#actually now that I spell it out what the fuck
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At this point I am convinced some people are watching this show solely via the subtitle files, because that's the only thing that explains drastically misunderstanding everything that's not spelled out in dialogue to this extent.
Honestly some of the most embarrassing mass failure of media literacy I've ever seen. It's not even complicated stuff, it's basic text comprehension and story fluency.
- No, Caitlyn's "I know!" is not anger at being called out; she's saying she is very, very painfully aware of what she's done wrong. Watch it again.
- No she didn't take the guards away or go to the cell to have sex with Vi. TF?!?
It was Vi who initiated; Caitlyn was surprised she did.
She pulled the guards away to help Vi if/when she chose to do what she knows her well enough to know she probably would. Vi makes her choice - Caitlyn doesn't "let" her, she just supports it, because it's Vi's choice to make.
Vi has no idea she's done this until after, it doesn't affect her "agency" at all. That's not what any of those words mean!
- She did this as a direct acknowledgement of and response to Vi's previous criticisms.
You are supposed to be able to make the very, very minimal leap of imagination required to understand what the show is telling you here; that she is genuinely sorry, genuinely committed to getting her shit together, and that she has heard and received every word that Vi has told her.
The reason this gesture is so important is that it demonstrates she's now going out on a limb to put herself, her resources, and her privilege to work for the greater good.
And the reason Vi reacts the way she does is that she understands all of this immediately.
You should not need the show to sit you down and spell this out to you step by step Barney the Dinosaur style.
- She works very hard and sacrifices quite a lot to try to do right by people after fucking up so badly before, but not before very explicitly acknowledging that she can't undo the harm she's already done. And this isn't even an inference thing, she actually even says this bit out loud twice, and you still somehow missed it.
- For $5, what do you think the show was suggesting by having Sevika take up her seat, her final costume have no Enforcer uniform elements, and having her allude to an ongoing struggle. Come on, guess.
I am loathe to call people stupid just because some tv show stuff sailed over their heads, but... y'all are legitimately testing that. This is not exactly The Holy Mountain or something, it is very straightforward storytelling.
And just... I mean why would you be this loud about anything without making sure you didn't have it ass backways first?!? In public!?!? 💀
You guys, you have to watch shows to know what is happening in them.
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Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 5 part 2
(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])
(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4])
I was so looking forward to brighten this particular scene, it's the darkest yet and it's such a beautiful one it's a pity to miss even one detail
oh no lilia stop being so cute????
have you ever seen jen with a bigger smile? and she's quiet as usual, it's almost like more than the ride she's enjoying how much fun her friends are having. especially lilia, those two have been forming a bond that is equal parts bickering and a growing respect
I'm just glad alice had this moment of pure unadulterated joy before it came all crashing down
agatha is very, very quiet. despite never letting herself feel anything freely, she takes a moment to close her eyes and enjoy the beauty of it all
she looks back at rio, so sensual and confident
how can kathryn hahn convey so much with so little time? her breath catches at her sight. and then worry and fear take hold and she gives the tiniest shake of her head, as if she's forbidding herself to entertain any kind of thought about rio. she looks away. the blood moon behind her spells disaster
meanwhile billy is that kid who has the time of his life hanging out with the teachers during a field trip
I want to personally thank aubrey plaza for every acting choice she made as rio, but ESPECIALLY for this witchy laugh
(I just brightened the salem seven witch vomiting bees and it's actually pretty impressive! but I don't want to trigger any insect haters around here) (I love insects though so please talk to me about spiders if you want)
they couldn't get a good look at the cabin before rushing in and I couldn't either until now, do we know if it's something from Agatha's past? did she use to live there?
I'm salty that alice had to die in these stupid clothes
So. I think this trial is the most fucked up and humiliating yet. Billy knew nothing about jen except superficial facts, so he put her in a scenario that matched her work aesthetic, more of a personal insult than a wake up call (compare it with the broom lilia just made for her: roots and flowers, something that speaks about jen's work, beliefs and traditions.)
Alice's trial was entirely based on lorna, we know billy is a big fan so he ran with that concept creating something that really shook alice, and not in a good way. she was forced to sit in her dead mom's house and wear her clothes for god's sake. she took it as the Road wanting to teach her a lesson, when it was just a teenager with the grace and subtlety of a newborn puppy.
Now, agatha. billy doesn't know a thing about her because she's private to the point of paranoia. he has gathered that there's something in her past about a dead child and that's probably what makes her grumpy, so he... tried to make her talk to nicky. with a fuking oujia board. Despite having had his share of shock and trauma billy inevitably has a kid's point of view re: death, and even more so because he's functionally immortal. death is something that happens to other people, or far far away in the future. he thinks he's giving agatha much needed therapy, when he actually put a grown woman in child's clothes and made her relive her traumas for everyone to see.
btw I'm not in any way saying that the trials are bad writing. they are brilliant writing. they're just tragic and fucked up behind the funny exterior, just like agatha herself. sorry for the rant.
I mean I wouldn't be opposed to that. we could put billy back in a closet for a little while and get down and dirty with it. and ooh there's a little leaf on rio's shirt, I hadn't noticed it!
jen's retainer always SENDS me
agatha's face when she realizes it's her trial
agatha is irrevocably, eternally linked with death in all its forms
looks like rio is playing along and setting the scene, but she's also doing something more subtle that only agatha understands: she's provoking her, and it's becoming more personal and hurtful. she's testing and punishing more than she used to. she is growing angrier.
agatha wants to tell rio to fuck off but knows she deserves it. agatha is NOT happy to be in this trial for reasons that go beyond what everyone present (except rio) assumes, but she'll bite the inside of her cheeks until they bleed before she shows any of it
the way he says it with a straight face too (again, NO PUN INTENDED. forgive me joe, I would never)
oh great alice has only thirty minutes to live
everyone looks worried and on their guard, rio has her whole knife out, playing along. agatha is STILL trying to look cool and casual, it's painful to watch. girl is panicking, hard
meanwhile billy is always bringing a whole different energy, he's playing and having fun! think back to the second episode when they met lilia and then jen and alice for the first time. billy had no clue about the tension, the fear and hate between them and agatha. right now he's still more excited than scared. he's about to have a rude awakening.
do not taunt the spirits, AGATHA.
lmaooo. this motherfucker.
another moment when billy sounds chillingly cruel. being jigsaw without realizing it
I'm not pointing it out every time but whenever agatha does this with her arms she's really, really really nervous
what does agatha do when she's scared or overwhelmed? she puts on a show. like clockwork. and rio has already guessed what's about to happen
I really want to continue this so there will be more later today, stay tuned!
go to episode 5 part 3
#agatha all along#agatha deep dive#agatha harkness#billy maximoff#rio vidal#alice wu gulliver#lilia calderu#jennifer kale#character study
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Unsure if you’ve answers this already, but what’s the rest of the chain doing in your modern au?
I don’t think ive ever really talked a lot about it like, in depth, but im more than happy to because i love my au and my silly guys :)
my bad for spelling errors i am Stupid 💔
Time: (46) Lives on the ranch with Malon. He worked full time as a mechanic before he met and married Malon, and he still works at the same place just SIGNIFICANTLY less hours because he’s also doing work on the ranch. He also plays guitar as a hobby, he played more when he was younger but Twilight’s BIGGEST flex in middle and early high school was that his dad owns some fuckass guitars
Hyrule: (20) He really really really likes rocks and being outside so he’s going into geology because he wanted to dig in the dirt and find special rocks. Sometimes Twi will text him like “bro where are you?” and if he even has service Hyrule will just send him a pic in the literal middle of fucking nowhere. Hyrule lives with Legend in the same apartment as Wars, Twi, and Sky, EXACTLY one floor below them
Legend: (20) Political science major, because he was running out of time and had to pick something. He’s not super sure what he wants to do, he has like, no plans, he didn’t think he’d be alive this long and have to DO something with his life. He works at the same little coffee shop as Sky, and those two are good friends. Every time Wars is being too loud above him (jumping, screaming, dancing) he will get up on his table and smack the ceiling and yell, or he’ll leave him angry voicemails. He left the dorms because he couldn��t handle being in the room next to Wars’s dramatic ass, he was DEVASTATED to discover all he did was move in underneath him
Wild: (19) He’s doing fashion/arts and he really really likes photography. He’s a retired skater (same as Wars) and on good days he can move around alright with minimal pain, but it’s not uncommon for him to use a mobility aid. He’s very good friends with Wars and sometimes they’ll fuck around at the rink together, other times when he has five minutes to spare Wars will drive him around and they’ll go to parks and just sit. They’re each other’s oldest friend and they both left a sport that was literally their entire world and its been hard to adjust to life without competitions but they’ve got each other. Wars makes a very serious effort to meet up with Wild 2-3 times a week
Four: (19) He’s a blacksmith, like his grandpa, but he got roped into this mess of a friend group somehow anyways. He finds most of them to be far too loud or dramatic, but they’re his best friends and he’s stuck with em
Wind: (16) He’s still in high school, but he does band and soccer. Wars took him skating ONCE because he used to babysit him, and Wind kinda got obsessed with the idea of what he calls ‘knife shoes’. Of ALL the people Wars has taken to the rink with him (who have no prior experience skating), Wind is the best. He’d be able to fuck around and play ice hockey with Wars, he’d get his ass beat if he went against an actual hockey player, but he can play a simple friendly game with Wars if Wars agrees to it
and then for anyone unfamiliar with the au!!:
Wars: (20/21; depends on what time of year I write the au in, because everything is just about their last year of undergrad and he’s a December birthday) He’s a retired figure skater who holds a world record and several gold medals, and he won the hyrule equivalent of the olympics at 18. He’s a dance major now, he’s been doing ballet since he was 3 and he never quit it, and he’s gone pretty much all day during the week because he goes skating for two hours before class, his last class ends at 5:30, and then if he’s actively in a show rehearsal ends at 10. Weekends are his only time to breathe but he’ll still have rehearsal from 1-6 and will hit the rink from like 10-11 unless Sky and Twi get on their literal hands and knees and BEG him not to because they miss him and “when will my husband return from the fucking war??”
Twilight: (21/22; his birthday is March) Bio/chem major with the intent to become a vet for ranch animals. He LOVES animals so so so so much, and he has a rather bad habit of bringing home sat wet creatures to his adoptive parents/aunt&uncle Time and Malon who just need a little extra love, including but not limited to: Several dogs, several cats, an injured bird, Warriors, a baby deer. Most of these things get taken care of and then released or Time helps them get adopted, and others get kept (at LEAST four dogs (including a very fluffy one named Wolfie), Wars, and two cats)
Sky: (21) English literature major who wants to become a teacher because he had an awful time as a disabled kid in school and he was made to feel stupid and he NEVER wants a kid to have that experience. It broke his heart to realize Wars had that experience too and still thinks he’s stupid, but Sky is determined to be the kind of english teacher you remember DECADES after you leave grade school because they were so important and changed your life. His gf Sun also loves english literature, and they go on dates to the library together and it’s just disgustingly sweet. He’s living out his best coffee shop romance au life because he does in fact work at a coffee shop and he did in fact fall in love with the girl who came in and ordered mint tea at 4 pm on the dot every day he just so happened to be working
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I can’t tell if my support systems are shit or if I am just that much of a crybaby. Probably both
#I was supposed to meet with my therapist and then cowork with someone#they both cancelled in the space of ten minutes#it was fair but I have no backups lol#and my other friend told me something I should fix in my app and said she would call#hasn’t#the application is due in an hour and a half.#then my computer froze#so now I’m restarting it#also I have a dissertation chapter due#that got extended by a week but I’m still not done#and I don’t understand how to incorporate the material I was given#also I was on my period all this past week#actually now that I spell it out what the fuck#maybe I should kill myself#it would be traumatic for friends but with a little therapy they could push past it!#it’s for the PLOT
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dunno why but orion black slapping the ‘best protective spells known to wizardkind’ on grimmauld place prompts the image of him knowing sirius ran away the moment sirius made the decision. like the house wakes him up all “MASTER!! MASTER THERE IS A DISTURBANCE!!” so orion goes to sirius’ room in his snork mimimi nightshirt and makes direct eye contact with his oldest son. who is halfway through the window with his school trunk and an ancient broom orion’s quite certain he bought for himself when he turned 23. and sirius lifts his middle finger to his mouth shush and flip orion off simultaneously and orion simply turns back around and goes back to bed. because that’s fair and most importantly something to deal with when he isn’t still half drunk from his nightly nightcap.
#sirius isn’t it breakfast (or anywhere in the house) the next morning#walburga is freaking out because what do you MEAN sirius is gone kreacher?? orion do you know where our son is???#and orion’s like ‘i’ve no idea dearest’ because it’s true#sirius black#orion black#the noble and most ancient house of black#i like it when orion (neglectful absent father) doesn’t actually give one flying fuck what his kids do#as long as they use their brain properly#like oh sirius you like the mudbloods now? whatever just be clever about it#ah regulus you want to join the dark lord and die horrifically? sure have fun#deep down he cares but on the whole he’s got no interest on what they’re doing whatsoever#he’s the type of dad who forgets your birthday and the way your name is spelled#he didn’t even want kids he just had to have them bc of tradition#meanwhile walburga is screaming her head off in outrage ♥️ and orion goes and locks himself in his study#at least the family ledgers give him less of a headache
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seriously can catastrophes stop happening for five minutes my brain is already fried from the ones we're already experiencing
#I fucking. missed d&d tonight by accident#I straight up forgot#and just didn't show up to the session#my sleep schedule is absolutely fucked#I should be sleeping now but brain won't shut up#my creative output is the lowest it's ever been and I've been in some level of depressive funk since like early january#I am just deeply unfathomably exhausted#like mentally and spiritually#all the time#my memory and sense of time are both shit#my spelling is worse than it used to be for some reason??#I really don't know what to do to make my brain start functioning again it's frankly worrying me#I couldn't even handle college so it should come as no surprise that I'm reacting poorly to the world being a perpetual screaming trash fir#and yet#idk it's been hitting again lately that I have never succeeded at anything in my life and just keep tripping and falling up for some reason#fucking everyone is in hell right now and with my overall success rate I should be dead in a ditch but I'm actually doing spectacularly#due to a series of improbable accidents and weird circumstances that happened to turn out in my favor instead of completely fucking me#aside from the looming spectre of my various failed attempts to have some kind of life trajectory#it just doesn't feel like this can keep up forever#like surely at some point the luck has got to run out I can't just keep living like some kind of folkloric trickster archetype#but my motivation and sense of purpose kind of died after the last failed attempt so I'm still just here#doing whatever this is#maybe I should drive out to the coast#maybe staring at the ocean would fix me I've been away from it for too long#I mean it can't make me worse#I should wait until further into summer though so I don't have to drive back in the dark#everyone around here has trucks with those goddamn LED headlights and I've got a little sedan that's directly in their blast zone
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Want to actually write out my idea of why John isn't Snake's real name now because I remembered about it yesterday and it's awesome. Like that would've made it an actual cool narrative decision that has some meaning instead of whatever the Jack/John thing is. Holding mgs names to any real-life standards to begin with is kind of wild tbh but to each their own. why is he named Adamska can anyone tell me where that's from (it's nowhere they made it up). who is Nastasha why is it spelled like that (they made that up too. babynames.com or whatever might tell you it's real and they're LYING). Shoot Gunner.
#out of interest searched up Nastasha to not make a fool of myself and you know what.#there's this one site with baby names that tells you it's russian. like no it's not why are we just lying now.#it's a name now sure but that's NOT where it came from#earned popularity in 2000s you say?? wonder what happened in approximately the same time#just give your baby a fake metal gear name we know it's okay#technically all names are made up but if it's really from mgs specifically. could've at least picked Machinegun Kid or something awesome#Nastasha's name is so funny honestly you're telling me her parents couldn't decide between Nastya and Natasha and named her BOTH??#it's like a yuri shipname. going to name my beautiful kid ocelhira like what. I am so sorry girl#oh god it's like the fucking. vladlen or however you spell it. you know short for vladimir lenin.#<- an actual real life name that exists#faksyan talks
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qsmp makes me feel like a conspiracy theorist almost constantly. I see someone go "yeah bad almost exclusively chooses tophats in games when given the option" and I immediately run back to my conspiracy board and pin that next to the photo of q!slime and q!mariana saying they'll adopt juanaflippa because she has glasses like q!slime/q!mariana respectively under a sticky note captioned "??? the original spanish-english egg pairs were designed in a way meant to attract certain parents to adopting them???", that's connected by red string to a note pad page stating "how random was the parent pairing REALLY?" with nothing under it - which is then connected to a string that leads to several polaroids containing the ending(s) of the wall and the wreckage of the button, captioned "why build a wall that big only to have it end at a certain point?" followed by a string connected to a notebook page in the middle of the board reading "the illusion of choice?" - connected to several other seemingly dead-end questions and theories, as well as some slight stragglers only connected to eachother and not the middle. and then I look over my board covered in feverish notes and I go. yeah okay so I may just have like a slight problem
#quesadilla island and the illusion of choice.#i am so normal#I spent. a little bit too long on this bit I think.#saying stuff#I have more thoughts but it's just the generic stuff.#why does the federation want the residents on the island so badly. how did wilbur even leave the island.#why did islanders from the island itself vs others who aren't arrive the same way. what the fuck is up with the codes.#why do the feds insist on having a good rapport with the islanders. why do they try to desensitize them to their presence via tasks.#why do they try so hard to look non-threatening to the point even grunt workers carry around bubble wands to blow on the regular.#a lot of this is easily “the federation wants to build trust” but that's also a why. what do they stand to gain from doing that.#hold on where's my nerd tag#i think.#oh my god really.#that's. okay yeah that checks out actually#qsmp#quackity smp#q!cellbit a man of the people (I am burning with questions about the federation all of the time oh my god.)#edit if you see spelling mistakes in this post do not correct me please I have a fragile ego#I did not notice until four hours had passed and now I'm committed to pretending I do not in fact care about it
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oh yeah when the fuck did alicent have an extra son? how many kids are there??
#who the fuck is daeron (assumed spelling)? have i seen him?#i am also not sure the 'networking in another household' thing really works for royals but whatever i'll go with it.#the alternative is another freaky blond(e) shitlord isn't it? so okay he lives with his aunt on a farm-duchy or something.#at least this is a fictional universe that knows what a regency is. (alas! as i am firmly on Team Poke-His-Other-Eye-Out.)#dragon house#*whispers* actually i might be won over by Team Crip but you're probably not allowed to call them that so i'm working on the name.#i don't like to project but i think my true calling is to lurk in the shadows leaning on my cane thinking up dreadful schemes.#i do that sometimes now but only as a hobby.#but i digress. WHO THE FUCK IS DAERON????#how many legs does he have? do they all function as intended?
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Another rambling thought, sort of stemming from the last thing, but what if Misfire gets so upset about Krok believing he's contacting his old squad, and pretending or implying that they're still alive, because he's harboring some sort of repressed grief over Thundersaur?
Thundersaur's dying request being to free Flyhigh before he ends up in jail for a dozen counts of "accidental" murder implies a certain kind of closeness or something felt towards Misfire. Yet, we don't really see anything returned from Misfire's side? Outside of the "-You're just jealous because you've never had someone look out for you." comment he makes in response to Spinister's disbelief towards him being the type to end up on someone's "dying wish list".
So, there's that. What can be gleaned from just that? Not much ig, at least nothing concrete. But taking into account Misfire's relationship with Grimlock, and Grimlock's later view of Connie, perhaps something can be assumed about his relationship with Thundersaur.
Whether I'm reading into it too much or not, there is a theme of a sometimes rough but well intended trickle down kindness when it comes to the Scavengers and their story.
A favor or act of kindness is shown to one, and they return it back or onto another, sometimes unintentionally. There's emphasized acts of selflessness with them, even though we know them to be quite selfish, which, really only emphasizes those moments more. If they were written as less of a joking break between the drama of the Lost Light cast, perhaps this theme would've played a deeper more defined role. But anyways, my subjective character favoritism aside.
The point here is Misfire cared for Grimlock, and in turn, Grimlock chooses to care for Connie because it's "his turn" to look after someone. One act of empathy leads to another. There's a time to decide when it's your turn.
So it's possible it goes further back because of that. Thundersaur cared for Misfire, then it was Misfire's "turn" and he cared for Grimlock, and Grimlock cared for Connie.
So why doesn't Misfire say or mention anything about Thundersaur? Grimlock cares a lot for Misfire, wouldn't Misfire have cared a lot for Thundersaur?
Well, in a way, there's a possible answer for that. Misfire is shown to be uncomfortable when faced with admitting he cares for people, or needs people. He's uncomfortable with vulnerability. He gets defensive and snappy when pressed about it, or he deflects it away from himself, which is somewhat of a stark change to his more casual dramatics and honest friendliness. So he doesn't like talking about how he feels, how he really feels.
But he also admits to Grimlock he understands missing the people you cared about. He admits this in connection to Grimlock recalling the last time he was with his "Dino-Buddies", just before Grimlock was taken to Garrus 9. Misfire "gets it", even though it's hard, he gets it.
With all that possibly pointless evidence, we can guess that yeah, Misfire did care for Thundersaur. It's just that he, like the rest of the Scavengers, has his own repressed and poorly managed issues relating to his past and his own negative emotions.
Also, the death thing. He's real casual about dead stuff. He exsanguinates and cannibalizes corpses as a job/hobby, and enjoys it. There's an implied acceptance that he's okay with the fact that the Scavs will eat each other as soon as someone happens to keel over, which includes him also being dead and eaten. He's cool with that, ig. Or at least, he's cool with eating the others if the situation presents itself.
So he's got a weird relationship with life and death. When you're alive, you're a friend. When you're dead? Well, it's not really you anymore, is it? It's not someone you care about anymore, it's just a corpse, not a person, it's just resources in an empty vessel, not a friend. Nothing worth getting emotional or upset about. Perfect for being comfortably detached.
Because this is getting way too long tho, here's the point I'm trying to get to.
Why does Misfire lose his shit a little when Krok starts panicking and trying to call for his squad? Here's my theory, I guess.
Thundersaur is dead. He died, and he's gone, and Misfire knows this. He wasn't there. He didn't get to say goodbye. He didn't get to return the favor or repay the debt. He didn't get to show Thundersaur that he cared for others too, that he passed that on.
But while he accepts it, he doesn't want to think about it. Doesn't want to dwell on it, doesn't want to acknowledge that he misses Thundersaur. He's dead, he's gone. So it doesn't matter. Misfire can't need him anymore, and he doesn't want to admit he needs anyone anymore, because someone he relied on is dead, and he wasn't there for them to rely on in turn.
So he doesn't think about it. But Krok does. Krok thinks about it, and talks about it, and still admits to needing his dead. Even if he won't acknowledge the fact that they're dead, and gone, and never coming back, no matter how much he wants or needs them anymore.
And it feels unfair, and Krok keeps unintentionally poking at that repressed grief Misfire won't touch. A reminder with every click of that dismembered finger, that you can't always just will away the grief of loss, of death. There's going to be reminders everywhere. Even close to you. And so, faced with reminder after reminder, the repression breaks, and Misfire snaps because-
They're all dead.
Krok's squad is dead. Thundersaur is dead. Why can't they accept that and just move on to never talking about it, never mentioning it, never thinking about it again?
Because, in their own ways, neither of them have ever truly moved on.
#ignoring my need for sleep once again to ramble mindlessly about my favorite fucked up blorbos. yaaay#i will die on the hill of misfire having a lot more complex depth than what we're given at face value. dudes got issues#but that could be said for any of the scavengers. don't get me started on fulcrum. also chock-full of fascinating issues#but for the lot of them. it really is just mental illness and trauma up the wazoo. but somehow Spin and Crank are the most stable. sorta#hopefully this makes sense tho. i mean. it either already really obvious and im just now getting it. or it doesnt make sense#part of me is like. oh. its probably already been discussed so theres no point in me saying the same things-#-but at the same time my blog is also like public blorbo notes. i'd accidentally delete it if it were in my actual notes lol. gotta save it#i need a rambling tag or smth. in case folks wanna block it maybe.#i'll sleep on it ig#i'm posting this at like 4am. so if there is spelling or autocorrect problems. whoops#hopefully its fine#i'll reread it later if i get the time#god. honestly this whole theory could be tossed out by the implications that they all just hate the clicking noise#like. it just really pisses everyone off. no deep meanings. just annoyance or overstimulation or smth idfk
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Yk realistically if the om bros were fucked up like demons should be, they wouldn't be that disturbed by bloodlust el's personality.
However, I think the terror and angst comes from the fact that they lived with him his whole life, and for the most part, he was very passive and calm and never immediately resorted to violence, so to see [what used to be] their human revel in bloodshed is.. unsettling.
#bc they loved him for being human#being kind!! he was their connection to the entirety of humanity bc he loved people. bc he was human#they knew he was going to die eventually bc he's mortal. to them his life feels like minutes passing by 2 their immortality#[the universe where he turns in2 bloodlust el is the 1 where solomon can't reproduce the accidental immortality spell he used on himself]#[so el dies of old age after a full life of the devildom and his partners and magic]#so- imagine you die. your life was full and complex and loving#and [for a reason i haven't decided on yet] heaven/the celestial realm wipes your memory of all of that shit and u turn in2 a blank slate#2 be molded and shaped into something befitting an “angel”#then u start getting your memory back and you damn near start another war bc you're so pissed off you fight god & actually land a hit#which gets u cast out of the heaven and when you go crashing into hell you land smack dab in the middle of the garden#that belongs 2 the ppl who once loved you#but when u crashed you fucked up your head and now you're “wrong”#different from the human these people want you to be. and you hide away. they make you feel like a monster when you can't stop it#and get imprisoned for it. then used as essentially a court jester/executioner bc the prince needed to do *something* with you#fucked up#they wouldn't care if he was just another demon. but he's what remains of the human they loved yk#so it's more disturbing#anyway long ramble over#elliot rambles#obey me#obey me mc#obey me demon mc#obey me demon oc#avatar of bloodlust#demon elliot oc
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so in juniper's campaign we've just found ourselves in a high-stakes situation that I as a player do frankly find stressful and am anxious about, but hey hi also the DM was like 'okay here are the exact mechanics of how this is going to work because I don't want to surprise you with serious repercussions, also here are all the options you will have to try to do something about the situation-- [affected player] what do you think? honest feedback, I don't want it to feel unfair, I want to be clear that I am not just trying to kill your character, and if it ends up being badly balanced we can revisit it down the road' and oh my god I could COLLAPSE and WEEP with gratitude
#[tears in my fucking eyes] WHAT IF DND WAS GOOD!! WHAT IF A DM THAT'S GOOD!!!#LIKE I've said actually MOST of my DMs are good but because of the way this situation was presented specifically#where-- as NOT the affected player-- it does feel like the way it came up was a little unfair and I AM worried about the stakes--#I REALLY SPENT SO MUCH OF THAT ABOVE-TABLE TALK GOING OH WOW I FEEL LIKE OUR FRIEND ACTUALLY LOVES US AND WANTS THIS TO BE FUN!!#I DON'T KNOW THAT I AGREE WITH WHAT HE'S DOING HERE BUT I TRUST MY FRIEND AND IT'S SAFE FOR US TO TALK ABOUT THINGS LIKE THIS PLAYER TO DM!!#WOWIE THAT FEELS RELEVANT TO MY DND EXPERIENCE RIGHT NOW LMAO!!!#'I've looked at your stats and inventories to try to make this serious but balanced but if it doesn't work we can retool it'#'I want to be extremely clear that this situation could kill destal so I want to be extremely sure that you're comfortable with that--#-- and with how the mechanics are designed around it'#I am fucking. on my KNEES WEEPING. at the contrast with how punishing and DEEPLY unfun felix campaign has relentlessly been the whole time#and how little of a fuck it feels like THAT DM gives when he's like 'this random rolltable encounter was deadly :)'#'you guys didn't get hit last time and got all your spells back right?' uhhh wrong and wrong and we TALKED about that last time#are you gonna revisit the balance on your fifth in a row 'if you fail you'll TPK' scenario? no? yeah I figured lol#christ knows HE'S never invited feedback on his DMing. you KNOW I don't feel safe to say 'hey this doesn't feel fair or fun' with him#AND LIKE!! WITH A DM I TRUST I FEEL SAFE ENOUGH TO REALLY PLAY WITH SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENING!! YAY YIPPEE STAKES AND PATHOS!!!#I don't just want nothing bad to happen ever! but I don't want it to feel careless or heartless or just... Not Fun#anyway. grasping william's hands so tightly. my beloved friend. my wonderful friend. what a relief to have a DM that's good#after the shit we've been through in our now most-frequently-run campaign#the thing I'm mad about is that destal has been making a mystery saving throw every night-- but this was imperceptible to the characters#so we weren't acting on it#and now that he's failed it three times the situation is 'okay NOW you will be maming a con save every night and accumulating exhaustion'#'which can't be removed by sleeping' [six levels of exhaustion Kill You]#so like!! well okay I wish we had had ANY way of knowing how urgent this was before we got to 'now there's a deadly countdown' BUT OKAY#but like I said. he clearly put a lot of thought into the math for the mechanics#he made sure that we DO actually have ANYTHING we can do to mitigate the condition and outlined several options specifically and clearly#he checked in with justin about whether that seemed fair and opened it for future retooling if necessary#so I'm just at 'that was kind of a rugpull dude :/' instead of DESPAIRING lmao#this is a level of Oh Shit that's juicy! this is a level of Oh Shit that might force dramatic character choices out of desperation!#THIS IS AN OH SHIT WHERE WE STILL GET TO PLAY DND ABOUT IT AND HAVE ANY AGENCY WHATSOEVER. WHAT A CONCEPT.#ANYWAY!!! GOOD DND SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!
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ohhhhh Sleep is definitely one of these trees isn't it.... its absolutely a waking (as in IT is waking up in me) aspect
#i. have. ugh. ive been weiiiirrrdddllly side-eying Hypnos since I discovered he existed (not getting into why. he reminds me of hermes.#he reminds me of lull. thats all im saying) but the point is because Divinity Of Sleep hits home in ways i havent been comfortable explorin#in myself so i was. looking outside me. i dont need outside stuff. godddddddd ok#ramblings //#creation: the forest //#aspect: sleep //#fuckkkkkk ive been having issues w sleep for so long now - and i only really recently started believing im not fucking insane and that#astral stuff does actually happen - that i completely forgot in the beginning of working w spirits post-twins i fucking#was helping people getting to sleep and Hermes fucking called me something to do with sleep and my energy was - goddamn it#i literally. naturally expand into comfortable bedding. my bedroom is like a shrine space to me not because of how its used by others#(though spirits were treating it like that BECAUSE of this aspect) but because my energy was inhabiting it like an extension of me.#i was the calm. i was the relaxing into sleep. i was sleep itself. i was that which lulled people into sleep and dreaming. oh my god of#COURSE this realisation/remembering happens after i craft a crystal for my twinflame that filters out nightmares and whatnot#because. that thing. isnt a spell jar put together with ingredients and wishes. i manufactured the goddamn journey into sleep#it rewrites the falling into sleep itself manually (or. i manually programmed it. left it to autonomously repeat that action)#it was a complete ''i know how falling asleep and dreaming work this is what causes nightmares this is what causes dreams'' and#grr grr grr ok
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tw long rant and swearing!
hey!! if you don't like something i wrote! shut the fuck up and move on!! thanks bye!! no hate is tolerated on this blog :)))
i don't care if you don't like the way i characterized someone in my story!! shut up and get a better hobby than hating on something someone has spent hours creating and pouring love into and accusing them of hating one of their favorite characters because you think that the fic they wrote FOR FUN and NOT FOR YOU is bad characterization/makes the character flawed in a way that you don't like because you have a poor understanding of what makes fanfiction fanfiction (and also humans human tbh lol). sure, they're maybe more flawed than in the actual show, but THATS THE FUCKING POINT OF FANFICTION!!! IS THAT ITS NOT A REAL PART OF THE SHOW!!! AND ITS WRITTEN!!! FOR FUNNNNN!!!!! AND NOT FUCKING FOR YOU AND YOUR FUCK ASS OPINIONS SPECIFICALLY!!!!!!!! and if you think it sucks, i don't care!! you are entitled to your opinion!!!! hate it so so so much but get the fuck over yourself if you think that telling me it's horrible and unrealistic and somehow creating a bad wrap FOR MY FAVORITE CHARACTER IN THIS SHOW is somehow a meaningful usage of your time or gonna get me to delete the fic or stop liking it or stop promoting my own hard work !!!! i'm proud of the things i write and nothing will ever change that. i hope you know what a shitty shitty shitty (and embarrassing) thing it is to do to leave a whole paragraph of hate under someone's hard work just because they interpret a fictional fucking character in a way that you don't like. genuinely genuinely get the fuck over yourself and find a better way to spend your time than caring more about fictional characters than real life people.
#and yeah! honestly i'm upset right now#i do care because its my fic my baby my hard work#and its really hurtful to have someone tell me its stupid unrealistic and somehow a harmful representation of one of my fav characters ever#but also i don't care if people don't like what i write or how i interpret/represent a character!!!#having different opinions and stances on things is so valid and okay#but for you to spell it all out in such a judgmental condescending and hateful way in a reblog of my fic is such a hurtful thing to do#and its very upsetting to see#but it does show very clearly to me that you have no understanding of how to act appropriately or what it takes to write#or how to act maturely and kindly when you come across something of genuinely so little consequence that you don't agree with#that's one of the craziest things about that#is that fanfiction is like meaningless LMAO#and for you to read a fucking fanfiction that you don't like????#and then take the time to explain to the well meaning and hard working author who is just writing for fun and to find friends#why you hate it so much is actually ridiculous#and i am so willing to bet you have zero friends on this website!!#thats kinda mean! but there's so many hateful opinions on your blog that clearly showcase how limited your critical thinking skills are <33#also i'm speaking into the void the person who did this got blocked the second i read what they said LOL#but yeah! i'm not cool with people saying such hateful stuff to me so don't try it again <33#next time i might not be so kind as to keep someone anonymous if this happens again#but at least i'm choosing to be 1000 times more mature than you by not engaging directly and without exposing your sorry ass#. >> mari says shit !
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Omfg I never actually posted about this but just like 2 days ago I realized that no it is Not normal to experience lightheadedness near daily when I've gone just a little too long without eating
I looked it up and apparently lightheadedness/dizziness CAN be a part of fibromyalgia (which I think I have for a number of different reasons), so like. It all makes sense.
Fuckin fibromyalgia. It's the source of like 95% of my physical problems, I swear. Every Damn Thing can be traced back to it. What a pain.
#speculation nation#'what a pain' haha get it bc chronic pain#frankly speaking the chronic pain part of it isn't the Worst. it's only a few times a month that i get my arm and leg aches#(though sometimes ill have bouts that last longer. like in january i think when i had arm aches for over a Week)#then again my rib cartilage inflammation is a permanent thing. my ribs Always are fucked up.#and i dont know 100% that it's bc of fibro but this condition has been linked to fibro and it didnt go away with anti-inflammatories So#in the end the pain isnt my biggest concern for treating my fibro. aside from the frequent headaches. i Would like to counter those.#what i really need is help with my chronic fatigue and weakness spells#i hate how fragile i feel so much of the time. bc im NOT weak. for my size im actually surprisingly strong.#but im quick to tire and if i push myself too hard then im practically bedridden#i will literally get symptoms of sickness if im too fatigued. including nausea and coughing and headaches#all fixed after ive gotten some rest. so im not Actually sick.#im tired and fed up with how finicky my body is and how i have to eat on time always or i'll be threatened with passing out.#havent passed out Yet but ive had some times where i end up Having to sit bc i get tunnel vision and my scalp is prickling#and it feels like my brain is squeezing and i know i Have to sit down Right Now#idk. there are many things like this. and i am sooooo tired of it.#i want a fibro diagnosis so i can actually get some help for the things that make life so hard to live.#im not depressed im just chronically fatigued. and so very tired.#give me some Energizing Meds or smth. help me please 😭😭😭 i hate living like this 😭😭😭😭😭#i wanna be able to do things without being bedridden for the rest of the day 😭😭😭😭 please 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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HOLY SHITTTTTTTTTTTTT THAT CRITROLE EP WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!! im SO glad we had the set up of the last one so we could have the big thrills of this!!!!!!!!! this had everything!! it had ira's bad (and good!) decisions! it had sam's out of pocket wacky can shenanigans!! it had deception and sneaking! it had badass plays and some.. eye-catching talents 👀 it had gross shit that's kinda actually sad if u think about it! it had walking (running) away from explosions (NOT a sunglasses moment this was a loserfail) it had .. terrifying parents. it had imodna momence !! :D it even had some unprecedented wins for our typically fighty/flighty adventurers!!! i will ABSOLUTELY be watching that again come monday!!!!!!!!!!
#lynx speaks#cr spoilers#now to expand upon these!!! i am THRILLED that there has been a more overt notice of orym's hex 😏#thats what i've been excited for for aaaaaaages i adore orym esp when he gets a little more fucked up#what can i say im a bit of an angst fan myself :D#fcg gave ira SUCH a bad time tho like CMON BBYYYYY 1 MINUTE ?!?!?!?!?!! yall r LUCKY yalls r cool af#also tho.... ira actually saving fearne like 👀 i see it!!! i think simply everyone likes fearne and everyone would save her 😎#and team infiltrate i loooved imogen's use of that damn .. what was it called ? the damn static bomb that was sick as hell!!!#and hey!! both teams got in and out without anyone catching on that it was bells hells helping!#is that a first for bh? cause it sure feels like it TBH like the feywild malleus key stunt did NAWT go this smoothly#even with the bumps they had they did terrific frfr#esp with imogen setting up oryms badass fighter play and launda and chet setting each other up for success#and it does FEEL like imogen is more powerful on ruidus just from the plays she makes like the static spell and how it set Everyone up#to protect them all and keep their enemies in bad positions so that bh had good positions#they barely got hits and orym and chet took the brunt of it#they got out everoa and themselves without too much hassle and i'd say team mcfuckin 'splosion did pretty fucken well too#more damage on their side but. thatssss not their fault thats mainly on ira (and fcg 😂)#gosh. goshhh. what a good fucking episode. and sorrowlord zathuda. and liliana. fuck bro.#zathuda is SCARY#and liliana i meaaaaaaan. hun what did u THINK 🧐 imogen meant when she told u to run?? 🤔 'did she know' u know the answer to that.#i was definitely excited cause. we knew the volition were gonna fail in killing liliana. but i felt in my heart that she was gonna#feel betrayed by imogen. despite creating the scenario in which imogen must 'betray' her.#i LOVE fucked up mothers cant waaaaait to see what happens next !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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