#I wish I could have just asked wtf the doctors said when they sent him in for a million tests as a teen

[batwynn]

I’m about 60% sure my grandmother’s twin brother was intersex and it maybe even had something to do with my grandmother’s ‘hormonal problems’, but I’ll never be able to know for sure because like many families it was hidden away like a deep, horrific secret shame. Just as my great grandmother’s sister was quietly lobotomized and no one was allowed to talk about it other than to say how much ‘easier she is to manage’. Just like my grandfather’s sister’s kid was quietly shuffled away as her progressive disease got more disabling, and just like that same sister hiding herself away after becoming disabled due to an accident. Just like my mother’s cousin just… kind of being ignored when she became disabled, left to deal with it by herself. The ablism is baked in so deeply that I have no real idea where a good chunk of my inherited health problems come from because it was forbidden to talk about them, never mind treat them properly. How much longer could some of these family members have lived if they felt comfortable enough to tell someone else about their health? If they’d been allowed to even aknowledge mental health stuff? How many of us down the family tree could have avoided so much suffering, ourselves? We’ll never know. The deep family secrets… are all just normal ‘your body is doing some shit’ things only hinted at in drunk conversations and whispers behind people’s backs. Because being sick or a bit different has been so socially unacceptable that my own family members would rather watch you die alone than ask you what you might need to survive.

[krystelprado]

The one where everything felt surreal

Hi, you're probably reading this because you've read the first one about my labor. Here you'll learn how my birth experience went as raw as I can describe it because I won't sugar-coat anything. I've been lied to about this! Imma make sure that the lies ends here. lol!

Around 9pm, we safely arrived at the hospital. I want to stress out on the "safely" part of this arrival because RJ is just laser-focused on the "faster" part and the rest of the ride was just a bunch of honking. I don't know how many times I've squeezed his arms every time a contraction hits, maybe that's the reason why.

We were settled at the E.R., I was comforted by the sight of my doctor. She said that she just delivered a baby that's why she's there. She sent me to one of her resident doctors to be IEd so she could assess what CM the opening of my cervix is at. Now, I am at 4cm.

I'm like, wtf! Really?! After all that wrenching pain, we're still at 4cm?!

She said she'll be back for me in the morning or even before that, anyway she already told her resident doctors to monitor me and my baby.

At the E.R., they attached a contraction and fetal heart monitor on my belly and kid you not, that's when my contraction really up its intensity to x5 and the intervals are just now down to 1-2mins apart! I was just so lucky that RJ was still allowed to stay with me at the E.R. Without him there, I wouldn't know where to get some courage to stay awake through the pain. We were settled at the ER first since my RT-PCR result is still not in, once I get the negative RT-PCR result back, that's when they'll put me on the L&D floor along with the other laboring moms. I let RJ get some power nap because I know it would still take time. This time, I can no longer bear the pain but gladly, my mother and sisters are there with me virtually, monitoring and cheering my soul up. Thank God for the gift of family! It truly helped me divert my attention from the pain. I can still even joke around while messaging them.

I just really wished it's the same environment they allow in the L&D floor.

Around 11pm, RJ told me that my negative RT-PCR results are in. This is where he'd leave me. He'll stay in our room while I will be taken on the L&D floor waiting for my cervix to open, wider enough to deliver a baby. I was not allowed to bring anything even my mobile phone. It was just me and my IV line, in a hospital gown with my huge belly. The orderly who assisted me going up even said, "Oo ma'am, ikaw lang didto. Bawal cellphone. Sunod kita ninyo ni Sir naa na si baby." RJ and I looked at each other and said our goodbyes, see you later.

Little did I know this is where my agony starts.

Before entering the L&D room, they had me remove my footwear and wear the sanitized ones they have. I can already tell how weak the lights are from the entrance. For some reason, that added to my tension. It gives off very despairing vibe which is the very last thing a laboring mother needs. The nurse who met me upon arrival asks me to climb up to the table because a doctor will attend to me in a while for IE. Shet, kaingon gyud ko'g IE na sad?! I hate it when it's the male resident doctor who'd do it on me because he's not therapeutic - at all! Well, guess what, it's him the nurse pulled. It was only postpartum when I realized, I can decline him! We're in a private hospital, I can despise him and ask for another doctor to do it for me. Sorry self, my laboring brain wasn't braining anymore.

Almost midnight, I'm still at 4cm.

As I counted, I am the seventh mom brought in the L&D. At this point, I succumb to the pain. The L&D room of the hospital is not at all mending! The room's lights are dim, it's freezing cold, and the other portion of the room, which beds aren't occupied, had the lights turned off. Imagine how dark it is. I cannot even clearly see the faces of the other moms I am in labor with! If I can rate the pain I am feeling at this moment, it's already 50/10. I felt so off and terrified the moment I was settled on one of the beds there. I can feel every movement of my baby and the contraction is coming in stronger every time. I'm sobbing in agony. I felt so alone. You know, when you're in pain, feeling you're the only one in that room with no one to turn to is adding to the weakness and vulnerability I'm feeling. I've verbalized for so many times that I can no longer bear the pain and it's mostly my back that hurts, not the lower part of my belly - which they always say, "sakit sa may pus-on, Ma'am? Ana gyud na, Ma'am." Like, no, it's my lower back that's in pain, pinching needles kind of pain. But nada! The male doctor from his station even said, "Kinsa manang sige'g hilak diha?" Referring to me, duh! At this point, I'm ready to go out of the L&D room and look for RJ. After that male doctor sarcastically asked, one of the nurses went up to me and ask, again, if my pus-on hurts. Again, I said, I can't feel any pressure on my lower belly every time a contraction hits. I'd feel it in my entire belly. With our without contraction, my lower back hurts and that's the pain I cannot tolerate at this point. She arranged the FH and contraction monitor in a way that it won't squeeze my lower back and returned to the male resident doctor. After a few minutes, that same nurse went up to me and asked me if I'd rather get painless medicine. At the back of my mind, I recalled what my mom and sister said not to get it because it would somehow lose my urge to push. I was confused at this point. I'd want to push naturally but if this pain would continue for the next 3 hours, given that I am still at 4cm, I won't make it. I really won't. So, I asked the nurse, sorry this question I'm about to ask is kinda dumb knowing I'm aware of how this goes because of my medical background but whatever lol, I asked it anyway. I said to the nurse, "If magpa-painless ako, mag take effect yan agad? Or later pa? Kay di nagyud nako makaya ang sakit." She only answered me this, exactly this, "Ay sige lang Ma'am, i-explain mana ni Doc." she then turned her back on me and left. Like, huh?! That didn't answer my question?! Hellooo? Whatever, so, I am still in x100 pain. While waiting for the doctor to "explain" things to me. I have called all the saints there is possible, prayed to God to stop this misery, and I have confessed all my sins over and over again! I have already asked forgiveness to my child I am about to deliver if she lives after this delivery and I won't, she should know that I love her. Yes, I had this entire monologue in the L&D room because of the pain. I don't really know anymore what to do. Again, I am very terrible at handling physical pain. I have zero pain tolerance.

After sometime, one nurse and one orderly went up to me, arranged my monitors and IV in bed, and rolled me going outside the L&D room! Like, hello? Are you even gonna tell me where we're heading?! But I didn't bother to ask, I don't care anymore where they're taking me. I have zero energy at this point. Next thing I know, they're asking me to climb up the delivery table. So we're in the DR now. There I saw my anesthesiologist, as how she introduced herself to me and that she will be the one administering my epidural. Oh, so I'm getting the painless now? Where's the explaining part?! She's a female doctor, by the way. So I asked her the question I asked the nurse a while ago. She answered me in a very comforting way an in-pain and laboring mother can register into her mind. She asked me quite a few times if I am sure. And sorry Mama, but I am getting the epidural.

I am getting an epidural for the first time in my life! I knew how it's administered but this is the first time that it will be done on me. My anesth doctor is still preparing the things she'll need for the procedure, while prepping, she keeps pep talking me. She asked if it's my first pregnancy, how was the labor so far, the contractions, and keeps reassuring me that I can do it and that she's seeing a brave woman in me by simply enduring the pain for hours. Literally, an angel in the sick room. At last! Someone who's nice to me through this labor pains! At this point, my contractions are so awful that every time it stops, I take the interval rest so seriously that I fall asleep that quickly, and then wake up again once the next contraction hits! That's how painful my contractions are. My anesth never left my side so she noticed that I fall asleep in between contractions. She's the one who told me that I should always be awake and alert. She gently holds my head and say, "Tel, ayaw katulog, tel. Close lang ug eyes kung kapuy pero ayaw ug katulog ha? Dili dapat ka matulog." And I always answer her, "Doc, sakit kaayo. Lami i-tulog if mawala ang sakit." She bats an eye to the nurses around us and two of them started talking to me keeping me awake. Few minutes from there, I saw a female resident doctor, she came up to me and ask for a permission to do IE before they administer the epidural. Still, 4cm. This is already around 1-2am.

Before they put me on epidural, the nurses attempted to ease my pain, they turned me sideways with a pillow in between my legs. This is not only to lessen my contraction pains, it will also encourage my cervix to dilate faster. They said, they'll continue this 'til 3am and see if my cervix dilates. My pain is not lessen, even a bit! The nurses started to notice that I am already crying. At least I am awake, duh. Every time they hear me sob in pain, either one of them would come up to me and repeatedly tell me this, "Ma'am, ayaw ug hilak, Ma'am kay di mana mkatabang. Mawad-an ra ka'g kusog unya mag push sige ka'g hilak. Oh, uban mama gani hilom lang." Like, wtf!? Hawa mo diri sa akong atubangan! And by the looks of them, they're way younger than I am and their body, from my perspective, it looked like it never had another human being inside it, so uh uh, don't talk to me as if you know my pain. I started bawling my eye out and this time I am intentionally making it louder to release the pain. Idc anymore! My anesth started talking to me again, "Ano man, Tel? Mag epidural na ta?" and I immediately, no hesitation, said yes. Quickly, she had a male orderly help me curl up.

Idk if someone already put this out there, but man! Getting epidural in between contractions is freakin' hell! Imagine, you're in a cold delivery room with only your delivery gown covering you from freezing, on a delivery table with every eyes on you, a male orderly asks you to curl up like a shrimp and he will hold that position for you until your anesthesiologist puts the epidural line in place!? Like, did anyone discuss how was that?! Because for me, it's out of this world insane! The male orderly even have to shout at me to make me stay still. My doctor's hands, even with gloves, is so cold! Every time she holds my lower back, I can feel tingles and it makes me jerk. The male orderly, I can vividly remember told me, "Ma'am, ma'am!! Ayaw'g lihok ma'am kay isulod na ni doc saimong likod, please ma'am please lang ma'am para di naka masakitan." HAHAHA thinking about it now, that was freaking insane and I did that! Holy molly!! After several attempts, I got used to my doctor's cold hands and she successfully put the epidural line in place.

A few minutes after that, I can feel my waist down starts numbing. I told my anesth and she confirmed that it is in fact taking effect right away, I should start feeling numb from the waist down. I can still feel a bit of pain but that should only be the pressure that comes from the contractions. She's still there, pep talking me. It really helped! We've talked a lot of things, but sorry, my laboring brain cannot recall a thing about it lol. I feel at ease with her and from my 100/10 pain scale, it's down to 4/10. Sick, right?! Why did they make me suffer like that for so many hours when I can just have this?! lol. The nurses continued putting me sideways. They turn me to the other side, idk, every 30mins? At around 4am, my doctor arrived. Finally, a familiar face! She IEd me right away, and I am already at 6cm. Thank goodness! An improvement, not a lot but at least there's something happening. I guess turning me from side to side helped. After a while, I started to feel like I'm losing the numb. I can feel all the pain and started crying again. I told my anesth that I'm feeling the pain again, she said, "Tel, everything is okay naman. Anjan parin yung epidural line. Check natin ha?" So she did, and figured that the line inserted to me is dislodged halfway. That's why the pain is back! At this point, I didn't mind much of this pain because I am already feeling alleviated just by the thought of my Ob-Gyne being here. Here's when they ask me to start pushing every time I can feel a contraction. So it started, the orchestrated pushing. 2 nurses by my left side, 1 anesth on the right and 2 OBs by my foot, they ordered me to push for 10 secs. and we're gonna do the same pushing, 3x. And OMG! That didn't even helped her move a centimeter. My Ob-Gyne started talking to RJ outside for a plan B or for worse case scenario. She's letting him know that if ever there's no improvement in the next 2 hours, we'll have to prepare for an emergency C-section considering the fhr. At this point, I'm already getting nervous, scared and in so much pain - all at the same time. I don't want to get a C-section because 1. I wanted to deliver it normally as NSD babies are proven scientifically to be more healthy growing up than c-section babies, 2. I am not mentally prepared for having a c-section, lastly, it's expensive. In between my trial pushes, my OB talks to me, gives me an update what's happening outside. I learned from her that she was able to talk to my mom over videocall. She said that my mom is worried but reassured me that they're with me, whatever my decision will be. My OB is still encouraging me to push and that I can do this via NSD. I do not have an actual problem with that since that's what I also prefer, however, I am afraid this might go south due to my cervix opening not getting an improvement at all. And also, the pain! It's really making me impatient. I just want to get over everything and rest.

2 hours, that's my deadline. If we go beyond that, we're gonna prepare for C-section. I have been crying intently at this point because of the pain. I can almost feel everything. It also added some pressure on me when I noticed I was actually facing a huge glass window and that it's almost sunrise! In my cloudy head, I said to myself, I've been here before midnight yet it's morning now and I am still stuck here, very pregnant! I'm already very tired and in pain - the pain is just so awful that I can only open my eyes halfway. I glanced at the clock, it's past 6am when they started to move rather quickly, I glanced on my right to check my baby's heart rate monitor and it's already noticeably low. I said to myself, oh, that's why they're moving now. I looked at my Anesth and she's already communicating to my OB. My OB started ordering the nurses to prepare "faster." This time, they're finally telling me my baby's heart rate is low so we need to get the baby out, ASAP. My Anesth and OB are still talking since I'm crying that I am in so much pain, I can't concentrate pushing with this kind of ache. They agreed to put me on another dose of anesthesia before pushing. I gave my consent. I glanced at what's happening around and it took me a while to contain that this is really happening, at any moment now, I'm gonna see my baby. I can still see everyone's game-face on beneath the masks they're wearing. I started to calm down knowing that they got me. My OB started commanding everyone to focus and acquainted me on pushing. "1,2,3 push and then mag count kami Tel ng 10 seconds, push for 10 secs. Repeat natin 'yan 'til lumabas si baby. Okay?" My anesth is holding my head and shoulders - an actual safe support for me while pushing.

In just two cycles of pushing, I heard, "Baby out!" and with my eyes half open, I saw them putting my baby on my chest but then taking them away quickly because she's not crying!

[wenwenbittercake]

✨AIZAWA X READER✨

(Thank you so much for reading my fan fiction. There's not much fluff. A little bit of smut so you know. Also swearing. If you can't take teacher x reader plsss don't read this.)

You just started UA and the first thing you realize was you're tall handsome teacher with long wavy black hair. You seated at the corner of the class giving you a perfect view of your teacher.

" Good morning everyone my name is Shouta Aizawa you can call me mr. Aizawa. From now on I'll be your homeroom teacher so no funny business around me." he said as he gave a smirk to the class making everyone giggle but it's a smirk you will remember for the rest of your life.

You watched him carefully as he teach but your mind is not on the subject but on him. To be honest he's the most handsome guy you have ever seen in your life. His facial features and his body is perfect. Like an angel that fall from Heaven, his voice is like music to your ears. No voice in this world can calm you down like this. He always wear baggy clothes but you wonder, how much muscles are he hiding behind those clothes. Huge rule at your teacher has veiny strong hands, you wish he didn't you down with then.

The Best Is Yet To Come, when you and your class practice on the field, I saw our would roll his sleeves up to his elbow, showing his car covered on once he wore a sleeveless shirt causing you to have a nose bleed. It was embarrassing but it's worth it.

Because of this, you start to lack on his subject making aizawa move you to sit in front of his desk. This gave you a chance to admire him close. His scar Place perfectly under his right eye, and his eyes, those pitch dark eyes that you got hypnotized even though he's not using his quirk.

"RingggRingggRinggg!" The bell rang and everyone in the class run for their lives to the cafeteria, except you, he got out last so you could admire your teacher till the last minute.

"Y/N can you meet me in my office after school, we need to talk about your grace." He said with disappointment that makes you feel guilty for a moment.

You nodded and left. It's 3 p.m. and students are running towards they're busses or walking back home. Except you, you are now standing in front of mr. Aizawa's office. Your fingertips are cold. You realize that you're great start to descend but it stops at Bs or Cs. You're really nervous about this. Before you knock on the door you heard...

"Come in."

You walk in, closing the door behind you quietly, and set on the seat in front of his desk. He sign and passed you a pile of paper. These are your current test scores and they are filled with Fs. You feel like the blood from your body has been drained.

"Y/N, do you know if you keep on going like this you will fail on the finals."

"I-i know." You look down on the table not being able to look him in the eyes.

All of a sudden, he walk up to your seat, placing his right hand on the table and his left on the back of your chair. His face so dangerously close to yours. Look you straight in the eyes and said..

"So tell me, what's distracting you so much?" Does he know? No way.

"Umm-i"

"Tell me what's more interesting then my lesson?hmm?" You look away. Your face is as red as a tomato.

"Tell me!" He raised his voice a little making you jolts and panic. You can't think straight anymore. How would you reply? And then... It happened.

Your soft Rosy lips touches his. When you realize what's going on you jolted back. You look him in the eyes. He looked shocked. Out of words and look at you like WTF happened? What have you done? You just read your relationship with your teacher. What do you expect him to do, kiss you back? Tears start to fall, due to the embarrassment and sadness.

"I-i'm so sorry." You said as you run out of the office.

The next morning was awkward you can't even look him in the eyes.

"RinggRinggggRingg!"

"Y/N can we talk for a moment?" You weren't expecting that from him, after what happened. You walk towards his chair what's up your eyes fixed on the marble floor and your hands behind your back.

"So about yesterday.."

"Right, he'll be having extra classes with me, I will help you with the failing grades. " you look surprised and happy in the same time. You got to see him more.

"Really?"

" yep, is your homeroom teacher, it's my responsibility to teach you, isn't it?" He gave you a slide smirk. You blush that it an attempt to hide it.

"A-about yesterday."

"Oh don't worry about it." You look shocked. Really? He really don't mind? Of course, and his eyes you're just a naive little child, nothing much.

"However..." he said as he pull you towards him, making you fall on his chest, positioning you to sit on his lap, facing him.

"...we need to work on that kiss of yours."

"B-but this is wrong."

"I know, but it feels so good, doesn't it?" He whispered into your ears in a deep voice making you want to melt in his hands.

You've been in this little Affair for 2 years. However, you feel like time flies faster when you're beside him. You want to be with him till the end. You know this relationship won't last but you still hope it did. You gave all of you to aizawa. Every inch of your body and soul. You love him a lot. Your grades got higher even though you didn't do much work. Every day, you come to school just to meet Mr aizawa. You were loved, you are appreciated, feelings that you never felt before. He told you you were his everything, but sometimes he gave you looks as if. .. he regrets it. No way, why should he regretted it feels so good doesn't it?

Your graduation got nearer and Shouta has been ignoring you for these past couple of days. You didn't get the wink when he passes you or private lessons that you crave to have. He wouldn't call you or text you anymore. Even if you sent him photos and text messages. You felt hurt a little. Maybe it's because then final exams are getting close. Or maybe because he's just busy. He felt neglected. Is he bored of me? Does he not like me anymore? But he said I'm his everything. Is it because I'm not pretty enough but he said I'm perfect. The thoughts filled in your head as you walked toward his office. As you are about to knock the door, you heard. ..

"I'm coming home early today."

"Hmm, I promise I won't be late this time."

"Hahah I know I know."

"Yea love you bie." Aizawa said as he ends the call.

You feel the similar cold feeling. Is he meeting other people? Is it his wife? Wait he's married? Who is this person he's talking to? Maybe his family member? Am I not good enough did I do something wrong?

"Y/N" you snap out of your thoughts but I saw was voice. He look like he's ready to go back home.

" ..you're supposed to be home 30 minutes ago. What are you doing here?"

" I thought we were supposed to have our tutor session today?"

"Oh-um no need for that, your grades not bad these days, I don't think you need them anymore."

Is he fucking serious? Why is he playing dump now? You didn't even let anything in tutor sessions, are you both do is fuck. Tears start to fall from your eyes. You know this wouldn't last, why are you crying now?

"Y/N are you alright?" He asked does he pull you into the office. He locked the door behind him and knocks you what's going on but you wouldn't listen. You start to strip in front of him.

"W-wait, not today I gotta go somewhere."

" I thought anything can wait if it's me?" You said as he drop on your knees and start to take off his belt.

"W-wait but this is important!"

" I thought I'm the most important thing in the world?" You said as you slip his cock into your mouth.

"W-wait auhhh."

The graduation music plays outside the school. Every student is happy, taking photos with their friends and families. Not you though.

"W-what are you say?"

" it hurts to say this but we need to stop this relationship. It's not healthy anyways." You can't believe what you just heard. Said by a men who promise to never leave you behind.

"Wait did I do something wrong? I promise I can fix it, please just don't leave me." Uhealth on mr. Aizawa has arm like your life depends on it. The last thing he wants to do is to make you cry but he knows he has to end this fast. He hugs you tightly.

" no no, it's not your fault it's mine. I'm so sorry." He hugs you tightly. You cried into his shoulder. It hurts a lot.

"Just forget about everything, just pretend nothing ever happened. Could you do that for me?" How could you forget all of it and live on a normal life. These are the things you can never forget even if you try to. But you just want to make him proud, so your nodded hesitantly.

"Good girl." He said as he kiss your tears away.

"O-only if we do it one last time.. Please?" He's not expecting that from a shy girl like you. He expect him to say no but...

"How can I say no when you asked me so nicely. " he said I should look around and pull you into the nearest classroom.

It's been weeks since you've seen Aizawa. He stops replying your text and stop picking up your calls. You missed him so much. You want to see him again even though you promised not to. The tightening feeling on your chest wouldn't come off unless you see him. Your friends realize this so they call you to meet them at a mall. You've been ignoring your friends for a really long time so you decided to go with them this time. He stood in front of a cupcake shop. Waiting for your friends who are always late. You look around to find them and then you saw it, that wavy dark hair you used to play with, that pitch dark eyes you adore.

"Shouta!" Can't think straight anymore, you only know you want to touch him you miss him you need him. You hug him tightly.

"I missed you!"

"Y/N!" He didn't hug you back like he used to.

"Sho who's this?" A woman voice appeared behind him.

"Oh-um this is my student that recently graduated." He said as he looked at you like a stranger. A person he never met before.

"Oh how sweet. Hi my name is wife/name. I'm your teacher's wife."

"Umm nice to meet you."

"Um-oh I forgot. We have to go to the doctor's office soon." He said as he pulled his wife hand and walk away. Didn't even bother to say goodbye. From a distant you heard...

"Sho why u being so rude. She seems close to you."

"Oh it's nothing, she's just a student from my class, nothing special."

Nothing special? He dropped to the ground. The world around you crashes. Nothing special? Is this what he sees you all the time. All the love, all the kisses, all the sex. They are all fake. When he said you're his world, his everything, his only one. They're all lies. How stupid of you to not notice that he used you all this time? You are nothing to him. You are nothing more than a play thing for him. You're nothing more than a pet. A teacher's pet.

(Dammm this fan fiction hit hard. I'm sorry that I didn't put explicit smut. I just don't like writing them. I write this fan fiction to explain that teacher x student stuff can end in bad ways. Sorry that this is not the spicy stuff you all use to read. I hope you all can for give and thank you for read. 😓😓🙏🙏🙏💗💕💕💗✨✨✨)

(Ik this man would never do something like that😭😭)

[gunmetal-ring]

Stream of consciousness for 11x7

Yeah I mean I agree with Maggie... get food or die trying you know? Also Negan sorry but gleefully murdering a man in front of his entire family including his sick and pregnant wife is like... not really something you can come back from. There's no "being even" there's just not open hostility. Idk I'm always and forever gonna be team Maggie even if the conflict is tiring

What happened to Elijah's mask? Did I forget something?

Wait what? Walkers at Commonwealth? Since when? What? Whatever. Fake Stephanie is cute but like who cares. Oh mkay I see killing walkers is basically prison for them got it. Only zeke could be dying from cancer and still be stabbing walkers with ease what a badass. Princess looks so different without her fuzzy pink jacket

Pumpkin suit!! "Nasties" bro you know what's nasty is your fuckin dumb cardigan and shitty attitude. You're gonna be the first one to die when team family eats the rich.

Oh good Daryl has dog back I was wondering if they'd ever be reunited.

I wonder if Elijah is claiming Carver or pope? Probably Carver. I think Daryl or Carol has to kill pope. Negan makes me snicker tbh "not with that attitude"

These Halloween masks are killing me so fucking weird lol. Hmm interesting. Can't tell if Leah is getting punished or if pope relented in yelling at them bc she asked him to stop

Alright!! More dynamics!! Damn Daryl is laying it on THICK lol.

Uh OK there's no way they dried out the mask quickly enough for Maggie, that's gotta be bloody as fuck lol.

Hmm they still have cars... wonder if they've got biofuel or just pretending like gasoline is still good after a decade

Wait hang on I'm just piecing it together unless I already said this and don't remember. Do we think pope is his last name or he renamed himself pope bc of his religious fanaticism?

Ugh wish Gabe killed the guy

I'm sorry I just like. I reeeeeally don't care about Commonwealth and especially yumiko and brother. Like ok her brother is all in and she's not convinced. Got it. Oh wait OK maybe he isn't all in hmm. Wonder why he doesn't want to be a doctor.

I think negan does actually admire Maggie he's not just trying to win her favor.

Truly Leah and Daryl is my favorite storyline and I can't wait for Carol to join bc she has to she just has to. Bet Leah's gonna kill the rando and that's gonna be the first indicator that she can't be saved. Aha there you go popes orders! Wonder if daryls gonna try to convince her otherwise or if it's too early for him to begin driving wedges

I guess I'm just not sure what the plan is? Like the patrol would kill walkers, no? Idk. I'm glad that they're finally having a heart to heart. Well okay then negan good talk.

That's so many walkers wtf. Hm zeke is back on his king persona... wonder if that's part of a racism thing?

Also gabe... why the fuck you lyin

Ha nasties are protecting your yuppie ass!! Well okay what a fuckin shock that he's a little shit. Uh Stephanie use your words or kill the walker?! OK fuckin finally. OK well Eugene that's really not doing you and your friends any favors. Ohhhhh wait is that the prince milton of Commonwealth?

"Settling in ok" uh sure most of them are in prison but yeah other than that everyone's doing great. Aha I was right! Hmm I wonder if fake Stephanie is gonna actually fall in love with Eugene. And he's gonna find out she's fake Stephanie and be like can't believe you lied to me ill never love you. And then rosita will remind him love is eternal and he'll be like OK you're right fake Steffi let's go

"All the chances you've gotten" Uh OK they've been sent to a detention facility without due process, threatened with reprogramming, interrogated for hours on end, cut off from their community, refused resources and legal representation, sent to prison for manual labor under threat of possible death... what exactly have you done for them?

How did they know the building was full of walkers? Hmm... alright well I guess they're gonna wander up and hope for a hospital esque attack from last season. Altho it feels like Maggie is forgetting that they have grenades so

Oo... mother and child... Leah is gonna kill them? Oh no or will Daryl kill the son to "prove" he's still supposedly in love with leah? Oh no wait nvm. Hm OK maybe pope is gonna find out that she saved the guy and the kid and that's gonna be a problem. Maybe Daryl will kill the woman for Leah to "prove" it. Aha I was right! But I do think he also felt a little sympathetic for her. Like not just strictly for strategic reasons. Nice of Leah to give him credit too.

Oo... what's he gonna tell her?! Is it real? It's definitely not about Maggie but I wonder if it's something true or a lie that seems serious or something idk. Hm.

Oh no... oh no is that Elijah's sister oh no aw that's awful oh no ugh oh God poor baby. I miss the music that always played when beta was leading walkers tho that was always so intense

Ugh it's over?! Gdi. Ok this one was pretty good. I'm glad it was light on Commonwealth. Annoyed still at the lack of Carol tho. Rly hoping things move right along. Overall pretty solid imo

[darkdevasofdestruction]

Platinum Cherry Blossom - Kujo Jotaro (1/2)

MULAN x STARDUST CRUSADERS & VENTO AUREO (just a tiny bit)

Cast:

Fa Mulan - Reader Li Shang - Kujo Jotaro Fa Li (Mulan’s mother) - Bruno Buccellati (You had it coming...) Fa Zhou (Mulan’s father) - Leone Abbacchio (Godamn it, me...) Little Brother (Mulan’s dog) - Ghirga Narancia (Wtf am I doing?) Grandmother Fa - Guido Mista (By this point, you can go ahead and throw me out of the window) The Matchmaker - Trish Una (Sorry, girl, I never liked you) Chi Fu (Annoying Advisor) - Enyaba The Emperor - Joseph Joestar General Li - Sadao (Jotaro’s dad that’s not busy playing the sax anymore) Shan Yu - Dio Brando Yao - Jean - Pierre Polnareff Ling - Kakyoin Noriaki Chien-Po - Avdol Muhammad  Mushu - Iggy Cricket - Sex Pistols (Mainly #5)

Oh boy, this is gonna be quite the ride... And BOY am I gonna have fun with this!

ALSO, I will make this a 2 part story because apparently it’s getting too damn long and I wouldn’t want to make a novel on a single post!

CLICK HERE FOR:

PART 2

Somewhere, far away, during a night with the full moon peeking from behind the clouds, many soldiers were walking up and down the Great Chinese Wall, making sure no threats were to befall the Kingdom...

However, this very night seemed to be rather problematic for one simple soldier, whose helmet had been stolen by a bird...But it was not just any bird, it was a hawk.

The man stared in confusion at the bird that perked itself on a spear, croaking into the night, and almost as if on cue, a grappling hook was thrown high into the sky, latching itself onto the stone wall.

As the man stepped forward to see what was going on, countless more hooks rained in the sky, grabbing onto the wall, and it was then that he realised they were under attack, which made him yell out for his comrades, telling them to light the signal, running towards the little base.

Much to his dismay, instead of his allies, huge huns came out instead, so he quickly jumped on the wooden ladder before they could chop it off, and climbing on the roof, he grabbed a lit torch, only to be met face to face with the abominable Hun leader, Dio Brando, his hawk obediently latching itself on his master’s shoulder.

The loyal shoulder realised he had no chance to win a 1 on 1 combat, so he threw his torch in the tar filled fountains, and thus, alerting all the other bases situated on the Wall, and in turn, all of them lighting up the signal.

“Now all of China knows you’re here!” the solder spoke bravely, feeling a sense of pride as he was able to at least alert the Emperor of the potential danger.

In turn, the enemy leader only smirked widely, breaking the Chinese flag and lighting it up on fire, only saying one word - “Perfect.”

His plan was going accordingly, and the little soldier that only did his duty as instructed, fell right into his master plan.

---

In the Palace, General Kujo, along with 2 of his soldier, went to alert the Emperor of the grave new befalling the Empire, and thus, kneeling and bowing in front of him, his face grave and stern.

“Your Majesty, the Huns have crossed our northern border.” Sadao informed the Emperor, but he was quickly cut off by his advisor. “Impossible! No once can get through the Great Wall!” Enyaba sneered at the general, hitting her staff on the ground. “Dio Brando is leading them. We’ll set up defenses around your palace immediately.” the general declared, but his words were denied by the wise Emperor. “No. Send your troops to protect my people.” Emperor Joestar informed. “Enyaba.” “Yes, Your Highness?” the old woman asked. “Deliver conscription notices throughout all the provinces. Call up reserves and as many new recruits as possible.”  Joseph ordered the advisor. “Forgive me, Your Majesty, but I believe my troops can stop him.” the General tried to reason with his master. “I won’t take any chances, General. A single grain of rice can tip the scale. One man may be the difference between victory and defeat.” the Emperor explained to the man in front of him, while also giving him a gentle new lesson of life.

---

In another part of China, there was a girl that recently turned of age, and had to be sent to the Matchmaker very soon, to find a suitable husband for her - Until then, she had to revise constantly the lessons of proper etiquette and lady mannerism that have been taught to her since she was but a little babe.

“Quiet and demure. Graceful. Polite. Delicate. Refined. Poised. Punctual!” the girl sat in bed, eating rice and neatly writing the words on her arm, so she would remember them later on, when needed.

However, as soon as she spoke out the last word, the rooster sang and she quickly jolted up from the bed, calling out for her little brother, Narancia, while blowing on her skin so the ink would dry. “Narancia! Nara...! Ah, there you are!” the girl found her little brother snoring on the floor, no doubt having fallen asleep again while playing. “Aww, Nara, who’s the most adorable little brother in the world?! Come on, help me out, it’s gonna be fun!” she said, dragging her hyperactive brother out of his room. “You want me to help you with your chores, right? You’ve got it!” he grinned widely, as the girl took a bag of grains, roped it around her brother’s waist and gave him a nice treat, telling him where to run so the chickens would all get to eat.

But of course, just as he was going out of the room...He missed the door and hit himself on the wall. No worries, though, he quickly recovered and started running around the garden, trying to use up all the energy he had.

On the other hand, their father, Leone, kneeled inside the shrine of their ancestors, bowing and praying for them, knowing very well what kind of daughter he had and how she needed to be tamed, in a way.

“Damn it, Ancestors, if you truly are there, PLEASE help my daughter impress that annoying Matchmaker today. I promise I won’t drink sake for the rest of the week.” just as he said that, Narancia got in the shrine, circled his father, and left, just like that.

The grains that remained in the shrine attracted quite a lot of chickens, which only exasperated Abbacchio further.

“PLEASE help her, or at least help my headache, or I have no idea what I’m gonna do.” he groaned, facepalming.

In the meantime, Y/N had enough time to dress up nicely and brush her hair, pulling it in a neat tail in the back, as she went to the shrine, hurriedly bringing her father some tea, only to bump into him, make the cup fall and shatter.

But she was prepared, she already knew she may or may not fuck up, so she brought a spare cup, smiling in victory at her witty plan.

“Remember, the doctor said 3 cups of tea in the morning, and 3 at night. Only that will help you with the pain caused by the war against the Hun Diavolo.” she smiled, not caring that her father was constantly calling out her name so she would pay attention. “Y/N...Why aren’t you in town already? We are counting on you to-” he began saying, only to be neatly cut off by the girl. “To uphold the family honour.” she smiled at him.

In truth, Abbacchio was rather annoyed with having to constantly repeat that ‘Honour’ bullshit, almost as if he was some robot manufactured only to bring honour, but he was aware of how cruel society can be to those who don’t abide the rules, so even if he had to hurt his daughter’s feelings, in a way, by not letting her be free and do as she pleases, he’d rather her live a normal life than be hated and shunned.

“Don’t worry, papa, I won’t let you down.” the girl smiled sweetly at him as she unconsciously tugged down on her sleeve to cover the words written in ink. “Wish me luuuuck~!” she thrilled as she started skipping down the stairs. “I’m...Going to pray some more...And drink some sake...” Leone sighed, looking down at his little son as he came next to him, munching on some nice treat.

---

In town, Bruno was pacing up and down, waiting for her daughter to appear already, until some woman came out of the building, calling out to him.

“Bruno Buccellati, is your daughter here already?  The Matchmaker is not a patient woman.” she informed the worrying man as she went back inside. “Of all days to be late...I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck.” he sighed, looking up to the sky with a worried expression. “How lucky can they be? They’re all dead! Besides, I’ve got ALL the luck we’ll need! This is your chance to prove yourselves, Pistols!” grandpa Mista smirked, looking at the playful bullets in his little birdcage, wanting to do a little test of luck.

He covered his eyes with his hand, letting his lucky bullets guide his fate as he passed the street, despite Bruno’s warnings... But of course, Mista was on the other side of the road, not touched by the traffic. The same can’t be said about the traffic, however, as there was only chaos and mayhem where she stepped.

“Yep, these bullets are lucky ones! Now, as long as there’s no Number 4, Y/N won’t have to fear a thing!” Mista cheered carefree, showing off the birdcage in which the bullets were cheering as well.

As if on cue, a gorgeous black horse, ridden by none other than Y/N, came in sigh, and she quickly jumped off in front of her ‘mother’, claiming that she’s there...With an ear of wheat stuck in her hair.

“What? But, Mama, I had to -” the girl tried to reason her tardiness, but her mum had none of it. “None of your excuses. Now, let’s get you cleaned up.” Bruno cut her off, getting her inside the building.

“This is what you give me to work with Well honey, I've seen worse We're going to turn this sow's ear into a silk purse” the woman sang as she undressed Y/N and threw her in the bubbly bath.

“It’s freezing!” the poor girl shivered, hugging herself. “It would have been warm if you were here on time.” Bruno scolded her gently.

“We'll have you washed and dried Primped and polished till you glow with pride Trust my recipe for instant bride You'll bring honor to us all” the woman sang again as she started washing the girl’s hair with much pride.

“Y/N, what is this?” Bruno raised his eyebrow in confusion as he tried to scrub the girl’s arm and noticed the scribblings. “Uhhh...Notes? In case I forget something?” the girl tried to play it cool, awkwardly taking her arm back. “Hold this. We’ll need more luck than I thought.” Mista chuckled, giving Bruno the bird cage with the bullets, as the girl finished bathing and put on a simple white robe.

“Wait and see, when we're through” the first woman sang, cheerfully brushing half half of Y/N’s hair. “Boys will gladly go to war for you” the second woman sang, brushing the other half of her hair, then tying it up in an updo with a red ribbon. “With good fortune” the first woman began her verse, letting the other one continue. “And a great hairdo.” the other one said, putting the mirror in front of her and the girl. “You'll bring honor to us all” the women sang, accompanied by Bruno.

“A girl can bring her family Great honor in one way By striking a good match And this could be that day” all the women were singing outside the building as Bruno was walking Y/N to the seamstresses, and in the way, the girl stopped to ponder the best move for checkers, beating the elderly man who thought he won...Before being dragged by her mum.

“Men want girls with good taste” the seamstress dressed in green sang “Calm” the one dressed in blue chirped simply. “Obedient“ Bruno cheered, helping the women with the red sash. “Who work fast paced” the plump seamstress jumped off the stool. “With good breeding and a tiny waist” Bruno sang, throwing the other end of the sash to the blue seamstress. “You'll bring honor to us all” they both sang as they suffocated the poor girl the the sash tightly knotted, but she at least looked stunning.

“We all must serve our Emperor Who guards us from the Huns A man by bearing arms A girl by bearing sons” everyone seemed to sing this overly annoying and indoctrinated song as the poor girl was dragged to the make up artist.

“When we're through You can't fail Like a lotus blossom soft and pale How could any fellow say "no sale" You'll bring honor to us all” the make up artist caked her face with the traditional make up for soon to be brides, and the girl simply took out a strand of hair to cover her forehead, admiring herself in the mirror.

“There, you're ready.” Bruno smiled tenderly at his daughter, taking out a gorgeous lower comb and putting it in her hair, caressing her face with pride and love. “Not yet!” Mista hurried inside with a huge grin. “An apple for serenity.” he began, putting a shiny red apple in her mouth. “A pendant for balance.” he continued, putting a lucky charm in her sash. “Beads of jade for beauty.“ he trailed on, putting the necklace around her neck. “You must proudly show it!” he raised up her chin, so she’ll carry herself with pride. “Now add the Pistols, just for luck! And even you can't blow it!” Mista put the birdcage to the sash, winking at the girl and doing a playful hip-hit with the girl, urging her to join the rest of her peers.

“Ancestors, hear my plea Help me not to make a fool of me And to not uproot my family tree Keep my father standing tall!” the girl smiled up at the sky, praying and rushing after the rest of the maidens.

“Scarier than the undertaker We are meeting our matchmaker” the rest of the girl sang, as Y/N quickly caught up to them. “Destiny, guard our girls And our future as it fast unfurls Please look kindly on these cultured pearls Each a perfect porcelain doll” all the women around sang, encouraging their daughters.

“Please bring honor to us- Please bring honor to us- Please bring honor to us- Please bring honor to us- Please bring honor to us all!” the girls sang, opening their coloured sun umbrellas and kneeling in front of the Matchmaker’s house in sync...Well, almost.

“Y/N” the Matchmaker Trish took out the pen from her hairdo and phlegmatically called out her name. “Present!” Y/N raised quickly, raising her hand enthusiastically. “Speaking without permission.” Trish sneered, turning her back to the girl and walking inside. “...Oops.” Y/N muttered, facepalming, realising that she was already fucking up. “Who spit in her bean curd?” she could hear her grandpa ask Bruno, which made her giggle softly.

Inside, Matchmaker Una started severely analysing her, saying she’s too skinny, not good for bearing sons, all while one of the Pistols, specifically Number 3, managed to escape the birdcage and was jumping around like a little cricket, making the girl quietly try to catch it, only to have to put it in her mouth as the pink haired ugly lady turned around, getting annoyingly close to her face, telling her to recite the final admonition.

Taking out her fan and hiding her face behind it, she quickly spit the bullet and started reciting what she remembered from the poem she kept repeating over and over at home.

“Fulfill your duties calmly and...Respectfully. Uhm...Reflect before you snack...Act! This shall bring you honour and glory.” the girl sighed in relief as she got it right and got away with the little cheating she did, despite the Matchmaker looking to see if she had anything written on her fan. “Now, pour the tea.” Trish dragged her by the wrist to the table, and so, getting ink on her hand without realising, much to the girl’s horror. “To please your future in-laws, you must demonstrate a sense of dignity...And refinement.” Y/N didn’t even relise she was spilling the tea on the table, just next to the cup, as she was staring blankly at the beard Matchmaker Una did on her face with her fingers. “You must also be poised.” the girl quickly poised herself and poured the tea in the cup this time, only to see #3 bathing peacefully in the warm beverage. “Uhmmm, pardon me...” the girl tried to warn the magenta haired woman as she took the cup to drink, only to get scolded. “AND silent!” she glared at the beautiful girl, raising the cup, taking a sniff of it. “Could I just take that back? Just one moment.” the girl asked, crawling on the table and taking a hold of the cup...Only to spill it on the Matchmaker’s face and clothes. “WHY, you, clumsy...!”

The pink haired woman was ready to shake the girl and scold her, only to realise she had something in her clothes, that make her shake and walk backwards, hitting the immolated coals used for the tea, and falling on them, creating a hole in her clothes and for her to jump up and down, trying to put off the fire, while shrieking like a monkey.

Y/N’s brilliant idea was to fan the hole, only to make the fire grow even more, and the woman burst out of her building, yelling for someone to put the fire out, as the younger girl threw the tea at her, successfully extinguishing the fire...

And her chances of marriage.

She softly handed her the teapot back as she covered her face and started walking back to her family.

“YOU ARE A DISGRACE! You MAY look like a bride, but you will NEVER bring your family honour!” Trish Una screeched in her face, as make up and tea were smearing down her face.

Everyone on the streets left, as only Bruno and Mista stood there, quietly trying to console the girl.

In vain, though.

She rode back home, not even able to face her smiling father, as she walked her horse back to the stables, looking at herself on the water sheen, watching herself with disappointment and anger.

“Look at me I will never pass for a perfect bride...” the girl sang to herself as she exited the stables and walked by the house, only to see Bruno tell Leone what happened at the Matchmaker and their reactions crushed her. “Or a perfect daughter Can it be I'm not meant to play this part Now I see That if I were truly to be myself, I would break my family's heart” she sighed, taking out the Pistols and letting them hang around her as she walked to the beautiful garden, on the way there jumping on the bridge rail and skipping on the posts.

“Who is that girl I see Staring straight, back at me Why is my reflection someone I don't know” she sang, watching herself in the pond before looking at the sky with a sorrowful look, before making her way to the shrine.

“Somehow I cannot hide Who I am Though I've tried When will my reflection show who I am inside When will my reflection show who I am inside” the girl continued, bowing down in front of the graves, using her sleeve to wipe away the dreadful make up and letting her hair down, before going back to the garden and sitting on the stone bench under the gorgeous Cherry tree.

Just as she sat down, she heard someone clear their throat, only to reveal the lavender haired man she called father looking at her with an expression that was much gentler than usual.

The girl couldn’t even face him, so she quickly snapped her head away, combing her hair with her fingers, looking down with her eyes closed, as the man sat down next to her.

“Huh...We have quite the nice blossoms this year...Oh, look at that. That one’s blooming rather late. I bet all the sake I have that when it blooms, it will be the most beautiful of all.” Abbacchio tried to reassure his daughter, taking the flower comb from her lap and fixing her hair, making her smile at him with a thankful expression.

They shared a tender look of love that was quickly interrupted by the sound of drums, making the man frown in confusion and dread.

He realised what was happening, as all the family went out to the gates, but while Bruno told the girl to stay inside, Mista pointed to the boxes she could use to jump on the gate to spy on them.

The Royal advisor was telling them that the huns have invaded China and that at least 1 man from every family must serve the Emperor, and unfortunately, their family was called as well.

She watched her father limp with his chin up in front of the soldiers, bowing respectfully and taking the scroll from his hand, saying how honoured he is to serve the Emperor.

“Papa, you can’t go!” the girl jumped off and went in front of him, shielding him. “Please, sir, my father has already fought bravely and he is also injured-” she tried to beg them, but the hag Advisor rode in front of them, yelling at them. “Silence! You would do well to teach your daughter to hold her tongue in a man’s presence!” the Advisor cackled, riding her horse away. “Y/N...Godamn it, you just can’t stop dishonouring me.” Leone looked away from his daughter as the grandpa gently pulled her away, feeling sad, knowing her benevolent intentions.

Abbacchio nodded at the soldier as he told him the orders and limped back in the house, not even looking at Bruno or bothering to take his cane again, all while the advisor kept saying more and more names.

Leone went back to his room, looking at the armor, taking his sword and trying to wield it, just like before when he wasn’t injured, and took out his Stand, but soon, his leg gave away and was barely able to grab on a pillar and keep himself straight, panting in pain and cursing the huns for disturbing their peace and taking him away from his loving family.

What he didn’t know was that his daughter was watching him from the hallway, crying as her heart broke seeing her father go through something like that.

Their dinner was silent, as she poured everyone tea, thunder and lightning striking outside, but every little noise pissed her off, driving her to the edge, until she slammed her cup on the table, raising and looking at her father.

“You shouldn’t have to go!” her voice was raised, but it was cracking. “Y/N...!” Bruno gasped, trying to calm her down. “There are plenty of young men to fight for China!” she tried to reason. “It is an honour to protect my country and my family.” Abbacchio looked away, reciting the words he was indoctrinated to say. “So you’ll go there to die for your stupid honour?!” she gritted her teeth in anger. “I will die doing what’s right, for goddamn once!” he retorted back. “But if -” she tried to reason again, but he got to his feet, towering over her. “I know my place! It is time you learned yours!” he spoke so harshly, like never before, it was like he was someone else, which made the girl snap her eyes wide open in shock. “If you think that a graveyard is your place, then fine, do what you want! But don’t expect China to sing you praises and don’t expect me to mourn for you!” she started crying angry tears, running away from that place, done with the whole fanaticism around.

That’s when she knew what she had to do...But she was afraid to admit it. She stood on the stone totem, letting rain soak her as she cried, and from outside, she could see her father trying to console her mother, but Bruno couldn’t even look at his husband...

And it hurt.

So much.

She was ready.

She knew what she had to do.

She went to the shrine, lighting up an incense stick, praying to the ancestors, then went to her parents’ room, taking the scroll and replacing it with her flower comb, took the armor and sword from the wardrobe, cutting her gorgeous long hair so she would resemble a man, putting it in a bun.

She put on her armor, went to the stables to her horse and so, they rode away to fulfill the role of a man in China.

Just as she left the place, Mista woke up with a gasp, as Number 5 kept crying that Y/N was gone, so he lit a lantern and went to Bruno’s and Abbacchio’s room, alerting them of what happened, which made Leone stare at the older man with horror and remorse, taking the flower comb in his hand and rushing, with his cane, to the wardrobe -

The armor and sword were gone.

He ran outside, in the rain, not caring about anything but to have his daughter back...

“Y/N! GODDAMN IT, Y/N, PLEASE COME BACK, I’M SORRY!” his voice boomed through the place, but he slipped and fell down. “Leone, you must go after her! She could be killed!” Bruno worried, helping his husband get up. “If I reveal her...She will be...” Abbacchio bit his lip so hard, trying not to cry, that blood started to go down his mouth.

Instead, all he could do was curse himself for arguing with the daughter he loved so much and try to comfort Bruno, who was crying in his shoulder, while Mista could only watch in sorrow the pair while praying to the Ancestors to have her be okay.

Somewhere in the Shrine, the ghost of Kars summoned someone named “Iggy” who awoke from a dark and fiery mist, screeching “I LIIIIIIVE!” 

Kars had to scold Iggy for his over enthusiasm, as he hit the gong, waking all the ancestors to discuss the fate of the girl. The Zeppelis and the Speedwagons were fighting between themselves, there was the whole chaos that resulted in Iggy destroying the statue of the protector, and cursing himself for having to create a plan not to die. Outside, he met with #5 and together, they went in search for the girl.

---

Somewhere in the mountains, Dio was riding his army of Stand users as the D’arby brothers found two spies and threw them in the middle of them.

As Dio jumped off the horse, Pet Shop, his hawk, perched itself on the shoulder, and the man went in front of the 2 scouts with a smirk, watching their terrified looks.

“Nice work, gentlemen. You found MY army. Dio’s army.” Dio spoke tauntingly. “Emperor Joestar will stop you!” the younger scout was brave enough to speak up. “Stop me? Haha! He invited me! By building his stupid Speedwagon wall, he challenged my strength...My authority! Well, I’m here to play his little game.” the blond man took the poor spy by his throat, taking out his Stand, before throwing the man to the ground, feigning to put The World on them. “Go! Out of my sight! Tell Joseph Joestar to send his strongest armies! I’m ready. None may challenge me.” Dio made them run away, before stroking his chin, mockingly. “How many men does it take to deliver a message, I wonder~?” he crossed his arms, waiting for The Empress to act. “One, my Lord.” she laughed as she attached her Stand to one the men’s arm, easily killing one of them.

---

Y/N, who was looking through the bamboo forest at the army camp, glanced at her horse and clearing her throat, did her best manly impersonation, only to have the horse roll on the ground, neigh-laughing at her, which only made her roll her eyes in annoyance.

What neither of them was expecting was a big fire to form behind the rocks and the silhouette of a dog, and a dark voice calling out to them.

“Did I hear someone ask for a miracle? Let me hear you say AAAARGHHH!” the voice roared, scaring the girl, screaming and hiding behind a rock along with her horse. “That’s close enough.” the being chuckled in a lighter tone. “A ghost?” the girl whispered to herself, unsure of what she was seeing. “Get ready, Y/N, your canine salvation is at hand! For I have been sent by your ancestors to guide you through your masquerade! So heed my word! ‘Cause if the army finds out you’re a girl, the penalty is DEATH!” the scary being’s rawr echoed through the place. “Who are you...?” she asked, peeking from behind the rock. “Who am I? WHO am I?! I am the guardian of lost souls! I am the powerful! The pleasurable! The indestructible Iggy!” from behind the rock, Y/N saw a small and adorable dog grinning at her with a shit-eating smirk.

The girl and her horse felt rather disappointed at the help they received, so much that the cabalin started trampling on the dog because of the fear it sent them through, only to have the girl gently push it away and pick the dog by the tail, no longer a pancake on the ground.

“Uh...My ancestors send a little puppy to help me?” she asked in disdain. “Hey, hound! Hound, not puppy! I don’t to the tail wagging.” Iggy said, only to wag his tail rapidly. “You’re, uhm...Tiny. Very tiny.” the girl looked at him weirdly. “Of course, I’m travel-size for your convenience. If I was my real size, your cow here would die of fright” Iggy boasted, as the horse tried to hit him with his hoof again. “...Down, Bessie. My powers are beyond your mortal imagination. For instance, my eyes can see straaaaight through your armor...OOH!” Iggy wagged his tail, almost lecherously, making the girl put her arm around her chest instinctively, kicking the dog away, only for him to stumble next to #5. “All right, that’s it! Dishonour! Dishonour on your whole family! Dishonour on you, dishonour on your cow-” he began, making #5 take a note of all the things she brought dishonour to.

“Okay, I know, it’s a little late for that anyway. I’m sorry, Iggy, it’s just...I’m very nervous. I’ve never done this before.” she apologised, which made Iggy start scolding and teaching her as they all walked to the camp. “Okay, now show me your man walk.” he instructed, hiding in her hood. “Shoulders back, chest high, feet apart, head up and strut.” he said, controlling her, and prancing through the camp, looking awkwardly as everyone was staring at her weirdly. “Beautiful, isn’t it?” Iggy asked in amusement, as the girl started at everyone in disgust. “No, they’re disgusting.” she scrunched up her nose, seeing someone use chopsticks to get the dirt from between his toes. “No, they are men. You have to act like them, so pay attention.” Iggy instructed again.

Of course, somehow, she got in front of a man showing off her red dragon tattoo on his plump belly and chest, saying it will protect him from harm. The silver haired man punched him in the gut, making the red haired one laugh healthily, patting the silver haired on the shoulder, telling the unfortunate one that he should get his money back.

“I...Don’t think I can do this...” she looked in horror and disgust at the display in front of her. “What are ya looking at?!” the one who punched asked, looking at her with a weird look. “Punch him! It’s how men say hello!” Iggy urged her, and she complied, punching the buff silver haired man, making him stumble into the smiling black man, who patted his shoulders. “Oh, Polnareff, you’ve made a friends!” he hummed in amusement. “Good. Slap him on the butt, they like that.” Iggy told her again, and she complied without question. “WHOA WHOA WHOA! I’m gonna hit you SO hard, it’ll make your ancestors dizzy!” Polnareff took her my the neck, glaring down at her. “Polnareff, relax and chant with me.” the man took him by the shoulders and started chanting some traditional tune, trying to calm down his friend, which seemed to work. “Ayyy, you ain’t worth my time...Chicken boy.” he insulted, making Iggy get out of her hood and yell out, incredibly offended, the same insult, almost in disbelief. “Say that to my face, ya limp noodle!” Iggy cried out, making Polnareff try to hit them, but instead, she dodged and he hit the red haired boy instead, blacking his eye. “Oh. Sorry, Kakyoin.” Polnareff chuckled sheepishly.

And so, somehow, the girl tried to hide while the 3 were fighting, but Kakyoin saw her and they ran after her, only to get fooled and have to abruptly stop by the food line...

And Avdol not to be able to stop in time and to send everyone down, like Domino, while the girl was looking at them with a guilty expression.

Meanwhile, in the general tent, Sadao was explaining strategies to his son, Jotaro, telling him that he will have to stay here and train the new recruits, waiting for Enyaba’s approval to get into battle, naming him Captain Kujo, who smirked in pride and accomplishment, thanking his father.

Leaving the tent, however, he noticed the mayhem that left him jaw-dropped, and his father left, letting him to whatever he wanted as he went for the surprise attack on the Huns.

Jotaro stepped in front of them,  yelling out for them to shut the hell up, only for them all to stop and point at the poor girl, saying she started it all - Girl who was huddled on the ground in a fetal position, trying to keep herself from getting hurt.

She quickly got up from the ground, noticing the man’s aquamarine eyes glaring down at her, and dusting herself, she gulped, awaiting a good scholding.

“I don’t need anyone causing trouble in my camp.” Jotaro grunted, towering over her even while she was standing. “Sorry. Uhm...S-Sorry you had to see that...Uh..You know how it you...But you know how it is when you get those uh...Manly urges and you just gotta kill something. Fix things. Cook outdoors.” she did the best manly impression, which was extremely exaggerate, especially by the awkward punch on Jotaro’s arm, or the way she would punch her chest. “What’s your name?” the brunet man asked the girl, who started stuttering, and looking away, trying to come up with a name. “Your commanding officer just asked you a question!” Enyaba scolded her, hitting her legs with her staff. “Uh...I’ve got a name. Ha! And it’s a boy’s name, too! Uhmmm...” she trailed on, waiting for Iggy to say something. “How about Kakyoin?” he whispered softly. “His name is Kakyoin.” she answered, not realising that Jotaro was getting closer to her. “That’s not what I asked.” he grunted, glaring at her. “Ah...Ah Chu?” Iggy giggled. “Ah Chu.” the girl said, absent-minded. “...Ah Chu?” Jotaro raised his eyebrow in disbelief. “Gesundheit! Haha...I kill myself.” Iggy giggled even more at his own silliness. “Iggy...!”  she tried to warn her companion. “Iggy?” Jotaro raised his voice in annoyance. “Fugo! Say Fugo, he was my best friend-” he trailed on, making the girl shush him by quickly grabbing his mouth. “Fugo. My name is Fugo.” she finally answered. “Let me see your conscription notice.” Jotaro snatched the scroll from her sash, opening it. “Abbacchio Leone? THE Abbacchio Leone?” he asked, raising his eyebrow in surprise. “I didn’t know Abbacchio Leone had a son.” Enyaba was just as shocked. “He, uh...Doesn’t talk about me much.” she tried to play it cool, by trying to spit on the ground...And failing. “I can see why. The boy’s an absolute lunatic.” Enyaba tried to say to Jotaro, only to have everyone snigger in amusement. “Thanks to your friend, Fugo, you will all spend tonight picking up every single grain of rice. And tomorrow, the real work begins. Don’t think either of you can slack off.” Captain Kujo ordered before leaving for his tent, everyone around growling at the poor girl. “You know...We have to work on your people skills.” Iggy said, making the girl sigh.

At the end of the day, she pitched her tent away from the others, just in case, and it’s needless to say that she fell asleep within seconds.

The next day, Iggy woke Y/N up by making #5 cry, snatching her blanket, forcing food down her throat, trying to get her to look more fierce and making her get up and run, while he tried to bring her the sword, but it was too late. 

By the time she arrived, everyone was making fun of the annoying Enyaba, until Kakyoin noticed her and her tardiness, while Polnareff mocked her by asking if she was hungry.

Thankfully, she was saved from a ‘Knuckle Sandwich” by Jotaro who yelled for them to shut up and went to the wooden lances, taking off his shirt, as the girl could only whistle in her head how hot he was, not even caring what he was talking about discipline and whatever.

Of course, Polnareff had to mock him, which only resulted in everyone stepping back from the line, highlighting him, while Jotaro took a bow and arrow, making his Stand, Star Platinum, shooting it to the top of the wooden pole.

“Glad someone volunteered. Go retrieve that arrow...Without your Stand.” Jotaro smirked in amusement seeing Polnareff’s crestfallen face that quickly turned into a scowl as he cracked his knuckles, ready for action. “I’ll get that arrow, pretty boy.” he murmured, glaring at the arrow. “And I’ll do it with my shirt on.” he walked in front of the pole, readying himself to jump on it, only to get stopped by the captain once again. “Aren’t you forgetting something?” he asked, getting 2 golden weights and wrapping them around the man’s wrists. “These represent discipline and strength. You need both to reach the arrow.” he declared, while everyone was silently chuckling, seeing the silver haired man go through such torture.

Of course, no matter how much he struggled, neither he, nor Kakyoin, Avdol or the girl could do anything else but fail.

“Yare Yare Daze...We’ve got a lot to do.” he tipped his hat, going to the wooden sticks and throwing everyone one.

Of course, the petty Polnareff had to catch Y/N’s lance and use it to hit her legs, making her fall, acting as if nothing happened.

“Let's get down to business, to defeat the Huns” Jotaro sang, showing off by easily twirling the stick around, then getting the 2 vases by their handle, throwing them to the sky and easily breaking them, making everyone gasp in awe.

“Did they send me daughters, when I asked for sons?” he sang as everyone was supposed to replicate everything, but Kakyoin wanted to pull a prank on the girl, putting a beetle in her clothes, making her hit and knock down everyone as she attempted to get the disgusting creature away.

“You're the saddest bunch I ever met But you can bet before we're through Mister, I'll make a man out of you” he continued as he used the stick to jump into the air, doing a fancy flip and landing in front of the girl, who hit him in the gut without realising, which in turn made him take her by the shirt, glaring at her to stop her foolishness.

“Tranquil as a forest but on fire within” he tried to teach everyone how to properly shoot arrows in the bullseye while also getting an arrow, which made Iggy try to give the girl an arrow that already had an apple, but they easily got caught

“Once you find your center, you are sure to win You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot And you haven't got a clue” this time, he had a wooden water basin on his head, using his stick to dodge or hit the rocks thrown at him by everyone else. When it was time for Y/N to replicate, the basin fell on her head, blinding her as she got hit by all rocks, and even managed to sent on his way, which he swiftly dodged, rolling his eyes at her.

“Somehow I'll make a man out of you” he showed them how to catch fish from the river, but she somehow managed to catch Polnareff’s toes instead, and had Iggy bring her a salmon.

“I'm never gonna catch my breath” poor Avdol sighed, trying to dodge the burning arrows sent his way.

“Say goodbye to those who knew me” Polnareff fell to the ground, an arrow lodging itself in his butt.

“Boy, was I a fool in school for cutting gym” Kakyoin whined, hitting his head on a stone, trying to break it, but only getting his face smashed instead. “This guy's got 'em scared to death” Iggy chuckled, as he tried to wash Y/N’s face as Jotaro blackened her eye in a hand to hand sparring. “Hope he doesn't see right through me” she thrilled, trying to get herself up, despite feeling like her horse jumped on her. “Now I really wish that I knew how to swim” Avdol cried out, as they all tried to jump on the poles in the water, only to stop, almost falling, and getting everyone to fall off instead.

“Be a man We must be swift as the coursing river Be a man With all the force of a great typhoon Be a man With all the strength of a raging fire Mysterious as the dark side of the moon” they chanted as they tried to learn how to use the firework explosives, only to somehow get Kakyoin to fool with Y/N’s dragon and make Enyaba’s tent catch fire.

At the end of the day, Jotaro was sitting on a rock far up above the camp, sighing to himself, not realising how much of a drag everything was going to be, and feeling as if he was getting nowhere with them.

“Time is racing toward us till the Huns arrive Heed my every order and you might survive” the next day they had to get water by carrying 2 buckets on a stick on their shoulders, but the poor girl really wasn’t used to such exhausting physical labour and fell on the ground, making Captain Kujo go to her, take the buckets, looking at her with disappointment, before jogging to the front of the line again.

“You're unsuited for the rage of war So pack up, go home, you're through How could I make a man out of you?” at the end of the 2nd day, he took her horse’s reigns, giving it to her, not wanting to look at her, that’s how much of a disappointment she was.

However, that only seemed to motivate her further, as she quickly knotted the weights around her wrists and started trying to climb up the pole, despite being the dead of night and needing a much deserved sleep.

“Be a man We must be swift as the coursing river Be a man With all the force of a great typhoon Be a man With all the strength of a raging fire Mysterious as the dark side of the moon” it took all night for her to be able to catch the drift of how it was done, and when the morning Sun rose and her fellow colleagues were starting to get out of their tents, she was almost there, reaching the top.

She still stumbled a bit, being drenched in sweat, but her ambition and motivation were strong enough for her to pull through, and she managed to get on the top of the pole, making everyone cheer as she weakly panted in victory.

As soon as Jotaro got out of his tent to see what the whole chaos was about, an arrow was thrown at him, as he then noticed the girl perched up on the pole, waving and smiling sheepishly at him.

It was then that he could finally feel a sense of accomplishment, seeing his worst student succeed after so much training.  It was her resolve - Unbreakable - Just as his.

“Be a man We must be swift as the coursing river Be a man With all the force of a great typhoon Be a man With all the strength of a raging fire Mysterious as the dark side of the moon”  by the end of it, everyone was able to properly shoot, the girl easily managed to knock him out in a hand to hand combat, everyone was able to get their balance on point and skip on the water poles, they could all carry the water buckets, catch fish from the river, be proper comrades and even be disciplined enough to use the stick.

Everything seemed fine to them, but they had no idea that Dio managed, with the help of Pet Shop, his hawk, to find out that the city in the pass was guarded by the imperial army, and they were going to kill those arrogant men who thought they could best him, Dio Brando!

Click here for 

PART 2!

[flowerfan2]

Group Texts Are Ridiculous (Or, Five-0 Starts a Group Text)

McDanno, T, A03, 6k so far

Summary:  After Steve leaves Oahu to go find himself, Five-0 starts a group text to keep in touch while Steve’s away.  Picks up after the end of Season 10.

Notes:  This story is set in the present, following 10x22, but there’s no COVID in it...  I wanted it to be fun.  The story is complete and will be posted over the next few weeks.  Many thanks as always to my awesome beta, @perryavenue.

Chapter 3

June 25, 2020

JR:  What’s the name of Steve’s vet, the one he sort of dated?

QL:  If you and Tani were considering a threesome you could have let me know.

TR:  News to me.  But I suppose we could talk…

JR:  Shut up.  Eddie’s hurt, do you know the vet’s name or not?

TR:  Oh no, what happened?

JR:  I’m not sure, we just got back from a run and he’s limping a little.

DW:  Don’t go anywhere.  Keep Eddie still, I’ll be there in ten.

JR:  Shouldn’t I take him to the vet?

DW:  Just called them.  Stay right where you are.

JR:  Danny, Eddie’s fine, I can just put him in the truck.  He probably just stepped on something sharp.

QL:  Is he bleeding?  You should elevate his leg.

JR:  No, he’s not bleeding, it’s not that serious.  

TR:  Can you tell which paw it is?

JR:  Of course I can tell, it’s the foot he’s holding up when he tries to walk.

DW:  Did you not understand the part about keeping him still?  Walking is not keeping him still.  Sit with him, don’t let him move.

 JR:  We’re sitting on the couch, don’t worry, Eddie is fine.  He’s licking my face.  Normal Eddie behavior.  I think he actually forgot about his foot.

 TR:  Doesn’t hurt to be careful.  Junes, where did you take Eddie anyway?  Just the beach?

 TR:  Junes?  You there?

 JR:  Sorry, had to let HPD in.

 TR:  Wait, why is HPD there?

 JR:  Apparently Danny sent them.  With flashers and sirens.

 TR:  Of course, that makes sense.

 JR:  Um, no it doesn’t.  Eddie is fine.  And Five-0 isn’t supposed to use HPD for personal stuff.

 TR:  Yeah, we never do that.  

 SM:  What the hell happened to my dog?

  July 5, 2020

 LG:  I hate all of you, but especially Tani.

 TR:  It was just lemonade, Grover.

 LG:  No, it was iced tequila with one lemon slice floating on top.

 TR:  Party lemonade.

 LG:  It’s not very patriotic to get your elders drunk.

 TR:  No one said you had to drink it.

 LG:  Pretty sure you said anyone who doesn’t taste my lemonade has to go home.

 TR:  I had already had some lemonade when I said that.  I can’t be held responsible for my actions.  Face it, you’re a lightweight.

 LG:  Clearly not true.

 TR:  Then why did Renee make you leave early?

 LG:  We had another party to go to, as I told you last night. Where is everyone, anyway?  I thought Junior and Quinn were on today.

 TR:  I’m sure they’ll turn up any minute.

 LG:  Junior is still asleep, isn’t he?

 TR:  The lump under the blankets just cursed at me when I thumped him, so no, not totally asleep.

 LG:  Tell him to get his ass in gear and get to work.

 TR:  He says his head is exploding and he wants to die.

 LG:  Requesting a sick day, then?

 TR:  I’ll come in instead.

 LG:  Seriously?

 TR:  It’ll be better than listening to Junior puke all morning.

 LG:   I didn’t need to know that. How come you’re all chipper?

 TR:  I drank a bunch of water before I went to bed.  Like you’re supposed to.

 LG:  Hey, did Danny ever show up last night?

 TR:  Nope.  

  July 11, 2020

 LG:  I’m at the dock, which way should I go?

 DW:  Towards the boats.  The big floating things.

 JR:  I can see you, keep going the way you’re facing, then head south when you get to the end of the

row.

 LG:  South?  Sorry, forgot my compass.  

 DW:  Just listen for the music.

 TR:  I can’t believe you know the words to Taylor Swift’s greatest hits. At least my music is relatively current.

 DW:  Grace was just the right age.  It got stuck in my head.  

 JR:  And now it’s stuck in ours.

 <i>TR has changed the name of the group text to</i> <b>Shake It Off Dance Party</b>

 QL:  Be there soon.  Just found Jerry wandering in the parking lot.

 JG:  I wasn’t wandering, I was organizing my gear.

 TR:  What kind of gear do you need for a boat ride?

 LG:  You do realize you are asking Jerry this.

 JG:  By the way, thanks for including me today.  I’ve missed you guys.

 DW:  We miss you too.  But if you could all hurry up, that would be great.  I’d like to leave the dock sometime before it gets dark.

 QL:  Do you guys do a Five-0 summer outing every year?

 TR:  Nope, first time.

 QL:  Really?

 TR:  Yeah, generally we get enough excitement at work.  And Danny has some issues with boats.

 DW:  I actually enjoy boats, when there isn’t any gunfire, or sharks, or poison. I only have issues with <i>Steve</i> and boats.  Steve isn’t here, so we’ll be fine.

 QL:  So much to unpack there.

 JR:  Didn’t Steve set this up?

 LG:  He surely did.  The boat belongs to a friend of his.  I think he thought we all needed some cheering up.

 TR:  You mean he thought Danny needed cheering up.

 DW:  If Steve wanted to cheer me up he wouldn’t have sent me on a boat trip with all of you.

 LG:  Ouch.

 JG:  We may have a slight delay.

 TR:  What did you do?

 JG:  I didn’t do anything.  But Quinn was texting and walking at the same time and tripped.

 DW:  Is she ok?

 JG:  She didn’t fall in the water.  But her phone did, and she’s kind of pissed.

 LG:  Well we’ve got beer, that might help.

 JG:  Now’s she in the water.  She’s trying to find the phone.

 JG:  Quinn can hold her breath for a really long time.  Kind of impressive.

 LG:  For pete’s sake, what’s the point?  She’s never going to find it, and it’ll be ruined anyway.

 JG:  I said the same thing, but she didn’t listen.  Now she’s going to talk to the harbormaster.

 TR:  To report a dropped phone?

 JG: I don’t know, she just told me to wait while she went to talk to the harbormaster.

 TR:  It’s not like we need our phones for fishing.  We probably don’t get service out there anyway.

 DW:  Hardly matters.  At this rate we’re never leaving the dock.

  July 17, 2020

 SM:  Send help to this address ASAP. My phone’s dying.

 DW:  WTF Steve?

 SM:  Tow truck kind of help.  Flat tire.

 DW:  It’s four in the morning here.

 SM:  Oh, sorry.  Got up early. Not that early.

 DW:  Way to give me a heart attack.

 SM:  Sorry, didn’t mean to.  You okay?

 DW:  Course I’m okay.  I’m in bed, asleep.  Or at least I was asleep.  Now Eddie’s awake too and thinks it’s time to get up and go for a walk.

 SM:  Wish I was there.

 DW:  What?

 SM:  In bed, I mean.  Instead of stuck on the side of the road.

 DW:  Where are you, anyway?  You haven’t mentioned lately.

 SM:  Near Yellowstone.  Been camping. Did some hiking into the backcountry.

 DW:  Sounds suitably outdoorsy.

 SM:  Yeah.

 DW:  Your phone doesn’t seem all that dead.  You could have called AAA yourself.  

 SM:  I wasn’t sure how long it would hold out.

 DW:  It’s okay.  I miss you too.

  July 18, 2020

 JR:  So we’re all ignoring that conversation, right?

 TR:  Yes, because we work for them, and we have better things to do today.

 TR has changed the name of the group text to Luau Luau Luau

 JR:  Good to know you’re excited.

 TR:  Just cross your fingers there aren’t any murders in the next six hours. I want to be there when the pig comes out of the pit.

 SM:  You guys are doing a real luau?

 TR:  Yup.  Kamekona dug the imu.  Or had someone else dig it, probably.  But that sucker’s been cooking for hours already.

 JR:  Hey Commander, how’s it going?

 SM:  It’s good, Junior.  Thanks. How’d you get Kame to cook you a pig?

 TR:  It’s to thank Danny for helping him with some kind of permitting problem for his new place in Kapolei.  Kame found out Danny had never done the whole pig in the ground thing, so he decided to show him how it’s done.

 SM:  You’re telling me Danny got up at dawn to put the pig in the imu?

 TR:  I can’t swear to it, I wasn’t there.  But that was the plan.  

 LG:  I was there.  And no, Kame didn’t do any actual digging, he got Nahele and his friends to do it.  We did have to carry some rocks.

 TR:  What do you think, Lou?  Pretty cool, right?

 LG:  I am in favor of anything that combines fire and meat, you know that about me.

 SM:  Danny must not have gotten any sleep at all.

 DW:  That’s why they invented coffee.

 SM:  How much did Kame charge you for it?

 DW:  Nahele brought us all coffee from Island Vintage.

 SM:  What, did he come into some money?

 DW:  I paid him back, you dunce.

 SM:  I can’t believe you guys are putting together your own luau.

 DW:  Makes you miss home, doesn’t it?

 SM:  Sure does.  Danny, you’ve really never been to a luau?

 DW:  Not really.  Seemed kind of touristy.

 TR:  That’s why you have to do it yourself.  I made chicken long rice last night, and Junior’s bringing the lomi lomi salmon.

 JR:  I wanted squid but Tani likes salmon better.

 SM:  Good luck getting Danny to eat squid unless they’re deep fried.

 DW:  I’ll have you know I haven’t had a fried fish in ages.  I’ve been grilling mahi almost every weekend.

 SM:  You have?  That’s awesome.

 JR:  He does a good job with it, too.  It’s never dry.

 DW:  Thanks, Junior.

 SM:  Clearly my healthy eating has finally made an impression on you, Danny. I’m so proud.

 JR:  I think it was his doctor that forced him into it, but whatever.

 SM:  What do you mean?  What’s wrong?

 DW:  Nothing’s wrong.

 SM:  High cholesterol?

 DW:  Shut up, I can eat whatever I want.  I’m just choosing to be more aware of what goes in my mouth, that’s all.

 LG:  Right, that’s why you banned malasadas from the office.

 TR:  Maybe he’s just trying to maintain his girlish figure.  

 JR:  Are you really trying to lose weight, Danny?  Because you’re as thin as I’ve ever seen you.

 LG:  I’m not sure they sell those slacks in extra-slim, you better be careful.

 DW:  Can we please stop talking about me?  

 SM:  Seriously, is everything all right, Danny?  

 DW:  You guys are ridiculous.  See you later at the beach.  You can ogle me there as I stuff my mouth with kalua pork.

  July 21, 2020

 JR:  Tani, you up?

 TR:  You know you can just come home and get into bed with me, you don’t need to say dumb stuff like that.

 JR:  Honestly I just wanted to know if you were awake.  It’s one o’clock in the morning.

 TR: LOL sorry.  Yeah, Quinn just left and I’m trying to clean up.  We tried to make fancy margaritas and it looks like Whole Foods’ fruit section exploded in my kitchen.

 JR:  What’s a fancy margarita?

 TR:  You know, you add in something that tastes good and something that tastes bad.

 JR:  That can’t really be the recipe.

 TR:  It seemed like it.  Grapefruit and rosemary – who wants rosemary in their margarita?

 JR:  Ok true.

 TR:  Strawberry and jalapeno was pretty good though.  But we put too many jalapenos in.

 JR:  Sounds dangerous.  How many have you had?

 TR: A good amount.  When are you coming home?

 JR:  Don’t know.  Adam and I are still parked down the road from the restaurant where the victim died yesterday.  Danny thinks whoever was responsible, the assistant chef probably, will break in tonight.

 TR:  Sounds fun.

 JR:  I’m bored out of my mind.  Ran out of things to talk about with Adam about two hours ago.

 TR:  Let’s play fuck, marry, kill.  

 JR:  Okay.  But let’s text just us, okay?

 TR:  Smart.  Okay, you go first.  Celebrities, fuck, marry or kill.

 JR:  Any celebrities?  That’s kind of broad.

 TR:  Ok, celebrities named Chris.

 JR:  You’re really making me go first.

 TR:  You’re the one who said you were bored.  I could just throw all this crap into the sink and go to bed.  But I’ll go first if you want.

 JR:  Okay.  

 TR:  And obviously no getting mad, right?

 JR:  Obviously.

 TR:  Fuck Chris Hemsworth, marry Chris Evans, kill Chris Pratt.

 JR:  That was fast.

 TR:  I may have thought about it before.  Now you go.

 JR:  Fuck Christina Aguilera, marry Chris Evans, kill Chris Noth.

 TR:  Very enlightened.

 JR:  Everyone wants to marry Chris Evans.

 TR:  Agreed.  Okay, next. Marvel characters.  

 JR:  That’s kind of an overlap, isn’t it?

 TR:  Only with a few of them.  We’ll say no repeats.  You go first this time.

 JR:  Fuck Wonder Woman, marry Black Widow, kill Loki.

 TR:  Sure you didn’t reverse Wonder Woman and Black Widow?

 JR:  Nah.  If I’m going to spend my life with somebody I want her to have some depth, you know?

 TR:  I’ll revisit that when I’m less drunk.  Okay, fuck T’Challa, marry Tony Stark, kill Fury.

 JR:  Fury?  He’s a good guy.

 TR:  I didn’t like the way he faked his death.

 JR:  You confuse me sometimes.

 TR:  I think that’s okay.  Any sign of the assistant chef?

 JR:  No.  And Adam seems entranced by some game on his phone.

 TR:  Animal crossing?

 JR:  I think it’s some kind of card game app.  Jerry mentioned it.

 TR:  Why play cards on an app instead of in person?

 JR:  Maybe because you’re stuck at work at one in the morning.

 TR:  Fair.

 JR:  Okay, let’s do another round.

 TR:  Fine.  Five-0. Present or former members.

 JR:  No way.

 TR:  Come on, you must have thought about it.  

 JR:  No getting mad?

 TR:  Obviously.  And we can’t say each other.

 JR:  Obviously.

 JR:  You go first.

 TR:  Fuck Steve, marry Danny, kill Catherine.

 JR:  Again, you do this really fast.

 TR:  These answers aren’t hard.

 JR:  Didn’t know you hated Catherine so much.

 TR:  She screwed over my imaginary fuck buddy and my imaginary husband, so, yeah.

 JR:  I feel like you know more about this situation than I do.

 TR:  As with all things.  Come on, your turn.

 JR:  This is hard.  And very unprofessional.

 TR:  You cannot leave me hanging.

 JR:  Fuck Quinn, marry Steve, kill Adam.

 TR:  He’s that boring?

 JR:  He’s that boring.

 TR:  You know Danny thinks I’m just like Steve.  In the good ways.

 JR:  I’m aware.

 TR:  You only said Quinn because you couldn’t think of any other women on Five-0, didn’t you?

 JR:  Ok fine.

 TR:  Be honest, who would you pick?  Really?

 JR:  There’s no way you’re getting me to put that in a text.

 TR:  It’s just us, come on.

 LG:  No it’s not.  

 TR:  Oh shit.

  July 22, 2020

 DW:  Ok, regarding last night’s text message fiasco, I’m incredibly disappointed and have no choice but to run this by HR.

 TR:  Wait, we have HR?

 DW:  No, actually.  But I talked about it with Steve and we laughed our asses off.  Try to rein in the sex talk just a bit, okay?  And maybe don’t mention actually killing people in our group text.

 JR:  Sorry, sir.

 TR:  Sorry, boss.

 DW:  And Junior’s right.  Everyone wants to marry Chris Evans.

[mtvswatches]

Wynonna Earp 2x12 I Hope You Dance

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) Waverly confronts Bobo and the widows, certain that Bobo won’t hurt her. He admits he might not, but he won’t help her either. In an uncharacteristically honest moment, he admits that caring about her has only brought him pain. Waverly quips that no one said parenthood was easy. And I’M FREAKING OUT? IS THIS HER WAY OF CONFIRMING BOBO IS HER FATHER?!

2) Thankfully, Wynonna arrives on time, but Peacemaker is completely useless now that the seal is broken and this MOFO is waking up…

Shit is about to go down and I’M NOT READY. I’m really curious to see what Clootie looks like, though, I feel he’ll look something like the Master.

3) The sisters take a breather before all hell breaks loose, and I appreciate it…

You know what else I appreciate? Wynonna’s top priority – making sure Doc is not dead.

4) Well, Dolls is not dead, which is good, but not the answer I was expecting.

5) I truly appreciate the brief moment of levity…

6) So, this is what she had figured out before she went poof…

7) Wynonna is terrified that Doc might be dead now that the ring is broken. I’m Jeremy, btw.

8) I’m sorry, but is there anything more badass than trying to save the world while you’re about to give FUCKING BIRTH?!

9) WTF! Clootie is going to have Wynonna’s baby for dessert???!!

10) Oooh, I kind of saw this coming but I didn’t want to get my hopes up!

MERCEDES: Actually, I want a separation.

MERCEDES: Chopped my way into the 21st century. The world has changed. Hell, look at Wynonna Earp. She is 10 times the gunslinger Wyatt ever was and he put Bulshar in the ground! I want that ring!

I’m really into this new form of empowerment? Evil ladies also need to break free from the misogynistic ties to their evil lords. You go, Glenn Coco! Or Elsa, I guess…

She just took off and buried Bobo, Clootie and her sister. Does this mean that the season’s Big Bad was Mercedes all along? And not Clootie! Damn, I really love that plot twist!

11) The Iron Witch says the plate only works as a shield, and these two badass motherfuckers are not having it…

Can they look any more badass?! And I really wish they had allowed Wynonna to say fucking!

12) Dolls finds Doc at his home…

He’s having an existential crisis over being mortal and he’s basically contemplating suicide. And I almost believed he couldn’t take not being ageless anymore, but it was the possibility of living a mortal life in a Wynonna-less world that was pushing him over the edge because the second he heard she was still alive…

It’s like his soul returned to his body… and now he’s willing to die but for an entirely different reason, and I swear to God, I choked up during this whole scene. Does that make sense? Am I an idiot?

13) I guess there’s no better time for confessions than when facing the possibility of absolute and total obliteration. In a few seconds, Waverly breaks the news to Wynonna that Nicole is married and that she’s not Wynonna’s sister. Wynonna’s reply is quick and certain…

A lot of emphasis is placed on the bloodline in this show, considering the whole hereditary curse. But nothing as volatile as blood would ever get in the way of Waverly and Wynonna. They are sisters if ever sisters there were.

I truly love how there was no hesitation. At the same time, I wonder if the lack of hesitation means Wynonna had considered this possibility before?

14) Okay, Wynonna literally has one shot to kill Clootie, get rid of the Widows, and break the curse. Cool. Cool cool cool cool.

15) Jeremy and Nicole are having this super sweet moment…

JEREMY: And, uh, I stay because I don't fit in here. But none of you ask me to. I'm allowed to be me. NICOLE: You're part of the family. And being part of the family means...

AND THEN THIS FUCKING ELSA FROM HELL BURST INTO THE ROOM AND NEARLY GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK…

And please don’t tell me that we’re using the “put Nicole in peril” schtick again! And we’re adding Jeremy into the mix! Just great!

16) THE BABY IS FUCKING COMING AMIDST ALL THIS DEBACLE!

17) I’M FUCKING DEAD.

She’s my queen, I love her, I’d sell my soul for Wynonna Earp, I’ve said it.

18) Oh, the other McBitch just arrived and is threatening Waverly while Elsa says Wynonna is the weapon she’s been looking for, and what the fuck is going on?

19) Wynonna’s sigh of relief and barely noticeable smile when she sees Doc is alive, though…

I leave for these moments.

20) NOT THESE FUCKING MOMENTS, THOUGH! WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING?!

21) UGH THESE TWO MOTHERFUCKERS ALMOST GOT ME!

Two birds, one stone. These two! They could convey their plan using a code they could only understand! Why aren’t they together?!

But there’s still Clootie and Bobo, right…

And the baby is coming…

22) Ugh the fire-assholes have shown up, they offed Wynonna’s doctor and they’re coming after the baby!

23) WHAT’S THE FUCKING PLAN? WHAT WILL THEY DO WITH THE BABY? IS NICOLE GOING TO TAKE THE BABY AWAY? They’re talking about crossing the triangle…

24) WTF ROSITA!!!!!!!

THIS FUCKING EPISODE DOESN’T LET UP!

25) Bobo has gone Spike…

So Clootie or Bulshar or whoever sucked something out of Bobo and Bobo offered up Waverly as the Big Bad’s new bride WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!

26) Great. JUST FUCKING GREAT.

27) Oh, thank god, something worked out!

Wynonna basically willed Peacemaker into accepting Waverly as an Earp!

28) Brendan Fehr is saying that Wynonna is going to corrupt the baby and screw it up and I’m like… Brendan Fehr, I was rooting for you!

29) Damn, Dolls!

At least they died in their element. Get it?

30) When you try to come up with a good comeback and you just…

31) I guess I’ll just have to get used to Bobo never being back for more than two episodes…

32) I’m not crying, you are…

I'm the Earp heir. They're always coming for me and everything I love. I don't want to. I didn't realise how much I wouldn't want to. You're the coolest thing I ever did. You're going to have it much better than me. I promise.

And Waverly is taking the baby away and Wynonna is asking her to make sure that Doc gets a moment with him and I’m here, dying.

33) Waverly and the baby just crossed over the border and neither of them burnt, which means that the baby is Doc’s and the revenants don’t have any claim over it. But what does this mean for Waverly? Whose daughter is she, then?

34) Wynonna just offed the whole gang of revenants, but it doesn’t really feel satisfying at all when her baby is being sent away minutes after being born…

35) Did Jeremy just used Waverly and Nicole’s ship name?! HE FUCKING DID!

36) Perry is taking the baby as a way to thank Wynonna for saving his life. Cool dude.

37) And now Doc is meeting the baby and I WON’T SURVIVE THIS SHIT!

I CAN’T BREATHE. EVERYTHING HURTS.

38) Bobo just got a holiday for one in the well, and he admits that he never said Waverly was his daughter, just kin. I repeat, what does this mean for Waverly? Who is her father? Doc confesses that when Dolls shot him, he was sent to hell. It remains to be seen how long he was there - if it was a few hours or a few centuries, and what impact this will have on him…

39) Wynonna named the baby after both of their mothers and I’m a mess…

This is not the happy ending I wanted for these two.

40) There’s so much I don’t understand…

The woman narrating is Wynonna’s mother? And she’s ALIVE? Has she been alive this whole time? What about the secretive look between Dolls and Nicole? Is she having second thoughts about her divorce? And what about the folder she was holding with info about Bulshar? Is she working with Dolls behind Waverly’s back? And how can Jeremy and Waverly be acting so carefree when everything is a mess?

If Wynonna’s mom is alive, there’d better be an explanation as to why this was never brought up before. It doesn’t make any sense!

I need Alice in Wynonna and Doc’s life, okay? This can’t be the end of that storyline, I just won’t accept it.

41) Amazing season finale, full of plot twists and emotional moments. I’ll admit I shed more than one tear. I truly can’t believe how the show continues to be so fast-paced and engaging. There never is one minute, one line, one scene wasted – everything has meaning and is relevant to the plot, and it never lets up and I’m so excited to see what they have to offer in season 3, and hopefully, I’ll catch up before season 4 premieres!

This show is quickly climbing up the ladder of my very short and exclusive list of favorite shows, I swear. I’m already looking forward to rewatching it and discovering things I’d missed the first time around.

42) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[sally-mun]

Ever met a celebrity or anybody famous? The most famous person I've met was a former pro boxer, by the name of Ray 'Boom-Boom' Mancini at a charity dinner at the banquet center I worked at 4 years ago. Nicest man you'd ever meet and he even sent me a signed autograph picture in the mail. I'm a Star Trek fan and I'd love to meet the cast of TNG, but autographs and conventions are so expensive. Of course there's the chance you could catch one of them on a bad day and get the brunt of it

If we’re including conventions, then yeah I’ve met several famous people before. I’ve met and gotten autographs and/or selfies from voice actors and screen actors, and I’ve occasionally met some artists too! Outside of that, though, I can’t really say I have. Even my best and most extensive meeting was still at a convention. You could even argue that Mario Marathon was kind of a convention in a sense, albeit a super limited one!

I wasn’t sure if I should include a list or not, so as a compromise I’m going to do so below a cut!

Voice Actors:

Sonny Strait (voice of Krillin) -- Got to spend basically an entire day with him! Unexpectedly encountered him at a convention waaaay way back in the day and he just kind of adopted me and the other handful of fans that were hanging around. He gave us all free DBZ CCG t-shirts, let us sit in the DBZ hummer, and signed anything we put in front of him!

Christopher Sabat (voice of Vegeta) -- I brought him a set of cookies made to look like dragon balls, and brought my favorite Vegeta card that I’d been saving for something like 17 years or so on the off-chance I could ever get it signed. He was so moved and impressed that he gave me two other autographs for free~

Todd Haberkorn (voice of Jaco) -- This was the same convention where I got to meet Chris Sabat, and I also brought him a box of cookies. He was so excited that he dug into them right then and there, and then when signing my card he even wrote “Thanks for the galactic cookies!”

Chuck Huber (voice of Android 17/Hiei) -- I’ve gotten autographs from him a couple of times for different characters. One of the items I got signed was one of the original Hiei action figures back when Yu Yu Hakusho first debuted in the US. He was impressed that I had it at all, let alone that it was in the box. (Amusingly, the only reason I did was because I had one previous to it that was out of the box on display and whose sword had broken. I got a new one intending to replace it, but just never opened it.)

Chris Rager (voice of Mr. Satan) -- SUCH a nice guy! We had a nice little chat and I offered him some dragon ball cookies I’d been handing out that day. He signed my trading card and took a selfie with me! I caught him at a panel where he told some absolutely amazing behind-the-scenes stories that I still tell to other people to this day.

Chris Cason (voice of Tien) -- Not much to say about this encounter, I didn’t get to say much more than a hello and thank you before he had to go. I’d missed the official signing session and just happened to catch him after a panel.

Team Four Star -- I catch these guys every opportunity I can manage, and every time I bring them some DBZ-themed treat. I refer to myself as “Snack Girl” when I come to get autographs, and at my last encounter Lanipator mentioned that I looked familiar when I came to the table, so I guess I’m making an impact! I have several stories concerning these guys, way too many to list here.

Little Kuriboh (YGOA voice of Merik, DBZA voice of Freeza) -- Amusingly I met him the time I was at a convention in my Piccolo costume, and that ended up being a whole conversation by itself. It then immediately turned into a conversation about Fallout because someone had brought him some New Vegas playing cards, lol. He was enamored with the trading card I had brought him to sign, and we had a discussion about a fund raiser he’d hosted to raise money for disaster relief where I’d won one of the auctions he’d held.

Kevin Conroy (voice of Batman) -- I found out very late that he was going to be in town, like maybe a week or two before, and dropped EVERYTHING to be able to meet him. When I was in line for an autograph I was so worked up that I kept getting light headed and having heart palpitations. By the time I actually made it to the table I was so starstruck that I could barely say anything. I’m pretty sure I said “I can’t believe you’re here” (??? wtf past-me) and something about him being so talented. He thanked me and didn’t really say much. I had also paid for a photo with him, and in the photo you can see my hand gripping the side of my leg REALLY tightly because I had a very strong instinct to hug him and I WAS NOT ABOUT TO BE THAT FANGIRL.

Charles Martinet (voice of most of the Mario cast) -- Holy shit, this man is playful! He was an absolute delight to talk to, and even just to watch with other people while I was in line. He was very open to whatever sorts of fan requests each person had and was just so warm and gracious with each person that came up. I mostly just wanted to shake his hand and tell him that Mario games basically set me up for the person I grew up to be today. The thing that amused me the most is that if you had him autograph one of the prints at the table, which had all the Mario characters on it, he’d do the voices of each character while doodling little word balloons for them~

Screen Actors:

John Barrowman (Captain Jack Harkness in Doctor Who/Torchwood) -- This was one of the first times I’d gone to a convention specifically to meet an actor. He was a lot of fun and did his best to be chatty, but his handlers were kind of hurrying people along. He was especially tickled by my name (I guess he doesn’t sign too many autographs made out to “Leda”), and he even signed a second item that we happened to have for free!

Cary Elwes (Wesley in The Princess Bride, among other things) -- This was another one of those moments where the weight of just WHO I was meeting got to me and I completely lost my voice. I think I said something about having grown up watching Princess Bride ever since I was a little kid?? I honestly don’t remember what I said, it’s kind of a blur. All I know is that I was so struck by the moment that I didn’t even remember to say that I also love him in the Saw movies.

Billy Boyd (Pippin in Lord of the Rings) -- Not a lot I can say about this one because it was a very fast-paced, conveyor belt sort of affair. We exchanged greetings and he thanked us very much for coming out to see him, and we all agreed that Pippin is totes the best hobbit.

Robin Lord Taylor (Penguin in Gotham) -- One of my favorite interactions meeting a celebrity, for sure! He was actually really interested in knowing about -me-, which completely threw me off-guard. He wanted to know where I was from and what I did for a living, and when I said I was a manager at Spencer’s he got really excited and squeaked “I LOVE Spencer’s!” While he was signing my doll I explained that Penguin is by far my family’s favorite character in Gotham and that we had a joke where, anytime the show switches back to him, we say “Meanwhile, with the REAL main character...” He got a big kick out of that~

Khary Payton (King Ezekiel in The Walking Dead) -- So I don’t watch a huge amount of Walking Dead, but I watch enough that I wanted to come along when my mom went to go get an autograph from him for my brother. He’s definitely the friendliest celebrity I’ve encountered -- so much so that he wouldn’t stay behind the table! He spent the entire time in FRONT of the table so he could hug every single person that came to see him! It was a nice strong hug, too, and he was just so welcoming and pleasant. I told him that, if I had to choose one of the communities in The Walking Dead, I’d absolutely choose The Kingdom. He threw his hands up to his sides and said dramatically, “You will always have a place in my kingdom!”

Penn & Teller -- This year my mom took me on a surprise trip to Las Vegas, and while we were there we got to see Penn & Teller perform, which has always been a dream of mine! After the show they came out into the lobby and they did autographs and selfies with anyone that wanted one, and I got to meet them each. It was a little disarming hearing Teller talk, and Penn was as funny as ever because he’d loudly comment whenever someone’s phone wasn’t working. During this trip I also had my Boris plushie as my “traveling doll” and asked if they’d take pictures with him as well, which they both obliged. Teller seemed particularly amused by Boris.

James Rolfe (the Angry Video Game Nerd) -- So I actually have kind of a long history with him, which originated with me contacting the show to donate a fairly odd peripheral accessory. I given a green light and provided an address, and since I was going to be mailing him anyway, I basically just got a big box and threw in any video game related stuff that I didn’t want anymore and didn’t feel like putting the effort into selling. It ended up being a HUGE box, so much so that I included an inventory list to make sure he didn’t accidentally throw something away. To my surprise he actually mailed me back an autographed AVGN print thanking me for the donations! I thought that’d be the end of it, but he’s actually since featured that peripheral several times on the show, and even included an Easter egg that I asked for twice! This year I got to meet him at Too Many Games and introduced myself as the one that sent the item in. He mentioned that they had a lot of fun messing with it.

Mario Marathon team -- I’m known as one of the regulars since I’ve been around since the first year, and a couple of years ago I was actually invited to the marathon itself as a player! It’s definitely one of the most amazing experiences of my life, and I only wish I could do it all over again! Everyone was just... wonderful~ I was there for several days so there’s obviously way too many stories to tell, but at least in this case you can always go watch the videos on Twitch.

Artists:

Steven Butler -- This was particularly amusing because I was the one that caught him by surprise. I happened to be making my way through the Artist Alley when I realized he was there, and since no one was at the table at the time I went over to talk to him. We had an awesomely long chat about his work (I was going through a sample book on the table) and his time drawing for the Sonic comics. He tried to bring it up as a talking point, and I told him “I know, I own some of your pages!” which REALLY threw him for a loop! He showed me some art for a new Sonic-style story he’s been working on, and I completely fell in love with a character that was clearly inspired by Sally (and I’m not just assuming, he confirmed as much). I then started talking about @fini-mun and how it’s only a shame he couldn’t meet Deebs too, and was talking about Deebs’ history with art and almost getting recruited to be in the Archie art stable as well and how they now do art streams. He was particularly interested in the streams, and I was like “Oh yeah, that’s actually why they aren’t here now, they have a stream today!” so he gave me a free print to pass along to Deebs as a show of interest and support!

Veronica Vera (from the Not Enough Rings comic) -- This was another chance encounter in Artist Alley. I was just kind of poking around to see everyone’s work, and I realized I recognized the comic she was selling. I commented that I loved that comic, and she said she was selling hardcover copies of the entire series. I love the comic and I wanted to show my support, so I bought a book and she signed the inside cover! Unfortunately Oliver Bareham wasn’t there at the time, so no autograph from him. Maybe one day if I’m incredibly lucky, I suppose.

Rich Koslowski -- This was at one of my very first conventions ever. He was an inker of the Sonic comics at the time, and I was only.... 12, I think? I mostly was just excited to be meeting someone that works on Sonic stuff, and I can’t remember much about the encounter aside from just babbling about liking Sonic. I remember him being very kind.

And unfortunately... Ken Penders --  This was at the same convention I just mentioned with Koslowski. As stated above I was only 12, and I was just excited to meet someone who works on Sonic stuff. I believe I was there because of a post on Archie’s Sonic website. Anyway what strikes me as the most surprising about this encounter is how -normal- it all was, at least as far as I remember it. I’ve heard some horror stories of Penders being horrible to fans at conventions, but at least way back at this time (like 1997 or so), he was passing for a normal human. He didn’t say anything mean to me (that I noticed), and he actually gave me some free Sonic loot, which I can’t imagine him ever doing nowadays. I still have the comic book he signed, and I legit consider burning it on a regular basis.

OKAY this ended up way longer that I thought it would. I think even -I- forgot how many people I’ve met before. If I think of anyone else I’ll add it to the list later!

[serenagaywaterford]

random thoughts:

jsyk, Serena swam in the place my dog poops. I hope Fred stepped in it. Die Fred.

(spoilers obvs)

NOT. ENOUGH. JANINE. the only time i cheered out the entire 3 episodes was that one glimpse of janine.

I got to see my girl Alma though which was lovely.

OMG. Can... I just... that scene with Emily walking through the hospital was the dumbest fucking, most American stupid scene ever on this show. It was so fucking cheesy and absolutely 10000% unrealistic. Who actually thought it was a good idea? They should be fired. Or sent to go work on Grey’s Anatomy or something. Not even that shitshow aka SVU would do something as painfully cliched and cheesy as that. Firstly, this show is fucking stupid. Okay. If all this shit was happening, Canada would have got like MILLIONS of refugees. Seeing the cops escort some raggedy refugee would be common af. Maybe it’s the baby thing? Still, Canadians aren’t gawkers like that. We also don’t like embarrassing displays like that. It’s so American it hurts.  NOBODY CLAPS LIKE THAT IN A FUCKING HOSPITAL. It’s a quiet place, okay. Also, why don’t any of these doctors have anything better to do? Anyway. I hated that scene so much.

Nick is so boring. So boring. He’s just a wet doughnut. I sorta liked him getting angry at June but also I wish I cared about anything he has to say. Bye Nick Bland. Good riddance.

Lawrence’s one liners? Funny. Lawrence? Disgusting awful psycho. I hate him sfm. 

Fred? Also disgusting. I hate him 10000x more. Everything about him is repulsive. He’s so much worse this season. I hate everything about his entitled, poor me, manpain. I hate hearing about any of his feelings. Fucking die already. I found him interesting enough as an antagonist in the show before but no longer. Redundant.

Beth. Too good for Nick. Too good for this world.

Too much staring. I AM SO SICK OF IT. It wastes time. Is redundant af at this point. I’m bored. Stop it.

Moss... um. Honey. I love you but... what the fuck was up with all the over-acting? 302 seemed particularly bad. Like I just can’t take it anymore. Who directed 302? They should be fired too for making her do that. Also, lady from Transparent, what the fuck was up with her acting?

Luke is useless. Like, I get it. I get why he’s a huge damp sulkbaby but I mean. I don’t want to see it? I’d rather just not see him at all cos literally I can’t recall a scene of him not being fucking useless or ignorant. Or half-assing it. I want to like Luke, honestly. But I just... don’t. I love the shit outta Moira and Erin, and I adored Moira/Emily interactions. But Luke? Miss me with his manpain.

Once again, I hate Lawrence. He is no good. He’s so fucking creepy and gross. I do not understand why people like him? And I don’t mean, “I don’t know why people like this character.” I mean, “I don’t understand why people like this person.” As a character, sure, he’s interesting and revolting and does his role well. He’s even got some funny lines and Whitford has great delivery. I mean these people who LIKE HIM. As a person. They think he’s great and a good guy. I don’t get it. Are we watching the same show? He’s a great character and a terrible person. That said, he’s still a dude and I’m not about to say he’s such a great character that I want to know all about him. Nah, bros. I wanna know all about Emily, Moira, Serena, Janine, Alma... and June I suppose but we already have quite enough of her. I don’t care about Lawrence’s backstory or emotional turmoil. I don’t need his perspective cos I’ve seen it before, I know it already. It’s in so many movies, books, and TV. So, he may be a well-written character but he’s not a fascinating one. If we wanna dig around in the psyches of bad people, Serena and Lydia are far more fascinating cos bad women’s stories are so much rarer to explore in any depth.

So, June got her feet lashed to shit again. And then she’s just walking around like no biggie next scene? Did the writers forget the first season when June couldn’t walk at all? All I’m asking is a bit of a limp?

June going straight to the house that just housed the handmaid that ran away with June’s baby seems... well, like complete bullshit. Never.

SERENA ISN’T WEARING HER WEDDING BAND. She’s done. She hates that man and I hate the fact everyone is pushing her to just get over it. Fred... is horrible in literally every single way. Every. Single. Way. (And sure Serena is horrible in some ways, but not nearly the same ways as Fred.) I just want Serena to be free of him. I want her and June to murder his ass. Graphically. That is the only violence I want to see on this show in the future. OMG, I can’t actually explain how much I hate him and I vomit in my mouth thinking about Serena having to get back with him. Even if I know she has to in order to survive. Ugh. 

UM. Okay, the “blood against the snow” bit was really interesting. I don’t recall Offred saying that in the book but Atwood brings it up often when talking about red. It was clever to include her own words, just like last season with the “men are afraid women will laugh at them...” bit.

But speaking of weird inclusions: Lawrence reciting book!Offred’s line about how easy is it to invent a humanity for anyone. It was curious they had Lawrence saying that to June, whereas it’s Offred in the book thinking that about the Commander.  “He was not a monster, to her. Probably he had some endearing trait: he whistled, offkey, in the shower, he had a yen for truffles, he called his dog Liebchen and made it sit up for little pieces of raw steak. How easy it is to invent a humanity, for anyone at all. What an available temptation.”

My wife, when Nick showed up in 303: “Oh, this prick again!” Just out of nowhere cos we don’t talk about fandom shit. She has no idea the extent of my sick obsession with this show. She doesn’t know how much I loathe Nick lol. She’s completely casual and even she can’t stand Nick. Which is so lovely. And then when he was yapping about going to the front, she just muttered, “Hopefully he’ll die there.”

OH MY GOD. I HATE MEN. That whole Commanders meeting scene made me want to throw up multiple times. It started with the words “shipment of females” and just got progressively worse with every passing second.

Except... LMAO. June: *sees Fred at a meeting* Fred: Hello. June: Hey you see Serena? How’s Serena? Is Serena okay? Serena’s tough. She’s great. She’ll be okay. I love her. *proceeds to do the world’s worst cringe-inducing seduction* I think on some level even Fred knows it’s bullshit.

I love comparing June’s seduction of Fred to her seduction of Serena. They’re very interesting contrasts. She’s so painfully fake with Fred. And only sort of insincere at times with Serena. 

Man, Sylvia is a dick lol. LOOK RICHMOND IS HARD ENOUGH TO GET ACROSS WITHOUT YOUR LIME GREEN CAR BLOCKING THE ONE MOVING LANE OF TRAFFIC!!!!!! Jokes aside... I actually really liked that scene of Emily finally calling her. That was touching and the closest I came to actually getting sniffly.  Actually no. Traffic on Richmond is no joke. I’m not kidding. That was a dick move, Sylvia. LOL.

June saying Nichole gets her politicianess thing from Serena absolutely fucking slayed me. I don’t even care if she was emotionally manipulating her af, it seemed genuine in parts of that convo. TWO MOMMIES. June used her flashback!June voice at one point. Honestly, these two actresses run this town.  You can tell how broken Serena is tho cos she’s oblivious to how manipulative June is being. She’s been aware in the past as soon as June does her whole “Say nice thing, bond over babies, ask for something” method and called her on it. It’s June’s only trick. It’s transparent af. And Serena knows it. Yet, she seems completely wooed now and not at all suspicious. So, when she gets her wits together again, I suspect Serena won’t be so malleable.

I’ve said a bunch of stuff about June/Serena stuff in my tag rants so I won’t repeat it. I just fell in love with it all.

PRAISE BE!!! We didn’t actually have to see a Nick/June sex scene. Behold His miracle! I was so relieved. And then... curiously they continued that love-theme-y music all the way over into Serena’s scene with June and that was not a coincidence.

I know people really like that Boomtown Rats song being the music to the fire... And it’s a jam. But... it’s about a real school shooting and I feel like that’s just a little... off? (Not to mention Tori Amos’ version is better, imo.) I mean, okay, I did some drama courses in university and I did a thing about that song so I researched it all and it just to me doesn’t fit at all. A 16-year-old girl shot up an elementary school. And somehow, call me crazy, but that’s completely inappropriate to use in this scene. I get female rage, etc etc. I get they didn’t want to go super obvious and use a song about burning houses. But considering how EXCELLENT a song they chose for 3x03 with that Roy Harper track you’d think they’d find something better for the bed/house burning. Not only that but the motive for Spencer was ... literally nothing. She didn’t like Mondays and thought it would be fun to kill a bunch of kids--which is the complete opposite of Serena’s motivations. It just devalues it.

I want more of Emily’s journey. This is the first time I’ve actually been interested in Emily tbh. And Clea Duvall is a treasure.

I want a Moira/Emily BROTP. Honestly Moira just seems like the best friend anybody could have?

WHY IS NICK A COMMANDER?! WTF????? Was I just not listening carefully enough? Is he? Cos I don’t really pay attention when he’s onscreen tbh and the wifey was like “Why’s this guy a commander now?” And I was like, “What do you mean he’s a commander?” Honestly, Nick is just like a piece of furniture. I barely notice him onscreen lol. Okay, this has nothing to do with my dislike of him. It honestly does not make any sense. We saw that other Commander only got promoted because his wife got pregnant. WHY THE FUCK WOULD THEY PROMOTE NICK? What on god’s green earth has he EVER fucking done well? Why the shitting hell would they promote a Guardian who, under his watch, has had one handmaid kill herself, another one escape/”get kidnapped”, wife cheat on him then get executed, allow a BABY to get kidnapped, the house get burned down????? All those things seem like Very Bad things and put all together seem like something that would put him on the Wall for being such a shitty employee rather than someone who deserves MORE responsibility. There’s literally no reason to make him a Commander. Just conscript him to the Chicago front. You don’t need a reason. He’s a grunt. Eye or not. I DO NOT GET IT. Fred gets demoted and Nick gets promoted? Nahhhhh mans. Not buying it.

So little Nick. I love it. I want zero Nick, but this’ll do. I’ll even put up with him being a Commander (LMAO) if it means he goes away for a while.

Lawrence calling out June’s terrible seduction technique (it is really bad), and calling Fred stupid = :} 

OK BACK TO THE BURNING WATERFORD HOUSE... i cannot abide how SLOW June is ALL. THE. FUCKING. TIME. Like, she shows up in Serena’s little pyromaniacal bedroom inferno and is like “COME ON!” and pulls her out of the room in what appears to be a hurry. Then as Serena and Rita are rushing out June just fucking stops and starts staring at all the smoke as if she’s on fucking shrooms. Then there she goes on her bullshit... Hey, bish, the house is literally burning down cos your crazy ass soulmate set fire to her own life and maybe you should leave. No? Not interested? Sure, stand there. Feel up the walls like I did once on MDMA. Makes total fucking sense. TAKE YOUR TIME WHY DON’T YOU? Why not? It just reminded me of 2x13 when Rita was saying “You gotta leave NOW!” and June just took it upon herself to carve a bunch of shit onto the wall for no goddamn reason.

OKAY. I WAS RIGHT. The other night when I was like, “I think I know that beach.” I do know that beach!!! My dog likes to take dumps right where Serena was. (I clean up after him, don’t worry.) I can point out that beach on a map if you want. There are also heroin needles and ticks in the bushes. There is literally a water treatment plant 200m away. I go swimming exactly where Serena was and once a dead fish floated by and I had to wrestle my dog away from it. I have been swimming there a lot. It’s nice in the summer. HOWEVER, poor Yvonne in her drysuit doing that in fucking November or whatever. This lake is fucking cold even in summer sometimes lmao. Like, I’ve spent so many hours right in that spot... cos well, I used to live right up the road so duh. Of course now that I don’t live there now and it was winter so why would I take my dog swimming, that they decide to film there. OF COURSE.

Speaking of filming, not that anyone cares, they were at the St Lawrence Market at one point. It was so obvious. Wasn’t really paying attention to any of the other locales tbh. If I watch again and pay attention I prolly could pick out a few more but honestly the only person that entertains is myself.

I still can’t believe Serena was being reborn on dogshit/dead fish beach. 

[jqmwol6y-blog]

Where can i get car insurance for over 50?

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looking for a good company that deals with car insurance for 50 years old and over

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[buckyscrystalqueen]

Seriously, WTF is wrong wit u that u support that racist pig?!

WTF is wrong with me? You know, I was gunna just ignore this but the ignorance is just…. It’s just fucking mind blowing. So much so, that I can’t even focus on getting any writing done. So, I guess we’re doing this. It’s long (1.5k), so buckle up.

When I was a kid, I was either always angry or always sad. And yea, some people think that’s normal for some kids, but this was not the case for me. I would wake up for school every day and force myself to be sick or hold a heating pad to my forehead just so I didn’t have to go to school because I was so miserable with life. I was the girl that couldn’t take care of myself to the point where I literally showered MAYBE once a week and usually, my mother had to barge into the bathroom while I was in the shower to forcefully wash my hair because I refused. I sometimes wore the clothes (straight down to the underwear) for multiple days in a row, deodorant was not something I cared to remember to put on when I got to that age, and forget me putting on a bra until almost 8th grade no matter how madly I needed it.

And the anger. God, I was a monster! As a 28 year old woman, I can honestly say that yes, I was very abusive and I used to think it was because I was the only adopted sibling out of four kids. I broke the mirror on the back of my sisters door one time because she closed me out of her room when I was raging. I threw the door open so hard, it hit her in the face, and gave her a bloody nose. I felt zero remorse. I would swear at my father, tell him he was the biggest piece of shit in the world, and let him know nearly every day that I would be the one daughter he would never speak to again. I used to tell him, the man that raised me and loved me, that I wished he died and that he would never walk me down the isle. 

When I was twelve, my parents decided it was time to start seeking outside help other than the Catholic church I was raised in. (Because praying to God that I’d get better wasn’t helping the chemical imbalance in my head.) I was taken to a therapist who diagnosed me as simply ‘depressed with anger issues.’ The most generic diagnosis possible. And so began the medications. I was put on everything; Zoloft, Prozac, Wellbutrin, Paxil, Lexapro, Sinequain, even some homeopathic shit… they did nothing but make me more angry. 

I was so angry that when I was 17, I stole my fathers car (that I drove every day so it was, in my mind, my car), changed my license plate with a random truck’s, took off my bumper stickers, and drove to North Carolina. I turned off my cell phone, called a friend of mine that had moved to Raleigh via pay phones, and fully intended on emancipating myself from my family. I was obviously cut off because my parents called my phone company, got the last call I made from home before I ‘left for work’ and sent cops to my friend’s house before I made it out of the state of Florida. So I came home. A week later, after my parents tried to tighten the reigns to get control, I tried to run away again but this time, my brother jumped on the back of my car. I actually drove two blocks, blazing through stop signs at forty miles an hour with my brother hanging on to my car for dear life. I should have gone to jail for that… I was very lucky. And it is something I think about quite often even to this day because I could have killed him.

Now, at this point, I was 17 years old and I was sent to yet another new doctor. This man literally changed my life. After sitting with me for almost two hours, he diagnosed me with bi-polar 2 that manifested in severe depression and anger, and anxiety, both general and social. He put me on a medication called Lamictal which I like to call ‘the miracle med’. This drug changed my fucking life. I was able to start functioning as a normal human being, I started taking care of myself. I could handle going to school, finally and managed to get my CNA license because of it. I had friends for the first time in my life. It was the greatest thing in the entire world. At one point, I tried the generic equivalent of the name brand (twice!) and found that, for me, it did not work. So, we stuck with the name brand. Why fix what’s not broken, right?

I have been on that medication for eleven years, and was taking the working name brand of it until Obamacare happened. The day I signed up to have that health care, (which before hand I had been on my parents or had health care through work) the day I signed up was the day they stopped paying for name brand because “there was a generic equivalent that worked just as well”. For months, I fought to get that ruling over turned. I had my doctors call my insurance (Blue Cross Blue Shield of Florida which I had been using for my entire life) and say that it was medically necessary, I paid for and brought stacks upon stacks of paper work with my ENTIRE medical history showing everything I had been through with medications, I cried, I screamed, I did everything… but they didn’t care. Because they didn’t have to anymore thanks to Obamacare. So I was forced to take the generic (since name brand was costing me $654.31 a month with insurance) and I have been on that not good enough for me generic for three years. And I have been a half functioning, shell of a human being ever since.

When Donald Trump ran for president, he said that one of the first things he was going to try to do was over turn Obamacare. I devoured every single article I could find and realized that, by him doing that, I would be allowed to get my name brand medications again for the $70 I used to pay before Obamacare. I was so excited! This news meant that I didn’t have to wonder if I was still going to have bouts of anger even though I was on medication that was supposed to be just as good as what I was taking. That meant that I was no longer going to have thoughts of self hatred so bad that I can’t get out of bed even though I was on medication. That meant, I could be ‘normal’ again, a concept I knew long ago that had been so lost on me thanks to Obamacare. 

So, yes. I absolutely, 100%, no questions asked voted for Trump. I would do it a million times over. I’m not ashamed, I’m not embarrassed; I voted for Donald Trump. And every single morning, I wake up and hope and pray that today will be the day that the democrats let him over turn Obamacare. I pray every God in every religion to have my fucking life back because I can’t take being this shell another day. I BEG anyone and anything to be able to afford my medications again so I can go back to enjoying my life instead of spending all day, every day on my couch, staring at my laptop screen. 

In the past three years alone, I have put on over 80 pounds thanks to the depression the generic version of Lamictal doesn’t completely help. I have more days than not where the idea of killing myself floats through my consciousness, even if it’s just for a moment. Thankfully for me, it’s not something I would ever act on, but I’m lucky. A similar situation happened to my best friend, a man I considered my brother, and he died two years ago from side affects to the generic medications he was forced to take for Obamacare. 

I have lost countless amounts of jobs thanks to this medication fiasco, I have lost friends, and I called off an engagement. I got pregnant thanks to a one night stand (one of so many because sex was obviously going to help) and had to experience the pain of a miscarriage which isn’t a direct link to medication, but I believe being on the generic had a big part of my promiscuity. My life has been turned upside down… and Trump is the only person that could offer a smidgin of hope for me.

So there, dear dick head anon. That’s what’s wrong with me. That is the reason I am a Trump supporter. Is that a good enough reason for you?

[cuteandtwisted]

hi wiss! not a prompt but i just read your birthday fic for Even and I found it so touching how you treat his MI with so much care. i don't mean to intrude but do you have an MI? it sometimes sounds like you speak from experience. Do you or someone close to you have a mental illness? and what did Even teach YOU?

Hmm. That’s an interesting question. Interesting because I don’t really know., because I’m not sure I’m articulate enough to answer it. Also it’s 8am and I still haven’t slept/been stranded in airports after 3 flights. And I’m typing this on my phone. It’s funny how I always leak and ramble about myself when I’m exhausted.

Long story short: I’ve never seen a therapist and my mental state is based on what I think I know/things I read. It’s all in my head pretty much, which I realize is the same as assessing yourself physically without going to an actual Doctor. Mental illness was always so taboo in my culture growing up. It was considered a curse, an impairment, a sign of weakness of character or of bad karma. And it didn’t only speak for you and your deeds. It also spoke for your entire family. Mental illness was something we only heard about but never got to live through. It was that thing that happened to others or to that one obscure/distant family member. It wasn’t exactly real and it wasn’t nuanced either. It was a death sentence so to speak. It was an ending in and of itself.

My first direct exposure to someone with a mental illness was to my uncle. He’s my father’s youngest brother and we’re barely 10 years apart. What’s most vivid about him in my childhood memories are his height, his silky hair, his talent for drawing, although he’s never had any training, and his tendency to smoke too many cigarettes and drink too many cups of black coffee. He also happened to be schizophrenic and delirious. His symptoms started around the time his parents got a divorce and his father (aka my grandpa) got married to one of his students (i know. Wtf). He got misdiagnosed and his meds fucked with his mind a lot. He never got to finish school or pursue his dream to be an artist. I’m always sad when I think of him because he is the perfect example of someone who could have been helped but who was cursed, not by his pained mind, but by society’s stigma. He always kisses my forehead when he sees me and it always breaks my heart when I remember how scared I used to be of him when I was younger. It wasn’t my fault, I later realized. Everyone around me kept telling me that i was to feel afraid. I often hear about him ending up at the police station and at the hospital, and I often heard my grandmother complain about how he ruined her life with his sickness. Terrifying, isn’t it? It doesn’t encourage anyone who might be feeling inadequate to ever speak up.

I personally started to feel /weird/ when I reached the age of 13/14. My parents said I read books I wasn’t supposed to have read when I was younger and that it messed with my thoughts and my mind. I loved philosophy, still do. Questioning my own existence became a thing I practiced religiously. At one point I was convinced I had superpowers and that I could escape reality whenever I wished to. Sometimes, it was pleasant but not really. Like being tickled. It makes you laugh but you don’t necessarily enjoy the loss of control. I thought I could control it, but then I realized that it was controlling me. Sometimes it was terrifying because I didn’t know what was wrong with me and Google wasn’t extremely helpful either. Later I realized that I was experiencing depersonalization/derealization and that I wasn’t that special. Recoiling into one’s mind to the point of no longer being able to perceive reality was something many others experienced. I was almost disappointed to learn that I wasn’t special.

I went through some terrible experiences around that time and my moods started fluctuating. I would go from elated to extremely down, never leaving my room. My parents were constantly traveling so they didn’t really notice. It didn’t help that I was an extremely proud, reserved, contrary, and cunning teenager. My mind was my best asset and I used to my advantage. Another thing that duped most was my ability to pretend that I was fine all the time. I could be crippled with sorrow and still have a smile plastered across my face. I could entertain groups of 10 for hours then go home and cry until sleep found me. I was proud, stubborn, ‘strong’. And strong people didn’t admit to feeling weak and needing to just sleep it off sometimes.

At one point, I convinced myself that I was bipolar. I even wrote it in my diary and my anonymous blogs back then. I didn’t know much about it. I just knew that my mood swings and my depersonalization episodes had to be attributed to something. Again, i never saw a therapist, so it was all BS. I also never splurged to the point of mania. (However, I do spend money recklessly sometimes. I do jump on flights at the last moment, buy the most stupid shit just for the heck of it, shove my tongue down strangers’ throats just to feel something, drink until I’m blind and throwing up against walls. I do feel larger than life sometimes, slightly invincible, convinced I’m special and have some insight into human nature, convinced i can see right through people and read their minds. I have my moments. But don’t we all?

I also do feel down sometimes to the point of not leaving my bed for days, ignoring everyone’s calls and messages, and just curling around myself in the dark. I do. I do. But don’t we all?

Control and pride are all I have, however. So you won’t find me whining about my feelings or my mood swings in real life.)

I kept entertaining my self-diagnosis and remained convinced I was bipolar until I first met a diagnosed bipolar person at the age of 17. I didn’t know he was bipolar back then, just that people called him ‘crazy’ and a ‘fucking liar’. I knew him as my boyfriend’s best friend/neighbor. I thought he hated me for the longest time. I even imagined that he was secretly gay and in love with my boyfriend. But he wasn’t. I asked him point blank why he hated me one day and he replied with “i don’t. I’m actually in love with you.” I still remember that day so vividly. My boyfriend and I thought he was joking. He wasn’t.

My bf and I eventually broke up, after which he got shipped to another city, but I maintained my weird friendship with his best friend/neighbor. He transferred to my school when we were juniors and I took it upon myself to introduce him to people and show him around. He walked me home on Friday afternoons and made me playlists which we listened to on his iPod. We shared his earphones as we walked to my house. He started writing me poems and posting them on facebook. He called me his 'colombe’ which translates to 'his dove’ and he became fixated on me to the point of following me in the streets when I was out with friends. I remember the night he stood outside of a McDonalds with a cigarette between his lips staring at me through the window. I started feeling scared. I rejected his advances and his poems were dark and accusatory now.

He came to school with a bandaged wrist once and i was afraid of asking him what happened. My english teacher pulled me aside at the end of class that day and asked me if it was true that I had pushed him down the stairs and caused his wrist injury. I denied it because it wasn’t and i started feeling slightly terrified. The guy left a note in my bag that day and stopped me during recess to ask me to not open it until i got home.

I opened it as soon as I finished an exam early and went outside waiting for everyone else to come out. It was dark and chilly. It was November. The note he wrote me was another poem and it was written in ?blood? I was shocked and I questioned it as much as I could. It could have been red nail polish. It could have been anything. But why do this to me? Why? I didn’t understand. He came out of the school and i snapped and it was just the two of us in the dark. He had followed me outside but i was so angry and confused that i failed to see that it was just us two now. I asked him what the hell was going on and he said that he cut himself because of me and of how i treated him and that he wrote me a poem with his blood. I think i might have called him crazy. I don’t remember. I was experiencing shock in its purest form so I don’t remember everything I said.

And then he hit me. He shoved me hard against the wall and he hit me across the face, then he said that he loved me and that I didn’t understand. I still remember how the blow felt like nothing. The worst had already happened. I internalized that hit so much, and perhaps I still do. I was tiny compared to him. I can fight people, but I was shocked by how utterly powerless I was at that moment. My limbs had just stopped functioning. And to this day I still find it hard to let my guards down around men or anyone physically capable of overpowering me. Biology, and all. My best friend came out of nowhere and a fight broke because he had me pressed against a wall. Then we all went home. I never told anyone that he hit me that night. I was too proud. I still can’t believe that it’s something that happened to me.

I cut my bangs to the side that night to hide my bruise, and thankfully I have brown complexion so it wasn’t that bad. I avoided him like the plague after that, even when he crawled back to me begging for forgiveness. He later sent me long messages explaining his diagnosis and his bipolar and how he had developed an ‘obsession’ with me, how it wasn’t really him doing those things. But I couldn’t find it in me to forgive him. Being mentally ill doesn’t condone shitty behavior, it doesn’t condone physically assaulting someone. I don’t know. He traumatized me.

I developed some sort of stigma after that. I was kind of like S3 Isak (which is why i think the show changed me so fucking much) I 'chose’ to stay away from 'mentally ill people’ to 'protect myself’.

The guy in question did continue being a shitty person until everyone around town knew to avoid him. He played girls and called them sluts and lied about everything and everyone and he was just pretty horrible. And it took me some time to understand that it wasn’t because he was bipolar. It was simply because he was an asshole.

I did develop empathy for him later on when I stopped being so angry and blaming myself for everything all the time. I guess I realized that some have it harder than others? Maybe his shitty behavior was a byproduct of how he had been treated so far? Maybe it was his only outlet, his only way of lashing out against the world for 'inconveniencing’ him with an imbalanced brain? I don’t know. But i forgive him now. Because I’m sure he wasn’t always terrible. I’m sure he has lived through his fair share of horrible things. I’m sure those weeks he spent in bed were daunting. I’m sure people weren’t always gentle with him. I forgive him but i will never forget. Because some people go through hell and still choose to be kind. Because what he did, using his bipolar to justify his awful actions, is selfish and only perpetuates the stigma around bipolar.

I guess this is why SKAM changed my life so drastically? The only depiction of bipolar i had been exposed to was from this guy who traumatized me and all the crap on TV that either romanticized it or simply turned it into a trope and showed people who suffer from it as helpless and completely delirious with no chance of ever leading a normal life. I’m grateful for SKAM because not only did it erase my previous biased and erroneous views which were influenced by a rather unfortunate event, but it also made me do research and read about it and learn more. I fell in love with Even and his mind and his kindness and all the love he has in him. Life can throw crap at you, but you can still choose to be kind. And that’s what Even and his story taught me. Mental illness is not a death sentence and you can still be loved and happy

Back to your question, I guess, I still haven’t paid a visit to a therapist lol. I’m scared i might find out something about myself that i won’t like. I’m scared of being called out on my bullshit. I’m scared of leaking like a broken faucet. I get dizzy thinking about some of the crap I went through and I sometimes think it’s better left in pandora’s box, that it’s better to keep the lid on. I don’t know. Sometimes my life feels like some really badly written CW show. But I’m still happy with where I am today. Always. One day i’ll organize my thoughts and write something meaningful about the storms in my mind. But until then, i’ll borrow the voice of fictional characters to work through some of my personal experiences.

Sorry about the rambling. I’m SO angry at Delta airlines right now. I had to channel that anger into something else haha.

[iwriteficsnottragediesladies]

Search and Seizure pt 6

A/N: By popular demand, here’s part 6! Thank you to everyone who helps me to continue. Sometimes I just get too insecure to keep going, but you guys are great! There is a scavenger hunt item in here, so lemme know when you find it!

Pre-read Epilepsy Disclaimer

The doctor had returned with your results. Apparently you had a pretty bad virus and it threw your electrolytes off balance along with you entire immune system. Your blood work was all over the map and you were also incredibly dehydrated. Combine that with not being able to take your meds and the reason for your lengthy seizure became crystal clear.

You were resting while Brendon sat beside you when Emma entered the room.

“Hey,” she waved quietly.

“Hi!” you replied warmly, along with Brendon. Damn. You are a sucker for a woman in uniform.

“I just finished my shift so I wanted to check on my favorite patient real quick,” she smiled. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay,” you said, “Just really tired.”

“I bet,” she nodded.

“Thank you so much, Emma,” Brendon said sincerely.

“Of course!” She replied easily, “It’s just my job.”

“And you’re really fucking good at it,” Brendon thanked her.

“Thanks,” Emma blushed. She is such a fangirl. Her heart always flutters when Brendon talks to her. She diverted the conversation away from herself, “I assume you guys are trapped here for the night, huh?”

“Yeah, probably until tomorrow even,” you sigh.

“The fans will understand,” Brendon said.

“What?” you looked to him, “You’re still doing the show.”

“I’m not leaving you to do a show,” He laughed. You become a bit irritated.

“Oh my god Brendon,” you complained, “I’m in the safest place possible. I think I can go a couple hours without you!”

“Can you?” Brendon shot back.

“You are letting thousands of people down!” You said, your voices rising.

Emma was suddenly uncomfortable, wishing she could fade into the background.

“The only person I care about is you!” He replied.

“Stop being so dramatic!” you rolled your eyes.

“What?” He questioned, “I’m just supposed to leave you here all alone?!”

“Um,” Emma quietly stepped forward. You both looked at her. “I’m sorry, um... I just, I have tomorrow off, so...” She cut herself off, maybe thinking she was being too presumptuous. “I mean, I’m not you Brendon!” she quickly corrected herself, embarrassment painting her cheeks, “but I can always...”

“SEE?!” You interrupt, “I can stay with Emma! We’ll be fine!”

Brendon narrows his eyes. He knows you’re not about to back down.

“We can call Zack if we need anything and keep you updated with lots of selfies,” You further convinced him, “It will be like you’re still here! Oh, we could even facetime! This is perfect.”

Emma’s smirk was unmistakable. Brendon looked at her and back to you. He sighs.

“Emma, can I talk to you outside, please?” Brendon says. Emma agrees and follows him out.

Oh shit, what if he’s going to scold her for offering something he wouldn’t do? Does he feel like Emma overstepped a boundary? Emma’s heart pounded. You watched their interaction through a crack in the blinds.

“Alright, you’re SURE about this?” Brendon confirms.

“Yes,” Emma replies seriously, “If she remains stable for the rest of the day, there is absolutely no reason that you couldn’t step out for a few hours. The main reason she is still in the hospital is just to finish the medication she’s on.”

“And you...” Brendon pauses, an emotional and somber voice poking through, “You got her?”

“Brendon, I know that your entire world is sitting in that bed in there,” Emma replied confidently, “And I got her.”

All you could make out from the bed was them nodding. It didn’t look like Emma was crying or anything, so that was a good sign, right? They break from their conversation and reenter the room.

“As long as you’re feeling okay,” Brendon prefaced, “I’ll go and Emma can stay with you.”

Tonight you are victorious and you smile triumphantly.

Brendon lets you bask in the glory of it, feeling only slightly annoyed.

“I feel like a little kid having a sleepover or something,” You laugh.

“Hospital slumber party?” Emma offered with a questioning look.

“It’s not necessarily ideal,” you joke, “But it’s close enough.”

“Here, can you take my number?” You hand over your phone. You know it’s buried somewhere in Zack’s phone, but this was easier.

“Yeah, I’d rather not have to call 911 to reach you,” Brendon laughed.

“Yes, this is definitely a more direct line,” she giggled.

“Perfect,” Brendon said as you sent her contact to him.

“Alright, you get some rest,” Emma tells you and then addresses you and Brendon, “And I’ll be back over later tonight, okay?”

“Awesome,” Brendon replied, “Text me.”

You reached out for a hug as Emma said goodbye, as did Brendon. Her heart nearly imploded. Brendon Urie just hugged her. And he has her number. And he told her to ‘Text him’. Fangirl status achieved: Level Up. You both watched as she walked out, completely red and stiff with shock.

“Bren,” you chuckle, “I think you broke her.”

“She better get used to it,” Brendon replied with a smile

You slept through most of the day and it felt wonderful. The boys came to visit and brought the essentials for you and Brendon, plus a few snacks. Brendon updated them on the plan for the night, being sure to include his disapproval.

“Hey,” Zack reassured him, “If I could choose anyone, It’d be Emma.”

They had to go to sound check before the show and Brendon texted Emma when she should head over. Once she arrived, Brendon was like a parent leaving their child with a babysitter for the first time. He went over detail after detail, things both you and Emma already knew.

He asked if you were feeling okay and you were sure that he should go. You let him get all the anxiety out of his system, then stop him.

“Baby,” You take his hand to slow him down. You wait for his eye contact to steady on you. “I’m okay,” you nodded, “I know I scared the shit out of you last night. You have every right to be worried. But I am fine now. I want you to go and put on an amazing show. Emma and I will contact you with updates all the time, so you can see what an amazing slumber party we’re having.” You smile and he looks at you and nibbles on his cheek. “You are an incredible husband, Brendon. This is the right thing to do. I wouldn’t let you go if this wasn’t exactly what I wanted, okay?”

“Okay,” He replied. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Bren,” You said gently. Your demeanor shifted to something more devious and you began to whisper so no one else could hear. “And don’t forget what I told you the last time you didn’t want to perform... A whole month without your favorite thing.” You looked at him and raised your eyebrows.

“Goddamn, Y/n,” He replied with a strained sigh.

“Now go get out there and kick some ass!” you encouraged him.

He gave you one last kiss and Zack nearly had to drag him out of the room.

Once they all had left, Emma plopped down in the seat next to your bed.

“Alright,” Emma started, “I’m down for tv, movies, card games, talking, food, naps... Whatever you want.”

“Ugh yes,” You said gratefully, “All of the above.”

“Oh, I almost forgot,” She said as she dug through her bag, “I got you a card!”

“Aw thanks!” You said, taking it and starting to rip the envelope.

You pull out the card. It is perhaps the greatest thing ever to grace your eyes.

“HOLY SHIT,” You exclaimed, “OH MY GOD I’M DYING...” You start laughing hysterically, so hard it hurts. Emma finds it hilarious and can’t stop laughing either. You can’t even speak in complete sentences. “THIS IS TOO GOOD, I CAN’T... HOW DID YOU EVEN... ”

You laugh until you cry. You try to gather yourself, but each time you both just devolve back into giggles. Finally you get it together.

“Oh my god, I love this so much, Emma!” looking down at it again and back up to her, “This is just fantastic. Thank you so much!” You give her a big hug.

“I thought you might like it!” She smiled.

“Let’s send a picture to Brendon!” You suggest. You both pose for a selfie and hold up the card. “Oh my god, I have to send this Patrick too,” You giggled.

“I hope Brendon likes the dark humor as much as you do,” She chuckles, “I don’t want to get on his bad side.”

“Nah, you’re awesome!” you reassure her. “He loves you!”

Emma’s face flooded with suppressed excitement. You giggle to yourself.

“Really?” She whispers, even though she knows you’re being serious. You smile, entertained by her enthusiasm.

“Yeah really,” you reply, “You also saved my life, so I think that’s some automatic brownie points too.”

You glanced down at your phone.

“Oh! They replied,” you announced, “Patrick said:”

Wtf that’s amazing?! I’m disappointed in myself for not coming up with that.

“And Brendon said:”

YES. I’m simultaneously horrified and incredibly entertained.

“Ugh god!” Emma sighed happily, “How did you ever get used to him?! Weren’t you kind of starstruck?”

“The more time you spend with him, the more you realize he’s a human,” You explain, “You take this sort of... idolization you have, and you make it personal. Seeing him as a person, not as a thing, or a concept.” You then get giggly and add, “I mean, he’s still pretty much a god among men but... He genuinely cares. That’s what makes me comfortable. That’s why I love him.”

Emma is just soaking in the adorableness.

“Does he have a brother?” Emma asked, joking. You laugh. “Damn, this is some real deal slumber party talk,” Emma notes, “Boys, crushes, gossip... It’s taking me back.”

“Yeah, but it smells like hospital instead of nail polish,” you giggle.

Once you both get talking, it goes on and on. Maybe the life or death situations have bonded you, or maybe you’re just alike. You just click together, like you’ve been friends all along. 

You send Brendon incessant snap chats, as promised. He replies with funny faces and guest appearances from the boys.

You start to get your appetite back and eat a little. You feel a bit more energized now that the sedatives had worn off. Nurses popped in and out occasionally. Once it got later in the night, you were completely ready to knock out. Emma stayed up, making sure you were sleeping okay. She then allowed herself to drift off.

Brendon returned to the hospital as soon as the show was over. It was late, almost midnight. Your room was dark and quiet. You were fast asleep and he saw Emma passed out on the couch. He quietly made his way to your bed and slipped in next to you. You stir a bit but immediately recognize Brendon’s embrace and scent.

“Hi baby,” You murmur into his chest while adjusting your body against his.

“Hi,” he sang back, “Goodnight.”

“Night,” you whisper back, a light smile danced on your lips as you fell back to sleep in his arms.

A/N: Important question: I kinddddd of want Emma to get poly-y with Brendon and the reader. I know it kind of strays from the story line... But hey, epileptics have sex lives too! Is that too weird? Would it ruin the story? Lemme know in a comment or message. Anyway-- try to find the scavenger hunt items in here! Like/Reblog if you’re feelin’ it!

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 306

GUYS THEY’RE FINALLY BACK TOGETHER AND THE WHOLE POINT OF WATCHING THIS DAMN SHOW IS ACTUALLY ON MY TV AGAIN!

Like I feel like I’ve been waiting for this episode since the end of season one. I didn’t get sucked into the show because of the adventures du jour. I got sucked in because of the relationship between Jamie and Claire. Their intimacy. The intimacy they had even before the wedding. Yes, shenanigans need to happen around them or it’d just be a bunch of fluff, but watching how they go through the shenanigans *together* was kind of the whole point for me.

And the beginning of this season was obviously supposed to make the reunion feel earned, but with the lack of story on Claire’s side, it really kind of felt like a chore to slog through it at times.

But! This episode really was a great reminder of why I’ve stuck with the show with one glaring exception which I’m still salty about but not at all surprised by, and I *really* hope that they’re not going to treat it as a one and done.

Like in season one no matter what else was going on in the episodes, time was spent on building Jamie and Claire’s relationship before they got together and then time was spent figuring out what kind of couple they were going to be. *pretends the search doesn’t exist* Season two started with them dealing with Jamie’s rape, which it should have, but then when they came back together it was for like *a minute* before they basically then just started fighting over “saving” Frank. And then they lost Faith but the show skipped over them coming back together after that. Like suddenly they were just all ok and happy again, but literally for only one scene before going off to war. The investment in their relationship was put on the back burner and I think the show suffered because of it.

So now they’re *finally* back together and I *really* hope that this episode is just the jumping off point for showing them rebuilding their life together. Yes, I’m very much aware that they can’t spend every episode in a room together in various stages of undress. I’m not asking for that. I’m just hoping that the show goes back to the way they did things in season one. Where yes, stuff is happening and shenanigans ensue, but their relationship is still regularly given the attention it needs.

Anywho, that got longer than I meant it to... Sorry... Rambling nonsense and pterodactyl screeches are under the cut.

Apparently Jamie inherited his mother’s curse of having literally everyone fall in love with him or lust after him. Like are they trying to make it that Mme Jeanne is super into Jamie or something?

The music from Lallybroch as Jamie walks to work gives me life but also kind of makes me sad. Like he’s built a life for himself! He has his shop! He has shenanigans with Fergus! He’s content! But at the same time he’s living under a different name and his home at Lallybroch is no longer his home...

Although I’m glad I’m not the only one in this fandom who went straight to Beauty and the Beast as he’s walking through the street, tipping his hat to literally everyone. *group high five*

Him like polishing the sign with a finger and then being like nope, gotta go full arm makes me smile.

How did Hayes not get transported? Like it’s def the same dude from Ardsmuir, so how is he not in the Colonies with everyone else? Whatever. Not important... Treason is the point here, haha.

Geordie looks like Young Simon Fraser/Lovat so much it’s mildly distracting. And tbh, as much as he has a stick up his ass, I def feel him on wanting to know the required morning duties in advance.

Hai Bonnie! Who’s a good press. You are!

Ok holding the sheet up like that in the title card is cheesy? Idk. The second sheet just lying there worked for me though? But who cares. It’s a fucking title card. Moving on.

OMG SHE’S REAL AND HE’S REAL AND THEY’RE REAL IN THE SAME PLACE AND OMG GROUP HUG BECAUSE IT’S FINALLY HAPPENINGGG!

I wasn’t really a fan of the alepot thing in the book? Like it’s already awkward without Jamie needing to take off his pants? 

OK BUT THEIR FACES THROUGH THIS WHOLE BIT WITH HIM LOOKING AT HER RING AND HER TELLING HIM HOW SHE NEVER TOOK IT OFF, I CANNOT HANDLE IT.

Asking if he can kiss her is my favorite. Except them kissing. That’s really my favorite. But consent, y’all. It’s sexy af.

BEAR WHY DON’T YOU MURDER ME WITH THE SWELL OF THEIR THEME YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD.

Jamie, this is a beautiful monologue, but she def touched you at Culloden. They literally had her touch him in ep. 301. But whatever, it was a vision, you can’t feel a vision. This isn’t the point. The point is OMG THEY’RE TOGETHER AND REALLY THERE AND MAKING OUT AND AHHHHHH.

Ok, I’m 1000% blanking. Was the “don’t be afraid, there’s the two of us now” line in the show before this? I can’t remember. Or is it just a thing for book people that we’re supposed to just accept was at some point a thing between them off-screen in the show? I’m really asking.

Oops, that distracted me from squeeing over how they like remember all their whatever the word is for an in-joke that’s not a joke and is actually something really romantic. Because squeee!

In Geordie’s spare time, he’s part of Edinburgh’s recreational cockblocking league. We’ll meet some of his teammates later on in the episode. No one really likes them. They’re basically the worst.

“Our child?” “Our daughter?” *has feelings*

LOOK HOW HAPPY CLAIRE IS TO TELL JAMIE ABOUT BREE! LOOK AT HER! SHE’S FUCKING BEAMING! SHE’S FUCKING GLOWING RIGHT THERE! I CANNOT REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I SAW FUCKING CLAIRE LOOKING THAT FUCKING HAPPY. IT’S A BEAUTIFUL FUCKING SIGHT.

Ok but them being insecure about aging is fucking adorable and I love them so fucking much.

Ok so the pictures. I’m a bit torn about this sequence...

I hated that Jamie tells Claire he doesn’t like Bree’s name in the book and I hate that that’s his first reaction here. Like seriously, dude? This is your child. The child you sent your wife away to save. The child she raised without you because you made her go. And the first thing you’re going to tell Claire after she shows you the photos is that she picked an awful name? Wtf. I don’t care if he’s kidding around or whatever. It’s a fucking weird thing to say.

I *do* love that he brings up Faith and calls her Bree’s sister. Because she is and he hasn’t forgotten her and neither has Claire because how could they and it makes me want to hug them both.

“You’re a doctor now?” “Surgeon.” “You always were one. Now you have the title to go wi’ it.” Yaaas. I will always and forever love how much Jamie appreciates and respects Claire’s skills.

Ok for real they should have just cut the dog. I get it’s in the book. And they forced it into that other episode just so they could have it in the pictures. But like it seems like a weird, super not important thing to go out of their way to include? But whatever, who cares.

So the Willie stuff. I’m glad they’re getting it out of the way now. It always seemed super weird that Jamie never told Claire until almost the end of the book and it was weird that LJG was the one to tell her first. But the way they did it doesn’t work well for me. Like yes. Tell her up front. Tell her when you’re talking about your children. That makes sense. But the way they have it play just doesn’t work.

Like the whole time he’s looking at the photos of Bree, his child with the woman he loves more than anything, the child they were separated to save, he keeps his strong emotions in check. Like he’s clearly moved, dumbass comment about her name aside, but he’s restrained. And then he’s talking about Willie and he like becomes so animated and excited. Like I get that this is one of the only times he’s been able to talk openly about Willie being his son. And to share how much he loves him. But it definitely makes the two of them talking about Bree seem shortchanged.

I kind of wish he’d given Claire the gift of knowing that Willie was conceived under coercion or at least that it was a one time thing. Like no need to get into all the details, but just saying he’s a bastard doesn’t provide much context. Especially for someone whose husband had a longterm affair. Which he doesn’t know, but still...

Maybe they’re playing it this way so that in ep. 308 or whenever Claire finds out about Laoghaire and her girls, the Willie stuff might come back around in their fight? Maybe? Bueller? Guess we’ll find out in two weeks...

Same with how it was for Claire to be with Frank all those years? Like in this initial convo she gives the most watered down, BS description of her life with him so maybe that’ll come back around too? Because they didn’t really “make it work”? He was terrible to her and treated her like shit and she just endured it for the sake of Bree?

Really I’m just looking forward to that damn fight. Because they need to have the fight to get into the meaty work of coming back together.

HAI FERGUS! Fergus got hot. Fergus knows he got hot. It’s somehow endearing.

I’m so fucking glad they changed the hook to a wooden hand. So. Fucking. Glad.

This scene really makes me wish that we’d gotten something of Claire missing Fergus during her half of things in the earlier episodes. Like my kingdom for a scene of Claire telling Bree about her French Scottish pickpocket brother. I know technically Bree knows about Fergus because Claire told her the whole story, but like, they expanded that relationship so much last year that I wish he had come up at some point. *forces self to stop dwelling on my general dislike of how Claire’s story was handled*

They really doubled down on the book’s already not-at-all subtle foreshadowing that Jamie’s already married...

Wouldn’t Claire have given some thought to explaining where she’d been before she went back? Like she definitely knew if she found Jamie, she’d probably be running into some of the other people she knew also? Whatever. Wherever they said she ended up, it’s always going to be weird because like how would she have known where to find Jamie?

It kinda bugs me, and by kinda I mean it really bugs me, that Claire starts to say Randall when she’s introducing herself to Willoughby. Like yes, that’s the name she went by for the last 20 years. And she’s in the habit of saying it. But she literally just went back in time and found her husband and is like in the midst of a very emotional time where she is very aware of the identity she’s actively reclaiming. It would have worked better for me if she’d started to say Fraser. Like she’s excited she *finally* gets to say that again only to have Jamie cut her off and that leading to the same questions she has as it plays out now, but with like the added layer of emotion that comes with not being able to use the name she’s wanted to use for so long.

I’m cautiously optimistic about Willoughby? Like fuck him for cheating the hooker out of her money, but he can be a garbage person without being a racist caricature?

Cool so now we have treason, questionable marital status and smuggling drama for Jamie. Seems like plenty to set up the shit that’s going to hit the fan next week without a certain scene they decided to end the episode with...

Ok but with Jamie’s face and Willoughby’s grin, it’s super obvious he didn’t *just* say honorable wife, implying again that something’s up with Claire’s status as Jamie’s wife. But I’m glad they changed it to Chinese because the first wife thing in the book was like so on the nose that it was weird Claire never asked why he kept saying that.

For real though. They’re not being subtle at all...

I love that Claire calls him Yi Tien Cho as she says goodbye though. Yay for treating him like an actual person and not “Jamie’s pet” as he’s literally described in the book.

This introduction to the brothel is very Game of Thrones-y in terms of the randos banging everywhere.

I didn’t like Mme Jeanne being a bitch to Claire in the book and I’m not a fan of it here. Like the lady clearly has the hots for Jamie or whatever they decided to do for the show, but we already have one person who’s terrible to Claire because she wants Jamie and that person is about to come back so do we really need another? And I know that it’s partly so that Claire feels insecure or whatever and questions Jamie, but like I feel like the fact that he’s on friendly terms with Mme Jeanne and has a room in the brothel accomplishes the same thing well enough? Maybe it’s just me...

For real though the sex sounds from the other rooms is a bit much. Like we get it, show. It’s a brothel. And these two want to bang but they’re still a little awkward. The noises are more distracting than anything.

Ok but the look of like pain on Claire’s face when Jamie says he doesn’t know why she came back and then reduces (maybe the wrong word, but close enough) her to just the mother of his child. Like bro, it’s an important question. I know you want and deserve to know the answer. But I do feel for Claire a bit in how he chooses to word it.

“So I took a chance.” Understatement of the centuries, Claire.

Throw her a bone, Jamie! She took an impossible leap! Give her something!

Claire’s “do you want me to go?” breaks my heart a little. Like I 1000% know what Jamie’s getting at and why he wants and needs to know why Claire came back. But I really do feel for Claire here. She made the choice to risk everything to find him, and Jamie knows what it cost her. (*cough Bree cough* Remember her? You literally just looked at pictures of her.) Maybe lead with the fact that you’ve burned for her for so long, dude? And then bring up the knowing each other less now than at your wedding? Because it *is* a valid observation...

I know that basically everything in this room is like verbatim from the book, but I do kind of wish some of it had been tweaked.

BUT WHATEVER BECAUSE THEY’RE TOGETHER AGAIN.

OK BUT THE FLIRTY WAY CLAIRE SAYS THAT SHE MIGHT BE A HORRIBLE PERSON MAKES ME FEEL THINGS. LIKE SHE SPENT SO LONG BEING TREATED LIKE AND TOLD THAT SHE WAS ONE BUT HERE WITH JAMIE SHE KNOWS SHE ISN’T AND SHE’S JOKING AND SHE’S HAPPY AND SHE’S GETTING WHAT SHE’S DREAMED ABOUT FOR SO LONG AND I’M JUST SO HAPPY FOR YOU CLAIRE. ILY, LADY.

The recreational cockblocking league really should be disbanded. I feel like there are better options for extracurricular activities out there.

OK BUT JAMIE’S FACE WHEN HE LOCKS THE DOOR AND CLAIRE’S FACE WHEN JAMIE LOCKS THE DOOR. YOU’RE GOING TO DO IT, GUYS, YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE THE SECKS.

You know what would be better than this voiceover? Not this voiceover. I get that they wanted the parallel to the wedding voiceover about getting to know their new spouses for the first time, but I’m just not a fan of the majority of the voiceovers and was kind of hoping they were not going to use them as much this year...

I like the parallel to the wedding with them talking first, I just could have done with more actual talking and less VO about talking.

Also like Claire, we know you’re both thinking about banging. There’s no reason to VO the fact that you’re thinking about it.

OK BUT THE SASSY LITTLE WAY SHE PULLS OFF HIS STOCK OR WHATEVER IT’S CALLED. HERE. FOR. IT.

AND SHE OPENS HIS SHIRT LIKE SHE DID IN EP. 103 WHEN SHE WAS CHECKING HIS WOUND AND IT WAS HOT AF THERE AND IT’S HOT AF HERE.

AND HIM PULLING OFF HER SCARF THINGY AND IT GOES DOWN HER FRONT LIKE THE RIBBON DID IN THE WEDDING WHEN HE UNTIED HER LITTLE CHOKER THINGY.

MY KINGDOM FOR ONCE THEY’RE LIKE COMFORTABLY BACK TOGETHER AGAIN AND IT’S NOT LIKE 20 YEARS OF EMOTION BUILT UP FOR JAMIE TO JUST LOVE ZIPPING AND UNZIPPING CLAIRE’S CORSET THINGY AND HER LIKE PLAYFULLY SMACKING HIM UPSIDE THE HEAD.

THIS IS AWKWARD AND ADORABLE AND I LOVE IT AND YOU REALLY ARE BEAUTIFUL, CLAIRE.

Ok they held hands in the wedding episode at one point right before Claire cockblocked herself by asking about Jamie’s family, but the stuff about touching making things easier wasn’t actually in there, right? It’s just another book thing they’re putting in that we need to pretend happened off-screen? Which is fine, I’m just trying to keep the book and the show straight...

“Do you want me know?” “Oh, God, yes.” SO SAY WE ALL.

The subtitles say [both breathing heavily] and OMG SAME, SUBTITLES, SAME.

I KNOW IT’S FROM THE BOOK BUT I LOVE THEM BUMPING HEADS AND GIGGLING AND JAMIE KISSING HER ON THE NOSE AND THE LITTLE NOSE KISS IS MY EVERYTHING AND GUYS I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS RIGHT NOW AND ALL OF THEM ARE WONDERFUL.

“Do it now. And don’t be gentle.” OK BUT THIS IS LIKE THE FIRST TIME IN LIKE 18 YEARS THAT CLAIRE IS WITH SOMEONE WHO ISN’T HER HAND AND SHE’S CALLING THE SHOTS AND YOU GET YOURS, CLAIRE. YAAAS.

Unpopular opinion, but I’ve never really been a fan of the “give me your mouth” line.

BUT WHO CARES BECAUSE THEY JUST DID THE SECKS. THEY JUST DID THE SECKS, GUYS!

GUYS THEY GET TO CUDDLE AND BE CUTE AND TOUCH EACH OTHER AND KISS AND BE SILLY. MY SKIN IS CLEAR AND MY CROPS ARE THRIVING.

Can we do a kickstarter for a NSFW webseries about learning new vocabulary? Or is that only cute with these two?

I CANNOT WITH ALL OF THEIR LITTLE KISSES AND CLAIRE JUST LIKE LOUNGING ON HIM AND HIM LIKE STROKING HER BACK AND I AM DED. I AM THOROUGHLY DECEASED.

Cool that we’re establishing all of this stuff about Jamie’s current situation with the law. So we know all of the stakes and shit already. So maybe there’s no fucking need to end the episode how they did just to get a cliffhanger.

“To find you again... And to lose you.” Like he has to know that he’s basically lying by omission about being married, right? Like Jamie isn’t perfect. If he was he’d be boring. He doesn’t tell Claire about Laoghaire because he’s scared to lose her again. Which I get, but like how did he think it was going to play out? He knows/fears how it’ll play out and we know that from this line. I’m not saying I wish he’d done anything differently. Because that’d be cramming too much into the episode and iron out a flaw that leads to one of my favorite parts of the book...

OK BUT I LOVE ROUND TWO BECAUSE LIKE OMG THEY JUST NEED TO BE TOUCHING EACH OTHER AND JUST BEING WITH EACH OTHER AND GUYS THEY’RE TOGETHER AGAIN AND I JUST WANT TO HUG THEM BOTH EXCEPT LATER BECAUSE I AM NOT PART OF THE RECREATIONAL COCKBLOCKING LEAGUE BECAUSE I’M NOT A MONSTER.

LOOK AT THESE BABIES FALLING ASLEEP ALL CUDDLY AND ADORABLE AND I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

“Maybe I’m a ghost.” Don’t get cute, show...

CASUAL WITH THE HAND SECKS WHILE RECALLING A CONVO THAT INVOLVED HAND SECKS THE FIRST TIME. I’M OK.

Thanks, Claire Bear, for not wanting to burst this perfect little bubble. We can definitely wait to hear about who Jamie may have gone to in blind need. No need to sully this episode with anything like that.

And high fives for understanding the difference between sex and love and yet omg I can’t wait for everything to blow up because they’re both human and emotions are messy and then for things to get better again in a wicked real way.

Ok is the recreational cockblocking league’s season over yet? Can’t Jamie ever finish his full English breakfast without someone trying to interrupt him? Wtf.

Lady boner for Claire’s little salute.

Lady boner for Jamie saying Jell-O.

I’m trash for Claire calling Jamie soldier. Sorry not sorry.

And I love that it’s the same fucking shot of her very satisfied face as ep. 110.

Perfect Young Ian is perfect. And so is his pause before “woman.”

Glad they clear it up right away that Claire’s his aunt.

“Do you live in a dun?” Are you being sassy, Ian? Or are you legit asking about fairies? Please tell me you’re being sassy. (Either way, I love show!Young Ian.)

“Very please to meet you, Uncle Jamie’s wife.” I LOVE YOU, YOU AWKWARD GOOBER WHO IS APPARENTLY VERY BAD AT HIDING THE FACT THAT YOU’RE PROCESSING INFORMATION THAT WILL BECOME RELEVANT SOON.

Ok, tbh, I would have been fine if they ended the episode with Young Ian leaving. Like awesome. Set up Jamie and Claire cautiously and optimistically back together. Set up Jamie’s various things that can come up and pop their little bubble of innocent bliss. Reintroduced the Murrays. Cool. Done. End it. Roll the credits. Great ending is great.

Except...

I don’t love the whore’s brunch like some people do, but while I don’t think it’s necessary it is nice to see Claire interacting with the community around her. Like to see how at ease she is with these women even though they have nothing in common. Except, you know, having had sex the night before.

Nice little coda. Cool. Done. End it. Roll the credits. Ok ending is ok.

Except...

Ok I hate the last scene with my whole heart. Hate. It.

Why the fuck did they include this? Why the fuck couldn’t they just end the fucking episode on a hopeful note. With all the other shit like the treason and smuggling and questions about Jamie’s past few years all nice and set up so we know not everything will be smooth sailing?

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

Yes, in the book there’s a dude who shows up and manhandles Claire and thinks she’s a whore and flicks her boob while telling her there’s a reward in the form of a percentage of the seized contraband that’s being smuggled through the brothel. And I was hoping they’d change that in the show to like dial it back to just like him menacing over her or something instead of actually grabbing her and touching her boob. Because do we really need more sexual assault? No.

But apparently this fucking show thinks we do.

“Maybe if I fuck you, it’ll jar your memory.” *grabs Claire by the throat* Yep. Instead of even just sticking to the fucking book, they fucking take it up five notches.

Fuck whoever decided to end the episode like this. Fuuuuck them.

And don’t give me any bullshit like “oh it was needed to set up the next episode!” or “oh, but the 18th century is so dangerous, that’s just how things are!” No. Fuuuck that.

Not everything needs to be a fucking cliffhanger.

WE DO NOT NEED ANY MORE FUCKING ATTEMPTED RAPES.

We spent fucking two season with everyone and their brother getting raped and sexually assaulted. Claire knows it’s fucking dangerous. Claire has been assaulted more times than I care to count at the moment. She doesn’t need to fucking get nearly raped *again* within like fucking two days of being back in the past.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, SHOW. WHY DO YOU INSIST ON MAKING ME HATE YOU.

But hey. They’re back together again. Woot.

Ok I tried, guys. I really did. But I really don’t care for the majority of A. Malcolm. Consider this a one time only sober!Der gets honest about Outlander...

I watched the episode four times. Not because I loved it, but because I thought watching it more would help me convince myself that I loved it. I watched it twice the night it came out, but I figured I was just like missing something because it was late and I was drunk and maybe it was actually really awesome? So I spent the next day reblogging smutty gifsets at the regatta I was working, thinking that would get me excited to go home and watch it again. And I did watch it again, and was like oh I must still be missing something because I’m sleep deprived and have been day-drinking. So I livetweeted and posted a recap with what I though were the requisite amount of squees and shouty caps so I wouldn’t be The Girl Who Didn’t Like The Reunion. Because I’m always the downer fan. And this was *The Episode*. So clearly I was just watching it wrong and I shouldn’t rain on everyone’s fangirl parade.

But I watched it again yesterday after work, sober and rested, and tried to watch it just as an episode and not like comparing it to the books or over-analyzing it or anything. And yeah, apparently I wasn’t watching it wrong. I just don’t care for a lot of it. So if I were to have written my 100% honest take on it without worrying about being a buzzkill, this would have been it:

I hate how they played Mme Jeanne. It was like they were forcing it and it just didn’t work for me. Seeing Jamie’s day before Claire shows up? Sure, ok, I’ll sit through it because I know what’s coming. But it should have been the only sidequest of the episode. And then Claire shows up and instead of getting sucked in and emotionally invested, I’m stuck watching Jamie take off his pants for no reason. It’s already awkward, there’s no need for that. And then they’re like oh hey remember this motto/catchphrase thing we shared that never happened on screen? Instead of playing like “aw, that’s sweet,” it just took me out of the moment because I was like “wait, when did that happen?” instead of being swept along. Like, there’s a difference between referencing something that happened off screen and doing what’s supposed to be a deliberate callback to a meaningful thing when that meaningful thing was never established. And then they’re interrupted for the first of what seemed like a fuckton of unnecessary times because lol nothing matters.

The scene with the pictures was just terrible. You can’t have Jamie basically be stoic while looking at the pictures of his daughter he sent away his wife to save, shit on the name his wife gave her and then wax poetic about how cool his other kid is. Wtf. I’m all for having him bring up Willie, but they completely fucked up the execution. Jamie barely showing emotion about Bree and then fangirling over Willie seems out of character and cruel to both Claire and Bree.

They needed to move locations so I was fine with meeting Fergus en route, but even that didn’t work as they played it. They built up the Claire and Fergus relationship so much last year but I felt like nothing at their reunion. It was a quick like oh where have you been? Oh cool. Btw, I need to talk business with Jamie. Because clearly that takes precedence over letting the emotional beat of a mother and son seeing each other for the first time in 20 years land. It just felt wicked rushed. I wish they had skipped everything at The World’s End. We already know Jamie’s doing treasonous stuff from the cold open and he’ll give Claire more details on his illegal activities and their potential consequences later in the episode. We didn’t need to meet Willoughby in this episode or the shady dude in the basement.

So then they get to the brothel and Jamie just like immediately starts interrogating Claire. Basically my biggest issue with the first half of the episode is Jamie. Like, can he at least pretend to be happy to see Claire? I get the shock and disbelief and stuff, but jfc dude. It’s like he doesn’t even want her there. They doubled down on his secret and it, for me, sort of ruined his half of their reunion. Like Claire has told him what going through the stones was like for her (we hear him ask her about it in ep. 111), and she literally just gave up her entire life and modern society to come back in time. Plus she left *their daughter* to come find him. I don’t know how many other fucking big red signs you need to tell you why she’s there, Jamie. Stop being an idiot. Like yes, he can and should be vulnerable. He can want to be sure she knows that he’s changed and be scared she might not want him for who he is now. But that’s not how it played. It played like he almost didn’t want her there and was questioning her motives rather than him being vulnerable and scared she might not want him. Putting it all on Claire with how they had Jamie question her wasn’t a good look for him.

I hated the voiceover while they ate. Just let them talk. Don’t VO that they’re talking. Have them actually talk. And sorry, but I really don’t think we needed to watch them silently undress for that long. They could have gotten the same emotions across with a shorter montage and leave more time for, you know, actually catching up after 20 years.

I did like the lead up to round one once they were naked and Claire was all adorable and insecure and Jamie finally acted like he wanted to be there. (Minus the second instance of attempting a meaningful callback to a thing that was never established.) And yeah, round one was going to be awkward. I know, it should be. But then round two wasn’t hot at all? Like they shot a rape scene in ep. 304 like soft-core porn but when the main couple gets back together it’s like awkward side-flopping? Yes, they need to touch each other and look into each other’s eyes and that’s all lovely and should happen, but like the way it was shot didn’t match what the scene should have felt like? Also, their wigs are terrible. Like distractingly terrible.

Them talking in between rounds one and two, and them talking after round two through round three until Jamie leaves I did like for the most part. And I was glad that I did, because I really did want to really like this episode and I feel like if there were important parts to like, it was those parts. And honestly what they talk about there was enough to set up that they weren’t going to stay in this little bubble for very long, so the World’s End stuff and the very not subtle convo with Jamie and Fergus and the stuff at the end seemed even more unnecessary.

I did like Young Ian. Because it’s Young Ian. And I heart that awkward goober. But everything after that, especially ending it on another fucking attempted rape, I could have done without.

So yeah. There were a couple scenes I liked, but as an overall episode? It just didn’t do it for me. And what I did like didn’t really drive me to full on fangirling. It was just like oh, this is better than those other parts. And with the way it ends, it left me feeling angry rather than happy that these characters are back together. Not a great aftertaste for what’s supposed to be like the biggest episode of the series.

And yes, I *know* that they can’t please everyone and that they aren’t making the show specifically for my exact tastes and vision. I’m well aware I’m a #BadFan. But I think I’m still allowed to be disappointed that the episode I was looking forward was kind of a let down for me.

Holy shit this got way longer than I thought it would. I meant to just write a short update and hide it in an old post so I didn’t get yelled at... Because for some reason, bullshitting about how I felt about this episode wasn’t sitting well with me. Whatever. Brevity has never been my strong suit...

Here’s hoping ep. 307 is amazing...

[theevilglasses]

Transformation

by Marshall Bowles

           Sorry if there are typos. It's hard to use a laptop now that my hands aren't human anymore. I'm recounting my story for any of you out there who don't remember the previous timeline. Maybe one of you knows how to fix things.

           Before I entered the time portal, the military scientists tried to explain the rules. I didn't get it. "You're sending me back to before I had my accident, and it will be like it never happened?"

           "Correct," Walker said, pushing his glasses up higher on his nose. "And, of course, the assassin's tool you carry was manufactured prior to the target point. This ensures that it will not disassemble into its precursors when making the trip."

           "What?" I looked down at the fake diamond ring on my hand, which Walker had given me a few minutes earlier.

           "It doesn't matter," Faraday said. She was fiddling with the knobs on the time portal's control panel.

           "It's really quite simple," Walker said in a lecturing tone. I could tell he wasn't intentionally trying to be obnoxious. He was just an obnoxious person. "Any energy-matter signature sent through the portal occupies its previous point in spacetime. However, these events have not yet been applied to your body's energy-matter signature at the target point in spacetime."

           Faraday noticed the WTF look on my face, and she butted in. "It doesn't have to make sense. That's just how it is. Accept it and focus on killing Arkin."

           But wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. I need to go back further. Back to the day of the accident that took my legs and put me in a wheelchair. Back to the day I met Arkin.

           The first class seat was worth the extra ninety dollars it cost me to upgrade. I hadn't slept well the previous week. Work sent me to Los Angeles for a conference, and I was never comfortable in hotel rooms. I hoped to sleep the whole flight back to New York.

           A man was sitting in the window seat next to mine when I boarded. His greasy hair was matted down against his head. Clearly he wasn't a fan of hygiene. "Hi," he said when I sat down. He showed a set of crooked teeth when he smiled.

           "Hi," I said. I avoided eye contact. No need to encourage an airplane talker.

           "I'm going to turn everyone into airplanes," he said.

           I sometimes wonder how things would have turned out if I had asked the flight attendant to move me to another seat. But I didn't. It was the weirdest thing I ever heard anyone say in my life, and I had to know more.

           His name was Arkin, and he claimed to be a scientist of some kind. "What kind of scientist can turn people into airplanes?" I asked. "A geneticist? Nuclear physicist?"

           "Something like that." I waited for more, but he didn't elaborate.

           "Ok, sure," I said, trying to keep a straight face. He probably printed out and framed a "science" diploma from a website. "So how do you go about turning people into airplanes?"

           "It's easier than you think." Arkin launched into a long explanation and said a lot of sciency stuff that I didn't understand. Retroviruses. Nanomachines. Reality distortion manifolds. "Right now I can only convert one person at a time. The hard part is figuring out how to do everyone at once."

           "But why airplanes? Why not animals, or furniture?"

           Arkin looked out the window at the clouds drifting by. He ran his finger down the inside of the plane, caressing the hard plastic. "Because planes are beautiful."

           "What if I don't want to be turned into an airplane?" I said.

           "Most people are like you," he said. "They only see how things are and not how things should be."

           "So you know what's best for everyone?" I said.

           "Yes," he said.

           I rolled my eyes. "I don't believe anything you're saying."

           Arkin nodded. "Of course not. But you will." He looked out the window for the rest of the flight.

           We landed and I decided to take a taxi instead of the train. While I waited in line for a cab, I wrote a Facebook post and recounted every detail of my conversation with Arkin. I even included a picture I surreptitiously took of him during the flight.

           On the ride home a truck rear-ended the cab at a stoplight. One moment I was checking my phone to see if anyone had liked my post yet, and the next my legs were crushed in a tangle of metal. The cab driver didn't even get a bruise. There was nothing the doctors could do. They amputated both of my legs at the knee.

           That was the end of my old life. I wish I could say I wasn't bitter. I wish I could say that I overcame the odds and went on to achieve great things in spite of my disability. I wish I hadn't lost my legs. But no matter how hard I wished, I knew that none of it would come true. So I stopped caring, got a job I hated that allowed me to work from home, and I checked out on life.

           A few years went by. One morning I was sipping my coffee when I opened my laptop and read the news. There had been reports about a new flu-like virus spreading for the last week, but no one knew much about it. I wasn't concerned—there were a few benefits of being a recluse. But the virus had taken a new turn overnight. The first headline summed it up: Virus Turns People Into Airplanes.

           My jaw hit the floor. It couldn't be. I opened the news website and watched a shaky handheld video of a middle-aged woman screaming and running into a field. She stumbled and fell to her hands and knees, and her skin started swelling outward like a balloon.

           What remained at the end of the transformation was an abomination. It was the size and shape of a passenger jet but composed of flesh. The fuselage was covered in skin, the ailerons were made of fingers, and the vertical tail was bone. The worst part were her eyes, stretched out in place of cockpit windows and leaking giant tears.

           There was a knock at my door. I opened it to find two serious looking men in yellow hazmat suits. One of them held up his phone so that the screen faced me. "Ma'am, did you write this Facebook post?"

           That's how I found myself in a giant military facility buried deep under a mountain in an undisclosed location. They stuck me in a bleak, gray interrogation room by myself. I could see my reflection in the one-way mirror, and I wondered if anyone watched me from the other side.

           After hours of waiting, the door opened and a woman wearing a white lab coat walked in. The name patch sewn onto her lab coat read Faraday. "Sorry to keep you waiting," Faraday said.

           "I don't know why you people hauled me off to this place, but I know you aren't stupid enough to believe that I had something to do with this virus because of a Facebook post—"

           Faraday held up her hand and cut me off. "We have a lot to talk about," she said. "I'll answer your questions while we go." She nodded her head toward the hallway. "After you."

           I thought about staying in place just to piss her off, but my curiosity was stronger than my anger. They didn't bring me here for fun. I had to know what the military wanted out of a disabled recluse. I wheeled myself out into the long, plain hallway. The walls were the same drab gray as everything else. "What am I doing here?" I said.

           "Three years ago, you sat on a flight beside a man named Ulrich Arkin." Faraday led me deeper into the facility. We passed plain metal doors, identical except for the room numbers on plates beside each one. "He told you he was going to turn people into airplanes."

           "Yeah, I thought he was crazy," I said. "I guess he wasn't."

           "Anyone who engineers a virus that turns people into airplanes is the definition of crazy," Faraday said. She stopped at room 834R and swiped her ID badge. The door slid opened on its own, and I rolled myself through into a large, cavernous room. In the center, a glowing bluish sphere floated in the air. Its surface shimmered like water rushing in a stream.

           "What is that?" I stared at the glowing sphere, mesmerized. The pale light grew until it consumed my vision. My body became weightless and I floated away into space. I drifted past stars, black holes, entire galaxies, and ultimately into the pure void beyond existence itself. I was one with the infinite unknown.

           "It's a time portal," Faraday said. I snapped back to reality. She grabbed the handles of my wheelchair and pushed me to the edge of the room, parking me by a table. Another scientist—Walker—was there, holding a metal briefcase. "But we'll get to that in a minute. First, we need to talk about how you're going to kill Arkin."

           I'm not dense. I've seen plenty of science fiction movies. "No way. I'm not going back in time to be your assassin. Send somebody else."

           "There is no one else," Walker said. "You are the only available vector pinpointing the target at any known point in spacetime."

           "Huh?" I said.

           "There are limitations," Faraday said. "It's only possible for a person to travel back to a time and place they previously experienced, and they only go back for a period of twenty-four hours."

           "There must be a lot of other people who can do it. Someone else who knew Arkin," I said.

           Walker put the briefcase down on the table and opened it. Inside was a small jewelry box packed in foam, the kind meant to hold an engagement ring. "All of our other potentials have been infected or completed the transformation. You're the only one left."

           Faraday leaned over and put her hands on my shoulders. She looked into my eyes. "You're our only chance. If you don't succeed, the human species is done."

           I looked down at my lap. In that moment, I thought about how I had given up on life the day that I lost my legs. There was nothing I wanted, no goal to live for. I just existed. And now I finally had a chance to do something important. "Yes," I said.

           Walker nodded. He opened the jewelry box, pulled out a simple diamond ring, and held it out for me. I reached for it, but Walker pulled it back a hair. "Careful. It's full of poison."

           A half hour later, my wheelchair sat on the edge of the platform at the precipice of the portal. I wore the diamond ring on my finger, careful not to touch it and accidentally deploy the miniature needle on the bottom. Walker called the ring a "CIA Special."

           Walker and Faraday stood to either side of me. I looked up at Faraday. "So I'm going to do this and everything will reset back to normal. Like nothing ever happened?"

           Faraday put her hands on her hips. "I know you're thinking about changing your own past. You'll avoid the accident that took your legs and then you'll try to invest in stocks or something."

           She must be able to read minds. "I wasn't—"

           Faraday cut me off. "Go right ahead. We don't care, as long as you complete your mission first." I felt a surge of hope. If I did this right, would I be able to walk again? Before I could dwell on it, Faraday and Walker grabbed me under my shoulders and lifted me out of my wheelchair. "You ready?" Faraday said.

           I wasn't. "Yeah," I said, taking a deep breath.

           "We're counting on you," Faraday said. She and Walker tossed me forward into the abyss.

           "I'm going to turn everyone into airplanes," Arkin said.

           I was back on the same airplane. Back in the past. I couldn't believe it worked. I looked down, past my knees, at the old legs I used to have before they were amputated. I lifted up my right one, then my left, then I kicked them back and forth, laughing like a kid.

           "They're back!" I yelled. I jumped up and danced in the aisle. I forgot how fantastic of a feeling it was to be on real legs. I started doing jumping jacks.

           "Ma'am, please take your seat," the flight attendant said. She gave me the evil eye. "People are trying to board."

           I plopped down in my seat, grinning ear to ear. "Hmm," Arkin said. He looked at me like I was the weirdo. What an unusual feeling, having a monster think you're strange.

           I remembered why I was there. The diamond on top of the ring shifted when I pressed it, causing the tiny needle to extend out from the bottom part of the band. I leaned over, grabbed the back of Arkin's hand, and I whispered, "You aren't going to turn anybody into anything."

           It bothered me that I didn't hesitate. Sure, Arkin was a maniac who tried to wipe out the human race for his own personal art project. But that was him. I always thought of myself as the type of person who would be incapable of taking the life of even the most despicable person.

           Arkin pulled his hand away and rubbed it. He would have only felt a tiny pinprick, and he probably thought that my ring merely scratched him. "Most people are like you," he said. His eyelids drooped a little. "They only see how things are and not how things should be."

           "I've seen a lot of things today," I said.

           "I know you don't believe me," Arkin said. He swayed like he had too much to drink. "But you will."

           "You feeling ok?" I said, pretending to be concerned.

           Arkin rubbed his temple. "No. I'm suddenly very tired."

           "Why don't you lie back?" I said.

           Arkin sat back and leaned against the side of the plane. He closed his eyes. I watched him until his breathing stopped. He was dead by the time we were in the air. The flight attendant assumed that Arkin was sleeping, and when we landed, I got off the plane before anyone figured out he was dead.

           Then I walked out of the terminal on my legs! Arkin was already out of my mind. I skipped the taxi this time around and opted for the train. I had a very safe and uneventful ride back to the city. I spent all afternoon in the park, walking every trail and going up and down every set of stairs I could find. When I finally made it home, I took a nice long bath, shaved my legs, and savored the feeling of the razor sliding over my skin. I drifted to sleep that night curled up in a ball so I could hug my shins.

           This morning I woke up, back in the present. The good news is my legs are still attached to my body. The bad news is I'm a bear. Like the animal. Brown, furry, and I guess about five hundred pounds. My bed broke under my weight.

           My best guess is that Arkin wasn't working alone. Whoever his partner or partners were, they continued his work and took it in a different direction. Like you, I've seen the news, and I know I'm not the only one who woke up as a bear today.

           If you ever had a random conversation with a stranger who talked about turning people into bears, please write about it on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and every other social network you can think of. Pray that there is enough of a functioning government left to spy on our conversations and that they still developed time travel in this timeline. I don't want to live the rest of my life like this.

[monxmonbebe]

Be My Bebe - Ch.5 Who to Trust?

Genre: Fluff / Angst

Summary: A scramble of long-term best friends that have their own differentiating stories are known as Hyun Hee, Chan Ra, Kyon Rae, Ha Hee, and Sung Byeol have decided to enter their school’s competition to be picked by companies to become an idol group. However, along the way, they’ve caught the attention of a certain group of boys, MONSTA X. The groups of students are given a chance to compete for an opportunity to achieve their dreams of becoming successful idols in the Korean music industry. Some friendships are made, and some fall apart. When it comes to debuting, will there really be no mercy?

A/N: I’d like to apologize in advance, this chapter wasn’t really up to par, in my opinion. I tried really hard to make it work, not really being a big fan of this one. It just doesn’t seem as good to me, not sounding quite right. So, please forgive me for the quality of this chapter! >.>

Please comment, we’d appreciate it so much!

- Admin Karree

KYON RAE’S POV

“I can’t believe she did it.. She actually played hard to get instead of freaking out around Jooheon,” I thought as Hyun Hee walked alongside me. “.. That’s actually really surprising.”

Hyun Hee continued walking, giving me a small smirk as she knew that I wasn’t expecting her to do it. I gave her an amused look before shoving both of my hands into my jean pockets. She wasn’t wrong, I didn’t expect her to. I was surprised for sure, but not fully.

Out of all the other girls, I think she was the closest to me. We don’t really hang out that often but she was someone that I could relate to more than the rest of the girls. Not like life-style, she was the whole rich gal while I was the dead-beat gal but personality wise.

She had some sass in her, not being able to take others’ shit in front of her, just like me. Except she wasn’t really into the whole fighting part like I was but used words to kill, instead. Was never really into that, found it kinda stupid but whatever works for her.

Chan Ra and Ha Hee were too soft, not being able to handle things like I could, in my opinion. They’re not able to fight for themselves as easily. Not even throwing a single punch in their entire lives, I don’t think they’ve ever been in a real fight like I have. Then again, I don’t really know them that well. They’ve had their tiny bursts of anger once in awhile, making me surprised as hell.

I moved from my walking place next to Chan Ra but to her, slightly grazing against Hyun Hee. I gave her an approving nod, starting to grin a bit. She couldn’t help but smile that she had really did it. Only because of me, of course.

“I see that you took my advice.. That’s a first,” I commented, making a once-over in the spacious hallways.

“Yeah, shut up..” Hyun Hee said, not wanting to face me, slowly becoming embarrassed.

“Try me,” I replied back, pushing open the heavy door to the Choir room and letting the door go. The rest of the girls could hold it back as they entered through that small crack of that mustard-yellow wall.

We went down to our regular maroon seats, seeing that majority of the Choir class was already here. They were here earlier than usual which was kinda weird.

“I wonder why?” I thought to myself. “Did they just fucking stay here all night to sleep here? Because damn, I’d love to do that.”

It’d be much better than my hellhole of a place, this place is an actual god sent compared to it. It’s pretty roomy in here to have all of my things that I need such as a bed, has a working heater and lights to turn on, and was a decent place to have some damn peace and quiet.

My mom is fucking noisemaker, I can’t wait for the day that I move out of that hellish place.

Damn, now I wish that I was able to sleep here instead of at my drabby house. But Ms. Sun would never allow for that to happen, being a stickler for the school rules, I bet.

“Hey, Kyon Rae. Did you finish your Algebra homework, yet?” Chan Ra asked, putting her bag next to her chair.

“We had homework!?” I gawked, knowing that I was instantly fucked for that class as I already knew jack shit in that class. “Oh, I’m so fucking dead.”

Before Chan Ra could answer, I saw all of the girls faces turn into gloomy scowls as I felt an oddly cold arm around my neck and over my right shoulder.

“You were never good at math,” an extremely familiar voice said as I turned around to see who it was, touching my neck. “I’m not even surprised by that. I always had to do your homework for you, back then.”

“OH SHIT! Hey, best friend!” I exclaimed, completely surprised but filled with utter joy at the person that I was looking at, in front of me. “Long time no see!”

I heard the rest of the girls behind me gasp, I could tell that their jaws had already dropped to the motherfucking ground. Now this, I wasn’t surprised about; they didn’t know that she was one of my best friends in the whole wide world or that we even knew each other since we were little.

“What? T-this is a joke!” Chan Ra stammered, unable to handle the situation that was occurring. “You’re joking, right?”

“Funny way of a joke..” Hyun Hee spat out, crossing her arms together. “Real funny..”

Ha Hee stayed silent the whole time, but it was very obvious that she was seething in the inside. She was just staring past me but at Soo Ae, not pulling her eyes off her. There was something unsettling in her look, almost as if she had something completely against her.

“Now that I think about it.. I think she does have something against her,” I thought. “She would become tense at even the word of her, like she couldn’t handle it.”

Although they didn’t really like her, I didn’t really care about that and continued to look at Soo Ae. I grinned widely at her, opening my arms for a big hug.

She smiled broadly like a sneaky fat Cheshire cat and dropped her things, going into my arms for a hug. Rubbing my back over and over, going over the closure part of my nude coloured push-up bra. Might’ve made it too tight so, it was a little painful.

I could feel the piercing stares still from the other girls, waiting for me to come back to them. Soo Ae moved her face on my shoulder and must’ve sensed my uncomfortableness.

We released each other and she analyzed my face, making me feel like I was at the doctors or something. I never liked the doctors unless they were hot, which was never my luck.

“It’s been like a long time. I just don’t see you, around,” I told her, not looking back at the other girls. “What’s been happening, girl?”

“I was mainly in online school, my parents paid for it for awhile,” Soo Ae impressed, taking a look towards the door. “Decided that I wanted to come back full-time and surprise, surprise wasn’t that a good decision? I wouldn’t have been able to see you.”

“Online school? I wish I could take that instead of be in this place.”

“It wasn’t as exciting as real life, I got bored of it afterwhile. I was still at school but I wanted to be here, more often.”

“Girl, I’d swap places for that.”

“You know that you wouldn’t be able to do any work but stay at home and get high, instead.”

“Bitch, you know me too well.”

We continued talking about some things in our life while more people came in. I ignored the rest of the girls that were gonna demand me for some answers later, not even taking a spare glance at them. I was having some fun and needed to talk to an old friend, you know?

I mean, I get why they were shocked. They’ve known Soo Ae since they were in middle school, very aware as that she was the “school bitch.” I never really thought about her that way, the things that she did were pretty funny to me. Like there was this one time where played a prank on this grumpy ass janitor by covering him in melted chocolate and chicken feathers or the other time where she stole this weird chick’s clothes when she went to the school locker room showers and wouldn’t give them back until she came outside ass-naked (First of all, who the hell uses the school locker room showers? There was something up with that girl).

I’ve known her since we were kids, actually. She used to live in my shitty neighbourhood before moving away to a big old city, but we continued texting each other, even to this day.

Soo Ae can be hella rude but that was what was amusing about her, the witty things that come out of her mouth are just great. She’s not that bad of a chick, for real. She has a different side that I see to her, a side that she barely shows to anyone but it’s there.

But they don’t need to know that, right?

Ms. Sun eventually walked into her classroom, putting her things away before getting up near the center. She motioned Soo Ae to come to the front, who shook my shoulder with a red-lipstick smile before going up.

“Okay, class. Take your seats, I have another two announcements!” she spoke, moving both of her hands out. “Two again, I know!”

As everyone started getting themselves into their seats, Soo Ae shot a dirty look to Hyun Hee, Chan Ra, and Ha Hee who were sitting at their usual spots. They looked back at her with a “wtf” expression on their faces and looked at me, who was sitting on the far end of the crowd. I stayed away from their stares by continuing to look up at Soo Ae, instead.

“This girl….” I thought, while rolling my eyes and grinning at her.

“After the amount of new students yesterday, I thought it’d be over, frankly. However, I’ve been notified that we have a new student today!” Ms. Sun addressed, clearly. “Let’s welcome Ms. Jung, Soo Ae!”

Everyone started taking a view of Soo Ae, who held her hand up to her face and was constantly moving her fingers up and down, while giving them a sweet smile. The one that she used to have the perfect impression on others. It was almost as if she was calling them out to come and talk to her.

They stared at her brightly merigold-orange dyed hair, not knowing what to feel about it. It wasn’t that common to see dyed hair for students, it was something that the school deemed “inappropriate” which was total bullshit. I wish they’d let us have the American views for style in school who would have crazy dyed hair, ripped jeans, and all of that great shit.

Even though it was against the school’s dress code, I’m guessing that Soo Ae had put up a fight about it and probably a good one that the school just gave up on. She was always a wildchild, doing whatever she wanted. But she was also pretty smart, being in the speech and debate team and all.

Her dove-white crop jacket with the short sleeves were over a thin cream-coloured shirt. It was complete with a pair of onyx black shorts with the cuffs rolled back, matching her sombre buckled flats. Appearing to be clean and sleek, not being too fancy or anything of the sort. Chances were that it was cheap but the way she wore them, made them seem like they were expensive.

“Hey, I’m Soo Ae. I’ve actually lived in Korea for my entire life, not a foreigner or lived abroad,” she started off with, catching everyone’s attention, immediately. “I’ve always loved singing since I was a baby which is why I chose this class.”

“Might have seen me in my other classes.. Like P.E for example,” Soo Ae continued on, pausing for a brief moment.

I heard someone’s chair squeak when she said that, not turning over to look as it was probably something meaningless. Which it was as everyone continued to pay their attention back to Soo Ae, who was still standing there.

“Anywho, I’m glad to be a part of your class. Let’s work well together, shall we?” she ended off with, bowing down to the rest of the class.

The class began clapping, including myself. I took a peep at the girls who were just slowly clapping until just forgetting about it, altogether. They began talking to each other and I wasn’t able to see their faces as their backs were turned.

Soo Ae had come down from her place and sat to the right of me, being at the very end of the area. She crossed her leg over the other, content with how she went up there.

“You did good,” I whispered to her.

“And you don’t think I don’t know that?” she replied back with, causing me to punch her in the arm, lightly.

“I know you do, it was a compliment, whore.”

“Same old vulgar mouth, huh?”

“Of fucking course!”

“Don’t ever change, Kyon Rae,” Soo Ae laughed as we were joking around. It felt good to have someone that I knew, that would understand my jokes.

After Soo Ae’s introduction to the class, Ms. Sun had went back to her usual spot and gave us her typical old smile that I could care less for. She was just too happy of a person, it always weirded me out.

“My other important announcement is-” Ms. Sun said, before getting cut off by the seven boys who had just walked in. They stopped when they saw us all staring at them, feeling awkward.

I didn’t even know that they weren’t here, to be fucking honest.

“You’re late, boys,” she rebuked at them, slightly annoyed. “It’s only been a day but you’re already late to first period.”

The seven boys started bowing quickly to her before going up the Choir bleachers to get the empty seats in the back.

“Ah, we’re sorry,” Shownu apologized for all of them, who solemnly lowered their heads to show respect.

Soo Ae tapped my left shoulder, making me spin my head around. I looked at her, not knowing what she wanted from me. She leaned her head back to scan some of the guys, one or two maybe longer.

“Who were some of those guys? I recognized a few from some of my classes and such..” she whispered, breathily into my ear. “Are they new here, also? That’s what Ms. Sun said, right?”

I must’ve made a face because she asked, “What? Are they weirdos? Pervs?”

“They’re nobodies,” I told her, not wanting to talk about them. “Don’t even talk about them.. Not even, you know.”

She raised her eyebrow at me, not saying more about it which I was glad about because I didn’t want to, at all.

After a while, Ms. Sun continued on about what she wanted to say before the guys had come in.

“The important announcement that I need to make is that I’m going to be giving you the first mission for the competition,” Ms. Sun said, making everyone place their attention on her.

“You will have to choreograph a dance with no more than two people. Then, you’ll be singing and dancing to a song with your group to qualify for the competition,” she ordered, repeating herself to make sure that everyone could hear her voice. “You’ll have some weeks to prepare.”

I could hear some people in the class groan, including myself.

I hate work. Especially group work.

“You’ll have time to discuss and work with your group, now,” Ms. Sun instructed us, before letting us do our own thing. “I suggest that you work things out with your group for choreographing a dance as only two people are required.”

Before I went over to my group, I hear Soo Ae say, “Ahh..” I faced her, waiting for what she was about to say.

“I signed up for that as well, actually. Choir was one of the classes that I didn’t do online but participated in at the school,” Soo Ae explained to me. “I was just in a different period which messed up my entire schedule.”

“So, who’re you with then?” I asked, curiously.

“I’m with some girls, they’re in this class. I’ve known some of them for awhile like Sung Byeol over there,” she pointed out, at the small bookworm nerd hiding in the corner.

“Oh.. Sung Byeol, huh?”

“You got that, right. Guess that I’ll catch up with you, later?” Soo Ae said, putting her bag over her shoulder to leave me.

“Yeah, see you.”

I headed my way over to the group of girls who were bumbling around, talking about some things that I couldn’t hear. They weren’t paying any attention to me as I came in, grabbing a chair over closer to their circle.

“Ugh, this is too much,” Chan Ra whined, putting her hands over her head. “So much work to do..”

“Hey, that’s what you wanted to sign up for,” Ha Hee reminded her, tiredly, as I pulled my chair closer to Hyun Hee who didn’t notice me, yet. “Did you really think it would be easy?”

“No, but still. That’s our first mission, I’m gonna die,” Chan Ra cried out, holding onto Ha Hee’s arm.

Hyun Hee sat there, not saying anything before letting out a sigh. She crossed her arms, being completely direct.

“We’ll manage it, we just have to work through it,” she stated, blatantly. “At least, we have some time.”

“I mean, you’re not wrong, I guess,” Ha Hee mumbled, quietly. “It just kinda sucks.”

“Not arguing with that,” Hyun Hee replied back.

“At least, we have each other as a group,” Chan Ra smiled, becoming more light. “I’d die without you guys.”

“Woo, suffering all together!” Ha Hee said, unenthusiastically while raising both of her hands up in the air. “Life sucks but at least, it sucks with others!”

After some minutes or so, all of the girls started finally realizing that I was there and took turns quickly scanning me like a pervert who had just entered the girl’s locker room. I placed my chin on top of my palm, waiting for them to finish whatever the hell it was that they were doing.

“Oh, yeah.. Speaking of us,” Hyun Hee uttered, while looking at me. “What was that?”

“What’s what?” I replied back, avoiding the question.

Like that’s gonna fucking work.

“Don’t play hard, you know what I’m talking about. What’s with Soo Ae?” Hyun Hee directed towards me, leaning forward. “What the hell was with that best friend bullshit?”

“Yeah, what was that?” Chan Ra piped up, wanting to know. “How did you guys know each other, it seemed like you knew each other really well!”

“She’s just an old friend that I knew since I was little, alright? Now, fucking chill your panties,” I said to them, not looking into their eyes.

“Old friend?”

“Best friend..”

“BEST FRIEND?”

They all stared at me, not knowing what to say. Ha Hee shook her head, grimacing at my words. She didn’t seem to want to talk more about it, just like me.

“Wow, okay. Since when were you going to tell us this?” Hyun Hee questioned, slightly pissed at me.

“Uhh…. Later?”

“Aren’t we your best friends?” Chan Ra asked, worriedly. “Even if that’s her, shouldn’t you tell us about this since we knew you in school longer?”

“I’ve known her when she lived in my old neighbourhood, way back,” I admitted, going farther into my chair.

“Well, you never told us that,” Hyun Hee brought up, her eyebrows tensing.

“Never felt like I needed to,” I defended myself, brusquely. “She’s just one of my best friends.”

“Have you forgotten what she’d done to us? And just what the fuck is wrong with her?” Ha Hee snapped, angrily, which startled everyone. “She’s a fucking bitch, that’s what she is.”

Thinking about it, perhaps Ha Hee was the closest to me, personality-like. In an anger type of way, maybe. She’d have her times where she’d strike out and lash, only if she really wanted to. Never happened much unless she was pushed to her limit, which she probably was, right now.

“She usually keeps quiet, but when she gets pissed, she can be different from her usual self,” I thought, trying to think about the hard times at her house which she’d talk about a ton.

“What she did to you guys wasn’t a big deal, you’re acting like you were attacked by her or something,” I responded back, roughly, making her glower. “You didn’t even know her that long.”

Ha Hee slunk into her chair, unhappily, refusing to say another word which I was fine with.

“I think it was a pretty big deal to everyone else,” Chan Ra said, quietly.

“Come on, can’t you guys get over that? It was years ag-” I was about to say before being cut off by the incoming so called “MONSTA X” members, Minhyuk and Wonho, who were coming towards us.

“Ugh, go away,” I thought, not needing them to be here. “Can’t they see that we’re busy?”

“Hi!” Minhyuk interrupted, cheerfully. “Do you girls know what you’re going to do for the first mission?”

“No-” Hyun Hee began before I elbowed her in the stomach, furiously. “Ow, what the fuck?”

“You’re not supposed to let them know that..” I mumbled to her, avoiding their gazes. I could see Wonho in the corner of my eye, staring at me.

“Do you need help with anything? We’re kinda stuck, too,” Minhyuk laughed, while scratching the back of his head.

“No, we don’t,” I denied. “We don’t need your help. You are our competition, if you forgot.”

“We’re always up to help, you know,” Wonho whistled, while coming closer to me. “I could always help you out, if you needed help. We’re friends.. Aren’t we?”

What is up with this fucking guy?

“Pfft, sure. You say that now, but later when we have our backs turned, you’ll take the opportunity to stab us in the back,” I opined, bitterly. “There are no friends in this.”

Yeah, it’s kinda bitchy but I’ve been backstabbed so many times. I can’t trust that easily like fucking Sung Byeol. She’s a fucking coward to me. I can’t believe the girls forgave her so easily..

“But-” Minhyuk started before I cut him off with a plain and simple no.

LUNCH

“Kyon Rae, are you eating today?” Hyun Hee asked, standing next to my locker. “Or are you good?”

“Yeah, can you go save a spot in line for me?” I asked, hoping that she wouldn’t bring up our argument.

“You’re never in line.. But if you say so,” she said, not saying another word and going off to the cafeteria. I let out a sigh in relief when she was gone.

Chan Ra and and Hyun Hee were eating already because their class got let out early unlike mine and Ha Hee’s.

We always got out late because our English teacher was always yelling at us for packing up and trying to leave when the bell rings. “The bell doesn’t dismiss you, I do,” was what he would say.

“Then, what’s the fucking bell for..?” I thought to myself.

I started walking to the cafeteria that was making a loud racket, that I could even hear from here. After I left my things, I started thinking about the competition, for once. I had some nasty thoughts come to mind that would bother the shit out of me.

What if we don’t qualify?

What if we’re not good enough?

What if I’m not a good enough leader?

What if we don’t qualify because of me..?

I shouldn’t be thinking those things, but it was just typical me always doubting myself and overthinking things.

“Stupid anxiety,” thought to myself. “I wish I could punch you instead of people.”

I was sent out of my thoughts when I heard my name being called, out of nowhere. I tried to figure out who it was by their voice.

“Kyon Rae, wait up!”

Turning around to see that it was the one and only Hoseok aka Wonho. He was walking towards me, his right hand waving to me. He was trying to call me over for something but I didn’t want anything to do with him, today.

“Ugh, he just don’t get the hint..” I thought to myself as I started to walk faster, turning the corner. “I don’t want to be fucking friends.”

I heard him start running after me, hastily.

“Hey, where are you going?” he yelled out, as I continued going faster, not facing him at all.

Desperate much?

“I know that you heard me calling you,” Wonho huffed as he caught up to me after some time.

He wasn’t breathing that heavily, he was always a gym rat. Likes to exercise and have his body be fit, unlike myself.

“Yeah I did,” I acknowledged, walking a bit faster. “I just chose not to turn around.”

“Would it kill you to talk to me for more than five seconds?” Wonho asked, exasperatedly.

He placed his hands on the sides of his dark blue jeans that had fake rips into them. They were poor taste, but who was I to judge, anymore. At least, he tried to make his clothes fashionable and make it work. It kinda worked, looking more expensive than they appeared but I knew the real prices of those things.

Course, you’d know.

“Yeah, yeah it would,” I said, not caring about what he had to say and opened the door to the cafeteria.

I saw the all of the girls sitting at our usual table and walked over to them, leaving Wonho behind. He was probably upset at me but whatever, I really didn’t want to hear what he had to say.

“Yeah, you fucking do,” I thought, in the inside. “Of course you do, you idiot. Especially over that stupid fight over who wore better jeans when you met him, again.”

I remembered that, when I insulted his fashion sense. He tried to defend himself about those things. I felt bad afterwards, considering my own clothes that I had in my shitty closet. He’s trying more than me, at least.

And I think he might’ve been play fighting at first. But because I’m fucking insecure of my damn self, I got pissed at him when he pointed out my own clothing, even though he probably wasn’t even trying to be mean. And that’s probably where he started getting angry, I bet he cried afterwards, knowing him.

He was probably gonna apologize for that fight which is why he wanted to talk to me. Always blaming himself and being sorry, even though it was my own fucking fault. I started that damn fight because I always pick a fight with people, even if they’re being nice to me.

It’s just my goddamn nature to be a bitch, huh?

After that whole dramatic running, I sat down next to Hyun Hee when I reached the table.

She had gotten her school food, already. Some kind of meat and rice dish, I didn’t know.

The other girls were already sat down. Ha Hee was just quietly eating her lunch at the end of the table, seeming invested into it. Just a cold lunch, not even a real lunch. It was more like snacks, honestly: crumbly crackers, small fruit snacks, old nuts, and such. She always wanted some real food but it was just a bother to her to get any. She’d accept some food from others like Chan Ra if offered.

Meanwhile Chan Ra was just playing on her phone, doing whatever as she ate the school food. She’d talk to Ha Hee when they sat down together, just talking about some random things.

I dropped my bag onto the floor, not caring if it was going to spill out or not. The only I cared about was my phone which was in my pocket.

“Look, I don’t care about Soo Ae. If she gets in our way, then that’s going to be a real problem,” Hyun Hee warned me, passing me over a tray of food since I was late to the lunch line like always.

“She won’t,” I promised, not actually being sure of that.

“Any ideas for the competition, then?” Hyun Hee asked, shoving pieces of beef and rice into her mouth.

“Yeah, I have a few in mind,” I answered, moving my mashed potatoes around with my chopsticks.

Ding.

I ran my hand into my pocket, trying to find my phone and bringing it out to the table to see who was messaging me.

From: Soo Ae Meet me in the practice room. Don’t tell your little friends.

I stared at my phone, confused at the sudden invitation. I quickly texted her back, making sure that no one could see who I was writing to.

To: Soo Ae Why???

I got a reply back, instantly, from her. She definitely wasn’t trying to keep me waiting which was what I liked about her.

From: Soo Ae Just don’t.

I silently put my phone away and started getting ready to go to the practice room, gathering whatever I needed which was just my bag. While going to leave the table, I got up from the benches and was about to walk out the door.

“Where are you going?” Ha Hee asked, sipping her water bottle as she watched me like a hawk.

The other girls began to look over, noticing that I was leaving lunch earlier than usual.

Shit.

“Uhm, I’m just gonna go set up some stuff in the practice room. Don’t follow me, it’ll probably take all period,” I excused, hurriedly getting up from the table and dragging my ass out of there.

PRACTICE ROOM

The minute that I had walked in, all I heard was Ikon’s Rhythm Ta booming throughout the practice room that we had at our school. It had some sound blocking wall panels or something, to make the noise outside not being heard.

“That’s for fucking sure, I couldn’t hear anything, outside. But in here, I can hear fucking everything in my ears,” I thought, feeling my ears bleed from the sound that I couldn’t even hear my own goddamn thoughts.

“WHAT’S THIS?” I yelled over the blaring music that was killing my ears. Not that the song was bad but from how fucking loud it was.

“IT’S-” Soo Ae started, stopping to pause the music after she saw me covering my ears. My ears felt better already when she did that.

She walked over to me, grabbing my fat forearm and leading me to the center of the practice room. I eyeballed her, addled, still.

“It’s going to be our song! Remember how the teacher said that we had to choreograph a dance with a partner?” Soo Ae recalled, smiling as she proceeded to go on.

“Wait.. doesn’t it have to be with a member of your group?” I asked, a little confused.

“Nope, you can do this with anyone! You just have to sing and dance to a song with your group,” she explained, raising both of her eyebrows, still smiling. “I discussed it with the teacher after class if you really don’t believe me.”

While thinking about what she just said, Soo Ae suddenly asked me a question which I was unprepared to give an answer to.

“So.. be my partner?”

“Um, okay…” I answered, hesitantly as I was thinking about my group of girls. They were already wary of Soo Ae, especially my friendship with her. I don’t know how they’d react if they found out that I was partners with her for the competition mission.

I’m sure that they’ll be able to find someone. I mean, there are tons of people in the class…right?

“Cool, how does the dance go, then?” I asked, putting both of my hands onto my hips.

“Follow my lead,” she commanded, going over to the stereo to re-play the music that we would dance to. “And don’t worry about a single thing!”

I watched her dance before moving myself. She was much more smoother than I was, even better. She’s not even a professional dancer or anything, she just practices harder than me.

Still trying but as I kept stumbling over the moves, she continued on doing the routine as I tried to keep up with her. I was an okay dancer, being more of a rapper than the other roles given in the group.

“Freestyle it, Kyon Rae,” Soo Ae told me, during the rap part. “Just do whatever, get those negative vibes out of your system!”

She started krumping, making crazy energetic moves with her arms that I couldn’t replicate. Her legs were rapid fast, I couldn’t focus on one part that easily. They were so robotic-like, it stunned me how the hell she did that.

I tried to do some breaking, the only real dance move that I could kinda do. I began to smile as I started getting the hang of the dance, matching the rhythm of the song, even.

“Nice one,” she told me as we finished the song. “You did better than when we started, way better than when we were kids.”

I was about to reply with a thank you but was cut off as the group of girls barged into the practice room, visibly infuriated. Not only were they made at me for being partners with Soo Ae but probably because I didn’t tell them that I was.

“SOO AE IS YOUR PARTNER? WHAT THE FUCK KYON RAE?” I heard Chan Ra yell, making me want to just kill someone at that exact moment, not caring about who the fuck it was.