#so now I’m restarting it
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I can’t tell if my support systems are shit or if I am just that much of a crybaby. Probably both
#I was supposed to meet with my therapist and then cowork with someone#they both cancelled in the space of ten minutes#it was fair but I have no backups lol#and my other friend told me something I should fix in my app and said she would call#hasn’t#the application is due in an hour and a half.#then my computer froze#so now I’m restarting it#also I have a dissertation chapter due#that got extended by a week but I’m still not done#and I don’t understand how to incorporate the material I was given#also I was on my period all this past week#actually now that I spell it out what the fuck#maybe I should kill myself#it would be traumatic for friends but with a little therapy they could push past it!#it’s for the PLOT
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i’m looking at steam reviews for the new planet coaster and reading comments on them and the amount of people saying things near identical to this are insane
since when is a 1.0 full release expected to have bugs and issues ?? since when do we accept this ?? a full release is meant to have zero bugs and issues, actually. it’s not a beta, it’s not early access, it should be Finished, polished, cleaned up of all that stuff, ready to receive updates with new content if the devs choose. i’m just gobsmacked that decades of games being busted on launch has just led us to people finding it so normal it’s expected.
you shouldn’t expect games to be fully functional…. you should expect to buy them at full price and then wait weeks or more for the problems to be ironed out…. apparently. according to these people
what happened to demanding better man. what the fuck happened. why y’all complacent now
#fray.txt#i’m so disappointed in GamersTM#even with datv like i’ve had mutuals with bugs so bad they fall thru the fall their rook resets to default they go BALD???#at least one mutual has had their saves go completely corrupt for no reason and were forced to restart after dozens of hours#i had a bug where i was reset to level 1 after levelling to 28 and when i speed levelled up from increased exp i got double perk points#like why is bullshit like this acceptable… why are buggy games full of issues okay now kshskssjsk#you shouldn’t expect to pay full price for a busted game btw. you deserve better. it’s ok to think you deserve better#fall thru the floor* oopsies
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if i may... late night bike rides with lighter 🫶
whether you know how to ride a bike or not, most of the late night bike rides are on his bike. he makes sure that everyone is asleep before heading out with you. this way, he could have your arms wrapped around his waist as he drives out of blazewood. the road is pretty smooth for the most part so he takes this as a chance to sneak his hand onto yours, as if to fix your hand placement. in reality, it’s his way of knowing that you’re there, holding onto him.
it gets colder during the night in the outer ring. no blazing sun, the skies are clear, the iridescent edges of multiple hollows. he knows the perfect spot to stop at that had the best views. he clumsily removes his gloves off before putting a hand out for you to hold as you got off the bike. he has all these sharp parts on his gloves and he does not want you getting poked by it.
the stars twinkled across the night sky, it was breathtaking. with the outer ring depending on oil rigs, carbon emissions were high and yet it seemed like this was the only area untouched by it. your eyes may have been on the stars but his eyes were on you. you’d tell him to take his shades off because what’s the point of wearing them at night but he doesn’t want you to see how smitten he is.
it started off with just sitting on the ground. then it progressed to laying down side by side while talking. after a while, he’d notice your change in speech. how you’re talking slower and quieter. that was when he knew that you were getting a little tired. so as usual, he makes sure you’ve got something comfy under your head.
using his arm, he’d guide you to place your head on it. he’s definitely going insane at this moment but you were too busy trying to fight off your sleepiness to even notice his flushed face. you were practically talking nonsense now at this point and then a sudden silence mid sentence.
he doesn’t dare wake you up, instead choosing to watch you sleep. the way your chest goes up and down with every breath, your body unconsciously moving closer to his, searching for some sort of warmth. with his scarf, he’s slowly wrapping it around your neck instead. it’s not that big but it’s enough for the time being. the sound of your breathing and the sounds of wind in the outer ring, he finds it serene enough to rest his eyes, falling asleep right next to you.
you’re woken up by the soft light of the sunrise, eyelids fluttering open. you don’t see lighter next to you but his scarf is still wrapped around you. his voice calls out to you, casually leaning against his bike. he’s facing the sunrise but his eyes are on you. he wouldn’t mind doing this again, as long as it means he gets to spend time like this with you.
#lumiresponds ˚✧₊⁎☆#lighter zzz#lighter lorenz#zzz lighter#sorry i think i underperformed with this one#i took a while to answer this one#mainly because i had to restart it multiple times#NOT ANON’S FAULT OR ANYTHING I REALLY WANTED TO WRITE THIS#but this one had me stopping and restarting a lot ? idk why#and i’m still quite dissatisfied with it#i love the idea though#also cuz its lighter#and i like thinking about him hehe#ITS SO LONG WTF#i just looked at it again now and DAMN#okay yeah eat up lighter enjoyers i hope you enjoy mhm
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ok so according to the prev poll it seems like you guys want me to post the pmd comic right here !! (does save me a lot of time coding a new tumblr for comic purposes and setting up CF ;w;)
so just wanted to share some parts/sketches from what I have so far
#this small (?) project is literally everything to me because I have loved pmd forever and the first comic I ever made was a pmd EOS comic#it was me and my best friend as pokemon and it was really silly I think only 12 pages that were horribly drawn and lost to time#oh and obviously the dialogue was crap but listen I was 8#pmd eos was p much my first real game… back in 2009 when u had the little ds you could play on the wall of Walmart game section…..#I was like mom I HAVE TO HAVE THIS#i started and restarted the game for the personality quiz so many times I wore out the cartridge and it’s kinda unplayable now#so I’m playing on Wii U (which is good for save states anyway bc god. thisgame is hard. idk how I beat it as an 8 yo)#anywayyyyyy enough sappy schmappy#persona 5#pmd#p5 pmd au#shuake#akeshu#goro akechi#akira kurusu#and all that
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@endlesspaint
#I want to eat this au for lunch#his outfit is so cute ima die#thinking about offering some comms here maybe#idk if I’m good enough for drawing trolls for pple#can almost humanize sfuff but whatever idk#or maybe pfp commissions idk I feel like I could do those#would anyone even want me to draw them a pfp? idk man#I should restart my old art tumblr art blog for my regular at#and now I’m rambling in the tags sighs#LOOK THIS AU IS FANTASTIC AND I can’t wait for more#also endlesspaint draws branch and jd so funky I love it#othersart#branch trolls#beyond reach au#beyond reach
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My Tav, finally :)
#bg3#bg3 fanart#bg3 tav#tav#bg3 bard#baldur’s gate 3#baldurs gate 3#oc: cecilia#i’ve had the game since it came out but only now settled on my tav bc i kept restarting#i am. very indecisive#but anyways! i’m pretty far into the game now!#also i love that they gave half elves varying ear sizes and shapes that’s so cool
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omg y’all… I just figured out how to crochet… and I feel so powerful rn..
albeit I’m doing a very simple beginners project that’s accompanied with a pattern and guide but I haven’t felt this excited abt a new hobby in a while and I’m like :3333
#adrien rambles#one step closer to conquering that one owlbear crochet tutorial…#it was hard to start at first bc I was struggling to understand the dexterity part of it#and then also like. it’s a learning curve.#And the dying perfectionist in me wants to give up on projects when they’re too hard bc I’m embarrassed to fail#and even moreso if someone witnesses it#but I stuck w it!!!! and my first go at it was a little silly and lopsided so I restarted and it’s looking so much better now omg#this is like. Maybe day 1 or 2 of starting???#anyways this is just for me to look back on but this is so fun and I’m so excited to delve into it more
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If anyone remembers all the dental work I needed done uhhhhhhh three years ago and never went back and ran away forever…I’m finally going back to a dentist on Thursday to restart the process and face my deep and utter abiding terror. And I also scheduled my COVID and flu vaccines for a couple hours later. And my psych appointment to restart meds.
I figured get it all done in one day, have my miserable immune reaction on Friday that I seem to always get with Moderna COVID shots, and then flee directly into the weekend and never be a person again except when I’m on and off crying. It’s going to be so kind to future me to get these things done and I can do it no matter how much I feel like I am constantly about to Actually Physically Die.
#you can see why I’m restarting meds#my brain is constantly convincing me that my teeth are about to actually finish rotting out of my mouth and I probably have an abscess#already that is going to give me a jaw or heart infection#which is VERY unlikely#and that my dog is deeply sick and I should rehome her and give her to someone who’ll take proper care of her and isn’t me#yadda yadda#it’s been fucking miserable#the only good part is 1) I’m going to get the worst part over with (starting the process) and#2) even if I completely flee and refuse to go back I’ll have one dental cleaning at least helping with plaque buildup and stuff#this is so fucking EMBARRASSING it’s all so EMBARASSING#it shouldn’t be this hard for me and I know it’s irrational#I’m just so scared because it’s so triggering for me for NO REASON and#I KNOW that this time when we get to the multiple fillings and at least one root canal and also my impacted wisdom teeth that it’ll be#different and I won’t go un-numb or if I do again they’ll have better checks in place for when I panic lie to their faces#but it doesn’t help#and I’m so sure they’re gonna tell me I need three or more root canals because I’ve waited way way too long#and I STILL can’t consistently keep up with brushing and flossing#which is the most embarassing and shameful thing in the world and I KNOW#but I’m scared shitless of all of it and it’s all a sensory nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway I’m not going to be okay later this week and I’m not particularly okay now#so if I’m not around online much#that’s why#but I’m happy news Aoife and I are having some lovely walks this week and she’s very cute and snuggly and we played tug a lot of times yest#*yesterday and she also stayed sniffing a bush while a bike went past two feet away#instead of getting startled and needing to hop or bark at it and then calm down#I’m so proud of her#and I wouldn’t be able to do this at all without my very kind partner who spearheaded scheduling the dentist (and researching places)#after my jaw pain nervous breakdown last week#health#personal
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it’s like. i love being trans. and also if there was a loving god he wouldn’t do this to me
#usually my mental illness is emotional Nothingness. when i take wellbutrin i can feel again!#and when the wellbutrin loses efficacy i keep the feeling but lose the good ones so i just unlock Regular Depression. which fucking Sucks#and a couple weeks ago i ran out of t gel and it is a controlled substance so they wouldn’t give me my refill until the full 60 days were up#which meant i had to be off t for like a week. and i was so so hopeful that it wouldn’t do anything to me.#but it restarted my cycle so i’m bleeding rn. and it is so fucking awful#it Hurts and it feels Humiliating and Wrong#cramps and stomach issues And dysphoria and bleeding. nothing more evil to do to me right now#and it’s worse cause i was done with that. i literally GOT RID OF IT. I PUT THE WORK IN. I WAS FREE.#but i couldn’t have my medicine and now i no longer control my own body. horrifying. so horrifying#wore a kind of ill fitting binder today too and it kickstarted Other dysphoria on the drive home so. messed up rn.#i just want to be able to live my life man. i want to have a body that looks and functions like me#and can feel things and do things#and doesn’t subject me to hurt in multiple multiple ways. that would be really cool.#genuinely it does not fucking matter if god loves me. cause if this is what i go through when he loves me#then i don’t want his fucking love.#i hope god kills himself actually#i want to wake up and just be able to put a shirt on and leave the house. can you imagine a fucking world#gonna try nd sleep for like five minutes and then go to dinner with my mom. i can be okay. i can be stronger than my struggles#i just need to be really fucking angry with god.#great time to be reading paradise lost#valentine notes
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i’m not trying to start discourse i just think i should be given 3 stars for my island already like there’s flowers! there’s furniture! there’s fruit trees! what more does kk want from me.
#idk if i mentioned it but i restarted my island last Friday and regretted it immediately#so now I’m trying to get back to where i was
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i don’t mean to jinx it, but i think i fixed my ps5. i’ve been playing the ps5 version of hfw for over an hour now with no issues.
THAT MEANS PS5 GRAPHICS ALOY!!!!
#i’m so excited#now to import the fucking save because i’m too far to restart lmaoooo#aloy#horizon#horizon forbidden west#hfw
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oh I am going to actually kill my mother
#no im not but. god damn#she threatened to kick me out again after I said something she couldn’t argue with and justify as my fault#after restarting our fight from yesterday while we are literally in the car just the two of us and on our way to the airport#to pick up my brother#she then threatened to throw me out of the car and have me walk home despite the fact that it’s#it is dark and cold and there was no cell service at the time I was like do you actually want me to die what is this#I know why this keeps happening but she doesn’t agree with me on why but I’m like#Facebook is rotting her brain and so is this situation with my nephew’s mother#she thinks everyone is trying to control her. everyone is suddenly a narcissist. me stating a boundary is not me trying to control her??#I literally only told her I wasn’t going to be her therapist so like what the fuck lmao#her final well you do xyz justification was well you can’t even kill your own spiders and I was like#do you hear yourself right now. Do you not hear how ridiculous this is#anyway she did not like that lmao#but genuinely I can’t decide if she wants me to kill myself or not bc she knows I have nowhere else to go so why else#would she be doing this. she wants me out of the house that fast?? like. idk man#tw suicide mention#just needed to vent again bc holy hell#anyway we just pulled into the airport and neither of us have our wallets and somehow that’s my fault too so#girl the fight did not stop until 10 min into the drive that was on you
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So, here’s the general idea that I’m probably thinking of right now:
I NEED a break from Drake right now because all in all, I’m not having fun with him right now as I want to try and do. Drake’s been my oldest OC since 2014/2015 and I honestly am glad with the growth he’s had to get here to make him all the more interesting and all the more able to interact with. But… apart of me is tired of the fact that Drake feels like he goes nowhere and that sometimes Drake’s interactions don’t matter.
I want Drake to matter in some sort of way or some sort of manner that makes replies and interacting more fun (although that’s also on me for not really knowing how to ACTUALLY be apart of a community or really interacting with said community)
But; alas, I’ve been diving more and more into my my OC who I’ve actually really wanted to have fun with and actually try to develop them in a way that matters to the RPC. Which is my new OC is super experimental and less selective then I am for Drake. So far; he’s Been a lot of fun to mess around with and I’m hoping that he’ll grow as much as Drake does.
#should I call this a semi-hiatus? idk#I’ll come back to drake soon but just right now he doesn’t feel like he matters in a way?#it’s been bugging me lately and I know I need to step back from my son for a bit#maybe that’s the issue is that Drake is TOO overdeveloped?#idk; I’m still trying to figure out where to go from here#/ negative#??#I guess?#plus I’ve been ultra sick lately + I’ve restarted my medication for my mental health so it’s going tk be a bit before I come back or#depending on if there’s something I really want to write
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Finally getting the Cas 30 diamond scene and then IMMEDIATELY everything going to shit makes me wanna scream 😖 I’m glad we finally got Cas to open up a little more too 💖 as a cat person I do love how much of a cat-motif Cas has going on too 💖 absolutely love him and all the banter this chapter 💖💖💖💖💖💖
I’m beyond excited for chapter 9. That scene with Terry was great and super intense and the fallout is gonna be insane. But how in the hell did Astoria, Lewyn, and Gabe just know what happened? Were they spying on mc?
#I restarted book one and two so I could do an all Cas run bc I’m not interested in playing the poly route if on won’t commit to it#I don’t like the jealousy#so it took me wayyyyy too long to get to chapter 8#I’m actually really excited for chapter 9 now~#playchoices#immortal desires#playchoices immortal desires#Cas Harlow#but I REALLY enjoyed chapter 8#id2 spoilers#immortal desires spoilers
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maybe i’ll post this art I’m working on here as well as on my sideblog. hm. much to think about
#my stupid silly self forgot to put tags here#so um basically#i’m working on a team rwby hc sheet#and it’s taking ages#cause i fucked up ruby and yang#and had to restart yang#debating on wether to restart ruby too#like it’s a mess but i’m getting there#blake and yang are done now so#woohoo!!#bumbleby#yang xiao long#blake belladonna#rwby#ruby rose#weiss schnee#pyrrhicpoison
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found out my ocs are toxic yuri
I am now dead on the floor
#Mimi and Caroline have such a toxic relationship in the most likely timeline it’s actually insane#Like imagine getting better little by little and thinking you finally have a good life even after all the damage you caused to your family#And your girlfriend is like nu uh I’m going to restart the entire universe and erase your existence so I get a chance to see our boyfriend#Who I most definitely like better than you lol#Mimi is such a girl fail#She lost her dad#her arm#her boyfriend#her friendship with her brother#And her girlfriend is going to erase everything she cares about by ascending to godhood#Oc#The feral urge to make art for them now
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