#administrator Gwyn wants this in the queue

[not-poignant]

Have you been surprised by the popularity of any of your characters? Characters you weren’t sure would catch on but became loved?

Anon, I've been surprised by the popularity of nearly all of my characters.

Augus and Gwyn started out as side "throwaway" OCs in a fanfic because I needed an Unseelie and Seelie representative.

And like, *gestures to all of Fae Tales* - That wasn't a plan! That wasn't meant to be a thing!!

And then, Ash was meant to be a throwaway foil to his brother and *gestures wildly at Ash*

And then like, Efnisien literally gets killed before we even meet him in Game Theory and *gestures to all of everything re: Falling Falling Stars and Underline the Rainbow*

And then also Dr Gary wasn't even supposed to have proper chapters in Falling Falling Stars and *gestures so wildly at that story and Underline and then screeches like a dinosaur*

Seriously none of my original writing on AO3 would exist if it wasn't for two throwaway OCs in a fanfic gaining popularity and getting so many questions about them from the most wonderful anons and readers that eventually I had to take them more seriously to the point that I finally had enough to write a story.

And even THEN it was only supposed to be 3 chapters of hatefucking.

My original writing career can be defined by just saying 'OH OOPS' in more extreme ways each time.

It's gotten to the point where I'm truly tempted to introduce characters from new worlds upcoming as side characters in current worlds lmao, because I feel this is a bizarre skill I have and didn't know I had until one day I was like 'wait.'

[not-poignant]

Hi,

I'm not sure how to approach this without sounding like an ignorant asshole, but I'll give it a go.

I'm from a country where the Trans movement isn’t very visible, and most of what I know about it comes from the internet. I’ve never truly understood gender dysphoria. I’ve tried to listen and put myself in others' shoes, but I struggled to be genuinely empathetic. Instead, I just tried to be supportive because it was expected of me, without really getting it.

It might sound silly, but reading Underline the Black made me stop and think… Wait, is this what I think it is? Reading Efnisien’s internal monologues and introspection made me feel something—maybe not from the same circumstances, but in a way that something inside my brain clicked, and I finally saw where the pain was coming from.

I guess what I really want to say is thank you. Thank you for helping me begin to understand and for broadening my perspective. It might sound small, but it’s something I deeply appreciate. I’ve been trying for a long time.

I do feel a bit foolish realizing that it took an ABO fanfic for me to get it… but at the same time, I was also reading about your real-life experiences. Or at least, that’s how it seemed to me. Forgive me if I’m wrong.

You have an incredible talent for expression.

Anon, until you know otherwise, everyone has to start somewhere. This applies to unlearning our biases and prejudices, which we all have for something, or many things, until we unlearn them. The fact that you've even tried to be supportive of something you don't really understand is still important, and still matters. It's a step into understanding, even if you don't have it yet.

I don't think it's foolish that it took you a story to realise what you've realised! This is actually exactly why representation of diversity (in gender, sexuality, culture, race, etc.) is so important in fiction. Because it's in fiction we can be free to explore concepts that are different to our own, or that challenge us, or make us see the world differently. This is why it's so important to know it's possible to identify with a trans character, or a POC character, or a character from a different culture to ours etc. Because that's when we humanise what we previously saw as like, different, Other, hard to understand. We go 'oh that's...really relatable actually, I think I'd feel the same way if that was my experience of life' or 'I don't know if I'd feel the same way but I really understand where that person is coming from.'

Gender dysphoria is complex, and different for different people. Being able to write it metaphorically through Efnisien's journey has been really interesting for me personally, because I've been able to depict both the inner conflict of knowing that your being is not...automatically going to be accepted as normal no matter what, unless you stifle or suffocate yourself, alongside the true euphoria and joy that can come with living as your best life, or your very self.

I have once seen a good analogy which is simply: Imagine from tomorrow onwards, everyone uses the pronouns you don't associate with yourself. You are bullied and mocked unless you wear clothing that is opposite to how you want to appear to others. You are put down and treated as psychologically abnormal for finding joy in true expression, even when that expression doesn't actually hurt anyone else at all. And now tell yourself that even your loved ones, when you desperately try to explain how wrong it all feels to be treated as so different to your true self, they explain that it's just mental illness, or that you're just confused, or that you don't understand yourself, and condescend to you, and treat you like they somehow have always known you better than you know yourself. And that's when you realise you might have to choose between your true self, and your family and loved ones who don't understand, or worse, hate you.

And then imagine that's the rest of your life, but it could change in an instant, if all of society just accepted that you are who you say you are! That all of your depression, and oppression, and suffocation could literally just vanish, if everyone was like 'oh sure actually, you want those pronouns? Cool! You want to wear this clothing? I like it!!'

And that journey is very tough in the real world, even in more accepting places (the US is clear evidence of this). In Underline the Black, I get to put Efnisien in a very specific space, and show the journey in a kind of specific way that isolates it and speaks through metaphor.

My experiences are different to Efnisien's, though I am trans, I never actually started out wanting to write a 1:1 trans narrative. Like, in this universe, "conventionally" trans people exist too. Efnisien's experience is a new thing, and a separate thing, but still - as we can see - a very good metaphor as well. I like telling parts of my story, but only small parts. I am more interested in...telling healing stories where I can watch a character heal and go 'oh I would like more of that for myself, as well.'

(Also, it's better to just say omegaverse, or AOB, etc. because a/b/o without the dashes is a slur in Australia, and while I know most people don't live here! We try to avoid slurs from other countries when we can. And we can only know to do that once someone tells us!)

But yeah, no, you don't sound like an ignorant asshole at all. You sound like someone who has learned something, and has gained more understanding, and was open to doing that, and honestly anon if more people came to something they didn't understand from your perspective, acceptance and love would be a lot easier to teach people.

It's so important to read stories about characters who aren't quite like us, or aren't like us at all, because that's when we realise just how much we actually do share so many similarities, and why our differences matter too.

Anyway thank you for sharing your message with me! I really appreciated it.

[not-poignant]

Oh god Pia that latest Henton excerpt made me feel ill. You're so good at writing such insidious villains.

Henton's really just planning on force feeding Ef heat inducing pills and raping him as soon as possible huh.

My lord he's even more despicable here in UtB than he was in FFS because here we can see him. But I'm sincerely hoping we see him get his ass beat this time round because he kinda went unpunished in FFS.

Henton's awful.

In some ways I almost wish I could justify writing out his sessions with Efnisien in FFS to show how he works, because he had so much more time to use his actually pretty great abilities at manipulation and gaslighting. Partly because he is a good psychologist and knows where to show compassion and apply gentle pressure.

In UtB he is a lot more of a blunt object, in a way. He's an opportunist who sees an opportunity to get access to something he's been fetishising as he becomes increasingly bitter in his job. So same motivation, but different execution, because he doesn't have months and months to slowly work at someone imprisoned in the building like he did in FFS.

I do want to say for folks who wanted more revenge for Crielle and Henton in FFS, y'all are gonna appreciate where UtB goes on that front. :D

[not-poignant]

I know Temsen likes and respects a lot of the people at Hillview, but I get a sense that Flitmouse is one of the omegas he has a special fondness for. Is that true or am I just projecting my own love for Flitmouse onto him?

Hi anon!

I actually do think Temsen has a soft spot for Flitmouse.

There are three really big parts of that, I think. First, Temsen and Flitmouse are close to the same age, vs. a lot of the other omegas at Hillview who tend to be in their late teens or early 20s. So they are like, peers re: age.

The second is that Flitmouse is self-made and very fiercely independent in a way that they see rarely. In a way, Flitmouse is living proof of some of Temsen's theories that omegas do just fine, actually, handling their businesses / money / independence, when able to.

And then third, I think he just likes Flitmouse's personality, that he can still be a very "typical" omega at times, and very sort of...meek and subservient in a way that Temsen is sort of drawn to (not in a sexual way, just overall, he has protective instincts towards that).

I definitely think Temsen has a soft spot for Flitmouse, for sure. :D

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia,

I just wanted to say you are an inspiration to me. I'm in my twenties and also struggling with an insane amount of health issues with new ones constantly popping up, which makes me feel like I will never be able to do anything with my life. Except maybe for writing, because I can do that in my bed and I love escaping into fictional worlds.

I don't know much about your life except what you share in the author's notes, but knowing that you're living life out there and writing these amazing stories despite all your health issues gives me hope. Unfortunately I live in the US, so it's easy to fall into a spiral of doom, but maybe I can be like you one day. The choices you make every day to keep pushing forward, keep doing things that make you happy, is what makes me believe that it's possible for me to keep going, too.

Hiya anon,

Health issues suck, don't they? I started my Crappy Pokemon Collection of Chronic Health Issues in my teens but I remember I really started to get concerned in my 20s when it just kept happening. And kept happening. I think there's a sadness/grief and depression and anger that comes with that too, and a fear.

For what it's worth, science comes up with new medications all the time, new discoveries, new breakthroughs. I have started medications that have helped some issues I've had for 25 years, thinking they'd just progressively get worse. And to be fair, some of my issues do progressively get worse, and I do have new chronic illnesses or chronic or stupid health things come up fairly frequently. And as I'm sure you know, maintenance and surveillance and chasing this shit up is its own job and labour that is extremely thankless.

But outside of that, there is a great radical activism in simply being kind to yourself, loving yourself, trying hard not to see yourself as wrong in the world, as still deserving to take up your space, no matter how much that changes over time.

I have loved ones in my life who spend most of their time in their bed (and otherwise in a wheelchair), all in their 40s/50s, all who have rich lives filled with loved ones. That doesn't mean they're not sad sometimes, or not frustrated with an ableist world (especially around how quickly everyone gave up on us), but it does mean when everything feels awful and despair-filled, they have people who love them, they have hobbies and interests (game coding can be done from a bed, art can be, cross-stitch can be, writing can be, and even sometimes chopping fruit and vegetables can be if you have one of those sturdy overbed tables and can trust your hands), they have things that get better and things that get worse, they all think their lives are better now because it does just take time to...learn how to live in a body that does this when you're younger and had different visions for yourself.

I spend a lot of my time in bed. I need to lie down every afternoon for several hours or I'm non-functional in the evenings and that's on my best days. Escaping into fictional worlds is honestly such a blessing, whether it's in writing or movies or TV or anime or manhwa etc.

Sending hugs and solidarity and much love for how things are in the USA right now, especially for ill / disabled folk. There are lot of people fighting the good fight, so please make sure you take the time to rest, even on the good days, when you might be tempted to push past your limits to get everything done.

It took me forever to stop overspending energy on my good days, and I still do it all the the time, lol.

[not-poignant]

Reading Underline the black, the mention that Hillview has a sister sight for omegas who can give birth is honestly so cool!

I know you would probably never write it but oh my brain was cooking with all the sapphic angst that could happen over there, genuinely I was up all night thinking about it. I love all your characters and your relationships but also I absolutely adore your world building, you’ve made this Omegaverse so interesting and I want a Wikipedia on it lol

Hi hi anon!

I'm so glad you're enjoying the series so far :D

Honestly folks are welcome to imagine / write what they like re: the sister site and general Hillview fanfiction. I definitely think the sister site has all the Sapphic angst happening (and I'm sure other folks could write something a lot more mesmerising and awesome than I could, on that front!)

Tbh I've been having an absolute ball with the worldbuilding. There's so much room for variation within omegaverse that I'm often frankly shocked when people say 'I don't like omegaverse' because that's like saying 'I don't like anime.' It's like, well, whatever trope you don't like, there's people who aren't writing it, or who are writing the opposite of it.

Saying 'I don't like knotting' or 'I think pheromones are dumb' or 'I don't like the homogenised nature of most of it' - sure, but 'I don't like an entire broad genre that contains literally thousands of different versions and tens and possibly hundreds of thousands of fics and novels (and anime and manga and manhwa etc.) across every genre that exists from epistolary to western to dystopia to romance to hard science fiction' is like self-owning yourself on 'I don't understand the variety in this giant umbrella category and don't want to.'

Didn't mean to go on a rant about how I think omegaverse should be more appreciated as a thing, but here we are! Anyway, omegaverses can be so much fun, and so interesting :D

[not-poignant]

Michael Slimeball Henton 👊💥

Michael Probably Not Going To Be Alive By The End of the Story Henton 😤

[not-poignant]

Greetings! I love-love-love your Fae Tales and exploration of the Faerie (and your other works as well) <3 Maybe this has been asked before, but I couldn't find the/a post. Do you have any recommendations for books or articles or websites (e.g. blogs) about the Fae (especially on the British Isles)? It's such an immense lore and I find myself somewhat at a loss on where to look and what to read. Thank you! <333

Hi anon,

Realistically, the best place to start that is free, is actually Wikipedia. And then probably going to your local library which is likely to have decent folklore compendiums (if not, go to your library's online database - which it should have - and get the library to order them in for you).

I've been reading folklore very intentionally (because I loved it and it was/is a special interest of mine) since I was a kid. There is no one book I could recommend for the British Isles, I've honestly never read one. I either read very broad compendiums that covered most of Europe, or I read very specific books based on a region. I have like 4-5 books on Orcadian (Orkney) folklore alone, as well as individual books for Wales, Scotland, England (and broken up into North and South England) etc.

The good news is a lot of folklore information is actually just freely available. On Wikipedia, the Scottish Folklore page for example is broken down into more links with literally like hours and hours and hours of reading and education there nicely organised with further links. And that's just one place you can start!

Outside of that, there are freely available books because they've moved out of copyright, that actually have really great folklore in them for the British Isles / UK. Project Gutenberg has a ton. And I've definitely read some of them!

I definitely think it's good to kind of comprehensively go through these before you even think about buying books mostly because folks don't realise that there is truly a bounty of free information since most books published have lapsed out of copyright and are now public domain. Also it's fun to just kind of go from place to place and realise you're never going to run out of stories to read and myths to learn about. It's too huge of a subject. :D And that makes it a lot of fun.

Right now, for example, I'm finally getting to a book about the Place Names of South Ronaldsay and Burray in Orkney, and it's a thick, incredibly well-researched book that does, in places, mention folklore and paganism. If you ever get so deep into research that you feel like you've mostly exhausted the internet, the next best thing is actually looking for small self-published / boutique published novels often only stocked at like idk 3 bookstores, they can be hard to find, but they're well worth it. I know the book I'm reading now probably doesn't have much reach outside of Orkney (I bought it while I was in Orkney), but the best folklore books I found were in tiny little bookshops in Orkney. And in the future if I needed to dive deeper into a region, I'd just email small bookshops and ask what titles they had on a subject, and if I could organise them to be sent to me, lol.

[not-poignant]

The way I can already tell Faber’s story is going to break my heart 😭 how long do you anticipate UtR to be?

Hi anon,

No idea! Definitely longer than Blue/Gold, and probably not quite as long as Underline the Black. Definitely long enough that when it takes over Underline the Black in the schedule, we could still keep going with it multiple times a month for like, well over a year.

[not-poignant]

Asking as someone who looooved Falling Falling Stars (ffs Efnisien has so many of my favorite character traits all together that I was actually in disbelief. And as I have OCD I always love seeing a character that has it. And I have a very similar kind to Efnisien. It was very nice to see portrayed) I was wondering. Have you ever read The Emotional Incest Syndrome? By Patricia Love and Jo Robinson. Your descriptions of parental enmeshment rang so true I was thinking maybe you’d find this book interesting if you haven’t read it.

Hi anon,

I haven't read that book before (I hadn't heard of it until your message) but it does look interesting!

Tbh that kind of enmeshment I find really interesting in general, I mean broadly anything around interpersonal trauma is interesting to me, but especially between caregivers and vulnerable people, whether that's adults and children, royalty and subjects, psychologists/doctors and patients etc.

It's funny in a way because quite a few people have been like 'I relate to Efnisien so much but I haven't done what he's done!' and it's like, it's not what he's done in a way that makes him who he is. It's what he's experienced and suffered through, and the way his brain chemistry works, and his formative experiences around conception of self. And those things are very relatable to many of us, because many of us have been made to feel small, or dismissed, or like we don't matter, or aren't seen, to someone who is supposed to care for us and love us unconditionally. Unfortunately many of us have experienced abuse, and many of us have a family history of mental illness and/or neurodivergence.

It's been really humbling how many folks actually went on to realise they had OCD and/or the Pure O subtype through Efnisien, I've gotten some extremely touching messages about it from folks, where I just kind of have to sit there like 'oh, sometimes my silly little stories can do some cool stuff if the timing is right.'

But there's something really magical about the way that characters can kind of show exaggerated examples (or straight up non-exaggerated examples) of what we're going through, and in hurt/comfort and trauma recovery stories, it means we get to gently roleplay the experience of recovering through that!

It's honestly my favourite thing about writing these themes and why I can't imagine writing anything else.

[not-poignant]

Will there be a third book in Perth Shifters? I loved Braden’s and Aodhen’s stories.

Of all the kind of commercial-facing writing projects I've done, Perth Shifters did the worst, which is a shame, because Perth Shifters was meant to be the big money-spinner, which is why I broke with so many ways I prefer to write (more angst, longer stories, more character studies, etc.) to fit in with more conventional formulas to do so.

I enjoyed the experience very much! And I love the characters! If I ever tackle Hunter's book, it will probably be in serial format and a much longer story. I have learned that actually sticking to what I do best makes more sense in terms of both joy for the thing, and also income.

Perth Shifters was my first foray into hybrid publishing and it taught me an extremely valuable lesson. When I go back into hybrid publishing again, it will be with things I have already made work for me as serials, so whether they perform well as published novels or not just won't matter as much (and will be a bonus, so not as much is resting on its shoulders lol).

But for that reason, I can't justify putting the time aside to write a third Perth Shifters book. Still haven't ruled out revisiting the world one day though!

[not-poignant]

Please tell me it's not true. Please tell me Gary doesn't send Ef away....

‘Can’t I just stay? It doesn’t have to be in the same room as you. You can put me anywhere, right?’ ‘Efnisien, it’s temporary. Mike’s coming down, he’s an alpha, he has multiple spare rooms and I can call often. It’s literally just until Hillview is safe.’ ‘And if you die?’ Efnisien said, eyes sparking with a familiar, old anger. ‘What then? What if you fucking die? I bet she’s figured out that if you die... I bet she’s figured out that even if I live, but you don’t make it...’ Efnisien shook his head, looked away, tears coming to his eyes. ‘You’re not safe here,’ Efnisien said. ‘I don’t care if you have alpha persuasion. I don’t care.’ ‘You’re going,’ Gary said, trying to inure himself to the betrayed expression on Efnisien’s face. ‘Efnisien, you’re going. I’m making a decision as the person who runs Hillview and as someone who cares about you. No one is going to connect you back to Mike, they don’t know where he lives. It’s temporary.’

When Gary makes a decision, he sticks by it!

[not-poignant]

oh my gosh, so excited that the kadek/efnisien fic is coming up, didn't know it was gonna be so soon!!

Yes it's not far away now! I actually have to make sure I write some more of it soon as I've been languishing on only having one chapter written, and trying to kind of catch up or get ahead in everything else.

I'm looking forward to it though. I need to officially write out Kadek's and Efnisien's BDSM contract, since it was a lengthy negotiation and Efnisien's limits and rules are different with Kadek vs. Arden (which is normal, and I'm looking forward to showing that folks often want different things from different people and don't always have uniform limits across the board).

Honestly I think Kadek is also really looking forward to this fic lmao

[not-poignant]

I just read all of Palmarosa yesterday and I am blown away by your character development. You are amazingly talented and I cannot wait for Chapter 29.

In good news I finished chapter 29 today! I also started chapter 30 (I really don't want those chapters coming too far apart because chapter 29 honestly ends in a really bleak/grim place), and got about 1000 words into that!

It's been really awesome to have a bit more time for Palmarosa again :D And I've started playing BG3 again which has really helped just for mentally holding the atmosphere in my head! Every time I see Raphael I get so stupidly excited lmao

[not-poignant]

14 and 24 for the OC asks, FFS Efnisien?

14. How does your OC want to be seen by other characters?

I think Falling Falling Stars Efnisien honestly didn't want to be perceived at all, by most other characters.

But in the case of those closest to him, he most wants to be seen as safe and trustworthy, even though he thinks no one should see him that way.

And in the case of Dr Gary, he wants Dr Gary to be proud of him.

Whenever someone trusts Efnisien, he views it as such a gift, and he's very much like 'are you sure? I don't know if you should.' But that's what he wants most, to be perceived as someone who is safe, and to be worthy of that. T.T

24. What is an alternative life path your OC might have gone down? How different would their life be if they'd made those decisions?

I 100% believe that Efnisien would have killed himself in many alternative scenarios re: not going to Hillview, or not sticking out therapy with Dr Gary.

He got so close anyway, and he always expected that to be the way he died.

I really think every single one of Efnisien's alternative life paths are tragic. Much like in Game Theory, he just...dies. Whether it's by his own hand, or someone else's, up until this story, Efnisien was killed off in just about every story he was in. Even in The Wildness Within, where it's more tragic, it still just...happens.

Falling Falling Stars was his chance to live. We can see and imagine alternative scenarios sadly because of all the other stories he's been in before that!

~

From the edgy OC meme!

[not-poignant]

I just really wanted to say, while I’m in my emotions, that you are one of my favorite writers beyond all others and you have been for 12 years now. I discovered you with the Shadows and Light series and just… continued reading your work ever since. Your work has brought me great comfort in my darkest hours, in my traumas, and I site it as something very dear and important to me. I’ve recently introduced my partner to your work, and I find that wild because like.. I went from being an incredibly stuck and traumatized, lonely individual when I first stumbled upon your work to having my own living space with a fiancée and I’m receiving actual help for my cPTSD.

And your work just.. sort of.. gave me comfort along the entire way.

You continue to inspire me.

Thank you for that.

Ahhh thank YOU <3333

Also I'm so proud/glad that you're receiving help for your C-PTSD. It's such a brutal disorder, and it's such a hard thing to shift honestly, getting care for it is itself an incredible act of bravery, I feel like everything in us can sometimes drive us away from even thinking we deserve it. So you're amazing, anon.

But also just dsalfkjsa thank you <333