#actually the pain meds just made me want to vomit

[luna-the-cretar]

It’s weird. I don’t normally cuddle with my other plushies (despite having 20 of ‘em) after the first day or so, even when I’m sick or hurt to the point where i basically have to be on bed rest, and yet. For some reason cuddling the ouaw plushes make me feel better. These little guys did not leave my arms when I was sick, and I keep alternating between Frost and Torbek right now (if not both, depending on my position and how I’m feeling)

I mean, they don’t make the pain go away, but they make it a bit more bearable. Until my grandma comes back with my pain meds, at least

[wosoamazing]

Celiac

McFoord x Child!R

Warnings: Vomiting, Celiac Disease A/N: Doesn't really have a plot and I don't like the ending, only short but at least it's something

“Ma, I don’t feel good,” you told her as your stomach cramped, you were sitting beside her as you watched some of the girls train, your Ma having a quick break.

“Oh Munchkin, do you think you’re getting a bug?” you shook your head, wrapping your arms around your stomach tighter, “what have you eaten today?” you listed off everything you’d eaten that day. 

“Kyra, did you check the oats were gluten free?” your Ma asked the younger Australian, as you leaned your weight into your Ma’s side, stomach feeling worse by the second.

“Um, no, I thought they were, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise, I should’ve checked anyway just to make sure, I-” “It’s okay really, don’t worry, you didn’t do it on purpose and we know you tried your hardest, could you just tell Cait that Y/N/N is having an episode and to talk to Jonas, I’m just going to take her inside.” Your Ma asked the now guilty girl who nodded before quickly jogging off to your Mum.

-

“Hey Monkey, you not feeling well?” Your Mum spoke softly to you as she walked into the locker room, you just shook your head slightly in response to her, “Jonas said we were right to go home,” she told your Ma, from just a quick glance it was clear you were quite unwell. You were sitting in your Ma’s lap cured into a ball, her arms tightly wrapped around you, she rocked you slightly back and forth as she murmured comforting words to you, hating how there was nothing she could do to help you. 

“I think the oats Kyra used in the Anzac Biscuits she made for us all weren’t actually gluten free, she felt really bad but I told her not to worry and that it wasn’t her fault, do you want to have a shower and then I will and we can take her home?” Your Mum nodded before quickly heading to the shower.

-

“That’s it Monkey, let it all out, hopefully it will make you feel better,” your Mum encouraged you as you were hunched over the toilet in the bathroom, stomach harshly ejecting it’s contents, you sat in her lap and she held your hair back with one hand while the other rubbed soft circles into your back.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” your Mum told you as you collapsed back into her, curling into a ball, pressing your side against her front. Your stomach was super bloated but also intensely cramping and you felt really tired.

“Do you think we should try your tablets? Maybe the anti-sick ones first and then you muscle ones?” she asked as her hand carded through your hair.

“P-please,” your voice answered barely above a whisper.

“Okay, let's just stay here until Ma comes out of her shower, I’ll message her to bring them to us,” she murmured into the top of your head before kissing it.

_______

Your Mum’s were quite thankful for their now quiet day, not realising how much they both needed it. Thankfully the anti-nausea meds had worked and you had only thrown up once. Your muscle relaxers helped a bit but you were still in a lot of pain and your stomach was still cramping quite badly. When you arrived home your Mum’s took you into their room, where you almost immediately fell asleep on your Mum. You had moved in your sleep and now you were sleeping on top of your Ma, hand clutching the fabric of your Mum’s shirt to make sure she stayed. They had a movie playing in the background as they organised some things, in the middle of a discussion about the Olympics and whether you would go on camp with your Mum or go and watch some games with your Ma when the doorbell rang. Your Mum pried your hands off of her shirt and quickly got up to find a guilty looking Kyra on the other side of the door when she opened it.

“Kyra? What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at training?” Your Mum questioned her.

“I feel really bad about y/n/n, Jonas let me go early, I bought some things for her,” she told your Mum as she presented the gift basket to her. 

“Thank you Kyra, that’s very kind of you, and honestly it’s not your fault, it was an accident, we understand.” Kyra nodded as she fiddled with the bottom of her hoodie, “you can see her if you want, she is currently asleep, and not very well, but I’m sure she won’t mind you coming to say hi,” the young Aussie nodded and followed your Mum through to where you were. You had woken up now, and Katie was helping you drink some water, you were still quite unwell, and looked like you were falling asleep sitting up.

“Monkey, Kyra came to see you,” your Mum told you as she walked into the room.

“Kyra?” you said groggily and she softly nodded her head, the younger girl stepped inside the room and sat down on the bed next to you, to which you climbed into her lap and fell asleep.

[dr-trafalgar-law]

Trafalgar Law X CisFem Reader

18

Loud thunder rattled the windows. You grumbled and rolled onto your side trying to go back to sleep. It had only been a few hours since you passed out after drinking all evening with Roci. The room was still dark and quiet save for the weather outside. Law shifted in front of you but remained facing the wall.

"You ok?” He asked quietly.

Normally you enjoyed storms, but right now it was so incredibly loud. Your head was pounding and full of static. Even with your eyes closed you could feel the room spinning. The churning in your stomach made you think twice about speaking.

"F/N?" Your fiance rolled over carefully to look at you.

"-I-I'm.." You flinched at the volume of your own voice.

"Hungover." He stated, a small understanding smile bending his lips.

You didn't need to say anything to confirm. Even in the dark he could see you'd gone clammy. His hand tenderly brushed over your forehead to check your temperature. You closed your eyes to try and regain your bearings.

"Breathe, please.” Law gently commanded, “In through your nose and out through your mouth.”

"Too nauseous." You muttered.

"I know,” he replied,"it'll help I promise."

You did as instructed, but it only took a few seconds to confirm it was too late for breathing exercises. The way you jolted up and frantically tossed the blankets aside had Law moving just as quickly.

"No!” You called sprinting for the bathroom and slamming the door before Law could follow.

"F/N-ya, I've seen people vomit." He began to knock as you lost your dinner.

"I-I'm fine!" You coughed and gagged.

When you were sure your stomach was empty you brushed your teeth and washed your face before stepping back into the bedroom.

Law was sitting cross-legged in the center of your bed. He'd had a harder time respecting your wishes than he thought he would. For a few minutes he stood at the bathroom door anticipating a change of mind. But you didn't.

You didn't need him.

There was a dull sting of rejection. Of course rationally he knew you weren't actually rejecting him. You didn't want him to see you retching and crying. He was a doctor, arguably used to this, but at home he was your fiance. It was a much longer time before Marco was allowed to see you this messy.

He shifted on the mattress and moved the blankets back, “Feel a little better?”

“Sober-” You winced at your own raspy response.

Bile had done a number on your throat.

“I'll get you some water.” Your fiance stood as you crawled back into the comfort of your bed.

He was gone less than a minute, shutting the door softly behind him before placing the glass of room temperature water on your nightstand.

“I don't feel like it has been long enough for you to take pain meds, but if you're still uncomfortable in an hour it should be ok.” He slipped into his side of the bed and laid facing you.

“I don't even know what time it is.” You sipped the water and inched down to get comfortable in your pillows as thunder rumbled outside.

“Close to four, there's still plenty of time for rest.” He watched you sigh and stare at the ceiling, “Is there anything else I can do?”

“Just let me rot.”

“I'm sorry to tell you, the prognosis is good.” He chuckled, “Just some temporary suffering.”

“Ugh.” You groaned, “Never drinking again.”

“Let's just practice moderation next time.” Law suggested sliding his arm under his pillows so he could be more comfortable.

“Mhm.” You hummed, closing your eyes as a new wave of nausea washed over you.

Recognizing your discomfort, Law moved a little closer and shifted onto his back, “Here,”

You glanced over at him confused and squeaked when he slipped his arm under you to pull you close. Finally catching on, you moved on your own to rest your head against his shoulder. Once settled he began rubbing soothing circles over your back while humming softly. His voice was pleasantly deep, even and in key. For a moment you were distracted enough to not realize you'd been clinging to Law’s bare torso.

“My mother used to do this when we were sick,” He explained, “to help us sleep.”

“I don't hate it.” You murmured cheekily through a yawn.

“I know.” There was a smile in his voice before he started humming again.

Soon your nausea subsided enough for you to drift back off to sleep.

Law laid awake a bit longer. Having you nestled against him snoozing comfortably made his chest tight. Not the usual anxiety that seemed to reside there.

This was a flutter of excitement.

A small taste of happiness that had felt so far away months ago.

Daylight poured through the small part in the curtains across the room casting a thin golden line down your face. Scrunching your nose you attempted to move out of the sun spot. As your brain began to reboot you quickly realized you'd been snuggled into your fiance’s chest. His arms still loosely wrapped around you, your legs tangled under the blankets.

In the last few weeks you'd shared each other's beds but cuddling had never really come into play, you were still very conscious of personal space.

He was so unexpectedly warm and soft and comfortable.

“Go back to sleep.” Law murmured, not bothering to open his eyes.

“The sun.” You whispered back.

His left eye slowly opened to confirm your soft complaint. Wordlessly he shifted away to allow you to move facing away from him while he slipped his arm around you and nuzzled into your nape. Goosebumps flashed over your skin. There was no way you were going back to sleep now, it didn't matter how exhausted you were.

Law drifted off again while you took the opportunity to inspect his hand. You wondered what made him get such a macabre tattoo, especially considering his profession. Gently you ran your fingers over the clean black lines. This was the first time you'd purposely touched his hand. His skin was soft and well taken care of. You'd almost expected them to be dry and chapped from scrubbing multiple times a day.

Suddenly he flexed, halting your motions, “That tickles.”

“Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.”

“I don't mind.” His voice was still low and tired, “How do you feel?”

You scoffed, “Like I've been hit by a bus.”

He slid his hand over yours gliding over your fingertips, “You're probably a little dehydrated.”

“I'll get some more water when I make breakfast.”

Law sat up and leaned over taking in your dark circles and puffy eyes, “You'll be resting today.”

“But I promised Roci-”

“And he'll survive his road trip on the snacks you packed him yesterday. Today you rest.” His expression was stern but there was a soft edge in his voice.

You'd denied him the opportunity to take care of you overnight, but this morning he wouldn't allow that. Your stubbornness was going to have to get used to allowing him to help you.

And so the morning began. You were too awake and queasy to go back to sleep anyway. While you showered Law and Roci made breakfast and coffee. After everyone had eaten it was time for your soon-to-be father-in-law to make the trip back to Olympia. He squeezed you and made plans to come back soon before instructing his adopted son to be sure you would be feeling better at the end of the day. Your doctor rolled his eyes like an annoyed teenager but agreed that he'd do everything he was told.

[leonsleftbicep]

II Heat Cycle - pt:2 kinda?

this has been marinating for a bit and I've been in a big writing mood recently. so, enjoy.

pt1: here

word count: 930

cw/tw: heat cycles, emetophobia, crying, the vessels aren't really human, polyvessels, they/them for III, it/its/they/them for Vessel, fluff? hurt/comfort? idk hes just in pain ig.

first bit is me trying to understand how im going to write about this

They all knew II hated his heat. To the point that when he first transformed into a Vessel, he cried all those first days. He didn't let anyone touch him but Vessel. he would cry and cry, not listening to any of them for help. just falling into the idea that he will just cry it away, till he passes out from exertion.

—

IV the day before immediately knew what was coming, and from the past years of being with all of them. He knew he needed to start making II's nest. IV made sure the fairy lights work, and planned on taking II out to get him his favorite foods. 

III made sure they had a wide array of pain meds and herbal remedies for some of the heat symptoms. hoping that this time IV or them will actually be able to help, but they knew it was a slim chance with how newly turned IV was.

II was in a pre-heat-haze. not knowing he had less than 24 hours till he would be in that excruciating pain and discomfort. He did his normal work around the house, with a slight shake here and there. went out to the shops with IV because he wanted to pick up some of II’s favorite foods and drinks. Which II didn’t even think as suspicious with the fact that he almost seems too laid back today.

III had dinner cooked, and welcomed II with a big hug when he and IV came home. Vessel met them all in the kitchen; they all didn’t like having a dining room and enjoyed standing and eating, more than sitting and getting fidgety.

Vessel volunteered itself to sleep in II’s bed while IV and III took to the main room.

—

It wasn't long after II and Vessel woke up when II started to whine and shiver. his tail curled around his thighs to keep them closed, as he cuddled up to Vessel. “hurts” II groans his skin damp already, his brows furrowed as he starts to weep.

Vessel instinctively texted III a simple text of “meds now” before they kissed II's forehead and held him. the strong pheromones making vessel purr absentmindedly. vessel pulled up II’s hair in a bun; knowing he most of the time had to vomit an hour or so after taking the herbs. II usually feels better after that.

III walked in quickly with a wooden shot glass of their usual herbal remedy, that III knew would have to be made again. a bit differently an hour or so after seeing II’s state after the first dose. III let out a huff as their tail flicked from the pheromones. III leaves the room after kissing II’s forehead and petting his hair. Which made II groan as more tears flowed down his cheeks.

—

after II drank the medicine he was sated for at least thirty minutes, before he scurried out of bed to the bathroom. Beginning to hurl up his dinner from last night. The studio was connected to the room II had to stay in, by a bathroom. which allowed IV hear the sound of II losing his dinner which made him worried.

he opened the door and was hit with a waft of pheromones, “II.. you smell, really good” he said incredibly surprised. II’s head was just in the toilet as he finally calmed down his stomach, “Ivy, I love you. but this isn’t the best time” II says as he sniffles a bit. 

Vessel walks in and sits next to II on the floor, Vessel rubs at II’s back to calm him a bit “IV, you need to stay in the other room, you don’t have a tolerance yet” Vessel huffs out as IV sits down in the doorway. 

“But I want to help. maybe being around him while he's like, This. Will help my tolerance.” IV states as he watches II wipe away tears and his mouth off with some tissue. Vessel and II sit and think for a moment, exchanging a long glance “it might work, that's kinda what we did with III” vessel says as he rubs II’s hips. II just wipes his tears again “i need IVy and III” II says in a pitiful manner. his strong stoic demeanor ripped away to expose a soft and sensitive interior of a man in pain. “love, i.. i don't know if we ca-“ Vessel was cut off " I can be good. I can support II and not get handsy. He Needs Me.” IV say’s defensively. Vessel shut his mouth and nodded. 

—

IV picks up II after he was finished in the bathroom. the three of them make their way to the main bedroom where III already sat in a hoodie and shorts. “oh?” III breathes as they sees all three of them. “Ivy made the decision that he needs to build up a tolerance, and II said he wants all of us” Vessel explains, it is also worried about all of this. IV sets II in bed where he immediately cuddles up to III like a needy cat. the pheromones were getting increasingly prominent, which was affecting IV but he was not going to show it. 

Once all cuddled up to them, II relaxes as Vessel lays on top of him and he has III and IV on either side of him. Both III and IV have their faces in II’s neck just so they can enjoy the lovely scent of his pheromones. they all start to purr as they start to fall asleep.

[faegoddessog]

Not 'till Monday

Warnings: Explicitly mature content, 18+ only, clit play, fellatio, cum swallowing, cunnilingus, snowballing (male to female), Austin taking SUCH good care of you is SO many ways.

Summary: Recovering from surgery is tough. Doing it with Austin at your side is amazing with one exception-no orgasms allowed. I mean how did the doctor expect you to NOT be turned on when Austin is caring for you? It was fine for the first bit, but as you near the end of your blackout period it gets harder and harder, especially when he's vowed to abstain as well. Monday morning could not come soon enough and that goes for the both of you.

A/N: This little one shot was inspired by a convo with @purejasmine. I basically vomited it up in 24 hours. There are wee references to my other works and yeah, I have completely self serving fantasy that he'd read my work and go... 'damn... that's hot'. LOL! Let a girl dream!!!

Enjoy! let know if you'd like to be added to my tags list!

@purejasmine @slowsweetlove @richardslady121 @austinbutlerslovers

You weren’t gonna read it, your T-besties new dirty smut,  but the line just jumped out at you and now you couldn’t stop reading and re-reading just that one line.

“Is this what you want? For me to fill you with my cock?” 

Holy. Fuck. You shouldn’t be, but you are so fucking turned on right now. The fucking buzzing and throbbing of your pussy is out of control! Fuck! It is so intense, it's no joke.  You give in and read on. When you get to the mutual orgasm part, you squirm in your seat feeling your wetness literally bubbling out. What the actual fuck!

“I can control myself” you think, literally shaking.

Your throat vibrates with a needy groan as you toss your head back. ”Stop triggering me, bro!” you assert to the ceiling. 

“Are you ok, Princess?” his concerned voice calls down the hall from your bedroom. 

“Yes, I’m fine.. Well not fine.. But I’m ok” you shake your head, sighing, texting your t-bestie to fucking stop, tongue in cheek of course. You never want her to stop. 

“What’s wrong, what’d I do Baby,” his voice is hot in your ear, just moments before his hand crosses your upper chest. 

“Nothing you did Austin, my love. She’s just at it again,” you hold up your phone to show him the latest smut. 

“Princess, you should not tempt yourself. You know the doctor said no orgasms, not until Monday. You can hold out a couple more days,” he lightly kisses your cheek and walks around to sit on the couch with you. 

“I know, I know and I’ve been really good and you’ve been amazing. But she writes you so well… plus just having you around keeps me wet all the time.” 

“MMM I know, that’s one of a long list of my favorite things about you,” he purrs at you.

Austin has been a freaking angel sent from the beyond since your surgery.  Well, longer than that. He’s cooked for you, made sure you’ve stayed on top of your pain meds, stayed up at night to hold you in his arms until you fall asleep. He’s never missed a chance to take your walks with you. Even though they’ve had to be a little slower than usual. He holds your hand and points out animals and trees and the beauty of nature. You are so in love with him, he is the best thing that ever happened in your life. He even declined a project that was supposed to be starting this month because he knew you’d need him. 

“Bah, there will be others,” he’d said when you had protested, “I wasn’t sure I wanted to do it anyway. And I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you after surgery.” 

The flip side is that everything he does just turns you on, he is like your own personal interactive pornography. You have excellent self control, something you’d had to cultivate in your previous, toxic relationship. But this was testing your limits, you were starting to have a hard time concentrating on anything.

“I love that you don’t get weirded out by reading her smut that is about you.”  You nestle into his arms.  You two frequently read her stories together, getting so turned on that you fucked like bunnies. She absolutely loved the idea that her mind fuckery got the two of you off. 

“Heck no, not when she’s given us some of the best fucking ideas… like that one about cockwarming…or the one where I dominate you and call you Pet… damn that was one hot time.” He reaches down and adjusts himself. It’s been a while for him too, he vowed no orgasms for himself in solidarity. 

“Sweetheart,” you cover his hand with your own, your pinky brushing his burgeoning bulge, “if you want to you can jerk off. You want to cum in my mouth?” You feel bad for him, and you fucking love the taste of his cum. The idea of it makes your pussy throb. 

“No, no my Princess. I made a vow and I’m sticking to it. Besides, I was once a teenaged boy, I’ve had plenty of hard-ons that I’ve not played with, and I KNOW how hot that makes you. No way.” 

 He stands up and offers both hands to help you stand up. 

“C’mon, I have a surprise for you.” 

He leads you down the hallway, through your shared bedroom and into the bathroom. The tub is filled with steaming water, the scent of lavender and chamomile drift in the air. Two glasses of sparkling water and a plate of your favorite foods sit by the side. You two bought this house in part because of the huge tub. Both of you love baths and wanted something big enough that you could share. 

Austin helps you strip naked, put your hair up, and get into the bath before stripping off his clothes. If this was supposed to help you calm down, it’s a disaster. You fucking love the sight of him. He has been working out especially hard and he is fucking ripped right now. His lats pop and the ripples of his torso are fucking gorgeous as he bends to pull his joggers off. He doesn't quite get the first leg off and hops a little, giggling. He is so adorable and sexy at the same time, quite the enigma.  

You lean forward as he slides in behind you. You feel the hardness of his cock slide down your back and nestle at the base of your spine. He wraps you in his kind, gentle, strong arms. You melt. 

“Fuck Austin, I know you meant this to help… but it’s fucking hot,” you are struggling to keep your hips still.

“You want me to run some cold water?” he says helpfully. 

You purse your lips and twist to look at him. He is smiling ear to ear, chuckling. He knows what you meant. 

“Just wait love,” he whispers in your ear, “wait and I'll give you the most mind-blowing orgasm with my mouth in a couple days.  Then I’ll cum on your tongue, but you have to promise to swallow.” As though you’d ever do anything else but swallow his seed. His cock twitches against your back, his teasing of you is turning him on too. 

“Austin, you are not actually helping.” you giggle. Giggling is the only recourse you have right now. You fucking love this teasing, love this mind fuckery. At least you know you’ll get it eventually. Get his mouth, his tongue, his fingers, his body, his cock, his cum. FUCK now YOU are not helping. 

“I’m sorry my love, here let me feed you. At least we can appease your slutty tastebuds if not your slutty pussy,” he kisses your cheek and grabs the plate. 

“My pussy isn’t slutty!” you say with mock indignation, “it’s only for you Austin. How can it be slutty?” 

“Mmm, you are right,” he reaches down to cup your pussy in his hand, but stops himself just before plunging into the water. making a fist instead 

“Your wickedly wonton pussy, then” he breathes into your ear. Dear goddess in heaven, he is not making this easy.

He proceeds to give you little tidbits of perfectly cooked bacon, rare steak with goats cheese, roasted root veggies, fruit and yogurt, perfectly ripe avacados. You suck the bits off his fingers as he feeds you. 

“My Princess needs her protein for healing,” he kept saying every time he cooked for you inthe past two weeks. He did, indeed, treat you like a princess. 

The next two days pass without incident. There are no new story updates, and Austin keeps it surprisingly G rated. Though there is an undercurrent of sexual tension throughout the house. Sunday night is like fucking Chistmas eve, the anticipation is driving you mad in the best kind of way. As you cuddle on the couch watching a film, a standard Sunday night in your joint home, his arm is draped over your shoulder. His fingers lightly stroke your collarbone. You think they are shaking slightly, as though he is a nervous teenager hoping for a gratuitous movie theater-like grope session.   Is your mind playing fuckery tricks with you? 

You hear him sigh. It’s nothing to do with the movie on the screen. You thread your fingers through his, rubbing your thumb on his palm. You can feel his eyes on you. You tilt your head up to look at his perfect face. His little dimple appears, the one that you can’t help but kiss. Now is no different. You lean up and press your lips to his. His fingers curl around yours as he deepens the kiss almost instantly. You are instantly wet, well, more so than you always are with him. Your tongues touch then caress lips. Lips are momentarily trapped by teeth, before opening to be sucked and stroked by tongues ones again. God his kisses are like fuel to your fire. Your hand drops to his chest, and you turn towards him, fully engaging in the act of kissing this perfectly amazing man. Kissing that quickly ripens into full on making out, including his hand sliding up your shirt to fondle your breasts. Movie theater grope session indeed. 

The blaze of passion that ignites in your belly is ridiculous. This is the first time you’ve really kissed like this since the surgery.  The forbidden fruit effect is full on. The fact that you can't have it, makes you want it all the more.  

‘Fuck it’, you think, your mind clouded with lust, ’what is a few less hours.’

You move to straddle him and at the same time your hand reaches to undo the button on your jeans. 

“Whoa, Princess,” his deep voice husky with desire, “not below the waist, not until tomorrow.”

“But…” your face is a mask of petulance, forehead crinkled down and lip stuck out. Your frustration is evident. 

“No, my Love, I promised I’d take care of you and that means following doctors orders. No orgasms until Monday, and four weeks still until I get to sink into your tightness,” he reaches out to pet your protruding lip with one long finger. The finger that you want rubbing your clit right now. “I’m sorry I gave in to temptation, Baby.” With both hands he tilts your head down and kisses your forehead. 

You close your eyes, breathing deep. He is right, dammit. 

Later that night, he is propped up against the headboard. You curl up in his arms, grateful for his love of a good snuggle. He opens the book he is reading out loud to you. His gorgeous baritone lulls you to sleep.

You must be in an orchard, you have to be. What else smells like vanilla and citrus? The tall grass you are walking through brushes against your naked butt. The grass reaches and gropes along your thighs, trying to get to your pussy.  It feels good, the grass caresses your ass. You realize it’s not the grass but a shining ethereal being standing next to you, hands cupping your genitals front and back. Warmth radiates from its hands and soaks into your skin. You feel an intrusion inside you, malleable and warm. A sense of peace glows in you, from the inside out and the light erupts from your sacral chakra, like water over pouring from a vase. It feels divine, like an orgasm of light. Then you feel a concentrated rubbing against your mons. You hear a moaning and realize it’s your voice. 

You come to full waking consciousness and feel Austin next to you, on his side.  The palm of his hand rubbing circles on your vulva. You realize you have been moaning and just came in your dream, or maybe here in waking life too. 

“Yeah,” you hear in your ear, “that’s it, cum for me.” You can smell the orange and vanilla on his wrist as he brushes hair away from your face.

You eyes flutter open so see Austin staring at you, biting his bottom lip, nostrils flaring. When he sees your eyes open, his mouth curves just enough to expose the dimple at the corner of his lip. That fucking dimple, it melts you. Then his mouth is on yours hard and fast, the clean taste indicating that he brushed his teeth and rinsed with mouthwash. 

His finger dips inbetween your labia, you are so fucking wet, he doens’t even need to pull wetness over your clit. It’s already bathed in your juices. You are pretty sure that you already came once, which is fantastic as you were nervous that something inside might hurt when you finally got to orgasm. 

His fingers start working their magic, circling the hood of your clit, over and over. Then switching side to side. His mouth is constantly on yours. You want to stop him and tell him you want his beautiful mouth on your pussy, but it all feels so good. Usually he would gradually get faster, but he keeps a steady pace. It’s mere minutes and your orgasm washes over you. Your body freezes,  spine jerking and your little grunts are swallowed by Ausitn’s mouth. 

“That’s my girl,” he gently pets your vulva, “How was that my love?” 

“Please, please keep going,” you pant, eyes pleading for the overstimulation that he is so freaking good at. You can’t stop your hips from pushing forward and back against his hand.

“No babe, we are gonna take it slow at first,” he smiles, eyes full of love, “don’t want anything to… burst or whatever with a crazy hard orgasm.”

“Hmmmmm” your voice whines, “can I at least have your cum, baby. I need it.”

“That I can do,” he nods imperceptibly, “C’mere sugar.”

You help him pull back the covers as you sit up,  unwrapping his gorgeously perfect naked form next to you. His cockstand is a fucking dream, thick and long lying on his chiseled stomach. Your pussy practically drips at the sight of it.  You snag the bottle of water from the bedside table and quickly drain it. 

“Get that mouth down there, I need to be wet,” his voice is grizzly with need. 

You could live off Austin’s cum. In fact you usually get it almost every day. The past two weeks have been torture, not having his milky seed in your mouth. 

Eagerly you straddle his leg, bending down. He pulls your hair, still in its sleepy bunny ears, away from your face. He fucking loves watching your mouth on him. You lick your lips, looking at his eyes as he tucks one hand behind his head for a better view.  He knows you struggle with your gag reflex and he has never asked you to go beyond your comfort zone. 

Tongue out, you lick his soft tip. He releases a shaky sigh. He has missed this too. You bring your lips together pushing saliva out between the seam with your tongue, letting it run down his cock. You push your closed mouth down, tongue flicking his tiny hole. You seal your lips over his red tip,  chasing the rivulets and sucking them back up as you pull back. You dive down again, only taking his tip. Your cheeks hollow and the sound of wet suction follows. 

“Oh my god, Princess” he breathes.

You rub your smiling lips along his tip in a figure eight, like lip balm. You love hearing his sounds of pleasure. You engulf his head again, just a little farther this time. Your tongue rubs side to side along his frenulum. You bob up and down, up and down, tongue working him, slurping on the end of his cock.  

He moans, his hand rubbing down his stomach to the inside curve of his pelvis. His thumb and forefinger catching up the root of his cock. His long middle and ring fingers falling in the crevice next to his balls. 

“Yeah, that’s it gorgeous. Get me all wet with that pretty mouth,” he croons at you. His glutes start flexing slightly,  pushing his cock up. He’s trying for all he’s worth not to fuck your mouth. 

“Princess, I gotta… I’m… I need…oh god” he moans, not able to finish any sentence. You pull back as he holds his hand out, you drip spit into his hand and he wraps that big fist around that big cock. His hips thrusting up into his hand almost violently. He is so considerate and didn't want to do that into your mouth and make you choke. Clearly the last two weeks have taken their toll on his self control. 

You love seeing him play with himself. Last summer,  you ‘caught’ him jerking off. He had thought you had left.  You’d ran back inside to get something you forgot when you heard his moan. Peeking through the door, your pussy had gotten so wet when you saw him sitting at his desk, laptop open. You had almost slipped into his office to help, but when you realized what he was watching, you were too beguiled to interrupt. It was a video you two had made. A close up of your lips around his cock, both oral and vaginal. You didn’t let him know you were there, but you watched through the sliver of the door as he stroked himself to climax. Your hand was down your pants and your finger on your wet, wet clit.  It was so fucking hot. You loved the idea of being his porn. 

Now, your pussy is again activated watching him pump himself. You realize you have lowered down to his knee and are rubbing your wet pussy on his thigh, riding him.

“Fuck, Princess. That is so hot, you are dripping down my leg,” he seethes through his clenched jaw. “GAH!” he tosses his head back, a sure sign that he is close. His hand speeds up, and stops, speeds up and stops, edging himself just a bit. His forehead is pulled down in concentration, his plush lips form a little ‘o’ as he pants.

Holy fuck, he could not be hotter in this moment. His bicep bulging,  his pecs popped, abs contracted and tight, forearm veiny with effort, thigh flexed and wet with your juices.  Your mouth is open, tongue flicking.nYour pussy lips dragging back and forth over his skin. Fuck, it feels so good. So much deprivation has made you ultra sensitive. 

“Get that greedy tongue down there, so I can cum all over it,” he puffs out. 

You tip your head down. His legs are long enough that you can still rub against him and reach his cock with your mouth. Your tongue is out ready to catch. 

“Yesssss, here it comes,” he moans. 

The warm milky cum spatters your tongue, you know how much he likes to see it hit your mouth.  He groans in appreciation. Then you are down on him, sucking lightly, not wasting a single drop. It’s so fucking hot, such an activation for you to have his cum in your mouth. You sit up and grind into his tight quads just at the insertion on the patellar tendon. It's the perfect dune of muscle to rub your clit on.  You moan around your mouthful of cum, your tongue rubbing it along the roof of your mouth. 

“That’s it Princess, get it,” his hand is still on his cock, lightly stroking himself. He is so fucking turned on with your wanton display. His other hand is on your knee, somehow wanting to help, but not wanting to interrupt your flow. 

Your pussy tightens, good lord the friction feels good. Just as you can feel yourself tipping over that brink, you let his cum slide down your throat. Your eyes roll back in your head and your pussy gushes as your hips freeze forward. Your hips and head jerk in unison, grinding your pussy down on him with each jerk. It’s nearly overstimulating… nearly. 

You fall forward onto him, ass in the air, panting, shaking. He catches you with waiting arms. 

Cradling your head on his chest. 

“You good, Princess?” there is just a touch of concern in his voice. You love how he loves you. 

You nod, slowly getting your breath under control.

“Could be better,” you look up at him with a glint in your eye. 

“Oh yeah,” he gently swipes at a creamy drop on the corner of your mouth, offering the drop to your mouth. You greedily lick it from his finger. 

“Yeah,” you say after rolling the salty tang around your mouth, “I, uh, I seem to remember a promise a certain hot fucking man made me. One of a mindblowing orgasm with his talented mouth.” You smile at him,  running a finger along  the border of his lips. Those perfect fucking lips. 

“Oh yeah, when is he getting here?” he jests, chuckling.

You purse your lips and shake your head, you love his silly goofy side.

“Austin,” you kiss his mouth then roll off him, legs wide,”get down there and make good.” 

His eyes smolder at you, he loves it when you have just a touch of command in your voice. It usually doesn't last long, as he likes being in control in the bedroom, but it turns him on nonetheless. 

“Yes Ma’am,” he nods. Catlike he flips on top of you and slides down your body. In supporting his upper body weight, his shoulders bulge and ripple. That and his ocean blue eyes never leaving yours is enough to set you off.

He wraps his arms under your upper thighs. 

He inhales the smell of you.

His eyes close and he moans in pleasure. 

His mouth opens and he drags his tongue along your lips. 

“Just nothing in, not yet” you remind him. 

The apples of his cheeks pop as he smiles up at you, “I know darling.”

His tongue rolls around under your clit, pushing between your labia. He laps your little lips into his mouth, sucking them gently. 

You moan at the sensations, god you’ve missed his mouth. 

He nestles down at the bottom of your entrance and with a flickering tongue licks your wetness up, sucking your clit lightly into his mouth at the top.

 It’s fucking amazing. 

He licks again, his bottom lip dragging after his tongue, over and over. Until he settles on top of your clit. One hand slips from your leg and you feel two fingers press, not into your vagina, but in the crevices on either side of your lips. He licks your nub with the tip of his tongue and  presses rhythmically on the legs of your clitoris from the outside, milking your pussy. It feels incredible, you had no idea that was a thing, at least not for your body. 

Your juices start to flow freely, dribbling down. He greedily licks as much of it up as he can, sucking hard on your labia. Then his mouth closes wholly over your clit and the top bits of your lips. He sucks, the tip of his tongue flickering over the hard little button. 

Oh fuck it’s good. He is good. Better than good, with his fingers working their magic. Your hands fly to his hair, fingers tangled in his unruly locks. Breath flutters out his nostrils and onto your pubis. Your hips start pumping against his pretty face. You know he loves it when you just let go and let your body react. He starts groaning, his hips mimic yours, driving against the folds of the sheets under him. The fact that he is so turned on by eating your pussy is exhilarating. The vibrations of his moans send your pussy into overdrive. All of a sudden you are there; screaming, grunting, shaking under the magnificence that is Austin’s mouth. Pleasure floods your body. You writhe.  He shifts, letting go the suction and licks long, sensuous strokes along your quivering cunt. He flicks your clit at the top each time, making you shake in aftershocks, making you drip that much more. He closes his mouth wide over your pussy, sucking hard. Then, with a closed mouth he pushes up to his knees over you. His cock is rock hard and jutting out from his lean form. He is a fucking dream. He leans his head forward and dribbles a mixture of your juices and his spit onto his cock and into his hand. 

“God I miss doing that to you,” he moans.

You are panting, watching the sex god Austin stroke himself. His hooded eyes are brimming with desire and lust. 

“Touch yourself,” he commands, “I want to watch.” 

You immediately obey, your finger rubbing back and forth on your swollen clit.

“Yes, finger that clit, Princess,” it’s taking all he has not to slide into you, but he would never endanger your health like that. 

Your finger runs in circles around your clit.

“Pull your lips apart, I want to see it all,” his tone is intense, brooking no argument. 

You spread yourself for him and continue to circle your clit. Anything for Austin. He spits into his hand again, and continues to pump fiercely on his cock.

“Pull up, I want that little hood pulled back,” he is huffing, his face contorted and serious, “I want you to feel my hot cum as it hits your naked clit.” 

Oh. My. God. He has never said that, never done that. Your finger stops rubbing and pulls back your clitoral hood. The cooler air hits your exposed clit. You moan and clench. He watches as your pussy contracts, his breath hissing between his teeth. He glides hard on his cock. 

“Keep it up, don’t touch it.” His chest  expands in a deep, deep breath. His orgasmic groan begins as a rumble in his chest and blasts out his mouth in unrequited vowel sounds. Hot semen hits your vulnerable clit, it’s like fucking lightning. Your back arches and your hips shake, your orgasm is inches away. All you have to do is rub… but he told you not to. 

Suddenly and unexpectedly,  his mouth is sucking on you and hard. His tongue rubbing in his cum, back and forth over your clit. Your climax explodes over you like fireworks. You are so fucking lit.  Your spine and hips jerk, bouncing you on the bed.   He rides you down, lapping up his cum from you. Then he is over you, kissing you deeply with a mouthful of his own, sweet cum. It’s intoxicating, mind blowing, hallucinatory and nearly makes you orgasm again. You swallow every drop, curling your tongue into his mouth, desperate to get it all into you.

He pulls away shaking, having given you the same cum a second time. Clearly he found it just as electrifying. 

“Fuck that was unbearably hot, Princess,” he pants.

Your head shakes as you nod up and down, still completely aroused. You pull his fingers between your legs. 

“Rub Austin, please,” you beg. 

Austin can’t resist it when you beg like that. 

You spend the rest of the day either in bed, in the bath or in the kitchen. Austin made you cum in all of them. Orgasm Day, you’d come to call it, your own personal annual holiday.  Now, only 4 more weeks and the medical ‘ok’ until you get to feel his thick cock stretching your tight little pussy. Until then, well it’s Austin’s cum for breakfast, Austin’s cum for dinner and Austin’s cum for a midnight snack. 

[cospple]

Fuckin Cospple Mpreg Fic

TWs: Workplace harrassment, mild violence, mention of pills (painkillers), mention of a shitty childhood (COSTCOS PARENTS NEED TO GO INTO THE SOUP), pregnancy discussion, vomit mention(doesnt go into detail!!!)

Wordcount: 1,406

Author note: i can't believe i actually wrote this.

According to all known laws of biology, there is no way Costco should be able to get pregnant.

His body does not physically have the capabilities to get pregnant.

The writer, of course, writes Costco mpreg anyways. Because the writer doesn’t care about the laws of nature.

~

[20XX. Years after Costco and Apple got together, they’re both adults now and happily dating.]

“Honeyyy,” Costco announced in a sing-songy voice, yawning from their bed, he’d just woken up. Apple was already up and cooking, the early riser she is. “I feel.. Sick. Can you grab me some pain meds?”

Apple ducked into their room, hair in a ponytail and signature overalls. She hasn’t changed a bit.

“Jeez, do I gotta do everything for you or what costs?” A stupid nickname ended her sentence. It still made Costco melt every time he heard it. She was teasing ofcourse, as she quickly returned with pills and a sip of water, handing them to her partner.

As he took the pills he felt something urch in his stomach and he flew out of bed and to the toilet.

Heaved over the porcelain throne he— i think I’m gonna skip writing this part. You guys understand. He vommied.

A little under an hour later, Costco is tucked into bed with a trash can near his bed and a heat pad on his lap, Apple sitting by his side quietly.

“Well, shit.” Apple mumbled, staring and the third and fourth positive pregnancy tests in her hand. And they weren’t hers.

They had both called in sick from work, but that was the least of Apple's worries. She excused herself and said she needed to make a call, as Apple stepped out of the room Costco grumbled in agreement.

What really confused Apple is that they hadn’t.. done anything to get either pregnant. And Apple certainly didn’t have the hardware to get someone pregnant! Costco doesn’t have the hardware to get pregnant! What the fuck all around! So her boyfriend is curled over in their bed, with APPLES emergency heating pad and vomit bucket when her periods get bad. She sighed and scheduled a doctor's visit on her phone.

~

It’s been a few days. Costco Costco Costco is still grappling with the side effects of being.. pregnant? dying? having the black plague? Atleast today they should finally find out what’s wrong with him. Apple is driving them to the doctors office. Costco is curled over and whimpering.

He wasn’t prepared for how bad this hurt. His stomach hurt, his head hurt. It felt like he was being stabbed in his.. everywhere. All the time.

Most of all he was confused. How did this happen? It’s not like he was sleeping around. And even if he was.. To put it plainly he shouldn’t have a uterus.

Finally. He crawled out of the car and Apple walked beside him. They entered the office and what felt like hours later got checked in and into the room with the doctor. The only thing keeping him from exploding was some sassy girl named Kate arguing with him. He found that fun in a way. Once they got inti the office, Costco was in entirely too much pain to talk right now, plus the internalized toxic masculinity within him would never let him say the words ‘i think i’m pregnant.’

Apple spoke up after a few minutes of small talk.

“I know it sounds insane, doctor. But we’re worried my boyfriend is pregnant? And that shouldn't be possible seeing he has NO genitalia that should allow him to do this. We took many pregnancy tests, all were positive. We just needed to see you.” As Apple rambled the doctor noted things down and before he knew it Costco was getting ready for an ultra sound. Not only was this emasculating, the thought that having a baby didn't exactly scare Costco was.. Terrifying.

Don't get me wrong, he does NOT want to be pregnant. Giving birth sounds HORRIFYING. But.. Raising a child? Naming them, raising them.. That sounded alright?? That's what scared him. Growing up, Costco’s family was interested in two things: Getting rich, and getting more children to help them get rich. His sisters were basically matched up as soon as they turned eighteen and Costco was only spared cause his parents were ashamed of him.

This whole, live to breed breed to live mindset was what Costco was getting away from his whole life. He wanted nothing if not to be.. Not like his parents. Apple and him had talked when they got more serious, neither of them were interested in children. At least back then.

The one thing he was scared of. Being like his parents. Was what he was doing. THAT it what was scary about this whole thing for Costc–

“You’re.. Pregnant.” The doctor mumbled, dumbfoundedly. “WHAT?!-” rang out from Apple and Costco in sync.

“That,” the doctor pointed at the ultrasound screen. “Is clearly a child. Somehow. I.. Would you like to know the gender?”

~

A few hours after Costco and Apple made the discovery. Apple is calling her boss for maternity leave.

Apple presses the call button tentatively. Ring. Ring. Ring.

“Yeelllllow. Kayden Matteson here whatcha need sweetheart.” Kayden coughed out, already sounding three bottles too deep

His voice got on Apples nerves so badly, he sounds like he hasn’t showered in a month.

“Hi! Mr Matteson, i was wondering if we could discuss some paid time off? I’m having some personal issues and i know Matteson Farming has maternity leave–”

“OH Appleeee. iiii am actually not available for business talk right now. Schedule a meeting if its that importantuhhh.”

“Oh- alright? Does tommorow work? We can meet over lunch i guess.”

“Sounds good dolllll meet me at noon. Panera’s restaurant.”

GOD does she hate him. Always drunk, always hitting on coworkers, always insulting other coworkers. Rot in hell Cayden. She hangs up.

When tommorow at noon comes, Apple gets ready, says farewell to Costco and is off. The farmer and the ceo make small talk for awhile and then Apple brings up the question of time off.

“What? No. Apple you know we’re having a hard time right now. You can work from home but that's it.” He announced, shaking his head.

“I know, but my partner and i–” As Apple rushed to get a word in she was rudely interrupted

“You’re always on about that partner, blah blah blah. You know you'd be cuter if you jusr shut up and smiled more, right?”

“I really don't appreciate that comment, Mr Matteson. Can we continue discussing time off?”

“Yeaahhh no. I’m the boss, deal with it pretty lady. Work from home.”

“Don’t call me pretty lady, please.”

“Make me, pretty lady.”

“Sir, this really isn't appropriate.”

Cayden moved his hand to hold hers and she flinched away.

“Don’t touch me.”

“Did i hit a nerve, darling?”

Smack. And then Apple stood up. And Cayden stayed sitting. With a dazed look on his face– aswell as a hand print.

“This is bull. I quit.”

~

Apple comes home, drops her keys on the counter and breathes a sigh of relief. Home.

Costco ducks out of their room and gently hugs her.

“Apple, love. Can we talk?”

Apple nods. She's had a hard day but she’ll be in the grave before she discourages communication.

“Course. What do you need?” They both sit on the couch and Costco takes a deep breathe.

“Okay. So. I know before we talked about not wanting kids. And it's fine if you still don't. But.. Thinking about raising this kid. With you. Makes me feel warm inside.. Fuzzy. A feeling that, for an alpha like me, used to be unfamiliar. I’m terrified of giving birth, but i want to experience this with you if you're ready.”

It took Apple a few seconds to process that.

“i haven't really thought about actually keeping this child. I.. I never really had feelings about children. If i end up having children, you're the one i want to do it with Costs. I’ll have to think about it. If this is something you really want, ill make sure to give it time and effort.” She took a deep breath out and waited for a response. Costco simply wrapped his arms around her.

This is new, and scary, and hard and scary for both of them. But they're gonna stay together. Through it all.

~

[puppycorewhore]

♡Ground Rules♡

Hihi friends! 3rd time trying to make this post so let's censor it a bit.

This is simply a precaution since I know that you guys are pervs but I hope you aren't total creeps~

Just in case here are some ground rules!

I will not discourage friendly messages, lewd confessions, or criticism in my dms but have some respect.

Have some respect for my time. I do get busy and may not be able to reply to your dms or asks.

Have some respect for me. I will not move to any other platform I haven't made public myself (ex. Discord, Twitter, Insta, etc.) And I do not and will not ever have a snapchat. I also have a good paying job, so good paying, in fact that I do not need a sugar daddy or mommy or a glucose guardian, so please do not message me or comment on my posts for any of these services. I will post it publicly this is your warning.

Have some respect for yourself. Do not send me unsolicited images of yourself or your genitals. I do not wish to see that and I will not reciprocate. I will not and do not send pictures of myself, lewd or otherwise. Doing so will result in my blocking.

Have some respect for my interests, I personally am not a furry and do not wish to attract them. I am not into diapers and do not wish to attract people into them. I apologize to these people but if you are into it please keep it to yourself and do not dm me with any of this content.

Have some respect for my page. Minors do not interact. This isn't a space for you and any accounts that follow me without their age in their bio will be blocked. I myself am of age despite any fantasy I post here or anywhere else and I don't condone any actual illegal activity (P3dophillia, r4p3, etc.)

This will be pinned and updated in case any if you creeps get creative.

Also, any post that I write personally will have the cute curly cursive title on it, anything else is work that I just wanted to share with yall that I didn't write.

Where else can you find me?

Instagram

Twitter

Discord (will update the server in a bit)

My dms

Your mom's house

☆ Updated Topics of discussion

Anal

- Pussy denial, Anal Training, Slight gape

Blackmail

- Light-Med, recording, pictures

Blood

- Light-Med hurt me so I bust my lip or my nose bleeds

Bondage

- Light-Med

Breeding

Breathplay

CNC/Dubcon

- Drugging, Betrayal of trust, Somno

Clothed/Partially Clothed Sex

- Usually my partner still clothed, Costumes, Lingerie, Pajamas

Cum

Corruption

- I love love love playing innocent characters and talking in simple terms and being made to do disgusting and embarrassing things

Degrading

- The more condescending and harsh the better

Dumification

- Acting dumb, naive, being forcefully dumbified, mind break

Exhibitionism

Fearplay

General pain

Gunplay

Humiliation

- A picture is worth a thousand words so make this little doggie do embarrassing things and make the moment last forever

Impact play

- light- med I'm interested in exploring new forms of hurt, light stuff like punching, slapping, biting, spanking

Mask play

Mouth stuff

- Throat training, sloppy makeouts, tongue play, sticking your fingers in my mouth

Medical Play

- Puppy play vet stuff?? Icky doctor visits??

Pet Play Arf Arf

Praise

Primal

- Hunt me down

Piss

- Light-Med, hand in hand with fear play and Humiliation

Spanking

Size Difference

Knife play

Blafklist

Scat

Gore

Vore

Diapers

Vomit

Race play

Feet

Have fun getting freaky-deaky on my page!! Arf arf! 🐶

[izzy-b-hands]

Feeling slightly better than i have been at this moment (hence being on Tumblr for more than a half second before my body goes 'hm, actually, that's too much. put the phone down or i make u throw up 🥰' as it has been all week since this back pain bullshit began

(more blathering abt this stuff and work and just. general life update as of this week below the cut)

But realised that's probably only bc:

-Housemate (who has been an absolute angel thru all of this and has looked after me better than my own mother ever has tbh), got me some Pedialyte style drinks, and I've made it thru nearly all of one today (a miracle bc the nausea has otherwise been constant even when the pain isn't as bad and has made eating more than like. broth and saltines and gummy edibles basically impossible)

-Im stoned, on a increasing rotation of meds (acetaminophen, ibuprofen, mucinex which it turns out has potential off label use for muscle spasms, as Housemate researched and found out, edibles, magnesium, and now ginger pills to help the nausea) all of which im grateful for but combined leave me feeling less in pain but a bit. idk. blah? brain foggy, more than usual? Tbh it's probably the pain making the brain fog, the pills just can't do anything for that and i don't fault them for that, but for a brain fog example, I've been trying to place an order for some local chocolates to ship to my mum for mother's day, and legit it's taken me ALL WEEK just to get the site open, to the shipping menu, and just today actually putting things in the cart, but I haven't managed to check out yet bc just getting the cart together that made me feel like i needed a nap. This post is the longest thing I've typed in days, and I'm struggling rn to keep going..But i started it, so we're finishing it, back spasm at a level 4 of pain be damned

-and im doing basically nothing aside from stretches (gentle yoga ones i already know the forms for, and some pilates gentle type things i remember from when mum joined that fad lol), using one of our wand vibes on my back (never had done before, they actually do work for that too! kinda fun to find out, just wish i hadn't found out like this!!), laying on a heating pad and wedge pillow, and trying to nap (bc the pain is worse at night so I've somehow been sleeping even worse than i usually tend to)while YT videos and/or the 1973 JCS plays on repeat.

I mention all this bc i work this weekend, and i don't want to have to call out for the first shift tonight. but like. if im struggling just to type this post up (nvm that i have my zine checkin to finish and send in as well, if Nads or anyone else from the group reads this pls know i will make sure i have it done by the due date! it's just been taking. longer, with this back pain mess), keeping my brain on track is difficult rn (as evidenced by...this entire post), and my back is starting to twinge up to a 3-4 overall already bc i let the heating pad turn off, thinking that maybe, just maybe, if I'm feeling okay enough to be on Tumblr then maybe that's a sign this is finally over, and my back is done making life miserable...

then maybe work isn't a great idea. but it scares me every time i have to call in (and I've tried not to unless i absolutely had to, but they're very particular abt ppl basically never calling out, so i know that even if they acknowledged i sounded as sick as i was, that doesn't mean this wouldn't be reason enough to fire me)

I just don't know what to do. i want to work. i want to make money. i also don't want to have to mute my mic bc my back spasms hard enough to make me vomit tho, and that's unfortunately still a very real possibility (spent entirely too much of this week throwing up from the pain tbh!!! not happy abt it, i do not like being sick like that, for any reason!!) The last reason makes me think calling out is the right thing. but. i have a few hours yet, so im gonna see how it goes, acknowledging that i probably do need to call out, whether i like it or not

(if for nothing else, to maybe be recovered for my first set of doubles on Sunday)

[coolsharkpirate]

Hey everyone, back by unpopular demand, it's Lysa. I made this account after deleting my old one so I don't have to use my new personal blog.

I am here to literally beg for help.

The short version is, I've had 2 ER visits, one becoming a possible 8 day hospital stay, so I am offering every custom/item on 737 for USD offers, and all customs labeled {Ban} on 1290 to help maybe pay some of this debt.

Long version that goes into detail is under the Read More

Two weeks ago I had to visit the ER after throwing up off and on for four days. I went in with a menagerie of symptoms, and they decided I simply had high blood sugar (350ish), gave me some fluids and sent me home with Metformin.

Father's day to the 28th I continued to vomit consistently, and was told it can be a side effect of the new meds. From the 13th of June to the 28th I had trouble keeping anything down, including water. It came to a point I was not only terrified to eat, I was throwing up without anything in my stomach, and just putting out straight stomach acid.

On the 25th I started having pain in my upper left abdomen, and on the 28th after 4 bites of one of my favorite foods, I threw up in the restaurant, then proceeded to do so for 3 hours after. Again it all became stomach acid.

That was when I finally asked to go back to the hospital, because I was worried I had more than just high glucose, like something in my pancreas or something.

I wound up having GAS labs run and the doctor came in with words you never want to hear "Your labs came back extremely odd, so I'm ordering a CAT Scan."

He said the exact same thing about my CAT scan, he'd never heard of or seen anything like it, but I had an apple sized abscess on my spleen.

I was transferred to the original ER because the one we were at weren't equipped to handle that kind of thing. I had to take an ambulance, and when I got to the ER I met with surgeons, doctors, every one, and I was told there was a chance they wouldn't need to remove my spleen and could drain it via IR, but there was always that chance.

Then they came back and said the abscess was inside my spleen, and surgery went up to 80% likely.

Thankfully the abscess is right next to the wall, and draining was possible. It looked like a big ass tube of strawberry jam, and I made the IR staff cringe by saying I wanted toast with strawberry jam now.

So for the last few days I've been laying in a hospital bed, in actual pain with a drainage pump in my organs, 3 IVs, taking every antibiotic known to man, having blood drawn every 4 hours, blood glucose checked every 3 hours, and having to drag my IV pole and pump to the bathroom because I refuse to get help to pee.

Upside being we caught the abscess before it ruptured (it was in the brink of doing so, which has a 70% mortality rate), and I can finally eat food!

Biggest downside, is this is going to be expensive, so I am putting out that all my customs on 737 or ones on 1290 labeled BAN and any items on 737 (on Mweors or not, I'll get a Screenshot of my inventory soon as I can) is up for USD offers.

[totallyexhausted]

Because I’ve hit a small writer’s block; here is a snippet of Trigun

Trigun sickfic snippet - Wolfwood sick. I’m currently on 28 pages (I know, I need to wrap it up) and have hit a writer’s block for about a day soooooooooooooooo maybe posting something will get me back into it. I have the draft outlined and know where I’m going with it but *shrugs shoulders* (This snippet doesn’t detail anything and I’m not saying where it goes as far as his “sick” timeline). But i love Vash being Vash, and Wolfwood being Wolfwood... who am i kidding, i love all the characters. Especially shaggy hair and emo priest 

Keep in mind, my SFs are kind graphic as far as description, self-reflection, cursing, yada yada but the snippet doesn’t have any depictions of vomit. Also in my version, Wolfwood has scars from his abusive childhood (canon), several from the experiments and other “wounds” because he can heal if he drinks the blue liquid, but most of the scars remain because i love to torture this man. Also, his age is a running joke. :) 

Idk man, lmk if you’re interested. I’m trying lol 

...

...Meryl made a small noise of discomfort, her fingers gripping the back of her seat nervously as she looked between Vash, Wolfwood, and Roberto. She bites her bottom lip, pressing her fingers tighter against the cushioned material, shivering slightly as the cold air pricked her skin. She hums anxiously, “Hm. I really think we should drive on. The town could have a doctor… I think he really needs-”

           “We’ll see how he is when we reach the next town,” Roberto cuts her off gruffly, “See how he is in the next few hours. But I’m not really sure if a doctor would be able to help much. You see those scars? Something tells me our conman here isn’t exactly normal in the human department.”

           Meryl grumbles slightly as she turns back towards Wolfwood cradled protectively against Vash’s chest. She wants to roll her eyes, to tell Roberto he’s wrong, to ignore him like she normally does; she wants to turn around, start the car and plow through the fucking dark desert in order to reach the next town. Because she’s pretty sure Wolfwood’s dying. Or at least, he looks like he’s dying as sweat pales down his face, glistening sharply in the moonlight; his breathing sporadic and uneven, heaved against his chest, through a half-open mouth, and every sound grated past his chapped lips, feels heavy in her ears.

           She bites her bottom lip again, clutching her fingers against the chair. Wolfwood looked so small in Vash’s arms. Childish. Innocent. Wrong. She hadn’t heard him mutter a word, choke out an intimidatingly friendly insult or reach for a crumpled cigarette, since this afternoon. But that had been several hours ago. Several long hours. And she wasn’t really sure the meds they’d managed to get into him would help much... would help the way a doctor could. But despite ignoring almost every other order Roberto had ever given her, she was too afraid to disobey now. She was too afraid he was right. After all, the older man seemed much calmer in this type of situation than she was, than she felt.

Besides, the older man was right; the several scars she could make out lined beneath the top two buttons Roberto had undone in hopes to reduce some of the heat sitting on the gunman’s skin, looked anything but normal. Looked like Wolfwood had gone through something… something a normal person couldn’t. Shouldn’t. Something traumatic. Horrifying. Painful. I grew up in an orphanage… I lost my parents at a young age too. Wolfwood’s words hadn’t meant much to her, but thinking about them now, hearing them echo over their first meeting, sent chills down her spine as she continued to stare. Small dark lines from previous wounds painted against tan sweaty flesh. And that was just from the several she could see, sweating against the moonlight and dim lighting from the cabin’s shitty overhead light… there was no telling how many more he actually had....

.....

I’m hoping to post soon because like ughhhhh 

[gnabnahc317cb97]

Leave Me

Minho x Reader (gender not specified)

Word count: 630

Synopsis: You do the unthinkable after another fight with your husband

Warnings: 18+ONLY MDNI! This story is about an attempted suicide. It mentions toxic behavior, arguments, and uses strong language. If any of that can be triggering or upsetting please don't proceed with this story. I don't want anyone to be upset by anything I've created so please heed the warnings!

Minho stood next to the hospital bed you were in, tubes, IV’s and cords hooked up, keeping you alive when he knew you didn’t want to be. He stood there guilt stricken, gut wrenched. How could you do this to yourself? Your father had gone off on him, rightfully so, it was Minho’s fault. He’d made a promise on the day you said your vows. He swore to love you, to never let you down. He swore to protect you from pain to shelter you from it, not be the cause of it. He’d promised your mom and your dad. If he wasn’t always so concerned about the future he would have noticed you needed him by your side, he thought to himself. After all of those days, you kept it inside he didn’t know how he’d missed all the tears that you cried. 

A fight. 

Just a fight. 

It was just a fight. 

He was working too much, not present enough. It was like you blink and years had passed you by. You wanted to start a family but you worried he was drifting away, possibly having an affair. A fight. Just a fight. It was just a fight. Minho didn’t like the person he was when he hurt you cause his knee jerk reaction was to leave. He would desert you in the middle of an argument, too angry to listen anymore like he’d done this time.  

You were the only one he’d ever dreamed of, a truth that he hid with lies when he was mad. He said he loved you enough to let you be free, so if you wanted to leave then leave then slammed the door behind him as he left himself.  

When he was calm again, like always, he realized he truly didn’t deserve you. He couldn’t blame you, it was him, his absence, his temper, it started with him. He loved you but would leave you in moments of need until you finally broke like the promise he refused to keep.  

Minho went back to apologize, to make things right but when he walked through the door he found you in the living room, unconscious, with an empty bottle of your meds on the floor close by. He quickly turned you on your side and made sure you weren’t choking on your tongue or vomit then called emergency. As he stood over you now in the hospital now, it killed him. Cause maybe he’s the reason why. Of course he’s the reason why. He got on his knees holding your hand in both of his. 

“I’m begging you don’t leave me. You can do so much better and if you wake up and want a divorce, I won’t blame you but please, please don’t die, please don’t leave me.” He was crying with his head pressed to the back of your hand now. 

“I’m so sorry for the way things went down and I’d be lying through my teeth if I told you I was surprised. I wish that I could run back and right my wrongs, maybe you wouldn’t be gone if I spent my energy trying to actually be a better man. I don’t think you understand what you mean to me. What did I think would happen, our love was deeper than ration. No I don’t deserve you but please don’t leave me.” Your hand squeezed Minho’s and his head shot up in a flash. He saw you looking down at him with tears in your eyes and he could tell you wanted to say something but with the tubes, right now that was impossible. Minho nodded, tears streaking his face and ran his thumb over the apple of your cheek. 

“It’s going to be okay. I love you.” 

Please do not repost or translate any of my works. My blog and stories are NSFW and 18+ ONLY! Minors, ageless, and blank blogs will be blocked!

[northwest-cryptid]

Here's the thing that no one seems to understand...

Living with chronic illness/pain, as a poor person; with medical problems like asthma. I am in permanent stealth mode not even intentionally, but because I live with it. You don't know unless I tell you.

I meet people every day who assume I'm just some able-bodied wealthy person who lives a comfortable life. Why? How?

Well you follow me on the website where I vent a lot so you don't often get to see me as I am, but as someone who lives with a ton of life crippling problems and who knows a ton of people who also do. Let me tell you right now that I don't go through my day to day life suffering. We don't like, limp around going "ooooh ow the pain and suffering; ugh I'm miserable 24/7; oh man it SUUUUCKS"

No, you'll find me in VRChat with my friends just fine, sure I'm absolutely dealing with muscle soreness, general neck pains which give me headaches; I'm likely very hungry and my stomach is in a ton of pain from a poor diet of "whatever we can afford" but I'm not going to like... express that all? We're in the middle of hanging out and we're having a great time, why the fuck would I just be like "oh man the thing I experience every day is STILL happening!"

I literally only do that to ask for aid, or to vent my frustration with the world in general on a very specific website (it's tumblr) but in my day to day life? Nah. I once got an ask that was like "buddy do you do ANYTHING other than complain?!" Which, like dude you're following me on the website where I word vomit; but the truth is...

This week I built a few desks to revamp my living space since I've not really unpacked or moved in despite living here for like 4 years. I cleaned my entire living space, I played a ton of Morrowind with my partner (we are playing through as Benny Biggershoes, descendant of Benny Bigshoes; we're an argonian mage it is very silly,) I also jumped into yet another unity project to do a bit of editing on my VRChat avi/world, got a bit of work done in Blender as well; played a ton of Once Human which I'm trying to figure out how the hell to stream since the game lags like crazy but has been a fun ride over the last few weeks. I'm also getting into MWO with some friends, I found some new bands/artists I'm really enjoying the sound of, my favorite DJ released a new track that was actually really solid and I was absolutely loving that. I've been successfully growing more plants in our garden, I even got a small greenhouse in my office now as well as an air purifier which is helping with my asth- oh fuck I can't mention that, if I mention negativity you'll suddenly forget all the other shit I talked about... uh, I practiced more art and made a new OC that's been fun to figure out how to draw since they're really stylized. I also worked a bit on my website which was fun; I'm enjoying figuring out how to make HTML do a bunch of silly stuff that I want my website to have. We've been cooking a lot more and that's been really fun; let's see what else oh right I also invented a new speedrun which I'm trying to get approved on Speedrun.com so that's cool.

Like, my point here is that yea I'm dealing with chronic pain, asthma, various horrible side effects of being poor (literally need to go to a doctor desperately to get meds but it's expensive and I don't have insurance yet, I've been sick with the same infection for upwards of like 4 months now.) It's all become normal, that doesn't mean it's okay, or that I need to be silent about it; not on my personal blog; not in my personal space. Yes I have a life outside of that all, but yes it is a constant in my life. I'd like to minimize that as much as possible.

It's upsetting to people because I don't LOOK disabled, I don't LOOK like I'm suffering, I don't LOOK like I need money. I don't LOOK like you think people in my position SHOULD.

So the people who would revel in my suffering can't, because I'm not; but those who seek to help me out of my suffering also see that I'm not constantly this pathetic wriggling mess and go "well guess they don't need my help, they seem fine!" Which is the worst because this results in me getting no help and also getting a lot of angry random anon hate about how I'm... uh, not allowed to vent about living with chronic pain, being poor, being disabled; living in a place where I can't afford to get on disability or benefits; and generally live in a shitty situation despite making the most of my life.

People don't like it when I'm happy because they think I'm supposed to be miserable, people don't like it when I'm miserable because that's not entertaining and they think of me as some kind of content creator to consume rather than a human being. Then when I play up a character people say I'm cringe, so like; man you really can't win with people ya know?

Fortunately, I'm winning with myself as best I can, it doesn't mean I wouldn't mind a hand up every now and then; it doesn't mean I don't need help, it doesn't mean I'm not still suffering from chronic illness, asthma (which I literally can't even get an inhaler for because I can't afford it), and a nearly 5 month long (as of now) sinus infection compounding with long covid.

Sure I have very real problems, and I gotta vent that sometimes; but I'm also not going to be some miserable sad sack 24/7. You find me in VRChat and you'd never know I have chronic pain that limits my mobility. You find me in an online game or out at the store or you ask me about unity on a forum and you'll never know I'm struggling to do everything that I do. Because it's normal to me, you don't mention how many times you drink water a day to stay hydrated, I don't mention how many times I need to sit down and rest or take anti-inflammatory meds; or pain killers. It's normal, but that doesn't mean I like it.

[mrpuppeteer]

Chapter 5 - Don't Breathe.

CHAPTER 5 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ -CREDITS- Story/Writer: BigBox678 Editor: Yin-Yang ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As soon as we heard the noises outside the door, we all knew something was trying to get in. We all moved to a blind spot far from the door. I noticed the rope that led back into the duct, and I looked at Emily and Theo, they both had the same idea as me. But as soon as I started moving, a giant monster burst into the room. I dashed back to the spot, and I peeked over a table to see what it was. But when I saw it, I wished I hadn’t. It was a huge, horrid beast standing on all fours. It had fluff like Doc, but its eyes were bulging red. Patches of its fur were ripped off, revealing bloody muscle. And it smelled HORRIBLY!!! And then, when I took a closer look at its bloody spots, I saw why. It was rotting, eggs with slimy maggots on the inside of it. Maggots! Burrowing into the beast! I wanted to vomit, but I held myself together to not alert it. 

We all knew we had to get out of the security room as soon as possible. So, we quietly and slowly made our way back to the rope. We inched closer to our freedom, and it seemed like we were going to get out. But as soon as we were right next to the rope, Doc came on the walkie-talkie from his radio. 

He whispered, "Hello?".The beast heard this, sparking it into a violent rage. It lunged at us, but we all quickly got out of the way. When we got back on our feet, however, we noticed something... The rope was gone! It had been ripped off by the beast when it lunged. Crap! Now what?! I looked around and noticed the opened door the beast entered the room through. Of course! We just needed to sneak out, and we are home free! But when I looked back at Emily and Theo, I noticed that Theo had been clawed by the beast and now had 3 big gashes across their torso. Oh no… The beast looked at Theo, ready to finish the job. But then, with all her might, 

Emily screamed “NO!” and leaped onto the beast’s back, pulling and tugging on its fur, making it run wildly around the room. However, Emily held on, not daring to loosen her grip. She wasn’t going to let one of her friends die. While Emily was wrestling with the beast, I went over to Theo. They were in immense pain, clutching onto my shirt with tears of pain in their eyes. I grabbed a piece of cloth off of a nearby shelf and wrapped it around Theo’s torso. The beast finally shook off Emily and sent her slamming into a wall. 

Emily then looked at me and yelled, “RUN! TAKE THEO!”. I then hoisted Theo onto my back and ran out of the room, with Emily running out shortly after. The Beast then let out an earth-shaking roar, beginning its chase. I followed the signs leading back to the theater. 

Emily realized what I was doing and called out once more. “DON’T GO THERE! GO TO A SPOT TO HIDE!” I didn’t know why I couldn’t go back to the theater, but I followed Emily’s instructions anyway. I took a sharp right, running as fast as I could. I didn’t know when I was going to stop, but I wanted to get as far away as possible. A few minutes later I found a closet to hide in, I ran into the closet and slammed the door shut. I was pretty sure I had lost the beast, which I did. I had just assumed it was chasing Emily, but I wasn’t worried because I knew she’d be okay. I set Theo down, they looked very tired, as to be expected, but they were holding on.

 “Are you good for now?” I asked, they nodded. 

“We need to stay here for a bit, you okay with that?” They nodded once more. I let out a sigh of relief. I looked around the closet and spotted a med-kit. I took it off the shelf and opened it, then I started to treat Theo with actual medical supplies instead of dirty cloth. After I was done, Theo sighed and started to relax. Theo then drifted off to sleep. It didn’t take long for me to meet the same fate.

I woke up to pitch black darkness. It was so dark that I couldn’t even see my own hand in front of me. 

“Hello?” I yelled out into the darkness. I heard nothing but the echo responding back to me. I took a step forward, but my foot didn’t land, that was because there was nothing in front of me.  So I started to fall. I tried to scream, but I couldn’t hear myself over the sound of the intense wind. Then before I knew it, I woke up. In the closet this time. 

“Oh… just a bad dream…” I whispered to myself. I looked over to Theo. They were still asleep. It felt like hours had passed, so I decided it was time to go. I nudged Theo awake and told them it was time to go. They picked themselves up and they managed to stand. I opened the door just a smidge and peeked outside… It was safe. Me and Theo slowly walked out and looked around. I then looked up at the direction signs, and we started to follow the way back to the Theater. It was very quiet, to the point where my breathing sounded like a huge gust of wind every exhale. Theo then tapped me on the shoulder, pointed to my walkie-talkie. 

“Oh right!” I responded. I then turned the walkie-talkie on and said “Hello?! Doc?! Emily?! Are any of you there?!” … No response, try again. “Hello?” I said with concern. … Radio silence… 

Crap.

 I looked at Theo. They nodded. We both then started to head back to the theater. After a long jog, we finally made our way back to the theater. I pushed the door open to the stage and saw… nobody. I started to worry even more, so I started to look around. I went into the weapons room, nobody. The only other room was the medical room. Me and Theo made our way into it. Once we entered, we saw Doc on a chair.

 “Oh my god!” Doc exclaimed “I thought you two were dead!” Doc got up from the chair and embraced Me and Theo. 

“Woah, woah.. We’re glad to see you too but… where’s Emily?” I asked Doc. 

“Well.. She was just here… she looked pretty bruised though… She just stopped by and then went out again to look for you two,” Doc replied. 

“I hope she’s okay… What am I saying.. I know she’s fine.. This is Emily we’re talking about” I answered back. 

Doc then said, with tears in his eyes, “I…I’m so sorry.. I thought I had gotten you two KILLED! I heard the roar on the radio a-and… It was too much… so I shut off the radio.. Thinking you three had perished… It was too much..!” Doc then bursted into tears, and hugged Me and Theo again. 

Doc then looked at Theo and said “T-Theo! You’re hurt!! But.. who applied these…” Theo then pointed at me. “Y-..You patched up Theo?” Doc questioned with his hands on my shoulders. I nodded. Doc beamed widely, whispering, “You are the best puppet we could’ve found to join us…” Doc hugged me and Theo for a third time. This… is where I’m meant to be… TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 6

[illmoraineakoi]

Fun Fact: A few years ago, I went to the ER with the worst stomach pain I ever had. I legitimately thought my appendix had burst, because it was in that general area and I still had mine.

It was a fucking nightmare.

[Under a Read More bc this got loooong. Also, Trigger Warning: Graphic Image]

They refused to do anything for me until I proved I wasn't pregnant via a urine sample.

I was so nauseous that I literally couldn't keep water down, and I hadn't drank anything for the entire day because of that (because I am American and had resisted even going to the hospital until the pain had reached that 'I think I might literally be dying' point.) So there's like four nurses that kept badgering me to drink the water, stop vomiting, tell us when you last bled from your vagina, who's your sexual partner, etc.

Some important facts about me: I have never once had sex with a living man; the only sexytime friends I have are the ones made from rubber. I have a VERY irregular menstrual cycle, to the point where I once only had four periods in an entire year (I heavily suspect I have PCOS.) And I am a very fat woman with crippling social anxiety.

Those immutable facts didn't matter apparently.

Because despite being a 25 year old adult, the nurses apparently decided that I needed to be chided to about how "A lot of young girls don't want to tell us this information because they don't want to get in trouble."

...So that was fun, being assumed to be a total liar about my sexual history :)

And also very patronizing, to be lumped in with 'young girls'. Maybe those same 'young girls' also don't want to tell you shit because you're also being super patronizing and righteously to them too, did you ever think about that?

The entire visit was like that. It felt like getting teeth pulled, and trying to pull teeth in return.

"We can't give you any pain meds until we're sure you're not pregnant." "Unless I'm the next Vi grin Mary, I can guarantee you I Am Not. I feel like my stomach is going through a chipper shredder. May I at least have a low does of something?" ":) No. Wait here for another half hour without seeing one of us. There's a tiny child complaining of a tummy ache three doors down."

[That child walked out of there in five minutes. He'd just had really bad gas. I get the need to prioritize people based on the severity of what was/might be wrong with them, but that still kinda pissed me off. Especially because it still hadn't be explicitly ruled out that one of my internal organs hadn't exploded.]

Shocker, how the nurses got a little grumbly when my test came back completely negative, because OF COURSE IT DID, I LITERALLY TOLD YOU THAT MY VAGINA HAS NEVER SEEN A REAL DICK IN HER ENTIRE EXISTENCE.

Reminder that I was 25-26 when this was happening. NOT a teenager, and not even an age where I could be mistaken for being younger than I actually was. I was an adult woman, and I looked like an adult woman. Who also gave her date of birth on the paperwork they made her fill out.

Who they had refused to not perform a pregnancy test on despite my repeated refusal and instance that such a test was unnecessary.

[I double-checked this with the surgeon who actually took care of the problem, afterwards. I asked specifically if the pregnancy test was used to look for other problems or help determine a suspected diagnosis. They sometimes could, she said, but not for me. Not for any of the things that could have been wrong with me outside of pregnancy-related things. The test was 100% just to determine if i was knocked up, and thus completely useless. A waste of everyone's time.]

Those nurses straight up told me if I refused to give them a urine sample to test, there was nothing they could do for me and they would have to ask me to leave. I HAD to comply.

At that point, i was in so much pain (literally crying) and so mentally exhausted that I just gave up and did what they wanted. And, also, by that point, the fluids they'd been pumping into me had actually gathered enough for me to be able to give them my piss.

That was the first instance of this HOSPITAL refusing to listen to me.

The second was when they found out what was wrong, and sent me home with three days worth of pain meds to last until my primary OBGYN handled the problem.

Important note: I did not have an OBGYN. I had to figure out who in my area accepted my insurance and then call around asking if they were open to new patients.

Or, I would have had to call around, if there wasn't exactly one (1) Lady Part Doctor within 100 miles of my location that took my insurance. Who had not been open to accepting new patients.

I begged. I literally fucking begged this office.

Just this once, can one of your doctors figure out what's wrong with me and help me. I'll fucking pay out of pocket if you want me to, I'll pay double, I'll do anything, just please give me access to someone who can tell me what the fuck is going on and make the pain stop.

Because oh yeah, the hospital hadn't done that.

They didn't tell me what was wrong with me. They just said "You have gynecological issues that we can't treat. Contact your OBGYN and go to them. Bye."

There was zero mention of the 13 inch wide Ovarian cyst that these motherfuckers found on the ultrasound they did. A hugeass cyst that could pop at any point and was literally strangling my ovary to death. The pain? Yeah, that's why; my ovary was twisted so tight that blood couldn't get to it and it was DYING. That pain was my right ovary's death screams.

It took a week to get into the OBGYN office. [My ovary was unsalvageable by that point. Any longer, and it would have started to rot and give me sepsis.]

Luckily, the universe decided that I had suffered enough misfortune during this horrible situation, and threw me a miracle that I am still grateful for to this day: the main OBGYN doctor of the office I begged had agreed to see me.

Because apparently she had figured out what was likely wrong just from those ten minutes of talking to me on the phone, and had become concerned enough to want more information.

Also apparently, she was APPALLED that the hospital had ever let me walk out it's doors, because she very much considered this to be a huge emergency requiring surgery ASAP.

The problem being this fucking thing:

[Warning: Graphic]

Yeah, that was inside of me.

That is the Dermoid Cyst they pulled out of me. That red tubey thing on the right of the second pic? That WAS my ovary.

What had happened was that, that day, I had moved just wrong enough for it to then shift inside me and twist my ovary at the falopian tube. This thing was likely growing inside of me for most of my life, which is normal for dermoid cysts. They're just normally found before they're so big and also normally don't cause problems.

I forget the exact measurements they took of it, but I think it was even larger than they thought it was. I just default to 13 inches because that's how big she originally told it might be from the ultrasound imagining, and that number kinda fried my brain.

[It was noncancerous. Just full of normal Dermoid Cyst stuff, like hair, fat, puss, etc.]

I had that inside of me. For a full week. While it had twisted my ovary and strangled it to death.

AND THE HOSPITAL HAD DETERMINED THAT IT WAS THERE AND SENT. ME. HOME.

The OBGYN doctor who agreed to see me had been my savior. She was a godsend. Because she wasn't just an OBGYN, she was also a surgeon. She MADE room in her schedule to do surgery on me the very next day.

That was how concerned she was about this thing rupturing inside of me and KILLING ME.

BECAUSE YEAH, THAT WAS THE FIRE THAT I WAS APPARENTLY PLAYING WITH! THE DANGER THAT I HAD NO IDEA ABOUT. FUN!

[And she was such a kind person. She apologized no less than ten times for not being able to keep the incision smaller, because she knew it would scar. She had to go around my belly button just to fit this stupid thing out of me. I didn't care about that. A scar is a scar, they happen. The fact that she helped me to the degree she did when she literally didn't have to was all that mattered to me. She was the one who helped me through everything about this situation, and I will never forget her kindness. I am still thankful to her, even now.]

But you wanna know the kicker? The part that I still rage about, and thing that made me refuse to ever go back to that hospital even if i was literally dying?

She was a surgeon who partially worked at that same exact hospital.

And she had been there, that very night I had come in.

And she told me, "if someone had told me about this then, I would have come help you. I would have taken you on as a patient right then and there and squeezed you in sooner. Maybe not that night, specifically, but definitely the next day. There is no excuse for them to have sent you home like they did. They should have brought this case to my attention. Handling these types of surgeries and c-sections are all I do at this hospital. I don't know why ER hadn't let me know."

The double kicker? I had asked if there was anyone there who could help me at the time. And the hospital said no.

Had the ER staff contacted her and had I had the surgery a full week earlier, I would still have my right ovary. She could have saved it, it wouldn't have been too late.

The ability to have kids isn't important to me. I don't want to have babies, I don't like babies. The loss of one of my ovaries isn't a big deal to me.

But I am horrified to think how emotionally devastating that this situation could have been for someone who DID consider the ability to have children important.

And I just find it so very ironic, that the hospital that was so concerned about determining if I was up the duff to the point of causing me agony for hours is the same exact hospital that permanently affected my fertility.

Funny, that.

I did not feel like I was treated, medically, at that ER. I still don't, to this day. I didn't feel like a human person that was worth their time or sympathy, because no one there afforded me even the barest scraps of either.

They didn't listen to me. They didn't try to work with me to determine a plan of action. They didn't even tell me what was wrong with me. There was ZERO communication.

I don't know how the ER medical field works, I don't know if this is normal, if I'm just complaining out my ass and all the ER nurses and docs are currently rolling their eyes at me, I have no idea if I seem entitled or not. I thought I had behaved pretty reasonably and politely. I thought that my expectations of how I would be handled wasn't outrageous or illogical. Maybe I'm missing some context and the nuances of how the Emergency Room functions. This is the only time I've ever been there.

But if the above is normal...Fam, this ain't it. This isn't how you treat people. This shouldn't be how you treat people.

It never felt like I was being helped. Just like I was a problem and shouldn't be there. Like the only parts of me they saw were my vagina and uterus.

It's only coincidence that what was wrong with me was actually a problem with my female parts. Had it been a popped appendix like I thought it had been, how much longer would it have taken them to get there? Until I needed to be hospitalized for sepsis?

Or would they have contributed that to a problem with my vagina too?

Medically speaking, informed consent does not just apply to things you want done to you or for you, it also applies to things that you don't want done to you or things you don't want withheld from you.

I don't think a lot of people realize that, and I don't think a lot of medical professionals want to acknowledge that, because it means they would have to reevaluate the ethics of denying treatment to patients. Also they would have to reckon with their patients' agency and right to self-determination. Both of those things really freak some medpros out.

[stardustinmyhands]

6/26/24

I saw a pain dr yesterday. The office was super fancy. I felt a little awkward, but the provider was very nice and did a good exam.

Yesterday I had a killer migraine toward the end of the day. Yay for migraine medication.

I also didn’t vomit yesterday, which is a win.

I’m still waiting on the pharmacy to fill my nausea syrup. I should call ask wtf? (Just called it didn’t come in the shipment yesterday, they said the soonest it would be there is Friday if it shows up. 🙁)

My gf made some peanut butter oatmeal cookie dough, so I baked some today. They are yummy. I forgot to press down the first batch.

I woke up with sore elbows, which maybe cause the dr manipulated them yesterday. Tramadol is taking care of it.

Sunday was hydration day, so my stores was having a sale of all water bottles $24.99 and less for $6. I got a new one for less than $5 cause I got an employee discount. I’m drinking more water cause of it. I’ve also discovered my pouch doesn’t like plain water, but I found Gatorade packets that are sugar free and my pouch loves them. I do live in Az so I need to stay hydrated.

My gf ordered me vomit bags off of amazon. I’m glad for those actually I can keep them in my purse too.

I have to admit the new powder I’m taking and the Reglan are helping, I can handle more stuff. I wish I could take the reglan with every meal instead of twice a day. I don’t see the GI doctor till October now. They scheduled it for me, which is fine with me.

I have to admit I sometimes wonder if IVIG infusion weekly instead of every two weeks would help me. If I did it weekly I would probably start doing it at home. I mean I already have Tony (that’s my port).

I was thinking today if my stomach stuff gets worse will I need iv feeding through my port? I know some of my conditions will get worse, like my RA and my autoimmune disease. But will I figure out how to deal with and treat my nausea and vomiting. I maybe cause I’ve had two stomach surgeries. I sometimes wonder if it would be easier to just get my fluids via Tony. Then I won’t have to worry about if it will make me sick. I consider it a win if I don’t vomit that day. And it may happen today.

My behavioral clinic called me today. Saying I have to get labs done. I live over an hr away. I don’t wanna go there just for blood draws. They filled all my meds.

I have 8 meds at the pharmacy waiting to be picked up. I will get them tomorrow, when I go shopping.

I think I will vomit today, but stomach is hurting and I’m making a lot of saliva. Vomit bucket ready. Do I take another Zofran and risk getting more nauseous. (I’m taking one the sick feeling is starting to subside, but hopefully this don’t make me more sick. It some times does).

I just took some more tramadol. I’m starting to feel pain.

I’m also a little upset cause I want my nausea syrup.

[aprincessofthevoid]

CW imma be talking about my weight n health n shit under the cut.

Okay so I've been scrawny as FUCK like my whole life and as I've aged its gotten better.

Recently tho, like within the last year I've had some hormonal issues, ER doc said it looked like endometriosis from the scans when I went in cus I was feverish n sweaty but also cold n my back hurt n my stomach ached n I wanted to vomit but was also fighting sleep...

I basically got to to get fucked when I asked for the next step. Cus all they had for me was birth control (which caused this cus otherwise I'd have never known, it made this shit freak out n I felt like crap only after the hormones), or just take meds for the pain. Dr fr told me I can double up on ibuprofen and acetaminophen if one or the other wasn't enough... that's what they'd got for me...

For further context this shit is as of the last scan in Jan 2024 an 8x8x9cm mass... twisting what's left of my left ovary in two diff directions, glued to my uterus and has attached itself to the lower lumbar ligament of my spine n is trying to choke out my colon... the techs I've seen have all commented its fucking massive and have asked me how I'm even upright as I must be in immense amounts of pain (ironically it doesn't hurt much which, is horrifying because apparently lack of pain with similar symptoms to endo increases the chances of this actually being cancer?

Basically fuck my life rn I'm uncomfy all the time. Gained like 30lbs since mid lockdown n it's likely from this, still within the average weight range for my height so it's not too bad. Sat at 139 currently at like 5'3" but 10lbs in like 3 months when I spent most my life unable to even maintain my weight is wild.

If anyone has tips for hormonal fixes that isn't birth control, like, foods to eat or avoid, supplements that help them (I'm not allergic to much that I know of so I'm down to try most things at least once). If there's specific low impact workout routines (because I've been away from my day job mostly working from home n that's likely not helping), my body has been freaking the fuck out since I got covid like right out the gate when it hit n I've had pots symptoms but no dx, just enough that I wanna vomit if I get a Lil too aggressive with the up n down lmao.

TL:RD My body is falling appart cus burnout, cptsd and getting covid ruined my immune system and I'm pushing 30 and just now getting outta survival mode n shit has hit the fan. Help.