#is honestly pretty shitty

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia,

I just wanted to say you are an inspiration to me. I'm in my twenties and also struggling with an insane amount of health issues with new ones constantly popping up, which makes me feel like I will never be able to do anything with my life. Except maybe for writing, because I can do that in my bed and I love escaping into fictional worlds.

I don't know much about your life except what you share in the author's notes, but knowing that you're living life out there and writing these amazing stories despite all your health issues gives me hope. Unfortunately I live in the US, so it's easy to fall into a spiral of doom, but maybe I can be like you one day. The choices you make every day to keep pushing forward, keep doing things that make you happy, is what makes me believe that it's possible for me to keep going, too.

Hiya anon,

Health issues suck, don't they? I started my Crappy Pokemon Collection of Chronic Health Issues in my teens but I remember I really started to get concerned in my 20s when it just kept happening. And kept happening. I think there's a sadness/grief and depression and anger that comes with that too, and a fear.

For what it's worth, science comes up with new medications all the time, new discoveries, new breakthroughs. I have started medications that have helped some issues I've had for 25 years, thinking they'd just progressively get worse. And to be fair, some of my issues do progressively get worse, and I do have new chronic illnesses or chronic or stupid health things come up fairly frequently. And as I'm sure you know, maintenance and surveillance and chasing this shit up is its own job and labour that is extremely thankless.

But outside of that, there is a great radical activism in simply being kind to yourself, loving yourself, trying hard not to see yourself as wrong in the world, as still deserving to take up your space, no matter how much that changes over time.

I have loved ones in my life who spend most of their time in their bed (and otherwise in a wheelchair), all in their 40s/50s, all who have rich lives filled with loved ones. That doesn't mean they're not sad sometimes, or not frustrated with an ableist world (especially around how quickly everyone gave up on us), but it does mean when everything feels awful and despair-filled, they have people who love them, they have hobbies and interests (game coding can be done from a bed, art can be, cross-stitch can be, writing can be, and even sometimes chopping fruit and vegetables can be if you have one of those sturdy overbed tables and can trust your hands), they have things that get better and things that get worse, they all think their lives are better now because it does just take time to...learn how to live in a body that does this when you're younger and had different visions for yourself.

I spend a lot of my time in bed. I need to lie down every afternoon for several hours or I'm non-functional in the evenings and that's on my best days. Escaping into fictional worlds is honestly such a blessing, whether it's in writing or movies or TV or anime or manhwa etc.

Sending hugs and solidarity and much love for how things are in the USA right now, especially for ill / disabled folk. There are lot of people fighting the good fight, so please make sure you take the time to rest, even on the good days, when you might be tempted to push past your limits to get everything done.

It took me forever to stop overspending energy on my good days, and I still do it all the the time, lol.

[shittysawtraps]

belated, but here is my cat juno with his bloody saw toy. happy holidays!

[khaire-traveler]

So I've had people be weird with me about my religion in the past, but last night, I had some be so egregiously shitty that I low-key didn't know how to respond. They referred to one of the deities I worship, Dionysus, as a character in a "canon" and that they so firmly rejected the "canon" that they were upset when people refused to acknowledge their "headcanon" (they firmly believed that Haides and Persephone were the sole parents of Dionysus; this is not confirmed in any mythos, and they eventually admitted that). They first tried to play it off as some "old myth that was later changed" that I had never heard of, and when I called them out on this, they got incredibly defensive. It was incredibly disrespectful, especially since I had told this person beforehand that I was a worshipper of Greek deities.

You wouldn't walk up to a Muslim and call Allah a "canon character" then proceed to tell them your "headcanon" about Allah. That's weird as fuck! That's abhorrent, even! Regardless of whether or not you believe in someone's religion, it's legitimately not hard to be respectful.

[starscream-is-my-wife]

A way too serious reading on Fire in the Sky focusing on Skyfire

The first impression we have of Skyfire is Starscreams vision of him. He says they were close friends before the war. Skyfire is portrayed as a representation of innocence, he is the last cybertronian to know what life was like before the war, and untouched by the horrors of it. When the actual Skyfire is revived, he is in the future in the middle of a war, where for him, he was just a while ago he was a civilian scientist. He knows that this isn’t Cybertron, subconsciously or not, he is essentially trapped with the Decepticons, and with Starscream, who despite saying they are close friends, Skyfire treats Starscream more like an acquaintance. However, Starscream is the only thing that he has left from his old life, so he would naturally stick with him

 It doesn’t take long for Starscream to establish control over Skyfire. Starscream who not only has a ranking superiority over Skyfire, but in life experience. He is 5 million years older, most of which was spent as a warrior, and as the second in command. He tells him that he will make Skyfire his second in command once he takes over. Skyfire thanks him, telling him that he will give Starscream credit. It makes you wonder if this is what their relationship was like before the war, if Starscream believes that being close friends means that someone is willing to be subservient to you.

Then his first encounter with the Autobots. This is where Skyfire is alone, and you can see his actual personality, albeit still under the manipulations of the Decepticons. They engage in combat but stop when Spike and Sparkplug are in danger. When Skyfire goes over to help them, he speaks very softly for the first time since his reactivation. A gentleness for organisms that shows his true calling as a scientist. He then tells them the lies that he was told, showing he does genuinely believe in what Megatron and Starscream told him, like he looks up to his superiors.

So, when Skyfire raises a protest to the treatment of the humans, Megatron warns him that he’s stepping out of line, but it was Starscream who tightens his leash. not hesitating to shoot his hand as a punishment. Starscream should know how Skyfire should love organics, but maybe he saw this as an opportunity to taint Skyfire even more. Skyfire was shocked but not to Starscream shooting him, but to why they wanted to harm the humans. He does not question being shot by Starscream at all, filling in a picture of them before the war even more. Skyfire had also said that these humans were his friends, despite most of their very brief meetings being the humans terrified of him. This also makes you think if Skyfire before had any real friends other then Starscream.

When cornering a group of Autobots, Starscream said that the years under the ice had diminished his loyalty coefficient. And once again you wonder, ‘how did Starscream treat Skyfire before??’

Even after acknowledging their old friendship, the moment Skyfire refuses Starscream, he once again, does not hesitate to shoot Skyfire for being ‘wrong’, the Autobots look on in horror for Skyfire, Ratchet and Hound even saying something about it before getting destroyed -in Skyfires eyes- by Starscream, who steps on him before walking off. Another display of establishing his control. In the very short time that he’s been reactivated, Starscream has already shot Skyfire twice for miniscule ‘mistakes’ and Skyfire doesn’t even question why he was punished so harshly by being shot, only thinking of others.

Ratchet fixes up Skyfire the best he can after revealing that they are functioning they get interrupted by Starscream who orders his trine to fire at will at the Autobots, not caring that they were fixing up Skyfire. Ratchet doesn’t leave Skyfires side, tugging at his hand and saying ‘I won’t leave you here’ before getting shot. Skyfire stirs, this is probably the kindest anyone has been to him after being frozen and losing everything he knows.

Skyfire does join the battle, on the side of the Autobots, finally seeing a way out from the Decepticon grasp, and literally throws Megatron away. He ends up fighting Starscream, who only a little while ago had such a positive view of Skyfire, is now willing to kill him permanently. It’s almost like he would rather have Skyfire dead then have a Skyfire who is alive, but does not fit the loyal subservient imaginary image he has of him in his mind.

Starscream has far more experience in battle and although they both crash, Starscream will show up next episode, totally fine. However for Skyfire, in his final moments, fires a blast to bury the crystals, and himself to save his new friends. Perhaps that’s all he knows, instead of landing safely, he did everything he could to be useful to the very end. But in doing this he found freedom from Starscream, in death.

(until he gets revived)

[deep-space-lines]

Not ultrakill related for once- I finally finished an oil painting I've been working on for a while! (Reference was this image of the Pillars of Creation.) 12 hours of oil painting is way too many hours of oil painting for my adhd ass why do I keep doing this to myself

(the weirdly dark part by the stars is just wet paint... I'm too impatient to wait for it to dry before posting it x.x)

progress pics under the cut bc I like looking at them

each photo was taken after a 2-hour painting session

[schizosamwincester]

I can't do this I'm going to (remembers suicide jokes have a negative impact on my mental health) read a lot of sampreg fic

[meganechan05]

KingOh What-If:

Grodie was (somehow) Rita's biological father. (Episode 38 Edition)

After reclaiming Gokkan:

Note: Rita did not know Grodie was their bio dad until a week before his debut nor did their bio mom. Dugded kept insisting on them to call Grodie "Papa" or "Daddy" after the reveal but Rita would rather eat rusty nails than do that. They only did so for undercover work and Himeno had to bring them a fck ton of cake bc the sweetness could offset the disgusting aftertaste.

[ophernelia]

shouldn’t have answered that damn text.

[aces-to-apples]

I'm gonna be real, so little of previous games have actually mattered in any way beyond flavor text that I literally could not give less of a shit about this whole debacle. Like it's such a non-issue to me. Idk what games y'all have been playing for 15 years but truly this is the norm. Barely anything carried over from Origins to Hawke and all pretty minor shit, and I genuinely cannot think of anything beyond flavor text carrying over to Inquisition. Oh you could customize Hawke and they can answer a few vague questions with vague bullshit? Cool, presumably that's what the Inquisitor will give us. Like idk guys but I think maybe building up your expectations for a decade has had a detrimental effect on what should be reasonable expectations for a video game that's truly been in development hell for like eight years and wants to be functionably playable to brand new players without alienating them.

[aizawaondrugs]

@rayshippouuchiha : posts something I have absolutely no idea about in a fandom I've never been part of

Me, absolutely not specifically seven crows in a disguise, still finding it relatable/shiny:

Also here's my cat holding still for a picture after I told her it was for Ray (betrayal lol she never does that for anyone else):

[ros-sauce]

A lot of people in the world are wearing "cringe culture is dead" hats while also mashing the button that sends wolves to the homes of people who have spent more than eight collective minutes of their lives thinking about sex

[winepresswrath]

what louis did to lestat and what louis did to armand are connected and that's important to the story but also. it is simply not the same. nothing louis did excuses armand's behaviour, that's not how anything works, but he did not "cross a line" or "poke at armand," he weaponized armand's history of abuse to belittle and demean him. nothing armand said to louis came close- the equivalent would have been "oooh, i'm such a stupid bitch that my husband can beat me half to death and i'll keep crawling back for more even when it endangers my daughter!" it's retraumatizing and deeply destabilizing to hear that shit from your partner. and in response armand should have been like "well this man sucks when he's high and he's high all the time, so i'm bouncing" but if he'd done that we wouldn't have a story, would we?

edit: i've come back to give armand credit for "claudia didn't love you like we did/do. ps. u used her to distract from your own hurt feelings" that shit does hit in a similar way. however "the ways someone hurt you have left you contemptible and weak. they scrawled 'dirty and annoying' all over your soul in red ink and it's never coming off" is just outstanding work. timeless

[harpoonsnotspoons]

I MISS HIM, SO I'M GOING TO DO SHITTY ART OF US WHILE I'M FIVE SECONDS AWAY FROM FALLING ASLEEP

[seashoreshell]

An update just to show that I am working on the stickers lol. I lost a lot of time going back and forth on style and colors and then I had some commissions, but I've not arrived at the styleI like! So it'll be smoother sailing from here on out.

[candyunicornsateme]

Fell down a bit of a childhood trauma info rabbit hole and thought, can you imagine the kinda shit Kenny would say as his experiences??? Dude is totally that guy that'd say some concerning shit like it's normal and a casual joke and everyone else is like wtf.

[morn-yvri-winters]

So i've been working some things.

got some of these sprites I have are rather ugly looking, hopefully i get around to making tilesets, once i learn how to do that so i can make even more uglier sprites /j