#all my friend told me was it gets worse :)
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Prompt 84
Amity Park absolutely adores her little ghostling, her little Gatekeeper who was of her own ectoplasm, reborn from her own blood in the center of her new heart. She absolutely adores her baby, practically a newborn, being only a year dead!
So of course she had to gush and boast about her little phantom to the other city spirits! They all got together to gossip sometimes after all. And both Smallville and Fawcett started to gush about their own little ones back!
Gosh they should set up a playdate at some point, her little phantom could use some friends in the mortal realm. Well some more friends, three is obviously not enough. Oh, Gotham and Bludhaven have come over as well! It’s a playdate then!
Now if only each of their world’s timelines were synced up, but at least everyone is around the same age!
#dcxdp#dpxdc#City Children Au#Prompts#Each city is from a different timeline lol#Bruce is an angy 16 year old vigilante and was Not prepared to be the oldest#Dick hasn't told them his birthday#and isn't revealing he's older than this Bruce by a few months#Clark is just happy to make friends and he brought pie! his ma and him made it!#Dick is wheezing at these itty bitty versions of Bruce and Clark- this is great and hilarious and oh god he has to protect them#Billy is chanting to do it whenever someone has a Bad Idea- He's just become the Champion of Magic & the gods encourage it#Danny is delighted to have more friends and he's not the oldest Or the youngest so yay!#they're having fun#lots of fun in all their timelines and in the realms too#if they get in trouble they call their city-parents#“Alfred says I'm a polite young man. He also says that if someone tries to grab me to use my teeth”#“Sounds about right” “Mood” “Biting is always good” “But what about diseases??”#“Hey Danny you like alien stuff right- do you think you can help me and the others translate this it came from the ship i was on”#“Omg Billy you should teach us mortal magic and we can teach you are stuff”#Dick: I don't wanna be the responsible one so I'm going to encourage them all to be Worse :)#At some point the squad is going to end up in some other timeline and confuse the fuck out of the JL lol#dick grayson#danny fenton#billy batson#clark kent#bruce wayne
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yeah so that scene where mike kicks down the fort in his basement in s1 is definitely supposed to be paralleled by will taking down castle byers in s3. just if anyone cares about when mike turned his back on being a kid.
#stranger things#80s#the duffer brothers#byler#miwi#will byers#mike wheeler#byler endgame#st5#ive heard people say it symbolizes him losing trust in el#and thats a good interpretation#until you watch the next scene where he's talking to dustin and feeling bad for how he treated el#like it would work...#but NO#because he takes the fort down right after he#1: is told that his attempts to find will are actually doing the opposite and ensuring he's left to die in the upside down#2: is accused of caring more about being liked by a girl than saving his best friend#3: fights with lucas who gets hurt and leaves to look for will alone -- bc he thinks his chances of finding will are better without mike#4: loses el after the fight with lucas-- another friend that went missing under his nose#5: LOSES EL. his one link to will. his last hope.#in my opinion this was reality sinking in#this was him realizing that this isnt some campaign that they could win and be okay at the end of#he felt the most hopeless he ever had and tore down the only safe place in his home#him tearing down the fort wasnt him losing trust in el it was him losing hope and confidence in himself as a leader and friend#and yknow he jumps off the quarry right after that... mayhaps thinking it was all he had to offer anymore...???#AND THEN HE TRIES TO REBUILD IT AT THE END OF S1 BUT IT JUST SLOWLY DISAPPEARS PIECE BY PIECE IN S2 & 3#in the following seasons -- even when his friends are goofing off and acting their age -- mike is decidedly not#he puts himself in the role of a leader and protector at age 12 and literally never comes back from it#and yeah the more he 'fails' at it the worse he feels about himself the more he tries to grow up#me waiting for s5 to confirm mike's complicated and incredibly intricate and well written character status
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what i thought dungeon meshi was about: food. adventure. friendship :)
what it’s actually about: all that AND horrors beyond your wildest dreams. hunger. desire. power. blurred lines of monstrosity. cats, even.
#i finished this months ago lol btw so talk away in the tags#anyways back to my og tags:#i am losing my mind.#NOBODY SAY ANYTHING ABOUT SPOILERS#I AM ON CH 76#SHUSH#i am dead serious. yes i saw couple spoiler big panels on accident don’t say anything#all my friend told me was it gets worse :)#dungeon meshi
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Scenario where Mashita and Yashiki were basically flirting, and one of the kids says "Oh, they're dating" to another one and it somehow circulates back to Yashiki and he's stressing about it because they haven't truly talked about what they are, and he's scared the mark bearers will hate them for being gay bc time era.
Mashita hears about it after a couple days of Yashiki angsting and goes to comfort him and they talk it out. Mark bearers are supportive obv. and yay happy ending
Am I projecting the definitely-non-issue I'm having right now? Absolutely not.
#death mark#kazuo yashiki#yashiki kazuo#satoru mashita#mashita satoru#yashita#spirit hunter#I've cried probably 3 hours total today#Same scenario basically but it's worse because my co worker and I are the ones flirting#My friend said something to our coworker who can't keep his mouth shut#And a different coworker texted me asking “What am I hearing about you two dating”#And it can go so so bad so quickly and I'm terrified#Our store manager might get wind of it and I'm scared he'll want me to leave or transfer me to a different store#or worse that the person I've been flirting with will hate me for this#And I just told him what my friend told our coworker and am waiting on his reply#And I just need an outlet right now#Why can't relationships be easy#A top that it's like the first time I've actually liked someone#And I don't want it to be ruined like this#Not me airing out all my drama into tumblr tags#But there's no one I want to talk to about it that I know irl right now#So sorry about that#I'll stop tagging#Hopefully shit gets resolved and I can brain rot again
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starting to kind of date someone right before christmas is so stressful fr. do i get him a gift or what we've been on two dates but i'm seeing him tonight n it's christmas eve.....but what if he didn't get me anything then it will be weird.....
#i planned to try to find something small enough that i could easily carry around concealed then take it out if he got something for me#but the thing i got ened up being a bit too big for that lol#im gonna bring a big bag of gifts for all my friends maybe and then it won't be weird idk#by some miracle my mom showed me a bag of emergency gifts for the girlies and i was like cool im taking all of them tonight 😂#which was not what she intended lol#but im gonna do it#if i had time i would have gotten him something different but its good enough#he mentioned a book he hadn't read last night so would have been cool the got him that but its too late its a music hat now#if he even got me anything idk#but he specifically told me he was last minute christmas shopping so idk#i am over analyzing this for sure tho#anyway most unrealistic part of christmas romance movies is they're not anxious wondering whether to gift or not to gift#also im lowkey scared abt new years 😳#not that i wouldn't like to kiss him probably but i already have a hard time looking at him without blushing 😂#so that would make it 10000x worse lmao#also idk if i want to kiss him JUST bc its new years instead of waiting for the right moment to just happen? idk i dont wanna rush things#its not for sure we'll be together at midnight on new years idk what his plans are#but we'll see#anyway things are going well but moving faster than expected 😅#also not 100% sure i'm seeing him tonight and def not tomorrow so that might take the gift pressure off but idk#waiting to hear back abt tonight#😐😐😐#also idk why we waited until we were both on break from work to do stuff bc honestly every time we've met it's been after work hours anyway#however it allows us to stay up later than on work nights which is nice#he didn't leave my house until after 11 last night lol#anyway trying hard not to get swept up in all this while its new but fr im like oh this is what it's supposed to feel like 🥺#never been in love before every relationship i've had was awk and forced was starting to think maybe im just not capable of love#but literally cuddling on the couch watching it's a wonderful life last night i was like hm i'm definitely capable of love actually#not saying im actually there yet but it would be soooo easy to fall for this guy which is p scary actually#esp bc im not sure it would work for other reasons
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#VENT#VENT TAGS AHEAD !!#so the job is...awful.#i applied for 20-25 hours#they asked if i could do 30#and now theyre pushing me into 40.#i didn't realize that when i agreed to 30 that was NOT binding (i should have known because it wasn't in my job offer. but i am 19 and--#ive never had a job offer letter before. even tho this is just retail)#and i can't adjust my availability for 90 days.#and since i put full availability expecting 25 hours max#now i have FULL 24/7 AVAILABILITY ON FILE for three months at least#and i have no idea what to do because this means i cant commit to any classes coming up for college#but ive been job hubting for months and barely got anything#and if i lose the job i have to move back in with my dad which is almost worse#whats wirse is my leader/boss is so mean. im not saying this lightly#i dont want to get into it but im barely a week in and he's made disrespectful and pushy comments towards me#has basically told me to stay late (which theoretically i cluld say no; but im still on my three months of 'we will fire you if we want to'#and like i said. need the job.#so he told me to stay late knowing i cant really say no#he's given me a frankly absurd amount of work (instock and i get carts filled woth 2-3x their max capacity unorganized and dangerously--#overloaded) and then he pushes me and snaps at me to get it done in an absurdly short timeframe while im still in TRAINING#im afab and present femme as i haven't transitioned irl and he is so ragingly sexist#he often just refers to me and the other girl being trained as 'girl' or 'that girl#and to top it all off#i took this job over a second interview at a place i really liked#because i thought the hours at this olace would be more consistent#nope! full time! surprise!!#and now im kicking myself so fucking hard over it. i feel like i fucked up so hard#and my friend i moved here with has been home for two months and will be this month so im just. alone. and i don't really have anyone to#turn to. im just so very stressed and tired and lonely
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Part of me, deep deep down, wonders if we still may have a scene of MK on his knees versus his friends a la 4x07
#like maybe we WON'T. and that's totally fine#I did get ''You were locked in a corner- told to get on your knees and accept your fate! And you didn't!#You came back and chose to stand to meet your end! Together.'' Like at the very least *kisses kneeling/standing motif*#And it's like ''your friends will turn on you- seeing you for the monster you will become!'' like where did that fear come from. Wukong#Wukong & Macaque#And what are we MAYBE getting answers to next season. Wukong V Macaque#I just. *gestures* the chaos shit is so weird. the staff corruption is so weird#''When the chaos makes them who they are'' SO WEIRD#So like. Rn I feel like MK finally gets hey. You really don't have to do it alone! And it's okay it all leads to pain! Good job bestie#Like the option is it all leads to pain or there's nothing. Cool cool#But I do feel like. He needs to be okay with his role specifically? You know? Like the ''it's always my fault!'' aspect of it#''It definitely shouldn't be left up to me'' like. Well. It kinda was#This was YOUR choice#Idk man like. This is just gonna have consequences#like ''I saw my children couldn't survive the chaos'' We have lost the safety net of the cycle#We have lost the 10 kings. We've lost heaven (ish).#MK you quite literally chose your sentimentality for mortal pleasures over a lot. Over guaranteed survival#God part of me is like. U were so willing to kill yourself so you could finally make up for being you I know it#I fucking know it MK#Ur so rayla core#my god#U were like "I can finally make the world better than I found it by fucking killing myself'' like dude. dude no#this is such a weird amalgamation of getting better/worse MK like I love you#character of all time#And earlier in the season being like ''You're a beast. A monster'' and then calling nine a monster like. MK. whatever#was part of LBD's plan literally destroying chaos with the fire (''And everything beyond even that!'') like idk I'm losing it#lmk#lego monkie kid#lmk rant#lmk spoilers
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You ever have a day where you feel like you're doing everything wrong, even when you're like. just doing things you normally do. And are alone, so like the only person i could in theory upset/piss off/etc right now is me myself, and Yet the feeling persists
Yeaaaaah. That's today's vibe for me apparently lmao
#text post#it's fine bc i know it's probably just a culmination of a couple different worries that i should be able to address#in the coming days/weeks but all the same#my brain is pinging like no you immediately need to check with everyone you know that you aren't mucking up#but like. if that was the case they'd talk to me and let me know#and i could apologise recognise where/how I've fucked up and change what I'm doing/try to do better#some days i just can't turn off the 'everyone is frustrated with u & feeling worse bc u aren't recognising that u fucked up' feeling#bc sometimes it's true! i missed a cue or didn't properly pick up what was being put down/implied!!#and when i do that it just. kills me 💀#like i know that life does just involve fucking up sometimes and being in the wrong and apologising and doing better#but also oh god i need to know immediately if I've fucked up so i can do better and try to make things right#or as close to right as possible#i need to stop typing tags and get onto the survey sites and into the chores that need doing today#fr tho if i have fucked up recently & any friends on here know/have been nervous to tell me#pls just do. i want to know so i can try not to make the same fuck up again#the anxiety over feeling like I've fucked up something but haven't realised it is ten times worse than#being told i fucked up apologising and figuring out how I'm going to try and make things better#no more tags rn tho!! time to try and get something done!!!
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i have to wonder what super hardcore militant vegans think should be done about obligate carnivore animals, because in all my painfully-rapidly-approaching-30-years i've literally never actually seen anyone give a clear consistent much less halfway feasible answer on that
#mostly i've just seen like “how dare you ask questions you just want an excuse to murder you're sealioning ect”#or worse some vague and wildly improbable nonsense about like. fake robot animals covered in beyond meat or something equally convoluted#which is a thing i did see someone suggest as a serious answer#i mean i already know they think i'm a genetically inferior hateful vampire that should starve to death for the greater good#because my exact combination of health conditions make meat basically the only semi-safe way i can get close to enough nutrients#i know this because they have repeatedly told me that i'm either evil or should be sacrificed or both#and yelled at me for asking questions by bringing up the whole disabled thing and then they're like#“a lot of vegans i know are advocates for disability!” as if that ever means jack shit in the society that results from anything#no matter what you do a vast majority of people in any given society will *not* be advocates for the disabled. i'm sorry they just won't.#and what do you think public perception of people who physically can't survive like that is going to skew towards#in a society founded on the belief that non-vegan diets are evil?#at absolute best we're looking at being a heavily marginalized class generally seen as something like vampires and our existences taboo.#(as if these type's own insistence that they should be allowed to harass and shame people doesn't disprove their assertion that we won't be#thinking it could possibly go any better than that is a fucking fairy tale. human nature doesn't work that way.#you simply cannot eliminate the human desire to designate and abuse a class of have-nots. the absolute best you can do is mitigate damage.#take it from someone who's been multiple kinds of disabled and chronically ill all my life. people will not “just”. ever.#i get this even from people who are otherwise very aware of and VERY GOOD at avoiding this sort of thinking#“i'm a disability advocate!” no you are not. you are a poster. my experience has taught me that what people advocate for in their free time#means precisely jack shit for how they will actually act when faced with the situations they make otherwise rational posts about#and the fact of the matter is even if you somehow really are the perfect disability advocate a majority of people WILL NOT BE YOU.#a majority of people in society will be margrat from accounting who clutches her pearls when she sees the gays and thinks autism isnt real#and who has never had a nuanced thought in her life and actively does not want to#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will not be you and your friends who march with wheelchair users and volunteer at the shelte#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will be jenny who starved 8 cats to death on broccoli because she can't be bothered#and who thinks that “carnivores” are actual nazis and don't deserve healthcare because she saw someone say that online.#ALWAYS assume your society will be made up mostly of the worst kind of person it can because it WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE and you can't change it#most people seek the low-effort option. and evil is most often banal and low-effort.#i'm just so fucking tired of every single even vaguely lefty-adjacent political movement simultaneously acting like i don't fucking exist#and at the same time that i need to be sacrificed to achieve Utopia. god. at least conservative whackjobs are upfront and honest about#how they think that i'm a burden on society that needs to be Eugenics'd . rather than trying to morally gaslight me about it.
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I hope life eases up soon man, take care of yourself
Thanks mate <3
stuff's starting to gradually get better now, actually let myself feel feelings after bottling them till it popped
just kinda turns out that throwing yourself into something so you're numb to the other things can really burn you out :') So I'm trying to find motivation to write and answer asks again, I'm hoping it'll be soon but idk atp
#vent in the tags - so warning ig#got home from uni#have been in fight/flight mode since#turns out that fucking saps your energy incredibly fast#accepting that my mother and I's relationship is broken beyond any repair is oddly helping though#she's proven that she doesn't see me as an individual well and truly now#so I can put the energy back into myself instead which is meh#processing that alongside my insanely fucked up grief hasn't been fun at all.#my emotions about it have been out of wack since she saw me crying and grieving a friend and assumed it was anger towards her#like I'm fucking grieving a friend I found out has recently died - do you think I'm not going to cry?#but no just assume its me being angry towards you and not me having feelings. Sure. *fine* I'll just kill my ability to feel for a bit#so I threw myself into the lu fandom again till burn out#and now I've been on off crying for a week#feeling fragile as shit#but Improving#somehow#I think#*maybe*#don't know what other personal event could happen now to be worse honestly#last 8 months have been a fucking rollercoaster#then when I manage to get back up#put myself back together#have a little breather#get immediatly broken back down#I just want a fucking hug man#and perhaps to be told that I'm worth something#I don't know#nothing really feels all that good to me anymore#but I'm holding on through it#there's light at the end of the tunnel
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sometimes i think about killing myself just so my family will be free of the burden that is me and finally leave the country.
#random thoughts#but that's another selfish thought. both my mother and my brother now have told me i am selfish.#and selfish to rather want to kill myself than improve on myself. i don't know how to improve.#my brother says all i care about is myself. and my friends. and that i'd rather have my friends than my family be happy.#which sometimes yes i would. i'm selfish enough to forget about my family all the time.#i need to improve but i don't know how. someone who is almost two years younger claims to be more emotionally intelligent.#and it's true. is it? i don't know.#i don't know. how to improve. i feel both too young and too old to know how.#i'll talk to my therapist again soon. but i can't because help from others will cause chaos.#and i can't talk to people because they won't listen. but do i even understand what i'm saying?#and i can't cut myself because that's selfish also.#i don't know if i want to even leave because i have so many friends that love me and i love them too.#more than my family? selfish selfish selfish.#all i am is someone who wants to please. so people will like me.#so that i feel good about myself. no. so that they feel good about themselves#so i make them feel good. i want to do that.#but first i need to leave them.#and earlier i wanted to cry but i was in the presence of my mother. and so we embraced.#i feel worse than ever like i am back in august.#i can't be fixed i can't be saved. can we get to the good part already now.
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it’s 1.18 am and i can’t sleep bc there’s a thunderstorm and i’m scared of them like a big loser so. don’t hold me accountable for my thoughts and feelings but
#i was just thinking about my day today and how i wrote in the tags after my nap i wanted to maybe go to ikea and so i presented my roommate#with the idea and she said yes ofc i was thinking of doing something too! and so we went to ikea and we got there and they have stairs and#escalators there and she was like ‘what type of day is it?’ nodding at the escalator and i know she prefers the stairs#and i have better and worse days in terms of how much i can do physically before getting winded/dizzy and i haven’t told her it’s been all#bad days lately LMAO bc ahhh i hate worrying people and i have ANOTHER cardiologist appointment next week anyway so no harm done but#the fact that she asks and then goes with me. it catches me so off guard still it’s truly something wondrous to be taken into account#i was really used to being overlooked not among peers but in my everyday family/at home life#and i still can’t believe how easy it feels for her (and my other friends) to take me into account and to just. idk. love me i guess?#i always think i’m impossible to care about on a true level beyond the surface let alone be loved#what a ride life is
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11 years of being stalked and harassed by this man
#i genuinely need him to die#he's not just a danger to me he's a danger to everyone#he has no friends and cant keep a job because he assaults everyone#last job he had he lost it because he physically assaulted his boss#I've seen him hit his friends they stopped talking to him yesrs ago#hit me quite a bit too of course#he's the most violent misogynist i know and genuinely thinks all women are whores#his ex is making a case against him now because he told her he's gonna get her pregnant no matter what#threatening her with what he did to me#i have a video of him saying ''if you didn't wanna have a baby you shouldn't have had sex [with me]''#i dated him from 17-18 and he was 20-21#we're 29 and 31 now and he's only gotten worse#I've had more restraining orders against him than i can count#he's broken into my house before#I'm still 100% for absolishing prisons (he gets worse the longer he stays in there)#but i can't help but hope he stays in there as long as possible because im terrified of him#he's in there right now because he beat up a stranger with a skateboard...#one of the last things he told me was that he made friends w tory lanez but then fought him over giving him ''fake drugs''#(they were in prison together)#(tory lanez is the guy who shot megan thee stallion)#so im sure that says something about his personality too#.bdo
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🙄🫠
#yk when i said i'm back to being active on tumblr well yeah 😅#i had to write a seminar paper for uni and it hasn't been going well because i got sick and didn't get much done#well i got an extension luckily but it still was a struggle the topic was just rly difficult to write about#i'm almost done now at least some 300 words i still have to write and then proofread and work on better formulating but yay#i should get it done today but yeah i'll manage so i'll be back when i'm done the latest tmrw#but seminar papers are for real my least favorite part of uni 😅 it's so time consuming and can be a real struggle ugh#i rather write an exam lmao#but anyway i needed to rant ://#my money got stolen 🙃😫#sometimes life just throws some shit at you ugh#like having to write this paper and not having a social life anymore isn't enougj#i don't know how it happened? i mean i don't know for sure but i can't explain it another way#like the money was in my wallet the day before yesterday and yesterday the whole day i didn't use my wallet qnd then it was gone??#maybe while i was at uni football but that's crazy it was not some public place but in a school gym lockerroom??#or maybe someone stole it from my backpack on the street idk?? but i didn't notice#but that was money i got for my birthday from my dad and aunts 😪#and i wanted to buy something nice with it and ig i will anyway but it sucks :((#it was not a little no i had 150€ in my wallet 😭 at least my credit cards are still there ig#but i realize now how stupid that probably was to carry so much money with but i thought it was safe fr#like i have lived in austria all my life and this never happened to me 😫 and it was not like i was walking around with my wallet openly#i mean i will be fine it would be a lot worse if that happened to someone who is just barely getting by but i'm still upset#and my mom told me that apparently it happened to a friend of her as well when she was in my city but like i never heard that before...#from any of my friends ... or maybe it really is that more dangerous with thieves in my uni city but like i wasn't aware#bc i mean in general austria is like a very safe country comparatively and feels like it never was on my mind#maybe it's horrible bad luck but in the future I will be careful to carry any cash with me 🙃
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The weird thing about having a general sense of apathy and/or melancholy as your default emotion is that it makes you really slow to process the actual emotion you feel so by the time you realize what you’re feeling you’ve already been stewing in it for days to maybe months
#Ramblings#anyways this isn’t exactly a recent revelation really the guy I’m talking about has made me uncomfortable in a way#Since our first DM and my knee jerk discomfort reaction is pacify so you don’t make it worse#That being said this guy really makes me wish I was more of a bitch and I think next time he does it#I’m just going to tell him why and all the other shit he’s done to make me uncomfortable and probably block him#Because ngl at this point that’s just the feeling I associate with him and between the that the gap in emotional maturity#lack of any mutual interest besides the initial and the fact he seems to get really pestering when we’re not doing what he wants#I’m just fucking over it#He told me I was his best friend and I said thanks but that bond he feels is so incredibly one sided and with everything else#Like I know that might partially be my own bonding issues and the fact I tend to hold people at distance for at least the first few months#So I don’t get screwed over and this is kind of the reason I don’t let myself get attached fast#And like we’ve barely known each other for 3 months and not a single one of my other friends has made me this uncomfortable if they’ve ever#made uncomfortable beyond vague awkwardness in the months and/or years I’ve known them he’s the single outlier here and I don’t want#to deal with it. I don’t want to be friends with people who make me wish I was more of a bitch#Rant I guess#ramblimgs
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hey god if you've created someone for me can you introduce me to them sooner? i kinda need them now
#like i know i know im sad and hurt but in my heart even the worst breakup friendship or otherwise can kill my hope#like i know this is gods plan for me this is my arc but god it's getting worse and harder everyday#i thought nothing could be worse than yesterday but i hadn't lived today them#then*#i need to talk to someone so bad oh god sl yesterday i had the exam right#and like i don't even know what happened i thought i was going to fail even after giving my 2000% studying#for like 10 hours a day for 15 days for this one exam#and i was panicking and shivering so bad that my heart felt like it would fly out of my chest it was beating so hard#and so fast it didn't even beat like that when i climb too many stairs#and i tried to deep breathe but nothing worked it was so scary like yeah i get stressed sometimes#but this was another level so scary i was nauseous too#and then i clicked submit and i got 82!!!#when i was so sure i was gonna fail because i was only sure about 54 marks answers and the passing was 50#and i got really happy and relieved and then i realized. oh. i don't have anyone to tell#like yeah i told my dad and he was like oh cool ofcourse you did very good#because he doesn't GET it that im not smart anymore and 10th cbse is not an accurate measure of intelligence#he wasn't even happy or surprised he was like well nice obviously#and that's it. i didn't have anyone else to tell#granted i hadn't even told anyone i was giving the exam. i mean i say anyone as if im swimming in friends#only have one. two if u stretch. and i didn't say. cause like idk doesn't really seems like anyone cares#and aah stupid emotional me before the exam i was feeling sad and trying not to panic (??? why??) and CRY in the car because i was thinking#that how my mom always drops me to exam centres and we talk i play music and when im getting out she says all the best beta#and the beta. wow i typed this and immediately have tears in my eyes now. i don't even understand why but#idk i made it up to be a little tradition in my head and i really wanted to call my mom and say mom pls can u say all the best#to me now bc i think ill fuck it up and im really scared and maybe if u give your blessing it'd be okay. but then i thought how embarrassin#it wld be if i failed. bc we don't have any kind of rship my mom and me. and then when she heard i passed from dad she didn't even call me#or anything. thank god i didn't do all that drama but fucking hell. this is all just for me right nobody cares not my parents#and it's too difficult im crumbling under the pressuee but i have to grit my teeth and do it or ill never be able to get out of this house#and i know ill find people when i do get out. but in the meantime. please god ji just one person idc who girl boy friend or love ANYONE#ik it's weak & ik i shld be enough on my own. but pls i just CAN'T.they dont even have to put up with me they just have to care a bit
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