#aita response

[caecilius-in-horto-ubi-sedebit]

I know this isn't reddit, so it's very possible anon won't be interested in my paragraphs, but this hooked me in on all fronts.

So. My mom is a Rhodesian Ridgeback breeder, has been for the better part of a decade. I grew up around dogs, and for the past year or so I've worked in dog daycares and dogwalking gigs. And before I ever went professional, I was doing some pretty hardcore training stuff with my own dogs, I have some experience as a dog show handler. Point is, I love dogs! And clearly your brother also loves dogs, and that's great. But a big part of loving dogs is meeting a dog's needs.

There was a dog my manager's girlfriends fostered briefly. It was this ridgeback mix, super people aggressive, food aggressive, would bond with certain people, and then see anyone else as a threat to be eliminated. The good thing is that his aggression was predictable, which meant it could be responded to, to some extent. He ended up going to his forever home. A couple who lived in the middle of buttfuck nowhere in New Hampshire. No neighbors or neighbors' pets to be aggro towards.

It seems to me like that sort of environment is what Brutus needs.

I want you to be aware, anon, that it is incredibly fucked up, fucked down, fucked sideways, all kinds of fucked, for brother to bring a dog with a bite history into your home without disclosure. It's irresponsible, it's disrespectful, and it's downright wrong. Doing that endangered you, endangered brother, and endangered Brutus. You clearly have a lot of knowledge of dog bpdy language, and I'd bet my behind you are doing everything in your power to avoid triggering Brutus, but he is clearly incompatible with the life you two currently lead.

Brutus is a rottie. Rotties are inherently a lot of work. The breed was created as a guardian dog, they're highly territorial, they're generally more prone to biting than other breeds might be, and this dog in particular is a shelter dog, already has reactivity and aggression issues and has bitten a toddler in the face. Assuming he doesn't decline, he needs a lot of work. So much work. An insane amount of work. Work your brother clearly does not have the time to do for Brutus.

From how you talk, you clearly know how to act around dogs, you know what went wrong when you were attacked at 8, you know what to do, what not to do. This is entirely a problem with brother and Brutus.

So, let's recap quickly. Knowing full well that you have dog bite trauma, your brother, without ever discussing anything with you, asking you, nada, brought a large scary dog into your shared living space. Said dog has aggression problems, has reactivity and resource guarding problems, and oh, your brother lied to you so you wouldn't find out that not only does the dog have a bite history, the dog bit a god damned toddler. And he can't even be contained. He is unstoppable.

If at all possible, find a way to get out of living with your brother. This was such a reckless, irresponsible, dangerous, disrespectful decision, and brother has not once shown a comprehension of what a clusterfuck he's created.

In the short term, you are so NTA for not only asking that brother rehome Brutus, I might even say you should advocate for BA. (Behavioral Euthanasia) BA is an awful choice to make. No one wants to do it, no one likes it, but sometimes it's what's necessary, and it's what's kindest.

Brutus's aggression is probably partially fear-based, and partially the instincts bred into him as a guardian breed. He's living on edge, all the time. He's anxious, he's attached unhealthily to your brother... Poor man is not having a good time. He's in a constant state of stress and anxiety. He's unwell. It could easily be the case that the kindest, most merciful thing to do for Brutus is BA. And I have a hunch brother is not a fan of BA, so it probably wouldn't go over well, but it is an option that could be what's needed.

But regardless, this situation isn't sustainable. You can't be scared to leave your room in your own house becayse of a decision your roommate and brother made without ever looping you in. That's unacceptable in any circumstance. Brother needs to pull himself back to reality and realize he is hurting you!

I really hope Brutus finds that miracle home, with no neighbors for miles, and I hope you can feel safe in your home again. But at the very least, I hope your brother takes the mask of stupidity off and realizes how irresponsible he's been. Wish you all the best, and wishing your brother any braincells he can get, and wishing Brutus a nice relaxing nap.

AITA for asking my brother to rehome his reactive dog?

Sorry this is so long. I (F22) live with my brother (M25). My brother recently brought home a 120lb rottweiler named Brutus despite knowing I am afraid of big dogs.

I'm afraid of them because when I was 8 I was attacked by my uncle's German shepherd and had to get stitches in my leg and on my face. Don't get me wrong, the attack was my fault. My parents were in the other room comforting my uncle who just lost his son in a car crash, so they weren't paying attention to me. The dog was in her crate, and I snuck away to open it and climb in and start bothering her. She tolerated me for a long time before she finally snapped and attacked. I was old enough to know better, and my parents also told me to stay away from the dog and I didn't listen. It's entirely and solely my fault but all that being said, I'm still afraid of big dogs. I can warm up to them slowly and I have an ok relationship with a few friends' dogs (lab, 2 pit bulls, and a couple mutts).

My brother volunteers at an animal shelter and we had been talking about adopting a small dog, until one day he called me and said "please don't freak out" and told me he brought home Brutus. Brutus was surrendered to the shelter for growling at his owner's toddlers, and had been at the shelter for months with no adoption offers. He was going to be euthanized if no one took him, but my brother had bonded with him and panicked when he heard and adopted him.

I tried to like Brutus, I really did. But Brutus is a one person dog. He bonded to my brother and would resource guard him from me. My brother tried training him and it didn't really help. I tried playing with him, or giving him treats, or being the one to feed him, but whenever I get close to him his body language changes. His body goes stiff, he starts licking his lips with anxiety, and he gives me whale eyes. These are all the signs of a nervous dog who might bite, so I just stay away from him. My brother started locking Brutus in his crate before leaving me home alone with him.

Then Brutus figured out how to open his crate. And the next one my brother bought. And the next one.

I started being terrified to come out of my room when I was home alone, because I never knew if Brutus would be roaming loose. It came to a head after about 8 months when I really, really had to use the bathroom when I was home alone, so I tried to sneak out of my room. Brutus was sitting outside my brother's bedroom door, between me and the bathroom. He tensed up when I got close and growled when I tried to inch around him. I was so scared I left the house and peed outside and called my brother crying and told him I want Brutus gone.

He said no one would take Brutus and he couldn't return him to the shelter because he lied about him only growling at a toddler: he bit the toddler in the face. If I make him give Brutus away, he'll probably need to be euthanized. But I'm really, really scared of him and don't like being terrified to leave my room in my own home. AITA?

[kiisaes]

🔪 ☎️ 🍷

[coochiequeens]

She had to argue with that father of her baby to hold it just long to eat her dinner. Which she made while holding their crying baby.

[marietheran]

reading AITAs to do with abortion is so painful because the question will be "Am I in the wrong for pressuring my 16yo daughter to get an abortion?" and the answers will all be "No, of course no one can expect you not to burden the girl with this for the rest of her life because you feel her child will be a burden on you" and "Tell her horror stories about pregnancy and being a single mother; that'll frighten her into compliance 😊💖😚"

[feastofsnakes]

wuthering heights / petals on the wind

[angst-is-love-angst-is-life]

I just saw something on instagram so I’m bringing it here

Writers, how would your antagonist describe themselves in an AITA post?

@shrinkthisviolet @negative-speedforce @fantasy-things-and-such @practically-an-x-man and anyone else

[ssaalexblake]

and i do think there should have been waaaaaaay more tension from Dawn aimed at Giles. Dawn gets abandoned by her father and realistically will have as many issues from that as Buffy did, except Buffy who is already supernaturally special and older and cooler than her actually gets another built in father figure actively Because of that specialness and Dawn is... Nobody again. And then Joyce dies. And then Buffy. And Dawn's not worth sticking around for when Buffy ain't there, anyway. Never mind that he Did actually look after her and know her just to up and leave like Hank did, except this time it's not a 'he abandoned us both' it's an 'i just don't mean anything and you did'. And yes it does bother me that he left Dawn in the care of four incompetents (in regards to childcare, they Suck, I am still angry at them all), a reprogrammed sexbot, and Spike. As another adult, i am judging the fuck out of this guy.

(I am aware he later leaves Buffy, but Dawn doesn't exactly know that's going to happen at that point.)

There is a Reason a vengeance demon ends up in that house and the roots of this problem reach far and wide and Giles never gets namechecked in this all and really Should be, because if the writer's had spent a second of thought on this, i'm pretty sure the logical conclusion would be him playing a hell of a role in the birth of Dawn's issues.

He did not Have to stick around, he didn't Have to have any kind of relationship with Dawn, but realistically that would have made her both hate him and desperately strive for his approval at the same time.

Basically I think that narratively Giles is kind of Dawn's deadbeat dad, and that they should have actually explored that.

[scalpho]

need gillariel breakup like a fish needs water not just for my sake fabian's sake and the sake of the world as a whole but for THEIR sakes too. not only is hallariel far too good-looking for gilear but also. i want to like gilear. he's my brother in yogurt. i want to chuckle at his pathetic loser antics. appreciate his GoodFather moments. but that's real hard to do knowing he looked at a woman who threatens to kill her son on the regular #AndMeansIt! and was like yeah i'll propose. yes she's hot but so is every other mother brennan lee mulligan's ever cooked up. grow a backbone you wet paper towel

[gender-euphowrya]

tell me why i'm seeing people saying it's ok for people to drink while pregnant because "it's their choice" what the hell is going on

[bethanydelleman]

Or you could do an AITA of Emma asking if it was a bad thing she told Harriet to turn down Robert's proposal?

Thanks for the idea Anon. I have posted it finally. (Wow this ask is old)

[br1ghtestlight]

one of the conflicts in this fwb fanfic im working on is so stupid and funny im obsessed with them. i wish i could post it on the aita reddit because im sooo curious what people would think about this situation i feel like the response would just be this

[tooweirdfortheworld]

he expected YOU to make the plans for it, when you said you were already busy and overwhelmed with planning for the trip? definitely NTA.

does your boyfriend do much around the house? he seems the type to leave most chores to you

Aita for refusing to make birthday plans that involve my boyfriend ⁉️

So my birthday is coming up in about two weeks. One of my oldest friends, T, has her birthday the same week as mine, so she had planned a trip to watch the upcoming eclipse, staying with our friends, in a little airbnb near some hiking trails in the woods. She said she would be happy to share the birthday celebration with me, and we can have a nice rural birthday vacation for a few days. Sounds good to me! I immediately agreed to it. She said that, of course, my boyfriend is invited, since it's going to be a party for me too.

When I asked my boyfriend the first time, about two months ago, he was working on getting a new job so he was unsure about whether he would manage to get the time off to be able to go. He did not end up getting the job. About two weeks ago I asked AGAIN if he would be interested in going on the trip. He seemed completely disinterested, fully wrinkled his nose at the thought of spending multiple days hiking in the woods. He said he would "think about it" but I could tell by his tone that he was not interested. That's fine with me! Girls birthday weekend in the woods with friends.

He asked me today what I want to do for my birthday. But I already have birthday plans, and I'm spending all my free time and quite a bit of money helping my friend to get it all planned out. I genuinely don't want to do anything else? I'm already overwhelmed with planning, and I intend on spending the week leading up to the trip packing and ironing out logistics, between working full time and being an adult. But he wants me to come up with a full plan for activities for my birthday. I told him that there already is a plan, and an activity, and I don't really want to do anything else.

And like that's fine with me! I'm super introverted and also neurodivergent so even the IDEA of doing multiple big things in one week, in which I work almost every day leading up to the trip, is exhausing. I would be more than happy to stay home and play baldurs gate all weekend, maybe go to like chilis or something. But he's getting upset, saying he wants to do something fun with me for my birthday, but there's really nothing I want to do except relax and not have to think about trip planning for a while.

SO, aita for refusing to make birthday plans that involve my boyfriend ⁉️⁉️

NUANCE: T is also a friend of my boyfriends, she is actually the person who introduced us to each other. The other friends are T's coworkers who I've hung out with a few times. My boyfriend doesn't know them, but it's only three other people, so it's not some huge wild party or anything. Just a small group making burgers and hot dogs with a bonfire and watching an eclipse, playing board games, having some drinks. It's right up his alley, so I don't understand why he doesn't want to go. There's no financial or work issue. He just doesn't want to.

[evilsanlang]

when you call someone your mutual then realize you're not mutuals anymore 💔 it was over the cake AITA wasn't it

[coochiequeens]

So glad she had a preview of what to expect if she stayed and had kids with him and left his ass.

The story may be fake, after it is reddit but this is why men are trying to undermine laws that allow women to file for divorce by claiming they weren't given time to work out their differences. He's only taken by surprise because he was happy to have his gf do everything regarding chores and childcare. Grown ass men should be able to do their share of chores without being asked. And I bet she did ask but she was so nice about it, because there were two young kids around, that he didn't pick up on it.

[the-somwthing]

Ok the confession I remembered seeing was on the mcyt confessions blog instead that makes sense lol. I just wanted to look at it again. The feeling of seeing someone finally point out that treebark could be seen as unhealthy and being like “omg someone finally said it-“ and then the notes are all just “what? anon is being so weird they’re literally the healthiest ship in the entire series” like HE CHOPPED OFF HIS HEAD??? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???

[colorisbyshe]

i do nooot get people who are like “my sister asked me that if anything happened to her, would i take in her kids? i said no. i’m financially stable and have a house big enough but i just do not like kids.”

i say this as someone with like -5 maternal bones. kids do not really spark joy in me and whenever i am put in charge of them, even briefly, i feel out of depth. but like… i don’t even have siblings, if one of my friends was like “yeah… could you do this?” i’d say yes.

maybe it’s because when i was young my best friend at the time was put into foster care and i saw how badly it fucked her up. my mom fought HARD to get custody of her and her brother but was refused. it’s just… if you love someone, why would you let their kids suffer? i grew up in a very community-based atmosphere when it came to rearing kids and while it had some downsides, it worked out very well and think my friend would have benefited from being placed with someone she trusted and had taken turns raising her (my mom) over someone she had no connection with.

i get that some people just are NOT fit for parenthood. i’m not, which is why i plan on never having kids, but i’d fucking try my damnedest to do it if my family or friends kids needed me

idk this feels like such a disconnected culture thing. like everyone is out for their own and no one dare be inconvenienced. to tell your own family “yeah if you died i’d let your kids go into the system” is heinous to me