#about my ego or the tragedy well whos to say really

[juice-boxy]

Sorry for being so incredibly funny recently, I'm going through a tragedy.

[suugarbabe]

Unexpected | m.r x reader

prompt: Hii! How are you? This is my first time sending an ask and I just wanted to say that I love your writings! May I ask for a enemies to lovers with Mattheo Riddle? The reader is from the golden trio and they get into an argument with a lot of chemistry and tension. Thank you and I'm sorry for my bad english.

maybe enemies to lovers, like they hate each other and then realize that they are soulmates and then have to figure out what to do. some angst but ends i fluff please 

word count: ~3.8k

warnings: slight angst feeling, fluff, e2l, soulmate trope, some heavy petting

an: so there's no argument like the prompt asks (sorry) but when I started writing it just kind of flowed out this way so hopefully it's still okay.

“Go on, show us again,” Ron Weasley was shaking a turkey leg in your general direction, asking to see the words that appeared on your arm this morning. In the wizarding world, on the day you were going to properly meet your soulmate, the first sentence they speak to you, excluding their name, will appear on your forearm in their handwriting. 

It was incredibly annoying to you that Ron and Hermione got this mess out of the way the first day on the bloody train. To your and Harry’s amusement, neither were originally excited about the match, but after the chaos that ensued for the four of you by the end of that year they were inseparable. Nothing brings two people closer than tragedy. 

Things got even more frustrating for you when Harry and Ginny realized they were soulmates, leaving you the lone wolf in your foursome. Entering your sixth year this year you were hopeful that maybe you would finally be able to find out who your soulmate was, roughly three fourths of those leave Hogwarts knowing who they’re intended to be with, and you would rather Avada Kadavera yourself then leave your seventh year soulmateless. 

You grabbed the sleeve of your jumper, tugging it up to your elbow, sticking your arm out in the middle of the table for your three friends to view. There on your arm read a singular sentence, do I intimidate you, love?

Hermione sat back on the bench, “His handwriting really is awful, whoever he is.” You scoffed at your friend, “Not exactly my biggest concern, Mione. More worried about why he thinks he would intimidate me? Who would even think that? By this point in our school life you’d think any of us were more intimidating than the majority of the student body.” 

“Yeah, except Slytherin,” Harry snorted, Ron following with his own round of laughter. But you weren’t laughing, you were looking at Hermione who was sporting the same grimace and worried eyes that you were sure your face looked like. 

Harry and Ron looked at each other, then looked at the two of you. “It was a joke, y/n/n,” Harry tried to ease the tension that was building. “Yeah, I mean, y’don't really think your soulmate might be…one of them,” Ron was anything but subtle with his tone of disgust, as well as his entire body turning around to face the Slytherin table. 

Ron’s actions didn’t go unnoticed by a particular group of Slytherin boys. “Staring problem, Weasley? Got a crush?” Malfoy shouted across the dining hall, earning laughs and teasing hollars from his friends. 

“Oi, Malfoy, got a present for you,” you stuck your hand in your school bag, pretending to roam around before pulling your hand back out and lifting it high in the air, giving Malfoy the middle finger. His face immediately turned into a scowl. The boy next to him, however, pretended to catch your gesture in the air and put it in his pocket, winking at you in the process. 

You rolled your eyes, turning to Hermione who had a look of disgust on her face, “Riddle’s ego really is massive innit.” All three of your friends' heads began to nod. “I swear if he didn’t verbalize how much he bloody hated us I would think he was flirting with you y/n/n.” 

“Shut it, Weasley, don’t you put that on me,” you pointed your finger at him, tone joking but words serious. He put his hands up in defense, laughing along with the rest of your friends as you all gathered your things and headed towards your first class. 

Unbeknownst to you, a similar conversation was being had at the Slytherin table. “Glad to see meeting your soulmate hasn’t deterred you from trying to flirt with anything that breathes,” Pansy took a sip of her pumpkin juice, teasing the curly haired boy across from her. 

“Dunno what you mean, Pans,” the dimples on Mattheo’s cheeks popping out as he smirked. 

“Show us your arm again, cousin,” Draco’s words causing everyone to look at Mattheo now. The younger boy scowled, rolling up the sleeve of his dress shirt. There on his arm, in beautiful loopy script were the words you’ve got to be fucking joking.

Theo couldn’t help but laugh, “Don’t know if I’ve ever seen such a foul word in such pretty handwriting.” 

Mattheo rolled his eyes, pulling his sleeve back down, “Yeah, well let’s just hope the bird is someone I can tolerate.” 

You let out a long groan, hands rubbing up and down your face as you leaned your elbows on your knees . Hermione was sat next to you in the common room, rubbing up and down your back, “The day’s not over quite yet, y/n/n. It wouldn’t appear if you weren’t gonna meet them today.” 

“Yeah,” Ron put on his best attempt at an encouraging smile, “maybe they’re another Gryffindor and you’ll meet them before we go to bed.” Harry nodded next to him in agreement. 

You stood up, grabbing your jumper off the arm of the couch and throwing it on, “M’gonna go for a walk.” 

Hermione’s lips downturned, “It’s nearly curfew.” You sighed, looking over at Harry. “I’ll go get my cloak,” he sighed, standing and walking quickly to his dorm room. 

After Harry’s return you thanked him, spending an extra twenty minutes convincing Hermione that you would be the utmost cautious and affirmed to Ron that you would stash the cloak if you were to be caught. 

Now you were quietly climbing the stairs to the astronomy tower. When you got to the top, you did a quick look over the railing. With no sign of Filch anywhere you dropped the cloak, laying it on the floor so you didn’t have to sit on the bare ground. 

As you got comfortable you dug in your shirt, pulling out a spliff. Hermione would murder you if she found out you smoked, however the year you all had to study for your O.W.L’s, you were so stressed you ended up buying from Theo Nott.

He promised to keep it to himself and you promised it was a one time thing, but you found yourself buying from him every couple months. You weren't sure if she would be more disappointed in your smoking, or you interacting with someone in the forbidden Slytherin group.

You mumbled a short incendio before taking a long drag. You blew the smoke out slowly, watching it ripple through the air and up into the night sky. You looked up at the stars, knowing the day was likely to be over soon and wondering if you were the only witch that was destined to not run into their soulmate like everyone else. 

You were lost in your thoughts and self pity. So much so you didn’t even hear someone come up the tower steps until they hit the top. You scrambled to your feet, ready to cover yourself with the cloak when you realized it wasn’t Filch, but a boy instead. 

The dark of the night made it difficult for you to see exactly who it was at first, that and the fact that every time he took a step forward you seemed to take a step back until your back was against the stone wall. When he finally stepped into the light, your breath caught in your throat. Standing in front of you, signature smirk adoring his face was Mattheo Riddle. 

You stayed rigid against the wall as he got closer to you. His fingers brushed yours as he took the spliff, bringing it up to his lips and inhaling. His eyes never left yours as he turned his head slightly, blowing the smoke into the night. His eyes traveled over you, taking in your black sleep shorts and house jumper. When he looked at your face again he locked eyes with you, almost like he was trying to read what was going on in your brain. 

“Do I intimidate you, love?” The words seemed to leave his lips without a second thought and you felt like your chest was going to cave in. There was just no way, absolutely bloody not that he said those words, the words you had been anticipating someone to say all day. Him of all people that could’ve spoken them. 

He raised his eyebrows at you, clearly looking for you to answer. Instead of some sputtering response of nervousness like Mattheo was expecting, your face just dropped. 

“You’ve got to be fucking joking.” Mattheo’s face went white after you responded, and that was all the evidence you needed to confirm that Mattheo fucking Riddle was your soulmate. He hated you. You hated him. How could two people that despise each other be destined to be soulmates?

"What are you even doing up here?" You crossed your arms over your chest, sitting into your hip. His smirk only seemed to grow, "I think the better question is what are you doing up here, partaking in drugs no less? Little miss golden girl."

You rolled your eyes, "What's that supposed to mean, Riddle?" Mattheo's jaw clenched, "It's Mattheo. And you know what it means. Wonder what everyone would think if they knew little miss perfect liked to come up to the astronomy tower to get high."

"Why would anyone believe you over me?" You were acting a little cocky now, but Mattheo was right in the aspect that you and your friends were seen in an overall more positive light than he and his.

However the look on Mattheo's face made you think he knew something you didn't, "I guess I could just have your dealer tell everyone, or are you buying from someone besides Nott these days?"

He was irritating you on purpose now. You grabbed the spliff back from Mattheo, going to sit where you were before but now leaning your forehead against the railing, “This is got to be some kind of mistake.” 

Mattheo could only snicker as he went to sit next to you, hanging his arms over the raining as he looked over the grounds, “S’destiny love, no mistake about it.” 

“Thanks so much, you’re being really encouraging about this whole thing,” you rolled your eyes, holding your hand out to him. He took it from you, filling his lungs with smoke again, passing it back and forth throughout the conversation. 

Mattheo shrugged his shoulders, “At least we’re both fit.” You snorted at this, “Who said I thought you were fit?” He scoffed, “Please, I’ve seen the way you ogle me.” You found yourself laughing, a true full belly head thrown back laugh before you looked at him and he thought the smile you were wearing was actually kind of cute, “How would you know that unless you were ogling me, hmm?”

Mattheo opened his mouth to respond, but found he couldn’t come up with a good enough excuse before you were speaking again. The sigh you let out let him know how stressed you really were, “Our friends are not going to like this.” 

He nodded, smoke billowing out of his mouth as he spoke, “Merlin, no. They’re going to bloody hate it. But s’not like it was really our choice.” You knew he was right, and you knew he was trying to be comforting, but the tone in his voice let you know that he was just as worried to let his group of friends know as much as you were. 

You opened your mouth to respond to him when you heard the all too familiar jingle of Mrs. Norris’ collar sounding like she was ascending the stairs. Your eyes grew wide as you and Mattheo both jumped to your feet. It looked like Mattheo is contemplating jumping over the tower railing when you grab his arm to push him flat against the stone wall. 

He looked at you with utter confusion as you grabbed the cloak before turning around and pushing your back flush against his chest. “What are you-”

“Shut it,” you cut him off, indicating to him to wrap his arms around your waist as you threw the cloak over the pair of you. As the cat walked on to the tower landing you felt Mattheo’s arms tighten around you, doing his best to pull you impossibly closer. 

He was decently taller than you, having to duck down slightly so the cloak covered you both properly. His face was tucked in close to your neck. His breath warm and tickling your skin as Filch followed after his beloved pet, glancing around for anything out of place. 

When he was satisfied, Filch turned around to leave, letting his cat lead the way. You waited a few beats, making sure they were nearly to the bottom of the staircase before pulling the cloak off the two of you and pushing Mattheo’s hands off of your body. 

“Thing comes in handy, that,” he pointed to the cloth in your hand. You chucked, “Yeah, m’sure your lot would get a lot less detentions if you had one.” Mattheo rolled his eyes, “Yeah, we can’t all be like the golden quartet.” 

You scoffed slightly at this as you headed down the stairs, Mattheo close behind you, “We didn’t give ourselves that nickname, you know.” He couldn’t help but laugh, “Yeah but m’sure you all don’t mind it. Definitely gets you some favoritism.” 

You stopped at the end of the corridor, Mattheo running into your back at the action and cursing. You turned to face him, “You know, my friends and I have endured a hell of a lot of shite over the last couple years, maybe we deserve a little break when we’re actually able to do normal bloody teenage things.” 

As much as you were trying to be harsh with him, be the slightest bit intimidating, his height gave him all the advantage. Mattheo knew what you meant, what you were saying without saying the words themselves. “I’m not like him. Don’t clump me in your same category of hatred. He’s done things to me too,” his eyes reflected a bit of hurt as he spoke and you knew he was telling the truth. 

Everyone in school assumed Mattheo was just like his father, held the same ideals and wanted the same things for the wizarding world. The look you were seeing on his face told you otherwise. Your frustration quickly fizzled, instead turning into something closer to pity, “M’sorry.” 

“Don’t be,” he deadpanned, “Let’s just get back to our common rooms.” You walked together in silence until you had no choice but to split off. You agreed to meet each other in the courtyard during lunch the next day and you were racking your brain on how you were going to break this news to Harry, Hermione and Ron.

To say you were nervous was an understatement. When you broke the news to your friends about who your soulmate ended up being it wasn’t exactly well received. Hermione was worried, but understanding of the fact that you had no choice in the matter. Harry was upset, but again was trying his best to be mature and said he wouldn’t interfere with you spending some time with Mattheo to get to know him better. Ron took it the worst, which you wished surprised you but he did have a flair for the dramatics.

You were first waiting for Mattheo on a bench in the courtyard, but you couldn’t stop your legs from bouncing, therefore you found a place beneath a tree, attempting to read the same three lines of a book Hermione had loaned you the other day. 

When Mattheo found you and finally sat down next to you, you shut your book immediately, letting out a sigh of relief, “Oh thank Godric, you’re here.” It didn’t go unnoticed by you the way a pair of dimples christened his cheeks, “Miss me already, pretty girl? S’barely been twelve hours.” 

You shoved his shoulder lightly, trying to resist the pink that tinted your cheeks at the nickname he used, “Not at all, I’ve been sitting here for the better part of twenty minutes, mind you. Thought maybe you decided to ditch me.” Mattheo shrugged, “M’always late. You’re gonna have to get used to that. And I would never ditch you, we’re soulmates, love. You’re stuck with me for life.” 

He had a childlike grin on his face when he said that latter part and you couldn’t help the slight notion of butterflies that seemed to flutter in your stomach or the smile that appeared on your face.

All last night you thought it was going to be difficult to fall for Mattheo, but maybe the universe knew something when it paired you two together. 

“So how did your friends take the news?” You tried to keep voice neutral, but you really were worried about their responses. Mattheo leaned back against the tree, “They were shocked for sure, Draco took it the hardest. He was more worried about having to spend more time with Potter than me being with you though. Told him that would probably be more rare than he anticipated. W’bout yours?”

You nodded, “Not as bad as I thought, actually. Mione was understanding, as always. Harry was actually pretty good about it, but very skeptical. Ron actually took it the worst, but he’s just protective. Basically like me brother.” 

“How d’ya mean?” 

You leaned back against the tree yourself, shoulder to shoulder now with Mattheo. You could feel the heat radiating off of him and you wondered if his skin was always warm to the touch, “Both my parents are aurors so they travel a lot. They didn’t think it was safe for me to go with them, so Ron’s mum offered for me to stay at theirs whenever it was needed. Turns out it was needed more times than not growing up.” 

Mattheo nodded, listening intently as you spoke. You both started asking surface questions about each other; favorite color (he said black), favorite hobby (quidditch), favorite class (free period). 

When both your friend groups came looking for you after lunch period Mattheo asked if you would go to Hogsmead with him over the weekend. You agreed, finding yourself wanting to get to know more about him. Over the next two months you went to Hogsmead with Mattheo at least one day during each weekend. 

You slowly learned that his favorite candy was fizzing whizbees, having to stop at Honeydukes every trip for him to grab some. You learned that he was actually very intelligent even though he tried to seem like he wasn't, as he was passing all of his classes even though he skipped half of them. You learned that even though Draco was older than him, he felt like an older brother to his cousin. And maybe your favorite thing that you learned, purely on accident, was that if you squeeze just above his hip that he was incredibly ticklish. 

Throughout all of this you still hadn’t kissed. You kept telling yourself (and your friends) that you didn’t want to, but the more time you spent with him, the more you found yourself yearning for it. There were times of lingering touches; his hand on your lower back as he guided you into a building, his fingertips brushing yours as you walked, his leg pressing against yours while you sat next to each other in the courtyard or at the Three Broomsticks. 

Hermione, the ever observant friend that she was, noticed your shift in attitude towards Mattheo even before you did. So when she cornered you in the common room, demanding you tell her your true feelings it was almost a relief to let it all out. 

“I think I might actually like him, Mione. Like, I know that sounds like something an insane person would say, that they like Mattheo Riddle, like romantically, like someone who isn’t just some daft bimbo, but there's just so much more to him that he lets people see.”

Hermione can’t help but laugh, “I get what you mean. Harry and Ron are coming around, you know. They see how happy you look when you’re with him.” 

You tilt your head slightly at this, “What do you mean how happy I look?” 

Hermione just shakes her head with a smile, “Like you’re with your person.” You can’t escape the blush that creeps up your neck and covers your cheeks. Hermione’s giggling at you now, “Have you still not kissed him yet?” 

You scoffed, “Godric, no.” She pushed your shoulder playfully, “Well why not, y/n/n? Don’t you want to?” 

You looked down at your hands, playing with your fingers, “I mean…I think so? But he just hasn’t really…gone for it, you know?” 

She nodded in solidarity, “Oh I know, trust me. I had to make the first move with Ronald. Maybe you have to do the same thing?” 

You contemplated her words. They invaded a space in your brain for the rest of the night, then the rest of the next morning, and through dinner, and even now as you stood leaning against the railing in the astronomy tower waiting for Mattheo to meet you. 

When you heard him coming up the steps you turned only to see him with the sweetest smile on his face. “Hey pretty girl,” he greeted as he enveloped you in a hug. “Hi, Teo,” you had donned the nickname on him your third or so time at Hogsmead. He gave you a good squeeze before letting go, his arms still lingering on your waist with yours around his neck, “What’d you wanna talk about?” 

His question was innocent, no implications in his voice that he expected anything beyond you wanting to see him. With Hermione’s advice in the back of your head you knew you needed to just act, as any more talking might lead to you psyching yourself out. 

You slid your hands down from his neck, grasping lightly to the lapel of his blazer. He raised his eyebrows slightly at the action, the smallest of smirks on his face. 

Without giving yourself time to overthink you pull him into you, lips crashing against yours. He’s shocked at first, but just for a moment before he responds, walking you back until you’re pressed against the stone wall.

One of his hands slides up your body, ghosting over your stomach and the valley of your breasts before settling lightly on your neck. The implication of the hand gesture makes you whimper slightly and Mattheo takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss. Your hands find his hair, tugging lightly at the curls.

When he finally pulls away you find yourself chasing his lips and he smiled at the reaction. “I think I could kiss you forever,” his forehead is resting against yours, lips still so close you can feel his breath on your own. “Yeah?” you laugh a little, smile only increasing when he presses a kiss to your cheek, “Yeah, pretty girl. Forever.”

[staryuee]

Hii friend <3

I dont know really know if requests are still open but i wanted to ask if you could do any genshin characters with a rude s/o?

If not you're always aloud to delete the request :)

HOW YOU MAD AT ME, ‘CUZ I’M CUNT, BITCH?

꒰warnings꒱ cursing…obviously LOL

⠀꒲ ` synopsis . . . you wouldn’t call yourself rude just…”free-spirited” and liberal in your word choices~! ^_−☆

⠀꒲ ` characters . . . eula, xiao, thoma, ei, furina, navia, wriothesley

⠀꒲ ` notes . . . if i had a victorian era shilling for the amount of times my friend has called me rude after i’ve made a comment about something i would be the next ebenezer scrooge (⊙_⊙)

EULA — 优菈

now while eula would normally abhor at the foul language and insults that so easily spew from your precious lips, she actually can’t help but be oddly bemused.

i mean her expectations for linguistics are awfully high, one mustn’t speak with little eloquence but your brashness was oddly…charming, and refreshing in a way. you weren’t afraid to offend people, and simply enjoyed the motto of “i won’t apologise for what i said, i’ll apologise for how it made you feel.”

eula is of course someone who’s treated like the poster-woman for the concept of rudeness given her past and current feigned ego, so honestly you sort of make her feel better about herself — not in a negative way, in the way that she just simply doesn’t feel that lonely anymore.

if anyone has so much as a word to speak against you due to something you’ve said, they can speak to her first. the entirety of teyvat is allowed to shudder if she so much as so breathes, but when it comes to you? vengeance will be severed with a side of wine.

XIAO — 魈

stop. please. xiao is already overwhelmed enough by the varieties of his duties, all his patrolling — and now he has to make sure his lover isn’t in an argument with someone or being threatened to literal death.

he frankly doesn’t really care about the way you speak, sure it’s surprising at first since the majority of people in liyue hold themselves in a way that seems a bit more…calm, but then again sometimes that within itself can be seen as a rude attempt at pacification of genuine feelings.

you’ve never been mean or rude to him, directly at least, so he literally doesn’t care how brutal or venomous your words are, so long as you don’t get yourself in too much trouble. people haven’t seen the yaksha so an edge whenever a person opens their mouth since, well, ever.

he’s never brought up your attitude or personality; he loves you wholly, even if some parts of you are a bit more prickly than rosy.

THOMA — 托马

“haha, they were just joking!” you ticked off another five on your little notepad with a careful swoosh of your pen.

thoma has had to repeat that very phrase so much to the point you’ve been keeping a safe tally on a notepad of whenever he says it. to be honest, you don’t even believe five can be multiplied this many times…

your rudeness and foul language comes as an innate package, and thoma has no problem in neatly tying that package up with a little bow to placate whoever you managed to horribly offend that day. you fear that one day, if thoma isn’t there, you’ll find yourself being interrogated by kujo sara, maybe in a more lucky scenario heizou, herself.

“thoma can you do this f—“

“no.”

“i— wasn’t asking you??”

“you didn’t need to, now fuck off (๑･̑◡･̑๑). don’t be incompetent and you wouldn’t have to ask someone else to constantly do shit for you.”

RAIDEN EI — 影

if not directed to herself directly, she finds you absolutely amusing. she literally cannot be a spokesperson against rudeness after her uhum many self-made and self-fulfilled tragedies, plus she herself can be rather verbally off putting therefore, she has little problems with how you address others.

she does, however, keep a very keen eye on you to make sure you don’t stir up trouble with the wrong crowd.

but, hey! the great thing about dating a highly revered archon is the fact literally no-one will speak out against you.

“[name] told me to kill myself when i said hi in the morning…” and guess what? all of a sudden they have a long voyage to the fiery volcanoes of natlan planned out. criticism is only allowed if it’s aimed at her, not you — you’re basically an extension of her, if anyone so much so demeans you because of your attitude, it’s almost like they’re disrespecting the electro archon herself.

that’s a crime the citizens of inazuma have long learned the lesson of.

FURINA — 芙宁娜

she loves you purely for the theatrics and dramatics you always managed to find yourself in. it always seems like drama follows you wherever you simply step — and hey, she’s an actress, it’s no wonder she’s so easily charmed and swayed with the way your voice rings out blunt responses like it were second nature.

and to be fair, she’s a massive instigator of conflict. on the sidelines of course. so when you perhaps “accidentally” rub someone the wrong way, she can’t help but use sarcasm to throw fuel into the fire and watch the hellish flames burn as she kicks back with a cup of tea and a slice of cake (you know, like a true mirror to marie antoinette)

i think your duo would be even funnier and more undoubtedly chaotic if you have british humour and or slang equipped because let’s be so real if this was modern furina would force neuvillette to act like her roadman guard-dog while she sold 50p sweets during break time to the year 8s. throw in a little “yute” or “op” and she has heart eyes all over you (i promise this is all for the sake of comedy…)

NAVIA — 娜维娅

the best part of being in a relationship is being able to chat shit about anyone and everything, because well, you’re each-other’s everything already, why rely on the kindness of strangers for validation?

you and navia do the thing where you’ll subconsciously glance at each-other from the corners of your eyes when someone (or people) say some dumb silly shit. the problem being, neither of you can keep quiet and immediately will begin giggling and will make it inevitably worse by whispering to one another “stop!” and “don’t laugh—“ while holding your mouths to stifle yourselves.

this leads to people being rather nervous to speak to navia when you’re around. usually, navia is very friendly and softly spoken; often she’ll be a rather happy-go-lucky and caring girl who smiles no matter what — of course this doesn’t mean she’ll allow people to walk all over her, but hey she believes in second chances — but when you’re around…people will loiter around creepily before gathering the courage to ask for help or whatever they need.

navia is at heart however, a very loving and respectful person so she will remind you of when you’ve stepped out of line. sometimes rudeness is just an innate quality that people have and it’s sometimes not intended out of malice; even petty things like lateness or speaking out of turn counts as “rudeness”, and navia is here to either make excuses up for you or to defend you from criticism ☆〜（ゝ。∂）

WRIOTHESLEY — 莱欧斯利

oh he absolutely eats this shit up. every argument, insult, fight etcetera you’ve ever had is kept in a personal file somewhere in his cabinet just for memories sake. wriothesley’s life is already quite dramatic and hectic as it can be, the fortress of meropide could honestly sometimes be described as a form of circus within itself especially if you’re involved, but he revels in your antics nonetheless.

you’re literally so fucking hilarious, each time he hears those heavy doors heave open beneath him he just KNOWS shit has gone down and you’re about to dramatise it for him live.

you best believe he’s an instigator the same way furina is; whispering to you and then giggling when you use his encouragement as some sort of reference while you practically spit venom at the person who’s unfortunately become your centre of focus.

he won’t allow you to stir up too much trouble in the fortress of meropide but being his partner you get the perk of not getting into nearly as much trouble as you would if you were one of the criminals down in the fortress (unless you are then…well you’re special so it doesn’t matter!)

©STARYUEE do not copy, steal or repost ♡ ᴜsᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ɪʜᴇᴀʀᴛɢᴀɴʏᴜ

[susiephone]

i’m doing my annual reread of “gone girl” (happy women’s history month!) and as much as i ADORE the movie, both as a movie and an adaptation (seriously i think it’s one of the best adaptations i’ve ever seen), the book just has something to offer that i feel like couldn’t really be translated into film: the narration.

like yes there’s some narration in the movie, but films are a visual medium. for the most part, you don’t have the character tell us what they’re thinking, you show us via their actions. but a book, especially in first person POV as the book is (alternating perspectives between nick and amy), you have the benefit of having the character’s thoughts, and their actions, which can often hint at some stuff the characters don’t realize or don’t want to admit. especially because in the book, nick and amy are both aware they are telling you a story. they are both playing to an audience, they both know you’re there, and they both want you to side with them. and that is fascinating to consider as you read.

and we’ve all seen amy get made into this feminist girlboss heroine, and i know some people are joking (i mean, i joke about it), but some people are not. and that is baffling if you read the book and realize amy is also a complete misogynist. (actually she’s a misanthrope, she hates everybody, but she really has contempt for other women that doesn’t come up as much in the movie.) i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: it is a tragedy the book cut out hilary handy, because what amy did to her is an EXCELLENT example of amy’s lack of care for other women. 

the book also delves more into how amy, while brilliant and clever, is also not nearly as smart as she thinks she is, and she’s also a complete spoiled brat. the movie definitely mentions that amy was rich, but in the book, it’s clear that she’s never actually had to have job in her life (she does have one, but it doesn’t pay that well and it’s clear she could quit and live off her parents’ money any time she liked), and when she complains about being dragged “penniless” to missouri, she can still afford to not work and never has to think about the cost of gas. like she and nick aren’t RICH anymore, but they’re certainly not poor. amy in the book pays ten dollars for a carton of milk because she doesn’t realize she’s being overcharged. she expects $12,000 to last her nearly a year living in hiding, without actually budgeting (or rather, sticking to her budget) or compromising on comfort. 

furthermore, the book gets more into amy’s childhood and why she is the way she is, and also how her actions affect people who did nothing to her. the book spends a lot more time with her parents, who while not GOOD people in the book, get a lot more depth and really highlight amy’s callousness. the book does more to explore her psyche to make it clear that amy isn’t some super-cool ice queen mastermind who Does What She Wants; she’s on the edge of a breakdown basically 24/7, she’s a total hypocrite, she’s completely oblivious to her weaknesses and other people’s strengths, she’s motivated almost entirely by what others think of her, and her ego is both VERY inflated and incredibly fragile.

and in the book, amy and nick are perfect for each other. seriously. i have personally concluded that neither of them are capable of selfless or healthy love--except nick’s love for his sister, which is his main redeeming quality as a human being--but they do love each other in the most twisted, fucked-up, masochism tango way possible, and they’ll live miserably ever after because neither of them could ever be happy with someone else anyway.

like i get this stuff had to be streamlined or downplayed to make a 432-page book work in a single film. but i wish more discussion of the story was centered around the book instead of the movie, because i feel like when you have to cut down on stuff, some nuance and depth inevitably gets lost. and i wonder if amy would be as widely idolized and praised if the fanbase was centered more on the book than the movie.

tl;dr: if you’ve only seen the movie of gone girl, i implore you to pick up the book. it’s fantastic and makes an already stellar story even better. the audiobook is also excellent, although it did take me a couple chapters to get used to the narrator’s voices. they’re both FANTASTIC but it was jarring to hear nick as Not Ben Affleck and amy as Not Rosamund Pike 

[bonefall]

I personally like Thunder's prosthetic. Explained it to my friend (who does use a mobility device, a cane and wheelchair, and listens to me rant and infodump about BB) and they agreed, it's important to know that not every person needs what someone wants to give them. It's another example of "bad ableist person does a thing that hurts a disabled person because they are bad and ableist".

Clear Sky got Jagged Peak killed and would have killed Sunlit Frost! He would absolutely force his disabled son to be "normal" and present it like a privilege. "I wouldn't do this for anyone else, it's special, why don't you want to be helped?"

Thunder Storm should toss it in Clear Sky's face. (I would say toss it into the river but we do not pollute waterways in this house)

Thank you for telling me this, and tell your friend I'm thanking them too! If they have anything else to add please forward what they have to say

Since BB!DOTC tackles some of the heaviest topics in the entire series because its canon equivalent is so dark, I think very carefully about what I do here and how I show it. I take feedback on its sensitive aspects very seriously. If I'm understanding the criticism properly, it's that I should avoid stigmatizing prosthetics by making sure Thunder Storm's not the only one with it-- which he's not! And I'll add even more.

I don't want to avoid something only because it's uncomfortable if the topic is important, and my portrayal is respectful. Ableism IS uncomfortable! There are some situations where a prosthetic is not wanted! I think the rejection of this particular one is both a good opportunity to show a type of ableism and ALSO is very fitting for the characters.

In BB!Clear Sky's mind, the villain, he's fixing an old mistake. He can't admit that he got Jagged Peak killed or take REAL accountability for it (though he will, occasionally, apologize insincerely), but deep in his bones, he knows what he did was cruel. He'll never tell anyone this because he doesn't really cognate it himself, but Thunder Storm NEEDS to take his gift.

If Thunder doesn't take it, it blows a hole in his newest story. You see, throwing Jagged Peak out was All That Could Have Been Done back then. It was a Tragedy and he simply Made A Hard Choice. He regrets it very much, But You Have To Understand.

But now? Now? Well, behold. Look at what he's accomplished since the tragic death of his little brother. His cats are well-fed, cared for, and stable enough to make such incredible advancements. If only Jagged Peak had been able to hold on longer, if only he could be here now, I could fix him.

Just like I can (MAKE YOU JUST LIKE ME) fix you.

"Everything I've ever done is for Jagged Peak. For Fluttering Wing. For you." Thunder Sky is SPECIAL, but if he rejects any gift, tries to turn down the "privileges" offered to him, in an instant that becomes ungratefulness and arrogance. He both forces him to be special, and then leverages it against him if it's rejected. "Spoiled brat, doesn't appreciate what I've worked so hard to give him."

It all goes back to him and his own guilt. He can NEVER be wrong. He can't accept his family doesn't have to be "normal" or reflect his own ability. He won't see himself as a bully, let alone a murderer. It was never about his son's comfort or finding out what Thunder Storm wants or needs, it was about his own ego.

...All that said I'm still taking feedback if there's anything else I should keep in mind, or if anyone has a counter point, especially if you also have experience here.

(In the interest of having a link trail for posterity, here's the critique/call for feedback this is in response to)

[thecrustiestpurp]

Genius writing of Pavitr Prabhakar

They made an ass of a spiderman in theory yet he's my favourite out of all of them and naturally I'm thinking why.

Ignoring the aesthetic aspects like his sick design and his distinctive web slinging style. I think it's most interesting how they do this through the writing, the way they tackle his fatal flaw, his fat ego and blind optimism by creating a really sharp interval logic and communicating this within the space of 15 minutes.

We understand that his big ego is all earnest and out of naivite rather than him putting down others. He just so happens to be the best and perfect, and therefore everything is great for him. He was given a blessing at a very young age to be a spider and he happens to be good at it of course he's going to be prideful how can it not be. And why would he not gloat, he's a perfect guy perfect grades perfect hair and he knows that makes him special. Especially considering the rest of the Spider-Verse, having a perfect one like Pavitr is unexpected so we're at least intrigued by him.

But why do we like him despite characters with perfect lives and a big ego typically being frustrated. Using his humour the writers made his introduction it as playful as possible so we laugh at how him you know. One of the first things he says is "being Spiderman is so easy" and knowing he's been at it for 6 months it's super funny. He's also relatable, the successes he points out, skipping working out because he has a perfect body, having a girlfriend her parents don't know about, doing well in school are all things that are relatable to us especially if you're Indian, it feels like a real student who's living their best like. Also playfulness is maintained when they go to unglitch spots thing the collider scene, he treating it with even less seriousness "just another easy day of being spiderman" he says and is subsequently blown up - it's funny. We also can't get annoyed during that scene really being invasive to Miles' attempts and channelling the electricity so he's not being frustrating to us or to Miles, just a little naive. We can get humour from it but we also understand this as a flaw too because of the dramatic irony, we're hinting that he's not supposed to think this way.

They also give him the nice internal logic making his mindset sympathetic by testing it within the movie. In the saving India scene, what's most notable is the line "I can do both" turning his idealism into tragedy when he's faced between saving his girlfriend and saving his girlfriends dad. The surrounding microelements and whatnot making the atmosphere feel dire which contributes to the tragedy. But it's that were seeing the life that he easily lives turning on its head. His mentality given definition as a this it will work out so long as I do it, a noble origin for his confidence. Though he knows he's special but he doesn't think he's any more valuable. "do both" showing no real bias towards to what directly affects him - he can empathise with his girlfriend and recognise loosing her and her dad would be devastating. He's not egotistical like thinking he's better than others, he's empathetic and values the people he saves as well as the people they value. The words "do both" colours his saving as this as being an overexertion, he's unaware of what he can't do solidifying his perspective of viewing this as easy coming from a place of naivite. Additionally he has to be the one to save people - "I can do both" - and this is why being Spider-Man is easy for him, it has to be. This all makes him more understandable and the fact this is clearly failing him and tragically makes him sympathetic. Moreover, we care about the love for his girlfriend and for his people because it was fun hearing him explain it earlier so its even more sympathetic that he's loosing what he loves. I think this also stops being a careful what you wish for where we could reproach him because of the scenery we understand him to have.

It seems more he does everything because he's so loving, and he just so happens to be blessed and stuff. Which is super enjoyable to watch! and this burst of characterisation happens in like 20 minutes so like wowowowoowwwowoowowowowow

Anyway, this isn't the greatest most insightful analysis but I just had to ramble about my favourite boy!!

[joltyflare]

(Sun and Moon Show Theory #5: Ruin X His Roxanne, A Possible Tragic Love Theory )

Wow, it has been a while since I've made my last theory. It was also Ruin-related because I mayyy have an obsession with him. Anyway, this theory is one I've been thinking about a lot lately.

Anyway, in this theory I will be discussing why I think Ruin got together with the Roxanne in his universe. It might get a bit long since I want to piece together his past, personality, and the few things we do know about him. I'll also be adding sources/timestamps if I can and posting a more digestible version of this on the official discord lol.

So far, we know Ruin's dimension was destroyed by the Creator and he watched everyone around him turn against each other due to the virus and then inevitably die. We know he felt very strongly about this. Strongly enough for him to be willing to pretend to be a maniac for years on end to survive just to be able to eventually destroy 5,000 universes worth of evil Creators. Not only to save universes but also to avenge his friends (source: WHY WAS ECLIPSE MADE?!?! in VRChat, 5:38, though I believe was mentioned multiple times). Note that he sounds very deeply sad when talking about his friends, which is in contrast to how he sounds a lot of the time.

This means he was probably really close to the animatronics in his universe. Closer to them than Sun and Moon are to anyone outside their family I bet, seeing as he didn't have a whole celestial family in his universe like what Sun and Moon have going on in their universe. After all, Sun and Moon merged and there was no family drama to come. No Earth, Lunar evil Eclipse (he was the only Eclipse), etc. He likely got to bond with the other animatronics in the Pizzaplex and get to know them, making him become way closer than Sun and Moon are to anyone outside their family. Of course, this would mean he would inevitably interact with Roxanne Wolf.

Now, it's very crucial to mention, in our main universe, Roxanne was wanting to date Sun. Sun was also wanting to date her. In fact, he really, really liked her. The thing is, they were very, very close to becoming a couple, but then Eclipse came in and did that whole maternity chip thing just to spite Sun and then, on top of it, made it so that everyone (Roxy included) hated the celestial brothers for a good while. This led to Roxanne ending up with Glamrock Freddy (only for them to split up a few times and her becoming a lesbian) and Sun being single, not really ever having another chance with her. Sun also sorta convinced himself she wasn't worth caring about and seemingly doesn't have feelings for her anymore.

However, in Ruin's universe, Roxanne never had a maternity chip installed by Eclipse. Also, Ruin himself is a merge of Sun and Moon, and it is very likely that he could have kept Sun's love for Roxanne. He has shown an interest in her during the October takeover, which is the biggest thing that leads me to believe he romantically cared for his Roxanne too! (Source: please tell me when this happens!! I actually forgot, though someone brought it to my attention as well!)

Another thing I thought was important to mention is Ruin's mannerisms and intelligence. I think his polite way of speaking and his love of using extravagant language is something Roxanne (especially early on) would like. I can see him easily being able to think of ways to compliment her and give her an ego boost or just make her feel loved. It's safe to say he really had a chance with her if he wanted in that universe. I think he would've also been the perfect match for her.

In our main universe, Roxanne lost her self-obsessed nature over time and became more caring to her partner, who was Glamock Freddy for the longest time. I think the same would have happened for Ruin and Roxanne, since Ruin is intelligent. Maybe he would have seen her potential as well and seen her more than just pretty to look at the way Sun had.

The tragedy part would come when the virus happened. Roxanne would've been lost to the virus. From the sounds of it, it seems like Ruin only realized what was happening to the others a bit too late (source: WHY WAS ECLIPSE MADE?!?! in VRChat, 5:06). Which means he was probably scared and confused when the virus started infecting everyone. This would mean Roxanne potentially becoming hostile toward Ruin for no reason or maybe worse.

Another theory I had is that she possibly became the first to die. Maybe the virus itself killed her because she couldn't handle it? Someone has mentioned she has always been a bit vulnerable to that type of thing and it would suit her. I know someone had to have died first. When Ruin is in his cell in Parts and Service, he says to Moon that he should mourn with friends stating that it's beneficial, adding that he would know (source: Eclipse Wants to KILL RUIN in VRChat, 10:24). He's speaking from personal experience. This means he and some friends mourned someone he was very close to. What if that someone was Roxanne? What if she died as the virus started to hit before everyone else fully went insane? We don't know her fate, as it is never stated, and it's plausible.

If they were a couple, it would've ended in tragedy. He would have lost her somehow. Not to mention Gregory would've also died.

Ruin also corrupted his older memories. He also does not seem to like thinking back to the time where he pretended to be a killer maniac robot. Yet he has let Moon do other things to him, worse than just looking at past memories and usually has kept his indifferent composure. Maybe some things were to personal for him to allow others to see...

Anyway, this is just a little theory of mine lol. I think it's possible and likely and I'd actually like if it happened because it'd add even more depth to Ruin's decision to destroy 5,000 dimensions! If anything, it's nice to speculate on his past because there's a lot we don't know about him.

[youuuimeanmee]

Noragami Final Chapter Thoughts

You know what? I'm used to it.

I'm used to have exceptionally well-written manga get cut off or deadline-d to finish at certain point of time (usually by the publisher's order) when the authors still have so, so, SO much more left to give, so in the end they have no choice but to rush the final chapter.

Shingeki no Kyojin, Promised Neverland, Nisekoi, other mangas I forgot to name. And this manga. For such a long-running series with deep lore, they all could use a special volume (200+ pages) as an epilogue, not a 45-pages speedrun of everyone's everafter. I wish more series could follow Mob Psycho's example. Some say Mob Pycho Season 3 is too long, it needs to be more compact etc, but I don't think so at all. I think it's perfect the way it is -- it's a fulfilling send-off for all the characters we love so much. I wish more series would get their ending like that, but what can I say about Japanese manga industry.

And there's also Adachitoka's health to consider too. In which case, I'd say they did their best, and I'm really thankful for them for being able to deliver this series safely.

In short, I already expected this chapter to be a speedrun. Because of that, my experience when I read this chapter is better than I expected.

Maybe because I've learned my lessons for not making theory too much, so I don't have certain expectations that'd cloud my judgement.

With no deep thoughts when reading, let's go dive in.

The PUNS it still gets me. Yukine's sister calling Haruki's name while watching a tree that blossoms in spring is 😭😭😭

Ayoo he can change to a dog still? My poor baby 😭

I guess this is his punishment for wrecking havoc in the human world and disturbing the Heaven? But like, he was clearly under the influence of trashdad?? He's not really at fault?? Is this author's message that we shouldn't justify his action just because we understood his reasons?? But still. That's too cruel for doing it for your own main character.

I know shinkis that were left behind by their master would retain their name after the master's death, but still. To think Izanami's power is still working on Yukine after the Kotonoha is destroyed. This is tragedy.

THE FLOWERSS IN YUKINE'S RESTING PLACEE AKSJJDBDKDJDJD

Daww that's nicee. Hiyori as an intern!

Damn, she really forgot everything. This is for the best though, she already died once when she got too close with the far shore; I'm already prepared for this much. Maybe Yato had finally severed her ties with him and that (along with the cpr) is what allowed Hiyori to return.

Wdym "intense cpr," it's more than intense. It's hella long too. Nobody could perform intense cpr for hours nonstop, unless that person is non-human.

Good to know Yato broke her ribs though, nice work!

Hiyori's missing notebook? Prob taken by Yato or something.

Dafuq. Move along with your "it's me!" wishy-boy. No. This time it's not you who kissed her. You were delirious in some random abandoned building in some random city when Hiyori was dying.

See, this is my nightmare. To have the real Fujisaki Koto as Hiyori's future love interest. Because I know for sure, for so long, that they could bonded with their out-of-body experience when they both lost their memory.

Sorry Koto, 'nothing against the real you, but your alter ego has kinda ruined your image.

Damn, Father's longing for Kaya runs deep in Koto's veins.

BAHAHA, Nice one Coophone. Or Yato. Or Yukine. Or whatever tf Hiyori's guardian is.

AWWW THE GODS ARE CARRYING HIYORI'S LEGACY TO HAVE A PICNIC TOGETHER 😭😭😭😭

Aww man I didn't see Nana. She'd love to have a picnic with both Bishamon and Arahabaki! Is it because she was infected with GGS, or is it simply her turn to watch over the house? I hope it's the latter.

I wish the Gods would talk more about Yato's miracles, including about Hiyori. She is literally the glue that help stick these guys together. Without her, they wouldn't even know about Father's Liberation ability.

Heck, forget about Yatori. I wanna hear the Gods reminscing about their situations & conditions after the incident. But alas.

Oh well. This is something I've learned to let go.

Woow Kunimi looks young! Does he finally have a vacation?? Lol

Ebisu's voice got deeper? He still looks like a baby to me. Is he a baby 12-yo?

It's real nice to see the 3 reincarnated gods! Though I coulnd't care less abt them,even tho i know they have main character energy

Oh. my God. TakeKiun is really sailingg Look at dem. Matching clothes and soft smiles and all dat shit 🥺🥺🥺

Um, okay. It's good and all that each mortal has their own version about what happened at that time, but like,

Weren't people DIED???

I thought many people died!! Getting slashed by Gods!! Why is it not covered on the national news-

(myb when Father's "nation" returned to the underworld, the souls who were lost were also returned to its vessel somehow?)

Nope, nevermind. Just don't think too deeply about it. Moving on.

BISHAAA it's good to see her in great health!

Though I really wanna know, how is her relationship with the Heaven and the other Gods after that fiasco, how she feels abt Father's defeat, etc--

NOPE. Don't thinkabout it. Just moveon.

Here I thought Yato was gonna get a reward from Amaterasu for slaying "something that doesn't belong on this Earth." Oh well. Guess Amaterasu is hella stingy like that.

Why Yukine seems like he got even smaller though. Is it the changing art style? He looks more baby than ever.

Wait, they got a whole proper room to sleep? Is this their old room in Kofuku's house?? I thought since Yukine is infected by GGS, Kofuku stayed the hell away from Yukine, but that doesn't seem like the case?

Maybe Kofuku-Daikoku are the one who abandoned the shop; leaving it for Yato and Yukine to stay in? We'll never know.

(Now where is Kofuku's new address, I need to know)

Since Yukine is infected by GGS and always in constant nightmare, I'd like to believe Kazuma is experiencing the same thing; in order to separate him from the rest of the clan, now Kazuma sleeps with Bishamon every night. Lucky bastard.

That is so touching of Yato for comforting his sobbing child every night, but I wish we got a glimpse of his reminisce with his now-gone Father.

Oh wooww the dude finally stopped playing around. I thought he didn't have the guts to cut Hiyori's ties, turns out he really cut itt. No wonder Hiyori forgot about him for 10 years.

(Though I don't think she forgot completely either. Yato might not be in her head anymore, but he's still in her heart)

Adachitoka-san. Are you trying to tell ME this teke-teke thing is way more viral than the mass of unnatural, unknown deaths???

Is it because there's no death at all???

*sighs.* Anyways.

Aww Nora is now staying at Iki's household, happier than ever 🥺

Oh so that's where Hiyori's notebook goes.

Wait, Iki household creeps Hiyori out? Why? Is it because she was traumatized by her grandma's death? (Does she even remember that?) Is it because she faintly remembered the way Nora broke her house's windows? Or is it because she could sense Nora's presence and it icks her? I hope it's not the latter ☹️

I'm happy Nora is finally a happy child, but, Yukine? What about my son Yukine, who is no longer a pure soul, who could no longer sleep peacefully every night. Where is Nora's apology for leading Yukine to Father huh? Where is her apology for (indirectly) turning Yukine into who he is today? I guess it happens off-screen, we'll never know.

OH WOWW THE PUNS' AT IT AGAIN

Wdym "the night has a scent."

"Night" is using the same kanji as Yato's name, 夜. She is remembering his smell from the nightt, peoplee

(The night when he kissed her prob)

The power of the match-matching ema hunged by Ookuninushi is really strong, huh. Hiyori managed to remember Yato again, despite her already-severed-ties with Yato.

(or maybe not. I guess their fate really IS intertwined, knowing their first meeting)

I kinda wish Hiyori would remember Yato much later, like, in her 40s when she already has kids on her own, but hey, the sooner she remembers him, the longer he'd stay on this Earth so I'd still consider it a win!

Tbh, a part of me don't want her to get involved with far shore like she did in the past, but a part of me also wants her to snuggle between Yato and Yukine's arms after her work hours end. Dilemma.

Now I need Hiyori's journey to become one hell of a rich doctor so she could build a proper shrine for Yato so she and her family could pray together every morning, because she claimed it's Yatogami who saved her life that day. She'd make dinner for Yato and Yukine and eat with them every evening while her family acknowledge it as her night-praying-time. She'd tell her family, her future husband, and her future children about the legend of Yato (she'd exaggerate it a lot) and the next thing she knows, Yato have already has a devoted followers. Oh, and she'd often visited Bisha's shrine, Kofuku's, Ebisu's, all gods associated with Yato.

That's it folks. I rarely do my thoughts about Noragami, but I do read it religiously regularly each month. This manga has already become my comfort manga no matter how angsty it is, so it's gonna be hard to part with it, after all this time. Maybe for next month I'm gonna restart from chapter 1, one chapter per month.

I do have to say though, usually when I read a series with unsatisfactory ending, it leaves a bad taste in mouth. Somehow this chapter don't feel like that at all. I don't know why. I still look at this chapter and all the previous ones with fondness.

I wanna dream that 1-2 years from now, Adachitoka would release a 200-pages of Noragami epilogue -- which I know it's impossible, but hey, let the girl dream. I'm also looking forward for the extra komas, if there's any.

It's been a good time with you all 🤗👋

[cornyonmains]

The absolute tragedy baked into Boston's character is that I think there's some part of him that likes Nick. That has feelings for him. If the translations are right, some of the word choices Boston uses to describe Nick, like lovely, are these little slivers of honesty between the lies. They're also words he never uses to describe Top. The terms he uses are less personal like 'top tier' or 'the best' or 'the hottest'. They're all descriptions oriented around how Top is seen by others. So much of Boston's attraction to him is steeped in the ego of not being able to take rejection, and not a real interpersonal attraction.

I also think another thing at play here, beyond Boston's jealousy of Top's feelings for Mew, is Mew's value in the friend group and in society. Mew's the top student, the bookworm, the virgin. Boston has probably had jealousy festering for years. Ray's in love with Mew. And while Top was initially enchanted by the idea of Mew's virginity, this grew to Top really liking just being with someone who didn't attach any strings to companionship, who wanted an actual connection, but of course Boston still sees it as Top chasing after Mew's virginity. Prizing the lack of the one quality Boston completely defines his value with.

Boston is going to be at the core of every conflict between the characters. He's going to exploit every weakness.

He planted the fear in Mew that Top was playing him, knowing Mew would test Top's resolve. And Top, whom is looking more and more exhausted every episode, who probably hasn't been sleeping well because he quit partying, quit seeking out companionship to prove himself to Mew did have some right to feel yanked along. Not enough to cheat, but Boston's manipulations probably coincided with Top really going through it with his insomnia, as he had stopped sleeping around.

Meanwhile Ray, who clearly likes Sand the most, whom at this point seems to be holding onto a fading crush, but still gives a fuck about his friend, is being spurred into thinking he needs to protect Mew, which is really going to fuck things up with Sand.

Boston is the fucking tumor in this group. They're all trying to grow up and lead normal lives with stable relationships, and Boston's there pitting himself against everyone.

All the characters are flawed, but none of them act with the same level of malevolence as Boston. That foreshadowing with the song Mew and Top were dancing to, it struck me as a sad song, about someone being perceived as the bad guy, but not necessarily being so. It was tinged with an underlying theme about perceptions. And I think that's important here, because when you look at our two gaypex predators, Top and Boston, they go about things quite differently.

It's clear from dialogue Top is very up front with his one night stands. Honest, always, about his intentions. This certainly seems to be the case with Boston. But Boston is a manipulator, he makes false promises, strings people along, says whatever he needs to to get what he wants.

If Top does end up having to be the bad guy, if someone does end up dying this season, I'd say this episode foreshadowed Top being the one to do it, and that that person is likely going to be Boston. Top's made some bad choices, but he's very much falling victim to obsessive stalking behavior. To being preyed upon by Boston. And I think it speaks to the themes that BL has created that people aren't picking this up, because I think the reason they're not picking this up is because he's "the Top". The more traditionally masculine part of the fucked up binary BL creates. They're not used to perceiving these characters as vulnerable to this kind of behavior, because tropes never allow for that in BL.

Anyways, so ends my rant. The moral of the story is I really, really don't like Boston.

[daisiesonafield-blog]

Louis Tomlinson is sequestered in the executive boardroom of a swanky hotel in suburban London, and is treating it the way a pupil might a classroom when the teacher’s popped out. He’s leaning back on his chair, feet up on a radiator, hands clasped behind his head and a cigarette on the go. “All right?” he says, grinning impishly.

Despite huge global success with One Direction (70 million albums sold), which prompted a fanaticism that made Beatlemania look tame, he seems remarkably unaffected and far more normal than one might expect from someone with 35.8 million Twitter followers. He’s a 31-year-old so unassumingly bloke-next-door that the bloke next door wouldn’t look twice.

“I’ve always had a problem with ‘ego’,” he says, “and I’ve always been worried about being one of those people in the public eye who just loses all sense of reality, and becomes an arsehole.” As if by way of explanation, he adds: “I’m from Doncaster.”

And so while his former 1D bandmate Harry Styles, a superstar, floats through life like the fashion world’s favourite clothes horse, Tomlinson kits himself out in JD Sports: Kappa T-shirt, black sweatpants, Adidas socks, scuffed trainers. When he tells you he often frequents his local pub unmolested, you believe him.

“If someone does come up after an hour to ask for a selfie, I won’t say no and I won’t run away,” he says, “’specially if I’m three pints deep!”

Of the five members of 1D, Tomlinson has had the slowest start to a solo career. There are compelling reasons for this — family tragedy for one — but he’s also had to figure out who he is without the band around him. “With this job,” he says, “there’s so much room for overthinking, you know? Someone from the record label will tell you they like your stuff, but you find yourself thinking: yeah, but do they? It’s the fans that help you really believe in yourself.”

In the band, Zayn Malik had the best voice and Styles had the best everything else. While the other three — Tomlinson, Liam Payne and Niall Horan — were hardly driftwood, each has nevertheless had to dig deep to carve out a solo persona that would compel beyond the bubble.

“I do miss the boys,” he says, “and I do definitely miss being one of the five, but I like doing my own thing too. It was time.”

It’s a bright winter’s day, and the man in sports casual is enjoying special dispensation here in the hotel: permission to light up. Had this been denied, there might well have been a problem, for Tomlinson chain-smokes with the wild abandon of Mad Men’s Don Draper.

After the release of his second solo album, Faith in the Future, in November, he adds another necessary notch in the belt of any self-respecting pop star next month: the documentary. All of Those Voices is a routine behind-the-scenes look at 21st-century celebrity but stands out for the multiple crises of confidence Tomlinson feels any time he’s not on stage.

“This is a confidence game for anyone,” he says earnestly, “and there’s been plenty of moments of vulnerability throughout the entire process.” An overriding concern of the documentary is not just whether people would be interested in him, but whether they’d take him, someone discovered on a TV talent show, seriously.

When Styles won his Grammy awards this month — he collected two and won four Brits — he used his acceptance speech to say that “this doesn’t happen to people like me very often”. This was swiftly ridiculed across social media because of course white men tend to win quite a lot. But what he likely meant was that it doesn’t happen to the product of manufactured boy bands, many of whom have the use-by date of a pint of milk.

“Only Harry knows what he means there, it’s hard to speculate,” Tomlinson says, “but we all came from relatively humble beginnings, and now we are where we are.”

But while Styles is a once-in-a-generation talent and knows it, his erstwhile bandmates — and this one in particular — need convincing.

Louis Tomlinson comes from a big family — his mother, Johannah Deakin, married twice and had seven children — and was a hopeful child actor before in 2010 auditioning for The X Factor. This is where 1D were created, “masterminded” by Louis Walsh. Deakin, who had Tomlinson when she was 19, was his biggest fan and they’d always been close. When, for example, Tomlinson lost his virginity, it was she he told first, not his friends.

In 2016, a year after One Direction split, she died from leukaemia, aged 42. Two years later, his 18-year-old sister, Félicité, who’d been struggling to get over her mother’s death, accidentally overdosed on cocaine, painkillers and an anxiety drug. The combined loss hit him hard. Aside from the single he wrote about his mother’s passing, 2020’s Two of Us, his mourning has been largely private.

He squints through a veil of cigarette smoke. “Some of the things that have happened recently have been quite drastic, yeah, but then so much in my life seems to have been pretty extreme, one way or the other.” In 2016, at the age of 25, a brief relationship with a Californian stylist, Briana Jungwirth, resulted in a son. “There’ve been challenging times, definitely. It’s funny, but I couldn’t even tell you how many years ago my mum passed, I just blank it out. But for the first 18 months, I’d take any form of bad luck personally. I’d feel every tiny thing. But now I genuinely feel I’ve come out the other side. I feel more empathy for everything and everyone these days.”

After his 2020 debut album, Walls, failed to set the world alight, Tomlinson called time on his relationship with Simon Cowell. “It was mostly amicable,” he says, nodding. “Simon always had my best interests at heart, and I liked him. He had his faults of course, like all of us, but it was always inevitable I’d have to go off and do my own thing.”

His new record, then, was a leap into the unknown and he elected to write not with professional songwriters but rather fellow creative artists: Theo Hutchcraft from the band Hurts, Joe Cross from the Courteeners and the singer-songwriter James Vincent McMorrow. “And that was a big difference, huge. These are people who live and breathe music. It’s the first time I felt really comfortable doing my own stuff, you know?”

Previously he’d been encouraged to sing like a nice young pop star should, without regional inflection. “When I was in the band,” he says, “working with professional songwriters whose entire aim was to write the hit single, they’d tell me that singing in my natural accent wasn’t commercial. Sorry, but what a shit idea! Who wants to sound like everybody else? I dumbed down a little bit in the band, because you do, but I’ve learnt who I am now.”

The album, which has its inspiration firmly in early Noughties indie, sounds more Kaiser Chiefs than One Direction. A risk, then. But when it came out, it debuted at No 1. While this did wonders for his confidence, it’s clear from the documentary that he still needs people — a support group — around him. He actively courts the friendship of his touring band, not necessarily a given among solo pop stars, and he seems almost always sociable. It’s when he’s not up for group activity that people worry. There’s a revealing moment in the documentary of him having just appeared on James Corden’s US talk show. Backstage Corden, an old friend, pleads with him not to go quiet on him afterwards. “You vanish, you change your number, no one knows [where you are],” he says.

Until recently Tomlinson lived in London with his long-term girlfriend, the model Eleanor Calder, but recent reports suggest they’ve split up and he’s dating another model, Sofie Nyvang. Life, clearly, is complicated. Perhaps that’s why he smokes so much. He says, though, that he feels finally relieved of the myriad pressures that once clung to being a pop star whose fanbase was predominantly teenage. Such as?

“Well, being a role model for one. I never wanted that. I always had to worry whether it was OK if, say, I was seen here or if I could get away with smoking a joint there, before concluding: hmm, probably not. But I never wanted to be the perfect pop star, especially in the climate of Instagram. I don’t want to put an artificial world out there. I think it’s important that people see your scars, your flaws.”

It’s never easy growing up in public and Tomlinson had no choice. “When One Direction split up,” he says, “I was mortified, I was absolutely gutted. I was a bit bitter, I suppose because it just felt like another loss to me. But I’ve a better understanding of things now, and there’s not as much anger. It is what it is.

“Getting back together at some point is hard to imagine right now,” he continues, “but I’d be surprised if we lived out our lives and didn’t have a moment where we had a reunion, or whatever you want to call it. I’d be up for that.”

When I ask what it’s like watching Styles’s ascendance into the biggest star of his generation — something that might delay such a reunion — he blows out a long plume of smoke.

“Well, it’s not a surprise is it? We were always aware that Harry fit that mould, and it’s been an amazing thing to watch. Envy? At the start maybe, when I was trying to find my feet, but it’s never healthy to cross-reference your own success with others is it? These days I’m learning to elevate myself in those moments when I have to. I didn’t know how to do that before, but now? Now I know I f***ing can.” All of Those Voices is in cinemas from March 22,  allofthosevoices.com

-Full article. Feb 23 2023. Link here. Free link here.

[cloveroctobers]

black mascara — EZ REYES

A|N: in honor of the season 5 trailer, I had to write a little something. This one will actually be small since I don’t have too much to go off of in writing this but I can’t lie and say I’m not a little fired up! So get comfy.

GIF BELONGS to: @dailymayans

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“See that crave for power…that’s seeping through your pores is exactly what’s gonna get you killed, Ezekiel.”

“…if that happens to be the case, I hope they know their prayers well because I’ll still be here from beyond the grave.”

She did not know this person that she sat face to face with. She didn’t even know what that statement means. Majority of the time Hadiza kept out of The Mayans business, despite the fact that her older brother Franky interacted with them from time to time. She knew Ezekiel way before he decided to join the club and although she’s seen the Mayans around town, she didn’t have much of a opinion when the man first brought the idea to the table a week before his release.

Now she wished she would have.

Back then she trusted that Ez knew what he was doing.

This Ezekiel was not the man she used to know.

Hadiza had a feeling this would happen, that as soon as Ezekiel got into the president’s chair, a whole new level of danger would be unleashed. She saw the shift in Ezekiel throughout his time in the charter happen gradually, that her worries started to keep her up at night. The lack of sleep even proposed her to talk to Felipe about it, who simply listened and still had faith in his baby boy until Gabby came around.

Which was kinda foul the longer she thought about it. Was her word really not good enough when she’s been around? She’ll have to take that up with Felipe at a later time, respectfully.

She’s known Ezekiel since high school…it’s been years since they stepped into their adulthood. However a good portion of Ezekiel’s youth was ripped away from him the night his mother died.

Yes people change…but not like this.

Hadiza was beginning to think that a piece of Ezekiel died with his mother that day but what could she say about him now? So much has happened since then and He wasn’t the same—sure it was foolish to think that he would be completely healed from that tragedy but the light in his pretty honey eyes, did not reflect what was beyond them or what was on the outside.

“So that’s it then,” she raised her shoulders, “you’re gonna waste your life away for reckless shit? You’re better than this Ezekiel.”

“What do you exactly expect me to do? This is the duty that I’ve strived for. And you’re looking at me as if we didn’t know it would always end up being this way. I know you didn’t think this shit was rainbows and daisies, you’re much smarter than gabby in that sense.” Ezekiel bit, yanking a cigarette from his pocket.

Hadiza shook her head, “speaking ill of the dead…somebody that you killed and claimed to love like she was just nothing to you. I’m not feeling this. Or you.”

“There’s the door, fucking use it,” Ezekiel flared his nostrils as he pointed at the exit, “you’re the one who came here trying to preach to me what I’ve already heard. And what I’ve told myself before back when I was weak. What? you thought shit was gonna change because it’s coming from you? I’ve got to be smarter than that, especially when it comes to the club and nothing you can say to me right now…matters.”

“Then what does, motherfucker?!” She was on her feet now, “greed? Selfishness? No wait. I got it, your ego.”

The man lifted his shoulders, not needing to say anything more or seemed to be the least bit phased by the irritation that was showing in his long-time friend’s frame.

“Going after the sons—

“I don’t want to hear it.” Ez glared, “I’ve seen enough wars to not fear a damn thing. Don’t you ever question: Where does fear get you, diza? Look in the mirror. Everybody pays a price with the cards they’ve been dealt.”

The woman chewed down on her bottom lip in annoyance, “and just how much are you willing to lose?”

“That’s something I’ve got to reflect on in my own time…but you’re here.” Ezekiel kept his eyes trained on the woman, puffing on his cigarette.

Before Hadiza could lose the courage she said, “Fuck your subliminal and fuck you.”

“We’ve already done that, remember? With Sofia watching in the background. I think the message then was very clear and something you should thank me for.”

That was so low and disrespectful, considering that Hadiza had a moment and went to someone who she thought cared about her well-being. At that time she just received the news that her fiancé wanted to break off the engagement after cheating on her with a co-worker and the first person she went to was Ezekiel. He was the first person she thought about and felt complete with—a mistake on her end, sure but she wasn’t expecting him to have company other than Sally.

The smirk that was on his lips was smacked right off by her hand. However that did not stop Ez from yanking on her wrist and getting into her face.

Anyone was fair game at this point.

This she knew deep down.

He could end it all, right here in this trailer.

What made her any different?

Did he even love her anymore? Or was she just another ploy in the way Ezekiel floated around life now? Hadiza was not part of the club so why was she becoming collateral damage?

“You don’t get to come here and think our friendship and reminiscing about the old times, or guilt trip me about Gabby, would stop me or save me from myself. That’s not your job, never was amor. Sorry I couldn’t live in your fantasy of being a good ol’ friend to you anymore. But that’s life, so either continue standing by and keep your mouth shut or take a walk and don’t look back.” Ezekiel gritted into her face and that hurt more than him squeezing her wrist.

The black ink dripped down her brown cheeks as she hissed, “you’re done to me.”

And this she hoped she meant. She couldn’t stick around and she knew Ezekiel was pushing her to do so but ultimately it was her choice. Her eyes stung from the makeup as she clenched them closed, fighting away the memories of their teenage years: watching Ezekiel love Emily, having intense debates over literature in class and outside of, him being there for her first heartbreak and attempting to get angel to drive him to the asshole who broke her heart house to egg it and piss on their front doorstep, to Marisol Reyes encouraging her to keep loving her son the best way that she knew how…

“Good,” Ezekiel breathed into her face, shoving her fist back down her by her sides.

He broke eye contact after awhile since she no longer had any words for him. He placed the cigarette back to his lips as he slouched back on the couch. Hadiza swiped the mascara from the bags underneath her eyes, deeply inhaling and battled with herself on what to do or say.

The words fell empty just like the relationship she once had with the man she called her best friend.

She sniffed as she snatched up her bag, making sure she had her keys before she took her exit. The door to the trailer opened on her way, revealing Sofia who easily picked up on the tension in the home. Her dark eyes shifted between the pair but Hadiza patiently waited for the wavy haired woman to get out of her way.

Ez pressed his elbows into his knees as he grunted, “What is it, Sofia?”

If Hadiza continued to be foolish she would have tried to believe that the tone of his voice was telling her something, besides him being an asshole. That perhaps he didn’t truly want their friendship to end but that’s the difference between the two, she didn’t have to be selfish.

“Um, you’ve some company. Bishop and Tranq are outside.” Sofia informed as she stepped into the trailer with Sally.

Ez quickly got to his feet, putting his cigarette out in a nearby ashtray and brushed his shoulder by Hadiza as he left the trailer. Sofia easily picked up on the woman taking a sharp breath at his actions but didn’t speak on it.

It didn’t take the most intelligent person to understand that something transpired between the two. Their relationship didn’t threaten what she had with EZ and in a way, Sofia actually thought it was beautiful. How their relationship didn’t appear to be transactional or circumstantial. How simply being next to each other was enough for them. Or it used to be. Yet Sofia wasn’t naïve to think that it would last with the new propositions EZ took on.

Sometimes that’s just the way life worked out and the sooner Hadiza figured that out…maybe she could protect her heart a bit better.

It was a little awkward as Hadiza had to collect herself, hand on the trailer’s door before she went outside. Sofia wasn’t one for words and she wasn’t sure anything she could say would provide comfort for Hadiza either. After what happened right here in this trailer, weeks ago, it’s not like the two had the chance to really talk about it.

They didn’t have to but it seemed like Hadiza always had a lot on her mind.

Thankfully for Sofia, Hadiza pushed the door open, not sparing her a glance, either placing herself on autopilot or trying her best to ignore her presence—it didn’t bother Sofia one way or another as Hadiza left the home.

“See you around then,” Sofia muttered, taking a seat on the couch, after the door clicked shut behind Hadiza.

Her long legs kicked up the dirt as she passed by the group of men on the side. She couldn’t get away from the place fast enough, feeling her heart being squeezed with each step she took.

“Hey,” Tranq started to call out to the woman but it was almost as if she heard nothing while she shoved herself into her car.

Bishop’s eyes were back on EZ as his eyes briefly burned into Hadiza’s retreating form. He just knew the Reyes brother fucked that up and it’s a shame because he was fond of the girl, despite her having a connection to a pig. Of course he never fully trusted her (by no fault of her own) but she was kind enough whenever she rarely showed up to club.

He kept it silent but he knew his body language did enough talking for him as EZ focused back on him.

“Tonight is the night, round everybody up.” Ez ordered, stalking off and daring a glance at Hadiza’s car and over his shoulder as he stood on the steps of his trailer, while she backed off the lot and sped away, eyes solely on what was in front of her and not what was left behind in the rear view.

Ez swallows down the small lump that wants to form in his throat but that wasn’t important right now. He had other things to tend to and Hadiza was no longer one of them.

Instead of running back, she ran to her mother’s arms who was less than thrilled to see her baby this upset over a man who she trusted to be good to her child.

Later Hadiza found herself in her mother’s hands again when she received the devastating but expected news from Angel Reyes on her door step. She broke down in the doorway right in front of him and she knew the eldest brother couldn’t handle that amount of heartache that he also shared, despite him placing a kiss to the top of her head and leaving her with one of EZ’s dog tags, he left her with the woman who gave her life to deal with the weight of the lost on his own.

Hadiza then sent a letter to Felipe a couple of days before she decided to take her life elsewhere, away from all that Santo Padre showed her. She wasn’t sure if there would even be a funeral or memorial but she had to get out while she can still stand.

Antigua was always a place Hadiza wanted to visit and now she can say that she lives here comfortably.

She left her mother on the front deck to get them a refill of her famous rum punch that was leftover from her mother’s house party yesterday night. Hadiza was humming to herself in solitude until she heard her mother screaming out to her from outside.

The woman did not hesitate to race around the house with a bat, ready to fight off any Osprey’s that decided to invade their property again. Hadiza held her breath as she yanked open the door, eyes wild as she searched for her mother on the deck.

“What is it, ma?” Hadiza exhaled, seeing her mother sitting up on one of the wicker chairs.

Her mother nudged her chin towards the front and Hadiza cautiously took a step towards the railing. A few of her fingertips rested on the banister as she leaned over a bit, looking over at the new found community they both settled into. It was quiet as usual, air warm, seaweed scented, and fresh.

She wasn’t sure what had spooked her mother until her eyes settled down by the cars parked along the curb. Her eyes moved to the left a bit and she had to rub at one of them to make sure her mind wasn’t playing tricks on her. It tended to do that the first couple of weeks she settled in the country. Lately she’s been okay. A figure stood by a identical golf cart (that they had in their driveway) that was parked right behind Hadiza’s car, fitted cap on their head as their hands held onto a mobile device.

Her throat went dry before she could even muster up and ask if she could help the person locate who they were searching for…because she knew it was him before those honey eyes looked up at her.

“Ezekiel.” She shuddered, feeling her mother get to her feet behind her, like the DJ Khalid meme, almost like she wasn’t still healing from the last Osprey attack two weeks ago.

Her mother also gripped onto the banister, “Oh hell no. I rebuke this demonic spirit, get away from here!”

And tossed the freshly watered plant at Ezekiel who side-stepped the assault.

“Hey, Mrs—it’s just me!”

“I know! Aren’t you supposed to be dead, you bastard?!” She yelled back.

Hadiza whispered at the woman, “Ma, please.”

The woman humphed, folding her arms as she waddled back to the chair, already aware how this would go.

Hadiza pointed the bat at Ezekiel, “wait right there.”

“Not if you’re gonna beat my ass.”

“I’ll think about it by time I get downstairs.”

Hadiza’s mother cackled at that, knowing she raised her baby with some sort of sense.

Hadiza couldn’t tell you how she felt but the brain fog was kicking in. She weeped over this man too many times just for him to be here in the flesh, like they all didn’t experience the hell he indulged in back in Santo Padre.

Her mother was right to think a demon was standing in front of their home. The anger Hadiza directed at EZ after receiving the news of his death was like no other emotion Hadiza’s had before but she found peace in Antigua.

She halted at the front door, noticing EZ fumbling with his fingers after the phone disappeared from his hold. Hadiza took her time going down the few front steps, crossing through the grass and down the slope to the gravel.

The man looked up at her approach, carefully reaching up to lift the cap from his head to mess around with the brim of the hat as Hadiza moved closer but almost not close enough.

His eyes immediately went to her head, noticing that the mountain of coarse hair that she had was long gone into a buzzed style now.

He smiled, “you finally did it huh? I know you’ve been eating ‘em up more than ever out here.”

And she couldn’t stand it, her eyes scanning the old yellowing of bruises and cuts on his face, puffing out a laugh at his compliment as she almost collapsed into his arms, bringing his body so tight to hers that he thought he would break her rib cage but he followed through with the same actions.

Her chin buried into his shoulder, one of his hands around the small of her back, and the other cradling the back of her head, he heard her sob against him and he couldn’t be more apologetic.

When they pulled apart, she held onto his face analyzing the marks on his skin before she inflicted her own attack on his lower half.

“Hey! Ow!” A good whack to the top of his head, made Ezekiel stop taking the hits as he gripped her wrists again.

Except this time was different, his touch was much more softer.

“I’m sorry okay. I’m sorry for filling your head up with doubts and making you believe that I didn’t give a shit about our friendship. When quite frankly—no pun intended, you’re the best got damn thing that’s been in my life.” His hands slipped into holding her hands into his own large ones.

And the way he was staring at Hadiza, let her know that this was the old Ezekiel she had missed. It was the spark in his eyes that made her feel safe, given what he got himself involved in.

He could see her mind spinning with questions, the corners of her eyes damp with tears.

“What did I say to you when we first became friends?”

“…’jalapeños on these nachos are missing and I make better ones than these whack ass ones you’re eating.’” Hadiza actually thought about this.

Which made a goofy grin appear on Ez’s face and he shook his head with a sigh, “yeah I think I did say that but after that? I said you’re stuck with me if you choose me. It would always be Kiel and Diza for life, remember?”

It was ironic that he wanted to think back when he basically was rude as hell to her about this in his trailer months ago. The bitterness was still in the pit of her stomach but the higher road wanted her to be happy that this man, her best friend, Ezekiel Lorenzo Reyes was very much still alive.

Hadiza wasn’t sure how the fuck he did it but here he was, wiping away her black mascara before holding her hands in his again.

A small smile appeared on her lips as she peered down at their hands, lifting their conjoined hands up to place her lips right on the back of his hands. Ezekiel let out a breath he wasn’t aware that he was holding.

“For life.” She repeated, staring at him underneath her eyelashes.

He nodded his head, not breaking eye contact as she pulled the necklace from around her and placed it back on Ezekiel where it belonged. He glanced down at it, a new wave of emotions hitting him as he realized a piece of him was always with the one woman he deeply cared for.

“Let’s get inside.” Hadiza told him, as he leaned over to place a kiss to her full cheek.

She turned, her hand still resting in one of his hands as he reached for the fallen bat with the other, “think I might need this if I try to give your mom a hug.”

Hadiza laughed, “Baby steps, Kiel.”

“That’s fair.” He answers from behind her, letting her lead the way to her new home.

Perhaps now here in the Caribbean, they had the chance to create a better life, a better friendship together with no more black ink or blood spills blinding the way.

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Continue along with my anthology works that were written during the spring season here.

[racefortheironthrone]

How would you characterize Ziggy from the Wire? After several rewatches he's probably the character I've changed my mind the most about. The man is a goof, but he's not exactly dumb. Reckless, misguided and desperate for approval in a class clown way, but he was pretty smart when come to down business with the cameras and how to steal the cars.

Fucking Ziggy, man. Often dismissed, frequent target of ire from the fandom, and yet...I absolutely understand what the writers were doing with this character and I think that in his own way, Ziggy is one of the most poignant tragedies in Season 2.

Because the thing about Ziggy is how close he is to escaping the downward gyre and yet his ultimate fate is completely unavoidable, given his circumstances. As you say, Ziggy isn't dumb - unlike most of the dockers, he knows how to use computers and other tech, he's been to community college, he's wired into current events. If he was less of a self-destructive fuckup, and if he wasn't a Sobatka, you could imagine him eventually getting a white collar office job and being able to afford an apartment out in the county, settle down and start a family, and live a very comfortable white middle class suburban existence.

But unfortunately, Ziggy is a self-destructive fuckup and he is a Sobatka, and those things are very much related.

See, the problem is that Ziggy adores the social world of the longshoremen, the premorning drink at the local's bar, the nicknames and the stories, the historical memories - hence his whole conversation with his dad about "back in the day" - and he wants nothing more to be one of the guys. And at moments in the bar, you can even see that he's got a kind of charisma that the other dockers can respond to, he can be the fun guy at the party.

But the problem is that Ziggy just isn't cut out for that world and the longshoremen can sense it. He doesn't have the work ethic for it, he doesn't pay attention and gets bored too easily and would rather run some get-rich-quick-scheme than take an extra shift. He doesn't have either the physicality to pull off the macho shit that's always been a big part of longshoremen culture, or the interior sense of self-worth that would allow him to laugh off jokes at his expense, which is absolutely vital for a work culture where a big part of everyone breaking each other's balls all the time is the social contract that you have to take as well as you can give.

But because he feels this pressure to live up to the standards of his father and the Sobatkas before him, he won't leave. Instead, he develops some really unhealthy social tendencies. The first of which is that he's a relentless showoff, trying to make up for his personal deficiencies by driving a classic muscle car that's supposed to make you a Real Man like in the movies, or a fancy leather coat when everyone else is wearing hard-wearing work clothes - and this prompts his hapless feud with Maui, who has no patience for this kind of display. And because Ziggy's ego is both incredibly large and extremely brittle, he reacts to every putdown and social setback like it's the end of the fucking world.

The second one is that he becomes a class clown. He starts out as the fun guy at the party, but he's a complete addict to positive attention, so he doesn't know when to stop. He keeps the joke going long after it's stopped being funny, he keeps drinking after he's reached the fun drunk phase until he gets completely sloppy and starts taking his dick out - because the fact that he's got a big dick is one of the few areas in which he measures up to conventional masculinity, so why not show it off?

And all this would add up to a life of quiet desperation, if it weren't for the fact that Ziggy gets involved in crime. The allure is quite tempting; it absolutely fits into his get-rich-quick, self-worth-through-possession mentality, and it's this entirely different cultural world of machismo that he can try to flourish in. But the same problems that he faced within the Local reassert themselves out on the streets.

The corner boys, black and white, sense that Ziggy is weak - that he can't handle himself in confrontations - and when he comes to them to sell the drugs he's bought on credit, they rip him off with the barest pretense. And pretty soon he's in debt to people who aren't going to put up with his bullshit and they start putting the loanshark's squeeze on him. Even when Nick solves his problems, this only makes matters worse because it only highlights that Nick can manage himself on the corners in a way that Ziggy can't.

And thus Ziggy starts getting more and more self-destructive - he starts ripping off bigger and bigger-ticket items off the ships, the kind of expensive merchandise that will bring heat down on the port and the Local, because the suits notice a whole bunch of cars or high-end digital cameras going missing in a way that they won't a few cases of booze. He takes that stolen merchandise to the Greek's people, but because he's a class clown who doesn't engender respect, they decide to short-change him. And Ziggy has decided to prop up his ego by buying a gun, and the rest is history.

[iaus]

starbreaker on a date pls pls <3

it's not evening but i saw this and 1) i'm going to scream i might have a vague fic idea now and 2) i'm going to cry because i see their dates going like. a few very distinct ways but i'll focus on the one that doesn't end in them being a toxic trainwreck (i can.... talk about that one later. if anyone's interested.) i feel like i'm the tragedy train so i'll do goofy fluff. to change things up.

so, first off i can't stop my meangirl jace truther life so i think PORTER is the one who brings up the idea of a date night because he's like. jace seems like the type who wants a date night. if i want him to stick around for the plan, of course, i better play along and act like a good... well. whatever i am.

so he brings it up on their lunch break that... kind of became a thing that they didn't realize is a thing. jace says it's because he's tired of getting bothered by everyone and porter's office is bigger. "WHATEVER the details aren't important don't use this to fuel your fucking ego."

and at first jace actually laughs at him because he's so convinced porter is joking. and porter gets so pissed and maybe his feelings are hurt a little bit. no that's not it but he's like. fine. whatever. i was just TRYING to be considerate. and jace is just like :o he meant it. and the idea haunts him for the rest of the day.

so then while he knows porter is on mandated after school duty jace goes out there and is like. well i mean. if you really meant it. there's this new place in bastion city i actually like so i won't bitch about the food if you want to take me there this weekend. and porter's HUFFY about it and like well maybe the moment passed.

but then's jace is unprofessional (which is strange because he usually is the one who's like if we get caught fooling around AT THE SCHOOL i will never fuck you again) and gives him a kiss on the cheek and is like okay well. saturday at 6 then can you please try to wear something other than khakis.

(porter wears jeans and a button down. jace is still like. you're fucking kidding. but he'll take it. and porter wears really tight dark jeans so like. SO LIKE.)

but they are 100% that couple you see that at first sit across from each other at a booth and are feeding each other from each other's plate and you're like........ are they.... playing footsy....... but then by the end of the date they're sitting together and just in each other's space. porter has jace sitting on the inside so he like. literally blocks jace from the rest of the restaurant and jace is so into it and they end up sloppy making out they probably fuck let's be real in porter's truck because they're the worst.

[kirbybecomesastarwarrior]

 Kirby becomes a Star Warrior / Sir Uther (OC)

Now I’ve seen Uther used from the Arthurian mythos in other Kirby AU merely defining him as Sir Arthur’s father who he inherited the GSA from. Not many are written as straight up bad guys, that is until today Sir Uther is a villain in the KBASW universe and he’s not Arthur’s dad in this one just mentor in the story (but frankly he shouldn’t be anyone’s dad.) 

I just had to post this before publishing the story cause everyone’s gonna wonder “who’s he when reading?” So yeah this is the face of Uther, when he’s mentioned in the story.

I definitely wrote him as the guy everyone hates and though he maybe gone, his selfishness and pride were what ultimately what brought down the GSA. After his death Arthur vowed to reverse and rewrite the mistakes of Uther’s cruelty; becoming the new leader of the GSA. Arthur was and still afraid of his old mentor, his influenced is what made Arthur hide MK’s wings all the time. Meta thought Arthur was afraid of his demon side when in reality he was afraid of Uther. Uther does and kicks off many of the downfalls and tragedies of the GSA & MK’s crew. Due to his own prejudices towards Meta which come back to haunt him.

This Uther is highly inspired by Merlin (2008) Uther the show’s but if your want to hear more explanation on the character but basically yeah the Uther in that show hates magic and kills many innocent people because of that so just switch that around with Nightmare and his demons and yeah same principals.

Also his character color scheme is actually based off the Queen of Hearts from Alice & Wonderland. A bit of foreshadowing of his temperament as well as his madness. 

And his relationship with Galacta Knight; well let’s just say his ego was knocked down a peg once Galacta was recognized as the strongest warrior in the galaxy by the Ancients. Before Galacta it was Uther and he was the leader of the GSA because of that... with Galacta there he felt his authority was challenged..

He guys I’ve been actually working on this OC for months since I named dropped him in Dec. it’s also my first OC and let me tell you creating an OC is tough, I hope my efforts were worth it and you guys like it.

keep reading the content character explanation below...

Now I’ve seen a lot of people characterize Sir Arthur as a well-meaning person who’s just stuck in their old ways. Sometimes straight-up “good guy” or “leader” who live long enough to see themselves become the villain; similar to the many interpretations depending on which version you see/

Now I don’t mind Uther being interpreted as a good guy or someone in the grey area but I’m just surprised with the lack of villainous Uthers. A constant in Arthurian legend is that Uther has always been a rotten human being. In the original story of Arthur’s conception, Uther wanted to get with the Duke of Cornwall's wife and started a war because of it. (I'm not going to explain any more of the story but yeah you should read the original for the rest of it.) But yeah he straight-kicks up war cause he gets what he wants which ends up being betrayed by his own people.

I wanted to take that type of self-destructive villainy from the original Uther making him as despicable as the original from the story. With a little mix of my own spin on the character with some modern-day villains too. 

When designing his character I knew I wanted to have some foreshadowing and symbolism in his design. I really wanted to make him very intimidating along with the level of regality. I ended up thinking about old-school villains from Disney and I came up with Queen of Hearts which fit his character perfectly. And after I just knew I had to give him a scythe as his weapon no questions asked! He’d definitely say “OFF WITH YOUR HEAD”, before slicing up one of his victims. 

And I got a bit of inspiration from Avatar’s Ozai too similar temperament as well. that’s how I got the idea to have Uther control fire as well as light. Which emerged the idea for his wings. Couldn’t decide whether I wanted to give him dragon wings or bird wings... But when the concept of Phoenix wings came up I knew I could work more story into them than just the dragon wings. 

I also wanted to show the importance of status to him with his armor and cape & mantle; being adored with gold.  His mask has two colors red & black very reminiscent of a checkerboard; conveying his two-facedness. Seeing his soldiers as pawns wanting to be in control of everything. I hope I was able to convey that in his design... He cares so much about his position and hates when his authority is questioned in any way; he makes sure everyone knows who’s in charge. 

When I call Uther an elitist, I mean that he would give very little care to the soldiers who were not as puffballs and would immediately categorize them as lesser beings. During the war when the GSA & the ancients were defining other galaxies' worth: they would prioritize the more advanced civilization and the lesser solar system was the last to be protected. This eventually formed the Star Systems Alliance (or the S.S.A.) which was controlled by the Ancients, the GSA elites, and the upper crusts of the galaxy so yeah corrupt government everybody.

I got this idea in the Wolfwrath episode with Sword & Blade explaining their backstories as he described that the war had turned the galaxy into a wasteland and that they had to become bandits & thieves to survive.

So yeah that’s basically what Uther’s doing... he would use lesser planets as battlegrounds, and make many of the inhabitants helpless. This is how the volunteer army gets started.  The GSA would offer benefits and supplies to those who volunteer to join. However they’d have to live long enough to actually receive these benefits. So yeah he took advantage of lesser planets to get new soldiers and made sure they’d be his battle plan guinea pigs. 

This brings Jecra and Garlude into that mix as well... Jerca who had just lost his partner did not have the means to provide for his baby son (Knuckle Joe). He had his parents but they were too old to work. Heard about the GSA’s offer and signed up; his parents weren’t sure and knew their son would be on the front line. But Jecra brought up the point that it’s either that or they all die by starvation. Sadly they agreed and promised to take care of Joe.

As for Garlude she was noble and had people under her care, the war had been pulling resources away from her people. Her husband (a man she married out of obligation but was friends with) went himself to negotiate for resources with the Ancients & from the S.S Alliance but mysteriously disappeared afterward. So to find out the truth of her husband’s disappearance and to provide for her people (as well as her daughter) joins the volunteer army. 

Eventually, there were so many who volunteered that they needed someone to supervise and train them. Uther didn’t want to waste training these volunteers and use one of his elite soldiers (they were gonna die quickly anyway). Then there was the Meta newly knighted Star Warrior, who he rejected into joining the Holy Knights. The other higher-up knights and ancients didn’t know what to do with him because they didn’t want MK to represent them and they were all looking to Uther for an answer. It was more of a way to stall until he could think of what to properly what to do with him properly. Which was probably the best thing he could have done for MK.

After 4 months of training, Meta Knight wants to join their ranks and become the sole person in charge of the Volunteer Army. Which lowers his status never being able to join the higher-ups. Uther thinks this is a great way to save face and get rid of MK. To him, Meta was finally accepting his fate of dying on the battlefield, but to Meta Knight, he was freeing himself from all of them. 

And with that MK renamed the group Team Halberd... and became the most beloved group of Knights of the GSA. And Uther became pissed he’d give MK and his group the most difficult missions but that made them more famous. Things only started going south for the team after the fall of the Ancients & Yami’s betrayal. Also, Yamikage was not part of Team Halberd he was part of the ninja section of the army which Dragato was in charge of.  (And yes I made the MK ship into angst fuel Halberd the ship being named in honor of his original unit). And Uther starts to go mad and plays a big role in Kirby’s birth... hope you guys stay to find out.

[kerorowhump]

i watched ep 226 and i have some thoughts about it...

keroro being suspected for something he didn't do is often par for the course, and granted it's both because of his status as an invader and for his tendency to actually cause trouble

[pictured: some examples off the top of my head of - mostly natsumi - assuming the worst from him]

but this episode to me is fascinating because of what else it brings up in relation to it. remember red oni blue oni? keroro's conflict about... on one side, keron, on the other, pekopon... about being seen as both the villain and the hero, so his position isn't threatened, while trying not to lose his friends on both sides. he doesn't actually want to be an invader, but it's tied to a lot of shit like his self esteem and... well, stuff I talked about in the past.

I think at least subconsciously he is afraid that his precarious position may blow up in his face eventually, and that is why he's jealous of everything that threatens it by being similar enough to him/receiving enough praise that he feels he might get replaced by it. he needs his position to be exclusive, because if it isn't, he doesn't have any merits for it ("leaders don't really do anything..." "I coasted along" "what makes me great?"). it feels like this is not just a random insecurity from lack of self esteem or fear from his unstable situation on its own (as an invader/"freeloader", feeling guilty for living in their house and causing them trouble) either, but ALSO projection from the fact that canonically yeah, he IS replaceable - that is a real constant threat for him. the clones? what makes him special?

[funny how many meetings keroro does where he's actually just venting lmao, he's got his priorities all out of whack ... or rather his feelings don't matter if they can't somehow be integrated into a mission?]

[pictured: the aformentioned projection dearimasu]

[keroro processing his feelings alone like he always does. loneliness and being misunderstood r such key parts of his character.]

But I think a similar emotion is true from Fuyuki's side, who's always been a bit lonely and overshadowed, so he'd be afraid of his trust being betrayed... but nevermind that, I like seeing keroro's situation specifically explored, because...

he knows he didn't do anything wrong, but his relationship with fuyuki means more than ego. he's willing to set it aside, and besides... it's easier with the guilt he already feels due to his situation, to apologize, because fuyuki means more to him than being right... his friends mean a lot to keroro, that's why relationship trouble with them so easily throws his emotions off balance. why he has to resort to everything else (denial, acting out, projection of guilt, people-pleasing, hiding how he feels, selfishness, etc), but with fuyuki in particular, I think it feels like the one relationship he hasn't messed up yet. honestly that person who said he's a dororo parallel was SO onto something...

they both love each other, but they're not infallible, so they'll let each other down, they'll misunderstand, they'll let their own feelings and fears and past experiences get in the way. they're not technically on the same side, after all

[the field trip misunderstanding... or you could say, keroro assumed earth is like keron? that they're two sides at war?]

but at the end of the day they still love each other, they are healing for each other and for what it's worth, they saved each other...

but that's the thing to me is that, by merely existing in his life, I think keroro feels like he's being a weight to him. that he's doing something wrong, that it's selfish of him to want to stay. that he has to earn it and yes, that he's not needed (AKA REPLACEABLE...).

trust is something that has to be built in a friendship but... due to keroro's situation... he can never fully prove himself one way or another (it would mean treason...) and in this ep I see the tragedy of that. fuyuki loves him, and generally trusts him, but it's not like keroro hasn't broken his trust in the past or gone too far, it's not like his planet and plans aren't still a danger for them, no matter how he feels about it...

[xxblackgardenxx]

I’ve really been sleeping on JJK, more importantly, Gojo Satoru.

First things first, Gege is an amazing writer, evil but still amazing. From what I have seen from the manga, Gojo being seen as a weapon started to make to drive into more of his character, how people see him and what he has actually gone through.

Spoilers for Season 2 of JJK

I always thought he was a neat character, of course. Through now actually driving into his character, not looking at him as a meme and at the surface level, his life is a fucking tragedy. Watching S2 and now rewatching JJK 0 hits so much harder, and now that I am more into the series. Not only now do I understand the depth of Gojo and Getos relationship but I have actually comes to terms Gojo kills Geto. For some reason I just didn’t want to believe it(plus dumb brain guy made me think he was Geto). Adding to this, to learn Gojo has melt downs because of this, I mean, shit he is already a broken character, from the moment we met him(for anime watchers) he has been broken, even though he comes off so care free, fun, funny fuck you name it. I just thought he was just a bit of a noob who had a huge ego. Fuck I was so wrong, though that was probably intentional of course.

Having to kill your best friend. I couldn’t even imagine doing it let alone doing it. Am I calling him an awful person? Definitely not, this is the messes up world they live in. I’m guessing it was influenced by the higher ups, making me agree with how Gojo treats them. At first again, I thought he was being being arrogant and looking down at them because, well his the strongest, The Gojo Satoru. But fuck, I was so wrong. Gojo was not in the wrong, they deserve this poor behaviour. They are the ones who would do ANYTHING, to prevent dangers to happen, with saying that sounds right, right? But is it worth it killing a 15 year old? Is a child life worth getting rid of for the sake of the world? Some would say yes, I mean it’s just one life to save billions. But Gojo goes against this, he wants the youth to live out their youth as he couldn’t. This brings up Gojos personality. If he is so hurt why doesn’t he show this? Well to stay looking like the strongest. Like bro, this character, I- damn bro might be one of my top favourite characters.

On a more lighter note. I love Gojo with the kids. Dare I say I view him in a some sort of father figure way now? Like the baseball scene? Letting them chill out after that stressful time the day before? Come on, so cute.

His trying so hard to be the strongest, to be composed to be that carefree happy guy for the students, he must be fucking tried.

Now, getting more into theory territory. I always found it odd that what Gojo said to Geto was muted. Like bro, what did he say? Why is it a secret? After watching the movie and going on social media seeing people say he said “I love you” to Geto I was like “Yeah okay, that’s pushing it” umm lets just say, don’t think that way anyone. And if they did have feelings for each other. Gojo killing Geto, I it’s insane. The burden- I should say burdens Gojo has to carry while acting like everything is okay, it’s depressing.

Gojo has to be the strongest, he has to be the one to save everyone, he is just that to some people, his not even a person to them but a weapon. He has to live with that, with being dehumanised and used, he has to live with the pressure of being the strongest, he has to save everyone. While heartbroken about the one person who understood, saw him for him, he had to kill him.

Anyway. Little rant bc I have JJK brain rot 💔

Hope you enjoyed this, I’m just yapping so yeah! See ya!

(Got too happy messing with the photo effects 💀)