#actually so proud of this bullshit

[momentomori24]

This may just be me, but I think if you ship a canonically very abusive, manipulative and toxic relationship, you don't get to judge or call anyone degenerates for their own fucked up ships, actually.

[lrndvs]

Gold Foil Print unlocked for the Tarnished Zine I did some merch for! The project preorders are closed but keep an eye out for any leftovers! The frame and stars are gilded :'3

[rendevok]

My illustrations for CJC Week 2022 - unofficially titled Green Carnations

Done in collaboration with my friend Zee, who wrote a lovely fic by the same title.

[glitchyvoice]

runs on stage

ITS DONE GUYS I FINALLY FINISHED IT IM SO LATE BUT WE BALL

[unlivresanstitre]

I just hit 100k words for my first draft 🥹

[mothymayhem]

There is no greater pain then grinding 12 hrs in a game and having your laptop corrupt that game file.

Back to square one bitches.

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

sometimes i do worry that i create so much art to make up for my lack of personality... but then i remember that the act of creation is literally pouring your soul into something and hoping others see a glimpse of you in there so actually maybe i'm alright lol

[vaguely-concerned]

I've been trying to figure out a dynamic between neve and rye that I find more compelling, because right now there's not much of anything there for me to sink my little teeth into. but I think I've landed on something delicious with the idea that especially after minrathous gets fucked, rye looks at neve and sees myrna -- someone he feels he keeps letting down horribly no matter how hard he tries not to and can't quite achieve the approval of/connection with that he wishes so it's better to just pull away completely and disengage rather than stay in that unshifting shame. neve is (very understandably) measured and distant with him after what happened, and he's flashing back to his student days of myrna gazing at the perpetually hungover heartbroken heap of a person of him on the other side of her desk every time he missed the deadline of a paper or project like '...can we at least both agree that this is. a bit disappointing. especially considering your potential.' (and him all smudged black eyeshadow and numb ruefulness being like 'sure that's a very kind way to put it myrna thank you'.)

aside from the 'if I let him get too deeply into this he'll go the way of brom and it'll be all my fault (again)' element, neve thinks rye is dismissing her and her city/being a bit callous in the same way he was after varric's death (listen. how fucking wild must rook's reaction to losing a beloved mentor seem to the rest of the crew who aren't seeing the blood magic paper doll ghost varric the whole time, especially those who got to see them interact. you WOULD think 'there's something wrong with this guy. putting the job first is one thing just not seeming to react at all is another this is fucking freaky', wouldn't you, especially after seeing the warmth in that dynamic in action beforehand.) perfect storm of two people who grit their teeth and turn inwards in pain deciding that not talking about it is their best bet (NEWSFLASH: IT ISN'T) lmao

(rye spent his last year of watcher training on a mostly joyless bender and then got it together enough to finish the eternal orb project last moment in a fevered near-sleepless week instead of the half a year that was intended. emmrich is both astounded and distressed to hear this. "a week? but -- but that is an astounding accomplishment rook!! and also why in the maker's good light would you ever do that to yourself?" ("well you see there was no one to stop me from doing it like that but me. and under those conditions these things tend to happen".) rye was working through/looking up stuff around transitioning and doing every kind of OTHER high level watcher research through that whole time, but ultimately he's an excellent watcher and a terrible student, at least under traditional methods. adhd from here to the fucking moon. touched by something akin to divine inspiration in moments of high tension that pulls all the threads into one coherent unbreakable cord, a bit of a frayed mess in most other settings. in our world he'd be dropping out of a masters program at the very last hurdle in this moment maker bless and protect him)

[autisticlee]

sometimes I think about how when I went to college for a year before I dropped out (basically failed out,) the counselors/dean told me they can't help me at all or give any accommodations unless I have an official autism/adhd diagnosis. that might sound logical at first, but when you think about it more, it's actually quite fucked up. if someone is struggling really bad, what's the harm in helping them? why do they require a paper to get even the smallest amount of help? people who don't need help aren't going to be failing miserably without help! even NTs could benefit from some adjustments to the horrible school system! (but changing the entire system is a whole other conversation that the school system isnt ready for)

but even if you do agree to jump through their hoops, you realize it's even more fucked up that the diagnosis process requires YEARS in most cases (in my case it took 4 or 5 years, can't recall exactly now, for autism/adhd diagnosis, which would have meant i finished school before getting it if i managed to mot fail out, or i wait that long before going back, which is a whole struggle itself) and they also tried billing me for THOUSANDS of dollars because of insurance issues!!

so you put a ton of time and money into this, and then get told the only accommodation they are willing to give you for autism and adhd is "a little extra time on tests"

....

my test scores were the best part of my whole class experience. that was NOT what I struggled with!!!!! those tests were all online and could be done in the comfort of your home where you can accommodate yourself and have plenty of time left over when you finish them because you are comfy in your own space, (and also, no one was stopping you from having your notes/books/google open to find the answers,) and you don't even need a time consuming, expensive diagnosis for that!

SO WHAT'S THE POINT!!!!!!!

[seravph]

CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC: i now only have 2 more things on my buy list until I’m DONE and I can STOP SPENDING MONEY ON BULLSHIT and actually save my money 🫶🫶🫶 be proud of me

[giantkillerjack]

Ya know. I spent most of my life with horrible painful soul-crushing social anxiety.

And after about 25 years of continuous hard work, suddenly, people started pointing out - to my utter bafflement - that I had, in fact, achieved my lifelong dream of being charismatic. I'm 29 now; I feel comfortable in most social situations, and it is a very rare person whom I cannot make laugh.

I am, undoubtedly, finally, charismatic.

But do you know what I found?

I found that now that I have an understanding of which social rules serve which functions -- Now that I have an understanding of just how much damage my awkwardness was doing to people, well,

I found that, actually, my awkwardness never really hurt anyone at all. People were just judgmental dicks to me about it.

Now that I have the skill-level to (most of the time) creatively vocalize what is in my head as soon as I think it and without fear, I can confirm once and for all what I had always suspected:

I was worth talking to when I was quiet.

I was worth talking to when I was awkward, and when the words in my head took time and patience to hear, and when most of my jokes didn't land. I was worth talking to the whole time.

So I just... I hope that if you've ever wondered whether you are worth communicating with, the answer is yes. Absolutely yes. Each of us has a soul worth sharing - and if you and I were talking, I would happily wait for you to speak (or communicate in other ways) without condescending, and I would never shame you for that harmless awkwardness that so many people feel the need to violently stomp out.

You are worth talking to. You just are. And you deserve people who will speak to you with kindness, with patience, and with the basic immutable respect owed to all people.

(I talk about this with some frequency, both on tumblr and in real life. At some point, maybe I'll gather all my thoughts on the matter into one post. At some point, I wrote about my personal experience trying to build my social skill. But I felt the need to say at least a little bit tonight after seeing this other lovely post, and I'm glad I did. It will happen again.)

[essektheylyss]

as soon as @narutos-sloppy-pussy gives my copies of authority and acceptance back I'm rereading the trilogy and then writing a fic from el chorizo's pov and it'll be over for you hoes

[feralbeeast]

tags

ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ

[andywinter16]

Okay okay okay hear me out, luche, Nyx, and drautos having to saying goodbye to their lover because things are getting too dangerous or an even more heartbreaking scenario…. Saying goodbye because their love is dying from a terrible injury!

OMG! You want to make me cry, don´t ya? .... I absolutely know what you mean, let me get to it! It will be mix of both kind of, I just need to decided who I want to break with what plot. ... I hope you have a tissues, anonie?

Okay, gn!reader as always :)

WARNING!!! Lots of angst, mentioned death, betrayel, injury, fatal illness, kinda toxic relationship

If anything of the things mentioned above triggers you, do not read it , please!

--

Luche Lazarus:

"Luche, you´re alive!" you run into his arms at full speed, both of you fell hard on the floor. He seemed genuinely suprised, until his eyebrows knitted together and his lips were pursued just in thin line. You knew what this gesture meant. Displeased.

"What are you doing here!? I send you investigate to Leide. Fuck, this can´t be really happening." he pushed you away from him, making space between you two. You didn´t understand it at all. "Luche, I came back, because I discovered that some of our comrades want to betray Insomnia. So listen to me!" the distress in your voice was palpable.

Luche abruptly stood up. His usually soft features are now graced with sorrowful look . " It´s true, Y/N. Most of us betrayed the king." your jaw dropped. You shook your head in disbelief at that revelation. Luche wouldn't do this, he wasn't like that. Yet you knew him perhaps too well. Luche as any other refugee was despised by Insomnians, and no matter how many people they saved or how many battles they won in the king´s name, Insomnians never accepted them among themselves. Many times you have defended them against rude Insomnians with their snark remarks. But you were just one kind spirit among many assholes. Luche´s intesive stare locked you in place.

" I didn´t wanted you to be caught in this crossfire Y/N. That´s why I send you away on that mission. " he smiled ruefully at you, " But you and your unsatisfied curiosity, always causing trouble." You struggled to get up, it felt like a bad dream that came from the worst nightmare. It's like your mind stopped working, only thing that spinned your mind was betrayl. Luche continued to speak in his soothing voice, giving you a false hope.

" Hide somewhere away from Insomnia, and I will find you Y/N. You´re after all too precious for me to lost." He pulls his gun out, pointing it straight at you. Stunned. Confused. You just stood here frozen in place. Until you finally found the strength to answer him.

" Please, Luche. Stop this madness, this isn´t you! Come with me, we can hide together before the Empire!" you pleaded. He was tempted, but abandoning his cause and be runaway with you, still at cost turning his back toward his people and home? Luche knew it woudn´t go smoothly with you. " It´s too late Y/N. I made up my mind long time ago."

" I am not doing that! Come with me." Luche shakes his head, the gun was still pointed at you. If It can't be the easy way, then you can do it the hard way. " Luche!" you lunged to grab him by the arm in which he holds the gun.

" Go away Y/N!" the trigger was pulled and the bullet bit into your shoulder. Pained scream leaved your lips. It's like time has stopped all of a sudden. You started slowly backing away from him. This is not the Luche you knew and loved. Before you was a cold-blooded man capable of doing anything to succeed in his plan. Tears streamed down your face like a river. Fear possessed you, you heard yourself spoke but it felt like it weren´t your words or even your body.

"You´re not the man that I once loved. You´re just a fucking cruel monster! I wish I would never met you " you throw at him the last thing of your searing bond, the unspoked goodbye. Turning your back at him, you ran as far as possible to safety . Adrenaline coursed through your veins. Even though the injury awfully throbbed, you wanted to be away from such heartless man.

You didn´t turn your back to see those shivering hands which picked your engagement ring. Or how his face was twisted in stabbing pain and cheeks were wet from tears. In that moment you took Luche´s heart with you, and he knew he would never be whole again. Luche became an empty shell, a broken shadow of his formel self.

Nyx Ulric:

Nyx rushes from HQ to the hospital as fast as he could, when he heard the bad news from your doctor. He was so worried for you, yet pissed at why you didn´t told him about your health problem. You dated for five years for Astral´s sake! The recepcionist welcomed him and asked what he needed. " I need to know the room of Y/N S/N. I am their partner, Nyx Ulric." said hastily. She typed something in her to small computer. "It´s room 237 on the six floor, sir." answered the kind woman behind the counter. Nyx went straight to the elevator. Oh, how he hated hospitals.

Finally after some searching, he´s got in to your room. Which was so sterile and white, ugh! Nyx internally cringed. Next to the window was your bed. You were hooked to some beeping machines, your lower half covered in blanket. When your gazes met across a room, a weak smile barely made it on your lips.

" Why didn´t you tell me!?" his outburst suprised you, but it was not unexpected. "Nyx, I don´t want you to see me like that." suddenly your hands looked more interesting that this conversation, "You had already so much on your plate with the Kingsglaive. I didn´t wanted you to be worried for me too." Nyx frowned. " Are you kidding me? Is that why you were distant these few months?! I could have been there for you, by your side. Together we could have endure it. But it seems to me, you chose for both of us." you didn´t miss the bitter tone in his voice. With all your might in your body left, you sharply answered. "If somebody wasn´t always holed in his work or on party with their friends and flirting with everybody there. And then avoiding me like a plague! That is the reason I didn´t tell you, I am not sure I can´t trust anymore." you looked him deeply into eyes at your last sentence. That was the last straw for Nyx. After everything you´ve been through. The anger took better of him.

" Fine! You want it that way, then so be it! I am leaving you, if you can´t trust me enough Y/N! It´´s over, I hope you´re happy!" Nyx stormed off your room, slamming the door shut. " Nyx, wait!" you yelled after him in vain, tears threatened to spill. The pain in your chest intensified, you couldn´t breathe.

The anger made him see bloody red. Nyx slumps to the ground, his palm was balled into a fist, it drawed a blood. He felt so miserable and helpless, just like when Selene died. Nyx lost her and then he´s supposed to lost you too?! He couldn´t stop crying even if he wanted. It was too much.

--

Libertus found him a hours later, on the same spot where Nyx dropped. He had an absent look on his face, usually his stormy blue eyes full of energy were now hollow and puffy. His chin rested on his knees, which he hugged losely to his chest. Nyx looked so defeated, just like when his sister died. Libertus heart broke with grief, at the condition of his almost brother when Nyx uttered his way a single line.

" They´re gone, Libertus."

Titus Drautos:

The blown thrown him harshly at the remnants of concrete wall. Nyx reflexes were too slow from exhaustion, so when his head hit the wall Nyx vision went instantly black. Glauca saw his body slide to the ground, unmoving. Cautiously he went closer to finish his enemy off, while Nyx was still unconscious. Glauca yanked him roughly by his hair, maneuvering him into a semi-sitting position, preparing him for an execution. He let the sword rest on his shoulder, in pose of final victory.

" I commend you for standing by your word, Ulric. But this fight comes to an end."He raised his sword in a final strike. Glauca´s voice sounded somehow strained through his helmet. " Goodbye, Nyx Ulric."

" ARGHH!" a kukri was tossed precisely at Glauca´s head. He at last second ducked and rolled from the way, leaving poor Nyx abandoned on the ground. Glauca quickly scrambled to his feet, eyes frantically searching surounded area for the attacker. His mind quickly analyzed the situation. The kukri came from the right side of that debris. The attacker´s probably light on their feet, so someone from glaives was probably still alive. A shadow flashed in the right corner of his eye. There! So the attack comes from ... A figure dressed in glaive´s battle armor emerged from shadows on his left. Guided by his honned reflexes, he stabbed without remorse. But it was too late when his brain registred who did he stabbed. Y/N fell down on their knees, blood gushed from the stab wound like a waterfall. Glauca horiffied by his own action, took down the helmet. And in his place was Titus Drautos, the trusted captain of the glaives and your lover. He was the traitor, you were looking for among your ranks.

"Titus ... Why?" you tiredly managed to say. The blood loss started to take a heavy tool on your body. Breathing became raspy and beads of sweat were forming on your forehead.

" NO, NO no! Don´t talk Y/N, fuck! I need you to preserve your strenght, okay!" he tried to steady himself to appear calm. Shit, he didn´t have a flask of healing potion on him. Titus managed to apply the first aid, in a vain attempt to keep you alive. He saw too much wounds to knew the outcome, but he will try to do his damn best.

"You´re idiot, you know that? I'd hit you for that kind of stupidity...." You briefly paused. The strength in your body was rapidly dwindling." I would have followed you through a hell, if you asked me." The cold began to spread across your whole body. Titus gave a disheartening smile. " I know you would, love. But this was too much even for you. I had to bear it alone." He squeezed your hand soothingly. You could feel the inevitable coming, yet you weren´t ready to say goodbye.

" I love you, my silly captain ..." was the last thing you said, when Lady Etros took you in her land.

"No, stay with me Y/N! Fuck! Precious, don´t do this to me!" Your eyes became glassy and lifeless, when you took your last breath. Meanwhile Nyx has shaken himself out of the injury, rage boiled in his veins at the sight of your corpse. Titus touched affectionately your cheek, while teary - eyed he whispered his last goodbye.

"I will meet with you on the other side, dearest."

[livingproofoftbd]

if "to whoever wants to hear" is really about his life, these are my nominations

slow down: his life before/during his start to youtube

kind of love: maybe him realizing he's queer/starting to feel smth for george/possibly smth about an ex or just a general love for his friends (i really hope its dnf tho)

paranoid: obviously dnf, probably him being a bit cautious about loving again?

spotlight: DNF ALL THE WAY NO WAY IT IS NOT him accepting himself for loving george (because he totally does) and not being scared anymore

everest: FINALLY moving in with his friends and being happy with them (plus yunggravy cuz why the hell not)

invincible (like u): i'm pretty sure this is the "i still care about you" one and i'm convinced it's either about maybe an ex/ex friend or dare i say it, quackity (which what the hell) really hoping its not him but it could be? or its smth else entirely, maybe about techno or a different friend

uieud: we already know it's about techno (rest in power, king)

[cassandralexxx]

me upon learning the reason we are having in class essays where we have to write four(4) pages during our short class period instead of being able to actually think process and write genuinely good papers is bc the professor is scared people will use chat GPT