#a long ramble
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During the end of November's sales, I bought books. I told myself that I would use my holiday break to read. I knew I needed some quiet, but pleasant, time to enjoy my break. I got a couple of books I have had in my "to read list" for awhile, but this post is about a book I picked without giving much thought.
Ali Hazelwood's books have been a phenomenon for half a decade and I had read "The Love Hypothesis" back when it first come out and I was not a fan. Back then, it simply didn't click for me. After I learned it was a fanfic adaptation I told myself it was because I simply never liked anything related to Star Wars and I should just move on.
I didn't even think about her writing again until I was browsing books to buy last month. Again, it was a sale, the book was half of its original price and I quite enjoyed the summary, so I decided to give "Love, Theoretically" a chance. I didn't have any high expectations. It is a romance novel, not meant to be a deep read, just a fun time, but somehow I connected to it in ways I did not expect.
Elsie and her web of lies, not done maliciously, but rather out of need or out of fear of not achieving the expectations placed on her (by herself or by others); how her people pleasing behavior led her connections to not be as sincere as they appeared to be; how her lack of boundaries made her lose herself for a moment; how finding her voice in an authentic way did not make her lose people but rather brought more meaningful connections to her (personal and professional) life were, in an unexpected way, very relatable to me.
I have read the book twice already and I also gave "The Love Hypothesis" a new chance. Turns out, I also loved it.
So... this is all to say that reading "Love, Theoretically" gave me some new perspectives.
And since it is the very beginning of the year, I have decided to write some of them down.
For 2025, I wish:
to give second chances
To open up for the possibility of changing my mind, including about things I disliked because they might surprise me in a positive way
to grant myself (and others) grace
To not be ashamed of making mistakes, to see mistakes as part of life To apologize, when necessary; to accept an apology when it comes my way To see mistakes as a tool to learn and as a chance to improve from To not seek pusnishment, simply forgiveness
to be more curious, less judgemental
To not approach life filled with certitudes, but rather with curiosity. It is not hypocritical to say that I now love a book I once disliked (or vice-versa), it means I was open to change perspectives I can (and should) apply the same logic for other aspects of life
to find my authentic self
To stop trying to mold myself to the expectations people have of me. To find myself able to express what I like and what I dislike without caring to someone else's opinion To be able to be who i am
Let's see how it goes...
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i'm such a negative person towards poor ada when i interpret her- but everytime i look at her i feel guilty in a sense or two. she had tragedy knitted into her, her stubbornness that she probably swears up and down that has kept her alive. her stubbornness though still keep her in lousy job, she can't keep platonic or romantic relationships. ada doesn't know what the hell she is doing sometimes and promises herself that she'll get better.
her ideal life isn't to marry or to have children. it's just be a normal woman with her love for fashion. that's all ada can even manage keeping as works her long hours of work. ada knows she isn't a good person but she lacks to see she is most decent person.
that's why ada is so focused on her love for leon- that's the only thing that feel normal to her despite it not being normal. she doesn't know this man yet she believes he can change her when she only is capable of doing good things. she doesn't see herself as insecure or weak in that sense, but she doesn't see proper good in herself.
she thinks her beauty is al that matters, it has worked for her the last ten years so of course it has worked. it had saved her life a billion times. her looks, her tits- she has nothing but her looks. and when she does manage to fall in love, she doesn't take care of herself. she doesn't properly know if something is toxic for her because what if she loses what made her normal?
everyone has an ideal of her: the cruel woman who seduces men, women and others; a puppet who is controlled by her employer. even leon doesn't properly see her because he has problems of his own. he sees her as a maybe, a perhaps because he knows he'll get bored of her once she drops that flirty persona he grew to love. she was born broken, at least that's how she feels, and she feels guilty every damn second of her life. that's why she helps people- the guilt is rotting inside of her and no matter how many good things she does. she hears those familiar words, "you haven't changed ada." once someone mentions that detail of hers, she feels like a toy.
she is project. people want to change her. change her for their wants and likes.
and her stupid stubborn attitude comes in the way again and ruins her life.
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AAAAAA Nimonaaaaaaa
An essay on details I've noticed and liked on my 3rd watch through, Spoilers Ahead if you still haven't seen it! :D
First of all, out of all the forms she could have been for her "default" form, Nimona picked the form they did, short and chubby. As a chubby girl, I like how she evidently likes being that shape, because they're a shapeshifter, and can LITERALLY TURN INTO A WHALE.
Idk if I'm reading too much into this but I noticed that everyone has a Shape for their eye reflections: Ballister a square; Ambrosius an inverted triangle; The Director, Gloreth (and other Institution people) a diamond; Nimona an S shape. However, as the movie goes on and more people think Nimona is a monster - including herself - their eye reflections turn into diamonds. Like those who hate Monsters. It's important to note that I don't think this is just a "MCs have funky eye highlights but we forgot to animate it for the Giant Nimona Scene", BC the random people have different eye highlights until Everyone Thinks She's a Monster. Then, when people realise she's Not, their eye highlights change, notably that little girl and her mum, who now have inverted traingles (iirc, don't quote me on this). I feel it was intentional and, to fit the themes of the movie, you will see what you want to see. Ambrosius and Ballister and Nimona all have unique perspectives, Ambrosius' aligning more with the People, Ballister's aligning with an altered perspective of the Institute (like, he used to think it was good, but his reality's been shifted), and Nimona has a totally different perspective, as her eye highlights have curves (which!!! Noone else does!!!!) Idk I'm just rambling bout a detail
That's all I wanna say that hasn't already been said tbh, I hope someone else noticed this/has an Opinion on this! (I may be completely wrong tbh)
(ps if I remember I may add photos but don't hold your breath-)
#nimona#nimona movie#nimona spoilers#nimona analysis#movie analysis#nimona details#movie details#a ramble#a long ramble#not that long tho ive rambled for more
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I was watching a rly good fancam (or whatever you want to call it), yesterday, on Twitter. And it brought back all my emotions about KE for the first time since the finale (// soon after the finale).
I realized that at some point, without meaning to, i blocked out KE and became numb to it. I kno it sounds really dramatic and whatever. But for the past 2 years, I've been wondering why I couldn't feel anything or write anything anymore. Yet, i knew i had to still have these characters around me somehow? So i have stickers in/on my planner, i have stuff on my work desk, i have art hanging in my bedroom. I needed them around me but I couldn't feel anything anymore.
It's also weird bc i know the whole story of the show after watching it 5-6 times, but it feels like lost memories at the same time.
In conclusion my brain is weird, the finale was associated with more pain than i anticipated or perceived of immediately after its airing, KE is actually like a giant wound even tho that sounds dramatic and unreal, and it's like a source of actual irl grief that has gone latent in my mind even tho i love it and would rather continue to engage, write, etc..
I'm not even necessarily mad anymore that they killed Villanelle, but i do wonder, what was the impact of the fact that we all watched that blindly?? Based on everything I've written here, it's Not looking good. Plus i had IRL trauma the day before it aired, so........💀
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hey did you know??? that if you stop stretching and maintaining mobility in your body then it goes away?? things get tight and you can't move the way that you used to??? and when you decide to try getting a stretch routine going that the first week fucking sucks because you keep going 'damn i used to be able to do this no problem' and then you have to switch gears and be kind to yourself and just focus on getting better from here instead of berating yourself for dropping the good habits in the first place??? and your body never stops aging so you gotta keep taking care of it and sometimes you gotta take care of it extra in certain areas because of things that happened when you were younger and it's boring and sometimes hurts but it's so necessary???
i am yelling this at myself right now i am going through An Experience (trying to get into a routine of body maintenance again for my physical and mental health)
#rambling#and idk but like if this incentivises you to do some stretches too then that's great! remember to be kind to yourself#but im mostly directing this at myself because i was thinkng about these things while doing a 15 min stretch routine and i feel silly#but silly is okay as long as i keep going#edit: haha wow this post blew up. im gonna tag it with a few things to maybe help me find it later if necessary#sisyphus#body maintenance#popular post
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#boops arent violent enough#now smack......#smack is some looney tunes type shit#i spent so long on this#boop#rambles
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local ladies man’s signature move totally useless against autistic monster enthusiast. more on Kabru’s fumble era at 6
#i’ve seen so many interpretations of that 1 hr freeze frame of Kabru’s smile in ep 16#he’s meeting his long time crush of course he’s trying to charm him#Kabru so obviously has a big fat giant crush on Laios#like atp in the story he’s tried to talk to him and get his attention so many times agjdjajdj#Laios is the human rubix cube he’s been searching for his entire life#everyone else is almost too easy for Kabru to pin down#Laios on the other hand … a treasure trove of autistic mystery#Kabru is so locked in#Kabru used signature move: charming smile#Laios: no effect!#there’s something so beautiful about the popular pretty boy entering his fumble era when his one true love turns out to be autistic#labru#laios touden#kabru of utaya#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#wasabi rambles#seen so many clock that smile as nefarious and machiavellian#baby no Kabru is just dialing the charm up to 100 and what we’re all feeling is second hand embarrassment LMAO
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When I was a kid, we moved into a house that had a huge lilac tree out front. It was mostly rotten, and it needed to be taken down before it fell. It took a while, but eventually, it was gone.
Mostly. A couple years later, little lilac babies popped out of the ground in its place. My mom was determined to get rid of them, because she'd planted a beautiful flower garden there, and the lilac trees would overshadow and kill the whole garden. I insisted on saving at least a few saplings. She said fine, but I had to dig them out and put them in pots myself.
So, I did. I spent days digging little lilac bushes out of the ground and putting them into pots. Some couldn't be saved, but some could. When all was said and done, I had five brand-new lilac saplings. Seven or eight years old, and it was my absolute pride and joy.
Three died due to sun scorching, severe drought that no amount of watering could save, and perhaps just being moved from their place in the ground. But two survived, and I was awfully proud of them! I'd go out and talk to them every single day. I watered them by hand and made sure they were fertilized properly. I learned all about their favored environments, and I was determined to make sure they lived.
One of my mom's friends saw what I was doing with the lilacs. She asked if she could have one to put in her backyard, and I agreed on the condition that she take very, very good care of it.
It's now fucking enormous. I'm talking ten feet tall and bursting with beautiful purple flowers every spring. My mom still gets updates each year as they start to bloom, which she forwards to me. And all I can think is, "That's my friend! Thriving some twenty years on, there it is."
The other tree nearly died, too. It lived in a pot for far, far too long. I wanted to plant it somewhere in my parents' yard, but my mom was reluctant. Eventually, we agreed to put it in the far back garden. It grew okay for many years, despite the shade, but in all these years, it's never bloomed.
Last year, the massive tree casting massive shadows over the lilac and the garden cracked in half and fell. It tumbled into the garden, crushing part of the nearby shed and destroying a few plants beneath it.
It missed my lilac by inches.
The clean-up is long done. The rest of the tree has been cut down, and my lilac has full sunlight for the first time in fifteen years. It won't bloom this year, I know. But it's got new shoots up. It's taller than ever. I spent half an hour a few weeks ago praising it for surviving all this time, dreaming about its future and telling it how I believe it'll become the tall beauty it's always been meant to be.
I think next year, I'll see flowers.
#aese speaks#a little personal story for you all#the origin of my life-long relationship with lilacs#i've been a garden witch since i was very small! (:#green witch#garden witch#garden magic#the lilac post#hello to everyone reading the og tags on this:#it's a metaphor it's a true story it's real it's fiction it's a poem it's me rambling it's whatever you think it is#30k
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would you bite the hand that feeds you?
#pearlescentmoon#smajor1995#wild life smp#namemc spoilers#i hope these two never get along in the storyline i find them fascinating#OKAY SO#originally i had this sketch back in session 2 when scott manages to throw her something actually edible JUST IN TIME#and now with the namemc spoilers of pearl ACTUALLY having a yellow eye which does! kind of match scotts esp since he died for this#i figured itd be an appropriate time#i did edit it though the original was pearl eating smth#now do i think scott and pearl has had any Major (heh) interactions to warrant this fanart in WL?#frankly no LMAO theyve been very civil you go guys . but i like the dynamics between them anyway#also i finally got a piece with scott!!! hes been very hard to draw goodness#anyway long rambly tags#eydidraws#my art#mcyt#trafficblr#galaxyduo#majormoon#** i say civil because its just been more on verbal light jabs at each other rather than anything Really significant ?#and well. its obvious all 3Gs are being very careful around each other which makes me JUST A L IL SAD#id love to see them let loose and be vicious but i also understand the angle theyre coming from#anyway can you tell i like the 3g dynamics
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You use "arospec people can still date and feel romantic attraction " as an excuse to ship cannon aro characters , I use it as justification to headcannon characters who canonically feel romantic attraction as arospec , we are not the same
#aromantic#arospec#aro#aromantism#rans rambles#adding tags for clarification#yes this post does have a negative connotation#and it is directed at the people (allos specifically) who completely ignore/erase an aro characters identity just so they can ship them#i hope that clears things up for anyone who might have gotten thw wrong idea#idc if someone ships and arospec character as long as they dont ignore their aromantisism
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When I broke the cycle, I made sure that the tear was rough. You carry a part of what should be her, and she carries a part of what should be you.
#slay the princess#illustration#art#stp princess#the long quiet#stp narrator#arguably lol#slay the princess spoilers#scopophobia#tw scopophobia#i've been wanting to use the narrator's quote there as a caption for the longest time#originally i wanted it to be for a pair of black and white pieces of lq and the princess but i lost steam on that halfway through#(still have the finished piece for quiet! probably not gonna post it here though) (it's pretty old by now)#this piece was also partly inspired by the girl from the other side#hence the skull and cloth and hatching#i finally watched the movie ova can you tell? lol#my art#anytime i post art i always end up rambling in the tags#does anybody even read these?#if you do uh#i hope you have a nice day :^)
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Shocked how many people think you can just turn on a computer and leave it on for weeks or months or years and never turn it off and it'll be fine. Computers need their sleep, and sleep mode does not count
#seriously there are processes important to the health of your computer that run when you turn it off or on#if you computer runs like shit or if your laptop's always hot that's why#'oh but it takes so long to boot up' YEAH BECAUSE YOU'VE KILLED HER SLOWLY#you've done the equivalent of stapling her eyes open and tazing her when she falls asleep. STOP#incoherent rambling
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Sorry for the bad photo quality, Tumblr doesn't like posts this long.
#ramblings#politics#communism#socialism#climate change#not a reblog#when our turn comes#we shall not make excuses for the terror#environment#enviromentalism#carbon emissions#carbon footprint#global warming#climate collapse#anti capitalism#radical left#left wing#long posts#long post#color of the sky#hot take#this took like 20 minutes to upload because Tumblr kept crashing#and like 90 minutes to make
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I'm absolutely losing my mind seeing "We need to not treat men and masculinity as inherently evil and worthy of hatred, and not fall back into biological and gender essentialism because that hurts everyone, including trans women" being misinterpreted as "Women need to stop oppressing men", "I think trans women are actually men" or "You specifically who have trauma around men need to get over it because men are the real victims". It's so willfully disingenuous. It makes me sick how willing people are to read in bad faith, especially how willing other trans women are to suddenly start harassing and dogpiling another trans woman.
I am a trans woman too, I understand what it's like to feel unsafe, but it helps no one this cynical attitude that crops up every time someone suggests being kind to men in our lives. "You could save a man you know from falling down the alt-right pipeline" is not the same as "It's your fault that men murder you". "There are people who could be on our side if we don't meet them with immediate hostility" is not the same as "You need to shut up and stop criticizing power structures for the sake of your oppressors' feelings" (I promise there are a lot of people who can be taught about their complicity in oppression without immediately shutting down but you need to work with them). This kind of attitude isn't somehow more informed or correct. It's just lashing out to avoid considering one's own agency.
Making a better, safer world for ourselves requires all kinds of work, but it's always work. It's hard to try to reach out to people who could very realistically harm us, it's work that not all of us can afford to or are able to do and that's fine because we're all just trying to survive. But some of you would rather condescend, tear each other down, and make more enemies before even considering it a possibility.
#Don't expect anymore discourse posts from me I left that life behind long time ago#I don't like to engage in discourse and I do apologize but man#“biological essentialism is bad” is not a new take#Fuck off with calling it “vibes-based” politics#absolutely rotten#If I have to see “haha nooo your so sexy don't reblog the x post” one more time I'm gonna vomit because it's always the most rancid people#whose politics revolve around being as bitter as possible and refusing to do anything#couching a refusal to do anything in leftist language and ideology#More to the point I feel like too many people interpret “you can do something to make things better” as “it's your fault things are so shit#shark rambles
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Kamala Harris does want "transgender surgery on illegal aliens that are in prison", btw.
So since Trumpists are getting mad enough about the jokes to actually cite their sources, I thought I'd put the source out into my left extremist commie faggot echo chamber, too.
The claim originates from an ACLU questionnaire she filled out for her 2020 presidential candidacy, specifically this section:
She wasn't given a new questionnaire for 2024, and has stated that while her policy on some things may have changed, her values had not. (This most likely means she moved more to the center to appease larger demographics and cut corners to reach compromises. The basic politician stuff.)
It boils down to this: If you're in prison, whether for "illegal" immigration or other crimes, you rely on the state to provide you with necessary amenities, like food and health care. Her argument isn't "hell yeah everyone in prison should get sex changes for free". It's "gender affirming surgery is a necessary medical procedure. If you are in the states care while this becomes necessary, the state should provide it." If you're outraged by your tax money being used on this, consider the massive amount of people being incarcerated in for-profit prisons, on your dime. Then ask yourself if maybe a prison reform might be in order.
Worth noting: In 2015, while Attorney General, Kamala Harris actually argued against providing gender-affirming surgery to an incarcerated trans woman, claiming that HRT and psychotherapy were sufficiently covering her medical needs. She has since obviously changed her stance and assumed responsibility. (I would like to take this moment to remind my fellow left extremist commie faggots that "willingness to learn and rethink your views" is infinitely more valuable than "perfect from the start and unwilling to listen to anyone")
Also found in the source: This image of Kamala Harris participating in the 2019 San Francisco Pride Parade, wearing what I believe to be a sequin rainbow embroidered denim jacket.
I encourage you to read the provided CNN article and the answers to the ACLU questionnaire, as they give great insight into her values.
TLDR: Based.
#we dont have to get into the fact that most prisons fail to provide bare necessities to inmates because you make more money that way#thats not what the post is about#it is frankly baffling to me that the orange wet bag somehow referenced an actual policy stance#i wasnt aware he knew how to do that#fox news had covered it the morning of the debate so i guess thats how i found out about it#but i didnt know he knew how to read#transgender#transgender surgery on illegal aliens that are in prison#politics#us politics#kamala harris#election 2024#queer#trans#ramble#still think that one guy in my comments was a bot tho lmao#better a bot than this stupid#long post#go vote#vote blue#register to vote#vote so we can have transgender surgeries on illegal aliens that are in prison
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you know what boils my blood.
over the last 2 weeks, i've seen countless patients walk into my urgent care center, symptomatic for so many things, refusing to get tested for covid and flu, citing that they don't want to knowingly bring it to their holiday tables. i had a patient tell me, verbatim, "i don't want to test for covid, because i don't want to be the asshole who brings it on a plane."
i understand that - i understand that holidays are times where people look forward to meeting loved ones that they might only see once a year, or where they get a break from the hectic back and forth of their lives.
but here's the thing - whether they get tested or not, they will bring whatever they have to their holiday tables. it's pure recklessness to know that you're sick, and walk into someone else's house spreading the disease.
today, january 2, i saw 91 patients, many of them who have tested positive for covid and flu. many of these patients are the same ones who didn't want testing 3 days ago, until their events were over, and now, they will have to reach out to everyone they know to let them know that they were positive because they were showing symptoms well before their event.
the next week or two? we're going to see many, many more, all people with symptoms that started around christmas. these are the only two viruses we test for rapidly in our office, but they are potent and can be fatal in many people.
so here's why i wrote this post, and maybe it's a little late, but - if you care about your loved ones, please get tested if you know you're sick. it doesn't have to be at a clinic if you don't want it to, because the over-the-counter tests work just fine too (if you test within 5-7 days of symptom onset). just...please don't try to run from the knowledge that you might have covid, because immunocompromised people, elderly people, people with co-morbidities like asthma, pregnancy, diabetes, etc...many of them may not recover. and they may not be sitting at your holiday table in the future because of it.
#zee rambles#this isn't to guilt trip anyone#but im so so tired of people coming in and just refusing testing because they want to see grandma or whatever#and on top of that people are avoiding vaccinations and all that too??#we all lived through the pandemic - everyone saw how many people unfortunately passed away from it#now because of vaccinations and some amount of herd immunity we're finding milder cases in healthy people#but that doesn't mean its gone#that doesn't mean it doesn't have long-term repercussions even in healthy people and that doesn't mean people aren't still dying from it#honestly i just needed a lil rant#and if this helps at least one person??? im all for it#also i can't sleep so here we are spilling thoughts into the voidddd
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