#not aita

[aita-blorbos]

Hello, I hope you and your family are well. Can you please help me recycle the post on my account? 🌺 And help rescue my family from the war in Gaza? 🙏 Thank you.

https://gofund.me/198b6d57

Of course my friend. For our followers, here is a direct link to the fundraiser:

Ashraf's family is currently only at €4,995 of their €30,000 goal--please share and donate to help them evacuate and pay for food, water, and medical care for their young son!

[aita-irl]

Promo post

Hey there! We're an AITA blog for real-life situations, since @am-i-the-asshole-official is on hiatus. We're run by some of the same team that does @aita-blorbos, so you could consider us a sort of sister blog to that. We plan to do things a little differently than the other AITA blog, so make sure to read all our rules before submitting! Have fun!

[pluralaita]

send in propaganda for your fave if you so desire :) fight to the death!

[zemkzone]

I don't normally vent, but... TLDR: I was mugged in a city, a country, where I am a foreigner and the supposed friends who were helping me told another friend I was acting "entitled" to their help. It was heavily implied I had to APOLOGIZE to them. AITA or not AITA? I now have much bigger trust issues than I had last week.

Long version:

I've been living in the UK for almost 2 years, and I went down to London on Friday for a break from a stressful work-week. The first night went well, dinner and a show, and I fell asleep at a decent enough time to wake up early on Saturday for 9:30AM yoga with, for lack of a better term, friends of a friend. It was a relatively nice morning, so I decided to take one of the buses instead of schlepping my way down to the Tube (which I still call the subway most days coz, can you blame the proverbial Yankee visiting King Charles' Court?). I got off the bus in the City, what they call the business area in London as a whole, I have been made to understand. Google Maps told me it was an easy walk from the bus stop to the hotel where the yoga class was, but there were several alley/side road closures where the app wanted me to go. I was still on a nice, wide sidewalk, with few cars on the street and few people around me too. I paused at what felt like a safe intersection on that wide sidewalk, right by a modern glass building with CCTV hanging off it and CCTVs on the crosswalk traffic lights a few meters away. I was as far from the roadside as possible, and out of precautionary habit, I had my back turned to the road a little to protect the phone I had out in my hand. I was texting those sort-of friends that I was a few minutes out, and trying to get Google Maps to reroute me.

Suddenly, a black glove appeared in front of my face and my phone was snatched away by what looked like a man in an electric blue puffer hoodie, riding a bicycle on the sidewalk. I tried to chase him, but between the coffee I had to let go of and the duffle bag on my shoulder, it was hopeless. He disappeared around the corner I had been considering walking along myself, and I was left to ask for help from the four passersby at the crosswalk. Two of them happened to be a father and daughter (Brits, but also just visitors in London). The father wrote down my exact location and the time so I could report it to the police. When I said I had friends at a nearby hotel, he and his daughter helped me find my way to it. They didn't have to walk me in, but they did. "We'll wait here," he said at the top of an escalator, "and wait for you to give us a thumbs up if the receptionist has located your friends". The receptionist did, I signaled the two perfect strangers that all was well, and we waved goodbye as they headed off to continue their day.

What followed should have been an exercise in practicality. The boyfriend of one of those sort-of friends (let's call him M) and a hotel staffer helped me contact the police and cancel my debit card (which had been in my snatched cellphone's case). Two officers came to the hotel so I could give them my statement, etc. All the while, M sat with me, updating his girlfriend and the others who still continued on with their yoga session. The police asked me to take them to the spot where the crime occurred. M was still with me, and as we walked out of the hotel, his girlfriend (T) and more people than I expected (I'd only though I was meeting T and another friend I'll call W) came out to join us. I hadn't realized that a whole hour had passed since I'd arrived at the hotel. Their yoga session was over.

At that point, I was torn between (1) feeling marginally better because I had company who knew the city and (2) trying to keep it together in the face of everything that losing a smartphone in 2024 implies. After the police took down the added details at the incident site, T and co. asked me if I wanted to still go to brunch. I agreed since I needed to sit, was shaken, and, though I didn't feel it at the time, did need more than half a cup of coffee in my stomach. At the restaurant, I tried to stay in good spirits. Aside from T, M, and W, there were two people in the group I had never met before, and we were joined by yet another person. I managed to shovel down most of an avocado toast and an Irish coffee (I effing needed the boost). T and her friends had moved on from the usual "sorry that happened to you" and were playing catch up while I asked M where I could find my phone carrier and a place I could get a new phone. I'd come to the UK with the phone that had been snatched, and had only gotten a SIM-only plan with the carrier. I thought the practical thing, since I don't know how many more months/years I'd be in the UK, would be to buy a new phone, then have my carrier block the stolen phone's SIM and issue me a new one. M and I Google Mapped my options, added in my own hotel location so I could grab my passport on the way. I admitted that, considering everything, I (1) needed help getting navigating to those places from where we were and that (2) I didn't feel good enough to be alone just yet. We paid (I still thankfully have working credit cards) for our food and finally left the restaurant.

This is where, to my mind, the uncomfortable part started. Two of the extra 3 people (remember, I was only supposed to have been with T, W, and M, but they had a total of 3 other friends there too), and somehow what should have been a quick 20-30 minutes to get my passport from my hotel and then drop me off on the street with the phone and carrier store became 6 nerve-wracking hours with a too-large group. I said nothing when they started doing "for the gram" picture stops along the way. M went up to my hotel room with me when I got my passport. He took a photo of some passwords on my laptop that I might need when the phone or carrier store staff helped me with my phone. (In hindsight, we should have used pen and paper.) Then our group of 5 all went in what I assume was the direction of the two stores. W was navigating, and at that point, the streets were so crowded and I was getting very tense that I just trusted she knew what she was doing. In my mind, I kept replaying the mugging over and over, what I could have done differently, etc, etc. (I know what happened wasn't my fault, but at the time, I couldn't help it) and listing what I'd have to do first when I got the replacement phone and SIM. I didn't know T and co. well enough to tell them I was internally seeing red and trying not to spiral. Then, suddenly, we stopped walking... at a bubble tea place. I'd only vaguely heard what the group had been talking about as we walked along, since it seemed to be more Instagram/YOLO, etc stuff and no one was asking my input anyway. I smiled tightly and declined an offer for them to buy my bubble tea, opting to stand outside the store to work on staying calm. I didn't realize (hadn't been told) they wanted a break or anything, but I couldnt complain since I was literally dependent on them until I could get a new phone. We eventually got to the phone store, the last remaining extra person left, and I had to pay full price for a phone because as a foreigner I couldn't get on the monthly payment plans. T, M, and W, instead of just pointing me to the carrier store three shops down, came in with me and waited while I talked to the staff. At some point, W or T asked if I wanted coffee, and, while I thanked them for still being there, I declined the drink again. I thought they'd go off to a nearby café or something since I had paperwork, etc to fill. They and M never left. By the time I got the new SIM in the phone and the staff had advised me to go back to the store where I'd bought the phone to get help setting it up, M, T, and W were still there. They went back to the phone store with me, and T told me to stop being so anxious and sit down while we waited in the queue for assistance.

By then, it was almost 5 in the afternoon. The tech assistant helped as much as he could, since I was basically setting up my phone from scratch, but said I could do the rest with my tablet back at my hotel... or come back to the store with it before closing time so he could walk me through that part. T gave me a card with some of the friend-group's phone numbers, and she, M, and W still walked me to my hotel (I'm pretty sure it was unpromted, but my head was so foggy at that point from all I had done and still had to do). It turned out the hotel was a 10-min walk in a straight line from the phone shop. We got to the entrance to my hotel, I said thanks to them for being there the whole time, and they left. I handled grabbing my tablet and walking right back (in 5 min) to the phone shop to finish setup alone. The day ended with me exhausted, having a semi-functional phone that I'd have to wait to fully fix still when I got to my apartment (in a place I jokingly nickname the Shire) after the weekend, and crying to friends back in the States in a call over a lousy room-service dinner. I told them what happened, including my misgivings over all the YOLO stops, and they calmed me down and helped me a little more with fixing my phone.

I got at most two hours of sleep by the time the sun rose on Sunday morning... and then made myself presentable enough to meet A, the original London friend who had introduced me to T, W, and M where I first arrived in the country. I told him that while I was grateful for his friends' help the previous day, I didn't think I could go through that again. (I didn't exactly want to say "they're good-time people, but I don't know if I'd want the...awkward stops all over the place again if I were ever in another crisis around them.") What A said... upset me. T, M, and W had apparently complained to him that, while they still thought I was a lovely person (ah, Britishisms!) I acted "entitled" to their company the whole afternoon and was scowling too much. They didn't regret canceling plans for me, but I seemed "ungrateful in my human interactions with them". A all but said I had to APOLOGIZE to his friends.

I'm in my early 30s, with a no-nonsense, get-shit-done North American mentality and I'm aware my default expression, especially when I'm too tired, is RBF (resting bitch face, for those too young to know), and I feel terrible if I need to drag anyone at all into my messes. They're energetic and bubbly Brits in their late 20s. But they really could have left me at any point, just given me directions and left, and I would not at all have held it against them. Just like I was grateful and held nothing against that father with the kid who initially helped me after the mugging. Is this an AITA situation? Did I miss anything? Is this a subtle cultural/age/millennial-GenZ divide?

I'm still tired as FUCK, trying to get used to this new phone, and have a LOT of life admin to do suddenly after this whole weekend. If you have any thoughts or comments, whoever and wherever you are, feel free to say something.

[jorvik-aita]

Was researching some things for Darko AITA, and came across some of the funniest lines/phrases in this letter Darko wrote according to lore. Anyways I thought I would share them:

“What a flaming surprise!” (Let Darko say fuck)

“You fool! You absolute clown!” Sounds like an early 2010s comedy sketch, would say this to my friends, jokingly when they do something unbelievably stupid.

“Those vexing horse twerps”

“That musty old hoagie” hoagie? Musty? Thats all you could come up with?

“It’s your neck on the line, you wet rag.”

If “you wet rag” isn’t the FUNNIEST insult I’ve ever heard.

Anyways this is supposed to be an angry letter by Darko but i couldn’t help but laugh at some lines so much so i had to share

[t-am-i-the-asshole]

Just got an actual submission on here that isn't copied from reddit!

It'll post later tonight.

[oc-aita]

holy fucking shit i didnt expected this to explode in one night SJKFNDJFNJ

im glad so many people are sending stuff for their blorbos!! but im closing the askbox so i can queue everything. if you have questions or need to contact me for something, my dms are open!

[aita-espanol]

en primer lugar, siento estar usando un traductor para esto, mi primer idioma no es el inglés, pero tampoco es el español 😓

en segundo lugar, que este blog haya sobrevivido al blog aita en inglés es un poco gracioso. cualquiera que quiera presentar un aita debería aprender español. juntos derrocaremos el dominio monolingue inglés en tumblr.

deepl translate es una locura creo que se traduce muy formal así que lo siento por eso. pero yo enviando una ask en inglés sería aburrido de mí

Es loco si 😭

[femmerose98]

I’m not sure what to do at this point anymore. Ever since we moved into this apartment, literally the first night we moved in, we get woken up by three kids stomping, screaming, and jumping in the apartment above. It’s been over half a year now (since February it’s now nearly November), and it’s still the same shit from 8 pm until 10 am, stomping and screaming, sometimes for half an hour or an hour after 11 pm. Seems like they do nothing to take their kids outside, most weekends and weekdays they are inside all hours, and they act like it’s a trampoline or gym in a apartment building. Regularly waking us up anytime from 10 pm onwards til 12 am, 3 am, 6 am, and 8 am regularly. Earplugs do nothing, nor does fans or white noise on louder volumes. I have an app that tracks my sleep because I’m chronically ill and take chemo meds every week, and it tracks decibels going over 100 nearly every night from their kids stomping. I know because I look at my clock at 2 am, etc, when they stomp, and my app records 80-100+ decibel at that time. Occasionally my partner uses a blender for smoothies in the morning and even our blender in our own apartment is not as loud as their kids. What do I do?? They rarely leave the apartment so I can’t even talk to them in person which I would prefer to to. Our windows shake, our bed shakes, our lights in our apartment go super bright, then dim and flashes like a strobe (I’m sensitive to light flashing and can actually faint), our doors unlock from being closed from the force of their stomping, jumping and running. I feel like talking to them will only make it worse but when we talked to our apartment place they said just to call the police which isn’t fucking helpful. I left one note on their door when they were vacuuming at 11:30 at night like a month or two ago. I don’t know what to do but I’m sick of not getting sleep. I get like 6 hours of sleep each night with frickening chemo meds.

[evilaita]

look at @/pluralaita, supporting these evil messages with their colour scheme. So fuking proud.

-Best Mod Hslew ❤️‍🔥

[aita-blorbos]

"aitah" is "Thank you" in Estonian so I always read this blogs url as "Thank you blorbos"

We should all thank Blorbos... every day... thank you Blorbos.

[aita-irl]

Rules

For now, these match up to r/AmITheAsshole's rules, except for where they do not apply to Tumblr, except rules 13 and 14, which everyone should familiarize themselves with.

Be Civil Attack ideas, not people. The purpose of this blog is to determine and explain who is in the wrong, not to eviscerate anyone. Treat others with respect while helping them grow through outside perspectives. Derogatory or dehumanizing language, including insults, violate this rule. This rule applies to EVERYONE, even those not on Tumblr. Don't insult others or get into spats in the comments. Be respectful. Be nice. Don't be an asshole

Accept Your Judgment This blog is here for the submitter to discover what everyone else thinks of the ethics or mores of a situation. It is not here to draw people into an argument you want to have, or to defend your position. If people start saying you were the asshole, do not take that as an invitation to debate them on the subject… accept the judgment and move on. If you have valid reason to think a commenter needs more information or misunderstood the facts of the conflict, you may give new information.

No Violence Don't even mention violence. If your post or comment references violence, don't share it here. Any hint, mention, euphemism or suggestion of violence falls under this rule and isn't allowed. Comments and even jokes about violence are not tolerated. Encouraging self-harm, suicide, "bad karma," property damage, food tampering, or anything that wishes mental or physical pain on anyone is strictly prohibited.

How To Post The TITLE of your submission must begin with the acronym AITA or WIBTA (would I be the asshole?), then a description of the situation. All submissions must be titled. Posts should be limited to 3000 characters. Paragraphs are good; block text walls are bad. Format and punctuate your post reasonably. Be clear and concise. Don't link to screenshots or other posts. If you can't explain yourself in one ask, without using external text pages, it does not belong here.

Post Interpersonal Conflicts Posts should be descriptions of recent interpersonal conflicts. Describe both sides in detail. Make it clear why you may be "the asshole." Submissions must contain a real-life conflict between you and at least one other person. They should not be about feelings, opinions, or desires. If your conflict is with a larger demographic, an animal, someone online, a business, or a third party who’s irrelevant to the main question but thought what you did sucked, your submission will be deleted.

No Shitposts Posts must be truthful and presented as fairly and accurately as possible. Posts must be written entirely by you and from your own point of view. Do not post on behalf of others, or from the point of view of another person in the story. This is not a humor blog. This isn't a blog for copypastas, satire, overly embellished stories, AI generated content, or creative writing exercises. Posts about fictional characters should be sent to @aita-blorbos.

Do Not Ask For Advice This is NOT an advice blog. All submissions that ask for advice (instead of or in addition to judgment) will not be posted. This blog is for arbitration. You may include advice when you make your comments, but remember that your primary objective in commenting is to assign blame and pass judgment.

Updates and META posts are restricted. Updates should be given in the REBLOGS of a post. Any ask that is not an AITA or a direct question about blog moderation will be deleted.

No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Anatomy Posts AITA is not a relationship blog. We do not allow the following types of posts: - AITA for ghosting/cutting/reducing/denying contact with anyone (or not) - AITA for liking/pursuing/dating/breaking up with someone (or not) - AITA for doing a sexual act (or not) - Reproductive decisions (including adopting/fostering children & delivery room conflicts) - Posts about cheating-including "exposing" someone's cheating (or not). Or similar conflicts that only exist in romantic or sexual relationships.

This Is Not A Debate Blog If judgment is primarily motivated by whether commenters agree with your stance on a broad issue it is not appropriate for this sub. This includes anything from politically motivated conflicts to innocuous issues like if cake is better than pie. If you're ultimately asking if it is okay to kick someone off your team for their sexual identity, stop talking to your friend because they vape, or any similar debate, your submission will not be posted.

No Revenge Stories There are many places for sharing tales of revenge—this is not one of them. This is a blog for providing feedback on interpersonal conflict, not for endorsing how you escalate a conflict. If you're here to tell us how you punished someone who totally had it coming, you're probably breaking this rule.

No Medical Conflicts AITA is a platform for moral judgement, not medical advice. The life and death consequences of many medical conflicts are well outside of Tumblr's paygrade. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is transmitting or contracting any communicable disease, or undergoing any kind of medical procedure.

Asks Are For AITAs Or Questions We mean it. Any ask that is not an AITA, a question for the mods, or an answer to a previously asked question will be deleted. This is not a discourse blog and we are not having discussions with you.

Make Your Submissions Accessible This means no typing quirks, no colored text, no small text, no non-standard fonts, no capslock, and no images without image descriptions. (If you include an image without alt text or a description, we will add a description for you, but it will reduce our workload by a lot to write one yourself. As with all things, moderation is key--some colored/small text or all-caps is fine, but if it's excessive then your submission will not be posted.

[pluralaita]

i think we should be allowed to add comments to the polls 🩵

[galaxy-beast]

[Image ID: A screen shot of a Am I The Asshole Reddit post by Reddit user Important_Cookie_958. The title reads "AITA for not making board game nights in my store child-free?" with the reddit tag "Not the A-hole" underneath. The post reads "I (35M) own a gamestore and hold boardgame/DnD nights three times a week. I have a few tables set up in the back so people can come in and play games, along with a small 'kitchen' (really just a fridge, microwave, sink and cupboard) so people can have some snacks and drinks while playing.

One of the regular groups have been playing DnD in my store on a weekly basis for the past three years and l've sometimes joined them as a guest player), and it's always been great fun. About a year ago they had to find a new DM because their usual DM didn't have the time to dedicate to preparing campaigns anymore. While they were looking they still came in weekly, but just played regular boardgames instead.

Now a few months ago this 10-year old girl (let's just call her Emma for convenience) showed up with her mother at one of the game nights. According to her mother, Emma had been spending months making all kinds of materials for playing DnD, but didn't know anyone who would play with her. So her mother wondered if it was okay for her to ask at my store if anyone would be willing to play.

The regular group was more than happy to join in for a session, and it ended up going so well they asked Emma to DM for them regularly if she wanted to. Fast forward to now and Emma is DMing two days a week, one time for the regular group and one time for one- off sessions for other people to jump in if they want. I swear this girl is a genius, she has memorised the entire player's handbook and monster guide, and made a fully homebrew campaign that's genuinely fun and exciting (though sometimes also surprisingly dark).

Now for the problem. A few other people have started complaining about there being a child on game nights, saying the reason they're playing here is because they have children at home. Now that Emma is also coming to the game nights, they feel like they can't play games as they usually do because they keep having to think about whether their language or jokes are inappropriate for the presence of a child.

I told them that I never said anything about providing a childfree space, so l won't be banning Emma from coming, so I'm sorry if they don't like it. But they're welcome to plan their nights on days where Emma isn't there, or find a different place to play. I did tell Emma's mother that Emma is only allowed to be here as long as one of her parents is also present (not going to take any risk).

AITA for not banning children from game nights and telling people to basically suck it up? //End ID]

Some D&D party is out there playing the coolest campaign ever.

[jorvik-aita]

guys i have forgotten to write more aita’s for this please forgive me. I will commence writing them once im less busy. The busyness dies down on the 19th.

[t-am-i-the-asshole]

Intro

Last update: 9.11.2024

Welcome, this will be my pinned post and a collection of all the important information about this blog. It will be updated as needed.

Anonymous questions are turned on, you are welcome to send your AITA or questions about this blog. The AITA polls will run one week. Additional Information can be sent by ask or DM. Pictures in asks are turned on for now as well, we will see how that goes.

I will try to tag Common triggers. If you need something tagged, tell me

Abbreviations I use:

AITA - Am I The Asshole

WIBTA - Would I Be The Asshole

YTA - You're The Asshole

NTA - Not The Asshole

JAH - Justified Asshole

NAH - No Assholes

ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Info - More Information needed (If you vote Info, please then proceed to ask for the information in the comments or reblogs)

DM - Direct Message/Private Message

Tags I use:

#copied from reddit for posts that originate on reddit

#asks for asks about this blog (not AITAs)

#tumblr am I the asshole for aita's that I receive here that aren't copied from reddit

#not aita - what it says on the tin

#about - for infos about how i run this blog

Rules:

Be civil: Be respectful and dont insult people (except for making a judgement call of YTA obviously)

Copied from reddit: "The title of this subreddit is not an invitation for you to be cruel. Treat others with respect, no matter how big of an asshole they may be."

If you see harrassment in the comments, dont engage and feed the trolls. Send me an ask or DM and the comment will be deleted (if I agree that it is indeed harrassment)

Try to present the conflict as neutrally as you can.