#Boros

[bitchy-rakdos-enchanter]

Who says the Rakdos can't do subtler magics?

Watch, I'mma cast a sleep spell right now.

grabs a large rock and creeps up behind an unsuspecting legionnaire who doesn't have his helmet on

[1rabong]

Cranky Sai

Doodless of everyday shenanigans

It’s a personal hc of mine that while Boros is a genius and can do a lot of things incredibly well, his cooking skills.. leave a lot to be desired.

[faceless-dude]

[average-ravnican]

So, a thought I’ve had: how many people do you think have died trying to have sex with their guild leaders?

Before any guild members say the actual numbers, I wanna guess.

Azorius: definitely not 0. The sphinx would kill you for suggesting it, but it’s probably safer with Lavina now. She’d just punch you.

Boros: Aurelia would probably kill you for suggesting it, but if she suggested it, then I think it would be intense. Hot, even.

Dimir: …. To be honest, I don’t know who their guild leader is and I’m assuming that’s the way they like it.

Golgari: I don’t see anyone trying to have sex with the liches, that being said, how many people do you think approached Vraska?

Gruul: honestly, all of their guild leaders have seemed like they would. It may kill you, but they wouldn’t kill you for suggesting it.

Izzet: Niv-Mizzet, probably an uncountable number of charred researchers who never even got close. Ral zerrek; I don’t think he would kill you, his husband, however would kill you and make you work off the debt you incurred as a ghost.

Orhzov: I don’t think anyone wants to fuck the council of ghost capitalists. And I mean, aren’t a big polycule? Only reason I could see for the council to hang out eternally.

Rakdos: uncountable number of charred people who did get it.

Simic: I mean. I don’t know a ton about the Simic guild leaders. But if you’re into changing your genes, I imagine you’re into both the magic and the mundane ways of doing it.

Selesnya: I… I can’t imagine trying to have sex with Trostani. They’re a tree. What are you gonna do? Pollinate them?

[azorius-eloquence]

I love Ravnica. Theyre my children.

[sincitysunset]

[onerabong]

So I just made a very important discovery

Boros is nearly twice the size of Saitama in height- but look at his waist

It’s the same size. With the armor.

Boros canonically has a babygirl waist and no i will never let this go

[orcawardseal]

he's heeeere o.o

[divisionull]

☝︎Screen capture of mobile game of opm. They showed me these inspiring combinations recently(believe it or not, they're all coincidence).

Drive Knight with tentacles: Drive Knight + Geryuganshoop

Boros with ultiplied arms and swords: Boros + Subterranean King

I tried to remember how to draw while doing these pieces, since I've been away from drawing for decades. Instead, I was struggling to create figures again. Within several days, I will show the consequence!

[jupebox]

I can’t believe this is the only thing I can share from the new campaign that hasn’t started yet and it’s not even anybody’s actual characters 😭 we’re starting a ravnica campaign and decided that a cheesy romance novel about a forbidden interguild relationship exists and then several days later I had a silly book cover. This is the most polished thing I’ve drawn in months and it’s NOTHING 😭😭😭

[que-yang]

🤗

[bitchy-rakdos-enchanter]

So when the Legion beats a fellow cultist in the street, it is called "justice."

But when I create an artistic display in real time using a Legionnaire's soft and squishy bits, it's a "criminal disruption of the peace" and a "crime against basic decency" and vomit-inducing, apparently.

[1rabong]

Boros courts Sai

[relentless-gruul-siegeseer]

Alright, time to teach you all a thing or two about GRUUL DINNER.

So, you're hungry. It's about time for dinner. But you're tired. You're not feeling up for a hunt, cooking, or smashing any larders open. What's a girl in the Belt to do? Gruul dinner!

So first off, convenience and low stress is key here. You'll want stuff you already have on hand or easily accessible, like raiding a Selesnyan picnic.

Second, you'll want stuff that's going to take minimal preparation. You don't want to have to cook anything or heat it up, or anything that involves a lot of cutting, mixing, or other preparatory tasks, like raiding a Selesnyan picnic.

Now I'm going to show you an example of putting together a Gruul dinner. I didn't find any Selesnyan picnics on my way home, which while it would be convenient, it doesn't make a good demonstration.

pulls up a chunk of rubble with a nice flat surface

To start, I have here some leftover giant solifuge jerky. Lots of good nutrition in that, and no preparation required.

places the jerky on the left side of the rubble plate

Next we're going to add some sour moon berries, I saw some a little ways from camp when flying out this morning. But that would normally be a little far for Gruul dinner, but in Gruul dinner you use the tools of convenience you have available to you.

Hey! Mr. Manperson! You go grab me some of those sour moon berries down by that old toppled Orzhov statue I'll call us even on that last trial I had to bail you out of.

three goblins stacked in a trench coat give six thumbs up and run off to the southeast

Now then, I also have some brushstrider cheese if you can believe it. I got it from this mad lad trying to ranch brushstriders over by Soulfire Lake. Cool dude. And to go with that I got these crackers out of Boros legionnaire's rations who I gave a thrashing this morning.

places the cheese and crackers next to the solifuge jerky and quickly slices the cheese with a claw, leaving small scratches in the stone

And top it off, we have—oh wow, you're back already with the moon berries, thank you. You should use those quick feet for not getting caught so often. Let's keep you out of the courts for at least a few weeks.

places the sour moon berries on the right side of the rubble plate

As I was saying, to top it off, we have some fresh water right from a busted water main.

And there you have it! Now you know how to make Gruul dinner! Enjoy!

[average-ravnican]

I know I have talked shit about the guilds, I should probably give some of my gripes, with them, huh?

Gruul: they just tear shit down, and cause chaos, which is fun for a few days, but they never stop. Also, if you’ve ever been in a mosh pit with one, they will intentionally throw elbows and hands trying to start a brawl.

Golgari: I don’t like bugs. I have a phobia, and unfortunately it makes the entire guild suck. Also, if you buy anything off them, it’s definitely laced with something. 100% of the time.

Boros: part of the issue is the whole persecution of the Guildless, part of it is the fact they’re a guild full of cops, and part of it is the fact they have literal angels in the guild so they feel justified in their shitty takes.

Azorius: what I said about Boros being cops? Yeah, that except the cops are also legislators, actively voting for the police to be more powerful. Also, they FINED ME FOR EATING

Orhzov: Ghost capitalists. I don’t think I need to say much more, other than that for some reason we literally allow them to enslave ghosts and we’re cool with that??? If anyone enslaved a living person, we’d be pissed, but if they’re dead it’s cool?

Rakdos: other than the murder, I guess they’re fine. But it’s like hanging out with your friends from school who got really into music and drugs and never got a personality.

Izzet: other than being a dragon’s cult of personality, and having a literal murderer as their current leader (am I the only one who remembers when Ral killed the Izzet champion of the maze? So he could go instead? He did that in front of a crowd.) and the fact that a disproportionate amount of goblins have “research” accidents on their watch, its being surrounded by gifted kids who need to be the smartest in the room.

Dimir: for self preservation reasons I will not say anything about house dimir.

Simic: similar problem to Izzet, but they also just want to stick tentacles or crab claws on everything. I had a friend who transitioned with the combine, and she’s happy, but she also does glow in the dark.

Selesnya: I won’t get into the personal reason I dislike them, y’all aren’t ready for that story, but it’s almost a joke. “We prefer unity and harmony and peace and will FUCKING MURDER ANYONE WHO GETS IN THE WAY OF IT” (looking at you Trostani)

Not all of these organizations are bad, I just don’t understand why our government is run by all of them.

[azorius-eloquence]

Saw an Azorius Lawmage and Boros Legionnaire fight in the street today. Ignoring the fact that this is severely in violation of Code A-5 of Ravnican Guild Intermingling Behaviors 2nd Edition, I did guiltily watch for far longer than I should have. Is this why The Rakdos are so obsessed with watching violence? It’s…cleansing.