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#also - im not saying that you HAVE to NEVER eat meat and that you are a horrible being for it -
suffercerebral · 4 months
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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
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cringelordofchaos · 2 months
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"OMG! Did you know that pigs would easily eat a human? How scandalous! Outrageous! Disgusting! Pure proof of their immorality!"
- average Jessica, who eats porkchop with their family once a month
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snekdood · 7 months
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at some point in the future:
*non vegan reading about a new vegan leather*: psh. bet it has plastic in it tho.
*scrolls down and finds out theres 0 plastic. the non vegan gets angry since now theres finally a vegan leather they dont get to complain about*: psh, bet it doesnt feel like real leather tho.
*scrolls down to find out the creators of this leather spent a lot of time to make it more "like real leather*: psh, bet they exploit their workers tho
just say you want to use animal leather and you were never going to consider an alternative in the first place, bud
#bc ik for a damn fact plenty a yall are gonna do this.#excuses excuses#ooo but im sure all that leather you buy is totally not from exploited workers either#im sure you take Great Care making sure its not 😒#and if you do. great for you! why do you think human lives and comfort is more important than animal lives and comfort btw?#you'll do anything to avoid hurting exploited workers yes? but having anything vegan now and then is just. off the table. am i right?#am i correct? have i read you for filth?#and then you'll tell me 'no ethical consumption under capitalism' yet you still try to avoid buying from exploited workers-#so seems like more or less you just say that to avoid feeling any guilt about eating or contributing to the harm of animals?#just say you value human lives more and move on.#'no ethical consumption' to some people means 'i get to say this to excuse any behaviors i do that exploit others and to justify#why im only considerate about 1 (one) thing when it comes to buying stuff'#but what if you could do more than that though- clearly you only buy from places that dont exploit their workers bc of your morals and#not bc you think it actually changes things if you believe in the 'no ethical consumption' argument#so why cant you ever acknowledge that you're harming animals or try to make excuses for why its fine? ik deep down it conflicts with#your moral outlook too. you're selective about what you think you can change because theres some stuff you're unwilling to change.#be real. its not because of capitalism. you think meat tastes good and you like how leather makes you feel Cool and Badass or whatever#you feel Punk and Rock And Roll for wearing dead animals. never mind that that fascination is hard to distinguish from southern right#wingers who love their snakeskin cowboy boots and hunt for sport.#they also feel Very Cool for wearing dead animals 😒 bb girl you're not as counter culture and punk as you think you're coming off as#at least native ppl dont generally do it to Feel Cool
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trendfag · 2 years
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i dont want taylor and joseph to stop the live but i need to go to sleep wah
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aryxchse · 6 months
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the same type of blue. | percy jackson x daughter of hera! reader.
a / n : the history book on the shelf, is always repeating itself. and i won't shut up about how logan lerman and his wife being sally and poseidon in my head
warnings : emotional, i can't warm up to paul im sorry, sally and poseidon should've been an endgame but idek how, mentioning past, you looking like sally, crying, some of the hera cabin power mentions that i had in mind
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the moment sally jackson met you, was the moment she saw her teenage self in your eyes.
you were this funny and bubbly girl who was too nice for your own good. you had these mother instict in you that later she found out it was because of your mother being hera. you would always say what type of marriage you imagine with percy and how many kids do you want. one boy and one girl, doesn't matter who's the older. the girl was going to have percy's eyes, but the boy will have yours.
and it always put a smile on her face to listen you talk about your dreams so comfortly to her. because she saw herself in those dreams. they were once her dreams too.
percy looked and acted too much like poseidon for sally's own good. he would unknowingly make his dad's jokes, and would call you 'darling' like he did to her back then. all these little details would remind sally her past love.
it was a barbeque day for the jackson-blofis family at the montauk cabin. where you were obviously invited, and poseidon, obviously was not. he liked to show up in family gatherings once in a while, to spend some time with his son or suprisingly, estelle.
you and sally prepared the table as the boys made the meat while laughing at something. paul and poseidon had this awkward friendship that always made you giggle. and percy would chat with his biological dad more often, since he felt more comfortable with him. don't get me wrong, he loved paul. all of you loved paul. but poseidon's warm energy made him easier to talk.
you never thought you'd have a dinner with a god but here you were, eating a meal with one of the most powerful gods ever existed. poseidon was really good at making people forget that he's a god, the one that rules the seven seas.
after the dinner, percy and you started to clean the area as paul went inside to watch this new game he followed, you didn't really paid attention. sally stayed outside, smelling the sea's calming scent, her bare feet dipping in the sand.
she looked over were poseidon and estelle was playing. he made sand castles with her as he laughed like a true grandpa. it made sally chuckle too, seeing him acting all fatherly with her daughter.
"he wants to make up for it," you said, and it made sally slightly jump. you apologised while putting a hand on her shoulder. "you know, since he couldn't look out for percy and you."
sally's eyes started to water up, but she managed to crack a smile. "how do you know this?" she asked. you shrugged, "i can feel a parent's feelings, even if they're a god. weird power, i know." you chuckled at the end with her.
"he didn't had any choice," sally muttered, looking at the sea again. you nodded. "i know, but he still feels bad. he really loves you sally, still like the first time." your whispering words made sally want to breakdown right then and there, but she only sighed.
"baby!" percy called behind you, smiling like a little kid. you both turned around as you made your way to percy, giggling. once again, it reminded sally the good times. but she wasn't alone this time, poseidon could also see the similarities between them. how you had sally's hair back then like how she used it, and how percy was a literal copy of himself.
sally sat next to poseidon as he sat there silently, watching his son and his girlfriend chase eachother around the beach, just like he and sally did. estelle was asleep in his arms, the calm energy he radiated making the girl fall asleep immediatly.
"they're just like us." poseidon whispered, not looking at the woman he still loved. sally smiled, not that he would see. "yeah. but a better version." she responded.
"one that ends happily unlike us." he agreed, too afraid to look in her eyes. sally didn't said anything, and the past lovers watched their son having the time of his life with the girl he loved.
suddenly percy lifted you up on his shoulders and ran into the water with you, still being clothed. you whined the moment you swimmed up. "percy it's not fair!" you yelled at him between your giggles.
"m' wet too baby, see? there's nothing unfair in this!" percy laughed with her, hugging her waist tightly so that she won't slip away.
"you used to do that too," sally whispered to poseidon, smile hurting her cheeks at this point. poseidon mimicked her facial expressions as he nodded quickly.
"and you would always whine like her." he chuckled, making the woman laugh along with him.
percy stepped out from the water with the help of the waves, still holding you in his arms in bridal style. while he made his way into the cabin, he spinned you around once in a while to make you laugh.
"he's really your son." sally chuckled, watching the couple enter the cabin.
"he's our son." poseidon corrected. he finally faced the woman, and saw the tears perking in her eyes through a smile. this was sally jackson, the woman he loved the most. smiling through everything.
he made the tears go away with a flick of his hand, too afraid to touch her. "a proof that our love was real, not a dream i had."
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gamblersdoll · 6 months
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sukuna would not care about weight or if you are plump. the man has a mouth for a stomach.
the man’s hobby is to eat so you name him big back in your phone, ie he will literally have a full stack of ribs (hes a meat eater) and a plate of like 3 chicken breasts (he always cracks a snotty comment about how fat your breasts are and he will only eat chicken breasts because he cannot eat yours. he also loves how you cook them because he hasnt had seasoned food in a couple of years.) and will have a huge ass turkey leg. the ones that are like twenty dollars at the fair (when he found this out, he was appalled but had high hopes for it.) and he will still somehow be hungry in a couples hours.
and he never lets it go unnoticed that he doesn’t somewhat appreciate your cooking. whenever hes done and full for the moment he always ask “do you want me to like.. lay with you or something?” its not really a question, he always gets the itis when hes full and he gets clingy when it comes down to laying with you. or he will go out and probably find something to make you. its always some ancient recipe though.
“you never had whale meat before?” he asked, dumbfounded and mad confused.
“…. no, because who the fuck eats whale meat.” it wasnt a question, more of a statement but sukuna quite does not care. he still makes it for you though, although hes very heavy with salt, and whale meat is somewhat salty.
“you sayin i cant cook?”
“no, im saying you mad heavy with salt. and this better not be a certain species of whale either.” he grinned evilly, and you roll your eyes.
“if you dont like it just eat the soba, damn woman.” snatching the plate of whale meat. now you have a freezer of whale meat and you have to find recipes with it too.
“sobas good though..” you said, mouth full of food.
although sukuna doesnt know every food in the planet, he watches what you do, and he’s somewhat debating if youre better than uruame or on par.
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doomwadz · 1 month
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☆ADAM LANZA ICEBERG☆
*this is a informational post!!*
this is my first iceberg, if theres ANY non-accurate information please put it in my ask or comment!!
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if theres a topic im unfamiliar with—or not alot of information on, i will put a “★” by the topic.
TIER 1
☆12.14.12
12.14.12 is the date of the Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting in Newtown, Connecticut by the perpetrator Adam Lanza. Killing 27 people (including Adam). And wounding 2.
☆AUTISM DIAGNOSIS
Adam was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome at the age of 13, which would have been 2005.
☆SMIGGLES
Smiggles was one of Adam’s many usernames on the internet, he used it on a Columbine forum called Shocked Beyond Belief.
☆RYAN LANZA
Ryan Lanza is Adam’s older brother, born on 1988–he is currently 36 years old.
☆ALLEGED PEDOPHILIA
some people think Adam is a pdf file
☆28 VICTIMS
There were actually 27 victims in the shooting, but 28 (because Adam killed himself).
☆HARD DRIVE DESTROYED ★
also, this is just speculation; but alot of people thinks (majority of people) that Adam had cp on his smashed hard drive—?
 FORGOT TO MENTION: he did have gore! they also found porn (not cp.) but detectives never said anything else.
☆CULTURALPHILISTINE
This is known to be Adam’s youtube channel started on September 7th, 2011
but it got shut down in 2021.
☆GAYFORTIMK & QUEERFORKIMVEER
i think this was a time that Adam had a tumblr! These were his usernames. i have some screenshots and somebody’s folder made for his tumblr.
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and if you try to look for these links…they dont work (they work in the http/hmtl sense) they are people
who reuploaded his tumblr on their accounts and got taken down.
TIER 2
☆BIG BOOK OF GRANNY
The Big Book of Granny refers to a book that Adam and a classmate did in 5th grade in Sandy Hook.
The book is basically violent (for a 9-10 year old) to make, and there is cannibalism in the book too.
FEW EXAMPLES:
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☆VEGANISM
Adam is vegan, there are some posts talking about how he only ate organic food. which its probably 
not proven, he often spoke about not eating meat. There was a interview
with a woman and Adam Lanza, stating “He chose to be a vegan because people were 
‘needlessly cruel’ to animals. Also, a tumblr post (https://www.tumblr.com/introspectionissexy/708027966023663616) stating what Adam said on a video of his, stating
“The McDonalds corporation exploits animals. I’ve been a vegan since i was thirteen but its kind of…completely retarded to think that youre actually accomplishing anything by not…being a vegan doesnt mean that you do not harm animals, by living, by choosing life you are…its life is innately harmful, life is innately coercive to everyone else…”
heres a list of Adam’s diet before he died:
Edamame
Green beans
Lima beans
Tomatoes
Cherry tomatoes
Silk brand Soy Milk
Flax seed
Purified water (with a mix of salt)
Celery
Organic pasture butter
Organic cranberry-pomegranate juice
☆”I’LL BOMB YOU”
This saying refers to a post made by the Reddit user u/brubz89 with the title of the post being
“i grew up across the street from one of the most notorious mass school shooters” explaining
his move to Connecticut during the summer. As the title suggests, he was neighbours with Adam Lanza.
explaining when brubz89, his sister, and Adam.
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☆ANARCHY RADIO CALL
On december 20th, 2011–Adam called into Anarchy Radio, the host being John Zerzan, Adam had called
in using the name ‘Greg’. Adam called in to tell a old story (at the time) about Travis the Chimp.
☆ROOM 8 SURVIVOR
This may refer to a 6-year old girl that was a sole survivor that played dead in the classroom,
found by the police. Once she got out she told her mom that “Mommy, im okay, but all my friends are dead.” and said Lanza was a “a angry man.”
(picture of Room 8)
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☆MKULTRA ★
didnt Adam hack into some government stuff…and treated at Skull and Bones Yale? hmmm…
☆ANTINATALISM
Antinatalism is a philosophical belief that having children are uneithical.
This stems from a video that Adam made on September 7th, called
“My Antinatalism” talking about his dislike for ‘culture’. with Adam stating 
 “I consider culture to be delusional values which humans mindlessly coerce onto each other, spreading it like no differently than any other disease.”
☆RYAN’S ID
This refers to when the shooting ended (when Adam killed himself) when his body
was found, Adam had Ryan’s ID. So, media thought that Adam was Ryan, Ryan came out on Facebook that Adam wasn’t him.
☆SEXUALITY ★
idk…alotta people think hes gay—😟.
☆SHOCKED BEYOND BELIEF POSTS
This topic refers to Adam’s post as Smiggles (i love that name) on
Shock Beyond Belief forum. the date when he started using SBB was
on December 20th, 2009. On Wednesday December 30th, 2009 he
posted the infamous oatmeal berry chip-nut cookies recipe.
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☆NANCY WORKED AT SHES ★
i think she volunteered at one point, but no she didnt work there—and i think this is a misconception by the media.
TIER 3
☆THE GHOST OF ADAM LANZA★
This refers to a thing that some people believed that they could hear a hum in the school after the shooting. The humming went away, so its just some stupid false claim that people made up
just to get a scare or a reaction out of people.
☆FINAL REPORT
the final report is the final report of Sandy Hook—which it isnt because many changes had accrued over time.
☆KAYNBRED
This refers to Adam Lanza’s Wikipedia account that he used to edit
on—he created his account on june 7th, 2009. his activity on this
account was August 6th, 2009 - February 4th, 2010.
heres a list of he edited on Kaynbred:
Collier Township Shooting (talk)
Dawson College Shooting
Westroads Mall Shooting
Luby’s Shooting
Wedgwood Baptist Church Shooting
Kip Kinkel
Sello Mall Shooting
Sunnyvale ESL Shooting
☆35 PAGE ESSAY
This refers to 35 page essay that Adam wrote for a collage application about pedophilia.
☆REGALSIN
RegalSin was a infamous user that used SydLexia and Shocked Beyond Belief (a forum that
Adam also used.) And he had the same beliefs as Adam about pedophilia. From some
sources it seems he (RegalSin) got banned from alot of forums at that time. Lanza (Smiggles) 
wrote on SBB 
“Say whatever you wish, but i know my love for RegalSin is real.”
“Gay marriage is legal in my state, i was just holding it out for RegalSin.”
☆BLARVINK
Blarvink is Adam’s first Wikipedia account, created on
February 4th, 2007. His activity on this account would be—through
April 11th, 2007 - March 1st, 2008.
heres a list of articles he edited on:
Blue Clues (talk)
Rant (talk)
Zygote
Ngorongoro Conservation Area
Fall of Saigon
1980 October Surprise theory
Newtown High School
Benjamin Pierce
Gas Constant
Alvin York
Underdog
James Baker
Spoom
Into the Wild
Darwin Awards
New Zealand
Barack Obama
☆MASS MURDER SPREADSHEET
This refers to Adam’s spreadsheet of mass murders/murders, there are four sheets; 
in total there are 395 mass murders on Adam’s sheet. (yes i spent 20 minutes counting that…)
☆ASTROLOGY BOOKS ★
Nancy Lanza owned astrology books
i dont know if Adam had a interest in them though.
☆149 PHOTOS OF ADAM
This refers to 149 photos of Adam. (Alot of the photos you see
are his college ID and his picture with tech-club. There was some pictures
that were missing that made 142 pictures open, but a user found them.
mostly there pictures of when Adam was a kid.
examples:
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(yipppppe!!)
☆CRYINGHAMSTER★
This refers to a user on tumblr by the name of Cryinghampster who would post
Adam Lanza related things.
there account isn’t available anymore.
☆THE SHELTERED STORM
This topic refers to a book/story by the author Matthew Nolan. you can find were to read it on the Internet Archive. the description reads:
“The true story of the man-made disaster that struck the village of Sandy Hook, Connecticut on December 14th, 2012.”
for me, it seems like a pretty good read from what others say, so give it a try.
TIER 4
☆FUCKCOMMENTS
This part refers to Adam’s second Youtube account called “fuckcomments”
His persona seems different on this one—a little more joke/troll-ish. (?)
here are some:
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yes, its little different than his more intellectual/philosophical style of writing.
☆SANDY HOOK LIGHTHOUSE
i think this refers to a website/blog that has information on the Sandy Hook shooting.
☆TEST SHOT ★
Adam drove to Sandy Hook Elementary School and Adam fired his gun at a car at the front entrance parking lot.
He just wanted to make sure if his gun was working.
☆ANOREXIA INDUCED BRAIN DAMAGE
In Adam’s final months he did have anorexia-nervosa, even if you looked
at his diet list, he did not eat that much—(he most likely ate
frozen edamame because it has less calories.)
heres the list of calories (he probably) ate in a day:
Edamame — 130 calories (if frozen) if cooked is 189 cal.
Green beans — 31 calories
Lima beans — 13 calories
Tomatoes — 22 cal.
Cherry tomatoes — 25 cal.
silk brand soy milk (or just average soy milk) — SLIK BRAND (110 cal.)
Flax seed — 55 cal.
purified water (w/ salt) — 0 cal.
Celery — 15 cal.
Orangic Pasture Butter — 100 cal.
Orangic Cranberry-pomegranate juice — 130 cal.
In total the amount of calories he was eating was 631 cal. which at his
height and for a guy isnt good and make you seriously ill and have muscle loss.
for 6ft you should be eating around 2,200-3,000 calories for a guy.
so, autopsy reports show that he did in fact, have brain damage from anorexia.
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*i am NOT a medical expert…so take this with a grain of salt and this might be wrong but imma leave it alone.*
☆DAFT HANDS
this part refers to on u/brubz89 story about being Adam’s neighbour. a user by the name u/NotMyMainCuzReasons said this: 
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Actually there was a post on Reddit saying that Adam referenced Daft Punk - Harder, Faster, Better, Stronger.
and Daft Hands played that song.
also, a classmate of Adam’s reported that he used to watch this with Adam and
ever since, could not watch it.
☆LYME DISEASE
Some might say that Adam may have a undiagnosed Lyme Disease, which some sources bring up good points. Lyme Disease can be causer by Deer Ticks, which they live in woods. Adam’s house is near the woods. Also, lyme can also cause psychological/neurological affects. Many—like Adam has, panic attacks, major depression, anorexia-nervosa, and OCD.
Adam actually did have Lyme disease and some people said he had a goitre but it wasnt noticeable in pictures.
☆3 MONTH ISOLATION
before the shooting, Adam hadn’t left his room in 3 months in…isolation. Not even talking to anyone expect for people online.
☆NANCY HAD MAUCHUSEN SYDROME BY PROXY ★
(A theory) That Nancy has Mauchausen Sydrome by proxy because she would occasionally tell people that she was sick even though she wasnt. And Nancy did nothing about Adam because she had some “gratification” for it.
☆YOUTUBE BOOKMARKS ★
this refers to ALL of Adam’s youtube catalog (basically his videos.)
TIER 5
☆PSYCHOSIS
(speculation) theres many sources that say Adam might have psychosis (which may be very possible not just because he shot up a school.) there was personal messages
that Adam has sent on (it said Shocked Beyond Belief because of Smiggles) 
heres a part that i found interesting that i do think he did
have psychosis: 
“i dont have a persistent sense of fear that you described, but around once every couple months when i gotten arbitrarily fatigued and its around 12:00 - 5:00 in the morning, i have images of distorted faces flashing through my mind. They’re similar sort of similar to the ones towards the end of Terror House, at about 75:00. When i first saw the scene, i mentally flinched for a moment because of its similarity to what i imagined in the past.” - October 23rd, 2010.
and heres a few sentences what i find interesting aswell: 
“Getting back to the subject of paranoia—those images were the worst ‘hallucinations’ i had experienced until a couple of weeks ago late one night when i was getting very tired. The incident was so surreal that i only remember a small amount of the details. Basically, i began to ‘see’ many different things. Although i knew that none of it was actually real, it came as close to being real as it could for me without it being physically tangible. I heard screaming around me, and i had overwhelming sense that there was someone dead behind me. I kept seeing silhouettes flickering people everywhere. I felt like i had to cry. The entire ordeal persisted for about fifteen minutes and sort of faded away. Prior to it happening i never had that sort of delusional hysteria before. It was possibly the strangest thing ive experienced.” - October 23rd, 2010
Also, i would like to note—that Adam also did have depression, and also individuals who have major/severe depression or depression in general can experience psychosis or psychosis-like symptoms. Now this is not saying HE DOES in fact has psychosis, i just think this is a symptom…? but this could be a mix of different things.
☆CONGENTIAL ANALGESIA
This condition is a disorder where you cannot feel pain, and many sources say Adam may have this condition. A Psychologist, Elizabeth Laugeson said that 
“People with Asperger's can be overly sensitive to things like touch, noise and pain, or sometimes under-sensitive,”
Also, a friend of Adam’s said he didnt feel any pain because he used to burn himself.
☆PETER LANZA DEAD IN HOBOKEN★
(this is just a theory)
okay, some sources say that (im going to assume safely) that there where some theories that Peter Lanza
was dead. But, this can be debunked by a picture of Ryan and Peter leaving the Hoboken NJ—police. (?)
☆A TRIAL OF ADAM LANZA
This refers to a book by Dan Howitt:
☆https://play.google.com/store/books/details?id=n4hsEAAAQBAJ
☆WOW VIDEOS
This refers to a time when Adam actually played WoW, he never really gotten
to level 60. Also, he did have WoW video gameplay—saved on his computer but none were released. Little bit is known about his accounts on WoW or his time on WoW.
☆LANZA HOME SOLF FOR 1$
After the shooting, Ryan inherited Nancy’s house—the bank took control after Ryan agreed to sell it for $1. but there was pictures of the home being demolished.
☆MARY SHERLACH
Mary Sherlach was the school psychologist at Sandy Hook—she was one of the first people killed, while trying to rush kids to protection. Her death was while confronting Adam in the front hallway. She spent 18 years at Sandy Hook.
☆16 HOURS OF MURDER MUSIC
this refers to a playlist that Adam made under the “Knavesmig”
user.
which, the name other this playlist was “Mass Murder Music”
(correct me if im wrong :3)
☆NANCY LANZA: IN HER OWN WORDS
i think this used to be a article that (used to exist) explained Nancy’s life
through her emails that she sent to her friend (sorry if this is incorrect.)
☆CLUSTER A PERSONALITY DISORDER
i dont think he had this—i think this is just speculation (like FXS) but no records or when you search it up—doesnt say he has it on have any signs.
☆GRAPHIC GORE ON PC
i think this refers to a search warrant conducted on December 16th, 2012 in Nancy Lanza’s house.
but this search document shows it was searched on january 7th, 2013.
but, on exhibit #608 on page 17, it states that
“Three (3) photographs with images of what appears to be a deceased human covered with plastic and what appears to be blood.”
also, in the fuckcomments account he did mention liking gore websites, linking a gore website (its possibly redacted for…obvious reasons). but i dont know if thats connected in the same way.
☆SELF-HARMING THROUGH BURNING
This refers to a time before the before the shooting happened that Nancy told a friend that
Adam was burning himself with a lighter. Nancy later told the friend that he burning
himself in “the ankles or arms or something.”
The friend of Nancy later told “The New York Daily News” that:
“She confided over a drink, “he was getting worse.”
TIER 6
☆NOBADMEMES ★
not much known about this one, but i tried looking for the mentioned “nobadmemes” on the audio transcripts of Adam’s videos. But it is known that he did mention it. maybe im just blind…lol.
☆PAUL FOX
Paul Fox was Adam’s psychiatrist 
for five years before Adam shot up Sandy Hook. Paul Fox was 66 when he 
sexually assaulted a teenaged girl. He faced up towards 18 months in prison after pleading 
guilty to assaulting her.
☆RAPIDSHARE ACCOUNT
This was a account that Adam had, nothing known about it because his father (Peter) advised 
authorities to delete his account. Also, if your familiar with Adam, you may know
that he had a known playlist on Rapidshare that was named “16 Hours of Mass Murder Music”
Which it was possibly filled with music that was about different mass murders.
take this with a grain of salt…
☆KNAVESMIG
This was the last account that is known Adam had last used on Wikipedia.
His account was created on June 19th, 2012 and it was active through
June 19th, 2012 - June 20th, 2012.
He didnt really write or contribute to anything…but ill list it anyway.
List: 
Lord Gon (talk)
also! he had the last post of the discussion page, named “Hark.”
Which, ill leave some screenshots because i got way too happy when i found this!!
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☆USED PISTOL IN SHOOTING
This refers to the guns that Adam used during the shooting. 
ill list what he used (+ pictures) and ill explain this topic afterwards.
List:
Bushmaster AR-15 Rifle.
Glock 10 mm.
Sig Sauer 9 mm.
But, i would like to clear things up that—Adam did use the Bushmaster through out the shooting.
He used one of his handguns to kill himself with, (most likely with a Glock 10 mm.)
Also, just to clarify he also had a Izhmash Saiga 12 in his Honda Civic.
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☆ONLINE FRIEND PREDICTS MOTIVE★
this was a girl that got investigated by the FBI and she said something on the lines of “killing children to ‘free’ them” (i cant remember and i dont have source for this…but it does exist!)
☆EULAVISM
This is basically the belief that Adam “created” which, the term eulavism with -ism and value spelled
backwards. Adam used this term in this sentence which…he talks about his
most favourite thing! VALUE!
“So, instead of an Efilist, im more of a eulavist. Eh, i only oppose life because life is the source of value and its value that i really hate. And, well, i guess that just says it all: i have a vendetta against value.”
Also, Adam says this on his video called “Rambling vlogrant of a ruminative vagrant (part 2/2)”
made on September 8th, 2011.
☆NIGHT ELF
This refers to the a 2010 video of a man dressed in a elf costume, Adam showed a online friend this video and Adam and the friend used to joke about the elf coming out at night to their house.
☆FRAGILE X SYNDROME
alot of people speculated that Adam had this, which…the size of his head—y’know…kinda explains why he looked like the way he did.
☆SANDYHOOKED.NET
Sandy Hooked . net was a website that was explaining the Sandy Hook case and Adam Lanza.
and also talked about rumours of certain aspects.
☆JULY 18TH
This part refers to pictures that Adam took in his “suicide poses” which, i will share
screenshots and explain them.
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this was taken on July 18th, 2010 at 6:01 pm. This was found on Adam’s computer with a 
filename “Kaynsu2” which i think Kayn refers to his name that Adam used on Wikipedia
during 2009 - 2010 (same time). It was in a folder named “fun”. He is using the Izhmash Saiga 12
that was later found in his car during the shooting.
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this was also taken in July 18th, 2010 at 6:08 pm. This was also found on Adam’s computer
with the filename “kaynsu1” and was also in the same folder as “kaynsu2”.
TIER 7
☆STOLEN MAIL
A Youtube channel by the name “Miriam1” uploaded a video of a man driving up to 
36 Yogananda Street on on December 17th, 2012, stealing Lanza’s mail and opening it.
…lol.
☆DDR GIRL★
Adam used to be known as DDR boy and a girl he used to play with—staff only known her as DDR girl.
☆FATHER JOHN J. CASTALDO
there was a blog that was talking about how Adam was SA’d by this catholic priest (?) and had multiple points why Adam didn’t really liked getting touched and certain things the way he did. (?)
☆ATF FORM 4473 ★
A form that is used if you want to purchase guns.
☆PEPPERMINT PARK
A creepy ass kids show that used to be on VHS tapes 1987 - 1988 and supposedly Adam liked this show…? (basically a bootleg sesame street.)
☆ARYANEMPIRES ★
This seems like a blog created by someone named “Joel” that uses Cryinghampster evidence for Adam Lanza, the blog seems skattered all over place (imo) so…idk. (was also a channel as well).
☆INTROARAL GUNSHOT
From Adam killing himself.
☆INMENDHAM
this refers to Gary Inmendham, i think his a philosophy content creator on Youtube. Adam mentioned him on his video called “Rambling Vlogrant of a ruminative vagrant (Part 2/2)” uploaded on Semptember 8th, 2011. Which he mention Efilism, which is a philosophical belief that Inmendham created.
Also, Adam supposedly liked watching Inmendham.
☆KIFFERSTUEBCHEN★
This refers to post on Reddit talking about they almost played with Adam, and they mentioned
that Adam had a KiFFERSTUEBCHEN account. And in German this means “gameserver.”
☆ADAM’S NEIGHBOUR
This refers to Adam’s neighbour ended up killing people as well.
TIER 8
☆FOOTAGE OF ADAM SHOOTING THROUGH FRONT WINDOW
this happens to be a rumour of footage of Adam shooting at the front window, though some people say that they saw it, but the front of the school cameras werent recording.
☆DIED IN HALLWAY
Dawn Hochsprung and Mary Sherlach died in the hallway, people thought it
was Adam, but Adam died in Room 10.
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*btw the black part is his knees.*
☆9:46:54 ★
this refers to the time when the shooting ended. (which it actually ended at 9:40 am.)
but it could refer to the final shot.
☆THE HUM
The “hum” refers to a phenomenon that people consider “real” and it had reported cases that
some people could hear a persistent and invasive low-frequency humming—not not
everyone could hear it, and such cases where reported from the United Kingdom and United States.
Some people actually speculated it stopped when Sandy Hook happened, and teachers
reported cases of hearing it before the shooting—which again, this is proven false,
and a thing that some conspiracy theorist thought up…
☆GORE PHOTOGRAPHY
this happens to be a time when Adam was on his “queerforkimveer” account of Tumblr, and he uploaded
gore pictures of the corpses of perpetrators (such as Charles Whitman from 1966), after they killed themselves or got shot. Also, the post labels who is who and what guns they used in their attack.
☆MEDIAFIRE ACCOUNT
Newtown investigators found Adam’s Mediafire account—and the investigators claim
the content that was found on the account thought it was completely appropriate to delete
the account, Peter—signed a consent to assume online identity form to access rights
to the FBI and all data has been said to been erased. So, not that known about this
account—or even the name.
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☆AE PAGE
this is kinda like the final report.
☆PRN CD★
it was found out that Adam did have porn in possession but detectives said that there was no illegal content.
(as we dont know.)
☆TRUE MOTIVE ★
i think this refers to a negative/narcissistic public presentation of his thoughts and beliefs.
☆MESSAGE WRITTEN IN NANCY’S BLOOD
this is a rumour that Adam wrote something in Nancy’s blood, but theres nothing that proves that.
congratulations! you made it at the end of iceberg! (ill link sources later…) thank you for
reading—this is my first iceberg, so sorry if my information is wrong. ill make more icebergs in the future. :)
★☆★☆
also credit goes to @kaynsui for the iceberg chart :3
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puzzlekinq · 1 year
Note
pls write anything for edward ily
using this as an excuse to post horny eddie headcanons >:3 (i love you too!!)
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edward nashton x gn reader nsfw headcanons
amab reader inclusive !!
cw: pegging, power dynamics, dacryphilia, orgasm denial, jealousy, possessive behavior.
♡ okay first off. its 3 inches soft, 5 inches hard, pink tip, very thick. stretches you out very nicely.
♡ frequently jerks off. (insert paul dano chronic masturbater image) he has to beat his meat at least a couple times a day. plus i think he'd wake up with morning wood constantly. he has to crank one out as quick as he can if he doesnt want to be late for work, or else hes going in public with a hard on. (he's done it before and it was agony. its your fault he was hard. what have you done)
♡ he would never tell a single soul what kind of porn he watches. but i will, because im the one writing this post
♡ hes embarrassed about how much he enjoys the idea of you pegging him if ya dont have the necessary bits. the first video he watched of someone absolutely railing a guys ass, he got so painfully hard in an instant. ended up not being able to keep himself quiet as he furiously stroked his throbbing dick while he clamped his hand over his mouth for some sort of noise control.
♡ the first time he tried to fuck his own ass was a challenge. yes, his fingers sufficed, they were long enough to reach the right spot, but he didnt know lube was necessary (inexperienced virgin moment) so he just stuck them in dry, and that along with the pain of stretching himself open made for an unpleasant insertion. but he eventually got the hang of it and shot a massive load all over his stomach in like three minutes.
♡ huge praise kink. i'd say he has more of a thing for being praised than degraded, although he likes both. nobody has said a kind word to him in his life, rarely even a simple "thank you". he needs you to tell him hes good, that hes doing so well taking your strap, devouring your cunt, sucking your cock- anything. he just wants to hear that hes doing a good job, and that someone thinks positively of him for once, in a non-sexual context as well.
♡ but he also enjoys when youre a little mean to him in the bedroom, of course. he fucking loves being manhandled, choked, slapped, spit on, or having his dick or ass used just for your pleasure.
♡ LOVES EATING PUSSY!!!! the taste, the smell, the slick and cum all over his face while he grinds against the mattress, getting off to your moans- its all so incredibly hot to him. he'll literally beg to eat you out.
♡ loves sucking dick too!!! he loves taking your cock as far down his throat as he can, usually ending up gagging on it, but hes trying his best. and you know, practice makes perfect, and god, does he love practicing on you. your groans as you push his head down further onto your dick is enough to make him cream his pants. loves when you cum all over his face!!!! he prefers tasting you though.
♡ will cum too fast if he doesnt control himself, and thats why he'll edge himself for as long as you need. the overstimulation from edging feels so fucking good to him, so he really doesnt mind at all if chasing your orgasm takes a while. he gets so drunk off fucking you, he could spend the entire day rutting into your slick warmth.
♡ he can simulate that fantasy by letting you cockwarm him all night, or while hes doing paperwork, or just when youre cuddling on the couch. he cant get enough of being inside of you, he always wants more.
♡ sometimes he'll have to pull out of you and squeeze the base of his cock while he takes slow breaths to stop himself from cumming, his bottom lip crushed painfully between his teeth as sweat drips from his forehead, eyes squeezed shut while he lets out several high pitched whimpers at every exhale. its a pretty sight.
♡ hes veryyy vocal. even if he tried to be quiet he cannot shut up to save his life. has to at least whisper frantic, slurred praises into your ear about how good you feel, how beautiful/handsome/amazing you are, and how you take his cock so well like your holes were made to fit him inside of you, like a puzzle piece- his way of putting it into words.
♡ you were the missing piece in his life for so long, being inside of you is the closest he'll ever get to becoming one with a devine being such as you. he truly does worship you.
♡ hes even louder when hes close, rambling about how bad he wants to fill your tight little hole with his cum, and how good you feel milking his cock.
♡ he loves to edge you as much as he does to himself. your desperate pleads and whines for release, the release that is in his power to take away from you, gives him a blissful feeling of control. he'll make you beg for him to keep fucking you with his fingers, stroking your dick- whatever it would be, he wants to hear you cry for him. he thinks youre so lovely when you cry.
♡ he can be mean about it too. sometimes he'll listen and keep pleasuring you, but goes agonizingly slow, just to hear you beg for it harder, faster, just to make your pretty eyes gloss over with tears. he'll just giggle at you looking so pathetic under him, the knowledge of the state you're in being because of what hes doing to you gets him so excited.
♡ wipes away your tears with his thumb while mockingly cooing about how he knows it hurts, but youre just not asking nice enough.
♡ it honestly just gives him a major power trip. he's like this more often when he's in his riddler getup. you know, the thing about being his true self under the mask, no shame, no limits, blah blah.
♡ not to say he cant be submissive when hes the riddler. because you can totally make him drop the scary, dominant act in like 2 seconds. hes not as tough as he feels in the costume.
♡ but if you let him indulge in his heightened ego he'll make sure you cant even stand up for a couple hours. he got too sillygoofy (wrecked ur guts with his dick) sorry
♡ he's so easy to turn on. it's he really just you being you that gets him so worked up. woke up to your sleepy, angelic self cuddled up next to him? horny. you gave him a hug that lingered for too long? horny. youre wearing his jacket that looks adorably big on you? MEGA HORNY.
♡ he just likes when you wear his clothes in general. he'll take any opportunity he can to offer you his clothes. he thinks you look really cute and hot in them and it gets him all flustered.
♡ he cant pick between chest, ass, or thighs. all of them are so good to him. his head between your thighs, or shoved in your chest with his tongue lapping at your nipples, or having his palm full of the plush flesh of your ass while he fucks you from behind- its all so heavenly to him.
♡ hes a tummy guy too. if you have a chubbier tummy he'll go SO nuts over it. he needs to squeeze your love handles or he'll die. he loves tummy rolls too!! he is GOING to drool over your body no matter what size or shape you are.
♡ speaking of your tummy, he likes having his hand on your stomach while he fucks you. its like a reminder of how deep inside of you he is. he loves having you full of him.
♡ loves the idea of breeding you and getting you pregnant, but if you cant, having you full of his cum is still his way of reassuring himself that you belong to him.
♡ hes very possessive when it comes to you. youre the one good thing hes ever had, and hes not letting you go. ever. and he lets you know that with the way he repeats the word "mine" like a mantra against your love bite covered neck.
♡ he gets extremely jealous easily, and the best way to make him feel better is to let him bury himself inside of you and mark up your body to alleviate his insecurities. he'll leave bruises and hickeys in very noticeable spots, and be like "oops, sorry 🥺" but hes absolutely not. he did it on purpose as his way of telling all of gotham "fuck you, theyre mine."
oki doki im gonna stop there or this post is gonna be way too long . i have lots of Thoughts about this guy bfgdudhdh i hope this is like. good. or decent
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edgeray · 3 months
Note
Ray every time you post angst im angrily poking the glass of your aquarium >:(
since you clearly HATE me 🙄 can I have some fluff 👉👈
Personal Heater
(Arlecchino x GN! Reader)
A/N - Yes, obviously I hate you 🙄. Anyways, how'd you like the arlevie post? :) Hurt, didn't it? Also, no, fuck your fluff,  you're not getting it. Did I hear MORE ANGST :D Content warnings / info - author was just joking: this is fluff, gn! reader, 0.8k words
“Arle,” you tiredly call out, a yawn escaping you as you crack open the office door a bit, revealing your husband still working at her desk. It was already past midnight, and she's been working for the entire day without any breaks except your impromptu visits and for meals. You noticed that she didn't eat as much meat as she usually does in order to return to her paperwork immediately. 
Arlecchino's tuft of hair perks up underneath the piles of paper, and her eyes promptly soften, and a small smile plays on her lips. She sets down her pen. “Yes, love?” 
You open the door more so you can step in, a plate with a cup of tea on top of it in your hand. In your other is another plate, this time of steak tartare, which you personally whipped up. Striding up to her, you set down both of the dishes, before leaning over the desk to place a chaste kiss on the top of her hair. You pull away, chastising her tenderly. “Don't think you were sneaky when you skimped out during dinner. You barely ate.”
A low chuckle comes from your husband and she shakes her head. “I would never think of it, dear. Thank you.” 
Reaching out for your hand, she takes it in hers and she presses her lips against your knuckle, kissing softly as a gesture of her gratitude. You flush slightly. 
“How long will it take for you to finish?” You sigh, observing the small eye bags she dons. 
“I'm afraid that I won't be done until another hour or two. You do not have to wait for me.”
“And go to sleep without my personal heater?” You pout, crossing your arms.
“Is that all I am to you? A personal heater? Not your husband or the ‘Father’ of our children?” Arlecchino muses, lifting her eyebrows as a playful glint catches in her red pupils. 
“Exactly,” you answer with a matching smirk, “you've finally learned of my nefarious intentions.” 
Your husband huffs out in amusement, and she turns in her chair, extending out her arms in order to invite you into her embrace. You don't waste any time accepting it, practically skipping around her desk to sit onto her lap. Wrapping your arms around her neck and seating over her thighs, you clamber into her warm figure. Nuzzling into the space between her shoulder and neck, you kiss up the side of her neck. She kisses the side of your head, right above your ear. 
“I've missed you,” you say in between kisses, placing a kiss on her jawline. 
“I've been here this entire day.”
“Still. Can I stay here until you're done?” 
“Of course.”
You sit there, soaking up all of her body heat, and on occasion shifting your sitting stance to be more comfortable. Arlecchino continues working in that position, unbothered by your weight on top of her. Occasionally, she takes a sip of the tea you bring her but has yet to touch the tartare.
“You need to eat, it'll get bad if you don't,” you remark, using the power of guilt tripping.
It's super effective. “Alright, dear. Would you like some?” 
You shake your head, but then an idea pops up inside your head, a mischievous smile sliding onto your lips. “Can I feed you? You can keep working if I do.” 
Your husband nods, and you squirm in your seat to turn around in her lap. Taking the plate, you take a spoonful of the raw meat, lifting it to her lips. Silently, she allows you to spoon feed her, until the plate is scraped clean. 
“Thank you,” she hums. You nod, and set aside the plate, before turning in her lap again to lean your chin on her shoulder. Eventually, you find an arrangement comfortable to where you fall asleep, your soft snores filling the room. Arlecchino smiles tenderly at you, carding her fingers through your hair as she continues working, scribing down the final details of the mission report. 
Finished with her work, she places down her pen, before carefully and slowly carrying you by sliding her hands underneath your form, lifting you up. You cling onto her unconsciously, and the carrying motion only makes your head placement. With you still in her arms, she walks silently through the hallway to the shared bedroom, where she peels you off of her and places you on the bed, making sure to pull the covers over you. She goes to the bathroom for her nightly routine, before returning to the bed, sliding under the blankets.
Her arms wrap around your midsection, tugging you towards her where you lay partially on top of her, your head against her chest where you can hear the steady rhythm of her heartbeat.
Arlecchino watches you for a few moments, your peaceful slumber a common, but nonetheless, appealing sight to her. You’re just so adorable, and Arlecchino can't help but be blissful that this is what every night is like for her: that she gets to hold you like this everyday. 
She gives you a final kiss to your forehead, before resting her chin on your head and closing her eyes.
“Goodnight, my love.”  
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roseykat · 7 months
Text
TITLE: Play Night
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SUMMARY: Things between Jisung and Hyunjin are heating up, and leading towards their group trip to Jeju, Jisung needs to clear a few things up with Chan; about you and him and the current secret bet in place that he unintentionally started.
TAGS: smut, handjobs, orgasms, kissing, making out, hickies, soft/fluff/slice of life moments, swearing, slight confrontation (nothing toxic), use of alcohol (Hyunjin is slightly drunk but what takes place after is consensual), some Harry Potter spoilers/references (sorry if you haven't watched HP)?
WARNING: minors DNI with this post or my blog. I create NSFW SKZ related content and I know I won’t be able to regulate/monitor every potential interaction with those posts so please do not engage with me, my work, or page whatsoever.
MASTERLIST - PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4
🏷️LIST: @chillichillicrabcrab23 @broken-glowsticks @ihatemen55 @boi-bi-ahaha @galamxy @weareapackofstrays @anglerfishiey @elizalabs3 @princejisung @fr34k4c1dr41n @stayconnecteed @imnotjjini0325 @twinklix @meilix @dawn-iscozy @valibals @oiikaro @im-sinking-in-mud @aalexyuuuhm @baby-yongbok @1dk-anym0r3 @wealwayskeepfighting @flowersun @huening-kawaii @newhope8 @leftkittenface @20minsat180degrees @itsthatbri 🩷
“Oh, now this - what about this one?” 
Hyunjin hears Jisung’s voice from the aisle beside him where all the cold drinks are located. He himself had been scanning vigorously among the shelves for his favourite brand of ramen, only to come up short. They had been to four convenience stores prior and not one had what he was looking for. It landed them a trip further away than they had expected, but neither of them complained about wandering around far from where they were supposed to be.
After he straightens up and peeks his head over the snacks to see what Jisung was talking about, he shakes his head solemnly. 
“No. No, that one's grape flavoured and it tastes like children’s medicine,” he says to him. 
Jisung looks down at the purple can in his possession, “that’s oddly specific - oh, then what about orange-“
“Same thing.”
Jisung huffs and gives up, placing the can back where he found it in a disgruntled fashion, “you’re an easy man to please you know, but the minute it comes to food you’re so picky.” 
Hyunjin strolls around to meet Jisung on the other side after filling his basket with snacks that had caught his eye and wanted to eat during their movie night, “drinks aren’t food.” 
“Then what’s soup? A drink or a food?” He fires back.
“Not this again,” Hyunjin rolls his eyes and closes the fridge for Jisung who follows behind closely. 
They’ve been debating about this for a while now which started off as a very contentious pillow talk topic that now crops up frequently. Of course, they wouldn’t be themselves if they didn’t have opposing opinions. Jisung, who thinks that soup is absolutely a drink, has been pushing that agenda ever since the night he tried to cook French onion soup to impress Hyunjin.
Only, it wasn’t that impressive, and was rather just a slurry of tasteless onion water and zero seasoning. In order to not upset his friend for trying his hardest, Hyunjin did his best to stomach the interesting creation and honestly hoped that he never tried again.
“It’s an important question!” Jisung begins to protest, ready with an army of rebuttals and arguments. 
“Soup is a liquid food. That doesn’t mean to say it’s a drink, because you can eat soup. Plus, some soups have chunks of food in it too.” 
“That’s just vegetable water or meat water.”
“Meat water,” Hyunjin repeats in a disgusted tone. “So you’re also saying that plain water is soup too?”
“Well, if you heat it up-“
“Okay,” Hyunjin interrupts as he dumps all their items onto the counter and takes out his wallet to pay. “Stop talking.”
“Make me,” he mouths and teases quietly so that the cashier couldn’t hear him. “If you stuff my mouth with something big then it might get me to stop talking.” 
Hyunjin rolls his eyes, again. 
Nearly every waking moment that he’s around Jisung, there’s always a guarantee that he’ll make Hyunjin’s eyes roll; whether it’s because of some weird shit that comes out of his mouth, or whether it’s giving him an orgasm. Whatever the reason, Hyunjin pretends to ignore him as he collects his goods, then heads out with his best friend at his side. 
The entire commute back to his apartment, Jisung kept talking. On and on, and on about an assortment of subjects that Hyunjin had no interest in. At least not now. Not when all he wanted to do was go home, not speak, and just laze around with Jisung like he has been for the past few weeks. That thought seems to trigger a very sobering realisation that dawns on him as they ride the train back to his place.
As Hyunjin looks at the side of Jisung’s face who’s been rambling on about his opinion on the best types of pasta, he realises that they’ve been hooking up for the past few weeks. They kiss, make out, do other things, but not once have they had sex. Yet. They haven’t even talked about it, and yet, a part of Hyunjin had to wonder; was there any point in even talking let alone thinking about it if whatever is going on between them, isn’t going to last? 
His eyebrows knit together. He doesn’t want to think about that. Hyunjin doesn’t know whatever feelings Jisung has right now, but the one thing he knows is that he likes the sense of comfort that hanging around him brings. What if he asks and disrupts what they have? What if he asks and ruins Jisung’s thoughts on him?
As those questions infiltrate his psyche, his head lowers and comes to rest on Jisung’s shoulder, eyelids closing softly, “wake me up when we get to our stop please.” 
Jisung’s big brown eyes turn into the size of plates, a little bit taken aback that Hyunjin, a person who isn’t that huge on public displays of affection, is resting on him right now. Not to mention the privileged feeling that inflates Jisung whenever a person rests their head on his shoulder, which is very rare. It’s like some physical way of saying that Hyunjin trusts him, or feels comfortable around him at the very least. 
He scans up and down the cart where no members of the public come into his view. Grateful for their absence, Jisung feels safe by reciprocating the same affections. So he places his hand on Hyunjin’s upper thigh, and he too rests his head against his friends’.
For the next five minutes, Jisung and Hyunjin would ride the train back to his place in peace. Neither of them spoke a word until they reached their stop. The pair of them hop up, Hyunjin stands and stretches his long limbs as he and his friend head inside the apartment complex. 
Once they return to his place, Hyunjin prepares all the snacks for them on his coffee table, while Jisung gets the movie ready that they - he - wanted to watch.
“Harry Potter? Again?” Hyunjin groans, taking the plastic wrap off of the kimbap to share and setting it down on the surface once they’ve both sunken down onto the couch. 
“What do you mean ‘again’?” Jisung shoots him a dirty look. He’s always been pretty serious about his Harry Potter, having watched the movies over a thousand times and read the books back to back. “This is the next part of the series, thank you.” 
Hyunjin sighs and makes himself comfortable. He then heads to his fridge to grab a couple of bottles of soju and some shot glasses. Back at the convenience store, he meant to buy something non alcoholic, had he not been so picky about the flavours Jisung presented to him he wouldn’t be deciding on whether he should have alcohol or not. In saying that, it was nice to have a drink.
He strolls back to the coffee table with their final items and places them all down.
"Oh, yum," Jisung gasps and reaches for the bottle, unscrews the cap and starts pouring the clear liquid into both shot glasses already.
Hyunjin stares at him as he downs the alcohol in one smooth go, "alright then..."
Jisung holds up the other shot glass for Hyunjin, "your turn."
He takes it in hand, careful not to spill it on the rug beneath him - then again, it's seen a lot more messier liquids on it than alcohol.
"Yuck," Hyunjin retches after swallowing half of the contents in the glass.
"Come on, you know you like it," Jisung nudges him. "You know the saying; if you can handle cum, you can handle alcohol."
Hyunjin nearly sprays out the rest of the alcohol from his mouth as a muddle of amusement, concern, and curiosity wakes him up more than the semi-burn of the drink does, "and who said that exactly?"
"Me," he answers. "Hence why I can take both so well."
Like some of the time, Jisung wasn't wrong and summed it up with another shot before he picked up the remote to play the movie. He settles back comfortably while Hyunjin takes another shot of the soju.
He makes it through the first twenty minutes of the film, then reaches the part where Harry Potter suddenly gets selected for the Triwizard Tournament. By that point, Hyunjin was sure the alcohol had fully trickled into his bloodstream when he wasn't able to tell the difference between Mad Eye Moody and Hagrid.
Frames started to blend together and yet, he thought it was still a good idea to continue drinking to see if that would help. However, most good idea turn to bad ones. The alcohol began to play absolutely no part in trying to help him make sense of the plot and made him focus on other things rather than the movie.
It was safe to say that he grew steadily bored when it came to watching it. At the same time, he didn't have the heart in him to express his opinion to the person beside him who was so wrapped up in the universe on screen. Jisung's eyes were completely glued to the digital motions before him whereas Hyunjin's eyes were glued to him.
Boredom strikes him bad when he feels the need to lean over and make his long body comfortable on Jisung. Hyunjin's upper torso stretches over his friend's lap who doesn't pay too much mind to it. Jisung even hangs his arms over Hyunjin's abdomen while he watches the film contently.
It's not the type of physical contact he wants right now.
"Jisungie," he mutters into the couch.
"Hmm?"
"Can we do something else?" Hyunjin pleads rather than asks.
He never gets a response. The lounge continues to be filled with dialogue - something along the lines of Ron Weasly now having a go at Harry for being inducted into the tournament and not telling him. Hyunjin's had enough of it and for whatever reason he feels like, he slides off of Jisung's lap. Half of his body slumps onto the ground while the other half remains somewhat on the couch.
"What are you doing?" he snorts, grabbing onto Hyunjin's hands and trying to hoist him back up.
He awkwardly anchors his legs around Jisung's body in an effort to help pull himself up as well but ends up knocking his head on the edge of the coffee table. With a delayed reaction, Hyunjin winces and then laughs as he tries to rub his own head even while Jisung is still trying to save him from falling off completely.
"Here just - just stop moving so I can help," he leans back and uses all his arm strength to move what is practically dead weight to him.
Hyunjin puts in zero effort to help and instead becomes a giggling mess the second he's actually able to get back into Jisung's lap. When he does, his long limp limbs wrap themselves around the man beneath him. He hides his face in the crook of his neck, the sudden whiff of Jisung's skin almost makes him dizzy, making his mood do a complete one eighty degree turn.
It creates immense difficulty in trying to swallow the urge to plant a kiss over the soft area, earning a very quiet yet distinct hum from Jisung. Hyunjin repeats the same action, longer this time and in different spots that his tongue can swipe over. The grip Hyunjin barely knew was there on his hips, twitched in place. As if Jisung's nails are trying to dig into Hyunjin's flesh had he not worn clothes.
"Hey," Jisung alerts him. “Can’t watch the movie if all you’re trying to do is get on my dick- ah…”
Hyunjin’s mouth shuts his right up from one sharp suck into his skin. His tongue flattens over the fresh red plum mark. The sight of it alone makes Hyunjin want to decorate them over every inch of Jisung’s body, similar to the style of how he would paint a canvas - which he does. Over as much skin as Jisung lets him when he moves his head to allow Hyunjin to cover more skin.
“Y-You’ll…you’ll get me hard,” he warns, now unable to concentrate on the film.
Hyunjin pulls away from his neck, giving him a rest from the myriad of hickies he’ll have to worry about later, and looks him down in the eye, “that’s sort of the point.”
Their mouths draw together like magnets, like they’ve been doing for weeks. Every day they find their lips on the others or some body party of theirs. Jisung gets to relish and dawn in the softness of Hyunjin’s lips, letting him slip past further to explore his mouth. His needs not only start to show through in his pants, but in his breathing and frantic pace of trying to feel Jisung that he almost can’t keep up with him.
So he decides that he needs to contain him a bit, bring him down a few notches to reminds him that he’s not in charge - at least for now.
With that, Jisung wraps his hand right around Hyunjin’s waist and manoeuvres him onto his back. The abrupt shift in control makes him act up almost instantly. Hyunjin is grabbing at Jisung’s shirt trying pull his body back down to his, but his muscles are weak and tired from drinking that it makes it too easy for Jisung to straddle his hips and pin his hands to the side of his head.
“Look what you’ve done to yourself,” he tells Hyunjin right in his ear while he rolls his ass down over the dick that's hardening underneath him. "Gonna be fucking begging when I'm through with you."
At that point, the pair had gone beyond the fact of not completing a full movie night. With the way that Jisung continues to pin Hyunjin back and exchange the manifold of hickies across the planes of his throat and neck. If anyone walked into the apartment, they would’ve thought vampires truly existed with the way Jisung’s mouth was latched onto his best friend’s skin.
“T-The movie,” Hyunjin stammers hopelessly with his words. “Jisung…the movie…”
Jisung lets out a sinister chuckle as he pushes himself back up to take off his shirt and tosses it somewhere around the lounge, "fuck the movie. You started this. This is what you wanted, isn't it? To rile me up and now you've gone all shy on me."
Hyunjin doesn't listen. His first instinct is to reach out and grab Jisung’s waist, to caress his hand freely for a few moments before gliding down and grasping the flesh over his hips. The slight sting in it makes him buck his hips forward and over Hyunjin’s clothed cock, making him groan lowly. He could cum easily like this - so easily and has done.
Every position they get into to practically dry hump each other, he always imagines that this is what it would be like if Jisung was riding his throbbing cock. To cum inside him and watch his face contorts the way that it does whenever Hyunjin makes him orgasm.
That thought sparks a wire in his brain, causing him to suddenly jerk his hips up and into Jisung. He smirks down at him, soaking up the state of the man beneath him. The hickies, red and wet kissable lips, dozy eyes that slowly blink up at him…
“You’re so fucking gorgeous,” Jisung mutters in exasperation like he's never seen Hyunjin's body before. “Just wanna f-”
Blaring on the coffee table next to all of the opened snacks was Jisung’s phone, he quickly bends over to the side to reach for it in urgency while still trying to straddle. Hyunjin twists his body carefully with Jisung still on top, picking the remote off the floor that had fallen after being pinned back. He pauses the movie for a moment to let Jisung answer his call. 
A small weight sinks in his stomach as he speaks in shock, “it’s Chan."
"M-Maybe you should answer it," Hyunjin tries his best to talk over the exponential rate of how much he is turned on right now.
“Hello?” He answers.
“Jisung! Do you not answer your texts? I sent about six just before!”
He pulls his phone away from his ear and checks his notifications. His friend was right, Jisung had in fact missed his messages. But not on purpose of course. If he hadn't been so busy provoking Hyunjin whose hands started sliding up Jisung’s thighs, dangerously close to his tented crotch, he would've seen the texts.
Hyunjin's fingertips delicately trace over where Jisung's cock begins to harden. His eyebrows furrow immediately as Chan continues speaking on the other end of the line about how he’s still surprised that Jisung didn’t answer him right away. 
“You’re always on your phone, I thought you might’ve been quick to respond,” says Chan.
“Oh, yeah not this time,” he responds truthfully, to some degree. “I’ve been watching Harry Potter all evening and-“
The words ready to leave Jisung's mouth die before they make it out as Hyunjin mischievously, and very clearly, starts to palm Jisung’s hard length over his pants. It didn’t take him that long to start leaking from his tip, creating a very visible dark patch over his shorts.
“…and-“
Hyunjin then reaches into the slot of the material, past his boxers and frees his cock. For a few moments, he takes away his hand just to admire how Jisung looks right now. The fact that he tried to finish what Hyunjin started, only to have the tables turned on him again. He flushes with embarrassment at the fact that without Hyunjin’s grasp around his length, his dick was able to stand tall on its own; so needy and desperate for touch. 
“And what?” Chan’s voice suddenly startles him out of his situation.
“And I just lost track of time, that’s all,” Jisung continues as calmly as he can.
“No worries. I haven’t watched Harry Potter in years. I think the last might’ve been Prisoner of Azkaban? No, Goblet of Fire? It was the one where…”
Chan’s voice drifts out of Jisung’s mind despite the fact that he’s right in his ear on the other line. His face contorts at the sudden pleasure he receives as Hyunjin takes hold of his neglected cock once more. His eyes dart sharply down to his own length and the large hand which begins to slowly tug. 
“…he gets chosen for the tournament when he really didn’t put his name into the cup…”
Jisung brings a shaky hand to his mouth, covering it immediately so as to mask and muffle something that could end up as a future regret. Hyunjin knows all too well what sort of sounds can come out of that mouth of his too, for it has reverberated around the walls of his apartment, stifled into his pillows, caught in the back of his throat which usually serves as a path for Hyunjin’s cum these days.
He’s heard it all before. 
For Jisung to keep a lid on all of those possibilities is a smart move, especially if they want to uphold the secrecy of their situation.  
“…and I’m pretty sure it’s the one where Cedric dies.” 
“Y-Yeah,” he responds shakily. “That’s the one we - I’m watching at the moment.”
“Maybe I should rewatch the first two,” Chan suggests to himself. “It’s the only series I can actually watch and understand without it being too complicated. I tried watching Lord of the Rings before but it’s too…”
Once more, Chan’s voice becomes a distant sound as Jisung tries to stop himself from bucking his hips into Hyunjin’s hand. But it’s not possible. He can’t just ignore the fact that he’s been horny since Hyunjin made him all hot and bothered, and now he’s built up to maximum capacity where his body craves release.  
“So what time suits you?” Chan asks randomly.
“Time for what?” Jisung responds back in confusion, his mind blending together like mush when Hyunjin has gotten into a steady pace.” 
“To hang out tomorrow!” 
“Oh, right! Ah - um, lunchtime? Twelve…” He suggests, his hips still rutting.
“Alright sounds good. I’ll see you there okay?” Chan asks.
“I’m cumming - I mean, I-I’ll come! I’ll be coming - going there,” Jisung stammers terribly with his words. “F-Fuck sorry, just…I’ll see you tomorrow.” 
Chan laughs on the other end of the line, “see you then.” 
Jisung has never hung up faster, the phone toppling out of his possession as he rocks his hips into Hyunjin’s grasp. It also gave him the ability to rut his ass against Hyunjin’s hard length below him. Then within a split second, the lid that Jisung was trying so hard to contain over what his body needed to do, came off.
“Fuck, gonna cum, m’cumming!” He cries out. 
Hyunjin grins, and does not dare let up on his hand twisting and gliding on the length currently in his power, “I heard you the first time. How humiliating would that have been for you if Chan realised you were getting a handjob. Too bad he can't hear you whining so pathetically-“
Air hitches in Jisung’s throat, and for a few seconds too long Hyunjin looks into his eyes and sees tears welling up. A terrible, cold sinking feeling expands in his stomach, making him realise that he just said something awful to Jisung. 
“W-Wait, I’m sorry, I didn’t-
It was too late. Loud moans rupture violently through Jisung’s chest - ones that Hyunjin knows his neighbours are familiar with by now because by no means is Han Jisung quiet. He will let Hyunjin know how he’s making his body feel now explodes from immense pressure. 
His rutting against Hyunjin’s cock becomes staggered as a result of trying to chase his orgasm. Jisung clutches onto Hyunjin’s shirt, the fabric balling up tightly along with his fist. He can’t stop, he doesn’t want to stop, until eventually that buildup releases erratically in flows of white that spill over his tip and dribble down Hyunjin’s hand. Jisung had never cum that hard from a handjob before. 
He finishes gasping for air when he starts coming down, slowly rocking his ass over Hyunjin’s crotch to ease himself off the euphoria. Beneath him is a different story. 
Hyunjin was mortified for making him cry, so shocked that he was frozen and couldn’t take his hand off of Jisung’s dick. But that didn’t matter. Jisung had the intention of finishing what he started, to feel so good that all his problems melted away. 
Hyunjin sits up immediately, so close to Jisung’s face as he needs to check in with his friend, “are you okay? I’m so, so sorry, I don’t even know why I said that. It just...it just came out of my mouth.” 
He wipes his eyes after a couple of tears fell down his face in the process of dry riding Hyunjin. Part of what just happened makes him laugh breathily and nods, “yeah. I’m okay.”
“Jisung, I’m really, really sorry,” he quickly says and means it, trying to look him in the eye.
“No, oh my god don’t be sorry,” he assures him. “I’m fine, seriously.”   
“Then…then why are you crying?” Hyunjin asks the million dollar question, still acting out of horror. 
He gives a lazy shrug, “I dunno how to explain it properly, but I like that kind of talk. It just…yeah. I’m not too sure. I suppose I teared up because I haven't actually cum that hard before.” 
“I…didn’t know you were into…that,” Hyunjin doesn’t know how to reply to that type of statement, now that he just found out his friend likes being humiliated. Out of all things Jisung would be into, it had to be that.
“There’s a lot of things you don’t know,” he replies, leaning over to the coffee table just a bit to pick up the box of tissues to clean Hyunjin’s hand. 
“W-What did Chan want?” He asks even though he doesn't want to stray away from the topic to make sure his friend is still okay.
Jisung slides off of his body and in between his legs rather awkwardly. From this stance, it’s easy to see the large tent in Hyunjin’s pants that he was grinding on as he made himself comfortable. He smooths the palm of his hand over Hyunjin's hard length and slowly back down. In doing so forces a couple of strained sighs out of his mouth. 
“Wants to hang out tomorrow,” he answers, reaching into Hyunjin’s shorts to feel his hard cock. The same cock that keeps him coming back, that makes him feel heated and irrational. 
In Jisung’s opinion, anyone would be lucky to have someone like his friend in front of him. Even though they haven’t had sex, he knows how Hyunjin fucks, having seen the way he made you cum weeks ago - it only makes Jisung wonder what it would be like to actually cum around Hyunjin’s cock. 
It’s what he wants, needs in fact whenever they’re together.
Hyunjin bites his lip and throws his head down onto the couch, “y-you going to?” 
“Course I am,” Jisung replies, thumbing over the dark pink tip that leaks clear glossy precum. “Need to ask him about Y/N and what the situation is there.” 
A dreadful ball of weight pummels Hyunjin from behind when he hears your name in the same sentence as ‘Chan’. Not to mention, as Jisung said, your ‘situation’ with him currently which Hyunjin doesn’t want to process. He likes being oblivious to the fact that Chan is sleeping with you. That he gets to fill you up, that he just gets to see you. Whether Jisung was telling the truth or not about you and him sleeping together, he acts as if you’re not to save himself from the reality of it. 
“D-Do you really need to?” Hyunjin asks hesitantly, fumbling terribly with his words as Jisung lowers his head down and licks one long stripe from the base of Hyunjin’s cock, right to his dark pink tip.
“Yes,” he confirms, but doesn’t truly tell him why for reasons far too similar to his friend here. 
After giving his answer, Jisung sinks his mouth onto Hyunjin’s cock, just half of it to tease him. Bobbing his head a couple of times causes Hyunjin’s to grab the side of the couch while the other flies to land on top of Jisung’s head. 
“What if…if he doesn’t say anything?” He questions breathlessly. 
Jisung pops back up, and leans over Hyunjin’s abdomen to ask him in his face, his question bears some perspective to the situation, “do you want me to blow you, or not?”
Hyunjin uses the hand that’s not ready to brace his body by the side of the couch and tucks a long lock of Jisung’s dark brown hair behind his ear, “yes.”  
“Then please shut your mouth and let me,” he demands. 
It wasn’t hard for Hyunjin’s eyelids to shut and squeeze together. Receiving a blowjob from Jisung always feels like he’s had his soul sucked out of him; he doesn’t know where he learned it, but isn’t complaining either because it put Hyunjin to sleep ten minutes after they cleaned themselves up. By the time he and Jisung crawled into bed together, he had forgotten having the conversation with Jisung about you and Chan. Yet, only to be reminded of it the following day when Jisung woke up at half past eleven in the morning. 
He was scheduled to meet Chan at one of his favourite lunch spots nearby and was in no mood to meet him. Being the morning person he is not, Jisung found himself struggling immensely to get out of bed and Hyunjin’s long arms that were encasing him. 
Although he didn’t feel like leaving, he thought it would be best to just go as it had been a while since he saw Chan last. More importantly, he needed to confront him about what’s going on. Mainly for his own piece of mind.
He remembers something in his stomach sinking when he read that text on your phone. Despite the intense shock he felt when he discovered that you and Chan were hooking up, he wasn’t able to diverge from his own feelings. Something which he struggles to get across and might depending on the outcome of the lunch with one of the people in question. 
Jisung steps out of the shower with a towel around his waist as he goes to sit on the end of the bed to open some of the drawers to his dresser. He pulls out a cream coloured jersey, some underwear, and a pair of sweatpants.
The fact that he needs to borrow so many articles of clothing is just another potent reminder that he should be packing and taking an overnight bag whenever he goes to hang out with Hyunjin. Nine times out of ten, Jisung will always say he’s only coming over for the afternoon then ends up staying for more than one day at a time.   
The sheets ruffle beneath Hyunjin’s body as he stirs himself awake. He sits up, bed head on full view and eyes barely open, “what are you doing?” 
“Borrowing some clothes,” Jisung answers trying to ignore how hot his morning voice sounds. “I’ll bring you back some food to compensate.” 
“You said that last time,” he grumbles sleepily. “I’m also down four of my favourite jerseys because of you.”
Jisung throws on the material over his top half before crawling his way on the mattress to Hyunjin. He kisses him unexpectedly yet expectedly on the lips.
“Just go back to sleep,” he whispers. “I’ll see you after.”
With his confirmation, Hyunjin’s top half flops back against the mattress before Jisung pulls the white duvet back over his body, tucking him in. He had no trouble falling back asleep when Jisung lightly brushes some strands of his hair out of his face. However, without the distraction of him touching Hyunjin, Jisung couldn’t help but feel nervous.
He already knew that you and Chan were sleeping together. That text long affirmed that. Yet for how long and what for remained to be a sickening twist of fearful questions lugging Jisung’s stomach down. He didn’t really want to hear the answers from Chan if he can even stomach that conversation. He didn’t want to hear ‘yes we’ve been fucking’ or the ‘yeah, it’s true’ answers. 
In saying that, Jisung has a trait of bottomless curiosity. That itch to find out for his own personal gain was going to make or break him. At that, he dons on the matching coloured sweats, grabs his phone and wallet, and then heads out of Hyunjin’s apartment. 
After a train ride away, it doesn’t take long for Jisung to arrive, and apparently not for Chan either, who was already seated, waiting for his friend. An assortment of dishes had already been brought to the table, making Jisung realise how hungry he was since breakfast was no longer. 
“How the fuck did you get here so fast, you live on the other side of the city,” Jisung exclaims to him from behind as he approaches.
“Hey. I couldn’t wait any longer because I was hungry,” Chan complains in a whiny tone. “Came here earlier to order, so I couldn’t wait.”
“Good, that makes things easier because I didn’t know what I was going to get anyway,” he replies and sits down in the booth opposite Chan. He hasn't changed much. Then again, it hasn't been too long since he's seen him last. “Been busy?”
He shakes his head, “you have no idea.” 
“Thought you might’ve been,” Jisung responds, eyeing him intently to see if he gives off even the subtlest signs of a lie. “Haven’t seen you in almost a month, what’ve you been up to?” 
Chan shrugs, “work and tutoring some of these students at the University.” 
Jisung gives a firm nod, believing him and understanding how tiresome that must be to help teach students. It’s not until he pauses and realises that Uni semesters haven’t started yet. Even summer semester students are on break. He could’ve called him out on his bullshit now to see what answers he would get, but for the sake of wanting to find out other information, he keeps that to himself. 
“Shit, sounds tough,” Jisung sympathises with him, or at least tries to if he was lying.
“How ‘bout you?” 
“Same old. Working - you’re still coming to Jeju right?” He asks on a different subject.
“Yeah, of course. I took leave for it,” Chan answers as a puzzled look then befalls on his face. For a moment, his eyes narrow at Jisung, or rather his chest, trying to decipher what’s wrong with the picture he’s currently seeing. 
“What?” He asks, trying to follow his gaze.  
“You and Hyunjin have the same jersey,” Chan points out, realising what the flaw was. 
“Oh, I know, that loser keeps copying everything I wear,” Jisung quickly plays it cool because unbeknownst to Chan, it is in fact Hyunjin’s jersey. 
“Why are you wearing a scarf by the way?” Jisung tries to direct the attention away from himself
He hadn’t noticed the black item wrapped warmly around Chan’s neck until he began to panic whilst digging up something else to switch topics. The heat Jisung feels like he’s already being dragged under was starting to make him feel uneasy.
“The same reason you’re wearing a jersey on a thirty degree day,” Chan fires back just as fast but more nonchalantly to just about make Jisung sweat. 
It forces him to wonder what on earth this reason is that his friend is talking about, and why he’s being so cryptic. 
His face twists into confusion, mildly surprised when he realises Chan is trying to clock him for something that he doesn’t even know about or what for. Then again, it’s Chan. When is he not this observant? 
“And what reason is that?” He responds with an accusatory tone. 
Chan doesn’t answer, not directly. He only lifts his chin up slightly and points to his own throat, confusing the hell out of Jisung as to what he means. When it’s clear that the message can’t cross his mind, Chan rolls his eyes, and reaches into his pockets to take out his phone. He pulls up the selfie camera mode and hands it to Jisung to look at. 
Apart from seeing his own reflection, he can see something else; a few splotches of dark, reddish marks littered all over his throat. At first he thought he had a rash, but wasn’t too sure what he was looking at. However, upon closer inspection, he moves the camera a bit closer to his throat and takes a photo on Chan’s phone to see it better. 
After his quick analysis, Jisung knew instantly what they were. More importantly, who it came from. Hickies, and from none other than the only person he’s been messing around with, Hyunjin. Jisung didn’t even bother covering them up.
He hastily hands Chan’s phone back after deleting the photo, “so what?”
“Suppose you forgot you had them, judging by your reaction,” Chan guessed correctly, completely stumping Jisung who’s nearly lifting his own body off his seat as he tries to come up with an argument. 
“Well…I suppose you didn’t know that I know you and Y/N are fucking which explains the scarf too but here we are!” He blurts out before he even has time to think about stopping the words from coming out of his mouth.
Chan’s hand stalls over the pot of stew while Jisung’s lips are pursed together. All the colour in his face has drained, almost making him feel lightheaded that he just said that out loud. In saying that, this is exactly the topic he wanted to discuss - you and Chan. He just wasn’t expecting the conversation to meander in such a way that nearly exposes himself and threw him way off the track of ever raising the subject. 
“And what makes you think that?” Chan resumes ladling some of the hot stew into his bowl of rice. 
Jisung knows that you can’t unring a bell so makes the split decision and decides to come clean, “I was using Y/N’s phone for something, and that’s where I saw a text message from you, hinting that you guys were sleeping together.”
“Ah,” Chan recalls immediately at the sudden confession. “From that little truth or dare game you, her and Hyunjin played?” 
Jisung’s jaw unhinges, staring across the table towards his friend who seems to be a search engine for the topic of ‘everything Jisung has done lately.’ Nearly every minute that passes, Chan slaps him with a new fact that his friend wasn’t expecting him to know. 
“You - but, how did- did Hyunjin-“
Chan’s already shaking his head before Jisung can muster a proper sentence, “Hyunjin never said a word. In fact he hasn’t been replying to my texts so I haven’t heard from him.”
“Then…then Y/N?” 
“Well it couldn’t have been you or anyone else that was there.” 
Jisung isn’t angry. He’s just shocked that he keeps getting one upped. Chan finding out that Jisung had a threesome with two of his best friends - one of them who he’s been fucking for some time now too - was far more of a juicy topic than just you and Chan seeing each other casually, which Jisung still doesn’t know the full details of. 
“Said she had never cum like that in her entire life,” Chan adds, burying Jisung another meter or so deeper into this hole of new scandalous information. 
His body freezes over. Suddenly, it’s not thirty degrees and everything feels cold. Jisung doesn’t ever really hear Chan talk about his sex life. Even when he was in a relationship with his ex, each of his friends tried to dissect as many details about it as they could. But they were never successful. That was a result of keeping things as private and low key as possible. 
Nevertheless, Chan’s crude and very straightforward words had knocked Jisung right off his feet. The fact that you had told him what must’ve been very clear details of that night at Hyunjin’s was a sign that it still lingered on your brain. Part of his ego secretly swells with joy because of it.
“Then I felt like I needed to outdo you guys after that,” he adds.
“What do you mean?” Jisung questions with a tone of an impending doom that looms over him. 
Chan smiles sweetly, memories stirring of that night in particular he had with you. It had to be one of the best times by far to him, “you know what I mean.”
Jisung’s skin stings with scorching hot jealousy; he knows exactly what Chan means. The fact of the matter is that he can’t believe he’s saying these types of things to him. Then again, there’s only one reason why Jisung would be so affected by it and he didn’t want to display that in front of Chan without figuring out what it means. But whatever it is that’s tugging at the organ beating hard and fast in his chest, makes him furious. 
“Alright then,” he replies unfazed as he possibly could, swallowing the tough pill before realising there was one other thing he wanted to mention. “Suppose you guys are still seeing each other.”
Chan looks Jisung right in his eyes as he slowly retracts the spoon out of his mouth, “maybe.” 
“So yes then.”
“What does it mean to you?” He tests him, almost sadistically.
“It means nothing to me,” Jisung answers rather bitterly and nastily, his entire aura switching up before he finds a new tether to lure the spotlight away from himself. “Just the fact that I told the others about you two, and they made a bet.”
Chan looks up, “a bet?”
“None of them believed me, so they made a bet to see whether you guys were or not even though I said so.” 
If he didn’t have food in his mouth, Chan would’ve laughed, instead a disgruntled chuckle came out along with a couple of specs of his rice, “course they wouldn’t! Why would they believe that the two polar opposite people would be screwing behind everyone’s back?”
“You're not mad?” Jisung checks to be sure.
He shakes his head, “course not, dunno if Y/N won’t be though. She said she likes keeping things pretty private-“
“Clearly not if she told you she had a threesome,” Jisung cuts him off at that point. 
“Well, there’s some exceptions to that,” Chan shrugs, finishing off his bowl of rice. “I don’t know if this means anything to you but, she wouldn’t shut up about sleeping with you and Hyunjin. She told me every single detail like for instance, when you and Hyunjin made out-“
The tongs fall out of Jisung’s tight grip and clatter onto the table. He brings his hands up to his eyes, covering his entire face to hide whatever embarrassing feelings that start to simmer on the surface. However, Chan didn’t seem to care and continued on with his points to prove. 
“-how she liked it when you went down on her, how you watched Hyunjin fuck her - I told you what I meant about the details, right? Anyway,” he says. “She was raving about it. And yet, when she and I started seeing each other casually, she said that she didn’t want me to tell anyone else. That I needed to take what we have to the grave.”
Jisung removes his hands away from his face and looks down at his own food, unsure if he can stomach any more of it with the way the conversation has been handled. The more he talks and thinks about you, the more he feels like he’s being filled up with this bad gloomy feeling. He has to wonder if Chan is just being plain cruel to him by dumping all of his thoughts and information onto him.
He has to wonder, would it have been better to stay oblivious rather than being teased with snippets of what you’ve been saying to Chan these past few weeks. Hearing about how much you enjoyed yourself with him and Hyunjin yet haven’t directly spoken to them since that night. 
“What are you saying?” Jisung questions, tired with the bullshit that’s starting to spike in their discussion. 
“The fact that she wants to keep our…activities a secret from people and rather them not find out about us, yet is the first to speak highly of what you, her and Hyunjin did, means something more than you think.” 
More than he thinks? Jisung can’t understand what that could’ve possibly meant. He sits there, bewildered and stumped. Unsure of what else to say.
“Right,” he responds. 
Chan watches him warily, trying to gauge his behaviour as he decides to change the topic, “so, what’s on the table for this bet?” 
Jisung quickly pries himself away from his messy mind and answers, “losers have to buy a days’ worth of food when we go to Jeju.”
Chan nods, impressed as he reaches for more meat on the grill and loads it into his bowl, “even less of a reason to be mad. Looks like I’ll be eating for free either way.” 
"Yeah, looks like it."
The span of Jisung's vocabulary seemed to fail him. That and the fact that he didn't really want to talk anymore. Yes, it was good to see one of his best friends, but the circumstances that developed throughout their lengthy conversation made him wish he stayed in bed with Hyunjin just the extra bit longer so he would have to cancel lunch.
He managed to finish off small bowls of food to not make himself appear out of character. One whiff of anything remotely aberrant on Jisung's behalf, and Chan would hold him hostage in the restaurant until he tells him what's wrong. Despite that, Chan noticed something off anyway.
He saw the way Jisung's face fell when he confirmed that he was sleeping with you. He saw how his shoulders drooped and then picked up when he mentioned that you told him about the night at Hyunjin's. He saw how defensive and sceptical Jisung became whenever he would just simply mention you.
He saw that Jisung was hiding something.
When both friends had finished enjoying their meals, they were greeted with a downpour of rain that would have them seeking refuge under the veranda of the restaurant once they were outside. Just before they bid farewell to each other, Chan quickly turns to Jisung and calls out.
“It’s okay if you like her,” he says out of nowhere. “Y/N and I are not what you might think we are and we made it clear to each other that we never will be. There’s nothing between her and I, just so you know.”
Jisung stares at him, not showing any emotions on his face even though deep down, his brain and insides are whirring with emotions he can't even fathom, “I don’t like her like that.” 
Chan laughs at him, unfazed with the sudden tension that seems to be slicing through them, “keep telling yourself that. See you next week.” 
Through the deluge of rain and shadows from the dark, dense clouds above, Chan runs off in the opposite direction to where he needs to head home. Jisung stands there defeated and shocked that Chan is onto his tail that he likes you. He knew that heading into meeting up with him meant that the truth was going to come out one way or the other. Suppose it was just not on his terms.
It stirs many thoughts as he throws his hood up and ducks out into the rain to head to the train station and back to the safety of Hyunjin.
When he returns, Jisung keys in the passcode to unlock the door to the apartment, and is smothered with a waft of a sweet decadent scent. Standing in the kitchen, Hyunjin was at the stove flipping over what looked to be pancakes which suddenly reminded Jisung-
“Fuck, oh my god. The food, I forgot to even order it,” Jisung groans when he closes the door behind him.
Hyunjin turns the element dial on low and spins around to lean on the counter, away from the stove tops, "it's okay. I felt like something sweet anyway."
Jisung sighs. It felt right to be back with Hyunjin once more even though he had only been out for a couple of hours. In saying that, his conversation with Chan was good but draining. It’s not that he doesn’t like him for telling him the truth, there’s absolutely no doubt about that. Chan is and will always be his friend.
There is no emotional connection between you and him and that’s all that matters to Jisung. However, it’s just the truth in itself that he has an issue with - you hooking up with Chan every now and then that is. It makes him feel uneasy and almost makes him feel like he’s doing something immoral by just sitting back and watching it happen.
The reality stings where he doesn’t like it so pushes himself from the edge of the bench and walks into Hyunjin’s body to retreat from his thoughts. Slightly taken aback but not oblivious to the strange display of emotions Jisung is presenting, Hyunjin sets the spatula down beside him and hugs his friend back. 
“You okay?” He questions, concern dripping all over his face.
Jisung nods his head on his chest, “yeah. Just socialising, now I’m tired.”
It wasn’t a lie, but not the truth either. Regardless, Hyunjin takes his word for it without thinking twice about it. He had completely forgotten why Jisung had gone to see Chan for in the first place.
“Wanna nap together?” 
“Didn’t you just wake up?” Jisung pulls one arm away from Hyunjin’s body while the other still rests there so that he can rub his eyes. 
"Well," Hyunjin looks away from him. "That's beside the point. Just...missed you is all too.”
"Cute," he grumbles, ignoring what the weight of those words truly means. "I should pack for next week though because knowing me, I'll leave everything until the last minute."
Hyunjin lets out a long sigh. He hasn't even thought about putting a suitcase together yet either, "true. I should probably start packing as well."
"Okay then let’s both get ready," Jisung looks up at him before leaning in to plant a soft kiss on Hyunjin's lips, slowly pulling away and says quietly; "see you in Jeju."
Hyunjin responds, look at him, “see you in Jeju.”
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not a specific prompt im just a whore for kas!eddie being utterly obsessed w Regular Guy steve harrington & i think it'd be funny if they tried to just have a normal hangout w the party & eddie absolutely cannot be normal & just like gargoyles around or something
sorry about the wait, writer's block hit me pretty hard again but i did it!!! i hope it's to your tastes and that you have a very happy birthday!!!
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So here's the thing.
Eddie could have been a vegetarian.
It was a whole thing when he was like thirteen years old and had just watched a very, very terrible movie that involved a lot of gore and too many metaphors about chickens. It fucked him up so bad that he refused any of Wayne's meat-infested meals, from pies to hot dogs to fucking sandwiches.
He did end up caving after one too many weeks of hiding in his room when the smell of delicious, juicy steak (it wasn't really a steak but fuck if he knew the difference) wafted around the trailer. He cried the entire time while he ate but Wayne pat him on the head and said he was still proud of him for making it that far.
Anyway, the point is Eddie could have sworn to look at nothing but vegetables and grass his whole life.
He's never been so glad that he didn't.
Not when Steve, the absolute fucking dork that he is, is eating his burger in the messiest way possible just to prove to Robin that he could do worse.
 Eddie can't tear his eyes away.
The way the dark, twilight blue of that Henley somehow makes his skin look that much warmer, the way his smile is riddled with sauce and lettuce, the way his eyes squeeze shut when -
"You can't eat Steve."
Eddie blinks, and turns his head to find Dustin with his arms crossed, his face squished into a grim expression.
Eddie tilts his head.
"I'm serious, you promised you wouldn't eat anybody -"
"I don't want to eat Steve," Eddie rasps out, his tail flicking against the wall. It's cold, the surfaces of everything in this house is too cold. He's almost desperate enough to burrow his way into the couch, just so he can soak up the warmth of Steve and Robin, even if their eating habits are disgusting.
Dustin glances at Steve, who's already got a tissue and is jamming into Robin's cheek with a laugh, and frowns at Eddie. "You're sure? Because you've been staring at him like, all day."
Sighing, Eddie resettles himself on the island counter so he's sitting cross-legged and continues to watch Steve. "I know."
There's a pause.
"That's it?" Dustin says incredulously. "That's all you have to say?"
"Have you ever seen someone so intrinsically against everything you've ever believed in that's somehow also the exact poster child for what you should aim to achieve?"
He hears Dustin blink. "What -"
"He's just so -" Eddie flails a hand, his tail mirroring the motion. "Benign! And yet, he possess the strength, the fearlessness of a man on the battlefield -"
"Why are you using your DM voice -"
"And yet again, he will sit there, with a perfect swoop to his hair, an innocence to his eyes and a delicate sweetness to his tongue and he will ask that you believe him to be harmless."
Another pause.
"Okay, that was a little weird -"
"And you will!" Eddie leaps onto his feet, standing above Dustin with power raging through his veins as the head rush of a monologue captures him. "You will believe that fine, gracious man to be harmless! As long as you don't - look - back."
"Eddie, get down from the counter."
With a laugh, Eddie spins and his tail wiggles a hello to Steve, who looks up at him with his exasperated, innocent eyes. "My liege," Eddie says, hopping down only to slink into Steve's space and wrap his tail around his bicep. "How goes the competition?"
"Robin won -"
"As usual!" said-bird calls out from the living room.
"Yeah, as usual," Steve repeats with a lovingly snarky tone. Eddie's tail tightens. "What have I said about standing on tables, Eddie?"
"Oh but sire," Eddie murmurs as he circles Steve, ducking down just to pout up at him. Yeah, he knows the power of his big brown eyes, he knows how to use 'em. "I was simply delivering an informative, nay, crucial declaration of your -"
"Eddie."
He switches tactics. "I won't do it again?"
"You fucking better not," Steve mock-glares down at him and oh, that's a look to think about later. Hooking a finger under Eddie's tail, where it's curled around his skin, Steve gently pulls it off and walks to the sink, the warmth of his finger sending shivers down Eddie's neck.
There is a moment of silence.
"You can't fuck Steve either, by the way, it'd be like - weird. For a lot of reasons. Not because you're guys -"
"For fuck's sake, Henderson -"
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I don’t know why, but I cannot stop thinking of Tan hc’s of like caring for his partner and tending to her after she’s given birth (am I just feeling kinda fragile and thus just want Tan to coddle and care for me? Mayhaps)
you can’t just say that and expect me not to elaborate
DAD TAN WITH A NEW BABY.
dude omg!! and he'd kinda be a scatterbrain bc he's running on minimal sleep, and he's got dad scruff with his stache??????? and he looks all dishevelled and sleepy and and and CRIKEY!!!
I definitely think he's the kind that pours from an empty cup. he's tired and adjusting to the new baby etc, but he'd push himself further into discomfort to make you feel better. so like you're both tired, but he'd rather absorb your tiredness, so that you don't feel it. think im overcomplicating it?? basically he gives too much of himself so that you feel a little better
he suggests maybe sitting in the garden might do you both some good. so you're not cooped up in the house, and get some fresh air while still being safe (he's too paranoid about going out with new baby)
said this before, but he makes a mean spaghetti bolognese (it's not traditional, and it's very english) so he'd make that as a comfort meal for you. or if you don't eat meat, then forget what I just said. or gluten, then also forget what I said lol
although the new baby's needs are important to him, yours are a little above (if you're not taken care of, the whole system collapses kinda thing)
your time together as a couple is important, so you both want to utilise it. I have this cute thought of it being 3am, and you're both running on 2 hours sleep, and you're sitting on the floor by the door outside your bedroom (like in the hallway/ landing area) eating takeout food (pictured taco bell first, but that's not great for all tummies, so I'll let you imagine what you want lol) the baby is the basket beside your bed sleeping. and you're just having a cute little floor picnic. so you're still having quality time as a couple, and fitting it in where and when you can
he loves your new mum bod. says cute endearing things bc he's the cutest little lamb. he's developed father superpowers and suddenly knows how to do things (that's not to say he was incompetent (bc he never was) but things he didn't know how to do before, he can do) so he's helping you get ready for the day while you're feeding baby
cuddles on the couch with new baby sleeping in your arms??? him helping you bathe???? him helping you dress??? him trying his best to organise your things for you?? him suggesting things from the new fatherhood book he bought??? him staying up after you've fallen asleep so he can take care of baby and let you sleep a little longer??? him washing your hair??? him surprising you with deliveries he bought secretly??? him getting excited about buying baby new things?? him wearing just pj bottoms??? him just wanting to take care of you?? him?? him!! HIM!! i forgot how to breathe
DAMNIT OMG OK man woo okay okay. you've got me going on a tangent I LOVE DAD TAN sue me
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fairybaby777 · 1 year
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i cannot sleep at all, my mind is just processing everything idek. i feel tired but at the same time wide awake. i also realised that nondualism seems to be the natural progression after knowledge of law of assumption. i come across law of assumption posts now and they seem so limiting to me. one post had an anon saying “we become content with never having it in the 3d and just know we have it in the 4d and then it will materialise in the 3d” like that is SUCH an ego based way to go about it, especially from a human perspective. the law is great and all but it teaches you that you are god INSIDE your humanSelf rather than outside of it. i dont know if this makes sense but all the time when i was using the loass, i would be thinking of myself as god but from this human point and it felt very limiting. like how can little old me be a god ? maybe that was my fault and i was misinterpreting the law and missing a key step but never have i felt the feeling i get from just Being and going above the ego and realising I am everything. I can’t really explain it and obviously im not fully realised yet at all but it’s starting to click more and more and I assume the more I take my attention off my humanSelf and just observe, the easier it will be to detach completely. the end goal is just to Be. im sick of desiring all the time & falling in and out of the state. i manifested a lot with the law don’t get me wrong, but it’s this constant desiring that has me trapped. if i am god why am i always desiring? it should be instant, not a process of persistance and maintaining a certain state in order to get what i want. i shouldn’t ever even desire because i am everything, and if i am everything what is there to desire ??? how can one desire what oneSelf already IS? IT DOESNT MAKES SENSE !!! anyway, it’s 1am so im going to try and sleep again and this was a random stream of consciousness but thought id share for my own sanity (: also the people on the nonduality reddit are sooo limited. i asked a question the other day and someone told me that in order to begin this process i need to stop eating meat & blah blah blah ! anyway goodnight 🫶🏼🫶🏼
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schoenpepper · 1 month
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Breakfast (Dove Cameron)
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Intro: Trey spends a night with you, knowing full well he'll regret it all in the morning when he's left staring at empty sheets.
Warnings: bad writing, awful grammar, not proofread i just wanna get these over with tbh, one night stands and kinda shmexy times, cussing im not a good gurlypops, reader kinda a hoe ngl
A/N: Good boy Trey yes yes yes yes
Masterlist
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Your smoke in my hair
Hot and dirty like the L.A. air
That face, baby, it ain't fair
But you don't know what you don't know
What you don't know, uh
"You look so cute like this, right underneath me, hm~?" When you coo so softly in that sweet voice of yours, Trey is gone. His mind blanks and his bones soften into the mattress. He focuses on everything but you; the sound of cars honking down the street by his shitty apartment, the smog clouding his window, the feeling of linen sheets crumpled in his clenched fists, the smell of cooling blueberry muffins on the countertop. It's overwritten by you, and now your beautiful face is all he sees, your scent is making everything hazy, your hands are slowly gliding down his bare chest and he wants to either hold you close or push you off. He's not left with much of a choice when you straddle his lap and trail your lips from his neck up to his ear, nibbling on the skin.
"Good boy. Stay still for me."
Fuck, your praise gets him impossibly hard, but he's too stubborn to let his voice leak. He doesn't want you to know the control you have over him. When you grind down on him so ridiculously slow, his hips buck up uncontrollably, and there's so much shame tinging his face when he hears you laugh at him. "So impatient. It's okay baby, I'll take real good care of you."
Ooh-ooh, so you wanna talk about power?
Ooh-ooh, let me show you power
Passivity has brought him to the best midpoint of life. As long as he keeps to his close-knit circle of friends and studies hard, he'll be able to get through college with normal grades, get a normal job, find a normal lover, live a normal life. He doesn't like the stress that comes with being extraordinary, no, he's seen enough of that just from Riddle alone. Trey keeps his head down because passivity is his only way to survive.
You stumbled into his Psych class one day and ruined him.
You and your sexy clothing and that tumbler you pretend is filled with coffee but reeks of alcohol. There's something about the way your eyes shine under the LED lights that makes him want it on himself. You're drunk, obviously, when you almost trip twice just trying to get to a seat, the one in front of him. He forces himself to look away from you.
You're trouble incarnate, that he could tell.
I eat boys like you for breakfast
One by one hung on my necklace
And they'll always be mine
It makes me feel alive
It doesn't come as a surprise when he finally hears about you from his friends.
"Y/N? They're like a total player, it's insane. Pretty sure they've slept with half the school. They spend one night with someone then up and leave, but they have like, raving reviews, if you know what I mean." Cater comments offhandedly one afternoon when they're crowded around a cafeteria table, off-white plastic trays in hand. Riddle nods at the statement before stabbing his fork through a chunk of meat. "Yes, they are quite infamous. They're also friends with those two troublemakers, the red and blue ones."
"Aren't you red too, nya?"
The shorter redhead huffs and glares at Chenya who had popped up out of nowhere. "I wasn't using it as a slur, it was just a description."
Chenya giggles. "That Y/N is no joke, Trey." He says as he taps on the edge of Trey's glasses. "A nice guy like you should steer clear, okay~?"
I eat boys like you for breakfast
And I know that you tried your bestest
I never said it's right
But I'm gonna keep doing it
"Is this seat taken?"
Trey looks up to see you, a charming smile on your face as your hand pats the chair next to him. "It's all yours." He replies. He leaves the conversation there because he wants nothing more to do with you. He focuses back to the professor and his notes.
"And thus, this assignment will have to be done in pairs."
...No.
"Whoever is next to you will be your partner, and remember, it's due next week."
No. No, he can't, he doesn't want to.
He turns to the person on his left, only to find them already chatting up someone else. "Guess you're stuck with me, huh?" You chuckle.
"Ah. My name is Trey Clover." He introduces himself because it's correct, because it's the polite thing to do even though he's aching to just up and leave rather than spend another moment with such a problematic soul—a person who's assertive and actively goes after what they want is not a person he matches too well with. Especially not in the context used for you.
"Y/N L/N. You're cute." He feels something in him shrivel up and die when you're talking. "I think I'll like working with you."
Trey barely restrains himself from physically cringing at your flirtatious wink.
I'm sick, yeah, I'm sick
And honestly, I'm getting high off it
Do you wanna see a magic trick?
'Cause you don't know what you don't know
But I know
You're not completely awful.
You're surprisingly smart, and your comments and opinions about the topic of your shared assignment hit all points dead center. He can find a way to peacefully coexist with you and be just another side character in your life, fade away in the background and be forgotten. He likes it better that way. He treats you as a decent study partner.
"Hello? Earth to Trey?"
You wave your can of cold brew in front his face. Perhaps because you'd noticed his distaste towards your favorite beer (or alcohol in general), it seems you've swapped it out for egregious amounts of coffee. It's a step in the right direction, he thinks. At least you won't be drunk in public anymore.
"Yes, sorry, where was I?"
The pen in your other hand taps on a word in the book laid out in front of him. Trey nods and pushes down the urge to push you away (or pull you closer), opting to type away in his laptop as he used the book as reference. "The library's going to close soon, we should meet up again tomorrow."
You nod and reply. "Okay, I'll see you at 10, will that work for you?"
"Sure, and..." He doesn't understand why he's doing this. "If you want, I can give you some pastries as snacks for our study session? I like to bake whenever I'm free."
You smile at him cheerfully. "I'd love that."
Ooh-ooh, so you wanna talk about power?
Ooh-ooh, let me show you power
Trey watches you snap up another macaron from the plate, and he flicks your forehead harshly. "Hands off the cookies, L/N."
"But Trey~ They look so yummy!" You pout at him very convincingly. He holds onto the last of his sanity and shakes his head, but he pops a biscuit in your mouth as consolation. You seem satisfied enough and get back to decorating the cupcakes with sparkly little heart sprinkles. After the assignment, you refused to let him play wallflower and called out to him in the halls as you passed by. He never ignores you. Eventually, greetings turned into coffee into studying together into watching movies and now he's in the kitchen of his small studio apartment baking things with you for Cater's birthday party. You're a good friend. The fact that your body count is likely in the triple digits doesn't matter when you two are just friends.
"You wanna go to mine this weekend? Some of my roommates are planning to throw a wicked party, and I want you to be there."
"I don't know, Y/N, you know parties aren't my thing."
"Oh lighten up, Clover." You laugh, picking up the piping bag to get to work on the next batch of cupcakes. "If you really don't vibe at the party we can just chill in my room. That new movie you like just came out, wanna watch it?"
He raises an eyebrow. "It's not on streaming platforms yet, is it?"
You shoot him a grin.
"Not legally, no."
I eat boys like you for breakfast
One by one hung on my necklace
And they'll always be mine
It makes me feel alive
The party is just as he expected; loud, dark, and boring as hell. He does his best to swim his way out of the sea of slick and sweaty bodies grinding against each other, promising himself mentally to take a thorough rinse in your room's shower to get back to feeling himself. Because right now, he feels like a new, unworn lost sock inside someone's pile of dirty gym clothes. He finally spots you at the edge of the crowd, like you're light at the end of the tunnel.
But you're not alone.
Some girl is all over you, practically drooling while you're nursing a cup of iced coffee.
Why does he feel awful, all of a sudden?
When your eyes find his own, you give him that signature charming smile, shrugging the scantily-clad girl off your shoulder and tackling him in a hug that made some of your coffee spill on the floor. "Trey, you made it! Oh, you look winded. Let's go to my room and get you settled."
"Excuse me?" The girl you left behind has a voice reminiscent of a fork being dragged across the surface of a balloon. You turn towards her and he catches a glimpse of an expression he'd never seen on your face before. One of cold annoyance, of freezing apathy that seemed generally unfit for someone like you, someone who's usually so bubbly and perky. "Do you have a problem?"
"My problem is that you're setting me aside for this nerd, baby, don't you miss me? What, is he your new target? You know he won't even be a good fuck."
He watches the cold anger bubble into lava-hot rage in your irises, spilling out through your lips as you glared at the lady. "First of all, I don't miss flings, darling, you're one of far too many. Second, Trey is not my target. He's my friend, you useless fucking bimbo! And third!" You look at Trey, pointing at his face. "This man is definitely a good fuck! I bet he's absolutely packing and you only wish you could get a taste of this fucking hunk!"
He blinks. Once. Twice.
He's still frozen in place when the girl runs off in tears, and you sigh as you place one hand on your hip, the other bringing the cup of coffee up to your mouth.
"Sorry Trey, past mistakes, you know how it goes. Anyway, let's go watch that movie."
I eat boys like you for breakfast
And I know that you tried your bestest
I never said it's right
But I'm gonna keep doing it
The little wallflower is wilting.
Trey thinks he might be sick. Literally? Figuratively? He doesn't know. But he's probably sick. He has to be. Golden hazel eyes flit back to you. You're sleeping so soundly atop his chest, cuddled up to him with your arms splayed out on your sides. He has his own arms wrapped loosely around you with one hand reaching up to play with your hair as your face smooshed into his chest. He wonders if you can feel his heart beat. It's a little faster than usual because he's thinking about how easy it would be to lean down and...make a mistake. It would be a mistake. You would be upset. Would you assume that he also saw you as nothing but a sex fiend if he tried to kiss you? He knows you've been making an effort to change bad habits recently, and he's been spending enough (too much) time with you that he knows you haven't had sex with anyone in a long while.
He leans his head back on the pillow.
When did this friendship start to rot and burn in his heart? When did it start to regrow and bloom into something so very not platonic? He wants to kiss you. He wants to hold you tighter. He wants to strip off all his clothes and reservations about you and find out why all the people you've slept with once upon a time keep crawling back, and he wants to have that for himself for the rest of forever.
It would destroy your friendship.
It would destroy him.
He settles for kissing the top of your head. For now, it's enough. But he knows it won't be enough for him forever.
He wants to love you.
You've been treated too roughly by the world, won't you let him take care of you? Be kind to you, the way you deserve? 
Would you let him love you?
Passivity has always brought him to the best midpoint of life. But fuck, he doesn't want to be at the midpoint. He wants you. And you, you're not in the middle, you're never there. You're out of his reach because he knows you're always moving forward, while he's always been stuck at the same place. If he throws away the ideals he's held for far too long, can he reach you?
Would you love him too?
I eat boys, I eat boys
I eat boys, I eat boys
He knows his friends disapprove of you. He can feel Riddle's stone cold glare, Chenya's dumbfounded gaze, and Cater's blank stare. "What? Are you serious, Trey?!" Cater snaps out of his daze and immediately gets to shaking Trey by the shoulders. "We told you Y/N's bad news! So you buddy up with them and then—" He lowers his voice to a hissy whisper. "—Then fall in love with them? Are you crazy?"
"This isn't like you." Riddle adds with a sigh. "You're usually more rational than this. Mature."
Yes, but there was never anything rational about love, right?
"Mya, you're really serious?!" Chenya breaks out into fits of laughter, patting Trey's shoulder. "That kinda person is really bad news for you. They'll swallow you whole and spit your bones out clean."
Trey pushes off Cater's hold on him as he finally replies to his friends. "I didn't mean to do it. It just kind of happened. And now I need advice."
"Block them."
"Ignore them."
"Avoid them."
"Advice on how to get Y/N to fall in love with me." He says, glaring at the trio.
"If you want my honest thoughts, I think Y/N is just not the kind of person made for commitment. They'll likely sleep with you for one night and then never show up again, like all the times they've done so before." Riddle takes a sip of his tea.
"Y/N isn't like that anymore."
"Oh no, Trey's down bad." Cater shakes his head. "We all assume we're the exception in the Wattpad love story and think we can fix that person. But what if that person doesn't want to be fixed?"
Chenya nods. "Or what if they can't be fixed?"
"They don't need to be fixed." Trey stands up and packs his bag. "Whatever, I should've known you guys would be no help."
"Hey, calm down!" Cater raises both hands, as if in surrender. "How about this, we will help you out, okay?"
Your smoke in my hair
Hot and dirty like the L.A. air
That face, baby, it ain't fair
But you don't know what you don't know
What you don't know
So how did he get here?
Sparkly eyeshadow and tiny rhinestones on the corner of his eyes, an emerald green low v-neck silk shirt with bubble sleeves, black slacks and a black leather belt. His finger scratches at the layered silver necklaces dripping down his clavicle and he shoots the three a questioning look. "What is this?"
"We're going to the club!" Chenya replies cheerfully.
"And how is this meant to help with my Y/N problem?"
Cater raises up his phone. "You pretend to be drunk at the club, we call them on your phone to pick you up, you can tell them your feelings when you're alone and if they reject you, you can pretend it's just drunken rambling. But if they accept your feelings, then yay!"
"Okay, but why is Riddle here?"
Riddle shrugs. "Moral support. I won't touch a drop of alcohol, though."
Thus, the plan was settled.
He's still uncomfortable with all the bodies grinding on each other, and he's forced to turn away far too many people coming onto him. His friends tell him it's because his charm was out on full swing tonight, but he still thinks they're just blinded by the spotlights and inebriated by the amount of alcohol they'd already consumed. He orders a drink at the bar to at least be tipsy when the plan is in motion.
"Hello? Trey?"
Your voice on his phone speaker echoes through the vandalized tiles of the club bathroom. Cater giggles. "Hi, this is Y/N, right? We're in the Deck of Cards club with Trey and he's like, silly drunk. Can you come pick him up please? We're calling an Uber but his apartment's in another direction and he might be kidnapped with the state he's in." Trey knows you care too much to say no.
"I'll be there in ten."
When you arrive at the club, he thinks you're as mesmerizing as the day he first saw you, even though you're only in a set of black sweats. But maybe that's just the tequila talking. "Trey, are you alright?" You cup his face and he nuzzles into your touch.
"I'll take you home, okay?"
I eat boys like you for breakfast
One by one hung on my necklace
And they'll always be mine
It makes me feel alive
You drive him back in silence. He's worried that you don't find him attractive in the getup  his friends had forced him into, but he's satisfied enough by the way you help him up the stairs to his apartment and settle down on his bed. He can hear you clinking away in the kitchen and coming back to him.
"You're gonna have a nasty hangover tomorrow." You chuckle softly while popping a pill into his mouth, followed by lifting the glass of water to his lips. He takes small sips and watches you put it away. "Why were you out clubbing tonight? That's not like you."
"I needed to get drunk."
"Why?"
Trey looks at you. "Because I did something stupid."
"Oh? And what's stupid enough to get a goodie little two shoes like you drunk?"
He takes your hand and tugs you closer to himself. He can hear loud, fast heartbeats, and you're too close for him to tell whether it's his or yours. "I fell in love with someone who fucks and runs." You burst out into laughter, and he's fearful that you're taking his words as a joke. The fear fades away when your hands wander down the dip of his shirt, a mischievous smirk forming on your pretty lips. "Lucky you, I guess. I'm a changed person now."
Trey finally understands Cater's words about you having raving reviews from your previous nightly escapades.
I eat boys like you for breakfast
And I know that you tried your bestest
I never said it's right
But I'm gonna keep doing it
When he wakes up the next day, he's sure you're gone. The side of the bed you'd borrowed for the night is still slightly warm, so you must've escaped just a few minutes ago. He lets out a sigh and runs a hand through his short green hair, patting around to try to find his glasses. His movements stop when he hears something sizzle in a pan. The smell of bacon reaches his nose the same time he puts his glasses on. Trey only has to sit up to see whether it's a hallucination or not.
He doesn't really want to.
When his hopes are dashed, what's left?
It's you.
In his stupid, frilly Hello Kitty apron, humming a stupid pop song under your breath as you swayed your hips and bobbed your head. You're mixing what he assumes to be pancake batter while his broken-down espresso machine is whirring on its last legs and making coffee for two. You stayed. That's strange, it's weird, it doesn't fit your player persona but fuck he's so glad you stayed. It rekindles the hope in his heart that maybe, just maybe, you saw him differently from all your other flings. You notice he's awake and bounce over to him in a bubbly manner he thinks it's too early in the morning for.
"Good morning, sunshine!" You beam at him and lean down to kiss his lips, still mixing the batter. "You woke up at the perfect time. How about you get your plates out and set the table? I'm making bacon, pancakes and eggs."
Somehow, he doesn't know how, he can see a future with you by his side. Just like this.
An 'I love you' was never said, but he can taste it in your pancakes.
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howlsofbloodhounds · 30 days
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might be a controversial/unpopular opinion but i headcanon that any classic variant of sans has some sort of superiority complex going on. maybe not exactly that, but they're some flavor of self-righteous, i guess?
OKAY LISTEN. i'm not saying sans is a bad guy or anything (i love him very much i swear). canon sans is written really well in the sense that he's intentionally very vague and mysterious so we can speculate a lot on his past and intentions throughout the story. idk, maybe my reading is completely off but sans appears to me as a lovable asshole, especially to someone who is a child (frisk). he likes playing around with frisk - yeah it's harmless but still his advice tends to be vague, especially when it comes to battle tips lmao. just imagine in-universe how terrible his advice comes off to a child.
and like, the restaurant scene. sans is intentionally acting all blithe about letting a child die on his watch, under a promise - like i know it's supposed to be a funny off-hand comment to the player, but in-universe again he addresses this to a child. it's just- lmao this guy has some problems for sure.
i think being self-righteous is just tied to his role as a judge as well. he's always 'right' in his judgement, because that's what he is. i think it's just interesting to explore that particular aspect of sans' personality, that he acts in what he thinks is right, and he's always right, isn't he? maybe that's why i tend to enjoy undertale stories where sans somewhat assumes the role of the antagonist - it creates some fantastic dynamic with people around him who it seems like he never really connects well.
~ crowshipping anon
Crow!! Yayy!!
And I honestly kinda vibe with this interpretation honestly. I haven’t completely finished playing all the Undertale games myself (curse my lack of motivation 😭), but I watched a few playthroughs here and there, and it seems like something that could make sense.
Especially when he’s given such an important position like a being a Judge, his opinions and judgements are likely taken seriously by Asgore.
And the thing is, you can also make an argument for this with our most popular classic variants; the Murder Time Trio. Murder justifies what he does as being better that he does it instead of the human, justifies it with that he will eventually stop the human.
Really, he may even argue that his current actions don’t really even go against his job as the Judge; he has judged that the human must be stopped, and he has to do it because he’s the only one who can. I’ve even seen some ideas going around that maybe he views himself as the Angel from the Prophecy, having judged that the Underground will be free by death.
Horror is the entire reason his Underground started eating humans, and he is also the reason that the Core is damaged beyond repair. He didn’t want to sacrifice himself for the Underground, and he survived the event that took his eye, yet he still judged that Undyne and Alphys had to pay for their betrayal—and in doing so he decided that the rest of the Underground would be doomed to starvation or eating people.
He decided to trick Horror Papyrus into eating human meat even though Papyrus very clearly did not want to, and Horror doesn’t seem all too guilty about it—even as Papyrus goes out of his way to prevent Horror from eating humans at his own request.
I’ve even seen around by bigger Horror/Horrortale fans than me that Horror’s reasons for starving himself may not even be entirely selfless—such as for a moral reason or wanting others to have more food than him. But rather because he views it as beneath him and he won’t go “that low.” How canon that is, im not sure, but it’s interesting.
Then meanwhile there’s Killer. He sneers at Swap and threatens to kill him if he ever attempts to compare himself to Killer again, he holds the beliefs and mindsets of his human that were taught to him very closely and looks down on anyone who views things differently with contempt—especially if they attempt to “force” him to view things differently.
Things like mercy or kindness or hesitation are seen as weakness and things to take advantage of in his mind. Even himself is not free from this nihilistic, fatalistic, violence and apathetic driven worldview—-looking down on himself in Stage 1.
He will go out of his way to prove himself and his views right, even if that means doing exactly what Chara did and coercing/provoking someone into killing, attacking, hurting, etc, either themselves, others, or even him.
This is exactly what he was supposed to be, and it’s pointless to try and change or hope for anything more than what he or anyone else deserves. He probably finds Murder’s attempts to justify his genocides absolutely ridiculous. And Horror to be absolutely hypocritical. (Which is why Color’s specific way of approaching Stage 2, wanting to show him a better life—something new—rather than trying to change or fix him, worked so well.)
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fangirltothefullest · 6 months
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Thoughts on the welcome home update because YES. Spoilers below the cut.
That sleep aid pill is called remderem which is almost "remember" but the d would be backwards, and its also almost "murder me" while missing the u. Is this anything? I don't know. Im always looking for names of things in args.
We have seen through two puppets eyes. First it was Wally and his discomfort and/or dissociation, and now it's Eddie's discomfort and/or dissociation. Which is fun because we've heard that Eddie would do crafts for the show and you'd just see his hands so that was a fun touch.
First iteration of the website we had mail letters (Eddie) giving us clues. Second iteration had bugs (Frank?) and active drawings (Wally?) giving us clues. Now we have symbols giving us clues and they remind me of stickers a little bit so possibly a connection to Sally? Who else would give the tiny pictures? Questions questions.
At the end of that commercial before his existential crisis, they say Eddie has been invited and they did his job for him so he could rest. Eddie does not seem happy about them doing his job for him instead of letting him do it himself. I am reminded of how clumsy with the mail he seems to be sometimes and how much work they make him do in the other audio clips. I wonder if he is feeling extremely overwhelmed but also unappreciated and that they can do all this work to help and choose not to most days? Sally insists it was easy to do and Eddie does not sound pleased.
One thing i can't stop thinking about and i have to go back and really re-watch the commercials closely, is Poppy. When they invite Eddie to the party they say everyone is there but there's no Poppy in the picture? And earlier they poured gravy on an ornament that, to me, looked very oddly shaped and almost like meat, and we hear Poppy, but we don't see her. So... a pea on a plate..... "P" on a plate? My brain could be misconstruing but did they eat Poppy and is that what he's actually seeing and is that why it's all red? I'd he seeing the reality beyond the mask? Is it more than a pea?
Eddie says "where?" In his crisis as a response to Frank calling his name. People are talking about this as if he doesn't know where he is. I agree this is a likely idea but what if he's asking where Poppy is? Do we ever actually see her in any of the videos or do we just hear her?
Wally has feelings a lot which is good to confirm he has feelings! Eddie also said he would be happy with an apple every single day and my he is an innocentbautism creature wally agenda is flourishing.
The amount if commercials has me fascinated because people used to do that for TV shows (still do but those earlier type ones welcome home is referencing is spot on) commercials for basically everything is accurate and what is funny is the accuracy of what each person is selling. Howdy with the cigarette commercial- he takes every opportunity to sell you something no matter what even if it's not good for you. Sleepy looking Wally selling you sleeping pills happy with the thought of the dream.
Wally being nervous about getting the holiday correct. Is it because he's never done it or ia Home going to hurt him?
Did home hurt Eddie because he was upset during the party? It sure fucking looks like it with home watching him so intensely. Does the chair have something to do with it?
Eddie's scribbled writing reminds me of the people trying to decipher the code on the safe.
On the secret pages it's signed "-W." But it talks as if it's a human person who watched the show and is working either the WHRP team. It also talks too grown up to be wally. Who is this?? Is it the same person from the terrified scribbles of the hidden page previously? It seems maybe so because of referencing needing the cleanup.
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