#administrator Gwyn wants this in the queue

[not-poignant]

Have you been surprised by the popularity of any of your characters? Characters you weren’t sure would catch on but became loved?

Anon, I've been surprised by the popularity of nearly all of my characters.

Augus and Gwyn started out as side "throwaway" OCs in a fanfic because I needed an Unseelie and Seelie representative.

And like, *gestures to all of Fae Tales* - That wasn't a plan! That wasn't meant to be a thing!!

And then, Ash was meant to be a throwaway foil to his brother and *gestures wildly at Ash*

And then like, Efnisien literally gets killed before we even meet him in Game Theory and *gestures to all of everything re: Falling Falling Stars and Underline the Rainbow*

And then also Dr Gary wasn't even supposed to have proper chapters in Falling Falling Stars and *gestures so wildly at that story and Underline and then screeches like a dinosaur*

Seriously none of my original writing on AO3 would exist if it wasn't for two throwaway OCs in a fanfic gaining popularity and getting so many questions about them from the most wonderful anons and readers that eventually I had to take them more seriously to the point that I finally had enough to write a story.

And even THEN it was only supposed to be 3 chapters of hatefucking.

My original writing career can be defined by just saying 'OH OOPS' in more extreme ways each time.

It's gotten to the point where I'm truly tempted to introduce characters from new worlds upcoming as side characters in current worlds lmao, because I feel this is a bizarre skill I have and didn't know I had until one day I was like 'wait.'

[not-poignant]

Hi,

I'm not sure how to approach this without sounding like an ignorant asshole, but I'll give it a go.

I'm from a country where the Trans movement isn’t very visible, and most of what I know about it comes from the internet. I’ve never truly understood gender dysphoria. I’ve tried to listen and put myself in others' shoes, but I struggled to be genuinely empathetic. Instead, I just tried to be supportive because it was expected of me, without really getting it.

It might sound silly, but reading Underline the Black made me stop and think… Wait, is this what I think it is? Reading Efnisien’s internal monologues and introspection made me feel something—maybe not from the same circumstances, but in a way that something inside my brain clicked, and I finally saw where the pain was coming from.

I guess what I really want to say is thank you. Thank you for helping me begin to understand and for broadening my perspective. It might sound small, but it’s something I deeply appreciate. I’ve been trying for a long time.

I do feel a bit foolish realizing that it took an ABO fanfic for me to get it… but at the same time, I was also reading about your real-life experiences. Or at least, that’s how it seemed to me. Forgive me if I’m wrong.

You have an incredible talent for expression.

Anon, until you know otherwise, everyone has to start somewhere. This applies to unlearning our biases and prejudices, which we all have for something, or many things, until we unlearn them. The fact that you've even tried to be supportive of something you don't really understand is still important, and still matters. It's a step into understanding, even if you don't have it yet.

I don't think it's foolish that it took you a story to realise what you've realised! This is actually exactly why representation of diversity (in gender, sexuality, culture, race, etc.) is so important in fiction. Because it's in fiction we can be free to explore concepts that are different to our own, or that challenge us, or make us see the world differently. This is why it's so important to know it's possible to identify with a trans character, or a POC character, or a character from a different culture to ours etc. Because that's when we humanise what we previously saw as like, different, Other, hard to understand. We go 'oh that's...really relatable actually, I think I'd feel the same way if that was my experience of life' or 'I don't know if I'd feel the same way but I really understand where that person is coming from.'

Gender dysphoria is complex, and different for different people. Being able to write it metaphorically through Efnisien's journey has been really interesting for me personally, because I've been able to depict both the inner conflict of knowing that your being is not...automatically going to be accepted as normal no matter what, unless you stifle or suffocate yourself, alongside the true euphoria and joy that can come with living as your best life, or your very self.

I have once seen a good analogy which is simply: Imagine from tomorrow onwards, everyone uses the pronouns you don't associate with yourself. You are bullied and mocked unless you wear clothing that is opposite to how you want to appear to others. You are put down and treated as psychologically abnormal for finding joy in true expression, even when that expression doesn't actually hurt anyone else at all. And now tell yourself that even your loved ones, when you desperately try to explain how wrong it all feels to be treated as so different to your true self, they explain that it's just mental illness, or that you're just confused, or that you don't understand yourself, and condescend to you, and treat you like they somehow have always known you better than you know yourself. And that's when you realise you might have to choose between your true self, and your family and loved ones who don't understand, or worse, hate you.

And then imagine that's the rest of your life, but it could change in an instant, if all of society just accepted that you are who you say you are! That all of your depression, and oppression, and suffocation could literally just vanish, if everyone was like 'oh sure actually, you want those pronouns? Cool! You want to wear this clothing? I like it!!'

And that journey is very tough in the real world, even in more accepting places (the US is clear evidence of this). In Underline the Black, I get to put Efnisien in a very specific space, and show the journey in a kind of specific way that isolates it and speaks through metaphor.

My experiences are different to Efnisien's, though I am trans, I never actually started out wanting to write a 1:1 trans narrative. Like, in this universe, "conventionally" trans people exist too. Efnisien's experience is a new thing, and a separate thing, but still - as we can see - a very good metaphor as well. I like telling parts of my story, but only small parts. I am more interested in...telling healing stories where I can watch a character heal and go 'oh I would like more of that for myself, as well.'

(Also, it's better to just say omegaverse, or AOB, etc. because a/b/o without the dashes is a slur in Australia, and while I know most people don't live here! We try to avoid slurs from other countries when we can. And we can only know to do that once someone tells us!)

But yeah, no, you don't sound like an ignorant asshole at all. You sound like someone who has learned something, and has gained more understanding, and was open to doing that, and honestly anon if more people came to something they didn't understand from your perspective, acceptance and love would be a lot easier to teach people.

It's so important to read stories about characters who aren't quite like us, or aren't like us at all, because that's when we realise just how much we actually do share so many similarities, and why our differences matter too.

Anyway thank you for sharing your message with me! I really appreciated it.

[not-poignant]

Oh god Pia that latest Henton excerpt made me feel ill. You're so good at writing such insidious villains.

Henton's really just planning on force feeding Ef heat inducing pills and raping him as soon as possible huh.

My lord he's even more despicable here in UtB than he was in FFS because here we can see him. But I'm sincerely hoping we see him get his ass beat this time round because he kinda went unpunished in FFS.

Henton's awful.

In some ways I almost wish I could justify writing out his sessions with Efnisien in FFS to show how he works, because he had so much more time to use his actually pretty great abilities at manipulation and gaslighting. Partly because he is a good psychologist and knows where to show compassion and apply gentle pressure.

In UtB he is a lot more of a blunt object, in a way. He's an opportunist who sees an opportunity to get access to something he's been fetishising as he becomes increasingly bitter in his job. So same motivation, but different execution, because he doesn't have months and months to slowly work at someone imprisoned in the building like he did in FFS.

I do want to say for folks who wanted more revenge for Crielle and Henton in FFS, y'all are gonna appreciate where UtB goes on that front. :D

[not-poignant]

I'm currently reading FFS while waiting for UtR updates, and the difference between Nate in both series is such whiplash 😭😭

Yeah it's pretty intense.

I mean the main thing is... we just never see Nate properly at all in FFS. Not once. We only see him around someone he doesn't like, at a point in his life when he's already healed from most of his issues, and we never really learn anything much about him. And that was intentional, in a way, Nate and Efnisien butt heads so much because they remind each other of the things they like least in themselves.

But we never see Nate's PTSD, we never see Christian's abuse of him, we never see Nate being insecure with Janusz like he is in Underline the Blue. In that way, we kind of never get to violate Nate's privacy in FFS. He gets to maintain his own walls, his own autonomy, his own sense of self.

They're actually, to me, basically the same. Like some characters I write across AUs are very very different "people" to me (FFS Efnisien vs. canon Efnisien being the main one).

But Nate in both UtBlue and FFS for me is the same. You've just never seen Nate in UtBlue healed, with autonomy, believing he has a right to his own privacy, talking with someone he doesn't like very much. Just like we never see Nate in FFS broken, post-abuse, without autonomy, believing he has no right to his own privacy.

But we see a lot of the glimmers of it. From Nate's scathing self-talk, his constant judgement of Janusz which reads very similarly to how Nate judges Efnisien out loud, to his disdain for a lot of broken systems in the world, and his ability to switch off from things he often doesn't care for. All those things are there, they're all happening in his inner thoughts in Underline the Blue, and if/when - one day - we blow away the worst of his self-hatred, what will be left is the Nate from FFS, just you know, from his perspective, instead of the perspective of someone who doesn't like him.

[not-poignant]

I know Temsen likes and respects a lot of the people at Hillview, but I get a sense that Flitmouse is one of the omegas he has a special fondness for. Is that true or am I just projecting my own love for Flitmouse onto him?

Hi anon!

I actually do think Temsen has a soft spot for Flitmouse.

There are three really big parts of that, I think. First, Temsen and Flitmouse are close to the same age, vs. a lot of the other omegas at Hillview who tend to be in their late teens or early 20s. So they are like, peers re: age.

The second is that Flitmouse is self-made and very fiercely independent in a way that they see rarely. In a way, Flitmouse is living proof of some of Temsen's theories that omegas do just fine, actually, handling their businesses / money / independence, when able to.

And then third, I think he just likes Flitmouse's personality, that he can still be a very "typical" omega at times, and very sort of...meek and subservient in a way that Temsen is sort of drawn to (not in a sexual way, just overall, he has protective instincts towards that).

I definitely think Temsen has a soft spot for Flitmouse, for sure. :D

[not-poignant]

Hi! I just finished reading a stain that won’t dissolve and it was really good! It is the first stardew fanfic that I have read :D

Since you haven’t updated it since 2023 and in your notes you wrote something about a lot of medical tests you went through, I just wanted to ask if you are okay? And also if you are ever going to update and continue the story? :) No pressure and I hope that you are well

Hi anon,

You might want to reread the dates on the story! I've been updating it up until February this year! (I took a month off in March). I feel like you checked the start date by accident, and not the recently posted chapter date. It's an easy mistake to make, it just means the story has been running pretty consistently for like two years. :)

Actually, looking at the screenshot, I can see that I think you mistook the date for the year, holy shit this story has been running since 2022 - but see? It updated in late Feb, 2025:

A good way to check how often chapters are coming out on a WIP as well is to go by the 'Chapter by Chapter' section and you can see the date that every single chapter has been released over time. I've released like 4 chapters of the story this year and there are two more coming this month. (Generally it's 1 every two weeks).

As for health stuff, I am not okay, but that's life I guess. I have an appointment with a liver specialist next week to find out if I need major surgery or not (or to get more tests to find out if I need major surgery), and I'm mostly trying not to think about it. I have 3 tumours in my head/neck, and need to have yearly scans and surveillance to make sure I'm not growing more or that they haven't become metastatic, and that's kind of just the tip of the iceberg with my health stuff!

That's why I do the job that I do (writing), because I'm too sick to work conventional, scheduled hours. The plus side is it means I get to write stories I really enjoy though, for pretty awesome people salkfjsa

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia,

I just wanted to say you are an inspiration to me. I'm in my twenties and also struggling with an insane amount of health issues with new ones constantly popping up, which makes me feel like I will never be able to do anything with my life. Except maybe for writing, because I can do that in my bed and I love escaping into fictional worlds.

I don't know much about your life except what you share in the author's notes, but knowing that you're living life out there and writing these amazing stories despite all your health issues gives me hope. Unfortunately I live in the US, so it's easy to fall into a spiral of doom, but maybe I can be like you one day. The choices you make every day to keep pushing forward, keep doing things that make you happy, is what makes me believe that it's possible for me to keep going, too.

Hiya anon,

Health issues suck, don't they? I started my Crappy Pokemon Collection of Chronic Health Issues in my teens but I remember I really started to get concerned in my 20s when it just kept happening. And kept happening. I think there's a sadness/grief and depression and anger that comes with that too, and a fear.

For what it's worth, science comes up with new medications all the time, new discoveries, new breakthroughs. I have started medications that have helped some issues I've had for 25 years, thinking they'd just progressively get worse. And to be fair, some of my issues do progressively get worse, and I do have new chronic illnesses or chronic or stupid health things come up fairly frequently. And as I'm sure you know, maintenance and surveillance and chasing this shit up is its own job and labour that is extremely thankless.

But outside of that, there is a great radical activism in simply being kind to yourself, loving yourself, trying hard not to see yourself as wrong in the world, as still deserving to take up your space, no matter how much that changes over time.

I have loved ones in my life who spend most of their time in their bed (and otherwise in a wheelchair), all in their 40s/50s, all who have rich lives filled with loved ones. That doesn't mean they're not sad sometimes, or not frustrated with an ableist world (especially around how quickly everyone gave up on us), but it does mean when everything feels awful and despair-filled, they have people who love them, they have hobbies and interests (game coding can be done from a bed, art can be, cross-stitch can be, writing can be, and even sometimes chopping fruit and vegetables can be if you have one of those sturdy overbed tables and can trust your hands), they have things that get better and things that get worse, they all think their lives are better now because it does just take time to...learn how to live in a body that does this when you're younger and had different visions for yourself.

I spend a lot of my time in bed. I need to lie down every afternoon for several hours or I'm non-functional in the evenings and that's on my best days. Escaping into fictional worlds is honestly such a blessing, whether it's in writing or movies or TV or anime or manhwa etc.

Sending hugs and solidarity and much love for how things are in the USA right now, especially for ill / disabled folk. There are lot of people fighting the good fight, so please make sure you take the time to rest, even on the good days, when you might be tempted to push past your limits to get everything done.

It took me forever to stop overspending energy on my good days, and I still do it all the the time, lol.

[not-poignant]

The way anytime I finish watching Rise of the Guardians I immediately have to go deep diving back into all your fanfiction with RotG, which then just goes into your fae tales, which then goes back to the underline the rainbow 🤣

*sings "it's the circle of life"*

(honestly though anon, thank you so much, I'm so glad you have that cycle!! That sounds awesome honestly, and it just makes me super happy asdlkfjas)

[not-poignant]

I recently started reading some of your Fae tales works (I started with Spoils) and WOW my perception of Efnisien is taking such an adjustment. The switch up got me thinking: is there any iteration of Fae!Efnisien that is good or approaching good? I think I remember you saying that canon Efnisien in Fae tales is completely unredeemable, but have you ever considered writing a Fae version of him that gets redeemed? What would that look like? (I just want to know what good, happy, confident Efnisien looks like to you asdfghjkl he’s always traumatized or terrible).

Hi!!

Efnisien is like that triangle with like Good, Fast, and Cheap on it, and you can only ever pick two (Good and Cheap but not Fast, Fast and Cheap but not Good, Good and Fast but not Cheap).

Efnisien can never be Happy and Confident but not Terrible.

Efnisien is at his true happiness in the canon. Literally, for a time, his heartsong was joy/glee because he was living his best malicious life (his aunt never tortured him there, he just came out of the womb worse than everyone around him, and so, so happy about it).

We get a happier, and more good Efnisien in Falling Falling Stars after a pretty significant redemption arc. (but happy and good means also traumatised lmao).

I have considered an arc where someone forces Fae!Efnisien to become redeemed, or at least stop killing and torturing people, and you know how it ends? Efnisien kills himself in abject misery, because the only joy he ever felt was being a terrible, awful human being, and inflicting pain and misery. He literally experiences the forced redemption as one of the cruelest tortures a person could ever go through. I remember talking about this a lot with Silvia (my beta) many years ago now. We made ourselves very sad. In making him not be terrible, we made him too Traumatised to want to live. (so we got traumatised and good but not happy).

This is the kind of thing where a person who enjoys the stories needs to write fanfic about what they want to see, because I'm too close to Efnisien's character in the fae realm to ever see what you want or imagine as a possibility anon. Only you (or others like you) can make it happen!

[not-poignant]

Trans-Alpha Efnisien and trans-Omega Faber really makes me want to know: would you ever consider writing Efnisien/Faber?

Hi anon,

I've daydreamed about it, but I've not thought about writing it seriously (mostly because my backlog of 'stories to write after these current stories are finished' is something like 2 million words worth of other stories, so it's increasingly hard to let myself think about seriously writing like...even more stories on top of that.)

I do think they'd make a really interesting couple though. I don't know if Efnisien could ever meet any of Faber's more difficult emotional needs, or vice versa for that matter, Faber's never really offered any of the support to Efnisien that Efnisien has offered to Faber outside of material support. So I think they'd be better in the hands of the readers and not in my head, in that sense, but I do really enjoy the dynamic they have!

[not-poignant]

I'm so so so looking forward to Ef learning Faber feels like an omega. Not just bc it's something he can uniquely understand but i just knowwww he's gonna be even softer for/with Faber. Faber SO needs a gentle alpha friend🥺 I wonder if Faber will tell him or clock it himself. (I know you can't answer that.) I'm just!! So excited! Imagine them nesting, whether it's alpha!Ef being invited in or two omegas sharing ndjddj💕 I need it!! (And w Flitmouse too!!)

I definitely think Efnisien will find out one day, and be zero surprised when he doesn't find out. Though I don't know exactly when or how it will happen, I never expected him to mention Caleb to Efnisien though, so we'll see!

But I do really love Efnisien as a supportive friend and ally to Faber, and I think he's one of the only people who can firsthand understand what Faber is going through in a way that would be very genuine and supportive. So even though there's a lot of angst in Underline the Red right now, at least we know there's some support waiting in the wings!

[not-poignant]

"You’re freaking out because you’ve never done anything like that with me before and we just went from zero to me giving you a handjob while pretending you’re my new secretary and I’m your strict, mean boss."

OH. MY. GOD!? 😩🥵🍆💦💕👀

Yep, that's... Yep, that's pretty much what happens except that he forgot to mention the spanking and human furniture part too

[not-poignant]

Reading Underline the black, the mention that Hillview has a sister sight for omegas who can give birth is honestly so cool!

I know you would probably never write it but oh my brain was cooking with all the sapphic angst that could happen over there, genuinely I was up all night thinking about it. I love all your characters and your relationships but also I absolutely adore your world building, you’ve made this Omegaverse so interesting and I want a Wikipedia on it lol

Hi hi anon!

I'm so glad you're enjoying the series so far :D

Honestly folks are welcome to imagine / write what they like re: the sister site and general Hillview fanfiction. I definitely think the sister site has all the Sapphic angst happening (and I'm sure other folks could write something a lot more mesmerising and awesome than I could, on that front!)

Tbh I've been having an absolute ball with the worldbuilding. There's so much room for variation within omegaverse that I'm often frankly shocked when people say 'I don't like omegaverse' because that's like saying 'I don't like anime.' It's like, well, whatever trope you don't like, there's people who aren't writing it, or who are writing the opposite of it.

Saying 'I don't like knotting' or 'I think pheromones are dumb' or 'I don't like the homogenised nature of most of it' - sure, but 'I don't like an entire broad genre that contains literally thousands of different versions and tens and possibly hundreds of thousands of fics and novels (and anime and manga and manhwa etc.) across every genre that exists from epistolary to western to dystopia to romance to hard science fiction' is like self-owning yourself on 'I don't understand the variety in this giant umbrella category and don't want to.'

Didn't mean to go on a rant about how I think omegaverse should be more appreciated as a thing, but here we are! Anyway, omegaverses can be so much fun, and so interesting :D

[not-poignant]

You write so well. I could feel Faber’s emotions in Chapter 10 of UTR. I want to file a formal complaint against Caleb.

Honestly same like:

Dear Caleb,

Please get your shit together and stop waiting for this man to open up to you and start pushing him to do it like an alpha companion with an omega might because idk no reason at all really why do you ask just do ittttttt

And I just have to duck all the tomatoes Faber aggressively throws at me in response

[not-poignant]

Michael Slimeball Henton 👊💥

Michael Probably Not Going To Be Alive By The End of the Story Henton 😤

[not-poignant]

This is a weird question I’m sure. How much does Arden and Kadek charge for scenes? I guess I’m trying to understand their income. I’m assuming Kadek makes a lot more money than Arden since he owns several clubs and is more tenured.

Hi anon,

I'm not sure! Except that I'm sure it's been very variable over time.

It's definitely not at all the primary source of Kadek's income. His biggest income source would be subscription access to all the classes he teaches, and also flow-through funding from entry fees and course fees at the clubs he hosts.

When Kadek gets paid in kink, it's not as a professional dominant, it's as a rigger to host workshops at ateliers, where the atelier is likely to pay or partially fund his flights and accommodation, etc. Or workshop fees are expected to cover that. What he does is extremely different to what Arden does. He's not really opening himself up for like, clients who pay him to dominate them at all. He's not charging by the hour for that because he doesn't do that.

But Kadek's always about a smart hustle, and to him that was creating online courses at a moderate/minimal subscription fee, in all aspects of kink, and establishing one of the best databases online for it (similar to Shibari Study now).

He makes a fair amount of money from the stock market and financial investments too. He probably makes the least from the bookshop (which is more like a novelty project for him).

Arden on the other hand charges a sliding scale based off a person's income/circumstances for professional domination of around $200-500 per hour, as he's often tipped very well by clients, he could sometimes easily pull $20,000 in a week without working anywhere near to full-time hours (which gives him time to teach classes, work - as a novelty project - at Cosy, do judo etc.). A lot of that is down to his level of expertise though. Starting pro doms are not charging this much, but the ones who have a reputation and are experience are definitely making bank.

Kadek has much more money than Arden, but he's older, and he's also been raised to invest broadly and widely, and also work less for more. His parents are financially savvy and he enjoys being good at what he does. If he quit every job he had tomorrow, he could survive on stock investment alone and occasionally selling stocks / re-investing alone.

Kadek lives literally like 1-2 streets away from Crielle and the An Fnwy estate, he's loaded.