#again: if I got that bit about the origins of judaism wrong

[generouslyandrogynousdragon]

[Image ID in alt text]

The people reblogging the post this is from really need to understand what exactly this post is saying. Because while some may share it with good intentions, trying to help support the people of Palestine, this part of the post is calling for genocide.

"Erase the Israeli occupation" which parts? That's answered in the next bit: "decolonise the entire land". Bit tricky to decolonise a land from the ethnic group indigenous to it, tbh. And yes, Jews are indigenous to the Levant, whether you call it Israel or Palestine or the Middle-East or whatever other names people come up with these days.

The foundations of Judaism sprang from the transition of the Canaanites to a monotheistic religion. (As far as I can discern from my own personal research, and if this is incorrect then please reach out, I would rather be corrected than spread even more misinformation into the pot.)

Please note, I am not naming the deity which this group worshipped as I am aware that Jewish people typically prefer such names to be unwritten - there are resources which can explain this further, and the Wikipedia page I mention at the end of the next paragraph gives details of this.

But the key thing to note here is that the people who first settled the land were the Canaanites. There was then a period in which Ancient Egypt controlled the land, before it returned to the control of the Jewish people. (Source: Wikipedia, specifically the Jerusalem page, sub-section: History of Jerusalem. I'm not sure I like the word control in this paragraph, but I can't figure out a better word to use in its place.)

And even if you put aside the entire issue of indigineity, where are the people of Israel going to go? Where are you going to send them? You can't just say "Go back where you came from", because 1) there are Israelis who were born in Israel, and 2) nearly every single Israeli citizen that wasn't born in Israel, i.e. refugees, came to Israel because they were threatened with death in the countries they previously lived in!

So are those people just supposed to smile and eat a bullet? Or maybe you'll send them somewhere else? Okay, where? Because no matter what piece of land you send them to, some country is going to have to give up that piece of land first. And then you haven't solved anything, you've just shoved it into a different corner of the room and pretended it's all fine.

You cannot solve this by saying Israel should just go away. I don't know how to solve it, I can only hope that there is a peaceful solution for Israelis and Palestinians alike, and soon. But both groups of people live there. Neither group can just be moved somewhere else - the countries surrounding the Levant have acted to exterminate Jewish people, thus creating the refugees I mentioned previously, and refused to take in Palestinian refugees, and nowhere else is going to take either group in - and neither group should be moved, frankly. Forced relocation is wrong no matter who it happens to.

So that only leaves the total extermination of one group if you truly will never accept a two-state solution. If a two-state solution is truly unacceptable to you, then either you are arguing for the genocide of Palestinians, or the genocide of Israelis. Because both groups live on that land, and neither group is going to just magically disappear.

Palestinian and Israeli left-wing activists alike are all saying to us that a two-state solution is the best - some even go further and say "only" - chance for peace in the Levant. So the rest of us should amplify their voices, and put pressure on our own politicians to help make that happen.

[stellae-de-baphometis]

PSA: Stay away from the DemonolatryPractices subreddit.

Hi everyone, so a little side note before I get into everything. This post is gonna be a bit venty and also touches on sensitive topics, so apologies in advance for that.

⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING - mentions of anti-Semitism, Nazis, suicide, alcoholism. ⚠️ Full post will be under the cut.

So I haven't posted in a while, the main reason being that I've been struggling with mental illness and I'm working a very stressful job that's been taking up pretty much all of my time. Luckily I'll be quitting this job soon though. But I also wanted to address the fact that one of the other reasons I stopped posting is because I realised in the past I had an anti-Semitic mindset without even realising, and I was appropriating Jewish daemons in my spiritual practices and spreading harmful misinformation on my blog. I've since deleted any posts containing such content and have been doing my best to educate myself on why it's not okay to appropriate Judaism. I also removed the Jewish daemons from the grimoire I'm writing and left a Daemonolatry subreddit that encouraged and tried to justify appropriating Lilith and other Jewish daemons.

This subreddit was r/DemonolatryPractices.

Just recently, I posted to a pagan subreddit about including daemons like Azazel, Leviathan, and Behemoth in my grimoire, as I am aware of their Jewish origins and wondered if it would be okay to include them in my grimoire, as they're also present in Christianity. I briefly mentioned in the post that I had omitted Lilith from my grimoire as I didn't want to appropriate a Jewish entity.

Someone in the comments tried to claim that working with Lilith wasn't cultural appropriation, and obviously got the ban hammer from that subreddit because it's anti-Semitic to try and appropriate Judaism as it's a closed practise. This person got really salty and went into my DMs, trying to claim that Lilith was a "Mesopotamian Pagan goddess" and started shouting a bunch of anti-Semitic shit claiming that Judaism took this "Queen Of Hell" and spread lies about her, which is obviously just an insanely disgusting thing to say... And correct me if I'm wrong here but I think that whole idea of Jewish people spreading lies about spirituality and the world in general is based off an anti-Semitic conspiracy theory. Again, correct me if I'm wrong because I genuinely don't know for sure - it's just something I've heard about. If it is true then holy shit that's fucked up...

Anyways, this person kept accusing me of being "incorrect" and "wrong" about cultural appropriation, and it got to the point where I had to block them because they just wouldn't leave me the fuck alone.

This person then went to the aforementioned Daemonolatry subreddit to talk shit about me behind my back and started a huge smear campaign in the comments, where there were almost a hundred comments all calling me insane and accusing me of being an "internet bully" for trying to be an ally to Jewish people and calmly educating people on why it's not okay to appropriate Lilith. They kept saying that I was spouting bullshit and that was wrong.

This then lead to me getting witch-hunted by a bunch of people getting really angry and bitter with me, trying to defend appropriating Lilith. Everyone was blowing up my DMs trying to argue why it's okay to appropriate Lilith and other Jewish daemons. I had to block several people and also contact the moderator of this pagan subreddit, as there were so many comments of people slamming me and trying to justify their anti-Semitic rhetoric, that the mod had to actually disable the comments on my initial post.

It was overwhelming as all fuck and I actually had a meltdown because of this. I have BPD and other personality disorders, and so it's very easy for my emotions to get out of control and for me to become overwhelmed... And that's exactly what happened. I was so stressed out and upset that I started binge drinking vodka to the point of passing out. I'm struggling with alcoholism at the moment, so this situation triggered my alcoholism and I absolutely lost my shit. I even became actively suicidal and was drinking to try and combat these feelings and prevent myself from actively carrying out a suicide attempt, because I really felt like I was on my last straw with all the problems I've had at home lately. The whole ordeal was fucking awful...

But enough about how it made me feel because that's not nearly as important as how this shit is potentially affecting Jewish people themselves. Now I don't want to speak over Jewish people here or speak on how anti-Semitism affects Jewish people, as I am not Jewish and it's not my place to speak on that whatsoever. However I will say that I do recognise and understand that Jewish people are an oppressed minority group that have evidently suffered a lot of discrimination and marginalisation throughout history. All I'm saying is I can imagine that Judaism being appropriated by anti-Semites probably isn't gonna make Jewish people fucking feel good...

I apologise if I've said anything incorrect here or if I'm speaking over Jewish issues. It's not my intention to do so, and my goal is to only speak from the perspective of an ally. Please don't hesitate to correct me in the comments if I've said anything incorrect or insensitive, I don't want to speak over anyone here or spread false information.

Anyways. These people in the r/DaemonolatryPractices almost view Lilith appropriation like some sort of cult. If you're complacent and don't criticise it, they're fine with you. If you try to call them out on their shit, they come after you hard and ridicule you to shit. It's fucking terrifying, disgusting, and downright disturbing how these people will get so defensive, bitter, angry, and vicious when you call them out on their cultural appropriation. To me, it looks like an obvious projection of their covert anti-Semitism, and when you call them out for said anti-Semitism, they lose their shit and feel deeply attacked, because you're exposing them for what they truly are.

This very subreddit was the thing that sent me down an anti-Semitic pipeline where I got it into my head that cultural appropriation and anti-Semitism is completely fine, and that Judaism was a "bad" religion just like Christianity. They vilify Judaism and lump it into the "big bad Abrahamic religions" category alongside Christianity, and accuse Judaism of vilifying "their" Lilith. It's truly disgusting and horrifying, and I am deeply ashamed that I was brainwashed into thinking this way and was basically within an echo chamber that prevented me from seeing a different perspective. But being brainwashed doesn't take away from the fact that I still take complete accountability for what I did, and I am genuinely so sorry to the Jewish community for spreading anti-Semitic rhetoric on my blog and having such a warped view of Judaism. I sincerely cannot apologise enough and it's something I want to do everything in my power to make up for.

So my message to you guys is this. Please stay the hell away from r/DemonolatryPractices. They are anti-Semites at best and far-right Neo-Nazis at worst. Please don't go near that cesspit of a subreddit. It's riddled with anti-Semitism, cultural appropriation, and bigoted people who will try and justify and defend that shit to their fucking death. Stay far away from this subreddit, especially if you're a Jewish person, as I can't imagine it would be a very safe environment for Jewish folks...

Everyone please stay safe and I wish you all well. And again, I am sincerely sorry to the Jewish community for my past actions. I will do everything I can to make up for it.

Ave Satanas ⭐

-Kody

[marmota-b]

Redemption Arcs, Christian hegemony, and why I don't like the former term as often applied

This discussion around redemption and suffering and characters earning their redemption by suffering has been floating around for quite a while, and I’m not a Tumblr user (well, I am now) so I occasionally came across it, and then lost track of it again. It was very, very interesting and thought-provoking, and it sat at the background of my musings for quite a while, until I decided that I still feel strongly about it, strongly enough to join Tumblr and add my two cents (well, given the length of what I ended up with, more like twenty dollars). But I lost track of the original posts I reacted to, so I’m sorry if some of this ended up a bit confusing. I still want to share it because - you may be surprised, but as a Christian, I actually agree wholeheartedly: this idea about redemption arcs and suffering is wrong and needs to go away.

(I still use the term in AO3 tags, because it's an established tag, but I decided to start using my preferred term, too, where applicable. Also, the idea that characters earn redemption by suffering? Heck no, that's not going to happen in my stories - and if you see them sliding into something resembling it, without making clear the nuances I get into below, I BEG YOU to point it out to me.)

Because I would argue that what it says is not based in Christianity at all, it's actually directly contrary to Christianity.

TL;DR: It's not a Christian idea because there is a distinct lack of Christ in it. And we should call it the repentance arc.

Since I wrote the basis of this whole thing in my own notes years ago, I have also come across the term “Atonement Arc”, and how the idea of atonement is rooted in Jewish traditions. I haven’t really read through the discussions of it yet, but I believe the main gist is that the latter has to do with making amends while the former can be passive. And, well, despite the differences, Christianity stems from Judaism so it actually still maintains some of the same ideas - or at least the version of it I grew up in does. So I have zero problems with this distinction, I agree. I just disagree with many people's careless usage of the term redemption. Therefore I maintain that the sort of thing in fiction people are railing against and that we’re used to calling Redemption Arcs should be called Repentance Arcs, and this is a discussion of why. And why you may still use the term Redemption Arc in some very specific instances. Please do read the long version, because the above will hopefully make a lot more sense if you do, and I suspect various aspects of Christianity (and the whole big contradictory mess of various churches) may also begin to make more sense if you do.

Another needed forewarning so you know exactly where I’m coming from: I’m not Catholic. I’m Czech, and a member of the Evangelical Church of Czech Brethren, which, an immediate warning to those familiar with (American) evangelicals, is NOT THAT either, it’s just a bit of a translation hitch that got codified in the English version of my church’s name. The short of it is that we’re a bit of a unicorn and actually came about by unifying different strands of Protestant Christianity, are currently on the liberal side of things, and reside in a country that’s currently overwhelmingly agnostic. So, not Catholic, not evangelical in the English meaning of the word. I suspect a lot of the ideas that may lead to this particular idea about redemption are specifically Catholic(-adjacent), or maybe in some cases may stem from the “us versus the world” attitude evangelicals in the English sense often adopt (which does also seem to make them maybe particularly fond of certain aspects of early Christianity that I will touch on below), and I cannot really comment on either end of the spectrum from an insider POV - what you get here is the POV of someone who knows just enough to possibly be able to pinpoint it exactly, or possibly get it entirely wrong.

All I can say on that subject is that if these ideas do officially exist in Roman Catholicism, it’s probably exactly why there are so many other Christian churches that don’t agree with Roman Catholicism, see Final Notes waaay below. Also, from what I do know of Roman Catholicism, if the idea does officially exist, there’s probably a lot of theological legalism and subsequent zig-zagging around its own limitations that got them there, and it quite likely does not mean entirely what people think it means. My own church gets out of a lot of those theological legalisms and meanderings that other churches can get mired in by openly accepting several different historical creeds and essentially answering many “either-or” dogmatic questions with “Both. Both is good.” While it can make us annoyingly lukewarm about a lot of things, it does help in maintaining a degree of healthy scepticism about human conclusions about God. Two sides of the same coin, really.

Anyway.

The idea of earning your redemption through suffering is definitely an attractive narrative idea; I’ve definitely succumbed to its dubious charms myself many times, and probably will again in the future. But what it actually says about redemption isn’t at its core a Christian idea. It’s just our baser instincts appropriating Christian language; it’s a twisted idea that seems Christian on the surface but isn’t at all at its core. It’s not Christian faith that tells you you have to suffer to earn your redemption; it’s the lack thereof, it’s an insufficiency of faith.

What this idea about “redemption arcs” says is that you can, or indeed that you have to, earn your own redemption on your own.

What Christianity actually says is “You can’t, but you do not have to fear and fret because Jesus did it for you.”

The response to that, then, is repentance: recognising you did something wrong, and atoning for it by making amends and sinning no more.

So, yeah, Christianity doesn’t negate that at all - at least not Christianity as I know it. (Jesus doesn’t tell people “go, it’s okay to do whatever you like now,” nor, ahem, “go and get yourself killed”; he says “go and sin no more.”) Roughly speaking, and take this as my own lay interpretation of course, what Christianity says in opposition to other religions is that your redemption for all eternity and the reparation of your relationship with God isn’t necessarily dependent on how well you manage to make amends before you die, or whether other people accept your efforts, and other things like that that you may not always be able to do anything about. (Can you predict the time of your own death to time your atonement wisely? Of course not.) It can be okay between you and God if you accept that it is because He chose to give you that chance; and now it’s simply up to you to go and act the part.

Zacheus is an exemplary New Testament case hitting all those beats like clockwork. Jesus chooses to visit him; and it’s only after that is already decided that Zacheus announces his intention to make amends and change his ways. We have zero indication that Zacheus suffered anything beyond a change in lifestyle; but at the same time, the story would not be what it is without Zacheus deciding on that change. It’s a sort of mutual process that reflects back and forth, and both sides do their part, but Jesus starts the process.

(My own lay interpretation; but I have heard pretty much this exact description of the relationship between God and people as being started by God but from that point onwards being mutually reflective, from both a Catholic deacon and a minister of my own amalgamated Czech Protestant church, so I think it’s safe to say it’s a more universally Christian idea.)

And Jesus speaks about being given to save mankind, he speaks about the need to repent or else perish, he tells stories about people being saved by someone else’s intervention. In all of that, I don’t recall him ever saying “you need to suffer for your redemption.” Suffering is a result of not being redeemed, or just of living in a broken world, not a prerequisite for redemption.

I think this whole notion above of how the popular idea of suffering for your redemption isn’t really Christian at all may also be a bit clearer to me because I’m Czech and you basically can’t say “redemption arc” in Czech to describe a character’s individual story arc. The Czech term for “redemption” retains the original meaning of “to redeem”: “to buy out (of a bond/punishment)”. And the reflexive form of the verb (“to redeem oneself”)... doesn’t really happen much in Czech. Maybe because we actually have a verb for “to become/make yourself better (in behaviour)” instead that could well be used in the non-religious contexts for that process? But the language does also reflect the fact that you usually need a separate Redeemer for that transaction to take place.

That’s a bit of a language aside (my hobby horse), but it does point out some important things regarding the Christian idea of redemption: It is, so to speak, a transaction where the sinner is an object, not the primary actor. Which sounds kind of weird summed up this way but - the primary actor is exactly where the two ideas about redemption clash, and why, as a Christian, I wholeheartedly agree with the distinction between redemption and atonement.

What’s Christian, admittedly, is the idea that some suffering is involved in the transaction; but the whole point of Christianity is that it isn’t the sinner who suffers it. Without that central idea, it’s not Christianity - if there’s no Redeemer involved, there’s no Christ for Christianity to be named after in the first place!

Of course, most fictional universes lack such a Redeemer, and that’s probably where our baser instincts clamouring for blood crowd back in. I think the existence of those instincts is basically why Christianity does involve the element of suffering: People kind of instinctively know that some offences cannot be so easily swept away. For some people it’s very personal. But that presence of suffering in Christianity is still a message of hope and reconciliation - if both sides can accept it.

If not, I think it’s actually equally a message of hope for the victims in that God knows what it’s like.

There is also, admittedly, some talk of “suffering with Christ”; but as far as I can remember, the people explaining Christianity in biblical times always present it as a consequence / choice, not a prerequisite. I also need to point out the use of “with Christ” rather than “instead of” (duh). I strongly suspect that kind of talk was at least partially a result of the fact that in the beginning of Christianity, the likelihood of you suffering for it was pretty high. (It still is in some parts of the world, isn't it? Also, while we're on the subject, kriff off to some American evangelicals who know next to nothing about the rest of the world and think they're being persecuted.)

Speaking of which, I believe I do actually have something of an idea where Roman Catholicism may have gotten its martyrdom for redemption tendencies, and how that may have filtered down into a much cruder idea that forgets a Redeemer exists. There’s a concept of “baptism of blood” in Roman Catholicism. This comes from stories of early Christianity and persecution of Christians (and I guess also persecution of Christians in other parts of the world in later eras), about people who became Christian by belief but were killed before they were baptised. In other words, it’s a legal loophole for the technicality demanding baptism for salvation. As you may guess… I’m personally a bit wary of thinking God can’t see someone is a believer if they happen to yet not be baptised. As I said, Catholics probably got there by somewhat convoluted theological meanderings. For all I know it probably started out as a reassurance for the loved ones of such people.

It’s easy to see how someone (the whole of the Roman Catholic church, sarcasm adds) can get carried away by such stories of martyrs, and kind of forget that it’s not the death but the belief that matters most. It becomes an aspirational trope instead of an explanation of harsh realities.

One thing to bear in mind here is also that a lot of “Hollywood Christianity” is about as accurate as “Hollywood history” - I guess they often go hand in hand, too. A lot of the things in popular culture, ideas and imagery that you might think are inherently Christian, are in fact more of a fanfiction of a fanfiction of a fanfiction of a fanfiction, where the original fanfic is most likely Paradise Lost or medieval legends steeped in eclecticism. In other words, nothing involved in that chain of inspiration is actually Biblical canon. Or maybe, in some cases, it is one particular aspect of one specific branch of Christianity and its theology, magnified out of proportion. So… maybe roughly Christian in origin, yes, but not at all representative of Christianity’s core beliefs. (Much like, say, the Golem legend is one of the most famous and “typical” Jewish narratives out there, but it hardly has anything to do with the life and faith of practising Jews nowadays, and the various riffs on it in popular culture even less so. I think that’s one pronouncement about another religion I can make safely.)

So, yeah, from my position as a Christian, the term “redemption arc” needs to go - unless there actually is a Redeemer.

(Come to think of it, I may have to start using an Atonement tag on AO3, too, where applicable.)

It’s safe to say that Edmund in Narnia does have a redemption arc; but as that’s the case, it’s also important to note in this context that he in fact lives to apply its lessons. An actual redemption arc does not require the penitent’s death.

An argument could perhaps be made for Darth Vader having a redemption arc, but absolutely not because he dies in the process; it’s because he is loved despite everything and finally chooses to respond to that love. He might arguably have an even better redemption arc if he actually stayed alive like Edmund does (although I guess his death is a neat tying off of loose ends from other narrative standpoints. It’s the sort of thing one could, and fandom does, argue about for decades.)

On the other hand, Kallus in Star Wars: Rebels has a repentance / atonement arc, and it’s a very good one in my opinion. He doesn’t earn his redemption by suffering, he suffers because he’s chosen to make amends and do better from now on and the odds he faces are too high. It’s sort of acknowledged in the show itself, I think, when Kanan tells him “Thank you for risking everything.” Kallus’ risking everything wasn’t a way for him to earn his redemption; it was a sign of his already being one of the good guys now, and so he is thanked for his efforts, because they do count, they don’t exist just to balance his account to zero.

The same applies to Edmund, in fact: he goes on to face the White Witch in battle, and he nearly dies in the process, but that’s actually after Aslan’s sacrifice (and after he’s had his one-on-one conversation with Aslan), and he’s in danger simply because the Witch is a powerful opponent and Aslan’s intervention has given him the courage to fight her to begin with.

I’m trying to figure out where that other famous repenting dead, Boromir, falls in all this; but I think you could make the same argument even there. Boromir sees his fast-approaching death as a failure in the face of overwhelming odds; Aragorn reassures him that he did not fail, that he had in fact won, because he did turn back from the Ring’s influence and chose to do the right thing, regardless of consequences. (I’m speaking about the book here because that’s the version of events I’m closely familiar with.)

With all that said and laid bare, I think I now actually have an idea of how this whole situation may, in fact, have originated in Christianity. But it would have happened in a very indirect manner, with false turns along the way.

Aside from the “baptism of blood” technicality, I think the main source of this annoying trope may be one that kind of got degraded and lost some of its crucial components, especially the faith involved, over time. You see, in openly Christian works, you may get a dying repentant who dies in peace and reconciliation.  But the point is, that happens because of the Christian idea that the relationship between you and God is what matters the most. So if you recognise your sins and actively regret and accept God’s forgiveness, that’s what matters the most, so it does not matter that you’re dying and will never get the chance to set things right in this world. It’s a comforting thought; it’s a thought that reassures you that even if you decide to change and then get hit by a car and die the very next day, or the very decision to do the right thing is immediately costing your life, the decision to change was not for naught. And in an openly Christian work, some variation on that may be stated outright.

But then it also may not be stated outright if a Christian writer assumes they’re writing for a Christian audience who knows that.

(The one instance that stands out to me clearly, and that helped me see it for what it is, is Old Wabble in Karl May’s books. KM may be problematic in many respects, but at least here he went out and had his characters say what he meant instead of just relying on a trope.)

From there, of course, it’s only one step to the Boromir situation, where the work itself isn’t exactly openly Christian but the author is and is operating in that mindset. ( It also does support the thought that Darth Vader’s repentance/redemption arc is rooted in Christian ideas and tropes. I’m not really refuting the fact that the trope is probably Christian in origin - I’m criticising its execution in most cases that dilutes those Christian origins and leads to frankly dangerous ideas about the nature of redemption / repentance. And the nature of Christianity.)

Here the problem begins, because then non-Christian authors (or Christian writers who don’t think things through) pick up the narrative device without the underlying thought.

And then you reverse-engineer the underlying thought from the prevalent trope and get it exactly wrong.

So, again, I propose the latter term: We should call it the repentance arc. It hits the beats that pretty much all such character arcs need to hit - even the ones where you might argue for the presence of a Redeemer. The point is the changing of one's attitude, not the suffering. And it’s actually a more accurate term for Christianity, too, one that won’t lead Christians to believe things they shouldn’t. (Just how much suffering is enough? As a Christian, you should not think that way.) So it’s an overall much better term for all sides.

Unless, of course, other religions have other takes on this and disagree with that particular term, in which case we might have to keep looking.

On that note, I also wonder, and can’t really comment on, where other European religions and belief systems like those of Ancient Greece and Rome or the Celts or Old Norse fall on this issue. Because I also think a lot of “culturally Christian but actually not rooted in Christianity” ideas from European/white society may actually originate from that whole period when becoming officially Christian was politically expedient (whether for prestige or safety), and so you got a whole load of Europeans who were officially Christian but retained a lot of their old worldviews. Bang, you get a weird eclectic mixture of contradictory things nowadays called “Christian Europe”. Like, say, the whole Arthurian cycle; there is a lot in there that, as a non-medieval Christian raised on a diet of the Bible and Czech Protestant tradition, I look at and go “what the heck is that even supposed to be?!”

(C.S. Lewis calls some of Augustine's opinions "pagan hangover", which, if you forgive the term "pagan", is quite hilarious, and might be fairly accurate for a lot of "Christian" European culture. I'm not saying that it doesn't form a big part of Christian tradition - just that it's often not a very essential part of it, and that after two thousand years we can probably safely say getting rid of a lot of it doesn't make us not-Christian. And vice versa, clinging too close to some of it does carry the danger of making us barely Christian at all.)

Final Notes:

This owes a lot to Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis (although the "pagan hangover" above is from Four Loves). It also owes a lot to my lived experience as a Christian in a church that pays quite a lot of heed to the written word, which paradoxically means it’s rather hard for me to pinpoint my sources. Some sort of textual criticism has been par for the course since childhood, and tends to form a crucial part of what sermons are like in my church (look at a text, compare it to its original form or different translations, compare to context and similar texts, compare to cultural background, draw conclusions on what the Bible is actually saying and what it might be saying to us today). So I have a lot of this critical thinking internalised and can’t remember where I came by it.

And: I’m no theologian, but since this has already turned into “Christianity 101”, and because it feels thematically relevant, this is also exactly why the idea of Purgatory - and potentially also selling indulgences for the Purgatory - is controversial and not at all universally embraced by all Christians. The latter phenomenon’s shtick of “you may have to suffer for your redemption but if you pay us money we promise you some of it will be shaved off” is, of course, super controversial and I believe basically the original reason Western Christianity fell apart in the late Middle Ages/Early Modern Age. (We started the actual falling apart here in Czechia, I think I can claim a degree of lay expertise on the subject.)

Purgatory, in itself, is one of the things I mentioned above as things in “Hollywood Christianity” that are far more than Christian in general actually one particular aspect of one particular strand of Christianity, magnified out of proportion - I suspect even in Roman Catholicism, most people nowadays don’t think about the Purgatory too much on an everyday basis; it’s not what the core of their belief hinges on. Meanwhile, as far as I can tell from limited exposure, Purgatory in popular culture is very often basically a “Christian” (emphasis on quotation marks) version of the Greek netherworld where Sisyfos keeps pushing his boulder and Orpheus may descend into it to rescue his Eurydice but then there are also demons and devils because the writer wants to eat the cake and also keep it, in terms of what tropes and cultural influences to use. (And by this point these tropes are so deeply entrenched in popular culture that most writers probably don’t realise that’s what they’re doing.)

So, yeah, just because something in popular culture is “Christian” does not mean that a practising Christian will recognise its shape, or that they won’t roll their eyes at it or cringe heavily over explicit or implicit ideas that hit far and wide of what Christianity is actually about. Because goodness do I cringe. The “Christian hegemony” often isn’t good for Christians, either.

Well. I think that's about the extent of the twenty dollars my ADHD brain came up with. I hope it helps at least some people see things from a different perspective.

[cozycryptidcorner]

Ok, this might be a bit rude but wtf is wrong with Christian’s in the US? I’ve heard so many US former Christian’s (especially Catholics) talk about their life and it’s fucking bonkers.

Like, around 81% of my country is catholic. I went to a catholic school for 11 years! But I have never heard of anyone being forced to go to mass (according to google only 19% of people in my country always go to mass ), and we had Muslim, Jewish, different Christian’s and atheists in that school. We weren’t Bible thumping. We had a class about religion, sure, but about most religions. We learned to be critical of the Bible, as something that is outdated and not to be taken at face value, we learned about Hinduism, Islam, Judaism, the historical origins of these religions and to respect and love those around us. I’m not sure if it’s exactly like this in most countries with a lot of Catholics, but I believe the US is the weird ass exception, not the norm. (I’m not religious, this is just my experience)

Babygirl you’re just preaching to the choir. That’s kind of why I wanted to distinguish American Catholics from Latino Catholics- because tbh I love my Abuela’s church in Puerto Rico wayyyyyyyyyy more than any church I’ve been to in the USA. Of course there are many exceptions to this rule but I just wanted to clarify that when I talk shit about Christians, I am mainly talking shit about Usa/Canadian fundamentalists and evangelicals.

I think one of the BIGGEST differences is that the USA was founded by a particularly gnarly radical sect of Christianity- Puritans. In my entire education, I have only been informed they were fleeing religious persecution, but reading up from non American sources basically shows a really nasty side. Not to say any religion deserves persecution- but yikes, it’s really no wonder they got ran out of Europe.

Adding to that we have the dehumanization of the “other,” black slaves and indigenous persecution was constantly shaped as something morally right because there was something fundamentally wrong with those people, and an easy way to store up fear was to go “oh it’s Satan”. Indigenous people on the land? Start a campaign built on hearsay and lies about devil worshipping. Slaves acting out? Again: pin their underground and persecuted religions on devil worship. This is why evangelical and fundamentalist circles are so tight with white supremacy: Christian hysteria has been a tool to convince people that culling indigenous people or “beating the devil” (actually words used by confederate era politicians) out of black people is a good thing actually.

But there’s also a special kind of moral superiority complex that comes with almost all sects of Christianity. They know this super incredible and wonderful “secret” about the universe, the world, eternal life. Their upholding of scripture and belief by default makes them better than the sinful and morally corrupt world. Being Christian makes them superior, full stop, because they have accepted god’s forgiveness into their lives while everyone else continues to sin.

You’ll hear a Christian say “oh but :) we’re ALL sinners :) in the eyes :::) of god :)” with that smug tone and sickly smile, but they feel morally superior to you because *checks notes* they don’t have sex until marriage.

That’s also why I think evangelicalism and fundamentalism are just cesspools of sexual abuse, because these men in power feel that sense of superiority especially more. They are the voice of god, hundreds of people in their congregations listen when they speak. They are reason and they are moral; and even if they slip up, god will always forgive them. That’s what one of my abusers said to me; almost word for word. It doesn’t matter if their victims don’t forgive them, even though they are often guilted into it: because God will and that’s all that matters. It’s like a free ticket to do one or two horrific “sins,” because of course god will show them mercy if they’re weally weally sowry

So this is all a recipe for a very special kind of Christian disaster. I have moved to a lot of places, I have known a LOT of people from different cultural backgrounds, and I can say with the utmost confidence the worst, most selfish and disgusting and morally bankrupt individuals, have been white Christians.

[flowerfan2]

All Vows

A/N:  Given that this is the second year in a row I’ve been inspired (compelled?) to write a Good Omens fic on Yom Kippur, I’m inclined to think there’s something to it.  But who knows.

See below for more info and author’s notes.  L’shana tova, everyone.

All Vows, A03

It's Yom Kippur again, and Crowley can't stop watching you tube videos of the Kol Nidrei service.  It's hard to know where he fits, but Aziraphale is there to help.

Crowley hit pause on the video he was watching and shifted on the couch, pulling out his earbuds when it became clear that Aziraphale was talking to him (he could hear him either way, of course, but Aziraphale said it was rude to keep them in during a conversation).

“Are you still listening to Kol Nidrei services?”  Aziraphale asked.  “I don’t think you’re actually required to do it multiple times.”  There was a soft smile tugging at his face, but Crowley didn’t mind the gentle teasing.  He knew he was being a little, well, obsessive.

“I’m not required to do it at all,” he reminded Aziraphale.  Demons didn’t need to go to temple.  Crowley was aiming for a casual tone, but he kind of ruined it by swiping at his eyes, which were leaking rather annoyingly. Traitors.

“Being able to remotely watch Yom Kippur services from all over the world is a silver-”

“Do not say that again, Aziraphale,” Crowley grumbled, returning to more familiar territory. Aziraphale continued to find the “silver lining” in the COVID disaster in everything from less crowded roads to the months and months he’d had to try out different variations on his macaron recipe (Crowley had drawn the line at lobster maracons with buttercream and crabmeat filling), and every time, it grated on his nerves.  No “rain bow” was going to make up for this disaster.

 “I’m sorry, dear,” Aziraphale said, sliding over and taking Crowley’s hand.  “I don’t mean to downplay your concern.  But it is long past sundown here, and presumably in…”  Aziraphale craned his neck to see what Crowley had been watching on his tablet, “New York City, and I think you can take a break now.”

 Crowley let out a long breath, and laid his head on Aziraphale’s shoulder.  “Kol Nidrei means ‘all vows’ in Aramaic,” he said.

 “Hmm, yes,” Aziraphale agreed.

 “Do you remember, then – when it got started… medieval times, all those persecuted Jews, forced to convert to other religions, wanted to return to their own community.”  …”

 “But they were worried that the oath they had sworn to God to follow another religion would get in the way. So the congregations developed the Kol Nidrei prayer to absolve them of the oaths they had made.”

 Crowley digs his chin into Aziraphale’s warm shoulder, and Aziraphale gives his hand a squeeze.  Of course Aziraphale knows all about it, they were both there, bearing witness to the many ways humans have wronged each other year after year in the name of religion.  But something about this particular religious ritual, a legal formula recited every fall to address each person’s own relationship with their god, has hit him hard tonight.

 “D’ya think it worksss for me?” Crowley asked quietly, his voice rebelling against him as surely as his eyes had earlier.  “Can I be forgiven, for the vows I sssshouldn’t have made? Or does it not work, since She threw me out in the first place?”  Was it still a vow against God if God pretty much forced him into it?

 “Oh, Crowley,” Aziraphale said, unclasping his hand from Crowley’s and enveloping him in a tight hug instead.  “It works for everyone.  Vah-yoe-mare Adonai, sah-lach-tee kid’vorecha.”

 “And Adonai said, ‘I have pardoned them as you have asked,’” Crowley repeated, roughly translating the end of the prayer he had heard so many times.

 They sat there in silence for a few minutes, Aziraphale adjusting his hold on Crowley to something more comfortable. Crowley snuggled against Aziraphale’s chest, rubbing his cheek along the worn velvet of Aziraphale’s waistcoat, a feeling of safety and warmth spreading through his body.

 “So, which one was your favorite?” Aziraphale asked after a while, shifting so that he could reclaim his tea from where he had abandoned it at the other end of the couch.  It was still at the perfect temperature, of course, despite the fact that he hadn’t taken a sip of it for quite a while.

 “My favorite…?”

 “Your favorite service.  You must have watched a dozen of them tonight.”

 It had been more than that, actually, if you counted all of the ones Crowley just checked out on you tube for a few minutes and then noped out of if it wasn’t particularly interesting.

 “I always found that fancy congregation in Manhattan a bit too stuffy,” Aziraphale said, referring to the last one Crowley had viewed, and Crowley huffed out a laugh.  Anything too stuffy for Aziraphale was, let’s say, more than a bit behind the times.

 “Newt and Anathema had a good service in their backyard, actually,” Crowley said, grabbing his phone and swiping around until he found what he was looking for, then playing a snippet of the recording for Aziraphale.  There were less traditional instruments playing along with the traditional prayers, and Aziraphale smiled as they heard what sounded like a ukulele.

 “Anathema will really do anything for Newt, won’t she?” Aziraphale murmured approvingly.  Anathema wasn’t Jewish, at least not by birth.

 “Well, she thinks the cantor might be under some sort of spell, given how long she can hold out those high notes without breathing, so she’s taking a professional interest.”

 Crowley showed Aziraphale a few pictures Anathema had sent him that afternoon, of Newt and Anathema’s yard, set up for a small group of neighbors with chairs spread out at least six feet apart.  Their guests were all bringing their own prayer books, or using their phones to access the texts.  Even some communities who usually wouldn’t allow the use of technology on the holidays had made exceptions for a variety of practices given the need to stay safe during the pandemic, although Crowley was pretty sure Newt and Anathema weren’t so conservative in their observance anyway.  

 “Things really are different this year,” Aziraphale said.

 Crowley nodded.  “Yup.  Tomorrow someone is coming by to play the shofar for them.  Apparently the guy is just going to go from house to house, if you want him to come play it for you, you just have to let him know and he’ll stop by.  Home-delivery shofar blowing.  But,” Crowley broke off, swiping until he found another photograph, and then turning his phone so Aziraphale could see the image of the long, curved ram’s horn with a mask somehow attached to the end,  “it has to wear a mask too.  It could be a super-spreader.”

 Aziraphale stared at the photo of the shofar with a mask on it and started to giggle.  Crowley harrumphed, but then Aziraphale did that little wiggle that meant he was truly endeared, and Crowley started giggling too.

 “Humans are endlessly creative,” Aziraphale said into Crowley’s neck, when the giggles had subsided and they were once more curled up around each other.  “They will rise to this challenge, as they have before.”

 “Do you really think so, angel?” Crowley asked.  

 “I do, Crowley. I really do. And we’ll be here to watch them.”

 “Together,” Crowley said shyly, hiding his blush in the soft fluff of Aziraphale’s hair.  Because no matter what vows Crowley had made, no matter what heaven or hell had required of him, somehow, Aziraphale was still here.

 “Yes, of course, dear boy,” Aziraphale replied, nuzzling a delicate kiss into the spot just behind Crowley’s ear, fond and steady and true.  “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

_____

Note:  Here I am again, for some crazy reason, writing another Yom Kippur fic.  Yom Kippur is the traditional Jewish day of atonement, and the Kol Nidrei prayer is thought to have originated as a result of Jews being forced to convert to Christianity or Islam upon pain of death.  Afterwards, many of the forced converts wanted to return to Judaism, but this was complicated by the fact that they had been forced to swear vows to another religion.  The Kol Nidrei legal formula was developed to enable them to return, and is recited each year at the beginning of Yom Kippur to absolve them of their vows to God made under duress.  The melody of the Kol Nidrei prayer, which became standardized in the 1800’s, is particularly haunting.  To hear and see the Kol Nidrei sung by Cantor Angela Buchdahl, the first Asian-American to be ordained as a rabbi and cantor and an amazing person, go here.

 Jewish communities around the world, large and small, have been conducting remotely accessible services this year, and finding numerous ways to allow people to come together for high holiday observance in one form or another while still following social distancing guidelines and keeping each other safe.  As just one of many examples, Temple Emanu-El of New York has made its high holiday services available online to everyone; you can find the Kol Nidrei service here.  (As described on Wikipedia,Temple Emanu-El is the first Reform Jewish congregation in New York City and, because of its size and prominence, has served as a flagship congregation in the Reform branch of Judaism since its founding in 1845. Its landmark Romanesque Revival building on Fifth Avenue is one of the largest synagogues in the world. I was there once for a wedding - it blew me away, and honestly, most Jewish synagogues don’t look anything like it, but it is a very lovely place to have visited).

[alectology-archive]

SJ/M’s unacceptable and lazy usages of real world places/cultures

I’m aiming to make this the most comprehensive list of SJ/M stealing bits and pieces of world history and pretending like she came up with them. Feel free to comment down below or send an ask if you can think of anything.

The addition of adaptation of names from some real-world places is included either because of insensitivity (Hybern and Prythian) or mostly because SJ/M doesn’t try to represent any of the cultures she takes from.

Note that this post will keep getting updated as I discover more evidences of unacceptable usages of cultures. Also note that there is every possibility that some resemblances are purely accidental and/or unintentional. So take it with a grain of salt.

T/HRONE OF GLASS

- Most of the cultural activities mentioned in Tower of Dawn are rip-offs of Mongolian culture and seem to resemble the Dothraki from Game of Thrones very closely.

- Pagan holidays mentioned in the books:

Yulemas* is celebrated in Erilea despite there already existing an established religion consisting of 12 gods and goddesses.

Samhain* is a festival celebrated by Irish and Scottish people.

Beltane* is a festival celebrated historically in Ireland and Scotland.

- Nehemia is probably derived from the Jewish leader Nehemiah who helped rebuild Jerusalem. Instead of trying to work that into Nehemia’s narrative, SJ/M killed off Nehemia to serve a white woman’s narrative.

- Mycenae is a historical site in Greece.

- Illium is an actual Greek city as well.

- Ravi in KoA is named after a Hindi word which means “sun”.

- Strangely enough Ravi’s brother is named Sol after the Roman god of the sun.

- Suria, where Ravi is from, is also a synonym for sun in Hindi.

- Mab is from the story of “Queen Mab”.

- Maeve is a sexual goddess in Irish mythology who was actually raped. So making Maeve a rapist in the books was hurtful.

A/COTAR

- Nagas belong to Hindu/Indian mythology included in a book that’s clearly a very western fantasy and has little to no PoC representation. 

- Illyrians were an actual indo-european tribe with close relations to modern day Albanians. S/JM is not the first person to feature them in her work but other authors have used versions of the name like “Illyria” by Shakespeare, “Ilirea” by Paolini, “Valyria” by GRRM etc. which are acceptable.

- Calan Mai is actually a celebration of spring in Welsh culture. As @gemorsedd put it so eloquently, SJ/M turned it into a festival about Tamlin being unable to control his hormones.

- Hybern is derived from the classic latin name of Ireland which is “Hibernia”. 

- Prythian is a modified version of the ancient name of Britain “Prydain”. COINCIDENTALLY, Prythian VERY closely resembles the UK. It’s also possible that she plagiarised the name from Anne Bishop’s Daughter of Blood.

Note for further reading: Read @blakeseptember’s about why SJ/M was especially insensitive in including Prythia and Hybern in the ways she did: https://blakeseptember.tumblr.com/post/187088853587/hybern-as-ireland

- Bharat is actually the Hindi name for India which is mentioned in ACO/TAR. Not only is it mentioned that Feyre’s father was sailing to Bharat to trade in cloth and spices (which was exactly what British colonialists and traders did when they sailed to India), it’s also said, quite clearly, that Feyre’s mother died of Typhus while her cousin died of Malaria (IN BHARAT). By doing so SJ/M is blatantly promoting a very colonialist view of India. 

The Malaria mention: “My mind was void, a blank mess of uselessness. Could it be some sort of disease? My mother had died of typhus and her cousin had died of malaria after going to Bharat. But none of those symptoms seemed to match a riddle. Was it a person?”

The Trade of cloth and spices: “I swallowed. ‘Eight years ago he amassed our wealth on three ships to sail to Bharat for invaluable spices and cloth.’”

- Myrmidons feature in A/COWAR. The Myrmidons is actually a nation from Ancient Greek mythology (led by Achilles in the siege of Troy). 

- Harem pants which are worn in parts of South and Middle-east Asia feature in the books where they’re introduced into a court consisting of white people only.

- F/eyre’s floral tattoos are very reminiscent of mehendis which are very important to Indian, Arabic and North African cultures but it’s a trait given to a white woman here. Read this post.

C/RESCENT CITY

- Danaan is from Tuatha de Danaan (celtic mythology) / Danaans is another name for Greece in the Iliad, used interchangeably with “Argives” and “Achaeans”.

- Avallen is Avalon (the legend of King Arthur). Ruhn’s story also bears a very close resemblance to the legend.

- 6 point star = Star of David

- Lehabah = a word in Hebrew meaning "a flame" (להבה)

- Mount Hermon = an actual mountain place in the northern part of Israel.  In Hebrew: הר החרמון.

- SPQM’s full form is Senatus Populusque Midgard. Which is awfully close to the SPQR of the ancient Roman empire which is Senatus Populusque Romanus

- The river Tiber mentioned in CC is actually a Roman river.

- Midgard, in Norse mythology, is the home of mankind. In Norse mythology.

- Sandriel: Comes from the angel Sadriel, the angel of order. S/JM added an “n.”

- Orion “Hunt” A/thalar: First name is pretty obvious, Orion as in the hunter which is where his name “Hunt” comes from. Probably from the god Attar called Athtar in Southern Arabia. Attar is sometimes considered a storm god explaining his lightning powers, but also linked to the Morningstar aka Lucifer. No explanations are given regarding as to how the constellations of our world are the same as that of SJ/M’s fantasy AU.

- Shahar Daystar: From the dawn deity Shahar. Also linked to Lucifer.

- Jesiba Roga: A Croatian respelling of Baba Yaga. Jesiba Roga, is quite literally just a combination of Ježibaba (a figure closely related to Baba Yaga in West Slavic folklore) and Baba Roga (the Croatian version of of Baba Yaga). 

- Danika Fendyr: Danika is a Slavic dawn deity. Fendyr comes from Fenrir a wolf in Norse mythology. 

- Isaiah: Taken from Isaiah 14:12-15 which details the fall of Lucifer. It’s also easily accessible from Shahar’s Wikipedia page (which may imply that SJ/M uses Wikipedia for research and just steals/lazily incorporates whatever she finds along the way.)

12 “How you are fallen from heaven,

O [a]Lucifer, son of the morning!

How you are cut down to the ground,

You who weakened the nations!

13 For you have said in your heart:

‘I will ascend into heaven,

I will exalt my throne above the stars of God;

I will also sit on the mount of the congregation

On the farthest sides of the north;

14 I will ascend above the heights of the clouds,

I will be like the Most High.’

15 Yet you shall be brought down to Sheol,

To the [b]lowest depths of the Pit.

- Fury Axtar: Hunt is likely related to Attar or maybe even Ishtar or Ashtaroth. It’s unclear right now. Ishtar is sometimes linked to Lucifer as well. It’s possible that she’s named after the Furies in Greek mythology, deities of vengeance.

- Micah Domitus: Micah is a prophet in Judaism.

- Syrinx: A chimera in this book, a nymph known for her devotion to Artemis.

- Urd: The god of flame and shadow possibly the name comes from Urðr one of the three Norns in Norse mythology.

- Luna: A Roman moon goddess

- Cthona: “Chthonic”, in English, describes deities or spirits of the underworld, especially in Ancient Greek religion.

- Vanir: The Vanir are actually group of Norse gods.

- Asphodel Meadows: A section of the ancient Greek underworld where ordinary souls were sent to live after death.

- Hel: Hel is a goddess but also a location in Norse Mythology for the dead. Depictions of Hel depend on the source of the information. It’s strange that Hel and Asphodel Meadows belong in the same place, translating to lazy world building on SJ/M’s part.

- Midgard: In Norse Mythology basically the plane of existence of humans.

- Laconic Mountains: Named after Laconia the administrative capital of Sparta.

- Nidaros: Where Bryce grew up. It’s the ancient name of Norway’s capital when the Christian kings ruled. It’s now called Trondheim.

- Istros River: Taken from Istros of Ancient Greece

- Valbara: Taken from the super continent Vaalbara

- Pangera: probably Pangea, the huge supercontinent on which dinosaurs lived

- Crown of Thorns: In reality it’s a symbol of Jesus but in the book it’s branded onto the foreheads of angels who rebelled in a war some decades ago.

- Keres: Phillip Briggs’s terrorist gang is named after the Keres who are “goddesses who personified violent death and who were drawn to bloody deaths on battle fields.”

- Sailing: A Norse funeral custom for Vikings as seen in movies like How To Train Your Dragon 2 and Thor: The Dark World. Here’s more information on it, but it seems SJ/M got it wrong. Most Vikings were usually cremated and it was mostly used for Kings and Chieftains (Danika might fall into the Chieftain category).

- 33rd Imperial Legion: Could be a reference again to Jesus who was 33 at his death.

- The Ophian rebels (of which the the Keres rebels are a subgroup of) are named after Ophian, and elder Titan in Greek mythology.

Sources I’ve derived some facts from so far:

- Sapir Englard on Goodreads via @spaceshipkat’s tumblr post using Hebrew in CCity.

- @bittenwrath for basically everything in crescent city. 

- @blakeseptember’s tumblr about Hybern’s origins.

- An anon dropped by with “Hel”

- @chenmighty and @tavithelibrarian pointed out the Illyrians.

- @sylphene and @omourningstar for Prydain

- @ok-boomer pointed out that Yulemas, Samhain and Beltain are all pagan holidays.

- @gemorsedd For pointing out Calan Mai

- An anon pointed out the Norns, Danaan and Avalon.

- @mimiofthemalfoys for the Bharat, malaria, typhus, spices and cloth mention.

- @kryingkardashianz for Danaans being another name of Greece and Myrmidions.

- an anon pointed out Nidaros

- @shurislut for mehendi and harem pants

- @sanktaalinaa for Jesiba Roga

- @croissantcitysucks for the Ophian Rebels

[aarongoldenwrites]

My statement:  I am sick to fucking death of people misquoting my holy book to justify their bigotry. Stop. Stop doing it. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. A response: Honestly I would be interested in learning about this as I have no religious view point so I like to learn about them, (but) I don’t know where to start. My response:  Okay. Well.

Judaism first sprang into existence about six thousand years ago; we've got our own calendar that we use to track these things. We got our start when a dude named Avram wrecked his father's business and changed his name to Abraham while touring the middle-east with his sister, Sarah. Their family history was chronicled in what we call the Old Testament, which is a collection of stories, fables, and legal doctrine that informs the Jewish people as to what they are and how to behave, but a good chunk of it is dedicated to doubting what you think you know and finding out what is true. It's based around taking responsibility for yourself and your community and living to a high ethical standard, and trying to figure out what that means in relationship to yourself and your community. The first five books of the Old Testament are called Torah and are collected in massive scrolls that Jews consider to be literally living documents, and we're supposed to argue the meaning of the text within context to the time it was written and the times we live in. It's fabulously progressive for its time, and features a commentary track (Talmud) and in-depth expansion (Midrash) that we use to give things further context.

A lot of it boils down to "try to leave the world better than you found it, take care of the people around you, don't expect people to live to the standards you set for yourself, take responsibility for yourself and your community."

Now, the Old Testament was written in a language called Aramaic, which features no written vowels, is supposed to be sung on a six-note scale, and translates well into nothing else. It was eventually translated into Greek, then Latin, and then the various romance languages.

Here's where things get weird: when a Torah is penned, it's transcribed by one guy using a special ink and pen. A single mistake means the Torah is given an actual funeral and buried. We do not want mistakes being made about this.

About 2000 years ago, there might have been a Jew named Yeshua. The Romans (who kept meticulous records about EVERYTHING) have no records of this particular guy, but there were Jewish revolutionaries fucking around to find out during the Roman occupation every five minutes or so (it got so bad that the Romans eventually said "fuck these people in particular" and spread the Jews all across the empire, which is the start of what we call the Jewish diaspora and led to about two thousand years of shit-kicking and scapegoating).Now, if Yeshua existed, he was a rabbi (a Jewish priest) who pissed off the Romans and got himself killed. A dude who admits to never having met him led a splinter sect of Jews into a death cult that believed Yeshua was going to return from the dead next week and defeat the Romans. 

This is the start of Christianity.

A big part of faith is doubt, I think. You need to know on some level that you could be wrong, and inflicting your beliefs on others isn't a great thing to do. We're all doing the best we can, but insisting you're right and everyone else is wrong to the detriment of others is, well, bad.

And that brings us to the crux of my issues with Christianity.

The core of the Christian doctrine is that Jesus (a mistranslation of the name Yeshua, not that many Christians know that - and let it sink in that they do not know the name of the god they are worshiping, or how the name changed) was the literal son of God and also somehow God and maybe also a third thing called the Holy Ghost that is a mysterious mixture between the two of them, and that he died for the sins of humanity.

See, Christians believe that when Eve got Adam to eat the apple in Eden that GOD CURSED THEM BOTH AND ALL THEIR DESCENDANTS TO HELL TO SUFFER FOR ALL ETERNITY, and then they have the audacity to say that the Old Testament God is the mean one.

So, basically, until Jesus dies, every human ever born is condemned to hell where, again, they will suffer for all eternity. Once Jesus dies, though, he goes to hell and reclaims good people provided they are willing to swear allegiance to him. Keep in mind there is no proof that any of this has happened, and the person telling the story admits full-stop that he never met Jesus and didn't believe Jesus was real until thirty years after Jesus' death when he was riding a camel through the desert and fell off due to heat exhaustion.

Now, a big part of Christian doctrine is that living a good life is meaningless - the only way to get into heaven is to swear your soul to Jesus, who is watching you at all times. If you're bad and believe in Jesus, you'll spend time in a place called Purgatory, which is hell-light, until Jesus can swing by and pick you up. If you're the best person ever and you don't believe in Jesus, you are still going to hell for all eternity.

What this means is that, if you are a good Christian, the kindest thing you can do is convert non-believers to save them from an ETERNITY IN HELL, and provided you have sworn your soul to Jesus any sin you commit will be forgiven and you will go to heaven. This leads to things like the Spanish Inquisition, enforced conversions against, well, everyone, and more atrocities than you can shake a pointed stick at.

Politically, this is useful because you can't just say you believe in Jesus, you have to believe in Jesus the *right way.* This is originally the Catholic Church, but other people argue with them about the right way to believe in Jesus and so we now have a bunch of different flavors that spout the same ideology and conversion practices, but each of them claim that they're the special ones that got it right and everyone else is going to hell for all eternity or maybe purgatory until they figure out the right way to praise Jesus.

And people can and will do anything to prove their faith, and see a lack of evidence as proof of concept, and obey whatever the it leaders tell them because they've been conditioned to ignore the world around them in favor of our mistranslated holy book.

The thing is, according to Christian theology, Jesus was a Jew and the whole thing starts with the Old Testament. So they twist the Old Testament to fit their narrative, building upon things lacking in the original text, installing bits that go against Jewish faith, and ignoring/killing/converting Jews that point out that they have no business doing what they're doing (see Jenn Sara, above, for the lightest version of this practice).Because spreading the good word is so important and any sin can be forgiven provided you're following Jesus in the right way, Christians have historically co-opted the holidays and religious practices of others in order to further their own agenda (see: Christmas trees, the Easter bunny, et al). Also, because they are a strict hierarchy - the Church determines who is praising Jesus right and no one can fight them - they ended up becoming a politically powerful presence that has controlled much of Europe and Russia and informed the structures that ruled those places, including (but not limited to): the Romani pogroms, the Inquisition, the witch trials, the crusades, the Russian pogroms, the Atlantic slave industry, native genocide, save-the-man-kill-the-indian, the holocaust...The list goes on.

When people in the west say "Religion is the root of all evil," they are often talking about their own experiences with religion (Christianity, because none of the other ones count). This also applies to Christian atheism, which is when a Christian assumes all religion is basically Christianity decides they don't believe in religion, and the religion they don't believe in is the only religion (Christianity again).It's incredibly frustrating and tends to result in a lot of people dying.

Shall I continue?

[princesssarisa]

10 facts about Shana and her mother Darika. Plus the full OC interview with each of them :)

Here they are! Shanna, the “Beauty” of my wlw Beauty and the Beast retelling (which still lacks a definitive title, though I intend it to include the word “rose”), and Darika, her mother.

Shanna 10 facts 1. She is 14 years old during the story’s prologue, 17 when the main plot starts, and 19 by the end.

2. My facecast for her is the late Israeli singer Ofra Haza (best known to some of us for providing the voice of Moses’s mother Yocheved in The Prince of Egypt) when she was very young.

3. She’s mixed race. Her mother’s ancestors were white pseudo-Europeans, while her father’s came from a Middle Eastern-inspired culture. Both practiced the same Judaism- and Shamanism-inspired religion, though. She’s her world’s equivalent of a Jewish person who’s half Ashkenazi, half Mizrahi.

4. Her name is partly a variant of the Yiddish “Shaina,” meaning “beautiful,” and partly an abbreviation of the Hebrew “Shoshanna,” meaning “lily” or, more significantly, “rose.” It has nothing to do with the Hebrew “shana,” meaning “year” – they’re just almost-homonyms.

5. Unlike most traditional Beauty and the Beast Beauties, she’s the eldest of three sisters, not the youngest. Her two sisters aren’t wicked, but they are a bit of a handful because they’re so young, and she’s had to be their responsible caretaker. She plays that role well – her little sister Zuri sooner calls for her than for their mother when she needs help – but it’s kept her from fully exploring her own potential, which she finally does get to explore during her time with Liriel, the lady beast.

6. Her personality is very much like Disney’s original animated Belle: bookish, sweet, emotional, full of dreams, yet intelligent and strong willed too. She’s more socially awkward than Belle, though, and unfortunately, she also has the self-doubt of Robin McKinley or Megan Kearney’s Beauties. Unlike Belle, she’s internalized the idea that she’s odd and oversensitive, so she tries to act like a “normal” down-to-earth villager, until the year she spends with Liriel makes her realize her worth just as she is.

7. She’s an aspiring author and poet. At age 13, before her family fell into poverty, she wrote a play based on the popular story of the heroine Lady Yasfira, portraying her as more flawed and dynamic than in most retellings, giving more sympathy than usual to the “evil” queen who opposed her, and portraying them as having once been friends. (Think either The Prince of Egypt or Wicked, or both.) The play was never performed at the time, but years later, with Liriel’s encouragement, she fine-tunes it, and then they perform it together for Liriel’s animal servants – this plays an important role in their growing feelings for each other.

8. She rarely lets herself get angry, but when she does, she can verbally annihilate you.

9. She realized she was bisexual at age 11 when, after her first crush on a boy at her school ended, she developed a new crush on a girl. She probably realized this more quickly than most real-world bi girls do, because the setting, Zalina Island, has no homophobia. She never acted on her crushes, but only out of shyness, not because she saw anything wrong with liking girls.

10. Despite her gentle personality, she’s not especially femme: she’s more soft butch, or maybe futch. She dislikes dresses (fortunately, Zalina Island has no taboo against women in pants) and generally wears just one or two feminine articles, like a shawl or earrings, with otherwise boyish clothing.

Interview (as she would answer it around the middle of the story)

What did you want to be, when you were a kid? There were so many things I wanted to be at different times. A queen, a princess, a duchess, a prophet, a traveling bard, an actress, a shepherdess, a farmer, a lady knight, a prime minister, a priestess, an acrobat, a cook, a kitchen maid, a dressmaker like my mother, a merchant like my father, a doctor, a midwife, a goldsmith, a fairy… and eventually, I realized that the one way to be all those things was to be a writer.

When did you know you wanted to be a writer? As soon as I was old enough to realize that stories didn’t come out of thin air, but where written by people. I wanted to do it as soon as I knew I could.

Who inspires you? My mother, my father, and a wide array of fictional heroes and heroines.

If you got to choose, where would you like to live? With whom? I’d love to live in a castle. I try not to care where I live as long as my family is with me, but my dreams of living in some splendid beautiful place never seem to die. I wouldn’t want it unless my family was there too, though.

Which item would you never give away? My journal, where I write down my secret thoughts, poems and stories.

Tell us about the biggest mistake you made in your life. Until recently, I might have cited the time I forgot to write an important history essay for school because I got lost in writing my play Yasfira and Anefri. Or else the time I lost my temper with my three-year-old sister Zuri and hurt her feelings so badly that she ran away and was missing for over an hour. But now, there’s no doubt that my worst mistake was asking Mama to bring me back a unique flower if she could find one on her trip to the city. Who would have thought a flower would cost so much?

Did you ever fear for your life? Yes, the moment when I saw Lady Liriel for the first time, after I followed Mama back to her lair – half wolf, half dragon, and entirely terrifying – and even more so, when she sniffed the air and I knew she smelled me hiding there.

There’s people who say you’re strange. Do you have any comment on this? I’m afraid it’s true. So often my imagination feels more real than the real world, my mind flies off to places that no one else believes exist, my emotions swell and crash like tidal waves no matter how much I try to swallow them and put logic first, I’ve always asked too many questions, and I feel less alone with only my books, paper and pen than I do in crowds of people.

Tell us something about you that nobody knows. Well, not many people know how strange I am anymore. I’ve learned to copy Mama and pretend to be as sensible and down-to-earth as she and our neighbors are, instead of spewing my feelings and dreams the way I used to. If the villagers knew about my romantic fantasies or the stories and poems I write in my head, they would laugh or scold even more than the people in the city did when I was small. 

What would make a perfect day for you? A few hours spent reading, a few spent writing, and maybe a trip to the theatre in the evening, with people who understand me and let me feel free to be myself.

Darika 10 Facts 1. She takes on the father’s traditional role in the Beauty and the Beast story. Her husband was a merchant, but he died in the same shipwreck that destroyed his merchandise and left the family impoverished. But a few years later, she learns that one of his ships survived after all, has to travel to reclaim its cargo, but gets lost in a forest… and we all know the rest. Recent BatB retellings have put a lot of effort into answering the question “What happened to Beauty/Belle’s mother?” in interesting and poignant ways. To be different, I thought “Why not make her mother the living parent?”

2. My facecast for her is the New York City Criminal Court judge Rachel “Ruchie” Freier. Not that I know much about Judge Freier, but her face look right for the character.

3. At the beginning of the story, she’s 35 years old. By the end, she’s 40.

4. She was born in a small, poor village at the base of the White Pine Mountains. Her parents died when she was a baby, so she was raised by her grandfather and her older sister, who have since died too. 

5. She worked as a seamstress in the village until she met and fell in love with a wealthy young traveling merchant from an elite port city. Despite the disapproval of his social circle, they married. After his death, she took their daughters back to her home village to start a new life.

6. Her impoverished upbringing and family tragedies have toughened her. She takes a very practical, hardworking, no-nonsense approach to life, tries to teach her daughters to do the same, and is calm and resolute in the face of hardship, focusing on “What are we going to do about it?” She sometimes loses patience with her daughter Shanna’s dreaminess and sensitivity, which makes Shanna, who adores and idolizes her, feel inadequate and weak.

7. Inside, though, she feels just as deeply and intensely as Shanna does. Her love for her family is limitless and she’s actually very dependent on Shanna, who fills the role of the family’s nurturing caregiver more than Darika’s temperament lets her do.

8. One thing she and Shanna have in common, which Shanna learned from her, is strong integrity and deep compassion for others. For her, the best part of being rich was all the good she could do for the poor, while the hardest part of becoming poor again was having so little to give to those even poorer.

9. Her sewing is more than just her job – it’s an art. She embroiders the clothes and quilts she makes with all kinds of colors and unique designs. The vibrant images she creates are an outlet for the emotions she doesn’t express.

10. Her personality is inspired by assorted beloved literary heroines, both classic (Jane Eyre, Elinor Dashwood) and modern (Tamora Pierce’s lady knight Keladry of Mindalen). For all their differences, and though they’re much younger than Darika, all these heroines are quiet, practical, dignified, staunch in their integrity, deeply caring and passionate on the inside, and yet with masks of stoic self-control that they only drop when intensely provoked. I like those heroines and admire them, yet sometimes their popular role model status annoys me, because it’s hard for a highly sensitive, naturally effusive person to act like them. So Darika pays tribute to them, but the story will also emphasize that her daughters don’t need to be like her.

Interview (as she would answer it around the middle of the story) What did you want to be, when you were a kid? A forest sprite or a good witch. I had a wild imagination in those days, before the real world tamed it.

When did you know you wanted to be a seamstress? When I first learned that the flowers and birds on my childhood quilt hadn’t sprouted there by themselves, but were embroidered by my mother, and that the storytelling tapestries that hung on the village temple walls were sewn by other villagers in the same way. I wanted to create beauty like they had, and to tell stories through pictures, while at the same time creating useful things for others: clothes, blankets, handkerchiefs, etc.  I think I willed my own talent for sewing into being to do just that.  

Who inspires you? My older sister Shanna; the namesake of my daughter. We lost our mother very young, so she took on the role of mother for me, and every day her love and strength have inspired me as I’ve raised my own children.

If you got to choose, where would you like to live? With whom? I would live in a clean, elegant, comfortable house with my daughters, a servant or two, and my husband, if only I could bring him back.

Which item would you never give away? My wedding ring.

Tell us about the biggest mistake you made in your life. Three of them, one directly after the other. First, when I was lost in the Great Forest during a storm, I took shelter in what I thought was an ordinary cave. Then, when I found that the inside looked like a castle, I should have turned and left; even then I knew that such an enchanted place would be dangerous. But I was cold, wet, and afraid I would die if I went back out into the storm, so I stayed. Last but not least, when I discovered the greenhouse garden in that castle-cave, I crept in and picked a rose as a gift for my daughter Shanna. Who would have dreamed a single flower would cost so much?

Did you ever fear for your life? I feared for my life when I was lost in the storm, but even more so when I came face to face with Lady Liriel. I’ll never forget the sight of her matted fur and vampire-bat fangs as she glared down at me.

There’s people who say you’re cold and stony. Do you have any comment on this? They don’t really know me.

Tell us something about you that nobody knows. Very few people fully know me, not even my daughters. I play the role of the calm, practical peasant woman, but it’s only skin-deep. Shanna thinks all her wild passions and romantic dreams came from her father, but really she inherited them from me too. My grandfather knew the secret me, and so did my sister, and my husband. But they’re all gone, and as I’ve buried each of them, I’ve buried those aspects of myself more deeply.

What would make a perfect day for you? A quiet day of embroidery by the fire at home, with my daughters all near me and all happy.

[incarnateirony]

I'm curious, do you think that theory that Lucifer is Jottun makes sense? To me it feels weird, but this is your lane and you have way more knowledge about this.

Okay so first of all, wtf tumblr why is your cut INSIDE THE ASK and fucking up my post

Moving on:

I... is this like, a show theory that someone came up with? Or are you talking like, in general mythology?

(Edit: I realized I postured this from the angle of assuming we’re talking about the widely received idea of Lucifer in modern culture; if I was wrong about that, lemme know -- I do drift into the NONCHRISTIAN Greek Lucifer as well, which you’ve seen me talk about with Phanes before on this blog)

I’ve never heard a serious statement (or at least one that held up if gently poked) about this as much as a general correlation (IE, Promethean deities if you will, which would correspond Lucifer to Loki, though I highly disagree with that assessment for other reasons as well) -- or various theory parallels where the Jotun are parallel to everything from Titans to Nephilim. 

Generally the Luciferian/Satanic iconization of Loki came from later transcriptions of eddas by Christian monks. Then again, the idea of Satan himself came from the jews taking on Zoroastrian beliefs after captivity so fuck all flips table

The last thing I’ve seen that tried to draw any kind of correlation about it had some nonsense trying to equate Azazel to Hermes too and a whole other mess of madness.

Without tracking the anthropology and etymology of a situation though, you end up with a mess, and there’s a lot of those out there. If you google long and hard enough, Lucifer is everyone. He’s Cronus, he’s Hyperion, he’s Prometheus, he’s Loki, he’s like half the native american spirits, he’s also somehow half the angels and demons in the bible and apocryphal scripture, depending on how far down a rabbit hole someone wants to go, he’s Santa or a tempting sandwich on tuesdays.

This got long so I’m putting it behind a cut -- it seems to drift but to truly answer this ask, or more answer why I don’t even have a direct statement to answer it, required some -- explanation and history

Helel is a stronger thing to lean into for example. The anthropology tracks, the mythos tracks, etc. Hell, look up Jewish beliefs on fallen angels, satan, lucifer or whatever and realize Christianity has really taken judaism for a joyride while gluing shit over their homework. Hell like, check out the history of jewish captivity under Nebuchadnezzar II and how Zoroastrianism influenced judaism/the very belief of satan/eventual conflation with Lucifer -- there’s debate on whether the Morning Star, mentioned as the King of Babylon, who made them work and toil, was Nebuchadnezzar himself. Which would make, Lucifer, um. Some king dude that died 2600 years ago, give or take. 

I am-- very slow to draw angelic associations. That’s not to say they don’t happen. You can, say, track the fall of the grigori and follow their mentioned path to egypt where they "became kings”, and follow which ones disseminated into which cultures how by comparing their attributes, sure. But with something like, say, Lucifer, which is a mythological clusterfuck to itself, considering everything in the public mind about Lucifer modernly is an amalgam of everything from multiple names in the same sacred text to adaptations from influencing religions/weird reads on the transcriptions from people that didn’t know their history/etc, I’m not gonna be like LUCIFER IS JOTUN any more than LUCIFER IS A TITAN or LUCIFER IS A NEPHILIM. 

Could there be a correlation for that? Sure I guess. But of the many things I have studied or dealt with, I’ve seen some shit. I’ve seen some SHIT. And never once have I encountered a Lucifer that was legit, if you believe in spoopy shit. Various shit loves using the name as a quick cred card but that’s the equivalent of a nigerian prince facebook scam that’s totes in the US Army Doug David Donnie Darko Davis, very believable.  But you know what? I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s Lucifer these days. Whoever was identified as it originally 1. probably put on magical witness protection and changed names by now 2. has been utterly lost by time and has been replaced more with a /concept/ than a /being/. But the modern concepts are so vague it’s like hiding a blue chip in a pool, have fun finding it, and I’ve definitely never been compelled to do so.

I’m sure racially speaking one could say “angels might be aesir” “demons might be jotun” and draw a reasonable argument about it with enough effort, but that’d be more like... systemic translation of thousands-years-old stories traveled over the lands, at which point the question is less “Is Lucifer Jotun?” and more “What would the Aesir and Jotun be in abrahamic text equivalency?”

Curiously I’ve never seen anybody go bananas over this shit to find correlations for anything ~other~ than Christian-outward -- Christian texts always want to make their people everybody else’s people, but nobody is fighting to be referenced by christianity and even less are trying to compare say, Zoroastrianism or Islam or anything else to what gods THEY might be -- even though Zoroastrianism is literally where half this stuff came from, where ideas of archangelic-like creatures and archdemons came from, where the afterlife, where it all came from. So I struggle, deeply, to associate Lucifer with anything specific for a long, long list of reasons but find this a particularly weird thing. Like when’s the last time you heard a muslim or taoist or any other major world religion right now go out and be like “YOU KNOW WHO I THINK (ENTITY) IS, I BET ITS THIS GREEK/NORSE DUDE RIGHT HERE”-- it’s just a Christian culture thing?? IDK???

And again sometimes it’s even /valid/ but I just-- Lucifer is such a Topic(TM) to me. Because to me, he’s a concept, an idea, an archetype, but if there ever was an individual Lucifer that dude got himself a face transplant and fucked off a long time ago IMO so good luck 

cuz like

 Interpretations of a similar term in the Hebrew Bible, translated in the King James Version as "Lucifer" as a proper name, led to a Christian tradition of applying the name Lucifer, and its associated stories of a fall from heaven, to Satan, but modern scholarship generally translates the term in the relevant Bible passage, (Isaiah 14:12), as "morning star" or "shining one" rather than as a proper name, "Lucifer".

As a name for the Devil, the more common meaning in English, "Lucifer" is the rendering of the Hebrew word הֵילֵל‎ (transliteration: hêylêl; pronunciation: hay-lale) in Isaiah (Isaiah 14:12) given in the King James Version of the Bible. The translators of this version took the word from the Latin Vulgate, which translated הֵילֵל by the Latin word lucifer (uncapitalized) meaning "the morning star, the planet Venus", or, as an adjective, "light-bringing".

As a name for the planet in its morning aspect, "Lucifer" (Light-Bringer) is a proper name and is capitalized in English. In Greco-Roman civilization, it was often personified and considered a god and in some versions considered a son of Aurora (the Dawn). A similar name used by the Roman poet Catullus for the planet in its evening aspect is "Noctifer" (Night-Bringer).

You’d probably have a better chance of coherently inferring that Lucifer is actually Inanna or Ishtar the goddess, as Venus, or that Lucifer is Aphrodite. ORIGINALLY IT WAS FUCKING HELEL. 

A suggested methodology on this: Never ever ever start from Christian texts. Like ever. Much less without at least a single Daf Yomi run to actually understand the jewish texts before it got super renovated and had white-out slapped all over it. Christianity generally perished anything after it, or at best attached like a symbiote until the host entity or belief was gone. Hell, sometimes the greecoroman Lucifer is the son of Eoster. Sound familiar? Hot take: Lucifer is Easter confirmed Easter is Satan worship.

See how that can be kinda... faulty? If you want to understand it though-- figure out where the same concept went? GO BACKWARDS. Never go FORWARDS. Pick up those christian and jewish texts and go. BACKWARDS. Akkadian. Babylonian. Because once you realize what was clipped out of other faiths, you can go back to that core deity and start figuring out where it branched off in other directions than eventually being kidnapped into the messianic cult bag. THEN go forward in time and realize that christianity is just an itty bitty teeny tiny branch of our history, it just swamped us over time via extermination. So you can find Lucifer as just about anyone, because respectively, ask a room full of rabbis and pastors to write down every time Lucifer is mentioned by name in original text form in the bible before translation and rendition. The rabbis are gonna giggle and the pastors are gonna be deadass wrong, sorry.

You wanna play a game? “Is Asmodeus Aesir?”

folds arms I’ma let you sit here scratching your heads about that for a while.

Because it’s gonna take going backwards. Who was the babylonian form of Asmodeus? When did the name ASMODEUS happen? What name did it have even in jewish texts? Or which branch of names? What did that deity evolve into in less calvinistic or messianic circles? Yes, you can track this. Yes, you CAN find how it translated into greece far and away from abrahamic or calvinistic influence, or to the vikings, or anyone else if you chase the crumbs enough, but again, there’s-- entire things to review about systemic beliefs and translations/hot takes. Same shit, different label in most places, sure, but-- eh. 

Ranting a bit at this point but if anyone takes anything out of this:

Pinpoint when/where/why names originated

Go backwards first, not forward

Find the anchor belief/origin/story

Find where it branched

respect the branches and deviations as unique renditions within cultures while equally respecting the fact that there’s some truth in all beliefs and we’re all trying to describe the same shit. So could Lucifer be Jotun, I guess. But we’d have to hold nuanced discussion about the journey of the narrative from A to B and how the Aesir and Jotun correspond at large.

Anthropology and etymology are key. Where did people travel, how did they write, what did it mean. Don’t look only for very specific affiliations.

Hell let me take a quote from-- a place. 

Here is how a pantheon actually comes together.

First deity: “Shit. My people were conquered and my religion just blowed up. I’m out of a job”

Second deity: “Me too.”

Third deity: “Hey, you look like that Lightning God the mortals in that place over there are telling stories about.”

Two deities at the same time: “We’re lightning gods too, though!”

Third deity: “Well, shit. You, on the left, you’re better looking. Best you be in charge.”

First deity: “Screw you! I’m bigger than all of you!”

Second deity: “Whatever. You’re a thug. Go rule the sea.”

First deity: “What? I’m a god of paternity!”

Second deity: “Paternity’s moist. That’s very similar.”

Meanwhile, you guys on Earth are all like, “Oh, Hermes is younger than Apollon.” Like its a fact. Like I wasn’t some Proto-Indo-Eurpean god of Penises and Serpents and outcroppings of stone long before anyone was ever speaking Greek.

And while we’re at the bastardized rerolling of mythologies, most heavily performed by christianity, I point you to that last line, regarding Baal Peor, and raise you:

If people noticed that video was sassier than normal, there’s a reason.

Let’s say you had a super interesting life and people kept telling your story, but over time, as it spread around the world, the telephone game got warped into several very different things. In some you’re even the villain, in some you have a giant dick, and in others you saved the world. All of these were somehow inspired by you and your story, but none of the people at the end of the story are necessarily ~you~. But someone has to figure out where the story started to find who ~you~ are, even if there’s tales of things you did, or supposedly did, all over the place. And sometimes people also take any word that sounds like your name and make it you. So if your name was Ted, you’d also end up with all kinds of shit like Bed Dead Fed Head Jed Lead Ned Red Wed and Zed when they come up suddenly all get replaced by the word/name Ted and that’s it, that’s your mythology. 

[meangirlsx]

Beetlejuice Hanukkah Headcanons

NOTE: I tried to base characters being Jewish off of the actors while still making it my own story and exploring both perspectives. I wanted to clarify that, so you understand why I’m writing some characters as Jewish when there hasn’t been anything necessarily established in canon or fanon (as far as I know).

Additionally, I did my best to try to make it generic, specific, and universal all at the same time. There are a lot of Orthodox Jews in my extended family who we celebrate with most years, but my immediate family isn’t very religious, so I did what I could from my own experience and experiences of friends. If you come across anything that seems glaringly wrong or accidentally offensive, please feel free to let me know. That was definitely not my intent.

Finally, to go with this, here is a drawing by the wonderful @alotofbooksalittletime​ of Beetlejuice and Lydia at the menorah!

She heard the call for Beetlejuice Hanukkah content and very kindly answered and also DELIVERED. Here is the original post of her drawing on its own, if you would like to help me spread it.

Happy Hanukkah, friends!!!

——

As the holidays approach, the group realizes they haven’t discussed how or what they’re going to celebrate

It starts with Charles, Delia, and Lydia starting to talk about it in the living room

And pretty soon, everyone else has joined in

Beetlejuice is Jewish

Barbara is Christian and Adam is Jewish, and they’ve done their best to celebrate both sets of holidays since they got together

Charles was raised in a Jewish household but he grew less religious as he got older

Emily wasn’t Jewish, but she hadn’t been very religious, either

So they celebrated major holidays with each side of the family

And they kept that going when Lydia was born, but they hadn’t really raised her in any religious practice

Delia also grew up in a Jewish family but wanted to learn about and try to experience other religions once she moved out

She especially liked Hinduism, but nothing stuck for a variety of reasons

She reconnected with Judaism after learning so many of her new family members were Jewish, and now she loves it and feels like it’s another place she belongs besides the family

So the group agrees to celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah

They’re all really excited

Hanukkah is up first, but the holidays crossover this year, so they decorate the house in a mix of decorations

The tree set up in the living room has Christmas ornaments as well as Hanukkah ones they found when they went shopping

The fireplace mantel holds a menorah, a few individual candles, a stocking for each member of the family, gold tinsel wrapped around the menorah and candles, and a garland draped above the stockings

They have a lot of fun buying and cooking food

Barbara and Adam tell the group about a local bakery that they think makes the best challah bread

And Charles gets his mother’s potato latke recipe that Lydia loved as a kid

On the first night, they start by gathering around the menorah

They agreed that it was probably best to not give everyone their own menorah

Adam lights the shamash candle, then the one candle on the far right side of the menorah using the shamash, and leads everyone in the blessings

Charles and Delia find themselves reciting the words as if they’d never really forgotten

Lydia doesn’t know the blessings, but she thinks they sound beautiful

Barbara and Adam translate and explain the blessings as they sit down for dinner

Over dinner, Barbara and Adam also explain why Hanukkah is celebrated

Beetlejuice even chimes in, he’s so excited

Charles knows the story, but not well, anymore

Delia has recently relearned it, but she loves hearing it told again

And Lydia doesn’t remember much of it from when she was younger

They all enjoy hearing the story retold with so much animation

Lydia really takes to the story of the Maccabees

She finds herself connecting to the concept of a group of underdogs fighting for what they believe in even when the odds are against them

She tries not to get emotional over it, but she does, just a little bit

Naturally, as soon as the others notice, they get emotional, too

The idea of the oil in the menorah in the temple lasting eight days instead of its estimated one also seems to bring them all hope and inspiration

After dinner, they prepare to play dreidel

Before they start the game, they all have a lot of fun just spinning their dreidels

Barbara and Adam see how long they can keep theirs spinning

Beetlejuice definitely uses his powers to keep his spinning longer than possible and even spins it on his finger like a basketball at one point

Charles and Delia haven’t played with a dreidel in a long time, but they get back in the swing very quickly

Lydia has never played with one before, so it takes her a minute to get the hang of spinning her dreidel

Once she does, she and Beetlejuice try to spin their dreidels to knock each other’s over

Eventually, they go over the rules of the game and pass out dried pinto beans to use in place of money

They end up playing for a long time

Beetlejuice and Lydia suggest continuing to play with real money

The adults insist on sticking with the beans

Barbara says that while she doesn’t really enjoy making pottery, she kind of wants to try making a dreidel

(By the following week, she’ll have made one for every single one of them)

This of course prompts Adam to start singing the dreidel song

Barbara joins him, and so does Beetlejuice

Delia ends up joining and encouraging Charles to, as well

Lydia finds it very amusing

Charles doesn’t say it, but he hasn’t sung the song since he was a boy, and singing it with this new-found family makes him emotional all over again

After a few phrases, everyone is ready to stop, except for Beetlejuice and Adam

Barbara breaks out the chocolate gelt to shut them up

But of course the song is stuck in everyone’s heads for the rest of the night

And much of the next day

They had all agreed beforehand that they would exchange most of their presents at Christmas

But they exchange one gift each

When everyone has opened their presents, Beetlejuice says he has a present for everyone and disappears into the kitchen

He returns a moment later, holding a guitar

He begins to strum the guitar relatively aggressively

And he breaks out in “The Hanukkah Song” by Adam Sandler

He doesn’t get very far before everyone stops him

They can’t help cracking up, though

He’ll never admit it, but he never actually intended to sing the whole song

He just wanted to see their reactions and end the night in laughter

——

Tag list: @mars-bars-stars​, @reader-ships​, @anxiousankylosaurus​, @msmith74​, @broadwaymusicaltrash​, @you-thinks-wrong-romeo​, @theatricalwriter​, @be-more-heidi-hansen​, @peachy-jolly​, @g1ngersp1ce​, @trumancheerleadermaui​, @dancewyou​, @percabeth15​, @coral-cat-iris​, @madameboxhead​, @elaineygrace​, @theolwebshooter​, @dontgotothenetherworld​, @ohsomightykeyboard​, @vampireamango​

Support me on Ko-fi

[bilgisticallykosher]

Selfishness vs. Selfishness Redux

Pre-episode thoughts. I don't think they're going to address the dark side Everybody-already-knew-that thing right away. I'm still thinking Deceit's gonna be Virgil, but I'm also not so certain that's going to wind up going down. Because there's a lot of other stuff to get into. We know from the first Asides that stuff between Virgil and Patton is growing, and simmering. It's coming, and while that's in the future, there's probably going to be more build-up here. Is it that Patton knew about Virgil's past? Is it something else entirely? This is going to be a two hour episode, geez. 

Also, I can't believe he's actually going to the wedding. Idk. All those people saying he got the date wrong, though? First of all, Logan is in charge of the schedule, he'd never let that happen, how dare? And also, I always double check dates and invitations for stuff. I really doubt Virgil wouldn't have looked at the invitation and checked the information again. Watch me be totally wrong now. 

I don't know who I think the cloaked figure is. Could be Deceit ("like a freaking Scooby Doo villain"), could be Thomas himself. Probably not Organization XIII, but I'm not completely eliminating the option, let me have this. 

Things I'd like, but am 99% certain won't happen; Deceit's name (which I'm both hoping and expecting to not start with D), a new side, Remus and Deceit interacting on camera, or really Remus at all. Except for that green score of BOOBS, I maintain that's Remus's contribution. 

ALRIGHT, LET'S GO, I'M NOT READY!!!!

First impression of the thumbnail. You vs. Yourself???? Oh my gosh. Ohhhh, I'm freaking out. Patton looks so apprehensive, and I don't know if that's on general, or because of Roman or in response to Roman, because Roman looks so annoyed at Patton! He's so angry oh my gosh. I mentioned I wasn't ready, right? Okay. Okay. So their sprites are different styles, which is cool. Patton's looks risk-based stroll around town type of RPG, Roman's looks fighting style. 

The options for the character select???? Oh my gosh, that's. Hi, Remus. Anyway, uh, I don't know what this means, but there's three character options on top and- DARK SIDES ARE SEPARATE FROM LIGHT SIDES! Oh gosh, I was thinking maybe it was something to do with specifically Logan. Ooh, Deceit's in his lawyer outfit, nice touch.  THERE'S AN EXTRA BLANK PLAYER OPTION. I don't know if that means he'll be revealed this episode, or just that he exists. I mean, we just had Deceit's logo, Remus's reveal and name reveal… here goes.

IT STARTS WITH THE VIDEO GAME??? THIS IS THE INTRO????? THE WEDDING??????!!!!!!! Oh hey word crush. Oh hey, it's the couple! Starting to think this is a dream or fantasy, btw. Also, Lee and Mary Lee sound like...Esteban and Valerie? Maybe? Idk. Omg, Life is pain. 

This is awkward, beautiful. Pfft, hence the marriage. Photographer is great, no idea who he or the emcee are. Ooh. Crushed. 

INTRO??? EXCUSE ME??? Oh was SvS originally on 3/31? Yeah, good, play a review like all of us haven't been obsessing over what happened last time. "APRIL 13" I'm just going thi pause forever now. Oh this is going to be the angry walk in that was previewed in the bloopers, I can tell. Oh no. OH NO! And it is at night and he seriously freaking actually went to the wedding????

Oh my gosh he's so angry. Ohhh, Patton rethinking his phrasing, nice. You should never→I'm surprised that you etc. Oh Roman! Oh, maybe we should… not review. Oh boy. 

Oh there's Patton's avatar. In then guitar hero thing. Oh, Thomas is associated with the color white, confirmed??? I like how they did the notes there. So much detail. The talk sprites are great, but the expressions on the dancing sprites are worth paying attention to. Okay, Patton's still very, um, defensive, I guess is the word? Thomas is angry and bereft and confused and full of doubt, and Roman's heavily on the confused side (ha) about him aligning with Deceit. This is why he stole his hat. Great animation work, everyone, that was fantastic, artists! 

"Why didn't I just talk to them before the wedding?" THOMAS. Also, because Deceit specifically prevented Logan from being too close to the courtroom scene by benching him and not asking him what his idea of a compromise was. "I brought that up," well, you did, but Deceit kinda made it seem like you were suggesting lying to them, so you got shut down. Sorry, Ro. Listen, I love Deceit, but the boy's a manipulator. 

We learn to predict the future!!! Roman, no. Woah, Patton's just being completely dismissive. I mean he's been through some hard times the last few episodes, minus LNTAO, but damn. Oh. Roman's very much defending Patton. This forebodes very badly. This is going to explode terribly. Oh no. 

Okay, so, the thing with the feral cats. Is Roman okay? Did someone do this to him? More importantly, did he do this to me? Also, on a serious note, I'm super shocked Deceit hasn't come in yet, because he (and Thomas, and arguably Patton) is obviously regretting going to the wedding. I mean, Virgil's not coming in right away because of the reveal at the end of DWIT, but- hey where's Logan?! Logan and Deceit should both totally be here! *gasp* Except in the one on one episodes (Heart vs. Mind, My Negative Thinking, Logince; the argument) it's always primarily been the two sides that are featured with the others either not there or off-screen or making small cameos. But Deceit was and is an important part of this decision past, present, and going forward! 

Oooh, I like the Lee and Mary Lee backstory. Hm. Patton does bring good points, but. I still agree with- oh, Thomas just solidly saying no made me snort. Okay, so speaking of the coin bleeping, why the video games? I know there's more to come with it, how do they come into play? Oh okay metaphor. 

That was clearly not the good ending, Roman. Bringing up Is Thomas A Good Person again. OOH xylophone, is he a-comin'? Oh he's directly blaming Patton. Wow, Roman. 

A BAGEL?! Oh, game sssssssstore. Really? Frogger, Pat? 16 graphics. Oh there's the hotdogs. OH and there's the cloaked guy! Smashing our theories. That does not seem like Sondheim. 

The puns, oh my gosh, brilliant. Getting to the meat of them here. Gosh these graphics are fantastic. 6AM dull. 

Oh. Hm. Technically, he does not have to give him the 'dog. The building tension is fascinating. 

HI, LOGAN! Patton looking real uncomfortable at "regret." I mean, they all know they regret it now, right? Roman making fun of behoove, that's so funny, I have no idea why. Seriously, whoever's doing the art, I'm dying at Logan's expressions. Woah good thing viewers have the pause button. I'm all for not buying X-mas decorations. I'm doing my part, goyim. 

I'm counting "it's not like Kingdom Hearts" in lieu of that having been Organization XIII. Oh boy, Patton. Right thing vs. Feeling good vs. Feeling good about doing the right thing. This is falling apart. Patton's noise. 

BOOBS omg Deceit is Bowser. I love that painting in the background! Scutes! Time went from limited to being lost to poorly spent to wasted! I'm standing by the purple being Virgil. Fyi, in Judaism, doing a good thing for the wrong reasons doesn't matter, because you're still doing the good thing, even if it's just for the reward. There's a thing about it with Avraham and a King.

Roman's getting close to breaking. Reptilian rapscallian guy. And who's to say he can't be doing it for the reward and to help people? 

"... an individual's happiness and the amount of selfless acts…" that should be number, not amount, Logan! Can't judge good deeds only by how good you feel when you do them. 

Okay, here we go. How do we know what's Right? Killing and stealing is illegal everywhere, yes, Thomas, what are you doing, Thomas???

Oh my gosh, not the trolley problem. They're referring to Deceit as Denial and Roman as Passion! Oh gosh, that looks like Joan, Talyn, Dot, Valerie, and Terrence, and Leo by himself, maybe? Oh geez, I jolted. Logan index carding for trolley problem. 

Unus Annus is right, the trolley problem is stupid. Oh my gosh, Logan's giant wall of text physically pushing Patton back, I spit all over my screen. Skip All. 

Roman's… blaming himself? Oh!!! Are we getting Roman's insecure arc???!!! This is a complex issue, and Patton's having a hard time backing down, and everyone's feeling bad.

Scared?! I hear music! NO. Why is he scared, oh my gosh?????? That's not a tired metaphor. Oh! I've heard of hypoxia! It was hypothesized (and disproven) to be the reason for a specific Bermuda Triangle incident. 

Good point, Logan. Regarding theory and in the moment instincts. Remus mention with intrusive thoughts! Shocked that Logan is arguing for leisure time. Logan's self satisfied smirk at the self-sacrifice. GLITCHY! Oh he's a frog. Lilypadton. 

Oh my gosh I'm getting so stressed. Yes, thank you, Logan for the scream. I… don't. The conscientious comment. No, it's not. This seems… Deceit-y. IT IS! SHARP SIDE OH MY GOSH! Oh, he didn't rise up, he popped out in the freaking dialogue box, NO, FRICK IT WAS RIGHT THERE! And the Nietzsche and the specific examples that he used!!! I'm so angry! I DIDN'T THINK HE'D TAKE LOGAN'S PLACE AGAIN! I MISSED THE SIGNS! 

Hey guys, look, it's Deceit. Bull… frog. Lord of the lies. Oh! 8-bit Deceit theme. Okay, the first thing Deceit said about him not doing it on purpose was nice, but yeah, those words striking him is accurate. Yeesh, harsh. 

Is Patton eating his own words? Oh, uh, is anyone going to acknowledge he hit Thomas? Is that telling of the situation instead of just being a funny background event? 

The crick in Thomas's neck is so funny. SNAKES ON THE PLANE!!! ...Hm. Happy that he brought that up. Oh my gosh, Deceit's spluttering, he's like so bad at things sometimes, I love it. 

Logan! No, don’t do that, everybody appreciates you! Double curse? Pffffft, Logan. Deceit…definitely smiling at Logan's logic. Deceit is interesting here. Oh wow, yikes. He's really fascinating here. Legitimately complimentary? Oh, no, kind of not, maybe. Roman looks distressed.

"...Trees?" Roman's super pumped up. Good for him! Ha, his imitation. Deceit looking confused? Patton looking all sorts of things, I really think that Deceit is being genuine here- NAME?! I'D THIS HAPPENING? Why is he stripping? His, no, what does his glove have to do with his name? 

………. Janice? Did he say Jenus or Janice. It sounded like Janice. Deceit. No. Oh, burn, Roman. Damn, he almost got me. His name is not Janice. No. It's not. Don't even. Deceit was being so straight(ha)forward for the past couple of minutes. Awww, Roman. Insecurity addressing time? Wait, why is Deceit nodding at the hero thing? His lip is trembling, his voice is cracking and oh no! Roman just sank out.

Don't call him Janice, that's not his name. Oh he's being genuine again. Patton's talking about himself. WAIT WHAT. He had a five second cameo, omg. 

Yeah, those are the easier questions. No, Deceit, bad Deceit. Man, his facial expressions in this episode. Fractionally fiendish fibber. Oh, I like the reasons for Deceit being a part of him! That's… cute? Oddly cute, maybe. So, freaking how far in the future is the Asides? 

Stop calling him Janice, that's not his name. Oh, Deceit and Thomas bonding. That snort, oh my gosh. Oh, serious Deceit again! That reaction to "you're right" is oddly similar to that fake laugh at the end of Embarrassing Phases. 

………. Virgil's not here yet. His reveal isn't being addressed. Accepting Deceit. That's why he's so pissed at Patton in Asides. The next episode proper they're going to reveal that Deceit's accepted, more or less, and Patton was a big part of that, hugely changing his mind, that's why he's so pissed at him!!!

April 30th? Oh is this Lee and Mary Lee? I was wrong on the voices. Door-yelling! Hm. I mean. It's nice that they're acknowledging him, but I really don't think that sways the situation one way or another. Cute more background, and Thomas being awkward. They. This could have been instead of the wedding. Kingdom Hearts again! 

Oh hi, Patton and Deceit. He seems annoyed at the situation. Patton and Deceit bonding. Hi again, Leslie. Wild. 

This video really didn't go at all how I thought it would. Roman was barely miffed at Patton. Oh man, this was intense. I. Oh man. I need to process a lot. But I think we're on the right path, here. Janice is not his name!

Okay, I went on tumblr and two seconds in, I saw Janus, which I looked up and that makes way more sense. Another, more condensed post to follow. And several thousand reblogs.

[blkholeinfinity]

God in Good Omens: Why Her Plan is Ineffable Headcanon

I’m a polytheist so my view on gods/goddesses/deities give me a... different view on Good Omens’ God than those who grew up in Christianity and/or Judaism have (probably)? I try to reconcile it with what little I DO know of the Old and New Testaments, but God in the Good Omens miniseries in particular is a fascinating character to me.

So, time for some Good Omens God headcanon!

Disclaimer: I am unlearned in Christianity and Judaism beyond what pop culture has taught me, and what was forced at me from living in the United States. I’m not trying to offend anyone with this headcanon; I simply see the Good Omens God in the same light I see the gods and goddesses and deities of the religion(s) I follow. I am willing to learn more, but I am also unwilling to go out of my way to learn it because of how much Christianity is forced down my throat on a daily basis (‘Murica). So feel free to comment/reblog to point out inaccuracies or specific things from the mythos to support either your stance or mine, but please understand the knowledge base and personal experience I come from. If I say anything inadvertently offensive, please help me learn by pointing out what I said and why it was problematic and I promise to do better next time. As long as you’re not rude, I won’t be mad.

Tl;dr - I welcome criticism on my headcanon, but please be patient and kind with me about it and I promise I will return the favor. ❤️

This mini-essay is going to be focused on the miniseries as God is more of a character in the show vs. the book.

To start, God has an interesting character development through human history — both in real life and in Good Omens. She started off as an easily angered, violent, and vengeful deity: Satan/Lucifer and the demons rebelled (to varying degrees) and she cast them down; Adam and Eve gave into temptation and she threw them out of Eden; the whole Noah’s Ark thing; and many other (Old Testament, iirc?) examples, I’m sure. But then she chilled out, it looks like, around the time of Jesus and probably because of Jesus.

I think this was when her Armageddon Plan changed. Originally, it was absolutely going to be a war against Heaven and Hell like everyone thought. Then, she decided to make it personal against Satan instead (because she decided he was who she was really mad at, and all of her other grievances stem from his initial rebellion - for better and for worse, but she’s still salty) and started moving the pieces into place to ensure that the Antichrist would rebel against him at the crucial moment.

He needed to feel how she felt when he rebelled, was her reasoning. Because God can be petty. Just because Jesus forgave his enemies didn’t mean she needed to.

Over time, she also grew to love humanity for all our stupidity, goodness, and yes, wickedness, much in the same way as Aziraphale and Crowley albeit as a distant observer. I’ve heard Christians say that she made humans in her image, and she probably started to see that - that all of their flaws are her flaws. And maybe even started to see humans as being even better than herself. 

Then she looked at her own angels and realized that they (all but one) were dicks. And at the demons and saw that they (all but one) were also dicks but she was less surprised and disappointed about that.

So before, when she decided not to clue in anyone, not even the Metatron, to her change in plans, it was for the sake of making sure no one interfered with the Antichrist. Once she realized that all the angels and demons were assholes, she decided that they deserved a good trolling, too.

(Okay, maybe she let ONE person know her new plans: one Agnes Nutter. Because God wanted to be mostly hands-off in the affairs of humanity, because she kind of felt bad that when she did get hands on, it was only to punish them, and she was always ruthless in her punishments. She didn’t really trust herself — but also she wanted to test the humans one more time to see if they were really worthy of being saved. More on that in a bit.)

But the centuries are long and she got bored. So the plan was in part a lesson to be taught to all the immortals, in part for the lulz. (Because in my head, God is a trickster. Sort of like a mix of Odin and Loki from Norse mythology. And iirc, there is historical evidence that when Christianity came to the Nordic countries, Odin was kind of rolled into the Christian God in order to more easily convert the masses?)

Which brings us to our favorite angel and demon: Aziraphale and Crowley.

I have a few different mindsets as to why she didn’t punish Aziraphale for giving away the flaming sword. A part of me feels like she might have been particularly fond of him in that “aw look at my cute puppy, I can’t stay mad at that face” sort of way (because, I mean, look at that face). Another part of me feels that she was too exhausted from her anger at Adam and Eve, at Satan and the demons, to care anymore, like “ugh I can’t deal with this right now whatever” and then just never got around to it. I have other thoughts, too, that he was following her Ineffable Plan, but that doesn’t fit with the theory I’m presenting here... or maybe it does? That maybe she felt bad for Adam and Eve, hindsight is 20/20, and she was like, “Well, okay, I don’t feel so guilty anymore. Good job, angel. Not that I’m ever going to admit that to you.”

But outside of that, I don’t think she was paying too much attention to what Aziraphale and Crowley were doing on Earth until after Jesus, and with her now more benevolent attitude towards humans (again see: because of Jesus), she appreciated them a whole lot more and started to work her into the New and Improved Armageddon Plan.

Which is why she didn’t mind that they were, as Aziraphale infuriatingly put it, “fraternizing.” She saw in them a new potential - for humans, for Heaven and Hell, and for herself. And that’s why she let them have Agnes’s prophecy on what they needed to do to survive their respective punishments from the other angels and demons. And also yes because she still wanted to troll the angels and demons because they deserve to be trolled.

(And yes, I do prescribe to the headcanon that God ships it, too, and set the events of Armageddon into motion because she was sick of the slow burn mutual pining of these idiots like the rest of us. But for her, that was more the cherry on top than the true goal. To incorporate the two headcanons, the timing corresponds with “you go too fast for me” because I imagine shortly thereafter was when the American Air Force base near Tadfield was established, so she began moving the chess pieces from that point forward because FFS AZIRAPHALE ARE YOU KIDDING HER. Maybe Armageddon came a little earlier than originally planned, or maybe the timing was Just Right and therefore coincidental, I can get behind both.)

So, for the next Armageddon when it’s all of Heaven and Hell against all of humanity, she’s counting on Aziraphale and Crowley to fight on behalf of humanity. And also that’s why Aziraphale never became a fallen angel and never will become one; unfortunately, Crowley has to remain Fallen, because forgiving him in an official capacity isn’t in the cards for what she’s planning next... right now, anyway.

Because I think the real reason the Ineffable Plan is ineffable is because God keeps changing her mind and therefore the plan. So yeah, this is her plan right now, but give it a century or two. It might change again. And maybe that’s when Crowley would be forgiven in the official capacity because it’s necessary for God’s plan. Or something else entirely, who knows. That’s for fanfic writers to speculate.

But I mentioned about how Armageddon was also to test humanity. And that’s all tied up in Adam the Antichrist.

She wanted him to go to the wrong family. Send him to the most boring, normal family and ensure that he would receive no interference from Heaven or Hell and just... see how he turns out. If he became the prophesied Antichrist, humanity fails, time to start over. If he turned into a normal kid, “Human Incarnate,” then humanity passes. And needless to say, humanity passed the test, because without even knowing what they were doing, they transformed the embodiment of evil into the embodiment of a human child. And that’s what God wanted to see.

That and the Antichrist screaming at Satan, “YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD.”

Which, again, was God’s real goal with Armageddon anyway. It was always about getting back at Satan. And now she has. Everything else was a happy bonus.

But there was more to it than that. See: Agnes Nutter and her descendants, and why they were the only ones entrusted with the real Armageddon plan. Now, this makes my headcanon shaky - because if God knew that things were going to go down exactly the way that they did, even for things having little to nothing to do with Armageddon, why even bother testing anything at all? I mean, it does go back to the whole, she’s testing humanity via Adam and Adam was the one Unknown. (Which means that Agnes’ second prophecy book was always meant to be burned, but that’s a whole other theory.)

It could also be that she was going to make sure everything happened exactly the way that they did. If her plan was written out in full in Agnes’s book, maybe it was a checklist of things she intended to happen, and certain things would be left up to interpretation. After all, some prophecies were very specific (these were the ones she was absolutely sure she was going to make sure came true), and others were less so (these were the ones more up to interpretation). Which then begs the question: how much of how things went down did God actually intend? Is she just clever enough to have planned everything to the last detail? Or did she encourage things along a certain way to make sure that they happened exactly according to her plan? (For example, moving the pieces into place so that Shadwell would see Aziraphale talking to the Metatron to be sure that the prophecy “Three shall ride as two” came true.)

Who knows? It’s ineffable, after all.

And Anathema was always meant to lose the book, and Aziraphale was always meant to find it, because this was the exact moment God wanted Aziraphale and Crowley to actually become involved in the Plan. Now that the Antichrist is... well, not all grown up, but at the apparent proper age for Antichristing, now Aziraphale and Crowley can start “interfering” with the Plan. Because they can’t hurt anything anymore. Yeah, they were about to kill Adam, but that was also part of the test for humanity, I think: would Madame Tracy stop them from doing it? And she did.

As for why Agnes’s prophecy forced Anathema and Newt together, idk, I’m going with God was bored and trolling. But honestly, getting into the specifics of plot points wrt God’s Plan is beyond the scope of this essay. Maybe I’ll give my thoughts on it later. Maybe if you actually made it to the end of this essay you’ll give your thoughts?

Seriously though, if you made it to the end of this mini-essay, you win a few dozen gold stars. And thank you so much for sticking with me if you did.

Tl;dr - I think God’s plan is ineffable because she keeps changing her mind about what she wants to do, and she just... fits her new agenda in with the old somehow so she can act like she “planned it like this all along.” And she’s trolling everyone. And testing humanity. And really is fond of Aziraphale and Crowley.

[berlinbabylon]

1) Hello again! It's your fellow Greta-defender here :) It's just as well I didn't message you this past week--couldn't figure out how to word what I wanna tell you, particularly how deeply I relate to Benda, in a concise manner--b/c you were busy too. Anyway, should I assume that you won't be able to tag my suggestion for giffing a scene as perioddramaedit this time b/c you tagged the last scene as such? At least that's how I understood your explination re: labels. Please correct me if I'm

wrong; I want to understand & not be annoying. You're the only person I can talk to re: the show. I relate to Benda b/c I'm Jewish as well, on my mother's side. Her mother, my maternal grandma, barely survived Auschwitz in addition to several labor camps. Some of my great-aunts, a great-uncle, and my great-grandma, among others in the family, didn't make it. I feel terrible admitting that I'm a bit nervous telling you all this, simply b/c you're German. My discomfort is solely on me; it's your problem to grapple with or your responsibility to put me at ease. I know it's awful & stupid of me; I'm just trying to explain my POV & how I interact w/ the show. I was born & raised in a super small, super rural town in the Southeastern USA, where my family was one of 2 non-Christian families in the entire town. My only exposure to the German language was thru WW2 movies, so for many years--until BB came along, actually--hearing German made me nervous. (The food's pretty good though). My grandma's family is Hungarian, but she was born in what was then Czechoslovakia (now Southern Ukraine) near the mtns. So the cultures might overlap a little, at least in terms of food. This is SO long & I'm SO SORRY; I'll shut up soon; I got sidetracked. Anyway, my grandma became an atheist after the war, had little to say about much she'd experienced. I'd originally intended to tell you a lot of other things re: the show & Judaism, but I'll shut up now. Again, I'm really sorry.

First of all, sorry that I just saw these messages and thanks so much for sharing all of this! Please don’t apologize; it’s not awful or stupid of you to be nervous to talk about something this sensitive to a stranger on the internet, especially on Tumblr, where some people are just straight up... Nazis. Not that I think you thought I was one but even on a ‘normal level’ of discourse there are many awful takes floating around and it’s completely right to be cautious.

I’ve tried to type a response to this a few times now and deleted it again because it wasn’t adequate. I’m so sorry that your family went through that - I don’t say that as a German only but I do say it as a German as well, people who go all “Germans don’t need to feel guilty anymore” “#notallGermans” rarara etc can miss me. I don’t feel personally guilty as I wasn’t alive but I do believe the German people as a people have a responsibility to keep memory alive and make sure something like the Holocaust doesn’t happen again and I do believe that many more Germans who were alive during WWII were guilty of a personal involvement with and furtherment of mass murder and genocide than some popular narratives at the moment would like to make you believe. These sometimes come from Americans who are tired of Nazi villains from Hollywood movies who are more like comicbook caricatures than real people but running in the opposite direction isn’t a good approximation of reality either.

I believe that Babylon Berlin - similar to other German literature and films on the topic - is doing a good job of showing the different sentiments and mechanisms that led to the rise of Nazism in Germany and I think it’s important that people realize how deeply rooted in society many of the ideas and ideologies already were that would later come to their most terrible fruition in the Holocaust. And that many people who did not approve privately still didn’t speak out and became guilty of being a Mitläufer, someone who just... went along with what was happening although they realized it was wrong (and many saw a lot and sensed a lot of what was wrong, even if they didn’t actively participate, though many did that as well; if there’s interest, I would be happy to put together a post with some literature excerpts on this topic).

One aspect that is often missing from German views on the time, and also German history lessons which are thorough otherwise, is a detailed look at Jewish life as it was back then in Germany and other European countries. I believe there is some trepidation to talk about it because there is a kind of audacity to it, to first attempt to completely extinguish Jewish life and then a few generations lecture others on how it used to be. Certainly, many Ashkenazi Jews like Benda were often assimilated to the point that they were barely distinct from other Germans, patriotic or otherwise, especially those who had fought in WWI. But there was already discrimination during the Weimarer Republic and anti-Semitism was widespread (as we see with characters like Seegers and Wendt) and I hope we will see more of regular Jewish life and experiences on the show just as we will probably see more and more of that discrimination and the beginning of pogroms in coming seasons.

It’s a heavy topic, there’s a lot more that I would like to say but I think I’ll stop here. To end on lighter note: Any favorite food? :) There are definitely some food overlaps in central/eastern Europe!

(Oh and about the perioddramaedit tag, I think I figured out something else that made some of the posts disappear from the tags, so that shouldn’t be an issue anymore. Hopefully.)

[kendrixtermina]

Thoughts and Feelings about“Change Your Mind”

I really wish I could rewatch this motherfucker somewhere but I have to sleep and go to work 

Well on the one hand the main story lines are pretty much done for, on the other, the fallout alone could fill another season, and I’m actually glad that they’re not relegating that to the epilogue but actually going to show it

I assume season 5 will be Steven working with the Diamonds to improve homeworld, explaining things to Jasper, integrating the former corrupted gems on earth, finding out the deal with pink pearl, further developing Steven’s new fusions etc. 

Other open questions involve gem origins and peridot’s renewable energy project, but I suppose that will come up as Steven tries to make the Empire less... imperialistic. 

I understand why they wanted to air this in one piece, you couldn’t leave the younger viewers hanging with some of these creepytastic scenes and no resolution

There’s various concepts I feel reminded of. 

There’s this idea of “tzimtsum” in kaballalistic thought, about how God created the world - In order to create a being apart from himself, he “hid” some aspects of the being, the ones that would seem - So every part of creation reflects one aspect of god, but none shows the complete pictures of it, and because everything has some aspects of god but not others, it is unique - so all humans are made in gods image, but still be different from each other.  

Maybe Pink Diamond would be something like Lucifer in this analogy, part of the creation but as far from the god as you can get while still existing, and somehow their antithesis (stretching the analogy here, of course Judaism has no counterpart to Lucifer let alone the positive-ish early modernity interpretions of him - but of course, White Diamond isn’t exactly a benevolent God either. )

First of course Star Trek, like the ep where Captain Kirk is split into what at first seems like his good and evil half but is more like his animal instincts and higher reasoning, or in Voyager, when B’Elana Torres is split into her human and Klingon halves. 

I guess Garnet wasn’t completely wrong in his being something in-between fusion and human reproduction, his gem half could be considered A Pink Diamond, but not the same one who created him - He must be fricking powerful to shrug off WD’s beams like that, like how Stevonnie still has “boosted” versions of Steven’s abilities despite Connie being human, Steven’s probably like Pink Diamond, but ‘boosted’.  

Steven’s victory certainly showcases how it comes from both sides of his heritage. It involves making WD laugh/embarassed like what Pink used to do, but unlike her, he has the communication skills from Greg - I don’t think Pink ever talked to Blue in that way, she didn’t seem aware of what the other Diamonds were thinking at all, any more than she really understood Pearl’s lingering knot of complexes. It’s just not a skill she could have picked up before Greg - when? From whom?  

His responsibility is all uniquely him and due to his upbringing with the CG’s and wanting to help him more, tho, both his parents where free spirit hippy bohemians, but it was Steven who decided “Nope, I WANT to fix it, because I can”, not because he owes it to anybody, even when no one could fault him for running. 

Also, Frankenstein (the Novel not the film) - The original Victor was a sympathetic, even admirable character, but somehow he just couldn’t bring himself to have empathy with the monster, though Adam was in many ways alike to him and initially didn’t wish to be his enemy.  Because while the gems relate to White Diamond as their goddess and the other Diamonds see her as their mother, she seems to regard them as extensions of herself. Maybe she would, as their creator. Gods are expected to smile benevolently upon their followers and solve their problems, Mothers, while they are flawed humans,  are supposed to love their kids as they are and realize that they become their own persons, but artists frequently tear up their own work if they’re dissatisfied with it, because it’s supposed to be a reflection of their existence, so they might hate it for not reflecting them well enough - 

i often regret tearing up half my teenage fanfics, but I’m able to view them different now that I’m - Back then, I felt like they reflectzed badly onto me - but if had kids and treated them like my fanfics or crumpled drawings, well, that would scar them for life. 

You could certainly see this as a metaphor for narcissism, particularly in the way WD judged everything by how much it was like her, to the point that she would ‘overwrite`’ ppl’s personalities with her ideas of how it ought to be, while lacking a solid identity of her own apart from being “perfect/the best” by default, but that only goes so far because the gems literally are her creations who take their characteristics from various aspects of her being. 

She’d have a completely different conceptual framework to anyone else, though she’s certainly not “above it” in any way. 

I don’t think she was completely unaffected by Pink’s dissapearence either, if you want to complete the Stages of Grief analogy she would be Denial or Bargaining. Most likely,  she was growing increasingly frustrated with her ability to make her empire “perfect” like she ought to and that’s why she started keeping to herself more and assuming that Pink couldn’t be dead. 

She seemed like the knowing one when she was as much in denial as anyone else - you can tell they had a complicated relationship because of how White saw herself in her, that might be why she indulged and preferred her, but then again she didn’t always like what she saw and felt that Pink represented parts of her that she didn’t want to see. 

It’s not without reason that Steven tells her to “get out of her own head” and try to see the world for what it is rather than her preconceived notions of what it is or means. You could perhaps relate that to 

When she realizes that she’s actually dead - that’s when she has her breakdown. 

You could even draw a parallel to “Romeo And Juliet”, where the older generation only realizes how much its ways were fucked up when it gets their beloved children killed for just trying to live happy lives. 

Cal Gustav Jung would certainly remind us that what irritates us about others are often things that irritate us about ourselves, that we may be liable to “see the world as we are” and never is that more apparent than when we view everything through some skewed belief system, or when we hate - people hate people who blur boundaries because they don’t want to confront the ambiguity within themselves, or act as “superior” and merciless because they’ve rejected their own mortal fragile humanity.

Another observation is that when you set up anything as the “default” you create pressure not to deviate from the norm and prevent its members from experiencing their individuality. (see societal pressure on heterosexual men, or Euro-Americans saying they ‘have no culture to celebrate’ - maybe instead of becoming a devouring plague upon your fellow men, you could actually appreciate European culture? Like, read some books, eat some cheese, learn a language, listen to some classical music, vote for worker protection laws?)

It speaks for PD that she even tried to save other aliens at some point. steven stepped completely out of her shadow the moment he was able to feel sorry for her, like “Geez, she had to live like that? No wonder she turned out the way she did!” he pretty much calls the other Diamonds out at some point, like he gets a secure sense of the differences between them when he realizes how much better off he’s been in his own life. Like, UGH. 

For my part, I don’t believe the “best of the worst” thing was true, and more of an “evil cannot comprehend good” moment from White, if not outright projection. (after all, White seems to view all other Gems as imperfect copies of herself) If anything, Pink seemed upset that she got stuck being the leader even as “Rose Quartz” (see the Beach scene in “Greg the babysitter”) - but of course Steven, not being Pink, wouldn’t know whether or not White is right. 

Other Thoughts:

In the earlier scenes you could see a lot of parallels to less than ideal family situations, and how people might end up acting as proxies of the problematic person, almost sprouting their words, in the name of keeping the peace, and how people in such an environment may have no idea of how it’s not normal

You CAN talk down such a person (I know of multiple people who made a bona fide job out of talking sense into literal nazis and clansmen, person by person - their tactic was generally to find whatever problem their rage came from), but there’s a difference between “flawed” and “awful” and I do think it came through that White is a piece of work quite unlike, say, Connie’s mother, and that Steven’s dealing with her because he wants to for the good of society, because he’s the bigger person and secure in himself,  not because he owes it to her or anything

It seems like they went for “awesome” rather than “beautiful” with Steven’s fusions. The designs are kinda gaudy, but even so, once you getpast the gaudy design, it’s kind of touching how Steven’s and Garnet’s fusion is essentially a motivational speaker who sprouts encouraging advice nonstop. Garnet was always Steven’s Mentor and  as well as the main person (besides greg) to teach him morals, as well as generally encouraging & supportive, but Steven of course encourages and supports her too, and both like doing that for others

I love Peridot’s short shorts and that she and Bismuth repaired the ships/ went a-tinkering together. It took me a bit to notice that it’s supposed to be shorts and not just her old outfit with starts instead tho

Voice of Reason!Connieis a gift that keeps on giving

[urfavmurtad]

What are some things about Judaism and Christianity that you learned that surprised you? What about polytheistic religions like native american animism, Buddhism, Shinto and Jainism? Zoroastrians? Baha’i? Yazidi?

Anon this is… such an in-depth question! Idek where to begin here. Of all those religions, I have learned the most about Judaism since I stopped being religious. What I knew about Judaism prior to maybe 5 years ago was mostly just what Islam says about Judaism. Meaning, you know, from Adam to Moses, then it skips ahead to David/Solomon/Saul, then there are some brief mentions of Jonah and Ezekiel and that’s really it.

So I didn’t know a lot, and I wasn’t very interested in what I did know tbh. The only reason why I started reading the Bible is bc I wanted to compare it to the Quranic versions of the stories and see how much Mohammed fucked them up. And that was fun but I didn’t bother to look much further into Judaism past that. The Books of Kings and Chronicles, for example, I took one look at them, decided they were boring, and didn’t read them until only a couple of years ago. That’s when I first got into the whole Biblical history thing. I tried reading a book about how the Bible was put together and realized I didn’t know enough about the Bible itself to even begin.

I forced myself to read those four books and then some of the prophet books (side note: all of the female prophets were left out of Islam, I didn’t even know they existed. Damn it Mohammed!!!). And I’m glad I did, because it changed my whole view of the Jewish Bible. It’s a history book!! Like… that’s literally what it’s supposed to be, a (legendary) history of Israel/Judah, and every bad thing that happens to them is ascribed to YHWH getting pissed off at them, but then like my friend and her trash boyfriend he always forgives them and takes them back even tho they just go on to disappoint him again. The Bible is the world’s oldest and greatest self-drag!!!

Once I actually knew the general chronology of the Biblical kings and shit I could actually make my way through this book without getting confused (mostly). Highly recommend this one for beginners btw, there is a PDF online and it’s not overly long.

And damn… I know there’s some debate about certain elements of it like the exact nature of the “documentary hypothesis” but even just focusing on the stuff that people agree upon, I didn’t know any of it before reading this, beyond there being no evidence for the Exodus/the huge kingdom of Solomon etc. I also knew that early Judaism was a system where multiple gods existed but YHWH was just their patron god, but I didn’t fully understand the process in how he got conflated with El and became the god.

More relevant to this topic, though, I didn’t understand the history behind the Bible itself. Deuteronomy being written separately/earlier than the rest and the Bible claiming that it was “found” in the Temple after like 900 years in Josiah’s time… like I had never even heard of Josiah prior to a few years ago and here I am realizing that this bitch perpetrated fraud that would make Linda Taylor proud. Tf. AND, the whole thing with Judah being way, way less developed than Israel, and Israel was actually a multi-ethnic and prosperous society, but then after the Assyrians handed Israel its ass the Judeans were suddenly the top bitch in school and wrote the whole Bible to make their former northern neighbors out to be assholes?? Wow Team Israel tbh.

Then when you get to the time of the Babylonian Exile tho you have to feel a bit bad for the people of Jerusalem, like the Babylonians were uncommonly dickish even for their time and the ppl of the city were clearly traumatized tbh… a lot of the stories in the Bible, especially those believed to have been added only after the exile, make a hell of a lot more sense when you realize the huge changes occurring in Jewish society at the time. The transition from “there are lots of gods but YHWH is our god” to “YHWH is the god” is completely understandable when you realize that people were searching for some explanation as to why they had all been uprooted and thrown out of their homes, and the obvious explanation is that, yet again, they had pissed YHWH the fuck off by worshiping other gods.

I feel like both Christianity and Islam (but especially Islam) try to separate many of Judaism’s better-known stories from the context of ancient Israel/Judah itself, presenting them as more universal stories that apply to everyone, but tbh the whole over-arching story doesn’t work unless you look at it as a history written by and for Jews who were rebuilding their religion and society in a volatile period. I’m reading this rn and it’s relevant to that topic.

It’s truly a damn shame that pretty much like 0% of Muslims have been exposed to any of this tbh? I feel like almost all scholars of Biblical history come from non-Muslim countries. I have more feelings on this subject but let me answer the rest of your question. First of all, Christianity. I read the New Testament in full a couple of years ago as well. It was obviously way easier to read because the Gospels are all different versions of the same story and the rest is just supplementary material, basically. I think the text itself is pleasant and Jesus was a chill dude. I like him. And the whole… sequence of events made much more sense after I’d read the Book of Isaiah and realized that the authors of the Gospels were viewing Jesus in light of those prophecies. Revelation is a fascinating shrooms trip. The Acts of the Apostles were fun to read, but all the letters were just like w/e. More historically interesting (if they’re real) than interesting in terms of content. Though I do think some of the content in them is very nice, idk if people know this but Muslims think Paul was responsible for perverting the (non-existent) “real” Gospel of Jesus and paint him very poorly. But I dunno, the letters seemed fine to me.

Tbh I was surprised to see how different Islam’s version of Christianity/Christian stories is compared to the “real thing”. I don’t even mean his disastrous misconceptions of Christian theology but just like… with the stories Mohammed pulled from the Jewish Bible (and the Talmud–which I also enjoyed flipping through btw, it’s like a bunch of old guys yelling at each other in written form), he gets details wrong but the overall stories are basically the same. But with the Christian stories, barely anything in the Quran is from the Bible. I think I’ve said this before but like 90% of the stuff pulled from Christianity in Islam is about baby Jesus, not adult Jesus, and even that stuff isn’t from the Bible. It’s understandable when you realize that he was listening to these stories, not reading them, and just picked the ones he liked best… which happened to be later texts. That brings me to a subject that is near and dear to my heart:

Apocryphal texts bih. I love this shit, with full sincerity and zero irony. The weirder it gets, the better. I started out just reading the ones that made it into the Quran, like the Life of Adam and Eve, the Infancy Gospels that I’ve mentioned before, and the Testament of Solomon. Then some Gnostic stuff, which I only read because it has the same substitute-crucifixion thing going on as Islam, but WHEW chile the DRUGS these ppl were on while writing this shit…! The Sethians and the Nag Hammadi library produced such treasures of crazy-ass literature. It makes me sad how so much of this stuff is just totally forgotten now that Christianity is mostly just Catholic/Protestant+Orthodox. There were so many sects and people had so many divergent ideas, some more drug-assisted than others probably!! And Middle Eastern Christianity was very diverse even in the 7th century. Some of the stories they produced had such rich lore. My fave right now is this Syriac collection:

I came across this one while looking for the origins of the al-Khidr story in the Quran. There were all sorts of opinions about who he was, bc Mohammed never really gave any details on his life, but Ibn Ishaq recorded an opinion that al-Khidr was the one who buried Adam and Allah granted him long life in return. So I looked for the source of that story and it was the story of Melchizedek in this book. Then I read the whole thing and man this would make for some weird psychedelic series or sth. It’s online, look it over and you’ll see how trippy it is.

Um… anon this is getting rly long tbh so let me sum up my knowledge of Shinto, Native American animism, and Jainism: not much!! Buddhism I have only an intro-level knowledge of, I know the basics but I don’t know more than that. The beliefs of Yazidis I don’t fully understand, but the little I know is pretty cool. From what I understand it’s a blend of pre-Islamic Kurdish religion + early Islamic influence + some other influences thrown in. It’s sad how they’re branded as devil-worshipers or w/e when the story of Melek Taus is actually really interesting and has a good moral and is way, way better than the story of Iblis. I also enjoy Yazidi architecture and that unique ribbed cone top of theirs. I hope they’re able to live on as a community after, uh, recent events.

I actually was taught about Bahai people growing up but I was told it was some heretical offshoot of Islam comparable to Ahmadiyya people. I didn’t realize it was considered its own religion until fairly recently tbh. I did read the Kitab al-Aqdas (which is blessedly short, this makes Bahai a great religion automatically!!) once. It’s definitely super inspired by the Quran in terms of style and to me clearly seems to be an attempt to make a Kinder And Also More Iranian Islam. I think it’s pretty neat. In fact I think a lot of attempts to magically make Islam “nicer” would just end up making it more like Bahai tbh. And it has a really fascinating history, with the Bab basically being a new John the Baptist and Bahaullah being the one he foretold. He even accidentally ended up in Israel lmao. I also really love Bahai architecture in terms of how diverse it is, with the only unifying feature being visual interest, and I would love to see the temple in India irl one day. India always has the best architecture anyway.

I saved Zoroastrians for last bc I have to be honest here. I tried to look into it, because it’s ancient and had an influence on Judaism etc and that makes it important. Fam I got about 3% of the way through the Avesta before giving up. I was still in the hymns part and just like… every other word was something I didn’t understand. I will go back and try again one day but for now the answer is “lol idk”.

ANYWAY… yeah… I’ve enjoyed reading about religion way more now that I’m not religious, both in terms of Islam and other religions, I can appreciate the process or w/e now that I’m not constantly trying to make it fit into Islam or panicking every time I spot something that makes me question my faith. I know a lot of atheists either fall away from religion altogether or just look at it like it’s something dumb, but even if it’s fake, that doesn’t make it worthless imo. The history itself is always worth studying.

[stop-brunotime]

CW: I'm ranting about personal stuff, using bad language, feeling shit about myself and being a bad example, complaining about my emotionally abusive mother, etc. Proceed with caution. This is further to my post on Thursday. Thank you to everyone who reached out. It meant the world, and I'll reply individually when I'm done with this post. I'm going to list the questions that have been bugging me to the point of suicidal ideation, and if you know the answers, please help a sibling out!

Christmas

Am I the only one bothered by Christmas trees? Like, everyone knows Jesus was probably born in August/September, because that's when Judaism's 'go visit the family' holidays are and there's no way shepherds would've been hanging out in the pastures in midwinter. Christmas trees are a blind appropriation of European Paganism's customs (and, while we're at it, holiday, since it's not even Jesus's real birthday). We're all claiming to celebrate Jesus, when in reality we're just marking our homes as places the tree spirits can overwinter. How can we claim to live lives of peace and love and do ignorant, appropriative shit like that?

Santa. FFS, this one grates my carrot to the quick. Named for St Nicholas (who was an African bishop and very definitely Black, despite what the white supremacists will tell you on Twitter), Santa seems to be a combination of Scandinavian Pagan myths. Either he's a Christian appropriation of Odinn, who gave kids gifts at midwinter, or he's an erasure of Sami (native Scandinavians, traditionally marginalised) shamans (who were typically women) who apparently gave the grown-ups entheogenic mushrooms. So, we're erasing POC and Native women and getting toxic about it on socials. Nice. I totally want gifts from that guy! (I'm aware that in Spain and Germany [and probably other countries too] it's the Baby Jesus who brings the gifts. I'm not resident in one of those countries, so have to deal with all the Santa bullshit) Again, we claim to be all about the peace and love how?!

Bringing me to Christians. Now, I identify as one, so am spraying friendly fire here. Why are my choices of places to worship either the kind who preach heterosexism from the pulpit, regularly using 'the homosexuals' as our go-to example of unrepentant sinners bound for eternity in Hell, or the kind who just don't mention it, which feels like ominous silence? The church who don't actively hate on queers have asked me to play in their music group. I gave guy some bullshit reason about being too busy to do something I would actually like to do as a person of faith, because I was scared that, if I started doing it and they found out I occasionally fall for women and NBs/GNCs, they'd throw me out and publicly shame me and maybe sell me out to the cops (who are wildly heterosexist, backed up by the law, and allegedly not above a bit of corrective gang rape of queer prisoners).

And onto Trump. The man reminds me of my mother. And that makes me a terrible human, because he does so many worse things than triggering memories of her being consistently passive-aggressive and theologically inaccurate about "Christian values". He makes such rapey comments all the fucking time, and just dismisses anyone who tries to call him on it. He is the embodiment of everything that's wrong with the world, and yet I meet so many people who love him. We live in fucking Africa...what exactly are we doing supporting the guy who's defunding all the USAID healthcare programs that keep us in contraceptives? Like, sure, I've never had an abortion, and, barring medical necessity or a pregnancy from being raped again, am probably going to keep any pregnancy I achieve before menopause (which is only ten years away, and I don't exactly have the most active sex life from which to achieve a pregnancy)...but I've been the emergency contact on enough hospital admission forms to know that it's a necessary medical procedure and people need access to quick, cheap, and as-painless-as-possible abortions. We got that from USAID. Now Trump has fucked that up and we need to go private, which is a D&C under full anaesthesia, with associated risks. Sure, Trump blustered a bit about Mugabe, but didn't do anything real in the eleven months between him taking office and us having our coup-that's-not-a-coup. Tweeting doesn't count. How exactly is that asshole going to be 'the next Mordecai of Israel' and 'the one to rid the world of dictatorship'?

Speaking of pathological Machiavellian narcissists, does anyone have resources for recovering from a parent who used you to meet her needs from when you were really small? She never raped me or anything, but the long-term emotional neglect, belittling, passive-aggression, criticism, gaslighting, parental alienation (yes, for almost twenty years she had me convinced that my dad, whom I love and who I'm most like, was the angry abuser in their relationship and she was the victim) have taken their toll. My therapist says I need to adjust my expectations of her and my problems will go away. I see her point, but my mother is still mean as fuck. For example, she sent me a room diffuser that smelled like it came from a pound shop for Christmas. (It was called 'african spice'. It smelled of cinnamon. There are no African spices. Cinnamon is from Asia. She's heard me rant several times about people mis-labelling plant origins, so it's not like she doesn't know how much it bugs me.) This is after a quarter century of me saying variations on, 'Books or nothing, but please no cash or girly shit,' every Christmas and birthday. This is after coming out to her as genderqueer. She said she immediately thought of me when she saw it. Surely there's a more direct way to tell me that I or my house smell/s bad? Perhaps a way that doesn't subtly signal that she still frames me as the gender-perfect imaginary daughter she has in her head? She went to the effort of having it brought to Zimbabwe in a suitcase (what comes in suitcases isn't charged import tax). She could have spent that fiver on a second-hand book from Amazon, sent it out in a way that bypassed ZIMRA's human rights violation of a book tax, and given me the gift of freedom of information. But she chose to force her gender ideals on me in a way that says, yet again, that I need to be just a little bit better to be worthy of her love

I'm legit concerned that she's made me a horrible person. She gave me so many of her issues that I'm pretty sure everyone feels about me the way they do about her. I'm sure everyone looks at me and sees the lack of tangible results that come from being terrified of being publicly shamed as crazy and weird. I'm horribly awkward and say the wrong thing often. I've had dates end because I got awkward and up in my head and told him that wood cockroaches eat their parents' shit to replenish their gut flora after molting. I take days, sometimes months, to reply to messages. I hold opinions that are shared by a tiny minority of scientists and theologians, and everyone disagrees. And my writing output bears this out. The only time people say nice stuff about my writing is when I've written porn under a fake name that doesn't really have socials. The rest of the time, it's people calling me out or trolling me. Am I wrong? Is the internet just a toxic shit hole? Is everyone talking smack about me in DM, and I have no idea how many people are laughing at me? Should I just delete all my accounts, move to the Andes, change my name, and raise llamas for yarn and bees for mead?

What even is the right thing to do? I was raised with so much certainty, and have since found out things like the universe wasn't made in six days five thousand years ago, and nobody really knows where Mount Sinai is. It doesn't feel right to just pick the most convenient set of rules. I should be able to tell what the right choice is. Who died and bequeathed me the right to decide right from wrong? How am I supposed to help others when I don't even know the answers myself (and neither do any of the scholars, who are simply putting forward a best guess model) and will probably be wrestling with existential questions on my death bed? Put your own mask on first, sure, but how do I fit all these masks on one face?