#the music for the background of 000 is murder

[hisxloverx]

𝒱ℴ𝒾𝒹 || helluva boss & hazbin hotel : chapter 0

000|pilot

Ok so a little warning some of the characters in this will be ooc

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3rd person

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The scene opens with a shot of Imp City that slowly zooms in on the I.M.P building. The sound of the busy streets can be heard in the background. The scene transitions to a closed door

labeled "IMP Headquarters", with a crude sign made from a sheet of notebook paper that reads, "Meeting in progress" with a smiley face drawn next to it. The light flickers as the camera

zooms in on the door. Inside, Blitzo is walking in front a whiteboard on the wall as he lectures his employees

Blitzo starts off by saying Alright. Now, I know business has been... a bit slow lately, yes. It's no one's fault, okay? I'm not naming any names here... he looks at Moxxie then says Moxxie.

Moxxie then gives him a wtf look

Blitzo then asks Now, does anyone have... any bright ideas on how we can get business drummin' up again?

Millie who is an employee at the company and is moxxie's wife suggests a car wash to which blitzo says that no one cares about cars being washed as they live in hell.

Blitzo then suggests a billboard to which moxxie shuts down as they don't have money for a billboard to which blitzo replies

Helpful, Moxxie. Really glad you're in the room right now. He then pushes moxxie and asks them Have you guys forgotten what service we provide?

He then turns on the tv to which the tv starts playing a recording of the whole crew brutally murdering people from the overworld as they are paid to do.

Blitzo is then shown whacking a man with a mallet like a whack a mole moxxie is then seen blown away by shooting a shotgun though the mouth of a man that was tied to a chair

Loona swings a man back in forth in her mouth while Millie decapitates someone with a harpoon and laughs the video then focuses on Helena who is tearing a man up limb from limb

getting all her anger out  the camera then zooms in on the man's face only for everyone to see that the man's eyes were ripped out

The recording then ends as the setting goes back to the office where the crew is sitting watching the recording while eating popcorn

Blitzo then says that those were the good times to which moxxie replies to how he doesn't need any reminding as blitzo blow almost all of the crew's salary on a add that plays on tv on a channel that nobody watches

Blitzo offended then asks Uh, hey. Excuse me? What's "obnoxious" about a super-fun jingle, alright? It's a fun distraction when an advertisement's spittin' bullshit!

Millie then says that people love musicals to which blitzo says exactly and that they're basically making a musical he then turns to moxxie and asks him if he's trying to ruin his dreams like his dad did

Moxxie then tries to speak but blitzo interrupt's him by saying that all he sees is his dad's ass hole talking to him crushing his dreams

Millie then turns to her husband and asks him if he's trying to crush their bosses dreams to which he stutters Millie then flirtatiously says that she thought she knew him

She then sticks her tongue out playfully at her husband as he blushes and rolls his eyes affectionately

Blitzo then says to moxxie how he can't believe him he then tearfully holds up a employee of the month plaque with a picture of moxxie on it

Blitzo then continues his sentence and says after I made you employee of the month !

Moxxie feeling defeated then says that he's sorry and that commercial jingle is not comparable to musical theatre and that no one actually likes the jingle's to which Helena agrees and says something about how her favorite musical's don't even have jingle's

To which moxxie looks at her with a thank you look to which she nods to him and goes back to doing what she was doing

Millie then says that she liked the jingle to which moxxie says do not he then points to Millie and continues Do not agree with him in front of me!

The scene then cuts to the commercial of imp blitzo in the commercial starts off by saying his name and saying that the o is silent he then says how he's the founder of I m p as he jesters to the logo as it appears on the screen then disappears

Two pictures of Blitzo in different scenarios show while he speaks. The first shows him wearing two top hats through his horns, a monocle, and twiddling a fake mustache, 

while standing outside of a burning building with a sign that reads "Orphanage for Elderly Blind Newborn Dogs" appears. The second shows Blitzo wearing an angel costume at a

coffeehouse happily throwing an empty coffee cup in a trash can, instead of the recycling bin right next to it

Blitzo then asks Are you a piece of shit that got yourself sent to Hell, or are you an innocent soul who got FUCKED over by someone else?!

The commercial then cuts to a demon guy wearing an Ohio sports jersey, giving a testimonial, while Blitzo holds a cardboard sign in frame that reads "Some guy who hired us!!"

The demon wearing the Ohio jersey then says that after he lovingly killed his wife for sleeping with a delivery man he was surprised when he found out he ended up in hell after he died because a jogger saw him hiding the body

Blitzo is speaking to the camera and holding a grimoire, while Moxxie and Millie are arranging lit candles on the floor in a pentagram. While he speaks,

his eyes narrow as he does a magical gesture with his hand and a flaming portal appears on the floor. Moxxie and Millie run off in surprise. He tosses the grimoire aways as he walks up to the portal

Blitzo then talks to the camera saying Well, luckily for you. Thanks to our company's special access to the living world, we can help you take care of your unfinished business by taking out anyone who screwed you over when you were alive! He then falls backwards into the portal

The scene transitions to a person with their arms crossed and a thought bubble appears depicting another person being crossed out as the commercial jingle plays in the background

♫ When you want somebody gone, ♫

A dead body falls near the person as they notice and look up

♫ and you don't want to wait too long ♫

Moxxie, Blitzo, and Millie are shown in a circle logo. Blitzo holds his arms out as Moxxie holds up his rifle and Millie holds up her spear. A letter "I" appears to the left of them, while a letter "P" appears on the right of them. The trio together form a letter "M", thus spelling the initials I.M.P

♫ call the Immediate Murder Professionals! ♫

Blitzo, Moxxie, and Millie are inside of their building and Moxxie throws a grenade out the window. The trio cover where their ears would be as an explosion goes off. A severed arm goes flying

♫ Hand grenade or cyanide, ♫

Blitzo is shown hanging someone with a rope as Millie finishes writing a suicide note

♫ We'll make it look like suicide ♫

Blitzo is shown electrocuting someone, Millie is shown hitting someone on the head with a mace, and Moxxie is shown strangling someone

♫ The Immediate Murder Professionals! ♫

The I.M.P. logo spins around quickly as the scene transitions to Blitzo creating a portal to the living world in a wall, then jumping through it. He is followed by Millie and then Moxxie, who trips over the grimoire and falls into the portal

♫ We do our job so well, ♫

The trio come up through the other end of the portal and adjust themselves

♫ Because, we come straight out from Hell! ♫

The I.M.P. trio suddenly look shocked as it appears they have accidentally teleported to a church in the middle of a service. A female preacher and the congregation look back at the demons in confusion and/or fear. One bearded man, however, has his head laid back as he sleeps with earbuds in.

Millie is shown struggling to remove a knife from a naked couple who are in 69 position, while Moxxie tries to look away, and Blitzo examines a pair of panties.

♫ We'll kill your husband or your wife ♫

Blitzo stabs someone toed to a chair repeatedly in the head while sporting a goofy expression

♫ We'll even let you keep the knife ♫

A quick sequence then shows the trio assassinating their targets in numerous horrific ways, such as with a medieval torture chamber, riding a shark,

burning someone alive, suffocating someone with a pillow, playing on a grand piano after it crushed someone,

and using an electric chair. In the final scene, the trio are hiding in a bush in a park and Moxxie is about to shoot a blonde woman looking at her phone from behind

♫ We're the Immediaaaaate... Murderrrrrr... Profession-- ♫

Moxxie accidentally shoots a boy passing by, eating an ice cream cone.

The boy then shouts AUUUGH!

The boy then collapses as Moxxie looks on in shock. Blitzo and Millie turn their eyes to Moxxie in surprise.

___________________________

The scene then cuts to a hospital operating room where the boy is wheeled in on a hospital bed by a doctor with a pink haired nurse and a blue haired nurse

The pink haired nurse then talks in a masculine voice telling the doctor that the boy is not responding

The blue haired nurse then says to get cool water stat

The pink haired nurse then whacks the boy in the face with a bucket of of water that does nothing but leave a large welt on his face

The blue haired nurse then points out that it didn't do anything

The boys tongue then flops down from his mouth

As the doctor gets frustrated and and says that he's not losing another one Everyone has their defibrillator paddles over the boy

The doctor then yells clear! They then all zap the boy and he then wakes up the boy then gasps and the doctor shocked says Holy shit! It actually worked.

Millie,moxxie and blitzo are then shown waiting outside of the room on chairs blitzo is shown reading a magazine while Millie is comforting her husband who looks absolutely devastated the doctor then walks out of the room with a clip board and says

That the boy is in stable condition but needs surgery he then asks them what insurance provider they have to which blitzo asks what insurance is

The scene then cuts to the imp gang along with the boy on the bed getting thrown out of the window while blitzo,Millie and moxxie all holding on to the bed for dear life

as they plummet screaming to the ground. The bed is stopped by a rope that has become tangled around Blitzo's foot. Blitzo slams his face into the bed, the rope snaps, and they all continue to fall.

A still shot of the I.M.P. logo is shown.

♫ Kids die for freeeeeee! ♫

___________________________

The scene then cuts back to the boardroom Millie and moxxie are sitting across from Loona who is sitting beside Helena who is showing Loona a video on her phone

Moxxie then says that the incident with the boy being Loona's fault as she is the one who gets the information on the targets

Loona who doesn't look up from Helena's phone says to moxxie to sit on a dick to which he says YOU sit! Sit on... a... and the... d-- DO YOUR JOB!!

Blitzo then says Hey, now. We don't blame our screwups on Loona or Helena okay?!

Blitzo hugs and nuzzles both Loona Helena as they are both sitting together as loona snarls at him in response as Helena just embraces the hug.

Blitzo then says that Loona didn't do anything wrong to which moxxie says that she's awful while saying that Helena is a sweetheart with to much trauma

___________________________

The scene then cuts to a flash back of Loona and Helena at their desks Loona is reading a magazine while Helena at her desk is reading a good girls guide to murder loona's desk phone then rings and she answers

Not looking up from her magazine she says Hello, I.M.P. Millie is heard on the other end of the phone saying to call moxxie and that she got stabbed while Loona suddenly hangs up disinterested

Helena goes to a different room and calls moxxie to tell him what she heard

___________________________

In The second flashback Loona and Helena are in blitzo's office as he gives them both gifts

Blitzo gives loona her gift first saying Happy Adoption Anniversary, Loonie! I got you a little somethin'.

Loona then asks if it's a cut for syphilis to which blitzo says I... Oh... Loona snatches the present and angrily slams it on the floor. And yells THEN, I DON'T WANT IT!

A large swarm of spiders suddenly emerge from the present box and swarm Loona up to her neck.

Blitzo suddenly hiding outside of the office window says that he's sorry that it's spiders Loona then shouts goddammit

While after that blitzo give's Helena a gift wrapped up in wrapping paper she opens it and sees it's a vinyl of Taylor swift's 1989 to which she shouts in happiness and hugs her adoptive father in pure happiness

___________________________

In the third flashback Loona is shown at her desk watching a video of Charlie Morningstar performing inside of every demon is a rainbow while Helena is at her desk reading a book while having her 1989 vinyl playing in the background as moxxie walks up to loona's desk

With a flyer that says Chub B Gone he then asks Loona if she just faxed him a add for weight loss to which Loona says no and moxxie asks why anyone would send him this to which Loona says that he knows why

And Helena says that he looks perfectly fine the way he is right now

___________________________

The next flashback starts with Loona rummaging through the break room fridge

Loona then yells that whoever left the avocado salad in the fridge she's taking it because she has a hangover

She then turns around to face Millie with a red box in her hand as she shuts the fridge door with her foot. She rips off the lid and drinks the salad

Millie then asks Loona why she would drink on a work night to which Loona says that she's hungover from the morning

Moxxie then enters the room and notices Loona with his box of avocado salad and asks Isn't that my lunch? To which Loona drops the box on the floor and says that she can't take the assault this morning and that she needs to blow off some steam

She kicks the box at moxxie knocking him out of the room and surprising Millie

Loona then runs out of the break room and out into the street she then screams out in anger

She then runs up to a succubus lady passing by on the other side of the street, pushing her baby in a stroller. Loona then kicks the stroller high into the air and storms off, while the demon lady stands there in disbelief. The scene transitions to Helena at her desk, telling Blitzo about a caller.

___________________________

Helena shouts to blitzo that stolas is on the phone saying Bliiiitzo! That nice, rich owl is on the phone! Says it's urgent and wants to talk to you! Sounds a little horny.

The scene then cuts to blitzo and moxxie at the water cooler

Blitzo then throw's his cup on the floor and yells Oh, GOD, it was one time! He crosses his arms then says that if he hadn't slept with stolas none of them would have access to the living world to which moxxie asks you what?

___________________________

The scene then cuts to a flashback of Stolas sleeping naked in bed. He is hooting like an owl and there are feathers everywhere. Blitzo, who is partially nude, walks away quietly with the grimoire in hand

Blitzo starts to talk to him self in a singing voice about how he has this heavy book

Blitzo then reaches Stolas' balcony and lays the grimoire on the ledge. Grunting, he then attempts to step up on the ledge using the grimoire. Instead, the combined weight sends both him and the grimoire falling forward off of the balcony

He then shout oh shit he then  lands on the cake that Stolas' wife stella and her friends were having, splattering pieces of it all over them

Blitzo then says off he turns to Stella then yells Sorry, I fucked your husband. The scene cuts back to Helena at her desk playing Taylor swift she then nicely yells for her adoptive father again to which he quietly shouts that he heard her

___________________________

The scene then cuts to blitzo in his office on the phone talking to stolas as he plays with a bobble head of moxxie

He asks stolas what he can do for him this time stolas is shown on his phone in his fancy mansion he then starts talking to blitzo saying that There's a political candidate causing trouble up on Earth for a few of his associates. And that He's trying to convince people global warming exists!

Blitzo then asks Doesn't it? To which stolas says yes but that more people die if nothing happens about it he then says that it gets lonely in his palace to which blitzo says that it makes sense

Stolas then asks blitzo You know what happens when I'm lonely, Blitzy? Blitzo then pulls his phone away and talks to himself blitzo under his breath saying God-fuckin'-dammit.

Stolas then says When I'm lonely, I become hungry. And when I become hungry, I want to choke on that red {bleeped) of yours... {bleeped) your {bleeped) and lick all of your (bleeped), before taking out your (bleeped), and (bleeped) with more teeth until you're screaming (bleeped) like a FUCKING baby--!

Blitzo, who's visibly disturbed, scene pans to his with Stolas name listed as "creepy mouth (aka one night stand bird dick) with a call total of 48

seconds. as he hangs up, a knock out noise plays. He snaps his cellphone in half, smashes it with his desk phone, tosses said desk phone away, pulls out a blender, puts the cellphone pieces in it, and blends them. Blitzo turns and hands the blender to Loona, who was standing nearby.

Blitzo then tells loona to eat the blended up phone to which she does blitzo then asks her if she knows the bridge over the freeway to which she says yeah and blitzo says shit off it

___________________________

The flashback ends and blitzo is seen standing in the middle between the two chairs Helena and Loona are on to which blitzo says that Loona and Helena are important and valued members of their family and that they don't get rid of family

Loona is seen looking up from her phone and smiles briefly while Helena is shown with tearful eyes at what her adoptive father just said

To what blitzo said moxxie says that they are not a family and that blitzo is the boss they are the employees and that blitzo treats Loona like a meth addicted homeless woman they let man the phones

As Moxxie rants, Loona continues looking at her phone, slowly flipping Moxxie off

Blitzo then says how that's offensive and that without homeless people he wouldn't have half the joy and laughter he does in his life

Blitzo then puts his face up against the window cracking the glass, and sees a homeless demon, looking sad and holding up a sign that reads "Monee helps. Satan bless." A succubus is on her cellphone and turns away from the hobo. Blitzo smugly waves at him, before lowering the window blinds.

Moxxie then starts talking again saying that while their on the subject of "family" if blitzo can please stop finding him and Millie outside of work to which Millie says it's not a big deal and he shouts excuse me what ?

___________________________

The scene cuts to a flashback of Moxxie and Millie preparing dinner in their kitchen

Moxxie asks Millie if she could get the butter to which she says sure she then goes and opens the fridge and finds Blitzo inside as he hands her the gross, viscous butter

Blitzo then says Spoiler alert: the butter's spoiled! To which Millie giggles to which moxxie who throws some diced carrots into a soup asks his wife what's so funny

Blitzo then says Really impressive wordplay which moxxie shouts WHAT THE--?! WHY ARE YOU IN OUR FRIDGE?!?!

Later that evening, shows a building, Inside their Moxxie and Millie are asleep in bed. The former is tossing and turning as the sound of a cat purring can be heard. Moxxie opens his eyes and sees Blitzo standing on him, looking him right in the eyes.

Blitzo then asks moxxie Whatcha dreamin' about? To which moxxie replies that he was dreaming of his parents being murdered and how now he would like to go back to that

In the next scene, Moxxie is singing the end of "Oh, Millie", as Millie joins in on some parts.

Moxxie sings ♫ Of all the imps in Hell, it's for her that I fell ♫ and Millie harmonizing sings ♫ It's for him that I fell ♫ and moxxie continues singing ♫ Oh, Millie~ ♫

The couple close their eyes to kiss, but Moxxie notices Blitzo outside the window holding a camcorder.

He then shouts angrily Are you fucking filming us right now?!

_________________________

The flashback ends as the scene cuts back to the board room in the present.

Moxxie then says Just... stop... doing that! To which blitzo shrugs and says that he doesn't see what the issue is then asks if there's something moxxie doesn't want him to see to which moxxie's eye twitches in anger as he shouts NO!

Loona snicker's and Helena looks upset at the same time as blitzo talks to moxxie saying You a baby-wiener-haver? To which moxxie says to his boss that what he says and how he acts is totally INAPPROPRIATE! He yells the last part as he stands up from his chair

Millie lays a hand on her husband's shoulder and says Calm down, Mox! You're gonna have another panic attack!

To which moxxie yells I AM CALM! He then starts whimpering angrily while looking back at blitzo Millie comforting her husband says Shh-shh-shh. There, there.

Blitzo then says Look, I don't judge the boring couple stuff ( he makes a sexual gesture with his hands) you do outside work hours. So, don't... judge me! To which moxxie tells his boss that he does judge him a lot

To which Millie says Mox, he's our boss! And blitzo says No-no-no, it's fine Mills, your husband is just... how do I say this without being offensive? He then smiles smugly and says retarded.

To which moxxie asks his boss if insulting him makes him feel better about his sad single life to which blitzo replies that it actually does the camera then zooms out to Loona and Helena

Loona then says The only reason you have a wife she looks up from her phone to glare at moxxie and continues her sentence is because you're easy to manage!

Millie then slams her hands against the table, looking at Loona with anger and says No, he's not, you she then in deeper tone says BITCH! She then flips Loona off

Loona then growls at Millie while Helena grabs one of her hands trying to calm down her adoptive sister

Blitzo then tell Millie to not talk to one of his receptionist's that way and that both of them Helena more then Loona are sensitive Loona then snaps at Millie being reminded of Helena's trauma saying Yes, we are!

The kid from earlier is heard offscreen saying all of you guys except for that traumatized dog are all fucking assholes.

Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie,Loona & Helena's eye all widen in surprise. They look at the kid, Eddie is lying on a table with three wires from a heart monitor attached to his stomach

Blitzo then tells the kid to shut up and that he's lucky to even witness this moxxie pinches the bridge of his nose then says Ugh, this company is such a mess!

Blitzo then says Alright, let's get back to talking about my outfit. To which Helena confused tilts her head and asks what? To which Loona says Nobody was talking about that!

To which blitzo says Which is why I'm tryin' to get that ball rolling. So, how does it look? It's good, right? And Helena says that it looks okay and asks if next time she goes shopping she can get a new suit for him to which he nods

The kid then points to blitzo and tells him that it's been literal hell having to pretend to be paralyzed so that they wouldn't kill him But, now he wants that. That he wants death he again points to blitzo and tells him

You are a selfish, greedy clown. And I'm a kid! We're supposed to like clowns! Even the creepy ones! Moxxie then says how that's not nice then gets cut off by the kid saying If I wanted to hear from a spineless jackass, I'd rip out your spine and ask you some shit.

Which makes Millie slams one hand on the table in anger while on the other hand she points to moxxie and says That's my husband you're talkin' to!

The kid laughs and asks her That's your husband?! Moxxie and Millie then snarl at the kid as he then says I figured you for a slut. But, I didn't know you needed dick that bad he then points to Loona and Helena and says and you two!

To which Loona protectively asks what about us ? The kid then says nothing I don't talk to dogs I'm a cat person to which Loona gives the kid a wide eyed glare she whines at the kid with anger then goes back to looking at her phone and showing Helena cool stuff

Blitzo then says Wow. Ah, y'know, kid, you kind of are a piece of shit. Everyone in unison softly agree loona's eyes then widen as she receives a text message to which Helena looks at her phone in curiosity Loona then says Oh, fuck! Guys, I just got a text from our client! Guess he was the right target after all.

Blitzo then asks who? To which Helena says and points at the kid him! The kid in disbelief asks me? Loona smugly says yup without looking up from her phone blitzo then asks they wanted us to kill an actual child to which Loona says that's what they're saying

Blitzo then says Well, Christ on a stick. I guess there is a God blitzo then draws a flintlock pistol and fires it at Eddie, killing him instantly the kid says OWWWW! he then crashes into the wall as he gets shot, covers a spot with blood as he says this, landing on the table while his eyes turn to Xs

Then blood covers the screen, then reveals Blitzo and Moxxie kicking Eddie's corpse, Millie stabbing him, Helena cutting out his vocal cords and eyes and Loona recording everything on her phone

___________________________

Blitzo is then heard voicing over saying Y'know, folks? With this company, I really wanted to prove that we're capable of doing the same things anyone else can. Like killing people!

Blitzo and Moxxie are shown wearing full hazard gear, dismembering Eddie's body with a hacksaw and chainsaw respectively. Blood splats on the screen again, then shows the group by a dumpster putting Eddie's body parts in a garbage bag.

Blitzo still voicing over says So, from us here at the Immediate Murder Professionals group, we promise to settle your unfinished business or your money... is gone and you're never getting it back, and you can write us a bad review but we'll play dumb to it, because it's Hell and no one fuckin' cares.

As Blitzo does the voiceover, he hugs Moxxie, Millie, Helena and Loona, the latter's phone flying out of her hands

Blitzo then tells them Y'know, even though this kid was a target... he's still a child. And it's important that he then wraps his tail lovingly around the group we handle this going forward respectfully.

___________________________

The group all smile as the scene cuts to a newscast, showing Eddie's mother tearfully holding up a bad drawing of her son. A male news reporter holds a microphone up to her, looking disinterested. The headline on screen says, "Mom sucks at drawing own kid", while the ticker bar constantly reads "There is a missing boy! Yet another missing kid!"

The kid's mother sobbing says that if anyone has seen her son to call her the kids dead body in a body bag then falls into her arms she then terrified shouts OHHH!

The kid's mother and the news reporter look up in shock as the camera follows their gaze. Blitzo, Moxxie, and Millie are shown looking down on them through a portal.

Blitzo then smiles,waves and shouts to them you're welcome!

The trio then disappear into the portal as it closes

[icharchivist]

Crimes:

-Rebelled against lover over a misunderstanding and heavily traumatized him in the process -Used a weakness in the fabric of the world to decide to escape his prison to cause chaos on purpose. mainly, gay purpose. -Tore away the wings of the four archangels meant to keep the balance of the world intact - wings being a manifestation of their souls and it being described as a horrifying pain and torture - in order to appropriate himself their powers -Said action launched a relatively big amount of floating islands right into literal hell, sending them aflame before they could reach a den of monsters, killing all the people on them as it happened -Killed even more people on remaining islands in order to lure the angels out to maim them -When the 4th archangel decided to destroy her own wings instead of letting him have them, he changed target and tried to rip away the wings of your dragon companion, Vyrn. -Kidnapped Lyria, who’s soul is connected to MC (if one of them die, they both die) in order to pressure you into giving him Vyrn -Specifically threatened to torture Vyrn beyond taking away his wings -Did ALL OF THIS in the hopes his lover would finally come back to meet him, as a revenge plan for having been neglected by him while said lover was protecting the world. -(In his defense he had been tortured for 2000 years in a prison for his rebellion, unknowingly to said lover who had to stay focused on keeping the balance of the world intact, but he blamed him for it regardless, and got kinda fucked up about it) -When he fails and the wings are given back to their owners, he pretends that he’s going to befriend MC... Before throwing them out from the floating island, down into hell. MC is only saved by literal divine intervention and the Boyfriend coming to the rescue, finally facing him. -Boyfriend realize how much his neglect hurt his lover, decide to put the world aside completely to make up for it for his lover. -Which leads to three major enemies who wanted to destroy the world all along but couldn’t as long as the boyfriend stood watch to strike and kill the boyfriend when he was having his guard down as he was watching over his lover  -Said lover gets gruesomely killed and beheaded and it is made clear that the only reason it was possible to hurt him was because he was trying to protect his lover. -Was STILL Petty and upset at his lover and was insulting him until he found the beheaded head and heard the last words his lover had given him, which made it a Living Legacy trope which is there just to hurt me. Still was insulting him most of the monologue because “how come you are still thinking of the world and not of yourself?” until his lover’s very last words were proof of how much he loved him.  -Only THEN leading to him decide to make it up for all the people he had hurt before that by joining MC’s crew and try to save the world from his own mistakes -Also he became the leader of the four archangels he was torturing one year prior as his lover made sure he inherited his powers. And a year later the archangels gave him their wings on purpose this time. it’s not really a crime but i had to mention it. -Once the war is over he settles into becoming the barrista of the crew and i think that’s very sexy of him.

Also Crimes: -Doesn’t let Lucio drink his coffee -Tried using his powers to blast Lucio into oblivion (more than one time but this.) -Considered letting Lucio being eaten by a shark until he got the shark to poop him out  -Honestly it’s just the Lucio hatecrime category. -He doesn’t let Lyria call him “big brother” at first because he feels guilty for what he has done to her, making her sad in the process, which is evil. Never make Lyria sad. -Considered letting Sariel bring Belial back to life because he understands the gay yearning to be with the person you admire the most, and while i love Belial this is the worst thing he could be doing. Why. he got your lover killed you dumbass. He tried to kill you over and over again. Why. -Is THE Most popular character of the whole franchise (that has over 300 characters) -He’s voiced by Kenichi Suzumura which makes it the THIRD ROLE of this VA ruining my life -Also the fact that this is his character song and it makes me want to commit crimes out of grief. And the fact that the official anime video for this song AND the hologram stage show both show his lover appearing to hug him makes me want to commit even more crimes. -Destroyed the word “ittekimasu” for me. I will never know peace. -He’s cute and he makes me sad. -Despite getting redeemed he got a specific unit going “what if he stayed evil” and this is how this bastard is illustrated in it and i still have thoughts about it.

 tl;dr: i love him. 

[ghosthunthq]

BFU: “The Mysterious Death of Dr. Eugene Davis”

Buzzfeed Unsolved True Crime

“The Mysterious Death of Dr. Eugene Davis”

Aeternus.Flamma

000

  Prompt: ghost hunt but make it buzzfeed unsolved!AU (it can be with or without Gene being alive) i think that would be entertaining    Submitted by Anonymous

000

  [Intro music plays]

  RYAN: [Narration] Today on Buzzfeed Unsolved, we discuss the mysterious death of Dr. Eugene Davis. 

  SHANE: Eugene? 

  RYAN: Yeah, Eugene. 

  SHANE: I only know, like, one other Eugene. When was this? 

  RYAN: Like, recent. If you’d let me get through the intro… 

SHANE: Fine, fine. Go on. 

  RYAN: As I was saying, today we discuss the mysterious death of Dr. Eugene Davis, one of the most renowned mediums of our time. 

  SHANE: Medium. Right. 

  RYAN: Yes, medium. Dr. Davis, known as Gene to his family, has been called the perfect medium–no other person has thus far been able to so accurately communicate with other spirits. Not only could he channel on near demand, but he also showed, on numerous occasions, speaking fluently in languages he did not know. 

SHANE: Oh, sure. Like that can’t be faked. This bullshit has been literally faked for hundreds of years. Picking up a few lines in French isn’t exactly convincing. I’ve said it before. All psychics are bullshit.

  RYAN: Yeah, fine, maybe not. But how about entire conversations with loved ones in Russian? Or Arabic? Can–can you do that? 

  SHANE: Just cause–okay, well, you can learn languages. There are people out there who have learned dozens of languages over their life–

  RYAN: Did I mention he was sixteen?

  SHANE: …

  RYAN: Yeah, think about that a bit more. He’s seventeen and apparently he fluently speaks, uh, Japanese, Mandarin, Korean…  English, French, Spanish, Italian, Portugese, Russian, Arabic… Like, people have tried to disprove this kid and–

  SHANE: Wait you, said Dr. Eugene Davis. 

  RYAN: Yeah–

  SHANE: Doctor? 

  RYAN: We’ll get to that. 

  SHANE: Yeah. Okay. I call bullshit now. This is already ridiculous. 

  RYAN: It gets weirder. 

  SHANE: Of course it does. 

RYAN: [Narration] Dr. Davis’s sad story starts when he was a child, found in an American orphanage by famous parapsychologists, Martin and Luella Davis. The Davises adopted Gene and his brother, despite them showing know signs of speaking English. 

  SHANE: Martin and Luella didn’t speak English??

  RYAN: No, Gene and his brother. They only spoke Japanese to one another. 

  SHANE: … They only spoke Japanese?

  RYAN: Well, yeah, they’re Japanese, or, their parents were. 

  SHANE: You–uh–so he’s a psychic, Japanese child found in an American orphanage?

  RYAN: Yeah. And he’s adopted by a British couple. 

  SHANE: Oh, they’re British?

  RYAN: Yeah, they’re, like, the British version of the Warren’s–don’t roll your eyes. 

  SHANE: I thought this wasn’t the ghost season. 

  RYAN: It’s not–well, yeah, it’s not. 

  SHANE: There are ghosts involved, aren’t there?

  RYAN: …

  SHANE: This is great. 

  RYAN: [Narration] Gene and his brother Oliver, and no, those weren’t their birth names, but I couldn’t find those, were adopted by the parapsychologists and moved to the UK. From a young age, the brothers showed signs of having unique abilities. 

  SHANE: Both of them? The brother too?

  RYAN: Uh, yeah. Oliver Davis, also a doctor by the way, has given demonstrations using psychokinesis, or PK. Telekinesis basically. Move shit with his mind. 

  SHANE: Interesting… And how old is he?

  RYAN: They’re twins. 

  SHANE: Tw–twins! You’re kidding me!

  RYAN: No, no that’s for real. 

  SHANE: So, you have two creepy children, freaking twins, in an orphanage, and they’re apparently psychic? This isn’t real life. This is a plot to a B movie. 

  RYAN: I don’t know what to tell you. I can show you the videos. 

  SHANE: Shopped. 

  RYAN: There’s–there’s a death certificate–

  SHANE: I’m not saying this kid didn’t die, I’m saying that this is a hot, steaming pile of–

  RYAN: Alright, alright, I get it. Let me get to his death. 

  SHANE: Fine. 

  RYAN: After jointly publishing a dissertation and receiving their honorary doctorates, Gene and his brother were accepted to Cambridge University. Before starting his study, Gene decided to travel to Japan, though accounts as to why he did so vary. What may have been a pilgrimage to visit distant relatives unfortunately turned disastrous as Gene disappeared. 

  SHANE: Was he traveling alone?

  RYAN: Yes. 

  SHANE: Who lets a sixteen year old travel alone, especially overseas?

  RYAN: Okay, well, one, if you’re going to do it, Japan’s the one place to do it, it’s pretty safe. Two, he had contacts he was visiting. It wasn’t like he was just wandering around completely alone, he just didn’t have the same person traveling with him the whole time. They have records of him, you know, like visiting schools, meeting with colleagues and stuff. He was apparently very personable and made friends easily. 

  SHANE: Yeah, well, that’s how people get killed. And based on how this is going–well there you go. 

  RYAN: [Narration] Gene Davis was last seen leaving the home of a friend one night. He left on foot, intending to walk back to the ryokan that he was staying at in the area. However, he never made it to his destination. Despite police being called very quickly, it would take months before his body was recovered. 

  SHANE: Okay, I guess I take it back. He at least had friends who called the cops, when, what, he didn’t text them back?

  RYAN: Actually…

  SHANE: Oh they didn’t? Okay, nevermind. Suspicious. 

  RYAN: So, his brother was the one who called the cops. 

  SHANE: His brother? But he didn’t go to Japan.

RYAN: No, he didn’t. 

  SHANE: ….

  RYAN: [Narration] Though he couldn’t say how he knew to call the cops, Gene’s brother, Oliver, called anyhow and insisted that they do a check on his brother at the ryokan. When they arrived, the proprietors confirmed that they hadn’t seen the teen. It took a few days before Gene’s friends came forward, having no idea he was missing in the first place. 

  SHANE: More psychic shit?

RYAN: Uh, yeah, psychic… stuff. It was never publicly declared, but like, yeah, apparently Oliver had like, I dunno, psychic visions and knew something happened to his brother.

  SHANE: Well–okay. 

  RYAN: You don’t actually sound that angry at that. 

  SHANE: No, I guess… Twins right? I mean, I may not believe in the oogie boogie crap, but there has been, you know, weird things between children. Weren’t there, like, those sisters? And they only talked to each other, but then decided one had to die…?

  RYAN: Yeah, the Gibbons. The Silent Twins. 

  SHANE: There you go. Another weird twin story. 

  RYAN: Actually–okay, well, we’ll get into that. After nearly six months of searching, Oliver Davis ultimately recovered the body of his brother, who was found at the bottom of a lake in the countryside. He traveled to Japan and worked under a pseudonym, using family money to pay divers to search bodies of water. 

  SHANE: A lake? How did he–why did he–you know what, nevermind. Psychic. Right. 

  RYAN: Right. He, uh, saw his brother, I guess, drown. 

  SHANE: But psychic-ly. 

  RYAN: Yeah. 

  SHANE: Okay. 

  RYAN: Autopsy notes say that Gene was likely hit, uh, twice, by a car, and then tossed into the water while he was still alive. 

  SHANE: Jesus. Twice? What, did someone back up and hit him again?

  RYAN: Actually, it seemed like he was hit and then someone reversed and backed over him. Based on breaks or something, I don’t know. I’m not an expert. But yeah, seems like at least the second one was intentional. He still wasn’t dead, though, and maybe could have survived. 

  SHANE: Until he was thrown into the water? That’s horrible. That seems intentional, or like, the worst person in the world getting into an accident. What kind of person could do that? It’s like stupid teenagers at the start of a horror movie–actually I’m pretty sure that is the start to a horror movie. 

  RYAN: Yeah, it’s terrible. 

  SHANE: And sixteen. Awful. Psychic shit or not, awful.

  RYAN: It’s time to dive into theories on what happened to the young Dr. Eugene Davis. 

  RYAN: [Narration] Our first theory, and the most believable, is simply that Gene was hit on a dark road while walking back to his ryokan. The driver, finding themselves in a predicament, either backed up to see what they hit or intentionally did so in a state of panic. Regardless, it’s quite possible they believed that the teen was dead, and instead of calling the police, dumped the body in one of the numerous lakes in the area. The idea that it was simply an accident seems to have gained the most traction as there are no other serious suspects at this time. 

  SHANE: It’s unfortunate, but I guess I can see how it could have happened. It’s crazy that someone with such an insane background could meet such a munade end. Like, I thought for sure you would say it was ghosts or aliens. 

  RYAN: We still have two more theories. 

  SHANE: Of course we do.

  RYAN: [Narration] The second theory has started circulating since the recovery of Gene’s body. Many people found the fact that Gene’s brother simply knew about the death to be suspicious. Some speculations, especially from skeptics of the psychics, believe that Oliver orchestrated the death of his brother. Both brothers proved to be highly intelligent, to the point where they’ve been called prodigies, and it wouldn’t be impossible for someone so cunning to plan such an elaborate ruse. 

  SHANE: Hm… Okay. I guess that’s possible… Do we–do we know anything about this Oliver? Why would he murder his brother? Like, is there any substance to this theory?

  RYAN: Yeah, so, first, apparently, despite being twins, their personalities were night and day. Whereas Gene was pretty popular and, like, charismatic, his brother was–is, he’s still alive–not. So, it could have been jealousy. But, also, you’ve also mentioned the Silent Sisters–who agreed that one of them needed to die for the other to live. 

  SHANE: So, what, they were in on it together? If so, kinda seems like they picked the wrong brother. 

  RYAN: Yeah, kinda. Another popular theory for the whole, Oliver killed his brother concept, is that, much like the Fox sisters–who, if you don’t know, are some of the most famous ‘spiritualists’ in history–Gene wanted to confess that their psychic powers were fake. When one of the Fox sisters did that in the 1800’s, it ruined them. Maybe Oliver wasn’t willing to give up the clout that they had built off of their supposed abilities. 

  SHANE: That’s it. That’s the one. 

  RYAN: You like that one?

  SHANE: Yeah. That makes a hell of a lotta sense. Sure, hit and run, maybe. But yeah, this Oliver seems suspicious. I’m on team: their powers were fake, Gene had a conscience, and as he was growing out of his teenage years, he wanted to leave it behind. Seems about right. 

  RYAN: Yeah–yeah, okay. Seeing the history of other psychic siblings… yeah, I can see how this makes sense. 

  SHANE: What happened to Oliver?

  RYAN: Uh, well he’s still teaching at–

  SHANE: He’s teaching?

  RYAN: Yeah, like I said, prodigy. He’s been back to Japan a few times–recently he made the paper because he was involved in a fire on the island of Poveglia in Italy. 

  SHANE: So he’s an arsonist now?

  RYAN: No, no, apparently there was a ghost hunt that went wrong and–

  SHANE: He’s a ghost hunter?

  RYAN: Okay, this is–this is a story for another time–the Ciao Poveglia mystery is–you know what, I’m just going to stop now. It’s a whole thing. Look into it. 

  SHANE: Okay. Fine. Last theory?

  RYAN: [Narration] Our final theory is that Gene’s dealings with the afterlife came back to haunt him. Though no one can be certain exactly what Gene was doing, some true crime enthusiasts have put together a trail of his last known whereabouts in Japan. Supposedly, the trail can be traced back to a well known politician. Some believe that the spirits of individuals wronged by the politician spoke to Gene and he was working on gathering evidence to provide to the authorities. 

  SHANE: The spirits spoke to him. Right. Of course. Are there any scandals behind this politician? 

  RYAN: Uh–no. None. Well, there are rumors, but the, like, Redditors can’t even really settle on who the person is. So, it’s probably a bust. 

  SHANE: Could you imagine if that was true? Or like, you know, he thought it was true? And this kid just walked into the police station and said, I–I know that the, uh, prime minister killed and, uh, ate someone. How do I know? The ghosts told me! Dude would have been locked up so fast… 

  RYAN: Yeah, probably. It… doesn’t have a lot of credit behind it. 

  RYAN: [Narration] In the end, what actually happened to Dr. Eugene Davis, one of the most accomplished spiritualists of our time, will remain unsolved.

  SHANE: Look, whatever happened, and whatever… skills… he might have had… it’s still unfortunate that someone died so young. It’s a shame. 

RYAN: I’m guessing that I could show you all of his public research, and you would still never believe me. 

  SHANE: Uh… yeah that–that’s probably accurate. 

  RYAN: Wouldn’t it be pretty cool if we like, ran into Oliver on one of our investigations? Like, we just ended up at the same location?

SHANE: I mean, you did just offer up a theory that he’s a killer and I did agree with you. So. You know, no? Not because of any psychic stuff, but because we just trashed him online on a channel with a few million subscribers. 

  RYAN: Good point. Well. I’m sure that will never happen. [Outro Music Plays.]

000

  Notes: please don’t ask me how far I have driven to see one of the few, live BFU shows. I’m a Watcher patreon and own MOST of their BFU/Watcher merch. It’s like this prompt was made for me. I’m working on a BFU Supernatural/GH fic now. Ciao Poveglia is referenced. Please check out the cleaned up, slightly updated version on AO3. 

  Ever your servant, 

  Aeternus.Flamma

[madeofitzits]

In honor of the impending return of Brooklyn 99, here are 99 reasons that...

1. He was precocious enough to know, at 5 years old, that he wanted to change his name (x)

 2. He has a bunch of nicknames: Sandy Amberg, Young Sandwich, etc. but the most endearing one is 'Droidy', his family's name for him (x) 

3. He is still super close friends with people he's known since: Elementary School (Chelsea Peretti) (x)...

4. Junior High/High School (Kiv and Jorm) (x) 

5. … Summer Camp (Irene Neuwirth) (x)

7.  ...and Film School (Chester Tam) (x)

8. Before he met Joanna, he dated other famous ladies but - out of respect - he never discussed it/them (x) 

9. He loves turtles and tortoises. When he was a kid, he had a pet turtle that he named 'Squirt' because the first time he held it, it peed on him. His Mom, Margie, accidentally killed Squirt when Andy was at Summer camp... (x)

10. … Maybe this is why, when shooting 'Popstar', Andy fell hard for Maximus (Conner 4 Real's turtle). He says they "had a good thing going" and that he wanted to adopt him. In the end, he decided against it because there are a bunch of coyotes in his neighborhood and he was worried the little guy wouldn't be safe. (Popstar: DVD Commentary)

11. Speaking of his Mom, despite being a super private person, he appeared on 'Finding your Roots' so that he could help her track down her birth family (x)

12. When he succeeded he cried (although we never got to see it on camera) (x)

13. That's because, like all good boys, he loves his Mama which is why - as part of the same episode - he said "My mom is basically the kindest person I know… and many people would corroborate that" (x)

14. Andy's Sisters, Hannie (Johanna) and Darrow, used to make him wear diapers and put his hair in pigtails until he was 5 years old. He says he didn't mind because he just liked that they were paying attention to him (x)

15. That's why he sees his identity in comedy as being 'America's kid brother'. When he was young, he would annoy his sisters until they laughed and he claims to have been replicating that approach to entertainment ever since

16. Although a bunch of his characters have 'Daddy Issues', Andy definitely doesn't. He's super close with his Papa (Joe) and has said "he's a good man" and "the best Dad in the world" (x) 

17. Joe was Andy's youth soccer coach and in one scene in 'Hot Rod', Joe's favorite photograph can be seen in the background. It shows a very young Andy posing with a soccer ball, after "scoring the winning goal against Mersey" (x)

18. He's been a loyal Golden State Warriors fan since he was a little kid, living in Oakland (then Berkeley) and, in 2010, he correctly predicted that they would "win a Championship in my lifetime" (x) 

19. The proceeds from his Umami Burger ('The Samburger') went to a deafness early detection program in Berkeley. This cause is close to his heart because Margie uses hearing aids and used to work in the special needs program, teaching deaf kids (x)

20. He, Kiv, and Jorm have made multiple donations to their old school district, including $250 000 to its theater program (x)

21. On the subject of The Lonely Island; Andy always goes out of his way to make sure that everyone knows how much he owes to his buddies. For instance, he told Marc Maron, during his WTF appearance, that "I get a lot of credit for what Kiv and Jorm have done" (x)

22. He makes this face when he knows he’s said something naughty…

(Gif credit: @andrewsambags)

23. During his 'Wild Horses' appearance, he said that he can't watch scary movies because they freak him out too much. He told 'Complex' that he's still scared of 'The Shining' (x)...

24. … Similarly, when he was at UC Santa Cruz he worked at the Del Mar movie theater and he had a hard time coping with screenings of 'Species 2' (x)

25. He fell in love with Joanna, the moment he met her, when she greeted him by addressing him as 'Steve the C**t' (x)

 26. He listened to 'Ys', everyday for a year, before he and Joanna started dating (x)

27. He bought the original portrait that was used as the basis of the cover art for 'Ys' and gave it to Joanna as a Christmas present, so that she could hang it in her music room (x)

 28. He loves birds and goes hiking and birding with Joanna (x)

 29. Every new comment he makes about Joanna becomes an instant contender for 'most beautiful thing a person has ever said about their spouse' (x)

30. For example, he readily admits that Jake's iconic heart eyes are the result of him thinking about his amazing wife (x)

31. There are many stories about how incredibly romantic Andy and Joanna's wedding was and Jorm has said that it featured "the most magical vows I've ever heard" (x)

32. The Newsombergs now live in Charlie Chaplin's old house (x)

33. On the Emmys Red Carpet (2015), the year he hosted, they took a momentary break from posing for the world's press to whisper 'I love you' to each other (x)

34. At last year's Vanity Fair party, Andy carried Joanna's purse for her so she could grab a snack (x)

35. He was a semi-permanent fixture in the audience for her recent run of shows for the 'Strings/Keys Incident' tour, even officially confirming his status as the 'President of her Fan Club' (x)

36. He used his Golden Globes monologue to call out the government for framing and murdering the Black Panthers (x)

37. On the Carpet for the Guy's Choice Awards, he called the event "a ridiculous farce", adding that "men already have it so easy - it's insane that there's a show that celebrates them". That makes sense when you consider that he, Kiv and Jorm have made an entire career out of parodying toxic masculinity (x)

38. He once said that only "idiot-ass men" think that women aren't funny (x)

39. He’s been wearing glasses since 7th Grade and he has the most heartbreakingly cute habit of nudging them up his nose, (especially when he wears his Sol Moscot frames) (x)...

40. ... and of rubbing his eyes under them (x)

41. He barely ever wears glasses for roles but he also avoids contacts (because he doesn't like touching his eyeballs) which means he's almost always 'acting blind' (x)

42. He has worn his glasses in character a few times - as 'himself' ('Lady Dynamite'), as 'Paul' ('I Think You Should Leave') and during a very small number of SNL sketches (e.g. during his one appearance in a 'Gilly' with Kristen Wiig) (x) 

43. He can't tolerate glare and when that makes him squint it's a sight that's too cute for words (x)

44. He owns about six outfits and has been rotating them for well over a decade (x) 

45. He barely ever breaks during shooting/while performing, so when he does it's aggressively adorable. (x), (x)

46. He's a grown ass man who persuades people to come with him to the bathroom because if he goes by himself he'll get lonely (x)

47. He didn't announce he was leaving SNL, until after his last appearance, selflessly choosing not to detract from Kirsten Wiig's huge and emotional send-off (x) 

48. He undertook a quest to smell like Lorne Michaels (x) 

49. He's ageing like a fine wine (x)

50. To protect their daughter's privacy, Andy and Joanna never announced that they were expecting. They've never released their little girl's name or date of birth and most news outlets still report that they became parents in August 2017 (even though that's inaccurate) (x)

51. Although he's careful not to talk about his daughter often, sometimes he can't keep from gushing about her. For example, when asked about his first year of fatherhood he said: "It’s been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Just like a beautiful, incredible dream. It has surpassed every expectation I ever had. It’s definitely been very blissful" (x)

52. After their daughter was born, Andy and Joanna spent the first 40 days at home with her (in a practice known as 'confinement'). He's described it as being "a really special time". (x) 

53. Andy is famously mild-mannered but, when asked about what triggers his 'Dad claws', he admitted that if anyone attempted to touch his daughter, without permission, he'd "probably sock them hard in the face"…

54. ...Characteristically, he went on to add that he hopes that never happens, since he hasn't been in a fight since 6th Grade (x)

55. Cyndi Lauper was his first celebrity crush and he plays her record ('She's so unusual') for his daughter all the time. (x)

56. His is the very definition of a precious laugh (x)...

57. It's made even more wonderful by the way it makes his voice go high-pitched (x)

58.  … and the way it causes his eyebrow to rise involuntarily  

59. It's impossible not to smile at his impression of his Mom (x)

60. And laugh at his impression of John Mulaney (x)

61. He was so convinced he wouldn't win the Golden Globe for Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical, that he didn't prepare a speech. Instead, as he explained to David Letterman, he "just went… and started drinking". The resulting list of improvised 'thank yous' was perfect in every way (x)

62. As producers, Andy, Kiv and Jorm have given life to some amazing projects ('Alone Together', 'Brigsby Bear', 'I Think You Should Leave')...

63. … and gone out of their way to support women in comedy ('Party Over Here', 'PEN15') (x)

64. As well as being a comedy legend, he's a super-talented dramatic actor, who gave the performance of a lifetime in 'Celeste and Jesse Forever' but, after the movie wrapped, and it was time to do press for it, he was straight back to goofing around (x) 

65. His lip bite should be illegal (x)

66. Even though he wears the same vanishingly small number of outfits, over and over, he has a vast collection of the most excellent socks (x)

67. He always gives 'editing notes' during his own interviews (x)

68. He has a super sweet and sincere way of thanking interviewers when they compliment him (x)

69. He adjusts his hoodie constantly (x)

70. The two most perfect Jake laughs in b99 are actually real Andy laughs 'https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=W38A_xuXaeg https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sVm9nYrTWRQ

71. Virtually everyone who has ever worked with Andy has talked about what a wonderful person he is. This explains why so many of them have been involved with more than one of his projects (x)

72. It's not only his colleagues who talk about what a delight he is (x), (x)

73. This lovestruck fool wore his own wife's merch when he went out to dinner (x)

74. No one else uses the word 'dinky' quite like Andy (x). The same goes for 'snacky' (see point 70)

75. He does this with his tongue (x)

76. He still likes to play soccer but his eyesight is so bad that he has to keep his glasses on for it

77. When he lets his gorgeous floofy hair grow a little it sits perfectly over the arms of his glasses (x)

78. He gifted the world with Jakey's little curl (x)

79. At the James Franco Roast, he couldn't bring himself to be mean to anyone except himself (and Jeff Ross, a little!) (x)

80. In fact, he's always been willing to laugh at himself (x) and he still is (x)

81. He changes b99 scripts to make them more feminist (x)

82. Despite their humble insistence that they just benefited from 'good timing', the reality is that Andy, Kiv and Jorm (along with Chris Parnell) revolutionized digital media, when 'Lazy Sunday' popularized YouTube, increasing its traffic by 85% overnight (x)

83. He once attended the Vanity Fair party because his Mom told him to (x)

84. He has an amazing way of subtly but firmly shutting down inappropriate questions, like when this interviewer suggested that Holt being gay was something that could have been played for laughs https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=idQsYQfkR5o

85. He auditioned for SNL at the same time as Bill Hader. Hader thought he'd blown it because Andy had a bunch of props and Bill had none. In the meantime, Andy thought he'd blown it when he saw Hader and realized 'this guy doesn't need any props' (x) 

86. His bromance with Seth Meyers is one for the ages (x)

87. Every single second of this video is proof of why Andy, Kiv and Jorm deserve the world (x)

88. He once dragged Mulaney up on stage for SNL Goodnights, even though writers weren't allowed to join in (x)

89. He has a hilarious phobia of pooping anywhere except his own bathroom (x) 

90. His beautiful, beautiful, face: His smile (radiant), his eyes (caramel - hella disarming), his ears (adorably asymmetrical), his nose (perfect), His chin (the dimple… *swoon*), his jaw (could cut glass), The 'Sambeard' (another amazing layer of pretty) (x)

91. His body: His butt (x), his thighs, (x) his soft lil tummy (The ‘Sambelly’) (x), his hands. (x), his arms (x), his hips…

(Gif credit: @amystiago /@badpostandy on Twitter)

92. All signs point to the fact that, like Jake, Andy uses his glasses case as a wallet (x) 

93. Jake's "cool-cool-cool-cool-cool-cool" is an irl Andy-ism that the writers worked into b99 scripts. What's even better is that Joanna does it, too (x)

94. He has a really good arm and is low key competitive, which is super hot https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=e32K_nBDy3Q

95. He's one half of the cutest Red Carpet pose of all time (x)

96. He barely ever seems to get mad but if angry Jake is anything to go by, maybe he should... (x)

97. He's a huge nerd, who geeks out over GOT, LOTR, 'Star Wars', 'Alien(s)' and anything relating to time travel (x), (x)

98. He has a gorgeous speaking voice, especially when he’s tired or a little sick. (Bonus points for any time he uses the word ‘correct’. See point 30) (x) 

99. He’s still so committed to his b99 fans and fam, even after all this time and is as excited as the rest of us that...

[pvrestwolff]

---- pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name; but what's puzzling you is the nature of my game.

trident’s task 000; a detailed introduction.

---- basic information

full name: ekaterina mikhailovna aliena zamolodchikova-markovy. pronunciation: yeh-kah-ti-ree-nah // mik-hail-ovna // a-lye-na // zamol-ohd-chkova // m-ah-rk-oh-fi. meaning: ekaterina ( the name ekaterina is a russian name, the meaning is ‘pure’ ), mikhailovna ( the name mikhailovna is a russian name, the meaning is ‘daughter of mikhail’ ), aliena ( the name aliena is a belarusian and latin name, the meaning is ‘foreign’ or ‘stranger’ ), zamolodchikova ( the name zamolodchikova is a russian name, the meaning is ‘bold and dashing female’ ), markovy ( the name markovy is a russian and serbian name, the meaning is ‘of Mars, the god of war’ ) reasoning: ekaterina was named for a dear friend of natallia’s, while her first middle name came from her father, and her second came from natallia’s oldest sister anastasia’s middle name, the original heir to the throne. her last names are her father’s and her mother’s respectively. nickname(s): kati, kat, nina, erica. preferred name(s): ekaterina or erica, but she does not mind certain nicknames from certain people. birth date: january 11th 1988. age: thirty. zodiac: capricorn // rabbit yang fire or tiger yin fire. gender: female. pronouns: she/her. romantic orientation: platonipandemiromantic. sexual orientation: platonipansexual. nationality: belarusian, russian. ethnicity: caucasian, ashkenazi jewish. current location: tulach island. living conditions: mediocre, living in the tulach house. title(s): crown princess of belarus, princess, belarus’ heir, grand duchess of vitebsk, the demon queen of minsk (colloquial), 

---- background

birth place: the palace of snov, minsk, belarus. hometown: minsk, belarus. social class: royalty, upper. education level: masters degree. father: mikhail zamolodchikov-markovy. mother: natallia zamolodchikova-markovy. adopted?: no. sibling(s): two younger sisters and one younger brother. birth order: eldest. children: none. pet(s): daisy (maltese shih-tzu) and jay (labrador kelpie). other important relatives: tatiana nikolaevna ( cousin ), anya nikolaevna ( cousin ), ainsley dùghlas ( cousin ), alexander romanov-nikolaevna ( uncle ), nataliya kashkanov-nikolaevna ( aunt ), gavin dùghlas ( uncle ) and anastasia markovy-dùghlas ( aunt ). ( @tatiana-nikolaevna, @anyanik, @hrhxainsley ) previous relationships: charles flanagan ( first crush, murder accomplice ), grace thomas ( ex-girlfriend ), luka rossi ( ex-lover ) and unnamed prince ( ex-lover ). ( @classiciisms, @luka-rossi )

---- skills & abilities

physical strength: exceptionally strong for her size, she’s quite good at the salmon ladder and deadlifts. teamwork: she can and will butt heads with strong personalities or stupid people, but always works to reach the goal. talents: running, swordplay, fencing, knife handling, gun-handling, hand-to-hand combat, martial arts, ballroom dancing, adaptability, interpersonal skills, sketching, linguistics, communication, cryptography, symbology, and bdsm. shortcomings: intrapersonal skills, trust issues, manipulative. language(s) spoken: belarusian ( first language ), russian ( first language ), ukrainian, english, italian, french, gaelic, yiddish, hebrew, latin. drive?: yes for a car, yes for a motorcycle. ride a bicycle?: yes. swim?: yes. play an instrument?: piano, violin. play chess?: yes. pick a lock?: yes.

---- physical appearance & characteristics

face claim: lyndsy fonseca. eye color: blue, with a hazel ring around the pupil. hair color: honey brown hair type/style: thin and soft but abundant, naturally curly, normally sits at shoulder length but has gone uncut since being on the island. dominant hand: right, though when she was younger attempted to become ambidextrous. height: 5′4″. weight: 135lbs, but has lost muscle and weight since being on the island. exercise habits: every other day, early morning, erica would normally go for a 5km run outside. depending on her schedule, she will also practice either her fencing, her martial arts, go to the gym for strength training. the mornings she does not run she will spend her time doing yoga. skin tone: tan/olive. tattoos: a tiger on her left middle finger, a butterfly on the back of her neck, four birds on her left forearm, a sun and two stars behind her right ear, a tree on the right of her torso and hermes wings on the outsides of both her ankles. piercings: firsts, seconds, belly button, right ear helix. marks/scars: what look like straight and accurate cuts all over her body from her training, the scars are on her arms in particular, though they have faded and are not immediately noticeable. notable features: eyes, lips, hands, legs, ass. usual expression: resting bitch face. clothing style: neat blouses, skirts, heels, vests, a jacket, comfortable pants and the heaviest boots she can find. jewelry: none. allergies: none. body temperature: her body is warmer than most, and as a result environments feel much colder for her. diet: strict vegetarian, also tends to avoid eating eggs or smoking cigarettes that use castoreum when she can. physical ailments: short-sightedness, astigmatisms.

---- psychology

mbti type: entj-t ( the commander ) or istj-t ( the logistician ). //** technically untypable due to borderline personality disorder. enneagram type: type 8w7 ( the challenger, wing is the enthusiast ). moral alignment: chaotic neutral, borders on chaotic evil at times. temperament: choleric. element: earth. primary intelligence type: linguistic, logical, kinesthetic, musical. approximate IQ: 135, superior intelligence. mental conditions/disorders: borderline personality disorder, minor depression, obsessive-compulsive tendencies and sociopathic tendencies,  sociability: usually an observer, cold until she can trust people and often uses a façade and flattery to win people over for her own benefit. emotional stability: no. obsession(s): looking after her weaponry, literature and keeping organised notes on everything in her life. compulsion(s): neatness. phobia(s): autophobia, atychiphobia, atelophobia. addiction(s): currently -- nicotine, alcohol and caffeine. previously -- cocaine and mdma. prone to violence? yes.

---- mannerisms

speech style: while speaking in languages she is fluent in, ekaterina speaks quickly and smoothly, but while speaking in english, she can converse well but not as quickly, she may pause to find the correct word or misuse idioms, sayings or phrases. accent: a mix of belarusian and russian, which has softened after staying in english speaking countries long enough. quirks: smoothing down dog-eared pages of books, running her fingers along the rim of glasses she is drinking from, hyper-focusing on work that must be done until it is finished, giving people special nicknames and standing on top of buildings to stargaze. hobbies: exercising, fencing, martial arts, reading, playing piano, exploring new places, sketching, creating/using ciphers for her journals, assassinations and murder. habits: adjusting her glasses constantly ( when she wears them ), flexing her hands, switching between languages and sharpening her knives ( when she has them ). nervous tics: running her fingers through her hair, tapping her middle finger and her thumb together and disassembling and reassembling her guns ( when she has them ). drives/motivations: power, ambition, freedom, justice, duty and loyalty. fears: rejection, failure, losing her loved ones and being totally alone. positive traits: rational, adaptable and powerful. negative traits: sadistic, manipulative and ruthless. sense of humor: dark and sarcastic. do they curse often? yes.

---- favourites

activity: swordplay and fencing. animal: tigers and bluebirds. beverage: anything alcoholic. otherwise, coffee. book: the great gatsby by f. scott fitzgerald, frankenstein by mary shelley, do androids dream of electric sheep? by philip k. dick, the elenium by david eddings, the hogfather by terry pratchett, his dark materials by philip pullman, the wizard of oz by frank l. baum, alice in wonderland by lewis carroll, the illuminae files by amie kaufman and jay kristoff, the starbound trilogy by amie kaufman and meagan spooner and inkheart by cornelia funke. color: purple and gold. food: strawberries, or any type of berry. flower: tiger lily. gem: rainbow moonstone. holiday: new year’s eve. mode of transportation: motorcycle. movie: reservoir dogs, kill bill, jeux d’enfants, indiana jones, monty python, studio ghibli, anastasia, fight club, pulp fiction and the princess bride. musical artist: stevie wonder, the four tops, the supremes, phil collins, no doubt, gwen stefani, tatu, pvris, bastille, sia, the beatles, andrew belle, the temptations and fleetwood mac. quote/saying: “we know what we are, but know not what we may be.” scenery: forests. scent: petrichor, strawberry and coffee,  sport: fencing, lacrosse and soccer. television show: she doesn’t watch tv. weather: cloudy and mild.

---- attitudes

greatest dream: denying her claim to the belarusian throne and experiencing true freedom. greatest fear: rejection, failure, losing her loved ones, being totally alone and ascending to the throne. most at ease when: drinking, smoking and reading a book. least at ease when: powerless, weak and when she does not know something she feels she should. worst possible thing that could happen: her entire family is killed because of her actions. biggest achievement ( to date ): managing to maintain a semi-normal relationship with grace and reducing crimes in belarus through deals with members of organised criminal syndicates. biggest regret: allowing charlie to disappear from her life, manipulating the two princes and ruining her first betrothal. most embarrassing moment: ekaterina does not do embarrassing things. biggest secret: she finds special pleasure in killing those who deserve it. top priorities: self-preservation, freedom, protecting loved ones.

[nickelodeon-girl]

The Prophecy

this aint theories, just a sum up so i could understand better wtf happened

it starts with pink guy chilling and what looks like tripping  in two nice realms (000 and fringe ecosystem), however he looks a bit disturbed in the second one when he has to climb the mountain

then it switches to this

where we see him in a dark, scary realm (-000, darkness; which i suppose should be the exact opposite of the first realm in the video), pink guy’s voice gets the condemned’s tone to it, firstly it looks like he’s lost in the forest and then like he’s having a bad trip

he sees this fuck who he then defeats in a katana battle (so yea this is pink guy’s talent we didn’t know about)

also this realm has a giant ass flame fall (pink guy falls into it) and creepy japanese (?) images of torture. it’s followed by clips of pink guy and the condemned from shadow realm we saw in frank vs chin chin battle, pink guy screams

the “hell” part of the prophecy ends with - bless my gay ass - a loTTA HOt girls

and at 5:55 we see fake ass pink guy for the first time, he’s chilling with some human-looking dudes, rides a bike, plays the guitar (probably trying to adapt to earth life? important thing! however this shit looks hella lot like earth it’s still realm -000) (note: the fucking mops in the background when he plays the guitar wtf) 

NOW we see earth and pink thug robbing a dude, partying, getting sick and being murdered. another fucking character that appears and dies in one vid   thug does the same thing we saw pink guy doing a million times: chokes in the bath, but ! maybe it’s just the shot or maybe someone pouring the pink stuff on him bc it certainly doesn’t look like he spits it (like pink guy does with blood). then his face turns into a pink mask. he and his buddy get shot.

next shot: light fading into pink guy performing stfu in front of a crowd, there’s a fucking triangle in the background

pink stuff is being poured (!) onto chin chin (?) -> real pink guy appearing instead of him aaand this

then we see the same pink guy performance AND clips from his other music videos

after couple of weird pink guy’s facial expressions we see him eating dumplings (probs should look into the song lyrics), also smashing and spitting them

and as the camera moves away from pink guy, fake pink guy possibly sitting in a director’s chair is revealed