Had a open cut from a can lid and ofa holder had an open cut. While lamenting about fins a successor.

Blood

Assuming we can bypass the rules of canon, it would be funny as fuck is OFA was passed on by intentional physical contact. So yes, a smooch for First and Second (and Second and Third) but also. Bitchslap of destiny. Nana giving her protege one last hug. All Might ruffles Mido’s hair like a dad to pass it on. I’m sure you get it

Bleeding over an open wound

lil bit of spit in a milkshake.

I hold their hand Platonically but it's summer and we're both sweaty and they're a little loopy and having weird thoughts due to dehydration and heat lmao, literally hanging around anyone for any extended period of time guarantees you accidentally ingest SOME of their dna. Dead skin cells are floating through the air ~constantly~ and if you have a friend I promise you've inhaled their dead skin cells before. Have fun with that knowledge!!

ok so like deffo a kiss, but in canon people get weird biological urges for using their quirks, like bby Toga drinking bird blood. First has had a LOT of "spit in their drink" intrusive thoughts over the years. immediately post first-kiss he is mystified that his intrusive thoughts have disappeared entirely, but then BAM it seems that second has the stockpile now, and with it, a preoccupation with vampire lore

drink from the same water bottle?

“EAT THIS!”

Pass it on by making them lick my arm because that would make them rly uncomfortable, passed to me by spiting in my 20oz Red Bull and then chugging it

[thejudgingtrash]

would you class percy as a morally grey character? i’m really interested to hear your input

Anon 2: Would u class percy as an Morally Gray character?

Hey there! Let me write that essay for you about morally gray Percy ^^

It’s not about whether Percy is a morally gray character or not, it’s about he has to be otherwise the story doesn’t make any sense. At least for me it wouldn’t.

Ashley (@gr33kg0ds) said in the tags of my dark!Percy post something along the line of people diminishing Percy’s character because they need him to be pure and fluffy and I wholeheartedly agree with that!

Just because Percy’s twelve doesn’t mean he’s pure and didn’t do unproblematic things. I’ll mostly refer to The Lightning Thief because that book is the Magnus Opus for Riordan and perfectly stands for Percy as a morally gray character from the very beginning of the saga. (Also the only book I’ve recently re-read)

As much as I love fanon with all the amazing artworks, debates, memes and jokes, analysis, cool edits and wonderful fanfics, projecting your version of Percy doesn’t make the image in your head real. Percy in canon is not the fun and fluffy boy you imagine him to be or which social media sites (Reddit, Twitter, Instagram and yes, also Tumblr) tend to make him to be. He’s a scrawny little sarcastic twerp that was the unpopular kid. He isn’t that cringy dude Tony Lopez doing that fucking weird TikTok dance (side note: I don’t even know who this person is and I don't care, I saw the video and immediately wanted to delete every social media app on my phone, so thanks Tony?), kissing his Yeezys goodnight, vibing to our lord and gay icon Taylord “T. Swizzle” Swift song and flexing them iPhone 11 Max Pros. Percy literally said that going to Burger King with his mother once in a while would be considered a luxury. He’s a poor bastard in literal sense.

Part of the problem with the distinction of Percy’s character and his motives stem from the fact that Percy is a sneaky unreliable narrator and we as the audience (especially if you’re younger) don’t question most of his behavior if you even question some (pretty sure that most of us only picked up weird stuff as adults). Everything seems plausible to you. But does it mean that his behavior is necessarily good? Something that would paint his character as good?

Like I’ve said, let’s take a look at TLT. The very beginning of everything and the wonderful line that gets quoted everywhere: “Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood”. 

The very first line that quoted everywhere or used as in moodboard and edits but its meaning and significance get brushed off for the most part. It immediately sets the tone and the atmosphere for the book and for Percy as a character. A(n in my opinion) morally gray character. The very first thing we hear from Percy is that he doesn’t want to be in this world. He’s an involuntary participant who has been (upon further reading) blackmailed and forced into this world and is only cooperating to get his mother back and said in regards to his father (who also stands for the Greek pantheon) ”well yeah, would be nice to know about my dad but I’ve survived without him the past twelve years so I don’t know, he wouldn’t be missed necessarily I guess?“ That pretty much tells you, it foreshadows, that we will be dealing with someone with grit, someone that fights back, someone that went through shit, someone that isn’t a goody two-shoed character. Does it mean he’s a terrible (in the sense of evil or bad) character from the get go? Not really, but it tells you in nuances that he won’t be the white shining knight you might expect from a fairy tale.

There is so much that little Perseus Jackson has to offer you directly in the first book. So much that paints him as a morally gray character. From the illegal candy stash all the way to tricking Procrustes into his own trap. He knows right from wrong and isn’t innocent by any means. He wants you to think he’s innocent. Yes, he hunts monsters and the book also tells you that some adults (Gabe) can also be monsters, but Percy’s personality is so interesting and full of facets which I love! He’s misleading you on purpose. Deflects, plays events down. He lies in front of you to others but you don’t really doubt it. Instead of questioning it, you understand it.

What distinguishes Percy from other male protagonists in that notion that the author doesn’t try to paint him as particularly good (the reader connects the dots, in reality) is pretty much that. Percy is neither inherently good or bad. He’s in the middle. He does lots of questionable things and his personality adds to it. Something that immediately comes to my mind is his lack of fear of consequences. He thinks in the short term and not in the long term. Of course, he’s caring about those that are close and important to him (Grover, Annabeth and his mother of course. And well. The world not getting destroyed by his weird father and fucking crazy uncle would be a plus). But Percy isn’t really a strategist (yet). Look at the Medusa head thingy. Annabeth and Grover warn him, that he’s gonna get his ass beat and he doesn’t care. That these gods could squish him in the end didn’t matter to him.

The Olympian gods are painted as these unpenetrable huge mighty force and some fuzzy annoyed twelve year old dipshit sends them the severed head of a monster - but not any monster, the monster his father had a role in creating (well, Athena for the most part, but you know what I mean). (Also, I know this kinda reckless behavior gets sorta rewarded but at first, everyone was like ‘NO, NO, NO!’ before Percy was glorious with his attempt). Percy essentially tells these ancient forces that drive the way of his new cosmos how shit‘s gonna work from now on.

Percy isn’t fear riddled and doesn’t think about the possible outcome. He manipulates, he lies, he persuades and all of this as soon as he hits twelve. But probably earlier. Pretty sure he had to become a believable lier in order to trick (survive being around) Gabe. Perseus is angry, he’s agitated. Had Riordan written Percy as a soft spoken, frightened, goody two-shoed kid, almost nothing in TLT and the follow-ups would have made sense. He’s the outcast, but slowly blossoms into the strength and muscles of the group. Of the entire camp. Someone that outsmarts opponents and wins battles. But he didn’t do that by playing nice and being a bootlicker.

TLT would’ve been a perfect standalone book that would have emphasized that Percy is an involuntary person sive) if you skip Kronos, leave a little bit foreshadowing with the prophecy out, tweak the talks with the gods and Annabeth’s first meeting and skip Luke and the scorpion at the end. The ending would’ve been “and so Percy had a first awesome summer vacation and found a group of friends for life” or so (aka PJO movie 1 in less shitty and more cohesive).

The morally gray character shrinks a little bit in the SOM because there lie straighter dangers ahead which dive more into the bigger picture and Percy grows more into the character who takes care of friends and but he does come back with TTC, and definitely BOTL and the St. Helens explosion.

Consequences of Percy’s interactions had people partially dying. There is doubt, there is guilt. But the show must go on. There are battles that have to be won. There is no big giving up, no big overturn for the bad guys.

Also... isn’t it interesting that we start with Percy saying ”look, I don’t want to be in this world“ in TLT and it ends with TLO where he says ”for once I didn’t look back“? The full circle? The way that accepting his fate took five books? To change Percy from being an involuntary participant to becoming voluntary? He didn’t want to be a half-blood, he didn’t want to be the kid in the prophecy, but he actively chose to be in the end. He went from a darker shade of gray to a mayhaps lighter, if you want to say so.

To conclude, I repeat myself again: it’s not about whether Percy is a morally gray character or not, it’s that he has to be.

Thanks for asking me about some meta stuff I really do like diving into these things here and there. Tumblr’s sorta glitchy, I do get notifications but I really don’t see asks, so I’m sorry if my response is mad late ^^

[icharchivist]

Crimes:

-Rebelled against lover over a misunderstanding and heavily traumatized him in the process -Used a weakness in the fabric of the world to decide to escape his prison to cause chaos on purpose. mainly, gay purpose. -Tore away the wings of the four archangels meant to keep the balance of the world intact - wings being a manifestation of their souls and it being described as a horrifying pain and torture - in order to appropriate himself their powers -Said action launched a relatively big amount of floating islands right into literal hell, sending them aflame before they could reach a den of monsters, killing all the people on them as it happened -Killed even more people on remaining islands in order to lure the angels out to maim them -When the 4th archangel decided to destroy her own wings instead of letting him have them, he changed target and tried to rip away the wings of your dragon companion, Vyrn. -Kidnapped Lyria, who’s soul is connected to MC (if one of them die, they both die) in order to pressure you into giving him Vyrn -Specifically threatened to torture Vyrn beyond taking away his wings -Did ALL OF THIS in the hopes his lover would finally come back to meet him, as a revenge plan for having been neglected by him while said lover was protecting the world. -(In his defense he had been tortured for 2000 years in a prison for his rebellion, unknowingly to said lover who had to stay focused on keeping the balance of the world intact, but he blamed him for it regardless, and got kinda fucked up about it) -When he fails and the wings are given back to their owners, he pretends that he’s going to befriend MC... Before throwing them out from the floating island, down into hell. MC is only saved by literal divine intervention and the Boyfriend coming to the rescue, finally facing him. -Boyfriend realize how much his neglect hurt his lover, decide to put the world aside completely to make up for it for his lover. -Which leads to three major enemies who wanted to destroy the world all along but couldn’t as long as the boyfriend stood watch to strike and kill the boyfriend when he was having his guard down as he was watching over his lover  -Said lover gets gruesomely killed and beheaded and it is made clear that the only reason it was possible to hurt him was because he was trying to protect his lover. -Was STILL Petty and upset at his lover and was insulting him until he found the beheaded head and heard the last words his lover had given him, which made it a Living Legacy trope which is there just to hurt me. Still was insulting him most of the monologue because “how come you are still thinking of the world and not of yourself?” until his lover’s very last words were proof of how much he loved him.  -Only THEN leading to him decide to make it up for all the people he had hurt before that by joining MC’s crew and try to save the world from his own mistakes -Also he became the leader of the four archangels he was torturing one year prior as his lover made sure he inherited his powers. And a year later the archangels gave him their wings on purpose this time. it’s not really a crime but i had to mention it. -Once the war is over he settles into becoming the barrista of the crew and i think that’s very sexy of him.

Also Crimes: -Doesn’t let Lucio drink his coffee -Tried using his powers to blast Lucio into oblivion (more than one time but this.) -Considered letting Lucio being eaten by a shark until he got the shark to poop him out  -Honestly it’s just the Lucio hatecrime category. -He doesn’t let Lyria call him “big brother” at first because he feels guilty for what he has done to her, making her sad in the process, which is evil. Never make Lyria sad. -Considered letting Sariel bring Belial back to life because he understands the gay yearning to be with the person you admire the most, and while i love Belial this is the worst thing he could be doing. Why. he got your lover killed you dumbass. He tried to kill you over and over again. Why. -Is THE Most popular character of the whole franchise (that has over 300 characters) -He’s voiced by Kenichi Suzumura which makes it the THIRD ROLE of this VA ruining my life -Also the fact that this is his character song and it makes me want to commit crimes out of grief. And the fact that the official anime video for this song AND the hologram stage show both show his lover appearing to hug him makes me want to commit even more crimes. -Destroyed the word “ittekimasu” for me. I will never know peace. -He’s cute and he makes me sad. -Despite getting redeemed he got a specific unit going “what if he stayed evil” and this is how this bastard is illustrated in it and i still have thoughts about it.

 tl;dr: i love him. 

[ninja-go-to-therapy]

Shaken

Chapter 2

Summary: MK wakes up in the hospital. If there's one thing he knows, it's that he's got to get away.

Trigger Warnings: hospital, referenced abuse, mentioned death

2990 words

“—just started freaking out—”

“—swear, if this is more monkey madness you’re putting him through—”

“—not.”

Words and voices faded in and out. What was going on? His head felt like it was going to explode. Everything was fuzzy, and he hadn’t even opened his eyes yet.

Come to think of it, he probably shouldn’t open his eyes. He didn’t want them to know he was awake.

MK fought to keep his breathing even, just barely suppressing a groan.

He hadn’t escaped.

He was in the “hospital”, no doubt, completely surrounded by those fake shells of his friends. He had to get out of here.

“—think he’s waking up!”

“—id! Kid, can you hear me?”

Shit. They knew he was awake. There was no getting out of this. 

He fluttered his eyes open, sitting up with great difficulty.

“MK? How are you feeling?” Fake Tang asked. He looked so real, too.

MK scanned the room as subtly as he could. The door wasn’t blocked. He had to make a run for it. It was a long shot, but if he could just get to his staff, then he could get out of here. But it was so far away.

Pretend Monkey King took a step closer, reaching out a hand to put on MK’s shoulder — or to kill him.

“Don’t touch me!” he demanded.

“Oh, kid—”

He scrambled off the bed and onto the opposite side, nearly collapsing entirely at the immediate searing pain that came from it. He’d forgotten about his leg.

“Shit, kid, sit back down!” Not-Pigsy said, like he was panicking and genuinely worried for MK’s safety and well-being.

As they advanced on him, MK backed away, using the wall for support. He had to get away.

He made it to the door, but immediately bumped into something — or someone. He turned around, stifling a pained gasp at the action. Pretend Sandy was there, almost totally blocking the doorway.

He looked back behind him, terror growing as he saw the concern etched on his not-friends faces. It looked so real, and that only made it worse.

He had to get out of here.

He faked left. As predicted, not-Sandy followed.  MK quickly changed his direction, sliding past him and making a break for it down the hall.

The violent burning crawling up his leg was, quite literally, his downfall.  His leg gave out, and he was sent sprawling to the floor, and then he was being surrounded, by nurses and his friends alike, and then… he didn’t remember much, after that.

He woke up again in the same blindingly white hospital room. It felt like he was missing more than he knew he was.

This time, he was alone.

Hope soared in his chest. If he wasn’t being watched, he could get out! He went to sit up, but was stopped short by straps that were holding him down. 

“No,” he begged, tugging on them desperately. “No!”

He was trapped. Done for. They were going to kill him, and there would be nothing he could do about it.

Oh god, he was sure now that they’d make it extra slow and painful. Of course they would. They had to despise him, by now.

He heard someone approaching from the other side of the door, and immediately, he went limp, pretending to be asleep again.

The door opened.

“Oh, bud…” he heard pretend-Monkey-King say. “You’re gonna be okay.” they must have known MK was awake. There was no other reason they’d be spewing this bullshit. Maybe they could watch him even without a human puppet around.

MK couldn’t take it any longer. “Just drop it,” he said, staring numbly at the ceiling. “You don’t have to act anymore. The jig has been up for a long time.” he blinked back the tears that were pushing at his eyes. “So, who am I talking to? Jin or Yin? Or both? I don’t know how this Calabash shit works.”

MK couldn’t see not-Monkey King’s reaction to that. He just kept staring at the ceiling, blinking away his tears. His head was beginning to hurt.

“Those bastards? You think—? Oh, MK…”

Oh, great, now they were playing from this angle. When would they just give it up? He knew it was them.

“I don’t think. I know.”

“Oh, come on, bud, you don’t really think they could replicate my stunningly good looks, do you?”

In spite of himself, MK laughed. That was just like his mentor.

Monkey King smiled. “Really, bud, it’s me. Wukong.”

MK glared at the ceiling. “Nice try. The real one wasn’t… I wouldn’t have called the real one by that name.” he never had before. The demons clearly hadn’t done enough research.

Pretend Monkey King’s confusion was so fake it hurt. “What do you mean?”

“We’re not that close, you know. Hell, I doubt he even actually knows my name. Just — god. Kill me. Don’t try to make me believe it’s really them. Just get it over with!”

“Dammit, MK, we’re not going to kill you!”

“Whatever.”

For a moment, fake Monkey King looked genuinely upset. He sighed. “Get some rest, kid.”

And then he left.

MK spent the next few minutes in silence, struggling to get out of the restraints. But they were tough. Fucking hell. 

But he didn’t give up. He couldn’t afford to. He had to get out of them, he had to get home, to his real friends. How long had he been in here, anyway? Pigsy would probably be pissed at him for missing work.

The door opened, and this time, it was the fake version of Mei. He didn’t even get the chance to wonder what she wanted before she spoke.

“Ask me something,” she demanded. “Monkey King told us what you think is going on, so ask me something. Something only you and I would know.”

Oh, so they could make it all worse by making him see just how much they knew about him? Hard pass.

At his lack of reply, Mei began to talk. “We’ve known each other since we were 13. Pigsy took you in a year or two after that. Your favorite season of Monkey King: the animated series is season 8, because you think whatshisname is hot.”

Okay, sue him, he had a thing for redheads! But that wasn’t important right now. “So what? Anyone could find out stuff like that!”

Mei huffed, continuing on. “Your favorite coping mechanism used to be writing fic about Monkey King adopting you. You wrote one of the biggest fics in the fandom ever.”

“And? That’s not that hard to figure out!”

Mei looked like she was about to scream. “Your parents were bad people.”

MK, who had been struggling, immediately went still.

“They were bad people, and they were even worse parents. You told me not to go after them, even after you got kicked out. Because you’re too good to have ever even considered it. What else do you want from me, MK? When you defeated DBK—”

MK had to admit, he’d almost begun to believe her. “You almost had me there,” he admitted, “I don’t know how the hell you found out about any of that, but if you didn’t notice, the DBK thing didn’t work last time either.”

“...What?”

“Oh my god, I’m not that dumb. I would remember locking away DBK if it had really happened.”

“But… it did?”

“Yeah, sure. I really did lock away the entire Demon Bull family, yeah. And Tang and Pigsy have some weird gay relationship going on, and Mo can just talk now, and Sandy is hosting romantic river cruises, of all things. And you,” he said, forcing down the vomit. “are in love with me!”

Mei made a face. “Ew! That’s disgusting. Wait, okay, I think I have one. What if I tell you what MK stands for? Then will you believe it’s me?”

MK rolled his eyes. Nobody knew what MK really stood for but the real Mei. Even demons would have a hard time figuring it out. Hopefully.

“Whatever.” 

They were probably bluffing, anyway.

His name, what MK really stood for, was a nearly perfectly kept secret. Especially in… recent times.

“MK stands for Monkey King, “because he’s like, my hero! And doesn’t MK have this super cool and kinda mysterious edge to it?” she replied, imitating him badly and hardly missing a beat. “And, even though you think it’s a super cool name, you’re embarrassed about it, and keep it to yourself.”

MK glared at her. “I don’t know how you heard that—”

“What will get you to believe me?” she begged.

“Nothing! Absolutely nothing! I’m not falling for this bullshit again!”

“Ask me something! Anything! Please.”

MK thought for a moment. There was maybe one thing he could think of that they wouldn’t know. Something real. Something they would have no reason to. 

He sighed, weighing it over in his mind. There was no downside, he supposed. “What did you say when I first told you about… me?”

Again, Mei didn’t even need a moment to think. “I told you that I was really happy that you were comfortable telling me, and that I would love to take you shopping sometime to get you some better clothes, and then I demanded to know where your father lived so that I could scoop his eyes out with a plastic spoon, because he doesn’t deserve to even be able to lay eyes on you. And then I said I would keep him alive, but only barely, because an asshole like that deserves to suffer.”

MK’s blood went cold. It was too oddly specific, and had happened years ago. There was no way they could have known. Which could only mean…

“Mei?”

“Yes!” she cried, nodding frantically. 

He couldn’t help himself, the tears he’d been so desperate to hold back earlier finally beginning to fall. “It’s really you?”  he sniffled.

Mei nodded. “It is, I swear.”

Carefully, she wrapped him in a hug. It felt so nice and comforting. For a moment, MK just let himself be swept away by it.

Until the door opened.

He pushed Mei away gently, wiping his eyes furiously. 

“You uh… feeling alright, bud?” Monkey King… the real one…? asked.

“I’m okay.”

It was real. Pigsy and Tang, they were both real. And Sandy, and Monkey King, and Mei. God, he was so stupid.

“So… you thought you were in some evil magical illusion? Why?” Sandy asked.

“Because I was there before, and—” MK cut himself off. “Wait, no, this is still wrong. I would remember defeating DBK. That never happened.” But they knew — but he also would have remembered — he didn’t know what to believe. Oh god. How was he supposed to know for sure? How was he supposed to be confident in his decision? What was he supposed to do?

The others shared a look.

“You defeated them weeks ago,” Tang said, slowly.

“In like, April,” Mei added.

“It’s March,” MK corrected, his breathing picking up.

“It’s definitely May,” Pigsy said.

“I don’t… but…” MK took a deep breath, trying to ground himself. He didn’t feel so good. His head hurt so bad. He wanted it to stop.

His eyes were hurting, too. Was the world always so covered in little black spots?

“MK?” someone asked, their voice a thousand miles away. “Are you alright?”

The darkness fully overtook his vision, and MK didn’t have the chance to answer.

———

“—kill you, monkey asshole—”

“—do I have to do with this?”

“—our kid a — concussion!”

“—my fault?”

MK groaned, feeling faintly like he was going to vomit. He didn’t try to sit up, this time.

“MK, how are you?”

He eyed his maybe-friends warily. “Trying to figure out if I’m being tricked.”

“Yeah, about that. You’ve got a concussion, kiddo.”

Well, that was a lousy excuse. “I didn’t even hit my head,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Try again.”

“What about that earthquake earlier?” Sandy offered.

“That lasted for like, ten seconds.” Not even. It had been over before it had even actually begun. They needed to try harder than this to fool him. He’d almost fallen for their lies the last time he’d been awake. He couldn’t risk it happening again.

“It definitely lasted for longer than that,” Pigsy said.

“No?”

“Yeah?”

“I bet that’s what happened, then. You hit yourself on the head during the earthquake, forget some important shit — I mean, stuff — gave yourself a concussion, and then you went on a quest that I like to call how badly can I scare my parentals?” Pigsy said, all but yelling by the time he was done with his explanation.

Out of all of that, MK couldn’t help but hone in on one part of it. “...parentals?”

Mei sighed. “You’ve forgotten a lot.”

MK looked at her for a long moment. He still just wasn’t totally convinced. But if there was one thing he knew Yin and Jin would jump at, it was this. One last try. “You know what? I changed my mind. I am in love with you.”

“I — what the fuck, MK?” Mei asked, looking sick at the thought.

“Oh, thank god,” he said, sighing in relief. “Okay, I believe you now.”

Thinking about it, he supposed it all made sense. It didn’t make it much less disturbing, though. In fact, the growing sense of horror he was getting was almost worse than thinking he was inside the Calabash.

But god, it had all been so obvious. Besides the initial earthquake, there had been nothing else like it the entire day. No glitches, no inconsistencies, no random people surrounding him and insisting that this  was completely and totally perfect. Yin and Jin would have probably jumped at the chance to gloat once he’d initially figured it out, too.

In short, MK was just… really fucking stupid. 

Shit, it was really hitting him now. He must have seemed absolutely fucking crazy all day. Especially considering he’d never told anybody about his first experience in the Calabash.

His friends really had been concerned about him. And with good reason. To them, he’d just lost his mind out of nowhere.

He’d attacked them. He’d actually landed a hit on Mei. He’d been so sure that they weren’t really them. Oh god.

He couldn’t breathe.

He was so stupid. He’d freaked out over nothing, and had very obviously put his friends through enormous stress. All because of a little paranoia that had snowballed into — well. This.

He’d gotten a fucking concussion, broken something in his leg, he’d attacked Mei, he’d fought with everything in him against the people who were only trying to protect him. And all he had in response was to try to hurt them.

He was an idiot.

“C’mere, bud,” Monkey King said, crouching down beside the bed and wrapping MK in this sort of embrace that was all warm and soft and fuzzy. It was so comforting and nice, and probably more than he deserved. “I’ve got you.”

From the other side of the bed, Mei leaned over, hugging MK from behind.

The others, to the best of their ability with the limited space the hospital bed provided, joined in, however uncomfortably.

It was like being completely cocooned in warmth and love. 

They… still wanted him around.

He’d completely flipped shit for no reason, had attacked them and screamed at them and done everything in his power to get away, but they still wanted him around. He’d been so sure they would be disappointed in him, would be angry that he’d fought them so viciously, or even hate him.

But if this was anything to go by, they didn’t.

In fact, he’d never felt so safe.

“You’re gonna be okay,” Tang assured from somewhere to his left.

For the first time in the last day (two days? more?), he actually believed it. His friends were real, they weren’t out to end him, and the danger, for the most part, was gone.

The Demon Bull family was gone, locked away under a mountain. Jin and Yin had nothing to do with it, this time.

Also, Pigsy had willingly referred to himself as MK’s parent figure, and wow was that strange.

Strange, but not unwelcome. 

And, if the day’s interactions were anything to go by, it seemed like Monkey King didn’t just tolerate him, but actually… actually cared about him?

He wondered if he’d felt that way at the point in time where MK’s memory stopped.

It was startling to know that everyone else in the room was much better informed about… well, everything, than him. They knew about thoughts and feelings he’d had that he didn’t even recall experiencing. They knew about his greatest battle, about how his relationship with all of them had developed in that time, all of it.

And he didn’t.

There was an uncomfortable gaping hole in his mind that he hadn’t even known was there. He felt sort of… naked without it. Like he’d run to work without his pants on and for some reason or another, couldn’t get back up to grab a pair.

His stupid brain was locking the door so that he couldn’t retrieve his pants.

But it would be okay. Something deep within him told him it would be. Or maybe it was the pile of people crowding around him in a group-hug, who knew. Probably a little bit of both.

But really, he was somehow certain that it would work out. He would regain his memory, and in the meantime, the others could fill him in on everything that he’d missed.

It was all going to be fine. It would take some adjusting, and it would be hard, but they still wanted him around. That was, in of itself, a miracle.

“Wait, does this mean he doesn’t remember that Tang and Pigsy are together?”

“What?”

[thanksjro]

Dark Cybertron Chapter 12: That’s the Power of Love, Babeyyyyy

Thank fucking god, it’s almost over.

Our issue opens up with Ironhide deadnaming Slug, like the out-of-touch grandpa that he is. Everything is going to shit, the whole city’s covered in lasers like the world’s worst rave, and someone thought it was a good idea to let Swerve have a gun.

As the Ammonites try to murder everyone in sight, Whirl and Arcee have a little chat about how Whirl’s seemingly caused every problem ever in the last four million years.

…Whirl, you have been keeping up with your appointments with Rung, right? Like, I know he’s not the best therapist around by any stretch of the imagination, but surely something would be better than nothing in this case.

On the Lost Light, Hound, Perceptor, and Mainframe are keeping track of how many Ammonites have been killed. Everyone is extra British in this bit. Perceptor basically calls Hound a fucking idiot, because even with all the guys who’ve been taken out, there are still literally BILLIONS of these suckers running around.

Which seems a little overkill to me, but what do I know? Warcrimes aren’t my specialty.

Meanwhile, in the Mystical City of Making Science Cry, Starscream apparently knows what cosplay is, and takes a potshot at Jhiaxus for stealing his look. Metalhawk explains how the Ammonites got here in the first place, which, y’know, is cool. Love me some technobabble exposition.

I don’t actually love it.

I’m sorry for lying.

I WOULD ALSO LIKE FOR METALHAWK TO PUT A STOP TO THIS

BUT WE’VE GOT ANOTHER 19 PAGES TO GO

SO I GUESS LIFE JUST ISN’T FUCKING FAIR RATTRAP

While Metalhawk contemplates ending the comic event early, Starscream is getting his ass kicked by an old man who spent the war sitting on his butt in the Dead Universe.

Over with Team -Imus, Brainstorm’s taking a breather after getting Robertsed at the end of last issue. Ultra Magnus makes a pun, I guess to cope with the fact that he doesn’t understand anything that’s going on. Cyclonus is still dying, but this isn’t about him. Nightbeat is also dying. Oh, and Kup. Turns out, being a part of the Dead Universe is sort of an issue when you’re out of it.

Even though Galvatron was fine. And Jhiaxus. And Nova Prime, for the little bit he was out of it.

I feel like this plot point kinda just shows up when it’s convenient.

Anyway.

Brainstorm has shit in his lab that can help them not die, but he and Skids are gonna need help to get all these undead morons back to the Lost Light, which means that only two folks would be going to face Shockwave in this final confrontation.

Speaking of Shockwave, he’s gone full Burning Justice with that time drive shoved into his chest, as he makes fun of Megatron for being a dumb stupid idiot who gave him everything he needed to end the universe. He reveals himself to be a nihilist, claiming that a Cybertron which only exists for existence’s sake- and without any form of life- is the ultimate in perfection. Also, he’s a communist now. A nihilistic communist.

Just… whatever, Shockwave.

Megatron’s annoyed by all this posturing- which, same- but enough about him, it’s time for Ultra Magnus and Optimus Prime drop down from… somewhere… to kick some ass. Shockwave promptly shoots Magnus, and is about to do the same to Optimus, when this starts happening:

Huh. Wonder what all that’s about.

Shockwave snaps out of his stupor and proceeds to fire on Optimus, yelling about being the only thing that exists as he does.

Over with Rodimus and friends, Cyclonus is bitching about Rodimus not leaving him behind so he could go fight Shockwave. Nightbeat, who I guess just doesn’t know when to keep his mouth shut, tells Cyclonus to quit it, because they all know that he just misses his boyfriend. Cyclonus, though blatantly annoyed, doesn’t actually refute this claim. Brainstorm wonders aloud just how this gaggle of assholes managed to escape the Dead Universe without murdering each other.

Rodimus explains that when they heard the singing at Swerve’s, it proved they could still get out of the Dead Universe, so they desecrated Nova Prime’s corpse to make a space bridge. Brainstorm became a doorway, because he’s very nearly dead, and oh yeah, he should probably fix that when they get back to the lab, and also reconsider his lab safety protocols.

The gang reaches the outside world, and Rodimus is given a chance to spout off his personal philosophies.

Fantastic, you funky little man.

Then everyone looks up in the sky and sees some real bullshit.

Hey, Cahill? I just wanna talk, man. Just wanna talk about this boobie Windblade you’ve cursed my eyes with.

Back over with Jhiaxus and Starscream, Jhiaxus just cannot shut up. He just keeps waxing poetic about how smart Shockwave’s plan is. I couldn’t even tell you what the guy’s saying- my eyes glaze over whenever he gets a speech bubble.

Metalhawk at this point has had quite enough of all this nonsense, and decides he’s gonna throw himself into the equation that allows the Dark Cybertron prophecy to manifest.

By killing himself.

He just fuckin’… tosses himself into some heavy machinery and explodes, and that throws all the ores out of wack, since he’s got the Resurrection Ore in him. Jhiaxus is distracted by a man just straight-up dying in the same room as him, and this give Starscream the opening he needs to stab Jhiaxus in the gut.

Then the background just straight up disappears, as Rattrap lets everyone know that it’s all still going to shit, but in the opposite direction.

Really not sure about this art direction, but whatever. I’m over it.

Back outside, all the Ammonites are exploding. All of them. Billions of the little suckers, just popping off like fire crackers. The environment’s going to be ruined at this rate. Metroplex is having a great fucking time. Happy for him.

The Lost Light calls the ladies inside Metroplex’s brain room, and lets them know that they’re gonna break up Monstructor like the mediocre boy-band he is, though not without Mainframe being difficult beforehand. The ladies jump out and enter the fray, admiring Arcee’s style as they do.

Back with Rodimus and pals, Nightbeat’s being fucking cryptic, and Brainstorm gets to work making it so folks aren’t dying from being in the wrong universe, after a little prodding to his ego.

Back in Shockwave’s Super Saiyan Energy Bubble of Pure Unadulterated Logic, Shockwave says that’s he’s fucking ripped, and Optimus couldn’t beat him in a fight. Clearly, this means we’ll have to use our words to resolve this, like adults. Optimus isn’t too sure about that option, however.

I mean, do I even have to- Optimus, that’s GAY.

I have the sneaking suspicion that Roberts wrote this portion of the script. Y’know, just given his track record.

Then Megatron blasts Shockwave with his fusion cannon, and makes fun of Optimus for being a sentimental fool.

The fact that “Dark Cybertron” is telling me this makes me so mad. Like, you don’t get to talk, Exposition Central.

It’s at this point that Megatron drops a bomb on everyone present- he’s done with being a Decepticon. He’s gonna be an Autobot now.

See, ol’ Megsy here has seen the error of his ways- that by fighting the Senate, he allowed them to change him into a murderous warlord. To prove how much of a nice guy he is, he’s ripped the Autobrand off of Bumblebee’s lifeless body and duct-taped it to his chest.

Which seems a tad disrespectful, but okay.

…Megatron, you do realize that, as the leader of the Decepticons, you could just tell everyone that they need to be nice, and that would more or less be the end of it, right? You could just say “not evil anymore, I want to be loved now”, and everyone would be all “sir yes sir.” This is going to be a PR nightmare, I can already tell. Shockwave certainly seems to agree with me.

I really like this panel structure. Want to say this is the only place it happens, too. It’s just too bad it lives in “Dark Cybertron”.

Shockwave’s not having a good time right now, and he’s convinced that Optimus and Megatron have teamed up just to make him upset so he loses control of the time drive. The two spout off a little Autobot propaganda, and then Shockwave Remembers™.

Shockwave, having had his shadowplay reverse violently and abruptly, is horrified to find what he’s become. Alas, it’s too late for him- the only way to stop the time drive is for Optimus to kill him. Optimus promises to remember who Shockwave was- a callback to the line Shockwave gave him back before his empurata- and then shoots the everloving fuck out of the guy. Megatron helps.

And that’s a series wrap on Shoc-

-holy fucking shit.

The gang high-tails it outta there, IDW Optimus once again proving to be the shittiest version of everyone’s space-dad, as he leaves Bumblebee’s body to be consumed by the Shockwave Singularity. It’s looking pretty hopeless, but luckily none of these bastards can die without fucking up Season 2 of MTMTE, so the Lost Light swoops in to save the day.

Down below, Soundwave and his gaggle of small children and animals watch as the Lost Light fucks off into the distance. Soundwave’s having a time and a half, as he realizes with his balls-to-the-wall senses that Megatron’s joined the Autobots. Galvatron shows up to try to work out a deal. We won’t be seeing where this goes, because that’ll be covered later on.

The Lost Light lands in front of Metroplex, and over to the left of that are Rattrap and Starscream, climbing over the wreckage of the city. Rattrap tries to warn Starscream that things are gonna be tough, now that the Dark Cybertron prophecy has come to pass, but Starscream isn’t really having it. He’s gotten very paranoid, likely due to stress, and tells Rattrap to not play this game, because he’s the best player who’s ever lived. Then the Lost Light gang shows up and we get this face:

Sure.

Later on, Megatron and Optimus are hanging out in the Sky Roller, not-talking, until Megatron tells Optimus to get on with it, since the issue’s about to end. Megatron was totally serious about becoming an Autobot. Optimus isn’t really sure what to do with that. I don’t think anyone’s really sure what to do with that, to be honest.

Megatron, in turn, asks Optimus if he really could look past all the bullshit Shockwave pulled in the last several million years, and he gets a non-answer, because addressing your feelings is for losers, clearly. The two exit the ship, and I guess everyone else was just… standing outside waiting for them to talk it out. Weird.

...And with THAT, I am finally released from Comic Event Hell!

If you hear any distant, triumphant screeching right now, that’s likely me.