#administrator Gwyn wants this in the queue

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I just read all of Palmarosa yesterday and I am blown away by your character development. You are amazingly talented and I cannot wait for Chapter 29.

In good news I finished chapter 29 today! I also started chapter 30 (I really don't want those chapters coming too far apart because chapter 29 honestly ends in a really bleak/grim place), and got about 1000 words into that!

It's been really awesome to have a bit more time for Palmarosa again :D And I've started playing BG3 again which has really helped just for mentally holding the atmosphere in my head! Every time I see Raphael I get so stupidly excited lmao

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I just finished reading Falling Falling Stars (took me forever but I loved it) and I was wondering if there was going to be a short one off of Kadek, Arden and Efnisien? I love their dynamic together whenever Efnisien was at Kadek’s house. You’re an amazing writer by the way, but I’m sure you already know that. 🖤

Hi anon,

I don't know that I'll ever write a one-off of Kadek / Arden / Efnisien that I haven't already written in Falling Falling Stars (they do actually share a couple of moments of kink together there, and a bunch more content of them just hanging out together).

That being said, there is a Kadek/Efnisien story coming after Constellations is finished! That will be more than one chapter long and will probably have a similar length to Constellations.

I'm not ruling out more Arden / Kadek / Efnisien content, just that I feel like we get a lot of it in Falling Falling Stars, so the stuff I'm more drawn to writing is the stuff that's not in that story but still relevant in this world! They are a lot of fun together, but now I really want to write just Kadek and Efnisien learning how to deal with their stuff (and kinks) without Arden there to mediate them lol.

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Hi!

Just wanted to thank you for sharing your work with everyone. UTB is my favorite piece of literature, and I’ve read a lot. A LOT. I’m a 33 year old ex-English major.

Can we look forward to any more major arcs in UTB? If so, can we maybe get a hint?

Life is hard, but your work really helps me cope. So, thank you, again. Best wishes!

Hi anon!

Oh my goodness, thank you so much!! I'm so glad you're enjoying the writing so far.

There are definitely some big / major arcs coming. We've got the Henton arc and the Crielle arc coming, I just had to move Gary and Efnisien's character growth and relationship growth into a position for both to take place.

I'm actually just about to write the chapter on my end where Crielle officially comes back into the story.

And tbh, the hints have been there! Henton's foreshadowing about him not really having good motivations (anyone who has read Falling Falling Stars will know more about that, but I also like that some folks won't, but he's still very 'off' as a character), as well as Efnisien's certainty that Crielle will eventually kill him.

So yeah I would say actually the most action-packed arcs are still coming!

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Hello, I was wondering if you have any tips for how to start getting into writing?? I’ve always wanted to write the stories in my head down but I struggle with writing and am not very good in general haha. When I read your books I get so filled with inspiration but feel like it’s too late for me to start ( even though logically I know I’m still quite young, but being in my final year of university feels like I’m running on quicksand ).

When reading Falling Falling Stars for the first time, it was like being shown a new type of love, being shown that has changed me as a person, which is why I’m reaching out.

Thank you for your time and for sharing your wonderful stories.

Hi anon!

People can learn how to write - especially for themselves - at any age. In fact sometimes it's easier to start when you're a bit older, when you've read and experienced a lot more stories and have an idea of the kind of things you enjoy reading.

It's important mostly to just be patient and gentle with yourself. You don't have to sit down and write a contained story, free yourself from the idea that you have to write a chronological/sequential complete story when you get started.

Start with the things you want to see most. Say there's a show where you just want two characters to hook up. Write a page of that. Not even the reason why, just...start with what you're imagining.

At first it might not be exactly what you're hoping for. There will be lines you like, and dialogue you think 'oh yeah this is kind of what I wanted' etc. that's okay. Think of it like...when people start out in art, it's not what they imagined yet, but that doesn't mean it's bad! It's a 'sketch.' It's good to do lots of writing sketches too.

If you find you enjoy writing things that you've always imagined and wish you could read, practice other things too! You can look around your environment and write 'how would I describe where I'm sitting if I loved this place more than anywhere else in the world' and then write 'how would I describe where I'm sitting to an alien' or 'how would I describe how this place smells, or looks, or sounds (practice listening for the sounds outside too, it can be meditative!), or feels to the touch.'

You can do those 'sketches' anywhere - in cafes, in restaurants, on public transport, on your notes app at a friend's place, at a family dinner after everyone's eaten and you're just chilling.

And then often without thinking about it, you will use those skills to breathe more life into the things you want to see most in your writing. Instead of just a one page hook up, you might write four pages where you describe the bedroom, how things feel, what the 'mood' is etc.

All you need is an urge to see certain things in the world and wanting to write them down. Put down random lines of dialogue. If you imagine two characters arguing, or hugging, or making up, write down somewhere quickly: 'These two characters hugging' to inspire you later. Maybe something specific about it makes you happy. 'They're hugging but this one is grabbing the other one's jumper/sweater really tightly.'

Writing for me is a sequence of moments, and while I write chronologically / sequentially now, I didn't used to! I gave myself permission to write scenes because I found it freeing, because if nothing else, then I have a scene of something I always wanted to see in the world. Maybe I do nothing more than just read and enjoy it sometimes, well, that's what I wanted - to write something I wanted to see in the world!

Anyone can do that, anon, and age is seriously no barrier to that. Writing creatively is one of those things that, like wine, tends to age/get better with time, whether you're practicing it or not. Learning more about the world, other people, ourselves, and the things in it, reading more, watching more film and TV, that actually enriches our imaginative landscape, and that's what fuels writing (even if you don't have an 'imagination' in the classic sense).

Writing creatively isn't about writing 'books' - anyone can sit down and write a moment, and you can too. And if you don't like looking at a blank page, just put down a sentence. Even a sentence from another story that inspires you.

My favourite writing advice to defeat a blank page because it always makes me laugh is:

Write the worst sentence you possibly can. Like, go out of your way and make it bad and silly.

'What a dumb brown rug.'

There, you no longer have a blank page! And you can definitely write a better sentence than that!

'He hated that rug, the colour reminded him of mud, and it didn't suit the room at all.'

'He rubbed his shoes on the brown rug, locking his hands together, twisting his fingers and hoping no one noticed him.'

But you know, 'what a dumb brown rug' is fun too. :D

And ultimately, you just have to try and have some fun with it <333

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I'm very excited to see The Raven Prince in the UtR universe. He feels so layered every time you write him. Forgive the cheesy metaphor, but it's like when you tilt a diamond in and out of different light. There are so many facets to him depending on the context and who he's with. It's a delight to read him.

Honestly, this wonderful bastard man would truly adore this analogy. :D

I really love writing the Raven Prince and I'm SO looking forward to bringing Corbyn to life in the Underline universe. I'm thinking about it more and more, as we get closer (slowly) to the end of Underline the Black, and just...yeah, I'm also really looking forward to writing a story about two older men, honestly, because it's not something I get to do nearly enough of!

And Augus and the Raven Prince have always had the most amazing chemistry, I can't wait to explore that in omegaverse :D :D

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i knoooow im getting ahead of myself with underline the red but i cannot wait for the moment faber gets to enjoy a good ole nest 🥹 earlier i comforted myself with imagining faber and efnisien sharing a platonic nest 🪺 thats a thing right? since theyre not always sexual. anyway i just had this scene in my head of efnisien seeing himself in faber as he explores nesting and just seeing some of his own journey mirrored and gaining a deeper understanding

#GiveFaberHisNestDangIt

Platonic nesting is absolutely a thing! We're actually going to see Efnisien and Flitmouse doing this together in some upcoming chapters. :D

We just need to get Faber to a place where he gives himself permission to do it.

The thing I find most heartbreaking about all of that, is that refusing to let yourself nest is the sign of a very traumatised omega, and...I feel like there's this internalised rejection of himself over the whole concept that he won't even consider this.

*pets Faber gently*

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ok so I saw that you dont get many asks about this so i've worked up the courage to finally ask this but for Anton and Flitmouse in TGATNW, have you thought about how it would develop in that universe compared to UTG. Tbh, I was originally actually interested in them bc Flitmouse wants monogamy and has self-worth issues about himself while Anton is confident and has fucked just about everyone and likes it that way. But in UTR that kind of conflict doesnt really work the same way and seems to be heading for a different route. Would Anton have dedicated himself to Flitmouse (like in UTG) or would Flitmouse have grown to be less insecure about it all?

Btw, I love them both lotss, and they were the pairing that got me to read the rest of the UTR series <3

Tbh one of the reasons I stopped writing the story in The Golden Age that Never Was is because I knew it would never have a truly happy ending and I struggle to commit to stories like that.

Like, Flitmouse is mortal, Anton is immortal. Flitmouse is highly jealous, and Anton is immortal literally because every mortal he knows and loves will die and that grief kills him, for decades upon decades. Flitmouse knows Anton's love for him will do this and that Anton will then go on to have sex with lots of other people, and Anton knows that this breaks Flitmouse's heart and refuses to compromise because Flitmouse isn't a golden warrior.

In Underline the Gold they still get to have a happy ending. Because Flitmouse can be jealous or possessive but Anton is committed to him literally through their job. I can touch on an age discrepancy without having one literally live forever.

I do think in All The Loose Threads Flitmouse would have eventually adjusted, but I still think he would have always been a bit bitter and cynical about it in a way that's like... I always imagined his last years alive as an old man being quite painful for him because of it. After a while I was like 'I...can't write these two characters in this specific format because I love them so much and I want them to have a happy ending.'

It was just hard to imagine that without thinking of the weight of Flitmouse's and Anton's knowledge that it would all end in a level of heartbreak for Anton that we can't imagine for ourselves, because we're not immortal.

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I absolutely cannot wait for Kadek/Ef I LOVE THEM AS MUCH AS I LOVE ARDEN/EF

I've written the first chapter, anon, of their story! That was enough for me to know it was a sure thing, because I had to hold myself back from immediately writing more.

I've always loved their chemistry, and the places where they're so great for each other, and also the places where they clash! :D

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You’re gonna write a Kadek story?? I’M SO PUMPED, YOU’RE THE BEST!!!

Yes!

I mean so far it's all from Efnisien's perspective. I don't know if that will change, but I am actually kind of tempted to write some of it from Kadek's perspective. We'll see! It would be nice to see Efnisien through Kadek's eyes, but I also think it'll be nice to see that change/evolution through Efnisien's eyes too.

Either way, we're definitely getting a story about Efnisien's relationship with Kadek after Falling Falling Stars :D

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I’m so so so excited for the solar ritual in Palmarosa omgggg ty for writing it!!!

Haha it's been challenging, it's been a long time since I've written like, a fairly graphic rape scene (especially one that does involve blood and injury), and I had this moment of like 'wait I used to do this quite a bit more' and I think it's been years lmao.

It's been a very intimidating part of the fic that I've been frankly low-key terrified of (like, scared of scaring off readers, scared of it not being good to read, scared of folks just not reading the writing on the wall and being like 'wait you're not really going to write what you've been foreshadowing the entire time are you?' etc.)

But I'm nearly there! I don't think every solar ritual will be as lengthy as the first one, and we can probably skip past a few in linear time skips, but the ones that are emotionally significant are all going to be intense I think, especially the first one where Astarion is like 'I literally just signed a contract that allows me to be raped by strangers' and he actually has to like...live that, and it's no longer just a talking point.

Raphael's having a great time, however :D

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Are there any fandoms you haven't written for yet but would like to in the future? Or future fanfic ideas/stories that have been on your mind that you want to do after you finish your other fanfics?

I love reading your replies 😊

There's...

There's so many, anon

You know how some people worry about running out of stories to write? Yeah, I'm out here begging my brain to shut the fuck up because I already have enough stories to write.

I don't have anything seriously on my mind. I have wanted to write for the Black Butler/Kuroshitsuji fandom, and the Bungou Stray Dogs fandom for a long time. I have another long Bull/Dorian/Cullen fic I want to write for Dragon Age but that might get superceded by the latest game coming out and new characters.

I also have quite a few original stories with completely original characters that I want to write.

And don't get me started on the amount of fandoms I want to write PWPs for because we'd be here all day. I've also written for additional fandoms and not ported my fics over from Livejournal and FF.net and other websites. So I'd say there's like another 10 fandoms I've written for where if you don't know my old usernames (no I'm not going to share them lmao), like...they're just floating out in the ether.

The ideas do not stop, and sometimes I am in bed like 'pls just...let me sleep' and they fall on me like when you open an overstuffed ADHDer's cupboard and everything falls on top of you at once sdalfkjdsa

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Hi! Okay, so I found you originally gods back in like, 2018? Maybe? Time is fake. Anyways you wrote my all time favorite fic, then I found you again recently through A Stain That Won't Dissolve and I am just absolutely devouring this one as much as the other.

My question is, I know you have you original works published (Which I just saw and had no idea about and will be thoroughly checking those out.) But, would you ever do physical copies of any of your AO3 stories? I'm guessing the answer is no on that and that's totally fine!! But the thought of having those fics in my grubby lil hands in the form of paper is such a satisfying thought. But I am just as happy having them in a lil folder in my chrome or downloaded to my phone completely.

Anyways I just need you to know that you are a gods damn holy being and I am so glad you exist because your writing gives me a reason to keep living ;-; thank you!

Hi anon!

So I won't ever do physical copies of my own fanfiction stories, unless I like commission a book binder to make some copies just for me.

But as for my original stories on AO3, I do really want to physically publish them. That was actually the plan for this year - to start doing this - but I hit what I like to call Mega Burnout, and struggled just to write, and have had to backburner a lot of stuff, a lot of plans. I started to edit Game Theory and then...yeah.

It is the plan though! It's become especially true actually with later stories like Underline the Black and Falling Falling Stars. I think these could be really good published as unconventional psychological fiction, and I don't mean 'really good' as in it will make me a lot of money - I don't think they will, Perth Shifters taught me that book publishing isn't for me if I'm doing it for finance reasons lmao - but I mean... just for the satisfaction of seeing my own fucking writing on my own bookshelves.

I'm weak, I want to see it somewhere where it feels substantial, and where I can hold it in my own hands, and it has a cover, and a proper copyright page, and an index. Where it can be not just in ebook form because AO3 will do that for you, but where it can exist for audiences who wouldn't touch AO3 with a 10 foot pole (because they like missing out on great stories or w/e).

It's very indulgent of me, but as I get older, I look at my bookshelves and increasingly think 'those folks who have enjoyed my stories - including me - should at least have the choice to put them on their shelves.'

If you're a bookbinder, or willing to print them out for yourself, and don't sell them in any way or form, you can of course do it for myself.

But it grows so much more important to me over time too. <3

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The latest UtR update on AO3 got me hooked and I could no longer constrain myself and had to read the other chapters on Patreon. Now I need to know: does Lucien have any redeeming character traits in the series or can I add him straight to the list of characters that deserve the worst? That attitude of his towards Faber made me so mad lmao

Hi anon!

This actually reminds me of the ask I got recently about how awful Augus is as a character and how it's impossible to consider him through a positive light after reading Falling Falling Stars. Because that's how he seems if you've never read him in anything else of mine!

My narrators are unreliable, anon. We only ever see Lucien very briefly through the jealous eyes of an insecure man.

(Spoilers for a future brief verbal encounter between Lucien and Faber in Underline the Red).

Lucien is an extremely vulnerable omega who is in an institution that has temporary custody of him. They control what he eats, what he does, whether he leaves or not (i.e. he's functionally imprisoned), who fucks him, if he gets to see anyone else, if he can talk to his partner and family back home and how often. He has significant psychiatric issues around his own insecurities re: jealously and his partner, and he clocks Faber as being in love with Caleb, and he's right.

And that's incredibly unethical of Faber, honestly, to not have disclosed any of this to Dr Gary (like Dr Gary will be right to consider firing him over this in the future). It puts Lucien's mental health in direct and severe jeopardy, and is ironically likely what causes his relapse that causes Caleb to suggest domestic discipline in the first place (oh, Faber, the irony).

Because Lucien's there to learn that actually a lot of his jealousy and insecurity is unfounded. Instead, he learns the opposite, that no matter who he bonds with, someone else is there loving his potential partner while he perceives himself as having very little control (and in the case of Hillview - this is true, all he has are his words).

He's a chronically disabled omega who needs a disability aid (walking stick) to get around, he's a second class citizen, he's agreed with his partner to stay at Hillview because they both recognise how sick he's getting.

Faber is not a mental health patient/omega like Lucien is. He's a staff member who is nursing unrequited loved to an alpha companion, that he's refused to disclose, while still interacting with Caleb and his omegas. Imho, while Lucien is very good at lashing out, he's not wrong to, and that's why Faber fully acknowledges what Lucien is saying and listens to him, and basically never interacts with him again, and avoids Caleb where possible.

Lucien's mean about it, but Lucien is right re: Faber trying to hide his feelings because he knows what will happen if people find out, and that it's also wrong/unfair to put Lucien in that position.

And Faber knows that.

So yeah. The reader is meant to hate Lucien on a surface level, in the same way that Faber does.

But consider that Faber also sometimes seems to hate all omegas. He finds the smell of their heats disgusting. It's actually pretty normal for people to go through a phase of rejecting the thing that they are, if that's something hated in society. Faber's oscillating mixed feelings of bitterness, resentment and cutting attitude is actually mirrored in Lucien.

Faber has thought extremely savage, scathing and unforgiving things himself to the people around him (and himself). Lucien responds to Faber like Faber is an omega (something Faber doesn't recognise yet), because Faber...kind of acts like one in moments like that. (Efnisien also picks up on this, Faber is not great to him in the beginning of Underline the Black, in a very specific way designed for Efnisien to pick up on, and for Gary to miss. Faber behaves jealously, and constantly suggests to Gary that he should get rid of Efnisien, before he finally adjusts to the absence of Gary in his life. Faber is possessive and manipulative!)

Lucien ultimately doesn't need any redeeming characteristics because he's a victim who is at Hillview to heal and Faber is jeopardising that. We can hate him, but that's just the fact. He didn't try to kill Kadek when he arrived at Hillview, he hasn't tried to destroy memories of James, things Efnisien has done even though we love him all the same (ideally). Lucien felt understandably jealous/insecure (literally the thing he's at Hillview to be treated for, safe from people who will be in love with his lover until Faber) and he lashed out meanly.

If a staff member of Hillview can't handle some rude words, they shouldn't work there.

But yeah, I like the Lucien and Faber encounter because they are both extremely similar people in some ways. They are both bitter, jealous, resentful people capable of very scathing thoughts (and words). The only difference is that in that moment, Faber is the recipient and we feel bad for him. I mean, I do feel bad for him. Faber is in a bad place psychologically, it's a horrible thing for him to experience.

If we were getting Lucien's story from his perspective, and saw the panic attacks he had afterwards, and the regression he went through, etc. it might be different. But it doesn't have to be! Lucien in that moment functions as a reality check for Faber, and a very effective one at that. We're meant to hate him, but also meant to understand that Faber's love for Caleb is not as subtle as he thinks it is in the sense that - omegas can see it for what it is.

I personally like the one moment where we see that Lucien might have a heart when Faber admits his parents are dead, and we can see that he doesn't react with savage satisfaction, but like Faber broke the narrative he'd built for himself in his own insecure, jealous, scared mind.

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Obsessed with Faber, he’s so fun to think about because i just imagine the “there’s two wolves inside of me” of Faber except it’s the hyper competent part and then the self-imploding part that’s always struggling inside him. Need to create a whole new program for work. Easy. let me learn a whole new skill. Need to navigate an interpersonal relationship. Easy, let me choose to make this interaction so terrible everyone including myself hates me 😃

All jokes aside I love Faber so much and I slide from wanting to hug him or (gently) shake him by the shoulders. Whenever Caleb negs him though I want to shake Caleb by the shoulders because my friend that was so uncalled for, Faber is already down for the count, there’s no need to a kick a man while he’s at his lowest…

When great witch of the world was making Faber he went to pour in a few drops of hyper-competence at work into the cauldron and accidentally lost the whole vial, and then got so mad forgot to put in any relationship competence in at all. Not even a single drop.

Thankfully Efnisien exists, and his answer is to just be like 'oh no poor Faber needs someone to be friends with and make him talk and open up to me.' Faber looks on in horror but...he's gonna talk anyway :D

Caleb on the other hand does need a good shake.

Look Caleb also being a disaster with Faber is why Underline the Red will be a polyamorous OT3! We need a third party to keep both of them in line, lol.

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Hi! I am usually a lurker, but I have been following you for about a year or so (found from r/MM_Romance AO3 recs search) and my first read was Deeper into the Woods. -- Do you have any recommendations for "realistic" portrayals of sadists? (AO3 stories or MM romance but also open to non-fiction recs/other) -- I do not have any real-life experience with people who identify as sadists or the kink community in general, so I wonder how exaggerated the fiction is sometimes. Thank you for your time!

Hi anon!

I'm going to rec two of my own fics - Spoils of the Spoiled (especially tracing a young sadist who has to figure out where the lines are between reality and fiction in his own life), and Falling Falling Stars (which depicts an experienced genuine sadist who is quite frank/open about talking about it and is comfortable in himself about it).

You probably have a lot more experience with real life sadists than you know, since most of us are just regular people! (And quite a few of us are also masochists as well). Honestly it's possible to see people with sadistic tendencies in every walk of life. From massage therapists who enjoy working the knots out of their clients (including the 'good pain' it results in), to the professional manufacturers of boutique hot sauce, who like nothing more than watching someone suffer through what they created.

(And same with masochists - you need only look at the people who enjoy that hot sauce and the pain it causes them, lmao.)

You might also like the published m/m romance series by Lisa Henry and JA Rock known as the 'Boy series.' It starts with The Good Boy and the sequel is The Boy Who Belonged. It is, imho, a great and realistic depiction of an experienced sadist and a newbie masochist, as well as a trauma recovery story with an age gap, which realistically addresses the age gap, the sadism, lateral ways of being sadistic with someone who finds impact play triggery, and more. For me it's still one of the gold star versions of published m/m which shows the perspective of both characters, so we get to see what they're both thinking, and - imho - it's pretty realistic!

I'm also gonna rec one of my fanfics, The Beast that Chose Its Own Bridle, since a lot of the chapters are from the sadist's perspective, and while the setting is fantasy, the actual thought processes behind setting up scenes, the intention, riding the line between too much hurt and the right amount, what kind of pain is sexy and what isn't, etc. is - I feel - quite realistic. It's one of the things that fellow sadists have praised my work for (that the sadists feel like real sadists, and not just wish fulfillment sadists, who are otherwise apologetic for enjoying someone's pain), and while I still have a lot to learn re: writing in general, it's one of the reasons I write what I do!

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New Palmarosa chapter was *chefs kiss*! I adore all interaction between your Raphael and Astarion! I’m hoping the glimpse of True Submission we see will involve some more BDSM and kink elements 🤭

Hi hi anon!

I'm also hoping that the glimpse of true submission we see will involve more BDSM and kink elements!

That being said, Raphael's not like a professional dominant or anything. He's just a torturer who likes sadism in his kink/sex life in this story. That being said, I'm sure he has a ton of tools at his disposal that he can use if he wants to.

He's been introducing Astarion to his sexual proclivities very, very slowly. He very much wants Astarion hooked into that second contract, which has no actual end-date (it's entirely possible Astarion will complete the ritual, get access to the sun, and still not ever be able to leave if he can't submit - and then one has to ask oneself: would he be okay with that? Because he might actually be okay with that. We'll find out!)

Once Astarion is in the second contract, there's no more walking away. That's it, his body and flesh belongs to Raphael until Raphael gets true submission (and the ritual is completed). At that point, Raphael can torture him mercilessly every day if he wanted to, and never help Astarion ever again re: submission. He'd own Astarion until our vampire got hold of that contract and tore it apart.

Astarion knows that, which is why he's demanding to see true submission in action.

I sadly think Astarion will see it and still not understand and still think it's easy to do. (And for the folks who asked, no it's not subspace. You can force a sub into subspace pretty easily if you have the time and tools without any sign of 'true submission' - hell you can do it to a complete stranger). I think the best place to get an idea of true submission is to look at what Raphael actually wanted from Hope. He went about trying to get it from her in the wrong way, which shows he doesn't exactly have a skillset here for what he's truly looking for, but there's at least one point where he says exactly what he wants from her and we - the reader - know just how impossible that is based on Raphael's own actions.

And once you look at Raphael's wish through the lens of turning Astarion into his new Hope, or needing someone new to obsess over, I think it becomes at least a little clearer what Raphael's aiming for.

(Tbh I thought this was so on the nose - but Raphael needs a new Hope, his last one didn't survive the battle. He wanted one thing from her ultimately, and never received it. And he planned on keeping her until he got it. To me, Astarion being the new stand-in for Hope, and Raphael being clearer about what he wants from the outset...? Like...oof. Astarion hasn't exactly realised that's what's happening to him yet, but it is).