#alfred is god confirmed

[riversaremeanttobefollowed]

We all know that the reason why Bruce Wayne isn't religiously Jewish is because dc are cowards, but also because many of the community itself is cowards. I personally believe it comes from a lack of knowledge about what it even means to be religious because most of the community is Christian or culturally Christian. So as someone that would probably be considered not religious by Christians, but Religious by most other Jewish people, I think that Bruce Wayne fits in this section of being Jewish.

Bruce can't go to the Synagogue often because of the whole being Batman stuff, but he still goes on the high holidays when he can. He celebrates with the Kane family as well! And Kate would obviously understand if he couldn't come because she's Batwoman! Give me a Bruce Wayne says Yiddish curses. Give me a Batman that has a bunch of Chanukkiot that are just so pretty because they are rich and definitely have a ton. Give me Batfamily shabbat dinners when they are able to. Rest days on Saturday for the Jewish members when they are more members in the Batfam to make it work (and it being a mitzvah when he does have to be Batman on Shabbat because its a mitzvah to save a life). Give me Mezuzot on every entryway. Give me a Bruce Wayne who inherited his mother's seder plates and actually uses them. Give me a Bruce Wayne that says stuff like kein ayin hara before giving good news! Give me a confused Dick Grayson when Bruce insults him (its actually a compliment, but to ward against the evil eye you will say the opposite of what you mean) and then Bruce having to explain after he realizes that Dick has no idea why he just insulted him. Give me a Batman that follows Jewish values (more than he canonically does)

Just because someone ins't actively involved within a wider community of that Religion doesn't mean they aren't Religious! Or at least don't give me a culturally Jewish Bruce Wayne that doesn't do any of this. Thats just you stripping away all the Jewish parts of him.

Bruce Wayne is Jewish and you can't just ignore that

[kingslionheart]

Just so some king in this world may have driven one of his favourites from him, or he may have been forced from the king against both of their wills; then hath he many torments and many mishaps in his exile, yet he may come to the same lord whom he before was with, and there be much more worshipful than he was. Then he will recall the misfortunes which he had there in his exile, and yet not be the more unhappy — Alfred the Great's translation of St. Augustine's Soliloquies

[puppetmaster13u]

You know what I need more of? The Batkids completely fucking with the Justice League and their rogues and coming up with stories for their existence.

Like I am talking about the creation of demigods sort of stories, like Loki sort of stories.

Duke has convinced all of Gotham that he's the Bat Signal brought to life and that's why he's never seen at night and why the signal literally doesn't work during the day. He's waiting giddily for the story to spread outside of the city.

The batkids have convinced half the League that Nightwing is quite literally Batman's lovechild with Justice. Hey, Constantine had a one night stand with the manifestation of a city and they've dealt with gods before, so surely it's not that surprising? Right???

I need more of the Batkids being little shits, of Alfred the-greatest-enabler Pennyworth backing them up and Bat(the-biggest-troll)man to never confirm the stories, but he doesn't deny them either.

[bruciemilf]

I think it’d be ridiculously funny if Duke went full Candace Flynn mode to prove Bruce is a metahuman.

Picture him, in the middle of their living room, one of Jason’s unlit cigarette in hand, pointing to insanely blurry Polaroids of Batman fighting actual fuck yous’ from God.

“Who the fuck gets a headbutt from BANE and just WALKS IT OFF. I sure can’t, can YOU?”

“Yep,” Steph confirms, merciless in her casualty.

“Small head,” Cass shrugs.

“Sounds like a skill issue.”

“Shut up Dick, you almost outed yourself as Nightwing on Rupaul’s Drag Race for doing a produnova in heels.”

“HEY!”

“THE MAN,” Duke gesticulates wildly, like a Mormon solicitor trying to convince you that cults are cool, actually. “Is immune. To FEAR TOXIN.“

“And he can also eat Alfred’s cooking without intoxication,” Damian scoffs, “Your point?”

“HE THREW HANDS WITH SUPERMAN. AND WON.”

“I fought Clark for the last popsicle and I won. “

Duke keeps trying to get a DNA sample from Bruce so he can run some tests.

Bruce thinks they’re just playing because that’s exactly what Tim did when he was little.

[demonic0angel]

Jazz's eye twitched as she tried to hold her decorum. This was her first time meeting all of Jason's family, and she was determined to make a good impression. Even with her certainty that the giant portrait of Martha and Thomas Wayne in the foyer had been replaced.

Jazz reached out and tightly grabbed her brother's elbow.

"Jazz, what do you want?" Danny asked

Jazz pointed at the portrait with her free hand, "Did you..." She didn't need to finish as a toothy grin spread over Danny's face.

"You're the first one to notice." He cackled.

"Does Cass know?"

He scoffed, "Of course. We keep having to renew our bet cuase no one has noticed that the pictures have some changes."

"Pictures?" Jazz repeated.

Jason joined them at that moment, "What about pictures?"

"Look at Thomas' bow tie." Jazz said in a vague answer.

Jason did. His eye squinted as they made out the faint water mark in the shape of Phantom's logo on the bowtie's knot.

Jason burst out laughing. “No way! You messed with all of the portraits in the house?” He and Danny shook hands, grinning like maniacs.

Danny preened. “I will neither confirm nor deny.”

Jazz groaned. “What did you do with the old pictures?”

“Put them in the attic. They’re safe and sound, don’t worry. No one has found them yet!”

Jason snorted. “You think Alfred hasn’t already found them and knows about this? Think again.”

Danny waved a hand, “Alfred doesn’t count. He knows everything. He is God and this manor is his domain. I am merely the Devil rearranging the furniture in his house in hopes of the mortals noticing it.”

Jason whistled at the poetry while Jazz sighed again, very loudly before she grabbed her brother by the shoulders and said, “Danny. I’m meeting Jason’s family for the first time. Please be on your best behavior, okay? If they dislike me, I’ll cry.”

“And if you cry, I’m airing the place out,” Jason said with a pleasant smile. “Don’t worry about it, Princess. They will love you.”

Danny nodded, serene. “I’ll help him get rid of the bodies.”

Both of them looked at her innocently and with affection. She almost wanted to throttle them. They were not helping her nerves!

Jazz looked up at the ceiling.

She hadn’t even met Bruce Wayne face to face yet, and her boyfriend was already threatening to kill his entire family with her brother already in his pocket, willing to hide bodies and starting pranks on her future in-laws with the blessings of Cassandra Wayne.

If Alfred was God, then surely, he was enjoying this show with her as the lamb to the slaughter.

She shook her head.

This night was going to be a disaster.

[xan-izme]

Dubble Life 14 (Batfam x reader x ACTSV)

Summary: No matter how much you think you know yourself, you seem to still not understand why you do the things you do.

Part 13,

When you wake up, things felt, more tense. Bruce was stricter on not letting you out on certain hours. Even Alfred wouldn't let you slip out the door without him coming along. Dick clung onto you, kept trying to do everything for you till he had to go back to Bludhaven. Damian was weirdly distant. Not cold, just Distant. Tim seemed take over what Dick was doing to you, just a lot less clingy. Helping you more than usual, even when he was clearly tired.

And Jason?

He was pushing your damn buttons.

"You should stop."

"Huh?"

You stare at the older man with confusion. You two stood in an abandoned building. You were in a spider suit that was darker to blend within the dark. Jason had just taken care of a few thugs just as you finished throwing an anomaly into a portal to the Spider Society HQ.

"This thing with Alchemax, I can handle the fighting, and you can-"

"Whatever bullshit your trying to say. Spit it out. Don't beat around the bush." You cut Jason off, you didn't have to take your mask off for Jason to know you were getting pissed off already.

". . . It's getting dangerous."

The moment Jason said those words you immediately throw your hands in the air while letting out a scoff of disbelief.

"You gotta be kidding me. Are you serious right now?"

"Just hear me out God damn it!" Jason wasn't going to let you just brush him off anymore.

"Joker, Scarecrow and all those other psychos are out now. Trust me when I say your screwed if you run into any of them, doesn't matter if you're meta."

You had your back faced to Jason. Clearly frustrated and upset of this topic. Jason lets out a sigh and shook his head. Before speaking a little more softly

"Come on kid, you haven't even talked about what happened with the fear gas."

". . . That doesn't matter-"

"Yes, it does! Whatever is going on up there-" Jason points to his head; "Will affect your insect ass out here."

". . . Spiders aren't insects."

"Oh, for fucks sakes You know what I mean!" Jason lets out a frustrated sigh.

"Just wait till those psychos are put back in Arkham. . . Please?" Jason walks closer to you. But you walked to an open window to jump out. Before doing so you spoke one last time.

"Fine."

Jason felt slightly relived once you agreed, watching you jump out of the window and swing up to a building.

Miles was working on a new invention, the upbeat music you put on faintly in the background. Miles puts a screwdriver in his mouth as he uses both hands to connect the wires on his invention. But he pauses as he felt a pair of eyes on him. He slowly turns his head to see you on his bed, a book in hand, just staring at him with a small smile.

"What?" He gave you a look of confusion. Your brow quirks up at his confrontation "Hm?"

"You're staring at me with that creepy smile of yours." Miles takes the screwdriver out of his mouth and waves it around as he spoke. You gave a fake offended gasp.

"Exuuusse me??" Your hand now on your chest, exaggerating the feeling of offence. You expected some form of amusement from Miles, but his mind seemed to be elsewhere

You tilt your head "Hey, space boy, what's got you so distracted, I come here to spend time with you and you're not even yapping about your usual nerdy stuff." You spoke in a joking manner, but there was a hint of concern.

Miles stayed silent for a moment. Your playful demeanor falters as you see that he's bothered about something. But he doesn't want to talk about it. But you know it was about you.

You sighed as you scoot closer to the edge of the bed where Miles sat.

"Your upset." You nudged his shoulder with your own. His silence only confirms your suspicion. After a few moments Miles finally spoke up.

"Me and Uncle Aaron found out who was responsible for the explosion at the bridge. The one that got your mother killed. . ."

You paused at the last sentance.

"Oh . . ."

"It was Kingpin."

You hum and nod. "I see. . . he's in prison right now, right? He won't hurt anyone else for a long awhile." You rub his shoulder to reassure him. But this only angered him.

"Why are you so calm!?" He brushed your hand off and let out a huff of annoyance as he stood up from the bed with his back faced to you. Your brows furrowed at his sudden burst of anger.

"Miles-"

"It doesn't matter that he's in jail now. He's going to get out. He has the money, Has the connections. No matter what we do they always come back and they hurt more people!" His frustration on the situation felt, familiar. You had the same feeling once.

"Miles. . ."

He ignores your first warning he goes on. "What's the use of fighting crime when they just end up killing more people!? Why- why can't we kill people like Kingpin!?"

"Miles Gonzalo Morales! ¡Ya es suficiente de ti!" Your stern voice almost booming. Silence falls upon the room. Miles, still upset spoke again.

"He killed your mother."

You were not having his attitude today.

"Do not use her death as an excuse! you know killing has been and never will be an option for us. It makes us no better than them."

Both of you were angry. Angry at each other, at the world. Just two angry teens in a room.

The disagreement with Miles dragged. The two of you didn't speak to each other for a few days, and you were agitated to get back out on patrol feeling Alchemax is up to something and the longer you wait the worse things will get.

You were able to slip away from a nagging Alfred. You made it past a very sleep deprived Tim who usually , once you made it through the doors of the manor you were met with a surprising view of Ms. Dean walking up the stairs to the doors.

"Mrs. Dean! What are you doing here?" Your brow quirked up in confusion and a little curious. "Aw, do you miss me? we just had a session two days ago." You spoke in a joking tone, but Mrs. Dean was not amused.

"I'm actually here to, discuses a few more things with you."

You sighed, you walked up closer to the older woman, circling her.

"And I'm assuming Bruce is making you do house calls now?" Your tone uninterested on whatever Bruce is trying to get out from you. Whatever it is. You must admit, the man is more insistent than you imagined.

"Actually, I'm here on my own accorded. I was hoping we could talk, off the records of course."

Mrs. Deans words caused you to gain interest.

"Seriously?" You gave the woman a look of surprise mixed with suspicion. Mrs. Dean nods "Seriously."

You don't sense any interior motive. At the moment. So, you agreed. The two of you going into Gotham city and stopped at a bat-burger place.

Mrs. Dean watched you with a blank expression as you devoured your burger.

"Mmm, these are, okay. I honestly like the burgers back in New York." You say this while your tray is literally empty.

"So, what did you want to chat about. My childhood? any daddy issues you assume I have? oh oh! trust issues. Yes, I remember you said that was one of my problems, no?" You of course were acting sort of passive aggressive; you have just been so frustrated with the recent events that it was getting harder to be or even act positive.

And Ms. Dean saw this, her own daughters show this sort of attitude when keeping in their anger for too long.

"Actually, I just wanted to see how you were doing."

You gave the older woman a look of confusion and slight suspicion.

"Ms. Dean-"

"Please, call me Alice." Ms. Dean- Alice insisted.

You stayed silent for a moment before letting out a small scoff of amusement. "Alright, Alice. Is this something you normally do with your clients? or am I just, special."

"Just think of this as a friendly meet up."

You almost scoffed

"Come on, Alice. What is this really about?"

Alice inhaled deeply. Seeming to almost bracing herself before speaking.

"I just- I don't understand why you didn't confront me about the camera. You knew the whole time. Yet, you didn't say anything for weeks." The older woman was clearly stressed on this topic. Which made you smirk in amusement as you just shrugged.

"You're the therapist, you tell me."

Alice's eyes narrowed, sighing as she leans into her seat.

"You weren't completely lying in our sessions. . . You told the truth. Half of the time. You're like an open book, but in a whole different, complex language." Alice glanced up to see your invested into this conversation. Curiosity in your eyes as you leaned into the table that kept the distance between you two.

"And because of that, you assume no one will take the time to truly understand you. But when someone actually does take the time to try and understand you. You panic. And you change yourself to . . ." Alice stops. She doesn't stop because she came to an understanding of something. Quite the opposite. She doesn't know why you do it.

You sighed, slightly disappointed. "You almost nailed it. Your pretty scary actually, haha!" You laughed.

". . . I'm scared. I change myself because I'm scared." Your cocky facade fades, just a little. Still present but fades enough to shock Alice to an extent.

"Why?"

"Donno. . . was kinda hoping you'd figure that out for me."

Silence falls between you two. One thing is for sure, your not paying for the food.

---___---___---___---___---___---___---___---___---___----___---___

A/n: This is really short, but you all deserve at least SOMETHING! So here yall go❤️

@huening-ly,@mariadvorak, @superherosdystopiafreak, @chelluv, @houseissofine, @esposadomd, @greyeyedmockingbird, @1-800-daisy, @c0c0-puffsxxx @arthurswife, @h0rr0r-10ver-69, @josiepapen, @natashanice165, @amber-content, @mahbeanz @azurewisteria, @seraph101, @skepvids, @lara20aral, @iwasveronica, @jackrabbitem, @nickey-diano, @idonthaveanameforthisacc, @sekidekiboombeki, @masters-blog, @lulpeepkins, @sgarrush-blush, @redsakura101, @danart501, @definitely-not-sammie, @khaleesihavilliard, @reallynotsoconfident, @uknowimdumb, @bat1212

[gothamite-rambler]

Barbara: Did you guys know that Dick was the one who designed the original Robin costume, not Bruce?

Jason: Wait… That can't be true.

Barbara: I thought so too, but Alfred confirmed it. They wanted him to wear pants, but he's an expert manipulator and was allegedly too cute to say no to. He said the outfit reminded him of his life in the circus.

Jason: That can't— I want to say you have to be lying, but then I remembered that the current Nightwing suit wasn't the first one… and he admitted he'd wear the original again.

Barbara: You can ask him yourself.

Barbara pointed to the couch where Dick was listening to music with earbuds in. Jason tossed an apple at his head to get his attention. Dick sat up and pulled out his earbuds.

Dick: Rude! What do you want?

Jason: You designed the original Robin suit?

Dick: Um, yeah.

Jason: You're out of your goddamn mind.

Dick: For what?

Jason: Why the hell didn't you add pants?!

Dick: Because that wouldn't have made fighting easy!

Jason: Tim's suit and Damian's suit have pants. Damian wears a damn hood, and he can fight pretty well.

Damian (in the middle of a slap-fight with Tim): Aww, thanks, Jason!

Damian’s slap surprised Tim and knocked him to the floor.

Tim: Why did I agree to this?! And how is wearing that suit good for fighting exactly?

Dick (nonchalantly): I do a lot of back flips.

Damian: That's not an... oh my God you really did learn a lot from my father, but you continued wearing that suit until you were seventeen?

Dick: Yes, what's the actual issue? I was raised in the circus; that’s what I wanted to wear! Don’t judge me!

Tim: Dick, you’re my hero, and I’m judging you.

Dick: It's not my fault I made the suit work. Jason’s just a complainer.

Dick resumed listening to his music, causing Jason to toss another apple at his head. Dick ignored him and turned up the volume.

Barbara: Circus folk, they have no shame. What's your next step?

Jason: Wait until he's distracted tonight and embarrass him in front of a criminal. I got laughed at… by so many people when I wore that suit.

Barbara: Does it help that you looked adorable in it too?

Jason: Coming from you, it's fine, but not when I was fighting in that suit at fourteen and going through puberty.

Jason whimpered, covering his eyes in embarrassment. Barbara patted him on the head while Damian and Tim stifled their laughter.

[hana-no-seiiki]

More dommy mommy reader!

this time, using some lines from makima’s jp cv’s asmr and devil wears prada scenes. pretty sure i wrote this scenario before but like a long time ago, and just in headcannons so.

YANDERE! BATFAM x DOMMY! MOMMY! READER

You do not think Bruce Wayne was completely aware of the logistics when it came to Galas. If he did he wouldn’t be holding so many of those damn things all the time.

“I’m so sorry, Miss [Y/N]! I really did confirm last night.”

“Tales of your incompetence do not interest me.”

But maybe you shouldn’t be blaming him, but the lack of tact, wit, or remarkable capability the entire staff had. Then again, it’s because you’re always around the Batfamily that your standards for competency were so high.

“Miss [Y/N]!” You heard someone call out to you.

The assistant behind you visibly tensed. Anyone with a brain on them knew not to bother you during work. Hell, any thing that could breathe knew not to approach you when you were swamped with work (which was usually all the time)

“Drake, let me go.”

“Damian. Stay.” Damian doesn’t even notice the condescending way his father reprimanded him, jealousy consumed him entirely. He only saw red.

“How can you be so calm about this? They’re practically smothering her!”

“There’s a reason why Miss [Y/N] was picked to be Alfred’s successor y’know. Beyond just family ties.” Dick caressed Damian’s hair. “She values professionalism above all. She’ll reject them right about now…”

“You . . . love me?” You parroted back. Your features do not budge an inch.

“Y-yes. I’ve been —“

You interrupt, frankly too busy to listen to their rambling, “Then pray.”

“Huh?”

“You love me right? Then pray that I love you. Beg if you have to.”

Despite their flustered almost angered reaction to your command, your admirer felt their knees turn into a soggy noodle like substance. Their heart practically leapt at the opportunity to obey you.

“Only God will make me consider.”

Not even a moment passed before you were back to your duties, the confession long gone from your thoughts, “Tell Timothy for the 48th time, no. I do not want those devices of him in my room, and if I find another one I’m promptly sending in my resignation. Has Bruce confirmed?”

“Uh- oh!” The intern snapped out of their daze, scribbling furiously on their notepad.

You finally stopped where the guys were at, a bit befuddled by the way they were staring holes at you. Damian practically had a mix of panic, relief and anger painted all over him. “Yes, how may I be of assistance to you, young master?”

“I- I’m fine.”

“Richard, make sure to confirm your attendance.” You glared at the eldest brother.

He saluted in response, “Yes, ma’am.”

“Busy day?” Jason inquired, an attempt at small talk if you will.

“Busy day.” You swiftly cut off his olive branch. After making sure none of the men needed your presence with a quick once over, you make a bow and left. Your voice, though soft could still be heard, “Do I smell freesias? If, I see, freesias anywhere I will be verrryyy disappointed —“

[daydreamerwonderkid]

Me, after doing 15 minutes of excessive googling on every Batfam member's birthday only to then realize I've accidentally missed the majority of them this year, and then also finding out that people are still aggressively debating over whether Bruce's birthday is April 7 or February 19, Dick's birthday happens 3-6x throughout the year, and Stephanie might have just popped into existence for all that DC cares:

Batfam birthday dates btw for anyone who needs them are listed beneath the cut:

DISCLAIMER: DC is notorious for being super inconsistent with everything and I am a mere tadpole caught in the tidal wave of DC's ocean. This post will be regularly updated with edits and corrections so please do not use it as word of law, I am begging you.

Update (8/24/23): To keep things more simple and easier for everyone I am going to start categorizing the birth dates I've collected into 3 categories.

-Most popular: Self-explanatory. These are the birth dates that have been canonized and confirmed by DC and are also more wildly celebrated by the fandom. Typically, this should be the first result you see when you google the character's birthday. But not always because DC sucks ass.

-Other date(s): These are the additional birth dates I come across that have been canonized in some form with multiple sources, but are not as wildly celebrated or popularized by DC and/or the fandom. Why am I including them here? Mostly because I don't want people coming in saying I forgot a date. But also because if I have to see this mess, then y'all have too as well.

-Potential but unconfirmed date(s): This is where I will put all the other additional dates I find, but specifically those that are lacking in complete sources or seem to be highly debated and scrutinized.

Also fun emoji ranking guide for me and me alone:

👑👑: Queen Shit. Characters with a consistent and simple birth date(s). Can absolutely do no wrong.

👑😮‍💨: In the Running. Characters who don't have a set birth date, but the mess is minor and completely DC's fault. They shouldn't have to be punished for DC's crimes.

🤡🤡: Gtfo. Shit is so inconsistent and stupidly messy that it's making me lose my shit. I'm putting DC and the characters on trial for this bullshit.

👑Alfred Pennyworth👑

Most popular: August 16

Other date(s): April 8 and March 31

(I think it'd be hella cute if Jason and Alfred shared a bday. But if you keep scrolling through the rest of the list, you'll see that August is kind of an overcrowded bday month for the Batfam.

Depending on what you prefer, though, I still think Alfred's worth being celebrated. Lord knows he deserves a special day for himself)

(Update ((8/24/23)): No big inconsistencies between these dates. I just thought it would be fun to provide some info on why Alfred has two canonical birthdates.

So the reason August 16 is viewed as the most popular is for two main reasons. One, obviously, is that he shares a birth date with Jason Todd. So many fans latch onto this date because of how sweet it is for them to share a birthday together.

The second reason has to do with the origin of the birth date. This is because of the more recent retcon that was made by the prequel comic to the Injustice: Gods Among Us video game that was published in 2013. There is a panel in the comic that shows Alfred's birth certificate in full detail from his full name, his place of birth, etc.

As for April 8, this specific date technically has more history compared to August 16. Fans will cite that April 8 was the official date selected by DC according to their Super DC Calendar back in 1976 (which btw was made in 1975).

Compared to August 16 and April 8, however, March 31 oddly enough isn't that popular or recognized by DC or the majority of the fandom. The reason March 31 does come up is because March 31, 1943 was the date when Alfred made his first appearance in the comics, one day after Bruce/Batman)

🤡Bruce Wayne🤡: Hey. Hey, DC, look at me. Bitch.

Most popular: February 19 or April 7

Other date(s): April 25, May 27, March 30, "October," October 7, and "November"

(It looks like most people go with February 19, but don't come at me if you're a April 7 truther. I'm just existing)

(Update ((8/20/23)): I'm gonna shoot somebody. So after doing a little bit more research, I came across-you'd never guess it-even more conflicting info on when Bruce's birthday is supposed to take place.

While April 7 and February 19 are still popular days for fans to celebrate Batman's bday, March 30 is also considered a popular date due to March 30, 1939 being the day Detective Comics #27 ((the issue Batman debuted in)) was put on shelves.

HOWEVER, even Batman's debut is contested to actually be May 27, 1939 because despite the fact that Detective Comics #27 first appeared to the public on March 30, 1939, the cover issue depicted May 27, 1939 instead.

This is because it was a popular practice for comics publication houses to falsify their cover dates as a way to give the impression that the latest issue was newer than it actually was. So if you really, really wanna get super fucking technical about it ((and I know there are some of you out there who do)), Batman may have debuted on March 30, but the cover-issue date was May 27 so, yes, I guess Bruce could have been a May baby instead.

I hate it here.

Oh, and to make matters more complicated, let's discuss the issue of April 7 vs April 25. So the reason April 7 is a popular bday for Bruce is because the original 1930-40s run just outright stated that April 7 was his birthday. Simple enough.

So what does April 25 have to do with this? Well, that's because technically-I think I hate that word now btw-Batman didn't get his own solo comic until April 25, 1940. If you want to go by April 25 because of this logic, however, that means that you'd have to share Bruce's birthday with the Joker. Because guess what? That's also the exact date that the Joker debuted.

I'm personally not a huge fan of Bruce and the Joker sharing a bday. Mostly just because the dates are clearly already complicated enough. But also I feel like April 25 is just known as the Joker's bday at this point, at least in the DC fandom. And Bruce has so many options at this point that it'd be kinda silly to make them share a bday.

As for the "sometime in October" and "sometime in November" additions, we have Batman The Animated Series and Frank Miller's "Batman: Year One" to thank for those extremely vague options.

BTAS Bruce states that his birthday is "sometime in October" and "Batman: Year One" Bruce is responsible for "sometime in November." I repeat: I hate it here.

So when is Bruce's actual birthday? Well, the latest change that DC has "officially" made was the February 19 retcon during the 1970-80s. When a fan sent a question into Detective Comics about Bruce's birthday, the answer given was "February 19" in the letter column. Issue #494, to be exact.

And the reason this answer was given? Because the Super DC Calender for 1976 (again made in 1975) said so.

However, there are still people who prefer to celebrate his bday on April 7 or March 30 instead. And there's also a question floating around if the New 52 run could potentially retcon Bruce's bday AGAIN at some point in the future.

I. Hate. It. Here.

Personally, I liked February 19 because then Alfred could maybe have the month of April to himself. But after seeing all this new info, I'm just sort of resigned to whichever date that the fandom prefers. Y'all can decide. I don't have any energy left.

Also, I can't believe I have to accuse Bruce of having possibly taught Dick his bday scam. Just .... wow).

(Update ((8/24/23)): Well, DC did it to me again. I found this extra little tidbit while googling the Super DC Calendar for Alfred, actually.

So Issue #10 of the 2021 Legends of the Dark Knight decided to give the BTAS's "sometime in October" an actual sometime.

How do I feel about yet another Bruce Wayne bday retcon? Honestly, I think I'm moving closer and closer to just a bland state of acceptance at this point. Tbh, I don't think all these retcons actually matter that much in the end. DC is gonna keep being DC.

Which is annoying. But Idk I'm personally gonna stick with February 19. No shade to you if you prefer any of the other dates. I just like February 19 more than the others)

👑Kate Kane👑

Most popular: March 21

Other date(s): January 26

(So ... where to start to with this one?

Well the official DC canon birth date for Kate Kane is listed as March 21. That being said, if you were to google Kate's birthday right now, you might be confused because that's not the first result that comes up.

Instead, you'll be greeted with January 26, 1990.

So what gives? If there's already an official DC approved birth date, then why the fuck is January 26 coming up all of a sudden?

Well, folks, you have the CW's Batwoman to thank.

Tbh I was very confused as to how I completely missed that there was an entire Batwoman TV show in the first place.

Apparently the show is considered a part of the CW Arrowverse (in reference to the CW show Arrow featuring Oliver Queen, for those of you who need extra info) and ran for 3 whole seasons before being cancelled on April 9, 2022.

And they gave us actual canon lesbian Kate Kane rep. I mean, she is a lesbian. But yeah. CW actually acknowledged her sexual orientation. So kudos for doing the bare minimum?????

Anyway, I guess the showrunners just decided they wanted Kate's birthday to be on January 26 instead of March 21??? Idk if this was supposed to be a reference or an homage to Cassandra Cain's birthday. I doubt it, but who knows?)

🤡Dick Grayson🤡: Greedy bitch who keeps lying about his birthday so he can scam people into giving him more presents jk jk

Most popular: "On the first day of spring" (bruh) or March 20/21

Other date(s): March 6, "April," October 24 (aka "the week before Halloween"), November 11 and December 1

Potential but unconfirmed date(s): June 24

(Dick's canon bday seems to be influx. March 6, March 20, March 21, November 11, June 24, December 1, and so on. I did see multiple sources state Dick was born "on the first day of spring." I'm unclear atm about whether this is a fanon take or if it was actually stated in a particular comic at some point.

As far as I'm concerned, Dick just keeps lying about his birthday for the lols)

(Update ((8/24/23)): Well, guess what I found, folks?

It's a return visit from our favorite friend, the Super DC Calendar of 1976. And according to it, Dick's birthday should be November 11.

You can also thank the Young Justice comic for the confusion surrounding Dick's bday being on December 1.

Also, I found this post by @theflyingwonder that helps clear up a LOT of the mess surrounding Dick's ever changing birth date. Honestly, amazing work and extra kudos to them for putting all the work in and finding all the sources. I just wished I had found their post earlier, holy shit.

And if you have some extra time, please give some love to @inkydandy for their hilarious and very sweet comic about all the confusion that comes with Dick's bday)

(Update ((8/25/23)): Many thanks to @poisoned-ivy for clearing up even more of the mess surrounding Dick's bday. I went ahead and took a screenshot of their response to my old "Which date is Dick's canon bday?" poll.

They also provided a link to the DC Universe Calendar which was lovingly compiled from the original 1976 Super DC Calendar and then put together by the people who run the Five Earths Project .

Also found out from them today that October 24 is one of Dick's bdays ((at least for Post-Crisis Dick Grayson)). So that was a fun new discovery!

They were also very helpful in helping me realize that the original article I had found that stated "sometime in April" was actually in reference to Dick Grayson's first appearance in the comics, which was April 1940.

So, yes, "sometime in April" is technically--again I hate this word so much now--still a valid candidate for Dick's bday. And before you ask: Detective Comics #38 was actually published on March 6, 1940.

Hence why people will cite March 6 as Dick's canon bday instead.

This project got a lot bigger than I ever expected it to ... god)

👑Barbara Gordon👑: September 23

👑Jason Todd👑: August 16

👑Cassandra Cain👑: January 26

👑Tim Drake👑: July 19

👑Stephanie Brown😮‍💨: She emerged from the void with the sole purpose of dragging Bruce's ass to hell and back. Nothing can stop her. We all exist in her world now.

Potential but unconfirmed date(s): June 23, "August," or August 11

(For real, though, some peeps will say June 23 since the month she officially debuted in the comics was June 1992.

But I've also seen August 1992 listed as her bday month as well--lot of August babies in the Batfam, huh--but I haven't found June 23 specifically listed as her canon bday, either. It honestly feels like the fans are putting in more work than DC at this point. Which, like, I'm not surprised. Just disappointed)

(Update ((8/24/23)): Someone mentioned August 11 as a potential birth date, but I have yet to see an actual source that specifically states this. If I do find one, I'll edit this section. Figured I should put it here just in case, though)

👑Duke Thomas👑: August 13

👑Damian Wayne👑: August 9

👑Terry McGinnis😮‍💨

Most popular: August 18

Other date(s): June 27 or August 10

Potential but unconfirmed date(s): September 19 (fml)

(Yes, I'm including Terry, fuck you lol

Also SERIOUSLY WTF is up with so many of these August birthdays!!!! Fuck, was everyone just getting crazy BUSY in November!!!! What's going on in the DC universe that is making November of all months the HORNY MONTH????!!!!)

(Mini update ((8/18/23)): Well, I just found out that apparently June 27th 2023 is also a highly debated birth date for Terry. As is August 10 2023/2024 and August 18 2023/2024. I even saw a mention of September 19 2023, but I don't know how credible that source actually is. I'm just putting it here because I'm losing my mind and I don't want someone to pop in and say I forgot it omfg I'm dying

I'm just ... why? Why is it so hard to just commit to one month and one date. I'm not even concerned about the exact year. Just commit to ONE, man.

Excuse me while I march over to DC HQ and burn the whole place to the ground iswtfg)

Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong on any of these. I have a massive headache now and am open to any suggestions or clarifications y'all have to offer.

Also, I'm going to fist fight Dick in a Denny's parking lot.

Update (8/17/23): So a mini post that I meant to use as a way to vent how insane Dick was making me somehow blew up way more than I ever expected it to, and now I feel obligated to clarify again that I am open to any corrections and additional info that anyone has to offer.

I'm saying this because I've noticed people reblogging this post for actual Batfam bday references and someone already pointed out I fucked up Tim's bday and now I feel bad for everyone who reblogged this post prior to that edit.

It's probably just the anxiety talking, but yeah I just wanted to put that out there.

Also justice for Stephanie Brown! She deserves to have her own special day and if I have to bully DC into giving her a canon birthday, then you bet your ass I fucking will.

(And to all of y'all who are encouraging Dick to keep running his side scam business, I just have this to say: There's an empty Denny's parking lot somewhere out there just waiting for you, too lol)

[frownyalfred]

Alfred mentioning how he had someone check and find that Jason’s coffin was empty. Did. Did Alfred make Daniel dig up the child’s coffin. HEY DID ALFRED ASK DANIEL TO DIG UP THE CHILDS COFFIN? “Hey groundskeeper I hired yeah can you go to the graveyard and dig up a plot for me. No yeah one of the used ones. Yes I need you to look in the casket. Yes I’m sorry but I need you to tell me if it’s empty or not. Yeah just let me know if there’s a pups corpse in there or not thanks Daniel.”

The things this man is being forced to go through while also probably being subjected to like. Thirty NDA’s

Oh my god that’s a hilarious thought. No, I was mostly thinking at the time that Alfred would contact a private grave maintenance service under the guise of “moving” the coffin to another location and would play dumb when that coffin turned up empty and suggest they’ve had some inconsistencies with the original grave maintenance and multiple graves on the Wayne property were relocated to avoid erosion issues and perhaps got jumbled around in the move, how awful. That way, if it’s Jason, Alfred can confirm that, and if it isn’t, he can play dumb. The service would need to open the coffins to confirm visually that they have the correct gravesite.

Play dumb, blame rich people being weird (easy), and then throw money at the problem = Alfred getting confirmation pretty damn quick for Bruce. I wouldn’t involve Dan for that because digging a grave up is back breaking work and Dan knows the grounds too well, he wouldn’t ask questions but he’d see holes in the story a lot faster than an external service.

[kingslionheart]

IT WENT WELL AND HE ACCEPTED TO BE MY SUPERVISOR

the scariest thing ever is happening (sending an email to my professor to ask him to be my thesis supervisor)

[jubileesstuff]

Another one of my Nico Di Angelo is part of the Batfam Posts, (and he knew Jason from before).

Bruce wants his new son to go to school. However, Nico needs a birth certificate and an ID first. Tim and Bruce search for a Nico Di Angelo; they only find a Nico Di Angelo from 1932 in Italy, who disappeared in the 1940s. But their Nico is a teenager and definitely not a old man. During a lunch together with the entire family, they confront him about it; they probably think they just misspelled his name or forgot a middle name. But no, Nico confirms that this is him, the guy that was born in 1932. Everyone looks weirdly at him. That would make him older than Alfred. (This is an HC, and in my head, Alfred is in his late 60s to early 70s).

Tim is kind of stoked about it, because that means he can solve the case about the missing Di Angelo family. Everyone else (except Jason, who obviously knew about that) is like, 'How the hell are you still alive and this young-looking? What's your skincare routine?'.

So Nico has to go into an explanation of why he is still this young and about the whole disappearing thing. The Batfamily knows that Greek gods are real, they know Wonder Woman and Nico. But this family drama sounds intense.

After Nicos explanation, everyone is confused. Dick because he technically isn't the oldest brother anymore. Tim because he now has more unsolved cases to solve. Damian because the league didn't teach much about Greek mythology, and he has some more learning to do. Bruce, because what do you mean his new son is technically older than him? Alfred, because what do you mean his new grandson is older than him? Duke because he isn't quite sure if he can ask Nico about his life in the 1930s (he needs it for homework about life before the Second World War) or if it's rude to ask. Steph because she still wants to know Nico's skincare, and she really wants to call him Grandpa now. Cass is mostly confused because she isn't quite sure if she is now an older sister or a younger sister to Nico. Barbara is confused because she isn't sure which place she should make Nico's birth country. And if she chooses Italy, she would have to fake a visa too.

I have so many ideas, I might actually write a fanfiction.

[bruciemilf]

Watching Isle of Dogs and God. The Jacob Kane vibes. The human need to pity a mean dog would get to me. Especially him with Kate and Bruce? I’d die.

Need a scene where Kate visits her father, — because he is her father, despite them liking to pretend otherwise, — and he does what he always does when he sees her. He drinks. A lot.

“I heard you didn’t want to take Bruce in.”

“No,” he shakes his head in confirmation. “Pennyworth and I made a deal. I get to bury your aunt wherever I want. He keeps the boy.”

“You broke promises before. Why is this different?”

He gets so quiet, for a moment, — not in his way; Her father is silent by nature.

But he’s not voiceless, not a void. Right now, he is, and she hates it.

“When you were 10, you had a nightmare. You came to my room. I just came back from a tour. It was dark, you were scared. Kids get like that.”

Not him. He was raised in it.

“I think you just wanted to hug me. Why wouldn’t you— you were my daughter. I guess… You scared me. I punched you so hard I broke your jaw.” He shakes his head. “He looks like Martha.”

And it’s not different from Bruce.

And I specifically need one of the batkids to witness it, — I don’t need them to excuse, or forgive, or rationalize. But they do need to see it. I need them to understand.

“I am not your father,” Jacob speaks so coldly Damian feels the winter breathe into his bones. His baba doesn’t shake at all,

“I am not your mother, I am not your Alfred. If you fail, I don’t care about you. I won’t wait for you.”

It’s hard, and unforgiving, and everything Batman can be.

“I bite.”

[porcelana-r0ta]

The Curse of Sight, Part 7

DCxDP

[Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8]

[Ao3 Link] (Registered Ao3 users only)

Summary: When Wes Weston meets Tim Drake-Wayne, the dots start connecting. And those dots form a bat.

xxXxx

After a phone call with his mom to confirm that it’s alright for Wes to stay the night, Rebecca leaves with the AV equipment in a Wayne vehicle with a WE driver from HQ. (She also absconds off with a few extra Alfred Pennyworth cookies, but no one calls her out on it.) Wes is then left alone with Tim for a grand tour of Wayne Manor. 

The estate is large and sprawling, but Wes is nothing if not observant and adaptive, and he makes quick work of memorizing the layout. He’s careful to make mental notes of places that could potentially hold secret passages. 

Part of Batman’s whole thing was that he had a Batcave, right? Surely it’s connected to the Manor. The entrance is most likely on the first floor for easier access if the Cave is underground, which is the most logical conclusion given that the Batcave has to hold a computer with enough processing power to be the legendary Batcomputer, all the Bat-vehicles, plus any trophies Batman has collected in his lucrative career as a vigilante. Also, if it’s as much of a cave as the name implies, it’s got to be underground. 

Not that Wes wants to go exploring. This investigation is just so he can mentally note what areas to avoid and always have plausible deniability. 

“Oh, no, Mr. Bruce Wayne, sir, I didn’t see you come out of a bookcase secret passageway with bruises that strangely match up with Batman’s. You see, I was over on the bench in the Wayne Gardens, much too far away from the Wayne Library to see any secret nightlife activities. I’m just a simple teenage boy, haha, please don’t steal my kneecaps. Anyway, what did you think of My Immortal? ”

Yes. Foolproof and non-suspicious, two of Wes’s favorite things in Gotham. He even deflects into the Brucie Wayne persona in this imaginary scenario.

God. This is too stressful. Wes knows too many people with alter egos. He needs normal friends—he can’t keep being the normal friend for abnormal people. Maybe he should start going to the community center in his mom’s neighborhood and meet normal teens with normal Gotham interests. (Wes imagines the normal Gotham teen experience to be the universal vaping and smoking, plus minor vandalism and maybe even some pickpocketing in the Diamond District. He’d sidestep any vigilante-chasers or gangsters, naturally. He’s got to avoid the Bats!)

Of the first floor, there are the following rooms: the kitchen, the dining room, the living room, the parlor, the drawing room, Mr. Wayne’s office, the game room, the theater room, the servants’ quarters, the bathrooms, and the garage.

The kitchen likely has too much foot traffic to keep a secret entrance, plus Mr. Pennyworth seems too proper to let Bat-hijinks take place anywhere near his domain. The foot traffic would remain an issue for rooms like the living room, the drawing room, and the parlor. The theater and game rooms may be an option — both had bookshelves to hold board games, video games, DVDs, and VHS tapes, and bookshelves are classic rich people hiding places. The library is another potential place, even if it’s rather stereotypical. But maybe he should expect stereotypes from the same people with a cow named Bat-Cow? 

The servants’ quarters, only occupied by Mr. Pennyworth and not included in the tour, would be an unexpected place. It may be too far out of the way, though. The bathrooms could be an option: no one is going to interrogate someone for spending too long in a bathroom. But some people are nosy about what others keep in their bathrooms, and someone as paranoid as Batman would account for that. The garage is likely too much of a security liability given that it’s right there along the driveway for an easy getaway. 

That just leaves Bruce Wayne’s office, where it wouldn’t be weird for a CEO to disappear into for hours at a time, nor would it be weird for it to be off-limits for people to be in. Wes was only shown where the room was, not the inside. It’s totally normal to not be brought into your friend’s dad’s office. So normal, in fact, that Wes wouldn’t have even questioned it if he didn’t already know that the Waynes were the Bats. 

So, avoid Bruce Wayne’s study. Not a problem for Wes because he has zero reason to go in there in the first place. This sleepover thing will be a piece of cake. 

Right now they were in the game room, playing Mario Kart 8 on the Switch. The Waynes were wealthy enough that both Tim and Wes had a pro-controller. (Eat the rich!) Right now, Wes was beating Tim by a decent margin as Luigi, but he’s not sure how much of that is Tim letting him win. He’s only played Mario Kart a few times, and never on the Switch, so he’s not really world champ. It’s nice of Tim to fake being bad, though. 

“Damn, you win again,” Tim says, watching Luigi pass the finish line, followed by his avatar, Princess Peach, seconds after. 

“‘Cause you’re going easy on me.”

“What? No I’m not.” 

“You liar.” One of the best ways to lie is to pretend to be a bad liar. Make a few sacrifices with your integrity and no one will question you when you lie well about something that actually matters. His parents taught him that. “Play better this next round.”

“Are you trash talking me?” Tim is playfully offended. 

Wes scoffs, grabbing one of the sofa cushions and setting it against the armrest. He buries himself into it, swinging his legs onto the couch. He’s just barely tall enough to shove his socked feet into Tim’s ribs where he’s sitting. “Am not. I just know that you’re a little tech nerd, and that you can totally kick my ass. No way you haven’t obsessively played Mario Kart.” 

“First of all, I resent that.” He shoves Wes’s feet away. His ears are red. Still cooling down from outside? They weren’t so red a little bit ago. “Second of all, fine. Let’s do Rainbow Road.”

“Sweet, a challenge!” 

Tim selects the Special Cup, and Wes does semi-decently in the first three courses, though Tim only barely holds onto first. The last course is Rainbow Road, and Wes proceeds to fall off the track every thirty seconds. He crosses the finish line in a very humble tenth place. Tim, impossibly, does worse than he has in previous rounds, ending in fourth place rather than the calculated second to spare Wes’s pride of their previous Cups. 

“Hmm. That was humiliating.”

They both turn to look at the doorway, where Damian Wayne lurks, holding Alfred the Cat. 

“Don’t be rude, Demon Spawn.” Tim scowls. Wes stretches his feet out to nudge at Tim admonishingly. 

“Dude, c’mon. He’s right. That was bad.” 

“Weston is correct, Drake. And besides, I was talking about you.”

“Okay, that’s it—” Whatever Tim is about to say is cut off when Wes kicks him, harder than a nudge, but not enough to hurt for longer than a few seconds. “Wes! What the hell?”

He ignores Tim, “Did you want to play, Damian?” He gestures at the TV with his controller. 

The boy straightens up, and the movement makes Alfred the Cat wriggle free of his hold. She darts into the room, behind the sectional couch and out of sight. “Don’t be ridiculous. I am merely here to relay Pennyworth’s message that supper will be ready in thirty minutes.” 

“Oh, so you’re scared that you will do worse than me?” He raises a challenging eyebrow. 

“Tt. I could defeat you and Drake blindfolded.” 

“Prove it.”

Wordlessly, Damian marches into the room and swipes the controller from Wes. He laughs, kicking his feet off the couch and getting up to grab a third controller. When he turns back to the couch, Damian is already sitting beside his big brother, his back straight and his face neutral. He turns on the controller and joins them on the couch, leaving enough room for Damian to not feel crowded with a stranger. 

The kid reminds him of some of the more minor-league ghosts who like to annoy Danny for attention. Ghosts like fighting, they like arguing. Siblings shared in that trait, usually. 

Tim grumbles and switches to three person multiplayer, then asks, “What tracks do you want to play?”

“The same one you and Weston were on. I will defeat you both.” 

“Well, definitely me,” Wes says. Damian only sniffs in response. 

They speed through character selection, Wes keeping Luigi and Tim keeping Peach, and Damian chooses Shy Guy. After choosing their vehicles (Wes is the only one who chooses a cart instead of a motorcycle), they start the Special Cup. 

They quickly discover that Damian is a ruthless competitor. Wes lets out a frustrated groan at the third green shell that hits him, whereas Tim curses at his little brother. “How are you so fucking good? I thought video games were beneath you!”

“Jon has a Switch. He likes Mario Kart and Minecraft.”

“Of fucking course he does.”  

Wes wonders who this “Jon” person is. A civilian friend? A fellow superhero? He hates knowing superhero identities, but his mind runs theories anyway. 

Damian continues to win against them, and when that gets boring, he purposely keeps a middle-pace so he can collect shells. His aim is unfortunately impeccable. After twenty minutes of losing to his little brother, Tim calls it quits. “Okay, that’s it. We need to wash up for dinner before Alfred gets mad.” 

“Scared to continue losing, Drake?”

“Hardly. Go wash your hands, brat. You were holding the cat earlier.”

“She’s cleaner than you,” Damian insults. Then, before Tim can retort, he bounds out of the room. 

Tim turns to Wes, “Dude, seriously?”

“What? He obviously wanted to hang out with you.” 

“No he didn’t! He’s Damian. He wanted to spy on me and you so he can insult us better later when you aren’t around.” 

“Mh-hm.” Wes is doubtful. “I don’t know about that. He acts like how I did when I was in middle school and wanted to hang out with my older cousin.”

“It warms my heart that you’re capable of seeing the good in evil.”

“You don’t mean that, dude.”

Tim smiles, “I guess not.” 

After washing up themselves, they head downstairs for the dining room. They are greeted by the savory scent of steak. Wes’s mouth waters. Real rich people food. 

Bruce Wayne (Batman!) is already seated at the head of the table, Damian to his right. Tim grabs Wes’s hand and pulls him to sit on the other side, with Tim acting as a buffer between him and Bruce Wayne. 

“B, this is Wes Weston, my friend. He works in PR, specifically with our TikTok team.” There is no TikTok team, unless Wes and Rebecca count as a team. What is she supposed to do when he goes back to Amity with his dad at the end of the summer? “Wes, this is Bruce, my adoptive dad.” 

Well, only after the whole fake uncle thing, Wes thinks to himself. But he isn’t supposed to know about that. “It’s nice to meet you, sir.”

“Please, call me Bruce when we aren’t at work, Wes.” Bruce Wayne grins that Brucie grin, big and disarming. I’m onto you, Batman. You can’t fool me. “It’s great to see Tim with friends his age. I had a lot of concern after he dropped out of high school, you know, but—”

“Bruce, please. Stop embarrassing me!”

“I’m just expressing my love for my son, Tim.” He turns to Damian, “Don’t follow your other brothers’ examples. Stay in school.” 

“Of course, Father,” Damian says while Wes snorts. 

The Waynes are really zero to nil on children who have high school diplomas. Dick Grayson ran off (or was run off?) at age sixteen, Jason Todd was declared dead (though Wes suspects that maybe he really did die—is there a way to get Danny and Co. to look into that without spilling identities?), and Tim dropped out and created an uncle after his parents passed so he could become a full-time CEO and vigilante (Wes should sit down with Tim and talk about good coping mechanisms, and also never admit to knowing about the fake uncle or the vigilante activities). Hell, even Bruce Wayne is a medical school dropout!

They still at least had Damian Wayne and Duke Thomas, Wes supposes. Maybe they can be the Wayne kids who finally walk at graduation. 

As if on cue, Duke Thomas trudges into the room, clearly tired from daytime patrol as The Signal. Though, Wes is likely supposed to believe that Duke is out doing volunteer work or something of the like. 

“Hey, guys. New person.” Duke squints at Wes, then rubs his eyes. A pair of tinted glasses hang on the collar of his yellow shirt. He grabs them and puts them on.

“Hello, Thomas.”

“Hey, Duke.”

“Welcome back, Duke! Have you met Wes yet? Are your headaches acting up again?” 

“Nope,” says Duke, taking his seat next to Damian. “Nice to meet you. I’m Duke. And my head’s fine.”

“Nice to meet you, too.”

“Is Dick still here?” Duke asks. 

Bruce shakes his head, “He had to leave to make it back to Bludhaven so he’d be able to rest before his shift with the BPD tonight.” 

Wes translates that as He’s got Nightwing work tonight. But who knows? Maybe he really does have a night shift. 

“Ah, that sucks,” Duke says.

Alfred walks in pushing a cart of the mouth-watering steak, mashed potatoes, gravy, and roasted vegetables and starts to serve everyone.

Wes may have to sleep over more often. 

“Thanks, Alfred,” Wes says when his food is plated. 

“Of course, Master Wes.”

He wrinkles his nose at that, even though Alfred’s called him that a few times upon coming in for snacks after filming. Being called “master” makes him feel like some kind of egocentric wealthy elitist. 

“So, Wes,” Bruce Wayne, literally Batman, starts after everyone has been served. Wes straightens up tp better search for any signs of dinnertime kneecap removal. “You’re Penny’s son and that you intern at WE. How are you liking it so far?”

Normal dinnertime conversation. Excellent. Wes has been to dinners every evening of his life, so he should ace this. 

“It’s fun. I mean, I just did coffee runs and stuff at first, but it’s a lot more engaging now that Rebecca is running the TikTok and is using me as her Gen Z brain monkey.” 

“She’s not that much older than you.” Tim rolls his eyes. 

“The WE TikTok is doing very well,” Bruce compliments as if Tim hadn’t opened his mouth. “We should have started one much sooner.”

“I love the one you’re in. Wes, the one where you talk about the American public school experience,” Duke says, rubbing at his temple. Which is unhelpful because Wes directly made fun of Bruce Wayne in that one. “Sorry about the maybe trauma it inflicted.”

He winces, “I mean, it was fine. We were in a safe room the whole time. It genuinely was like the average American high school experience.” He cuts a concerned look at Bruce. The guy who literally can fire his mom and also rip out his kneecaps if he decides to take offense to something dumb Wes says. He just can’t help it—he’s an Amity Park teenager!

Bruce notices and laughs, “Now, now, none of that! I think it’s great that you raised awareness about school shootings. I’m very aware of my privilege, and I don’t have any hard feelings about it being called out.”

“That’s… good.” 

Tim nudges him from under the table with his foot. When Wes looks at him, he’s smiling. Wes’s stomach twists. It’s not an unpleasant feeling. 

Damian sniffs, “Well, nothing will compare to the appearances of Bat-Cow, Titus, Alfred the Cat, and Haley.”

“Everyone will love them,” Wes agrees. “People go crazy for animals.” 

“They would be wrong not to.”

“Wes, not to be rude, but are you from Gotham?” Duke asks. He squints from behind his tinted glasses. “You don’t have a Gothamite accent.”

“That’s not rude at all.” Wes racks his brain for reasons why the meta vigilante might look constipated whenever he looks at him. Is it an Amity Park thing? The Signal’s power set isn't 100% known—the only things confirmed by witness accounts are light and shadow manipulation. Is the electromagnetic radiation spectrum that Duke can see wider than a baseline human’s, thus allowing him to see more visible light? Can Duke see auras? Can he see ectoplasmic radiation? Can he see that radiation in Wes? 

He needs to be careful about what he says. “I’m from Amity Park, Illinois. So is my mom. But she and my dad divorced a few years ago and now I visit Gotham every other holiday and every summer.” 

“Oh damn, that sucks, dude.”

“Nah, it’s fine. They were super chill about it.” They had an amicable divorce. Wanted different things. His parents still text semi-regularly, and they will usually steal Wes’s phone for a few minutes when he’s talking to the other. They might still be together if his mom hadn’t wanted to move up in her career and his dad hadn’t been firm on staying in Amity, or if they’d both been okay with long distance. 

Still… it would be nice to be a complete family, again. Together and whole. Preferably in an Amity Park not infested with white suits or ectophobic ghost hunters. 

Ugh. He really needs to call his dad after work tomorrow. Maybe his cousin, too.

Dinner goes smoothly from there, and after, Tim drags Wes to the movie room to watch Lord of the Ring: Fellowship of the Ring before turning into bed. When the credits roll, he asks, “Are you cool with just staying in my room, or do you wanna stay in the guest room?”

Honestly, what kind of rich people shit is that question? (Ignoring that his mom owns a townhouse in Gotham City and is the director of Wayne Enterprises’s PR Department. He had humble beginnings!)

“Your room is fine,” Wes says. 

“You… just wanna share the bed?” 

Wes had seen Tim’s bedroom in the tour already. He had a California king sized bed. Sleeping in a bed that size would be just the same as sleeping in separate sleeping bags on the floor in terms of intimacy. 

“Yeah, that’s fine, dude.” 

Fast forward to them actually in pajamas and actually under blankets and actually turning off their phones for the night, and Wes is learning that it’s actually not fine. 

He’s hyper-aware of Tim’s form beneath the blankets, the same blankets Wes is under. And sure, they are on separate ends of the bed, nearly three feet between them, but still. 

He’s slept in the same bed as a few friends before, but that had stopped around middle school, when it was suddenly gay for guys to do that. Wes is secure in his sexuality, sure, but he was still in a small Midwestern town at the time, so he hadn’t exactly wanted to do anything to confirm any queerness about him. 

Tim, on the other hand, has been publicly bisexual for a while now. And he wasn’t in the room with Wes when he’d gotten his fitting and made his request that his suit reflect his sexuality, so he didn’t know that Wes was any flavor of MLM. (He’d been too insecure about his lanky basketball player frame to let a superhero overhear his measurements.) 

Is it weird that Wes knows Tim’s sexuality but Tim doesn’t know his while they share a bed? Is it creepy? Is it wrong? Should Wes say something? Or would it be even creepier to come out while in Tim’s bed? Fuck, is it hot in here?

He kicks a leg out from under the covers, allowing it to be exposed to cool air. It’s completely dark in the room, but he stares at where his foot should be. Should he have worn socks to make it not gay? Is it gay at all? What even is “it” at this point, anyway?

He forces a deep breath. This is probably not weird. It probably would be weird if he did decide to come out while sharing a bed with his friend, who is a queer vigilante and his boss and could have his adoptive father rip out Wes’s spine if he so wished. 

Right. So Wes needs to chill the fuck out and think of literally anything else. 

His first thought is unfortunately that time he fell off the monkey bars in the first grade and landed on top of Paulina Sanchez, who had cried and hated him until sixth grade for it. 

Even worse, his second thought is of his parents’ divorce, and he wants to slap himself. But he can’t do that when there’s a maybe-sleeping-maybe-not body next to him, so instead he takes another deep, quiet breath.

He thinks of Duke Thomas and the way he squinted at Wes. Right, light and shadow manipulation. But to what extent? The way he reacted to Wes might suggest he can see more than a regular human’s visible light spectrum. (More colors, like a shrimp?) If he can see ecto-radiation, then he can see that there’s something off about Wes, who has lived in Amity since the portal’s opening nearly a year ago. The average Amity Parker has a little ecto-contamination in them, but Wes’s may be higher thanks to his stalking of Team Phantom. 

So Duke might know that he’s a little irradiated. Not a big deal, Amity’s a small town. There’s no reason to assume that Duke will meet other Amity Parkers and start to ask questions. 

But what would happen if the Guys In White decide to outsource help and they decide that someone who can see more forms of light would be beneficial to the cause? 

….Fuck. He was supposed to calm himself down, not work himself up.

Wes settles in for a long night. 

xxXxx

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[gothamite-rambler]

At Wayne Manor in the morning, the bat girls and boys spent the night there. Stephanie pushed open the bedroom door to Dick's room, checking if he was going to breakfast, when she was met with a very different sight than a sleeping man.

Stephanie (slowly opening the door): Dick, if you don't come to breakfast, I'm eating your—Hot chili peppers!

Stephanie found Dick and Kori in the middle of making sweet, passionate love. Kori had been on a mission for three weeks and returned last night.

Stephanie (tilting her head, indifferent): Huh? I have not had that for a while… anyways, you coming down for—

Stephanie was met with a pillow to the face as Dick rolled off Kori and hid under the blankets. Mostly Kori.

Stephanie (annoyed): What is with you and Tim throwing pillows at me? I walked in on you having sex, not murdering a man.

Dick: That's not the—You did this with Tim too?!

Stephanie (snide as if Dick is to blame for this): Yes… lock your doors, maybe.

Duke (shouting from downstairs): What's with all the yelling up there?

Dick (worried): Steph, don't tell them.

Stephanie: …I'm telling. Guys, Kori's back!

Dick sighed, covering his face mortified.

Kori (flatly): That was to be expected.

Duke and Tim raced upstairs, their loud footsteps echoing, while Cass and Jason followed at a normal pace. Damian was yanked back into his seat by Bruce while the man drank his coffee. Damian pouted in annoyance.

Kori: This just got worse.

Stephanie (nonchalant): Oh come on, Kori! I thought you were the exhibitionist type when it came to sex.

Kori: Not like this! Beach sex is bearable compared to this.

Dick and Stephanie (in unison): No that's worse. Don't agree with me!

Duke (entering first): Oh damn! You guys getting it on! Let me leave ya'll be, but make sure to wrap it up.

Duke laughed as he walked away. Tim peeked in, took in the scene, and then left.

Tim: Gross.

Dick: God, this is mortifying. Stephanie, leave already! I will be down for breakfast in a minute.

Jason (staying outside): Alfred asked me if he should put out a plate for Kori. He's making chocolate chip pancakes.

Cass: Be clothed though.

Cass snickered, making Jason laugh as they headed back downstairs. Stephanie looked around for a second, waiting for Dick to answer her question.

Dick pinched the bridge of his nose, unsure how to handle the surrealness of the present moment.

Stephanie: Oh, I'm not leaving until you confirm if your gorgeous girlfriend will be joining us for breakfast.

Kori (happy): Aww, thank you.

Dick: Don't entertain her. Kori, would you like to have breakfast here?

Kori: I mean… I do like American flapjacks.

Stephanie: And you love your man's fat ass too.

Stephanie dodged a pillow as she raced out of the room, cackling like a villain.

Dick (shouting angry): I'm taking that compliment!

Kori (teasing): Yeah, she's not wrong either. Could've done without the audience though.

Dick: At least it wasn't Bruce again. I really should add a lock to all my doors.

Kori (sarcastically): No, really?

[thedumbasswitaphone]

scince i hc that dick used to do drugs with the fab five when he was younger this is how I think they would react because I already made a post about Jason's reaction

Bruce looks at him without blinking for two minutes straight because "i told you but you convinced me i was being paranoid alfred" he proceeds to give dick cases purely about drug addicts for the next two weeks

Tim did not expect it but he really isn't suprised once he finds out he also went 'couldnt be me' and got on with his life

Cass alredy knew same for babs

Damian gave him a lecture about the harmful effects of it and it took dick forty five minutes before he got Damian to stop by telling him he hasn't touched that stuff in almost a decade ,which btw is a blatant lie he puts drugs in his mouth on missions to check if it's them like a toddler put random snacks fallen on the floor from God knows how long cause it's snacks

Stephanie just starts laughing because she was not expecting that and honestly it was the most entertaining thing to happen to her all week

Duke believes it instantly if only because he's heard alfred talk to bruce about how dick confirmed that the pack they got from a recent mission was cocaine by tasting it

Kate who also did some during her teenage years is extremely chill about it and just tells him it's good that he quit and never really developed an addiction