#again Im not trying to attack anyone
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This is your sign to get back into playing that video game that you love but put down a long time ago and never picked back up again for no discernable reason
#started playing breath of the wild again a week or so ago after a youtube video about why we put down games showed up in my recommended#i can link the video for anyone who wants it but the most helpful advice in it for me was to just. try playing it for two minutes#if all your fears were right and you cant get back into it then you can put it right back down after the time is up#but if youre enoying yourself then you can keep playing#a big part of my fear was that i wouldnt be able to handle the combat anymore after going like a good couple years without playing it#bc one of the biggest things i love about botw is that for the most part. link doesnt level up#theres no attack and defense stats that level up as you earn experience and make him mechanically better at fighting#for the most part its YOU the player leveling up your fighting skills with practice#...but that also meant that after so long away from the game i was scared that i would have lost all my skill at it#and the learning curve would be too great this late in the game (literally the ONLY main storyline thing left for me to do is fight ganon)#but i played for two minutes and i remembered how much i loved the game. like firsthand not just vague recollection#so ive been running around doing side quests and exploring and now it doesnt feel like im stalling the final battle anymore#it feels like im just intentionally taking time to fully experience the game#and after getting combat practice in again with my exploration im finding out that my fears were wrong!#if anything im even BETTER at combat now than i was when i put the game down#back then i was still terrified of facing lynels and walking guardians#but now im taking them down before they can even get one hit in on me!#im so proud of myself and im having so much fun#so. for anyone else out there. this is your sign to do the same#rambling#maybe once i finish breath of the wild i can even finally start on tears of the kingdom 🙏
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Dash simulator
Blog 1: lol anyone else seeing a lot of strawberries in new recipes now? sometimes its fun but i really dont get the appeal of adding it to everything. why did you make strawberry garlic bread
Blog 2: u kno im not a fan of strawberries, i really like the rich sweet and sour notes from oranges, oranges and chocolate is such a good combo. i altered a recipe for a smoothie with oranges last week and it was soooo good ill give you my notes if you want Reblogged by: Blog 1: ahaha yesss i love chocolate and oranges
Blog 3: I canNOT believe the hate im seeing to strawberries right now, like, you know guys know the rule don't like don't bake right?? you know you can hit the back button right?? honestly what's wrong with yall
Open draft- wait guys you know there's a difference between leaving a comment on a recipe saying you hate strawberries and the recipe writer should never use them, and going to your own blog to say you don't really like strawberries, without naming any specific people or recipes right? you know there's a difference right?? - Save - Post - Discard
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Blog 4: why is everyone jumping on the strawberry hate train right now. what is wrong with you. Reblogged by: Blog 5: I knowwww like guys some people stop baking because of reading things like that, please stop it, if you don't like strawberries you can be quiet about it
Open draft- im so sorry if anyone's getting sent mean messages or comments about what they're writing and baking, but i'm literally not seeing any of that and if you are, please use the block button. but someone making a post on their own blog is not that, and if you can't see the irony in you being allowed to complain on personal blogs but not them i can't help you... - save- post- discard
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Blog 2: are strawberries even in season?
Blog 6: woo cherry pie!
#trying so hard to be a blog 6 rn#im discarding those drafts#but clearly it has been too much for me as this one is getting posted#like i really am sorry if any. strawberry antis are directly being rude to anyone#that isnt ok#but i have seen zero of that on my dash or in the tag#i saw a few blogs saying lol they don't like strawberries#and then i saw a ton of blogs saying how dare there be any negativity at all#and seeming to act as if those blog posts were specifically about disliked fic authors i mean recipe makers#which... if any of them were... i didn't see it because of how i blocked large swaths of the fandom like three years ago#when i realized that it was determined to blow up a discourse topic every single month#and if there are people doing that. please. do what i did. block en mass#if you open a recipe that turns out to have strawberries in it and you cant hit the back button but instead leave a nasty comment that is a#you problem#but also if you see a random blog post about someone saying they dislike strawberries- hate strawberries even- and you feel personally#attacked and start crying about how now you never want to bake a strawberry shortcake again and they're so mean#that is also. a you problem.#'what fandom is this pocket' dont worry about it#not one i have any mutuals in#which. considering the mass blocking and the annoying chronic discourse explosions. perhaps is not surprising
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i need eddie to get another guy friend in season 8, and buck loses his shit about it (again), so he breaks up with t because he's convinced that the weird feeling he gets when he sees them together is because he is Really attracted to the new guy.
#like things with t are fine cuz he likes exploring this new side of himself even if t doesnt always match his energy but whatever its fun#and maybe at work chim is the one who brings up eddies new friend and he is immediately just. what new friend?#chim laughs and says. tbf last time eddie got a new friend you attacked him so you could date his friend. hes probably keeping it to himsel#and bucks like. dude what. that was. yeah it was shitty of me but it was a one time thing. i wont do it again...#and when eddie shows up for shift buck immediately asks about his new friend and eddie tells him about the guy without hesitation#after shift tho buck is like. why didnt you tell me about him? after t i get why you dont want to but im just. you dont have to worry man.#buck. i know. im not worried. anyway he and i are gonna head to a bar to catch the game. you want to come with? you can bring t if hes free#oh. thats. thatd be okay? i dont want to idk ruin the vibe by bringing a date#nah man. itll be fine#and so he and t go to the bar and eddies already inside with the new friend and its Fine. its Great actually because t gets along with eddi#and the new guy and the new guy makes eddie laugh and doesnt miss a beat and knows more about the teams record this season than buck and#buck is doing Fine. this guys smile is big and his eyes are bright and when he laughs he sorta leans into eddies space alittle and its Fine#the night ends and buck and t go back to his apartment and buck cant stop thinking about that guys hand when it clapped down on eddies#shoulder or the look on his face as he teased eddie about the beer he drinks (cuz its kinda bad but only buck can say that) and buck Cant.#he wants that guy. he wants his hands and grin and teasing voice all to himself and not on eddie.#so he breaks up with t and ts confused af cuz i thought things were going good?#yeah. i just. i want to explore my options yk now that ive uh figured out i like men.#and its a clean break. not dramatic or messy. t tells him to call if he every changes his mind. buck wont.#bucks trying to not pry about eddies new friend and he doesnt grill eddie or anyone and just waits and listens to all the new info he gains#and eventually eddie invites him out to watch another game because whatever team they were watching made it to the playoffs#and when he gets there eddies like. no t tonight?#nah we. uh. we broke up.#eddie says sorry man that sucks. and the new guy is like. honestly he didnt even seem that into you which what an idiot. youre great.#and its good because the new guy splits his attention between the two of them now. eddie isnt the only one getting hands and grins and eyes#and the third time theyre at the bar the guy follows him to bathroom and kisses him hard against the door before pulling back with a#panicked sorry and leaving and when buck finds eddie after hes like. what happened? new guy ran out of here without even saying goodbye#he kissed me in the bathroom. i think uh. i think he was kinda freaking out about it and thats why he left.#and eddie just blinks at him before being like. buck. buck you said you werent going to do this again.#i didnt mean to! and buck means it. he just saw the way that guy made eddie laugh and put his hands on eddie and had eddies attention and#oh.
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i think Iago should have gotten the chance to use one of his blades at some point in the series. as a treat.
#yeah im still on that 2 second scene where he unloads a comically large amount of weapons from his cage#its just the mental image of a scarlet macaw coming at you like this is killing me#my posts#my art#i cant remember every scene from the tv show but like. outside of the 2nd movie where he fucking kills jafar#does he ever try to fight anyone again? genuinely cant remember.#tbh i dont think its that hes a coward as much as he knows his limits and that the others around him can handle it#he attacks abis and squares up cassim after all
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No your take on gay bars is wrong. Also gay men have a hook up culture whereas lesbians dont and require emotional connection.
lol.................... just walk away from me
#the gender strawman appreciator has entered the chat#idk something about being a girl is so emotions coded and being a man is so sex coded... anyone else?#not sure how this fake argument even matters when the definition presented means they would not be sexually interested in each other#do you think they cast like a sex spell at gay bars or#and again. if they arent welcoming they should be. you just chose to view this as an exclusive attack#also you can not tell me the vibe for every bar on earth and im not trying to argue that so drop it#also i think i left a lot of diplomatic leeway in my post i suspect youre a terf frankly#if not you sound like one. stop being sexist towards women with this reductivism it's not helpful.#if you think any [full group of people] does [thing you dont like] youre an idiot period the end#not how humans work maybe try thinking for two seconds or developing empathy#and i dont even mean in the touching brothership way i mean literally youre not at the understand stage yet#not even the acknowledgement stage#you are treating people like npcs
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ive seen so much talk about the spanish dub of the i heart you too shadow scene that makes me feel like im the only person on earth whos actually watched that clip. "sonic says te amo to shadow in the spanish dub!! they turned that scene into a serious love confession and sonadow is canon in spanish !" what are you TALKING about he did NOT say that. im all for making that scene gay but at least work with whats actually there instead of exaggerating and making stuff up come on.
#well im sure not everyone who spreads this is intentionally lying about it#maybe they just believed what random people on tumblr told them without looking into it themselves. but thats annoying too#also to be clear im not trying to vague/attack anyone in particular there are a lot of people ive seen spreading this#yes what he says does translate to i love you that part is true. but he doesnt say te amo ? idk where people got that from#and from what i understand in spanish there are different ways of saying i love you that have different connotation/levels of intensity#so him saying te amo would have a much stronger romantic association than what he actually said#also i highly doubt the people writing the spanish script for sonic prime have the power to canonize ships. please be serious.#again im not saying you cant or shouldnt make it gay#but at least make it gay based on what he actually said instead of spreading misinformation?
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art fight day 2 and im getting mentally ill about it lol
#purrs#i want to DRAW and i feel pressure abt revenging ppl in a timely manner (which is ridiculous bc its literally the 2nd day and i don’t have#that standard for anyone else but me) but my fucking wrist is fucked up and i basically took a break all day and just tried outlining my#next attack and all the progress i made with it feeling a little better is back out the window after like 10 mins of trying. tingles and#stiffness. UGH!!! and nerve stuff freaks me out so even outside of art fight im stressed / agitated abt feeling like this. aughhhhh#delete later#hopefully im feeling better by tomorrow bc i don’t think i can / should try again for the rest of the day. im so sad lol. this sucks#and it’s not just drawing either like EVERYTHING i do with my wrist feels bad. typing… eating.. doing dishes… misery and despair.
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the thing about maria in her dire au's is at the beginning, at the start of her being taken in those initial weeks, its all the attempts she made - completely in vain, completely orchestrated and carefully planned / observed by johnny the entire time - take such an exhausting and debilitating toll on her.
its a constant beatdown mentally and emotionally that no matter what she uses, no matter what turns she makes, no matter how thoroughly or well thought-out she tries to plan, no matter what routes, what mindgames, what anything it seems that she tries?
she's always followed. always in view. always in vain. always failing.
by the time lee's brought down in nosy its just...
she's already so jaded, so bitter, so tired, but he isn't yet and so he's so determined, so hopeful still - like she was, all those weeks before - and she doesn't want to trample on it, and that small flickering hope still in her is thinking okay if its both of us, if its both our heads trying to work things out, both sets of hands and feet to get what we need, get to where we have to go, then yes, we can do this, we can make it-
but its still the same end. time. and time. and time, again.
over. and over. and over.
she's already been through so many attempts to get out. and then the next full batch of lee racking his brain trying to think of other ways, other methods, other routes to chance from how she did it the first time(s) and its still not enough.
it just breaks her.
she doesnt understand why they keep failing. how johnny's always steps ahead. she wishes she was strong like danny or lee or donnie, resourceful like connie or danny. brave like her little sister and julie, smart like sonny - but she isn't. not in her eyes. she feels so useless and inadequate and lost at it all. she hates that he's stuck down there with her, when he should've also been out, free, with the rest of them.
#like 'damn im so sorry you were stuck down here with me if it were anyone else maybe youd have a better chance'#and its later on in her dire aus she starts picking up on both lee & johnny's strengths a little more; mimics them to a degree.#asks for them to teach her how to both defend and attack better; more coherently. more carefully. more ruthlessly.#but its also like.... how Horrifying is it? later in cc/nosy/dusk? where other victims are trying to escape and its just like.... maria and#lee going after them? they already KNOW all these possible escape routes; so many possible strats. they know it all SO WELL#because *they fucking lived through them - time and time again*.#[ mf ] ── * 𝐇𝐂 / 𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐄. { maria. }#[ mf ] ── * 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄. { cold case. }#[ mf ] ── * 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄. { no one saved you. }#[ mf ] ── * 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄. { we saved us. }
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Maybe you could do audiobooks while you paint, I know I love listening to podcasts when I’m doing things like that.
OoOOoO that’s a good idea!!!
#I usually throw on a movie or show that I’ve seen a billion times#but I feel like I’ve been replaying the same movies over and over again#I love them with all my heart#but I need something different#so maybe I’ll try that tomorrow!!#I would tonight#but I just took a shower and fuck that took all my energy#I’m surprised I had enough energy to lotion and change and everything#and of course after I was done I went in the living room and saw a daddy long leg chilling#tried to get it but idk if I did#and now I feel all creepy crawly#anyone else feel like spiders plot their revenge#like if you try to kill them and you don’t they just watch and plan their revenge#get an army of spiders together to attack me in my sleep#ok gonna stop thinking about that cause I’m genuinely getting freaked outtttt#anywayyyyy#thank you for the idea!!!#im gonna try that tomorrow#any good podcasts you want to recommend??? ☺️#ask#anon
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#was feeling stressed and melancholy all day and i just... i really need to learn how to cope with that#i feel so self-absorbed and idk i was upset and teary eyed when taking the train early for dinner with my friends#and then i sit down and my friend says oh oops sorry can't tonight and idk. i was counting on that to sit down and talk for a bit and#this makes me sound awful but i kind of. exploded and texted back very shortly and angrily#and apparently. gave our other friend a panic attack so#and then they told me over text and i did nooot know how to react irl and psychically bc whew self-loathing#which felt so toxic and gross??? and again self absorbed???#and i did reply over text and i apologised and did my best but god.#idk it's like... i think that petulant angry kid is who i am deep down and lord knows i shouldn't post this but#i need some perspective and i feel so manipulative in this too#idk idk. and i was also just wondering if anyone else gets like this like idk this blur in front of your eyes and you just#lose all reasonable thought#and i just think. im selfish as fuck at my core and im scared i don't actually want to change that and i will. try to talk about#it in therapy but that's a while away#anyways. that's also me and yeah.#sorry and also it's my parents' wedding anniversary and all i could think about was feeling mweh and not being able to do#what i was planning to do and i had this assignment blabla and these plans etc#like god??????? god#im calmer now (obviously) but yeah#and now work again tomorrow and im so fucking sick of it the mood is awful and it's busy and bleh
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Living in america is like. I may or may not have serious/deadly illnesses but fuck if I know because the closest doctor that accepts my insurance, is taking patients, and doesn't want to violently rip me off all of my medications and yell at me is two hours away and regardless of if I can get a ride or not that is simply not possible to manage as a primary care provider
#like I'm going insane?#Im still regularly spotting/bleeding and idk wtf the 2 month long period was about#my anemia is getting Really Fucking Bad again and I have been overdue for a pap smear for several months now#every specialist I'm supposed to see is in portland and that's like a 3 hour drive from here why the FUCK is there like no doctors in my#goddamn area we aren't fuckin rural?#I'm freaking out a little bit ngl bc my health is actively worsening and I cannot find some place I can actually get to on a regular enough#basis to actually help with anything and my doctor in [REDACTED] is trying her damned hardest to help rn but like#the fact of the matter is she's too far away and she can't help and Idk where tf Im going to find anyone else at all let alone anyone else#who's not going to immediately attack me for being on muscle relaxants like what the shit man
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who up experiencing the horrors
#dude having a panic disorder sucks absolute ass brain bestie what are u DOING. its 1 am now is not the time to feel so so scared#its time to sleep!!!!! augh!!#i am on the verge of a panic attack i can just feel it. it feels like if i was at a beach standing in the water and was slowly but surely#getting pulled towards the deep waters. or if i was able to stay on 1 spot but the sand started to like. slowly float away from under me#point is its sucky i dont like it.#started dissociating too which is no help at all. dumbass coping mechanism just makes me feel like i have even less footing#mentally speaking#writing this post is sorta helping tho i think. nice distraction. if anyone sees this post dont worry abt me im feeling better now#also woah it is now 2 am!! time flies. gonna go & try to fall asleep again goodnight everyone
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ARRRGGGHHHHHHHHH the freshman wants to TRADE CARS for the weekend.... how do i politely say i would literally kill myself and everyone in a 10 mile radius if i had to let someone other than my mom, dad, and brother drive my car
#girl you are NOT getting access to my 98k mile 2017 grey subaru outback with smart cruise and lane detection and heated seats#and my stickers on the hatchback and the bluetooth audio and automaticly-changing night mode rearview mirror#and the comfy driver's seat in EXACTLY the position i want it in and the shifter knob that perfectly fits in my hand#like when my aunt drove my car last summer it basically solidified that i will never let anyone touch my car ever again#(she put a fucking TACO on TOP OF THE DASHBOARD and moved my fucking steering wheel!!!!!!!!)#my car was literally the only place i felt safe all of 2021 and 2022 im not letting some random fucking person TAKE her from me#i did not have a PANIC ATTACK leaving her at the mechanic for 2 DAYS for some fucking freshman to USE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!#like i know i can be territorial but boy my car is all the territory i ever need. i could live out of my car if needed.#what if she fucking crashes it. shes been in soooo many accidents (i have heard all about them.)#dude if this were in person i wouldve fucking hissed and ran away i dont let people touch my fucking car!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I drove 4 hours back to school at 11pm so that i wouldnt have to have my friend drive my fucking car!!!!#like genuinely i need to find a way to say no i cannot and will not let you use my car now or ever.#i dont care what her reasons are. her boyfriend could be fucking dying and i still wouldnt.#she wants to take my car to minnesota for a WEEKEND and i would not be there ???? NOOOOOO#sorry oh my god i just have to scream and cry a little so i can try to be normal in my response#gonna ask the parents for help i think bc they know im neurotic about my car#like very genuinely im very upset right now. i reread the text and her car is having issues so she wants to TRADE CARS#without even asking if im doing anything that would need a car this weekend (ummmm i fucking work on saturday and sunday is grocery day)#like sorry thats too big of a favor especially after the fucking snail debacle.... how do i know she wont CRASH MY FUCKING CAR ?#or even just like mess with the settings. like im fucking anxious at the IDEA of her being in MY drivers seat DRIVING MY CAR !!!!!#also it smells like cow shit real bad in there. does she REALLY want to drive to fucking minnesota in a cow shit car?#i need to chill i have work soon but like holy shit this has me acting up#i guess since i dont have any real stressors any more my body is like we need LEVEL 10 EMERGENCY STRESS RIGHT NOW#if this were the school year i'd have 3 benadryl inside me right now#like genuinely if this had been in person i probably wouldve been nasty like that is MY car i did not spend thousands of dollars on her#to let someone NOT on the insurance policy drive her!!!!#god okay back to totk until my parents text me back#diary post
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Back to [city where i study] tmrw!!!!! Dont know if i wanna go by i dont wanna stay here either!!!!
#tbh it was the same before coming here only im not having a panic attack about it#im speaking it into happening i am NOT having a panic attack tonight🙏‼️‼️‼️‼️#ill miss my cats#but i wont miss anyone here enough#i think my family. specialy my mom are hurt over me not particularly missing here and therefore them more#they havent said it but#ive been trying to understand why they keep asking if i like it here or there better and i think thats what theyre actually asking.#if i miss them#how do i tell them i dont miss ppl. like at all. of i dont see them#like ill see someone after a long time and be like oh!!!! this is so nice i wish this happened more!!!!! but in the time i am not there wit#with them i just dont. feel it#i mean#i miss my mom and i miss my partner#i dont think i miss anyone else#i mean i miss my former best friend but thats because we are not talking like ever again its different#but when i know ill see someone eventually even if its over 6 months and i dont see them irl ever then i just. dont think about them#im an awful friend and relative 💀
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i worry a lot about some transfems and its not me trying to be like "im better than you" or some shit its bc some of them remind me of me when i was a kid and new into being considered a girl/woman and being really naive thinking people would treat me better than they would- like i knew people were gonna be shitty but i wasnt prepared for the sheer amount of dehumanization and being reduced to just a sex object... idk... I just want some of you out there to be careful...
#ik its hard to convey tone and emotion through text but i do really worry.#im sure people have felt the same way about me being new into being considered a guy too. Ik i wasnt prepared for how emotionally distant#guys can be. and how like. atomized we all are and how a lot of guys only know how to interact with the world through violence and#being a dick and .-. basically how a lot of guys are just bullies. idk.#i think if we have experiences that we think we can help others by sharing them and maybe preventing them from making the same mistakes#as us then we should share them yknow. idk.#for me at least it does in some ways feel like im a little kid again learning what its like to navigate a new social setting.#like i didnt realize how much playing pvp games with cis guys suck and ppl who grew up with that are just like. 'yeah. thats just how it is#im literally playing wow rn and playing on a pvp server and i literally never attack anyone sdhjdshjvvfd and ppl are just like.#dicks for NO REASON. im LITERALLY RUNNING AWAY. ugh#i get it dude! this is the only way you can feel like you have a big dick but cmon. you gotta accept the truth some day#^and having to learn to talk like that has been something ive had to adopt from dealing with cis dudes. fun#some transfems i want to grab by the shoulders and shake and be like 'DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF'#with a desperate plea in my gaze#'I WANT TO PROTECT YOU BUT I ALSO KNOW PPL HAVE TO LEARN SOME SOCIAL SHIT ON THEIR OWN BUT BY GOD ARE THERE#SOME THINGS I REALLY DO NOT WANT YOU TO HAVE TO FUCKING LEARN ABOUT THAT I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER AND#IS UNFORTUNATELY LIKELY TO HAPPEN TO ANY WOMAN'#why am i becoming a parent. i need to stop. problem is i care too much about people in spite of what ppl might think .-.#i worry so much thats why i yell at ppl online bc i dont want them to get hurt or do something to fuck themselves over idk.#i just... dont express it the best way. like a gym coach or something 🤦#i really am Dad Vibes now huh. how do i stop myself from becoming a dad. i dont even have kids.#well. i have a cat. the eternal rebellious teen. but still#i need to stop expressing my care and fear through anger. its not great. ppl misinterpret me too much w it. but im not mommy enough to#sugarcoat things and coddle people if i feel like thats whats happening. so idk.#i realize this might sound patronizing and im not trying to be at all. to transfems with more experience this is like 'duh' to them probabl#but I'm more talking to the young transfems I see online who seem like they dont go out much and i dont blame them at all for it#its fucking scary out here. especially as a woman. esp as someone alt righters fetishize. and im sorry.
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The violence never touches them, never ever. They have no idea, they can’t even conceptualize anything outside of their small and sociopathic leech lives. Killing them isn’t enough. I want them put in reeducation camps and work until they die, just like the rest of us
#saw the video of the dems covering their ears as they passed by the protestors at the dnc#the dnc which was one of the most perverted self congratulatory conceited piece of shit ever seen#recalled the election watch nights held in rural Michigan#at my base I have empathy even for the conservative voters#because at the end of the day we’re all going to suffer#to varying degrees#but when I see them I can’t help but see them as animals.#they’re so scared and stupid#like a rat gnawing off his own foot to escape a trap#but they’re still sociopathic in how they attack anyone with glee#I see them revel in their ignorance#they’re tools for fascism and they’re happy about it#shut up sam#the violence is deserved by both of them#again to varying degrees#the first group deserves to be flayed and hung#the 2nd group just deserves whatever happens to them#Im not trying to be funny. but Hasan was right when he said America deserved 9/11#I think America deserves 100 more 9/11s#America the entity as the leading first world power#Im not wishing death to your random racist uncle Randy
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