#i finished this months ago lol btw so talk away in the tags

[marci11e]

what i thought dungeon meshi was about: food. adventure. friendship :)

what it’s actually about: all that AND horrors beyond your wildest dreams. hunger. desire. power. blurred lines of monstrosity. cats, even.

[slytherinshua]

Quokka?

𝐍𝐨𝐰 𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠. . .

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ genre and tags: fluff. felix as a dad. han makes an appearance. pregnancy fic(?). baby stuff lol. ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ warnings: uhh adorable baby stuff and some kisses. ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ pairing: felix x fem!reader. ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ summary: adorable fluff with felix as a dad, ft. han ♡ ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ wc: 1.7k ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ a/n: i hath risen from the depths of my 2 week hiatus and brought you this lmao. the first part of this had been written for a long time and it was just rotting in my drafts waiting for me to finish it. the title is shit btw. enjoy! ♡

“It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything’s fine.” You whispered as you tried your best not to hyperventilate. Your body shook slightly as you sat on the bathroom floor. Tears stained your cheeks and your nerves kept spiking up again every few minutes.

The little blue and white test that you held in your hand was the source of it all. Or maybe it was the 2 red lines it showed. Or the baby that you were now aware was growing in your womb. Or the fact that this was all happening while Felix was away for a short time due to promotions.

You two had always wanted to have kids, but there was no guide you could read to feel ready enough to be pregnant, or be good parents. 

It might have been the worst or best time to find out. You were so overwhelmed with everything, but despite that you felt so so happy. 

You had just come home from the most stressful day at work, and had not seen Felix for almost a month. But the joy you felt underneath your nerves was just what you needed to feel a bit better.

The past month had been all sorts of overwhelming, but nothing compared to this moment. It felt surreal that your life was about to change forever.

Your phone started ringing and the beginning of “Cause I Like You” echoed through the bathroom.

You looked down at your phone, seeing the screen display his contact. Your eyes widened. You hurriedly grabbed the phone from off the floor and answered it, holding it up to your ear.

“Hey Love!” His voice sounded like music from the other side of the phone, a much needed comfort amidst your anxiety.

“Hi baby.” You breathed. "You're okay", your brain told you over and over again, and you started believing it now that you could hear his voice.

“Did you miss me?” He asked cutely. Thankfully, the phone didn’t pick up uneven breaths or slight sniffling from all the crying..

“Way too much.” You smiled, feeling a million times better in just 10 seconds, and all because of talking to him.

“Aww, baby… I’ll be back in 3 weeks… it’s not that long.” He said, and you could tell from his voice that he was trying to convince himself of the fact too.

“We can last 3 more weeks… I have a surprise for when you get back actually.”

“Really?” You could hear his voice perk up in excitement, before dropping slightly again, “But I told you not to get me anything.” The pout in his voice was very clear and you couldn’t help but giggle.

“This one was a bit unplanned.”

“Hm…” He hummed, “Can I have a hint?”

“Nope~ You’ll just have to wait, my love.”

“Fine.” He sighed. “I have to go… but I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

“Mhm~ Love you…” You sighed, missing him like hell.

“I love you too. Stay safe, okay? I’ll be back in your arms soon. Bye!!”

“Bye!”

“I love you~!” He sang as he hung up, making you smile again.

//

You looked down at the little gift box you held in your hands. It had the pregnancy test in it along with a baby onesie and baby bottle. There was no way he wouldn’t get the message from this. You just needed to give it to Felix once he walked through the door in 5 minutes. Easy, right? 

The morning sickness had set in a couple days ago, but you tried to not mention it until Felix knew you were pregnant. He would be so worried about you if he knew you were throwing up and feeling sick without knowing the reason.

The doorbell chimed and you stood up immediately, setting the gift box down and going to the door. There he stood on the other side of it, the brightest smile on his face.

“I’m back~” He giggled.

He pulled you into his arms immediately, kissing your cheek and swaying from side to side. You sighed and hugged him tighter, the feeling of having him back in your arms was better than anything else.

“I missed you soooo much… I just wanted to be back with you all that time.” He pouted and you pressed a kiss right on the pout.

“Me too…”

Once he had gotten food and settled on the couch, you grabbed the gift box.

“Remember the surprise I told you about?”

He looked up from his muffin, eyes wide with excitement. You handed over the little box and sat back down beside him. He cracked his knuckles in anticipation, making you giggle. 

“Just open it.” You urged.

He didn’t need to be told twice, as he lifted the lid off of the box, revealing the baby things. He picked up the test, and bottle. You noticed his hands start to shake slightly and the recognition dawn on his face immediately. 

He turned to you, eyes teary, “You’re pregnant?”

You nodded softly, starting to tear up as well just from seeing him emotional. He pulled you close into a hug, struggling to stop the tears from flowing down his face.

“I love you.” You whispered into his ear, pressing a kiss to his cheek. He nodded, sniffling and wiping his eyes.

You laughed, “You’re such a baby. I didn’t expect you to get so emotional.”

“I’m gonna be a dad, how could I not get emotional?” He croaked, and broke down again in tears.

“Cutie…” You whispered, not being able to help the smile that stayed prominent on your face. You loved him so much.

//

“Are you sure you’re okay?? Do you want water?” Felix continued to ask while you two set up the nursery together. He wanted to do it by himself and let you rest, but how could you not want to decorate as well?

“I’m fine, don’t worry about us.” You smiled, opening up another box filled with baby things.

Felix smiled at you, eyes filled with so much love for you and his daughter that you were carrying. You were almost 34 weeks and your baby bump was very visible. Felix thought it was the most precious thing in the world. He would talk to the bump all the time, and singing to it was one of his favourite things to do.

Finishing up the nursery was more fun than you expected. And when surrounded by adorable baby things, it was hard to fight back the smiles and excitement for when she finally arrived.

Once everything was finished, there was an added bookshelf with children’s stories on it, paintings on the wall, stuffed animals, pillows, a soft rocking chair, and a consistent theme of Teddy Bears. The walls and furniture all matched as well, everything going together in soft brown tones with a scattering of pinks and greens.

“Do you like your room?” Felix asked, kneeling down so he was in level with your stomach. “I think it looks cute… Just like you and your mom.” He pulled up his your oversized sweatshirt and kissed your tummy softly, making you smile.

“I’ll be back in 2 days, are you sure you’ll be okay with Quinn?” You couldn’t help but feel bad that you had been called on a business trip with little warning. 

“It’ll be fine, love. We’ll have fun without mummy, right Quinn?” She paid no attention to his words, too immersed in playing with his fingers. “See, we’ll be fine.” Felix smiled.

“Okay. I’ll get going then.” You gave Quinn a kiss on the forehead and Felix a kiss on the lips before stepping out of the house as Felix waved goodbye.

He hummed, taking Quinn over to the kitchen and setting her down on the counter as he took out food from the fridge to make dinner. As long as Quinn had her stuffed bear, Waffle, she was content. 

“Dada?” She smiled, looking at him with doe eyes, and his heart melted at the sight.

“Yes baby?” He hummed.

Incoherent babbling followed out of Quinn’s mouth, and Felix nodded along.

“Mhm… You’re so right.” He cooed, eyes full of love whenever Quinn tried to have a conversation with him. She had only learned a couple of words so far, but they could get the attention of Felix anytime.

Soon after Felix put food in the oven, his phone rang. He picked it up, smiling as he read the caller ID. Jisung had called.

“Hi!” [ . . . ] “Mhm! we’re doing well… Y/n’s just gone on a business trip so I have her allllll to myself.” He smiled widely, making Quinn giggle.

“You’re free? You should come over… Can’t keep up that ‘favourite uncle’ status if you don’t come over, now can you? Chan hyung might overtake you~” Felix teased, soon hanging up the phone and turned his full attention back to Quinn.

“The Quokka is coming~~” He sang, patting Quinn’s hair softly.

“Qui…kka?” Quinn tried, drawing Felix’s attention as he looked at her with visible heart-eyes. 

“Quo…kka.” He sounded out.

“Quo…kka?”

“You got it!! My baby is so smart, aren’t you?” He praised, scrunching up his nose and giving her a nose kiss.

“Quokka!” She said excitedly, making Felix smile wider. She kept repeating it amongst giggles and kisses as the two waited for Han to come over.

A knock was soon heard, eliciting giggles from both of them. Felix went to answer it, but was swiftly ignored as soon as Jisung spotted Quinn standing in the middle of the living room with Waffle. 

He came over to her, immediately picking her up in his arms, both of them smiling widely. She went to grab his cheeks, and Jisung giggled.

“She learned a new word just now.” Felix said, leaning on the counter smiling at the two of them. “Baby, do you want to tell uncle Han what you learned?” 

“Quokka!” She exclaimed excitedly, making Jisung’s eyes go wide. He turned to Felix, in disbelief that he just heard the word Quokka come from Quinn’s mouth. Felix’s face held a giant grin and he laughed as he saw Jisung almost tear up. 

“My lovely, adorable, baby!!” He let out, making her giggle as he sniffed back his proud tears. 

“I think you might keep that favourite uncle status.” Felix said proudly, checking on the food in the oven. 

“The members will get so jealous when I tell them!” Jisung said excitedly, making Felix laugh.

It was safe to say that Quinn was adored by everyone.

[inutaffy]

NOW FOR THE OTHER TAG. "why are they in space" lmao lemme tell u why

OKAY SO! end of season 3 right, all is well, then some alien dinosaur shows up (he's a tricerton. im not spelling it right but idc) and he beats up the mutanimals (ninja turtles friends) and so raph goes after him, tames him ig??? and then dino dude is all "there are KRAANG ON YOUR PLANET" and the turtles are like "lol we got rid of them like 15 episodes ago keep up" but decide the humor dino man anyways EVEN THOUGH HE BEAT THE CRAP OUTTA THEIR FRIENDS??? LIKE OKAY UH SURE ANYWAYS WE'RE GONNA GLOSS OVER THAT- hey btw where did u say the kraang were again??? not that we're worried but yk just in case.....okay yeah can u take us there okay yeah cool thanks

so dino man takes them to where the kraang are hiding out (i think t was the technodrome?? idk its been like a week since i finished s3 but im pretty sure they were in the technodrome. ANYWAYS) dino man takes them there, they beat up some kraang, if u listen closely you'll hear me yelling over leo's fighting style. i just think he's neat, and then they find out that the kraang are doing smth or another at the statue of liberty, so THEN dino dude is like "WE GOTTA DESTROY THE BEACON." so the turtles are like ok CHILL we're doing that rn, cue more fighting with the kraang (WHO ARE ALL TERRIFIED BY DINO DUDE BTW. BC HIS SPECIES IS LIKE THE SWORN ENEMY OF THE KRAANG. THEY ARE NOT BESTIES)

then plot twist, after the kraang retreat, the dino dude is like "i also have to destroy your planet now bc u humans suck ass and also there are kraang everywhere lol there's nothing u can do to stop this" and the turtles (raph specifically, THAT WAS HIS DINO PAL MAN) are like hey wait lets talk this over we JUST saved this fucking planet wdym you're gonna blow us up and then dino dude is like oh im not blowing u up we're just gonna activate a black hole and get rid of this whole galaxy.

the turtles do not like this

so raph is EPIC and destroys the beacon (but not before it signals the rest of the dino army but they don't know that until the next episode rip) oh and also dino dude falls off the statue of liberty and dies

next ep!! the kraang have reassembled and are loading up the technodrome, the turtles gear up to take them down again, then the rest of the dino dude army shows up, shit goes south real quick, mikey gets captured and the others almost get vaporized and leo gets to fly a spaceship again, they rescue mikey piss of the dino general dude meet this AWESOME KRAANG GUY WHO I LOVE his name is agent bishop and i love him, and then they gather all their friends for an epic season finale boss fight to stop the dino dudes from black hole-ing the planet (they get shredder involved too. it's awful. i hate him)

so they're all fighting and stuff, trying to stop the dino army for setting up the black hole thing, AND THEY ALMOST WIN. BUT LIKE I SAID. THEY ENLISTED THE FUCKING SHREDDER. AKA "I HAVE NEVER LET ANYTHING GO EVER. I STUBBED MY TOE ONCE AND NOW I HAVE A PERSONAL BEEF WITH FUNITURE." so shredder does what shredder does best and LITERALLY stabs splinter in the back while he was going to shut off the black hole portal thing. like the bitch he is. and the turtles are like "WHAT THE FUCK." and then the portal is activated and the earth is sucked into a black hole and the turtles are just SITTING THERE holding their dead dad as the world is ending but at the last second a SHIP shows up and this robot (FUGITOID. I LOVE HIM. i know he does something in this season that pisses the turtles off but i forgot what it is) shows up and is like "COME IF YOU WANT TO SURVIVE"

and so they do and fugitoid zooms them away to the relative safety of space and does some time rewind thing that sets them 6 months in the past so that they can now find the black hole portal parts which are scattered across the galaxies before the dino army does and stop them from destroying the earth again and THAT. THAT MY LOVE. is why they are in space.

no. everyone needs to read this. what the fuck

[technoskittles]

Catradora fic rec list

I mentioned making one of these awhile ago and I’m finally sitting down and compiling some of my all-time favorite fics. I’ve read a lot (like, a LOT), but I feel like a few of those really deserve an extra shout out.

I’ll separate them between multi-chap and one shots, but other than that they won’t be in any particular order. I’ll also try my best to tag the authors here on tumblr if I can find them, but if not, just lemme know if you see your fic and I can edit this later.

I’ll also be including ratings/word count/trigger warnings/etc

(I’ll mostly be including common tw’s so please make sure you also read the tags for anything that may affect you personally! Also, if I miss any, please keep in mind that it’s been awhile since I’ve read some of these so I may not remember all of them!)

Key:

[E] - Explicit 

[M] - Mature

[T] - Teen & Up Audiences

[G] - General Audiences

And for the multi-chap fics:

(O) - Ongoing

(F) - Finished

(?) - Not finished and they haven’t updated in awhile so the author probably died

So let’s get started! (Get ready for a long post obviously)

Multi-chap fics:

1. upper west side by ceruleanstorm (F) [T] ~190,000 words

TW: past child abuse, alcohol abuse

@princessofgayskull

I feel like this is definitely one of the top must-reads for all Catradora fanfics. I know I’ve seen this on a couple different lists but I’m including it on mine as well because it really is just that good.

The chapters are lengthy (but in a good way!) and the story really takes its time to flesh itself out. The character development of the characters as individuals is beautifully done and wonderfully realistic. The pacing of the development of Catra and Adora’s relationship is also sweetly slow, a steady slowburn that invokes that deep-rooted yearning feeling mirrored by the characters themselves.

It’s a really clever premise that takes place in the modern world but implements the canon universe in the form of the book that Adora’s writing that ties back to her and Catra’s shared childhood. The way that aspects of the show were revamped into this fic are so creative and I just....ugh. LOVE.

This fic also has a oneshot compilation that takes place after the events of the final chapter which is currently ongoing and I HIGHLY suggest checking that out as well once you’ve finished this. 

The sister fic for those interested: she’s god (and I found her) (O) [T] ~40,000 words

2. The Devil Is In (The Details) by SeasInkarnadine (O) [M] ~58,000 words

TW: Graphic Depictions of Violence, child abuse, emotional abuse, use of recreational drugs, Major Character Death

@seasinkarnadine

This is a really great fic where Adora is an undercover cop who sidles her way into one of the largest gang syndicates to bust whoever killed Hordak, a big gang leader and drug trafficker, whose death was originally ruled as an accidental overdose. Her and Catra (one of the gang members) both know foul play was involved and work together to figure out the truth.

The dynamics between these two is so casual and hilarious but still has those gut-wrenching moments that really ground you and realize that their relationship is dysfunctional on a few levels. The exploration of Adora’s conflicting feelings towards Catra hurt in such a good way as she realizes that she does genuinely care for Catra, but also is aware that what she’s doing will eventually screw her over and land her in jail. It’s the best kind of underlying angst and I highly recommend it.

Another really great selling point that I particularly love is that Adora is deaf in this AU and the author really shows this in such a realistic and natural way that shows she really knows what she’s talking about. It makes the dynamic between the two even more interesting considering that Catra also knows sign language which give the two a lot of moments of mutual understanding that doesn’t extend to the other characters. It’s something that the two of them have that’s sort of just for them to be on that level of understanding and it’s so great.

Also, Morgan is just a great writer in general and I highly suggest checking out more of her stuff (her art too!). She’s one of the writers I’ve looked up to since my beginning days in the fandom and it’s still amazing seeing all the great stuff she puts out.

3. Skinny Love by Maychup (O) [M] ~100,000 words

TW: past child abuse

@maychup

Another staple of big fics in the catradora fandom but for good reason. This fic is a wonderful exploration of events taking place after S1 illustrating Catra & Adora’s relationship in a different path that the rest of the show takes. It focuses heavily on their past experiences with each other and how that affects their current situation being on opposite sides of the war. 

This fic is older, published just after S1, so canon divergence is an important aspect of its build. But the way the story is written is so beautiful and grounded that it’s still interesting even now knowing what really happens in the show. 

Their dynamic is kind of back-and-forth, with Catra figuring out what Adora means to her and vice versa and where the two of them want to go from that point. It has so many sweet moments and steamy ones as well (btw, there’s a lot of smut) and the exploration into each of the character’s pysches is so compelling and intriguing.

4. Faded With Feelings by yesimgay (F) [T] ~24,000 words

TW: recreational drug use

This was such a cute, short multi-chap fic. It’s a bit older but I think it’s still one of my top faves. 

A modern au, Catra & Adora are roommates post-college and trying to make their way in the adulting world. Catra has ADHD and smokes weed to help with that. One day Adora accidentally eats a couple of her edibles and cute shenanigans ensue. And that’s just the first two chapters.

The rest of the fic goes on to the girls figuring out their feelings for each other, especially Adora who, in this case, isn’t really sure of her sexuality. All-in-all, a really cute fic that’s a nice break from all the angst that typically saturates the fandom.

5. Chasing the Spotlight by holymountain (?) [T] ~20,000 words

This is an AU where Adora is hired to be Catra’s, a pop singer, bodyguard. There’s so many cute moments in this, though admittedly it’s been about 6 months since it’s last updated so be sure to keep that in mind.

6. we’ve been making shades of purple out of red and blue by darklady21 (?) [t] ~24,000 words

An “and they were ROOMMATES” au. In this one though, Catra and Adora don’t actually know each other and really only get to know each other over time. It’s cute and has a lot of interesting interactions between the two, but it hasn’t updated in about 7 months.

7. Tuning Out by FaiaHae (?) [T] ~2500 words

I actually really loved the whole concept of this fic but it hasn’t updated in like, an entire year so...only read if you’re okay with the fact that it probably won’t ever be finished haha

8. burnt sugar by jeserai (O) [G] ~11,000 words

@jeserai

Oh god YES this fic. The classic “fake dating” au except Catra is a rich kid inheriting a business who essentially hires Adora, a broke college student, to go on a date with her to this big business function. There’s not a lot to say about it other than that without giving too much away, but the fic is about halfway done at this point so it’s a pretty short read as of now.

Just be warned, it’s currently on a MASSIVE cliffhanger so if you wanna wait until it updates I totally understand lol

9. still waters by summerson (O) [M] ~28,000 words

TW: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, self harm

A “The Last of Us” AU. Personally, I’m not super familiar with TLOU because I could never get into the game myself, but this fic is so well done and the writing style is so interesting and well-executed that I still love this fic to bits. But obviously, for those of you who are aware of TLOU, you already know that this fic is going to contain quite the fair share of angst so be ready.

10. Whispering Dreams by dragonesdepapel (F) [T] ~7500 words

It’s been awhile since I’ve read this one so I don’t remember everything, but I do remember really enjoying the writing style and the construction of this fic. It’s a short read, but it’s totally worth it

11. please could you be tender by erce3 (F) [G] ~40,000 words

@figbian

please please PLEASE go read this fic. I’m actually begging y’all to go read this one I loved it so much it’s still one of my top 10 faves out there.

This fic is set in a modern setting where Adora & Catra were childhood friends and are in college and god it’s just SO. GOOD. The writing style and composition of the flashbacks with the present events is so beautifully done and organized and I really cannot hype this fic up enough GO READ IT

12. buried a hatchet (it’s coming up lavendar) by erce3 (O) [G] ~12,000 words

on the note of that last rec, I highly rec their other work which is currently in progress. It takes place after S3 but it’s an exploration on if Catra and Adora got trapped in the portal instead of Angella and FUCK this person is genuinely amazing go read their stuff

13. Senior Year by SimplyAbsolute (O) [E] ~98,000 words

@simplyabsolute

This is a really cute fic about Adora and Catra in their final year of college and I guess for me personally it really just hits hard because I’m also in my final year of college lol. But really, it’s a great fic and I suggest checking it out. It’s actually only got one more chapter left too so it’s almost done!

14. Assassinating Adora by Wicked42 (F) [T] ~13,000 words

@wicked-42

TW: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Jeez this fic was a real rollercoaster of emotions. I loved every bit of it. 

Basically, some people try to assassinate Adora and Catra stops one of them, but both girls are still inflicted by the poison and....it just gets crazier from there. Don’t wanna spoil it too much but this is a must-read for sure.

And this one may seem like cheating but I’m gonna plug one of my own multi-chap fics here

15. Pure Feeling (O) [T] ~30,000 words

TW: brief mention of sexual assault in Ch 5

This is a modern AU set after all the kids have been out of college for a few years. 

Adora and Catra were childhood friends but ended up drifting apart and falling out during their college years. Fast forward about 6 years and they run into each other again, except now Adora has a daughter and is struggling to balance her life as a single mother. Overtime the two girls work on rebuilding their friendship and somewhere along the way might even realize that they’re feelings for each other never really went away. But of course, like all things in life, this isn’t an easy process and they run into more than a few complications - internal and external.

One Shots:

(there’s so many of these I’ve loved so I’m really going to try and narrow it down to about 10. If yours didn’t make it, no offense! I just have WAY too many to include and this post is already so long haha)

1. The Interlude That Never Ends by FMLClexa [M] ~2500 words

TW: Major Character Death, brief mention of sexual assault

Okay I’m gonna be honest: If you ignore all the other fics on this list, READ THIS ONE. This is absolutely my #1 favorite without a doubt. It’s a soulmate/reincarnation au and it’s so wonderfully executed that I honestly cannot even begin to tell y’all how much I love this one. It’s old and one of the first fics I ever read, but it’s so timeless and excellent and I promise you won’t regret reading it. I know I’ve read this about a million times over.

It’s been a whole year and this has held my #1 fave position the entire time. READ. IT.

2. after party by summerson [M] ~2000 words

TW: recreational drug use

God this fic was so great I read it last night and I’m still in awe in how well it was written and the emotions it managed to invoke in me. My favorite scene is the part where Catra tells Adora “I love you” because it’s so raw and desperate and I vibed with it so hard. It’s really difficult trying to tell someone how much you love them with just a few simple words because they really just don’t convey how much you love them and it’s so frustrating and GAH this fic was fucking great please read it.

3. jigsaw by jeserai [G] ~2500 words

@jeserai

This fic is so great and I felt so warm inside reading it. Definitely read if you want sweet, slow friends to lovers burn.

4. Vicious by SeasInkarnadine [M] ~3500 words

TW: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Rape/Non-Con

I really highly recommend this one if you can get past the trigger warnings. It was so well written and very suspenseful with the juxtaposition of the timeline between current events and snippets of what had happened just hours before. But the ending is really sweet and the way that Catra cares for Adora after the whole thing squeezed my heart to pieces.

This is one I’ve read a few times over because of how much I love it. Def in my top 3.

5. Basement by spookyscaryskeletons [G] ~2800 words

This was such a great rendition of “Adora and Catra are forced to talk” and the emotions were raw and bleeding and I love the character portrayals. 

6. Coming Apart by Whorls [E] ~13,000 words (or ~6,000 words each chap)

@crazy-pages

Okay this fic technically has two chapters but I’m including it here in the oneshots because the chapters are identical in the sense of story but the only difference is that in chapter one Catra is a cis woman and in chapter two she’s a trans woman pre-op. Other than that the chapters are identical so it’s mostly based off which experience you would rather have while reading.

This fic was. So. Fucking. Good. Sen did such a fantastic job with both aspects of this story and I love it to bits and pieces. The smut in the beginning is delicious as can be, but then towards the latter half it absolutely sucker punches you with feelings but in a good way. I really, really fucking love this fic and I think it needs more attention than it initially got so I’m imploring you all to please go read this fic. It’s fantastic.

7. Seconds That I Cannot Replace by Mogatrat [M] ~7800 words

TW: child abuse, underage(?)

This is a really heartbreaking fic set before canon. It’s about all the times that Catra and Adora started a romantic relationship only for Shadow Weaver to come in and ruin everything by constantly erasing and resetting Adora’s memory. I still think about this fic from time to time. Give it a go.

8. Come morning light by dragonesdepapel [T] ~1800 words

TW: Major Character Death

Another one that’s technically two chapters but it’s the same events, just covers the perspective of each girl. Adora’s dying and asks Catra to stay with her.

Basically this fic ripped my heart out and I still think about it sometimes.

9. someone you like by caela [T] ~5100 words

oh fuck me yes this fic. A modern au where Catra sorta stalks Adora on instagram and accidentally likes an old picture. Fluffiness galore.

10. When You Came Calling by ActuallyMe [E] ~5200 words

TW: Major Character Death

A 1940′s Mob AU where Catra is a private eye and Adora married high-ranking mob boss Hordak...who’s just been murdered.

Really great one shot. Personally I would’ve loved to see more come of this but it’s great on its own.

And once again, this is cheating but here’s a couple oneshots of my own that I wanna plug real quick

11. hang tight (all you) [T] ~9200 words

Modern AU fic set when Catra and Adora are in high school. Adora struggles to come to terms with her sexuality in an discouraging environment as well as the fact that she’s had a crush on her best friend since middle school. Personally I think this was one of my best works and a lot of other people seem to have liked it too so yeah!

12. as my World d[ivides] [E] ~2500 words

TW: Rape/Non-Con, Underage

One of my darker fics, but still one I’m pretty proud of. Without giving too much away, Adora suffers from a trauma and engages in unhealthy coping mechanisms and Catra enables her because no one’s taught them any different.

[cornfedcryptid-archive]

Three OTP Questions: Ita and Cullen

@serial-chillr tagged me idk how many days ago(as you can see, me getting to tags days later is a common theme with me...there’s no fixing it at this point. I am stuck in my ways lol) and I saw it as the perfect opportunity to write about my newest diabeetus fluff pair Ita Tethras and Cullen.

I really had to amp up the fluff after reading @elveny‘s work, so I could regain some semblance of emotions....still not able to feel proper emotions bean. Thanks for that! lol

I saw other people filling the questions out in different ways, and it’s when I saw @pikapeppa‘s interview with Fenris and Rynne (lowkey love them so much btw) that I wanted to copy how she formatted her answers.

Anyways! I’m going to pass the tag on to @ranawaytothedas, @elveny, @rivainisomniari, @lyrium-lavellan, @faerieavalon, @solas-disapproves, @soulconsumingginge, @dharma-writes, @perhapsrampancy, @roseategales, @in-arlathan, @icanscribblestuff, @jacklyn-flynn, @kita-lavellan, and @schoute. I think that’s everyone? Sorry if I forgot you! Just consider yourself tagged and just berate me for forgetting lol

Also my first time really writing Cullen...so hopefully I got his voice down somewhat decently lmao

[Interviewer is escorted into a spacious cottage by the former Commander of the Inquisition troops. They sit down in the chair opposite of the couch, where Cullen joins the former Inquisitor. He rubs his hand across the small baby bump and kisses her temple before draping his arm behind her.]

Ita: Welcome to our home. It’s still a bit of a mess from the move. But what is this interview for again? [looks up at Cullen] Cullen [sour look on his face as he pulls her closer]: I believe Varric mentioned something about the nobility wanting to know about our ‘star-crossed’ romance or some such nonsense. Ita [disgusted noise]: Fucking nobles. Cullen [chuckles]: Agreed.

1. How did they first meet? Ita [barely containing laughter behind her remaining hand] Cullen [shakes his head and chuckles]: Maker’s Breath, love. Do you ever not find this amusing? Ita: Nope. It’s the perfect storm: a haggard and awkward templar, a brothel, a merry band of misfits following an apostate, and a mabari. You have to admit it’s funny. Cullen [snorts]: Where do you fit in with that perfect storm? Are you part of the merry band of misfits? Ita: Of course. Where else would I be? Cullen: If I remember correctly, you weren’t supposed to be there. Didn’t Hawke scold you for leaving Merrill’s house? Ita [squeaks and covers his mouth]: Hush! You can’t prove anything. Cullen [laughs and places a kiss on her fingers as he pulls them away]: Of course…I had gone to the brothel in Hightown, because one of the templar recruits had gone missing. I was hoping to glean some information from the…women there. [clears his throat and rubs the past of his neck] Ita[snorts]: And I, being the naturally curious loveable scamp that I was, had followed my dad, Hawke, and the others to the brothel. We didn’t talk that day. I was hiding behind Fenris the whole time…I don’t think you even knew my name until months later. Cullen: Varric and Hawke mentioned it the day they helped me with the camp outside of the city. Ita: Oh yeah, I remember that one. It had the demons right? Cullen: Yes.

2. What did they think of each other at first? Ita: Oh I was utterly terrified of him. [chuckles] Anders taught me at a young age templars weren’t to be trusted. The second time we met you could cut the awkward tension with a rusty spoon. Cullen: I…a spoon? [pulls back and gives her an incredulous look] Really? Ita: Well the last time we saw each other wasn’t exactly a ‘Bye! Don’t forget to write!’ kinda farewell. [looks over at interviewer] We fled Kirkwall thinking the Divine was sending an Exalted March. Hawke thought if we fled the city it would force the Divine the split up her forces….and the Conclave. I thought I was dying, and even if I didn’t I didn’t know if the Chantry would let me live. You were the last person I thought I was ever going to see again. And during that time, you were honestly the last person I wanted to see. Cullen [sighs and rubs the back of his neck]: No. You are right. My time in Kirkwall fed into my fear of mages. Towards the end, I was not kind to you. Ita: Luckily I got past the fear and wanted to ride you like a halla…bareback [snorts and kisses his jaw] Cullen [laughs and kisses her temple]: Thank the Maker you were...how did you put it the other day, ‘incredibly horny for a man in uniform with a tortured past’ I believe? Ita: So horny [sighs wistfully]…how else do you think I got pregnant so fast? Cullen[chuckles]: As she said, she was a child when we met. The second time we met…[coughs] Ita [sits back and looks up at him]: I know that cough. Spill it Commander. [pokes his side] Cullen: Maker’s breath. Do I have to answer this one? Ita: Yes! Why are you afraid? Think I’m going to make fun of you? Cullen [gives her a pointed look] Ita: Okay, fair point. I swear on Andraste’s sacred knickers I won’t make fun of you. Cullen [chuckles]: Alright…the second time we met, I won’t disagree there wasn’t an awkward tension. But all I could think about when I saw you was how relieved I was you were alive. I had missed the conversations we had before Meredith...[looks away from Ita] Ita[sighs and glances at interviewer]: Before Meredith threw me in the Circle as a hostage to get Hawke to do what she wanted her to do…and before you treated me with such disdain. [turns his face to look at her] Cullen, I have forgiven for what happened at Kirkwall. I wish you would forgive yourself. Cullen [exhales and bumps his forehead against hers]: I know. Ita: Though if you’re really wanting to make it up to me, I can suggest a few things after this. [wiggles her eyebrows and smirks] Cullen [laughs]: I shall endeavor to try my utmost to make it up to you. Ita: Oh Commander. [fans herself]

[Interviewer clears their throat, trying to steer the conversation back to the interview. Both look at them as if they were caught in a compromising position. The two cough and mumble something as they each turn their attention back to the interviewer.]

Ita: Sorry.

 3. Were they immediately interested / attracted or did that come later? Ita: Well, as we’ve already established I was a kid when knew each other at first [pats his stomach] and 18 year old me was just horny for everyone. I didn’t really develop feelings for him until after the fall of Haven. He was the one who found me. [smiles and lets out a low hum as Cullen kisses her temple] I was in and out of consciousness for I have no idea how many days. Cullen [presses his lips to the top of her head]: It was three days. Ita: Ah. Well there you go. During that time, it seemed like any time I woke up he was there. He was so gentle every time he touched me. I’d listen to him pray to the Maker any time he didn’t realize I was awake…I’m convinced that’s why it’s so easy for him to get me into bed. All he has to do is start talking and my clothes just disappear. Cullen: Your clothes do not just disappear. They are strewn about the house. Ita: Half the time it isn’t my doing! Ever since I started showing you haven’t been able to keep your hands off of me. Cullen[chokes]: Maker’s breath, Ita! Ita[snorts]: What? I’m not complaining. I believe I have said, quite enthusiastically, how much I enjoy it…and I’m pretty sure I said it twice this morning. Cullen [groans and hides his face behind his hand]: I do not think that is the type of answer they are looking for, love. Ita:  Ah well. It’s the one I’m giving…your turn, husband. [pats his stomach] Cullen[clears his throat and looks over at the interviewer]: I am not sure when it is I developed feelings for her. Ita: Really? Why? Cullen[turns and looks down at her]: There was a physical attraction that day at the Conclave. You weren’t a teenager anymore…Maker’s breath I am going to sound lecherous. [sighs] You were a beautiful woman, but I found myself thinking back to the you I knew in Kirkwall. I tried to get closer to you in the hopes the you I knew was still there. Ita: Wait, is that why you suggested chess the night before I closed the Breach when I couldn’t sleep? Cullen[stammers]: I…Maker’s breath. [clears his throat and rubs the back of his neck] After we talked about Kirkwall, I wanted to see…and you remembered where the pieces were on the board from our last game in Kirkwall. I knew then you were still you. I think that might have been the night I fell in love with you. [chuckles] Ita[looks over at the interviewer]: I’m sorry, but we’re going to have to finish this tomorrow. I really want to kiss my husband right now, and I don’t think you want to be here for that. [winks and turns her attention to Cullen. She grabs him by the collar and climbs onto his lap, as she pulls him in for a kiss.]

[Interviewer hastily gathers their papers and leaves the cottage.]

[nihilismdan]

hey 🖤 finished your fic last night. cried my heart and eyes out as it hit pretty hard and close to home. i wasn’t sure to tell you but i saw your last reblog tags so here we are. i lost my childhood friend 4 years ago. it was his first year at the army-living his dream- and it was my 2nd year at uni when it happened. we thought we were all good that year except he came to home unexpectedly for a week bc apparently he was dealing with crippling depression so they send him home for a quick rest +

+ + all of us was so shocked that he was going through this bc he was the strongest at our perky little group. that week that he supposed to get his mind together, never ended in our heads. we spent those few days swimming in the middle of the night and drinking and eating the foods he missed when he was at the mountains. like the old days. then that night happened that i repressed for months to remember the details of it. i made him a coffee, his last one in this fucking meaningless timeline +

+ it was really late and he said goodbye to me and my cousin( one of his best friends too) and he said he was going to straight to home, said that he was so sleepy already, i regret that i let him go that moment. he didn’t go home, we learned in the morning. he wanted to see his friend who is in town, and grab a drink, he didn’t take his car he took his motorcycle. i still hate that he chose the motorcycle. he couldn’t meet his friend, he crashed into a car on his way, no one knows how it happened +

+  i still feel guilty. i’m so angry at myself. at him. we will never know how it happened, maybe he drove into the car because he wanted to die maybe it was all a fucking meaningless accident i will never know and i feel so stupid. i was so blind i couldn’t saw his aching mind. he was in pain and we didn’t notice. we didn’t help him, save him. i never tell these to anyone, never write this down. not even in my language. sorry for this btw i just wanted to pour my heart like your dan in the story

+ (this is the last one) i never get help for my trauma. i think i never healed because of that. i don’t know you, i don’t know if you lost someone, but damn. you have emphaty. you see things and you feel them and you sew them in your stories. that amazes me. i think i’m going to get help. i’m sick of trying to heal my wounds by covering them by myself. that doesn’t help at all. i have to share my pain, my guilt, my anger. i don’t know how i keep up with life. i’m living but is this living?

i’m going to answer under readmore bc it’s long 

(tw // suicide mention)

i’m going to tell you a story about one of my friends i had when i was thirteen, she was beautiful, she wrote amazing poetry, her prose was like pretty fucking amazing given how old we were. we weren’t friends right away, but that was okay, i was pretty determined to be her friend (lol), and eventually it happened naturally, we started to tell things to each other, things were good between us. i think the reason why we were such good friends was because we knew that we could talk to each other about things that was going on in our life, she didn’t have a great family life, and her childhood friend committed suicide, everyone was kind of worried for my friend because they were afraid that she was going to commit suicide too. i tried to be there for her more–but i was only thirteen. (she was a couple years older than me), i didn’t understand what she was truly going through because there are just some things that we don’t know when it comes to the people around us–even the people that we love. it’s not our obligation to feel this way, but we can’t help it. we want to help the people that are in our lives, but depression is an ugly, ugly thing that can be hidden in plain sight. we don’t always see it, and it fucking sucks. my friend committed suicide despite having so much help and loving friends. because she had sooo many friends that loved her. but sometimes that’s just not enough. and i’m so, so sorry that you had to go through that. i think you’re incredibly strong and that guilt feeling??? its awful. because it stays with you and it leaves its mark. i felt incredibly guilty when my friend died, i had to hear that she died online when her mom posted about it. the thing was? i was camping. i didn’t have service (because i was 13 and the cell phone i did have wasn’t even really mine i just used it if i was going somewhere and my parents needed to contact me), i remember my last conversation with her was me telling her that i was going camping and that i’d see her when i got back.

i think the best thing that i can tell you is that, he knew that you loved him, and that you cared for him and always wanted the best for him. regardless of how he died and if it was intentional–i hope you find peace in knowing that he knew that. and it’s okay to feel angry about it. i was angry about it. sometimes i still get angry about it, and i get angry about what happened at my school, i get angry about the other things that have happened in my life, it’s okay to feel angry about it because it fucking sucks. it fucking sucks and it never should have happened. you’re not stupid or blind, you just didn’t know. you can’t put that on yourself. when i would talk to my therapist about my guilt she would always have to remind me, ‘its not your fault. you were not in control of that situation. and even if you were it still wouldn’t be your fault.’ and its hard to tell yourself that it wasn’t your fault. but it wasn’t. 

one of the things that helped me cope was remembering the good stuff. because so often i find myself focusing on the negative and just kind of reopening that old wound because it’s so much easier to live in the guilt and live in the hurt because in a weird way its comfort–its what you know best, but i’ve been (still) trying to remember the good things about a shitty situation. like: she was so good at poetry. she for some reason loved white polo button down shirts, she loved putting on just eyeliner and pink lipstick, she really loved pizza, her favourite kind of skirts were checkered.

and yeah–its superficial stuff about a person, but those things are what make up a person, it was part of who they were, and that’s how i try to remember her. sorry this is so long i guess i just wanted you to know that i get it, and i’m sorry that it happened, and i’m sorry that you’re living with this guilt, and i hope that you find peace with the situation–and above all find peace with yourself soon. you deserve that. thank you for telling me and if you ever want to talk more you can definitely private message me and i’ll answer. i hope you’re doing good.

Edit since i didn’t see your last message: im really glad that you’re getting help. its really hard asking for help and talking about the things that are really difficult but im proud of you. and i hope that everything works out for you. my message above still stands--if you want to talk about it more, im always available. (: have a good night/day wherever you are!

[annakie]

I made it, and now there's no turning back

Hey, so, this is about to be a very long, spammy post about Critical Role season 1.  This is mostly for my own memory, so in the future when I want to revisit watching the show, I'll have my own log, of sorts.  It's really long.  And a lot of it is my chatlogs about the show with @janiemcpants , posted with her permission.   So if you hate reading other people's chatlogs, this may not be the post for you.

But if you wanna read a lot of words about a show where some nerdy-ass voice actors play Dungeons and Dragons, this may be the post for you.

Also, for unknown reasons, I’ve had Jimmy Eat World’s song “Cut” stuck in my head the last couple of days, and it’s basically all I’ve listened to today.  The words don’t really fit my emotions, but the overall feeling the song gives me does.  So that’s where my head is.  

I said some of this an a post I made a few weeks ago, but I’m saying it again now.  Ever since I heard of it, I was pretty sure I’d love Critical Role if I could get into it.  And so for two years I meant to catch up.  

I’ve played Dungeons and Dragons since the late 90′s, second edition, and have been in epic campaigns of my own before where I fell in love with not only my character but our entire party.  I love this party just as much as I’ve loved Annotea, Sekhar, Ike, Ta’Rik, Annwyl, Krivken, Liek, Colin, E’a and Rhyz.

I have looked for a post I made like a year and a half ago asking for help figuring out how to get into Critical Role on my blog a few times but either I tagged it badly or deleted it.  I don't know.  I remember some people said to start at episode 19. Some people said to use it as background sound when cleaning / cooking / driving etc.  I knew I didn't want to start midway through the part of the story we had, I was disappointed to learn they were already 8th level and we'd missed like two years of story before the show.

I have a post from June 2016 saying I'd made it an hour into the first episode, but I think I finished that ep, or got close, and didn't pick it back up for like, another year.  I think it was like mid-summer last year when I made my second push to get into it.  

I made it through like eight episodes, and I remember having episode 8 up in a web browser for weeks or a couple of months and things were just so crazy with everything happening with work at the end of the year.  And I only watched it as background noise at work.  I'd frequently realize I had no idea what was going on, and through like the first 30 or 40 episodes I'd find some kind of recap to read at the end of the episode to make sure I didn't miss anything important.

Here's some negativity, so skip it if you'd like: It took me a very long time to get through like episode 10 to 27 because long before I learned all the things that happened since he left, I couldn't stand Orion.  I've looked into it a bit and basically for all the normal reasons people didn't like him.  I respect that some people did, but being honest here, if he'd have stayed on the show, I probably would have stopped watching.  Around episode 20 I learned that he'd leave soon, and dragged myself through the rest of the episodes until he was gone.  And then, it was much easier to get into.

The first half of this year my job went from crazy drama to just plain boring.  I really didn't have much to do, and everyone knew I was just biding time until it was time to go.  So I'd watch like half the day sometimes, often while doing what work I did have to do.  But often that work was like, wiping laptops or organizing keys or just... busywork.  But CR made the days pass quicker, and it was enjoyable.

The Feels apparently really started on 3/09 when I sent this to JanieMcPants: Grog winning his second solo battle with the orc JUST BARELY thanks to Scanlan's sneaky inspiration is my new favorite moment in the show.

This would begin a very long chatlog of me just yelling feelings at her.  After this, my current comments are italicized. 

---------- 03/10/2018 janiemcpants: That whole episode is SPECTACULAR Did you finish it? I don't want to spoil anything if not!

annakie: I did, I got to the part in the next episode where Percy finally confessed a bit of what is going on with his life since they're back home and have been invited to some feast.  Still pretty early on in that ep, work got crazy yesterday. :)

---------- 03/23/2018 annakie: Man, I'm on ep 26 now (I watch in bits and bursts as I have time at work, it's real slow going) and I have to say, (I deleted some negativity about Orion here).  EVERYTHING ELSE IS GREAT though. I'm really enjoying everyone else and their characters.  The episode with the dinner at the Briarwood's was AMAZING especially and I'm so worried about Percy.  I was almost in tears as Liam was talking about him thinking about Keyleth and Vex when Vax was going unconscious and thought he was going to die.  That was so, so good.

BTW did I just miss it all this time that Vax has a thing for Keyleth?  Like I didn't notice it at all until that moment he was going unconscious and now it's obvious.

janiemcpants: Vax’s last thoughts about Vex and Keyleth KILLED. ME. That was also the first time I realized he was into Keyleth, and I think it was the first time any of the others realized it, judging by their faces. Liam did say later that he already was aware of it when the show started, and he dropped a few hints before he outright said it. I’m listening to the podcast right now from the beginning and there are some little things there that you can pick up if you’re looking for them, but nothing that would have given it away, I don’t think. So it was a fun surprise for everybody. (Vax and Keyleth are one of my favorite pairings on the show. I just love them.) This arc is THE BEST and so intense. So much suffering, but also so much goodness!

(We chatted more for awhile about Percy, and the cow episode (Very fun!) )

---------- 04/12/2018 annakie: OH MY GOD SO MUCH IS HAPPENING CASSANDRA IS ALIVE AND VAX IS KISSING KEYLETH. This is so good.  SO GOOD.

janiemcpants: I didn't see that kiss coming AT ALL It was SUCH A DELIGHTFUL SURPRISE And Percy gets one sibling back, MY HEART

---------- 05/02/2018 annakie: I've been studying a lot and haven't had a lot of time for CritRole but I watched some today like the END OF THE BRIARWOODS HECK YEAH and Cassandra is good again, and then VAX TRYING TO HOLD KEYLETH'S HAND ON THE TREE and she didn't know how to respond she's so awkward and unsure and needs time to figure it out. I was sitting there just staring at the screen instead of working for like 20 minutes during that part haha. 

And I watched the winter fair episode with Trinket winning the pie eating contest and Grog losing arm wrestling to Trish the Dish and that was GREAT.  I stopped like right after Matt had Tiberius leave the party for good.  It was a very good day of very awesome CritRole at work. :)

janiemcpants: Keyleth and Vax just KILL ME. It's such a slow burn until suddenly STUFF HAPPENS and then it slows down again and pulls at my heartstrings the entire time.

---------- 05/17/2018 annakie: "I don't want to be alone tonight."

"I haven't wanted to be alone most nights..."  And I let him in. THE SHIP HAS SAILED.  YAY!! :D

annakie: Haha aww Marisha switched seats so she could be closer to Liam, that's sweet.

lol of COURSE the VERY NEXT DAY they see Kashaw again. And Will sits on the other side of Marisha... that's great.

janiemcpants Yay!!! They’re the slowest of slow burns but it’s so worth it. Liam and Marisha manage to be adorable even when they’re seated far away from each other. And yay to Kashaw coming back! I had mixed feelings about him at first, because the second Trial of the Take group had a blend of personalities that was tough to work with, and he got lost in the sea of grouchiness. But he ended up being great and every time he comes back I love him more.

(I'd grow to feel the same way about Kashaw.)

---------- 05/29/2018 annakie: Episode 44 - Oh my gosh, there was a beholder fight AND NOW VEX IS DEAD WHAT IS HAPPENING? And yeah, I think Kashaw is definitely more stand-out-y here, I'm really enjoying his character here. :)

annakie Keyleth: "Why did you do that?  Kashaw: "Because I knew you wanted me to."  D'awwww....

janiemcpants: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH Vex’s death there kills me extra because it comes AFTER they win the fight! Everything is supposed to be okay, and then NOPE. THANK GOODNESS Kash was there. They're so lucky he happened to be their guest that night!

I mean, they probably could have come up with another way to save her, but being able to do it right away was a relief. And it was a great character moment for him

--------- 6/15/2018 I made this post, and I was at episode 49.

----------

A lot happened, and I didn't yell about it much of anywhere. I don't know how I let 20 episodes go by without reacting much to them, especially when SO MUCH HAPPENED in there. Right about when the Chroma Conclave hit, I knew I was sucked in, completely.  

But in a month and a half I made it through 14 episodes.  Near the end of July, things started happening very quickly.  

---------- 07/27/2018 annakie: I'm on episode 63 now and I just realized today I'm JUST BARELY over halfway through this campaign. Which makes me both happy and not, haha.

Woah Tiberius.  This actually sad. :(

That was really rough and I cried a little.

janiemcpants: TIBS That was so sad All of it was, but "I encourage peace" really got me And when I rewatched it and realize that's what Percy's DM whisper was about, and you can see it on his face and then he has to sit on it for like 20 minutes AUGH

07/28/2018 annakie: Oh man I'm going to have to go back and watch that again.  I was touched at how sad EVERYONE was.   And yeah, the burial part and "I encourage peace" got me too.  It's always sad to lose a friend, but also Tibs defending Draconia was really the perfect ending for his character.

I started ep 65 and YAY. FINALLY.  KEYLETH AND VAX.  FOR REALS. I have LOVED the slow-burn of the last 40 episodes but I'm glad they're moving into an actual relationship now.

I got spoiled about Vex and Percy just the other day (No one's fault, someone I follow on twitter liked a tweet, which twitter OH SO HELPFULLY put on my timeline.  So, it's twitter's fault.)   There have already been some hints that it's coming with Vex's titling and all, but I'm looking forward to it.

(Getting spoiled accidentally about that was my "OK TIME TO CLAMP DOWN ON SPOILERS!!" wakeup call -- especially since that Really Big Thing happened in Campaign 2 right about then and despite trying real hard to not be spoiled I know all about it.)

And Scanlan, what character growth with his speech to Pike a couple of episodes ago, apologizing for the proposal and realizing he was more in love with the idea of Pike, even though he does really love her, so proud of that boy.  And the note he gave Pike awhile ago for if he dies AND SHE READ IMMEDIATELY.  That was like the first real sign she's given.  The only thing that's bothered me about Scanlan, (who is probably my favorite, though I love THEM ALL) is that he was nice-guying / trying to wear Pike down this whole time, albeit in a charming way, and now he gets that, so YAY!

---------- 07/28/2018 annakie Watching 65, and having Matt torture Marisha by having Kashaw ask Keyleth out the night after she finally gets together with Vax is masterful.  Haha

Awww Gilmore's parents, so sweet.  And then Sam "Well, they're both over 70, so who's going to kill them?" buhahahahaha

07/29/2018 annakie: Oh my God, episode 68.  I'm bawling.  I obviously know Percy will be back but this was really, really, really rough.  Taliesin took it better than anyone.  Matt seemed just as devastated as everyone else.  Marisha's crying made me cry. 

That ending, with everyone gathering around Ripley and each doing their own killing blow for Percy.... it was so, so, SO GOOD.

I hope the internet wasn't too hard on Matt that week.

(I really did bawl about Percy's death.  That's when the show went from “I love this” to "This is masterful.  This is amazing. This might be elevated to rank of "FAVORITE THINGS!" 

This is also when I started watching at home -- because I had to know what was going to happen.  And because I realized that this show will MAKE ME CRY and I can't cry at work.  I also started watching on the weekends, basically as much as I could, every night, all Saturday and Sunday when possible.)

janiemcpants: Keyleth and Vax took a while, but I think they played out perfectly in the end :) I’m so happy the way the official couples turned out, because they’re all so different and so great in their own way. Truly something for everyone! (Vax and Keyleth are my favorites, but I don’t think I have ANY NoTPs, which is awesome.) When I first started the show, I thought I was going to HATE Scanlan, specifically because of the nice-guy thing. But then that sort of started to taper off and he won me over anyway, and I was so happy that he actually realized what was going on and apologized for it. Especially since I love their relationship, as she’s more or less the group’s moral compass, but he’s also basically the group dad--the one who keeps the to-do list and helps everyone keep their shit together (even if it’s not in the most conventional way). Thank goodness he finally realized it was more important to keep her as a friend than to keep trying for romance and probably eventually lose her by being a shithead.

68/69 are two of my favorite episodes, and two of the very hardest to watch Rough, but really emotionally and narratively satisfying

---------

7/21/2018

I made this post,  My first big feelings post.

---------------

08/03/2018 annakie: I JUST FINISHED 78.  SO MANY FEELINGS!  VEX ANSWERING THE DOOR NAKED.  THE WHOLE PLANNING.  GILMORE IS WITH THEM!  AND OH MY GOD KASH AND ZARAH PLS DON'T DIE BUT IF YOU DO SACRIFICING YOURSELF LIKE THIS IS AMAZING, I LOVE YOU. Also I'm now watching Talks Machina too so each episode is an hour longer!

08/05/2018 annakie: OH MY GOD SCANLAN.  THIS IS SO MUCH WORSE THAN PERCY. I DIDN'T THINK IT COULD GET WORSE I AM BAWLING AT PIKE'S POEM OH THANK GOD SHE ROLLED A NATURAL 20

Liam breaking during Pike's poem double killed me

I'm also so glad Ashley could be here for this one. I wish Sam was.

Also I'm SO GLAD Keyleth was so amazing last episode, both the feeblemind (totally, 100% saving this fight) and spotting Kima and Allora in the ocean.  Just MVP'd the hell out of that ep.

janiemcpants: OH MAN that feeblemind!!! And I’m so glad it was Keyleth who landed such a huge blow on Raishan. And spotting Kima and Allura was such a HUGE RELIEF. What an emotional rollercoaster that episode was. I’m convinced the dice themselves have a sense of drama. That’s the only way to explain some of the narratively amazing 1s and 20s we’ve gotten

annakie: Oh my God, I know.  Just absolutely insane.  THAT NAT 20 MERCER ROLLED FOR THE FINAL RESURRECTION ROLL OMG

I didn't stop for Talks Machina between those eps.  I couldn't, I had to see what happened.  I'm so glad this entire ep was so laid back after the resurrection. 

This show... I'm so, so mad I wasn't into it from the beginning.  On the other hand, having to wait a week between THOSE EPISODES would have been the worst.

janiemcpants: IT WAS It's so good that they generally have breather episodes once something huge is over with, because I don't think I could handle the tension otherwise

---------- 08/06/2018 annakie: WHAT THE FUCK I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE FUN AND HAPPY AND EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE. I had to stop watching at work

Because I started crying a little and then Percy gave his speech and I almost lost it haha That's where I am right now, raced home from lunch to watch the rest of this where I could cry

janiemcpants: Are you on episode 85? That one really hit like a slap in the face

annakie: Yep!

janiemcpants: That's the only one I think I won't be able to watch again

(I made this post.)

annakie: He's gone now, they're awake the next morning. Like I knew he was leaving but I thought it wouldn't be THIS TERRIBLE.  I thought it’d be like “Hey guys I’m taking some time off, love you, bye!” but nooooo.

janiemcpants: And it really felt like it came out of nowhere!

annakie: But also props to Sam because that was such a good representation of depression.

Like I really understood where it was coming from but yeah you really didn't expect THAT.

janiemcpants: Yeah, he's definitely not afraid to take risks and let his character be imperfect, and he had some good points and some not so good points in a very realistic way But BOY was that hard to watch

annakie: Yeah exactly.  Like, yelling that nobody cares about him.... that they don't love him.... I have felt that way about people who I absolutely knew loved me and that just shook me.  It was just... so... real.  And the way everyone reacted.  Man I just wish Ashley had been there.

I already know Sam plays someone else for awhile and eventually, Scanlan comes back but man... again... so glad I don't have to wait to KNOW THAT.

janiemcpants: You're lucky you know that! I totally thought he was gone for good Are you at the end of the episode, or still going?

annakie: Still going, they're at Whitestone still the next morning deciding what to do next.  Keyleth just scryed on Scanlan and Kaylee.

Grog: "I know you on a more intimiate level."  Vex: "Because you saw my titties."  Grog: Basically, yeah.

Real question: Can I watch the rest of this episode and maybe next without crying, so I can finish it at work, or should I not?  Gotta head back in a few minutes

Oh heeey it's already Sam's new character. :)

janiemcpants You can probably finish it up Since you met Sam's new character and he's pretty good And the next one has a lot of funny stuff in it

---------- 08/07/2018 annakie Episode 88:  The Kraken Fight.  FIVE AND A HALF HOURS (more like five after the break BUT STILL.)  I feel like I was watching this episode for a week.

janiemcpants That was intense! Them not being able to kill the kraken really added some stress to the fight Although they might not have been able to anyway

08/08/2018 annakie Yeah!  That added a whole crazy layer onto it!  I was pretty sure there would be more deaths than just Vax.  Not that him dying wasn't bad, but you know.  I think I'm becoming desensitized to the deaths because I didn't cry during his resurrection.  Also, poor Ashley, it feels like every time she's there lately it's to resurrect someone.

Finished Ep 90 this afternoon, Keyleth's Aramente ceremony was really good. :)

Also Grog and Tary potion shopping, I laughed so hard at work and had to keep it quiet, I'm sure my coworkers think I'm a maniac.

Ep 91 - Vox Machina Go To Hell... sounds amazing.  Just starting.

janiemcpants: Grog and Tary shopping was a total trash fire and it was so great And Vox Machina Go to Hell was such a good title! And a good episode!

---------- 08/11/2018

annakie: Ep 95!  Past the time skip!  The last two have been SO MUCH FUN and just what we needed after all the sadness and tension!  And YAY ASHLEY IS HERE FOR AWHILE.  SHE'S GETTING A STORYLINE!  Also I love Tary so much now, that character growth! :D  But I only have 20 episodes left noooooo

(later that night)...I should probably be doing other things with my life other than watching CR + Talks Machina but I'm already on 98.  Clearly Tary is leaving soon, it's neat to meet his family and all, though.  I'm gonna miss him.  I thought Tary would just be like... a filler character. But he's so great.  So.   Great.

---------- 08/12/2018

annakie: OH GOD IT'S SCANLAN HE'S BACK I'M DYING (also I'm real sad Tary is leaving soon, the conflict of emotions!).  I JUST got to the part where Vex runs up and hugs him and they go to break I'M CRYING.

annakie: EVERYTHING HURTS but Jon Heder's character is hilarious

janiemcpants: Oh no, goodbye Tary! Tary was a cross between Gilderoy Lockhart and a J Peterman catalog and I absolutely adored him, but it’s so good to have Scanlan back I wasn’t sure what to expect from Jon Heder, because I’d only seen him in Napoleon Dynamite and didn’t like it, but he was so great in this

annakie: Oh man I missed him so much.  He's having to apologize SO MUCH.  Poor Sam, haha.  The Talks Machina with him, Ashley and Laura was great, though and Laura saying Travis was too emotional to go on the show was so.... awwww.  I'm into ep 100 now  Yay the new look!  AND LADY BRIARWOOD IS BACK WHAT THE WHAAAT.  And Poor, poor Sam having to play three characters, though, he did this to himself. :D

--------- 8/13/2018 annakie (about the first Vecna fight): That shoulda just been called "Vox Machina gets their asses kicked." Vaaaaax

Scanlan MVP'd the hell out of that fight though No time for Talks Machina, I'll do that at work tomorrow, RIGHT ON TO 103!

janiemcpants: Episode 102 was an ABSOLUTE DISASTER Thank goodness Scanlan came back when he did!

Although I did enjoy everyone guilt tripping Sam for making him leave

And then THE ENDING

annakie: GOD EVERYTHING ABOUT IT. ALL OF THIS.  I NEED TO PAUSE TIME SO I DON'T NEED TO SLEEP AND CAN JUST WATCH CR STRAIGHT THROUGH FOREVER UNTIL IT'S OVER. These are disaster children and they are terrible I love them.

(I made this post.)

janiemcpants: I had to laugh at your last post because that's exactly what it's like! There's SO MUCH in each episode it's almost impossible to post about it. TOO MANY FEELINGS

And not enough time!

I think this last arc has really good flow to it You can feel the urgency, but it still gives things the time they deserve

annakie: It really is!  Like you know if I had a week between episodes than it'd be way easier to sort but I can't take any time I have to watch as much as I can now. I'm at the part where they're trying to sort out why Vax is back and I WANT TO DIE.

janiemcpants: WASN'T THAT A CURVEBALL I was expecting a tense, elaborate ritual like the others got, and they were planning for it, but nope! We're skipping that part

annakie: I read something like a tweet or untagged post MONTHS ago about Scanlan not being able to save Vax.  So when he got disintegrated I was like "Oh this is that that meant." and now I'm like "OH SHIT NO IT WASN'T, WAS IT?!"  I'm scared.

(Oh, you sweet summer child, you have no idea what you’re in for.)

janiemcpants I just love how Vax getting disintegrated totally changed the context of everything that happens, but not in the way anyone expected Matt's mind is truly a place of wonder

annakie: Also Yay Grog just asked Scanlan to hang out with him in Vasselheim :3 Nothing like a terrifying near-death experience to spread some forgiveness.

TRAVIS + SAM IS THE BEST, WHETHER IT'S SCANLAN OR TARY.

--------- 8/14/2018 annakie Me today: OK my boss asked me to go to this important meeting and take notes I need to concentrate.

What I actually thought about : SERENRAE GAVE PIKE A SPECIAL BLESSING AND LOVES HER SO MUCH AND ALSO TOLD SCANLAN SHE HEARS HIS PRAYERS AND HE IS A TRUE BELIEVER, HE HAS A HOLY SYMBOL AND FOUND HIS WAY TO THE TOWER HIMSELF WE ARE SO BLESSED. REMEMBER SAM AND ASHLEY'S FACES THROUGH ALL OF THAT IT WAS PERFECT.

Also Scanlans face when. Grog mentioned that he was looking for Scanlan, the moment passed so fast but I cried.

(later that night) annakie: I'm so mad I have to run my own game tonight so all I'm gonna have time to watch is to the end of 104 Glad I prepped my game a week or two ago though

janiemcpants: THEIR MEETING WITH SERENRAE, I WEEP It’s just so good to see both a character who’s been so devoted but struggled with it at the same time, and a character who had to develop so much to get there, actually be seen and acknowledged by their god

annakie: I REWATCHED IT WHEN I GOT HOME

janiemcpants: What a great moment for both of them

annakie: SO amazing, I loved it so much.

janiemcpants: Also, I love how it doesn’t even matter how the group splits up, any combination of them is going to be interesting and fun (But especially Sam and Travis because of their shared delight in chaos)

annakie: I'm RIGHT NOW at the part where everyone is talking about Vex to Pelor and OH SHIT SHE AND PERCY ARE BETHROTHED THAT'S THE SECRET YES that's so true every pair is amazing

Also once again Scanlan MVPs this, with his polymorph on Vex

janiemcpants: It's truly astounding how many times Scanlan single-handedly saves their bacon

annakie: Yeah as much as I loved Tary like... they really NEEDED Scanlan.

janiemcpants: They really did I wish they could have both!

annakie: When I rewatched the Serenrae meeting I watched Ashley's face and every time Scanlan did something positive like made it to the tower or Serenrae acknowledged Scanlan as a true believer Ash's face was just amazing. She's so pleased at Scanlan :3

janiemcpants: Ashley's just so good

annakie: I KNOW, ME TOO.  I peeked and saw that we don't see Tary again and I'm sad!  I hope he gets an epilogue!

Also I NEED VOX MACHINA PEOPLE TO ACKNOWLEDGE HOW GREAT SCANLAN IS BEING HERE.

Last Tuesday at 11:24 PM *screaming into the void* http://blog.annakie.com/post/177011924723/critical-role-stuff-spoilers-up-to-ep

--------- 8/15/2018

janiemcpants Everything you said is SO TRUE And I still just can't believe how Sam took what was meant to be a joke* and turned him into this incredible three-dimensional person who never fails to surprise me. Will he turn into a dinosaur and destroy a building? Will he sing at the giant monster instead of fleeing like everyone else? Will he melt my heart with beautiful words about friendship? Will he devastate my emotions when he stops covering up his pain? Will he make a dick joke? We never know! And he's grown so much! *(Apologies if you already knew this, but when they were getting ready for the original one-shot home game that started all this, Sam had never played before, and Liam helped him pick out his character. Sam said he wanted to be the worst, and asked what the worst character would be, and Liam came up with gnome bard. And here we are. That was all captured on the podcast they sporadically do together and it's pretty funny.)

annakie Hilariously, I just found that out about Liam helping create Scanlan an hour ago.  On the episode of Talks I was watching at work Sam kept mentioning his Reddit AMA and so I googled it and read it, literally an hour ago.  So if I would have seen this earlier, it would have been new information! And YES SO MUCH I AGREE.

Like I love them ALL so much but I mean... Scanlan.  Fucking Scanlan.  Fave.  Sorry.

(Later) annakie Darin DePaul is hilarious lol I was like "Uh who is this?" when he showed up but he keeps making me laugh.  I'm still in the initial fight right after they find Sprigg

janiemcpants Fun fact: Darin de Paul played D&D thirty something years ago with Matt's mom, and Sprigg is the character he played back then I think that old session ended with Sprigg disappearing or something, so this is the continuation of his story, set thirty-whatever years later He’s really terrific, though! I only knew him from Overwatch, but I get such a kick out of him here

annakie OMG, that's awesome!  Thank you for that fun fact!  I was wondering if he ever played before, he seemed to get it pretty quick with only a little help from Sam. He's saying goodbye now, aww, such a good end for a fun character!

annakie Oh good, Ioun told Scanlan how awesome and important he is to VM and Kaylee and in general, I feel better now. I'm a little sad that I guess Ioun is his god now I guess and not Serenrae but it also seems fitting.

8/16/2018 janiemcpants Yeah, I was surprised by that, but in the end I think I'm glad he got his own god who appreciates him, rather than being wrapped up in Pike's story Not that Serenrae didn't appreciate him, but I like that he got something of his own

annakie That is so true!!  Like Serenrae gave him comfort when he needed it, and accepted him, but he prayed to her because it's what he knew because of Pike, but I think he didn't do it FOR Pike. But it turns out Scanlan wasn't destined for Serenrae.

Also I meant to mention awhile ago that I really loved Percy holding everything together after Vax died and they were in the Feywild.  He really stepped up and kept everything from falling apart and I was really proud of him.

Scanlan being constantly dismissive of them talking about Tary is hilarious.  "Scanlan can you scry on Tary?"  "Who? Oh... you mean that fancy fellow?" haha

(Later) annakie Oh yay I'm glad they sent word to Tary that everyone is OK.

janiemcpants Yes!! I was so concerned about poor Tary. The necklace is a good idea in theory, but in reality all it does is tell him something is wrong, but he doesn't know what or how he can help What an anxiety-inducing item!

Also yes to Percy! His growth is really inspiring to me on a personal level (all of theirs are in different ways, but he's the most relatable to me personally) I love how, since they're all so different and grow in different ways, there's a good story there for everyone

--------- 8/17/2018 9:07 PM annakie Just finished the ep where they forge the trammels.  Starting to close in on the endgame :o

annakie OH MY GOD... hahaha using the love potion TARY gave Vax to prank SCANLAN, this is amazing, I love it so much.

I CAN'T BREATHE

Last Saturday at 1:15 AM Hi it's 1:14am and I'm still awake because I had to finish this live episode.

--------- 8/18/2018 annakie: In the middle of 112 now, and I have to stop watching to go to my Pathfinder game.... nooo... one of the few times I'm unhappy about going to gaming. :) I think I'm going to be able to finish tomorrow if I just power through and don't stop for Talks.

---------

(And here we go, into the endgame.  I woke up, turned on Critical Role, and knew I'd finish the campaign that day.  In addition to the gifs and posts I made: http://blog.annakie.com/tagged/episode+114, here's the rest of that experience.  I’m not going to link the individual gif posts.)

8/19/2018 12:53 AM annakie: THE STRANGLING WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS

This entire episode is like the most fucked up episode lol

9:21 AM BRIARWOOD FIGHT WITH Joe Manganiello!!!  I'M SO SCARED.

11:58 AM OH MY GOD KAYLEE AND CASSANDRA AND SHAUN THANK GOD THEY STOPPED AND FIXED IT OH MY GOD I'M CRYING

3:17 PM I'm liveblogging.  AND DYING.  ZARAH AND KASH OH THANK SERENRAE!!!

janiemcpants: I was out of town for the weekend and just got home, and I can't believe how fast you're going! Although once you hit a certain point you can't help but tumble unstoppably towards the end, because it's all going so off the rails at once I WAS SO WORRIED FOR KASH AND ZAHRA

annakie: I STILL AM

janiemcpants: And having Cassandra and Gilmore and Kaylee as death knights was a particularly cruel stroke of genius on Matt's part

annakie: Arkhan just got back though, so that's good I guess haha

SO CRUEL

janiemcpants: CAN YOU IMAGINE, if they hadn't left one alive, they might not even have taken their helmets off and they never would have known

annakie: GOD I KNOW I KNOW... That would have just been.... oh man I can't even imagine And thank God Matt let them revivify even though it could have been more than a minute

annakie: There's so much happening I can barely breathe I feel like I've been watching this episode for ten hours already All I've watched is 113 and this today.

janiemcpants: It's probably even better watching it all together like you're doing, because a whole lot of interesting things happen in a not-that-long amount of time There's so much!

annakie: Yeah... I mean TBH for the last month I've just lived this show, I haven't watched any TV shows.  It's been so great to just really LIVE IN IT and there's so much of it especially after taking a year to get to this point.

annakie: Well, it was around the point of Percy dying the really sad time to get to "OK I can't stop watching", that's when I started watching at home and not just at work.  And then I stopped watching at work much after Scanlan left because I was too invested to only sorta pay attention. Yeaaaaah Grog just kicked ass.

janiemcpants: Percy dying was right when I started watching live! I was trying to catch up on the old stuff before I started doing it live, but when I heard that happened I just COULDN’T stay away. What a hell of a pair of episodes those were.

annakie: OH WOW that's awesome!  How many episodes did you skip to get to that point? haha OH ALSO PIKE TELLING SCANLAN HE HAS TO STAY ALIVE BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENS AFTER.  MY HEART. I was a little worried because since she was back she'd hardly interacted with him, except for that butt-slap a few episodes ago and then this conversation happened and I DIED.  (And then Sam joked it was Scanlan2 and I refuse to believe that it wasn't actually real Scanlan, they're dressed different, she would have known.)

(Also in the Vecna fight Real Scanlan had to use the Death Ward Pike put on him so yeah, she said it to Real Scanlan.)

Oh also I found online where Sam posted the letter Scanlan wrote to Pike and OH MAN, TEARS.

janiemcpants: RIGHT?? At the beginning I never thought I'd be invested in Scanlan and Pike's relationship, just because of the nice-guy stuff, but it got really, really good as it went on I still had about 15 episodes or so to go when I started watching it live, so I missed a little bit of context, but it was worth it That letter was so good

annakie: Oh man we just almost lost Vex and the looks on Liam, Travis AND Taliesin's faces all killed me. I can't wait to start watching live, still probably going to be a month or so.

annakie: OH NO THE JENKY TRAMEL.

annakie: PIKE BLEW SCANLAN A KISS!!

annakie: I can't believe I still have an hour to go (probably 45 minutes of game time) and Scanlan and Grog just got banished.  Also I know something bad happens to Grog so I'm just waiting for that.  Maybe he never comes back from banishment!??!

annakie: Hahaha Scanlan dispelled Vecna's teleport and MATT'S FACE. Oh no, he's saying sorry to Liam This is why... “I was going to save Vax.” OH MY GOD  Sam is crying And Liam is crying

janiemcpants: That moment is where I cried the hardest in all of 114 Especially because they called each other Sam and Liam instead of Scanlan and Vax IT'S SO PAINFUL

annakie: THIS HURTS SO MUCH, I’M BAWLING. Most of the table doesn't even see what's going on Like they're having this private moment while the game keeps going.

annakie: Oh God that Nat20 for Scanlan to counterspell dominate person on Keyleth. Could you imagine this fight with Tary instead of Scanlan?  It'd have been over in round 2

annakie: lol I watched Jocks Machina on the D&D twitch channel awhile ago so I knew Arkhan was going to betray them, that's amazing how he did it. Also, so great that Keyleth was able to finish the ritual

annakie: Oh no Sam and Liam are crying at the end this is the worst

annakie: Annnd here we go.  115.

janiemcpants: GOOD LUCK

annakie: I'm really going to miss this credit sequence, I love it so much I always watch it every episode. I've seen the new one and it's cute but I love this one.

janiemcpants I miss it too! It's so good

annakie: I get why they did a more generic "look at us playing D&D" instead of character intro credits but this one is amazing I mean especially after what happened to Taliesin's character in season 2.

annakie: Yay Kash and Zahra :D I'm so glad they got a goodbye. :)  That was a great sendoff!

janiemcpants: It was so good! Even with Liam wreaking emotional havoc

annakie: vax is saying goobye and I'm bawling

even matt is crying, i can't

(I made this post.)

janiemcpants: I cried through that ENTIRE EPISODE

annakie: I'm taking a crying break to watch the fanart Glad Ashley made it just in time for that moment

Oh man this great series of fanart with the quote where Sam asking what's the worst character, and Liam saying gnome bard, and the art is all showing how Scanlan saved the party, that was amazing

annakie: Oh my God Liam isn't even at the table anymore THIS IS SO SAD

janiemcpants: That art sounds fantastic! Must try to hunt it down Oh no, I can't cope when they leave the table

annakie: "We'll fill in each other's gaps, we'll be the glue." THANKS LAURA NOW I'M CRYING AGAIN BECAUSE I LOVE VEX/PERCY SO MUCH.

That even broke Taliesin a little

There's a part of me right now that's still screaming "GO FIND GILMORE AND CASSANDRA AND KAYLEE!"

janiemcpants: I know!!! There's so much they should be doing, all at the same time! HOW IS EVERYBODY??

annakie: Percy just mentioned cassandra, maybe they'll remember lol

NOPE, off to a bar!

Yay Kima's there!

Oh ok good they're in whitestone whew

annakie: GROG NO DON'T PULL CARDS

Oh man Kaylee and Scanlan's conversation, I'm crying again.

janiemcpants: Grog pulling the card was so goddamn funny Especially in the midst of so much sadness

annakie: Oh my God he just pulled the card in whitestone

omgomgomg

AND ASHLEY'S INTERNET DROPS

Annnnnnnnnnnnd this is why they have to go rescue Grog omg omg omg

annakie: Aw, I was almost hoping they'd actually do one last adventure but that was funny.

janiemcpants: Yeah, I really wish we could have seen the rescue, but they were clearly planning on this being the last episode, and it would have thrown everything off But it was worth it

annakie: ASHLEY’S FUCKING INTERNET DIES RIGHT AS SHE'S ABOUT TO ASK SCANLAN ON A DATE I AM SCREAMING I'M SO MAD

Scanlan and Pike’s conversation was everything I always wanted THEN HER INTERNET DIES

annakie OK Scanlan's epilogue was awesome :3 “I will do literally whatever Pike wants to do.”

And YAY we get to hear about Tary!

YAY LAWRENCE!

janiemcpants: I'm so glad Lawrence wasn't dead! I was totally convinced Tary's dad had him whacked

annakie: Oh God Pike’s marriage proposal and one last grog & scanlan conversation I love it so much I'm crying again

I've known they ended up married for a long time but that was great. :3

janiemcpants: I just love that they both planned to ask each other out in their epilogues!

annakie I KNOW, so great :D

I'm really glad that Scanlan let Pike lead, that was amazing.

janiemcpants: Yes! That brought it from great to perfect

annakie: And he just wanted to follow where she went and helped out.  And they have a home, and Grog with them, and are a perfect weird family! :D

They're my favorite ship, though I love all three very much.

janiemcpants: And Grog gets to stay with his gnomes forever! And he's not left alone even though he didn't end up with a romantic relationship!

annakie: YES!

I love Percy and Vax being so Percy and Vax in their epilogue.  Kids with lots of names!  Tinkering!

janiemcpants: The part about Percy making clocks made me weep BUCKETS

annakie: Percy finding redemption helping Cassandra omg

YES

"Make a clock tower, make art and never make another weapon. I'm good." :D

annakie: Aww Grog taking punishment from Vasselheim

Hahaha the potion guy being the tutor ohhhhh my God this is amazing.

This guy never even got a name did he and yet he's brought so much joy

janiemcpants: I don't think he ever did!

annakie: Marisha is making Liam cry this is so sad

janiemcpants: EVERYONE CRIES SO MUCH AND THAT MAKES ME CRY EVEN MORE

annakie: "And every day that Raven comes to visit."

I'm dead.

Oh my God Matt and Marisha get married THE NEXT WEEK!?

janiemcpants:

YEP!

annakie: Well I'm completely emotionally drained.

(We said a bit more here, but it was personal.)

11:28pm:  I made this post. ) -----------------

I couldn't do much yesterday but think about this fucking show.  I'm catching up on the Talks Machinas I missed from like 108 through 115, I think I'm on 111 now?  I also watched Matt Colville's recap of the episode and why it's so great.  I'd been looking forward to watching that since he made it, since I watch most of what he puts out it's been sitting in my suggested videos like for almost every episode I watched.  That was perfect, as well.

I removed some talk about this in the chatlog Janie and I had but I'm going to take like this week off and catch up on the Specials & Oneshots I didn't watch before.  I need that cooling off period.  I'll probably power through season 2 after it's done and start watching live and wondering if It's Thursday Yet? within a couple of weeks from now.

I'm still sorting through feelings, too.  I'll probably have more to say.

But you know how there's a lot of media you like, and some that you love but only a few make it to that "Favorite things" level, the place where it turns into something that you love wholeheartedly and will remember forever and kinda wish you could erase from your brain so you could re-experience it for the first time again?

I have a few of those.  Futurama.  MST3K.  Parks and Recreation.  Psych.  Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic.  The entire Mass Effect trilogy.  Neverwinter Nights 2.  The Thrilling Adventure Hour.  U2's Songs of Experience album.  Sugar's Copper Blue album.  The Princess Bride.  All of Star Wars.  The Lord of the Rings trilogy.  Star Trek: TNG and DS9.  The Good Place will end up here once it's done.  

And now Critical Role: Season One.  

[hot-gothics]

I am almost an entire month late in doing this, lol, but here it finally is! It's pretty fun to put this all together and see what my focus was for each month~ Thank you all for sticking with me throughout the year and thanks to all the newcomers who've joined me in my journey of art <3 Here's to another great year of art! \o/ I have a lot planned and I'm probably too ambitious, but here we gooooooooOOOOOOOOOOO!! I'm gonna give little blurbs about each month's piece or what I remember going through each month haha, so feel free to read over my ramblings and such >w>

January - 

I chose this piece because of the lighting and the expression. I really liked how the torn down wall turned out behind him and overall this is one of the best completed works of that month. It was a hard choice between this one and one with a sunset behind a female crocodile woman, but I ended up choosing this one for the color in the hair and that it was furry while the other one was a human with crocodile features. (both were not my commissions)

February -

This is probably one of the best pictures I've ever done to be honest haha. I still love the idea of it, the layout, the lighting, ALL of it. I even entered it into a scholarship contest and WON. But the best part of that contest was that it was for my university and this is KIRBY FANART xD that still kills me! haha

March -

Every time that I hang out with my friend :userVibrantEchoes: I end up drawing either Kirby or Pokemon stuff and this piece came from one of my sketches I did while hanging out with her. It was really just something I pulled out of files to work on after completing commissions in a stream but I experimented with lighting and I remember switching between two versions of my preferred art program (because a new update was released that changed nearly everything about the main tools I use) in order to get used to how the new version worked. This was a complete experimentation for all kinds of things but it turned out to be the best piece of the month (in my opinion anyway lol)

April -

Apparently April was when I started to get REALLY into Overwatch, haha. All the work I had available to choose from was Overwatch related and most of those were sketches or colored sketch style comics that I had done at the time. So I went with one of my FAVORITE colored sketch pieces where I had included a big ol' essay about Hanzo and how I adored that character and for what reasons, applying all I'd learned in my psychology classes as well as my own personal experience with depression and loss of family and difficulties with siblings to my claims. Then I tied in how McCree works really well as either a good friend or a lover for him based on their pasts. People seemed to LOVE it too! Though I honestly was expecting some sort of hate for that analysis of him but lots of people commented (this feedback is mostly on tumblr, btw) and messaged me about the analysis or left tags on their reblogs about how they were thinking similar things or that I did really well with it. I love getting feedback on anything, but the sheer amount of it for THIS post... it was amazing and totally worth it.

May -

I shipped a few different pairings from Overwatch >w> Pharmercy is also one of them~ This piece was a pun on how Mercy's line in the game says "healing stream engaged" and I put a ring on her finger and titled it "Healing stream (and healer!) engaged!" ...unfortunately no one commented on that :'c

June -

This is around the time that I started switching from drawing BnF artwork to drawing furry art almost exclusively. I had been MAJORLY involved with the BnF roleplay community there for a while and did a lot of work for people on that site between doing my own roleplays. This was done for a dear friend of mine from that site of one of his new characters. Tagging on from the Pharmercy piece in May - I had become really drawn to doing a glow effect for some reason and wanted to do some sort of magic piece. So this one came about. The character himself was a mimic octopus, hence the designs on his skin and the almost tentacle texture to his hair. 

July

-

In July I spent a LOT of time sketching and doodling furry stuff so I didn't really have any "fully finished" things to choose from for this month. After attending Texas Furry Fiesta in March I wanted to get more involved with the furry community but I didn't know how. I downloaded Telegram and tried talking with the artists/friends I had met at the convention but nothing was really sticking with me because I barely knew anyone local. But July was when I found out about the local Texas chats and started attending furmeets and events, made friends, etc. I started making LOTS of stickers for myself of my brand new fursona design to use in the chats (after years of having two separate sonas I combined the species into one that feels like ME rather than characters). Overall it's been a fantastic experience and I've made SO MANY new friends in the local furry community, it's great. BUT! Splatoon 2 had also come out and I discovered Marina because of one of my new furry friends who was/is obsessed with Splatoon and fell in love with her design >w> so I did a little bit of fanart for her during this month~

August -

The last month before school starting up was also the last time that I drew the kemono design of Dimitri with his BnF boyfriend Onnen the elk. At this point I had fully decided that I was moving on from BnF to get more involved with the furry community and I had mostly stopped drawing Overwatch fanart all the time too. I believe my computer was broken at some point and the game had to be deleted, the drive wiped and such. I lost a lot of files that I had been working on... but I didn't re-install the game and ended up not playing anymore because school started up at the end of the month and it was my last semester so I had some pretty big classes that needed my attention more. 

September -

I'm really amazed that I had next to NOTHING for this month to choose from. All I had done in September was school work, some Telegram stickers, and maybe some sketches here and there. So what I chose for this month is an example of one of my favorite stickers that I had completed during the month (for Siber) and one of my projects during that month was to use Adobe Illustrator and design a sign or logo then use the laser cutters at the school to both do etching and cutting. And I redesigned my logo from about a year before and included elements that are super important to me (bunny and dragon, since I'm a dragunny, and the star since my last name is Starr). I also created my own font for the actual letters in my username too, which got me big points in my critique in class. It totally went to my head when everyone in there was just blown away with my design of it x3 I was struttin' the rest of the day~

October - 

This piece is super emotional for me. As some of you may be aware; I lost my dad a few years ago. For some reason the thought came to mind that when/if I get married I'm not going to have my dad around to dance with me during the traditional father-daughter dance and then I tried to remember if he and I had EVER done that together and I'm pretty sure we never did. Maybe when I was very very young, but I don't remember ever going to anything like a "father-daughter dance". So... this is a drawing of a moment that will never happen. Also - my dad's fursona is a lion with a "chipped" afro, by the way. He loved the character I designed for him too x3 It's just kind of hard to see that in this drawing since it's cropped and he's mostly behind my sona's head

November - 

I didn't have much to choose from for this month as I was still super busy with school, but this is when I started getting back into traditional art and began making badges for people~ One of my first commissioned traditional badges was for a local fur and I really like how it came out :3c so that's the one I chose to represent this month! \o/

December - 

Another piece with Siber here, haha. But this one had a bunch of elements in it that I really enjoyed doing. There's the "magic" effect with the music around him, the color scheme is super wintery, there's foreground and background elements that I think really make the picture work well, and I really just like this picture haha. I think it's a strong representation of my styles mixed together since all I'd drawn of him up until this point was stickers so I was pretty set into a certain way of drawing this character. But this turned out really well and I just really like it haha

Boy that was a lot of blurbing >-> lolol Thanks for reading if you did! I'd love to read your comments on what month is your favorite or if you had a piece from last year that is definitely one of YOUR favorites that I didn't include (I'm super interested in that actually, please let me know lol) Do you think I chose good work for this? :3c Do you think I over-explained my own reasons behind choosing these? lol Lemme know what you think in the tags or comments or through my inbox! \o/  I DO definitely read all of that ~ ❤❤❤ And thank you again for following me ❤❤❤

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia! Hope you don't mind if I ask you a question... Both of the fandom I'm in I've been in for awhile and I love them but I've gotten kind of burnt out on them... I used to write fics and be really involved but I can't anymore because the fandom have started to make me hate everything about it, especially my fave ships :( I want to get involved again but I'm scared and don't know how... What did you do to help comfortable to stay writing again for rotg?

Hiya anon!

You might not like my response, so I’m going to give you two responses lol.

Response one:

I dealt with toxic shit in the RotG fandom by leaving the RotG fandom. I finished out my stories (at the time finishing ISWF was really hard, and there was covert harrassment in the tags re: what I wrote), and I unfollowed most people connected to the fandom or who were reblogging stuff to do with the fandom, and I stopped reading fanfiction connected to it, and I took like...god, about a year and a half off.

In that time I wrote two RotG stories without re-engaging with the source material or reading any RotG fics. I didn’t tag surf, I didn’t discuss meta with anyone else, and I usually knocked back requests to engage in the fandom again. The only RotG thing I’d engage on, was SAL. 

I didn’t do it to cope with the fandom, I did it because I was thoroughly over the fandom and its bullshit. There were a lot of folks at the time who wrote the majority of the early, popular fics who actually all checked out at that time (or over the following six months), and almost no one has come back. The drama was just too blech, and even a year and a half ago / two years ago, people talked about like...how ‘dead’ the fandom was. People moved onto other things.

So, this is probably not what you were expecting. As a coping mechanism, if I based any advice off that, it would be ‘leave the fandom and stop writing your fic until you want to write it again.’

When I came back to RotG it was because I really wanted to, but in order to avoid drama, I still don’t follow many RotG blogs and I don’t tag surf except on the rare occasion.

Response two:

So let me talk about another fandom that I came to mostly despise and yet still wanted to keep writing a really long fic. And that’s the Dragon Age fandom. *takes a deep breath, sighs it out.*

When I started writing Stuck on the Puzzle I began to follow fandom blogs and meta blogs and I think all in all I was following about 20. Dragon Age, at least when I was writing SotP was filled with tons of callout posts - often very aggressive and based on dogpiling and outrage culture. No one was free from this, regardless of what they were doing, and the character I was writing (Cullen Rutherford) drew a great deal of ire from people I respected. I didn’t like blind Cullen love, which often meant I was dealing with blind Cullen hatred. Or alternatively fans who sought to ‘prove’ that they could be Cullen critical to the popular, dogpiling crew of the time.

The push to guilt-trip readers for not commenting has a huge piece of heartwood in this fandom too. So there was just aggression everywhere. The readers weren’t good enough. The writers weren’t good enough or writing the right themes or doing them well enough. (It’s incredibly crushing, btw to keep writing in this environment). If writers quit it was the reader’s fault, or Tumblr’s fault. If readers quit it was the fault of the writers, or Tumblr. Basically everything was always someone else’s fault and people didn’t really own their shit. This was the place where I got introduced to like, preliminary purity and anti culture before the words ‘purity’ and ‘anti’ became words.

So here’s what I did:

- I unfollowed everyone except about 2 people in the DA fandom on Tumblr. Yes, this meant dropping a lot of people, even people I really liked. If they supported the drama, they were out. - I stopped tag surfing everything except my incredibly rarepair. - I went back through my DA tag and specifically looked at artwork and all the things I’d come to love that inspired me to write the thing in the first place. - I re-engaged with the source material.

In other words, I dropped out of fandom while still producing a fanwork. It was the best thing I decided to do. It was never really the meta and shit that inspired me the most anyway. It was always the source material and my interacting with that. And it was maybe a few pieces of fanart. Otherwise, everything came from my brain anyway, and I didn’t need anything else. I certainly didn’t need the drama, and getting the occasional awesome piece of fanart floating across my dash wasn’t worth everything else happening.

And those two/three people I kept around still posted awesome fanart and stuff from time to time anyway. Also they’re awesome people.

But yeah, I never stayed comfortable writing for RotG. In fact, for a while, I hated it. I’d been really hurt by certain things within the fandom, and the drama hit too close to home, and I decided it wasn’t worth it. It’s fine to do that by the way, you’ll find another fandom eventually (I found many), and if you’re meant to find your way back to the fandom, you will.

If you really want to stay in the fandom though, I do recommend some pretty drastic actions to stay in it. Fandom drives a lot of fanwork/content producers away sometimes.

Also, additionally, it’s just normal to kind of not want anything to do with a ship or a fandom for a while? Even if you love it? Burn out is normal, and may just signify that you need something from a fandom that your current fandom / ships aren’t giving you. Being in that space between one fandom and another kind of sucks, but it may be worth using this time to like...explore other things you love, watch some new shows and movies, read some new books, and remember the joy of what it is to engage in the source material in the first place. I wish you luck!

[themcuhasruinedme]

I was tagged by the amazing @iwillbeinmynest (like, a million years ago! lol) and @avengerofyourheart thanks, girls! 😘

Rules: Answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people

THE LAST: 1. Drink: Water 2. Phone Call: My dad 3. Text Message: my dad 4. Song You Listened To: That’s The Way I Like It by Backstreet Boys 5. Time You Cried: Last week, while watching Ant Man 6. Dated Someone Twice: Does an “on-off” relationship count? 7. Kissed Someone and Regretted It: No 8. Been cheated on: Nope. 9. Lost Someone Special: Yea... my mom  10. Been Depressed: While my mom was in the hospital and several months after she passed away...  11. Gotten Drunk and Thrown Up: Nope... can't stand the smell of certain alcohol... let alone, the smell that comes off of people that are drunk...

3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12. Purple 13. Blue 14. Pink

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: Yes 16. Fallen out of Love: No 17. Laughed until you cried: definitely  18. Found out someone was talking about you: no  19. Met someone who changed you: nope 20. Found out who your friends are: no 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook List: *rofl* oh, you’re being serious about this question??? then no...

GENERAL 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: pretty much all of them... 23. Do you have any pets: 2 cats 24. Do you want to change your name: No way 25. What did you do for your last birthday: Nothing really...  26. What time did you wake up: 7:45 AM 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Watching “Dinner For Schmucks” (love that movie, btw...)  28. Name something you can’t wait for: Holidays, the BSB Cruise next year and all the new Marvel movies that are coming out 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: This is gonna sound EXTREMELY depressing but.... her funeral (I’m gonna go bury myself in some blankets now and cry a bit....) 30. What are you listening to right now: nothing  31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes  32. Something that is getting on your nerves: all the Tumblr hate that’s being spread around and it’s making talented people leave....  33. Most visited Website: Tumblr and YouTube  34. Hair Color: Brown 35. Long or Short Hair: it’s more medium... 36. Do you have a crush on someone: Do fictional characters count??? 37. What do you like about yourself: Hair, eyes, friendly  38. Want Any Piercings: no 39. Blood Type: A Positive 40. Nickname: Sam or Sammie. My mom used to call me Sambo 41. Relationship Status: Single (and perfectly fine with it) 42. Zodiac: Cancer 43. Pronouns: She/her 44. Favorite TV Show: Don't watch a whole lot of tv anymore...  45. Tattoos: Not yet  46. Right or Left Handed: Right 47. Surgery: Nope  48. Piercing: Ears 49. Sport: Bowling  50. Vacation: Disneyland all the way 51. Pair of Trainers: I don’t even understand this question....

MORE GENERAL: 52. Eating: nothing, atm  53. Drinking: Water 54. I’m About To Watch: more than likely Iron Man 3 so I can finish my Tony fic 55. Waiting For: things in my life to get better....  56. Want: to move out of my current house and into our new one (but that can't happen yet cause my dad is still working on it...)  57. Get Married: heck no  58. Career: not working, atm... hopefully I can get something during seasonal and stay on afterwards

WHICH IS BETTER: 59. Hugs or Kisses: Both 60. Lips or Eyes: eyes  61. Shorter or Taller: taller 62. Older or Younger: Older 63. Nice Arms or Nice Stomach: that’s a toss-up... I like both 64. Hookup or Relationship: Relationship 65. Troublemaker or Hesitant: hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER: 66. Kissed a Stranger: Uh, no.... 67. Drank hard liquor: tasted it and almost threw up 68. Lost glasses/contact lenses: no, but I’ve broken a pair and my sister has broken a pair of mine too 69. Turned someone down: yes  70. Sex on First Date: HELL FREAKING NO 71. Broken Someone’s Heart: I don't think so  72. Had Your Heart Broken: Unfortunately, yes... 73. Been Arrested: Heck no... 74. Cried When Someone Died: Well, duh 75. Fallen for a friend: Who hasn't???

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 76. Yourself: Yes 77. Miracles: Yes 78. Love at first sight: Kind of? 79. Santa Clause: nope 80. Kiss on First Date: depends 81. Angels: Sort of

OTHER: 82. Current Best Friend’s Name: IRL? Or on the internet?? cuz I have no friends IRL and have so many best friends on the internet... 83. Eye Color: Brown 84. Favorite Movie: Schindler’s List, Ant Man, E.T., The Little Mermaid, Ratatouille, Psycho, On The Waterfront 85: Fav Actor: RDJ, Paul Rudd, Meg Ryan, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Sandra Bullock

Tagging: to lazy to tag 20 people...  @buckys-shield @hymnofthevalkyrie @marvelous-fvcks @callamint @bellameys @redgillan @nataliarxmanxva

[perfectionistincrisis]

Longest post ever. Keep Scrolling! Look away!

About my brother leaving. Now there are two sides to it. One is how he is so young & he will move so far away & has to take care of everything. He has to study first of all, which is the main thing. And this in itself is a whole new experience. Starting university & facing all the pressure & tight schedule & deadlines that come with it. And to top that all, he will move to a new country. An entirely new place he has never been to & one which is very very very different from the country where he was born & raised & literally spent entire 18 years of his life in. Now whether this is the lifestyle & culture & religion we are talking about, or just the weather. You name it, & it's something different he has to face. Let's go back to studies. The ‘studies’ part, is totally acceptable! I mean it's his responsibility. No one will or is expected to do it or help him with it. This is totally on him. He has to figure it out himself. If he needs help, he needs to look for it. If he has a problem he needs to find a way out, or deal with it. The idea of having an elder sibling or family to help you with your studies, i believe, is totally absurd when someone is moving to university. At school, it might be ok but when someone is starting uni, cmon, I think it's time to stop already. Let them grow up on their own. You can't be wiping their ass for them their entire life. Not to mention, everyone has their own share of responsibilities, their own affairs to handle. Everyone of us are struggling everyday, to build our futures. And NO. This is not selfish. This is our responsibility towards ourselves. We owe this to ourselves, and no, you are not in any way, supposed to expect anyone to actually help you deal with your responsibilities in life. So with you share of duties, is it really selfish to focus on your affairs & prioritize them? & also what good will you be really doing by helping someone? How much of someone else's responsibilities can you own? There will come a point where you’ll have to leave them on their own except that now you've already spoiled them and they'll be more lost than ever. So yeah, plus i'm not even studying engineering so anyways i couldn't do much or anything at all but even if i could have, i really never liked the whole concept of doing it in ‘uni’. I have such a strong opinion about it seeing my cousins and other people. Meaning, it's not just me randomly thinking about it and commenting but i rather did always have such an opinion about this matter. So yeah that's the only ‘okay’ thing! From now, things are changing. Now, let's talk about the end of everyday! When he comes ‘home’/ dorm room. He doesn't come home to anyone. Whether it is your siblings being lame and stupid, or your parents being in a fight, or some really good day where everyone's happy and laughing - you're not getting any of it. Is anyone bringing you food? Cooking for you exactly what you eat? No. When are you going to bed? No one cares other than you. Who’s making sure you wake up and don't miss class in the morning? Who’s making you breakfast? Filling your water flask? You buy your food if you have time before class. Such a good day, just 3 classes and you're home by 11. Who do you go home to? Yourself. Weekends? .. Nvm But we are only trying to provide the best future for him. And i can NOT disagree to this at all. Not even for a second. Since almost a year, my dad & my mom has thought of everything & every tiny thing that we will need for him. Whether it is the fact that winter clothes are sold in shops during winter and winter in ksa was 6 months ago, so keeping that in mind and shopping for him things which is just too hard to get in the shops right now cause it's totally summer rn over here! Or whether it is something more serious like meeting all the different formalities to apply for a visa. And shopping for him all these months. Making lists of everything he might need. Things like plate, glass, things like rugs, things like brush, toothpaste, things like pillows, bed sheet, things like laundry basket, warm gloves, things like rain coat. Like you name it, and it somehow is something he actually needs. Also, we are so concerned about providing him the best. I think all my life, a part of shopping included looking at the price tag and seeing if its a good bargain. But now, suddenly thats not done anymore. Anything he touches (which is very little btw) & anything we choose for him (which is like every single thing we see), its just getting the best for him. Its like theres this thing in our heads. Like this is it. My brother hardly gets anything for himself. He is kind of different. So we are just getting him all these stuff because once he goes there, he might not get it for himself. And even if he does, us getting something for him now will be the last time we are doing so. Cause from now on he'll do his stuff himself. So like i was saying. We are only trying to provide the best future for him. And i can NOT disagree to this at all. Not even for a second. And this is a stage that comes in everyone's life & we can not and should not run from it. This is the right thing to do in my brother’s case. Everything till now has gone so smoothly Alhamdulillah. But it still doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Especially when i think of my mom. I get the whole idea of how it's the hardest on the moms. In fact i have even witnessed many moms crying & breaking when their kids had to leave and all. But. This is different. I am talking about ‘my mom’. I respect all mother’s love, i do. But about my mom; unless you live under the same roof as her, you will find it impossible to believe how much of her heart & soul & energy she invests on our family. For which, I will be forever grateful & will consider myself blessed. I will never be able to start and finish talking about her but let me mention some interesting stuff! Let's start with me! So im 21. And i don't do my laundry (none of it at all), i don't vacuum (the house or even just my room), I don't iron my clothes (never did), I don't clean the dishes (not even my own plate or glass or water flask), I don't clean my room (the furnitures & stuff) & interestingly, i don't even know how to make tea or coffee (unless it's those sachets you get, but i just use them at uni). TADA - Mom does all of that for me. I don't remember the last time i did ‘any’ of the things i mentioned. I can't say i never did any of them though, but it was only for one of the 2 reasons: 1. I was younger and mom got angry with me maybe & she’d punish me by making me do it OR 2. I voluntarily offered maybe cause it was vacation and i wasn't lazy & stuff (btw this vacation, i'm totally lazy, i never offered or did anything) So like i said, i don't remember the last time i did any of it. Infact, to TOP ALL THAT, mom makes sure of all my ‘excess’ needs too. She pays so much importance to them. Like, my diet. Diet - meaning the food i eat. Now regardless of whether im trying to lose weight or not, i totally dont like asian food, more specifically, all the daily food cooked in a bengali household. I dont like ‘curries’. I prefer ‘dry’ food. It doesnt matter what it is. Chicken, beef or veggie. If its a ‘curry’, im not putting it in my mouth. Curry meaning the whole making it liquidy with all masala & stuff. And i ‘especially’ hate chicken curry. I also dont honestly remember the last time i ate it. And i am NOT exaggerating but i stopped eating it like way back in grade 11 or 12. By chicken curry, i mean the MOST REGULAR meal in almost every bengali household, more like an EVERYDAY meal especially for the kids. And it works for my bros too lol. But no way on hell im eating it. The reason is, this is one food ive been eating since i learned to ear and then after around a pretty 13 to 14 years of eating chicken curry i had to say NO one fine day xD xD Ok now i have 2 phases: one is the normal daily phase where unis going on and i'm stressed and all i eat is junk food, or maybe something not junk but has to be all delicious or maybe sometimes i'll consider eating healthy and want some classy salad and stuff. Mom always has to prepare a different meal or me. Then she has to prepare something else for her and dad too cause chicken is kids stuff and also mom does not eat chicken at all if she is the one who cooked it so yeah. And then there's chicken for my bros xD On top of that, when im in the other phase where im trying to lose weight - Oh god. The whole menu of food changes. All green veggies and salads and stuff. All grilled chicken, grilled fish, grilled beef. She does all of that. Also. she THEN ‘decorates’ my food cause she knows i love taking pictures of my food. She decorates my food. She makes sure I like the plate on which she is serving the food; whether the plate will look good in the picture. She makes sure I get to take a perfect picture. If she gets confused about how to decorate something, she'll tell me to do it and ask me what i need. I mean man, who does that to a 21 year old???? I know i am spoiled! Now ^ i got carried away! All that is a small gesture of what my mom does for ‘me’. And i'm like her eldest kid. Like she actually thinks i can take care of myself ‘more than my brothers can’ Yeah do you see where i'm going with this? You can not imagine HOW much more she does for my bros, like ‘woahhhh’👌 I’ll just give one example for each bro. My elder bro - he never actually had to open his closet and decide on which dress to wear till now in his life!!!!! Yesss!!!!! Mom even takes out his clothes. Clothes. Every garment :):):) and keeps it ready for him to wear every time he showers, or changes, or goes outside :) and that's the one who’s already 18 and moving soon! And my younger bro - well he is kinda different. Like he is all concerned about his looks and he demands on choosing his own clothes from his closet and wearing them xD xD but then mom still feeds him lunch and dinner most of the day and he is almost 14 :):):) So yes. Idk how my mom is going to handle it. But what i know is that she is such a brave and strong and intelligent and amazing woman mashAllah. She is so hard-working & she puts aside all her sickness and pain & prioritises our needs, and our wants, even if theyre really stupid. And she means the world to me. And she is my number 1 person. And I can give up anything for her. Words cannot express how much she means to me. I once had to stay a night away from her during the 1st week of my uni in 1st year of med school. That was the night I actually realized how important she was to me. I was away from her and due to some circumstance I couldn't communicate with her. That whole night, i lied in bed crying & asking Allah to let me meet my mom in my dreams as I fall asleep now… Idk if I ever told that to anyone before, but yeah here it is. Ahhhh. God!!!!! Such a huge post wth man )@+%;’!(%)#!%(£))@!%!%) but Ughhhh I just needed to get it all out of my system! Hmphhh