#ableist family

[thevoidshere88]

So....

Today my mother my big sister n her bf were making ableist jokes....

And I called them out for it but got ignored.

Then after a bath confronted my mother about her ableist language and jokes she made.

Of course ableists get defensive when called out.

YOU ARE NOT A ALLY OR SUPPORTER OF SPECIAL NEEDS / DISABLED PEOPLE IF YOU MAKE JOKES ABOUT RUNNING YOUR CHILD OVER IF BORN VISUALLY DISABLED YOU ARE NOT!!!! 🚫👎🏻❌

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[laikabu]

ppl r still fighting me on that senshi thing lol idt people understand that this is a medieval society. even if the readers don't consider a character unmasculine because he's soft/weird/nurturing, the characters in-universe are not as progressive as the readers. it's really not that hard to understand

[cringefail-clown]

Kankri singlehandedly making the Homestuck fandom to this day think Mituna says slurs because nobody actually paid attention to what he was saying was his sweet revenge for fumbling Latula

it was literally wild reading openbound for the first time already knowing the fandom consensus that mituna says slurs and is the 4chan filth personified and getting to his part and its an alien word equivalent to cracker. and kankri explains that. and you can tell hes offended bc it pokes fun at him and his behavior if you read between the lines. why are yall taking kankris words at face value. KANKRIS. cmon

[sillymille]

Do you guys remember the last time that 9-1-1 was not posting stills and behind the scenes stuff?

It was the shooting arc.

I think we're going to have something happen with Christopher, Eddie, and/or Abuela. We know the next few episodes are going to do with Bobby's and Eddie's pasts, and the last time something like this happened was in the shooting arc.

Buck going through a self-discovery arc that coincides with a Madney milestone? What happens? Shooting arc.

We know that Christopher is a bigger part of this season as well.

The foundation with Eddie repairing the relationship with his family, his questioning of his relationship, dealing with his catholic guilt, and Shannon, has been building up to this.

Buck needs to step up somehow like the shooting arc and change how he approaches his connection to the Diaz family in order for him to get off the hamster wheel.

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

As a kid my family used to make fun of me for stuff that is apparently exclusively reserved for “old people” like rolling across the room in a rolly chair to grab something (instead of getting up and taking three steps) or sitting down at a table to do quick food prep like cut fruit or scramble an egg (instead of just standing at the counter for 90 seconds) TURNS OUT what they called laziness was just disability all along haha TURNS OUT I just needed a mobility aid yet here I am today still without one because they gaslit me into believing I was “just lazy” and it took me decades to finally understand that’s not true. haha who knew

[prowrestlingindustrialcomplex]

Damian: Hey, don’t do anything to ruin my match, you guys. Like the way you ruined my parrot.

*cutaway to clubhouse*

Damian: *shows off parrot* I just bought this yesterday. Isn’t it beautiful?

Finn, Dominik, and JD: *to parrot* Slut, slut, slut, slut…SLUT!!

Parrot: SLUT!

Damian: !COÑO!

[sukibenders]

When it comes to Penelope I feel like a lot of her fans take any valid criticism towards her and turn it into hate, which does her character a disservice. While some people do hate on her, a lot of it holds valid reasons. Admitting that she has hurt many people isn't wrong because she has, it's been shown on throughout the show and the impacts it can have. From labeling Daphne as "unmarriageable" during her first season and events that followed, her labeling Eloise as being part of a group of rebels, the terms she used to describe Kate [and Simon]-- which carried racial undertones no matter how you try to spin it, who didn't even know personally at that point, what she did Marina. All of these were very harmful and to say that none of these characters should feel angry, that they should just forgive Penelope without any work put into it is very laughable (especially because she's still writing as Whistledown and put many, namely women, at risk during a time where reputation is everything--something in which Penelope herself faces). With this being said, criticizing her actions, at least for me, doesn't come from a complete place of hate but more so from believing that she can be better if she puts in the work. By ignoring all that she's done and having her get her happily ever after so easily in the end, to be honest, would ultimately feel lackluster. I feel like she still has room to grow, but it will take a lot of work and, I personally, think seeing her renavigate who she is with who she wants to be outside of Lady Whistledown would be very interesting.

[batwynn]

Pay attention to who’s voice it sounds like in your head that’s beating you down. Who’s calling you stupid? Who’s saying you’re worthless? Does it sound like someone in your past and/present? Does it sound like someone you trust or does it sound like someone who you can’t? Does it sound like someone who knows and loves you or does it sound like someone’s misinformed and doesn’t care? Does it sound like the voice of reason, or does it sound like a shitty little bully?

[wokeleftistmob]

Despite figuring out all the ways that certain cats are related, I don't actually really care about incest in the Warriors series. I just like figuring out the family tree because it's fun.

[deoidesign]

I’m a trans man that recently got diagnosed with hyper mobile eds, so now seeing Steve makes me extra happy, because cool disabled ftm rep. Thanks for making the radical dude bro, he’s funky.

same disability (waving hand emoji)

Always extremely fulfilling to know my work makes people happy in some small way, it means a lot. Thank you for sharing with me

[waywardsalt]

congrats moonpaw on having a genuinely interesting and memorable design but sorry about your parents being literal first cousins

[gutfaced]

just a reminder to the people that there's no way haymitch wasn't majorly affected by the injury he sustained in the arena at the hand of the d1 girlies’ axe. i did mention before that it hinders with his eating habits as obviously. abdominal and digestive trauma but i'd like to assume that he did have a stoma bag when recovering from said injury. shrug shrug. intestines = major major digestive organ. the capitol probably didn't have the same high tech as they did come the 74th, and so the healing was possibly way more grueling/longer. all this to say yes i believe he has a large scar from the initial injury. yes i also believe that he's got a stoma scar in the hypothetical idea of him needing one in the first place.

↑ girl who is not a medical professional nor has had a stoma bag before. i'm just considering the fact that he definitely had to deal with a lot of rebounds and this could be one of the resulting factors! i'm literally a teen who likes to look up medical conditions/treatments as part of my special interest. this might not be totally spot on but i wanted to apply my small parts of knowledge.

[sillymille]

Brainrot time:

I would think it would be such an interesting concept for season 7 to end with Eddie being hospitalized with either an injury or for mental health reasons, and that's what Ryan meant about Eddie feeling isolated.

Like, Eddie is literally and actually isolated, and that's why he may not be relying on his usual people, Bobby and Buck. It would also be such an interesting reason why the Diaz parents are in town as well.

If it's the injury aspect, where maybe something happened with Buck, Christopher, and Eddie, like Buck's apartment burns down, and either Buck and Chris are relatively fine, but Eddie's not. Or the mental health aspect where Buck and Eddie are relatively unharmed and Chris is severely injured and Eddie has a breakdown because of it and Buck has to step up for Chris because of the guardianship aspect, I think it would be really interesting as well.

I think Buck is not going to get super angry or judgmental about the Kim/Shannon/Marisol thing, but concerned for Eddie. Like Buck understands self-sabatoge and acting out of character, but he also knows when Eddie is self-sabatoging and acting out of character, there's usually something larger that follows along with it, like the fight club arc and his first breakdown.

I think there's something to be said about Eddie also struggling with also needing to get off his own hamster wheel. He struggles with placing every woman he's been with on a pedestal and being shocked or hurt when he's unable to realize that they're just as deeply flawed and complex as well. He's done it with Ana and Marisol, and he's continually done it with Shannon.

Yes, Eddie was a bad husband to Shannon, but Shannon was a bad wife to Eddie. They were kids when they got married and had their kid. Eddie has a very immature viewpoint of relationships and what goes into them because he's recycling the same template he had for Shannon. Despite knowing some of the ways he has improved on his sense of self, he's still has a long way to go in order to be active and participate in a romantic relationship.

[seaweedstarshine]

RIP Krakoa 🌹 I can’t lie I’ve been kinda behind since midway through Fall of X I’m gonna catch up before my first SDCC this summer but I hear Vulcan didn’t see much action anyway. Anyway my hand slipped and I found myself looking into the eyes of my canonically psychotic son the best Summers brother who’s never done anything wrong in his entire life, (he’s done lotsa wrong things but I love him more for it)

[qoldenskies]

What were the parts in caged lungs that you needed to take breaks from? you mentioned it a few times so Im just wondering

oh hell yeah i love talking about the process baby

there were a couple of moments that i had to sit and like ruminate on when i got the IDEA for them (like raph kicking the door when donnie called for him and leo yelling at him to shut up like that... it hit so different. also the moment in the bathroom, because i really wanted to capture and properly portray the GENUINE FEAR FOR HIS LIFE donnie was dealing with) but for the moments where i was legit like "okay yeah i need to go do something else right now this is too much for me" it was these three

things that made my jaw drop when i WROTE IT so i can imagine some people mustve had similar reactions when they read it... honestly with the first one it was just the AUDACITY of making fun of him for being in so much pain like that, especially since they were intentionally lying to him ..... its like they brought it up as a coy joke for each other, its such a cruel thing to do right after that scene and how terrible it was. and for the other two i assume its obvious (my wrist actually ached in sympathy for a while jesus)