cornyonmains

[cornyonmains]

Only I could get bit by a pony on Christmas Eve. Little prick got my right on the hip fat too.

[cornyonmains]

I am fucking flabbergasted. My best friend's husband just booked her, me, and our other best friend an all expenses paid trip to Universal Studios. He paid for everything. The flight, the hotel, the rental car, the tickets to the theme park. He's not even coming along. He literally booked us a girl trip. I am SHOOKETH.

All I got him was a board game. ;_;

[cornyonmains]

It is so telling that CNN is dropping this story about Biden's mental decline being actively hidden from us during the 2020 primaries now that shit has hit the fan. This is how stupid they think we are. They think we'll hear this and go, "Gee Wilikers, guys! They sure are speaking truth to power, maybe they're right about Luigi.

They don't think we're smart enough to question why they didn't tell us four years ago. They don't think we'll put together that they didn't tell us because they were helping their business daddies take Medicare For All behind the shed and shoot it. No, they really thought they could give us a crumb of belated actual journalism that we'd need a time machine to make any use of and we'd take them super seriously again and start following their cues. It's so transparently obvious what they're trying to do.

If they really had any sincere desire to be anything but a mouthpiece for the rich, legacy media would be speaking to the anger of the people. But all any of them are doing, across the board, is telling us it should be our honor to die early in service of corporate greed. That what's normal is to bleed for capitalism. They're not even trying to pretend it'll trickle down anymore.

It's 2024 and the minimum wage is sitting at $7/hr. Bring on the revolution. I'm tired of this greedy and empty society.

[cornyonmains]

[cornyonmains]

Found this on facebook but reposting to SAVE A LIFE.

Or at least some of y’all’s GPAs.

You’re welcome.

[cornyonmains]

He’s trying to catch them all

[cornyonmains]

PSA: To anyone potentially eligible for jury duty in New York, the process they're going to use to weed out potential nullifiers in the Luigi Mangione case is called voir dire.

I REPEAT IT IS CALLED VOIR DIRE.

I am not a legal professional. I am, in fact, dumb as a brick, so I can't offer much insight as to what this process entails. All I really know is folks in New York might want to be looking into what it is these rich parasites want to hear. Luigi put in the work, it's time for us to do the same.

Please reblog to amplify. I'm not very interesting, and frankly, I can't even figure out how to center the text to give my page a proper description. I think this is important information, but I'm too incompetent to amplify this shit on my own. Before Luigi, i mostly just used this account to shit-post about my nieces and gay shit.

[cornyonmains]

The extreme difference between these photos is mind boggling

How this country treats someone who (ALLEGEDLY) killed ONE PERSON

Verses how this country treats a man who has and continues to bomb people he knows are innocent…

[cornyonmains]

It is hilarious how people keep taking progressively better and better photos of this man.

You'll see this in a textbook one day.

(Source: AP Photo / Pamela Smith)

[cornyonmains]

I am having so much fun watching rich people realize that half of our country's fighting age population hates their fucking guts. Guess it's hard to see people getting pushed too far from an ivory tower.

The people claiming to be horrified by the violence are not to be taken seriously, because they were happy as clams to keep letting Brian Thompson drop bodies. They don't actually give a shit that someone died, they're just worried the poors might get healthcare.

If they actually cared about people dying, they wouldn't be demonizing Luigi. He killed one of the biggest mass murders in the country and that's the gospel fucking truth. Just because our government made that shit legal does not change the reality that Brian Thompson was a serial killer, and so is every health insurance CEO.

[cornyonmains]

Okay, but listen. I went to New York for Halloween in 2021. I climbed the 30 Rock building, dressed as a witch, and took pictures with Central Park in the background. I then went to the Nintendo Store and bought a Luigi shirt. It's in my closet. The tags are still on it.

I think I accidentally pierced the veil on Halloween and foretold Luigi Mangione. Anyways, I'm huffing enough hopium to choose to believe this is a sign the jury is going to let him walk, and not a series of humorous coincidences. I just... I need to believe.

[cornyonmains]

Mine is getting chased by dinosaurs. Sometimes they have Batman. He always gets eaten.

everyone has dreams about being lost at school, late to work, cant find bathroom etc but whats yalls most common Uncommon stress dream. ill always have dreams about having various problems with my fish tank

[cornyonmains]

One of the few perks of having terrible allergies is that every time I have a gross chore that needs done, my brother risks being shunned by the family if he doesn’t do it for me. He’s still not recovered his reputation from the time he made me clean mold and my throat swelled up bullfrog style.

[cornyonmains]

These are the kinds of posts we're going to have a hard time explaining to those aliens in New Jersey.

[cornyonmains]

Writing a set about Luigi that's going to get me in trouble at the comedy club. I don't even care. The stars don't align like this for political comics every day, and I'm a white woman who looks like what would happen if Target's fall catalog made a person. My charisma modifier is +10 and I'm out to do some damage. Social engineering is fun.

[cornyonmains]

[cornyonmains]

Alternate Headline: Politicians overserve elderly conservative constituencies until people under 50 lose their goddamned minds and somebody gets shot.

Also, something in your laundry hamper WILL kill you. Find out what it is tonight at 10.

The kids are alright.