#actually polyfragmented

[the-neurostar]

you can't handle the uber instinct of our uber autism. obverse :forms multiple introjects of the same source/character:

[the-lad-system]

Jokes are such a dangerous thing when you have DID, cuz you make one off hand comment about “oh, wouldn’t it be funny if we got a fictive of that piano guy that sang It’s a Small World in that one episode of Golden Girls for 30 seconds,” and guess what happens next week

[thestarseersystem]

Being polyfragmented is SO WEIRD. It is like a pretty unstable form of regular DID. I say this with my own experience in mind, and having seen other people's experiences.

Like, it doesn't present at all like its got a million dissociative barriers, and the barriers between some alters are thinner than others.

I can't help but notice that those who are polyfragmented tend to have trauma surrounding being gaslit and have a hard time accepting themselves in any capacity. Like there is no singular self state that they can look to and say "That is real". Its always more than one, or a changing self state, a swirling pot of attributes.

I wonder if being gaslit or made to feel like you're crazy, any way links up to the development of one's disorder. Because being gaslit isn't just being lied to, it makes you feel like you are not the one being honest, like you are overexaggerating or lying or denying something or the one who is crazy, that you are not trustworthy to see reality.

I don't think every polyfragmented system has this, but it is quite a lot of them, to which has an incredibly unstable self-state. Including myself. I not only have two co-hosts (three in total), but I also have many, MANY self state fragments and introjects, forming my own sort of collective. I feel the large amount of alters and fragments are to help strengthen the self state, and the dissociation exists within the self too, not just with the other.

And this is not to say that's not how all systems work. Technically all alters are part of the self and exist within the self. But for most systems, that's not how it actually presents itself to be. There is you and other alters, there is you and other parts.

Within polyfragmented systems, however, there is not just you and other parts, but different parts within the part that is you. Different self states within your main self state. Even though other alters are also technically part of you, they are different from self parts and fragments that make you up. Almost every separated alter, in my system, has some self state part within them. I refer to those self state parts (usually fragments) as asteroids and every separated alter to be planets. And any subsystem alter to be a moon.

And that adds up to be many, many alters. The original definition of polyfragmented happens to be "100+ alters", but never explains why. And polyfragmented systems seem to be structurally different from regular DID, so polyfragmented doesn't make sense that its left as "big system" as the main definition. In fact, big systems won't always have this unstable structure of systemhood.

And I do find it to be unstable. Many polyfragmented systems that I've met have had an internal rearranging and reforming of different alters, ending up with an unstable self, able to change at any sign of danger. But there are other polyfragmented systems like me, who create collections of alters, adding more when there is more stressors. And instead of reforming, each alter gains more. Each subsystem grows larger, each collection becomes bigger. And yes, there will be some alters that don't exist within other's orbit, but are not connected specifically. These alters will eventually form their own orbit at some point. Odds and ends have their uses.

And I don't know if there is a structural form of dissociation beyond tertiary, and its possible that polyfragmented systems are unstable because they have two structures on top of one another.

And this may explain why polyfragmented systems present similar to systems with no amnesia. Because they are a mix of multiple dissociative structures, causing them to have a more unique or unstable experience.

And this is not to say this makes those who are polyfragmented, to have more severe trauma. I doubt that is the case. Even though ritual abuse or religious abuse is common in those who have this type of dissociative disorder. I feel like the reasons for that is because of how ritual abuse manipulates its victim, to alter their perceptions and control their perceptions. Similar to how people, who are victims of gaslighting, have altered perceptions due to the way that they were abused.

And I feel as though those with polyfragmented systems have inconsistent perceptions due to that trauma. Even if different alters hold different memories, its precisely why, that we have such an inconsistent perception and memory. Even within one's own self state, there is inconsistencies for a reason. And it's trying to combat the specific type of abuse/trauma that they faced.

So, I don't obviously have a bunch of sources, this is all just conjecture. Stuff I've learned via my own experiences, research, what people have told me, and posts I've read within this community. But, this may be an important post for people to think about, build upon or look into. I surely do not have all the answers, but I recommend anyone reading this, to look into things I've mentioned further. Hopefully, as a community, we can figure things out together.

[the-firefly-jar-system]

here’s a polyfrag/complex DID system meme that i didn’t want to include in the meme dump

enjoy!

ENDOS DNI

[thedetectivesystem]

time and days go by so fast. i know that i’m losing time due today always dissociating in some way 24/7 and it’s scary. it’s almost like time travel, and i know that in the future we will be old and wish that we could have had slower days and more fun that didn’t go by in just a blink of an eye.

it’s very saddening, i hate being like this.

[screaming-heart]

i have a question for the systems out there, particularly polyfragmented systems although im not picky.

if y'all have a singletsona that matches an alter, do y'all ever have trouble distinguishing between the mask and the alter? For example, our singletsona is very similar to one of our hosts, and sometimes we think he's fronting when he's not. Is this just the maskibg, or maybe we have some sort of shell alter? idk

- Jake (sorry if this makes no sense I'm on mobile 🤪🤪🤪)

[system-of-a-feather]

Okay question to other polyfragmented systems, but do any of you guys have parts that both seem more comfortable identifying and are better described as "stable dissociative fugue states" than parts, fragments or alters?

There are a lot of Riku-adjacent parts and among them, most realize they are "not really the Usual Riku but its minor enough that they more so identify as a dissociative fugue state than a proper fragment"

Its all terminology and how parts talk about themselves, but it was a thought I had which I was curious if others had similar

[petrichorvoices]

i need advice from anyone else with a really fragmented identity. i, specifically Cecil, have an identity that's so much more fragmented than the rest of my already-polyfragmented system. i'm split into several median subsystems, non-median subsystems, and i have so many factives of me

i don't know how to handle it. i want to fuse the subsystems but i need to know why i fragment so much first. i know i have the brunt of our BPD so that's probably part of it, but i still don't get it. am i just unable to face my own identity and actions? i don't know

but i keep fragmenting further and further and i'm trying to do system mapping for the latest subsystem to split off of me and it's too much. i need help. i don't know what to do

[chaosdisorganized]

I'm in a constant internal struggle. As I move forward in my healing journey it just gets harder and harder. The trauma weighs on me heavily but at the same time it feels like something that happened to someone else. I feel like I shouldn't be struggling so much with it since I can't really remember it but as I meet more parts and get to know my system better, it's harder to ignore. I want to get better, I want us all to get better but at the same time I wanna runaway again. I want to forget I'm a system, I want to unlearn all this trauma, I want to be 12 again when I didn't even know I was traumatized. I want to go back in time and tell that kid to not worry about searching for answers because you won't like what you find. It's too late now, though, I can't go back to blissful unawareness, not when my system needs me, I will struggle with them. Even if it's really difficult to accept everything just yet, I will continue to fight with them and for them just as they always have for me. Things internally may not be so great, there's a lot of drama, fighting, inner turmoil and such but I still appreciate all my alters for what they've done and what they do. Thanks guys, let's beat this thing together like old times. <3 (:

[the-lad-system]

Names in systems are fun, because you either get the most normal names or the kinds of things that make people look at you funny when you say them out loud, and there’s almost no in between. For example:

‘Normal’ names: Tom, Ethan, Marshall, James, Darius, Richie

??? names: Stargazer, Killjoy, Bruiser, Way, Ravenmore, Keeper

There is also a secret third thing. Not in between, but completely beyond categorization, like: Aether, Ca��yx, Xyl (pronounced axl/aksel), Lestat, Maverick, Everest

[angelbvn]

i feel a big reason we’re polyfragmented / a large system is due to heavy mental trauma.

i’m not saying the physical trauma we’ve endured hasn’t been mental traumatic. but we’ve also experienced specific and explicit mental trauma/torture. i can only imagine how that effects our splitting patterns.

[the-firefly-jar-system]

more of my sillygoofiness

(we have an appointment to dye our hair in a few weeks now)

[thedetectivesystem]

i wonder if endos know that “system” is a medical term for people with did/osdd

[midnight-soulless-system]

Hi, my name is William. This is sort of venty but I just felt like I should put this out there for other internal programmers who are recovering and maybe feel bad for all the awful shit we've put other alters and fragments through.

It sucks, knowing you caused so many people so much pain and sufferring, but please do remember it's not your fault. You were made to do these things, it is not your fault. People are going to hate you, you're going to be locked up often insys, but I'm proud of you. Trying to change is hard as fuck normally and you're doing this shit with programming. You got this, and I'm sorry if you aren't getting the love and support you deserve during this.

And to the IPs who haven't changed. I love you too. You deserve patience and understanding and love too.

I hope everyone has a great day today and that you eat some good food. Bye.

[lcdid]

There are two wolves inside you.

One is certain of your complex system status and knows that you are going through immense life changes and trauma. It is acutely aware that, somewhere, you are splitting, more than you think you are, and wants to open up that part of the system to recovery.

The other denies that the things you are going through are affecting you, and is confident in the fact that you are “built different.” There are no newly-discovered splits, and thus no splitting is going on. Nothing is happening, what are you talking about?

You are us.

[call-me-xyl]

Time to reward our two hours of socialization with months of self-isolation!